Fast & Furious 9 reviewed by Mark Kermode

[@ThisCharmingMan1984]

“I was kind of moderately entertained for some of it.” High praise indeed.

[@TheElixir007]

"That will go on the poster."

[@Palora01]

Isn't that good enough for what the movie is? Mark has reviewed "action" movies that were "life threating dull". Turns out you can have awful "dumb fun" movies, in fact that's the norm for 2000's Holliwood.

[@KINGBADASS100]

This is absolutely serious, the bit with magnets was actually thought up by the director’s nine year old son

[@MattSingh1]

🙄

[@frankmerker630]

It’s like that onion video

[@danieldoherty8101]

No one got upset when Breaking Bad used magnets, just saying...

[@RYNO2511]

@@danieldoherty8101 totally different my dude

[@danieldoherty8101]

@@RYNO2511 I was joking, I would never compare Breaking Bad to this nonsense

[@llupescu]

This franchise has turned into an old Chuck Norris joke - you know, like Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried, Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball, Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete, Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors, etc...

[@dirkdiggler2234]

Chuck Norris banged my mum and I became a father?

[@Luke56721]

i'm sorry but those chuck norris jokes really tickled me.

[@davidcyrilbrown]

Chuck Norris never reads a book, he just stares at it until it gives him the information he wants.

[@dirkdiggler2234]

@@davidcyrilbrown that's called reading....your not very good at chuck Norris jokes are you!!

[@moduleheadindependentcreat8158]

Know what? I think this movie now needs a Chuck Norris cameo. Seriously

[@MrFreedomGotAnAK]

FAMILY FAMILY

[@TheKamilkrawczak]

It's FAMILY and growl at the same time.

[@davidmitchell-baker1701]

It says a lot about Vin Diesel's acting that the guy playing Young Dom gave a better performance than he did

[@lukebradley8952]

Yeah and the young guy is his son as well, making it even funnier.

[@philcorrigan5641]

I remember when he first broke through, he said he wanted to play roles like Hamlet - he genuinely believed he was that good of an actor 🤔

[@MrValz0]

I do applaud Vin Diesel for his love of sci fi. His films aren't great, but they're definitely watchable and without his name, studios probably would never have touched the film's involved.

[@dbg32]

@@philcorrigan5641 And he has described the tension between Hobbs and Torreto as “Felliniesque”! Yes, I am also often put in mind of La Dolce Vita and Amarcord when I think of the F&F movies. Bless him.

[@lukebradley8952]

@@keefriff99 yeah I learnt that just there when I saw the film, was confused at first as I thought for certain Diesel’s son was a very young age. Also was confused because Vinnie Bennett doesn’t really look like Diesel in my opinion.

[@johnsmodularjams2123]

there's a bit in Edinburgh? How the hell do they manage to get a car chase under 20mph?

[@spiderboris79]

I saw some of the filming of this outside my workplace in Edinburgh. It was actually quite boring and at no point did Vin Diesel ever hover into shot and growl 'Family.'

[@ashleystephen4232]

Cant wait till Phil Mitchell is in this reminding everyone about family

[@joshhunt4146]

Fast and Furious crossover with eastenders is something I never thought I needed

[@fattysl26]

Someone needs to make this happen!!!!

[@DarrenBates]

If they bring Peggy Mitchell back to life I wouldn't be surprised. John Cena walks in... "Get outta my pub"

[@KeithFraser82]

Leave it!

[@CraigCairney83]

Dom was once your everyday man! Bog standard mechanic into illegal street racing. Fast forward 20 years and if he done donuts on the moon, as an audience member, you’d buy it lol

[@TheJohnnyCalifornia]

I'd call that a "Chekhov's Rocket Car" - introduce in the first act. Light it up in the third.

[@josipartukovic9785]

Hahaha!

[@jimashley754]

I'm having "It is a extravagantly stupid collection of bits" scribed on my tombstone.

