Alcoholic Husband Had Multiple Affairs (Should We Divorce?)

[@FrankS111]

Lesson to learn for EVERYONE … don’t marry someone in hopes of or thinking they will change.

[@ZloolS]

Maybe I've just never experienced this, but isn't this the entire point of the dating phase? If you've been dating for 2 - 3 years and haven't been able to change your partner, why would you think marriage would be any different? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@MR3DDev]

@@ZloolS Women tend to think once the knot is tied then the man will change by force

[@Lisa-vu5vi]

This 👆

[@camillagonzales2409]

Marry whoever you want and enjoy the torture drama. JUST DON’T BRING KIDS INTO It! pLEASE!!

[@omayrasdemesne]

Right! don't marry the idea or potential a person can be!

[@kristaw2686]

Back when my ex husband had cheated on me yet again, I was talking to my pastor, saying that I was struggling because I really believe in marriage- i believe it's for life- but that he had cheated on me yet again and I felt like I wanted to be done but I didn't want to do the wrong thing. He stopped me (he was very familiar with the whole situation) and said "Sis.. He's a scoundrel. This isn't a guy who made one mistake and is repentant. He has done this over and over again and he will do it again." That was all I needed to hear. You're not wrong to divorce someone who is abusing you in any form.

[@kamarwashington]

Scripturally, adultery is grounds for divorce

[@relentlesspursuitofshade1234]

Also, this happened to me and I went to see my Catholic priest! I think I needed him to tell me to let him go. And I did. I al ate thought that I am Catholic and you just don’t get divorced. But abuse is a reason. And the caller is clearly being abused. I feel for her.

[@em77775]

God cares more about the harmed individual in the situation. He did not make us to just take abuse and betrayal. That is NOT the picture of what marriage should be. It's best for the offender to truly repent and do it right with God's help, but there are some people who just don't want to and it's horrific to endure it.

[@hannahalexie5158]

Can adults just grow up? My dad acted like this all the time when I was growing up and it was really difficult to be around. Kids and spouses don’t deserve that. Adults, GROW UP.

[@crystalglopez91623]

I know !! It’s literally “arrested development” where they can’t mature and be adults instead they throw tantrums like toddlers

[@needatech]

She needs to see a counselor who specializes in emotional abuse She is not at fault and needs to get out of her situation Her husband won’t change

[@hansonallie]

I dated this guy. The minute you give them a “second chance” they’re convinced they’ve got you on the string… It doesn’t change sweetheart, Def recommended moving on.

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

But you probably call up just for a proper hairpulling?

[@britneyog9537]

@@GardenerEarthGuy 🙄😑

[@DEUTSCHLAND.007]

@@GardenerEarthGuy 🤦🤦🤦

[@hansonallie]

@@GardenerEarthGuy - when we cut ties, we were totally no contact. Apparently (tragically) he OD’d several years ago….

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

@@hansonallie You still have nice hair though.

[@jet4415]

I divorced my mentally ill, cheating, and alcoholic husband. I have kept in touch and 20 years later, he got no better and eventually passed away from self abuse. Run, lady, run!!!!! They wear you down, like a mortar and pestle, until there is nothing left of you!

[@donnafontaine2799]

Proud of you talking the step to change your life I'm sure it was very difficult bet you have a Happy Life now

[@jaynedouglas9556]

As a child of an alcoholic, my heart hurts for their child. I resented my mom for years for not leaving my dad until he got his sh*t together and got help. My hope is Cathy finds the strength to care for herself and her son. She can't make her husband stop drinking,, grow up, and be responsible.

[@youngtimer964]

This reminds me too much of my 6 year old life. Heartbreaking.

[@midnightcoalexpress]

I feel this comment so much

[@DEUTSCHLAND.007]

She has a 20 year old son from another failed relationship, must be difficult for him as well.

[@arlenepacker7900]

@@DEUTSCHLAND.007 are you insinuating this is her fault? "She has a 20 year old son from from ANOTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP"

[@karenjones8713]

It's hard on the kids...they will remember everything...

[@stephaniebarry9677]

I've been there, she's scared. She's stayed so long that the gaslighting has worked and her entire identity is that. It's going to take so long to pull herself together again :(

[@meaganmcleod19]

Marriage or not she’s gonna be damaged and that kids gonna be damaged. She’s better off as a single mother then putting up with that guy. It’s terrible how much some women will put up with.

[@9liveslisa]

Cathy, you deserve much better. He's in love with his alcoholism and cheating ways. Set him free. And be more careful when choosing future partners. No rushing. And no settling.

