Stop Caring What Your Parents Think | Jordan Peterson

[@STMARTIN009]

I needed to listen to this today. Seek advice. Not approval.

[@xSkarp]

I also needed to hear this today my friend. Abusive parents can be a real obstacle to overcome in life..

[@sd5458]

In my case I can't stand the constant advice and opinions coming from BOTH my parents. At 40 years old I'm just tired of hearing their point of view when not asked for. I landed on this video by typing "parents becoming cynical and opinionated in old age"

[@STMARTIN009]

​@@sd5458I am now 44 since my comment. It was not my parents causing the issues. It usually is extended relatives at times. Just shake your head yes and do what you want. God bless

[@hannahfarooq4471]

"You might still have got your parents confused with God" So true, brother!

[@VJ-zs6kj]

My mistake was relying on my mom for everything. Now when I try to have independence, she goes fully insane. It's scary when you allow your parents to control you and they begin to grow an ego.

[@jmy871]

Bro I’m so tired of people just telling me what to do I don’t have time nor care about people giving me there opinions and there assumptions about my life choices I’m a grown man I already have enough stress to deal with in my life itself I don’t need drama and family conflicting on me over something so minor and fucking ridiculous and what’s the worse thing is you work so hard to your goals and plan things and they disturb you and distract you with there fucking bullshit opinions and bullshit overtaking dictatorship Adolt Hitler type with scare tactics like “I’m gonna kick you out the house” like as if i fucking care it’s all words no fucking action at all

[@jmy871]

Sometimes I just wish people should just shut the fuck up and don’t being so fucking ignorant, if you aren’t gonna listen to a word I say then don’t even bother fucking speaking to me

[@biblelovergirl]

same, now that I’m starting to do things my way, she would literally say “You will fail” “You will f up” “You can’t do shit” “They will laugh at you”

[@spookendeads]

I agree

[@Brenda-ny1gw]

@@biblelovergirl Isn't that manipulation? Like bring you down so you become like plasticine and do everything they say?

[@clarisakusuma5128]

"Being a monster is the right thing" ..I never feel so touched like this before.

[@lemonstrangler]

yeh i need to summon more of my agression towards my parents, its only natural. its common for parents to have a distorted idea about you when you have lived with them for a long time

[@Animeking2024]

@@lemonstrangler they should have summon more aggression when u r born and left u in trashcan....thats what they should have done

[@lemonstrangler]

@@Animeking2024 yeh i agree with that, i wish they were more tough on me.

[@anomaly25]

@@soioioioioioio34 be abused mentally long enough and you understand why

[@maylabrown4584]

@@soioioioioioio34Monster is a state of being, whether you remain that way is up to you and your actions. Also you’re a Human as well.

[@Vortexnicholas]

Be your own person . Pursue your goals as long as their realistic. Caring too much about what others think , will keep you complacent, and happiness won’t be achieved

[@jmy871]

Bro you summed it up perfectly when you have your own plans of your life journey ahead who cares what people think there only gobbing and making up assumption while we are doing all the action

[@mattysqueezesofficial]

Why is it so hard for folks to comprehend this? My girlfriend cares way too much about what her parents think of her to the extent of obsession. I see it for what it is. They’ve manipulated her so much she believes so much of what they say about her. It can be anything & she’ll believe it. This is the consequence of caring way too much about what others think of you. It’s dangerous. She’s not able to think straight. She’s certainly not living a happy life. She’s become very paranoid about it too.

[@GugulethuNdlovu-m2q]

People pleasers often start off as parent pleasers Being a good girl made me the most depressed person.No room for mistakes was allowed . Whenever I made a mistake i was told I have become a bad child and i have changed To me that made me a perfectionist and my biggest reget in my life was not making mistakes I was only loved through my achievements and how much other people praised me That in turn made me angry And after a long time of letting it all go,i finally realised my parents will never change and they are humans too They make mistakes too I should have understood that from the get go

[@nyeonii]

I have a family therapy session with my parents today. Watching this to help prepare mentally. This is it; if they don’t acknowledge my concerns and take responsibility for their actions now then I’m done. Wish me luck

[@面大-p9g]

Hope it went well~ love from Malaysia

[@diomarvellousnsofor5015]

Im curious, how’d it go?

[@tanimotokazuyoshi3542]

Im in your position now jordan, stay strong brother. Go forward, fuck toxic family

[@vanpk]

I feel you all who are experiencing this. Going through that exactly… stay strong.

[@HeReS_JoHnNy-qc6vy]

Hey man, how did the session go? I'm genuinely curious.

[@RavenclawFtW3295]

I once asked "am I making a mistake caring what Mom thinks?" and I never got an answer. I got the usual banter of "we love you and we want you to be happy," which didn't answer my question. Most of the time when I ask a direct question, I get no real answer. The videos of JP here finally give me an answer of some kind and a sense of certainty.

[@2tomana7ue]

I am facing exactly the same situation. I'll be 30 next year, I'm fully independent, but I can't get rid of that emotional infulence, without someone getting mad.

[@lemonstrangler]

@@2tomana7ue i want to be in that independant situation too. right now they just make me really confused, i always tell myself, no way they want the best for me, they are just selfish, the hard part is they arent physically abusive, so when its an emotional and mental abusive thing that is very subtle, it makes it complicated.

[@ZaddY102]

​@@2tomana7ueI'm facing that rn mate X(

[@2tomana7ue]

@@ZaddY102 I'm with you! Be strong!

[@someone-nu8jo]

​@@lemonstranglerBro spitting facts. If they were abusive, it would be easier to make a decision. It would be easier for them too to understand why I'm behaving certain way. I really have to get out of this fear. Cause they don’t even acknowledge it! They never said that "oh she never does something that we dislike".. Then why must I suffer? Why should I care about what they think? But it's super hard to not care about what they think because I have been doing so my entire life!

[@alphacentauri8083]

The issue with the parent child dynamic is the manipulative nature of it all since they often remind you that questioning parents is a sign of disrespect. This baseless and emotionally fueled tactic can easily be counteracted by replying that manipulating people with the parent -family argument is the real indicator of disrespect.

