My Husband Watches Too Much YouTube and Won’t Get a Real Job

My Husband Watches Too Much KZbin and Won’t Get a Real Job
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[@jdtreharne]

Oh man, I used to be that guy minus the kids. Spent all day on KZbin and reddit instead of working. Fortunately I had good people around me who told me I was depressed. Strangely enough I didn't recognize my own depression until two different people pointed it out to me. Got a job. Refound purpose. Doing much better now.

[@weekendnomad5038]

Glad you got better . My husband is doing this on his off days it’s making me insane

[@AndTeeter]

​@@weekendnomad5038 I was the same way with video games. I found a single player game I loved and it wasn't long before it was boring. I dont play games any more, but it took a while to actually lose interest.

[@ineedhoez]

Congratulations!!!

[@tcggggg]

Hmm.. currently that myself..

[@howdyfucker443]

​@@tcgggggsame here man lol on KZbin all day

[@respectabletampodcast]

I must say, being mad at your husband for sending his time on KZbin and then getting a KZbin video prepared just to address him, is legendary. The advice was great.

[@k.s.k.7721]

This is the type of situation where the husband will call the show in 6 months and ask why his wife left with no warning.

[@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY]

I grew up as the daughters in this scenario, my father worked very inconsistently and for years at a time, not at all. He was deeply depressed, in all fairness a counselor should have been involved from his youth but there was no professional help. My dad had been unemployed for 3 years when he came to me the day I graduated high school. He confided in me he was ready to change, he was going to get his CDL and go drive trucks. He went to school all that summer and by August he signed on making 20k more a year than my mom, a teacher with her masters. He now makes double her income 7 years later, and he does anything he can to pay her back for the years he failed her. But no one did this for him, he had to wake up. We kept loving him and kept modeling our own successes as best we could. My parents are still married after 31 years.

[@jones2277]

so the moral of the story is to continue to enable him until he decides to grow up?

[@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY]

@@jones2277 I don't really know if there is a moral to the story, except that my mother chose to stand by him until he was ready to make a change. I'm under no illusions this was the best or the only way for my parents to come back together, but they did manage to come out to the other side of their problems and are now happier than ever.

[@jones2277]

@@LOLZHAHANOTFUNNY ok. fair enough. bc i've seen the worst possible outcome too.

[@KVW110]

Kinda sounds like your high school graduation awakened something in him. Life changes tend to do that to a lot of us. Glad it worked out for your parents.

[@DavidRamseyIII]

Have you come out normal?

[@marymccann6110]

Thank you Dr Deloney for calling out laziness that is wrapped in the cloak of "ministry."

[@Jaycarbrownie12]

Right no where in the Bible it says for us to be lazy . In the Bible it speaks of sluggards

[@user-do2ev2hr7h]

I've known a lot of people who have devoted a lot of time to various ministries and they ALL took care of their responsibilities first.

[@larissagonzales6075]

I've dated guys like this and there is nothing more demeaning. I will never get with a man who doesn't have a good work ethic because I don't want to feel like I'm a Mom.

[@crazyleaf257]

What if my man works good ass off every day for a terrible job and has no drive to get better for himself and me?? He has a great work ethic but accepts crumbs from employers doesn't fight for his worth

[@lazybeastz182]

somtimes he is just depressed and need ur help u dont haver to be a mom but just show him some compassion

[@hannahnymous]

​@@lazybeastz182if a man is depressed and lazy, he's not ready for a relationship and should work on himself first or he will end up being a liability to his wife and kids

[@lazybeastz182]

@@hannahnymous i would date a girl if she was lazy but hot its all about how sexual you are

[@chiobabe2180]

@@lazybeastz182don’t have time for it . Women have to preserve their youth & beauty, not play therapist & have the life sucked out of them by some depressed loser. It’s your life HE needs to get help.

[@ChrisAcetoPriest]

I thought this was my wife that called in for a sec

[@Maestroxxx1]

It is...

[@truthseeker6370]

Better do better man

[@Iburn247]

Haha 😂

[@sbentsen2714]

I spent years serving at my church, prioritizing serving over career and school choices, it was only after my fiance and I broke up and Covid hit that I really started to see the truth, I'm done with putting serving above working and taking care of my family. Sorry, but at the end of the day nobody's going to come pay my bills, I have to take care of business 🙏🏼

[@roofieandraggy16]

No!!!! Copeland needs another jet😅

[@superblump87]

Religion is a man-made construct designed to control people.

[@johnjeremih]

There is something called "balance"

[@fatemad4012]

​@@superblump87religion is for lazy people it has some good but it should be balanced

[@hannahnymous]

Good job! God created men to be providers and protectors. And if a man is called for marriage, being a provider and protector is his primary obligation to God. God hates lazy and deadbeat husbands and fathers

[@aarg2609]

I’m a trucker and watch/listen to KZbin sooooo much! This guy has options.

[@firefly9838]

I doubt money is the only issue here.

[@truckerstruckingwithtrucks522]

@Angel same 🤣

[@MichaelJones-rn2pq]

1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

[@MsDorcelus]

Yes, that part!

[@josephpapino]

Marriage is your first ministry! Let me say it louder for the people in the back! 🗣🗣🗣

[@britneyog9537]

👏🏻🙌🏻

[@happycook6737]

Yes! Husband is to care for and love wife like Jesus loves his bride- the body of Christ which are the believers!

[@dove.9833]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@michellesertage5089]

It took me so long to realize this, but it is so true! I quit my job in a church ministry because of the negative impact it had on my mental well-being and thus on my husband.

