Should I Leave My Husband or Stay for My Kids?

Should I Leave My Husband or Stay for My Kids?
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[@ButterflyElsy]

“So, when did he start cheating on you?” Damn. He just said it.

[@helena3631]

When a man starts treating you different it’s another women .. this is classic

[@blacksquid270]

​@@helena3631 Same thing when a woman starts treating her man differently.

[@ellencox8415]

​@@blacksquid270everyone goes to cheating, but frankly, people aging into curmudgeons happens. They hate where they are in life and take it out on you. No cheating, you just grow to hate each other.

[@MadCatLady28]

​@@ellencox8415 in this case, he didn't age into it. It was sudden when they moved.

[@BlackStump172]

@@ellencox8415He is only 36 years old !

[@davidmilhouscarter8198]

If I got home from work, and someone was cooking me dinner and put it on the table for me, I would eat the food and be thankful.

[@pimaggot]

Even if it tasted terrible?

[@joannahepworth2230]

I know right 😂 I would be grateful to even have a man.

[@pimaggot]

@@joannahepworth2230 you could get a man easy.A High value man is what you are after - one that makes you dinner and tastes good.

[@neisci]

I'd be through the roof. I am so appreciative 😅.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

​@pimaggot how about you help and teach them how to

[@bradleymaravalli2851]

A stay-at-home mom that's working, cooking, cleaning, studying, and doing all of this and yet it is still not enough!? Wow!!!

[@nicolab2075]

It sounds as though he's being as obnoxious as possible so she will leave.

[@suen5006]

He wants her to leave, he just doesn't want to take action.

[@bradleymaravalli2851]

@@suen5006 it'll be his loss for sure.

[@helena3631]

He has a new women that’s how men behave

[@tjturner3916]

This is typical and has always been true. It's why women in the 50s-60s were all drugged up and miserable, and why women have been struggling since the late 1800s for independence. Men do not respect housewives. They just don't. They view them as appliances.

[@YaBasicMillenial]

Emotional neglect IS abuse. Fact. I’ve experienced it- pure torture

[@catholicfemininity2126]

Yes it totally IS.

[@kalebd9601]

Yea it is. It's actually worse

[@DirtyGirlCharlie]

It’s happening to me now :(

[@funicon3689]

sad how women have rendered the term "abuse" meaningless

[@britvica]

​@@kalebd9601why do you feel the need to say it's worse? Like you experienced both? No you didn't. So, just stop.

[@nicolcacola]

Hes cheating and trying to get her to leave first. Get her ducks in a row, save money, file for divoce.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

Yep been there

[@janiceparkerson4727]

Exactly. Red flags flying all over the place.

[@animaluva098]

he kicked her out tho...i wonder y he didnt keep her out if that was the case

[@Ap_twsh]

Doubt it probably the cooking really is 💩

[@eheheh3263]

@@Ap_twsh a man would leave a woman if her cooking is bad??? Damn. 😆 Give the woman a chance to improve her cooking skills… it’s fixable

[@lilred00051]

This is also a BIG factor in deciding to become a stay at home mom. The shift in power dynamics can be very problematic.

[@elainenilsson5472]

Definitely. Couldn't agree with you more.

[@paulaqueirosz]

My thoughts exactly

[@cg741graf5]

Stay at home moms work and therefore should still have contributions to a $ market fund.

[@paulaqueirosz]

@@cg741graf5 in Brazil, housewives have the right to contribute into the national pension system and retire with minimum wage at 62. I don't know how it works in USA...

[@victorias5272]

@@paulaqueirosz stay at home wives can have a separate IRA (individual retirement account) using her husband’s income to contribute, but she doesn’t get credit for her own social security unless she worked enough to get sufficient “credits” before she left the workforce. She can also have access to some of his Social Security funds if they were married for more than 10 years when they reach retirement age, but it’s not her own account in that instance.

[@33Jenesis]

I got laid off so I was home. My then hubby started to belittle and ridicule me, being emotionally cruel. I thought it was because I couldn’t pull my own weight (no job no income) so he looked down on me. It turned put he was cheating with his coworker at that time. It was blame shifting. He said I was stupid because I was stupid not to see him cheating.

[@blahblahblah4544]

Trust isn't stupid. He was saying you're stupid because he was lol

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

Same same same

[@TRSmith-ts7id]

Damn.

[@adinaknorr9460]

😮wow just wow! He said u were stupid because u didn't know he was cheating! What a scumbag! I hope u left immediately!

[@NRQ-zv5bp]

The same thing happened to my sister

[@Hs000_00]

If Jessica is reading this comment I hope her business prospers and become extremely wealthy, take the kids away raise them so well, and she makes a big change in her life looking better than she ever did !

[@b.1162]

One, he's cheating on you. Two, emotional abuse is abuse. He's being abusive. Three, your marriage is over. It was over a long time ago. All that's left is to make it official. Four, you're showing your kids how to treat others and accept the treatment of others and this can set them up for a lifetime of failure. You're not doing right by them by staying together.

[@johniii8147]

Yes that's often a mistake people think staying togeather for the "sake" of the kids when it's that bad. You're just teaching them the wrong things they will carry with them into their own relationships.

[@mariee.5912]

Omg, yes its abuse!@

[@afcaton1]

Nope, he's not cheating, he's just simply fed up with this womans B.S. from what it sounds like. He checked out putting up with her Karen rants and is simply there for the kids and the fact that a divorce would ruin not only him, but her, and their children as well. Better to suffer in quite isolation than broke and unable to spend time with his kids. Not that this wont happen anyways.

[@joymattson8549]

@@afcaton1 Wow - are you the husband of this woman?

[@Hs000_00]

@@joymattson8549 probably the mistress of the husband lol

[@carynmason3421]

Emotional neglect is evil and abuse. Thank You for this !

[@nos5822]

Lol

[@jcstuart6978]

She sounds beyond done, she sounds like she's laughing at her life choices in order to not lose her mind. I feel bad for her for sure. Sending prayers to this woman.

