Jordan Peterson - The Thing Men Get Most Wrong When Dealing With Women

Jordan Peterson explains the thing men get most wrong when dealing with women.
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[@Liberty-Vault]

Do you agree with Jordan Peterson's assessment? To buy my books, including Thomas Paine: A Lifetime of Radicalism, check out my online bookstore: davidbenner.square.site

[@edgar9651]

So, if we agree with Jordan then we should buy your books? Wouldn't it make a lot more sense to buy his books?

[@TomServo1969]

As a husband of 32 years this is the smartest thing I can tell young men: Most of the time when your wife is telling you about a problem she's having, she isn't asking you to give her the solution; She wants you tell her she's right to feel the way she does. She wants you to validate her feelings. See, most men tend to have a thought process that goes problem --> solution. Most women tend to think things through a little differently. Here's the magic words: "I'd feel the same way if that happened to me." Example 1: Wife: A and B happened at work today. I was so mad! Husband: You should have done X, Y, and Z. (WRONG!! She knows she probably should have done X, Y, and Z. That wasn't the point!) Example 2: Wife: A and B happened at work today. I was so mad! Husband: Really? That would have made me mad, too! (BINGO. Now wait and see if asks for your advice.)

[@evilzinabyssranger5695]

Yeah. tahts great. But woman never tries to understand Man the way we try to understand them. What makes a relationship good its when BOTH try to get closer and TELL how they can help in some situations at least. Of course knowing is better but ppl dosnt com with blueprints, not man, not woman.

[@aszechy]

​@@evilzinabyssranger5695But of course we do. One thing I think I've really gotten better at with my husband over the years is knowing when to get him to talk and when to really just leave him alone. The second one is hard, but I realize now that sometimes that is in fact the best thing I can do.

[@marie4585]

You are almost right. She wants you to UNDERSTAND how she FEELS and why she feels that way ( even if it is wrong). "I can understand why you feel that way. Anyone in your position would. But, maybe a more helpful way to view it would be to .........that way, ....." Something like that.

[@drachenrecke5090]

32 children? How?!

[@thorie79]

How can women improve themselves to fix this need for validation, and only come to you when they need a solution?

[@blakeashley1957]

My girlfriend had this habit of talking about her work when we went to bed. It would go on for what seemed to me a long time and was the opposite of a sexual turn-on for me. Finally I got tired of it and told her in clear terms that this blabbing about her work at bedtime was a big turn-off for me. Then she explained, in her gentle way, that I was the only person in her life she could talk to about those concerns and that talking to me made her feel safe and protected and that, in turn, made her feel sexually aroused. Ahhhhhhhhhhh . . . I GET it now! It's foreplay!!!!!!! Hahahahaha! Problem solved, thanks to her ability to articulate what it meant to her.

[@evilzinabyssranger5695]

thats RARE. Woman usually cant state this things. Kudos to her, must be a GREAT wife.

[@llIlIlllII]

@@evilzinabyssranger5695 If we have someone willing to engage with us.. we can usually untangle our thoughts verbally. That was the point of this video. Most men aren't interested in talking with us beyond a few sentences, therefore most women can't state these things concisely.

[@budoshi1981]

wtf; women are weird man.

[@marie4585]

When a man listens to a woman ( who is upset or hurt by someone) it makes her believe he actually CARES about HER (and not just what's between her legs). That CARING makes her WANT TO be close to him. She wants to be made LOVE to by a man who LOVES HER! Not just FUCKED by the man in her bed. And when you don't listen to her ( when she has a real problem) THAT is how you seem to her! I wish men would GET THIS!!!

[@romans003]

Better time to talk about it

[@aaroningl]

'Tricky to manage' is an understatement.

[@finnessejets4231]

Absolutely, gotta tread softly.

[@Luckystoic]

As a 60 years old man who broke each and everyone of these rules, I can tell that they are true. Advice for the young: do not be fooled by anything else. Follow these rules by the letter. If it means losing somebody, so be it. They were not worthy.

[@owlcu]

He's spot on about Joe Rogan - that's why we love him. He's brave enough to admit he doesn't understand something he's passionately curious about.

[@jotarokujo5132]

it's only true when he has respectable guests of high intelligence though. There are also nutcases, like Alex Jones, or bullshit artists like Graham Hancock. These people are not smarter than the viewers, lol

[@orangewarm1]

I don't understand the popularity of JR at all.

[@jamesthen1nja]

Good conversations with interesting people

[@robertmajewski4486]

Joe is cool !!:))

[@bghoody5665]

Yes but when he's convinced he knows all about a topic (even when he really doesn't), he's not shy to let the other person know they're an idiot, or being disrespectful in other ways, if they don't.

[@martineastland2455]

Got no time for fucking game playing. If you want to vent, fair enough. If you want a solution, equally so. But dont expect me to know which is which. Im not a psychic

[@BoBoZoBo]

When my friends and I were young and first getting married, one of our fathers told us the best piece of advice I've had over the past 20 years of being married: When your wife comes to you with a problem, first ask her if she wants a solution, or just needs to vent, then listen and respond accordingly. I forgot that advice for some time until my friend reminded me and then it was like a magic pill. Peterson is fundamentally correct here.

[@orangewarm1]

Sometimes they don't even know.

