5 Signs Your Emotional Boundaries are Being Violated | pt. 2

[@danielle1103]

Wow! You don’t have to answer a question just because someone simply asks you a question. As someone with very few to no boundaries, because I’m not even familiar with what they are, this is deeply impactful. No one has ever said you don’t need to answer a question before. Thank you very much for creating these videos!! They’re extremely helpful.

[@lesliengo8347]

Glad you learned this now. It would be much better for everyone if we were taught this at a young age, especially in school.

[@Bat_Boy]

Politicians say, if you don't like the question, "answer the question you wish they would have asked." And they usually skillfully dodge the direct question.

[@jeremywebster5432]

I tend to give and give and give because I care about someone even though that person seldom gives to me. You've illuminated my tendency to feel responsible for others. I tend to light myself on fire to keep others warm. And that's got to stop!! It's time I set boundaries in my life and started saying no.

[@pollytheparrot8929]

Yeahhh... Damn right 👍👍

[@chrisdigitalartist]

Hi Julia Kristina, M.A. Psych ! Senior Shifter Chris here! Today's video, 5 Signs Your Emotional Boundaries Are Being Violated: Part 2 I remember one time I did tryo to out up an emotional boundary to a family member when that person wanted my help but also criticized me. I think the phrase I used was something like... "I am willing to help, but if you criticize me, I will not do this." I got to remember that I can set boundaries daries like that and say or do that more often when needed. My notes: • Emotional Boundaries: What they are, what they look like, and how to set them. • Healthy boundaries are NOT about changing or controlling someone else's words, choices or behaviors. • Healthy boundaries ARE about our choices within any given circumstance that we need to do to take care of ourselves (regardless of what else someone is doing), It is their choice to do and act a certain way and it is our choice to preserve and protect ourself. • “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” ― Prentis Hemphill • Most people are not intentionally trying to violate (disrupt, disrespect, or disturb) your boundaries. EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES: • How we emotional energy we can give. • How available you can take in or give to others. • How you want to be sharing your feelings, vulnerabilities, experiences with others based on what they have the capacity they can offer you and how much you want to limit based on what someone is or isn't available for. Phrases: • "When I share with you my feelings about something important or vulnerable to me, and you belittle me or criticize me, or put me down, it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like I don't want to share things with you because it doesn't feel safe." • " I want to be able to trust you with stuff, but I need you to treat me with respect when I do." • (Emotional capacity boundary) • If someone is coming to us with a problem, "I am sorry things are really hard for you right now, but I am also going through a lot in my own life and I don’t' have the capacity to be there in a way that you need. Can we talk about this another time?" • If someone asks an uncomfortable question or you just don't want to answer. You don't have to ever answer a question just because someone asks. • "Thanks for asking, I am just not comfortable sharing that information. I hope you understand" What emotional boundary violations include: • When someone judges, belittles, or criticizes you for your feelings. • When someone asks you a question that is clearly inappropriate for the relationship or they keep pushing a question even though you said you are not comfortable answering. • When someone says your feelings are wrong or must justify your feelings to them. • How someone tells you how you should feel or shouldn't feel. • When someone is being dumped on emotionally to an extent or to a depth that is inappropriate to the extent or depth of that relationship, or even when it is appropriate that someone might bring bigger emotions to a deeper more solid relationship and not asking if you can be there for support. • Putting their emotional well-being on to you by being kind of or very manipulative with it. "You need to fix this for me, I can't do this." "If you don't help me, I don't know what I might do." "You have to help me." "I don’t' have anyone, if you can't be there or help me, I will be alone in this." Building the relationship and trust within ourselves is essential to healthy boundaries.

[@MysoreMasala]

Video starts at 05:20

[@pamchesler242]

I have absolutely no issues about setting boundaries. I understand it finally and I feel powerful because I can set them the difficulty. I’m having is that the people that I set boundaries with are those that never had them so they get very angry and they want to retaliate, and I have to stand my ground, and that in and of itself creates a lot of anxiety in me because I can’t control their anger over the fact that I have set boundaries to protect myself. It’s almost like a catch 22 I have no idea how to deal with that except for to ignore their anger and ignore them entirely.