[@luminous6969]

It's too bad she didn't realize she deserves better before she foolishly chose to marry him. There are so many good-natured men out there and it's nothing less than a disastrous decision to choose literally the opposite of marriage material. Then again, people aren't taught by their parents how to choose a good spouse these days, and this is the result.

[@anonymous135]

I stayed too long. Divorced when my son was 13. My son is now 29 and directionless, angry, resentful and blames everyone for his situation....because that's the lesson I taught him by allowing myself to be treated horrendously and not standing up for myself and leaving earlier.

[@yvonnemclaughlin4324]

Get a good lawyer and counselor for both you and your son. This relationship is toxic for the entire family. I’m saying this from love and compassion for healing, no hate. 💕

[@karenjones8713]

She is so emotionally beat-down it's hard for her to say what she thinks out loud...

[@terriesmith2616]

She needs to ask herself why is she tolerating this types of behaviors from her husband? Why is she continuing to stay with him when he clearly doesn't respect her by cheating on her? _"In life, we don't get what we deserve, we get what we are willing to tolerate"_ ~Tony Robbins.

[@Essentialoils4ujess-weagle]

As the spouse of a recovering alcoholic the best thing I did for myself was going to Al-Anon meetings and working on the 12 steps to work on my own recovery. We have a saying "Just drop the Rope"

[@mesangmom]

What does that mean?

[@MariaInIowa]

@@mesangmom it means to have a tug of war requires two people pulling on opposite ends. To drop the rope means to disengage from the struggle. I just started Al-Anon a couple of months ago and have been helped greatly.

[@70s80sVintage]

He broke the covenant of marriage…on multiple levels. Get out. Why people stay with abusive people is beyond me. You’re worth more that that. That you don’t take action after being given the red flags and road signs is a failure of your will to take action. Love is not built on abuse. Where there is abuse, there is no love. Stop fooling yourself.

[@lynnc5291]

This sounds like my parents. Sometimes you do say something to throw gas on the fire because they have had these temper tantrums so frequently you get fed up and honestly sometimes your hurt by what they say so you return the favor. We know it doesn’t solve anything but it feels better than taking it.

[@VonSolo5]

Alcoholics are impossible to help. You have to walk away.

[@Whitericeinmysalad]

Divorce should be a second thought you should be at your OB/GYN getting checked for STDs. 😳

[@selfishcapitalist3523]

It was not physical, she said.

[@olivias2836]

@@selfishcapitalist3523 I wouldn’t trust an alcoholic to be honest about that

[@selfishcapitalist3523]

@@olivias2836 Yeah, right.

[@vickieturner8688]

@@selfishcapitalist3523 Go back and listen again. Actually, she said that there was only one time that he admitted to cheat physically, AS FAR AS SHE KNOWS. The other times was only emotionally cheating with multiple women, AS FAR AS SHE KNOWS!

[@Whitericeinmysalad]

@@selfishcapitalist3523 that’s what they all say.

[@mariebarnes1238]

Husband is a disgusting horrible person. Wife is a very sad pathetic person. Leave & get professional help.

[@olivialam3746]

Emotional abuse sucks you in time and time again. The cycle only breaks when you realize you deserve better and are ready to do what it takes to love yourself and your kids. It took me 7 yrs to have that realization. The good never stays. The bad always comes. My kids don't deserve this. I love them, so I deal with the fear and conflict and break away. Make a plan. Set healthy boundaries. Anything is better than staying in that misery. I wish this woman all the best. God is good.

[@DEUTSCHLAND.007]

They are both dysfunctional and lousy role models. The children are captive in that environment. Sad.

[@laquamartin4602]

Leave miss lady he won't change I'm currently going through this and it's gut retching and I'm currently expecting baby #4 you are devalue yourself work on yourself and raising your children if you have them being in a broken home doesn't service you or your family he has to want change it's self sabotaging behavior.

[@Lianne459]

She has to believe she doesnt deserve better. She needs to protect her kids and herself and get out. This isnt hard. He isnt going to change.

[@kiwiskiwi]

Lets not say it's not hard. It's earth shattering.

[@evanscotbborenstein249]

She has low self-esteem. That's why she's still there.

[@hannahalexie5158]

That’s not fair to say. Some people take their marriage vows seriously.

[@Shaladash]

@@hannahalexie5158 you can take your marriage vows seriously but no where in the Bible does it say to stay with someone who has cheated. Actually Jesus said that would be the only grounds for a divorce

[@kamarwashington]

@lilac sky So what does it mean?