[@vanessabayardo9788]

When I was in university and wanted to live on campus my mom said, "Well, if you live on campus, then your aunts and uncles will say you're a libertine for leaving home before been married". Then when I graduated the least supportive person for me to move out of state was my mom. At this point I absolutely don't care what anyone has to say about me if I can get a better job by moving out of state. Are you paying my bills for the rest of my life? No! My brothers did whatever they wanted. Geeze. Sometimes I hate been a woman!

[@letsbethechange1424]

Don't worry , this time will pass and don't care what they say or think about you , just keep your goals in your mind.

[@vanessabayardo9788]

@@letsbethechange1424 thank you! God bless you!

[@iStorm-my5fp]

Imagine being a muslim woman and the only child. I was told I couldnt do this until I was married

[@vanessabayardo9788]

@@iStorm-my5fp same thing goes for us as mexican americans. In reality at 18, no matter what nationality, you can leave as soon as you please. Did you end up making your own choices or did you wait until getting married?

[@Jivi_Galaxy]

😟yes. I don't feel comfortable here I want to live somewhere else. Mine home. I'm working for it.

[@aero3318]

Needed this, my Mum verbally abuses me every day.

[@aero3318]

@Apex my Mum did something similar to me. I wanted to work as a climate scientist but ended up bullying me into engineering. I promise you it gets better when you move away from home and don’t have to talk to her.

[@whyhellothere4161]

@Nature how’s it going for you now?

[@bbdass4598]

How old are you? Leave then

[@bethanharding2559]

Keep strong 💪❤️

[@Femmeaesthetic]

Sorry U had to go through that, I use to be abused by my mom when I was little and I was traumatized still to this day, I still come to have issues with parents but trying to get through that.

[@TazHall]

My mother got angry when I told her she was not God. Only God is my source of validation, no human being. I learned the hard way not to worship your parents. God must come first above parents.

[@horsepowermultimedia]

That is true. No matter how much experience your parents may have, they are still sinful humans, just like their children. Parents with a god complex should not always be trusted because they may not always know whats best for you and they may end up leading you on the wrong path. Although, there are times when you should trust your parents' advice, especially when they try to stop you from making the mistakes they made, but it is best to view them in the same ways as you may view your teachers, not the way you view God. I used to always obey my parents, but as I get older and I mature, I have begun to realize that they are mortal & flawed, despite their good intentions. They may have experience, but sometimes, you have to take them down a few pegs to grow up and control your life. Parents should take the role of your teachers, not your controllers.

[@Kingsnqueensambient]

😂

[@TheLordismyshepherd...]

Honestly I needed to hear this.. I'm frustrated to get my family (parents+siblings) approval , because I believed since they are my family what they say is valid as I don't expect some kind of Bias from them. I believed what they say is reality. And for some reason it has left me with so much frustration cause they fault me as I am always on the wrong.

[@ACF_Real]

Amen and thank you.

[@heiditugers]

You must have the same mother as me. She always wanted to be worshiped and expected complete obedience and submission. I hated Christians because of her since she used religion to deceive, control and manipulate. When I realized that it was idolatry to put my mother above God and myself I was able to be free.

[@zeroguardian0828]

Parents should give children the space they need and freedom to make their decisions ,if parents give advice the children should listen and be respectful towards them and vice versa.

[@bIuebed]

Stefan Aarnio would call you a snowflake, sir/lady.

[@ravenwillis]

@@bIuebed If this person is a snow flake then parents must be the snow storm cause they can't take their own medicine.

[@charles_0017]

Parents should ask themselves this. Do they like being criticised every single day of their life, being underestimated, and being told what to do and that the person telling them what to do knows it all and knows better than them? No, of course they don’t like this. So I ask you parents, what makes you think you can do this to your children if you don’t like that being done to you? Because you are older? Enough with the excuses.

[@jmy871]

Parents don’t have any right to control our life’s it’s as simple as that whatever shit we have to deal with we should of deal with things independently ourselves because we are fucking adults I’ve ever in my life been ungrateful to my parents I’ve never once asked them for money I’ve always learnt the hard way in life but one thing that nobody can ever do is tell you what you to do, because it’s our own responsibilities our own actions our own our own plans and life journey, if they wanna sulk and moan like little weirdos let them sulk and moan because as long as I’m happy I don’t give a shit about anyone else

[@jmy871]

You must never ever let your Parents win over you EVER I’m not saying hate them love them but don’t let them win over you

[@jacqueslee2592]

I became a man child. I was in a path of becoming an independent adult and was going to assist them by helping pay off their home. Truly, I was depressed most of my teenage life and young adult life during university studies. It did not go well for me. I got ill. But my narcissistic parents just used my failure, my illness, and inability to get a job to continue their mental abuse but now as an adult. I have severe ADHD and am probably autistic as it was difficult for me to have friends when I was in university. I almost became a teacher at age 25 but this career did not go as planned. I am not sure what I became after this. I felt more like an adult, taller, and stronger. Now in my 30s, I felt like I retrogressed, more childish, my family relationship has been strained, I sound childish now, weaker. I have argued with my parents for years. My mother and father always lacked empathy and did not let me correct my mistakes and would always make my mistakes into greater problems. This always happened since I was a child.

[@milkbread5036]

American culture fascinates me. In my culture, you are under your parents rule till the day you die because there is a hierarchy in place. My boyfriend is American and I'm shocked how he tells his mom to back off and stay out of his life. If I said that to my mom I'll be underground lmao but I do see the mental toll it takes on me and how despite being fkn 25, not 12, I'm still treated like a child and I have a hard time making decisions I WANT because I'm always doing what will make my parents happy and keep the peace. It doesn't help I'm the only girl in the family...

[@amila_]

Honestly Americans are doing it right. I don’t want anyone controlling me but myself

[@Yogaflame911]

sucks to be you and your parents sound like awful people

[@zeroguardian0828]

Parents should give children the space they need and freedom to make their decisions ,if parents give advice the children should listen and be respectful towards them and vice versa.

