Married Over 20 Years and We Never Have Sex

[@MsFBell]

She doesn't want to talk about it...then she should love her husband enough to let him move on. He loved her enough to stay. This is sad.

[@Portia620]

Agreed!!!! What a mess and I feel so bad for him!!! She needs help!

[@Portia620]

24 years!! Wow this man really loves her. I would’ve gave my left freaking leg for somebody like that that loves me that much holy wow!!

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

@@Portia620🎯🎯 the worst get blessed

[@standground7956]

@@Portia620 I don’t feel bad for him. He loves her enough to tolerate it so long so I don’t understand why he’s complaining now. People act like you’re not allowed to love friends, he could have made her a friend a long time ago since it seems like that’s exactly what she is. Not too many people want intimacy from friends.

[@marcushoward6560]

@@klickingkayasmr7585 No truer words! Watching the most evil being blessed to the point that I genuinely started to wonder if God worshipped them, has been a MAJOR struggle in my faith, especially as my life kept getting worse over the decades. It's a hurdle I'm better dealing with now, but boy, it's still tough.

[@kire115]

No sex, no intimacy, no communication? No marriage.

[@Portia620]

Agreed!!! Too long!! How so sad!!

[@Portia620]

I have childhood traumas don’t we all?

[@Kimberly-gi2jj]

What part of "its painful" did you not get? Through sickness and health my fair weather friend

[@tracym8952]

​@@Kimberly-gi2jj that sounds more like ownership rather than a partnership

[@kire115]

@@Kimberly-gi2jj almost 24 yrs here

[@sleepyjoe1685]

20 years, and she won't even talk about it. He needs to walk away.

[@moon66487]

And you need to shut up.

[@TheAustrianPainter87]

They have a "great marriage"😅 His words

[@davidk4860]

Walk away and lose half 😂

[@thadeuskray]

Not walk away. It sucks what she went through definitely but it ain't his fault. He needs to run and then fly if she refuses to see reason.

[@telasims233]

It's become a habit now, he's not going anywhere, he's too comfortable, now his grief is a part of him. He definitely should move on, but he won't.. that whole codependent relationship has become a habit to them both.. that's how he defines himself now..

[@stasiaerickson9342]

As a survivor of SA myself, making a good man pay for another man's abuse is just wrong.

[@CatsMeow00000]

No woman wants to pay for another female’s abuse either by a man. It works both ways.

[@Kmulat]

Been through the same, and I agree!

[@raesully2615]

What is a good man? I was sexually abused as a little girl and honestly I don't care who pays.

[@Who_attackedFirst]

I mean, i dont think that this was the issue though. I think thats just a cover

[@mkultraviolenc3]

Great way of putting it.

[@1495978707]

A lack of sex on its own isn't grounds for immediate divorce. But no intimacy of any sort, no communication, no working towards a solution or cutting him loose? You don't do that to someone you love

[@seansmith2690]

Never having sex ever in a marriage is grounds for annulment. It’s an illegitimate marriage, as it was never consummated.

[@marcusrodriguez8352]

Yes it is .... If me not paying bills is grounds for divorce.... Then no sex is.

[@marcusrodriguez8352]

What's the point of marriage if there is no sex

[@barkerm9]

In fact, a lack of sex is a legal basis for divorce.

[@onward-fp2fz]

It absolutely is

[@PopFizzPaperDani]

She’s holding him hostage by using his love against him. If she loved him as much as he loves her, she’d never do that. They’re basically roommates.

[@melaniejones9238]

I went through the same with my partner who has narcissistic traits for 5 years 😢

[@standground7956]

I’m sorry, from what he said, he held himself hostage.

[@FreeSpirit47]

He has a choice, doesn't have to stay.

[@ryand7713]

He's probably got the retirement, so...

[@starlingswallow]

@@melaniejones9238same here 😢 14 years of sex for HIM (my needs not met at all) and then the last 7 years, compete physical neglect. I would t wish that existence on my worst enemy.

[@timflint25]

He loves her so much that he's completely in denial about how much she doesn't love him.

[@devankurmitra4118]

Yep ,you can tell he truly loves her

[@lindatohara6438]

Truth

[@aldenasuemia]

Some people are asexual you know

[@oranges557]

​@@aldenasuemiathats what you have to tell the person BEFORE the relationship. Stop the menshaming, SHE is in the wrong

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Asexual belongs with another asexual

[@BigMichael78]

So in minute 14 we learn he told his wife that this is destroying him and she threw it back at him. Sounds to me like she renounced the marriage.

[@HerbChao14xs]

Thanks; saved me from having to play this. Time to call the divorce lawyers. Next story!.....

[@dr.d3011]

Yup

[@lynndaniels-dn9tq]

i personally think she doesnt want to be with him or anyone. but she enjoys her life with him. i wished he wouldve ask about the money in the house.... im sure he works his but off and she sits at home...... so sad and heartbreaking

[@ExposerTruth.]

A court may find that a spouse has committed constructive abandonment of the marriage when he or she has failed to fulfill the obligations of marriage and has become emotionally and mentally absent from the marriage. Withholding of affection, love, or sexual relations can all be evidence of constructive abandonment.

[@dr.d3011]

@@ExposerTruth. if there is no fault divorce. Why would the courts care. Are you assuming a unilateral filing?

[@Momba_Jules]

“How dare you put that on me”. -- Ma’am.. who else should he put it on??? This is crazy

[@randybobandy9828]

Well if you ask the women on this channel... They would say "himself" Everytime.

[@sassenachdragon]

When she married him she agreed to it. Agreed, who else has that responsibility but her? This is maddening! This poor man is attention starved and she doesn’t even care.

[@bridgetveldhuis4473]

I have to conclude her abuse in the past must have been so terrible that it was far too scary to re-visit, and now it is her comfort blanket. The fact she does not want to address it even now shows that. I'm sorry.

[@sikwdit619]

😊😊

[@GameChanger597]

​@@randybobandy9828clearly every woman is in agreement with him so your statement is ridiculous and untrue. Sounds like you have some unresolved mommy issues and are projecting

[@ineedhoez]

I remember I had a friend who said she didn't like to be touched. I told her that she needed to dump her boyfriend because she just wasn't that into him. She tried to defend her actions and claim that that wasn't the truth. They broke up anyways. A couple of years later, she got with a different guy, and they couldn't keep their hands off of each other😂😂😂😂. She's just not into him. Her refusal to do the work is what is most concerning. Refusing to even talk about it is wild. That is a deal breaker. It doesn't matter what the issue is. Damn bro. I feel bad for him.

[@olive4naito]

That can happen in a society where people make relationships and marriages all about survival and not love. I feel they could be both to blame on some level because you also need the strength to leave a relationship that isn't what you need (even if there's resistance). Some people aren't ready to leave for a long time. Love is about communicating your needs but not enough people understand that. Too many people think sticking together while growing stagnant is love.

[@randybobandy9828]

​@@olive4naitosure... 90% her fault, 10% his

[@mrs.elentz2336]

Physical touch isn’t everyone’s love language. It’s not mine. I honestly don’t enjoy being touched a lot. That being said though, my husband’s love language is physical touch. Because Im deeply in love with him & know this, I do go the extra mile and will do things like cuddle up, squeeze his hand in public, rub his back, those small gestures because i want him to know I love him!! So it doesn’t always mean they’re the wrong person if they don’t enjoy touch 😊

[@shmelodyshmel]

Yup, that’s me right there! I absolutely hate being touched. But, I met my man and I want him touching me at all times. Both him and her need to love themselves enough to leave.