[@KeithFraser82]

"I WAS KIND OF MODERATELY ENTERTAINED FOR SOME OF IT" -MARK KERMODE

[@craigsphotography46]

It was a step to far for me, people who die in the series come back, never feel like anybody is in peril so the feeling of suspense is never there, without that it's just BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! family BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! MAGNETS! BOOM! family, roll credits

[@craigsphotography46]

@David Nash Fast and furious X - Revenge of Brians green car that blew up in the first movie, featuring Gal Gadot

[@Hemlocker]

quiet quiet quiet BANG boom boom boom FAMILY

[@Hemlocker]

@@aegresen As a massive MCU fan, I wouldn't really call them art, they're mostly entertainment with the rare actual creative moment. I do think they generally do an objectively better job than the Fast series at the "serious" character moments/development though. In Fast those moments feel like they're only there as an excuse to justify all the action, as Kermode said. But in many cases in the MCU, it feels like they actually take the characters seriously.

[@moart87]

Famuhlee

[@TheKamilkrawczak]

Fghamilghy

[@snatchX626]

fambuhlee

[@dredgen__ren6889]

Fahmüliae

[@felyxmillicent6538]

Fast & Furious 7 should have ended the series. That would have been a perfect place to call it a day.

[@aintnuthinbutathang1646]

@@brianlafev4261 the first one is a dumb dude-bro car movie with aggressively mediocre acting but it still had an entertaining story and a decent underdog character who we see change, I also think Tokyo drift as cheesy as it is still was an entertaining movie too, those are the only 2 I can stick up for though.

[@stekelly9182]

Idiocracy

[@KeithFraser82]

Mark: *describes the plot* Me: "WHAT?!"

[@xxoxia]

I want to know how they get all the visas needed to travel, so quickly.

[@andrewmurphy5310]

No quaratinning either

[@Hi-vd8lr]

they kinda travel illegally tbh

[@TehMorbidAtheist]

Yeah. Been tired of this "family" charade too. In fact, I roll my eyes every time they say the damn word.

[@luxurybuzz3681]

Family

[@Charmer4856]

I roll my eyes everytime he speaks at all

[@TheKamilkrawczak]

-How many push-up's can Dom do? -All of them.

[@Brainlizard]

When can they introduce time travel in f&f franchise? They could be racing de Lorean?😊

[@petesmith4498]

"CAAARS ... IN ... SPAAACE"

[@Ricky_MckeeGT]

I was shocked when I seen this review was near 7 minutes long lol

[@TheKamilkrawczak]

Maybe it was to early for me to call Army of Dead dumbest movie of the year.

[@toxictony4230]

A rocket car?? First thing I though of was the 1995 Darwin aware winner cum Urban Legend of Captain Jato, who attached a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit to his car and proceeded to launch himself into a cliff at some 300+ mph. If that actually happened in this film that WOULD be moderately entertaining.

[@motherplayer]

I can take ridiculous to an extent, but it really seems here they have pushed way too far into absurd this time. It's more akin to a grand comedy, but at the same time still begs to try and be taken seriously as a drama where people never get hurt and can be revealed to have not died like it's a comic book movie but there is no explanations on superhuman serums or super powers to help make it believable. Never even cared for this series, but I do know that F&F, at least at one point, had a sense of likability that put it above drek like Bay's later Transformers movies that were nothing more than loud noise and stupidity. F&F's problem is the identity crisis it suffers between being nuts and being sincere, and that's a whole nother issue than just not caring like Transformers.

[@joebloggs6922]

That’s the thing. They always bang on about family and make it all serious and emotional and yet have these ridiculous scenes. Hobbs and Shaw got it right to an extent cause it was funny and didn’t take itself too seriously. Fast and furious 5 was the last good one for me cause it was mostly still realistic and the action scenes were really well made. After that it became stupid.

[@nigelcarren]

"It's just stuff happening!" That's the last two years right there.

[@ashbrockoak6842]

The above movie summary statement is inaccurate - but given the nonsensical state of the movie I guess it doesn't actually matter!

[@passiveagressive4983]

‘It’s THAT story’ 😂😂😂😂😂

[@crayontom9687]

‘It’s just stuff happening’ on the movie poster

[@lpquagmire3621]

What the world wants, the world gets. That this franchise continues to proliferate is testament to how far we've come as a species.

[@tinmachine693]

Not very far??