[@ibendover4817]

I have mainly seen negative personality traits embedded in kids due to eastern methods of parenting, particularly when it comes to their emotional intelligence, confidence and ability to be independent, and it ends up affecting their future adult relationships, particularly if they date outside their culture(this is why a lot of adults from eastern cultures still have to resort to arranged marriages). There are a small amount of people that are able to overcome this regardless and grow up as normal people, but still that's less likely depending on how controlling the parenting style is. The most healthiest relationships I've seen is where parents treat their kids as friends or peers by the time they're young adults or even late teenagers as mentioned in the video.

[@Yogaflame911]

@@ibendover4817 facts. This is something that really needs to be talked about more.

[@cannibalcatgirl]

“Sometimes it turns out being a monster is the right thing” this applies to us people who chronically feel the need to people please. Whether it’s my parents or strangers I worry about inconveniencing others and end up screwing myself all the time. Maybe I need a villain era to sort myself out 😅

[@JustDatBoi]

A balanced is needed. I know it’s hard not to people please, but it’s absolutely necessary.

[@LoluEternalCouple]

Parents motivation: Guilt trip, gaslight, comparison , show off anger and firmness while lecturing about their past academic days , generation gap lectures and literally every kind of abuse in the name of motivation , toxicity and in the end gives you an indirect way to say "not good enough" And the root of all the insecurities and self doubt starts to grow or what your going through , self esteem gets destroyed eventually and you always get the feeling Why am I still not good enough? Actually you are good enough for yourself , it's just the society which creates random insecurities literally on the younger generation Like from family to community with nonsense unrealistic stories to gain authority or toxic motivational lectures It's society, the ugly one with toxic standards and formation, Not you , your good and alright just the way you are. All you have to do is create a wall against the society so that whatever they do , you just mind your own business without any care of what they say and live your life while creating the best version of yourself So again As I repeat be yourself while creating the best version of you . Dump society's standards 👎 Live your life👍✊ and be real 🙋🏾‍♀️!

[@datgurll.mistyy]

Damn...I really needed this

[@cech0369]

Facts brother! Preach.

[@Cosmos-hy2ip]

I've had a traumatic experience with my family, my mom, dad left me with my uncles and aunts when I was a kid and they were ignorant and arrogant jerks. Fast forward to today when I'm trying to heal myself, my mom and dad expect me to submit my whole life to their desires just because it's a tradition of sons acting like absolute servants to their parents. I tried many times to help them out of our conditions, but all I got was neglect, criticism and disrespect. Now I'm looking forward to the day when I'll graduate, I'll leave this country and never come back :)

[@MonochromaticBlues]

Yh Yh Yh…easy to say

[@animeshrose]

One of the effects of when you let your parents guide is that you would never know what you truly want to do in your life, I am battling with the very same crisis. Living with parents but I have stopped talking to them and finding my purpose in life, I care for them but I never felt so relaxed and calm.

[@ChooseLoveToday316]

I relate.

[@James_36]

Sorry but if you live with them it’s their rules and not yours. You cannot have your cake and eat it

[@dreadlocsamurai4241]

@@James_36that’s dumb

[@4338537]

@@James_36 bro try buying a house straight out of college in this Economy are you kidding me, I’d rather move to some village in Asia and build a hut before I do that

[@why-mope]

it's not as easy to just stop caring what your parents think. It's much easier to just ignore them by not talking to them. There has to be a sacrifice. Either you spend more time with them or you distance them. You just cannot control your reactions when you interact with them

[@shadeewalker8099]

Facts

[@decodedreality]

This is good advice for those who are stuck in a difficult situation like me. Just ignore them and don't interact with them. Stay outside of the house as much as possible while keeping yourself busy with work until you're financially able to move out. That's my plan and I'm in my 30s.

[@Belectraaaa]

Fr, so true

[@Belectraaaa]

@@decodedreality I'm in my mid 20s, next year I'm moving out, idk how to stop talking with them, i don't want negativity anymore and no more toxic stuff from them. But idk how to stop talking with them, it takes me thru guilt trip😭struggle is real

[@Belectraaaa]

@Lord Submissive 🥺🥺we can do it, just stay to pass thru for now

[@stuartmartin3321]

Realized what Jordan Petersons saying by the time I was 25/26. 27 now. The feeling/thoughts surrounding this mindset only grow.

[@FHRider-o1m]

The first step is not needing them, get financially free of them, then everything else can fall into place.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I think I knew this in my 30s but they give me the silent treatment every time I do what I decide to do. Also, there are two of them and they always back each other up no matter how ridiculous the other is being. Always. I'm single. So here I am at 51 locked in to a stand off with my parents. Usually when they gave me the silent treatment I would crack after 6 months and go back to them to ''apologise''. This time, I am just standing really certain in my own perspective, my own experience. And that offends them so much that this particular silent treatment has been going on since I was 49! So. They mean business with their silent treatments.

[@blueshoes5145]

That it awful. I hope you stick to your desicion and don't falter. Just don't hold a grudge, as it is bad for your own body. Why should they take your health from you as well ?

[@absolve4024]

You are heard, wow. Silent treatment is what people do who feel out of control. You are standing firm, keep showing up for yourself .

[@surfthecove1]

Yes my friend. I have been dealing with the same shit my entire life. Just waking up at 40 to realize it's them and not me. If you haven't already, check out narcissistic personality disorder. Sounds like your parents. I'm trying make sense of things but the NPD disorder answers many questions. Best of luck to you

[@valiullah]

I have gotten this silent treatment so many times in my life. Just recently when I was planning to make a trip to the hills, my parents started trying to control my decision out of "concern" over traveling in a bus. I mean I feel most Indian parents are on a whole different level of controlling their children's lives because they haven't sorted out their own issues personally.

[@noemimariazaica8245]

How sad is your situation...😢 For the sake of peace you can only pretend they are right for them to move along , while knowing that just because they think they are right that doesn't make it true... Maybe for a higher purpose it is ok to pretend and slowly distancing yourself to live your truth.

