John Cacioppo on How to Cope with Loneliness | Big Think

[@daLiQuidBoss]

I just discovered John and learned he passed back in March. He has helped even after passing. Thank you to him and his family!

[@operativexeight]

damn. i just verified this; it's true :/

[@luv2u1000]

I appreciate the fact that you have made loneliness a scientific truth. I think it gives validity to peoples emotion's and feeling's.

[@bigthink]

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[@shannow77]

The message in this video and the way he conveys it is so comforting that it actually makes me feel a little less lonely just watching it. One of the best videos on KZbin in my opinion :).

[@ReplayKCF]

Im only half-way through and this already helped me out alot. I can relate on many points you have said thank you very much sir!

[@Peter6757]

Dude, you just made my day, week, month year and life

[@FilipAltnp]

many thanks to my essay on social psychology ,, which introduced me to this great man !!

[@Daysed.and.Konfuzed]

When he says "...it's not so much about eating others..." (4:32) then chokes for a second, it made me smile.

[@Halloween111]

What if most of the people you encounter in a regular day (co workers, etc) make loneliness preferable?

[@aminedest9929]

Thank you.

[@davidababurko7347]

thank you. you helped me to break through the barrier if learning and growing

[@chicagolandable]

Our feeling lonelyness helps bind us together. Well NOT ALWAYS. If anything it further isolates sometimes to the point you got to endure unendurable amounts of pain that no one can survive.

[@MrEyebrowz]

I'm alone almost 24/7...

[@ingenuity168]

Take someone out for dinner.

[@LeoStarr92]

I am also alone, 24/7, and I currently have no notion for personal social activity. I do not discern this as a "disorder." If living a "happy" life is what matters about the existence of humankind, then "loneliness" should be a part of life.

[@lorenabora7684]

but this just made me fill worse at being lonely... I dont choose to be lonely.

[@JesseMFJames]

yeah I totally feel afraid and isolated... :(

[@chicagolandable]

And I don't even know what my best strongest relationships are anymore. Not even with my own family. Why was I made to suffer suffer suffer and if that was far too much... suffer even more..

[@louisehastings332]

what a lovely man.

[@florianb.7592]

23'162 lonely people watched this...such a beautiful group :)

[@waspenterprise1]

eat with others, don't eat others

[@woodsarthobbies6515]

Wonderful!

[@3dsRulez]

Can anyone help me feel less lonely? I'm an only child and my parents divorced so I live with my dad and he works till 10 and when he gets home he's tired so he falls asleep. I'm lonely and depressed I live in a neighborhood with no kids to interact with

[@maribelrodriguez8523]

To cope with loneliness you could follow Mr. Cacioppo advice, which would be difficult to do for many people such as if you don't have time or are housebound, etc. You could try to find your own self and turn loneliness into aloneness and enjoy it.This way, you wouldn't depend on anybody to fill the loneliness void. Meditation is a good tool to go inside and find yourself.

[@PrejudicePotatoe]

Interesting idea, but I don't really think that's how it neurologically works. As humans we don't "have" to depend on each other. That is true. What we do need is parts of our brain activated with social interaction that says "wow I'm talking to a person". At least that's the way I understand it. And that's definitely what I feel.

[@maribelrodriguez8523]

PrejudicePotatoe Everyone is different. I wouldn't want my emotional well being to depend whether someone is there for me, has time for me, etc. First I find myself, I'm happy with myself, then if someone is available that'll be good and hopefully is always possible, but the reason there's so much loneliness is because is not always possible. I guess it depends in the age group, it easier for someone healthy, young, with minimum responsibilities, not so for the rest and that's where this expert's advice would not be easy to apply.

[@LukeDeVari]

Maribel Rodriguez Of course we don't WANT our emotional well being to depend on the quality of our social connections, but you have to be intellectually dishonest to say that quality friendships don't affect our emotional state.

[@maribelrodriguez8523]

LukeDeVari The way your friendships will not be allowed to affect our emotional state is by finding ourselves and being totally comfortable in our own company. It's not easy because few people like themselves in the first place and that's why you need to be distracted and be entertained by activities and friends. Meditation is a good place to start to find yourself. Once you find yourself, you'll never need anyone for company nor will feel lonely. That's been my experience.

[@EmbraceTerror]

Sigh. I'm only on minute 3:42 and very frustrated. I heard of you through Johann Hari, and was looking forward to what you have to say. I'm concerned about people living in relationships where they are being abused -- a very isolating prospect.

[@Instinct245]

really great man

[@recomoto]

rest in peace big man

[@MohammedYASSINE]

Hiking the sport of the lonely folks !

[@OvercomeLoneliness]

Loneliness can be really challenging.

[@evangelosgiannopoulos-isar9572]

What an intelligent intellectual!

