Junkie to Anorexia, the clock and everything or nothing (Vlog26pt2) 08.05.14

Update on my day- I'm sooooo tired out from just breathing and it seems my day is spent waiting for the clock to move n doing the odd thing in-between but I'm kinda getting more n more depressed and feel helpless to change anything- also worried for my boyfriend and wish I could do more for him- I want to help but I know I have to help myself in order to be well enough to be any REAL GOOD QUALITY help to him LOVE you PJ XXX

[@katWITHaT]

Hey SJ! Hope you're okay, haven't had a chance to catch up on all your videos today and yesterday as I've been in hospital all day having my treatment for rheumatoid arthritis, I'm fine, it's a routine thing but just means being attached to an IV infusion for like 6 hours! And then a second cycle in two weeks time. On top of that a family friend sadly passed away and my mums not very well so we had to visit the doctors and walk in centre! So busy busy but I hope that you're doing okay, will try and catch up with your videos and comments later after I've rested. Your customised best top looks great- have you thought about getting a sponge and cutting it into a skull shape and using it to bleach print with? And I had to smile about what the cashier lady said about the loo roll! It's great that you can joke and be light hearted about the illness. I'm the same, I'll make silly light hearted comments. Not that I don't take it seriously but you need to be able to smile and take things on the chin so they say. And on the other subject of poo, I was in the hospital toilets and it had a poster about a poo test for the over 60s, that made me smile, only 29 years and I can have mine! Well I'm sure I'll comment and reply again soon. Have a good evening and stay you xx

[@katWITHaT]

I meant vest not best! Oops xx

[@katWITHaT]

That's really nice that your boyfriends mum can find it in her to say 'you too' in response to when you say you love her. It must be very hard for her to express her emotions. I'm sure she appreciates you telling her that. In response to you feeling like a junkie to anorexia, I can relate to that. Come the evenings, I'll lock myself away and succumb to my behaviours but it's all I know and I do want to get better but for now it's how I cope. It's been worse in the past and used to be the whole day that I'd engage in rituals and things but now I've managed to contain it just to the the evenings. Also I get what you mean about feeling lonely yet not wanting anyone there. It's a strange feeling. I can see how hard you are trying and even the smallest positive step is good. We all wish we could fast forward and race to the finish line and be well again but life sadly isn't like that. Just take each day a minute at a time and remember to breathe and as you pointed out you need to look after yourself in order to help others. But if you're anything like me I'm always trying to help and put others first because I can't bare seeing them struggle or hurt. Xx

[@LolitaIsDead76]

Hey Kat!! Sorry you had to spend the day in hospital, I hate that as it messes up my routine and no-one seems to rush to do anything- like when I had that IV Pabrinex a coupla weeks back it took SOOO long to put the line in then wait another hour then go to a ward n have it administered and I just kept willing it through faster so I could get outta there!! But if you need it doing, it's worth trying to accept that it's helping and therefore just to go with the (slow) flow! Don't worry bout catching up with vids etc- they'll always be there and they're often 1/2 waffle/rant/off-subject anyway but I hope your IV dose helped you- I have Fibromyalgia but it gets worse at certain times than others or maybe now I'm just used to it more. You're SO right about taking the illness(s) seriously but at same time, without the light-heartedness it would be a miserable existence and my personality is, if a little dry n dark often, quite quirky unless I'm on a really bad Manic Dep. downer but yeah....... Right- might think about getting out of bed now.... NOTE I say THINK about LOL !!!!! Laters Kat. xx

[@katWITHaT]

Tell me about it! I spent almost an hour sitting around waiting for them to 'hook' me up. I know they're busy though. And it does help me, so I figure it's not so bad if I benefit in the long run. But yeah I have a certain routine and hate it when I have to divert from it, it's unsettling and completely puts me out of sync and it only has to be a small change to my day and the anxieties rise. Xx

[@LolitaIsDead76]

katWITHaT Yup..... same. Were we separated at birth LOL???? Yeah- I can try n rationalise it n all in my head but it's still a fuck-up when things aren't how I want them (selfishly) xx :)

[@katWITHaT]

Hmmm, it would certainly seem that way! And it's not selfish, it's just the way you like/want/need things to be xx