[@Anangelfromabove]

Just the fact she says “I’m enabling” says a lot about her. Props to her for being aware

[@brendamoon2660]

That's not awareness that's brainwashing. He's told her everything is her fault until she believes it. If she stops paying his bills he will find the next one to pay instead. The only one enabling him is him. My ex husband was like this. He lived with a new girlfriend within weeks of our separation, has been married two more times and is engaged to a third one. Men like this have choosen mooching as their career.

[@productioninquiry8937]

@@brendamoon2660 Your response is insightful. Thank you.

[@lalakuma9]

Somewhat, but she thinks that her husband not finding a job is her fault. It's not. It's HIS responsibility.

[@Anangelfromabove]

@@brendamoon2660 Oh boy I’m so sorry! I hope things are better now! Right, I think this woman definitely was brainwashed in some way. Hope she gets things figured out

[@bigcahuna42366]

Amen Dr John! His "service" cannot be called a ministry. "For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?" - I Timothy 3:5

[@LydiaALau]

I feel so blessed to have married a hard-worker and provider ❤ "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" 1 Tim 5:8

[@happycook6737]

It also says in the Bible, if you don't work neither shall ye eat! All the original disciples worked! The take care of your household is for people who are truly disabled or too old to work.

[@lisam6461]

This man is somewhat lazy. Ask him if he would want his daughters to be married to someone like him and see what his answers would be.

[@Reshme77]

I asked that to my ex " would you want your daughters to be treated this way?" and he said "I don't care" needless to say he is my ex

[@boymom77]

it's sad because she wants to keep her family together especially if he's not a bad person but lack of providing is not a husband.

[@dansteuer1411]

Plot twist: The Husband is watching this video right now as we speak and preparing an argument against the wife.

[@SuperDobieGirl]

This was basically why I divorced mine in 1985. A highly skilled dental technician he just kept getting fired for stupid stuff, then wring his hands and say what was I supposed to do, let them treat me like that? Uh YEAH......you are. I was never more than a wage earner and I just couldn't do it anymore. Dumping him was the best thing I could have done for all of us... Life has been good for me.

[@starrjohnson1327]

I know a woman who is going through this. Her husband has been fired from 2 high paying jobs. And he's cheating! I wish she would leave but she doesn't want to be "single"😑.

[@joymattson8549]

@@starrjohnson1327 why are women so brainwashed in this society to be afraid or ashamed of being single? I really just don't get it at all.

[@starrjohnson1327]

@@joymattson8549 I believe it is peer pressure and society "standards". I notice that many people follow what others do. It is not easy to stand alone. Many people secretly want to be brave enough to do something but they are afraid of the backlash-gossip, shaming, being looked down upon. It is sad

[@vr8921]

@@starrjohnson1327the way i see it - the haters are already talking trash might as well do whats best for you - plus it gives those boring haters a new topic since their lives are so pathetic the highlight is just gossiping about others 😂

[@LG_Xclnt]

​@@starrjohnson1327 Well that's when u have to decide is my peace or other people's opinion about my life choices more important.

[@RO-ir1on]

This definitely resonates with me. My situation was similar to this, and I got to the point of we fix this, or you are sending me a clear message I am not worth it. A year later we split. Do what is best for your kids, and unfortunately that sometimes means leaving a relationship where you are drowning. I loved that analogy because that was exactly how I felt!

[@unlisted333]

My question is, has he ever been a provider? This the perfect example of you get what you prioritize in dating.

[@jill9606]

Oof… you are so right. If he has never been, she can’t really expect him to be a totally different person now

[@RandomPerson-nd2ey]

Exactly! She dated him, married him, and etc. What did she expect? I won't believe that she didn't have other options of men who worked their butts off but chose to go with the bum.

[@unlisted333]

@@RandomPerson-nd2ey Exactly! Most women don’t date enough to have other options or they choose a partner hoping they improve after saying ‘I do’ and then want to complain about marriage in general. No, the vetting process was off.

[@Nah-ah]

@@unlisted333 I agree 💯!! But as I navigate the “Menosphere” content on KZbin, men hate the idea that women dating around and see it as a problem bc they believe women sleep around and that’s not attractive at all! And then they blame women for choosing the wrong guy when they run into these problems! I’ve dated around a fair bit until I found a good, hardworking, salt of the earth man. I think women SHOULD date around in order to find a good man.

[@unlisted333]

@@erichmutchler3262 It is totally possible for couples to take on non-traditional gender roles. It works when both parties are CLEAR about the relationship dynamic that they desire upfront. Here’s the thing, most of the career women out there working like crazy and taking care of a growing family went with the flow and didn’t foresee the burnout they’ll experience after 5 to 10 years of managing all of those expectations. Point is, be honest and find a person who is compatible and don’t force it. Problem solved.

[@joycejudd5109]

her husband very well could be dealing with depression. Clinical, deep depression. Make an appointment for a physical, then see a counselor...and work from there. He needs a fulltime job...and he needs to relocate a purpose in his life. He needs to understand...he's killing himself/his family each moment he's submerged.

[@richardv9648]

No, he could be a Biden Supporter. But she is readying to leave.

[@raptorblarg2284]

He's not depressed he's from Portland. He's a fully functional idiot who can't seem to actually do life.

[@mgbsecteacher]

I quite agree. He has depressive syndrome.

[@skincareceo]

He's just a loser with 9 million excuses.

[@sueblack5794]

@@raptorblarg2284 Ever been to Portland? People are happier there than in the South/midwest where people fake their happiness.

[@cramos8782]

His first ministry is his family!! He needs to take care of his family first.

[@mw87675]

That is true!

