Pretty Privilege | Khadija Mbowe

[@KhadijaMbowe]

***CORRECTION: the definition does say that a privilege is an immunity, right, OR benefit so I kinda shot myself in the foot because under that definition it can still count as a privilege. I left it in because it’s a teachable moment for me in that I’m allowed to make a mistake. Being beautiful doesn’t shield you from certain hardships, just like being white (with regard to certain class issues) doesn’t...but it sure does help you navigate this world. I stand by the other issues I addressed about why people don’t wanna call it a privilege and I hope it still makes sense!

[@miscpersonalities]

its a *buff* to your stats as the nerds would say

[@dojohansen123]

Urban dictionary is mainly for fun, using it as a source of "definitions" is a bit like citing "news" by referencing The Onion. Just saying.

[@Bree8tiveBEing]

I definitely appreciate the nuance you brought to this dialogue. I had that one critique about the definition, but everything else you brought up was something that illuminated this topic for me in new ways. It's sad, but I have too often subconsciously recused myself from being pretty. The unwanted attention and the harrassment/abuse of my past taught me that being pretty can be dangerous around the wrong folks; it was safer to be invisible. Your video made me take an honest look at my previous tendency to "let myself go" and/or dress in things that hide me (meanwhile I loved color and shape). I evidently gained more agency and control, and have been able to practice radical self love and acceptance. Anyway, wrote all that to say, I appreciate your self reflection and willingness to not only change your mind but also share your mistakes with us. I am a subscriber now, so I will be here, and can't wait for more meaningful dialogues like this.

[@dygpapadopoulos]

Love love love!

[@tubester4567]

Female genital mutilation has nothing to do with the west but is a serious problem in Africa. There is still slavery in Africa and tribal and ethnic wars and conflicts. Women still dont have equal rights in most of the non-western world and being gay is illegal.

[@sophie4228]

I often notice how, when a pretty person has certain interests and is a fan of something then its cool and quirky and when a more unattractive one likes the same things its weird, nerdy or something to make fun of hot gamer girl - good ugly gamer girl - nerdy and weird hot weeb - quirky and open minded ugly weeb - nerdy and lonely etc idk I just didn't see anyone mention this while going trough the comments

[@che7941]

I disagree to a certain extend. Most of the time you are being labeled as nerdy, weird, lonely etc. by the way you convey! your interests. You dont have to be a stunner to be respected for your interests/passions. I never seen a person being labeled as lonely or weird when they are confident about themself and their passions. No matter what they looked like. Its the unkempt, visibly insecure, and/or socially awkward people who get this sort of treatment. Its not necessarily because of their looks but because of their entire appeareance.

[@lotussight]

@@che7941 I agree. My best friend isn't conventionally attractive but shes very confident and smiley when she talks about WoW and people listen. Like hot boys, nerdy guys even hot girls listen. Even during university, I was telling people about kpop or my love for documentaries (I went through an phase lol) but because I was confident, knowledgeable, strung sentences together and smiley people listened and was entertained. Edit: I also want to say I've been there. The disheveled, shy and loner type that stumbles over the simplest words, that wasn't confident nor were they friendly in their approach of their passion. I've been that person and people tune you out. It hurts. So that's why I just decided to stop and start again.

[@rowanundertherowantree509]

This is so true!!!!

[@derinaries]

When unattractive people are confident, they get shot down. People dont believe that they are entitled to be confident.

[@derinaries]

@lotus. You were forced to conform. It wasnt really a choice. The expectation is that females should be "smiley" and always pleasant.

[@TheHeartsandcake90]

I feel smarter after watching your content. Lol no seriously. You put your video essays together so well.

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Thank you 😭💕

[@eternallyrising1673]

Free college course vibes

[@ciararara4759]

Same, she's amazing

[@joscagneme8388]

I almost said the same thing

[@knowledgeispower7531]

I know right! I’m so glad KZbin recommended her. She’s so awesome!!!

[@boitumelodibetso8719]

Thank you for mentioning the hypersexualization that "pretty" people can come across. Well balanced conversation.

[@anarcho-communist11]

I think physically attractive men have it better than attractive women. That's why a lot of good looking men are players for life. They can't choose from all their good options. In our patriarchy where men get to be deemed worthy for their accomplishments, brains, and are mostly chased after by women who actually like them...Good looking women get chased just for sex a lot. And only praised for their looks.....Which isn't really what most women want.

[@lissyrae2283]

Yes, so happy she mentioned this. I'm considered a pretty person and my first memory of sexual harrassment was when I was 5. I have been sexually harassed and assaulted throughout my entire life, it's very damaging psychologically. I am constantly watching my back when I am alone in public, I have almost been sex trafficked, it's scary. The reason I got my current job was because my coworkers liked the way I looked and told the manager to hire me. It hurts knowing people value me more based on my appearance when I have much better qualities, like being smart, emotionally mature, and funny

[@Savannah-yi1yv]

I literally can't have a male friend without them getting all sexual towards me. IM 14! I'm not even allowed to date and they know that but i'm scared to tell them I don't want to be sexual with them because like what if they don't want to be my friend anymore?

[@lissyrae2283]

@@Savannah-yi1yv Girl, if they don't want to be your friend after you tell them that then they are not someone you want in your life, trust me. I'm 22, I remember being your age, please don't sacrifice your comfortability for a boy(s). You are worth so much more! I remember doing whatever I needed to keep some people in my life when I was younger and in the end it only hurt me. People come and go, the ones who really love and care for you will never make you compromise what makes you feel comfortable!

[@lissyrae2283]

@@Savannah-yi1yv and some of them might try to make you feel bad about setting boundaries: don't let them. They are just trying to manipulate you and take advantage of your kindness, it's happened to me. If they need to "get off" so bad, they got a hand and the internet to satisfy themselves just fine. Remember, the people who get mad at you for setting boundaries are the ones who benefit from you having none 💯

[@machamochi7282]

Although not on the topic of race, I lost 80 lbs and EVERYONE including my own mother treated me differently (much better). Beauty standards affect everyone, so we need to stop pretending they aren’t important

[@KhadijaMbowe]

💯

[@samb5963]

I empathise with that situation completely, it can be a real headfuck. I hope you’re doing okay, and just know and hold true to your own worth as a person no matter how people treat you, as difficult as it can get at times

[@jesusisthetruth4497]

That's so sad wow :(

[@PossiblyAlena]

When I was in high school I usually dressed like a comfy mess because I didn't feel like getting all dressed up at 6am. The few days that I did put on cute outfits or makeup or do my hair I noticed a very prominent difference in how people treated me. They were just overall nicer?? It's not like they were mean before but people acted more open and friendly than they did normally. It's a wild experience feeling peoples attitude/treatment shift from literally one day to the next.

[@wxyz459]

Yeah I gained back 60 pounds in the past three years (I was mildly obese in 2015 and skinny in 2017) and the fall from grace has been a bit of a headfuck to put it mildly. It’s one thing to know the power that conventional beauty holds over our lives, but to experience it firsthand is something else.

[@aneshalove226]

Anyone that has ever been a big girl then lost weight can tell you the difference in how people treat them 😪

[@WorldofDaisyFlowers]

Yeah, I actually have a video on my channel about how I lost weight. I'll tell you, I don't get approached as much anymore. I've been alone mostly since I've lost weight. The great side is that my health is great and I have more confidence.

