Not understanding why Korean women have postpartum care [Part 3] | K-DOC

[@nm2334]

As a French woman, I think Jeff is really putting an emphasis on bonding with his child. In a way, the mother-in-law might have disturbed his first moments with his daughter (fresh out the womb). He knows that he makes mistakes but he wants to learn at his own pace. In France, we have parental leave for both men and women and it's becoming more and more common for the father to take care of the baby during the first months. It's a pity this was not recognized by the pannel during the show. Almost making fun of him for wanting to spend time with his daughter instead of working. It's this mentality from patriarchy (women at home with the children and men outside, being the breadwinner) that irked me a bit. Also, for the grandparents helping, it's actually pretty common in France especially if they live nearby. It was shown as if he was bothered by the whole cultural process of the mother in law coming to help. In France, if the couple is not able to take care of their child, the responsability should not be put on the granparents since it's their decision to conceive. Being involved in childrearing, Jeff probably thought he was just doing his duty as a father and enjoying this precious early moments to bond with Elina. The translation are good but not completely accurate. Maybe it's part of the editing also. We don't hear him say (at 1:50) that he has never heard about postpartum care. He talks about the differences between the expections the coupke had before and after the birth since it's their first baby.

[@georgie9722]

On aurait du lui expliquer tout ça avant, il aurait eu du recul dès l'arrivée du bébé. Je suis antillaise, et on nous a enlevé ces soins depuis l'esclavage. Je dis cela parce que j'ai travaillé dans un hôpital en tant que sophrologue,. Dans ce pays africain et bien d'autres les mères ont des soins pour le corps et le vagin par des bains de vapeur, elles reçoivent un autre soin que je n'aurai pas aimé faire. Mais la mère est vraiment choyée et aidée avant de reprendre une vie normale. Par contre j'ai tenté de faire rentrer les pères dans la salle de travail, ni les sages femmes ni les pères n'étaient prêts à le faire. Enfin à chacun ses traditionnels rituels.

[@yoonyoons3dollars852]

I agree with everything you wrote. Mother in oaw seems to not know when she is overstepping boundaries.

[@avocadotoast0113]

The korean guy was not making fun of him for wanting to spend more time with the daughter. I’m not sure where you got that idea. He was emphasizing the importance of “sanhujori” which is the after care that Asian women need after pregnancy. You might not understand that but Asian women and Western women have different physiologies and, therefore, different lifestyle cultures and needs.

[@nm2334]

@@georgie9722 Totalement d'accord ! L'avantage aujourd'hui c'est qu'on peut mettre en valeur les traditions et les soins pendant et après la grossesse de son héritage culturel et social. C'est avant tout aux nouveaux parents (surtout la mère) de choisir ce qu'ils ont envie de faire et de créer leur propres rythmes. Une chose que je regrette avec l'esclavage et l'institutionnalisation de la médecine c'est qu'on a perdu beaucoup de rituels comme les positions pendant l'accouchement, la réparation de l'appareil génital etc... En rendant la pratique plus homogène, on a effacé culturellement plein de connaissances J'aimerai savoir, vu votre expertise, avez-vous remarqué un retour vers des pratiques traditionnelles chez vos patients ?

[@nm2334]

@@avocadotoast0113 at 7:13 I know that during the show they are trying to keep it light. I think asking about his role as a father is legitimate. The only response he had was "working" when actually it's a pretty interesting question, given the dynamic with the mother in law. For me these are 2 different subjects, his parental life and the postpartum process his wife has to go through. He didn't deny the need for the "sanhujori" from what I've seen. Different cultures have different traditions, needs but we can't get to a mutual understanding if some things are left unspoken. I think they could have done a better job teaching him about the way it is in Korea. And Western women are not all the same, there are a lot of cultures within a continent. Even if he was with a Polish wife, he could have encountered the same misunderstanding.

[@sammylee5474]

It's unfortunate that they don't try to understand Jeff and instead make him into a mad the culture stereotypical foreigner. I get the language barrier, but the hosts aren't even trying. I feel bad for this man, he's practically getting ganged up on by all the Koreans. How is it a crime for a father to take of his kid? What about return of the superman? They work and care for their kids, why can't Jeff do so also without all this interference?

[@sapneelulin4277]

That's exactly what I was thinking... They are literally ganging up on him.. I really feel bad for him.. I think they should have a one on one conversation with him and not everyone jumping on him like that.... We can literally see the whole Judy reaction, they are looking mad at him where they should have teach him, asked him instead..

[@Scho-penhauer]

Shame! He needs to practice his fatherhood breastfeed the baby if he can and do everything while the mother should go to work. Nobody "ganged" him, they teach him to understand the culture of the society he's living in. Just leave the mother help her daughter after giving birth! It's that simple. Nobody asked him to lose his fatherhood as you imagine.

[@Jace_the_mace]

@@Scho-penhauer NO. This is his child too and maybe the Korean woman should’ve chosen a Korean man if she wanted someone her mother can bully around. This is a mixed child who should be raised with both cultures not one. These particular Koreans are discriminating against him and trying to make him feel bad for trying to teach and bond with his child like they do in his culture. He has every right to overthrow the mother-in-law. This is really opening my eyes to how superior a lot of asians feel against other cultures. Such a disrespectful bunch a lot of them are. 😠

[@34口2fds蛋トマgs]

@@Jace_the_mace Funny, as if white people aren't the race that constantly shove their political ideology down the throat of other countries and act like the whole world should be more like the west.

[@dw9944]

I don't like that no one points out how problematic the mother in law is. She's micromanaging her daughter's family. That would be a problem in any culture.

[@avocadotoast0113]

I agree. It’s better tolerated in Asian cultures though because people are used to it.

[@salve1185]

yeah

[@dw9944]

@@ekg891 I'm Nigerian and it is not them coming that's the problem. You don't ever impose your will over that of the parents. If they say don't feed my child chocolate you don't secretly feed them chocolate. If the dad wants to bath his baby you let him. You don't interfere with the natural bonding, as it stresses them out which defeats the purpose of your presence.

