I Fantasize About Other Women During Sex With My Wife

[@Gentilejedi]

I love when people start off...She's my soul mate, everything is good, our relationship is wonderful......then cometh the truth LOL.

[@og666]

john could tell 😭

[@johnweinhandl8890]

Every time : the “fake lies” people tell themselves everyday

[@mirimariana]

😭

[@shalombondar177]

Common theme with all these calls. He/she is my soulmate BUT I cheated with a coworker 😂

[@Dark_Souls_3]

Soul mates not sex mates I guess Ooph

[@jasmineward5255]

Dr. John should do a series where both the husband and wife are required to call in. One side speaks first without the other hearing and then the other spouse speaks without the other hearing. Then they come together at the end to talk. I think that would help cut through the lies and fluff.

[@christinao8877]

Caller is putting a lot of pressure on his wife to initiate his sexual fantasies. Wives are not sex workers geez.

[@renebrown7394]

Yes… were getting a one-sided view and no real problem solving

[@Jinger17]

Agree! I’ve been married 20 years. This is exactly what I was thinking. What is her viewpoint. Maybe she doesn’t even like him. There is some “piece” to this We don’t know and it’s clearly probably one of the last pieces to the puzzle.

[@jgirl345]

Yesssssss

[@GallifreyanOrphan]

That would be amazing. I would love to hear her side of this, especially what was happening 8 years ago in her words because he makes her out to just have been using him for money and I highly doubt that would be her description of things.

[@singerg02]

May a "love" like this NEVER find me!! Amen and amen! 🙏🏻

[@alluringbliss4165]

lol 😂

[@panache1127]

I just broke up with someone like this😭 But please, never again.

[@zet433]

🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿

[@FreeFalling-uu3hv]

AMEN

[@Deannalindsey1]

In Jesus name 🙏🏽

[@julianafrancis5699]

A wife knowing that she her husband is not attracted to her will make her feel badly and she will definately pull away from him even more, cause she will never feel desireable to him.

[@Mmmmkaaay]

Yep. And why should she? It's the equivalent of a wife telling her husband he's a p*ssy.

[@Gloriagal78]

Facts

[@sarahalderman3126]

Good. That is what is best for her. This man is too busy thinking of other women. She’s better off without him.

[@JGSH13]

@@sarahalderman3126I guess you missed the part where his wife told him at the beginning of their marriage that she didn’t like him and he was basically a meal ticket. No wonder he’s thinking about other women.

[@jennifersteen8236]

Husbands Fantasizing about someone else in your marriage? Your wife will know this even if you don't tell her. Ever heard of feminine intuition and reading other people's body language? She would have picked up on it right away. And that switch in her brain was forever turned off because of this. She's dead inside. And I don't blame her. He married the wrong woman and she knows this and it kills her. There's not much worse than knowing and feeling like second best for your entire marriage. Telling her about the fantasies is basically digging her grave. Now she's feeling completely dead. She's just getting out of bed and functioning everyday for the sake of the children at this point.

[@Lark921]

Porn is most likely the culprit. The biggest desensitization attack by the enemy we face.

[@sherileyva5908]

💯💯

[@UncleMichaelable]

Indeed, this is what I am teaching my 14 year old. Don’t ever get into pornography.

[@Untitled182]

That and hookup culture.

[@NotSoEntertaining.]

Prostitution and sex for entertainment has always been a thing. Stop deluding yourself into thinking that people hundreds of years ago were sexually moral. It just wasn’t on public display.

[@TC8787-yq7og]

100% - I read somewhere the amount of men who do what is in the title of this video could be as high as 60% - I’ve done it in the past with ex partners. It’s so difficult to form real connections when your brain has been destroyed by such strong desensitisation.

[@catherinebanks6420]

Why would she want to be intimate with him knowing he's thinking about someone else during the act?

[@Jawnwickk]

And that’s the figure 8 that was mentioned. He thinks about other women because she doesn’t try to seduce or arouse him sexually.

[@sarahalderman3126]

I mean far as I can tell, all men are.

[@symonelovesJesus]

​@@sarahalderman3126And how do you know that ma'am? Youre just making weird assumptions about the opposite sex.

[@privacyplease1556]

The thing is, she IS intimate with him and it’s not enough

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@privacyplease1556 precisely! He, like many men, has perverted himself, most likely through porn use. Which means he is no longer capable of a loving committed relationship. This unfortunately is the case with a large number of men today.

[@lmg4293]

Can you imagine your husband telling you this? I would never get over that.

[@kellibuzzard9431]

Devastating.

[@donnasanti8336]

I agree. Never would forget that comment.

[@luckbear87]

A bell that will never be unrung

[@mailmebaby555]

It can happen after 15 years when you don't invest in your relationship. It's not about romance but more about making sure their needs are met - enough sleep, time for themselves, when you arent sure just ask "are you happy with".

[@Natasha926_]

Same. I would be devastated and i wouldn’t want intimacy. I’d have that in my mind each time.

[@MommasPeachCobbler]

“You create fantasies and stories so you can get a physical release... She is not a participant. She is getting used for that release, and she can feel it in her nervous system.” Expertly said. 💯👏🙌 Facts.

[@luciedeschenes9152]

Amen !!

[@jalanepeppin1346]

So much this

[@Gotoworkkk]

Put down the peach cobbler, lady 😂

[@gracemurrieta9158]

I felt this in my bones 😞

[@dianewood4799]

💯

[@agataparsons9427]

women don't need performance, they need connection, to feel wanted and love.

[@eCouchPotatoe]

They can want connection. But, if they don't put in the effort then all men have a point where they burn out.

[@sun.kissed.portal]

@@eCouchPotatoeso do women

[@agataparsons9427]

@@eCouchPotatoe It's true. Men need to feel appreciated for everything they do. Women have to show them how much they are attracted to them. Both do not have to be taken for granted.

[@eCouchPotatoe]

@@agataparsons9427 Love doesn't take for granted. A mutually giving love produces the best kind of romance. It takes two.

[@Alixir1228]

​@@agataparsons9427most women do what we can. I surprise my bf. Even at work before. And I have three kids. He has no kids and lived rent free with his aunt before moving in. I've never had even a small gesture without me complaining that he doesn't do anything first. And never a big gesture.