[@Val-gv7nz]

It was like day and night!!! I lost ALOT of weight when I was in HS and one yr I was invisible and the next I was getting hit on by guys that didn’t know I existed 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@aneshalove226]

@@Val-gv7nz and girls want to be your friend

[@iramrafiq5075]

Yesssssss.. It totally sucks x

[@m4nycrunchypickl3s]

as someone that went from having extreme cystic acne to normal skin i can confirm too ://

[@samb5963]

I grew up fat and ugly and was lowkey ignored and shunned. People were surprised I was smart or good at sports because I was so awkward and dumpy or something. From that I developed weird disordered eating patterns and eventually apparently grew into my face whilst I was internally at my absolute worst. I was suddenly “cute”, when I was privately tearing my appearance apart 24/7. I started hearing the jokes that I only had my job because I was eye candy for guys four times my age from a female coworker. Other people started acting creepy and entitled to a body I didn’t even feel like I fully owned and I got sexually harassed and assaulted. Never got to be pretty enough to get free shit like some of my friends, and didn’t grow up ugly enough to dramatically shed the constant awkwardness to develop a lightning quick sense of compensatory humour like I was promised by common cliche. I feel fucking robbed, all I got was this complex trauma and twenty-three layers of trust issues.

[@sampanchevre]

hi, not sure if you wanted a response but just wanted to say perhaps you should try being kinder to yourself because you've gone through so much. trauma is hard but talking about it does help you work through it, so good for you for sharing. your story is important. also your writing is really effective, what a skill! *sending virtual hugs*

[@mashona518]

I am sorry you went through that. Please be kind to yourself. I watched a collab with SheraSeven and Christelyn and one thing she said was if you feel like you can't love your body, love your soul. I am sure the people who put you down really were insecure themselves. I hope you find healing.

[@happygolucky6284]

Your dissection of your encounter is a really pithy and entertaining read. You’re a talented writer and obviously really clever.

[@happygolucky6284]

Not to say your experience is entertaining btw. I am sorry you experienced that. My situation is similar. I changed over a summer and all of a sudden got a lot of unwanted sexual attention. I was a very ugly ducking before that. Not cool glasses and ugly hair cut and bad style. Lost the glasses and grew the hair. Actually I was poor so couldn’t afford a haircut.... and we ran out of food sometimes so I was skinny. That’s what made me hot...being poor...sad

[@itissomethingnow]

I'm so sorry that you went through that. I don't know if it helps to hear from someone who has been through something similar but I had a very similar experience. As a kid I was bullied for being one of the only 2-3 South Asian immigrant kids in my school and I was not the prettiest. I was well aware of how the other kids thought of me and the only thing that gave me hope was the movie trope that either a. Since I was nerdy and ambitious (and bullied for it), I would end up more successful than the other kids and feel victorious in the end or b. I would eventually attain the Ugly Duckling effect and feel victorious in that way. Did I become drop dead gorgeous when I grew up? Nope, but I did "grow into" my features and became attractive to people . Instead of getting confidence and empowerment, I was left feeling broken and objectified because I wasn't used to the attention and I didn't expect the attention to be so... One dimensional. I'm much much happier with how I look and I love myself way more than I did as a kid, but part of me is stuck feeling terrified that I will "lose" whatever attractiveness I developed and that if I lose that, I will go back to being completely unwanted and isolated. I'm constantly worried that I'll go back to being in the background of everyone else's movies. I'm working through it with my therapist but I, too, was advertised an outcome through media that is not realistic. Why do the "ugly" girls in movies have to have a makeover as part of the plotline of them improving themselves? And magically the girls would get lighter, more glowing skin, they would lose weight (or dress in a more provocative way), and now everything was great? Nope, that's not how any of this works and I wish someone had told me that.

[@clop44]

I often noticed this when x-factor judges/audiences were shocked when a bigger person or someone not considered 'hot' was amazing at singing - as if looks have anything to do with musical ability

[@redpenguin72]

literally the whole world with susan boyle

[@desbest4]

I will never forget Popstars The Rivals when the judges made the better singer be evicted to not make the final cut of the girl band Girls Aloud, as she was less attractive, so a worse singer made the band. I will also never forget how after the fat and ugly singer Michelle McManus won Pop Idol for having the best voice As someone who has "perfect pitch" who plays piano and produces music, I've noticed that when Simon Cowell and the producers want someone to be evicted, they'll make some of the live instruments be playing "out of key" when a contestant is singing or it'll be slightly detuned by a few "centi-notes" (if 100 centinotes are in 1 note). However it's so subtle that it's very hard to notice. An industry secret is that the contestants don't get to choose what song the singers sing, the producers and judges do, along with Simon Cowell as he owns the record label Syco Music. Also an industry secret is that when they signup to that show, they have to sign a contract to revoke their "image rights" so they're not allowed to post an opinion, musing or photo on any social network, or any non-centrist or hot button opinion, without the approval of management.

[@valkyriecain858]

"Teachers will give more attention to better-looking kids because they believe they will outperform in school." That god damn statement, HIT ME!!!! I'd been saying this for yeeeeeeeears and no one would believe meeeee!! AAAAAHHHH!!! Also, I find it slightly disturbing that, even though it's just a biological bias, teachers are taking note of the physical attractivness of students

[@ToniCarrington]

And if it’s a white teacher they are more caring of the other white students.

[@valkyriecain858]

@@ToniCarringtonTbf I can't really comment on that because in my time at school, both elementary and secondary, there were 4 POC's at most, and it saddens me so much, so I don't really have firsthand knowledge of it Edit: I hope it doesn't sound like I'm trying to discredit what you just said, because I'm well aware that it does. I just don't want to speak on it because I'm not fully educated on the matter yet

[@freeeepalestine__]

@@valkyriecain858 trust me it definitely happened, it was so frustrating being the only black girl in my school, whenever anything bad would happen the white kids would blame it on me, even though I was never even at the scene, and the white teacher would believe the white kids over me and I would always get into trouble unfairly. Also I found that if I make a mistake, something that all the kids made, the white kids would never be held accountable whereas I would be humiliated for the exact same thing, shouted at and got in a lot of trouble. It made me feel like I could never do anything right and made my childhood a living hell. I still live with the PTSD till today.

[@valkyriecain858]

@@freeeepalestine__ What the hell?! Make it make sense oh my god, that's just shameful. And honestly, I can relate to the second part of that, but obviously not to the same degree. I think one of the saddest things is that you don't actually realize how bad it actually was until you're older and you experience PTSD from it, but then if you try to speak out people will try and invalidate you because of your age at the time. Like excuse me, regardless of how stupid you may think I am, and no matter how young I was, I still knew my rights and was still sensible enough to realize when I being treated unfairly

[@freeeepalestine__]

@@valkyriecain858 Took the words right out of my mouth 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@izzywizzyfromthefiz]

This is clearly a biased video BECAUSE YOU ARE GORGEOUS

[@plutoporn]

and she's bare faced too

[@mariabrown6926]

Period

[@auroraseyets8516]

My sentiments exactly but I'm here for it

[@persom7824]

@@mariabrown6926 really?? Omg she is absolutely gorgeous

[@NoName-mm6gh]

Freaking gorgeous indeed 😍 ❤

[@AmruthaViswanath]

Your point about blackness being a commodity is so true. I see my fellow south Asian friends co-opting a lot of terms from AAVE, but completely neglecting BLM or even the colourism in their own country, its sickening.

[@guitarplayer1994]

What is AAVE?

[@queenofdensity2858]

@@guitarplayer1994 African-American Vernacular English I believe

[@AmruthaViswanath]

@@queenofdensity2858 yes

[@yassine8935]

This so many of white friends I use to have in 2016 that shitted on Collin kapernick for taking a knee but had no problem using black creators dance moves or AAVE .

[@yermum5652]

you mallu?

[@nollmelyrics]

I still remember when one of my sociology teachers talked about pretty privilege and started mentioning all the pretty girls in my classroom, at some point he looked at me, laughed and proceeded the lesson. He'd constantly hear and debate with the girls he mentioned before, but whenever I tried to engage in his discussions and answer his questions, he'd ignore me and mock my looks. lmao good times

[@aero87roxy]

Wth Thts so messed up ... somebody fire him

[@user-ws1dd6sr9i]

so sorry you had to experience this. something like that coming from a teacher must be extremely hurtful

[@nollmelyrics]

thanks guys, I agree with you all 😔❤️

[@stepahead5944]

Ewwwwwwwww

[@lilysbox2139]

is he trying to prove the point or smth.. what was that.. that's messed up ;_;

[@theman9048]

Pretty is a human trait like athleticism, intelligence, and height. It gives you an advantage.

