How to Identify Relational Red Flags

In this episode, we hear from:
- A wife whose husband has sexted over nine other women in the last two years
- A 26-year-old unsure of how to navigate dating a woman with a child
- A woman wondering how to best help her sister-in-law who’s dabbling in cocaine
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[@AnusiaLA]

Poor Linda rationalizes this much cause the alternative is being a single mom of 4 little kids. She’s terrified

[@acd1168]

Yes! Those 4 little kids is why she is allowing it

[@sarahalderman3126]

Appropriately so… the deck is always stacked against women, precisely why the entire feminist movement began. Men like this.

[@mangispangi]

@@sarahalderman3126 exactly. Shame it got overrun by women who just want to be this ladies husband themselves.

[@acd1168]

@@sarahalderman3126 I mean she clearly thought he loved her and their family. She is experiencing denial right now and who knows how long that will last. Once she moves out of denial, she’ll get into the panic stage. I really feel for her.

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@acd1168 same here… I’m in the midst of the same. Discovering that the man you invested your entire life with has broken every promise and destroyed your future sucks. Such a shame these men couldn’t just own their immaturity and not get married or father children.

[@Kali58505]

Dr John Delony is the brutally honest friend everyone needs in their life.

[@annc.3908]

He’s so good at being blunt, and friendly!!, while telling you the truth.

[@abhaissursing5964]

As a woman many of my friends don't appreciate that😂

[@kristalkempf4501]

Hahaahahahaahh, when he said, “Your husband sucks!” I spit out my coffee. He had me rolling with that one. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Attabasca]

When she said, "He says he's cut off all contact with three of the nine..." I actually yelled at the computer, "LINDA!!" Good lord. Absolutely not. That man you are/were married to doesn't deserve you. Period.

[@dtschuor459]

Poor lLinda, she produced 4 children in 7years…and she’s saying, “I’m not as thin or as pretty as I used to be…” My heart broke for her at that point. But yeah, he’s cut off 3? Your reaction was spot on! 😂😢

[@casadekreeftpetservices8222]

Right my math was like so he still has 6 women on the side?!?

[@naurorajramirez1645]

I agree . I’m like staring at my phone like speechless 😮 Omg.

[@user-semperfifly]

He is NOT a Man. He is a boy!

[@mellym3523]

Same

[@danielnickerson1762]

I met a 21 single mother with 7 month baby & I was 24. We married & it was the best decision I ever made. Granted the father disappeared never to be seen again. I've been his dad for 17 years.

[@maril1379]

Beautiful story He ARE his father.

[@lindamulhall1055]

I married a good man who was a single parent of 3 kids. It was a great challenge to raise them but I loved it. 43 years later I am so blessed. I am super close to two of them. You can't imagine what a gift it is❤.

[@phyllisloforti3015]

Luckky the dad ran. Kudos to you.

[@benascg-ll7sq]

Spot on : the progenitor to never being seen again. Does not avoid but at least limit loyalty conflicts

[@ladonnaramirez4467]

I'm sure you raised him to be a wonderful young man. Such a blessing.

[@dhritikapoor2897]

“Who am I to tell my husband who he can sext”…. Mind blown 😂🤯. This man has gaslighted her brains out . Unbelievable. I feel sorry for you lady. Don’t be scared and throw the trash out

[@brightpage1020]

Yes “good riddance to bad rubbish” as Mary Poppins says. Whatever Linda thinks she’s worth, this guy is with so much less. I can’t even call him her hisband. He’s not a husband. Husbands have integrity. They earn the title every day.

[@Hell2Kaiser]

I can’t sugar coat it, this is cuck behavior if she takes it.

[@terryellis7692]

​@brightpage1020 he's trash and she needs to take out the trash

[@bellamichelle6248]

Exactly and I bet if he did ask her what her husband would say if she was doing the same. She would probably believe he would not care- she’s been manipulated so so bad. I hope she gets out and finds her self worth again.

[@anndeecosita3586]

@@brightpage1020I have watched Mary Poppins but didn’t think the phrase “Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish” came from her. I have heard Americans say this all my life.

[@debbieavery8683]

No wonder he has anxiety a wife, four kids, and nine girlfriends that's a lot to juggle. Gives me anxiety just thinking about all that. Ditch that piece of crap

[@ana_lynn_w2959]

Exactly this… I’m single and dating with kids. Trying to juggle dating just one guy seems like a lot of effort. He must have spreadsheets to figure out how to make everything work.

[@TG-nh6ni]

Dude is basically Hugh Heffner 😬😬😬

[@stephanieburgess8217]

If he has 9 side pieces she’s probably already doing it all by herself anyway.

[@Keeks492]

😂😂😂

[@SarTafoolya]

@@stephanieburgess8217yes great point

[@TheSarah89]

I was eating lunch when she said “he has cut off contact with 3 of the 9” I spit out my lunch.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

I know! Like, are we to give this dude a medal to 'only' be cheating to one third of his normal rate? Great dude, you are now 66% less scumbag. Wanna try for 100% less?

[@staceydixon7530]

hhahahaha

[@fruitfulsoul]

It sad that she so ignorant about this situation and him...what a pos!!!

[@docmitchell23]

I’m proud of you, John for standing up for Linda’s dignity when nobody else would

[@hommy1614]

Oh, Linda, you classy, nurturing, articulate and ultra-calm woman, you are worth SO MUCH MORE than you realize. Free advice: Get an STD check, a great attorney, a circle of integrity-filled people and a new counselor. I wish I could reach out and give you hugs!! So many people will be rooting and praying for you.

[@ericasambogna1528]

This is 100% my favorite comment on the Linda call. You said this all perfectly

[@CC12398]

Beautiful comment. I'm saying a prayer for this lady and her kids tonight to give her strength.

[@emmy9159]

Best advice ever @hommy1614

[@AdrienneJung.M]

Wise and kind advice

[@theanicca]

Martyring yourself is not classy. I cringe that a woman calmly accepting abuse is viewed as virtuous. This woman is so alienated from her basic inherent dignity that she has lost all discernment. She certainly doesn't deserve further disrespect or contempt, but let's not continue the delusion that martyrdom is virtuous, nor equate freeze and fawn with calmness, nurturing and eloquence. She's in trauma, her rational discernment is offline, she's being abused and she needs love and support.

[@kimmykero2421]

The fact that he convinced Linda to believe that sexting was not cheating says a lot about his mental manipulation of his wife...then the "he's got anxiety so we can't talk about it outside our sessions...." - madness and cruelty! Linda you're a worth a lot! Start planning your exit he doesn't deserve you!!

[@alycescanlon-batt9715]

This is exactly what’s happening, time to exit this marriage as he has broken his vows. Done and dusted. You’ll be so much better off on your own Linda. These men suck the life out of us.

[@snoozyq9576]

One of the cruelest forms of abuse is to completely ban the other person from speaking up. Been there. Hope she gets out. 🙏

[@SofiUk0319]

But plan your escape in secret, because he is probably not going to let her go anywhere. You plan it and follow it, and plz, plz don't ever look back!!

[@CC12398]

Sounds like he's manipulating 9 women as well! Most women don't want to hang out with a married man. He must be pretty good

[@jamaicaninthekitchen4358]

He is a Loser

[@kathleenwhite7446]

Betrayal Trauma is SO REAL and needs so much work and healing. I pray she finds healing.