[@normantheforeman9866]

Upon hearing her rattle the list off, I’m like nooo get out, it’s over!

[@johniii8147]

Yep..OVER

[@knowthyself8233]

She stills trying to find excuses to stay 🤦🏿‍♂️

[@snacktime66]

Her husband is emotionally, sexually, and physically neglecting her. He's financially and emotionally abusing her. This man is a coward and she is so in love with her family she can't accept it. I've been there. I had to file and he wasn't ever willing to take responsibility for his side of our relationship. Worst pain ever but when you move on with someone else, you'll be so much happier.

[@dianerandazzo1766]

My person left me by working mid-nite shift for 10 years. I demanded he leave and he did. A child-man he was. Sad ending; never met the love of my life.

[@sandramrivera6508]

Been there, done that.

[@lauragb3677]

He’s a coward that wants out and is pushing her to do it. My ex husband (10 yes married) did that to me…best thing he ever did for me. I’m celebrating my 20 year wedding anniversary with the love of my life! 👍🥰

[@zeal4god402]

WOOT WOOT YAYYYYYYY

[@chrissy1448]

Yep…

[@rachelcrossen8136]

I have found lately that most men wait for the woman to make the move. I think it’s so she can be the bad guy and he can be the victim

[@Nah-ah]

@@rachelcrossen8136 agree! And these men wonder why most of the decision to divorce comes from most women! Blaming the woman is much easier than holding a mirror up in front themselves!

[@afcaton1]

Oh boy, this particular woman sounds like an annoying b@#$% to be honest. Got that from the first minute she began yaping.

[@garybaltiejus7248]

A man who is of weak character that he needs to cheat, and then has the audacity to hang around and criticize his wife to the point where she cant take it, IS NOT A MAN in my opinion

[@SippenSomeTea]

Amen!

[@JerubbaalgodSlayer]

This is not a man. PATHETIC!

[@dayanacba]

4 years sleeping in separate bedrooms! 😱 girl you only need to sign the papers because that marriage was over a long time ago

[@ang_mg17]

There are actually many couples with healthy relationships who don't share a bed at night. It doesn't mean they don't have other ways they connect. Sleep is very important and if one person can't get good sleep sleeping in the same bed as someone else, that's an issue.

[@BlackStump172]

@@ang_mg17That is true , but they do not have a good relationship or intimacy .

[@DuffyGabi]

Different bedroom doesn’t mean bad relationship. My wife and I have been this way for years. Even at a hotel, we get two beds.

[@soni05131]

Verbal abuse, gaslighting, indifference, what more do you want before you can leave. Yes that IS abuse. You already know what to do!

[@kekejefferson9219]

News Flash, that abuse! It's called Narcissist Abuse!

[@jet4415]

TRUTH!!! He is on the spectrum of Narcissist Personality Disorder. Horrid people to deal with as they lie to further their needs. Gaslighting constantly and giving the time honored Silent Treatment, both are in their arsenal of weapons. Woman, you are in trouble.

[@hansonallie]

Chris Watts.

[@carolannstevens5814]

Agree!!!

[@brandileigh901]

Yup. Going through it right now. These men are the most confusing cruel people on the planet.

[@annpaprocki678]

She needs to stop laughing. Nothing about this is funny. Tell him to leave

[@sailorsallyrockinrarity2130]

She hasn't filed because she doesn't want to look like the bad guy, and based on her husband's behavior, it sounds like he's really good at making her look like a villain. And her filing for divorce would make her look worse to those people. She knows that he's been controlling the narrative and she wants all the validation in the world right now to be able to pierce through his narrative. I think this podcast episode will help her case tremendously.

[@samhellion]

🤦‍♂

[@racheltarentino3314]

Great observation. Filing for divorce would be giving that coward just what he wants

[@9liveslisa]

Listening to her list of issues................I'd hire a divorce attorney, pack up the kids and get out of there. What she has is NOT a marriage. So sad. Great advice, John. It's time to fish or cut bait, Jessica! You can do this!

[@johniii8147]

Definitely get a divorce attorney, but moving may not be the best decision for her legal standing and rights. A good attorney will be able to advise her on her best options in her state.

[@suen5006]

Nope, pack HIS crap. Kick him out!

[@yorgivon-schmourgeussborgi]

The primary care giver and children should always remain and retain the residence. The adult with the least responsibilities should move out

[@IMBLESSED-oe6dl]

I will leave kids to him, let him handle since he doesn't appreciate just to get taste of his medicine.

[@sherryd3299]

If she and the kids leave the house she could lose the house. She needs to make him leave and she and her kids stay in the comfort of the home.

[@letyp5819]

It sounds like my story. 25 years later my kids are grown up and I wish I would have left my husband 25 years ago. He does not cheat, drink, abuses me but he can’t start a conversation without “you don’t do” I have to be very carful with what I say or do without his judgment or screaming. It’s miserable when you stay in a toxic relationship. It is very hard, my husband won’t leave either. I understand you so much. I hope you have more courage than me. The longer you stay the harder it is.

[@nobleinthought8019]

i'm so sorry. Your husband IS abusing you. He is emotionally abusing you, he's basically terminated your self worth. He may have brainwashed you into thinking what he does is okay because "you are at fault" but it isn't. He chooses to act like this. I wish you all the strength to put up with this :( I hope some day in the future you can get away.

[@suen5006]

Pack his crap and put it on the porch! It's over.

[@Jackaroo.]

He does abuse you if he yells at you. It is tragic that you stayed but you don't need to continue living in misery.

[@carolannstevens5814]

Me too! 35 years

[@ashen8046]

"My husband won't leave either." I get that.

[@howlbeast]

Life really isn’t fair Dude got what most men (ME) seek n’ want and he’s treating her this way.

