John Kearns' Best Bits | Taskmaster

Take a look back at John Kearns' hilarious and unhinged moments from series 14.
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In this Broadcast Award-winning, BAFTA and Emmy Award-nominated entertainment show, Taskmaster tyrant Greg Davies (Man Down, Cuckoo), with the help of his loyal assistant Alex Horne (The Horne Section and the show’s creator), sets out to test the wiles, wit and wisdom of five hyper-competitive comedians.
Comedians that have risked life, limb, and dignity in the hope of making the Taskmaster proud so far include: Frank Skinner (The Frank Skinner Show), Mel Giedroyc (The Great British Bake Off), Romesh Ranganathan (Asian Provocateur), Hugh Dennis (Outnumbered), Sally Phillips (Bridget Jones’ Diary), Rose Matafeo (Edinburgh Comedy Award Winner 2018), and Russell Howard (The Russell Howard Hour). Unaware of what awaits them in each wax-sealed envelope, only one competitor can become the victorious owner of His Royal Task-ness’ golden head and be crowned the next Taskmaster Champion.

[@indoorkites420]

should make a compilation of alex accidentally laughing at the contestants during tasks

[@GettyBB]

Yes! I often look for this - surprised it hasn’t been done so far…

[@CueyTKD]

It could be Alex's best reactions to a task. His sly comments/covert pointing out of what should be done instead/shakes of the head are fantasticly timed.

[@BrunoHenrique-bg8kj]

Alex reactions plz

[@stevo68]

I like when he shows his frustration with the contestants.

[@slashbat2375]

I would love one where Alex gets upset lmao. It's always genuinely surprising when he's visibly annoyed

[@laggy3099]

I've said it before on the actual episode, but giving John Kearns- One of the most anxious men I have ever seen in my life- the task of "secretly sabotage your team" is the most brilliant evil shit I've ever seen in my life

[@wilbo_baggins]

That's cause the really anxious people don't like being seen.

[@kisbie]

I’m convinced Kearns thought he had to sabotage EVERY team task. Either that or the secret task Alex gave him was redundant. 😁

[@Tao_Tology]

Plus it has the dual effects of 'he's getting flack for being useless, that's harsh' AND 'he's, now, getting entirely justified flack for working against his team to win 5 points'.

[@lfcwilli]

Judging by his stand up he doesn’t seem anxious

[@Labergemusic]

It's likely the most diabolical thing outside of when they got that guy to text Greg cheeky messages for 3 months straight

[@Roysorb]

I love this season because it's like Dara was falsely sent to an insane asylum.

[@henrietta9206]

🤣👏🏻agree

[@benign_canine3423]

I never thought it was possible for a real life person to be a real-life version of Winnie the Pooh, but every time I see John Kearns all I can think is he's 1 misshap away from saying "Oh bother"

[@Merip1214]

You know, I could never put my finger on what it was about him, but you're exactly right hahah

[@Drop-Dead-Fred-Did-It]

Even more accurate when you hear him mumble oh dear in the caravan 😂

[@themug406]

Weird conviction that

[@trin.mal0ne]

HE IS EXACTLY POOH 😂

[@FanFicnic]

Omg you are dead on. That’s so funny.

[@adpirtle]

The "sabotage your team" task has to be one of the best in Taskmaster history.

[@vickywitton1008]

Totally agree!

[@djpunyer8762]

That's why it was reused for the UK Taskmaster (it was originally on the NZ version, where Laura Daniel had to sabotage her team during a task where they had to stuff a car full of balloons)

[@dancinwolf21]

The NZ one didn’t live up to this one unfortunately. I think it’s these three that have made it. John was amazing. Fern just yelling at him, and Dara’s competence just in full jeopardy because he’s stuck with no hands. 😂

[@djpunyer8762]

@@dancinwolf21 Both were great but John was a far more convincing saboteur

[@finsterslight9068]

It’s criminal that his dad’s hands did not make an appearance. My go to John moment.

