What Does Great Sex Mean To An Avoidant Man?

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What Does Great Sex Mean To An Avoidant Man?

[@JonathonAslay]

Connect with Bev here: securelyloved.com

[@mfrance3834]

The hallmark of a healthy relationship is the lack of anxiety and a feeling of being safe. Learned it the hard way, and trust me you’ll love feeling safe and grounded. You’re attracting a different type of woman now that you have done so much inner work. You’re on your way! ❤

[@JonathonAslay]

Exactly

[@juliefrecker3811]

jonathan this is one of the most important videos.

[@JonathonAslay]

Thank you 😊

[@cor3944]

I gave up on dating. Impossible to find somebody real, honest, vulnerable and really interesting in a relationship. It is all about sex and their fantasies.

[@Audrey-k2h]

Yes!

[@JonathonAslay]

In some cases, yes.

[@tinai2744]

It’s definitely not easy.. yet probably not a good idea to be a complete cynic over it

[@andziagreen4922]

I agree. It's a tinder era. Dissaster

[@dougstofelonline3710]

Awesome show Johnathan! Great show! Great Guest! Fantastic topic!!

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks, buddy, happy to hear...

[@ginam.4990]

I loved your guest, Bev. Interesting topic. I'm sooo glad she told you to 'hold on' when you were interrupting her and she finished her thoughts which I found fascinating!!! Gee, I feel like I'm dismissive, avoidant and anxious.....no fearful though, lol.

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@truelifestyles]

Two avoidant people will repel each other. It’s very rare they can bond.

[@JonathonAslay]

Likely

[@naddyn685]

Great content Jonathon and Bev!

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks

[@eileenfuentes6975]

Her eyebrows are very expressive in this video I was noticing the whole time.

[@JonathonAslay]

Interesting 👀

[@gabrielapaulinho1luv]

​@@JonathonAslay lol

[@bmjgood2go]

I agree and laughed.

[@cege8693]

Loved this! Great interview and guest.

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks

[@brigittecuthbertson7197]

I find this fascinating! I’m a previous co-dependant ( or that’s what I like to call myself 😂). I understand the nature of being anxious and the consequences to sex, however, I found myself having a type of sex that avoids intimacy as that’s what “ scares” me.

[@artishastudio8956]

Wow so right on point. Especially dismissive avoidant. My exact experience with my X husband of 12 years. So refreshing to have that clarified. My 1srt husband an anxious. So right on! I am a secure and you described my experience exactly. This is great information. Thk u!

[@JonathonAslay]

Wonderful!

[@awakenedcomedy1840]

Wow! I like the test😊 secure attachment 60%, 30% dismissive avoidant, 10% fearful avoidant. The descriptions are spot on.

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad you liked it!

[@JRLM-e8m]

Fascinating information today!

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad you think so!

[@09280215]

Interesting, my psychologist said that so called "attachment style" is simply one of multiple results of your childhood trauma. Once you heal that trauma you won't have unhealthy attachment style anymore. Basically, there are variety of consequences, but you need fix initial issue. That makes sense to me.

[@JonathonAslay]

Yes and yet very few humans do the work to heal.

[@LeileeBaker805]

True.

[@bindicat9070]

Good luck with new person! Jonathan !!! 🤞🙏🏼🕯️ I met someone too, last October who made me feel secure and calm and peaceful. Totally different to what I’m used to so I totally understand it. Thank you for sharing your journal sharing and your honesty!

[@JonathonAslay]

Thank you 😊

[@shirleybyrne5024]

Brilliant Johnathon, simply brilliant!!! Thank y ouuuuuu!! 👏👏👏🙏🏻

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@sonyacurti]

Great show! I'm with an avoidant man. He has trouble kissing me but will have sex. It's more transactional less vulnerable.

[@MegInASheathDress]

Yikes. Is that what you want? Does he have sex with sex workers? The no kissing reminds me of men I've known who pay for sex - no kissing.

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks

[@aleksandrac9335]

Dump him

[@catdev587]

He doesn't kiss because to him, that is more intimate. He is avoiding deep feelings of intimacy. Sex is empty, and no heart feelings are involved.

[@juliefrecker3811]

She’s spot on

[@JonathonAslay]

Agreed

[@lmedvill6980]

Great video Jonathan! Thank you ❤

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@christianeannarodriguez6924]

Dear one...i would have LOVED to HEAR Bev talk without interruption. This conversation from my perspective felt like it hit home for Jonathan. Therefore, the closed arms across heart & many interruptions. And...I do understand that this is a new conversation to this forum...however...it felt chaotic. Much grace & ease moving forward. I appreciate that you desire to bring this conversation forward. With indepth convos like this...perhaps as a coach...keeping your own need to understand your current relationship at bay could serve us best. And then... have a private 1:1 with Bev to understand more of your anxious attachment with a secure woman. (And...did you gain her permission to share this intimate relationship publicly...curious;) It wasn't as "pleasurable" to watch. Speaking as a secure woman... I'm praying your new relationship will thrive and that deep healing takes place for you both. I'm certain this is part of a greater picture were it enhances your gifts as a Coach. And...maybe ask the audience if we wanna hear about your private relationships? Anika Ray question was the most grounding part of the video.

