Don’t Put up With THIS From an Avoidant (And What To Do)

[@Nasiere2x]

I feel like it’s a lot less work to simply find someone that isn’t avoidant. Majority are stuck in their ways and too far gone to ever change..even when aware they are avoidant. Having to decipher and deal with an avoidant and their issues is probably the most draining thing you could put up with honestly.

[@Tiberiunox]

It took me so long to start even considering that my needs for not going days (or even a week) without talking, going on separate trips and not talking and these sort of contact cutting periods, were actually normal, I had gotten to a point where I thought there must be something wrong with me for not being able to just cut off contact for extended periods of time, like maybe I didn't have enough of a life of my own, or I was being too anxious, too needy, when in fact I was asking for a bare minimum..

[@HappeChappe]

I'm dealing with an avoidant situationship. She's so cool though. Trying to be patient but I also know I can't wait around forever.

[@konidu971]

I was secure and became an anxious one after dating an avoidant woman for 8 months. It ended 2 months ago and still feel quite depressed about it. How did the flip happened? She made me think that if I was frustrated or feeling bad sometimes because of her behavior (that I was thinking was not acceptable into the relationship), then it was my fault. She was repeating that I was responsible of my emotions and that I could not make the other one responsible of my emotions. I could not make the other one the "executioner" or the "persecutor". It was very twisted and you know what? She is a therapist and this thing put me into depression during the relationship. She apologized for it once and never asked how I felt the weeks after that... This method was actually her way to control, have a kind of power on me to protect herself from me complaining. (I was never shouting or insulting, always calm and picking meticulously my words). The truth is that avoidant NEED to work on themselves (like the anxious ones). It's not fair that they have the power and the control into the relationship and that it's the other one that has to do that much effort to make them feel secure into the relationship, It's actually very unhealthy and toxic. Btw, all of the relationships of this girl were unhealthy and toxic, If I knew that from the beginning, I would have run away...

[@dmitryisaev5955]

Thank you from a healing former AP, after a break up with an avoidant…

[@enjoyingthejourney]

Thank you for this video. Two weeks ago my boyfriend called me crazy for wanting some kind of connection on Christmas. He did exactly what you described called me crazy and needy. I stepped back for two days and thought about it. I then told him that I am not crazy and needy but that my wish for connection was not only reasonable but also healthy. He did not talk to me for almost a week. I let him and waited until he contacted me (I am anxious but did a lot of work on myself). And now he goes on like nothing happens. So I am not sure what to do now. He is a kind man and a “good one” with a lot of childhood trauma. He does talk about that but does not connect the dots. I can imagine that he would be interested in hearing about attachment theory, but I have no idea how I could introduce it. I would love to see a video about that.

[@naddyn685]

My avoidant partner denied ogling a beautiful woman several times throughout a theatre show? She was sitting with her partner and young kids in front of us at a theatre. He denied it afterwards too and told me I was seeing things and felt sorry for me. He threatened to end the relationship. It was so upsetting. He was annoyed that I don’t trust him yet he was behaving like a lovestruck teenager!

[@Ridingrules10000]

Define ogling. However you define it, you're going to find that it's a pejorative term and it's accusatory. Even if he was undressing her in his mind, he knows that you can't possibly know that and you're effectively accusing him of cheating on you. It's not going to go over well and it's not going to get you want you want, either. If you think you are going to shame him into submission, you're going to find yourself alone. I'm not saying you're completely in the wrong, but you won't get what you want if you approach him about things that bother you in an accusatory tone. Setting boundaries with someone who is in an avoidant mode takes patience and emotional stability. You're also likely going to have to compromise if you think that him noticing and being attracted to beautiful women is a problem. Figure out what a secure relationship looks like to you and what your non-negotiable boundaries would look like. Be reasonable, be fair, and don't expect to figure everything out all at once.

[@adambruneau3422]

3 third view lol yeah