[@GameChanger597]

This is hands down the most underrated comment on here. When you love someone you will sacrifice for their needs. This woman clearly doesn't truly love him. She probably never did and looked at him more as a friend or brother an intimate partner from day one.

[@juliusmoore2176]

This dude is miserable and you can just hear it in his voice. He needs to walk at this point.

[@haploid2k]

Naw, it’s too late at this point. He should have walked decades ago, while he was still young and desirable. His only option now is to pay for it.

[@juliusmoore2176]

@@haploid2k Dang it’s like that? 😳😬

[@jasondonnelly150]

@@haploid2krelax,there is companionship out there for everyone. It’s never ever too late to meet someone who’s willing to live u if ur willing to be a good partner.

[@rondoed2497]

Man some women are so selfish, I feel his pain, when you truly love someone it is so hard to leave even under these circumstances.

[@DeeLee-p8c]

😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

[@danielr951]

It always surprises me how people call the show and say their spouses are great but they’re pretty much being abuse and put in a second class place.

[@selfmaderish4690]

Screams no accountability to me. It’s easy to blame the other spouse when all you hear is a one sided (this person is horrible) story 😂 comments are primarily bias for the person calling in

[@HaleyStark.]

Her not having sex with him isn't her ABUSING him, you dramatic fool.

[@avocadoaficiando]

For sure. She sounds emotionally abusive, manipulative, and controlling. He sounds weak and codependent. This is trauma bonding, not marriage

[@danilima-fromrio7162]

​@@avocadoaficiandoperfect said!

[@MyPetIsaNazgul]

​@@selfmaderish4690He's starving for physical intimacy. Yea, he held on longer than he should have, but LISTEN to this man. He tried to have loyalty and integrity going through it all for his wife. He's taken his vows seriously but to his own detriment. Blaming him and absolving her is kinda gross. Would you be saying the same thing about a woman?

[@curlsncoilsnwaves7324]

This was heartbreaking to hear. She seems to have weaponized her problems. She is not even willing to get counseling to heal emotionally so that she can understand her husband. She has accepted her circumstances as her identity and I feel sad for her. She needs counseling.

[@richardv9648]

Agree tough situation. But I think he just have to pay for the box. Delony wont say it because of his Jesus cause.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

​@@richardv9648The problem is that even if he paid for that, it won't be fullfilling, there would be no real connection.

[@vickimerritt2832]

​@@richardv9648the box? This is a human you are talking about.

[@dvil51]

@@richardv9648Jesus Cause?? What’s that??

[@CRose9205]

Most women don't heal from anything. They carry it with them for life

[@SpoonHurler]

My dude just wants a hug from his best friend. 💔

[@margaretlee-reed814]

True at this point ... he's probably too old or close to.

[@sweetcheeks5775]

dude wanna fawk

[@sherbetstraw]

People laugh at pre-marital counselling but this is why it’s important

[@michaelpowers6551]

This is why I think most people are idiots… but hey, let their marriages fail if they care so little about protecting them…

[@CRose9205]

​@@michaelpowers6551Marriage counseling is a joke. Never works.

[@cbyt8759]

@@CRose9205pre-marital implies before getting married fyi. It isn’t brought up when there are issues, but rather before there are issues. Differences from regular counseling.

[@vidaacheampong2563]

Pre ​Marriage counseling works if you're with the right person duh if you're with the wrong person nothing works​@@CRose9205

[@muysatisfied]

Either be miserable Or Leave . It’s the hard truth

[@xsuzannex]

Spot on

[@AxleHawk]

Option 3: bang sloots in your own bed until she just leaves you

[@paulinemclean375]

Because he still loves her that’s a lose -lose to him. He’d rather have scraps than nothing. Poor man deserves more , but even being rejected for 20 years, he still says he’s never strayed nor wanted to. She was obviously badly hurt by her SAer and now physically compromised as well. Combined with age and hormonal changes it’s perhaps a bridge too far. His love for her is more important than his own happiness. Heartbreaking ,but if she can’t, for myriad reasons , engage in anything more than a quick kiss and hand-holding, he’s got to understand he won’t squeeze any blood out of that rock. It’s on him to accept it or not.

[@AxleHawk]

Ok youtube ill repost it: option 3: bang other women in your own bed until you are caught and be like🤷‍♂️

[@jaesall3519]

Get rid of her. She's a roommate And watch how she'll get alimony in this unfair country

[@W.Holden.6]

I felt bad for her until he revealed she told him “how dare you” for telling her he was struggling. She doesn’t care about him, she’s completely obsessed with her feelings, her wants, and her life. She couldn’t care less about him. Poor guy, this is so sad

[@elizabethpeters8904]

Yes, he's the giver, she's the taker in the relationship.

[@hayley179g]

I'm sorry, if I was in her position I would've said "How dare you" too. My guess is so would you.

[@moabman6803]

Why would you say how dare you?

[@TheLawnMowingMan]

@@hayley179gtf is wrong with you💀🙏

[@candicane1]

We’re only hearing his side of the story.

[@14elvira14]

Unless he left something out, his wife is really lucky to have him and doesn't even see it 😥

[@blueStarKitt7924]

True.

[@hayley179g]

If she didn't see it she would've left. He said they love each other.

[@adnanorochi3761]

​​@@hayley179gYeah she sees it and acknowledges it but she's too selfish to admit she is taking him for granted.

[@brianwright9514]

​@@hayley179g, from his description, his wife doesn't love him. Love isn't only something you feel for someone; more importantly, it's something you do for someone.

[@hayley179g]

@@brianwright9514 having duty sex isn't love.

[@stephd.4574]

In the end, this isn’t really about his wife not having sex with him (albeit, that is important). This is about her husband being touch-starved and intimacy-starved and her being indifferent to that. Even if she can’t have sex due to the trauma she’s experienced or her physical limitations, there are still ways to connect with your partner on a physically intimate level. If her and her husband cuddled for 30 mins in bed three times a week, or she gave him a gentle shoulder massage every day after work, or she sat and ran her hands through his hair while they watched TV together, it sounds like that would make such a huge difference in the quality of this guy’s day-to-day life and how he feels about his relationship. But instead of trying to figure out something that’s both possible for her and makes her husband feel loved, she’s basically just thrown her hands up and said it’s not her problem. That’s where this relationship withers on the vine IMO.

[@AxleHawk]

The part that's frustrating is that she is saying its not her problem, but you just know if she caught him cheating it would be all like "how could you do this to me" women🙄

[@Snookscat]

But if she does that, will it be enough? Or will he always feel he’s missing out if he can’t go full-on and pressure her for more, then more, then more.

[@roguerex292]

Not how men works. Sex is definitely very very important for men. Definitely more the cuddles. Sex drive is ten times higher. Ik u said it is important but if men could have sex every week and cuddle once a year we would probably be more fine with that then the opposite

[@pm2886]

If she knows he'll misinterpret her affection and immediately make it sexual, she's always going to be reluctant.

[@randybobandy9828]

​@Snookscat "pressure her for more" oh give me a break. Imagine asking for sex and intimacy is some huge pressure for a wife. This sucker should have left her as in the dust.

[@JasperEmerald-yk6ee]

So heartbreaking for this kind soul. He clearly loves his wife so much. After 20 years without touch and didn’t even want to find it elsewhere. That’s a good strong man right there. I’m so heartbroken for him, his voice is so sad. I hope his blessing come strong!