[@thornyrose1235]

I'd love for his wife to call in because I have a feeling she'd have a very different story about how he communicates his needs to her.

[@renebrown7394]

He sounds stifled like he doesn’t know how to talk to anybody

[@junglelee1765]

His needs are to be with different sluts.

[@marci.0222]

Agreed

[@cutthroatb1065]

She's trying to connect on a level that makes her more sexually attracted to him. For women sex isn't just the act, it's the actions leading to sex that make us feel close to the other person & sparks the desire.

[@sun.kissed.portal]

I have a strong feeling she’s not attracted to him either anymore and imagining someone else herself

[@Gotoworkkk]

That’s a bunch of baloney

[@mysterio1570]

Maybe Sex has an expiration date.

[@Mmmmkaaay]

Exactly. The men who grunt for a few minutes and then go to sleep will never understand.

[@Gotoworkkk]

@@Mmmmkaaay lol!

[@rabblerousin8981]

If my man told me this, I’d never want to have sex again.

[@CassLee2208]

AGREE

[@RoseWilliam-k6p]

i want to highly recommend *MR OBALAR* for curing me of genital HPV with his natural herbs.❤❤❤

[@seawatch3944]

If he has not told you yet, it does not mean anything. Growing girls know it without a confession.

[@rabblerousin8981]

@@seawatch3944 why? I’ve never fantasized about a different man than the one I was with.

[@Confessions089]

No, let your man tell you the truth, although harsh. So, that you can fulfill your hearts desires. 💕

[@1lelepontes]

This is every’s married woman nightmare

[@alanparedes2034]

And every man's reality.

[@bunnybubs757]

@@alanparedes2034women fake it while thinking of someone else Its the same for both Everyone gets numb

[@GypsyRoseGirl]

​@@bunnybubs757No I really don't think that most women think of someone else during sex they mostly want that intimate connection with who their with.❤

[@HannahSpencer-x8o]

​@alanparedes2034 it happens to women too! Anyone can find themselves in this place. I think it comes from a place of being complacent and taking each other for granted, and general boredom.

[@Dark_Souls_3]

⁠@@GypsyRoseGirlare you implying most men do? How wrong you are

[@leahsiblerud9537]

The fact that she wrote down learning a language together and quality time related things while he wrote just sexual stuff is so telling. She’s longing for connection and he’s just expecting her body to work like a slot machine

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

@@leahsiblerud9537 sex is how most men connect with their spouse. Statements like yours ignore the clear and obvious differences between men and women. Of course men want sex more often. Without that desire and the magic of testosterone , we’d still be starting fires with rocks.

[@MicheleHerrmann]

Yes, she wants romance; he wants to get busy.

[@renebrown7394]

I can only speak for myself as a woman, but if I feel safe and appreciated and loved… the intimacy is unlimited ❤

[@rares0128]

They both wrote down what it's important for them. Big surprise, for men the simple act of sex is just as important as connection is for women. Stop judging the man for his natural needs. You clearly don't understand that men and women have different priorities in their needs and it's all coming down to one's ability to express that in a loving manner.

[@MFLapin]

@@renebrown7394 me too. right with you.

[@mariad9126]

If you love her, leave her! She deserves so much better. This is what internet porn does - it reduces sex to lust

[@pinklilyz420]

Exactly! I'll never date a man that watches porn in a relationship again! I've been there and it hurts and the men are broken from it.

[@renebrown7394]

@@pinklilyz420 some people can look at it and go about their day and some just can’t handle it…generally speaking.

[@cur244]

This is what sexual rejection does. He was likely rejected for years and then turned to porn. Rejection is devastating to deal with just like porn.

[@cur244]

@@pinklilyz420 It's why women shouldn't reject guys for long periods sexually. They'll either cheat or resort to porn. Sex is a need for men.

[@GodessIsabelRaina]

She isn't going anywhere. They both are living a facade. They're just roomates who hook each other up from time to time 😊

[@drfattie]

$100 says he’s watching porn and drinking too much. I’m 4 ish min in.

[@alexispascal9245]

I was 2 min in and I just knew it was prn…

[@susandavis903]

Maybe she’s gained 100lbs and is physically very unappealing

[@meeshmom9475]

100% my thoughts exactly and I am at 3:47.

[@donut_life12]

The need to objectify her as a sex object ​@@alexispascal9245

[@Bobab0y]

exactly what it is .. his brain is fried.

[@julianafrancis5699]

She cant be your soulmate and you are having fantasies with other women. Come on ..

[@Milanitalia4581]

I think the husband is slowing trying to figure that out and at least he’s strong enough to ask for help! He’s not cheating but to the wife I’m sure it’s very hurtful! I hope they both find happiness together and fix what is broken!

[@MommasPeachCobbler]

Right. 💯🙌

[@showcase0525]

We replaced soulmate with the newer aged concept of 'life partner'. Completely different positions and definitions. But folks still use the words interchangeably.

[@kairizeeshoopuf]

@@butreally289Oh come on. Does that really make a difference?

[@snowmiaow]

Seems like he is done with her. Maybe he should release her and keep a mistress like in the old days.

[@TruthHurts922]

She’s my soul mate and we communicate well…… ummm I don’t think so bud

[@Jinger17]

He clearly tells himself stuff that is actually not true then believes his own fantasy. He seems like a nice guy, but needs a reality check.

[@Joenzinator]

"She wrote down things she wanted to do with me, but they didn't involve sex, so I don't remember whey they were". So basically he just sees his wife as a defective sex doll, and he doesn't care AT ALL what she needs.

[@cindyn7512]

Spot on

[@jen10272001]

Exactly! He probably uses her for a lot of things. They have 4 kids so she's probably exhausted. Then having to have sex with him 2-3/wk is a lot. He's probably watching porn too so he has unrealistic expectations. I wish they'd have the wife on too.

[@candyyelton7286]

Exactly! Been here and it's horrible!

[@jgirl345]

Alot of men do this maybe without realizing it but we can feel it and it's a turn off... alot of times we don't want it because of something their doing!

[@Alixir1228]

This is how most men see us women.