[@bIuebed]

There is nothing wrong with doing one's own bidding towards a noble cause regardless of what ANYONE, including one's parents, think of it, taken that one behaves with the utmost love and respect towards one's parents.

[@peacockLife]

yes my parents deaths were crushing, dad when i was much younger and mother recently, both times extremely shocking, My parents were always my good friends and i could talk to them about anything and everything, neither of them ever forced us to do anything, they gave sound advice and they were very loving. It is hard for people to believe that, but it is true for me.. and i thank God every day for that..

[@eternal.faith408]

my parents had me at an older age.. we never had a relationship, strictly authoritarian. they never encouraged me to go to school and denied me help, and prevented me from getting any loans. they never thought i could do it, never had faith in me. now they are approaching their 70s and i’m my mid 20s and i feel like they made me the biggest loser.

[@a.charlie2161]

I have empathy with you, my story is a little different, my mom got me so she could stay in the country. Dad became an alcoholic when mom left him. My mom put me down through my childhood and despised me for being the offspring of my father. She also never taught me anything, she used silent treatment and told my younger sister to also use silent treatment. I got helped by reading the autobiography called "the boy called it" and I ran away from home as a 17 year old. When my dad got into recovery 10 years later I also went into the 12 step program which helped me tremendously. My dad never could become the dad he was before the break up with mom, he has so mant trust issues and bitterness. Mom died from an overdose of sleeping pills three years ago. I use motivational tapes, read about stoicism, I try and fail a lot in life because I was not prepared for it by my parents. I listen to Louise Hay and listen to myself saying "I love and approve of myself" on repeat. I listen to Marcus Aurelius stoic quotes and I write in a thankfulness journal. Many high achieving people like Oprah Winfrey hade a huge uphill struggle as children, and they still decided they wanted to live life and be fearless. I want you to know you are a talent at something, you have a special gift inside you, try to figure out what you love doing the most and just follow your passion. We may be alone in the physical world but we have our subconscious that walks with us through life with us. If you are breathing and thinking, there is still hope. 💖 Your internet friend

[@DrDiabolical000]

Nah man you are not. Believe in yourself. Figure out things that make you happy. Start working towards those things. Respect your parents. See them as different individuals like yourself who are just like you with their flaws. Respecting and obeying are two different things. You don't have to obey.

[@katec9893]

I can relate somewhat. But there's always time to make a change. You're an adult now so you can start working towards your goals. I recommend you look up Brian Tracey on goal setting. Once you've worked our your goals and written them down, work on them each day. Don't feel like your past dictates your future.

[@Belectraaaa]

Omg yes my parents are approaching their 70s and I'm in my mid 20s lmao wtf💀😂hooww i guess there are many people like me, well i did study and got a job and next year I'm moving out but they were very strict before and they insulted and hurt me a lot with their words😭im not close with them, idk i just feel better alone. They forced or pressured me on things and I've suffered a lot but they don't get it. They don't want me to blame, i want to stop talking with them but i dont know how. It takes me thru guilt trip but I've went thru depression/anxiety and my mental health isnt okay so i want to have a peaceful life, idk how to stop talking😭still I'm going thru stuff, everyday I keep thinking bout what to do. Because i want to stay away from all the drama to be peaceful, i don't want to blame them anymore, so for my own peace and happiness i want to stop talking and stay in my own lane.

[@lisacox3750]

You are not a loser. I would just suggest goign to counseling. It will be the best thing you do for yourself. They can give you tools to help navigate things.

[@birdyjireh6391]

I'm 20 and recently started making my own decisions by sometimes defying them. I am trying to establish a peer relationship based on mutual respect and understanding. It's going well so far since I'm not directly telling them they're wrong. That would sound condescending so I'm showing them that I'm capable of making sound choices.

[@adamcotton9657]

Great work

[@dougn2350]

Wow, I was so lucky. My mother was nurturing but allowed us space to learn. My father was a strong leader and taught independence. Btw... religion never entered the picture. Another thing for which I'm hugely grateful!

[@robbiewr8451]

No God or no religion? Of course, apart from God there is no fruitfulness of the soul

[@AKDHFR]

@Shuayb Ahmed nah, those still happens everyday, Religions only help a tick especially in church.

[@TazHall]

What exactly do you mean by religion? Are you talking about repetitive rituals and traditions to be a good person in God's eyes? Are you talking about mindless control and manipulation? Or are you talking about a loving, spiritual relationship with the Creator? You have to be more specific. Either way you did not create yourself and somebody wrote to your conscience on your heart, your sense of right and wrong. That aside, the way your parents raised you sounds correct 👍

[@charlescharliecharlotte]

Everyone needs Jesus in their life, not religion

[@jmy871]

I hope that one day I prove my parents wrong and I’ll laugh at there faces for all the doubts

[@varnimgoyal5295]

My mother doesn't agree to my choice of spouse. Anyway I married.. But my father is not openly supporting too.. She abuses me every day.. I really care for them.. I will show them that.. They think that I am selfish that's why I married someone they didn't approve.. But I'll show them that I am true person

[@313BriX]

you dont need to “show” or validate anything for them. You have now become ONE & WHOLE with your partner! FOCUS ON YOU AND YOUR UNION WITH ALLAH & YOUR PARTNER FIRST

[@blueshoes5145]

Like the comment above me said. Yoy dont need to try show anything. You tried before and it failed. Some peoole will never chnage and they are too old to chnage, so leave it be. Just be happy with your wife and dont let your parents be right about your descision to marry her being crap. Having a happy life with your partner is enough of an answer to your parents. If they love you, they'll see that.

[@ibendover4817]

As others have stated, it's not your responsibility to 'prove' anything in this case. They are your parents, their love for you should be unconditional, especially when it comes to something as trivial as this. You parents' approval of your spouse does not matter. YOU are the one that has to live with them and build a family together, not your parents. Personally standing my ground and distancing my self, even cutting off contact temporarily if my parents didn't respect my choices helped them understand they have not control over my life and improved our relationship. Sometimes people need to lose something to understand what they really had and what is really important in life instead of their own selfish desires.