[@pt4350]

How he’s managed to live like this for 25 years is beyond me. This is torture. How heartbreaking to love someone, be best friends, and she can’t give him what he needs and deserves? So sad.

[@alb0zfinest]

I don't want to be that guy, but it's possible she's cheating. I had a friend who cheated on her bf and she told me she was physically repulsed to touch her bf after it. She's the one that cheated but she said she didn't feel like she could respect him anymore after that. Obviously I'm not friends with her anymore but there is clearly more here than simply a health problem or past trauma. I would definitely advise the guy to test whether he is the father of his child.

[@supercal333]

​@@alb0zfinestYes, he really needs to do some sluething to find out if she's been cheating. Her attitude is highly suspect. No communication, no touch?

[@Joe-iq1bu]

@@pt4350 it’s pathetic

[@samhynds5913]

It’s like being in prison

[@pm2886]

Sexis not a need. It's a want.

[@gracechurch1791]

"you're not in a marriage. You're a caretaker" FACTS She doesn't deserve to be married. She deserves to be alone

[@stephengolay1273]

And you tag yourself grace!!!!!!!!

[@Gromitz101]

@@stephengolay1273 I'm sorry but you are wrong. Grace was given by the husband for YEARS...decades even. The fact that the wife won't sacrifice in any way, won't talk about it, won't seek help, that's selfish. The husband did right by her and she spits in his face. She played the "how dare you put this on me" card... This isn't even a husband that isn't getting it enough, being selfish in his requests. Its, I don't get anything.

[@hayley179g]

Because she doesn't want to have sex she deserves to be alone?

[@seeksolace2059]

​@@stephengolay1273what is wrong with you

[@samhynds5913]

I rather be alone

[@cosmicshy637]

He needs to move forward without her. He deserves to be wanted by someone who will love & desire him back. So sad.

[@wordysmith]

he will probably find it, but she never will again

[@JesusSavesMerciful]

He's already marriage for that long. might as well stick it out.

[@skylar2173]

@@JesusSavesMercifulsunk cost fallacy. Keeps a lot of people suffering and it’s probably what got him to this point. After 3 years he probably said the same thing “might as well stick it out, something might change”

[@jaesall3519]

Get rid of her. She's a roommate And watch how she'll get alimony in this unfair country

[@randybobandy9828]

​@@wordysmith she doesn't care to.. she just wants financial security, I'm sure.

[@xsuzannex]

Denying intimacy sex and emotional availability to your partner is cruel

[@SilverStarFour]

I can understand denying emotional availability but really, she's doing that because she's tired of being nagged at to do something she's really not okay with, and he needs to be more understanding about how personal trauma works. The fact of the matter is, she's being nagged at to do something she's absolutely terrified of. He's not. They both agreed to love each other no matter what, even if it's a sexless marriage. Sex isn't the only thing in the entire world that people can do to show love, there's a million other things that can be done to show it.

[@hollystiener16]

@@SilverStarFour she won't even hug or cuddle with him. He far from has nagged her. She has way too many issues and is very selfish. We all can see that. Hopefully he will leave her and maybe that will wake her up and hopefully he will find true happiness being that he sacrificed so much for this woman

[@PeachBoiASMR]

@@SilverStarFourso asking to talk about it once a year is nagging? You’re out of your mind.

[@SilverStarFour]

@@PeachBoiASMR Yeah, if the first answer is no, what makes anyone think the next answer is going to be yes? That's pretty "out of one's mind" if you really think about it. I'm a victim of SA so I know the feeling. It's not a fun thing to go through.

[@pipperlue]

This was heartbreaking. He seems like a really good person

[@charlottebufton2125]

Sounds like she married someone who she felt safe with but not attracted to...

[@melstarr1864]

I suspect that she is not interested in $ex with anyone. That just doesn’t seem to be a part of her life she misses.

[@EadsB7002]

@@melstarr1864agreed. For some, it’s just not important. And little or no s3x in a marriage only works if both spouses are okay with that/in agreement that it’s not a priority.

[@EadsB7002]

I feel like some women do. But the no intimacy thing works for some couples and doesn’t for others. You have to both be on the same page

[@bellaforyou6061]

EXACTLY!

[@MisterTwo-40SX]

@@EadsB7002you have to be on the same page and stay on the same page. They weren’t on the same page in the beginning… she was interested in sex with him early on. The time for her to address her problems was when they started. Now it’s snowballed into something that seems insurmountable to her, and she’s gone without for so long that she can’t even see a benefit. But he knows what he’s missing. So yes, it does work for some… but this is not one of those instances so that doesn’t matter.

[@TheMichiganMade]

First step is to hire an attorney and move on. Life is too short to be unhappy for past 20+ years.

[@ExposerTruth.]

A court may find that a spouse has committed constructive abandonment of the marriage when he or she has failed to fulfill the obligations of marriage and has become emotionally and mentally absent from the marriage. Withholding of affection, love, or sexual relations can all be evidence of constructive abandonment.

[@davidk4860]

​@ExposerTruth. Negative. They only care about financial abuse. If this dude divorces, he loses half.

[@moon66487]

​@@ExposerTruth. So we have to punish the woman for not being healthy? You on a marraige is supposed to be a team, meaning, if she's unhealed instead of kicking her to the side, working together is the proper thing. This is what happens when you worship sex, and clearly don't call about your spouse

[@ExposerTruth.]

@@moon66487 where was she working with him? Why are we faulting the man when she was unwilling tonwork with him, huh? Did you listen to what the man said?

[@midimom9999]

@@moon66487she’s repeatedly shut her husband down for just wanting to hold her hand or be hugged. She doesn’t want to be married to him and just wants a caretaker. She doesn’t see him as a husband. She’s not on his team.

[@geofferypmeyers]

Caller if you are reading this, please go to individual counseling. You cannot make your wife want to talk about this, but a therapist can help you sort through 25 years of feelings that need to be unpacked. Wishing you all the best

[@freegender930]

😂 no therapy needed she walked out on the marriage 20 years ago and no one told him. Just like the guy from office space nobody told him he was fired. I'm not laughing at this man's pain this is just a Divine comedy a tragedy. And when you lose your dark humor always lost 🙏

[@blueStarKitt7924]

​@@freegender930🤔

[@5679791]

He already said she doesn't want to have therapy. That for her it feels like it doesn't work and doesn't want to try. He should leave. She doesn't even try, even though she's supposed to love her. It's so sad

[@freegender930]

@@5679791 it's even in the Bible. Neither party is allowed to deny the other person sex. This is why marriages are an all-time low. Because if a girl is marrying a guy that she's not 100% obsessed with just a guy that will do it will be 20 years of forced grape 🍇

[@quiznos247]

I believe he said he’s in individual therapy

[@foxweidner7520]

Dude.. i want to give this guy a hug, good lord.

[@MegaPoliyo]

He hasn't got a wife, he lives with his best friend. She's going to vilify him so badly when he says he is going to leave

[@hollystiener16]

She is awful. Hopefully when he leaes she will wake up and get the help she needs. Or not. More importantly, I hope he find true happiness.

[@dedemunson4988]

Without words she's telling him he's not desirable, thats he's not worth the effort. That is mental abuse. For 24 years she has been abusing him!! His voice says it all. If he wasn't supporting her financially she'd kick him to the curb in a minute! I hope he reads these comments because he is worth it! He's given her his unconditional everything and getting nothing in return!!

