Our Entire Marriage Has Been Lies and Secrets!

[@kittycatobsession]

Someone who will deceive you about 60k is definitely deceiving you about the details of an affair.

[@justusbryce3392]

What a stretch lol

[@jet4415]

I agree, financial cheaters hit the spouse long term. Kick them out with the side gal and after divorce, all is well.

[@justusbryce3392]

@@jet4415 miserable advice

[@bornaries7213]

I agree. He could not be having an affair BUT his character is fragulent so at this point, anything is possible! She got some decisions to make!

[@helena3631]

He was tricking off on vagina now he has debt .. if I was his wife I would leave he’s a liar and a cheat and she knows it

[@lace4445]

Never go to marriage counseling with a liar.

[@jengable4888]

It is a complete waste of money and time to repair their marriage. However, if she (the listener) wanted to go after she leaves him, she should for support and guidance.

[@7Mushrooms7]

They'll use the counseling to manipulare and gaslight you.

[@user_abcxyzz]

Why

[@ina-bobina]

Marriage counseling isn't always to fix a relationship. It can be for figuring out what's best for the people involved -- if divorce is the way to go, then striving to keep it as civil and amicable as possible can be a goal.

[@YY-ei1gm]

Yup. Did marriage counseling with a liar. The story isn’t even believable.

[@mmp495]

To do: 1. STD test 2. Lawyer

[@_Renee2]

She is married to her enemy. Learn to love yourself enough to walk away, no relationship is worth losing yourself and your finances.

[@canecorsomom2023]

The only thing worse than being unhappy is being unhappy AND broke

[@ssiegreen5292]

Darling - time for an STD check. If you are already ill or have a compromised immune system - this is a mandatory MUST DO asap!!!

[@jennyberger6688]

Oh yes!

[@bornaries7213]

Wow...yes. Quickly.

[@justanothermaid]

Absolutely great advice.

[@pinkpugginz]

I've been in a relationship for years and still get tested every 6 months. don't compromise your health over anyoneA

[@tobymichaels8171]

You're not wrong, but few things come across as more condescending than a woman addressing another adult as "darling" or "hon."

[@Erica-wz8yv]

He will never share everything. And you will never get closure. Cut your losses and divorce.

[@Burmeseti]

I thought I had issues as a single person UNTIL I heard problems of people in relationships.

[@starwars_chola7001]

For reals. I'm starting to realize that being single is not that bad after all.

[@Camerashy03]

Yep relationships are not what they’re cracked up to be, especially if you don’t find a good person

[@GameChanger597]

Singledom isn't all it's cracked up to be either. A relationship with someone who doesn't care is a very lonely place to be, but so is being single!

[@Contrarian-v7p]

​@@GameChanger597I'd take the latter any day lol. A bad relationship is infinitely worse and most seem to be.

[@STak-ju7gx]

​@GameChanger597 well not necessarily. A relationship with a bad person like that could also include policing where you go, what you can do, who you can talk to or text etc. The single person can literally go anywhere without being harassed, guilt tripped, beat up, yelled at etc. Which means, they can hang out with friends, volunteer to babysit friend's kids, party, just decide to go walking in the mall, decide to take a class, paint etc...one only needs to be creative. So it's not exactly the same

[@wildolive3630]

If it was me, I'd get a lawyer 1st thing. Figure out a way to protect myself financially.

[@jengable4888]

She needs to get herself situated ASAP ! She needs to separate herself from him immediately !

[@msakeeba]

Lynn - RUN. You can’t be vulnerable with someone who lies. I went through financial infidelity and sexual infidelity for 10 years with my ex-husband. RUN. It shreds your spirit and confidence. He’s disrespecting you and discussing you with other women?! RUN. He’s manipulating and gaslighting you. RUN. You deserve to be in light, not surrounded with darkness. Being with a liar makes you lie to yourself. Makes you deny your own intuition. Life on the other side is challenging but so lovely. RUN

[@darlingnikki_007]

I really appreciate being single, debt free, and having a PEACE OF MIND. Marriage means nothing without, Trust, Loyalty, and Respect 🙏

[@hadenanderson563]

You sure about that?

[@darlingnikki_007]

@@hadenanderson563 Yes, I'm very sure about that. Would you like receipts?

[@KathleenMcNe]

I am in your exact position and am exceedingly happy.

[@customera7945]

At least when you're single, you make your own life and mistakes. No one sails your ship into a storm without your consent.

[@darlingnikki_007]

@@customera7945 INDEED!!!

[@deeh5126]

Watching so many of these calls really helps me understand that I am not a rarity, to have been fooled and lied to and betrayed by my ex husband!

[@mightymouse1005]

It's ramped, almost everyone I know has been used this was and many other ways. Narcissist people just lie and take advantage. They take 90 percent and give 10 percent, just enough to keep you around. Best to be single

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Laughing awkwardly in a serious situation reveals the severity of the situation .