[@lemonstrangler]

i respect you for that, but dont play their game of approval, move on with your life and naturally i think they will accept you

[@phoenixflier25]

Tsuen Films Well, when your daughter marries a drug using manipulative piece of shit parents have every right to disapprove. But, you’re right, it’s their life. All we can do as parents of adult children is watch the trainwreck unfold. Oh well. They’ll eventually realize how incredibly stupid they were.

[@sassyAshley33]

To know my mom is not here but makes me what to show the world she's apart of me and I'm proud of that

[@J4den444]

Then go after it. You can do anything you put ur mind too. We are all worthy of greatness, you just gotta tap into it. Stay blessed❤️❤️❤️

[@oc2538]

It's amazing how parents become resentful of their kids when their kids have lives and are not available 100%. I made plans on the weekend and had zero time to see my parents, you would think they were dying or that we didn't see eachother twice this week.

[@amyhunter4630]

This is sticky. I love my parents and want their approval. They don’t always agree with the choices I make but as long as they are living, I will try to strive to be the kind of people they are and the kind of person they raised me to be. I respect, honor and cherish my parent’s opinion. They’ve helped me make great decisions and helped me out of loads of trouble. I dread the day when I can’t ask them “daddy, what do you think?” Or “Momma, how would you do this?”

[@telepathicmagicshop]

❤

[@AlisonRuthless]

I need to review this every single day for so many reasons I will not include in a comment section. Thank you, Dr. Peterson!

[@ShadeandShadow4ever]

I like the tinker bell fantasy "if you do nothing, you'll be nothing later, take a risk" video by him more. I also want to say that going to the dorms and also having my own apartment later were extremely important to be becoming independent. I learned I am a good person, and being away from my abusive mother was exactly the safe environment of a college that I needed. That being said I still rely on my mother (from a distance) for safety. I think we need people for guidance in our lives, even if it is not parents. It takes a village.

[@sajjadhaqCC]

I don't have the words to express how I feel after watching this, this lecture is just genius

[@katlamb4606]

I love my parents. They’ve sacrificed a lot for me( ass I’m constantly reminded). But so have I. I have shrank from my true self my whole life to keep them satisfied. I’m gonna live on my own terms from now on. I have a feeling that’s the only way I can thrive. Then I may one day be able to pay them back. But first, I need to stand on my own.

[@kristagaudet]

As a 36 year old mom of two who was recently diagnosed with ADHD I can see how my brain was wired to seek validation because of my own deep insecurities of not knowing myself. Growing up I’d give everything to feel like I belonged, like I was ‘normal’ this turned me into a chameleon and not really feeling like I had my own identity.. there was always this sense of turmoil that would run through my body, it made me feel frustrated with others for misunderstanding me - but that was rooted in my own lack of identity, or the echoes of a wound from feeling guilty or shameful for veering away from my own moral integrity. Under the surface it was a battle ground of lies and division.. and that inner conflict taught me empathy. Being misunderstood sucks.. especially when you don’t have a conscience understanding of who you are yet.. but it’s a great identifier that we may still be looking for who we are at some level.. is it validation we are seeking? Or is it a longing to be told who we are?

[@KelliTerese]

I’ve grown into the person that doesn’t care what they think. Took a long time but it’s a lot of progress!!

[@Lyonessi]

If any parents are reading the comments - take this as a warning of how your children can grow up to resent you if you tyrannise their life. Maybe ultimately it's not so bad to leave your parents behind like a bird leaving the nest but I still like to hope that being able to enjoy their presence at an older age is a wonderful thing that should be fought to have as much as possible. But alas if you've tried everything and nothing works, it really is okay to let them go honorably.

[@4338537]

Damn this hit me different this is what I’m going through right now but it’s tough cause my parents had me when they were much older.. I’m currently stuck between living how they want or having my older siblings hate me cause I did wanted out of life and took my own path. As Success from my end seems like Betrayal on their end.

[@Skitskl33]

Yeah, this is especially true when your parents start trying to have political conversations with you and if you don't agree with their opinion on something (no matter how calm you are), they get incredibly heated and upset.

[@ottz2506]

or they’ll bring up some irrelevant point or some mean thing you said to shut down the discussion if you disagree. “Yeah but remember that one time when you swore at me?” or “Well you have no job so there’s that.”

[@ivypaulina7314]

Hell yeah, and they started to curse you.

[@jadedriggers9069]

my dad yelled at me and told me to grow up when i told him im not voting

[@mr_yadav8366]

I love my father a lot and he too loves me a lot initially he also supported me in my studies but for some time i was distracted from my goals and now when i want to do something my father does not care about what i am doing or not he just care about my marriage he doesnot helps me financially and he thinks i cant do anything this really breaks me sometimes too much from inside

[@daviddimalanta259]

As I grow older, started to think and realized if parents were the source of incompetence for not nurturing correctly. They wanted me to be enslaved instead of encouraging me to express and choose path and educating without biases. They're driven by insane emotions, negative emotions. I have doubt in them. I was wrong.

[@eywa7]

My dads side of the family always treated me terribly and as I’ve grown up, I’ve become increasingly bitter towards them. They can’t do whatever they want, not turn up to family events, put up boundaries but me and my siblings are never allowed. Whenever I speak up about it my Dad shouts and gets angry. He even makes comments like “your tongue has gotten very brave” which absolutely infuriated me. Being older does not mean it’s okay to invalidated other peoples trauma caused by his awful family. But I have come to accept, he will always put them above us. Above his own family. And for the first time, I refuse to apologise. I will not apologise when he is in the wrong.

[@Mr-ep2qi]

One of the best videos he’s ever made

[@elonmust8859]

I gave this video a like just from the title.