[@jackwang9536]

There's enough for 2 videos! 1) Dad's hands 2) Grape in a can of chickpeas 3) Toilet paper airplane 4) Face full of flour 5) Feather Loss-Gate, grab some chickens 6) One-Minute plays... too Southern

[@alcachofa03]

"Is that him on the crucifix?"

[@themug406]

​@@jackwang9536Did you not understand what op said?

[@jackwang9536]

​@@themug406I supported the OP, "Dad's hands" was not in this compilation vid. There were so many excellent John bits, and that's why I suggested a 2nd vid with all of those bits

[@thamiris.]

"there might be a twist, i haven't read it" an actual perfect comeback 👌👌

[@rebeccatanner1794]

John Kearns seems like a confused accountant who ended up on the show by accident and has no idea why he's there or what is happening. One of my favourite contestants they've had on

[@PoBros.]

7:50 John sabotaging Fern and Dara is one of my all-time favourite Taskmaster moments It was so funny when Fern called John "dafty in the middle" 😂

[@smokerjim]

Nah, it has got to be "What aircraft.... crashes more (cue exasperation from Dara).... into mountains (cue paroxysms of laughter and incredulity from Dara and Fern)"

[@jackwang9536]

And Fern has John saved in her phone as John "Traitor" Kearns. Legend!

[@timothycahalan1540]

It's funny watching Dara and Fern get so exaggerated by John in the sabotage task

[@timothycahalan1540]

​@@jackwang9536when did she reveal that

[@jackwang9536]

@@timothycahalan1540 It was on the Taskmaster podcast. There's so many funny insights on Series 14. Fern actually had to explain John's behavior on the sabotage task to Dara as "new parent brain" because he & his wife just had a baby.

[@jbsgroup96]

Every time I see John Kearns in a task I'm reminded of a comment I saw under one of the season 14 episodes that says "the longer the series goes on, the more I'm convinced that four contestants were contacted through their agents and John was kidnapped from his home"

[@ghoullio-jr]

i couldnt possibly fully explain why, but the way he goes "oh!" when greg says he doesnt own any fridge magnets KILLS me

[@themug406]

Well rip, you wont be missed

[@thamiris.]

it's SO good

[@jamesblackwell722]

John is probably my favourite contestant out of all the seasons. He was so unpredictable, he was never going to win, but he was very entertaining.

[@andreaskarlsson5251]

Sam and Lucy are pretty brilliant in the latest seriest too

[@MrAjerguy]

My favourite Taskmaster moment is here “Veeeeeee!!!” - John Kearnes, flawlessly imitating a wolf

[@DasGanon]

I think I like the Crocodile moment a little bit more as he changes the tone of "Beeeee" as he gets more and more exasperated as Dara and Fern say no guesses with befuddled looks on their faces.

[@laluneodyssee4404]

"Know what you want, and have the confidence to go after it" - John Kearns

[@Tao_Tology]

"vvVEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee" - John Kearns

[@nedcurfman3486]

“Uh?” - John Kearns

[@Sunprism]

Next time you rewatch the series, watch his jacket. In the first task of picking things to use later, he tries to hang it up on the door hook, and it immediately falls to the ground. The rest of the series, he walks to the task and throws his jacket across the room

[@beesfoot]

Every single person in the world who heard John say "so I went up to the pharmacist" when talking about buying the plastic ducks, had their entire life pause for one second as their brain tried to establish if that is what he'd actually said.

[@JacktheRah]

I love how they decided to give the sabotage task to John. It couldn't have been given to any better person. Not only was is clear that he'd feel very bad about it but he's also the only one who could convincingly pull it off that he's doing it all accidentally.