[@zak3172]

I think it's becuz it's normal in Korean culture that (at least when the baby is first born) that it's the mum and grandmother raising the child, the men must have little to do in this process which is why us westerners don't like how the mother in law is trying to take away his role in this From their point of view he is the one who must be more understanding which annoys me cuz from our perspective it shud be the other way around, the father shud be prioritised over the grandmother but thats just their way of doing things ig The only way to fix things fairly is for them both to understand each other, the mother in law shud back off a bit and let the father do more but it doesn't look like that's going to be happening which is frustrating cuz since he's the "outsider" and seems quiet he's got less power to stand up for himself

[@Princess-di2zx]

You need to understand, they are asian, and the mother is Indonesian. Not french. In Indonesia, it is very common and necessary for mother to help her daughter at managing kids after the first birth, especially the firat one. She will teach her how to take care of the baby, the wound, ect. So the daughter can get thru post partum as smooth as possible.

[@vonzilla2082]

Poor guy. He wasn't complaining about postpartum care. The problem is that grandma doing everything for the baby is included as postpartum care, or else there's a language barrier. Because he is complaining about not being allowed to take care of and connect with his own child, and their collective response is, "but the mother needs postpartum care." Is this a language/cultural barrier or deliberate editing? Also Korea is still very traditional, so this family seems to be more in the mindset of "child rearing is only for the women". This is why it's important to discuss things like this before you get married, so you know what to expect and make adjustments. I think if grandma understood that he's not trying to take away her traditional role in coming in and helping with the baby, but that he wants way more time with his own child, it should work out. But she seems very headstrong and not really understanding him, and his wife doesn't seem to understand how he's feeling either, so I don't know...

[@Kaybye555]

This is exactly what's going on and the problem. I didn't understand either what they were talking about

[@alfawolf7125]

IT IS HER TRADITION..IN INDONESIA AND MALAYSIA.ALL WOMEN GOES THROUGH POST NATAL CARE!!! AND WHOM ARE YOU TO SAY OTHERWISE? THE DAUGHTER IS OLD AND LAZY..SUPPOSE TO FEND FOR HERSELF.BUT LOOK LETHARGIC AND LAZY WOMAN!

[@thegirlwithribbons]

I hate how this show misinterprets language! Post partum care = Taking care of the MOTHER after birth, not the baby! Jeff just wanted to be a father and take care of his baby. This was not about his wife and aftercare 😩 the poor guy just wants to hold his baby and not have it snatched by the MIL 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[@user-xg5ls8lf4z]

I totally see where the fathers coming from. All he wants to do is be a father and bond with his baby but instead the mil keeps taking her. They obviously have a language barrier too which doesn’t help

[@sarcasmcafe9860]

Same. Also he isn't used to mil taking over. He expected himself to take care of the baby with his wife.

[@salve1185]

the hosts just don’t get the French man’s point, it is not about the wife being taken care that he’s upset about - it is about the baby being taken care by somebody else. Clearly, being a first time dad, he only wants to bond with his child and take care of her himself but because his mother-in-law always intervenes that’s why he is upset

[@juanricks7763]

Any man who actually wants to help care for their own child should be praised in all countries! This is very sexist and there is plenty of men in the world who do not want to care for their own children at all.

[@yl20406]

The absence of the father in a child’s upbringing in East Asian cultures is now criticized by some as “dead-spouse parenting” in China because it’s as if the father is dead to his child, and that’s how much of a negative impact it would cause to the family if a father refuses or is too lazy to connect to his child. Knowing all this and seeing how this family is intentionally pushing the father away and somehow enforcing this outdated idea that parenting is women’s business on a man who actually wants to be with his daughter so much makes my blood boil.

[@JL_hahaha0303]

it's has a couple more names too, like 'pseudo single parent', or 'pig teammate' (which refers to spouses who doesn't offer help, or offers useless help 😂

[@spencerchamomile1026]

The MIL sounds like a nightmare. She loves to play the victim. She twists things around to make it sound like Jeff is the problem, then when they clarify that the MIL was wrong she gets mad. Why are the hosts always quick to attack foreigners without actually listening to their concerns. From what I saw Jeff doesn't have an issue with postpartum care, more with the MIL being overbearing and not letting him bond and take care of his child. Shouldn't she be happy for her daughter that she has a husband who wants to be hands on? I don't see an issue with the parent of a child telling someone how they want to raise THEIR child. Why are the hosts always trying

[@napperforlife2020]

Why are you so angry? The hosts giving the facts to Jeff, a foreigner and a MAN who didn't carry and give birth. Of course he wants to just think about himself. I'm shocked that so many people like you are complaining about how Korean women get taken care of after giving birth, an extremely grueling experience he would never go through.

[@mickyaye3857]

This really annoyed me because the mother is constantly undermining what the father is capable of. He’s a first time father. He needs to learn. And he WANTS to learn. My culture is the same. My parents are supposed to help me with my baby once I give birth. But my parents had assumed that I would accept their plans for my aftercare even though I already set up with my husband what we would do once I gave birth. He had taken paternity leave so that he could help me with the baby while I rested and also bond with her because bonding in those first few months, especially being the father is crucial. My parents had wanted me to move in with them for a few months and had gone around telling everyone except me that this was what was going to happen. They also made assumptions that my husband wouldn’t bother to visit me and our child too often if I were living with my parents. But a lot of mens mentality have changed over the years. Now that in the western world paternity leave is normalised, alot of men are taking it without shame and wanting to be at home and take care of the baby alongside the mothers. The fact that they keep bringing up a difference in French culture and Korean culture yet they spend more time trying to educate him on Korean culture but don’t take time to take in what he’s saying. They almost ridicule him for just stating that he doesn’t know this or that about Korean culture. He never said he doesn’t agree with it. He wants to learn but that doesn’t mean he has to completely disregard his own culture when it comes to his child. It’s his child as much as it is his wife’s. She says Indonesian culture is similar to Korean but she forgets the child is half French. So she needs to respect that there are differences and work on finding a middle ground instead of constantly undermining his role as a father. Her daughter didn’t have an immaculate conception. And the daughter also needs to stop being so wishy washy between her husband and mother. She’s just confusing things.