[@Zoe-Mathilda]

I’ve lived for my parents so much. They both had cancer as I was a teen and I got into the idea they could be gone which turned out into doing studies I hated for them then getting into huge depression that turned into some kind of psychosomatic pain which is still not gone 3 years later. Then I decided to pursue what I really wanted to see if that would heal me and I partially healed but my parents don’t understand my choice. I am not available enough for them. (Once per month per parent as they are seperated) I hate my parents sometimes.

[@Brenda-ny1gw]

They're selfish, or ignorant. They see you as an extension of themselves. If they are happy, then you must be happy as well. They don't understand you are your own person. Set up boundaries and do not take advice from them. The second you implement their advice (any advice!) in your life, the second they start to control you.

[@sapopnusi]

its real difficult not to compare yourself to all your peers when they are all living your dream life.

[@ReggieRorick]

honestly idk what context this video is about but my parents wanted nothing to do with me for the last 15 years no matter how many times i asked to come over for dinner. 15 years of holidays alone takes a toll on me but i hope and pray 2025 is my year that i conquer and show my parents that the pain they caused will be my biggest accomplishment

[@animeshrose]

I really hoped that I listened to this some years back but I am in my 20s still so no more taking approvals from any one. Gonna write my own story.

[@kungamandlashabangu8264]

My parents are holding me back and I’m not giving in but it’s killing my conscious it’s driving me mad because I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing when everyone around me is encouraging me

[@romanobernoulli7406]

Poor, complex and narcissistic parents are one of the worst curses a person can have.

[@user-wk9km6kp9z]

Same. Somebody says that if I get dependant from my parents and then I can control my life by myself, and If I get any help from my parents I should lend them some my life in their control in crutial parts, because they’re the only one who cares about me. Sadly, I’ve never felt happiness under my parents, and I don’t agree that they could give me the best way In my life. Their way of thinking are 30 years older than me, and ofcourse something from me is much better than my parents(ofcourse my parents are also better than me in some other parts; I respect them) but they don’t want to listen to me because that would make me out of control which will make them tired. I have been in culture where kids have to respect their parents in no reason, absolutely, and I think those cultural things makes some parents in my country that THEY are always give better choice than their kids. They don’t truly respect their kid’s point of view. When I lived only in my country I felt like I was a bad guy, but when I’ve been California for 6 months, I just realized how good person I am and how my culture and parents are so pressive to the youngsters and not respectful. These kind of thinking(of parents, ofcourse) makes their kids really hard for their life, and also makes relationship between their kids and their parents worse. Well ofcourse, they won’t change until I just move out of my house further and further…. Sadly…. So I really admire life in US, well life maybe also have hard point in there, but I’m convinced that It has better, relaxed relationship than here.

[@ChooseLoveToday316]

I became very spiritual. I see my spiritual higher power as my parent. I love them and they love me. My parents opinions don't mean anything to me. They failed to protect me and sabotaged my dreams.

[@Cosmos-hy2ip]

JP, sir you always help me. I've had a traumatic experience with my family, my mom, dad left me with my uncles and aunts when I was a kid and they were ignorant and arrogant jerks. Fast forward to today when I'm trying to heal myself, my mom and dad expect me to submit my whole life to their desires just because it's a tradition of sons acting like absolute servants to their parents. I tried many times to help them out of our conditions, but all I got was neglect, criticism and disrespect. Now I'm looking forward to the day when I'll graduate, I'll leave this country and never come back :)

[@carguynewb7856]

I just realized yesterday that I couldn't live without my parents I had constipation and cried for my mommy at 22

[@UCDAT]

My condition worst than you But I'm just smiling and never take is seriously.... Some time hurt but I'm always stay positive with myself

[@mriduldinesh4676]

pure wisdom

[@aurishakira]

I love my parents but we have had conflict ever since I was four. My parents divorced when I was four and now I have four parents. I love them all but I can’t always talk to them because I feel like what ever I say they won’t understand. I’m 18 now and I still feel they look at me like a child. I’m a senior in highschool. However I’ve never had a job because I’ve been so focused on school. Im planning on getting my drivers license this year so I think everything will turn out ok. I’ve already been expected into my university and I’m happy and proud of myself. However, when my parents tell me I don’t take care of myself I don’t understand them sometimes because I feel I do take care of myself. Im starting to drink more water, keep myself clean, cooking for myself, cleaning behind myself. Im trying to do it all and learn and figure out what is best for me.

[@marisalynn9454]

Why would anyone dislike this. Bravo homie. 👏🏼

[@lemonstrangler]

probably a few parents

[@HappyMomma412]

@@lemonstrangler 😅

[@divyanayanawasthi6394]

I will be a dad soon , and the best thing I will teach my kid is to celebrate failure and not be sad about it . Because my biggest success has only come only after my biggest failures . My did thinks the opposite unfortunately . That’s why I stopped listening to him Lon ago

[@NinooL807]

Ur kid is gonna be the luckiest kid to have a dad like u , I wish my parents were like that , or just even 10% of that .

[@spacemancam]

I am terrified of telling my parents I want to pursue music. I don’t have any reason to be, actually quite the opposite. My parents have been great to my brother and I and have done nothing but want the best for me. Idk why I’m so afraid of their reaction, but I it’s holding me back from further pursuing a career in music.

[@defaultchannel6]

Tell them If they abide and do give you another Choice, definitely it would be a better choice I'd say but if it's not a Tough decision to make, Go with yours. And if possible you can do both,do.

[@anbao8719]

Secretly pursue music by start performing/producing music. And seek out groups of artist and have connections. Don’t tell your parents until you’re quite famous. Listen to me, DON’T TELL YOUR PARENTS. If you’re already scared of how they would react then you must understand they won’t change their opinion

[@dellasbuns5707]

Pursue it. Pls … if it’s your passion, their opinion is pointless. It’s literally your life

[@jessicaselenecenteno]

Thank you. There are strength in numbers indeed.