[@saltycat662]

That's women's way of communicating and bonding with you. Women do this with each other and that's just how they are. So of course she's going to behave the same way with her bf/husband. Men do the same thing. They talk to women the same way they talk to other men. All you have to do is make them feel like you care and you listen. That's all everyone wants.

[@larry514]

Great advice… sometimes the Wives just want to vent it took me years to understand this and listen without suggesting solutions.

[@sheilacondit8886]

You are a jewel in a landscape of plain rocks Jordan. Thank you for your bravery and logic

[@karenk2409]

Love your metaphor!

[@DrMikeOckhertz]

If a woman comes to you with a problem, always ask "Do you just want to vent, or are you looking for an actual solution?"

[@outoforbit00]

Well Dr Mike, I wouldn't concern myself too much with it, or else of course your married to multiple women.

[@thecommenter9678]

Unless they are your significant other or a family member you tell them "I'm not your husband, i don't need your stress"

[@kjsgarden]

Doesn’t seem that you listened to Dr. Peterson. He specifically said the first thing a woman might do is to is run possibilities through her mind and the real solution is to help her once she (or she and you) sorts out what the actual, real problem is. You have to listen and be discerning instead of jump to the fix the first thing she mentions. It’s arrogant for anyone to assume they can throw out an immediate solution without discernment rather than engage in a conversation. Different brains have different processes to get to the heart of the matter. Incidentally, I’m not a converser myself and my husband wants to talk and talk and go in circles first. Totally opposite what Dr. Peterson is describing, but I often misunderstand what my husband is wanting when he first starts a conversation to get a solution to an issue. So, I listen first. Drives me crazy because I *usually* see what the answer is to begin with, but it works better to listen first and wait to throw out an answer.

[@DrMikeOckhertz]

@@kjsgarden i did listen to what Dr P said. And you've pretty much repeated back to me in long form what I said in a few words. Someone who comes to you with a problem either wants you to listen to them run through the possibilities (i.e. vent) or they've already done that and they want your help (i.e. a solution). Asking them up front what their choice of option is just saves time.

[@kelliemurphy7933]

Seriously?! Do NOT ask like that! That sounds like sarcasm. Do you JUST want vent, or are you looking for an ACTUAL solution, which of course the doc has right here 😂 There are ways and ways of saying things and you just got it massively wrong.

[@CB-vt3mx]

I always ask questions to keep the conversation with my wife on track because people are often unable to focus whether they are talking or hearing. Also, I encouraged my wife to take up journaling--note, this is not a "diary"--to help her keep her thoughts in some level of organization so that she can tell me what she actually wants or needs to say. Then I keep track of what she is laying out in the journal. Key takeaway for me was that journals are not about emotions--that is what a diary might be for. Journals are about capturing thoughts during the day that we have questions or concerns about. We found that a nice breakfast with the journal has gone a long way to improving our lives simply by allowing us to write down a concern or issue to be discussed prior to the discussion. It keeps us focused on what we need to discuss and not be side tracked into what if scenarios. A great example was how it led us to realize that our apartment just was not serving our actual needs once I was working remote. She was not happy that I was always in the living room working which meant she could not really "live" in the apartment during the work day. For me, I was just happy to be home with her, but she could not even do the dishes or watch tv because I might be on a meeting or something. Easy fix once we actually understood each other.

[@nurrnena7798]

Women want to test men with problem-solving. Woman sees some red flags, she starts talking about what she has observed and she wants to see, if the man gives the most straight-forward, but not ultimately the right solution, or does he really listen and take all things into consideration. I think the woman starting that conversation already kinda knows ahead where the problem may be hidden, she needs to know that the man is invested in her surroundings as well. It may seem stupid for men, but understand that women overall are less confident and more afraid of things. Men are to protect women. And sorry, but sometimes it needs manipulation, because you want to know if the man is with you for sexual reasons, or does he care as well. It’s very important for them

[@RhymeandRamblings]

This is exactly right. As women if we feel cared for in this way we can relax, we know he’s far less likely to stray or abandon us. If we don’t get this it’s like all systems are on high alert.

[@user-xe9wn2er9w]

Jordan Peterson is my hero. I wish I had been his childhood playmate.

[@MikeHermo]

Biggest advice I could ever give is to allow other people to solve their OWN problems. If you carefully guide people to solutions with maximum listening and minimum input you let them do all the mental gymnastics. This is empowering for the individual and gives them agency and responsibility over their problem and their solution. The confidence that someone will get from realizing their own competence and problem solving abilities is unimaginable through this process. This works exceptionally well in teaching small children

[@robinconnelly6079]

This is really useful. Now that whole thing of "the woman doesn't want you to fix it, she just wants your support" makes sense. I think solving problems together with a woman just got a lit easier

[@Emily-cc6gg]

Honestly my tip as a wife : Something bothers you and you want to tell your husband -> give yourself 48 hours to process it internally without bringing in any other opinions thoroughly think it through from all angles and allow all emotions to surface and subside -> if after 48 hours you think it’s pertinent to tell your husband then tell him once emotions have subsided in a structured composed way and be ready to follow his advice BUT if you are over it then don’t mention it to him Saves the headache of him feeling like you don’t want to listen to his help and you feeling like he doesn’t want to listen to your feelings 👍

[@L6FT]

Suuuch good advice. The cause of most conflict is lack of proper communication. Incongruence and misunderstanding. Be curious and humble.