[@mynospinzone]

My ex brother in law .. never got a full time job just church .. till this day he still refuses to work it wasn’t until my sister left him that was when he got a job .. that lasted a year

[@JoshuaSigafus]

Dr. Delony, I've been watching more and more of your content... and honestly, at first I wasn't sure that I was going to resonate with a lot of what you were going to say (I'm not even sure why... probably preconcienved ideas about someone coming from a faith-based perspective). But as it turns out, I've listened to you more and more, and I can honestly say that I really appreciate your honesty, genuineness, passion, and knowledge on these topics. You've earned a regular listener! I also just pre-ordered your new book, literally while I was listening to this episode. Thank you for what you do and for helping to make the world a better place! Looking forward to reading your new book and continuing to learn from you.

[@BlessedbytheKingofKings]

Sounds like she was enabling him and he got used to it.

[@Kevintendo]

Lol “white rice in my salad” 🥗

[@nicolcacola]

When you confuse a wife with his mother.

[@ratgrandma6540]

dont blame the wife his momma taught him that how to manipulate

[@troyspears6470]

Yeah the wife shouldnt have to act as his mommy. Hes a grown man who needs to take responsibility

[@olivewoo522]

Maybe he could make a channel.

[@Black_Jesus3005]

This is deep. Thanks John and Amy for sharing.

[@taylord1558]

I was the daughter. My dad even said “I’ll get a job when you get a job”, I was around 11 at that time.. There are jobs all around. You can get a job if you want as long as you keep constantly applying everyday to get one

[@3653cdw]

❤

[@christianraduly2797]

I work, and work and work....and my husband does nothing, not even housework. I get up at 4am, clean my home, get ready for work, work 8-10 hours, on my feet all day, climbing up and down tables and ladders to build big things, come home, cook diner, clean again, rinse repeat. Resentment? Me????

[@ladya3302]

Why are you still there?

[@cita_m]

Have you talked to your spouse about this? Or do you like to be the martyr?

[@chiobabe2180]

& you haven’t moved on because?

[@mjfraser04]

I'm 43, no kids, never married, and retired (F.I.R.E.). Videos like this make me so happy that I never got married or had kids.

[@godpilled9077]

You're out of the gene pool, congratulations! 🎉

[@ineedhoez]

I don't understand what getting married and having kids has to do with fire. You could marry someone who also shares the fire vision. I know fire couples do have children. Please stop letting your dismissive avoidant attachment trauma make decisions for you.

[@chiobabe2180]

Sounds miserable & lonely actually

[@mjfraser04]

@@chiobabe2180 Luckily you’re not me and I’m not you then.

[@chiobabe2180]

@@mjfraser04 absolutely!

[@frostyk1371]

Yo Yo Yo Dr. D, you and your platform was made for me. Good move Ramsey Solution this dude is for real...💙💜

[@michaelescobar3746]

Is it just me, or is John acting differently today?

[@beccadotelpy]

Yes, it's like someone told him to be more aggro or something. If that's true it was a bad note. He's trying too hard.

[@ashleygarcia9565]

Lots of interrupting the callers lately…. 😬

[@hadenanderson563]

Like a rude, sarcastic know-it-all

[@huberttrocks]

@@hadenanderson563 Gotta watch out for that when you have two PhDs!

[@KVW110]

What, John can't be human like the rest of us? Maybe it's an off day for him, or something happened in his personal life. Despite what I got told while working customer service, you cannot just switch off when you walk in the door.

[@boymom77]

What's worse is when the inlaws enable them too. My inlaws treat my husband like he's a baby.

[@staceystrukel1917]

That’s usually the root of situations like these. Adult men and women don’t know how to take care of themselves when they are babied by their parents. Then they will manipulate their spouse into being a surrogate parent. It’s very difficult to get someone out of these life long behaviors.

[@mikehonchoboi]

I’m so glad I don’t live with someone that looks at me like a bum. People need picked up. You aren’t going to make a man work more and live with passion by calling him a POS.

[@terriesmith2616]

@L Cam You leave, that's what you do. It takes two to tango, so if you're dating a loser pos, then it's up to you to decide whether you are going to tolerate it or not. But this caller has been tolerating and enabling her husband's laziness for 15 years so she's just as much to blame as he is. She choose to marry and have kids with this man, knowing he lacks ambition. Both are at fault. It's not just one or the other. It takes two in a marriage.

[@latinaalma1947]

A man decides whomand what he will be you are right no amount of begging, pleading , threats of walking out will change him only he can change him but you have a responsibility to yourself FIRST...a man who.will not loft a finger for formyeard is a child but he is not his womans child. Paralyzed from the neck down, a different story in a vegetative state different story..same goes for a man a woman who.refuses to lift a finger without a very valid health reason a man should not tolerate either.

[@hoghs1]

It’s a living situation that is expected one way and called being immature the other way. I’m proud of this guy for letting the woman lead the way. They wanted it they got it. Play your videos games guys you owe society nothing.

[@ineedhoez]

​@@hoghs1 that is not how it works, when you have kids and are married. Those 2 decisions automatically mean you owe something to society. Stay single and don't procreate, if you don't want to be encumbered

[@minervagalvez4748]

Bad behavior is STOPPED IMMEDIATELY AS IN NOW...not 15 years later...She is just as guilty as he is. BOUNDARIES ARE A MUST!!!

[@troyspears6470]

But shes also not his Mom. Hes a grown man who should understand this on his own. It shouldn’t be on the wife to force her husband to do those things

[@terriesmith2616]

@@troyspears6470 It's not about force. It's about boundaries, it's about tolerance. It's about how much the wife is willing to tolerate and she obviously tolerated her husband's laziness and lack of ambition for 15 years. She should've put a stop to it from the get go. She's just as much to blame as her lazy husband. It takes two to be in the relationship. If one is unwilling to tolerate such behaviors, then the other wouldn't be able to get away with it.

[@jamesjodon7038]

How many guys watching this are thinking “is this my wife?”

[@larissagonzales6075]

If she takes care of the kids and house it is not a question or issue.