[@rpx8699]

I'm a bit confused about what he concludes at 12:30. It seems contradictory.

[@thecoolbannerboys4730]

My last name is Cacioppo to!

[@benmijuskovic8427]

"Empathy" is a concept originally coined by Teodor Lipps, who recruits it as an aesthetic concept. Lipps uses it to mean "feeling into" the aesthetic object, into its expression, its freedom, its grace, its balance, etc. Husserl, in the Fifth Cartesian Meditation uses empathy as a "solution" to philosophical solipsism. He uses it "to feel into the body and place of the other." Both Lipps and Husserl invoke a one-sided conception of empathy, which unfortunately makes it impossible to distinguish it from sympathy. Neuroscience is even farther off the mark. Neuroscience claims there is a "mirror" gene. This metaphor is simply naïve; mirrors are 2-dimensional. Whatever the self or mind is, it s multidimensional. Empathy is the correct answer to loneliness but the empathy has to be mutual. Examples would be two people sharing the SAME feeling, the SAME basic insight, e. g., parents sharing the grief of their child's death, two soldiers in a foxhole sustaining an attack; etc.

[@anewman]

Look, we all know the cure to loneliness is reaching out for connection in a safe environment via shared interests/hobbies.. the problem is finding the will power to cultivate those interests, and actually reach out in the first place.

[@amandam8858]

Ive volunteered and have numerous hobbies and interests. I am still lonely. The cure for loneliness is about the nature of your connections imo. Like John says 'high quality of your connections'. Through activities I have aquitances but no real friends. It gets harder to make true friends as yiu get older. By 30 I feel most people have a core group of friends that they have known for at least 5 years. Its taken me a long time to realise that really most don't have the need to have a closer friends as they have their friends already.

[@kristoscan]

yes the sad truth of it all. been sober for 8/21/12. well got back into bad ways that arent drinking oriented. same crap i do since day one. poor relations w/ ppl. i used drink to fit in and be a pig. i realize that if stop trying to make rounds fit in squares i'll be fine. selfish and dont have the stamina to give to another person. perhaps the med and recovery has made me more accepting. i dont hate or loathe so much now. just move along. these sad truths will pass as will my life and final reward than this corporeal form that i have betrayed.

[@veronicasanchez4881]

Jamie and Sam sent me here.

[@fernandocarone3926]

Could you activate the subtitles, please? Tks

[@treelife4419]

Great Video, :) But if you could could you add closed captioning or a transcript for the video. It would really help!!

[@bigthink]

Added!

[@BlaccEagle]

I think this answer the question that ''morality'' is genetic and natural. Instead of morality coming from our ability to reason and the ability to use logic, or even that morality comes from religion. Anyway to you people here that are lonely and depressed, look up Dr Joe Dispenza and Bruce Lipton here on KZbin, they changed my life around.I was depressed, had suicidal thoughts, didn't like myself and didn't think it was possible to become another person. These two scientists saved my life.

[@mazieferreira7757]

Like minded people- that's the answer....

[@asunciondiezarce1828]

Could you write the translation of this issue vídeo ,please?

[@JohnZize]

Re: Mr. Cacioppo's book, "Loneliness:" What a well-written and even better researched scholarly work by Mr. Cacioppo and Mr. Patrick. I could write a 2000-word essay about it and how it relates to my experiences over the past 20 years since attending The Ohio State University and, before that, The University of Toledo, but I wouldn't want to bore anyone. I'll try to be brief. I wasn't surprised when, in the final third of the book, the narrative became generously strewn with political rhetoric that might cause someone who's suffering from paranoia brought on by loneliness to construe the entire work as a veiled socialist manifesto. Hell, that person might see the book itself as a coded guide for participants in a covert network of individuals who use the research therein to subject mean old ambitious capitalists to psychological and emotional abuse meant to induce a state of loneliness and depression and ultimately kill the person without anyone ever knowing that it actually was murder. That would be REALLY paranoid, though. If Mr. Cacioppo and Mr. Patrick did indeed have such an underlying agenda--and I repeat, it would be quite paranoid to think that they do--one might be lead to think that they are intentionally promoting the ridiculous notion that capitalists and people who believe in it, many of whom are likely mainly motivated by a highly reasonable aversion to socialism, are incapable of cooperation and have never cooperated before. As I said, there's not enough room here to fully outline the basis for psychological and emotional manipulation and abuse laid out by self-proclaimed, "Super Nerd," John T. Cacioppo, so I'll just mention that the ongoing theme of the book is that loneliness impairs the executive function of an individual's brain, among many other aspects of it that make it so damaging. Another passage worth noting here is the one that mentions the "larger mission, which was to isolate one of the weaker, slower buffalo, run it down, and kill it." (Nice try.) There's also a lot about "passive coping." (It may have seemed that way, but I had to get you where I want you.) Finally, on more than one occasion, Mr. Cacioppo outlines a productive and positive personal social policy that can be summarized as "Pay it forward." I don't recall whether he mentioned the actual very common saying at the point early in the book when he alluded to it, but I know for sure that at the end of the book, when he delved into the subject much more deeply, he somehow failed to mention the actual phrase. Again, someone suffering from paranoia brought on by loneliness might think he was intentionally dancing around it, particularly when considering Mr. Cacioppo's lengthy stay at The Ohio State University where he'd received his PhD. It is impossible that Mr. Cacioppo is not aware that a certain high-profile individual closely associated with OSU is also well known to have promoted the "Pay it forward" philosophy, using the phrase most famously at an OSU commencement address. His name is Woody Hayes. What's the matter, Mr. Cacioppo? Is he too much of a winner for ya?