[@archentity]

I learned exactly this in my IT tech support job.

[@Mereologist]

This helps a lot: DO NOT say, "You are wrong." INSTEAD SAY, "I don't understand. Please explain."

[@zajec11]

Even then she’ll be mad at you for just not understanding her haha

[@CarlosPerez-em3wu]

yeah my female coworkers will from time to time slightly vent their issues to me, looking for that validation. I give them none. They are choosing to be at work.

[@nzingahoney]

Really? Who is going to feed them if they don't work?

[@CarlosPerez-em3wu]

@@nzingahoney better question why arent they married and stay at home moms.

[@CarlosPerez-em3wu]

@@nzingahoney their husbands

[@mt.shasta6097]

​@CarlosPerez-em3wu You, sir, are officially the poster child for misogyny. Dump your cultural teachings and try to think like a 21st Century man.

[@nzingahoney]

@CarlosPerez-em3wu men are not looking for wives these days they are looking for serial lovers. As a man I don't expect you to know this but yeah. It's like you have to beg them to marry you

[@luisaspiller1653]

I found this video very insightful and I will try and use the active listening advise

[@ozarked2363]

Worry is interest paid in advance on borrowed trouble. The 2 most important words in the English language are “ yes dear”. Those two words will eliminate the need to use “I’m sorry” and “you’re right”.

[@RafeArcher]

You forgot to mention that she only gets the “yes dear” treatment if she reciprocates with Respect and gratitude.

[@TheReelDealFilmReviews]

“Yes Dear” is the verbal equivalent of a pat on the head.

[@firepig33]

Women are complicated, keep changing always

[@ruthieclarke9125]

Because women are more evolved.

[@telmesomethinidk]

good, keeps you on your toes. you never know what the next move is till it hits you like a bag of bricks

[@orangewarm1]

That's right. Once you think you have a handle on things, the landscape changes. You have to be a patient magician.

[@Star_Tec1]

​@ruthieclarke9125 no, not evolved. Confused on decision making. Women do not stick to one thing. Keep changing.

[@morfiusx]

[1:40] The assumption is that women opperate in good faith. But listing out everything that could be wrong is not what I consider operating in good faith. That's throwing a bunch of sh*t against the wall to see what sticks. It is intended to make the target react, validating the perpetrators lack of emotional intelligence.

[@johnupperton3211]

Yes, that's largely what I was thinking too. It would have to be a special woman to operate entirely in good faith. If so, then she certainly would be worth persevering with.

[@thecommenter9678]

Yes, It's usually "Sit there while I bitch at you for every small slight from the past year" it's USUALLY abuse rather then something so deep as a diagnostic process.

[@nnamdiazuakola5254]

There are those who lay out everything in bad faith. Agreed. But there are also those who, like JP said in the clip, do not know exactly what’s wrong and arrive at the crux by laying out everything for discussion. In reality though it’s more a mixture of both to various degrees.

[@AnimeReference]

@@nnamdiazuakola5254 I suspect part of that good faith should be if you are criticizing behaviour make sure you are talking to anyone except that person until you have solidly identified your problem.

[@jakeelliott9636]

A lot of women don’t want to hear men vent either lol

[@dannydunn2772]

No woman wants to hear that

[@PhonoDirect]

​@@dannydunn2772That's what they call equality 😂

[@muchamocha7]

This is a good interpersonal skill in general, because honestly I experience men doing the same thing; throwing a lot of cards on the table and in the midst of conversation, realizing they don't align with everything they've said, and there are many shifts throughout the conversation. I think if you allow anyone the room to "think out loud" without trying to immediately hone in on specifics, it's productive communication.

[@cathyheston3029]

Listening is an acquired art........for anyone ❤

[@geralldus]

Perceptive and a useful guide.

[@roberthagedorn290]

When she complains about you not taking out the garbage, just listen to her talk and forget about the garbage, because the garbage is not the problem.

[@TheJoyOfTheLord777]

Lol

[@TheJoyOfTheLord777]

Not a good idea.

[@aleksandarpenchev7807]

What if the garbage is too much at some point? Like you're gonna leave it there and ask her if she wants to talk about it? She's gonna think you're stupid probably.

[@roberthagedorn290]

@@aleksandarpenchev7807 I was being sarcastic.

[@aleksandarpenchev7807]

@@roberthagedorn290 sorry i thought this was really cheap advice. My bad. Im glad.

[@freesk8]

Wisdom.

[@christinereich6050]

The best interviewer is Matt Fradd because he asks what seems like a stupid clarification or definition of terms and yet I realize I don't know the answer either and I really appreciate that he does that for me. In real life you just have to pretend to understand the speaker.

[@lukeleonard2801]

love this man

[@lsporter88]

Damn good advice.

[@RhetoricalMuse]

The book 'Way Of The Superior Man' By David Deida is a very good read.

[@markgraham2312]

Excellent.