[@standground7956]

That’s on him for sticking around and tolerating it. Some people have to live with their poor decisions.

[@robynjefferson4779]

You don't know if she's financially dependent on him.

[@iamapotatoe-ik1co]

I have a strong suspicion that she doesn't understand or relate to the possibility that her actions may lead him to feel undesirable, or even that it's normal or common for desirability to be important to someone else.

[@MisterTwo-40SX]

⁠@@robynjefferson4779bone cancer reconstructive surgery chemotherapy chronic pain etc etc But you’re right, we don’t “ *”know”* she’s financially dependent on him. There’s a non-zero chance that she can get by on her own. But what do you suppose the odds are?

[@SilverStarFour]

Has nothing to do with telling him he's undesirable, she's got personal traumatic reasons and it's healthier for her not to be pressured into doing something she's very obviously frightened of. It's like imagine being told "you must have a child" in a marriage but you watched 100 episodes of Discovery Health Channel C-sections being performed as a younger adolescent and now you're absolutely terrified of pregnancy. Imagine what further damage it would do to her if she wasn't allowed to be left alone about it all the time. Not having sex isn't such a bad thing. Not everyone needs sex. But everyone needs to have a life without being pressured or coerced into things.

[@kbc1883]

I am so sorry for this guy. I know the very real pain of it. I was a wife in a marriage without any affection or intimacy. My husband didn’t want physical, emotional, or spiritual connection. And were were in our early 20’s. He would not talk about it or address it any way. I’ve never been so lonely or felt so starved and deprived as when I was married. So much less painful to be single and celibate.

[@montymython754]

I’m so sorry. Is it possible he was gay?

[@kbc1883]

@@montymython754 Possibly. I thought that was maybe the issue. But I’ve heard that he married another woman some years later. So it seems less likely, but still possible. Whatever the case, I think he fit the intimacy anorexia definition.

[@starlingswallow]

@@kbc1883he could be using this new wife as a "beard" or for cover. My ex did this to me as well. 14 years I endured this special kind of hell. Being neglected like this in your PRIME years! I will say that it benefited me in a beautiful way. I got remarried to my now husband 4 years ago and my body, from being neglected for so long, exploded with sensations!! 💣 💥 💥💥💥 so that was nice for him and for me! He had been celibate for 10+ years before we met...so fireworks all around. I'm sorry you went through this, too. I really think my ex is gay. He hates gay people and hates women with a passion. He also hates himself. I feel bad for him....

[@Ayaa29048]

Sad sad. Honestly it's just as sad when the intimacy is JUST sex (I have something similar now). You need intimacy of all forms in balance.

[@carolejackson8357]

​​@@Ayaa29048that would be worse for many people. It's probably worse than prostitutes. Some prostitutes have said most of their Johns mostly want to talk.

[@midnightblue117]

He is a caretaker if he wants to admit it or not! He enabled it for 20 years!!!!

[@wordysmith]

He really did. Had he stopped caring, she would have soon seen the need to reciprocate.

[@Portia620]

Truths!!! I do see a problem when you just want to leave her after the cancer now that’s a bad time. This should’ve been brought up no more than a year and the relationship.!!!

[@user-uz2vc1gc6v]

@@wordysmith It might well be the case that she physically can't. Vaginismus, plus chronic pain from the bone cancer. This isn't a psychological issue at this point. They should open the marriage so he can get his needs met elsewhere.

[@blackghostart308]

​@@user-uz2vc1gc6v I think somewhere he says she refuses to get counseling for the emotional side of it so they can progress to the medical side of it.

[@standground7956]

@@user-uz2vc1gc6v there is no such thing as and open marriage, it’s called cheating and infidelity. Just leave the marriage if you prefer someone else. I don’t feel bad on iota for this guy because he knew exactly who she was and he made a conscious decision to tolerate it for 25 years. Yeah, that’s what he agreed to so I don’t feel bad for him at all.

[@bigb6866]

He’s being abused, it’s heartbreaking to listen to. The guy is beyond touch starved. I wish I could give him a huge hug right now.

[@joellaogilvie2744]

As a survivor of severe abuse and a pain disorder it is hard to believe that she loves you. When you love someone you want to give to that person. Not talking about it is selfish and not fair to you. From my perspective wanting your partner to be happy means trying all avenues to find a way to come together. Therapy works wonders. As a widow I know what it is like to be without touch and I feel for you. I urge you to really think about what marriage means and reevaluate your decision to stay. Marriage is a partnership and requires communication and you have been put on mute and it isn’t fair to you. I pray you find peace as you work through this.

[@VanaSamuel]

She’s not going to change. As long as you’re in that position and nothing is changing and you’re not going anywhere… why would she change? You’re room mates. I can’t imagine not touching the man I love.

[@HeleneOl-os3uq]

Right! Even if you’d been abused it makes no sense. Own up to your problems… i just cant with what she is putting this guy theough but i bet he won’t leave cuz she will manipulate him into staying for sure, and thats why he didnt leave in the first place. He paints the woman in the best light possible when in reality she doesnt love him at all and is lowkey emotionally abusive to him

[@lilbrother45]

Brother, I was in your exact position. Your only solution is to leave. LEAVE and you will be happy. You do not have to live the rest of your life without sex.

[@erismana2105]

You dont know that, there are many men who no one wants

[@macairhead5137]

@@erismana2105it’s worse when you are ‘with’ someone who doesn’t want you

[@blueStarKitt7924]

​@@macairhead5137Yes.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

​@@erismana2105🤨

[@candi433]

​@erismana2105 Well, if you look at it, he doesn't have anyone right now. He's alone now.

[@sksunshine4860]

This happened to a really good friend of mine, his wife would allow hugging and kissing but that was it. They were married 22 years and he turned to alcohol because he couldn't cheat on her. He didn't know he had a heart issue and ended up passing away from a heart attack just after finding out that her father had SA'd her as a child. Their marriage was never consummated and we only found out after their 20th anniversary when he let it out while drunk. I do feel for her as I also endured SA as a young child/teen but I would never put someone through that agony. It's taken me decades just to be able to hug people who love me although my body still screams every time I do and it wasn't my father that did it. The affects of SA are lifelong but I have been deliberate not to cause another person harm from my past and am single at 51 by choice.

[@runfree6279]

This is the most respectable choice you could make though. Better to be alone and let the friendships stay friendly for more fulfillment. Rather than bringing everyone down along the way and hating your life

[@Portia620]

I was molested and SA so it never goes away but I worked thru it for years in therapy!! I mean years of therapy!!! I don’t understand why some of us are hyper sexual and others not at all. I do have certain issues with men in certain circumstances, and I’m trying to work through those triggers and I didn’t realize them until recently and I need to talk to my therapist about it. It’s very bothersome.!!! strange that it didn’t come up. I’m on the middle.

[@Chet_24]

She had no problem reaping the benefits of the marriage, though Despicable, imo

[@user-uz2vc1gc6v]

@@Portia620 The hypersexuality usually only happens in the teens and just adds more trauma to the psyche. Most adult survivors are somewhere on the a-sexual scale.

[@Emolovesblack28451]

I just wanted to say that EMDR can help your body process the trauma so it doesn’t scream anymore because it knows you’re in a safe place now. It really helped a lot.

[@2232Serena]

Even male straight platonic friends at least hug each other. Being a hermit would be 10× better than that poor man's situation.