[@MoonstonePlains]

Awww, Jeff is SUCH a great Dad! It made me tear up... him WANTING to be involved and questioning the Korean father role is amazing! 👏👏👏

[@CB-yr4hq]

I keep getting annoyed at how everyone misunderstands his desire to be a father and bond with his daughter with postpartum care. I'm Asian too but in my culture both parents are responsible for looking after their child while relatives and friends can help out. Maybe if he learns Korean they'll understand him better but I think it will difficult because even his mother in law doesn't respect the fact that they don't want their 10 month old to eat chocolate.

[@mishtihema88]

Jeff asked a valid question. What does the fathers do? Well in most Asian families the females will be in kitchen or doing house chores and the males will shake their legs and talk business (speaking on personal experience). I am glad he is not just talking but actually trying to help out and is being there. His wife needs all the help she can get but 2 different cultures is making it difficult for her.

[@lizrodriguez9625]

This is so true, my husband he have 4 brothers, all of them didn't really take care of thr child when they were all born, it's mostly the wife who took care of them after giving birth.. while I'm lucky enough that among all of them my husband took care of our new born baby, he won't even wake me up at night, he was awake until morning most of the time ,until he leaves for work.. when I had my 2nd child I was much more experienced, so I never told him I'm already in labor, but still he can feel it, and didn't leave for work.. so as I'm saying I think the mother in law should be more proud the he got a very sweet and caring son in law hus very willing to take care of his child instead of entrusting it others..

[@Scho-penhauer]

What a valid question! But you didn't help him by giving an answer to his question! What should he do?! Should he quit his job and stay home with his wife to care for them?! Animals in nature the mothers take care of their babies and have to breastfeed them, not their fathers. Fathers have different roles they work and provide for their families that the answer to the valid question! And should help, just help, their wives when the come back from work. If the mothers are working then the husbands should stay home and care for the babies. But babies need their mothers more at this stage to be healthy physically and psychologically, not their fathers. And I didn't hear anyone asked Jeff to quit being a father!

[@Huangmili]

My husband is Chinese and I agree with you. It is better now, after 20 years. We love each other but it was so hard when our daughters were younger.

[@Mozmoz71]

I am half Indonesian and Australian but my father was also helped to take care of me (bathing, feeding etc etc) after I was born. My Indonesian grandmother would do everything she could to help my mother during this postpartum care, but she knew her boundaries and respect my father and would let him to handle to take care of me. My grandparents never interfered with the way my parents raised me, if my parents said no, they would stepped back and respect my parents decision, after all my grandparents are not the parents but my father and mother. This guy is a devote, caring husband and father. It’s wonderful that he also wanted to take care and bond with his baby, as not many husbands would do like this.

[@asmrsand3972]

From what i understand, for him it wasn't the postpartum care the problem but the fact the mother in law came in the very day they got home with the baby and tried to do the care he estimated that the parents should do. And on this i understand him perfectly. For example my sister in law recently gave birth, they stayed at the hospital for 4 day, then went home, and as a family member we all decided to let my brother and her get some alone time with their baby at home for them to take care of him and create an even more solid bond with him. Either her mother or mine got in the middle right the very first day at their home to take care of the baby because we understand how precious those very first moment are important for the new parents and their baby

[@salve1185]

the mother-in-law is really freaking annoying, always meddling on things where she shouldn’t be meddling, quite nosy really

[@mrashali5759]

yes 🙄

[@cnachopchopnewsagency]

That guy is rude. If he is marrying a korean woman and furthermore living in korea, respect korea culture! You guys westerners do not have any culture, thats why you guys easily disregard others as problematic and illogical.

[@AAA-kr7nh]

@@cnachopchopnewsagency you are an idiot, ,,you westerners" and no culture? U live under a rock, guess what, Koreans don't follow nor respect other cultures even if they live and married in the West, you don't even distinguish between ,, follow" and,, respect", miserable angry little brat who thinks of himself as keyboard warrior, stfu about the things you have no idea about,it would keep you away from looking stupid, keep copy-paste your comment loser

[@cnachopchopnewsagency]

@@AAA-kr7nh you must be the westerner that tried to teach ithers even at 21st century? Enough ok because you grandparents have done a "really good job" at it.

[@yourjoy8496]

The comment section says it all! Im a mother too. when I gave birth my mom came to help me bath my baby etc. But i dont let them stop my husband to make decissions for my baby and for me. Also the postpartum part when they misunderstood jeff they all laugh even her wife. She's suppose to be the one understanding him or interprating her husband

[@AbdulAli-ku9he]

6:37 French man is very sincere and I understand him.

[@MG_Ria]

I will have to side with Jeff in this one. Fathers are not just providers. My father was a provider. He dedicated his life at his work because he has 7 children. But whenever we want to share anything, we always talk to our mom. If we talk to our dad, it feels awkward. This is the future of the baby if the father will focus in earning money. They should appreciate that Jeff wants to be involved with the child care. Indeed, fathers should be providers but they should not be limited to just earning money. They should have relationship with their children. Well done, Jeff 👏🏻

[@HeleneEXOL-1485]

in France we have maternity leave. Paternity leave (Mandatory), parental leave. (The mother has the choice to take parental leave or not) In France, for the most part, grandparents are not very present. When you have a child, it's only you and your partner (if you have one). If you need help every now and then, the grandparents are there and that's it. Everyone takes care of their own life.

[@bhanani5480]

I can see both sides but I agree more with Jeff, that the mother and father should be raising the child. The grandmother should be respectful and not do things her own way even though the baby parents don't like what she does, that causes disharmony between each other and it impacts more on the wife/daughter as she's the middle person. As far as postpartum care, I fully support the mother wanting to care for the daughter so that she can properly care for her own baby without doing damage or causing more stress to herself while her body is trying to recover, so maybe this is where the grandmother can help out. I do think the mum interferes too much and she should let them parent their own baby, she should be grateful that her son in law wants to be hands on with his own child but in saying that the young couple should be grateful for the extra help and that the grandmother wants to help out but she should remember to respect the way they want to raise their baby.