[@chrissy1448]

This woman sounds like a relative of mine. Her husband cheated the entire marriage, and told her he does not want her… and she is still hanging around as his doormat “fake” wife… Very sad situation indeed.

[@ridiqulos]

Poor lady. It's amazing how hard she's holding on and trying. It's amazing how many valid reasons she has to divorce when others just divorce for petty ones.

[@nicolab2075]

You can't tell, what looks petty from the outside might not be petty at all from the inside.

[@afcaton1]

Poor lady, you mean poor guy having to put up with this B.S. of a wife. I'm sure he doesn't want to go thru the trauma a full on divorce would bring to his kids and essentially bankrupt him. Which unfortunately will end up happening anyway. No wonder so many men simply crack and do unspeakable things.

[@howlbeast]

Exactly!! She seems like a rock of a woman and a good one too.. many would’ve fumble, crumble yet she stays resilient & committed. God I need a woman like her.. she’s a woman of strong character, she needs a good man. 😞

[@slk1451]

@@afcaton1found the husband!

[@KC1up]

@@slk1451 😂😂😂 ya you clearly touched a guilty nerve

[@santafilipina9020]

Husband is resentful and disdainful. I'm sure he feels stuck being married and having kids. He hates having to support them and wishes a life without these restrictions.

[@funicon3689]

i wish more people would be honest about this

[@britvica]

I wish they had cohones and damn leave, before turning to chris watts.

[@hillary1161]

Maybe he should not have had a family then

[@lala5061]

U meant without these now responsibilities....😒

[@jdudefun1755]

She literally has no idea what to frikkin do. People in abusive relationships feel stuck. This is a different kind of abuse but still abuse.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

Yes. Been there. You know you need to go but you feel stuck. I went through the emotional and neglect it’s hard.

[@SippenSomeTea]

She has no money. If she had money she'd be gone

[@rainbowsunshinekitty3953]

There are lots of relationships, just like this one, out there. Partner 1 is checked all the way out. Waiting for the other to leave. Partner 2 is scared to leave because it's a life change and could adversely affect their lifestyle. 2 income household is better than 1. Nobody want to be broke.

[@ineedhoez]

Facts

[@ineedhoez]

To be fair, they are already a 1 income family.

[@KC1up]

Sad but true.

[@CincyO1974]

You don't love him, you love the idea of what he used to be. The one we marry is not the one we end up with. If they were we wouldn't marry them in the first place. Run, Girl, RUN!

[@dustyrhodes2717]

What’s your advice for men who get stuck with a woman who turns into a nagging blimp and do not contribute financially? Also why are you calling a grown woman girl? So cringe.

[@britneyog9537]

Man, this caller makes me feel so bad for women who aren't in loving marriages/relationships. I am a blessed lady with such a loving husband and wish all had that. ♥️ Depression is real. But, what people fail to realize is that you/they have a choice whether they want to seek help or not. It's selfish to refuse to get help. It's a choice to want to get better or wallow in it! There is help!

[@zeal4god402]

AMEEEEEEEN BRITNEY, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE AVAILABLE RESOURCES OR REMAIN IN BONDAGE

[@LL-jd5mn]

You don't know, as per your own backhanded "praise the lord for all my blessings and how I could never understand yours, but for real people with a problem I couldn't ever understand because I wasn't so unblessed as to not have the opposite...please just get your life together and leave and fund a man like mine, or else you're not trying hard enough🙌🙌🙌🙌" insult statements here. Get off the soap box about your ideas of how she doesn't care enough...you aren't in this woman's boat and don't know how things like that can b feeling for the abused party...and hopefully, with the Good lord always blessing you, you might nit ever have to, but watch out with those judging tones my people.... Even if you're so out of touch, you don't even realize you're doing it because God has a way of showing us things we never understood before by putting us right there in other people's shoes. More easily put, keep your condescending pitty and give over your God given blessing of being able to shoew support threw understanding, while also not throwing around what people who are experiencing something you are not are failing to understand.

[@Andible]

​@@LL-jd5mnyour comment is a whole lot of bitter babbling for real.

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

@@LL-jd5mn Whoa, this is a lot, where did you see victim blaming in the comment? I think the husband in this call is the depressed one, he just lays on the couch drinking and refusing to interact with his kids. The caller sounds like she's doing the best she can given the circumstances.

[@chriswalker7895]

He's had somebody on the side for a couple of years and he's trying to make it uncomfortable enough for you so you choose to leave without him having to leave you. She should go ahead and do him the favor.

[@golden-bear]

Smh wow. The devil is alive

[@Nah-ah]

Could this be the other reason why women are mostly likely to file for divorce and breaking up the family… bc the men won’t do it? 🤔 The divorce statistics by women are hideously high in America

[@chriswalker7895]

@@Nah-ah I will concede however that statistically men are far less likely to file for divorce or leave the relationship. Which in turn would mean that they are far more likely to just exist in a toxic situation without it being fixed.

[@Nah-ah]

@@chriswalker7895 that’s horrible to just exist like that..

[@MoonMoon-fx1op]

@@Nah-ah Somebody finally said it. That's why I always say stats don't tell the whole story

[@Candace-M-]

Lol He accused her of stealing money from him when she was just paying the bills 😂🤦🏽‍♀️ I didn't think that was going to make me laugh this hard

[@wotintheworld]

Neglect is abuse, that's not just his opinion it's one of the most damaging types of abuse.

[@richardgentry6996]

You are being emotionally abused. Divorce.

[@hansonallie]

Yes.

[@carleenshaw8167]

I would had filed for divorce YESTERDAY! He has checked OUT and wants her to be the one to say I'm out. People, you don't need to hear your 'mate' say the actual words...ACTIONS speak so much louder than words and you can't save a relationship by yourself . Divorce can be the BEST thing for not just two people but an entire family. Good luck!!