[@klopcodez]

@lilac sky just be quiet already, absolute none sense anyone who cheat deserve to be left before it was death by stone

[@hansonallie]

@@hannahalexie5158 But I think there’s a difference between taking your marriage vows earnestly/seriously as opposed to hanging in for a lifetime of abuse.

[@karadaniel6334]

Oh wow, she blames herself for everything!! So sad and so codependent. Get treatment for this! There is help for you and it starts with properly assigning the blame and shame to the perpetrator. Do this for yourself and your child! There is hope on the other side when you get out of the gaslit fog

[@morgandawn6413]

I just wanna give her a hug. Sometimes you just have to walk away to save yourself. Trust me. You'll be grateful you did.

[@crystalglopez91623]

I like John, but today’s advice was not good. He can see that her husband doesn’t even like her . She obviously doesn’t know how to take charge of her life … she needs someone to tell her to run for her life !!!

[@sonyadeantonio]

I know just tell her to leave already. He danced around it the whole time. Her kid is gonna be scared if she sticks around.

[@texan903]

She needs to have intense counseling, patience, understanding. Her prayer should be for complete, total healing.

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

Yeah, swing and a miss....again. Perhaps if it was an alcoholic wife that cheats, he would be clearer. Poor kids. They are damaged already.

[@nikan7704]

I liked your comment at first but I have to add my thoughts. I really liked what John did tell her. He put the responsibility for staying in the situation on to her shoulders. From the way she talked it seems apparent that she knows it's all wrong and yet she has chosen to stay for 7 years through it all- even now, she doesn't really seem to be considering leaving all that seriously. So I think John's strategy was to let her know that if she stays the responsibility for her miserable life is on her now. If this behavior continues it's her own fault now. She has the power to leave and change her life and change her son's life. She can't keep blaming her husband for her miserable life if she doesn't do anything to change it. I really appreciated how he stressed that her son is watching all of this and learning from it. I think that may just be the only motivation strong enough at this point for her to actually do something about it.

[@unhealingwithsandy]

@@nikan7704 Ideally she would just leave. It's obvious to the rest of us that is the reasonable solution. But she hasn't and isn't leaving because there is a deep block to that and so telling her to "just leave" won't cut it. So I agree. Even if she did do that which she probably won't, she will likely just leave and find someone else like him unless she opens her eyes to the idea that she is abusing herself by making choices to allow people like this to be in her life.

[@summerdowlig]

Why would he change? You aren't going anywhere he can do what he wants and when and how without remorse I'd stay to.

[@scottkelley4517]

Sounds like you needed to leave like 6 years ago.

[@tiffanynicoley]

From my experience my mom is bipolar and when she is “sick” she says and does horribly abusive things she would never do when she is not sick. It’s like her personality completely changes, I am the enemy, and she has no empathy. However that being said not taking care of your mental illness and then taking it out on your family is NOT fair.

[@kctexan]

Her husband is a malignant narcissist and he's making her (and the children) pay the price. Get out. Get out now. I was married to one for 20 years and it was only looking back from the outside that I realized it for what it was. It's very hard to see the forest for the trees when you're in the middle of it. From one Kansas girl to another -- Get out now. You'll be glad you did in the long run.

[@clayhealey8428]

This dude is gonna get a rude awakening when she leaves him.

[@donnafontaine2799]

Oh yay!!

[@wonder12374]

Sounds like this caller knew what she was getting into when she accepted the marriage . Sounds like the typical empath who has childhood trauma (which is why they are an empath) wanting to fix her husband while ignoring herself in the process. Poor woman is putting up with way more than that man would put up with from her. Hes a Narcissist she can't fix this needs to fix herself.

[@roserowley911]

Trauma bond dance 😢

[@chadhart209]

Thank you, Dr. John! This is what I experienced as the child of two alcoholic parents. The temper tantrums, the passive-aggressive comments, etc. I wish I had a program like this to turn to when I was much younger.

[@meancarleen]

If she stays; her son will be just like his father and daughter will end up with a man just like him

[@cg741graf5]

Oh Dear please stop believing that you deserve this cycle. Get you and your child counseling and get out. Your child is becoming wired to have anxiety and pain. Get a new counselor….please.

[@alstroemeria227again4]

It’s like she hasn’t accepted what he is and the fact that HE has ruined the marriage. I’m glad John told her to speak clearly and tell the truth about what is happening. I hate divorce but she needs to pack up and get out of there ASAP.

[@jodysmith8048]

This first Women is so fake she doesn't know weather she comming or going she sounds like she's not sure of anything an she's putting the blame all on him she's keeping somthing because she not fessing up the whole truth

[@lyndaslocs]

Wy is she blaming herself for her spouse's pathology?