[@de24nizelicious]

I find that when a guy is in the presence of the wife & her family, in this situation there seems to be abit of bullying going on, seriously, if the MIL wants to give the baby chocolate, stop doing in his presence, it's disrespectful. There should be some form of boundaries even for the MIL. I'm saying this coz a large portion of my own divorce was bcoz of my ex-husband's family. And years ago, my ex didn't even try this hard to get along with mine. It causes alot of stress for the pregnant mum.

[@nadiakateb3670]

I feel so bad for him, he wanted to be a good father and take care of his baby and they're trying to make him look like an ignorant foreigner.

[@jojobee42]

It's so important for parents to bond with their new-born! And *especially* for dads. By the time of delivery, moms have already gotten 9 months of physical bonding with the baby, so they have an immediate bond with the baby when she/he is born. Not the same for dads, so I totally understand Jeff here! The mother-in-law should give them space.

[@meiki1222]

She should be happy That her son in law Care for His child… she should leave them alone

[@AyeBeeSquared]

Post partum care centers should be required wherever a country can afford to offer it for women. Caring for the mother is often forgotten and all focus on the baby. The mother needs care and attention as well as she embarks upon the new journey of motherhood.

[@AyeBeeSquared]

@@TabeaSrn And that’s why I said wherever a country can afford it. Many countries AND people do not take maternal health seriously beyond reproduction. When we lived in SK, we had some friends who were able to partake in these services and some that weren’t. Even in the US, post partum care is becoming an interest but it is EXPENSIVE. Having a doula is even more expensive.

[@avocadotoast0113]

@@TabeaSrn In the US postpartum care isn’t covered by the government either.

[@LornaBlakeEmpower]

Facts!

[@poksana5476]

But not to the point when mother-in-law has to move in with you to take care after the daughter

[@cnachopchopnewsagency]

That guy is rude. If he is marrying a korean woman and furthermore living in korea, respect korea culture! You guys westerners do not have any culture, thats why you guys easily disregard others as problematic and illogical.

[@solennethomas7365]

We do have post-partum care in France...but with health professionals, not mother-in-laws. To me he looks more like a man who wants to spent time with his child and bond. It feels more like he felt excluded

[@YourfavoriteAsianYouTuber]

I really appreciate his mindset on caring for his child after birth. It’s no different than skin-skin from mother/child. He wants to give her first bath and her first feeding. It’s a special bond from their parents to children. I understand the frustration he had towards his mother in law stealing those first moments away from him.

[@elisekhoury7718]

I think Jeff wanted to bond with his child, and I truly understand him! I mean it's super nice for grandparents to help, but if the parents agree together to take care of the newborn then no need for the mother-in-law to be frustrated or even to feel sad. All Jeff wanted is to be there for his baby's first moments. I feel sad that Jeff was misunderstood and judged just because he wanted to enjoy pure moments with his newborn!

[@laur-unstagenameactuallyca1587]

No but they didn't take Jeff's question seriously. This is the 21st century, cost of living has skyrocketed in many developed countries while wages haven't kept up. There is no such thing as one working adult in a household and one stay out home parent - outside of the upper middle class. What DO they expect Korean and Indonesian men to do???! Both men and women are working, so every household is a two parent working household. So they expect women to work AND take care of the baby? Jeff is saying it isn't fair, because in France it makes sense for parents to share the responsibility: mom works 50% takes care of the baby 50% dad works 50% takes care of the baby 50%, and obviously that percentage isn't perfect that's why they have free creches in France to child-mind your baby

[@anastasiaeqbali6933]

He’s a gem. I can’t believe the hosts and mother in law don’t see it :/

[@Thatgirlbri223]

She said western women after giving birth is given coke and a cold shower 😂😂😂.

[@thegirlwithribbons]

Maybe not Coke but definitely a shower immediately after birth. Meanwhile in Asian culture when a woman gives birth they avoid a shower for a few days on their own. It’s recommending not to.

[@beany1944]

😮😯😲 That's a huge misconception, where did she get that info from. Whoever told her that should be slapped upside down on the head a few times, concerning the coca-cola. The not showering alone part, I can understand, many woman passed out. I am an ex nurse.

[@thomas5916]

I actually got coke 30 minutes after giving birth in the US! I'm not sure how it works in other western countries but here a shower within a few hours post birth and all food was allowed.

[@CajunPride777]

@@thegirlwithribbons why can't you have a shower right after giving birth?

[@avocadotoast0113]

She’s not completely wrong. That’s what they do in a lot of US hospitals. They give you coke and other snacks full of sugar. As far as the cold shower idk about right after birth but they do recommend it for lymphatic drainage. I think what she’s trying to get at is that a lot of the practices done or recommended in Western countries for women who are recovering can seem really harsh or not nurturing enough to from an Asian perspective.

[@acordilia]

Bonding with child is good. Postpartum health care is for the mother. Maternity care in Europe is basic. As long as your not bleeding out according to them your fine. Maternity care in South Korea is about restoring the body of the mother to full health. I wish I had that. I gave birth to more than one.

[@ajengriand]

I am Indonesian and my husband is german. He was feeling a bit like Jeff at the beginning of our son’s life that my mother kinda “stole” his moment with our son. However, since my mom back to Indonesia, he really appreciates the effort my mother put and can’t wait to meet her again so she can take care of our son 😂

[@tigress8562]

"he got so upset! he said he'll wash his daughter, and i said no no I'll do it, and he got frustrated" you said yourself that was the first night the kid was home. she's not your daughter, she's his. the mil isn't a bad mom, she just needs to understand that she's a grandmother now, not her grandchilds parent

[@Pepi15288]

Uuuh western women don’t drink coke or take showers right away, when I gave birth to my son I wasn’t allowed to drink anything like coke or even take cold showers. That’s just common sense. Idk why that lady said something idiotic like that.

[@hamidahamida5950]

It's pretty simple to me. Having the mil come and help out is all good and well but her priority would be to making her daughter and sil life easier by cooking, cleaning, and if need be helping out with baby but asking and allowing them to experience and bond baby with baby. Her intentions were good im sure but maybe not entirely welcomed.