[@Dark_Souls_3]

It really does! People often think laughter is just because something is funny. The truth is you laugh for several reasons, including when you are VERY uncomfortable

[@Nah-ah]

It’s a coping mechanism. If she doesn’t laugh she’ll cry!

[@elainenilsson5472]

I never laughed.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

@@Nah-ah I know , I do the same thing .

[@DannyD-lr5yg]

@@elainenilsson5472 well, that’s YOU. Many people DO laugh when they feel uncertain, extremely distressed, and so on. It’s an attempt to ameliorate and appease.

[@gessrinky9129]

Girl he has NO respect for you or your children. They don’t change. Make an exit plan. I’ve been here, it gets better and one day you’ll look back and not believe you put up with it.❤

[@GixxerRider1991]

Divorce now. You can't trust someone like that, you just can't.

[@paulafoss9292]

I had the same thing happened to me after 25 years of marriage. He is working on the lady's house having an affair with her. And I told her she could have him.

[@fairlyenjoyable]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'll never understand how some women can knowingly mess around with a married man. It's absolutely sickening.

[@Lauren-i8i]

@@fairlyenjoyableAMEN!!!

[@GameChanger597]

@@fairlyenjoyableThey have very low self-esteem and are seeking approval, attention, validation, and importance. Desperation is a stinky cologne

[@DoulosG1401]

You go girl❤❤❤

[@julier.1902]

@@fairlyenjoyable I'm wondering if it's because of the exciting, alive feeling you get when you meet someone. If married people would continue to court and date each other all thru the marriage, they would have that alive feeling right at home where it should be.

[@MeowmyandMe]

The man’s a cheater. Leave him - no excuses

[@justagirl665]

My heart breaks for this caller. Had to leave a 14 year marriage after being mislead for years and eventually you just can’t ignore it anymore. You deserve better for yourself and your kids 💜

[@juicysmith38235]

Sounds like my ex, he didn't pay his mortgage for a year, said he spent all his money on clothes, shoes, etc. Confessed after the year of not paying all panicked saying that he was going to lose the house.... he claimed he was depressed and thinks I'm stupid enough to believe him. I was this woman. I let him get away with it for years. I finally said goodbye, good riddance!!! Keep moving lady, the grass IS greener on the other side.

[@semosancus5506]

"John Smith" heh ok. A real ride-or-die woman.

[@daegrun]

It sounds like a common way these husbands try and get out of taking responsibility.

[@dcg590]

@@daegrunit sounds like the woman doesn’t take accountability for picking him either

[@erismana2105]

​@@dcg590 Guess you don't know what lies are

[@youtuber6185]

Women rack up credit card debt all the time. Real men don’t leave them, they stick it out. In this case he was cheating, so dump the fckr

[@tamickawilliams1370]

I hate when ppl mention the number of years married like that is supposed to wipe out distrust. The number of years is just paperwork.

[@Jlisa21]

Sunk cost fallacy

[@Nah-ah]

Facts!

[@swiftkarma4436]

Bingo

[@thatsawrap8]

I knew a man through a sports group I was a part of who cheated on his wife of three children physically whilst his wife was pregnant with the third. I was so angry for the way he treated his wife. I honestly lost faith in good men at that point and he seemed like such a great guy in conversation. Never ever think you know somebody even when you know them. Real talk

[@Lauren-i8i]

100%!!! Also Betrayers think they know the Affair Partner because she seems so ‘nice’ but she may not be as sweet as she seems if she is willing to disrespect marriage and participate in cheating. People who seem so great on the outside can cheat. If they do it WITH you they can do it TO you.

[@Lauren-i8i]

👏👏👏

[@4Him4Ever]

Did you tell his wife? Asking because I got an STD 30 years ago thanks to friends who “didn’t want to interfere”.

[@deeh5126]

@@4Him4EverMost of the time, the partner being cheated on has been systematically broken, and they are, in ways, dependent on the cheating partner. So being told the truth doesn't trigger them to leave. It is usually a LONG process. I also got something from my ex- HPV. I thank God that is all I got, because he is such a garbage person, I can't believe that was it. I am sorry for what you are having to deal with due to a douche bag.

[@jesssc402]

@@4Him4EverSounds like you’re blaming your friends…

[@calibrial]

Uhh...an emotional affair is definitely a dealbreaker. That felt like when people say "he slept with her but at least he's not in love with her," but the opposite! No thank you lol. I'd gracefully take myself out of that narrative.

[@straight.no.chaser1708]

Honestly self esteem ladies, this treatment and living in long term ambiguity should be a massive turn off.

[@genxx2724]

Exactly. Let the knife fall already and pick up the pieces. The long-term tension will end in a split second. She will make decisions instead of being acted upon. He’s been treating her like a mushroom: keeping her in the dark and feeding her 🐂💩

[@blueseptember2174]

Thank you for the reminder. We need that from time to time.