[@ConstantlyRepeatingMyself]

Why is it so difficult for men to realize that women need to be emotionally and mentally satisfied before they are sexually satisfied? He wrote down mainly sexual topics and she wrote down things to do to spend time with him. She's trying to connect with him and he's clueless. Stop watching porn behind her back. That's not real life, that's fantasy. Connect with your wife and learn to love her the way she needs to be loved and then watch how much your sex life improves.

[@seanforeman1457]

Additionally, and I think more importantly is that this husband isn't sexually attracted to his wife. I suspect that's why she isn't sexually turned on by him... because she understands this even though he supposedly just informed her. Tough situation but their relationship isn't going to grow out of this one.

[@alexandrabackhaus-if4gm]

He asked her to initiate and seduce him. Why wouldn't she even try? A husband deserves that. She's probably boring and not interested and doesn't understand how men tick. Then he's just not turned on and then she can feel it and complain about it. He already does everything for her but feels it's pointless. I feel sorry for him.

[@DrKrysRacquel]

@@seanforeman1457I actually believe she is aware he is “using her body.” If he’s not being attentive to her during sex then in her mind he is being selfish and not interested in her

[@Alexander44665]

Why is it so hard for women to understand that for us to have emotional intimacy, we also need to have our physical needs met? Put down the romance novels and turn off Hallmark-it's not real life. If you connect with your husband physically, he will connect with you emotionally.

[@justinslick568]

Not every problem someone has in life makes them a narcissist

[@wildorchid2564]

As a woman, everything he's saying is so damaging. He "tries but..." doesn't really care about her or the things she needs but he expects to have physical intimacy. She feels used, insecure, fearful. She's not going to feel connected enough to even want to adventure. He says there is no way they are breaking up but I guarantee the wounds he causes by mentally/emotionally cheating during intimate moments like that just violated her and whatever connection she thought they had. That wound isn't going to heal easily and will likely end in divorce.

[@amessina6691]

Hmm. He said "other people" not "other women". Just pointing that out.

[@privacyplease1556]

I also picked up on that and his intonation also sounds generally homosexual

[@emg.9246]

He’s a dl

[@hoosier-daddy777]

Wouldn’t surprise me. Usually after watching so much porn, men will turn to gay porn because they aren’t stimulated enough for straight porn

[@rosalieyarnall2525]

Caller sounds gay

[@amyeastman8764]

I caught that too

[@Grace-rx7cv]

The whole idea of sex being a performance and him trying to "direct" her makes it seem like he is so emotionally disconnected and he wants her to perform for him. Its a very odd way to talk about sex and intimacy with your wife.

[@cherrylane79]

Sounds like he wants to direct a corn movie.

[@VV-er3zg]

@@cherrylane79”I tried to direct her on how to act (to seduce him)” was such an odd way to phrase it lol. Not telling her what he likes, not finding out together, him directing what he wants her to do. Yikes

[@MFLapin]

I know how lonely it feels like to be an actor in someone's play. It's a terrible feeling.

[@aries3744]

Specially when you are told you are the main character but there's not an antagonist...there are multiple ones, many. They get most of the screen time n you end up like a filler story even thou the play lasted a lifetime.

[@princessbunny80085]

Yeah especially when you’re expected to be in an erotica novel n not a romance :( just the things he described on their lists grosses me out like cmon bro

[@MFLapin]

@@aries3744 Yes it feels like porn culture. Like being an object but I could be anybody.

[@Creeper-m9]

@@princessbunny80085 curious what’s on your list? I didn’t hear him say his list only hers like learn a language or hobby and that seems like she wants his time and to be intimate and playful with him rather than just the guy working to pay the bills. I have a bad imagination and need some ideas but know my wife would probably agree with his here

[@MommasPeachCobbler]

Unfortunately, this is marriage for most women. Women will never be able to live up to their man’s sexual fantasies and needs. Men and women just want different things.

[@IndigoMystik]

She has 5 children...she's exhausted!!

[@tiegz9770]

I feel like he wants a husband not a wife

[@bryanmunoz8407]

He's literally fantasizing over other women, what are you talking about?

[@tiegz9770]

@@bryanmunoz8407 he said he fantasies of other “people” not women

[@elliottrichardson8213]

@@tiegz9770so what exactly made you jump to the conclusion of him being bi sexual? I think it was quite clear he’s thinking of women

[@adnanorochi3761]

​@@tiegz9770He was the one who initiate whole the time, he get bored a woman should shows that she want her man too !

[@elettramia6380]

@@elliottrichardson8213Don’t assume anything is “clear” unless you heard those exact words. And even then things still are Not always so clear because people lie and hide behind a fake facade

[@TheSecretPassword]

“Ugh she wants to bond”

[@leludallasmultipass]

The way that he speaks has an instant drying effect. 😂😂

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

N•e•r•d•y?

[@mirabella2154]

😂

[@thornyrose1235]

Accurate

[@garrettcochran9169]

Maybe you got a PH thing going on

[@jenwalker9391]

😂😂😂

[@Hannahrose26853]

If you know anything about porn. He’s watching too much. This can be one of the side effects

[@CyeOutsider]

Yep, real women can't complete with the variety and instantaneousness that porn offers.

[@nenenicole8291]

The problem with these calls is, you never know full truths and people will explain their side wanting full sympathy, not speaking on him, but people always say it’s the other person fault but hide the things they do and that they do all these things for the person and not receiving anything back

[@moddie6783]

These calls are pre- interviewed by the staff and they get the background info before the Dr talks to then. At least this is how radio was when I worked in it.

[@byefelicia8632]

@@moddie6783But no one knows the FULL story. Its a one sided view regardless of the screening. Thats what the original commenter is saying.

[@nenenicole8291]

@@moddie6783 you can’t do a backround on everything that’s going on in someone’s home sooooo that is invalid, you aren’t interviewing the other person …

[@moddie6783]

@@byefelicia8632 I understand

[@moddie6783]

@@nenenicole8291 ok....

[@ghostophelia2245]

She's my soul mate, I'm just not attracted to her 🤦‍♂️ get a grip my guy

[@Raina430]

LOL EXACTLY.

[@MustardSeedish]

He puts that burden on his wife. How cruel. Sounds like her sexual confidence is low and he made is worse.