[@jesrovalenzuela1346]

@@larissagonzales6075ok lol

[@starlingswallow]

John, your face is HILARIOUS from min 1:03 to 1:50 😂😂😂 You told her to drop it, *and she DID!*

[@havva8675]

My guy hasn't been working full time in over 8 years and it's took a complete breakdown/ breakup 💔 for him to take an initiative, get a full-time job and seek help for his depression.

[@chucksmith9772]

The man's job is to provide......period. Unless both parties agree to swap roles, then that's the way it is.

[@computerguy1579]

The proper formula for starting a business or a non-profit or whatever other project that someone believes has the potential to grow is to have a steady, decent-paying job that you reliably work at from 9-5, then outside of work hours work on your side hustle, business, non-profit, etc. The side things aren't going to pay all the bills (and may never pay off at all). You only quit your job after the side thing is paying the bills, and only when it has been doing so reliably for at least a couple of years to avoid thinking things are better in a year that just happened to do really well. Along with that is careful budgeting and managing of money. Most people I hear from that don't follow this, but choose to quit so they can focus on building a business (or whatever thing) that doesn't currently make money, is because they are completely unhappy with their job. In those cases, it's just better to go find a new job that you can be happy at, and focus on the side business because you enjoy that business, not as a way to completely get out of a situation you don't like. You get out of bad situations with consistent effort and gradually. Just like losing weight, you may be 100 lbs overweight and not expect to be to a healthy weight for a year or two. But during that time, while making consistent effort, you'll steadily lose weight until you're 80 lbs overweight, 60 lbs overweight, etc. So while you may not have your dream body immediately, it gets closer and you see the results as you have patience. Same with getting into better life situations. TLDR: Someone who quits everything to work side job or non-profit that doesn't pay is really just making excuses to make him/her feel better about not working rather than facing reality and handling his/her problems directly.

[@marisastoneobrien7834]

This is exactly what I wanted to say.

[@computerguy1579]

@Wyatt Borden I re-read my comment you replied to, and I realize it was worded to sound very opinionated. I've started 3 successful businesses -- all going the route that described in my comments. The first two I grew, then sold, and I'm still working on my current one. It's always possible I may sell it or keep it. I think I was responding in an opinionated way based on the story in this video. And while I still am a big fan of starting businesses the way I described (working on them on the side while working a full-time job), I've also met plenty that like the "burn the ships" strategy of quitting their job so they're forced to go full-on into whatever business they're starting. These are the people that give themselves no options so they do whatever it takes to get their business successful (even if it means working 80 hours a week). These people will typically have a well-thought out plan before doing it. I think the point I was really getting at for the person talked about in this video is that he was making excuses not to work because he was working on a non-profit. Maybe that was truly the case. The problem is that in this case, it wasn't paying the bills, and his wife had to work, resulting in her feeling like he spends all of his time working on a "hobby" that doesn't do anything for the family, and she has to take on all the extra work. Maybe this was something that he started where he quit his job to start a non-profit, but he didn't have any parameters on how long he should be working on it until it is determined that it is no longer viable. I've had failed ventures myself. I always have a plan on how long I work on them and at what point I determine it is not worth it anymore. This saves so much time rather than spinning your wheels on something that never pans out. In short, I realize my initial response might have been overly opinionated. I understand that there are other ways to start a business. I just have seen so many talk about starting businesses who have not done any research, resulting in them failing. This isn't bad, but it is bad for someone to rely on another person to pay for their lives. In this case, the husband was expecting his wife to do all the work while he worked on a venture that was not going anywhere. Have you started any successful businesses going a different route? I typically like commenting on videos because I like hearing other perspectives and what other people do. How long do you think someone should work on a business before they determine it is not going anywhere? Just interested in your thoughts if you have any. (No worries if you don't -- people are busy, and responding on KZbin typically is just for entertainment anyway).

[@fatemad4012]

​@@computerguy1579what the none profit? How can it be sussceful and bring money?

[@britneyog9537]

He is lazy... my husband is the bread winner and I don't have to work (need to is a better way of putting it). I work for many reasons: I want to, it's important for both to contribute to the household and society, be self actualized, one day he may not be here, his job/health isn't always promised, and so, so much more. I work part-time on the weekends as a nurse in the CCU and it's demanding/stressful, and I take care of our house/kids full-time. There is ZERO excuse for this guy. And, I'm sorry, but he should WANT to be in this with her. How embarrassing he should feel. I'm sorry, lady. Expectations are crucial in a marriage annnnd for self respect.

[@whitneyw.7919]

Oddly enough, the callers husband is basically just like you.. works part time and stays home w/ kids.

[@zeal4god402]

Yes, consistent conversations on expectations

[@zeal4god402]

@@whitneyw.7919I think she is upset too that he is spending more time on screens than engaging with her

[@araineacutebrownnurse7315]

💯👌🏾

[@britneyog9537]

@@whitneyw.7919 how? She said he doesn't work. And, to be honest, there is more issues at hand then just the job. Sounds like detachment.

[@andrewyoder88]

A little constructive criticism if I may John..The longer I've been watching these I've noticed it happening almost every call where you interrupt with the "let me stop you right there" while the caller is explaining back story etc.. And while I 100 percent believe it is intended in a positive way, it interrupts the caller who is most times nervous about calling in to the show. Personally I would much rather be able to finish my opening speech and not have to come back and try to remember where I was at with it.

[@Mrs.T305]

Nope it's not a monologue and a lot of the times, the back history is irrelevant.

[@RMMomma4Eva]

There's only so much time and they've heard the same thing before many times. So they can quickly see where the callers are going and just cut through the windup to get to the meat.

[@hadenanderson563]

I'm surprised that John immediately referred to the husband a LOSER.

[@e.samoor8323]

Because he is!