[@Lala89856]

....so, "when did he start to cheat on you?" No doubt about that

[@candyluna2929]

The whole thing does sound like he's cheating and simply doesn't love her. OR HE'S HIDING SOMETHING ELSE

[@aggie4103]

RUN LADY RUN...I stayed for my kids sake about 10 years longer then I should have 7years have passed and his voice still plays on loop in my head listing ALL my short commings everything being my fault the infact even breathing was incorrect so I WORKED HARD but nothing EVER was meeting his standards I realized he was always moving the goal posts to KEEP ME IN MY PLACE. To others he was just PERFECT I never told anyone what was going on behind closed doors. Your kids ARE aware what a stomach churning walk on eggshells time it is when Dads car pulls up after work and his mood sets the tone. They will grip the 2 home family fast don't talk badly of their Father and give them a home of love peace and a safe haven so when they close the front door they feel safe.

[@supernova11711]

It’s called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It’s not at all the same thing people refer to as “narcissists” now. It’s an actual disorder and it’s much more common than you could even imagine. I would encourage you to start digging in and doing some research. All the prices will start falling into place and, if you allow it, it can heal you. There was never anything you could have done. It was never a marriage and it was set to fail before it even started.

[@delfinadelmar6726]

She’s doing what she loves by being a stay at home mom. I’m sure it’s probably the main reason she’s struggling with making the decision to divorce.

[@joyaustin6581]

I agree. He told her to leave.

[@SippenSomeTea]

It's prob a money thing

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

@@SippenSomeTea Yeah, I know several couples like this who would divorce if they could afford to, the income is barely enough to support one household, let alone two. Even in the case where both are working full time, it's hard for one salary to pay for housing in a good school district in a lot of the country.

[@ashlieelizabeth8170]

This poor woman💔 this one hit me really hard. My mom went through this with my dad. Please don't say "I don't want to leave because of the kids". YOUR KIDS WILL BE FINE I PROMISE! Like you, they don't want to live in dysfunction either and this will affect their mental. Please do not stay for the kids. Kids know and it can lead your kids to resent you later on for not leaving. Ladies, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND DESERVE TO BE HAPPY! There is something better on the other side than what you are dealing with now. There is someone else out there who is 1000 times better! The longer you stay, the harder it is and the more he'll keep putting you through.

[@KC1up]

What is theres not? Ive been told by numerous people that there are not a lot of nice men out there. Women, yes. Men, no. Ive come to terms with being alone. Ultimately, I believe it’s important to focus on yourself & healing and not another relationship. Leave for yourself & not because you found someone better because ultimately, you or I or anyone who finds themselves single, may never find someone else. Be in healthy place alone. No one will save you. Save yourself. Thats by 2 cents.

[@tcurry1531]

Her husband is pushing her out the door. Men do not like confrontation. They don't admit they checked out, they start saving up money, and they start treating their spouse like crap. If you walk out the door then that is your choice and you are the one to be blamed for the breakup. They do not take responsibility for anything that goes wrong. Not all men but I have met a whole lot of them.

[@scott4825]

Women do the exact same crap, perhaps with more subtlety.

[@guellaliguemra2321]

​@@scott4825No, they don't. Stop lying.

[@scott4825]

@@guellaliguemra2321 LOL, the above perfectly describes what my ex did in our divorce. And no, I don't do drug/alcohol, nor did I cheat. Frankly, it was a pattern of behavior she had, but I didn't think she was doing it with me. I had blinders on and frankly choosing divorce wasn't in my DNA (at the time), so she finally made the call. And it happened within my friend group as well. Nobody wants to look like the bad guy.

[@lala5061]

💯

[@mv7374]

Her reaction to John asking if she really did steal the husband's money was great

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

Wow, this call hit home. Years ago, I remember seeing my dad act very similarly to this woman's husband - making all sorts of disparaging remarks about my mom, picking fights about ridiculous things, coming home late all the time, and constantly insisting that he *could* cheat if he really wanted to (plot twist: he did 🙃). He was absolutely miserable to be around and my siblings and I were often triangulated into the mess or just ignored completely. My parents chose to stay together more for us kids and religious obligation than anything else. I don't think it was worth it, but that was their decision to make, not mine. I hope that Jessica was able to have a conversation with her husband about the state of their relationship and determine the best path forward. Wishing her all the best 💙

[@crystalglopez91623]

How did your view of your mom change or stay the same .. witnessing her become a second class citizen to your father ? I don’t mean to be disrespectful but just curious if you respect her for her decision to stay ? I left my ex husband so that I can be an example for my daughter.. we are both so much happier .

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

@@crystalglopez91623 That's a good question! I went through a lot of emotions - mainly anger and sadness because we were *suffering* and I wanted nothing more than for it to end, and as stubborn and as much of a fighter as she is, she just could not seem to walk away from this trash man. I never understood that & it's still hard to come to grips with. As far as her decision - I respect it in that I respect her ability to make whatever choice she feels is best for her. But I lost respect for her for making it because she was clearly unhappy (and so were we!), if that makes sense. Also, as an adult now, I do realize that it wasn't as simple as "just leave!" and that she was in a tight spot. My dad was the sole provider & horrible with money; my mom had left the job market to be a SAHM and homeschool us, so she didn't have the financial means to just pick up and go. Additionally, she was caring for her aging parents since her siblings threw much of that responsibility on her. Now that we've all graduated, her parents have passed and she's working again, she is happier than she used to be. She wasn't/isn't the best mother by any stretch of the imagination, but my God do I wish she'd chosen herself and left. Personally I still think she should leave. But c'est la vie 🤷🏿‍♀️ Kudos to you for getting out! 👏🏾 EDIT: Just wanted to add that my mom's situation was also an example to me, just in the wrong way. I've been in relationships and friendships where I felt stuck and unable to end it because well what else was there? I felt like I had to stick around to make things work even when they were clearly beyond repair. Thankfully I found a great therapist and we've been working on breaking down that tendency (& other survival mechanisms stemming from childhood trauma) for a while now and things are looking up 🙂

[@livenowliveright8509]

@@crystalglopez91623 There is NOTHING about her being a Second class citizen because she chose to honor God. It takes the strength of a woman to not leave and stay in a place they'd rather leave because of God, their kids, and the secret of marriage. And watch your mouth and what you post on here.