[@MDMARKV]

She’s a pig , he needs to fantasize about younger hotter women . It’s normal but instead of him getting a mistress Hes too poor and has to settle for his porker of a wife. She need to drop a few kilos

[@Violet._.PhoeniX]

Yeah agree - she feels unattractive to him.

[@Mszahnclass95]

A 💯 agree

[@labradorretrieverlover3895]

😢​@@Violet._.PhoeniX

[@cicicorleo]

@16:19

[@RIDSESSA93]

This guy needs to stop gooning and go outside and touch grass. There's more to life than sex, and that is coming from a happily married man with a great sex life.

[@eileenwatt8283]

If it wasn't great you would be complaining like this guy.

[@The_Salty_Siren]

Exactly! He needs a life and identity outside of doting & crooning (now quickly curling into an undertow of resentment) over his wife. I bet he hasn’t worked out for years so has zero natural endorphins. Prob gets all his ideals & dopamine surges from social media. Touching grass is always the answer. Smart man!

[@annaelisavettavonnedozza9607]

Dr. D looks very handsome, his haircut is 🔥

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

Yes, very attractive man!!!

[@willywonkausername]

He’s so hot

[@arrowarrow17]

😅

[@littlepixel1650]

A man like this makes a woman recoil naturally.

[@jenna8574]

Is he gay? There is something else going on.

[@bryanmunoz8407]

Yeah, he's not physically attracted to his wife, no amount of advice can change that unfortunately, if you stopped being physically attracted to you're husband, does that automatically make you a lesbien? Of course not

[@FortuneSeek3rz]

He sounds gay.

[@LiannaLovelle]

Porn. The fact the main 3 out of 5 things he wants to do with her are sexual, its clear he doesn’t actually want to connect with another human being and just focusing on the physical.

[@knoelle1357]

I think he is.

[@TK_Danes]

Probably thinking of cheating and regardless of being bi, it's worse knowing any one is a better thought than his own wife. I hope she divorce

[@celli3000]

It's wild that his biggest fear in the marriage is that she won't want to get to know him on a deeper level when she's the one actively seeking that kind of connection.

[@karenalves1156]

This part made me so confused! And yet some men say that women are "complicated" to understand, look at this level of controversy!!

[@estefaniaboujon6830]

@@karenalves1156 but he says that in the past she actually said that she didn’t wanted to know him in a deeper level and she saw him as the breadwinner, that’s wild

[@karenalves1156]

@@estefaniaboujon6830 that's what he says, but look at his actions! That's exactly what the main comment here pointed out, he claims that she didn't want to know him in deeper level but it is her who is insistently seeking for this connection while he take it all for granted. Maybe the "deeper level" he mention is about sex again...

[@Candace-M-]

When men fixate on just sex they don't truly listen to their wives and their needs because they're just sooo fixated on "Why won't she give me the sex I fantasize about having?" There's so much going on that is deeper than that. It's so frustrating for wives because we can feel when our husbands aren't focused on us. We can feel when he's just *turned on* and not really there with us. So we put up walls to try and protect ourselves, but of course that doesn't make things better. If only they both had raw, honest conversations about their struggles, wants, and needs while also being willing to make changes for their marriage to get better ❤ Also, what is it with people starting off by talking about how wonderful their marriage is?🤦🏽‍♀️

[@soundlysouth2962]

Because, as a whole , it is. 15 years, 4 children, bills paid.... but, there are problems. He's talking through those without throwing the baby out with the bath water. It's IMPERATIVE to not delude the overwhelming positives.

[@Gotoworkkk]

Wants/needs wants/needs blah blahhhh…. his wife put on 60 lbs of weight and he is turned off by the site,smell and feel of her.

[@Candace-M-]

@Gotoworkkk That's why I said they both need to talk and have honest conversations so they can both make changes if they want to make it work.. he acts like they're both stuck together forever, so... 😬

[@Candace-M-]

@@soundlysouth2962 I understand that. People want to be positive even in their struggles, and they want the person they're talking to to understand that they still love their spouse.

[@yhiontop]

@@soundlysouth2962 he lied. They do not have a good marriage, he doesn't truly love her and nothing is perfect. It is the denial that spirals into lies. A good marriage wouldn't be having this particular issue since they would have effectively communicated and resolved it. A man who truly loves his wife cannot imagine any other woman in his arms.

[@kevinjackson8011]

Props to him for being brave enough to admit this. It’s a real struggle that a ton of relationships experience

[@makelifematter1896]

😂he's liar and cheater ok

[@davibooth4852]

Good god, I hope not..................

[@Alixir1228]

We are giving props to men lusting after other women just because they are honest about it? The bar is really below hell.

[@omarb155]

It is very brave.

[@emg.9246]

He’s 🤮🤮🤮🤮

[@tammybraddock7611]

Women can tell if u love em or if you're using em to make yourself feel good

[@GypsyRoseGirl]

Dr. Delony, you hit the nail on the head with this one. Boy, are we so different as men and women as to what our needs are. We all want an easy answer but there is not one.😢 I have been married 43 years and still in the dark.😢

[@MorgueInTheVoid]

Johns hair looks really good here lol sorry, I just can't get over it😂

[@MR-fn7rw]

Definitely on point today 😆

[@lashaonda]

I noticed it too!

[@aaunyea4799]

It's looking fresh!

[@HannahSpencer-x8o]

All the girls swooning

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

You’re absolutely correct!! He’s HOT! (Forgive me, Mrs. Delony) (He’s awesome and down-to-earth too. How old are he and his wife)?

[@JohnSmith-qq9jp]

One spouse telling the other spouse that they are not physically attracted to them and have to fantasize about other people is probably one of the most devastating things that can be said. There is no good way to come back from that as that would always be in the back of the receiving spouses mind for the rest of their lives. This caller said that she told him she was not attracted to him and just married him because he was the "safe bet". He said they worked through it, but my guess is that he still resents her saying that. He should have ended the marriage when she told him that. These issues they have are not going to be resolved and they just need to part ways. Very, very difficult to create attraction where none exists.

[@VV-er3zg]

Yeah the sexuality aspect is usually just a symptom of a larger issue. Rarely the problem is JUST that they don’t have sex

[@julianafrancis5699]

The stretchmarks, the weight gain, the tiredness of dealing with daily ups and downs, relational stuff, it all takes a toll. And whether we want to believe this or not, children do make a DENT in every area of a marriage relationship! Facts!