[@robbieblackburn2880]

" I understand !"... Charlie Harper

[@nzingahoney]

Brilliant as usual

[@LaneTheBrane]

😂 no, ignorant as all hell

[@marie4585]

It depends on the problem. When a woman tells her man that she FEELS unloved, or hurt, or whatever, by something she perceives he has done. What she is looking for is reassurance, comfort, emotional support. Unfortunately, the man often hears her words as criticism (which he can't handle) and becomes defensive. This just hurts her even more. It is like he has stabbed her and when she yells for him to take out the knife, he just shoves it in FARTHER!!! That is how it FEELS to her.

[@parallaxview6770]

Maybe grow up

[@WilliamMcAdams]

Women should get that under control, then.

[@thomaswhite5928]

Sounds like the "woman" you are describing are actually girls that need to grow the hell up. You literally described my daughter when she was 13. She drove me and my wife nuts with that crap.

[@androidx99]

The key word is perceived. If her perception is may be incorrect. And more so, if her correct is incorrect and unfounded, will she be able to adjust to the new information and reality? The answer unfortunately in many cases is she cant. This is unfortunately why this natural barrier exists. Feelings cloud logic and reason, and when attempting to address something with someone pointed critism or insults do not make for a productive conversation. Being defensive to hostile words is a normal and typical response for human beings. The idea that woman can dish it out because they have feelings and that there is no consequences if they lack that tact to express it appropriately is folly. It wouldnt work in most of their daily interactions at work, why do it at home with someone who loves you? The answer is known. Invasive thoughts turn to unwanted feelings and they are then expressed as critisms while also thinking of themselves as victims based sometimes on things that have not happened. It is not woman's fault they may be wired this way. It is up to them the same way it up to men to be calm and rational when addressing issues to get the best outcome from the person they are addressing. Anger or frustration being expressed will likely close an un-suspecting man into a defensive person which is completely foreseeable. Personal attacks that are not justified will take a very mature and measured person being in the right head space in the right condition to receive and handle appropriately.

[@johnswoodgadgets9819]

Women dump their purse when looking for something urgently. If it is not there, they are bewildered because they know it was there, and then they suddenly know the story in detail as to why it isn't there now. Men seethe and fish around in their toolbox when they can't find a wrench. If they have to take anything out other than that wrench to look for it, they consider it a personal failure. If it is not there, they are convinced someone else took it, and they are pretty sure who done it. I have known that about men and women since I was ten years old. Not hard to extrapolate very subtle parallels to those absolute traits.

[@jenniferthreatt8455]

You are so right Mr. Peterson since I am a woman

[@randysummerhays4168]

Nice to hear a woman admit she's a woman I'm teasing

[@teefrankenstein4340]

Jordan is correct listening is key.

[@StimParavane]

With women working I now have to listen to them vent along with dealing with my own problems.

[@outoforbit00]

Don't be ridiculous, ask yourself why you are getting that close to all your female colleagues. As a woman I would wonder, what are you after?

[@thecommenter9678]

@@outoforbit00 "What are YOU after" You mean what are they after. Sounds to me like they all locked onto him as their dumping ground. Why do you jump to it being HIM that is after something!?

[@sharleneperea1867]

Hell no you didn't just say that. Lol😅

[@nzingahoney]

As a woman, you sound like you want a woman who's provided for so she doesn't have to work or else counseled well enough That she doesn't vent. But you can't expect her to see you as HER man if she's being provided for and counseled by someone else. So I think it is level up time for you.

[@outoforbit00]

@@thecommenter9678 if he has all them women discussing their difficulties with him, he must have slept with them all, its so darn obvious.

[@orzorzelski1142]

No woman = no problem.

[@insiderinfo8382]

Wouldn’t be to sure about that. To put it in the wise words of Ian Malcolm: “Life erhm finds a way”

[@johnwinterton963]

m.kzbin.info/www/bejne/pnnPhHhvn5p5fbs

[@KW-mz4pn]

Genesis 2:18-22 (RSV2CE): Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 So out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh; 22 and the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

[@orzorzelski1142]

@@KW-mz4pn Yeah, and then that woman did what exactly?

[@steffanfockenssf]

​@@orzorzelski1142And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. Desiring this knowledge, the woman eats the forbidden fruit and gives some to the man, who also eats it.

[@thewatcher7823]

Watched the video starting from an amused idea of another video potentially like any other about how one gender doesn't get another, which sometimes could be accurate but mostly in a cliche kind of way. In the end this is genuinely helpful advice imo.

[@immortaljanus]

"Women are more sensitive to threat than men." Interesting because I've seen way more women underestimate danger on the road than men. Even walking on the sidewalk, women miss slippery surfaces, they bump into things all the time.

[@RhymeandRamblings]

That’s called low spatial awareness. Women are sensitive to way more things than men even if they have us beat in a few areas.

[@warwolf3005]

They are more sensitive, so they feel threathened more easily but are worse at idenitfying the nature of the threat, hence they uncertainty phase.