[@livenowliveright8509]

@@theshunnedBandersnatch Your mother seems like a hero to me, I pray God has restored her and your father's marriage as well as both of them. Be supportive of your mother and talk to her as an adult now. I guarantee you'll learn some things you never knew of the sacrifice that she did for you all. Your mother is heroic

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

@@livenowliveright8509 I mean their marriage has been "restored" in that my dad hasn't cheated again that we know of, which is the bare minimum to expect from one's partner imo. They get along a bit better now because they spend most of their time apart & work long hours. They've always had an uneasy + tense dynamic whenever they're in the same room, and that hasn't changed, so idk how that's considered a *good* relationship worth fighting for. But like I said, that was their decision, not mine 🤷🏿‍♀️

[@alexandrap.961]

You need to RUN! He will never change.

[@misspiscesdreamz]

He's completely checked out. Doesn't like anything she does and not interested in being a dad. Sad. When you get married you never think it will come to that.

[@shola7987]

Jessica actually sounds like a cool person. Her husband sounds depressed.

[@pimaggot]

Yep. I am experiencing this exact thing but it is my wife that has depression. We are getting separated and I am getting help to become a better person.

[@mariee.5912]

I disagree.

[@hihopes2004]

That is what i was thinking also. He sounds like he has depression or is burnt out and he is definitely using alcohol as a coping mechanism as to not have to deal with the real issue.

[@starlingswallow]

Sounds like he is a Narcissist....I'm so sorry 😞♥️🙏🏻 The goal post will continue to be moved....nothing will be good enough. Not looking at you/talking to you is emotional neglect. No intimacy is physical and emotional neglect. You sound like an amazingly strong woman ♥️💕

[@candyluna2929]

After 4 years of that treatment, how can you love him?

[@wijcik]

Stonewalling is abuse. He is abusing her.

[@amyjames7760]

You know I was married to somebody like this except I never stopped working and I always made more money than him. But he absolutely checked out of our marriage. He was horrible and drank too much and was frequently verbally abusive. Checked out of extended family time. Basically checked out of everything and resented what little I required him to do. I waited way too long to end it.

[@ILoveyouxoxo93]

I wish this lady well. I hope she finds someone who is insanely in love with her. She deserves only the best. ❤️

[@dustyrhodes2717]

What non simp guy will fall in love with a single mom? Answer, not many guys want to go to scratch and dent sales.

[@johniii8147]

Yeah dump him and move on. He even TOLD you to leave. You'll figure out the kid situation. You're not helping them in this situation by staying. They are are picking up on ALL of it.

[@golden-bear]

The devil is alive

[@starlingswallow]

Spot on about neglect, Dr. John 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@JLJ8039]

I think she is afraid of hurting the kids, but I also think...deep down....she still loves him.

[@johniii8147]

I don't know that she still loves him..who would with behavior like that? It's the kids and she doesn't want to be the bad guy breaking up the family..then he will just say once again it's all her fault. That's what she's really scared of.

[@heywuzzzupwithya]

She said she still loves him.

[@joymattson8549]

I can't figure what there is to love about this guy from her description. What exactly would she miss?

[@giveme24hrs72]

I think she said things just went south after she stopped working. So sounds like things were great previously maybe

[@hollyharvey1986]

She does… I know bc I’m in the same situation. I fell in love and had a connection with my husband that felt like I was literally laying with my soul mate, but that has been gone for two years now.. it hurts when you love someone so much and blindly think they would and always have loved you. Love is freaking insanity it feels at times.

[@joannahepworth2230]

Hun please leave, I did after 10 years. The best decision I ever made. My kids are fine, kids hearts get strong they adapt. My kids don’t remember me even being married. If they did, hearts heal. I am proof of that 🥰🤗

[@gillespaling7039]

So solipsistic, I feel sorry for your kids. "If they did, hearts heal" how callous.

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

It's naive to think that kids feel no impact from a bad marriage or a divorce, they do. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, it sounds like you did the best you could do, but plenty of adults are still messed up about their parents' divorce, it's the number one predictor of them getting divorced themselves.

[@KS-se9jb]

Sounds like a guy who moved somewhere and either physically cheated or mentally cheated. Or at BARE MINIMUM, he saw how life was like as single without kids living with him 24/7. And now he has a distain for her when she gets there with the kids and blames his new unhappiness on her. Especially because she’s not at a job that looks like what she had before.

[@margrettahawkins2749]

Yep. He got to pretend he was single again for a little while and now he resents the hell out of his family.

[@albertdominguez7448]

You guys should add links to the conversations from when they call back in the bio as well

[@michelleh4717]

There are people in the comments actually worried about the husbands side here... I wonder if thats what they'd say to their daughter if she came telling them her husband is treating her that way

[@Macheako]

Yea.....I would lol

[@michelleh4717]

@@Macheako good for you. Glad you're not related to me. Disgusting

[@Macheako]

@@michelleh4717 yea, I know, I'm a FREE MAN, lady..... deal with it 🤣

[@SS-lg7hq]

Please do the world a favor and remain free!

[@staleydu1]

There’s always another side. Don’t know what his is, but there is another side.

[@cg741graf5]

She needs a tile tracker on him. When husbands go to such attacks and reverse antagonistic behavior they either are looking to go elsewhere or have. She better also keep records of her daily activities because it will matter in court. She needs to know abandonment laws in her state. He doesn’t want a divorce because he’s up on child support, spousal support, and will be made by court to spend more time with his children which cuts into freedom to do what he’s up to.