[@Teqbird]

And all of that having kids is not an excuse for only using women as a prop. Kids are the result of that 30 second physical action.

[@mariewhiting2380]

Correct

[@catherine8789]

She’s not attracted to him either. Relationship has been over … she’s not your soulmate and you’re not hers.

[@paulaqueirosz]

The amount of men calling over due to lack of sexual attraction... Nice to see their priorities...

[@karri8998]

Guess he never thought that she would age one day and not be exactly how she looked the day were married. Come on, has he not changed?

[@LisaLisa-in4vw]

This is why I'm single. Gladly.

[@renebrown7394]

Amen! I am just too tired for all the mental gymnastics…I’m old and childless anyway😂😂

[@LisaLisa-in4vw]

@@renebrown7394 same!

[@martusia4594]

Exactly too many porn addicts. They live in a different world 🤢🤮

[@emg.9246]

Facts!! Cause ain’t no way I’d. E dating/ married to a man who don’t even like me

[@amyeastman8764]

Same! I’m happier than ever tbh. I never wanted kids though and if I did I might have a different view on marriage. No interest in dating anymore either.

[@cjlive5182]

I assume you all are doing this after about 4 years. Shutting down your porn accounts will help.

[@sarahkirbach5040]

💯 facts

[@gabec9897]

An example of the effects of easy access to porn!

[@standground7956]

*The elephant in the room that no one wants to admit is* people do a terrible job of communicating with and understanding their spouse. Imagine if a husband only focused particularly on his wife’s needs and interests instead of all women generally. Imagine if a wife only focused particular on her husband’s needs and interests instead of the majority of men. *People always avoid this aspect.*

[@susanharrah3462]

Agreed I put my hubby first, he puts me first. We always do things when he's not working. Been married 42: years last week. Love him more now then when we got married, and he says the same.

[@MS-sr6mj]

Women are always catering to their men's needs. Are you kidding me?

[@LSLS-g2u]

Exactly !!!

[@ashlyons2390]

​@@susanharrah3462Happy Anniversary!!

[@SuzyQ1129]

Interesting!

[@libertykim6438]

I love that Dr John gets to the root of the problem and has empathy and compassion.

[@hsh44534]

The fact he can’t even remember what she wrote down says it all. He’s porn sick and she’s run out of steam with the superficial performative stuff when he’s had years to lay a foundation of connection and intimacy.

[@kathycannon4805]

Perform for her? Sounds like a trained seal

[@ashleyflicker1646]

I'm sure she doesn't even want the sex to begin with.... he probably has a tempter tantrum if she says no.

[@ScarletteRose164]

Just like she has to perform for him intimately? Fair trade I'd say. She's getting shorted he's reneged on his part of the deal.

[@martusia4594]

That's what Porn addicts say

[@elettramia6380]

Probably performs like one too.

[@2Ryled]

Since when is the wife in charge of HIS THOUGHTS??? HE'S in charge of his thoughts. And she's got 4 kids pulling on her attn. Tell me yor a narc without saying yor a narc. Its my wife's fault bc she cant turn herself into another woman and circ du soleil. Bet hes watching porn and thinks his sex life should be like that.

[@stillwanttowander6819]

This!

[@summerbreeze553]

Tell me you don't care about your husband's feelings without telling me you don't care about your husband's feelings

[@Alexander44665]

​@@summerbreeze553This!

[@aaronbrooks4091]

@@summerbreeze553 THANK YOU!! Here's a man calling for actual help, wanting his relationship to win...and he gets dogged out?!?! This is exactly what selfish defines itself as. If he wanted porn, he wouldn't be on this call. This man WANTS to love his wife. Heck, he could easily chase the skirts of the women that keep popping in his head.

[@DuffyGabi]

Sounds like you have some anger issues.

[@StormyMonday0896]

I found out after one year. This dude is probably how my ex would talk. There's something fully blocking you from fully giving over to your wife.

[@BeatrizMarques80]

Yeah it’s called porn, and think that the world spins around his own dck.

[@HankiMaus]

What a loaf of white bread. I feel sorry for his wife.😔 If that‘s what being with a soulmate looks like… yikes.🤢

[@tkbreen1381]

I’ve never heard someone use that insult that’s awesome 😂

[@dianemessina2964]

I love the whitebread analogy.

[@thornyrose1235]

I was thinking stalk of corn but loaf of white bread sounds about right 🤣

[@Illtechnica]

Nevermind the fact later in the video the wife admitted to he she married him because he's a solid breadwinner. She married him for his money, admitted it, and didn't care to participate with him on things he liked.

[@garrettcochran9169]

@@Illtechnicano that doesn’t work. He is obviously guilty of heinous crimes because he isn’t sexually attracted to his wife anymore. Some of the most needlessly judgmental & holier-than-thou commenters I have ever seen

[@martina6687]

I don't believe him. How does a woman want to have more together-time - like learning a language - with him while not being interested in him "on a deeper level"? What ???! If she doesn't care about him -- like he describes it - why have him around her so much more time and risk that he wants her to perform or be performed for? My goodness!

[@Claudia-lq3ns]

Yeah, something is missing there...

[@successfulperson3304]

The way he talks is so of off-putting…

[@ScottishTerrorsInLA]

He’s not into any of Delaney’s suggestions. He just groans at everything he says. Dude’s gay.

[@leludallasmultipass]

I agree. He seems so dismissive and uninterested

[@Joe-iq1bu]

@@ScottishTerrorsInLA thinking of other women makes him gay?

[@brightpage1020]

@@ScottishTerrorsInLA he also dismisses his wife’s suggestions because he doesn’t care about her either. Only himself. As a victim of choices he himself made. Blaming her seems easier to him than making new choices because new choices could blow up the role of his lifetime: father, husband. New choices mean getting a new place to stay in a crumbling economy, giving 1/3 of your finances to teams of lawyers plotting to soak up your wealth, economically hobble your selves and your children… and risking putting yourself up to Nat for women or whoever that he would be attracted to - but he’s too intimidated for that. Easier to coast here where he’s emotionally safe but dissatisfied than risk it all for somebody he respects.