[@FourSeasons04]

A leopard doesn't changes its spots; the guy he is today is who he was when she married him. The big question for me is, why did she marry him in the first place. No one deserves to live in misery, but unfortunately, she chose it. He has to choose to fix himself and she needs to focus on healing herself; and if that means divorce, so be it.

[@kristaw2686]

A lot of bad people put on a very good act in the beginning. There are always warning signs but they're hard to see sometimes in the moment.

[@budgiebirdy]

But unfortunately, she's also choosing that life for her son. Her son is going to resent her if she stays.

[@terriesmith2616]

100% agreed with you. She choose to marry him and choose to continue to stay with him after multiple affairs. She sounds very co-dependant.

[@Lisa-vu5vi]

@@kristaw2686 So true

[@jdkayak7868]

My mom's like this, perhaps its why I'm a bit cold hearted and have no sympathy for druggies or people without any willpower to change themselves (when they're destroying the world around them). Happy when they change but could care less if they die.

[@jillians5792]

This is just exhausting. Who wants to live with that level of drama?

[@melb2734]

And that's gaslighting nonsense... Thank you John. It was harmful to my mental health to believe gaslighting nonsense. Yes, no one is perfect but feeling like something was wrong with me and I had to meet some vague ever-changing standard to be lovable led to isolation and suicidal thoughts.

[@Hillside-Hive]

So she has a strong personality and he's allowed to cheat because of it??? Man, someone tell her to run

[@mikedoyle5901]

Don’t marry a person who can’t get to the point.

[@EmperatrizNyhnaLaw]

I feel bad for her because he is an alcoholic but she was already annoying me a few minutes. Talking in circles and not trying to spit it out. She for sure is annoying but probably still nice!

[@33Jenesis]

Weak man who can’t face his responsibility thus escaping into drinking and cheating. She overestimated her love, power, and ability dealing with this weak man. He may have potential in her eyes but it is most likely her imagination. This marriage is dead.

[@hoiendehe]

So what's her household income?

[@benwhitnell]

Sell the husband, pay off your house!

[@renedl22]

Rice and beans and deliver pizzas 🍕

[@Tristum1970]

Sometimes you just have to call it....

[@traetonmcglohon4563]

Can we just take out "for better and for worst" in the marriage vowels

[@vaska1999]

I never thought about it, but you have an interesting point there. "in sickness and in health" is perfectly clear, as is "for richer and for poorer". But what does "for better or for worse" actually mean? What kind of situations does it refer to?

[@Jane5720]

Time to GO, You don’t have to give it your all and you don’t have to be patient, THIS IS HIS ACTIONS, He is so playing you!!

[@BSCTrainerRob]

Found out my girl was cheating on me so I left ..... week later find out she's pregnant...and I'll spare the details but yes it's my baby and yes I am sure..... so I'm giving her and my future a second chance for the baby's sake . I know there's a good chance it will end with us sharing custody and/or in a bitter battle.--- IF she doesn't change. And it's not that indont believe she doesn't want to change, it's that I can't believe her at this point. I keep just trying to think about the baby....but yes I do love the mother.............help!

[@Mrs.Rekkr11]

If you’re both willing to give it another go, give it a shot. You’re assuming a huge risk on your part, being the betrayed party, but I can assure you that people do change. Having been through this myself (my husband being the cheater) I can tell you that if she changes her actions, you’ll know. I gave my husband a limited time to prove to me with his actions that he was going to make this right. We have 4 children together and I had just found out I was pregnant with my 4th child when it all came crashing down. It has been a little over 2 years since then and we are doing better than ever. There’s a KZbin channel that I listen to, I think it’s called Hope for Healing and it helped us a lot. One thing I can tell you is don’t just take her word for it, let her prove it daily with her actions. My husband and I are open with everything, including our phones, etc. Neither of us has any social media aside from KZbin or Pinterest. You both need to go over boundaries. My husband doesn’t have any “girl” friends and I don’t have any “guy” friends aside from the ones we know very well TOGETHER or family. I never put myself in a situation that requires a risk to my marriage either, it’s just asking for trouble.

[@kristenivory628]

Get a dna test

[@blueseptember2174]

How are things now?

[@BSCTrainerRob]

@@blueseptember2174 literally as good as they can be given the situation.. getting married soon. And my 8 month old son changed my life and is the best

[@vaska1999]

​@@BSCTrainerRob I hope your marriage works out for all three of you. Congratulations on your little one! 🎉

[@flamingmonferno]

The sad thing is All can be traced back to how his relationship with the father is. Men aren’t born this way we are transformed this way.