[@westbccoast]

100%

[@SantiagoA.Wright]

This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@RoyJ.Tillison-tq5ed]

I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counselor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back

[@SantiagoA.Wright]

Interesting. Who is this counsellor, and how do I meet the person?

[@RoyJ.Tillison-tq5ed]

Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being.

[@SantiagoA.Wright]

Thanks a lot. I just did. Impressive.

[@A100Aic]

Find someone else, and protect your peace for the time being.

[@a6a34007]

She is making her husband pay for the sins perpetrated against her in the past. This is extremely unfair. She has taken her husband's life and thrown it away. He should leave while he can still enjoy the rest of his life. There is another woman out there that he can love.

[@Ayaa29048]

True. You punish your current partner by your trauma when you don't heal.😊

[@olenabi]

That’s exactly what was on my mind.

[@Andrew-gs2ps]

Best comment here, always another.

[@samhynds5913]

No one deserves this

[@MisterTwo-40SX]

Correction, there is another woman out there *who will love him back*. His wife does not love him.

[@ahmorgan]

Who convinced him he's in a great marriage?

[@AIartificalIntellige]

Fellow boomer friends

[@will75j]

Men who love their wives would do anything to try to save the marriage. Loyalty can kill you inside

[@randybobandy9828]

She probably did and he is convincing himself.

[@HeleneOl-os3uq]

I bet his friends and his wife:)

[@angeleyesgreen1586]

She did. Plus, the society that exalts a partner that stays with a sick one, and allows for victims of abuse to wallow forever, but doesn't take into account the damage they do to their loved ones. And if you complain, or seek support, you're the problem. You adults be stronger. You're not allowed to have needs or wants. Don't you realize they've been through X. They get the ultimate pass on behavior, and you're only allowed to take it without complaint. Because your injuries will never be as bad as theirs.

[@melissam7067]

I had a somewhat similar situation. Not married, no kids, but 20+ year relationship with a lovely, kind, truly wonderful fellow. The bedroom issues started a few years after we met-he was having ED issues. No real intimacy for 15+ years. Long story short i finally finally insisted on a heart to heart convo about what was happening (or not happening) with him and me. He agreed to chat with his Dr. but it never happened. The relationship ended 1 year later on good terms.

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

Man! Leave. I was also in a sexless relationship. It was just 4 years, but I felt unwanted, unattractive and abandoned. I cheated as well, because I needed to feel desired and loved.I talked, begged, cryed, nothing worked, I only get attack. He didn't leave me more options, just to leave. I wish I did sooner! You are a hero if you really held back till so many years! But your desires and happyness is as important, as hers! You are just rommates! And I am telling you it as a woman...!

[@Manhwa-recapped]

How can you be in a sexless marriage for 4years, I can understand 6 months, I can understand if she's deadly sick, y'all weird

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

It's not she, but a he. He is my husband. and yes? I told him, if he doesn't do someting about it, I am leaving. He does, we have developement.

[@Manhwa-recapped]

@@xdxdxdxd4575 Wow, you has a woman was in a sexless marriage for 4 years, if it's not erectile disfunction, then did you gain weight, what happened I don't know a single man who can leave is wife alone for a week much less 4years, welp maybe he cheating, sick or you just ain't doing it for him go to the gym, not trying to be rude btw

[@AffluentCommunity]

Does he know you cheated?

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

@@AffluentCommunity nope, and he even doesn't, that I went to therapy because of this...

[@taylorbess]

I’m tearing up for the loneliness in this man’s voice. I hope this man can find happiness in his future.

[@texasdazzlers]

If this was a young couple with good health, I would say they have a shot. However, considering their age, and her chronic pain, and the fact that she’s been resigned to forcing both of them to live in celibacy indefinitely, I don’t think there’s any fixing this. She’s set in her ways, and those ways don’t include being intimate with her husband. Very sad that she did not address this before she got cancer.

[@kbc1883]

Even as a young couple, it is pretty hopeless when the withholding partner won’t address it in any way. I got married at 22 to a man I adored. I was so excited to be his wife and build our marriage. On our honeymoon, he didn’t want to touch and it got worse from there. Affection and intimacy of any kind was withheld. It was torture. We divorced because he said he would rather end the marriage than talk about it or seek help. Heartbreaking!

[@texasdazzlers]

@@kbc1883 Sorry you went through that. Yeah age probably isn’t as much of a factor as the other issues, but I only say that because my husband and I dealt with this as a young newlywed couple, and it was all due to my hormonal birth control hijacking my sex drive and pain with intercourse, which I believe the birth control also contributed to. Once we figured that out, we were able to rebuild that part of our lives. However, I was always invested in fixing it. I could never just tell my husband to buzz off and deal with it as this woman has done. That’s very cruel. Her attitude is the biggest problem.

[@kbc1883]

@@texasdazzlers Ooohhh, that is such a heartwarming story! So glad for you and your husband. And I love that it can give others hope that, if their is desire on both sides to repair the situation, there is hope. Lovely!

[@MaryBethMcCoy]

@@kbc1883 I am so sorry you went through this and I hope you have been able to find a loving partner. It is sad that your husband did not want to address his issues so that he could overcome them and have a fulfilling intimate relationship with you. But, at least in your case, he was willing to end the marriage and did not want or expect you to endure a lifetime of torture.

[@MaryBethMcCoy]

@@texasdazzlers I agree with you and applaud you for investing the time and effort to fix the problem and save your your marriage.

[@Simone-oo2ib]

A very sad situation. He’s really a good guy.

[@rhettwalker4173]

Sounds to me like he’s a doormat…

[@Simone-oo2ib]

@@rhettwalker4173 agree. I couldn’t do it.

[@funicon3689]

good guys always finish last

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

@@funicon3689Good guys pick trash

[@sparklingblood09]

@@rhettwalker4173u sound like the guy who would complain about sex when ur wife has to undergo chemo or some shi

[@antoinettekminor]

This sounds like her defensiveness and lack of accountability is becoming abusive toward him.

[@nkyryry]

Living the same life as this guy. Wife won’t talk about it. Sits there ignoring me when I voice my pain. She just doesn’t want anything to do with me. That’s the reality of it. Find myself not wanting to live anymore because that would be easier than a divorce. I think it’s the zero effort to even care about how I feel that hurts the most. Hard to face the reality that your wife not only isn’t in love with you, but she never was.

[@Danijean85]

There is life after divorce. Life always moves on.

[@emilylednicky6718]

Hugs! Ask her if she'll find a pelvic floor specialist.....if her issue is the same as this guys it is curable but it takes bravery and desire.

[@pauldeanda4985]

You better start preparing yourself for a serious psychological storm! Remember, nobody can love a/o care for you more than you do yourself. Also, you will not be the only one that has gone thru that nor will you be the last. Also keep in mind that the pain and mental anguish will last much less time than the BS you have been going thru all of these years. You will also be proud of yourself and gain self esteem for calling it a day. As selfish as it may sound, but you deserve better, if you are the one in the right.

[@ScissorN]

Dont give someone so much power over your life

[@jayrodriguez4119]

Get out! Get YOUR life back. At some point, you become an enabler.

[@Horseman1966]

I’ve been where he is. After 25 years marriage we were living seperate lives. Now divorced, I have found there are many lovely ladies out there and life has never been better. Divorce is a huge step, but I have no regrets. Everyone deserves to be happy, and I needed physical intimacy (as well as sex) to be happy.

[@TheRoadMapofLife]

Not judging just asking did you do therapy, if yes, was it a waste of time?