[@mightymouse1005]

Easy to say. Being 17 when you get together, kids, house, property and emotional attachment is serious, taking kids and starting a new life is easy to say and hard to do. Mutual friends and families are involved and people DO take sides

[@SherryEllesson]

Time for a consult with an attorney.

[@jengable4888]

I agree !

[@NomadicLifer]

Why would she want to stay with him? Even if he does finally tell the truth, he has NO respect for her as a person, let alone his wife.

[@brittanyg8233]

My heart goes out to this wife. 💔

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

I'm supporting the ex husband- what man wants to be around a black hole like that?

[@aliolivi]

​@@GardenerEarthGuy With that attitude, I think you've found the wrong KZbin channel.

[@COINsimp2024]

​@@GardenerEarthGuy black hole? He's the bottomless pit.

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

@@COINsimp2024 She definitely made him behave that way- just listen to her.

[@COINsimp2024]

@@GardenerEarthGuy you sound really lonely. Very sad actually.

[@gwenj5419]

Once you find out there's lies about credit debt, it's time to be doing the bills yourself or at least together. No more letting him hide things.

[@janeb7795]

Ugh, get rid of this man. He’s not worth fighting for. You’ll never be able to trust him. Cut your losses.

[@bmcdonald7303]

This sounds like my ex husband. I’m glad I was able to divorce him when I did. Life is much better for the children and I.

[@jet4415]

I was so much happier after I divorced my money pit of a husband.

[@mmp495]

Same here. 🙌🙌🙌🙌

[@MsDezB1]

Same!🤗

[@nullavitasinemusica1]

This is why vetting and having high standards is so important

[@videofan1010]

This is an example of why vetting is impossible 🤡

[@nullavitasinemusica1]

@@videofan1010 no

[@Fuglychick]

Just don’t trust them at all! Don’t get married keep your money and your sanity ❤

[@Lauren-i8i]

You can vet your *ss off, pick a ‘good’ guy that everyone knows would never be the cheating type, and STILL get cheated on. I was never this cynical until it happened to me. You could have a perfectly good guy who gets on the slippery slope to an affair and he drops his previously held values & becomes someone you don’t even recognize anymore. It’s horrible and devastating that ‘vetting’ is no guarantee. Even the ‘nice’ guys cheat! If I could do it all over again I would take notice when my intuition was trying to get my attention. I wouldn’t be giving the benefit of the doubt. That’s just pure insanity! I would have gone to his office to deliver some food when he was ‘working late.’ I would have asked more questions and had my eyes wide open. I turned my back on it ALL with blind trust because I never thought it could happen to us. I thought we were a team & I assumed he had my back but instead I got stabbed in the back! Unfortunately, even ‘good’ guys can hide their true selves extremely well and do things you would NEVER expect. Vetting your man is a great idea but is definitely no guarantee against cheating.

[@cynthiakila1161]

Things happen and people do change good vetting and standards only applies to the honey moon phase of relationship.

[@amydoran9987]

If he had an emotional affair, that counts as cheating. I would end the marriage and not look back.She’s in denial.

[@martymcfly88mph35]

Where do you draw the line on how serious it was though?

[@LisaLisaCJ]

@@martymcfly88mph35 anything that involves a third party is serious enough to draw a line

[@kelleylmiller]

@@martymcfly88mph35 There isn't a standard. Depends on the two people in the relationship. As an example, some people think flirting is innocent. Some don't. I think the line is drawn where you know your partner would not be ok with it.

[@nina4941]

He’s lying about it being an emotional affair. It’s more

[@Lauren-i8i]

@@nina4941If he invested that much financially, it’s WAY more than just talking. His heart was likely invested, his wallet was invested & it follows that therefore his d*ck would be invested. When men are getting validation and sex on the side they literally lose their MINDS & do the most destructive stuff. The price of infidelity is WAY higher in the end than they usually realize. It’s the most costly thing they will ever do and the bill comes due when they croak and meet their Maker.

[@gratefulheart5454]

There is no marriage. Time to get real and choose yourself like he does.

[@gabyszabo9615]

In the past few months, I’ve heard Dr. John say a few times that emotional infidelity is not a “marriage deal-breaker, not a dating deal-breaker”, they “happen all the time”, “we sit down and work it out.” This doesn’t sit right with me. There are soooo many choices that are made to get into an emotional affair. So many decisions: to share, to linger, to disclose…and each time, the choice is also made to push the partner / spouse away. I’m curious why he holds this perspective. He says it’s not minimizing, but it kind-of feels minimizing.