[@beqster65]

Yup.... you got that 100% correct

[@dustyrhodes2717]

How can it be abandonment if he lives there? Lol These situations are difficult because you only get one side. What if she put on 50-100lbs of weight, stopped working and endlessly nags him? What are these small businesses she does and how much do they bring in? How long has she been working to get her realtors license.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

​@Dusty Rhodes smh act like you have sense please

[@guellaliguemra2321]

​@@dustyrhodes2717Yep, her imaginary weight is the reason he is not spending any time with his children. At least be creative when lying.

[@NeccoWecco]

Leave your husband for your kids.

[@Dad-979]

Dr. Delony, you’re not “a dumb podcaster”!!! You’re awesome!!!

[@raelenekauffman1401]

I wish there was an update on this! I hope she found a way out of that mess.

[@sherryd3299]

I hate when women say they love a man who treats them like garbage. She's trying to make excuses for him the entire conversation. I don't understand how you can love someone who treats you so awfully.

[@victoriabanks7701]

She is a KIND woman! He should be so lucky

[@jrn3342]

About the part that he told her to leave... No! He can leave, that's the home that they share with their children so if he wants out he should leave.

[@chrissy1448]

She’s way too nice. She definitely needs a divorce lawyer, because he’s going to demolish her.

[@sharonbowers9929]

He doesn’t respect her role. My husband did the same to me. He didn’t cheat, almost but didn’t. He refused to help out with the housework, cooking, kid’s school work, activities, or laundry. Yet I was expected to work full time. I tried and I nearly burned the house down twice trying to get a jump start on Supper before leaving for work. I felt like nothing more than a pack mule. 😢. So sorry for this dear woman.

[@amydoran9987]

He sounds verbally abusive.He sounds nothing like the type of partner she wants.

[@jasminebaby3375]

This is painful to listen. It seems like the guy has checked out. She is a married woman, living single. She does everything for the kids and go to holidays event by herself. Please don’t stay around thinking you want your kids to have their dad, you are damaging them witnessing you getting abused mentally. This is not marriage. I feel for you. Cyber hug and good luck to you. We are all rooting for you.

[@katethegreat4918]

I wonder if situations like this are why people keep saying something like 80% of marriages are filed by women. Marriage has always been a two-person deal.

[@Nah-ah]

Something tells me it is! Men will stay in an unhealthy relationship bc they don’t want to pay alimony so the woman has to file for divorce to get away from it all.

[@DNA350ppm]

Men often see a financial advantage in pressing the wife to file for divorce.

[@dpborn2721]

Yes, and I believe the saying goes…Most women file for divorce and it’s because they’ve had enough, men file when they’ve found someone else. I know multiple men in this situation who are physically or emotionally cheating, sleep in separate bedrooms and only speak to each other when it comes to kids or household business. Their excuse “I’ll lose everything” instead of realizing they already have and now they’re miserable too. Unfortunately, a lot of married people aren’t in love they’re in habit and that’s a sad reality!

[@blueseptember2174]

The not good men will be content living a double life forever. When a wife is fed up she will file and leave. This is why most women file because he has cheated and continues to do so but wants to stay.

[@ritaamos2966]

If "I have to laugh to keep from crying was a person." Hopefully, she figures out her next move sooner rather than later.

[@brookesmith1550]

You need to leave for the kids! He is mean and beating you down! If my husband spoke like that to me I would have been gone already! You sound like a smart confident woman and I want it to stay that way!

[@Lyn-Miche77]

Ooh dear...my ex husband did exactly the same. He was resentful, secretive, looked at me with contempt etc. He had been cheating for yrs...i asked him, he said no. Repeatedly denied it. We drifted another 5 years. I prayed for strength to leave him. Then out of the blue he left. ❤ This caller is withering on the vine.

[@Nyualum21]

As a child of a mother who stayed strictly because of myself and my sister, you should almost ALWAYS choose to leave. My sister and I wouldve had a much easier childhood dealing with divorced parents and split custody than the minefield of a house that we grew up in.

[@alexisorokunle3025]

Verbal abuse is abuse.

[@elizabethdumas4147]

Maybe she should hire a P.I. If he is having an affair and she has the evidence, this might give her leverage in a divorce. Staying in an abusive marriage is teaching the kids that it's acceptable.

[@lilred00051]

Exactly, I'd get the proof and take him for a ride he wouldn't forget. There would be no "his" house.

[@Michael-ft9pm]

A PI? No wonder marriage rates are at a rock bottom level.

[@shannonrose4916]

Agreed. Get a P.I. and get what's yours. This guy is already divorced in his mind and is most likely cheating on her. The courts won't be impressed with that behavior. She needs the house and the support to take care of the kids which she has been doing all along. You can do this Jessica. You are stronger than you realize and your kids will be so much happier with all the tension gone!

[@chrispark7010]

try that with a no fault divorce state. It doesnt matter what they did, they'll take half.

[@SaystheTruth3]

@@Michael-ft9pm yeah I agree... It sucks having to hire a PI but if he's found guilty ? She will have proof...

[@stardust0687]

If you're out there, Jessica, I'm also in SA and also have been through this. I'd love to have a friend who can relate to my situation. I hope things are going as well as they can a year later!

[@VMayB]

I wish John would stop his whole “I’m just a podcaster” talk. He’s got the credentials and talent to help people. If he keeps saying that, people might actually start to believe him and stop calling for advice.

[@Dtyler171]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@unknown-fl2ug]

Lol he’s just saying that for legal reasons… this man has a PHD in psychology (I think) & has been a counselor/therapist for yearssss.

[@Mjl449]

He’s just trying to seem more relatable and lighten the mood.

[@bkucenski]

When it comes to legal matters, it can greatly depend on the state. If she were to take action against her husband such as by kicking him out, without consulting a lawyer first to confirm, she could put herself at a disadvantage in divorce court. It's fine to have your fantasy experience of justice, but in reality, you have limits and judges and lawyers to contend with.