[@smustipher]

The "I have anxiety" tactic is a classic way to avoid accountability. I have a relative who claims that "her head hurts" anytime I try to call her out on anything - she doesn't want to talk about it, because it's "too complicated". It's a technique to shut the conversation down and is cowardly and manipulative. You can't work with someone who behaves like this, GET OUT.

[@PhanRegSop]

Bingo! My ex told me I couldn’t bring up the topic of children bc it gave him a panic attack

[@bw8660]

Lol. The lengths this type of character will go to shut you down is amazing. My narcissistic ex used to fake wince if I spoke slightly too loud, saying his ears would hurt. But strangely, he had NO problem screaming and shouting in my face until his face went bright red whilst throwing things around to smash them and slamming around. His sensitive hearing had no problem at all with any of that. It makes me laugh when I actually think of how cowardly and childishly he behaved. To anyone experiencing anything like this - get far, far away and don't look back!

[@barbarahastings4481]

My daughter does this to me. She’s going non-contact temporarily with me. Little does she know I’m thinking I’ll go non-contact with her in a less than temporary way.

[@CarrieCarrieJewelry]

Thank you @smustipher for leaving your comment. You just gave me clarity on something my ex (covert narcissist) boyfriend would do. He would say listening to me speak hurt his head. Now I see it’s because I live in the real world and not his make believe world that he tries to drag everyone into. Best wishes everyone, on having healthy relationships.

[@stardustgirl2904]

I'm so sick of everyone having a Label ❗ Back in my day you would get anxious about finals and being able to pass! Now no one can handle LIFE and Everyone is an alcoholic or weed ❗ It's ridiculous!

[@Whatorwellsaid21]

First caller has been gaslit beyond reason.

[@PhanRegSop]

I think to the point that she started gaslighting herself

[@dtschuor459]

@@PhanRegSop To be fair, with four kids that little, she’s probably in survival mode most days. If he’s got time to sext and meet with multiple women, he sure isn’t plugged in at home and helping with the incredible load of work a young family of that size requires. Poor Linda. I hope she doesn’t fall into another relationship this bad again in desperation or due to her low self-esteem.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

Gaslit by both the husband and useless therapist. Like therapist, huge elephant in the room to address, and you are pretending it is a coffee table?

[@brightpage1020]

“You’re the wife!” Best answer ever.

[@phyllisloforti3015]

Who will marry her with 4 kids. She cant pick a man.....Stay single and raise your kids. You are not capable of picking a spouse. sorry....... YOu are not ready for marriage to anyone. Blind and not smart...sorry, not being mean.

[@maylynbayani]

Nothing wrong with refusing to date someone with a child. No one should be forced into a role that they dont want to fill in. No child should also be subjected to a half hearted parent.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

I really do not think he is refusing, but seeking out information as to whether he is up to that commitment. That makes him both cautious and smart, as he should be.

[@bunnyboonot4u]

"What disqualifies an amazing woman from being amazing just because she has a child". I just developed a big respect for John. ❤

[@jamesssss621]

No married individual needs snapchat. Period.

[@JasonfromMinnesota]

No one needs snap chat the app is designed to keep u wasting time

[@Ryan-wj7yq]

Snapchat is for cheating period

[@nikajarred7588]

​@@JasonfromMinnesota ...isn't that all apps...?

[@josholsen5736]

I use it to send videos to my wife.... mostly kids.

[@jessalynketchum8909]

I completely agree

[@jenniferhuerta9824]

I’m actually proud of the guy who called about dating girl with kid. Very mature to even ask for advice instead of lead her on.

[@freakymrq]

That's why before you date you need to have your deal breakers laid out. Don't try and connect with someone if you're dead set on not having kids etc. I lay out what I want out of a relationship and what my person is like, I'm not wasting their time or my time if I know it's not going to work

[@terryellis7692]

Not just that, some dudes don't want someone else kids. Like.they should make her having kids already a deal breaker as well

[@sabrinaliu66]

Or choose not to date her.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Same with some women that don't want to be with a single father.. Two single parents can be a better match. Personal development is empowering: 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman If The Budda Dated by John and Julie Gottman Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin Wired For Dating by Dr Stan Tatkin Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson Are You The One For Me by Barbara DeAngelis The 7 Principles Of Making A Marriage Work by John and Julie Gottman Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? Jonathon Aslay

[@nadiabennett3413]

@@freakymrq.

[@amandabrits6110]

Thank you Linda for calling in. You have opened my eyes! It’s not my fault. I have worth

[@JasonfromMinnesota]

❤❤❤

[@juneaskew6871]

You are worthy ❤❤❤

[@annimalasenko7326]

Hey Amanda, you better now? ") Much strength to you

[@grmpEqweer]

You don't make your partner do anything. If they blame you for their actions, they're telling you they're not a responsible adult. Just a thought. Don't get gaslit.

[@chinita1pr]

Oh, Lacey... I feel for your sister in law. Your judgements show through no matter how hard you're trying to hide it. Your tone is soft and kind but the heart behind it is stern and cold. 🙁 If you want to help, please show grace and mercy.

[@angelac5954]

Thank you for saying this. My heart broke when I kept hearing her laugh. She was enjoying talking about her SIL’s business in my opinion. I hope that young woman finds happiness and healing.

[@whitleypittella3139]

Agreed, Lacey doesn’t seem to come from a place of love. She seems like she does it for personal gain

[@meghan8020]

⁠@@whitleypittella3139 I’m betting my bottom dollar they’re a church going family. Lacey was the epitome of the sweet, smiling Christian who masks gossip, slander and judgment with the “we’re just really concerned and worried for you”, or “I’m just letting you know, so that you can pray for her” 😂 No, no you’re not. You’re concerned about your image and the families image. And you’re delighting in the attention you’re getting from being the concerned party ‘who just wants to help’. How in the heck, do you miss a 2 year long ‘relationship’ of statutory rape!?!? Maybe the family have a good public image. The kids may be well dressed, well spoken and not being overtly abused. But don’t tell me that you’re plugged into your kids lives, when that went on for 2 YEARS, before you sniffed it out. Absolutely wild. Poor girl. She’s being deceitful because none of her family are trustworthy with her heart. Your family dinners are surface level, because you’re surface level.

[@BambiVue]

I can’t but help feeling this way as well when I’m listening to the call. Lacey isn’t looking to understand and help heal a hurting soul who has been groomed and rape since the age of 16. It sounded more like she wants to be this kind person who is doing something about a problem on the surface level because of image sake. It sounds like the family already made their mind on the SIL. They all sound so judgmental. I hope the SIL finds healing and happiness soon. I cannot imagine the trauma she went through.

[@JennieC21]

That’s how I heard her too. Wishing the SIL love and healing, and hope she realises her worth soon 🤍

[@christine12610]

Linda, I nearly cried when I heard you say "even if I'm not as pretty/skinny as I used to be." My God!!! Besides the fact that he's likely not as attractive as he used to be when he was younger, it's his responsibility to love you and lift you up through the chaos of life. Omg, you deserve so much better 💗 I hope you read/believe this!! This is NOT what a husband is supposed to do!!!

