Jimmy Carr: Telling Jokes (2009) FULL SHOW | Jokes On Us

Jimmy Carr delivers more of his cynical take on life's little absurdities in his trademark deadpan style in this live stand-up release.
Check out more hilarious Stand Up Comedy routines - tinyurl.com/n6xvtrys
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[@loricrane5315]

I really needed this today. 😂

[@gazwilliams-nc7jp]

He could have added another impressive feat after the 2 word joke, and said "Now we have the 1 word joke......... *points to someone in the audience* YOU"

[@LonelyHeartsChannel]

I love Jimmy. He eases my pain😔

[@spadebraithwaite1762]

I worked in a pub in England. Some guy came in with a woman, it is an English expression, "Would you like a beer?" He asked the woman and she said, "Do I look like I drink beer?!" He turned to me and said, "I'll have a glass of vinegar with a twist of lemon."

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Got a great hand! Scouser said snap lmfao

[@bambibrosemer1597]

Damn I wish I could see Jimmy Carr live! 💯🥰❤️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I have a wicked sick sense of humor. He's right up my alley! 🤣🤣🤣

[@jeremyreid9582]

“… right up your alley.” Sorry, you are thinking of Alan Carr !

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Clairvoyant asked if I had my hand read I said no! Shoved it down her knickers! She said you have now lmfao

[@Vivi-hj8jg]

Always hilarious is Jimmy

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

She pulled me lmfao

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Red sky at night! Sky's on fire lmfao

[@jamesheath7601]

3:25 😂

[@jamesheath7601]

13:47 😂

[@stevepreston7879]

The "nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded" is an old joke. Yogi Berra (1925-2015) famously said it

[@0x777]

This might be the only place where I could post this and people would actually not get offended... let's hope. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken.

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Uncles and aunties mums and dads lmfao! Gary glitter

[@InservioLetum]

Holy shit.... the blonde woman with the nose piercing who works for Nationwide in HR. She's the same one that bellowed NO! when Jimmy asked whether there was any merit to "it's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it". She had long red hair in the other show.

[@_-.-_-.-_]

Omg LOL what a Spot!

[@InservioLetum]

@@_-.-_-.-_ Oh stop * BLUSH * I have a thing for faces, I guess. But than kyou just the same

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Best position! Manager

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

I got pissed went 4 a sauna! Ended up when the steam was gone bollock naked in the chip shop

[@jamesheath7601]

20:24 🤣

[@friendlybut6753]

You might have seen it coming!

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Leopracy card player chucked his hand in

[@Brianld50]

You're my favorite comedian. Followed closely by John Mulaney

[@filthyfrank.5]

💀

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Got arrested for asking someone how much a cun't weighs! All because I offered him a pound to weigh himself

[@filthyfrank.5]

Keep that joke to yourself from now on bud

[@Ryattt81]

I love dark jokes, a favorite is "what was the last pizza order at the twin towers?"

[@UKKC80s]

I don't know!

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

I have a police record! Blowing in the bag

[@dannyg4227]

Best special Ever! 😂😂😂😂😂

[@Everett-eh4nn]

Wow!

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Do ya wanna be in my cell lmfao

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Italians got caught up selling spaghetti junction

[@nathankabangu5653]

52:22

[@jamesheath7601]

3:02

[@avengedsoul6661]

I hope Steve and Tracey actually met up and got together.

[@lordslotty8943]

today kids i will tell you how i met your mother

[@cobywalton4354]

Think Steve gave her a filling

[@Dionysos640]

Tracy was, estimating conservatively, at least 15 years older than Steve. Steve is a Welsh Dentist. Tracy is an English slag. Do you really think that would have been a likely match?

[@avengedsoul6661]

@@Dionysos640 There’s no way she was that much older than him.

[@Dionysos640]

@@avengedsoul6661 Yeah ... and you should have gone to Specsavers

[@johnstover9083]

In my defense as someone with Parkinson's, we save a tremendous amount of mony by not having to buy batteries. Or lawn sprinklers, but that's not as fun to think about.

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

I changed energy provider! Cola

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Stoned again! Hey dude

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

And she stood out with their backs turned

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Someone hit me with cheese in tesco! I thought immature

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

If your ears are ringing turn the alarm clock off

[@tonykennedy1615]

Jab pusher. Jog on. Sheesh.

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

That is what he asks all his customers soup

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Someone called me a cun't! I said thanks for saying that I am more useful than you

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Wasn't a brummie then lmfao

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Took his driving test he failed! Left his foot on the brake

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Police officer asked me to blow into the bag drink driving! He said not that one

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

What has star wars and toilet roll have in common?

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Like a fishing hook

[@Mossyz.]

😀

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Freesia means stupid cow lmfao

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Miners went into the mines with canaries! No wonder Norwich city is empty

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

George Michael poor bastard! He eaten a careless whisper

[@0x777]

Oh please, have some respect for the deceased. He's never gonna dance again.

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Geordies live in tyneside! Note that they are all tied up call back later

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

I hear tales

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

And Willoughby

[@freddiem8801]

Absolutely brilliant show, Jimmy Carr is incredibly funny, but I am amazed that a 13 year old was allowed in. I would have thought the show would have an 18 rated.

[@sw6188]

There was another show I watched on here with a 14 year old boy in the audience so it seems there's no rating.

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

And 6packs of bacon

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Just about manager

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Pandas have black eyes oh what a surprise

[@0x777]

Well, like fatties didn't get bullied in your school...

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

How many coppers in the line up lmfao?

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Gin brummie

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Muff

[@jobrosling2949]

I wonder what happened with Tracy? I would have gone out with her 😊

[@simonhughes3194]

She had some semen and basil soup then went home with a bag of chips 👍🏻

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Both get rid of clingons

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Std telecommunications

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Vegans in the mod! Should be fined

[@alch3myau]

numbers are wrong bro

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Typical Scotland

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

I cannot talk now I will be home soon darling

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Ringing in your ears and bollocks

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Vegetarian should not be in the Armed forces

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Thistles

[@shawnmclean7932]

1000 jokes?

[@Ninthxotic]

Never noticed how much he moves his mouth when he talks

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

Donald Trump

[@blackmaxbranning3666]

U need help 🙏

[@thingamejignobodyknows4346]

@@blackmaxbranning3666 I do! And you don't? Need help?

[@TheLoneGolfer]

1 word joke... Biden!

[@drabpavel]

😊.omoo

[@jjb4531]

Trump