[@stevieh9860]

“They drive fast….. and furiously while talking about faaarmly” Just fantastic. The whole “ in space means ran out of ideas “ thing? I would nominate Ice Age 5, except IA4 had monkey pirates. This sounds like a Transformers review remixed.

[@glenaitken9403]

I live for Marks "here's the thing....... "

[@M1keFoxxx]

Yeah this is totally Mark's kind of movie

[@52BLUE]

he' a movie critic. Every movie is his kind of movie.

[@paulcarrmusicandvideo]

I thought the thumbnail said 'Faust and Furious' : ) x

[@Batemann1980]

It’s basically the A team

[@charliepanayiotou4305]

The only Fast and Furious-related thing I like is when they reference it in Blockers

[@chrishiggins7166]

The film may feel long, unfocused & unrealistic, however those problems are saved by the story, performances, script & strong style. (63%) (3/5 stars) (mixed to positive)

[@jonny5779]

Tokyo Drift is my fav out of all them

[@mxtw7910]

Don’t understand how there are enough 12 year olds in the world to take in 6bn at the box office

[@tinmachine693]

Obviously there are millions of people out there who's mental development stopped at the age of 12.

[@andyhall7032]

unfair it's just a great fun film the best since the one in rio whatever that one was called....

[@firehrt]

Poster: Kermode - “I was… entertained…”

[@There_Will_Be_Bond]

When I think of Moonraker I think of the lilting John Barry soundtrack, Sugar Loaf Mountain, and beautiful Roger.

[@YTantirungrotechai]

N for Nein or Nine?

[@carter83419]

Does Vin sound like Lego Batman? Or is it Mark doing Vin sounding like Lego Batman? Just saying

[@Fed804]

You either go with these or not. I haven’t tbh but I love how so many people love them. There is no cyclical nature of it like you got with other Big Big franchises.

[@ClichéGuevara-2814]

This used to be one of my favourite sci-fi franchises... This is what movies look like in God-mode

[@rosserjake]

I can suspend my disbelief to enjoy absurdity- up to a certain level. I actually enjoyed Fast Five. After that, it seemed they were completely milking it.

[@TheBeird]

What I loved about the series was the absurdity. Absurd, heightened melodrama. What made the absurdity work, other than good direction etc, was that it was delivered with an infectious earnestness. Like, I get the sense Vin and his team were giddy and couldn't wait to show off something wonderfully creative. But starting with Hobbs and Shaw, it felt like they were 'in on the joke' and trying to wink at the camera too much. And with F9, it feels like that self awareness combined with Vin putting his foot down to say "NO! MY FRANCHISE" has made something that might be crossing the line into the obnoxious. But I haven't seen it yet, so I cautiously await it

[@ArthurKnight1899]

LMAO Mark referencing Sims for people in this world is hilarious! 😂😂

[@xtraspecialmango]

I drive round to see my family...But they dont let me in.

[@PaulMDavidson]

I love Mark Kermode, but why does he does he record his videos with a 1995 webcam and dial-up modem bandwidth?

[@kermodeandmayo]

He lives in a rural location with

[@PaulMDavidson]

@@kermodeandmayo I see! I hope he can return to the studio before long.

[@rosserjake]

I only wanted to see this film because I was a big wrestling fan. Turns out Cena is a better actor than Vin Diesel. Not setting the bar particularly high though.

[@ayubnor0]

FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY

[@PiedrasdeSopa76]

"Family" = "I'm Groot"

[@alisaurus4224]

FAM’LY

[@TooManyMovies]

Earn that paycheck Tyrese!

[@Charmer4856]

I’ve loved these movies since the very first one but since 7 it’s been on a downturn. It’s just not the same without Brian

[@ashley_nicole]

4:05 is when i got up to walk out

[@Yojimbojoneskoko]

Can't wait to see it

[@geraldhornsby]

"Extravagantly stupid collection of bits". That's the review, right there.

[@fakeigniz13]

Laws of Physics are more guidelines

[@SteveSmith-wk9dx]

Fast 9: Just Stuff Happening

[@karlmortoniv2951]

“Moonraker” made a fuckton of cash back in the day. This probably will too.