[@starlingswallow]

This comment made me cry!! Thank you @christineandraos2610

[@christine12610]

@@starlingswallow 💖💖💖

[@biancacaputo7174]

I can't imagine how bad it is that she needs to do this to herself to rationalise her husband's behaviour

[@Lifeszebarbie]

When Delony said “listen, listen” all I heard was “Linda, Linda, listen” 😂

[@octoberwoods]

I thought the same thing Not a funny situation at all but I did find humor in that one part that's where my brain took it lol I pray Linda finds the peace and happiness she deserves 🙏 ❤️ ❤❤

[@Veracityseeker7]

Exactly

[@jackimoon8284]

Oh man me toooo😂 I said it out loud twice

[@beastshawnee]

Leeestin Leeenda!

[@TraditionalWifeWisdom]

Me too!

[@Lindableching]

Wow the last call! It helped me so much, so many years later. I was only 14 when a 25 year old man enticed me to his house. My mother was mentally ill and very abusive. So feeling “safe” was what I wanted. Everyone knew, not one adult ever stepped in! I left home after that relationship and never went back. It took over 10 years to finally get help. Thank God I had a great counselor.

[@orahill4255]

Spot on, on the last call Doc. I wish someone would have saved me. The family is blaming her for someone grooming her. Shame on them.

[@julie2x]

The caller said that police were involved and the family had a restraining order against the man. The 16yo hid the relationship from the family and then at 18yo moved out of the family home to be with the man. Seems like they tried…

[@lovecats6856]

None of those 9 women want to look after those kids.

[@cathyosullivan718]

It’s so sad that a man would do this to his wife. She just carried 4 children for him.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Mine did… after 26 years and 5 children. Men just don’t seem to be capable of real love.

[@cathyosullivan718]

I’m so sorry he did that to you. If someone doesn’t want to be faithful, they should not marry.

[@revdavidpeters]

@@sarahalderman3126some men, not men.

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@revdavidpeters of course.

[@flyandshy00]

Men use kids as entrappment. That guarantees no other man will want you, unless you're top 100 hottest women in the world and you won't leave him no matter what because YOU NEED HIM. If you don't have kids it's easy to leave an abusive relationship. Gaslighting is abuse and manipulation.

[@RSLFRSLF]

Sexting or texting other women because you feel lonely is wrong but some men think that this is not cheating. I like when John says "When I married my wife, I invited her in to have a say in my life forever. That's what marriage is"

[@MommasPeachCobbler]

Sad that any man would easily loose his mind if his woman was sexting another man.

[@alicemakarevich6762]

Yes, that was a powerful line!

[@alessiadannertentrus8586]

I love that this 27year old guy called and ask John for advice. He wants to do the right thing and thats awesome. I think he will be a wonderful dad if he decides to be. All the best for him.

[@tylerbarnard5973]

I know this is old but I just want to chime in and say … I’m 27 and I have 4 kids. I love being a father. I know it’s not for everyone but it is the best part of my life right next to being married to my best friend.

[@blair9607]

But they are your children , men feel different about that .

[@jborrego2406]

But not his kid, he has to deal with bio dad, be ok with his gf hang out with him. Plus ur parent but also not ( speak as woman) u cook clean run errands and people expect you to love them like your kid but then when it comes to discipline and respect oh, you’re not the parent . Take heat from person ur with an the other parent it all bs

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Me too, actually. However my folks plain didn't care ...keep up appearances after all! Raised with toxic Religion .. stay married or shame the family. Had a gas-lighting, Narsisistic Mother.... I Thank- God every day that he provided me with a way out. Staying on a healing road, Healthy is a goal

[@erin2535]

Brilliant! Thanks for posting 🎉 it's so great hearing this!

[@shirleyhelms1105]

How refreshing to hear,good for you.

[@mimimonster]

Poor Linda. My husband was doing the same thing when I had young kids. He told me it was only on the phone and that should’ve been bad enough. Fast forward a year. He wasn’t just sexting, he slept with more than 30 women INCLUDING my best friend!!! He was lying. Run. Run fast. Rally the troops. I wish I could express the urgency in this. John is 100% right. Talk to your friends, your family, find an attorney and file. GET. OUT. NOW. This was over a long time ago and you can never fix it. There is nothing to salvage. This is from someone who was THERE. Girl, get out.

[@zuvarashe900]

Man, I'm soo sorry

[@girlygirl1890]

@molly thank you for stepping up and telling her the truth. I agree, and it's what she needs to hear. Hope she reads this and listens to John.

[@amde8554]

I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you, it’s heartbreaking to hear this caller be in denial when he’s potentially opening up all kinds of risks

[@lisafeck1537]

Amen to all...I would add, Linda, none of this is your fault. You are not a failure as a wife, mother, woman. Please get out of this marriage, he will only continue to abuse you, your good character. Astounding to me, is that he has no remorse, he is not sorry for the pain he uas caused, does not even acknowledge he has hurt Linda and his children. Linda, he is responsible for buring your marriage to the ground, not you, no matter your weight, your hair style, you skin, whatever you pick apart about yourself, you are not responsible for the marriage falling apart. Btw, I think, he wanted you to find out, or he would have hidden his cheating. He is sick, and mean, cruel to put this back on you. You are worthy of a faithful loving spouse. God bless you, gove you the courage to get out of this narcissistic abuse.

[@CC12398]

I'm going to add to this, if you're in love with a man and he tells you he's true but you always question that maybe just maybe... Do not marry him to not waste years living with him. There are one women men out there! Sorry you went through that I'm glad I dodged it

[@freetreebees]

I LOOOOOVED John's answer for the guy who complains about the kid of the woman he loves. Either you are a 1000% for the kid or you let go of her. This was the best answer he ever gave to a caller

[@michelleblackley9770]

As a step-mom to a now 20 year, who I met when he was 2. I agree! I love my boy like I gave birth to him!! It was love at first sight. I’ve told him a ton of times that I would take a bullet for him or step in front of a train.

[@melissam6037]

My (technically step but I would never call her that) mom says when she started dating my (widowed) dad, and she met me, she immediately felt that God meant for her to be my mother. When she divorced my dad because he wouldn’t stop drinking, she kept custody and finished raising me as a single mom.

[@beberlybrito4739]

​@@melissam6037she is an amazing mom

[@debbielockhart7762]

I don't think he was co.plaining about the kid. That's a weird interpretation. He was asking for advice before getting too involved or committing to a kid. Seems smart to me. Also, where did it say he "loves" her yet? He said they weren't really officially dating at this point. Brand new.

[@daCubanaqt]

@@debbielockhart7762 Agreed. He wasn’t complaining about the kid. The guy doesn’t want kids right now. Nothing wrong with that.

[@chandaprinsloo5201]

This episode actually affected me deeply. The segment with the sister in law. When I was younger I only dated guys much older than myself and always saw it as being very mature for my age. I was 12 and dated a 22 year old and my parents were totally ok with this. Made me really think about things

[@annamineer2521]

Your parents were horrible parents. And that 22 year old was a pedophile. This is soooo wrong.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

Yikes, 12. That's a big no-no. Maybe at 15 or 16 it becomes borderline (but still quite iffy).