[@IceColdProfessional]

He's a loser and probably can't perform sexually.

[@sueblack5794]

Well he is. unless they agreed for him to stay at home to take care of the kids, he is lazy.

[@ILmachiner]

Surprised? John is a clear misandrist!

[@JoeyTheBeaster]

Yea he seems to be projecting

[@zeal4god402]

But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. 1 Timothy 5:8

[@grantarmbruster6591]

Wives spin-offs mission to their own husbands even if their own husband is an unbeliever to win him towards the Lord

[@LauraMAvila]

1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

[@Bill-up9xw]

Omg im dying at Dr Delony's face! Can't help it but he can't even hide it lol!

[@otsam1050]

John seems to always be more harsh and unforgiving with husbands than wives. If it's a wife, he'll say maybe she's depressed etc and he she let her know he loves her and is there to help support her out of whatever rut she's in.

[@JuancoPRoFlow]

Yea. Straight up simp.

[@otsam1050]

@@JuancoPRoFlow 💯 I've noticed that about him.

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

Because men don’t matter to the blue pilled masses. Didn’t you know that our only purpose is to pay bills and die?

[@anonamous365]

yup have to tell women what they want to hear.

[@jones2277]

he probably has that old-fashioned idea about men being providers and protectors.

[@mariatrining4083]

Well said Dr. Delony 👏

[@jenniferclark9842]

I'd tell him to “get a job or I'll send you back to your mother.” Because he clearly doesn't want a wife, he wants a mother.

[@SeanBaker]

I watch entirely too much KZbin, and I have a very good job.

[@Christystcyrallen]

Same and a business 😂😂😂

[@jesrovalenzuela1346]

Same here. I love it 🤌

[@anniecurtis9641]

Reverse the gender roles and see how that conversation would go.

[@mistytyndall3228]

It should go both ways.. lazy is lazy

[@jesrovalenzuela1346]

They well say that the man is the problem why his wife is like that lol

[@UnAnonKnown]

If you’re a stay at home parent the house is your job - I don’t care if you’re a man or woman. The cleaning, the laundry, and the cooking is all you. And anything child related is all you until your spouse comes home - then it becomes 50-50. If you work part time then you take on as much of this stuff as you can until your partner comes home - then you split what’s left. This may be a bit more loose in the post partum period but once the kids are in school, stick to these rules.

[@jillpruett4772]

School is a BeforeTime concept.We no longer can rely on schools as a dependable child care solution. When a couple decides to have children there needs to be a recognition that those kids are a full time career. This is where a business boutique solution comes in.

[@marktheshark2569]

@@jillpruett4772 what, r u saying every couple who has a child should have a stay at home parent. That’s stupid, how about getting a job and stop being lazy. If u can work from home then that perfectly fine, but not producing any income is disgraceful unless their disabled or mentally somethings wrong with them

[@jillpruett4772]

@@marktheshark2569 I am saying that there needs to be realistic planning of careers for a couple that accommodates raising a family. The harsh reality that showed up with covid is that whoever is primary caregiver probably has less choice about earning. Maybe more likely to work the overnight shift or run a small business from home.

[@marktheshark2569]

@@jillpruett4772 that’s perfectly fine but did u see the words you used which is what I said, they need to work in some capacity. Whether from home or part time key thing is actually working

[@UnAnonKnown]

@@jillpruett4772 Schools are very much a dependable thing. We’re not going to base our entire lives/career paths on a pandemic that comes once a blue moon and in this case, lasted 1.5 years. God ... imagine foregoing any career that can’t be done from home over a 15-20 year period JUST IN CASE... and then nothing happens.

[@Mscookie3131]

She should not be telling her kids “Because , I’m the only one working.” That’s passive aggressive and the tone is condescending. Children don’t know if one parent should be working or not unless you tell them. What about stay at home parents?

[@JeffreyEpstein777]

I thought this was my wife at first, because of how much dr John I watch

[@gardenofe12]

Is there any reason why her husband can’t/won’t work ??!! John is not asking the right questions. Does he have physical/mental issues ?? Did he ever hold a job before when and why did he leave it and for how long ?? Mr. John needs to get the root of the problem.

[@firefly9838]

Ah you’d be a better host. Thank you.

[@Raminakai]

I agree. Most healthy folks want to have a job and be successful.

[@jackcoleman5955]

This man is me, except I provided a single 6-figure income for our family of 5 for 15 years. My wife resented me and called me lazy, and we went to marriage counseling and I couldn’t gain clarity on her needs. I have deep insecurity and during the pandemic I fell into deep depression and considered suicide. I lost my job and she went into a rage at me because I had to go to a mental health hospital. She left me 6 months after I lost my job. John says he values marriage, but he is basically telling her to deliver a hard ultimatum, then divorce this loser. And that is this man’s future - he will soon join me in my loneliness. He needs HELP from men and the church, not a “be a MAN!” speech. America no longer raises men right.

[@cmmcfielful]

Agreed ultimatums don’t work. He already depressed and ultimatums and divorce is going to add to it. This was the wrong advice in my opinion

[@SarahR2D2]

So you can't get another job

[@happycook6737]

Pleasing a wife is easy. Marry the right woman. Don't do anything during dating you won't be doing at the same frequency during marriage. Go to premarital counseling. Make sure your views on money, children, religion, sex, household chores, introvert/extrovert scale, leisure time are compatible. If the woman's attractiveness changed would you still love her? (If answer is no-- don't marry because over time looks fade away on the man and woman). Also great marriages are the result of the man and woman putting in a lot of hard work on relationship building.

[@blueseptember2174]

@@happycook6737 great advice!

[@hadenanderson563]

I hope the dude doesn't hear this call. I've heard John be nicer to thieves.