[@DrKrysRacquel]

Yes, sounds like a straight up PERVERT

[@kwilson8452]

He's been watching way too much porn. And he's gotten into the habit of thinking about it, instead of focusing on the moment during sex. Love the pivot, where he's like, yeah, but she didn't want to know me on a deeper level first!

[@donut_life12]

This is so it. He is wanting to objectify her and porn has trained him to think this way. He is such a nag I wouldn't want to be w him!

[@Raina430]

Omg. John’s opening line…all the things you said about your wife, “they’re not true.” Wow.

[@vanessachavez8781]

Shes trying to reconnect with him and spending time with him and he is ignoring it. He couldn't even be bothered to remember what she wanted to do with him and just scoffed when talking about it.

[@renebrown7394]

And I think they need to rethink that whole “Divorce is not on the table” thing.

[@Diana734]

He needs to stop watching porn.🙄😮‍💨

[@brightpage1020]

This guy just seems so apathetic.

[@privacyplease1556]

And pathetic

[@renebrown7394]

Yes…he’s unplugged and they probably need to divorce

[@muma6559]

Dr J Delony, you are such a good ENFJ

[@annebos4634]

Sounds like they're just no match. She's with him because he's the bread winner. He's with her because... I don't know? He's already invested, tried too hard to let her go? Afraid to be alone...? They're just not genuinly interested in each other.

[@alluringbliss4165]

Maybe she’s very attractive and he chose based on looks

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

Cheaper to keep her. Our divorce laws are archaic. Most men live lives of quiet desperation.

[@tonytoni1150]

Money is the great equalizer.

[@mirimariana]

@@Evil-Rod-Farva Divorce laws aren't THAT bad read up on them.

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

@@mirimariana if you’re the lower earner they’re great. The problem for men is that their counterparts disqualify them in those circumstances. Divorce in America has horrific outcomes for men and children.

[@larissabrewington9065]

I'm a very spiritual person, but I CANNOT stand when people use the term soulmate. They almost NEVER truly know or understand what it means. If she were a part of his soul, she'd sense all this. She doesn't. She's just along for the ride. That's just a person you're married to in this life. That's NOT a soulmate.

[@salmabanouriliong1265]

Are you blaming her for not reading his mind?

[@larissabrewington9065]

@@salmabanouriliong1265 No. I'm blaming her for not reading the room.

[@elen8158]

It is pretty simple. He needs to see a sexologist. His arousal is deeply depended on visual fantasies rather than physical connection. He needs to explore his body more and find other ways what makes his boy happy. It is a very common issue with people who are hooked on watching porn. I bet this guy has the same issue.

[@saundracohen4032]

💯

[@1Skorpia]

Nailed it..

[@donimuscooks7900]

Women these days are expert on porn symptoms. They did not wrong. Maybe suck more often and talk less.

[@Chet_24]

Divorce her and find someone else who doesn't view him as only a wallet

[@donimuscooks7900]

@@Chet_24 You can’t divorce just because of this. That’s why he’s calling for help.

[@carnivoreRon]

Being told by his wife she married him for the financial stability he could give was a massive hit to him. She didn't marry him because she loved him. It would make sex problematic since it was an obligation and not out of love. She's a cruel monster.

[@adamsanders2270]

Seriously! Comment section is blowing this guy up as the bad guy when she told him he is just the bank for the family and lifestyle she wants. People are cruel.

[@emg.9246]

They BOTH are cruel. She uses him for money absolutely he uses her for her body/seggs

[@fdsqueen5375]

He is the man. He needs to provide. You all want maids and still want to be feminine. Grow some balls

[@MandyAliens]

There both morons

[@guellaliguemra2321]

She was honest, and he needs to either accept that or get a divorce and stop bitching about it. I thought men could handle the truth?

[@CrystalM1917]

Listen carefully folks, he said "other people"....not other "women "......

[@muma6559]

Ohh..

[@ashleyflicker1646]

Gay 🎉

[@Alexander44665]

I think you are reading too much into his verbiage.

[@mirabella2154]

Yes, I found that weird.

[@nelsonw9483]

That's a braindead reach

[@carriew92]

This was very helpful. My husband and I have gone through something somewhat similar to this. Thank you. I don’t feel as isolated about our situation anymore.

[@tomnohmy1273]

I was in his shoes my first marriage. If I said what he said in the beginning I'd be lying.

[@FEVERDREAM889]

He describes her like a best friend, not a soulmate.

[@linam.cardenas3830]

I'm curious about your story, there were specific things that made you feel like that? I genuine want to learn more from the male perspective

[@klarasvensson6967]

What a horrible thing to find out that your spouse choose you because she wanted someone who could provide! They can probably fix thing but to find out that my partner choose me as a safe choice would be a horrible blow.

[@rebekahwilson7703]

The question is, Does he know this is true? He sounds like he knows nothing, but just wants what he makes up in his head.🤦‍♀️

[@onsetaugust]

@@rebekahwilson7703 She told him that lol

[@ConstantlyRepeatingMyself]

@@rebekahwilson7703 I think he says that to make him not look like a bad guy and that most of this is her fault.

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

@@rebekahwilson7703men know. I’m also married to someone who likes what I do, not who I am. Would she admit it? No, but men aren’t stupid. Maybe at one point she did, but I know because of the lack of effort and care for my needs and wants. It’s a never ending cycle of frustration and regret. But like many men I grit my teeth and deal with it because I have kids and love them.

[@FEVERDREAM889]

Men are providers. Men literally say they want to provide and protect. You can't fault the woman for wanting what she is supposed to want biologically and socially. I'm with the others when they say he just said that to make him look better.

[@makelifematter1896]

And the grass ain't greener on the otherside as mine found out and he wishes I was back with him NEVER EVER

[@alisontilling9066]

The grass is greener on the other side because there is more poop on that side.

[@chrislanejones]

He was busted after he said another woman's name during sex

[@Emptytopfloor]

🤣🤣🤣

[@alberttang6955]

Or a dude's name.

[@chrislanejones]

@@alberttang6955 Ohhhh Sammmmyyyy!

[@bjkarana]

Haha. All she knows is I say "Yes!" at that special moment, but in my mind, "Yes!" has double Ds and isn't going to ask me about organizing the garage afterwards.