[@Dezzyyx]

same

[@Ruth-vy1qj]

I wasn’t taught boundaries I had to learn the hard way. I had to read up about toxic people and boundaries in all relationships. Why toxic people are everywhere Knowledge is powerful when you use it. Remember everyone not going to understand or respect your boundaries.

[@enna5025]

I agree that some people are not intentionally being inappropriate, but when someone is yelling at you, I think they must be aware on some level that it is not ok.

[@amelittaberretta9109]

Often I disregard my boundaries out of fear of others. Thought by being a people pleaser would help, but it does not ,just shortchanging myself.

[@evamussio7533]

I have listened to this helpful video a few times... I tend to feel responsible for other people's emotional wellbeing but I don't always have the capacity to take on their problems ... still, I would feel guilty or a bad person for not being willing to always be there for them selflessly... I really needed to hear that it is OK to take care of our own emotional wellbeing, wants and needs 😊❤🎉

[@evamussio7533]

I'd like to add, if I may: how much we are prepared to share, based on how comfortable we feel with some people, or just based on when we are prepared to share.. I've had friends expecting me to share like they would with me, but I didn't want that level of intensity xxxx

[@chrissmart1701]

Thank you for taking time to help so many people.

[@juliakristinamah]

You are welcome. It is my joy - and thank you for watching.

[@jessieprescott1535]

This is crazy. You posted this 4 hours ago. I’ve been praying so much as I’m temporarily physically separated from my covert narc husband so we can both heal and work on things (ie my boundaries and his issues) and this is exactly what I needed! Thank you.. you always seem to give me what I need at the right time 😂

[@luisacervantes4643]

8:10 what emotional boundary violation include

[@mikesmith6594]

My father who's very narcissistic trys to tell me how to feel and how to live .

[@amritalohan8211]

Ma'am how to get to know that is it our own ego which gets offended or someone is disrespecting me ? M so confused that when to set boundaries or when to manage myself!

[@hannesferreira1244]

It's an stres reliever and something to think about.

[@lesliengo8347]

We are not responsible for others, even if they try to manipulate, beg or convince us we are their only source of hope. They have other options to help themselves, so it is unfair for us to cater to them at the cost of our own well being.

[@jamesrebbechi5247]

You’re gorgeous Julia and I will absolutely binge watch this series once its complete.

[@lolajo2550]

Thank you the videos they are always a big help to me and almost pop up right I need them. Keep being a blessing 😄

[@juliakristinamah]

I am so glad to hear that. Thanks so much for being here.

[@marik1104]

I started watching your videos back in 2018 when i started my journey of self-love. You have helped me so much, thank you Julia! ❤😊

[@debrabowie5141]

Taking notes.

[@MelaninKween777]

Hello, from fabulous California! ☀️ Thank you for your informative platform…

[@juliakristinamah]

Hello to you in California from me in Vancouver! Welcome here.

[@ivylin8103]

I am so happy I found you again. my old phone is gone. I always love your videos. thank you always for the effort you do. 😘

[@easygoing6397]

Thank you (tons) Kristina!! ❤ 💌

[@juliakristinamah]

you are so welcome. Glad you're here

[@evamussio7533]

Thank you so much, Julia! This has been a bit mind blowing and so helpful to me xxx ❤🎉😊

[@evamussio7533]

Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this ❤😊

[@dl5054]

Julia 🥂. Your early🌞 Good to see you Have a great weekend! Everyone

[@juliakristinamah]

Yeah! An hour earlier today - Do you prefer the earlier time?

[@dl5054]

Lol whenever you choose is on time here with me as far as I am concerned! Do have fun in life and wellness! I must begin my day now. Onwards and upwards!