[@grantarmbruster6591]

John is 99% wrong about this. He is giving this woman permission to divorce her husband because he doesn't earn what she thinks he should..

[@snOags]

Yeah I'm not even done listening to it and I'm thinking this language is a little extreme. I mean "shameful"? Dr d. Heard her explanation for all of 5 seconds.

[@hadenanderson563]

@@snOags Daddy Issues.... Think about it

[@thefoodwench4848]

I hope he heard this he needs a jolt of reality.

[@truckingwithtobee]

She shouldn’t be complaining to her little girls saying that she’s the only one working full-time. They may not understand it now but they’re going to remember that she said that later on.

[@blueseptember2174]

It's the truth though. She can mention it briefly when overwhelmed but don't go into adult detail and make them therapists. But nothing wrong with saying why you're stressed in age appropriate way as we are human.

[@isay207]

Shes enabling

[@winser21]

I thought it was absolutely disgusting when she said that she would essentially blame him for her starting an affair if he didn't do a better job. I don't care what is happening in the marriage, unless there is physical abuse, any affair you engage in is ALWAYS YOUR FAULT.

[@b.1162]

Agreed completely.

[@truthseeker6370]

She did Not say that.

[@ineedhoez]

Agreed! There is no excuse.

[@anonamous365]

enabling lazy spouses is just a mans job

[@nucomers1]

Lol

[@davidhealdjr.513]

Admittedly, I had to watch this to make sure it wasn't my wife.

[@Christystcyrallen]

😂😂😂😂 wake up call

[@lauvasquez7198]

But if she knew this before she married him then what’s the complaining? Is this another example of women expecting men to change? Who people are when dating it’s most likely gonna stay the same after marriage and enhanced once children are added to the mix.

[@covegirl06]

My dad was like this, and I’ve known other men like this as well. They usually have jobs when they first start dating. Once they move in together or start having kids together, that’s when their true colors show. They’ll quit their job because or do things to get themselves fired. And then come up with every excuse for why they can’t find a new job. Some women will realize their partner ain’t the man she thought he was and move on without looking back, and some women will have a harder time moving on

[@JustinBeller]

I will admit that the guy that is described in this video is/was me. My bet is this is largely due to depression and not so much addictions. He may be going through and fighting depression stemming from lack of career. When I was younger I drew a lot of my self worth from the jobs I did and when work didn't go the way I wanted it to, I quit and moved on to something else. I was impatient and I job-hopped a lot. That was really dumb of me, especially with a wife and young son. I never advanced my career and just did lateral moves. Not moving "up" so to speak. I worked at addressing the depression (I still fight it because you never really get over it - you learn to live with it) and I found a better career path. Just being an armchair quarterback here, but this guy needs a really good mental health professional and a really good career counselor. That might put him on the right path, but ultimately it is up to him if he wants to fix things and make things better for him and his family.

[@SonOvaSon]

Its a hurdle all men must face but to go through when your married is a risky game to play, I went through it, luckily I didn’t get my girlfriend at the time pregnant because I would definitely be suffering right now

[@JustinBeller]

@@SonOvaSon I tell most people to not get married. It's not worth it. There's this whole set of expectations one person puts on the other. Rarely is it ever mutual. The stress of trying to live up to these expectations can sometimes be the root cause of depression. I constantly struggle with disappointment because I don't feel I live up to these expectations I "think" have been set upon me, even though I may have a lot of evidence to the contrary. It's just hard to see.

[@xyzsame4081]

Interesting - thanks for sharing.

[@firefly9838]

One of these days I just feel like I’ll end it all. It’s a cruel dog eat dog world. I’ve seen very little compassion in our society and I’m just checked out.

[@JustinBeller]

@@firefly9838 I understand, but don't take a fatal view of the world over bad things you can't control. It is a cruel world, there's no doubt about it, but there are plenty more things out there to get excited about and people who do care and think & feel the same way you do about things. You just have to make the effort to find them.

[@NaruIchiLuffy]

This is why the Ministry of the Word is for celibate priests like St. Paul was, and not for married men. 1 Cor 7, especially 32-35. Once you've chosen marriage, that vocation is the means of your sanctification and is yours till the death of your spouse or of yourself

[@jordanhayes4365]

It felt like Dr. John had some extra built up anger that he let out during this call. I get she needed someone to be blunt, but his response to this call came across more as hateful and judgmental. I hope Dr. John can take a second look at his response here and work on suppressing his personal anger during future calls.

[@JuancoPRoFlow]

Exactly. Very unprofessional.

[@grantarmbruster6591]

@@JuancoPRoFlow not just unprofessional but down right un christian.

[@hadenanderson563]

John does one gig with Jocko and suddenly he's savage? If shock jock is his new thing, fine, but "Let's call it what it is." He was packing the dirty mouth, but Delony doesn't have the street cred to survive it.

[@jerrystauffer2351]

Hard problems require hard solutions.

[@grantarmbruster6591]

@@jerrystauffer2351 good judgment requires both sides to be heard.

[@UpYourArsenal]

"You can't put a Band-Aid on a cancer."... Was *literal* advice from a family member who died of a skin cancer - but applies to everything in life. Even for this caller who tried to put a bandaid on her struggles.

[@williamrodriguez5426]

She is weponizing her kids against her husband... No good.

[@SonOvaSon]

The well is poisoned

[@daradee3593]

He is not hiding it on his end either

[@xyzsame4081]

@@daradee3593 Children do not realize that until someone tells them (that their dad s allegedly or really a deadbeat). Sounds like she is complaining or her parents. She chose that father for the girls she has not business burdening them with that shame.

[@daradee3593]

@@xyzsame4081 I understand that the mother can protect the children and have them believe anything but what lesson does it teach the child ?

[@staceystrukel1917]

The kids have eyes

[@dreamingfool2]

Are you trying to tell me something YT algorithm?