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks for sharing your pov.

[@christianeannarodriguez6924]

@@JonathonAslay Mahalo Jonathan for all that you do.

[@LadyAvalonArt]

It's hilarious. He's so arrogant and self-deceptive that he thinks his "belief" is more of a reality than the body of scientific literature based on population statistics for attachment styles. He's not capable of letting anyone talk without interruption. This channel is about his glorification of how enlightened he thinks he is.

[@HermelindaJenny]

I don’t like titling people, but it’s good to know that there are different types to work with and stay away from. Thank you

[@JonathonAslay]

You’re welcome 😊

[@Sherryyahoo]

Jonathan, thanks for the badge 💕🦋🙏

[@JonathonAslay]

❤️

[@phyllisamy4738]

Love this woman ! Amazing , wise !!

[@MegInASheathDress]

Can she stop grinning challenge.

[@JonathonAslay]

Wow, thank you!

[@HermelindaJenny]

Idk, I think reading the Bible is the best book to have and know in healing and peace about life. Just keep God in my life and He will guide me in finding my way and direction in all life aspect.

[@MegInASheathDress]

May be true for you but not others. I rely on dialectic materialism to explain our perceptions of and responses to the world.

[@JonathonAslay]

God also creates humans who are writing books not covered in the Bible, which is one thought of mine.

[@tinai2744]

@@MegInASheathDressactually THE ONE TRUE GOD, JESUS CHRIST of NAZARETH is the DIALECTIC and is NOT materialistic but holds and reveals the wisdom of WHO you are if you renew your mind in his word

[@tinai2744]

Johnathon I love what you journaled about the driving force . That’s what I felt as an anxious attachment when I met my hubby. Also described as easy calm kind and warm also recovering anxious attachment.. it’s WHAT YOU NEED IN LIFE -the foreign to help you heal. This relationship has allowed me to heal as well. And to be MYSELF!!

[@ForeverTogether219]

Wow… Great Show with a lot of great information… Wonderful Guest 💯🤗

[@JonathonAslay]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@Sherryyahoo]

Avoidant, secure, anxious. Jonathan you are too funny tonight

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks

[@michellem8284]

38:14 The story is "What do they see in me? This isn't real. There's no way this person would really like me."

[@juliefrecker3811]

This information is accurate!

[@lisaweberm.ed.4969]

I just discovered your channel a few days ago. I’m already hooked and bought 2 of the recommended books. I look forward to learning about dating in my 50’s!

[@JonathonAslay]

Awesome! Thank you!

[@ginam.4990]

I took Bev's test. 33%FA, 33% DA, and bom bom bom bom (as JA does), 33% Secure. Been doing the work. Glad to see the Secure is in there.😄

[@JonathonAslay]

It's all a learning experience

[@HermelindaJenny]

I had a friend who had a relationship with a FWB and after a few years man ended up faking in love with her. So anything and everything is possible. Nothing is written on stone. And nothing can ever be the exact way as the other. Why? Bcz this is not a perfect world, therefore, not all things will be the same.

[@sonyacurti]

@@HermelindaJennyI'm curious as to how you realized he was faking being in love??? Very interesting.

[@MegInASheathDress]

Guessing thats a typo might be "falling?"​

[@aleksandrac9335]

Who cares what avoidant man feels?

[@JonathonAslay]

Women often do...

[@timothybrown6790]

Great video - more please

[@JonathonAslay]

More to come!

[@Sherryyahoo]

Hi Bev, I have watched you with Jonathan before. I am watching this after work tonight 💕🦋 Thank you!

[@JonathonAslay]

Hope you enjoyed it!

[@Sherryyahoo]

@ always

[@nikkielliott4253]

How do I stop being avoidant. I feel its my life situation I can't change anytime soon. Also I think I'm protecting the other person from my own difficulties. This is gonna take some serious thinking through.

[@bindicat9070]

Oh the gaslight themselves comment was interesting! Do you find people who have had loss from a partner taking their life would also effect future relationships when it comes to dating again. Or was that anxious style was already there?

[@JonathonAslay]

Absolutely it can

[@carolinebrown8965]

Excellent interview ! Thanks Jonathon !

[@JonathonAslay]

Thank you 😊

[@bindicat9070]

Did the test and was surprised with the result I was a bit of 3 but not dismissive avoidant at all.