[@2L82Pray1]

Completely agree. Maybe I have too much pride, but if you're with Me, you're with ME. If you're with someone else (emotionally or physically) have fun with Them because you're not really With me and I'm gone. Nor will I chase them down, nor humiliate myself by trying to hold on to someone who wants to be with someone else. Every time you make a choice to water the grass in another yard, and not water your own, you're investing your time, energy, and care into something else. Why are you surprised when your own lawn is suffering? And that IS very much a "deal breaker". It is the ultimate "deal breaker". I don't know where his head is in this one, and as much as I respect him, I'm not following this advice. Ever.

[@thecramptons]

Some people can get over it. Some can’t. Seems like most just move on

[@moony-_-.]

Yeah I’ve noticed that too me personally it would definitely be a deal breaker I cannot tolerate any sort of affair

[@lwedel3361]

Unless you are or have been married and been through the junk that leads to emotional affairs, you cannot understand what causes people to do it. For men, I imagine it is a lack of physical intimacy and for women, likely a lack of emotional connection. This does not justify emotional affairs, but when they do happen and both parties can work on their relationship instead of tearing down a family unit... it is the best thing that can occur. I guarantee you than many if not most marriages go through some form of struggle in this way. No marriage is perfect and I do believe working through this is way better than just throwing stones at the guilty party and breaking the family up.

[@lwedel3361]

@@traetrae11 I think you are completely misunderstanding my point. You are picking up a stone to throw at a person in order to fix blame. I am in no way suggesting anyone is at fault or is not at fault. I am saying that AFTER the situation occurs a choice must be made. I am saying that breaking up a family unit (where children are involved) is not an immediate knee jerk reaction. There are reasons why people cheat. There are women who withhold physical intimacy from their husbands and expect them to stay faithful for the duration of their natural lives. You want to stone those women? Cmon now. I simply said there are reasons and if you can work those reasons out, the marriage can be saved. No one needs to walk away from a marriage due to one F up- Serial cheating... sure. But one indiscretion? Yep, break up the family unit and ruin those kids lives forever. Divorce is extremely devastating for children.

[@consumerdebtchitchat]

The marriage has been over for years. She doesn't know what life is like without him. So she's afraid to let go of the crutch, even if it is wobbly and rapidly deteriorating.

[@dennisdupuis1567]

Cheaters keep cheating. He’s been tapping everyone he can forever.

[@mlokole254]

Emotional infidelity is INFIDELITY!! DO NOT minimise it Doc. John!

[@GameChanger597]

Surprised Dr. John doesn't suspect that it's not emotional and he's covering up his sexual affair. You would think with his experience he could figure it out.

[@NRQ-zv5bp]

​@@GameChanger597he didn't say it's not infidelity said it may not be a deal-breaker or it's not a deal-breaker. He fastens himself a Christian and biblically in emotional affair not constitute

[@mightymouse1005]

​@@NRQ-zv5bpif someone is more emotionally committed to another person, that's an affair...

[@mightymouse1005]

He's at the other woman's house and "emotional " they're having an affair. Someone who emotionally abandoned you when you get sick, is NOT someone who loves you

[@tatertot80]

Leave before it destroys you.

[@Tam712]

Debt, insecurity, sharing personal info outside of the marriage, "emotional affairs", not looking good. She's not angry enough yet to say enough, is enough.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

He shared with the lady her insecurities? That guy has zero respect for her!! He stepped over the line by even texting with anyone!!! Unbelievable!! I would leave !!! The 60 grand is spent on women throughout all these years . This guy thinks she’s stupid . He’s only going to counseling to shut her up so he doesn’t have to deal with a divorce.

[@mightymouse1005]

You NEVER share someone else's personal feelings with a random person you're working for.

[@lissmcb]

I’m sure he was talking to the lady about his wife’s insecurities as a way to gauge the feelings of the lady for him… To start opening up intimate dialogue with her…

[@Caligirl.8630]

When he was texting the single homeowner he was just scoping her out to see if she would cross the moral boundaries with him. He’s a liar and a cheater and she needs to find the truth come hell or high water. So glad John validated her and told her she wasn’t crazy because people like her husband will manipulate her so much and have her thinking she is. She needs therapy of her own.

[@ashleighburton7273]

Absolutely agree that's what he was looking for.

[@grandmasewhappyhomestead187]

My heart goes out to her because this is what my ex husband did.

[@monicamiller9345]

Same here. Same situation.

[@jengable4888]

I have seen this done too !

[@mmp495]

Same. Found out he had a girlfriend and owed several ppl money including his parents. Everyone came after me so I filed for divorce. Now his girlfriend is gone and he has fraud charges filed on him. My life is so much better and peaceful now. 😌

[@thatsawrap8]

@@mmp495 may God bless you and your future 🙏

[@berlizgonzalez6736]

@@mmp495 I'm so happy for you! We always pay for the damage we cause on this Earth!