[@Nayahpooh012]

She should absolutely take her money and put it in a different account. Why would he tell her not to do that.

[@theresa78201]

I agree...this is what gives her control over the internet account and other goodies he likes.

[@WallyMerc06]

It blows my mind how many men willfully fail their partners and here I am itching for a chance some day to be the best man my future wife ever met.

[@aledomer6805]

Exactly. Don't ever change that about yourself

[@musicpro7278]

Yes same

[@eliezeretecap]

Be careful with what you wish, or you may end up with a wife who treats you like a lazy idiot like this female caller.

[@roofieandraggy16]

Dont bother. It wont be enough.

[@kristinam2719]

It felt like the doc had more info about the caller and her situation than we did, perhaps prior to taking her call? Wonder what his response would have been if a husband called in and had similar complaints about his wife? I think this segment should be titled husband is not pulling his weight in the family because what if wife makes enough money and just needs him to be a decent house husband!

[@hadenanderson563]

Delony looked like a fool.

[@snOags]

Yeah agreed. If this was turned around and a man was calling in with the same complaints I highly doubt Dr. D would be saying she is "shameful" or calling her a "child"

[@ineedhoez]

​@@snOags bs...

[@ineedhoez]

When has a woman ever say at home, done nothing, not cared for the kids, and just flubbed off all day? Women aren't built like that.

[@miracleroa5683]

You are spot on John. My ex always in his computer and he found his replacement of me from the internet always on his computer. I found out because the sister of his new wife now messaged me anonymously on Facebook messenger. This was 2 years before his now sister in law message me. Something is going on with her husband in that internet

[@levibond2555]

Lots of full time job openings around Portland, OR.

[@debrahatfield7712]

here’s the thing from a purely Biblical perspective the Bible says if a man who is able bodied will not work then he doesn’t get to eat that’s the bottom line and John is right about the bad example this man is setting for his daughters it’s very damaging to the children I’ve seen it in my sister’s children

[@lalakuma9]

Dr is right, her husband is setting a bad example for their children. I have some relatives who lived the same situation, the wife works and take care of the kids, while the husband is a deadbeat who quits every job he gets and lies around the house doing nothing. They have 2 sons, and one of them grew to up to be like just like his dad. He even owed loan sharks money so he, his wife, and 2 kids all eventually had to leave town.

[@evelynsierra5775]

This is a replica of my life, except I didn't Influence him on staying home. My husband of 21 years Cooks, cleans, Laundry, groceries, washes windows, the garden and our 2 Autistic adults. However, With one person working it's really hard.

[@AS-nl7lb]

Sounds like he is pulling his weight at home and you are just bitter because money is tight and you are the only earner. Maybe readjust your responsibility and look into him getting a part time job or you working more if you don’t want to do home things?!

[@shb8212]

What would it cost to have others take care of your autistic kids? Add that on to his contributions...

[@sobeliever1638]

Do you want him to work? Who would take care of your special need kids? You? Sounds like he is doung what you would do if you stayed at home.

[@fatemad4012]

​@@sobeliever1638I wonder why she is not leaving him? Because he is doing the most difficult job in the world taking care of special needs kid

[@lowkey2262]

Doing life by ourselves is not easy, but most accomplish it. Stop getting married and thinking your spouse should be the key to your happiness and fulfillment. I have been married 17 years working on 18 and not one time do I look to my wife and think she may not be doing her part. Whatever is not being taken care of, I just get it done. Hey Amy... Start doing things to make yourself happy and make sure you don't forget about your kids along the way. Your kids aren't ready for a step-dad or random guy dates. Make yourself happy. Your husband is not the problem and you will survive this.

[@regb6989]

Sound advice. Divorce with kids involved brings on a whole new set of challenges in addition to the ones she currently has. It’s one thing to get away from an abusive relationship, it’s another thing to use divorce for a better situation. Pursue things that make you happy within your marriage.

[@whitneyw.7919]

AGREE!

[@UnAnonKnown]

I like this perspective ... if your partner covers 25% of the household labor/child rearing and you cover 75% it’s not fair ... but it’s better than covering 100% on your own ... which is what you’ll get with divorce. But where’s the limit? the premise here is for her to ignore his behavior and just do her own thing ... but if he eventually does less and less ... does she stop cooking for him, doing his laundry, etc.? Of course she should still be polite with him, but does she still have to feel love for her partner or be physically intimate with him (hard to feel sexually attracted to a KZbin addict who makes you pickup most of the household duties after a full time job).

[@lowkey2262]

@@UnAnonKnown The limit is where the unhappy person decides.

[@regb6989]

@@UnAnonKnown The premise is sacrificing for the greater good of raising kids in as stable of a home as possible. It's also about acknowledging that we are the constant in every relationship, and our happiness shouldn't depend on another person. The husband needs to find his own happiness and self pride. Sounds like he is depressed and needs to be seeking therapy.

[@albertocastillo3249]

Sounds like any other relationship. Most men work full time and the wife is the one with the part time job. And that’s completely normal. But when it’s the other way around it’s a problem…..

[@michellemcmichael4680]

It's called feminism when it's the other way around

[@jesuslover5968]

Men don’t know how to be men

[@hanma7966]

@@jesuslover5968 real women work and take care of children

[@jesuslover5968]

@@hanma7966 real women work and care for children ?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 tell me you’re broke without telling me

[@hanma7966]

@@jesuslover5968 I may be broke but I have sugar mommies what do u have?? I don't even need to work hard

[@altenberg-greifenstein]

People have to decide! Is it enabling or is the other person an adult (by age) and fully responsible for their actions?

[@DJRiyzen]

People who use their kids in an argument, usually make up what they say. Do I really believe her daughters, are talking to her about how much their father works? No, I dont think they are, i think she is complaining to them. She seems very self centered to me, and is not giving the full story.