[@BUTTERCUPJones]

they need to realize that a father isn't a second class parent. what he wants is valid just like what the mom wants. the grandmother has 0 say in this and needs to back off.

[@stanzinnoryang8946]

Asian and western cultures are poles apart, when it comes to all these things. Both are correct according to their own cultural perspective. Miscommunication and misunderstanding is the problem.

[@louna90]

the mother in law is really problematic here she doesn't even let him spend quality time with his daughter and also makes it awkward for him she doesn't even try to understand even though he try to I think the daughter need to make her mother understand too just like when she gave the baby sugary stuff she shouldn't have done that and omg the animators reaction is just so off as if a father shouldn't want to have quality time with his daughter and make fun of him as if it's not normal

[@bvireannah1806]

1.23, 1.33 ( son , husband )tells all what u need to know about DOMINANT MIL , but the show almost 99.9 %show non s. koreans in bad light ,,, father was trying to bond with newborn

[@MiaReduce]

The grandma seriously needs to back off! Omg i cant stand this women. Shes carrying the child all day like its her child. I understand the love for your grandchild but let the parents have their moment. Shes got serious attachment issues. If this goes on, i wont be surprised if the couple actually split.

[@LeenSeoh]

the wife is annoying but the mother in law is something else! the apple didnt fall far from the tree! This is why you need to be fully aware of what you're getting yourself into by marrying with someone from a conservative country like south Korea. Especially if you're from an open minded country like France!

[@poksana5476]

Aren't there any conservative families in western countries that don't act like that? Conservativism and traditions are totally different things

[@LeenSeoh]

@@poksana5476 juts because conservatism and tradition are not the same thing doesn't mean they can't be fused together ESPECIALLY about South Korea, a country where its conservatism is literally ROOTED in confucianism which is LITERALLY a very HEAVY part of their tradition. every red flag with seen in this family are the consequences of their tradition, influenced by confucianianism.

[@LeenSeoh]

@Name toxic? for pointing out the obvious? yall learned the word "toxic" and use it in everything no matter the context lmao. the fact that you think I should be "merciful" to witness a family with a bunch of RED FLAGS bc of the MIL and the wife just speaks volume on your questionable values. If you don't see the problem whitin their attitude, there's nothing I can do for you, it's a lost case.

[@bellacortez]

Marrying someone outside your race is already work. But marry someone outside your race and culture whilst living in another country. Honestly, maybe he should have really have thought about whether this was for him. Dude doesn't seem happy

[@bellacortez]

Also all of Asia is conservative , I think too often white men fantasize of marry meek/obedient Asian women and then find out they aren't actually like that

[@erikad0511]

Here's a guy who actually wants to be a father and involved in his babies care, learning what to do... yet he's being criticized?!

[@kyailu9053]

I know that Koreans really appreciate the postpartum care, but they need to know that it isn't necessarily normal outside of Korea. Lots of people aren't close to their family or don't have anyone they can rely on for that type of care, so it simply isn't done. It's a privilege to have postpartum care after giving birth. I think that's something they should acknowledge.

[@rebeccajimenez4610]

Hispanic culture is Kinda the same didn’t leave the house for a month & my mother in law took care of me for a week. She showered my baby, fed me, & took care of my daughter.

[@khawlahazwar7475]

There is miscommunication here. The mother in law and the daughter think that the husband doesn't likes the mother in law coming to the house to take cares of the daughter. But actually the husband just doesn't likes the mother in law attending the baby too much. He just wants to spends time with his baby. Plus fathers do need to take care of their children not just making money and the guy definitely does that so what's wrong with letting him takes care of his baby. The panel missed that important point.

[@FarzanaVera]

A message to this grandma. Please just stop. You are not only ruining the babys health but your daughters marriage and the relationship between the baby and her parents. Sure love as much as you want but from far. That babys not your child know your place.

[@cwayzums]

I grew up in the Philippines and my mom preferred to have my Grandma around when we were born because she was a nervous mom when it came to our daily needs, but when my two were born, I preferred for my husband and I to tackle parenthood without needing our parents. We survived. Our kids are now 8 and 5 and they are so close to their Dad regardless of his busy work schedule. The first few moments of bonding is important.

[@cycyj847]

He's so sweet. He just wants to be an active parent. Just a cultural misunderstanding. Glad they were able to communicate better.

[@itsnajma]

It's the same with us Africans your mother comes to help with everything until 40days

[@beany1944]

Exactly, my mom came to help my sister. I'm white and a Namibian. Its great especially if it's the firstborn, new mom's and dads needs all the expertise, advice and help from our mothers.

[@LornaBlakeEmpower]

Thanks for highlighting it, Miss najma's vlog! And what a special gift it is to new mother, baby, new father and the whole family...

[@Princess-di2zx]

So the mother is from Indonesia. And did you spot it on, the foods the mother made was all indonesian food.

[@mwegan6369]

When you marry a person but surprise you also married her family. It would be hard to not be able to do the first things with your own child or see them eat certain foods for the first time when the grandma is randomly feeding her treats. I know she was being loving and trying to be helpful but she did not understand that this time is so precious and one of the highlights of this guy's whole life and it's being taken away and literally ripped from his arms. I'm half korean and I would find helpful if food was to be dropped off and if I need help I would ask for help. But other than that I think it's important for BOTH parents to have their own child's first moments... I know my husband would want that but not every person is the same guy or girl.

[@01kida]

Im not french but as european and a woman i don't understand postpartum care idea too. I don't see as necessary ( i gave birth twins) and im strong enough. Some things of korea are still old fashion and is hard for us to understand. Plus Jeff is giving a good example of father bond and care. All fathers should spend time with their children same as mother. The mother in law can help in other ways if she wants, cooking laundy and so on and leave the parents enjoy and bond with their child

[@dianileslie4555]

@@h.p7058 You know that Asian babies tend to be smaller on average compared to western babies right, especially East Asian babies? Yes Asian women may have a smaller pelvis but that's all relative, they have smaller pelvises and smaller babies just like western women have slightly larger pelvises and larger babies. So no, Asian women don't necessarily need postpartum care centers, but because it's so ingrained as a norm in their culture most women would opt for it. Of course, all women should have an option for some form of postpartum care, due to how physically and mentally demanding giving birth to and looking after a newborn is, but that has nothing to do with race. Some labors are run 'smoother' than others and that's the main deciding factor on the kind of postpartum care she should receive.