[@ChristopherDonnerArtist]

I watch this videos as kinda of a mental therapy. Both of my parents did this and the lies are so transparent now that I'm older. It's just ruins relationships when you lie

[@Lauren-i8i]

I can’t STAND liars!!!

[@elyse443]

She should definitely get the credit card receipts /statements. If it’s all business related then she can overcome the distrust most likely but if it has hotels, flowers, gambling etc then she would have her answer there too

[@emilylabo7053]

If her name is on the credit card she can.

[@melstarr1864]

@@emilylabo7053 I was thinking the same thing, but I doubt her name is on the credit cards. That would be my first request to him, which I imagine he would refuse. That would speak volumes.

[@snarfskywalker2312]

This relationship is so relatable to my marriage right now in some ways. And it makes me so sad.

[@salonsavy6476]

I went through exactly the same thing,, $37K in debt from his gambling addiction,,all those overtime hours were a lie ,,,

[@yildadiquez7744]

Did you divorce him? I’m going through the same thing…

[@melissabrock4114]

Isn't addiction different? It's a sickness. Can he be helped?

[@lademoiselleketoret6958]

@@melissabrock4114 a highly contagious and deadly disease. Quarantine is necessary. Can’t be in close proximity to ppl who have these kind of destructive patterns.

[@melstarr1864]

@@melissabrock4114 he can get help for addiction, if he wants the help.

[@mpayne8206]

Option 3.... drugs or gambling debts

[@lisabaltzer4190]

Or all 3

[@elainenilsson5472]

I had this exact thing. Everything he spent money on was house hold goods. Yeah, for two house holds. Ours and hers. Hang onto your hat because things are about to get very rocky.

[@strnglhld]

WOW!!! Hope he’s your ex

[@elainenilsson5472]

@@strnglhld He insisted on divorce so I filed and then he died. So, I'm a widow but because he had already moved out and established another address and was told to take his debt, the debt died when he died but all the retirement came to me. So, I made out financially but took a few years to get over it mentally.

[@coconutwater4531]

Wow indeed. So he had outside children or just the mistress?

[@elainenilsson5472]

@@coconutwater4531 No children. Mistress was our neighbor 2 doors down.

[@coconutwater4531]

@@elainenilsson5472 the audacity

[@texasmimi5566]

Why would this woman call for advice if she doesn't want to tell her story or hear the advice. One cannot move forward if they are embarrassed to speak about the issue, especially on a celebrity phone show. ???

[@garybaltiejus7248]

Some betrayals are simply too big to forgive, sad but true

[@ovrjoyd4u2]

You are not wrong.... it happened to me. Only, I did trust until I found a single thread. I continue to pull on it and the whole marriage unraveled. Financial, sexual, and emotional infidelity. You can heal, but only if everyone comes clean and works through it together.

[@susanbaumann1784]

WOAH. My story exactly. Deception in mine kept getting deep and deeper. After 30 years, i finally walked.

[@DarcyCarmen]

I’m amazed at the lies people will put up with. When John says something she willingly admits to already knowing that thing. What does a relationship like this give you that’s worth what you’re paying?

[@msakeeba]

It’s because in these relationships, the gaslighting makes one doubt their own intuition.

[@alexialira3839]

@msakeeba There's no gaslighting here. She knows exactly what's going on.

[@erismana2105]

​@@alexialira3839 L

[@msakeeba]

@@alexialira3839 so.. maybe you don’t understand what gaslighting is. But we can agree to disagree. Be well.

[@blacksquid270]

​@@msakeeba Gaslighting is something you either put up with or you call the BS out like you see it.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Never settle and don’t enable .

[@commonsenseprevails1433]

Girl, pack your things and LEAVE!

[@nancydrew1102]

Agree he will do it again. Banks won’t lend her as shes compromised too in his bad credit .

[@shauleen]

Oh dear…. Please get the book “Boundaries and Goodbyes- Loving Others without Losing the best of who we are” by Lysa Turkest. Praying for you girl!🙏🏾

[@krystalgardiner5591]

Thank you for the recommendation ❤️

[@EvolvePeaceLove]

I spent 22 years in similar thing but much much more and I look back now as an older person at all the constant flags I didn't see. You need to be a detective because there is tons you missed or didn't see. I'm sorry

[@krissifaith6709]

The 60k debt had a red flag...my ex was a gambling addict. Compulsive lying... he has a story for everything...and a reason for his debt without any proof. She isn't digging enough...she owes it to herself.

[@nursekate6772]

OMG this sounds exactly like my husband. He's either gambling or paying his deadbeat kids bills.

[@HA-oi7nw]

You missed option 3 - addiction, gambling or substance

[@maryalicecampbell341]

many in construction have addiction issues. I think she needs old bank statements.

[@Lianne459]

She should be opening every bill that comes in. She has been fine with being lied to. This poor woman has been a doormat for years. She still wants to stay with him--so pathetic

[@kelleylmiller]

There is a point though where she is no longer a victim and simply becomes an enabler. When someone shows themselves, believe them the first time. She's in denial.