[@jones2277]

kids aren't morons.

[@DJRiyzen]

@@jones2277 as someone who has kids, and has helped with many school events with young kids. I can say that yes, yes they are.

[@jones2277]

@@DJRiyzen kids see and hear everything. it's the adults who are stupid.

[@DJRiyzen]

@@jones2277 so says fiction

[@AS-nl7lb]

@@jones2277 no kids talk about which parents brings money home or works unless they hear either of the parents talking! She is just tired that she has to be the one to bring money home but reversed gender would be totally acceptable.

[@Nah-ah]

If it doesn’t get any better, just leave, lady! Your kids are witnessing you settle for less. You don’t want them to continue this cycle in their future relationships. What you allow is what they will allow!

[@billymorgan4]

This sounds a bit sexist to me. She admits she has extra income for an apartment, Internet , and to stash money away. If a man called in with the same argument about his wife I don't think there would be an argument.

[@KB-sg7tv]

What’s the point of disconnecting the internet when you can still access everything on your phone? I think that also sends the wrong message. He needs to develop self discipline and be a grown man without cancelling your internet service.

[@quinnsnextstep]

Who is taking care of the home, daughters? Isn't that what stay at home mom's ask? If this marriage is into historic role reversals, who is anyone else to object? The caller isn't into it, check. I ask, what other value might he be in the family? Where are the daughters when he's watching KZbin? Are they safe, fed? Where are they if both parents are gone 8-12 hours/day? Public school? Babysitter? Family member? This video focuses on the lack of financial value in a marriage, imho, not the person's value in the family. Comments welcome and encouraged. I could learn too.

[@sparkles999rose2]

I also work part time and my husband doesn’t work. I don’t mind but, he has to watch the kids and clean, he doesn’t get an allowance and if he wants something it’s usually no.

[@xfhnhhgjbvcfg]

If you're man plays video games or doesn't work enough then he is a boy not a man.

[@propbender2]

Dr. John, I am further impressed as you continue to express wisdom beyond your years. God bless you and keep doin it...

[@donnarasp3738]

Exactly he’s a grown man,

[@anumhicks5094]

Yessss! You nailed it Dr Deloney with people hiding behind these religious ministries

[@whitneyw.7919]

What's funny is that if this was a husband calling in about a wife, the ramsey crew would be saying something like "well you didn't marry a real man" etc. There is still a lot of double standards on this issue

[@caseydresselhouse2456]

You beat me to it.

[@KRscience]

Thought the same!

[@marylee2732]

Depression is such a luxury.

[@blodus4521]

What a stupid comment

[@mikedanaher3413]

If this guy doesn’t come around he will loose his wife, children even the family pet. She needs to stay strong. Make clear that she is fully prepared to leave. If she doesn’t she will sink with the ship he is Captaining. This young lady unfortunately married a boy. He is not a man. He doesn’t know how to be a man.

[@anthonywebster8638]

But if he was working full time and she wanted to be a stay at home mom or just work part-time that would be ok...

[@ecouhig]

John took this too personally for some reason 🤔

[@hadenanderson563]

Daddy Issues

[@buffaloben15golf88]

Made it better

[@firefly9838]

He was more fired up than usual. If people aren’t working they should be shot.

[@hebrews11vs5]

@@firefly9838 agree. And what is definition of ' working '? Most men have jobs that look more Iike work, then sitting around answering phone calls all day.

[@firefly9838]

@@hebrews11vs5 as long as it’s back breaking work for very low wages. The human race needs to suffer. Under capitalism the poor will become the slaves. With no social programs they’ll be forced to work long grueling hours for little pay

[@ImDahDude]

DRJohn wouldn’t talk to the husband with that tone. Stop bluffing

[@mjmax3394]

It’s called talking to someone the way they can listen, sometimes tuff love is the only way

[@richard3921]

sure he would, its just over a phone.

[@valentingomez2193]

Oh yes he would. Dr. John is a Gangsta. I love me some Dr. John! He's a good man no doubt.

[@zyzzuschrist3410]

Did my wife manage to call in again?

[@samuelyork5265]

“So my wife stays at home with our two young kids every day, and she works a part time job sometimes, but honestly, she’s just so lazy, always on her KZbin and listening to her podcasts. Should I commit financial abuse by withholding money from her until she does what I want?” Pretty sure this call would also get John fired up, but nowhere near in the same direction. Wonder what the difference is.

[@marcblackman7672]

Well it is the Ramsay Umbrella. They believe a man's job is to work, period. There are cases where the wife doesn't work and there were no kids involved and they will pivot to housework and other intangibles. The men that call in to the show looking for an answer like this in their favor are foolish.

[@kara2162]

@@marcblackman7672 The sexism on this show kills me. Women honestly get a huge cop out from the Ramsey team. I should specify that I am a woman and a (working) mom.

[@cayad2591]

i love the show....but all the women callers sound exactly the same...are these calls re-enacted?

[@Claire-oq7ut]

That’s a great point. I wish Dr. Delony would recognize that he quite often gives advice based on a double standard. I understand that a lot of Christians expect men to have everything together at all times no matter what and women are soft and tender and nurturing, but it can be a very damaging and is often not the case these days. You are exactly right that if the genders were reversed he would tear the caller up big time.

[@anthonylozano8035]

There would be a difference. Only similarity: Johns a simp

[@mostHumblePersonAlive]

I listen to a lot of KZbin while I work, it's possible.

[@donnarasp3738]

My kids are grown and even though their dad slept a lot my goodness they still seen to much of his bad behavior.

[@juliaclaire89]

WOW. This hit hard.

[@Thesussysuscat]

John's face when she said he's lazy