[@GhostandHorseAnimation]

Most other people would have taken the loss and told their team. Only John would have gone through with it like he did

[@thetek9]

This is missing John bringing in a business card for his prize task, which caused Fern and Greg to be in near tears laughing at him. Plus the toilet paper roll toss, where “gravity will provide the power”

[@starryxblue]

Even just reading the phrase “gravity will provide the power” made me crack up laughing

[@namenamename390]

2:41 this once again reminds me that I'd really love to see a compilation of Alex breaking during Contestants' attempts

[@Peanutsbeta]

They could call it “Oops! All Parkinson”

[@MagicSwagget12]

When he brought in a sailor's hat for the "best thing to have on a car journey" prize task, it cemented him as my favourite contestant ever

[@Harvey1211]

I haven’t even started watching yet but I’m noticing… 32 minutes! Even the creators of the video struggled to pick ‘Best Bits’ for John Kearns because there is just so much he did in Series 14. Alex has actually said that filming the sabotage team task is his favourite task EVER in the recent ‘Ask Me Anything’ on Reddit.

[@zeldathomas3498]

hadn't realised Dara's entire head blushing with laughter and despair during the live task!

[@truboo4268]

I don't know what's funnier in the animal task, John forgetting what letter comes before M in the alphabet or him frantically yelling "B!" as he flops on the ground trying to mimic a crocodile.

[@gregbarratt7161]

"VEEEEEEE!"

[@TaskmasterMN]

John is the best ever! Nobody else takes 5 minutes to silently ponder before taking the most inexplicable, least-thought-through actions that anyone's ever made!

[@terryrolt755]

Can't wait for a sabotage task in TMMNII

[@MrPiapiou]

Well, There's Rhod. But he had the decency to have a good-enough plan after its ponders.

[@WondrousPurple]

John is one of my favorite Taskmaster contestants of all time. When he's puzzled or has failed, it's funny because he has tried so hard. (And when he tries to explain his rationale, it's even better.) When he succeeds -- he won multiple episodes and the trolley task was amazing! -- it's funny and also a bit heartwarming. :) Plus, he played so well with all of the contestants this series .. there was unmatched chemistry among the 5 of them and Greg & Alex.

[@jackwang9536]

John could easily have 2 tribute videos! 1) Dad's hands 2) Grape in a can of chickpeas 3) Toilet paper airplane 4) Face full of flour 5) Feather Loss-Gate, grab some chickens 6) Subbuteo streaker 7) One minute plays - Adulterous Southern astronaut (although, this task alone deserves its own tribute video)

[@PrestonDLuffy]

Finally, this is the one contestant “Best of” I’ve been waiting for. You could make a super cut of every single prize task with John and I’d watch it (even though I’ve DEFINITELY rewatched the prize task openings of s14 multiple times already)

[@TheGingerButterfly]

How can anyone not be endeared by John Kearns? He is adorable - akin to a puppy that needs a little time, patience, training, and TLC. I hope John comes back to compete in a 'Second Chance Saloon' series of 'Taskmaster'.🦋☀️🧡

[@ilikeexxs]

Kearns, chowdry, acaster, beaumont, Judy love. I'd watch that for a whole calendar year

[@TheGingerButterfly]

@@ilikeexxs In terms of those that didn't win I'd go for [seated from my/the viewer's left to right] Bridget Christie, Lucy Beaumont [who I presume won't win this series?!], John Kearns, Mel Giedroyc, and Sally Phillips Personally, Sally's giving birth to Alex Horne is my favourite out of all the tasks. Pure genius.🦋

[@britney_the_evil_overladybug]

I genuinely think John sounds like Winnie the Pooh😅

[@khalidhussein5346]

His ulysses twist joke is one of the best under the radar jokes in the entire show!

[@rocktor1987]

Possibly my favorite contestant of all time. It's between him acaster and wozniak

[@djpunyer8762]

add Bob Mortimer and Bridget Christie to this as well. Edit: and Sam Campbell

[@Audiodump]

22:50 This task has cemented to me that Fern is fucking insane. Just absolutely nuts. Dara is just so distraught about the insanity that comes out of her mouth.

[@carolmurphy7572]

Dara's reaction here left me gasping for air! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Merip1214]

I never knew Fern before this, she's fantastic 😂

[@annaf2110]

19:06 genuinely thought I couldn’t laugh more than at the pharmacy ducks, and then the live task that episode happened

[@deepfriedpencil]

"Why are you buying ducks at the pharmacy" sounds a lot like "why are you shopping for clothes at the soup store"

[@gregbarratt7161]

I wonder if duck sales at pharmacists have gone up since John's time on TM...🤔

[@Tao_Tology]

I think they must have. Any time I have a look in they have none left.