[@mollee4950]

He is absolutely on point about this with women! But I’d like to point out what he said about Joe Rogan toward the end. He pointed out how when Rohan has people on that are intelligent and speak about things and he doesn’t understand what exactly they mean, he’s not afraid or too proud to ask them what they mean or to put it more into ‘layman’s terms’ so he understands what they’re saying or their point. I think this is very true of when you’re in school as a kid, you’re in class (regardless of subject) and don’t understand what your teacher is talking about but it seems like everyone else understands and you’re the only one that doesn’t, so you’re afraid to raise your hand and ask your teacher to repeat it because you don’t want to look stupid in front of your friends/the other students. In grade school (and into HS & college) struggled with math and even though there was a lot I didn’t understand I was so afraid to raise my hand and ask the teacher to repeat things. I was also very very shy when I was young, I generally wouldn’t talk to people unless they spoke to me first, even with the whole 3 friends I had because I wasn’t one of the cool kids; the only people I’d speak to first were my immediate family (parents & brother) and extended family (my parents both have at least 5 siblings) but even with them I was reserved. Once I got the courage to do it I no longer feared asking. So like Dr Peterson kinda said, usually if one person doesn’t understand and asks for elaboration (Joe Rohan), there are several others who don’t either and are glad to see that they aren’t alone and will then back up the initial person that was brave enough to ask. It also has a lot to do with the teacher as well! I had to take a math class in my first year in college and the female teacher was terrible. I’d raise my hand & ask her to repeat cause I was having trouble and she would pretty much politely tell me I’m stupid and just say all the same things she’d just said that I told her I didn’t get; needless to say, I failed! But when I repeated the class the next semester (cause I needed it or I would’ve just said F it!!) there was a male teacher, but I was still struggling and I was hesitant to raise my hand to ask for help because of the previous teacher. Myself and another student were having a hard time and we decided to ask questions in class despite feeling anxious about it. This male teacher took us seriously and took as much time as me & her needed so that we understood; as well as finding out there were at least 4 other students who were struggling just like me. I ended up passing with an A and speaking to the head of the math program about how terrible the first female teacher was!

[@roberthuismans3533]

So men have to make the largest effort by way of time and attitude correction to convince a woman that they are acting in good faith and then work through problems that are not their own so that women are absolved from applying logic and reason to issues that are almost certainly partially caused by their own neurosis an negative emotional state. I agree 100% with JP, but it's a seriously bad deal for men anyway you slice it.

[@joycewright5386]

Oh please, just learn how to listen!

[@roberthuismans3533]

@@joycewright5386 learn how to cope.

[@ruthieclarke9125]

@@roberthuismans3533 You sound abusive.

[@eduardopekurned1505]

@@ruthieclarke9125 Its okay you feel that way, privileged children want everything their way and react to criticism as abusive

[@roberthuismans3533]

@@ruthieclarke9125 lemme guess 'toxic'.

[@AgeofMachines]

1:18 -125 They maybe tricky to manage however if there's no accountability on her part or she believes she has no obligation to you as a man on any level, this process is rendered worthless at best and destructive at worst. Seen it in real time.

[@Somebody_else_u_know]

Thank you for the opinion.

[@hugh-johnfleming289]

Listening, REALLY listening, is a skill I learned in acting classes...

[@kristine6996]

Congratulations Mr. Peterson. This is a spot on advice for men based on a correct insight in women’s psyche… a rarely mentioned approach towards a deeper present energy in a woman. Take us serious about these worries gentlemen.

[@karenk2409]

We women absolutely know that a man can be a predator. A man capable of being lovingly protective is very attractive. Then, recognize me as an individual person who deserves respect, as you do. Listen. Last, don't assume I live on this world to serve you. Think partnership. Condescension and arrogance are poison. Why in the world is this so hard?

[@orangewarm1]

You do realise some women act as though we're here to serve them. I come home from work, I havnt done anything wrong and you start a 'conversation' with an insult.

[@WilliamMcAdams]

​@orangewarm1 Nah, she doesn't realize that. Since she's using the term "partnership" to describe marriage, and demanding to be respected akin to a man -- she hasn't just missed the plot. She's missed the whole series.

[@AnimeReference]

Because If I gave you the same respect I gave any other man you'd be deeply insulted. With this video for instance, If I had a problem and brought it to you like this your respectful response should be "shut up and come back when you actually know what you want from me" or "you need to work on your self reflection ability because you're not even at the stage where you can ask for help yet".

[@Smp_lifting]

And how do you expect us to respect you when you are unable to fix easy problems. How are we supose to respect you when you constantly complain about things that shouldnt even be an issue. If you want respect, you need to act like someone deserving of it. Which means, take the fucking advice and fix the damn issue and then stop complaining about it.

[@saltycat662]

Men don't want a partnership or equality. Men want dominion. When are women going to understand this? I always hear fellow women talk about "equality this, equality that", the men don't care!!! If they had it their way, they would chain you to the stove, barefoot and pregnant. Why do you think they don't listen to us? Because they feel like gods over us. They don't feel they have to listen. We're told to take a man's name because we're property, not equals. Why do you think the Bible says it's good for a man to marry but doesn't say the same about the woman? Because marriage benefits them more than it benefits us. Believing in equality is like believing in peace. It has never existed on this planet and never will.