[@AlyssaIrvine]

🤮

[@pinkfairydust83]

I feel like when he said 'perform for her,' he really meant 'get it up and keep it up''

[@CrystalM1917]

Exactly. Deloney interpreted it differently. He clearly on his way to ED bc of 🌽

[@torpedocash7199]

This guy is thinking about other women whilst being intimate and I’m trying to think of anything but my wife so I don’t arrive too quickly.

[@erinues7._-]

Ooooohhhhhhh❤❤❤❤

[@LJ-kn8tw]

No matter all the talk, all the suggestions and other things, the moment he told his wife he was no longer attracted to her is when he slammed a door in her face. She will be hurt, humiliated, and will probably cry. Then she will shut down. His suggestions will make her feel like she is a cardboard stand in for what he wants. I don’t know why she told him 7 or 8 years ago that she was there for the money but it sure sounds like a retaliation statement that a person might say in anger And that was 7 or 8 years ago, not now. His desire for her to perform his fantasies will make her feel even more disconnected. This is extremely serious and they both need to go back to courting mode which is what she is begging for. Sex needs to be put in the background and not expected or required as a reward. And I’m not gonna lie, it will take her a long time to forgive and forget that he said he didn’t desire her. Just like he’s still hurting and angry that she called him just a provider 7 or 8 YEARS ago. They need professional counseling as divorce is not off the table. Good luck!

[@jilliang4347]

Dude keeps saying he fantasizes about other…. “People” and “scenarios and situations “ He said he’s been “going on adventures with his buddies” Bro I’m sorry but you like men. Or you’d have specified and your clear reasons for not being attracted to her were kinda…. Weak.

[@DoodlebugsDream]

This was brilliant. Dr John's impassioned responses, his active listening, caring supportive presence and in-depth direction should hopefully serve to give the caller the impetus needed to go home and begin the conversation that results in true intimacy.

[@tracykeeney8931]

All I’ve heard so far is the “good marriage” stuff and his problem of having to picture someone else or some other situation during sex with his wife and I just have one question/suspicion- is he looking at or watching porn? Or even just graphic shows or movies? Where is the “picture” he has to put in his mind COMING from? A large part of the problem between husbands and wives and sex comes from the woman wanting to feel LOVED and CONNECTED during sex, and the man wanting the “erotica” of what he’s seen in the movies or in porn with all the Hollywood camera action and dramatic music. But THAT’S not love and connection. When a man (or a woman for that matter) thinks that the other person has to “talk dirty” or say certain things during sex, or DO something they think is erotic, that almost ALWAYS come from expectations developed by watching movies or porn- which is USUALLY depicting wanton lust between unmarried people using each other to gratify THEMSELVES, rather than the true and sincere love between a man and his wife. If someone has to picture or imagine someone else, certain positions or scenarios, or wants the other person to “perform” or act or talk in a specific way, it tells the other person, “I don’t want YOU, I want what I saw in __ (insert whatever porn or graphic movie here) and it makes the other person feel UNloved and UNconnected. There’s a difference between having sex and making love.

[@mmmmlllljohn]

I wonder if you are projecting because she doesn’t do anything much during sex … wow!

[@blueseptember2174]

John needs to have a whole show alerting men and their partners of how 🌽 ruins familes

[@Alexander44665]

He needs to have a class for women on how romance novels ruin their lives.

[@donimuscooks7900]

@@Alexander44665Well said these women

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

@@Alexander44665 and how the entirety of western civilization has spent the last 80 years artificially removing consequences for their appalling behavior and choices.

[@blueseptember2174]

@Alexander44665 sure he can give it a side mention. But alot of women read non fiction exclusively. Most women do not read romance novels. It's a small subset. Men on the other hand with 🌽 is nearly 99% and it's an epidemic. I feel for the younger guys exposed to this crap.

[@Alexander44665]

@blueseptember2174 I believe more women read romance novels (and watch romance movies) then they let on. Yes, more men are into the other, however Hallmark and romance novels do the same things to women that the other does to us.

[@Karin_not_karen]

He said he’s thinking about other “people”. She might be the wrong gender for him. I actually applaud him for reaching out and trying to get advice on this. He just sounds so sad. I wish them both the best.

[@benzmane7564]

He said he's not attracted to her. I don't know how any of these recommendations changes that at all

[@tanyamilewski5700]

One of those times I wonder who normalized shaming single by choice people and glorifying marriage. That was the biggest scam they pulled

[@Elizabeth-ef2mm]

💯 👏 Listening to this podcast makes me grateful to be single. Getting married was never something I yearned for, after growing up and seeing how unhappy my parents, aunt and uncles and grandparents were in their marriages. Single for life ✌️

[@Emptytopfloor]

@@Elizabeth-ef2mm you said it! I’ve never met one married woman I can be jealous of. And I’ve lived in 4 different countries, known many many couples.

[@lollian2782]

I’m yet to see one marriage I’d want to be in

[@funicon3689]

gynocracy

[@RachelSings21]

I am choosing to be single but my parents and both my brothers have REALLY happy marriages. It happens, rarely. I’ve been married, was an unmitigated disaster 😂

[@EricaFioriGentry]

“She doesn’t seduce me” “That’s the problem to address.” This is the FIRST time I feel like Delaney is wayyy off IMO, there’s blame on the man too.

[@VV-er3zg]

Watch the video-he refers to how they are not meeting each other’s needs nor care to

[@thedailymakermaking]

He did not say other women. He said other people and situations. That could mean something more complex than is being addressed here….

[@tjbanville]

Many of these comments are making a lot of assumptions about porn, etc. but I don't think it was explicitly stated in the clip that the caller is watching any kind of pornography. Let's not project our own views onto the conversation. It's very possible to have intimacy problems in a relationship and it has nothing to do with porn, I know I've been there.

[@Andible]

The way he talks definitely implies he's getting his ideals from porn, he doesn't have to say it.

[@tjbanville]

@@Andible I'm not sure. Maybe he's fantasizing about girls he dated before his wife.

[@pinklilyz420]

Typical man defending his porn addiction like it's not a problem.