[@myiagros3744]

Don't know what it says about me but if I was looking for a rubber duck I would go to a pharmacy too!

[@Jayk-kz7sh]

I know John prefers to play off as the fool for laughs, but moments like 10:37 where you see glimpses of John’s more sinister side always crack me up. That bit when he laughs evilly into the camera and the task where he wanted to “maim someone” with a belt come to mind immediately 😂 That man may seem meek, but he has a rage deep down inside him

[@PrestonDLuffy]

He puts that darkness on the top shelf, where he thinks he can’t reach it. But he goes there

[@Tao_Tology]

​@@PrestonDLuffyHe climbs his step-ladder of awareness.

[@PrestonDLuffy]

@@Tao_Tologyaka the tv antennae he borrowed from Alex's caravan

[@Tao_Tology]

@@PrestonDLuffy The route of his downfall......

[@adamplace1414]

The worst part about watching John do the tasks is the sneaking suspicion that I would be even worse.

[@djpunyer8762]

You mean like David Baddiel?

[@Gemannihilator]

The way Alex says "pharmacy" at 19:00 gives me life

[@felix_christopher]

„Which Aircraft - Crashes more - into Mountains?” Gosh, I love these three!

[@TaxMerry]

He seems so emotional when talking about his sailors hat.We love John!

[@kellyheidel4337]

John Kearns is everything I never knew I always needed in my life.

[@StephenTatlock]

i love how soft-spoken and gentle his voice is and then sometimes he'll just SCREAM an expletive hahahaha john is such a legend

[@russelljackson2818]

John and Fern were polar opposites in this series. She seems lost in a reverie of innocence and wonder, getting distracted by flies and meeting potatoes, and John is locked in an eternal struggle to stave off an existential nervous breakdown.

[@nopants666]

i can't explain it but he and Judi Love are so similar in their approaches to tasks and then failing to talk themselves out of it

[@tsherwood8960]

“Veeeeeeee!!!!”

[@bendaniel2271]

Alex was like a mob boss when he delivered the secret sabotage task

[@Merip1214]

Dara at 8:51 The way he says IDIOT.. there's so much festered rage behind that😂

[@NickHoad]

Despite all the sabotage and wolf impressions and so on, the moment of John’s that’s stuck with me the most is him insisting, against all evidence, that he’s not bad at the duck and sock task

[@zacharygrouwinkel1534]

But what about “I found a naughty satsuma, in my fantastic curry”?

[@hjt091]

The modern day Pierrot himself That business with the wind in the paint task is such a magnificent bit of tragic clownery

[@danielodonnell360]

I would love to see a movie of John as some sort of Johnny English kind of secret agent. His mix of weird talent for the physical tasks and generally anxious demeanour would be a phenomenal thing to watch in that kind of scenario.

[@thefunkyJ]

The compilation I've been waiting for 😂 John is just on a different wavelength from everyone and I love it

[@garethstruivigdegroot4837]

Hes fantastic, one of the best contestants ever.

[@guaranteedtopwn]

genuinely perhaps the funniest "oh!" of all time somehow, randomly, it just hits right

[@a.j.thompson6030]

STOHP EIHTTTT is one of my favorite bits ever. Truly my favorite season.

[@alexisz5570]

Fern: I think John should do that Dara’s face said otherwise

[@Diaspora1984]

genuinely my favourite ever contestant.

[@Pinodebeste1983]

Might be the best contestant ever on the show.

[@dimpyramid]

that sailor hat was used in the boat task in series 15, haha

[@interstellargreenbean]

This was the best series. Best cast, best a tasks.

[@ladambell]

Genuinely one of my favorite contestants of all time. John Kearns is a special breed.

[@h0lly_blue]

"I'm opening chickpeas..."