[@DrKnowsMore]

Dr peterson. I always appreciate your Insight and I find much of your advice as it relates to self improvement to be phenomenal. I've implemented a good deal of it in my personal life and have benefited as a result. Having said that, I want to take a moment to offer my own advice to how you dispense advice. When it comes to relationships my sense is that most of your advice is directed at men and how they need to change or how they need to accommodate the women in their lives. What about women accommodating men? I don't see nearly enough advice directed at women and how they can address their behavior as it relates to the men in their lives. You've given women advice, but it's usually about how to choose the right man. How about some advice for the ladies on improving the lives of the men they've chosen questions hi, for one, I'm sick and tired of constantly being the one to accommodate the women in my life. I'd like to see a little bit of effort on their part to better understand me and my feelings. For instance, I'm more than happy to listen to a woman vent once or twice or even three times. Once we start to get beyond that point though, once it starts to become the case that venting to me is a substitute for actually addressing the problems, then things start to deteriorate. I'm happy to listen and be a part of that clarification process, but if no action is going to be taken and we're just going to perpetually Circle the problem without actually identifying it, then I'm going to get frustrated, tired, and probably angry. And I think that response is completely Justified when we're on the 6th or 7th go around about a particular problem. At that point I think women need to understand that it's either time to address it or time to stop talking to their man about it because he's Fed Up started to impact his feelings in terms of being able to help her, feeling like he is allied with her, and so forth.

[@dblvictory]

Peterson pontificates on how males need to react when "dealing with women" saying: women will 'skewer you' ... and saying women don't even know they are on alert for threat...or suggesting you say to women: 'things you are saying don't make sense' - oh, brother.

[@stacytotten5208]

write it down. ❤

[@federico_morilla]

Nice t-shirt, Jordan! 😁

[@PoloABD]

Yup, he does have excellent intellect, and he’s a good guy.

[@patrickmiano7901]

I just agree with her. Why? She’s Puerto Rican and I am afraid of her. Happy wife, happy life. It’s worked for almost 48 years.

[@julianmcculloch3235]

Great video, I just hope other people are willing to listen to me after I've given them a chance to be listened too.

[@joejoejoejoejoejoe4391]

Or perhaps women just want to complain and project themselves as victims - and yak, and yak, and yak.

[@garyallen5574]

Some do, some do not.🙂

[@kerriwilson7732]

JP cautioned that she has to open in good faith.

[@AB-ez4rm]

@@kerriwilson7732 And that rarely happens.

[@winstonsol8713]

Given the biological roles, men are tinkerers who are constantly trying to solve problems and take action, whereas women are managing and organizing what has been provided. If the primary role of a woman is to manage and organize the provisions acquired by a man, then it’s not a stretch to think women use talking not to solve problems, but to COPE withe problems and gain emotional CLOSURE with problems. Put simply, a man will use language to acquire a value or remove an obstacle to a value, wheras a woman will use language to adjust her DISPOSITION to a value or obstacle. Of course language can accomplish both…it can solve an external problem, or it can solve an internal problem (mental disposition), but men are tilted toward external problems, and women are tilted toward internal. This helps explain why a single mother will try to help ber son not by helping him learn how to solve problems, but by helping him acquiesce to them to maintain emotional stability…causing the boy to think of his problems the way a girl thinks of problems…which isn’t good for the boy, because competency is what makes men feel good. Women who tilt too far are obnoxiously irrational. Men who tilt to far are monstrously impersonal and blockheaded.

[@thecommenter9678]

@@kerriwilson7732 Never seen that myself. It's always been about abusing rather then solving anything. I have NEVER seen a women act in good faith to a man, to her kids yes, but a man? Another women in her life? Never.

[@muhammadyahya9343]

True

[@jonlanier_]

communicate, communicate, communicate.

[@markdriscoll45]

Best I heard years ago was “I don’t want you to solve (MBA case study approach) it, I want you to listen like you’re one of my girl friends! Ans “I can’t believe they said that! Don’t they know how hard you’re working!”

[@patrickmiano7901]

If my wife of almost 48 years wants my opinion she’ll tell me what it is. I just say, “ I’m sorry. I’d feel the same way, mi amor.” (She’s Puerto Rican).

[@mvnorsel6354]

This man knows everything about ' addiction '.

[@guitarplayer1434]

you can do this after you have worked out if she wants your helps or knows what to do and wants your support.. most of the time she does not want me to solve it

[@sawwas4677]

being single feels better and better every day

[@stacytotten5208]

we want your male perspective. sometimes we can’t see the trees through the forest?! if you can suspend judgment and take the emotion out of it, things become manageable.

[@BrianJames-ls5qq]

Bold of him to assume that I interact with any women

[@jekinneys]

Basically Mr Peterson is saying, "Listen and don't interrupt! Than listen to her questions, if any. Give her empathy and carry on with your day." Ask if she wants help, if she didn't ask already. Otherwise after listening make it a conversation. If she is wrong, be careful with what words. I use a lot of "we", "us", "together" as much as common sense dictates when I feel I need to be negative. Keep sarcasm and arrogant attitude at the door.

[@rszollosi92]

@TheDiaryOfACEO should be mentioned...

[@frankhoffman3566]

I like JP best when he's in this realm. To me, the political stuff he does is a distraction that takes away from the genius aspects of his work.

[@Joe-fi4hv]

I love that my wife’s threat sensitivity lets her worry about a million stupid things but the idea that she probably shouldn’t tailgate a Hells Angel down the road is oblivious to her. She has zero situational awareness. Texting and driving apparently doesn’t pose any threat as well. Or driving through the ghetto with no gas, etc……. There’s no one more privileged than a beautiful woman.

[@johnnybanana8562]

Source video??

[@Franatomy]

EVEN more reason to confirm we are better apart. We need to quash this desire for relationships and marriage. Its an outdated concepts and weve grown too far apart for it to work.