[@Horseman1966]

@@TheRoadMapofLife no I didn’t. Spent a lot of time on self reflection though.

[@jenmon8459]

Get a girlfriend... 24 years in and you never had a sexual relationship from the start. She shouldn't care at this point.

[@SilverStarFour]

Sex isn't always needed in everyone's life, there's plenty of other ways to show love and they don't always have to be physical.

[@randybobandy9828]

​@@SilverStarFouryes it is... To this man it does . To all the men stuck in sexless marriages IT DOES. men should not tolerate marriages with women who refuse sex.

[@CRose9205]

​@@SilverStarFourYou must be a woman. Sex is a need for men. It's not optional

[@lisajswan]

@@SilverStarFouryou must be his wife.

[@carolejackson8357]

​@@SilverStarFouryes, my parents seemed to do that but I never. But neither one of them were touchy feely. Yet completely devoted to each other's well-being. Since Dad had high blood pressure starting in his 50s, he may have had ED. But they cared for each other in so many ways. This man couldn't even say one thing she has done for him.

[@ef366]

Honestly? This woman spunds like she has come to a point where she wants control because she was out of control with her past. She can control her husband by never allowing him to even touch her, and in turn, she's taking advantage of him and his integrity. She needs to to let him go and he needs to leave so he can be with someone who actually wants to allow him to touch them.

[@KJ123dath]

even if she had a tramatic past isnt it only fair if she actually talk about this issue with her husband

[@standground7956]

She already deemed it none of his business so I don’t understand why she didn’t divorce him so he can move on in life. He’d be better off alone than with her but some people are selfish and want to punish others.

[@SD_Chosen]

Yep hurt people hurt people ​@@standground7956

[@CRose9205]

​@@standground7956She wants the benefits of marriage without the duties of being a wife

[@melissab3217]

Sexual dysfunction is so difficult as a woman. I pushed past the pain for years, but it eventually got unbearable and caused me to have a negative perception of that kind of intimacy. I felt terrible, but a doctor confirmed that my issues were medical. I tried the therapies they suggested and made some progress, but then life got in the way, and I'm back at square one again. When you add all the other conditions, I imagine it's nearly impossible. I feel for them.

[@mollys4062]

She NEEDS to see a therapist and actually work though her trauma. It’s painful but necessary. She’s avoiding it because it’s uncomfortable, and selfishly making this poor man pay. It’s not fair that she was abused, but it’s her responsibility to deal with it if she wants to be in a marriage.

[@hollystiener16]

She loves playing the victim.

[@chipdiesel9788]

What a waste of time, I can go long bouts, 24 years, WITH a woman? Nah mate that's sick work

[@charliecampbell1232]

Heck yeah! 24 years!? I was at this point when it was two weeks!

[@garyloss2878]

The real issue is she, at least apparently, has not made a real effort to meet his needs, which is ultimately selfish.

[@coriemmett1363]

Big time 😢

[@melissam7067]

The lady does sound selfish and Broken

[@ineedhoez]

Yeah she won't even talk about it

[@SilverStarFour]

I don't see how that's selfish, I think it's more selfish to demand something frightening from someone when they're obviously not comfortable with it. There's other ways to show love and they both agreed to love each other no matter what. Sex isn't the only thing in the entire world in a marriage and there's plenty other things to do to show love. Not everyone needs sex. Some people are just built this way. Personally I feel for that woman, I'm a 31 yr old virgin woman and never had sexual desires in my entire life but I do have an extreme fear of sex. I wouldn't mind being married to a guy, but only if we have certain boundaries that are done out of respect for each other. This doesn't mean anything is wrong with me, and it's completely normal. People just see things that are wrong in someone else that aren't wrong. And they should be understanding of that instead of demanding.

[@randybobandy9828]

​@@SilverStarFourif you don't see how that's selfish than you are a very selfish person. From your comments you seem to be a Asexual woman who expects to find a man to take care of you while you have no expectations of having sex or physically touching him ever. You're selfish.

[@genxx2724]

Wow. The lesson here is if there are problems of this nature early on, get out before the person’s health fails and you feel duty-bound to stay.

[@Ayaa29048]

Yup. Get out before a forever commitment.

[@MaryBethMcCoy]

I agree. This entire situation is very sad. I feel terrible for what this woman has been through, but I don’t understand why someone who has endured such trauma would not seek out therapy and try to heal emotionally before getting involved in a romantic relationship and ultimately getting married. Why would such a person intentionally get married knowing that they are unable, and don’t want to be, intimate with their partner? Such a woman, given her background of sexual abuse, is simply not marriage material, and should have stayed single until she had worked through these issues. But instead, she has chosen to purposely destroy her husband’s life, especially since she is not willing to get counseling in order to overcome the deep rooted trauma she endured. In my opinion, this woman is just using this man and does not really love him. If she truly loved him, she would have asked him go once these intimacy issues began to surface in their marriage so that he could find a woman who would be capable of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. I think she deceived him from the very beginning of the relationship since she knew she had issues which would probably make it impossible for her to engage in a healthy marital relationship. Did she herself, want to get retribution for how she was traumatized during her childhood by inflicting emotional abuse on the husband who deeply loves her? What she has done is brutally unfair, but he is also to blame for the situation he is in, putting up with this and not leaving very early in the marriage once he became aware of the situation and her refusal to work to overcome her emotional issues.

[@ineedhoez]

Hell yeah!!!!! He Willingly signed up for this.

[@genxx2724]

@@ineedhoez maybe the real reason he wants out is because he’s ill. He was willing to stay for years despite the other issue. Maybe it wasn’t even an issue for him.

[@gsyl]

May God continue to bless this man and his wife. Proud of you, Dr. Delony on how you handled this. God bless you and your family with more grace and success.

[@ricecakes42]

She's broken and wants to stay broken. Being a victim of SA as a child, memories flooded back after the birth of my 1st child. I couldn't stand for my husband to touch me. Our relationship became strained. I never told him of the abuse until it got really bad. I had to seek counseling through a sexual assault group and through Christian counseling. I was finally able to work through the past. Every once in a while, the memories try to control my thoughts, I have to look at my husband and tell myself he had nothing to do with the offense that had occurred in the past. She needs to want to heal until she does. You're not going anywhere in this marriage.

[@hollystiener16]

This is the answer. Period end of story!

[@bbl2019]

She doesn’t love him. If she did she’d call his perspective and try her hardest to meet some of his needs .the fact that she refuses means she doesn’t care enough to even try. If she really loved him she would let him go and not force him to sacrifice such a big part of what makes a relationship a relationship

[@hackrabiyah]

Does she hug the kid?

[@Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

Really good question…

[@sw6155]

14:40 ooooh! That’s huuuuge! That gaslighting is a major red flag! Trauma & caner ain’t got much to do with it…

[@pepper1188]

Maybe she's gay

[@MsLaRue]

There's no intimate relationship without the intamacy part. They're just best friends at this point.

[@SilverStarFour]

Intimacy doesn't have to always be physical. There's a million other ways to have it...

[@hollystiener16]

And not even that. Best friends care about each others' needs. She does not. The gaslighting is off the charts

[@teresabanuelos3956]

As a survivor of SA myself, it’s a mental struggle due to re-wiring how we think. I do not make my husband pay for that. Also, menopause for some women also reduces the lebido drive. The “want to” is there, but the drive isn’t, and it has absolutely nothing to do with love. We have an abundance of ways we show each other our love. It’s a struggle to find common ground.