[@julie2x]

You can only do the best you can at the time with what you have. At the time did you think it was weird and odd that your parents thought it was ok? When I was 15 yo I had a 26yo boyfriend and my parents weren’t happy about it but they didn’t know what to do. I wanted them to help me get away from him but never said this to them. Thinking back I didn’t trust my parents. They were incapable of helping me get away from this man. He was was escape from my life and from myself

[@heathergray9195]

​@davinasquirrel7672 not iffy. Ilegal.

[@mikeb8342]

One.... in most states, 16 is the age of consent. Not illegal. Two.... the parents can ground their child or punish them other ways, but it won't necessarily have positive results (depending on the situation). They could always get a restraining order (as was the case here), but not too many other options. Three.... in THIS case, the family didn't know what was going on until she turned 18. Kind of hard to intervene in something you don't know about. Personally, I was disgusted with Deloney's victim shaming the family. You read that right.... the family are also victims here. It's one thing to advise them to apologize to the girl for not seeing any possible signs, but to ride the woman as though she was the perp is un-freaking-acceptable. Hell, she wasn't even living in the same home. PS.... to the poster above, so sorry your parents didn't handle your situation better. They knew and should have stopped their 12 yo daughter rather than approve. My comments were about the call.

[@bernadettehuff2984]

Narcissist over time destroy your very being, your soul, you mental health, your ability to see what is in front of your face. They trap you, financially, or with fear, worry and anyway they can, so they can live the life they want and you become a prisoner in your life. I hope she can get out, I hope she finds her power and her voice and reason. Prayers going out for you.

[@starlingswallow]

Yesss!!!❤

[@plavaovcica]

yep

[@sookibeulah9331]

Yes, John clearly thinks the husband of the first caller is a narcissist when John mentions the what would happen if she was sexting 9 different men and then says “‘cause his property doesn’t do that” Seeing a spouse/ partner as ‘property’ is a sure sign of narcissism.

[@sookibeulah9331]

Yes, John clearly thinks the husband of the first caller is a narcissist because when John asks what would happen if she was sexting 9 different men and then imagines the husband would say “‘cause his property doesn’t do that” Seeing a spouse/ partner as ‘property’ is a sure sign of narcissism.

[@beanatribs7187]

That first call had me teary. My heart broke for her.

[@stardustgirl2904]

Depending on what state she was married in and where she lives, he won't have a PENNY to his name especially if she's in California ❗ She would get everything and he won't have a pot to piss in!

[@hlogan5097]

That last caller got to brother John. That was a tough one. He showed so much grace and compassion toward the sixteen year old version of the young lady in question.

[@loujo14]

The last caller’s story is very important for parents, we need to pay more attention to our children.

[@JozelleRenia]

Man the 3rd caller really upset me, like your sister in law unfortunately is going through troubles and she was a victim and that’s how you decide to portray her? You can tell that she gossips with her friends and family about her Sister in law. It’s so sad to see that; she also wasn’t satisfied once he didn’t give her the response she was looking for ( the one her friends and family would give her) Glad you put her in her place!

[@Raewins]

Pause for a second and quit judging. It happens in a lot of families, and we need understanding and grace, not judgement.

[@karahupp4589]

⁠@@Raewinsthe sister in law, victim of sexual abuse and rape is the one who is getting the full force of the caller’s judgement. She’s the one who needs grace and understanding, but instead she is getting blamed and shamed. It happened in my family too, and it only caused more pain. I hope that young woman gets the help that she needs and some people who love her unconditionally. And I will pray for the woman who called in as well. She doesn’t sound like a very happy person.

[@kayhaven4710]

I’m glad I’m not the only one who also felt their hackles raise during this caller’s conversation.

[@ForrestMystic]

This is what happens to most victims of sexual abuse.

[@JozelleRenia]

@@karahupp4589 amen to this! Thank you for this response!

[@MuirWoods111]

I cannot tell you enough how glad I am that Dave Ramsey hired you. I love your show and you, unknowingly, have addressed so many of the distortions I was raised with in my life. I am trying to work through them and seem to be doing a good job, with your help, advice and knowledge. THANK YOU!

[@multifariousgemini]

YES!!! I was thinking the same thing! Thank GOD Dave Ramsey made this possible!!! We all need MORE than just financial advice! And I'm grateful that Dave Ramsey has impacted me this way as well with adding Dr. Deloney to his Team!!!

[@bridgeidiot262]

AMEN. 💯% THIS SHOW IS A GODSEND 🙌😇

[@JasonfromMinnesota]

Thank you John and Team !!!!!!💯

[@knoleleahviolet2909]

The caller in that last story needs to realize that her and her family are the problem! The amount of excuses that she came up with to keep her and her husband's family looking good in a situation where a minor was taken advantage of is disgusting. Until they can come to terms with how they impacted her life, they can't do anything to help her with her addiction. I hope that poor girl gets back on the right track.

[@nvk743]

💯 agree

[@mikeb8342]

I am the survivor of my youngest daughter attempting suicide five years ago when she was 14. That's right, I worded that carefully... and correctly. My daughter was the victim of her own mind convincing her that living wasn't worth it. It wasn't a half-hearted attempt to get attention, she took a whole bottle of someone else's prescription meds. Thankfully, she picked the wrong stuff and is alive well.... with a great relationship with us today. I say I'm a survivor (along with my daughter AND all our family members) because we are victims of this situation, too. We had absolutely ZERO telltales that she was suffering from any mental health issues. My wife and I played back through everything trying to see the red flags with 20/20 hindsight.... nothing. Nor did any of her three siblings see anything amiss. When I started hearing Deloney start blaming the parents and family members, my blood began to boil. How freaking DARE him.... and YOU... for blaming the family. She was hiding the situation until she turned 18..... when she legally can tell them to F off (which she apparently did). Unless YOU or the Doc have information not disclosed on this call, the assumptions made are infuriating. So much to the point had you or him been standing before me saying the same thing about my wife and I, I would have risked an assault charge and popped you a good one in the kisser. How F ing dare you guys. You have ZERO idea what this is like unless YOU'VE WORN MINE AND MY WIFE'S SHOES. This video was enough for me to bail on Deloney. I haven't always agreed with him on every call, but he seemed sensible and always coming from sound footing in his advice. THIS, on the other hand, is too much.

[@sed6657]

@@mikeb8342dawg shut up for real lol. You're not a victim in someone else's story, you're a grown adult who didn't care enough to talk to your child and build the type of relationship where she felt safe coming to you. Grow up. Jesus dawg this whole thing is just embarrassing for you.

[@sed6657]

@@mikeb8342you're so immature and selfish it's no wonder your own child didn't feel like she could come to you when she was struggling, you're a victim in her trauma and blaming her for it like a scorned child explaining why they lashed out after a fight. This is embarrassing dawg for real. Grow up and get some therapy. It's no wonder she doesn't feel comfortable coming to you for help, no one would. This whole little rant is proof she had every reason to not involve you.

[@sed6657]

@@mikeb8342frankly, if I were your daughter I'd never speak to you honestly again. Let alone speak to you at all. I can NOT imagine feeling so alone and scared that I feel like ending my life was my only option and my own parents call themselves a victim. How tasteless and selfish of you. Embarrassing dawg, I'd never speak this way to anyone again out of shame. You're not fit to be a parent and you should feel the burden of what you put your child through every. single. day. I hope it haunts you until you can learn that YOU didn't create the type of relationship where she felt safe and comfortable bringing those "red flags" up to you. You're a pathetic excuse of a man with no accountability and no humility. Yuck.