[@stillwanttowander6819]

Where is he getting his visuals from that he uses to keep himself erect? 🤔

[@ashleyflicker1646]

Men admit they all watch porn, so........

[@tomnohmy1273]

I can see her being turned off just by his voice alone

[@da---536]

I was thinking the same thing....she probably fantasizes about hot men .women do that too

[@lela888]

😂

[@aembusiness]

😂

[@CrystalM1917]

I thought the same thing.

[@AltaicPride01]

What about the voice?

[@BlueBlossomsBlues]

Oh these poor poor poor men... Why is nature so unfair? Why dont men go through menstruation, childbirth, menopause and the hormonal deterioration women do? They'd finally understand...

[@14elvira14]

My bf prioritizes various types of intimacy and we both end up happy and feeling loved the way we want. We connect often and in short bursts to see where the sparks go, especially with a busy schedule. More may happen or the anticipation of more later manifests. Have realistic and clear goals with your partner for everything.

[@nikkijohnson7332]

This could be my story. I don't fantasize about other men, but after 20 years I'm sick of it. So demoralizing.

[@Amanda-Marie674]

Advice from a 41 yr old married woman…. Things can get a little vanilla after 10 plus years. My husband and I turned up the flame 🔥 It’s so not what our sex lives used to be. It started with him sexting me at work out of nowhere and let me tell you, we are having the most erotic sex of our lives. I would have never imagined it. He caught me off guard and made me feel like he wanted me. Safety… women NEED to feel safe when exploring these new sexual things. Safety as in feeling sexy and not feeling judged for trying a new sexy outfit. It’s uncomfortable at first but you have to stay in the moment with her and reassure her. I will say it again…. Stay in the moment with her. Work yourself up with thoughts of her and stop using your imagination. Couples can sense when one is not in the moment or distanced in fantasy. Don’t let up on that reassurance and make sure you let her know you love her sexy outfits. Tell her what you like…. “I love it when you do x,y,z”. Let her know if she’s doing something that is driving you wild (in a good way). Reassure her. Remind her through the week after the sexual encounter, “I’m really looking forward to the next time you x,y,z.” Figure out her love language. Mine is touch and my husband makes sure he’s touching me a lot when we are intimate. Then there’s something else you need to dial into on your own…. you have to find outlets of adventure (nonsexual) on your own. You gotta have these adventurous outlets. Kayak, hike, mountain climb…. It’s not fair to put everything on one person to fulfill for you. Her too. Have your own outlets and then find a common ground and shared time that you can both work toward. I am an introvert but I used to majorly struggle with it… I started volunteering my time with a nonprofit organization and that has changed my life and been a game changer for my home life. I am so much more fulfilled in and out of the home. There is no way that my husband could pull me out of my shell. He tried. I had to put myself out there in a way that made me vulnerable but forged relationships and friendships. I have met more people this past summer than I have known in the past 20 yrs. People are generally easy to get along with and socialize with. Relax and go with the flow. Trust me… if your wife is out doing something that makes her happy and you are out doing something that makes you happy, when you are together that time is going to mean so much more to the both of you. My husband goes to about one concert a month with some friends. Once or twice a year we do a concert together. I like to run and hike. My husband couldn’t run to save his life. That’s ok. He still supports me by telling me how proud he is of me that I work so hard to keep in shape. Your marriage is fixable right now so talk to your wife. Tell her that you want her and start praising her for doing things you like. Things will grow pretty quickly once you start making her feel sexy and wanted.

[@Chel-w1l]

Love this!!!!!!

[@Chet_24]

2 - 3 times a week is a lot, imo. Maybe if he reduced the frequency, he'd be more into it. * If she's just laying there and going through the motions, divorce her.

[@symonelovesJesus]

People today want to divorce for literally anything. Thats why so many secular marriages dont work. You want everyone to cater to your happiness

[@Erin-pt2yw]

When in a previous relationship had no communication, I have now found a man who comes to the table and has those awkward convos and it’s so hard but so worth it. We will have to keep working at it forever though like we all will have to ❤

[@Mszahnclass95]

Wow how insulting to your wife dude . Thank god i am single .

[@donimuscooks7900]

I’m sure you thank him to for being lonely

[@soundlysouth2962]

Soooooo, because HE is not ATTRACTED to her like that , anymore, he's worse for wear??? Grow tf up.....

[@SkyandDreams]

No not because of that, but because he is a corn addict.​@@soundlysouth2962

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

Oof, this guy really shot himself in the foot. Telling your wife of more than a decade that she isn't hot anymore is poking her in the biggest insecurity most women already have, what little self esteem she had is now gone. She won't feel comfortable having sex at all with him now, things are gonna get exponentially worse. He should have explained this as wanting to work on their connection, sharing fantasies, experimenting to keep things fresh, etc. There's no way she interpreted what he said as anything other than "you're ugly, I'm about to cheat on you with younger women". He should have called John BEFORE bringing this up.

[@lobstertown1826]

I’ve been in a relationship where my needs weren’t met sexually and there’s only so much you can do to fix that connection before you just get lost in the performativity of it, and if it never comes from the other person then it’s never genuine. It’s sounds like he’s worried about the authenticity of his wife, and in that he’s losing his own authenticity. Obviously we only have his side of the story, and it doesn’t seem like she’s necessarily done anything wrong, but if she’s just not really on board with it then they should both consider if the marriage is ever really gonna work for them.

[@BelieveAndLive668]

Us women, love communication. Sending a "I arrived at work" "I'm coming home from work" text is something that we LOVE, but I know that's not something men even really think about. It's like virtual flowers

[@RoseWilliam-k6p]

i want to highly recommend *MR OBALAR* for curing me of genital HPV with his natural herbs.❤❤

[@Gotoworkkk]

Because it’s boring

[@BelieveAndLive668]

@@Gotoworkkk yeah, I completely understand that men think that

[@eleanorwalmsley635]

Do we???

[@jen10272001]

Sounds like shes giving him all kinds of ways to make her more aroused but hes ignored them. She is probably checked out by now. He's sounds pretty clueless and is blaming her for everything. So annoying. This guy is definitely not telling the whole truth.

[@CyeOutsider]

Porn is probably 80% of the problem.

[@Samsungsamsung-ec5gl]

Stop looking at other women.... this is the result of it.