[@TheReelDealFilmReviews]

Women want to feel listened to. We want compassion, empathy and validation. Men often get frustrated because they want to solve the issue and women want to speak about it.

[@parallaxview6770]

There is no issue you just want attention

[@TheReelDealFilmReviews]

@@parallaxview6770 Me or women generally?

[@TheReelDealFilmReviews]

@@dylzp To an extent yes, however extrapolating that to a relationship, it’s a partnership and women want to be heard. Therapists provide a service and women shouldn’t expect the level of analysis that therapist provide but understanding a situation, issue or point of view is paramount for a healthy relationship. Men and women need to communicate to enrich their relationships.

[@TheReelDealFilmReviews]

@@dylzp Haha a man’s therapist 😂. Women need to listen to men’s issues and vice versa, hence the partnership. Evolution of relationships means that people, or decent people, understand that it is not alright to bash women about like maybe it was more of a societal norm before. Ideologies need to develop but apart from Wokeism, which is not healthy or what most people adhere to, women can do what they like in Western cultures. Why should we be stuck in the kitchen if they don’t want to. It’s not pandering, it’s being nice and respectful to each other. Why do you think a relationship is a partnership?

[@Star_Tec1]

It depends on women's mood and how she feels at that instant.

[@chuckrobinson599]

The problem is in the title. "Dealing with". There's your problem. Walk away. Peace is more valuable than any relationship with women.

[@BlackstarParamo]

Hey! Well now i think i have a problem. In Mexico (or maybe Latam) there is a trend between women that a man who can solve is valuable, however if you ask a man to help for something or if he asks if you need help this is seen as a "man who can't solve", it's like a man should have the iniative to solve without consulting the solution. This is frightening because my partner just broke her phone and she was saving money for something else, i didn't want to ask if i could send her some money because i knew she would say no, but I sent her money anyway without saying a thing. Now i just hope she won't get mad at me, i feel a bit worried about it

[@-.-Rob-.-XY]

No wonder I’ve never lasted more than a year in a relationship

[@danieldonaldson8634]

thanks for this great advice. The first thing I said to my wife was, “Jordan Peterson says little ladies like you don’t know what you are afraid of, so I’m gonna let you just motor on until we get to the end of the groundless fears that your tiny little female mind is full of.“ It’s a great hotel. I’ve been here for the last three weeks and I hope to get, a room next week if I can get together the down payment. Now I’m more like Jordan than ever before as my rage issues bubble slowly to the surface. Thanks Jordan!

[@hafizullahsufi]

I think it's *Jordan Peterson* who doesn't understand women...

[@tonygumbrell22]

It's a little late now, but this would have been very helpful to me about 12 or 15 years ago. It makes sense. When a woman dumps on me it used to really flummox me because the first thing that popped into my head was the same way Freud looked at it, viz. "What does woman want?" And it takes a gentle, careful Socratic approach to find out. I had little experience dealing with women, so it was almost like talking to a Martian, well, a Venusian.

[@djmj1000]

Big picture problem of society is that the social circle of many people is shrinking and often small or sometimes not existing and this leads to couples discuss almost all topics with their partner putting way to much unnecessary stress on the relationship. Thats why woman used to hang around with woman to communicate their way of comforting helping reduce their anxiety by having good exchanges with other woman and men used to hang out with men to do the same but in a different way. We do things together and then open up and ask for advice to get help for a solution. If you as a partner become the only person in their life you must fulfill all those needs while their anxiety grows even larger to loose you and its by impossible for one person to hold this burden and solve these problems longterm since noone knows it all, why we need social circles and communication. If not anxiety can grow to paranoia with severe effects on the person and the relationship becoming toxic.

[@WilliamMcAdams]

Ahh, a meaningful solution. Refreshing. It's clear male/female relationships are in the gutter -- both sides keep talking about "how to fix it." But it's usually pseudo-intellectual dribble, like this video. When society is sick, human behavior is the symptom.

[@duroccoenky]

This

[@Xianne027]

Dr. Peterson, I think this is your best piece ever! Thanks so much for explaining it so exactly! But I must say, it's not just men who have the tendency to problem-solve without listening. A lot of our girlfriends and sisters do the same, especially those who are heavily vested in playing a mother role. That's why we childless women don't usually click so well with women with more than two kids, because they derive their whole self-esteem from trying to solve other people's problems. They even start looking for problems before you've brought any up. They're like, "Please, please! Let me fix your life for you! Pleeeease!" They're far worse than men!! 😂

[@Qpoueoor]

I clicked just to comment. I don’t care what women want. Just like they don’t care what I want. 😂same same

[@davidpnewton]

Questions asked from a position of genuine ignorance are NOT stupid questions. Ignorance is NOT the same as stupidity. Ignorance can be cured by learning. Stupidity cannot. The key to not asking a genuinely stupid question is to phrase it correctly. For example a question checking if understanding is correct should be couched in conditional terms: I think I understood the concept as this, am I correct? It should not be couched in assumptive terms. Another thing to avoid is directly contradicting something you've just been told when asking a question. For example, if you've just been told the sky is blue because of Rayleigh scattering of the sun's light then a stupid question would be to assert the sky is orange and then talk about Rayleigh scattering. That example is reductio ad absurdum to some extent, but it captures the essence of a great many really stupid questions. Questions asked by those who simply haven't been paying attention properly and thus have utterly missed basic facts in what they are being told. That is wilful ignorance rather than genuine ignorance and is rapidly heading into stupidity.