[@yro50]

Testosterone injection from your doctor will relive that problem. Female here and it works. Get your testosterone and eatrogen etc checked as well.

[@teresabanuelos3956]

@@yro50 I’ll definitely do that. Had no idea it was available.

[@yro50]

@teresabanuelos3956 I had a full hysterectomy in my 20s and went into immediate menopause. My gynecologist gives me the shots and I only get a small amount. Not all Dr's will want to give it to you because many have been brain washed that all steroids are bad and it's not true. Anything in over consumption is bad i.e: over eating. But anyway.... it works. They also have a cream you can try first.

[@teresabanuelos3956]

@@yro50 do the steroids make you swell up? I’m a year in to menopause. How long does it last?

[@yro50]

@teresabanuelos3956 No, I haveno side effects at all from it. No swelling . The body builders that abuse that are probably taking enough in one week which is my years worth. That's why they have problems. It's like over dosing on a bottle of Tylenol for a headache. Hope that makes sense. Hard to explain thping

[@susangoodwin8067]

She’s closing all the doors. Sometimes it boils down to self surviving. Leave

[@AntiWoke-2024]

they are great friends and will always be, however he should move on.

[@melissabolton5516]

his love for her is not reciprocated. he is not asking to much. so sad. She isn't willing to put any work in. She is putting her trauma on him and traumatizing him. Does she show affection to her child? She is selfish.

[@coriemmett1363]

She’s been through a lot yes but it’s her responsibility to heal the trauma and to come to terms with it and to work out the marriage. You have to also think of your spouse’s needs as well. This guy deserves better.

[@flowersfrom7311]

If he gets divorced, he'll be heartbroken for several months, and then, very quickly get happily married. Because he is a good guy and he knows how to love.

[@sam-fz9mb]

My read of this is: he is in purgatory between which ‘betrayal’ to choose, and pref wants to choose neither. The narrative he has is that he either betrays himself and his needs, or betrays his wife - and for what sounds like a moral man the fact the word betrayal is associated is why it’s been deferred for so long - either would harm him. My advice would be to bench the ‘decision’ part for a short time now and focus on why this is framed in his mind as a betrayal - from my experience selfless people or codependants have a very difficult time accepting self interest or preservation as a viable and healthy option. Breaking that down and changing a lifetime of internal talk has to come first

[@nosequeloque]

My ex aunt did this to my bio uncle for years... he later found out she was cheating with his best friend.

[@Ayaa29048]

WTF!!! 😢

[@Ayaa29048]

That's DIABOLICAL

[@Dbb27]

Oh my.

[@hayley179g]

Technically she didn't do this. Being celibate, or pretending to be, is not "doing something to someone"

[@Dbb27]

@@hayley179g so you are saying that entering into a marriage, with all that is expected of a marriage, but one partner decides to be celibate that’s perfectly fine? That’s not doing anything to the other partner and they just should be happy and deal with it? The celibate spouse hasn’t broken the marriage contract? And committing adultery isn’t doing something to the other spouse?

[@rockyshores5840]

I've been there and here's what I learned from it. You can ask and try to solve problems until you're blue in the face. The bills are too much, so you start paying all the bills. Then the house isn't clean enough so you start doing all the housework. There's not enough romance so you run yourself ragged trying to be more romantic. Or it's their attachment needs or their childhood trauma or whatever other psychobabble of the day is popular. Try to meet all that it still won't matter. And by the way, you're making all this effort to meet their needs, but they will *never* care about yours. Soon you're driving yourself to exhaustion and self-hatred trying to make everything right so the other person can feel that desire for you again. Well, that's not how any of it works. The reason they don't want you is because you're just not arousing to them anymore, to the extent you ever were. That same person who has this list of requirements and expectations of you will tell you about the baddies, chads, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc, that they didn't require any of that from when they were having their fun. Desire and attraction change, or revert back to whatever they were back in the day. If you've got kids or a shared business our deep history then yeah, I agree it's worth making some effort to try to fix things. But after a good 6 to 12 months of solid effort it's time to cut bait. Put that effort into your health, business, and friendships. You'll get 10,000 times the return. And if you're in shape and have a little charm, I guarantee there's 100 people hotter than them who'll be glad to show you the time of your life. How do I know? Because I've lived it.

[@wordysmith]

Best comment on this thread...sounds like she just wants, wants, wants and this this poor man has done nothing to deserve that.

[@Lady_Danbury]

You’re so right. On some level though he seems like he likes the toxicity and striving to gain her approval. Just like you said, there will always be something, another hoop to jump through and you still don’t get what you want. Hope he wakes up.

[@Dbb27]

Happy for you. No one should have to continue to put up with this.

[@rockyshores5840]

@@Lady_Danbury Yes, I completely agree. Dealing with the dysfunctional person also becomes an easy out for not doing the hard work of moving your own life forward. It's both an addiction and a cop-out.

[@VoNewEngland83]

Absolutely, especially the part you mentioned, exhaustion and self-hatred. I also truly believe she might have lost desire to be with him, to the point she just doesn’t care to be touched by him. 💯

[@sbola70]

Great advice and conversation Dr. John. Amazing as always keep it up!!

[@norse_cat]

She should give him a hall pass or something, like seriously. I mean, she can’t expect to be completely closed off and non-intimate, and expect him to just be cool with that forever. It’s like a bait and switch from before he married her.

[@hayley179g]

He should talk about it with her.

[@anna8968]

Yup. I was about to say that. She’s scared to lose her caretaker and won’t be honest with him. How sad.

[@Becizzle]

Your wife does not love you anymore. She does not want to be your partner anymore. She doesn't want to talk. She doesn't want to hug and snuggle. She wants to be alone. Give her what she wants. I would give almost anything to have my late husband back. To hold his hand to hug his body. I hate this for you. You need to love yourself. Let her go.

[@hollystiener16]

She never did. They only had sex when they were dating.

[@SMtWalkerS]

No sex and no touch? How lonely and unbearable. Who could bear this? No, no blame if he can't take it any more. We all need love and touch.

[@SilverStarFour]

Not everyone needs it... some people are just built with no desires for it. I feel bad for that woman because she's been through so much and getting constantly nagged at to do something she's obviously not comfortable with.

[@SMtWalkerS]

@@SilverStarFour If she was "built with no desires for it" she needs to be honest and let her man go. Sex and affection has aways been a major part of marriage. A reference to it is in almost every set of marriage vows around the world and back through time. I do NOT feel bad for a woman who will not face reality, and either get help finding desire, or divorce so her husband can find a more rewarding partner. I feel bad for her husband.

[@SilverStarFour]

@@SMtWalkerS Marriage is everlasting friendship till death. Doesn't always have to be cookie-cut. I wouldn't mind being married to a guy as long as he had boundaries, and respected them, and we mutually agree on it before the marriage. It sounds like this particular couple had a communication issue from the beginning, however. In which case, he should be understanding about it and leave her be about traumatic topics she's not ok talking about.

[@randybobandy9828]

@@SilverStarFour those that aren't built for it should go off and be alone... Don't ever dare trick a man into marriage and then expect him to be ok with your BS

[@SilverStarFour]

@@randybobandy9828 Lol I'd never "trick" anyone, I'd be upfront about it from the beginning. If they change their mind later, and say they want it after I already told them no, that's on them because too bad. Also we can't judge this relationship in the video as one of those "tricks" because I can guarantee you things are a lot more complicated than what this guy thinks it is.