[@lizaknee7499]

Lacey This is a 16 year old child who was very clearly groomed by an adult, and if you look at how this grooming starts it’s targeted, as a child she will need the support from her family, love is how you solve this, show her how loved she is regardless of what has happened.

[@khethiwezwane2481]

That family sounds like those people who call young girls "fast" instead of realising that the child is being abused under their care.

[@dorothypretty]

And if you just think it the other way around, the woman, being five years older than the 16-year-old boy, definitely would be the villain in this story. Nobody would say that said the kid also had a responsibility here.

[@colormecrazywithkim5837]

😢💔

[@newg1676]

The last call was hard. I was that little sister-in-law. At 17, I got into a relationship with 24 year old. I was a "willing" participant. I have always been hard on myself on my role in it, and took most of the blame. I never thought about how I groomed into it. I was a middle child with 4 other siblings, and was looking for love. I knew my family loved me, but my parents were always so busy working, and didn't have a good marriage themselves. Looking back now, I wish someone would have rescued me from myself. When they tried to talk to me at the time, it was the approach the sister-in-law had, and it pushed me further away. Somehow I got through it all, and have a great husband and family now, but that call made me realize I've never fully processed or healed from that. I'll be praying for that family. ❤

[@kausha7135]

I was molested by my father when I was a very little kid. He killed himself when I was 15. I was an angry teen. I screamed, attacked people, hung out with college aged kids, and partied a lot. No one ever said "something happened to this 17 year old girl." They all said I was a bad or troubled kid. My aunt yelled at me and told me "my kids would never do that." Her kids are little older now than I was at the time and there are all kinds of things they do they never tell her about because...the body knows. I wish the adults in my life would have taken accountability for the role they played in how much I was hurting. They didn't though. Lucky me, I'm with a great man now but it was a decade and a half of struggling with my inner demons to get to this happy place.

[@junebyrne4491]

@@kausha7135 Bless your heart. Thank you for sharing.

[@CuttersNewbieTravellers]

Darling you didn’t have a boyfriend you had an abuser. The shame is not yours to carry. I’m so sorry you had to go through that xx

[@CuttersNewbieTravellers]

The last caller didn’t have a ‘boyfriend’. She had an abuser who groomed her. I would imagine he gave her that second phone because he knew what he was doing. Her parent’s were to busy to see what was happening and now she’s the one carrying around the shame. Terrible things hide in the darkness of shame!

[@maeo316]

@@CuttersNewbieTravellersthe fact that when she was 18 she moved away with him means the parents weren’t paying enough attention to realize they were still in some kind of contact over 16-18 yrs…

[@nrg1123]

Wow Linda sounds so broken I can't believe what she was saying. I hope she can take action and know her worth.

[@danilaroche1156]

She'd rather allow this than leave. At least she called in. Adultery is serious. A deal breaker. She must leave even if she has to go on welfare.

[@redisetgo.]

Me too

[@patrichards4225]

it is so hard to hear this woman ask over and over “is this really cheating?” “But he gets anxious when I try to talk to him about it.” What about your anxiety? It hurts me to think there are people in this world that will allow themselves to be this beat down!

[@MissusTayIor]

I was a 16 year old that fell for a 23 year old and he treated me terribly. I wish my parents would have stepped up and stopped it. I would be heart broken if I found out that they found a way to blame me for some of that after all these years. I was a child with no idea what I was doing. I have a 17 year old and while she is almost a “legal adult” she is in no way an adult in mentality. She relies on her father and I to tell her what’s right and wrong when that line looks a little blurry. I feel terrible for this child. 😞

[@kiki11974]

I’m so glad that Dr John was real and straight to the point with the 1st caller. She knew that her husband was cheating and too scared to accept it.

[@leex1347]

Linda - on behalf of women everywhere who are in a monogamous, non-open marriage - YES, SEXTING IS CHEATING. Sending you some positive, loving vibes so that you find the courage to handle business. Tell him to kick rocks and gfto! And get a refund from your therapist; it’s not working.

[@spriggy4382]

Thank you so much for making this distinction 💜

[@coolwater55]

There is no such thing as an open marriage. That's an oxymoron. It cannot exist.

[@otiliamanuelajurj]

@@coolwater55 It is just a justification of sin, nothing more.

[@coolwater55]

@@otiliamanuelajurj Agree!

[@goodintentions1302]

Years ago, I was shocked to learn that a marriage counselor's job is to keep things equal. Not make one person more guilty than the other. Keep ppl together. With that, they are also gaslighters! Absolutly, a counselor on her own is what Linda, or anyone in similar circumstances, needs.

[@yannaok9304]

He definitely weaponized his anxiety to make her feel bad for even mentioning the cheating outside of therapy. What a piece of work.

[@melaniea4901]

If your daughter’s husband were doing this what would you say to her? I know your children are little but imagine 20 years from now. We teach people how to treat us! Take your babies and GET OUT!! Sending love and prayers!

[@captainmorguen3431]

I have a daughter. If I ever found out anything like that - that dude would have about 3 hours to get out of the country ASAP. Or else - me and my sons would pay him a due visit. And he wouldn't be going out cheating on my daughter and grandkids any more. Physically. 'Cuz both his legs and knee-caps would be broken. And he wouldn't even be surprised! I'd tell him exactly what I'd do if he ever mistreats my family - way before the wedding. Just so he'd know beyond any doubt what he's getting into... I don't give empty threats. And I'm not afraid of jail time.

[@debbieavery8683]

To the lady was calling about her sister in law...I feel so bad for the 21 year old and the victim shamming. Spot on that the family missed it. I don't think she got it, she was still making excuses at the end and still blaming the girl...no wonder the sister lies she has no one who would believer her anyways.

[@elainehague12]

I was gritting my teeth when she was laughing and talking about it. I was disgusted.

[@oriettamc]

100000%

[@R_S747]

Yup totally, completely ignoring every single thing John says just to put it back on her sister in law saying she wanted to be abused... Her sister in law is never going to feel safe around her

[@carolmchale4348]

She needs to give her contacts for a counseling and move out of the way because she and her family are making it worse! Lord the judgement she has towards her

[@octavia88]

WHERE WERE THE PARENTS FOR TWO YEARS!? HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE YOUR 16 YEARS OLD?!... A very loving family..?! No, being absent and uninvolved in your child's life isn't loving 😐

[@missa740]

As a survivor of incest this should be mandatory listening. I have had several therapists and you couldn't have expressed that more perfectly.

[@heatherwilkins7228]

My ex verbally betrayed me to a past female roomate,cand flirted to a women at work who was married. Some men, have no respect for loyalty or integrity in a marriage, some women dont either. It causes so much mental pain and destroys the partnership trust.

[@kcourtney6826]

It’s cheating. Anytime a spouse is actively engaged and pursuing a person outside their marriage (sexting,emotional ,flirting ,)they are disengaged from their spouse

[@Missybella92227]

Agree 💯 Even if they’re not physically cheating they are engaging in situations and behaviors that can jeopardize their relationship. It’s so disheartening how this behavior has become normal and “not a big deal” in today’s society to soooo many.

[@flyandshy00]

@@Missybella92227 even if they search for female friends, because men want to be friends with hot women or the ones they secretly in love with.