[@tereziesykorova4428]

Thank you

[@bayha5065]

I needed this and I hear you JP! Thank you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@kushking420]

My parents divorced when I was 16. My mother is religious and seems to live in the past and isn't very well informed, my father thinks he's smarter than everyone because he "watches the news" everyday. When i speak to my mother she always looks at me face to face, but everything goes over her head and she doesn't have any idea about what i say, and reply's back with something that has nothing to do with what i just said. My father on the other hand never looks at me in the face when i speak, he just stares at the computer, cell phone, or even when those are not around he'll just stare at something and never replies back at all except for "uhmm" and in a very bored i dont give a shit way. I really don't want to have anymore contact with them in my life

[@user-ee5om8wy7u]

Relationship with parents that is peer like is said to be ideally reached by approximately mid 20's..... Wow, I wish I got there in my 20's. But I got there in my 37-38 years of age.......pretty late, right? Well, better late than never.

[@avaranabraham8507]

My mom never encouraged me as a child to pursue a career In animation as a character designer and visual development artist because she depends on her friends to agree and disagree and also she tells me that I have to be a certain race to do this job and tells me you have brown skin and her friend said she never seen character designer in canada who is indian only techs

[@katec9893]

I hope you go ahead and become a character designer anyway.

[@avaranabraham8507]

@@katec9893 I am already going ahead and doing it

[@carriegriffin123]

I think your amazingly masterful. A brilliant mind. Yesterday and today 🇮🇪

[@vanessabayardo9788]

"In your thirties you still got your parents confused with God". Edit: so then at 39 you automatically realize they are not God!

[@viscount0405]

I think a lot of people usually have at least one parent dead or critically ill that blows the individuals idea of them being 'Gods' and they finally see both their parents mortality and their own

[@user-hh9ni8su3p]

Na, go back and watch the video again

[@benp1664]

They're just 2 people that decided to have a child together....they're no better or worse than you.

[@lemonstrangler]

@@benp1664 i feel like thats why my parents havent talked to me about their past that much. they dont want to show their other side. this gives them more authority as a parent

[@raymondotoole2600]

See them for the human they are.

[@Findmy_Way-Home]

Mine aren’t humans they’re demons, your giving these people too much grace. Most these ppl have been abused, lied to, cheated, and disrespected. We were the rag doll they took all their anger out on. They are humans they’re mistakes that shouldn’t have had children.

[@purpleandblue8819]

when i ask my mother if i can have my nails manicured she told me that “you always want all parts of your body pretty” then hearing her say “You had an ugly body” then sayjng “you should just look for attention with intelligence not that” i was so offended because she thinks i want my nails done just because of attention i want it because its pretty and it makes me happy to look at my nails…im so down now because of what she said to me….she always had been so mean to me, it hurts.

[@Lizzie__Lizzz]

I am 47 years old and my parents are elderly. I have only recently realised that my mother is a narcissist and my father is an alcoholic (I've always known that) I went home for Christmas this year to spend some time with them. I shouldn't have gone. It's just cemented my feelings about the way that they treat me. Despite having cancer last year and almost dying, I am unable to get their approval. My mum is furious that I am thinner than her (I'm only thin because of the cancer) and my dad is not talking to me because I posted photos of him (and the rest of my family) on Instagram. It's fucking ridiculous. I honestly don't want to have a relationship with either of them anymore. Which is so sad because they are old and their time on this earth is limited. As may mine be as well. I have always been a disappointment to them and I have spent my life trying to seek their approval. I will never be good enough for them. It's time that I stop caring.

[@Javi_quinty]

So I work at a factory. Tbh money is nice but not something I enjoy to work at. They made me work factory jobs like them. I was working at a dealership doing like oil changes and changing tires and it was little pay but I enjoyed to learn more and get into more depth of the automotive industry. They told me I had to quit because I wasn’t going anywhere with it. Right now I have full confidence on where and what I want to do. The thing is I’m afraid to even say anything to them and yet this past week my dad said “look at that salesman… he didn’t go to college and here you are just working” like I wanted to say something but I held it in

[@leejace]

My parents became wealthy 1st generation immigrants. Often they would tell me to work in the business because it’s for you. But when I tried to do anything creative, make decisions, problem solve, I was shot down. It hindered my growth and suppressed my creativity. I eventually realized my help in the business was for my parents. Right now I have 3 brothers over 30, one of those brothers is 41, working in the business off of a small stipend. They are lazy and my parents constantly complain but will never let them go either.

[@Chimerasite]

I wish I could do this im in my 20s and not just care about their approval very much but fear the rejection and fear them getting angry at me

[@etanol.]

I’m 18 and I feel completely detached from my parents, yet I can’t seem to be free of their chains.

[@evegoodmon]

I care because they cared for me..I care because I love them, I care because what they thought and said was more interesting and aware than you are

[@arpitajha2569]

My parents don't want I study further even I'm not studying by their money I earn to study ,but now they want me to earn more at this stage I can't earn more and want to pursue my studies but they talked me that way and said most hurtful words so now I can't focus and I have entrance exam in less than 20 days

[@fryhyh]

I respect my parents' opinion but they wont be here forever. I don't want to go to university but I am 2 years away from it. I need to follow my dream now. It's now or never

[@katrinaewarak]

Great speech

[@pooml.178]

Name or link to full video please

[@user-exuytv]

My parents are useless they don't give me nutrients or when I'm sick they say you're young there's nothing wrong with you, now I feel so sick and deprived, and there's nothing I can do because they don't listen, I feel trapped

[@bradleykoen9548]

Seek advice from someone else. There is other people to try and talk to that will listen to you. Good luck 👍

[@thogameskanaal]

Another way to look at it: you want to befriend the things that disrupts your plan, so you can be comfortable enough to negotiate with them. If that doesn't work, if they're not willing to consider the prospect of you having any control, and the things keep disrupting your plans and have no regards for your pursuits, cut them off, no matter how harsh or painful that might be... I met this person who had a rocky relationship with her parents. She wanted to start her own business, but her parents wouldn't let her, saying that the only way to become "filthy rich" is by working your ass of for someone else like the rest of us and praying you'll win the lottery. She cut off all contact with her parents and started working het ass of. Today she runs a growing business, and she's expected to become a millionaire within a decade. Suddenly her parents tried to contact her again while pretending they were always supported her dreams. She says that that's not her style and she wishes for them that the lottery bills won't bring them in soon.