[@Anangelfromabove]

I hope she figures it out! I want to shed light that this happens to men too yet we don’t always give them the attention we give women.

[@grantguy8933]

leave.

[@Rp-pc1rl]

Good advice, but she had a had a really hard time getting it out.

[@nicoles4257]

she needs to be in counseling for herself and not to save her marriage. she sounds really broken down and has low self esteem. she'll continuously be in these types of relationships

[@reanukeeves2564]

Leave that "I work hard" child. Don't allow that mentality to leave an impression on your boy

[@cmsbeth]

SO much is wrong with her husband...not just one thing. Narcissists don't change. Leave and never look back.

[@zeal4god402]

People sadly drinking their pain away, yet the pain remains. Thank God there are people like me who worship the pain away!

[@Magical_Makeup_UK]

Life’s too short for this

[@pixeldemon3267]

Gaslighting is terrible.

[@Catseye189]

Trying to prove your love by how much you tolerate breeds his contempt. Don't make a man tell you he doesn't want you twice or more. Believe it when someone shows you who they are. Leave

[@jesusisthelordofall4715]

I love this guys advice!

[@majoroldladyakamom6948]

One of my fav expressions? I'm not a codependent. It's your problem. 🤣

[@isabellaolivia5712]

Depends. Great video!!! They shouldn't break up, marriage is for better for worst remember !!! We should be careful on money useage, if you are not spending to earn back, then stop spending.

[@jamesandrew724]

People will be kicking themselves in few weeks if they miss the opportunity to buy and invest in Crypto as it's retracing....BE WISE

[@aliciamartin5809]

Stocks are good but Crypto is better

[@lindahollar4657]

I wanted to trade Crypto but got confused by the fluctuations in price

[@paigedeanne5829]

@Morgan Imm I heard that his strategies are really good

[@victoriajones1599]

My first investment with Mr Adam Walter earned me profit of over $25,530 US dollars ever since then he has been delivering

[@billyjohnson9166]

She’s gotta get out.

[@COINsimp2024]

She's laughing, but it's not funny.

[@starlightdreamer1999]

Some people laugh because they are nervous.

[@Marco-fn6kg]

sell the car

[@majoroldladyakamom6948]

Pretty sure that this is a RE-POST... Anyone else?

[@candyluna2929]

Before the start: YEEEESSS

[@landob56]

Bounce Girl....

[@auroramothergoddess]

And the men say “pIcK a wIfE cArEfUlLy tHeY iNiTiAtE 60% oF tHe dIvOrCeS”

[@missypredum1561]

Things is and can be fixed but weigh out circumstances and do not make others responsible for our behaviors. We seem to think evolution is real and we should really taking the high road and doses of GROWN UPS TAKE TIME TO LET ELDERS TELL YOU LIFE IS ALWAYS CHANGING.

[@Mitchmyoutube]

Yes lol

[@vaska1999]

Not funny

[@meancarleen]

ALL that energy she is putting into him and trying to save that sorry excuse of a marriage would be put to better use being put into herself and her children and making sure they are in a healthy, happy environment EVEN IF it means it's a single parent household

[@rickdeckard4735]

Wow, this guy sounds like a real mess - wonder why she didn't choose to date and marry someone who wasn't a complete trainwreck! You reap what you sow ladies.

[@blueseptember2174]

They lie and put on a complete different persona until after the wedding. Happened to me. His family knew but they said nothing about past misdealings.

[@vaska1999]

She didn't sow anything bad and nasty to be reaping all this abuse now.

[@brendasmith8008]

Cathy go to Alanon! It will change your life 😊

[@toothybj]

Is John wearing a Deftones shirt? Nice 👍

[@enaibee1661]

this made me cry

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

Wonder if she drove the husband to drink? It's possible the husband needed a buzz and girlfriend to just deal with her...

[@ragingryhino5817]

My thoughts exactly

[@lynnebucher6537]

If he's so weak he can't handle life's challenges without cheating and drinking himself into oblivion, he shouldn't be married anymore.

[@blueseptember2174]

That is not how these things go

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

@@blueseptember2174 This is exactly how these things go...

[@blueseptember2174]

@@GardenerEarthGuy let me be clear. That was not my experience.

[@TheSunshinefee]

only women ask stupid questions like 'i am getting abused, should i stay and give him a chance?'. if you have to ask yourself this question, you deserve the position you are in

[@brixhaven1196]

Some people have been made to question every decision they make since childhood. It’s messed up but those people just need someone they respect to give them permission to do what they already know is right.