[@lotussight]

It truly does.

[@sam4330]

So intellectually disabled folks don't face ableism, because intelligence is a human trait? Wtf? I'm seeing some really bad arguments for pretty privilege not being a thing in this comment section.

[@theman9048]

@@sam4330 what comment are you talking about?

[@sam4330]

@@theman9048 Yours and many others? You're trying to say that being pretty is an advantage, not a privilege, right? So I assume you mean that high intelligence is an advantage and not a privilege, meaning highly intelligent people don't hold a privilege over intellectually disabled people. You know what else is a human trait? Skin colour.

[@theman9048]

@@sam4330 I have no interest in a semantics argument. If you feel like privilege is a better word then go use that. What u said adds nothing to the conversation.

[@mdambita877]

I saw a tweet somewhere that brought up how "pretty privilege" is just a combination of gendered beauty expectations, colorism, racism & fatphobia. its based on beauty that's defined through the cishet white male gaze that determines a lot of the social and professional mobility of a person. I definitely agree with how you said that proximity to those standards doesn't necessarily grant "privilege" because of its averse affects. I can also definitely see that distance from that aesthetic has a lot of detrimental implications in social and professional settings as well. so like if you have it, it can be good or bad, but if you don't have it then its just bad lol

[@potatopotatoeOG]

Yeah, living in the bad sucks. Especially being female, black and fat. It's not easy but lots of beautiful and big black women make it everyday. Pretty privilege makes it hard to receive love ngl. Especially knowing your distance from that makes others feel warranted to put you down. It's a mind fuck everytime a guy I'm curious about thinks positively about me and generally women like me. But it also makes me question intentions a lot more if they approach rather than I. It's a fucked up, "backwards" world. I'm sure lots of people feel displaced too. Not just black women who are big. Sadly

[@mdambita877]

@@potatopotatoeOG exactly! these things don't just affect like our success in the world but also really have a big affect on desirability which is so frustrating. people always make desirability about trying to "self confidence" your way into feeling beautiful while ignoring all the factors that work against it. I've definitely struggled with that too bc its like, no matter how beautiful I say I am, I can't change how my distance from "pretty privilege" affects how other people see me :/

[@KhadijaMbowe]

@@potatopotatoeOG 💕💕

[@potatopotatoeOG]

@@mdambita877 💕we'll be good though. 💖

[@nala6846]

Very well said 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@mariah6395]

It is definetely a real thing. I agree with you on the Privilege part so I'll call it Pretty Bias for this. I lost 66 pounds and started wearing makeup and different clothes after highschool and suddenly, EVERYONE treated me differently. Men noticed me, friends would compliment me, my own family (even my mother) would be proudly interested in hearing what I had to say or asking me about my personal life because I was pretty now. It got to a point where I didn't know my own value and I constantly needed validation from others because that was the only way I saw myself - a pretty girl who needed to hear she was pretty. This also puts many other things in perspective but then I'd be writing a whole essay in your comment section so, let me stop right here, lol. Congrats on the video! I love it.

[@mariah6395]

@Kimmminem West When I said I agreed with her on the Privilege part, I meant the TERM privilege, so that is why I called it Pretty Bias. I also described in detail how it affected my self-esteem how people treated me differently because I was considered "pretty" now. I never commented on anything even remotely close to it being a privilege or a benefit to a woman being treated as an object.

[@devillass6025]

@Kimmminem West Nah I think those other aspects (make up and new fashion sense) heavily contributed with the weight loss as well.

[@devillass6025]

@Kimmminem West what??? Yes it did. Traditional beauty standards require you to look a certain way, and they treated her more positively once she matched their ideals a little. Why are you arguing about this, it's not rocket science?

[@mariah6395]

@@devillass6025 Exactly, thank you! It has a lot to do with conforming with a certain pattern of what is deemed beautiful and fitting into it. I am glad you understood what I meant! English isn't my first language so I was afraid I said something wrong or misspoke but I'm happy people got what I meant.

[@lotussight]

@@mariah6395 Your English is wonderful, do not doubt your English. I think they were trying to get you to admit something that they're dealing with (an insecurity of theirs that YOU managed to shed to become "conventionally pretty" and they're wondering if that was the factor not because you got prettier).

[@dahliaisaflower]

It's funny cause when I find someone pretty or attactive to me the moment they do anything "bad/rude/annoying" (within standard) they become unattractive to me. The same as someone that may not be my type if I get to know them, and they're a good person (our personality compatibility fits) they become attractive to me.

[@QueenofSilence101]

Same. Someone is good looking? I like them. The moment I find out they're a smoker? Oh, they're okay.

[@jfarmerswatermelon6061]

Same

[@carolynwilson4632]

I have not had one partner that could be defined as conventionally attractive, but I always found them sexy af (the good ones). It was usually because we shared the same sense of humor, they were intelligent, and we had an empathetic connection. I didn't always have to have that emotional connection before I found them attractive, either. I liked their unique physical qualities, kind eyes, quick smiles, quirkiness, engaging attitudes, etc. Who the hell wants people to all look the same?! I want love, friendship, and intimacy, not an instagram ready group of acceptable physical features.

[@TimidAction]

Right in my bio lab there was this pretty blonde girl, I thought she was beautiful. But then she would mock our lab ta’s accent and suddenly I found her face to be super annoying

[@khwaga11]

When you were discussing pretty privilege in the context of obtaining a job, it immediately reminded me how I once learned that in South Korea, the hiring process involves attaching a photo of yourself to the job application. There was a video on YT I saw where a man from SK was talking about not being able to obtain a job because he was too unattractive by the societal beauty standards. Also it was really interesting for you to provide the examples of the two men who became models after their mugshots were circled.... I never connected pretty privilege to a situation like that, so thank you for that.

[@1021Marcy]

Yes. I've worked in Korea since 2016. I'm a Black American Woman who wouldn't be considered attractive but I got the job. I was really freaked out by the whole.hiring process & even joked "Once they see my face it's OVER". Still working here as a matter of fact.

[@tehfizzeh]

In south America, you have to attach a photo.. i grew up in north America where i was bullied for looking conventionally pretty..and then going back there, I had to rely on that.. it was such a mindfuck xD.

[@reniluu9715]

Wait ....it‘s not normal to attach a photo to a job application where you are from?

[@jensookim4923]

the rest of the world, maybe except for usa, attach their pictures on their resumes tho, not just south korea. it's normal to maybe all asian countries and some countries on europe too, i believe.

[@metasequoiaglyptostroboides]

Wait, we do that in Germany too. Though there are a lot of proven negatives about this regarding the pretty factor, racism, sexism etc. So it is becoming more popular to not attach a Foto but it is still the standard,´.

[@lovinglife9023]

Pretty girls have more selection of men but that doesn't mean that they get good guys. Men will beat their asses because they're pretty. They want to demean and devalue their worth. So in that case beauty is not a benefit. Most of my pretty friends are in horrible relationships while I the least attractive one has a doting husband. Anyways, beauty has benefit and consequences. I guess that depends on the person and what they think is a benefit.

[@jackriver8385]

I think that when you're assigned female at birth, or in any way perceived feminine, you just can't win. the world will always find a way to undermine your very existence as a human being.

[@anarcho-communist11]

Thank you! I used to be blond and frequently told I was the prettiest girl in the room. It was a lonely life with women never wanting to be my close friend, and thinking I was flirting with their boyfriends or husbands when I absolutely wasn't. And there are men who mistreat attractive women right off, assuming the woman will reject them. And a lot of porn sick men who think a pretty woman is there for men's pleasure and can be treated like a piece of meat.