[@pikapika4240]

I love Dara's reaction in 19:58, it screams "why am I stuck with these two here" 😅

[@davidyoung5114]

What? No inclusion of the baggage cart-pushing task at Heathrow airport? Seeing John at the end of the task fearing that he had 'crossed the line' and would be disqualified (like Joe Wilkinson's potato hole-in-one in Series 2!) was the best moment from that episode for me!

[@CallMeProm]

I was really unsure of John in the first episode but I was hooked by episode 2. I still think John and Munya need a buddy sitcom.

[@svensnoek3251]

The sabotage task must be the hardest task ever since Dara en Fern must have have thought he was annoying as fuck for the whole season

[@yalikejazz2]

the video we’ve all been waiting for

[@reidl4767]

I just think John Kearns and Mike Wozniak would make the best team Taskmaster has ever seen. Soft spoken, brilliant bizarre magic

[@brnobr]

john if you ever read this, you have been my favorite contestant on this show ever

[@chriskaprys]

He seems like a classic character from some lost season of Cheers. What a delight.

[@AFancyLemon]

Which aircraft… crashes more… into mountains

[@theyorkrose5274]

Every task is like he's intentionally sabotaging it (like "genuine pleasure" while he's making painful noises) BUT I do think his crocodile and wolf were actually half decent 😢

[@TheMarkoSeke]

Omg I searched for "Taskmaster best of John Kearns" like two days ago, I feel like I manifested this lol

[@tylerweirtube]

I loved this series' cast. All great in their own way.

[@TrevorCopter]

I love the two seconds of Dara and Fern’s confusion before Alex plays the VT of John’s sabotage task 😂

[@carolmurphy7572]

This cast was fantastic! What a treat this whole series was!

[@Bromeostasis]

Biggest regrets in the milk task is my favorite

[@BooFlo62]

The Veeeee!!! Brings me to tears every time

[@gentlemendesperado9790]

John Kearns is definitely most underrated contestant

[@misterrcommenter]

i expected the helicopter description to be in ferns best bits

[@CNBat]

The hat sandcastle knocks me dead every time

[@Sunprism]

"That was Fantastic! Can you lift my flap?"

[@ConradMcBad]

An absolute casserole of anxious chaos. Love it.

[@anotherone5235]

That Live Team-Task about asking a question though... :D

[@barsbold274]

On team tasks, Dara seems like a father struggling with his 2 children

[@Botchla_]

Such a good series. The sabotage was a great touch.

[@Zurrech]

At 22:30. You could probably argue that Munya and Sarah got the Overall and Dungarees the first round. The task was to make Greg say the word not leave it as an answer.

[@jamesramplin8124]

Greg is the taskmaster. His decisions are final. He said "it's either, just to tea it up..." so he kinda changed the rules halfway through just because he thought of 2 things and wanted to make it interesting.

[@homeiswonderland]

In a compilation of, "Most stressful tasks as a viewer," John's sabotage is number one. I'm stressed for John, I'm stressed for Dara and Fern, I don't know who the hell I'm cheering for, but I know it can only end in tragedy.

[@ellekay4758]

Absolute legend

[@liam00]

Saw him live and he was great! 😂

[@CB-zv9cl]

Half of this compilation is just Dara being absolutely irritated with someone else. 😅

[@stephenleggett4243]

Gotta love this man.

[@jaimefernandez2624]

dara saying "enormous hugeness" is my favorite things ever on taskmaster.

[@MongisiMabhena]

I've been waiting for this one 🥳

[@mahdizaker1773]

he has so many great moments

[@FilbieTron]

I was in stitches the whole time! I forgot how funny this season was

[@ethanol1586]

John is the physical embodiment of anxiety

[@patrickevans2041]

The top hat sandcastle pops into my head at least 4 times a week

[@dango9786]

Been waiting for this one

[@MissLoveBug23]

I’ve been waiting for this one

[@mathildejensen3285]

Just pissed my pants laughing watching John's defeated face after he failed at finding pleasure in the rubber chutes. 😂😂