[@blueshoes5145]

@@dianileslie4555 I think she meant to say bigger head not bigger in size all over.

[@dianileslie4555]

@@blueshoes5145 but they don't, think about it. If East Asian babies tend to be smaller overall how can they have bigger heads than their western counterparts?

[@AAA-kr7nh]

@@dianileslie4555 it's true , Asians have huge heads , it's connected to ethnicity

[@AAA-kr7nh]

@@h.p7058 no bro , how much time a woman needs ain't connected to being asian, one woman needs more and another one less depending on own predisposition

[@gabyyosefa8701]

I'm Indonesian, but I don't agree with mother-in-law's actions, she doesn't respect Jeff at all, as a husband to her child and also as a father. She also acts arbitrarily without thinking about the impact on her granddaughter, such as giving adult food to baby . I know she wants to spoil her grandchild but she also has to learn to think before she acts.

[@fjp9]

if both parents can take care of the baby on their own then great for them but having extra help whether it is their in laws or other people is normally better. being a parent especially a new parent can be physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting and stressful.

[@k-doc467]

yes 🙌

[@avocadotoast0113]

That’s true. But just because you help doesn’t make it okay for someone to take complete charge and not listen to what the parents want. The mil clearly has boundary issue but she seems to be learning to respect them more in the last episode

[@LornaBlakeEmpower]

Absolutely correct! Coming from a daughter who had the benefit of her mother's help when she had her babies. It provided a break for both parents. The mother-in-law is just there for a short time and her role is incredibly important for supporting both mother and baby. Sounds like Jeff is having a hard time receiving help & support.

[@poksana5476]

If you and your husband feel comfortable to live with one of your parents, good for you. But it's not good for me and it doesn't mean your way of coping with issues is better than mine. I am a mother of two, I didn't need a "vacation" after a delivery, my husband and I did good without our parents. Our parents deserve to rest, they worked hard, they had lots of sleepless nights, enough for them. It's much easier with every next child when you do it on your own.

[@sillyhermy]

@@LornaBlakeEmpower It wasn't about him not wanting help & support. It was more about him spending time with his new born baby. Having that precious personal time with his baby.

[@blacklion5436]

in switzerland you give birth, normally in a hospital, sometimes at home or at a clinic. after 3 to 5 days you go home. i odn't think we have postpartum centers here. since 2021 fathers can have maternity too but not as long as the mothers. you as the mother take care of the baby, after 3 months you decide if you go back to work or not.

[@DollfaceLizkah]

EVERY woman should have postpartum care. Seriously it's so dangerous to not have it

[@djokawari1]

Western women get postpartum care, also. Koreans just have a weirdly specific type of "postpartum care".

[@thomas5916]

@@djokawari1 - Basically most Asians, Africans, and most Latinos have these values about postpartum care. As someone living in the west I've not received any such care with any of my 5 children. And please let's not call things weird just because they are different than what you think is the norm

[@DollfaceLizkah]

@@djokawari1 they don't though, it's not very common. I live in the US with my fiance and have been pregnant. I'm speaking from experience.

[@djokawari1]

@@DollfaceLizkah Western countries have higher birth rates than Korea. So Westerners are doing something right.

[@sambatra6162]

@@djokawari1 you do realize postpartum care has very little to do with birth rates? Use your brain a bit.

[@Huangmili]

I am Peruvian, my husband is Chinese, we live in the States.. When we had our first child, my mom came to help us with the baby and did that for the second and third. That is part of our culture. Also, I love this show, we lived in Seoul for 3 years and lived in Hannam-dong. ❤️

[@cherriemay528]

It's my grandparents and relatives that raised me while my parents were away temporarily 😂

[@21sashalee]

The title is kinda misleading amd shady..

[@SanguinaryDreamer]

The saying is 'it takes a village to raise a child'. I feel for the husband but I think we've lost the village aspect in so many places. It's so beautiful they wanna help and there's post partum care

[@avocadotoast0113]

Helping is great but it needs to be done in the context where the helping person respects that they don’t have priority. That’s the issue.

[@LornaBlakeEmpower]

Thanks for acknowledging it, Sunni Bunn! I come from a culture where this African proverb is true in the delivery & post partum care of mother and baby. We live in a world where it's a special gift to have extended family who are available to provide support. How unfortunate that so many don't understand it.

[@SanguinaryDreamer]

@@avocadotoast0113 I don't think they believe they have priority. I think it's a cultural disconnect, Western cultures often are solitary versus non-Western cultures that are more familial. They even agreed it was a miscommunication and I think it's common when intertwining families that this comes up. I'm glad they were able to talk it out

[@staralways5]

Honestly at this point it’s on the daughter to set all the boundaries with her mother. They are the child’s parents, not buts ifs ands. Only let the mother in if she’s going to follow the parent’s rules and parenting methods. Once she shows any signs of rebellion or overstepping, politely ask her to leave.

[@nerisaneriritumalta6224]

I am also shocked to learned about post partum care in Korea. I did not agree to go there because I cannot speak korean and maybe it will make me more stressed than relax.

[@MatthewGantt]

Of course, Koreans always need to pamper themselves and their "health". When logic comes in to play, they always need to start it off with, "we are a different race". Good on Jeff for not falling into the BS.

[@alioretra5872]

Both parents can and have to take care of their children, poor Jeff ! Stop to exclude men from the education of their children ! They have the right as women to take care, spend time, and do the education of their kids, it’s called equality, and it actually will benefit the children

[@sarcasmcafe9860]

I don't like the mil. She seems like the type who doesn't respect other's boundaries. The daughter just faded in the background. It's not a couple show anymore. Its all about the mother in law, what she wants and how her son in law wronged her.