[@queenbutterfly4888]

What about porn?

[@terryellis7692]

​@queenbutterfly4888 its a problem when it becomes an addiction. Mine would jack off to porn instead of having sex with me. He would literally watch it when I would leave the house(I came back because i only went to the store and caught him)and make me feel completely worthless.

[@JML542]

​@@queenbutterfly4888p is absolutely cheating

[@SofiUk0319]

Thank God for you John, some women need to hear this from another loving man, in a platonic or brotherly way.. Their mom, sistr, or other female friends could tell them this till their blue in the face, but it seems to sink in when a caring male tells them instead, so be it.. Mr. Delony, thank you again for being that friend women need to finally see the situation for what it really is and let them know that they are worthy of so much more!

[@jenniferlloyd9574]

I agree and was thinking the same thing. Women are more restrained about giving ourselves sexually and we tend to assume men have the same emotional restraints regarding affairs or flings. It's _much_ easier for men to cheat probably due to hormones including oxytocin and testosterone. Hearing the skeevy reality from a man seems to drive that point home. Men have a BS meter when it comes to their own gender. To hear The Truth from a man is eye-opening because they generally cover for each other so readily. The Boy's Club and all...

[@JasonfromMinnesota]

I never thought of it this way

[@stardustgirl2904]

John , isn't as hard on people as he should be really! For me he doesn't ask enough questions,in order to give real advice!

[@Delphiverdi]

“Just be a person of character and integrity” best advise ever.

[@hillmeli]

When I was 19 years old, I had a complete DOUBLE LIFE. Some of the things I lived from 19- 23 years of age, my parents STILL DON'T KNOW. I met this guy who was 1 or 2 years older than me at my place of employment. He approached me and pursued me. I was straight out from high school. He became my first everything...but, there was ALOT of physical, mental, emotional abuse. The things he put me through my parents don't even know...and. Now, at 40 years of age I WISH SOMEONE paid more attention...I went through such a rough time, hiding and being sneaky and lying like crazy for him. My nervous system was screwed up out of fear of him and what he would do...I tried to escape him but he would find me and wouldn't let me free. I went through this alone...this young girl at 16 did NOT KNOW what she was getting herself into. So, all her "lying" comes from a place of shame and survival.

[@samanthanyongani4549]

She was preyed on. Late teens and 20s is such a vulnerable time. 😢

[@bhsimonson]

I hated that the caller was questioning her sister in law’s character.

[@dptfo]

*Lying comes from a place of shame and survival.* ^^ louder for the people in the back

[@carolp.7471]

Ditto! I can relate to this story, I lived it and was 15 when I began dating a 22 yr. old. He introduced me to cocaine, no one in my family knew what I was doing at the time. We were together for 12 years. Those years still remain a secret in my life and I’m now 67 years old and very ashamed of my past.

[@comediansruinthebacheloret4433]

"Like I said I'm 27 so..." He says this like he is 19 and it goes without saying.

[@Veracityseeker7]

It's so funny that back in the day 27-year-old men had like two or three kids, careers and houses back on the day. Now they're playing video games, and streaming online all day.

[@mb8219]

@@Veracityseeker7 I know right. How times have changed. Eternal bachelor boys

[@sabrinapestritto9887]

My husband and I are 27 we have 4 kids😂 so when he kept saying I'm 27 I was trying to understand.

[@thesecretlifeofwonderwoman]

Yes! 27 is a grown man yet Kyle clearly thought 27 is still an adolescent. 27 is an awesome age to be a parent. My son married a wonderful girl who had a little boy when they met. My son was 26 when they got married. My grandson was 4 by then. Now they have 4 boys lol They are an incredible family! I'm so grateful that my son was mature enough to be 10000% all in!

[@susannaspence4512]

This first call was so heartbreaking!

[@daCubanaqt]

It truly was. The entire time listening to her talk, I just couldn’t believe how little she thought of herself. I hope she gets some counseling for herself.

[@keycaru]

“You are getting the world you are allowing” wow

[@lindalucas7680]

My eyes were finally opened when I had 6 children and had gotten my 2nd std (and even got a notice from the health depth that "someone" I had sex with received a diagnosis of an std).. I CONFRONTED him, and he denied it!! I divorced him ultimately, after I felt like I was losing my mind and was dying, absolutely nothing left inside. I forgot who I was!!

[@Iamhellokitty77]

That last call was brutal. Lacey, although well-intentioned, missed the mark entirely, and John called it. There is a reason the age of consent is a contentious one. As kids grow, it's hard to make sure you're teaching them everything they need to know while ensuring they feel valued, seen, and understood through everything. Aside from the peer pressure/experimentation situation you see with teens and drugs, what are they used for? ESCAPE. Disconnecting from the reality you find yourself in. She may have been a "willing" participant, but she had no idea what that meant when she entered into it. She thought this 22-year-old cared for her because no one else had shown her that she was valued. I'm positive this experience for her was overwhelming and traumatic and brought an enormous amount of SHAME. I wish I could hug her, tell her it isn't her fault, and that she was abandoned by the people who were supposed to be there for her. We gotta do better. Now Lacey and the family are essentially trying to put spackle on a fault line. In 1855, Frederick Douglass said: “It is easier to build strong children than fix broken men.” Amen, dude. Although the context and audience are different, the point is completely valid here. If her family was present, and her foundational pillars (Physical, Emotional, Social, Spiritual, and Family) were solid, then she wouldn't have been vulnerable to this situation in the first place. ugh.. I gotta go hug my cats...

[@abbyxiong3931]

I agree with John 💯. She was 16 when she met this guy. She didn't have discernment that this man could try to hurt me. And he did hurt her sexually. That pain will be with her for a long time. She needs people who will love her with no conditions. I pray she finds hope, healing and kindness.

[@MEME2z0]

I agree she missed what John was saying.

[@CC12398]

Amen, very nicely written

[@jolynn89]

I wanted to physically shake her.

[@mushroombird9400]

Maybe I missed something because everyone says John was right on and the SIL was victim blaming. Here’s what I heard. Please tell me what I missed: 16 year old child/victim with gross pedophile. The family FOUND THIS OUT when child/victim was 18, the legal age of consent making her a legal adult. The family DID get the police involved and some action was taken until the now-legal young woman/victim refused to cooperate with the courts. And then, the young woman/victim moved out at 18. As a legal adult and of her own volition (with obvious heavy influence by the gross pedophile). Since then, and now as an older woman seemingly doing well for herself occupationally, she finally has moved on from the pedophile, (probably because she was now too old for him) and is now in other relationships. Oh, she lies constantly and is doing coke. Other than pleading for her to listen and stay home and get police involved, what are the parents able to do for an 18 year old insisting to leave her family home to move in with her perpetrator? She’s 18! And now she’s a liar and drug abuser. I am not able to see why SIL is being judged as being so horrible. This young woman/victim lies and deceives her on a daily basis and now it’s revealed she is experimenting with drugs. I didn’t see where that issue was ever given advice for. What did I miss?

[@MDM00023]

Linda you are worth so much more that what your POS husband is giving you. You brought 4 littles into this world! You are a Wonder Woman! Demand your husband changes his behavior NOW or leave him- you will be so much better off and find your happiness. Good luck ❤

[@elainenilsson5472]

And guess what. He wont change.