[@JonathonAslay]

Interesting

[@bindicat9070]

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have conscious awareness and just enjoy being with a person Yes I can witness who I am and yes I was calling it hyper awareness Like the other term better 🤞

[@JonathonAslay]

I can relate 😮

[@kimberleenadwocki4393]

Hi. Great video. I took a test and am a Anxious Pre Occupied. My last 5 year relationship was with a Dismissive Avoidant and Narisisst. Than I met a man right in my town last Aug who started out w Love Bombing me and telling me he Loved me after a few times of Sex and to Gas Light me with no reason. I am not sure if he was a Fearful Avoidant or Anxious Avoidant. He is 53 with 2 young kids at home as a Single father and didn't think out what he wanted when he went on Bumble where we met. He stated he was looking for Long Term on his profile

[@JonathonAslay]

Yes. Humans gaslight themselves.

[@LoriPHarris]

What a great topic! Phenomenal guest Jonathon, really liked Bev Mitelman! 5:54

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks 🙏

[@sharonpayne8912]

That's so true...❤❤😂😂❤

[@DeLaineTriplitt]

It's been fascinating! Hugs back!!

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks 🙏

[@gamerchristina1079]

Love❤❤

[@JonathonAslay]

❤️❤️❤️

[@MegInASheathDress]

What's the scientific basis for any of this?

[@JonathonAslay]

Physiological basis... Google Attachment Theory

[@mariad1151]

There is no scientific basis. It's opinion & oversimplification. Look at how difficult it is to set up a fact in science & how long it takes. This idea could never be proven; the foundation is unstable. However, it's surprisingly profitable.Like fortune telling in the Information Age. You can sign up for Thais' "school" & do the same thing & sell it to folks who are less discerning than you.

[@monikabennettprestwood]

Agreed!

[@JonathonAslay]

YAY!

[@JenHistoryFuzzAdmin]

It’s me…

[@JonathonAslay]

What is?

[@JenHistoryFuzzAdmin]

@ fearful avoidant.🤦🏻‍♀️😂

[@DeLaineTriplitt]

Jonathon, I'm on board w/your concept of bonding. I wonder if either of you are considering that either a male or female could be stuck at an earlier (age) development stage. Jonathan mentioned himself in his 20s but an older man or woman 40s & up could be stuck in say high school mentality. Decidedly not healthy.

[@tatOOdLady19]

I just stumbled on brain heart coherence techniques Jonathan, so when those pesky this is foreign thoughts start creeping in? Maybe look into that? Just saw a great podcast about it on the Know Thyself channel ,and its not just about relationships it serves other areas in life too. I'll try and find link for it... I too have met someone that's "right around the corner." But i have a teensy problem. A HUGE age gap. 😂😔 like CHER age gap.🤦he Works where i live. So our interactions are very brief, and so far we've never had even a platonic conversation outside of this. But there is this...best way to describe it, a pot of water in the middle coming to a boil. And we both have this stoic resting bitch face expressions during those interactions...😂 but when we share space? Things around here get WEIRD. Alarms go off, plumbing problems, electronics get fucked up, exterior lighting on timers go wonky garbage disposals??? You name it!! WTF is THAT, J?? Is the universe trying to tell us something?! Or has my spiritual awakening just set off kundalini, or a heart Chakra opening has made me...magnetic?? I can practically read his mind. And i dont like to do that because i consider that invasion of privacy. Even though its ok for dismissive avoidants with manipulation on their minds to do it. But I can hear his self sabotage. Im too young. I dont have anything to offer her. Everyone will Talk. Everyone will have a problem with it. Family so on and so forth. All of it crossed my mind too. But yet...boiling pot. My heart Chakra is open, but my throat is closed. What should i do. So I do nothing, because if hes awakening i need to allow it. A very old soul (in a rare moment he blurted it out) in a young man's skinsuit. See where I'm going with this? We both are these hippy boho types, without the sex and drug experimentation😂😂 yanno baby boomers before their spirits died. So impass. And im waiting for the next "issue" to go wrong around here that brings him out here on days when I usually don't expect him.🤦 kzbin.info/www/bejne/aYvaXpl3i7Rlh5Ysi=fPBWcI1vH-CVLM8i

[@whatever4218]

So what does great sex mean to him? My ex had great sex with me and i haven't heard from him since. It was amazing btw.

[@JonathonAslay]

How long were the two of you together?

[@whatever4218]

@JonathonAslay Two months, but..we split up, I tried to reconnect.. he disappeared after me asking him for more time together. He said he couldn't but that last time we had sex and he said: wow...

[@monishavarma]

Dated Navin he was v tough to understand

[@JonathonAslay]

Who is he?,

[@Sherryyahoo]

Love the talk tonight!

[@JonathonAslay]

Thanks