[@kalitalamba4711]

@@anarcho-communist11 girl YES! relate to this so much

[@nanamiharuka3269]

True! Doesn't make them immune to being seen and used as a object.

[@excuseme9458]

@@jackriver8385 lol, you radical feminists are always looking for ways to feel oppressed

[@nataliabrasil931]

I was ugly and awkward in elementary and high school. I remember how doing things related to appearance like using make up, doing my hair, nails, or using lotion, these were all so painful because I though I looked so bad that it didn't matter. I also only wore discrete clothes because I was so scared that people would notice me. It got so bad that by the age of 17 I accepted that I just wasn't loveable. It's a terrible mental prison. Today I like my own appearance, and things like skin care, using accessories and nice clothes are so much easier. We live in this eternal paradox of trying to escape beauty standards, but we also don't want to be ugly: look natural, but don't look ugly. I wonder if we're ever getting over that.

[@josss_ie8083]

100% agree with you, women's bodies are treated like a trend and beauty standards are forever changing depending on time periods and countries. I hate how the world forgets how you have *no power* over how you look like so you can never truly fit the beauty ideals. The worst thing in the world is to hate yourself because you can never change who you are but society is always creating a new standard for women that is impossible to reach. To end on a positive note so glad you got your happy ending tho!! ❤❤❤ Don't know if that's your picture but I think your are beautiful ❤❤🥺

[@thepoetess2304]

Which movie is 6:21 from?

[@pinkx3008]

Ive been bullied all my life for being ugly. I still struggle to make friends because I feel like people already dislike me because I’m ugly :(

[@kitvaneceon7568]

Aw, that's awful, I'm sorry you had to put up with bullying for something that is in no way in your control. Those people who judge you and bully you without even knowing are only showing their inner ugliness which is far worse than outward ugliness, harder to change, and all that. There are people who won't care what you look like, who will accept, like, and even love the way you look. They'll be friends with you regardless of your outward appearance. I have found the more time you spend around a person the better looking they become. I personally think all of my friends and acquaintances are attractive have grown more attractive the more I get to know and like them. Sometimes people are hidden beauties who you have to get to know to really see their beauty because their [ersonality makes their looks shine through more and more. I hope you will find those special people who will love and support you and be the true friends you need. :)

[@mohinisingh5201]

You're not ugly the society is.

[@robertsmithfan877]

felt

[@القمر-م2ن]

I'm sure you're beautiful by having your own charms ❤ don't doubt about yourself. Your value doesn't stand in your physique. You're more than what you look !! 🌱💘❣

[@ananorman1532]

you're not ugly, they're insecure and project onto you

[@soglazgo]

I think that there is absolutely privilege in being pretty, since our ideas about what "pretty" even looks like are rooted in racism, ableism, sexism, ageism, etc and you're afforded more power and social mobility the more you happen to line up with those standards. But being pretty often times goes hand in hand with being desirable, which is not a privilege (ex. men can desire women but that doesn't mean women wield systemic power over men), and it seems like that's the part where some people get tripped up.

[@Anonymous-yn8xv]

I'd say it's moreso desirability privilege. If you fit the standard for whatever environment you are in you will be afforded privileges.

[@tubester4567]

Yeh and it happens in all cultures, nothing to do with white people.

[@gewoonEden]

@@tubester4567 it does when a lot of cultures desire 'whiteness', for example countries with darker skinned people where skin bleaching products are popular, or in east asia for example where a lot of people have monolids and some get surgery to get a crease

[@Apolloxl]

@Kimmminem West its really about the privileges they get like constantly being praised and being treated in ways better than a person most consider unattractive and its really unfortunate

[@NoName-mm6gh]

@@Apolloxl she's trolling in every comment

[@tubester4567]

@@gewoonEden We're not talking about that though. We're talking about "pretty privilege" and that happens in all cultures including white countries.

[@WhenRavenChats]

I don't know what I enjoyed more: your research, or your commentary? You just earned 100% retention from me. Nice presentation!!

[@marizaanfariuscavanwyk1796]

I too acknowledge and thank Beyonce at the end of my assignments

[@stephanie6676]

😭😭

[@Zikomo7]

Being a “pretty black girl” was interesting. When you’re a pretty white girl, you’re similarly dismissed as unintelligent and weak but you at least have the notion that you’re pure and high class. My entire teens and early 20s was men approaching me for sex, bosses talking to me like I was special needs, being passed over for promotion after promotion despite proving myself, dismissing concerns of unfair treatment, openly discussing my sex life, etc. As I’ve gotten older (and fatter 😭😭) I’m gaining a little more respect but it’s unfair that I had to lose some of my looks to be treated like a valued member of society

[@WorldofDaisyFlowers]

Omg. This is relatable!

[@Zikomo7]

@@WorldofDaisyFlowers I know I can’t be the only one! I feel like being pretty and black in the workplace actually hurts you. Women see you as either a threat for male attention or their little pet servant, the black Barbie their mom Never bought for them. Dating is made easier but most nonblack men still prefer their own and we all see what the majority of black men are up to these days

[@lotussight]

I was talking with my friend the other day about this because she says she fits into the conventionally pretty category but her sister doesn't. Her sister isn't appealing to most men but she just got a promotion back in November in a position she's only been working in for 11 months and her sister has even admitted to not even putting a lot of effort to to getting the promotion, she was just reliable. Whereas my friend has been interrogated about the subject field that she's got top grades and experience in because people doubt a beautiful girl could get a First class honours degree and have high recommendations from her work experiences. No, seriously. One of her interviewers asked her how "a young beautiful girl such as yourself have time for it? You must have been busy socialising?"

[@AlexisMaria]

Lmao so true! Not special needs LOL

[@josephinebournes8212]

Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@rowanundertherowantree509]

Pretty privilege is a very real thing. Take content creators. I know so many hard-working, wonderful creators with years of great content who are struggling to earn money and followers, whereas some skinny white American girl can post one blurred selfie and get 20k followers, as well as contracts galore. We have all seen it happen. This is something that has also affected me personally. I have often be told by companies in interviews that I am too ugly or too fat to work for them, something which knocked my confidence for a long time. I always have worked hard but too often am undercut by some old white manager who wants all stiletto-clad, size 0, model-esque employees. Euck! Not to say that I have never experienced this privilege in any capacity. I notice when I have a full face of make up people do also treat me differently and seem to have more common decency, as well as general respect. Many women also note this happens in beauty stores. (I'm looking at you Sephora.) I'm more likely to be offered help and less likely to be followed around the store like I am about to steal something when I am all dolled up. It is a real problem! People do treat you differently and are often kinder to "beautiful" people.

[@GABE_is_here]

oh henny Tiktok is even worse. It's basically Tinder but you get likes for being pretty (both female and male). These people know how to use their pretty privilege to get likes, even though their content is cringey. Imagine an "ugly" person doing the same thing smh. Oh let's not forget all the big TikTokers are rich white people who are born pretty and I can't even tell them apart

[@rowanundertherowantree509]

@@GABE_is_here This is so true!

[@rowanundertherowantree509]

I think this applies to all social media really.

[@quinnalame]

@@GABE_is_here very true because tiktok is a good example... ahem charlie and dixie 👀

[@GABE_is_here]

@@rowanundertherowantree509 true, but i feel like Tiktok is more obvious because the algorithm chooses the content for you and they prefer content with higher engagement

[@RYEANkindaAWESOME]

I always feel ugly when I compare myself to anyone. Growing up in a white Christian private school I felt ugly for being Muslim, black, and just not good looking enough.

[@AlexisMaria]

You are beautiful! Comparison kills focus on you 💕

[@jesusisthetruth4497]

Awww :(

[@hchozn]

same, being nigerian in a white school was even worse. ppl assume you dont speak english, youre poor etc.