[@MDM00023]

@@elainenilsson5472 then I hope Linda leaves him. She is worth so much more than to spend her life being a door mat. Breaks my heart

[@whitneyw.7919]

She probably doesn't work so leaving will be challenging for her

[@elainenilsson5472]

@@whitneyw.7919 Pedente lite hearing ...make him leave and make him pay her living expenses

[@evalisabowers8898]

That young woman that is using coke… my heart breaks for her. She is being blamed for the abuse! Awful! Zero family support! No one has even tried to keep her safe and she is obviously victimized by her family also! Heartbreaking! I can hear the judgement from the caller. The caller needs to look into a mirror to see the abuser and the disfunction that her abuse of that poor young woman has caused

[@AshJae]

He’s 27 and he’s not ready to grow up? He’s *27* and none of his friends have ever dealt with dating a woman with a child?? He sounds and acts like a child. Wtf he’s what’s wrong with this society??

[@megzipperer7645]

If for a second you think the 9 girlfriends on the side (or even ONE, for that matter) will not affect your kids, and that "he needs it" here's a thing: the time he spends texting or meeting them, is important moments STOLEN from you and your kids the money he spends on dates and stripclubs, is money STOLEN from your family and your kids future. He has a problem and he HAS to grow up... and the wife... has to stop looking the other way when she sees that happening again and again

[@noellehunt5901]

Gas lighting can do such damage. I know from personal experience. I am rooting for Linda so much. She needs counseling. She needs to deal with it now because the reality is her husband will probably leave when the last child is out of the house. I agree she is not a wife but a live in house keeper and nanny.

[@CJ-ft9yo]

She’s in counselling - they’re useless

[@debrarekart4778]

Not to mention he’s spending your money on these women.Ick

[@proudmoon3]

Kudos to John for calling out those therapists who refuse to pass any judgments of right or wrong in the treatment of one spouse by another. I have been to such a marriage counselor (with my emotionally abusive ex) and it was worse than no therapy at all!

[@cdreg9133]

I love that Dr. John says “I love you “ at the end of the shows. ❤ we love you too, Doc. ❤❤❤

[@iherrera1217]

Linda you are worth alot more. God bless you and your children.

[@emmarose6590]

Poor Linda is clearly being emotionally abused and is probably with either a narcissist or potentially a psychopath. what’s sad is even after this call she more than likely won’t leave

[@lindsayclark4009]

Truth!! My mother was raised by a narcissist and this sounds like something she would ask

[@donnaatienza8001]

Yes it's sad that she's been willing to put up with so much just like a doormat does.

[@donnaatienza8001]

He will keep up this behaviour and he won't change since she's willing to put up with it.

[@donnaatienza8001]

Way too many male pigs out there.

[@lavenderkisses9461]

It took me a year of constant reassurance that I wasn’t crazy to actually start to believe myself. The childhood conditioning takes time to reprogram.

[@ChristianOne]

Good job John calling out the predator pedophiles for what they are and the damage done by them. ❤❤❤❤ Thank you!!

[@janishaughton164]

I’m sorry it’s sad to hear she has been convinced that what her husband is doing isn’t cheating. I was just shocked that she’s asking if what her husband is doing is cheating! 😮 Bless her heart! You need to save yourself and your precious children.

[@starlingswallow]

I know I expected my parents to know I was in an abusive marriage, even though I wasn't sharing with them the details of what I was experiencing every day, 24/7. My parents aren't mind readers and they are not educated in toxic relationships, abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, coercion or severe neglect. Ugh 😢 And when I told them that I was upset and deeply hurt that when I finally got out that they didn't ask me what happened OR told me they were here for me if I needed to talk about it, my father said they didn't want to pry. 😢 I get that....but I wish they HAD. My brothers too. I wish they HAD PRIED! 💔😭😭 Please, anyone reading this, please Pry. Ask questions from a loving place, reassure your kids or siblings that you are THERE for them and that you will love them no matter what. Ask them what you can do for them, ask them what they are in need of. It goes a LONG way! And usually people who fall into abuse don't know HOW to ask for help. It's embarrassing, humiliating, especially if you struggle with codependency and/or people pleasing. I just felt I'd be a bother to someone if I shared or asked for help.

[@CC12398]

I grew up in a family like this. It's actually probably why you were with that man. It took me years of me playing the blame game with people, they should know what's going on or what I'm thinking, Anyhow I didn't improve myself until I stopped doing that. I only stopped when I took responsibility for my own choices and figured out why I made them. You deserve healthy people!

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

That happened to me too... Except. I don't think our parents wanted to be bothered

[@ashen8046]

❤

[@oriettamc]

❤️❤️❤️

[@BambiVue]

Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@normabrammer9100]

Dr. John, God Bless you. You have no idea of the thousands of women that you helped with this call. Just mind boggling!!

[@brightpage1020]

This

[@michelerooney5907]

100%. This episode helped me so much.

[@JeffHynes]

Last call was a hard one.

[@Elizabeth-vq6mb]

It’s been very helpful for me to hear “why do you think so little of yourself?” when we’re caught up in gaslighting scenarios. Makes me really try to get to the root of some issues

[@EmpressMermaid]

Poor Linda, there is likely much more going on and she's been beat down over time. She comes off like she's trying to get John to give her permission to stand up. I hope she finds a new therapist and a new life.

[@samplautz5586]

The manipulation must be crazy when she sees pictures of 9 other women without anything on and says “that’s a little weird”

[@dede4539]

Wow, great message for the family with the daughter using cocaine. Who was victimized at 16. Teens/children need guidance, protection and boundaries from loving parents/family. Always.

[@raynemaxwell2000]

Hi, there! New listener here! Thanks for pointing out that she was a kid. I had a child due to statutory rape in Omaha, NE, and no one thought of it as rape enough to report it, or explain it to me. Police would not take my reports of DV, and I had to flee the state to get away from him. When I was older and fighting to get my kidnapped child back from my former abuser, police heckled me as I gave my report, and he was never prosecuted. It's really frustrating, because minors can't own property, insurance, and often don't have family to turn to in these instances. I was ostracized, except by a parent who was not mentally well, or financially capable of helping me get insurance or a rental. Many family members responded to my calls for help to get away from a stalking, cheating, SA, DV partnership with, "well, you made your bed, now lie in it." I seriously hope that members of the community start pressing for s education to include consent and age of majority in the curriculum.

[@raynemaxwell2000]

Follow up: I recently shared my experience and feelings about this occurrence with my therapist. They acknowledged that what I went through (21 years ago) was wrong, and started to say that's why there are detectives assigned to special teams in the police force for this kind of case. I informed her that this was in 2020, when my child was still a minor, had been kidnapped by this predator. The police officer repeatedly asked me if I gave consent. I kept educating him that a minor cannot give consent in the state of Nebraska at the age of 15. He kept repeating the question, like he didn't even know that the statute in Nebraska clearly states that a minor of the age of 15 or less cannot legally give consent. It wasn't getting through to him. I despise the reality that the people who swear to uphold the laws don't even know or understand the laws that they swear to uphold. When my therapist heard that this happened as recently as 2020, and that I had a severe mental breakdown because of the weight of the risk of my child being harmed in the same manner, by the same perpetrator, and then ignored my the same corrupt justice system, they took their claim of things changing for the better right back.