[@AK-uk7qr]

Truly grateful for you taking time to help others. We can pick out what is relevant, and there is always that nugget of gold in your words. Thank you xx

[@VeronicaMxoxo]

Your videos are amazing! Thank you so much. Coming from someone who is trying to learn boundaries and asserting myself kindly and with confidence, this content is so helpful.

[@amelittaberretta9109]

They will punish you, or ridicule you for it.

[@ebbenielsen7]

Love your new hairstyle. It suits you much better. And it prevents you from tossing your hair so much. Pure win win.

[@Marekcatholic]

Thank you Julia! great video

[@juliakristinamah]

Good to have you here, Shifter.

[@Marekcatholic]

@@juliakristinamah Thank you :)

[@RuthMoen-x9k]

How do you set boundaries when your in-laws clearly do not like you or your ethnicity. She asks my husband if he wants to know "the one who got away" right in front of me. He's always making excuses for his mom's bad behavior or comments, yet he criticizes me when he thinks I'm behaving badly towards his mom. Raised his two daughters for the past 30 years.

[@pollytheparrot8929]

He's a jerk! .. No offence.

[@lesliengo8347]

You can choose how much time you spend with people who disrespect you. If you have to spend time with those who dislike you, you get to decide not only how you respond, but also how you think and feel. It will take time and practice to successfully manage our minds, and remember to give yourself self-compassion along the way.

[@dee0731]

Great information thank you

[@Fioravanti.80]

The concept of "boundaries" has some validity, when it comes to family, friends and acquaintances, yes, and to a degree romantic relationships when concerning Respect. However, in romantic relationships, we are becoming vulnerable as it progresses to be accepted and loved for who we are, and agreeing on values and principles we abide by: red lines of acceptable behaviours. It is okay to say "if you cheat, lie" then I am out, if you do this, or do that, which disrespects me, then I am out, or "when you do this, or say that" it makes me feel uncomfortable, please don't". Is this controlling behaviour? I do not think so. It is feedback, and just as much an observation one makes may not be intended to be critical, it can be received as "criticism" because of ones pride, and internal shame. If the person continues, despite mutually agreed parameters, then you can remove yourself from the relationship. Romantic relationships are supposed to be about mutual values and principles, as well as surface level fun and enjoying one's company. It is about giving and taking, AND respecting and loving another and their vulnerability. Within this there will always be an element of control, because of love, attachment, and wanting the relationship to work. What is key, is healthy and respectful communication working towards compromise of each others preferences, as well as values, because one person's perceived "common value" may not be shared by the others, in any given situation. For example, to some, flirting outside of a relationship is acceptable, whilst touching kissing and more is not. Whilst to the other, flirting is also not acceptable. Is it then "controlling" for the other to say "hey, I thought we were on the same page...I would prefer it if you did not flirt?" Respectfully communicating what is acceptable and what is not, which is to do with another's actions / behaviours does have an element of control, yet in my view, this is acceptable to a degree. If the other then continues to disrespect the other's wish, then stop, evaluate, either accept, or leave the relationship. The trouble is, most people are not honest with themselves and others. So they may agree to stop, then blame the other for being "controlling"... The concept is only workable fully in relationships which have no attachment whatsoever.

[@barefootwomanacademy]

Hi I am new. My name is Taryn. A friend referred to me.

[@pamchesler242]

I really feel that this is a fantasy way of thinking because the very people who try to cross your boundaries are the ones who will not except them. You can’t just talk to them as an adult from one to the other most of these people have never learned what it meant to communicate as you’re describing. It’s just not that cut and dry. I can’t even listen to this I’m so sorry, but it’s not that cut and dry your explanation for how to go about emotionally protecting yourself does not always go over well with the person you’re trying to communicate.. it’s a cookie-cutter explanation that you are saying applies to every person and it doesn’t work that way because some of these people you cannot even communicate with

[@Dezzyyx]

same

[@louis9137]

"promosm"