[@Lipurshan]

Her mom needs to respect their decisions in marriage

[@samanthalee9839]

We dont have joriwon too in philippines.. but i love it they have here in korea.. i have twins and im cs so i feel alot of pain qnd i really need to rest.. but actually 2weeks postnatal care still not enough i still feel alot of pain i think until 2months.. i have so big stomach then suddenly two babies go out so its like its shocked my body so i feel alot of pain even they give me all pain reliever.. and they tried to inject me 8times epidural but ending in general anesthesia.. im so traumatized giving birth so i dont have plan to have more babies.. my husband agree because he really saw me feel alot of pain.. he even cried seeing how painful i was.. and being pregnant with twins really so hard then i dont have any family here.. my husband family mother already died and his dad is already so old cannot help take care of twins.. and my husband brother already married so they cant help us too.. so i have so bad post partum depression.. im so tired,cant sleep for 3days straight, i even feel hard going to restroom.. and eating in time.. i almost jump in this building that time korean government didnt allow inviting parents or siblings because of covid.. now that they allowed it i cant invite my parents because of their work.. i cant invite my elder sister because she will go to germany soon.. so all so hard for me.. but my husband tried to help me as he can.. help me do household and help me take care of twins if his at home.. but his schedule of work is rotation so its so hard for me.. hope korean government help more so many people will be encourage to have their own babies..

[@sammylee5474]

I'm not discouraged by your story as someone who wants to have twins, etc. You make a great point. It's very unfortunate that you have to pay to get some help that will go a long way. I hope it gets easier for you, the situation sounds awful, but hopeful the twins are in good health and you recover. ❤

[@samanthalee9839]

@@sammylee5474 agree many people wants to have twins..even having just 1 baby.. i have pcos so i know how it hard to be pregnant.. but in my experience its really hard i heard many new mom here also feel same about me but they only have one baby what more to me i have 2babies.. post partum really so damn real.. 2 foreigner here in korea killed their own kids because they cant invite their mom to help them and no support from their own husband.. but im thankful i survive but i almost not.. i cried everyday like crazy i almost lose my sanity im hurting myself my husband saw all of that but my he cant do anything.. i even begging for the government everyday to allow parents or siblings to be invited.. but it was to late when they decided to open.. cant invite anyone anymore.. but i survived God still so good my twins will be 1year old soon.. yah they are both fine and healthy

[@hydraulics2866]

In the Philippines if you work in the government, women have 3 months mandatory maternity leave and men have 7 days paternity leave.

[@samanthalee9839]

@@hydraulics2866 i know im from Philippines too hehe lol. Nagwork din ako sa government nuon parents ko saka ate ko lahat kmi government pero now nanay ko nlng nattira kc papa ko early retirement na. pero gusto ko dito ang joriwon nila kc wala kang ggawin kundi magpahinga lng sila mag aalaga sa mga baby walng ganun sa pinas saka may massage ang sarap after ng hirap sa pagbbuntis at pag anak... may leave din nmm dito kaso mas less nga lng kaysa sa pinas..

[@harlowblackadder356]

He seems so earnest. Gosh I hope he learns Korean soon.

[@LilJeepgirl81]

We dont have postpartum care in the USA. Coming from someone who had horrible postpartum this wouldve been nice. Give women a chance to let the hormones settle and get your head straight.

[@LemonGreenism]

Asian women and western women are not much different to be honest, I think we always like to emphasize on our differences but we are all essentially the same machines. Only thing is maybe cultural practices which are to be respected of course when in a foreign country especially when they were concerning the mother postpartum care and not him. I am French myself so I understand where is incomprehension come from, we would say communication is key but here they can’t really due to language barrier ^^’

[@sonh788]

That mother is way too overbearing. She's crossing all sorts of boundaries

[@daniellefulmer]

Postpartum care centers are common in Singapore, Korea, Malaysia, china, Japan and many more. I’m giving birth in 2 months and I’ve signed up to a center for a whole month. They’re gonna be taking care of me and the baby. I didn’t do that for my first baby and I honestly regret it. It’s the western mentality that women must be superwomen and do everything themselves even after giving birth. Been there, done that. It wasn’t fun. So this time I’m choosing to take care of my body and mind after child birth.

[@LeenSeoh]

but here's the thing you and everyone in the show completely misunderstood. he never said postpartum care is not needed actually even in western countries, women have a lot of benefits regarding postpartum care (if you actually try to look more into it). women can bu superwoman and still take care of their child so I'm not sure why you even brought that up lol no relevancy or whatsoever with the fact fact that the dad in this case just wanted to spend time with his baby.

[@daniellefulmer]

@@LeenSeoh I never said he doesn’t want his wife to get postpartum care, I’m just explaining how much more common postpartum care centers are in Asia. I’m half Asian half American. Lived in both continents. My opinion was based on actual experience and observation. I didn’t say women can’t be superwomen and take care of their kids. It’s just a lot easier and cheaper in Asia to have someone help with childcare and focus on recovering right after childbirth.

[@LeenSeoh]

@@daniellefulmer that is NOT what you implied and we both know this but since you wanna play dumb, alright.

[@daniellefulmer]

@@LeenSeoh lol. Who hurt you? Why are you so aggressive? It’s my opinion, which I’m totally entitled to. If you don’t like it, move along. It’s the internet. Troll. 🤷‍♀️

[@MiniMoniHime]

@@daniellefulmer your comment was just a personal anecdote on the topic... ppl are so weird and aggressive these days 😩 I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for you ✨ women really aren’t looked after after birth in the west

[@georgewayne2203]

that mother in law is a nightmare

[@heynhamnham]

I too was shocked with this postpartum thing, we don't have anything like this here. There's like regular meetings with the doctors to check on the baby, then you give birth, stay at the hospital for like 4-7 days or something like that and then go home normally. But we also have this culture of grandparents being somewhat present in the newborn life (not manipulating things like she does, in fact here grandparents say stuff like "It's a cute baby, luckily it's not mine. I won't take care of it, good luck for you" lol)

[@louiselisa659]

In Uk women are up after two hours of delivery back home doing house work and looking after there family no postpartum care and when baby sleeps you sleep .