[@shannadupree3030]

You are beauty

[@Kamfechi]

@@hchozn Nigerians are one of the richest people in Africa Some whites are just biased sorry u go through that chizzy

[@KRfromthePaleozoic]

Fatphobia is a huge underlying aspect of denying or granting "pretty privilege." Lord, being a fat adult who didn't "glow up" (read: get thin) is a constant burden. Even eating well, exercising consistently, etc, nobody will look at me and be like "Yeah, she's on top of her shit" because it doesn't change my weight. (I know because I'm doing that.) The reality of my intelligence or competence or ability to be healthy and active is worth less than the negative assumptions my weight brings.

[@lilysbox2139]

are you me ;_;

[@VLP_123]

FACTS!!!!! This is especially rampant on Clubhouse, where people's extreme judgment come out the woodwork, because they are seeing your picture, clicking on your Instagram page and judging whether they will connect with you, help you, etc., based off of that. I have already experienced bullshit promises from some "influencers" who have said they would help me and have completely ignored me. They immediately put me in the less than category or not worthy to follow, slide into the DMs, insult, talk down to because of my distance from conventional beauty and weight.

[@norak8080]

great essay! just a thought. if someone would tell me that "I'm the pretty one of my family" molologue i would laugh in their face lol. the "disadvantages" pretty people face seem very minor compared to what "ugly" people have to deal with. "ugly" women get sexually harassed too, with the added bonus of being ridiculed for it because they're not "pretty enough" to be harrassed. also, have you heard sexist men talk about women they don't find attractive? they have more respect for dogs than for women they don't think are "fuckable" (yikes).

[@sam4330]

""ugly" women get sexually harassed too, with the added bonus of being ridiculed for it because they're not "pretty enough" to be harrassed." Let's bump this comment up to the top. So many comments are about how pretty women face more sexual harassment. I'll believe it when I see actual statistics of it. There's also the "you should be happy that anybody wants you (wants to sexually harass you) since you're so ugly" mentality.

[@sam4330]

Oh, and add the fact that women who are considered unattractive have a harder time getting people to believe they were sexually assaulted. Honestly, saying that pretty people face more sexual harassment/assault/rape is pretty problematic, because it implies men do these things because of sexual desire, and not because of misogyny, a need for power and systemic oppression.

[@plantmama7442]

@@sam4330 THIS. Thank you. What a person does or doesn't do is because of them, not anyone else. Whether we're pretty, ugly, short, fat, etc a person's behaviour towards us is never personal.

[@laurahtje]

Yes! I was sexually assaulted in college many times. The guys picked me because I was unattractive and people wouldn’t believe me. They also framed it as “doing me a favor because I was ugly”. So thanks for this comment.

[@norak8080]

@@laurahtje i'm so sorry you had to go through that. that was truly cruel of them.

[@NoName-mm6gh]

Should I add that being below average and being a black girl and is really really living on hard mode. I wouldn't even say I'm below average I am freaking ugly. Why is it when a woman declares she's unattractive you'll have people trying to reinforce that they are not even though they haven't seen me?

[@shakanuhglorie8444]

Your not ugly period beautiful I said what I said

[@NoName-mm6gh]

@@shakanuhglorie8444 ohhh

[@shakanuhglorie8444]

LilaaRants I’m not playing miss lady you are beautiful,PERIOD !!!!!!!

[@charjose2843]

Most people who are beautiful has nothing to do with their looks. It’s the way they carries themselves. How well put together they are when they are ready to go out. Beauty is really how you see yourself. If you carry yourself as such then others will see you as that. It’s one thing to be insecure privately but to flat out put yourself down is not healthy and you’ll attract losers who will hear you say that and try to use you. People will treat you like crap if they see that you have low self esteem. Stop doing that. God’s children are not ugly.

[@NoName-mm6gh]

@@charjose2843 oh my goodness. Plenty of women who are insecure and physically attractive still don't get ill treated. I've been told this way but in reality it isn't practical at all. It's all talk but you haven't walked in my shoes so I understand you won't ever understand what I went through. I have my worth as a person and I do respect myself and put myself together despite how I look, despite of it all. I never said I was ugly so I'm not worth anything. Can't I acknowledge that I'm not physically cute but still retain my worth as a person? If I acknowledge one part of me doesn't mean I equally put off great aspects about me because in reality this mindset reinforces how beauty is important and how women should say it despite few who are realistic. I appreciate what you said, but I had to put my two cents dear. I have never been hurt by a guy because I'm realistic. I don't walk around with my head hanging down.

[@mariastart8804]

another important thing to note is how often pretty women are disregarded from conversations or not taken seriously, because they're seen as frivolous and/or dump ie: how no one took Megan Fox seriously about her mistreatment or how she felt like she couldn't be included in feminism because she was "too pretty"

[@PlantBasedBride]

This is such an interesting conversation! I definitely believe pretty privilege exists, but it’s a double edged sword (especially for women). I can only speak to my own experiences, but I have often been assumed to be less intelligent due to being “pretty” (the bimbo effect) and been the target of excessive sexual harassment, especially in the workplace. I have also been shut out of certain communities I have an interest in like gaming and Sci Fi fandoms. Sure, I’ve been promoted for being pretty. But I’ve also been fired from that new position for not returning inappropriate advances from said boss who promoted me (who was over a decade my senior a la legally blonde). It’s such a complex issue with a whole lot of nuance to explore!

[@sup4744]

I feel this comment comes off as “bragging” than actually adding anything to the discussion The negative aspects you describe are mainly just misogyny

[@PlantBasedBride]

@@sup4744 you’re certainly entitled to your opinion, though all I’m doing is sharing my experiences in relation to the topic at hand. There are both pros and cons to pretty privilege. Don’t they both deserve to be explored?

[@sup4744]

@@PlantBasedBride Not at the expense of “oh I got mistreatment because I’m so pretty” All that stuff happens to women regardless

[@locsoluv94]

@@sup4744 It's a bit of both. If she was a man, then she wouldn't have to deal with this crap. So she's been mistreated because she's a woman. But also, if she wasn't deemed conventionally attractive, then she wouldn't have to deal with all the same crap. So she's being mistreated because she's pretty. This is called intersectionality. There really isn't just one cause of her mistreatment.

[@sup4744]

@@locsoluv94 Pretty privilege is based on fataphobia, whiteness, and just eurocentric features A lot of these had happen to friends who don't fit into this sense "of pretty" if anything people were less willing to belive their claims of sexual assualt

[@libb_y]

"Who is she??" She's Khadija Mbowe and she's BRILLIANT

[@sophiajimenez2950]

Preparing to watch all her videos in one evening, she is so hypnotic and yes am stunned of her beauty as many other new subscribers

[@pinkys03]

It’s better to be pretty than ugly. Your treated based on how you looked and that’s reality. No one wants to be ugly. I was bullied growing up called ugly and it resulted anxiety

[@ChildrensRightsFirst947]

I agree....A looker can always be ugly if they really want. I think a lot of people are not ugly, but get bullied anyway. My mom thinks she's ugly because of how she was teased and she was quite pretty.

[@Apolloxl]

the way I've seen them treat ppl they don't find attractive is fucking awful and I see it everywhere too

[@ananorman1532]

i don't even like being a pretty black girl... people get jealous and are 2x mean asf to you... people treat me like im nonexistent or are rude to me because they want to damage my self worth all the time... fucking h

[@MiniM69]

But when measures of attractiveness are steeped in white supremacy, you’d really choose to be a part of that - if given a choice?