[@jengable4888]

He is going to ruin her in multiple ways: financial and psychologically.

[@aprileaton3396]

Don't waste your life on this guy. Until he is ready to man up and be transparent, you have access to everything at all times. Without him willing to give you 100% access, you can never heal the relationship. You deserve someone who owns their truth and is all in for you. Time to kick him to the curb. He has crossed the line.

[@melinda67]

He spent this on gambling or another woman

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

A farm and new life out of the black hole prison he was in... I'm rooting for him! Her voice is awful and I pity him having to hear that first thing in the morning....

[@justusbryce3392]

Men are used to being accused of something with no evidence and then being accused of gaslighting for requesting it

[@mikenelson8377]

@@justusbryce3392 but that’s not the case for this couple. The husband straight up admitted to a lot of things. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@florencia2771]

@@GardenerEarthGuy Oh, look ! It’s the husband, he’s here! What a piece of cake you are.

[@rory644]

@@GardenerEarthGuychoose love bro you have a lot of hate in your body with comments like that, I hope your life starts getting better

[@mikedoyle5901]

Marriage is over. Trust is officially gone.

[@ebonylo.]

Smh I NEVER WANT TO GET MARRIED

[@emmahammond741]

This is why my girls will be prepared to take care of themselves with a career of their own. I do not want them being a SAHM because their husband will probably break their heart some day like they all do and they'll feel stuck staying in the marriage because they have no means of supporting themselves. Not my girls!

[@thatsawrap8]

I know a woman who is in this situation but she can't leave because she would have more to lose. I blame her in a way for being stuck because she had all the opportunities to learn skills and at least establish a level of education but she assumed a traditional role fully which is wonderful and something not wrong to aspire to, but only with the right man who will support you. Her husband gives her no money and doesn't pay for anything other than the mortgage. So she has to do odd jobs here and there... It's hard to be a traditional woman in a society where many modern men don't provide in the way that supports a family or even aspires to that. Sigh...

[@thatsawrap8]

May I add she paid the deposit for the house too... and he sends money to his ex wife and 25 year child but not their own child...madness really and sad.

[@JONAC-CANOJ]

Beyond that teach them how to respect themselves, how to trust their instincts and use their sense of discernment before they give someone their hearts. Teaching them that they should be on their own forever will only lead to loneliness and misery. Humans are social creatures, we meet and fall in love and have families. In a good marriage spouses will depend on each other emotionally, physically or financially no matter how much you prepare you can’t prevent certain things from happening that change plans. If you’re a good mom don’t want to teach your children to isolate themselves and trust nobody, you want to show them what good character and integrity looks like.

[@Chet_24]

I remember a call not too long ago where a husband called over his wife spending $15-25k without his knowledge and the msg was basically "Just support her. She's trying to get better." Solution for both is to leave.

[@kimmiekats22]

Life is short. Remember that.

[@lisabaltzer4190]

That is the absolute truth.

[@Candace-M-]

Maaan he gaslights her so badly 😞

[@andrewschutte]

These shows are really great to listen too. John is straight forward and to the point. He makes logical sense.

[@kellyk-y9d]

Can we say narcissist???!!!

[@pugscaniche7866]

You don't beg to get an answer... you leave if you don't get a simple answer....

[@txspacemom765]

This was my ex. I had a forensic audit done on our divorce. Oh my! My intuition was right. It was off for years and I was naive and afraid and let it all happen. I thought I was the crazy one. I was exhausted from being treated like I was dumb and just too tired to deal with it all. It was the truth in front of me but it did help me heal and move forward. I wish you had follow ups. I hope you are well my sister!

[@TruthHurts922]

My friend is going thru this now ! She had to get a forensic accountant and this guy was living double lives , just crazy

[@txspacemom765]

@@TruthHurts922 It is so well worth it.

[@donnaw2868]

I did not catch the diagnosis part, but truth be told, stress can be a factor in disease progression - and removing stress can help an illness heal.

[@ultramarinewaters9325]

I am so sick of seeing all of these videos of people committing adultery and their partners ask for advice on how to forgive them. If a person is so disgusting that they would commit any kind of adultery, they need to be thrown in the garbage. For once I would love to hear somebody call in to ask Dr. Delony about how to not laugh at their ex during the divorce.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Because adultery and divorce isn’t funny and men cheat. It sucks when you have invested 20+ years towards something together only to discover that the other half has stolen it.

[@anyagee9467]

@@sarahalderman3126 99.9900% of the time you know what´s happening or at least you see a red flag after red flag after red flag ' and you CHOOSE to ignore it for thousands of times and then act surprised. You knew it was happening but chose to ignore it because you weren´t brave enough to face it.