[@adrianwillis66]

Wish we had this in America.

[@thomas5916]

I agree. I had 5 kids and no help. It's truly aged me and exhausted me. I have long-term backache and I believe had I received proper postpartum care I might not have fallen into severe postpartum depression.

[@poksana5476]

It's not free, they either pay for it or mother-in-law who doesn't know any boundaries move in with them in a tiny apartment

[@LeenSeoh]

@@poksana5476 that's exactly what's happening here. this is do sad

[@chicosmommy498]

I am Mexican and I don't know exactly what is expected in my culture but in my family we guve space to the couple to take care of the baby by themselves. Having in laws that assume they can be immediately involved in taking care of my baby even when I didn't ask for it made me very upset and contributed a lot to my PPD. I think Jeff needs that, to have his space and do his thing as a father. Seeing that grandpa 'shacking' Elina up and down makes me so anxious, I like tranquility. The in laws kind of agitate Elina by wanting too much contact with her when they visit. Just so annoying .

[@angelfrankenfine]

psht. exactly, what DO the fathers do... haha

[@rorik.3842]

it's an eastern thing, the postpartum care, we also have it as arabs, but it doesnt mean the father cant be involved, the mother need help so she don't get depression or become overwhelmed with the baby and new life, babies changes a lot of things, and women after having babies don't even know themselves anymore so it's sessional, they just need to find a balance,

[@BaileyBlurbs]

In America women can take cold showers and drink coke after giving birth? Ma’am where do you get your information from? Not all Americans drink coke you know, jeez. Korea is so homogenous and they have such a closed view of American life

[@naturegreen123]

At the end of the day culture is not what must be the most important thing. In an ever changing world fathers are wanting to be more available emotionally for thier wives and children. It doesn't matter what they do in Korea or France this wife should have understood that she chose to marry a French man and when she saw her husband was uncomfortable she should have asked her mother to give him space. Three was a crowd in this case. Every new family in thier own way begin thier own culture with new rituals and vibes. I personally feel it is unfair in any culture to deny a father the right to bond with his new born. If he makes mistakes it's ok he will learn. To say that the Korean men go out and make money is backward. Why can't he make money and be thier for his kid. Ahhh. When men are not hands on we woman complain then when they are we complain. Also when you get married fir goodness sake leave you mother and cling to your spouse.

[@oddoguy15]

If any of the actors are planning to visit India I would recommend uttarakhand

[@lieutenantpepper2734]

korea is quite different from other asian countries yet the hosts speak as if all asian countries are like korea.

[@november132]

Wow I didn't know Korean women get pampered after giving birth!!!

[@jayaratnam599]

Damn I'm impressed with this guy....whom care for baby..damn...it's rare

[@laceylingerie]

this makes me so angry. here we have Jeff being such a great father/man and showing other men what it means to be INVOLVED. but we have stupid conservative people telling him (in a way) that he doesn’t need to bother himself with caregiving because it’s not a man’s job. WHAT THE FUCK.

[@BUTTERCUPJones]

this is so irritating. he isn't questioning the postpartum care for the mother. it's the fact men in France actual do fatherly roles and bond with their baby in those important beginnings of a baby. the grandma needs to back off.

[@MochiPuff58]

I think there is cultural misunderstandings on both sides, and it points out perhaps some issues and deep contexts of each culture. i dont know french culture very well, but asian women are literally told throughout their whole lives that they almost live to have a child (which is very problematic) and that women are seen doing all of domestic labor. So there has been a movement to provide women more postpartum care because the men do nothing lol, its a step in the right direction but doesnt question the core issue that fathers are pm absent. So for the mom and the hosts, im sure theyre used to this and the lack of care moms get. but for him i think he should have been a little more prepared that this may be the case when he married into Korean and Singapore culture, but i understand he just wants to bond with his child.

[@jackyavaa3459]

Oh how I wish postpartum care was offered in US. Many women struggle alone… it should be offered throughout.

[@choose2bekindd]

“하나님이 세상을 이처럼 사랑하사 독생자를 주셨으니 이는 저를 믿는 자마다 멸망치 않고 영생을 얻게 하려 하심이니라 하나님이 그 아들을 세상에 보내신 것은 세상을 심판하려 하심이 아니요 저로 말미암아 세상이 구원을 받게하려 하심이라 저를 믿는 자는 심판을 받지 아니하는 것이요 믿지 아니하는 자는 하나님의 독생자의 이름을 믿지 아니하므로 벌써 심판을 받은 것이니라” ‭‭요한복음‬ ‭3:16-18‬ ‭

[@lanac7108]

La cultura es diferente y a veces hay que ceder, como que la suegra te toque la comida y te la ponga en el plato es su costumbre y la manera de mostrar afecto pero en otras cosas no

[@jojobee42]

Why did they cover his tattoos in some of the scenes?

[@paulidson1483]

Some broadcasters in Korea, especially KBS wont show tattoos as there is a stereotype of gangsters and criminals associated with them, KBS has to be family friendly. They usually blur tattoos out or ask people to put a band aid over them.

[@starninja3218]

I mean let him spend time with his daughter, It's really important If He is not doing it correctly then teach him. 🤷

[@Sana__.]

In South Asian culture, it’s also very normal for the mother in law to move in for some time to help her daughter after giving birth. It shouldn’t be seen as a negative thing but I understand that each culture has different practices.

[@LeenSeoh]

I dont think he would've had a problem with the mil moving in and helping if she didntn overstep her boundaries with the baby... the fact that she didn't listen to the dad and di whatever she wanted anyway with the baby is a red flag

[@shareefamaj2025]

The father is perfectly in his rights to be the first caregiver of his daughter. MIL need to back off. I am Asian and I was annoyed of her.

[@alisharai1778]

Mother in law needs to step out a little bit. She shouldn't try to control others family business. They may be a family but they don't live together and father has a right over his child more than grandmother. He has a right to raise his kid in his ways

[@bonifasiusfernando2749]

1000% indonesian mom/grandmother 🔥🔥