[@zeal4god402]

A statement of humility, yet John knows he is more than qualified for this mission

[@Apostylicpoet]

Heartbreaking. And how ungrateful he was! This is why I'm such an advocate for singles going to therapy prior to marriage. Work those childhood traumas out before you invite someone else into your mess! When she decided to stay at home that triggered something in him.... instead of having a hard and transparent conversation like an adult, he shut down and began throwing a temper tantrum. She sounds like such a great mom and fun person. But you could never tell and everyone has baggage. Man... this was hard to listen to. I pray they stay together and get the help they need. Dr. John you're so intuitive, always learn so much from your advice.

[@catholicfemininity2126]

This is why some priests in the Catholic church refuse to simply let people marry based on feelings.

[@howwelearngrowdaily]

He sounds like a narcissistic person who wants her to feel inadequate....she needs to RUN 🏃‍♀️

[@joyaustin6581]

He does not want her. That doesn’t make him narcissistic. When you are done you are done and everything about them gets on your nerves.

[@howwelearngrowdaily]

@@joyaustin6581 Opinions vary...and that's my opinion.

[@DNA350ppm]

@@joyaustin6581 It is the dishonesty, and wanting to have it all, and not taking responsibility - as not having the mindset of a decent, truth talking and trustworthy person, who comes out with what it is all about - that is what makes him a probable a narcissist. A decent, mature, reliable person tells the truth, does what he can to not go behind his wife's back with any of his feelings, arranges things for the best for his wife and his kids, and doesn't think of his own nerves and finances and reputation and pleasure and convenience first, but stay's honorable and considerate of his kids other parent. A coward and self-serving person doesn't do all of the things this husband has very believably done.

[@joyaustin6581]

@@DNA350ppm Kids deserve to know what a healthy relationship looks like

[@DNA350ppm]

@@joyaustin6581 100% agreement from me!

[@hansonallie]

She mentioned a move, yes? My gut tells me there was a paramour in the previous location that was basically bandaging their relationship together, now the mistress is gone & he’s miserable & can’t deal… am I alone in thinking that?

[@dustyrhodes2717]

He could be a narc. Difficult to know. These situations are difficult without seeing both sides.

[@paulatripodi3989]

Yep. She should go and get it over with. He is a weasel, and won't do it himself because then he can say SHE left the marriage, and blame it on her. He's doing everything he can think of to get her to be the one to bail. He is already living a separate life and is a coward.

[@shellyhaney4837]

We need updates on these stories 😁

[@hermajesty52]

I loved this lady!!! I've been divorced for 20 years (can't remarry--Catholic 🤨) and things John said to her took away a big chunk of guilt I have been lugging around because I was the one who couldn't take it any more and 'broke up the family'. Thank you.

[@ServantOfYHWH]

Can you remarry if your ex husband dies or if he remarries first?

[@brookesmith1550]

How does one steel money from their spouse who they share the money with???

[@staleydu1]

They rack up thousands in credit card debt and keep it a secret. That’s what happened to me.

[@starlingswallow]

He's a Narc.

[@brookesmith1550]

R cane, but that’s not stealing. That’s her being fiscally irresponsible. And you should have kept an eye on all of your credit cards just like I do. It’s easy with the apps and alerts that can be sent yo you with any purchase made.

[@guellaliguemra2321]

The key word is 'share'.

[@Minnesotayankee]

My husband hasn’t slept with me in 4 years and is always looking for an argument. He keeps moving us into terrible living situations. He keeps asking me if I want a divorce. I feel like he wants to be with someone else but he wants me to ask for the divorce.

[@dustyrhodes2717]

How much do you weigh, do you work and do you complain/nag often?

[@blueseptember2174]

@@dustyrhodes2717 ridiculous comment. Men, that are not good ones, get selfish generally due to p@rn and cheating. They become disrespectful zombies. You can tell by their eyes. Not kidding.

[@sarcasticcat4982]

​@@dustyrhodes2717my ex was beer gutted, toothless, balding and constantly whining about his job. He couldn't "perform" anymore.😂 Yes, I kicked his nasty ass to the curb.

[@EmilyLucille523]

Because he doesn’t want to be the bad guy. He doesn’t want you to be the one to tell others he left you. (My husband told me that once. He wasn’t happy but he wouldn’t leave.)

[@Minnesotayankee]

@@dustyrhodes2717 ummm I weigh less than when we got married and I never nagged him. I would ask for help in part of a task I physically couldn’t do as a woman. So I could finish it or start it etc. he would not do it. He gained weight spent like crazy and always left us to do whatever he wanted. I’m over it and not sad to be away from him.

[@hollyharvey1986]

Man….this was a like an uppercut to the gut for me to listen to, especially when my own reality set in. I hope she finds happiness bc just from her laugh she sounds like she just wants to be loved. Love does f’ing hurt.

[@2hrsToChooseThis]

He’s opted out of the relationship/dad role. He’s not happy with his life and he probably shouldn’t be in a relationship. He makes the same mistake most guys make and is forcing himself to stay because being single iS sCarY AnD sUcKs.

[@Audra94braun]

The fact that she wasn’t considering the experience at home abusive is really sad, what a cruel man. She knows deep down it was never really about her and what she could or couldn’t do.

[@rosalynnweaver3295]

Girl! You sound like amazing women.. You deserve better!!!! You will find someone that will love you.

[@ChrisAndCats]

It sounds to me like he felt - once she stayed at home and wasnt contributing fnancially - that he was the sole provider and under high pressure to be so - hence the mooch part - and was/is resentful of that, even though now she does other stuff like the business and school. Once resentment is there, it's hard to remove as he still sees her that way. It sounds like he dislikes her and is done. The family, to him, are now things that - rather than something to be enjoyed - are just drains on his resources. Thats what comes across to me. He's finished.

[@qreua_3075]

Does anyone know why men harp so heavily on wanting "traditional women/housewives/stay-at-home moms" and then turn around and treat them this way? It's like they want it at first, and then resent the responsibilities of being the breadwinner.