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@anyagee9467 sure for some people may be true however for many people that simply is not the case. For example most decent people will not just assume their spouse is cheating or being financially unfaithful for example as to be in a healthy relationship each has to actually trust in their spouse. So I guess if you are a distrustful person or have experienced a narcissistic relationship than I suppose you may see the signs however if you’re just a decent person and have not experienced abuse like this before you are extremely unlikely to see this initially.

[@jackiemyers2773]

They are ALL in denial!

[@anyagee9467]

@@sarahalderman3126 No, most people get red flags and hide behind " Oh, I'm so trustful and pure, I didn't see it coming" - yes you did. You used being trustful as an excuse.

[@9liveslisa]

I don't think you can ever trust a liar.

[@maya613]

Gambling is also an issue. I think that would be right up there with large purchases and or affairs.

[@youareloved8274]

You cant trust a liar and cheater

[@SofiUk0319]

This is very possible, my ex husband supported his failing business for years!!!! Only after I left did he realize how much he gave to his fencing business. He neglected everybody, including his own needs, except what he was trying desperately to save! For him, failure wasn't an option.. he also had issues w alcohol and would drink alone, every night, he was very miserable, but I couldn't get him to see the light for himself. I'm sry Mrs for all your pain and suffering, regardless of his secrets, you and I both deserve so much better ❤

[@wf4983]

Yes. That's what I wanted to say: it's very easy to get into 60k debt. Just for everyday things.

[@ConstructionHoney]

My husband also had a bad business. It's so hard but debt is not the reason to divorce either

[@SaystheTruth3]

It's so obvious that this guy is having an out of control affair.... He's full of s***......

[@erismana2105]

​@@ConstructionHoney 🙄

[@AubreeFusselman]

We have a construction company. New debt is acquired on new accounts with vendors or dealerships, not on a credit card or line of credit.

[@WWE2kOnline]

That’s what happens when you marry a 5 year old. Lots of them out there.

[@debmacie1612]

I’ve lived her life. It is horrible and will NEVER get better with him. He may be like an appendage, but it now has cancer and has to be cut out. She will never have a peaceful moment in her life until he is gone. I got rid of my liar and financial thief and my life is fabulous. Never been happy.

[@Vegan_scorpioo]

My dad is just this man, I realized he was deceiving us when I intended to get a life-changing loan then I noticed I couldn't cuz he owed everywhere for year's!

[@shola7987]

We need to see the credit card statements sir

[@em77775]

Leave him or kick him out. Don't keep asking questions. Don't beg for anything. He has disrespected you and only cares about himself. Sounds like a covert narc. My ex husband did that to me. It was 19 years together in total and two kids here. He wouldn't give me straight answers and gaslit me too when I started getting a hint of something going on with another woman. He also talked to other women about how broken I was when he was off doing his own thing, like he got off on it, but he wouldn't talk to ME about how I was feeling. Going behind your back and roping other people in like that is called triangulation. It's a narcissistic tactic. He dragged his feet on filing divorce, then finally did it, moved out, then came back and still ended up doing more of the same types of abuse he did before. In the end I had to divorce him. It never got better. It hurts to give up half your life and to have your kids go through that, but you can't let this rip you apart or for your kids to watch it happen. Take care of yourself and your kids. Only take him back if he gets serious help and shows long term changes. Don't just believe his sweet words and promises to be better. Hugs to you. I've totally been there.

[@cheesygal]

I’m so sorry for you sweetheart. Been there. I discovered that being single and at peace definitely trumps the hell of that kind of situation.

[@melaniea4901]

Just leave! Easier said than done but you have the strength to do it! Believe in yourself and what you’re capable of! You deserve better! You may not believe that now but you will in 6 months if you leave! 🙏

[@tcurry1531]

This guy dated my niece after a divorce. He had 4 kids that lived with him and he was totally supporting his kids and paying off debt which he said was from his wife, including taxes she had not filed after they separated. My niece continued to date him for 5 years and she paid for everything, because she believed he was working hard to pay for back debts. After all the years she figured out that he would have his now adult kids living with him forever and that she would be paying for everything forever. He had also borrowed a lot of money from her and never paid it back. People can be so deceiving.

[@louisefitzgerald4400]

He is not a loving partner. She needs to get out of this marriage. Who wants to live like this ?

[@Openingtheshadow]

Divorce him. Follow your own guidance system. Don’t spend your life feeling victimized by him. Let him go. Know your worth.

[@erikcampen8276]

She bears SOME responsibility on her side. She should have DEMANDED, from the onset, to be totally involved in his “side business”, financially.

[@saraw89]

Wow. I don’t think you realize what these men do. I have demanded to see accounts, tell him to be transparent, include me in the vision-goals-plan~ he would throw chairs to the ceiling, break furniture, shove me….. demand?! 👌 I tried forever to figure out passwords and where else to look~ men aren’t that stupid…. So MUCH they can do with VPNs, secret phones, disappearing mssgs, apps, P.O. Boxes, friends helping them, cash and not being dumb to use a credit card. The opportunities for financial abuse and infidelity is endless!