[@alannac.7392]

Same

[@jordonchords3215]

At least one blue eye 😂😂

[@dan-anhh.8841]

“Pretty privilege is inherently linked to white supremacy” I’m pretty sure astoldbykenya made a video regarding this, I can’t find it tho so I might be misinforming. But there was a point made as to how pretty privilege only applies to white women as the whole concept of beauty is shaped and defined by white supremacy to benefit white people. And how when it comes to privilege it’s white women who benefit while even if WOC are pretty they still are not able to access spectrum of benefits of pretty white women have. I’m sorry if this is super incoherent but I wanted to talk about it bc I haven’t seen a comment addressing how pretty privilege and white supremacy are inextricably linked.

[@kmichel2797]

Yesss I recently watched Kenya's video too so I'll vouch that it exists lol!

[@nala6846]

"Pretty privilege only applies to white women" I disagree. Pretty is pretty. If you're conventionally attractive you'll get more benefits than someone who is average. I mean look at sydney j harper and mariama diallo. They're stunning black models and I'm pretty sure they can get any guy they want. Edit: Look there's many different types of privileges. For example there's pretty privilege and then there's white privilege. Think about it like a venn diagram. You can have a pretty white woman who gains both of those privileges and a pretty black woman who will only gain one of those privileges. Just like you can have an "ugly" white woman who will have white privilege but not pretty privilege (and if you don't believe me there's many stories of ww being rejected from clubs becauuse they weren't attractive enough or having to sit at a bar alone while a bunch of guys ordered drinks for their attractive friend). Us black people even have our own privileges but yall dont wanna hear that (sorry I refuse to have a victim mindset)

[@dan-anhh.8841]

@@nala6846 Yes conventionally attractive women of any ethnicity are able to access certain benefits that non-conventionally attractive people cannot. But as Khadija talked about in this video it is hard to define if those benefits can be called a privilege as privilege is defined as a right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed by a particular person or a restricted group of people beyond the advantages of most. What it means it be conventionally attractive at least in the US (but arguably most of the world which is western influenced, are eurocentric features, lighter skintone, etc these are standards set by the people in power who are for the most part white. Yes there are attractive people who are POC and have ethnic features but they are still unable to access the types of privilege's an attractive white woman can have. There's a difference between having guys find you attractive and being protected by law enforcement, the judicial system, and society at large. That being said we still live under a patriarchy and even pretty white women aren't completely free of oppression, however white women who are considered the standard of beauty have many immunities that will never be granted to WOC no matter how pretty they are.

[@nadzworld698]

I agree because, when I darkskin person is attractive they're seen as only attractive for a black person.

[@adapienkowska2605]

@@dan-anhh.8841 she also gave an example of two non-white men receiving shorter sentences because they are attractive if this is not a privilege then I don't know what is.

[@clarissagutierrez5015]

this is the second video I've watched of yours and I like your channel! I hope the algorithm gives you a boost!

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Thank you!

[@KawiiKoneko666]

I really want to hear your opinion on the fetishization of "gothic/alternative" girls (hate labeling it as such). I know it's like a joke to want a "big tiddy goth girlfriend" but growing up with people asking you (at very young ages) if you like bdsm or dress like that because you have "daddy issues" is traumatic and that people don't necessarily want you because they find you appealing, mentally or physically, but because you are a novelty or "freaky"

[@teegee7445]

maybe don't base your entire personality on a gimmick

[@eldron29-a54]

@@teegee7445 don't base your entire personality on bully goth alt people, please. Have some decency. Victim blaming is just trashy.

[@eldron29-a54]

I know. Adults being really creepy on goth teens was sadly a thing on my teenage years. The histories I could tell...

[@Shaannooonn]

I like it how the first half of the video is just examples of how society caters to pretty MEN. “Pretty” women always get the short end of a stick in reality, because yes biology plays major part in what we see as attractive and women being related to sex in any way has always been condemned in most societies. The way “pretty privilege” ruins lives of people is especially prominent in post-USSR countries, where beauty was linked to being lazy, self observed, stupid and vulgar (even if a woman was none of those things). All around the world “pretty privilege” without the ACTUAL privilege of being protected just sets women up as targets for sexual harassment and all kinds of pestering from people who do view them pretty (good to mate). This is why men, who have actual privileges, get a lot out of being pretty, while women can benefit from it only if they have certain elements (like a rich protective father, “princess” character is a thing for a reason) that create a good combo that fits patriarchal ways of life.

[@sunnc]

Yeah I feel you that’s true. Even as we get older the “pretty” men will still be seen as old n gold while the “pretty” women will be seen as past her prime

[@user-jb2dd2hd8i]

Another horrific thing I've seen is that people assume that "unattractive" women are lying about being sexually harassed or assaulted because they're "too ugly" for a man to subject them to that treatment (not only is this a clear sign of how problematic society's perception of sexual violence is, it also demonstrates the obviousness of "pretty privilege" and "ugly oppression" being a real thing). Pretty women, on the other hand, are more readily believed when they share their traumatic personal experiences of sexual violence. It's awful and freaking hurtful.

[@zanadeux]

True. I've never benefited in any major or important way from being "pretty" . Just the typical jealousy, sexual harassment, disregard and surface level social engagement.

[@Shaannooonn]

@@user-jb2dd2hd8i I think it depends on nuance. If they want to believe a woman they will, if they don’t want to and she’s “ugly”, she’s lying because no one would want her, if she’s pretty, then she set it up to try and play victim because SHE thinks everyone wants her. You have to play other cards right so your appearance plays a role. If they want to believe her and shes “ugly” - then “look at the poor thing, she clearly didn’t want it and wasn’t used to this type of attention at all!”. If she’s pretty, that’s tougher, she has to play other cards like also make her a daughter, sister, mother, good student etc and go from that angle. Women are screwed either way and have to be careful with how they present themselves so people want to believe them either way.

[@Shaannooonn]

@@zanadeux The only real way to benefit from being attractive is to pursue a career where appearance matters (but that’s more than being naturally beautiful, your physical body becomes your WORK and it’s hell so not really a privilege) or marry a rich man so he provides for you and your family, which nowadays is impossible due to the economy shift to two working people per family… So yeah, no real ways to benefit unless you’re ready to sacrifice yourself and be exploited.

[@chefTruc]

love love love your after thoughts! being your authentic self is actually what attracts people toward you, i think we're slowly starting to recognize this more and more

[@alockonit9634]

I watched this at breakfast. My mom (who I don't think has ever watched a commentary channel) came over and joined me for the entirety of the video. By the end she was fangirling over the nuanced and introspective analysis of yt social commentary. As always great work Khadija!

[@artnerd3727]

I honestly think you’re one of the most beautiful people Ive ever seen

[@rainiminiatures2184]

also the other way around is very sad too, assuming someone is horrible just because they dress a certain way or look like they have potential to do physical harm. like pitbull bias. Doesn't matter if they're the sweetest dog on earth.

[@thepoetess2304]

Im sorry there is no such thing as pittbull bias. Being a predator animal is in their bloods. I confirmed that the day a pitbull attacked my rotwhiler severely injuring his leg

[@rainiminiatures2184]

@@thepoetess2304 well that 'blood' is the result of human breeding. if it can be bred in, it can be bred out. Your rottie also has predator blood, because it was the result of human domestication of wild ancestors. Dogs can be trained. A pitbull in the hands of an irresponsible owner might have it's predatory instincts as you put it, unrestrained. That doesn't mean the pitbull in the hands of a responsible owner should be taken away and put in a zoo behind bars/glass. Humans need to take responsibility for the animals we breed into existence. It's not their fault. They did not breed themselves into existence and should be given a chance. It's really regretful that a pitbull attacked your dear furry friend. I don't know how that dog was handled. Watched too many training videos and most of these tragedies are the result of human error, either because owners don't know what they're getting themselves into or they put too much trust in an animal that they have not put any work into to garner that trust and allow it near others who it can potentially harm. Watch It's Me or the Dog. Heartbreaking how horrible some owners can be and how the finger usually is pointed at the dogs. Pitbulls should only be sold/adopted by people who know what they're doing, but sadly that's not the case.