[@nzingahoney]

I really love this comment. Tell me more about the distinction between ignorance and stupidity. It has some bearing on morality I think especially of those in positions of power who insist that their hands are tied when injustices persist instead of using intelligence to act ethically towards positive change.

[@davidpnewton]

@@nzingahoney thing you have to remember is that intelligent people can be extraordinarily stupid. This is the distinction between intelligence and wisdom. The biggest thing that gets more intelligent people is cognitive dissonance. Not that they miss basic facts or things that disagree with their position. It's worse than that. They actively ignore such contradictory information because it doesn't fit their point of view and narrative. That is the main stupidity of the intelligent. It's very widespread as well. I likely suffer from it in some areas. I try not to, it's just that it's almost built into the human psyche. In current political terms we have Biden supporters who utterly refuse to concede that he has dementia and is thus utterly unfit for his current position. We then have Trump supporters who utterly refuse to concede that his style of communication can put some people off his policies. More generally we have people who support a policy until they are told that it originates from a political opponent. They utterly ignore the merits of the policy and just consider it from a partisan political, tribal perspective. The cognitive dissonance very often comes up when considering ideologues of any flavour. Fanatical, extremist ideologues are so wedded to ideological purity that they propose "solutions" that are utterly impractical and in many cases actively harmful. They then refuse to change those proposals when confronted with contradictory information. Again classic stupidity of the intelligent in many cases. Another type of stupid question is the disingenuous gotcha type. Questions deliberately framed and constructed in an intellectually dishonest manner. Again ideologues do this quite often as do politicians and also lawyers when trying cases in some instances.

[@nzingahoney]

@@davidpnewton thanks for this reminder. I will recommit to accepting facts despite my cherished beliefs and perspectives.

[@markdudley3831]

The problem men have with women is they talk to them !

[@turkrane12]

Don't wory about the small things and the big things will go right on by

[@danielc3003]

This is great but it requires an intellectually honest and accountable woman. Better chance of getting struck by lightning.

[@zakatista1330]

Women create a "field" to keep you enmeshed. Nothings ever concluded. The action's never actually taken. Any silences are filled with passive aggression. They'll physically stand in the way to make you walk around, etc, etc.

[@Kristina.Butterfly]

Listen then comprehend……

[@drewyoung2102]

The trouble here is social media change power dynamic and their inherent self worth to obtain a decent woman. Someone of his age does not appreciate this fully. Women can be flakey and picky all day long if they have DMs coming in willing to spend more money. Unfortunately you have to set loose these women rather quickly as low value.

[@Mftjan2000]

We often DO know what we want....more than men do.

[@jasonschmidt3662]

What!? He couldn't explain the concept using one simple example? These are not examples "Layout a description of the situation that isn't isn't. This is this."

[@sheldoncooper8199]

Holy sh*t i am definetly not made for Relationships i fell asleep after 2 Minutes of this Video ALMOST not really.

[@telmesomethinidk]

i stopped listening after “laying your cards out on the table”

[@sheldoncooper8199]

@@telmesomethinidk He actually had my Interesst when he said the are Looking for Predators and then Lost i at arround 1:51

[@eladberger7148]

Mostly everything…

[@alainbellemare2168]

It s a miracle tht our specy has survived for so long we are so wrong and incompetent for each other

[@MotivationWorldCollection]

Thanks you!

[@ChristnThms]

In a white room scenario, maybe this makes sense. In the real world, the vast (VAST) majority of the time, the woman is not complaining in good faith. The most likely scenario when a woman brings a problem to a man and it ISN'T exactly what it seems at first glance, she's working a manipulation on him. Also, his entire premise allows women the luxury of simply refusing to grow up, learn to communicate, and be honest. Once those allowances are in place, you cannot expect any productive behavior at all. You're literally training the woman to retreat to those specific behaviors as soon as she doesn't like something. Just no.

[@nurrnena7798]

Women want to test men with problem-solving. Woman sees some red flags, she starts talking about what she has observed and she wants to see, if the man gives the most straight-forward, but not ultimately the right solution, or does he really listen and take all things into consideration. I think the woman starting that conversation already kinda knows ahead where the problem may be hidden, she needs to know that the man is invested in her surroundings as well. It may seem stupid for men, but understand that women overall are less confident and more afraid of things. Men are to protect women. And sorry, but sometimes it needs manipulation, because you want to know if the man is with you for sexual reasons, or does he care as well. It’s very important for them

[@orangewarm1]

Depends on the woman. I don't think tge majority of women set out to manipulate. I've encountered more men like that. Thus is fir your wife/ girlfriend, who you trust.

[@ChristnThms]

LOL. Lemme sum it up for you guys... "Women are allowed to be dishonest to men, because their feelings are more important than objective reality." And also "Only OTHER women are manipulative, not your wife or girlfriend." Wow. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

[@lakerfann]

You are 100% correct. Good faith is absent with the VAST majority of women. Manipulation is the goal…

[@fox39forever]

He nearly gets it, but not quite!

[@orangewarm1]

Then clarify.