[@bkucenski]

Never stay "for your kids." The only stability a kid needs is their friends and school. Your kids are being impacted by how your husband treats you as well. It's not an environment that is safe for them. Emotional abuse is abuse. You and your kids need the freedom that you can't have when you're married to a troll. Hire a good lawyer. Your lawyer doesn't talk to your husband. Your lawyer is your advisor and advocate. The only time your husband sees your lawyer is in court. The only time they communicate is when there is a legal document to sign and send to the court. Only communicate with your husband in writing in emails and text messages. If you're not sure how to respond, call your lawyer and ask before sending a response. Find a place to stay, plan on 50/50 custody. You can't force someone else to leave. Get a lawyer's advice before changing your living arrangement unless there is physical abuse in which case, the cops would remove him.

[@golden-bear]

The devil is alive

[@elainenilsson5472]

Jessica is willing to sacrifice herself for her marriage and kids. So, not fair to her. She deserves better.

[@joycetaylor8057]

You would be amazed to know how many women live their lives with horrible men "for the kids"....like everything else...it is usually about the money...cannot support the kids without the old man so she must sacrifice her life for them....an age old story

[@elainenilsson5472]

@@joycetaylor8057 I believe it. People think they can just pick up and leave. Not so.

[@vaska1999]

Her kids deserve better than to grow up in such a home. They'll be better off with him out of the picture, not living with them, seeing them over the weekends.

[@SarahR2D2]

He is resentful about her being a stay at home mom. Some men have a negative perception of women being at home moms. I went through something similar but with God and counseling he now appreciates me being at home

[@LisaLisaCJ]

Is your husband black? Because most black men do not believe in their wives being at home. Im just asking

[@SarahR2D2]

@@LisaLisaCJ No he's not. It's where he was from. Very few women are SAHM. They look down on it as well. Now that he sees how well the kids are doing he is happy that I'm at home

[@shachede6828]

@@LisaLisaCJ I have a whole different experience. Most black men I know don’t want their wife to work. 😳😳😳

[@LisaLisaCJ]

@@shachede6828 i should probably restate . The ones I knew were mamas boys, grew up with single moms so they felt like since their mother did it all you should too. I grew up with grandfathers that worked and took care of the family.

[@kcourtney6826]

I’m a stay- at home mom and my husband is black we have 1 child born in 2019 and decided it would be best for me to stay at home

[@DNA350ppm]

When a woman laughs like that, nervously, self-ironically, it is because the situation is so unbelievably absurd to her. Nothing makes sense. If he doesn't even like her anymore, why doesn't he divorce her? If she is willing to partner with him for the sake of the kids, but he doesn't want to do that, why doesn't he say so? Or if he can't talk because he is such a helpless man except for contempt when he has words enough, why doesn't he just move out and leave a note: "it is over!". If he doesn't care about what he does to the kids with his behavior at home, why doesn't he just break up? If he is so bossy and "know it all", why doesn't he arrange the things that need to be arranged in a situation like this, instead of criticizing her. He thinks she should be able to fix everything about their family - precisely the person whom he thinks nothing of. She in reality can't take in what a miserable little immature coward he is, who cannot stand for anything he does or is. Let me take a probable guess: he married to have a wife to pamper him and take care of all his needs and desires. He wanted kids to make her chained to him and make him look good. He took a lover when his wife became too burned by finances, household, job, him, and kids, and wanted him to do his share. He was too lazy to step up, so he projects laziness upon her. He got dependent on the lover - after some time even the most patient lover wasn't pleased with her always having to hide and be the other woman, who got promises and words, but was carefully hidden away, she got tired of all the secrecy "for his wife's and kids' sake", and being always lonely on Xmas, etc. She gave him an ultimatum, and when he remained undecided, she understood his caliber and stopped seeing him, she maybe moved beyond his reach or found a better man. He lost her and misses her, his vanity took a blow, he misses the comforts, the false feeling of being alive because the secrecy made something tickle within. Now his life feels empty and a mess. His wife doesn't "clean well enough", he concludes. But he is in debt for all the extravaganca which comes with trying to own two women and cover it up - he projects theft onto his wife. All this false play would emerge in a divorce settlement. He can't hide, he feels trapped and the wife must be punished for it. Now that the husband finds that he has neither, not wife nor lover nor decent friends, he is scared, he is all alone, he has nobody to fix his life. He screwed everything up. He is depressed and desperate. And dishonest. And toxic. And he is clearly not the man she married, the man he posed as, but he looks the same, but she made a sacred promise to stay by him, come what may, and he stays for some reason she can't figure out, because she can't think so badly about him, and he will not admit how crappy he is. He wants to stay a level above her, at least. And the truth is not to be revealed. So the wife has to take the full blame, that is his way to escape the verdict of all family and friends. She has to be the one to break up and take the kids and move, so that he can spin a self-righteous story around it. He already started the spin: with accusing her of being a lazy, bad mom who lives in luxury and leasure off his money but does nothing valueable... Neither husband nor wife understand that nobody is going to believe that story, the others have seen and realized so much more. They will wonder why she stayed for so long, and they will warn the next partner he presents. And the kids will know, too.

[@nataleedenlinger635]

He found someone else and doesn’t want to be the one to say he left his wife for someone else. He wants her to leave and then pop out a month later with another girl so he can say he wasn’t cheating they aren’t together anymore. It’s so textbook

[@millymo5420]

Lady if you read this DONT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE WITH YOUR KIDS. Understand your rights legally you have ownership in that home. He made the changes. Shouldn’t he leave?

[@jillcooper6371]

I am so grateful to have found this guy.

[@mariee.5912]

Woah, people need to learn the definition of abuse. Omg!! That's is abuse.

[@mariaritareis439]

She seems fun. I hope she manages to turn things around😊

[@ale80moonygirl]

Omg. This was me. I needed to hear this. 😭

[@monichka6]

I hate that we never get to know what actually went down after these calls. I would really wanna hear how those conversations played out and what the outcome was! 😭