[@jackriver8385]

I'm glad you say that it's not always a privilege. When I presented feminine, many people considered me to be attractive and a lot of the time it made me really fucking uncomfortable. People didn't care that I am actually a person with hopes, dreams and fears, they just saw a pretty face and wanted to use it. Seems like if you're assigned female at birth, you just can't win.

[@teegee7445]

Lol, if people don't care about you as a person that might just be because you as a person are not that interesting? It's incredible women always seem to look past this possibility as if they're so special everyone should be listening to them. If people think the only good thing about you is the fact you have a vagina then it probably is.

[@meowmeow7188]

@@teegee7445 that's not always the case. When you're traditionally attractive people refuse to see past it. Very much like people drooling over criminals. Your personality, no matter how amazing (or bad) it is, always takes a back seat when you have a pretty face. Ps: everyone is special and deserves to feel like they are.

[@teegee7445]

@@meowmeow7188 maybe because you average girls seem to think you're all attractive. maybe people don't value your personality because you have a big ego and think you're very attractive lmao.

[@meowmeow7188]

@@teegee7445 well. 1) I'm very unattractive. 2) I'm not a girl. 3) babe your insecurities cuz you definitely feel better putting others down. Goodluck with that attitude ❤️

[@lotsofuwuenergy3983]

@@teegee7445 For someone talking about women being overconfident in their looks, you seem waay too confident in your narrow views of women without being in their shoes. Humble yourself first before whining about others' supposed arrogance.

[@shanicemendes8951]

This girl just SPITTING facts 😂

[@x-sadia-x4339]

I agree with you completely, there are definitely disadvantages and benefits to being considered 'pretty' but more positives I would say. I think fitting societal beauty standards makes you more 'desirable' especially to men and that is not always a good thing. However, and even I have been guilty of thinking like this, when someone cheats on their partner who is considered 'pretty' a lot of people are like 'Look at what they lost! Why would they do that?'. But if it was someone who is considered ugly not as many people would care and people would even let it slide, making it seem okay or not as big of a deal if someone not so 'pretty' gets cheated on. If pretty people come out with a project whether it be a movie, music, fashion related and so on, it is more likely to be sold out or successful. I understand it is not always positive, but it is more of a privilege than disadvantage and people should appreciate, accept and acknowledge that.

[@AlexisMaria]

Whew! As someone who highly benefits from 'pretty privilege'... this was so spot on! I definitely always knew and acknowledge it. I've literally gotten away w murder at some jobs... TY for showing the downfalls too; people think I'm dumb and naive; constant male attention/harassment, stares, feeling pressured to upkeep, etc. just annoying lol. Great video. Honesty we are all beautiful little faces of God 💕

[@silentnight6682]

Attraction is also about deportment, manners, cleanliness, healthfulness, kindness, spirituality, confidence and conscientiousness among other qualities.

[@k0zmiik]

Yes, referred from Tee Noir's page, and in the process of binging thy videos lol lol nuff respect girl.

[@LucasLima-ou3sz]

Someone coming from the future here. I loved your video, I've never realized how being pretty is such a social privilege. And even being white and having green eyes, I always struggled my whole teenage years with the way I look, for a lot of years I tried to fit in on conventional Beauty standards, I had money I would probably have done a nose job because I'm Italian descent, for many I hated my curly hair I used all types of relaxers to make my hair look at least loosen, and read articles and watch KZbin videos about this topic made me realize how privilege is not trying to fit in, I don't hate my appearance but I don't like the fact that sometimes I don't fit in certain types of what people find pretty. Great video Khadija keep doing this great work and I hope your channel get bigger

[@Fringebaitx]

I used my cuteness for a lot of things then I shaved my head and stopped wearing make up and dressing up- then going out in public I was treated different ☺️☺️☺️ public bathrooms as a person who wasn’t “beautiful” denied🙃 but with all dat shit??? People used to bend fucking BACKWARDS FOR ME.

[@KhadijaMbowe]

I notice that people do treat me differently when I wear my natural short hair vs wigs vs braids

[@dan-anhh.8841]

I have a very similar experience. I feel pressured to look more acceptably feminine when I go out and do things for my personal safety/to avoid people targeting me. But it ends up giving me gender dysphoria 🙃 I really hate how as female bodies our worth is predicated on how fuckable we look and suddenly when we look anything out of the gender binary people throw a tandrum

[@jackriver8385]

even just things like people being friendly. Since presenting more masculine (I'm trans masculine) I've noticed people are waaaay less friendly towards me. I can smile at people as I always like to do, and they'll just stare at me, when I used to get a friendly smile back.

[@dan-anhh.8841]

@@jackriver8385 I’ve definitely noticed this happen to me too when I passed as male, I cut my hair short and dressed masc/did sports in high school. Even though I didn’t identify as a man just looking like one, people (mostly men) would act more aggressively towards me/force preconceived notions of masculinity on me. Even tho there were benefits for passing as a man, ie. people listened more, had confidence in my skills, the respect, lack of sexual harassment etc. I also did not enjoy how as a “man” you’re not treated with kindness and as a POC “man” there was another layer on top of that. The gender binary is kind of shit for everyone

[@jackriver8385]

@@dan-anhh.8841 yeah I'm kinda over the whole gender binary tbh.

[@lnmenzel7078]

I keep refreshing your profile and am so happy to see the subscriber numbers going up for you!!

[@KhadijaMbowe]

💕

[@mari.art1999]

I love the clip inserted with Jackson Avery from Grey's Anatomy complaining how no one in his family expected anything from him bcs he's pretty but he's literally the legacy of the Avery foundation, like his family owns the hospital - nobody expects anything from him bcs they DON"T NEED anything from him!!! His family is already part of the 1% (I just subscribed to your channel!! I'm loving the commentary! Your sense of humor and funny clip inserts make them really refreshing!)

[@Bree8tiveBEing]

Loved it all, my only counter point is your reluctance to use the word pretty privilege. Not being immune to the negative side of something does not negate the fact that pretty folks have access to the privileges. There are plenty of white folks who argue white privilege doesn't exist on that same argument. Because they have had to suffer they do not recognize that they have access to certain benefits. I believe there is a spectrum of the amount of access certain pretty can obtain, and many other factors play into whether or not pretty is protected from many of the negative sides of being deemed pretty. It's about being able to even access beauty as a commodity, that is the privilege.

[@KhadijaMbowe]

So I put a mini correction to this in the description because I realized after the fact that it definitely still is a privilege just...a different kind of privilege.

[@simplychoicesimple]

Pretty Privilege is also shown in certain urban nightclubs. Nightclub bouncers most of the time decide whom to let in based on physical appearance and features (especially ethnicity), giving priority to those "visually attractive" (unless you are a celebrity or very rich) and that's unreasonable IMO

[@jimmybalzac6021]

Thank you for making this video. I know it is an older one, but I just wanted to say that I love when you sing in these videos. Small moments like that never fail to bring a smile to my face. Your videos are unironically really fun, even when delving into serious topics.

[@mahagonybass]

I definitely spoke on this topic before but in regards to me and my half sister. I considered it a “pretty privilege” because ppl would treat me like pure shit but treat her like god’s glory because she was lightskin with green eyes. Ppl didn’t even believe we were sisters in the first place and when i told ppl we were (same father different mothers) they would look at me in disgust. She got away with murder because she was “the pretty one”. Family favored her more including our father because she was the cute one and I wasn’t. She was also spoiled by most folk. She even took advantage of that “privilege” because she knew it would get her to a certain point that I couldn’t reach. There were times she went against me because she had her head so far up her a$$ because she knew she had it like that and most ppl (not all) were lifting her up while tearing me down. Although she had her struggles like the girls would fight her cuz they were jealous, her friends were turn on her, and the guys only wanted her for sex or clout. But she had it alil easier than me despite her struggles and differences. That’s kinda why im hardy now because of how ppl treat me (til this day) and I’m lucky to say that while i grew into my looks, although i had my struggles too, i found ppl that genuinely love tf outta me because they see me for more than just my looks 💯💯

[@TaylorSunfl0wer]

I'm 1:48 into the video and I subscribed immediately. You're so gorgeous and lively! It's such a refreshing feeling seeing you be recommended to my feed!