[@davidvillamonte2007]

*F A M I L Y*

[@greatpoochini1]

Sounds like the old A-Team tv series, with a budget.

[@playthatfunkymusicrobot]

Family

[@josephpravda9452]

Vin Diesel. Bam.

[@goldend-pad5257]

Charlize Theron is like Magneto in Xmen lol and they had the segment with the huge electromagnet as well, the film is boring and over the top it's not even funny all th edialoge and jokes fall flat, there is literally nothing of merit in it and thats coming from someone who has enjoyed every single Fast and furious film.

[@ericdxfan511]

8 is worse than this

[@themrmarkprior]

Family, kaboom, because family KABOOM. Save the world have a BBQ. The end.

[@AaronAbernethy]

The boring movie snobbery in the comments here. If you aren’t the sort of person who can enjoy Seven Samurai, ET, Silence of the Lambs, City Lights and Fast & Furious movies then are you even a movie fan? Find the joy in stuff, get the stick out of your ass and don’t think your alleged superior taste wins you any points at all. Meanwhile I’ll be enjoying myself.

[@mutscot]

_Family_ 🤣

[@ultgamercw6759]

Here is a game you can play with this film. Get a room, fill it with people who have physics degrees. Then make a card of who will start shouting at the screen first. After that hit the play button and see if you predict the order correctly. It's a pretty fun game.

[@AaronAbernethy]

Here’s another game: see if the sort of people who complain about physics in action movies are any fun at all to be around.

[@ultgamercw6759]

@@AaronAbernethy You make think I am boring but that doesn't mean I'm wrong :)

[@qs5523]

The fast family is furious

[@tayo_95]

I understand Mark's criticisms but has he consider this... FAMILY!

[@pdzombie1906]

Moonraker was a respond to Star Wars, not to lack of ideas... Otherwise the Bond franchise would have ended 30 years ago...

[@darthnagus5457]

Fahhmaly...hhhh

[@Moose185]

This review was really great 😂

[@jamesgarrett7606]

If people continue to pay to go see it. If Diesel can continue to work. If it continues to make money. If it makes theater money. Let them keep mining this until it’s exhausted.

[@qs5523]

The only thing this movie was missing was salman khan

[@paulhirst7602]

Complete, total, utter nonsense... I LOVE IT! Never mind the absurdity of it all...just turn your brain off for two hours and enjoy the ride.

[@davidvillamonte2007]

If you have to turn your brain off to enjoy a film, we're really wrong there.

[@davidvillamonte2007]

@@keefriff99 of course you won't judge films of different genre with the same criteria, but enjoy a bad film and you're well aware about that, doesn't make it good. I've enjoyed a lot of superhero and comedy movies that are really bad, but preferably, I rather watch something with significance or a good story, I won't waste time watching bad movies anymore, so you'll shouldn't.

[@nick1635]

@@davidvillamonte2007 "just turn your brain off" seems to be a more and more common excuse for these nonsense popcorn movies. Just because it has explosions or heaps of CGI/SFX doesn't mean they can just forget about making a credible story. The lower peoples standards get, the worse the movies get, and are ending up dumbed down to the lowest IQ person on the planet. Godzilla vs Kong was the same.

[@davidvillamonte2007]

@@nick1635 yeah, you're right, buddy

[@Luke56721]

@@davidvillamonte2007 it seems a lot of people forgot to turn their brains on again after the movie ends, explains the praise for it. only conclusion i can draw.

[@richardmurphy9006]

Adults made this and isn't just 9 year olds 🙄watching this tosh

[@giannisksanthopoulos4300]

This movie has ONE villian....and i am not talkig about a character in the movie..... The rea villian in F9 in Vin Diesel. I love Fast and Furious movies...like from the beginning. Even f8 of the furious was silly but still watchable. F9 is total bullsh*t... everybody are invincible now, 40 bullets from privat millitary squad cant kill Roman... Jumping from cars to cars like freaking avengers....

[@stephenkissane4268]

This is trash. Long past where it should have ended

[@stephenkissane4268]

@@danjonmills I've seen it and as Dan o Bannon said cheese burgers don't get worse the more you make them but sequels tend to

[@malcolm6107]

dumbest movie i have seen in a while.