[@raynemaxwell2000]

And by the way, I wasn't just trafficked as a minor. I was trafficked in a manner that was specifically targeted towards recruiting other minors (friends, schoolmates, coworkers, etc.) to increase his popularity and body count. He would hold the fact that I didn't love him when we got married over my head around our child. How was i supposed to love someone who had already moved on, intentionally trying to impregnate people I thought were friends, including the girl who stood in as my bridesmaid?

[@nikkisigmon8090]

My heart goes out for Linda. This folks is one of the main reasons why folks in abuse don't leave until something finally snaps- if they are lucky. It's all mind games. If you accept and swallow the toxic lies from those you love, you believe them. It doesnt matter your age. It doesnt matter your social status. It doesn't matter your sex. Another reason is the fear of the unknown. When in abuse, the devil you know seems safer than the unknown. The thing is tho, you can't even see how damaging staying in an abusive situation really is until you make the escape. Yes it will be hard. Especially with kids. And the healing will be far greater especially with kids- they are absorbing a LOT from this abuse. You won't see it all until you, and they, leave.

[@lavenderkisses9461]

Spot on!! The damage done to the kids is what most abused people see first and may give her motivation to leave.

[@rachelabate2401]

I doubt any woman calls a man and says, good morning baby that he's not messing with. 😮

[@yesseniaduran921]

Wow, that advice by Dr. John about the kids seeing this as example really hit home 💔 I grew up seeing my dad cheat on my mom with relatively “hotter” women. I have not been, and accepted to be, cheated on with “better looking women” and have genuinely thought that it was my fault for not being super fit or as good looking. LINDA PLEASE DONT DO THIS TO YOURSELF NOR YOUR KIDS. Your boys will behave like your husband towards their future girlfriends and wives AND your daughters will accept to be treated like that. As a mom, will you like that? Please Linda, your value and attraction didn’t go down with the years and you bearing children. IT IS HIGHER! ❤ You are much more beautiful and valuable ❤

[@cindyjones233]

My husband never wanted kids- but he married me with four. We had two more together. My older kids love him so much. Some times were tough- my second daughter tried to run him off. But now, I think she loves him the most. Back then he said,” Her daddy ran off and she thinks I’m going to leave her too- but one day she’ll realize I’m not ever going to do that.” We’ve been married 32 years. He’s a world class dad and grandfather. One of his friends was thinking about marrying a woman with a child. He asked my husband if it was a good idea. My husband said it depended on the woman and on the kid. That was excellent advice you gave him. ❤

[@natalieelliott1984]

The sad part is I doubt she will leave him.

[@Veracityseeker7]

It doesn't sound like she's going to. I hope we are wrong.

[@marla-singer]

Thank you, Dr. John for advocating for our children! Our society, including people in my own life, wouldn’t consider a 22 year year old getting with a 16 year old rape. Thank you so much for standing strong in truth ❤

[@debbielockhart7762]

One person's truth is not everyone's. It is allowed in my country (Canada). I dated (and yes, slept with) older guys as a teen and suffered no hardship from it. As did lots of people I knew. I certainly wasn't "traumatized". I thought he was reading a lot of nonsense into that one. So, because a 21 year old likes to party with drugs sometimes (we don't know if she has a problem or not - I dabbled in it as a younger person and never had any drug issues) thst means she's traumatized that she willingly dated a but older guy? Sounded like a lot of assumptions to me. Frankly most 22 year old guys are about the same maturity level as a 16 year old girl.

[@umiluv]

@@debbielockhart7762- um no. If she’s lying and doing drugs, she’s running away from something. She doesn’t feel safe with her family. They didn’t protect her from herself. I’d agree with you if she wasn’t doing such self-destructive behavior.

[@MerDuke]

​@@debbielockhart7762 you say all that because "you did it an you're fine", but look at you literally advocating for sexual relationships between teenage girls and adult men. Are you sure you're "fine"?

[@SeonaidNicThaidhg]

Dr John always gives such good advice. In the last call I do wish he'd talked more about *why* a 16 year old would end up in the position of having a secret boyfriend though. I can promise you that she wouldn't describe her family as 'loving'. She was likely so lacking in the love and support she needed at home that the older man was able to take advantage of this vulnerability. She jumped at the opportunity to feel like she mattered. The family created the vulnerability in the first place and the fact she still won't let them in to what's going on in her life shows that she still doesn't consider them a safe space. She's just trying to cope and she needs genuine love and support.

[@annapawelak3020]

Dr Delony, you have become one of my favourite human being on planet earth !!!! ❤

[@tinam761]

To the young man. Decide and decide quickly… it’s OKAY to NOT want to be a father yet … and every day you are not 💯 in to look at becoming a father to this child … it will be more and more painful for ALL involved. Don’t be selfish and stay because it’s fun. It may be fun but it’s not fair to the woman or the child. It’s better to hurt now versus later when everyone is more attached.

[@starlingswallow]

The very fact that she saw sexy messages and pictures and thought, "wow, that's weird..." is a huge red flag 😢 Her first thought should be "what the _____?!?!" Linda, I put a personal message on the video that's clipped as just your phone call alone~ I hope you read it ❤

[@suehackett9621]

I really appreciate the honesty and respect you give your callers. Plus the sound advice that you give the callers!

[@marci.0222]

Many years ago,I married young at 22 years old and my new husband quickly became abusive. Because of his job, we had moved 1000 miles away from my family. My parents were confused and didn’t understand everything but they were still there 100%. They supported me through, trying to stay married and then supported me with a divorce five years later. It’s even more difficult if your child is not yet an adult and behaves like an angry teenager. Please care about your children.

[@blahblahblah4544]

Thank you for speaking with the last caller. You answered so many questions I had from my youth. Nothing can be done about the past. A whole lot can be done in the present/future and you provided a lot of good gems of caring wisdom.

[@KT-zd3vl]

Thank you Dr. Delony. Today was a hard show but very important to hear.

[@wildlifebotswana2630]

Linda is beyond broken, she can't even see the light even when Dr John show her the lit road...I am so sorry for you😢😢

[@CatherineRozanski1963]

😮 I was that 17yr old girl & he was 23yrs back in 1980 🤦‍♀️...and I've never had anyone try to save me💔 I've only ever wanted to be loved. Recently, I broke free from a narcissist relationship. @Dr John Delony, I am binge watching your podcasts & getting a lot of value from them💎 Have always owned my past, now trying to change my future 🙈🤞🙏 🇬🇧 xXx

[@Nicole-dp5ks]

Linda!!!! This sounds like my ex husband and all the lying and gaslighting he would do. DROP THAT MAN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!! Learn to love yourself. He’s not worth your time. You don’t want your kids to think it’s okay to be treated like that either.

[@joankircher9433]

God Bless you Dr Delony for your conversation/advice to Linda. I was that person too,who believed it was all my fault and I should be thankful that he didn't leave me. I believed it and Linda does too. It makes me so very sad. Your spot on concerning it all and the kids ARE seeing this and believing this is normal, it's not.

[@cararobertson9270]

Right before you said “gaslight” to the first caller, I was thinking it. So glad you said it. Prayers for this caller and peace in her life ❤

[@tayebehshalmani6157]

Ugh this man (Dr. Delony) gives such sound advice without even having to think about it