[@elizabethrose5007]

This is so sad. He is living in hope that something will make her change, and it is not going to happen.

[@ChurchofCaboose]

Hats off to this man for not cheating

[@PRC_E5]

This dude reminds me so much of my situation. I completely understand where he’s at and it truly does suck. His problem is the same problem I have. We have too much hope.

[@indiaandrews6996]

This man has the patience of Job (Biblical figure).

[@devankurmitra4118]

Jesus is the reason she had vaginismus in the first place bozo

[@danilaroche1156]

He's delusional because it's not a marriage . Even the Bible says married sex is beautiful & necessary.

[@kamarwashington]

@@danilaroche1156Spot on. He’s given his balls over to her for 20 years. Her being able to say “how dare you” proves that to be true. Sex is integral to marriage. Withholding than and not trying is unacceptable behavior

[@charliedontsurf334]

We can’t talk about that. That is icky.

[@pepper1188]

Well, after 25 years, he's off as well.

[@HornedPolarBear]

All I know is that he loves her WAY more than she loves him. Also, the daughter knows about this and is probably thinking this sort of behavior is normal.

[@michaelxie4084]

Has anyone brought up the fact she may be attracted to woman not men. It’s not a leap to think that a closeted woman would not want to touch her partner. I’m not saying she’s lying about her childhood trauma, it’s a possibility she’s just a lesbian that is satisfied with having a family and a partner.

[@crash92la98]

Then she needs to be a big girl and open that closet door, or she can leave the marriage and stay single/celibate alone without dragging an innocent party into it for years.

[@michaelallen1154]

@michaelxie4084... That, or she married exclusively for security and stability and she was just never physically to him.

[@OfficialYouTubeModerator]

Why doesn't anyone tell these poor men the truth? The truth is she doesn't love you and probably never did. She probably always saw you as safe and comfortable, and she's used you for your resources and what you can provide. She may not even have childhood trauma or is greatly exaggerating it. Love yourself to leave and find someone that loves you with as much as you give.

[@hollystiener16]

She doesn't love herself. That is who she doesn't love. Has nothing to do with him.

[@OfficialYouTubeModerator]

@@hollystiener16 Jesus Christ you girls will jump through hoops to avoid calling each other out. Plenty of rotten users love themselves. Too much actually.

[@pjswag2118]

@@OfficialKZbinModerator i agree

[@PeacefulGardenLife]

Reverse the situation. Husband won’t have sex. Has had prostate cancer and now has no desire. Won’t touch. Won’t cuddle. Occasional peck on the cheek. Won’t have conversation about it - says that it makes him angry that I am not considering his feelings. Won’t seek medical assistance, counselling or doctor. Tells me he loves me but doesn’t physically show it in any way. That is where I am in my marriage. I feel like I’m just his housemate. I’m sad for what I have lost and angry that he won’t help himself to get better. But I’m still with him and until you are in a similar situation where you love the other person it’s difficult to understand why a person would stay. Outwardly we have the perfect marriage but in actuality we couldn’t be further apart. 😢

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

Leave your husband

[@texastiger903]

Just come see me whenever you need 🍆 and affection.

[@PeacefulGardenLife]

@@wyleecoyotee4252no

[@PeacefulGardenLife]

@@texastiger903eww nope

[@se8624hdhs]

Why do you stay?

[@oraza66]

24 weeks is long enough..24 years is mind boggling

[@delboy6384]

24 days is long enough

[@AlishaMorisani]

She may think that any intimate touch must lead to intercourse. If intercourse isn't possible, maybe you can clearly explain to her that intimate touch is OK and will not lead to sex.

[@evil1143]

Lame.

[@bombasticnonsense4247]

In the words of Dr Evil, "how bout no".

[@evil1143]

@@bombasticnonsense4247 Try saying that to the caller who clearly wants (and is not in the wrong to want) more.

[@brittanyg.8644]

I understand what you're saying. I am a person who desires the need to feel desired to feel intimate. I want the touches, snuggling, kisses, random make-outs without having it directly resulting in sex every time. Unfortunately, I've been in a relationship that he does not want to do any of those things if he doesn't get sex and because I want the closeness I have to do without unless I just give in to sex so I can be touched. In turn, that does make me resentful that he doesn't wasn't to touch me unless he gets sex, and I don't enjoy sex as much or 'get mine' because I'm trying to relish I'm getting hand on skin contact and sex wasn't my purpose to began with. So until people are in this situation, they don't understand.

[@bombasticnonsense4247]

@@brittanyg.8644 So, you should get what you want and he should not get what he wants? Got it. Fellas, stop attaching yourself to these kinds of women.

[@bpri9880]

What is that old saying? “Misery loves company”? That’s his wife, and he has been a faithful companion waiting for her to snap out of her misery. I’m sorry buddy, she’s not going too.

[@c.anderson5279]

She is ABSOLUTELY holding this man hostage. 24 YEARS?! She didn’t want it 12 years prior to the diagnosis, so that’s not the problem. It just gave her a new excuse that would make him seem selfish for challenging. It’s heartbreaking…..and for him it’s being broken over and over. I’m sure she wants monogamy though. SMH. How could you do this to someone you love??? As for the covenant, she broke it first. This was forced celibacy for a quarter century.

[@Pitollie]

Man, I wish I had someone to use like this guys wife. She's using him, doesn't love him, it's all one sided. He needs to go and restart his life.

[@conniet9288]

Soynds like what started as medical issues, has turned into mental issue too. It is really hard to love someone so much yet feel like you are the bad "guy" if you leave or stay and lock away a piece of yourself.

[@marlyncoronado4799]

Wow ! This is sad for him . Don’t suffer in silences need to speak up

[@SilverStarFour]

I don't see how "not having sex" is suffering. That makes no sense to me. That woman shouldn't be coerced into doing something she's very obviously not comfortable with.

[@selfdiscoverysupport]

This was a life lesson for him in learning to choose himself also in relation to others.

[@jsmit9161]

When he leaves, and hopefully finds somebody who loves him, he will realize he was abused and manipulated. Sad what she's been through but if you have a loving husband you MUST be willing to talk, and resolve things. And you want the best for eachother even if it means seperation.

[@britboyrugby]

“How dare you put that on me.” That; being how dare you shine a light on the abuse I have been inflicting on you for 24 years. This woman does not love this man.

[@michaelallen1154]

@britboyrugby - that is an NPD character trait... I can't believe Delony did not acknowledge that.

[@rachelgee7894]

Even IF he somehow got her to accept help, its likely to be YEARS of therapy before she is even willing to TRY to be intimate again. She's too far gone to think he can somehow get her to change soon.

[@joygarrett8397]

I wish we could hear Her side of the story!!

[@olenabi]

What do you think we would hear? How can she justify 24 years of not letting her husband come near her? And the fact that tried to shame him with “how dare you” tells it all.

[@michaelallen1154]

@joygarrett8397... wow! A man hurt you, didn't he?

[@nicolejenkins2609]

You care more about her than she cares about you. I have cptsd and I care deeply about how my stuff affects the people I love. She may be carrying guilt and shame- and that could be the source of her physical issues- but her baggage is hers to address not your job to fix. She’s showing an extreme disregard for you.

[@MegaPoliyo]

Emotional abuse? Grounds for divorce.

[@Briburger]

What an informative conversation; I encourage you to continue to support your wife and talk with her ❤🙏