KC Davis: Self-care & keeping house with ADHD

Episode 82 with KC Davis.
“We work so much harder just to do the simple things everybody else can do automatically.”
KC Davis is a licensed professional therapist, author, speaker, and the incredible maven behind the mental health platform Struggle Care. She is also the casual genius behind the TikTok account @domesticblisters, where her accessible advice on self-care, self-compassion, cleaning and organizational systems that actually work, has amassed nearly 1.5 million followers.
KC’s compassionate and practical approach to self and home care for those dealing with mental health, physical illness, and hard seasons of life has also been summarized in her book, “How to Keep House While Drowning.” The revamped, expanded version comes out tomorrow April 26, as does the audiobook read by the author.
KC Davis began her therapy journey at 16 when she entered treatment for drug addiction and mental health issues. After getting sober she became a speaker and advocate for mental health and recovery. Professionally, KC has worked most of her career in the field of addiction in roles such a therapist, consultant, and executive director. She lives in Houston with her husband and two daughters.
KC and I talk all about how her TikTok audience convinced her to get an ADHD diagnosis and how the app is helping to change the face of what it looks like to be neurodivergent.
We also talk about the shame and guilt so many of us feel around domesticity, and the reasons why neurodivergent brains can struggle to stay on top of cleaning and organizing. And we also talk about the cleaning strategies she created for her family that went viral and have changed the lives of so many women, myself included.
Website: Struggle Care
TikTok: @domesticblisters
Find the transcript of this episode at www.womenandadhd.com/transcripts
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[@lbatemon1158]

"I shouldn't have had to fight that hard to not hate myself". Wow. That's truth.

[@lbatemon1158]

"I go where it goes". My Mom used to always tell me when I came home from college, I was like water, spreading out everywhere I go, leaving behind detritus in my wake. A book here, a sweater there, my purse there, etc.

[@violetlefae7902]

"I'll only remember it when i come across it in my visual field." That's so true. This is why my room is a mess always because I forget I have clothes if I put them away.

[@womenandadhd]

Same!

[@wendyhannan2454]

I live the same way, my house is a mess I feel so ashamed. I do laundry, no problems with that, how ever I fold it and leave it around in piles, and not put it away. I’m messy, I have too much stuff, I think less is best, but I can’t bare with throwing out.🤷‍♀️ I was diagnosed with depression for decades I was on meds, they didn’t help. Two years ago I googled why do I misplace my keys, glasses phone. It said you may have ADHD, Bingo it all fell into place. I’m disappointed that Psychiatrist Psychologists who don’t pick up on ADHD . Thanks to these beautiful ladies for sharing their stories, it helps so much. 🙏💕

[@jenniferwarren9993]

I'm so tempted to just set my room up like a boutique with like floating shelves for sweaters and shirts. Like mount bars so I can hang pants and stuff. Take the doors of my closet and get rid of my dresser since I would have the floating shelves. Socks, undies,and bras are all stored in those clear craft drawer things so I can see what I have.

[@jenniferwarren9993]

​@wendyhannan2454 maybe sort your clean stuff into baskets and put those in your closet and just pick from them as you need clean clothes. You don't have to hang them up if that doesn't work for you! You could even get like a shelf for your closet and clean clothes basket goes on top of the shelf and dirty clothes baskets under, just pull from the clean and toss into the dirty basket when done.

[@lbatemon1158]

Just sent KC's TED talk video to a friend two weeks ago, and another friend sent this to me tonight. Grateful for this woman and the work she is doing!

[@katherinewilliams5303]

I cried listening to this while shuffling baskets of storage items in my basement. I have been in recovery from drugs and alcohol for 5 years, resistant to medication for many reasons but increasingly exhausted. IDK if the Anxiety, Depression and Bipolar DO are even true diagnoses. I have diagnosed ADHD but no doctor has wanted to touch it with my history. I try CBT and other techniques. I work HARD to manage my neurodivergent brain in a neurotypical world. Can so much relate to everything shared here. I hope your channel blows up!!

[@womenandadhd]

I'm so glad you were able to relate to this conversation, and thank you for the feedback! Hugs to you! 💕

[@rachelwoodall2661]

I feel like a mirror is being held up in front of me, especially back to the days of raising children and feeling criticized when my husband was probably trying to help.

[@user-zp3tl4mf6f]

Crying while watching this… wishing there were professionals in my area who have the knowledge about adult women with adhd… not diagnosed till I was over 30 and most recent therapist suggested I “make a list” and “don’t do anything else till you do the next thing on the list”… & that’s after I said I have literally 200+ lists on my ph already and the act of making a list could literally take me all day… When you were talking about being in school and not doing homework (no1 asking why) and excelling with structure but not being able to accomplish anything without structure… the part about being diagnosed with depression rather than adhd… I feel like that is something that’s pushed so much & no weight or “attention” given to how much adhd impacts someone’s every day life, every hour, every activity, every relationship, every single thing & if you’re “failing” at keeping up with basic life bs that is depressing but depression isn’t the cause- depression isn’t the root cause- adhd is…

[@womenandadhd]

Yes to all of this, and I’m so sorry your therapist was so lacking in basic understanding about the ADHD experience - that advice is aggressively unhelpful! Big hugs to you - hopefully more of us are dispelling the myths and the stigma so that we can get the help we deserve! ❤️

[@cblazgoogle3844]

As far as tidying.. about 10 years ago.. when I lived in a 2 story home with a finished basement(& laundry in the basement).. I realized I spent a big part of my day TRANSPORTING things around the house; & in and out of the house- kids, food, etc…😂so I learned to always take things from floor to floor when doing things in my house👍

[@jackster564]

I know I love the chaos, sometimes that’s what I need when I feel depressed. I also feel so rewarded when I FINISH mowing the lawn or FINISH CLEANING my kitchen at work. My husband pointed that out to me.