[@alvinjackson9685]

I agree. 60K? Where are the trucks, the crane, the heavy equipment tools. Something of substance.

[@nina4941]

Leave now while you are still young. Save yourself anymore agony. You need to heal, but that’s not until you are separated can that happen

[@ImagineWrong]

An affair isn't a marriage dealbreaker??

[@seame3795]

Same, amidst cheating, abuse, gaslighting, you name it.... proved the debts were his on paper and I don’t have to pay for them after the divorce. The debt is his and you can prove adultery. Get a lawyer.

[@angelav9838]

🤦‍♀️ Girl. Nothing is worth going through this crap. If he doesn't want you, listen to him and open your eyes to how he's showing you he doesn't want you.

[@sheilalopez7498]

Lynn.....you are the healthy one in your marriage!!!!😊

[@northshorelight35]

My ex-husband lost about the same amount of money. To this day he won't tell me where it was spent. He just won't. I didn't get any feeling that he was seeing someone at the time and now I still don't get that sense either. I've been cheated on before in another relationship and at some point these people always get caught. So far nothing points to him cheating. He must be the best lying SOB. But it doesn't matter anyway because I divorced his ass.

[@audramitchell9894]

Didn't know counciling could be this supportive and great 🌹❤️🌹

[@stefaniamalatesta8076]

He has a second life with this woman. 60 k in DEBT?! Lying about the affair? Yeah, no. I would be outie. He thinks she will not leave and cannot leave and will continue to treat her like dirt.

[@misst227]

_You will never feel safe and comfortable with him._ _It will be hard initially, but as time goes on, you'll realize it was the best thing you could've ever done!_ _Walk away now, before it gets any deeper._

[@kayn2756]

Wow, this lady didn't anticipate this call will end up like this 😢😢😢😢😢

[@diggernash1]

The biggest mistake is expecting to know everything about someone. You can't, even if you are married for 50 years. It is an unattainable goal.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

finally someone with some practical sense. I dont care how in tune you THINK you are with your spouse, you dont know them. You only know what they want to share

[@2L82Pray1]

@@LisaLisaCJ One of the worst things I ever did is get into a male-dominated industry as a career. As I learned to fit in and be "one of the guys", those guys began to think of me as "One of the guys" and not a woman. And the things I've seen and heard have ruined me for relationships. So many times I've looked at the Wives and thought in disbelief and horror, How in the hell can you be married to "Him"? But most Wives have no idea what their husbands are really like. She sees only what he wishes her to see; he is a completely different person when he's on the job/ with his buddies. A lot of women get mad when I say that. But being completely upfront....before you marry anyone, talk to their coworkers and bosses about who they really are. Or better, pay someone to work with them, or pay someone who works with them to give you the real story. Guarantee, 80% of engagements would end before the marriage happened, or the marriage would end, if you really "KNEW" him. Most women are blind and deaf...willfully so, about the person they're with.

[@Nah-ah]

@@2L82Pray1 perhaps could be one of the reasons why 80-90% of the divorce is initiated by women! 🤔

[@alexialira3839]

@2L82Pray Having been in the female dominant field of education, I was astonished at how many women cheat on their husbands and talk badly of them. In one case, both a husband and wife worked at the same school and her friend (also in same school and married) was having an affair with her husband. Everyone knew what was going on. Another said she married bc she wanted to get out of her parents house. The stories go on and get worse. It was drilled into my head that men shouldn't be trusted and are the cheaters, but in my irl experiences, the women are wayyyy more brutal and cheating the most. That said, in your story, rest assured 9/10 of the women know exactly who they said "I do" too. I'm not immune to it either. I made dating mistakes and the red flags were on my face in all cases, but chose to ignore them and my gut. Most of the sob stories I hear irl and encounter on comment sections in dating/relationship videos always include the spouse/gf/bf knowing exactly what's going on and who they married/are with, but they choose to turn a blind eye then play victim of the circumstances they created for themselves. What's worse is that because they play victim & point finger at the other person, they never realize what THEY did wrong to end up with a deceiving loser and penniless so they get into another similar relationship or continue with the loser.

[@jackiemyers2773]

​@@alexialira3839 it's infuriating to hear how many women that he has to make say they are being cheated on. They always minimize it and it's so obvious to the rest of us. They are purposely turning a blind eye to it and ignoring things as simple as checking a damn credit card statement to see what the money was spent on. She said he thinks she's stupid...well.

[@carolynmonahan2488]

My girlfriend's husband used debuts to pay employees and bring home cash when his business wasn't going well. There weren't "things." She thought the business was fine. Lots of debt but nothing to sell.