[@cryptozeno]

Every time I try to confront/have a personal and decisive discussion with my mother about something that doesn't seem to be OK or if I'm trying to explain my point out, she keeps offending and comparing me to my father... They're divorced, he's mentally ill (on pills to keep in check the schizophrenic disease) and this doesn't help me at all. I had 2 step-dads, the biological one was often marginalized but luckily I can cope with it but it's hard sometimes... I came to the conclusion that she hates masculinity in general, which is a toxic way to handle life after all. My advice for someone in the same spot - go on your path, focus on yourself, ignore the negativity and distance yourself even more (when needed). For everyone that read this - God bless you. You're stronger than you think

[@chiragkulkarni141]

My parents just compare with other students , they always depressed me when I told my feelings, Dreams . Thry Say " I can't do anything" I don't have Faith In Dreams, This is my life

[@fresh23got33]

(I’m 32) So my boyfriend (35) asked my parents for my hand in marriage and my mom has been on this tangent for a week now. My has been thinking things over before giving his blessing. My boyfriend lives in another state but the kicker is that we’re only an hour and 40 mins away from each other you would think I’m moving to another county 😂. She doesn’t think I should move “so far away” and that I have more support here. She has this God complex like she knows everything like everything she says is “right”. It’s like she doesn’t want me adulting like I should. At first she couldn’t wait to call my boyfriend her son in law but now that the opportunity has presented itself and I’ll be moving to the state he’s in oh she’s furious lol. She keeps finding new things to come up with or a scenario to come up as to why I should stay here. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@pallasathena1555]

I think that your parents opinions are valid while they raise you to a point that you can raise yourself, that can happen when you’re 14 or 40, but you’ll know it when it does.

[@Tehgj385]

My father wants me to be a nurse practitioner, but I want to pursue a career in Fine Arts and become an animator hopefully having my own series one day. However going to nursing school is making my dad very happy. He has a plan laid out for me where I will eventually become the owner of a hospital, and meet my future husband and settle done with kids, which is something I do not want, but I do it because it makes dad proud 😒. But I have all these ideas and skill for fine arts and animation, and have worked hard on writing my series. So as of now I’m stuck and not sure what to do, I’m afraid I’ll lose the respect of my dad if I listen to my heart.

[@njrom2975]

I feel for you . Are your parents Asian? Or African ? Those cultures really dictate your life 😢

[@dewodewu3544]

same

[@hannahfarooq4471]

Your dad is being selfish. But! He's still your dad and loves you, so you should love him back but not let him take the ownership of your life and it's choices.

[@kaykay5605]

Why do you need his respect

[@innocentmagongoa1488]

Do what you are ambitious about- your career in Fine Arts will work out and then your Father shall learn to respect how brave and smart you are. Whether he respects u or not, it doesnt matter at this point

[@andrewhawkins8616]

I wish my mother was realistic. She blames me for everything, never takes my side in any situation, etc. She's a blame thrower, she's SUPER manipulative, and she tucks tail when you call her out. She doesn't believe she's wrong, EVER. I'm just going to treat her well, and ignore her ideas, because my dad thought for her for almost forty years, and now she doesn't know what to do, doesn't listen to anyone, and doesn't care if anyone else is damaged by her flagrantly stupid choices

[@maytemmz25]

Sorry friend, but it sounds a lot like you’re dealing with a narcissist. Please try to educate yourself on the personality disorder, and learn how to protect & heal yourself.

[@justarandomdude.9285]

This man is like the definition of the ''omg'', ''A-ha'' moments

[@michelthor4117]

I still don't have a life with my mother who is 78 years old and I'm60 years old. I was a good kid. I'm still a good kid because I excelled and a good person . I stoped talking to my mother today. We just had a talk and she is who she always was and I tried to think better of her. I tried to accept her behaviors and i can't any longer. She insulted me today and thats it.

[@DeepakLal37Tabla]

I often get judged wrongly by my parents. Plus parents are responsible for child suicide because of this

[@laurareale4507]

I rly needed this, ty Jordan

[@originalrenigade]

If you have amazing parents you will always care what they think.

[@coffintears5821]

Not if they still control your life decisions and make your life a living hell every single day.

[@originalrenigade]

@@coffintears5821 you probably got a bad deal then mate.

[@phyycxis1159]

@@coffintears5821 true. mine are great people but they still push on my life decisions. like when i was moving houses they’d debate if i should get option a or option b between themselves. they’d do upgrades on the house without asking me first etc. i’m not an individual in their eyes.

[@diamondastar8734]

I always had to take responsibility for my mom. She’s suffering from severe depression and PTSD due to her past traumas and experiences. She never divorced my father even though he’s a bit responsible for her PTSD as well. I learned at an early age on what it meant to have “children”. I’ve done all the paperwork for my parents and had to be there when decisions were made. It’s good and it’s bad. It made me highly responsible and I can rely on myself and I know that I can ONLY rely on myself. It’s good. But it did affect my relationship with other people as well. Not gonna lie about it. But it is what it is. I’ll still take care of them bc they are my parents. Not sure if I’ll ever have children or a partner. But it is what it is. Maybe that’s my destiny.

[@andrew2272kag]

I had cptsd so my parent dynamic is still all kinds of fucked. I hate myself

[@Cosmos-hy2ip]

same bro. Just detach from all toxic people and get a job and try to get independent, it will be really hard and will take time but when you get there, it'll be worth fighting for, live your life mate

[@catherinemartinez118]

A lot of these parents do not know how to raise their kids right because their parents never raise them right so it becomes a generation thing somebody's parents don't know how to raise kids I had that problem in my life because the way my mother raised me

[@SCI685]

I understood some of it

[@ysmngbr9423]

My parents aren't letting me going college abroad and they're destroying me I have no idea what to do

[@nathanieljohnson5776]

It’s crazy man of us millennials are dealing with emotional toxic parents

[@aaronaustrie]

Real talk!