[@jackster564]

I use to do so well on the tests you had to fill the little bubbles in. I couldn’t handle writing test. I failed art history 4 times in college because my professor was not interested in punctuation, rather than art history. I remember that so vividly and I just turned 60. So that’s how long ago it was. ADHD is an illness. It is not a joke and it is not make believe. It’s a struggle.

[@2000madi2000]

Wonderful conversation, THANK YOU BOTH.

[@SouthCountyGal]

I have never heard anyone else describe the halo before. I'm flabbergasted. I consistently have a halo within arm's reach: things I'm working on, things I have to remember to do or bring with me, things I just finished, meds, dishes... it is the most difficult clutter to clean up, because if it's not in arm's reach it might as well not exist. I also developed the categorical cleaning, and taught it to my kids, because a room full of items abandoned in favor of the next task is completely overwhelming. There are two components that paralyze me: the resentment factor, because I am picking up three other people's abandoned garbage and clothing and dishes as well as my own (yeah, all 4 of us are ADHD); and the items without a home. I can't put them into a bag or box to deal with later, that's just a potential overwhelm situation. I know, because I have 7 dressers and uncounted boxes full of those "later" items. The two of you are describing my life, if you ramp up the sensory issues and eliminate the time in rehab. I was a bright, self-motivated student whom nobody would accuse of being ADHD -- especially in comparison with two brothers and two parents who were overtly ADHD. I loved doing classwork, and was lucky enough to remember everything I heard or read, so I was a dream student. I also could sit still. If I was reading a book, I sat so still I didn't hear anything happening around me, didn't eat or change position or blink. Since I was such a model student, I must have been forgetting my glasses (without which I could not even see my own feet), my homework, my lunch, and my gym clothes just to piss off my teachers. They certainly thought so. I got a lot of detentions for forgetfulness. The need to constantly doodle or write lists of things unrelated to the subject matter while listening to lectures was surely a silent "f u" to my professors. I dreaded the ones who required us to turn in our notes. I was thankful for the ones who watched me filling page after page with geometric designs, thought about my A+ exam papers, and left me alone. I have devised so many systems for running my household; one about every three weeks for a while there. That's how long we can maintain interest in following a routine. It took a long time to realize the obstacle was our motivation, not the system. At the moment, what works best is "do task immediately while you're thinking about it, so it's not a nightmare later." This evokes a feeling akin to surrendering oneself for a prison sentence, but at least we're not eating nachos for dinner because I haven't unearthed dirty dishes and pans, or neglected to start dinner until an hour past starving.

[@womenandadhd]

I’m so glad you found this interview helpful! Thanks for sharing! I just love KC Davis’s work and this conversation, too!

[@brendalg4]

You said you invented categorical cleaning but then you didn't say what it was! I have the same problem where if I put something in a box to deal with later, I never get to it. Then I let stuff pile up again

[@Marialla.]

Where is there a forum for us to discuss hacks to help us handle housekeeping or care tasks? I need to see suggestions written down, and be able to give a response, and share with a community that kind of understands.

[@rachelwoodall2661]

Grey mode !

[@rachelwoodall2661]

One more comment: I made the mistake of telling a group of high schoolers that I used “Attention Surplus Syndrome”. From then on, they wanted to know how my ASS was doing.

[@charlottegibbs8950]

When I was in college, I wrote a paper about Shakespeare arguing that the difference in comedy and tragedy is just how much we imbue a given event or goal with a sense of its rightness. More, or more absolute, rightness leads to a greater sense of tragedy if the goal isn't achieved or the event goes anogher way. It seems there's a lot of overlap between this and KC's philosophy.

[@pipermonte8780]

I can so relate to all of this

[@lbatemon1158]

I think we need to combine the name of the Roman goddess of memory, Moneta, with the Latin prefix for the other, "al-". So instead of ADHD, we can say we have "almoneta", or we're alternate memory goddesses. But I'm not a language etymologist, so I don't even know if that would make sense... Then someone could say I'm almonetic.

[@hottiekitty96]

Me: diagnosed at birth, has a degree in chemistry and almost got all straight As in high-school and never failed a class in college. It hurt in an unexpected way to hear that the boy stereotype is so so strong still.

[@frutcakes6370]

How did you get diagnosed at birth??

[@yuzellenienaber3358]

"I am neurodivergent"

[@brendalg4]

ADHD video... Over an hour. No chapters??