[@delmanpronto9374]

he got married and then within 7 years, he passes away.

[@benmijuskovic8427]

Long before John Cacioppo, John Lynch discussed at length and in depth the effects of loneliness in The Broken Heart: The Medical Consequences of Loneliness (1977) and a Cry Unheard: The Medical Consequences of Loneliness (2000), dealing with children and adolescents. I discuss empathy in my recent book, Consciousness and Loneliness: Theoria and Praxis (2019) and in my recent talk (google ben mijuskovic youtube) 9/2019. Currently there is an increasing global pandemic of loneliness because there are 8 billion rootless atomistic highly transientsouls ceaselessly circumnavigating the world. The ancient human ties of marriage, family, extended family, tribe, rural community are weakened through narcissistic impulses both politically, economically, and nationally. Britain has instituted a Minister of Loneliness, Tracey Crouch, who apparently has recently resigned and Finland and Poland have have given international conventions on the topic.

[@onesai5555]

Bro for a second i thought that was Borat on the thumbnail

[@dannysmith785]

Err......great! So the solution to loneliness is to get a couple of close trusted people to talk to.....WOW! Stop the press!

[@PFknp]

@DigiDestined3000 I'm 14 and currently studying at home. My siblings are adults and I have trouble sometimes too. My dog really helps. See if you can get a guinea pig, hamster, mouse, bird or even fish. If you can't drawing or writing characters can help. Also video games can be an outlet, especially if interaction with other players is possible. Msg me if none of these work and I'll talk whenever you want. God Bless.

[@DrymouthCWW]

anyone play arma 3?

[@Pawanrai-ej9eo]

How does it feel to hold a partners hand.

[@james0805]

typical of people: they throw out these ENORMOUS things to do to try to tackle a problem. This guy might as well ask me to push a boulder uphill with my bear hands. Some expert. Tell people to do very tiny things. This guy makes me depressed without hope.

[@325191]

I'm here because INTRO TO PSYCHOLOGY.

[@ingenuity168]

Tigers are solitary creatures. Be like tigers. Try giving more than taking.

[@beautifulquitters8763]

I can write this term paper too. Worthless in the real world though. I can use phrases like "true social connection" and pat myself on the head. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless.

[@fredhubbard7210]

LOL... Been there too. Nothing new to someone who has personal insight. One thing he really avoids is that people are such conformists. People that are truly morally, and intellectually independent are shunned. People (especially gregarious ones) are always looking for someone to mirror them. I was raised by a narcissist. I am good at mirroring, and people love it... until they discover that I personally don't share their values. Simple things even. I don't drink alcohol. That alone makes people suspicious, even though most people would say it is good not to drink. They still need that "in-group confirmation."

[@chicagolandable]

So no! This video has made me feel worse and less the wiser!

[@jannalillie5591]

Well let's see... you could ask for help just to be laughed at. You could beg for help on social media just to have your life picked through by uncaring people. You could go to church and be turned away. You could read your bible at home and get no answers. You could try to just listen to music. Finally you can just give in to the fact that the world is a cold place full of hypocrites, and no one cares about anyone else unless it has an effect on their lives.

[@용이-k7i]

Anyone subtitles please T.T

[@finze1]

What is with this music? Everyone else got some neutral xylophone thing.

[@drinkherbaltea]

I cannot take it seriously with this oriental music.

[@happyyhippyy]

saaaaame

[@Glassr91]

Why does he look like he’s wearing a disguise lol.

[@mohsengholampur4546]

very surfacial

[@benmijuskovic8427]

Both psychoanalysis and the neurosciences are bankrupt in terms of gaining either insight or understanding into loneliness. See Ben Mijuskovic, Loneliness in Philosophy, Psychology, and Literature and Feeling Lonesome. The Philosophy and Psychology of Loneliness