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Awww thank you

[@marloeslovestea]

As a white person (like I'm nearly albino 😂) I love learning about topics like this from all perspectives. Love your channel ❤️

[@stellamaxwell777]

I think beauty makes you more visible to others and to society, and that has both positive and negative consequences. You can benefit greatly from attention and advantages, but you could also be targeted by others in a myriad of forms. I’m glad you mentioned sexual harassment at work and domestic violence-those are some of the major issues I’ve noticed and experienced. It can go even further back to the sexualization of children and young girls, the ability for someone young to become a target by those willing to exploit that naïveté. And there are many more drawback than those listed here. Lots to consider. Great video!

[@RazmiWellness]

Sometimes being pretty will work against you because even if you have social skills deficits (I'm autistic), you are assumed to have better social skills than you actually have. This video explained so much about why I was always told that I should be able to do better. Thank you.

[@cindyodorizzi7292]

My grandson is six years old and nonverbal on the autism spectrum. He is absolutely beautiful so everyone wants to talk to him.

[@neptuneamaru5649]

As an average black man, I've always knew this existed. I'm 5'10 with an average build and average face, while my older brother who's 6'3 with a more naturally muscular build(not to mention he has a model face and doesn't have a gap like me) has i always been treated better than me by strangers and family. I remember being a child asking my parents "why don't I look like Jamie" or "Why am I not big and tall like Jamie". Its all good now that I'm an adult because while he might have height and muscles, I have wit, creativity, and make everyone laugh. I guess as a man, pretty privilege helps but if you have the talents and skills people will take you serious but for most women society starts and ends with their physical attractiveness. Even attractive women are boxed in for just being attractive without being thought of as anything and less attractive women in most cases are treated like invisible ghosts despite the fact that they could be the most competent person in the room. Thanks if you read this far.

[@purplekitten6637]

Thanks for mentioning the sexual harassment aspect. I have definitely noticed that, 5 years ago, when I had long hair, wore makeup and just generally presented in a more feminine way I attracted lots of unwanted male attention. I was catcalled much more often, I received more unsolicited dick pics and I was even treated in a condescending way and interrupted by men more often (by the way, I'm a lesbian). Since I started presenting in a less traditionally feminine way, with no makeup and shorter hair, I started feeling much safer. Guys have not tried to hit on me in years, which is a relief. So I definitely think that being pretty has some serious disadvantages as well.

[@9iamante]

I just found ur channel n I’m OBSESSED🥺💗

[@lidiabidia105]

As a fashion student I cackled when you asked if Philip Plein was a progressive designer ahahah his entire branding is being a hot man at the club surrounded by supermodel women as if they’re possessions... The moment I hear someone say that they enjoy his work, I know they don’t think about fashion as art but as a way to get money and they do not see women as entirely human and I stay tf away.

[@shannonvalentina4860]

Your little song at the end omg you're the CUTEST!

[@dooma1530]

your videos make me so happy!! I love the sound of your voice and I ADORE the fact that they're so well researched and that you're providing us with resources below!!!!

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Of course! Thanks for watching!

[@FlyToTheRain]

i'm super late to the party on this vid but i've been binging through your channel over the weekend and have a thought to share so here i go. i remember in high school, when in history class one day our teacher talked about the first televised presidential debate between nixon and kennedy and how the people who listened on the radio thought nixon won but the people who watched it on tv thought kennedy won, probably because he was more attractive and visually put together on the broadcast. so that point about pretty privilege in politics hits real hard when you think about how back at the very first opportunity to judge based on appearance people did just that.

[@curlnamedlauren]

Clock: you need to be up in 4 hours, just watch the video at 1.75 spee- Me: No

[@KhadijaMbowe]

When I tell you I hollered reading this 😂

[@nala6846]

😂😂😂😂

[@anndorothyfirmann4957]

Beauty is in the eye of the entertainment, publicity but certainly not the beholder anymore! Thanks for this video. Love you gorgeous!

[@stop_the_cat]

My pretty privilege was being abused from 4-14 which lead me to self destruction and being abused by multiple men in my life :) Ive purposely destroyed my teeth to destroy my ‘sexy smile’, ‘ate to hide the emptiness because I couldn’t have friends who weren’t bitter towards me for one reason or another and destroyed my “cute” figure, and developed a genuine fear of men. Can’t be alone with one or I get hostile and aggressive even turning job interviews. I’m slowly recovering since I found a man who truly loves me and is patience. I made him do things to me that made him worry and offer to help get me therapy... pretty privilege does exist to an extent; but it’s not the same for everyone. I’m not allowed to be silent to myself because then I’m seen as a stuck up bitch. You have to be nice to everyone or you’re labeled to be a stuck up bitch. One day I’ll learn how to live.....

[@eldenemerald7962]

I'm so sorry

[@bread4237]

child sexual abuse victims are twice as likely to develop an eating disorder is what I heard one time I think? Super super horrible. It's so fucked up that you had to go through that. Good luck to you

[@ananorman1532]

this is what i went through like fucking shit... i love myself but i wish i was invisible sometimes... i just don't want people to fucking look at me anymore, i'm tired of their faces... I attracted so many jealous people who were mean as fuck to me simply wanting to damage my self worth... AND YES PEOPLE THINK YOURE A STUCK UP BITCH IF YOU DONT SMILE ALL THE TIME... I stopped leaving my house

[@snenhlanhlazulu4495]

❤️

[@rayw3709]

you're the only social commentator whose vids don't make me feel sad after, you're energy is so good ^_^

[@jazziemccloud8396]

How can there be this definition of 'pretty' - biological aspects such as facial symmetry etc etc - when beauty standards drastically change from time period to time period, and culture to culture. How can something like this ever be objective? I've had plenty people tell me I'm beautiful and plenty tell me I'm not - if there were an objective truth we would all have the same opinion no?

[@kazatlas7361]

This is exactly what I’ve been trying to say.

[@coffeetae]

it's more about beauty standards. in the us at least, it's usually eurocentric features. on top of that, there's things that humans in general tend to naturally find more attractive.

[@Anni6758]

@@coffeetae Yeah, I think the idea of pretty privilege or 'pretty' in general is very much a social construct anyway. The studies linked to proving universal truths about what humans find attractive are under constant dispute (for example, pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16187849/ or www.bbc.com/future/article/20150622-the-myth-of-universal-beauty). Beauty standards are influenced by wealth and power, and then the general public are told this is what is worth your time and money e.g. white, Eurocentric beauty standards are most commonly seen because of the prevalence and racism of white power and control. Similarly, a fixation on things like symmetrical faces favours capitalism in increased demands for things like plastic surgery. Most psychological theories centre around the idea that we favour faces we find familiar or have seen time and time again. The things we are shown are largely dictated by whoever runs the tv channel, whoever makes the algorithms. Pretty privilege may well be a real thing - favouring whoever matches what society says is 'cool' right now. But, from a biological perspective, what we find 'pretty' can change very easily.

[@Anni6758]

@@aycaiix but I just stated several examples of why it is not actually scientifically proven and none of them even mentioned ‘features.’

[@binkbonk7199]

So glad I found ur channel. I get to laugh while learning :^)

[@KhadijaMbowe]

That’s the goal! 💕glad you liked it

[@intheknow2868]

I don’t know how I stumbled on your channel but dang girl... you have the most beautiful, smooth and silky skin! You just got a new sub!

[@rainiminiatures2184]

youtube recommended your vids and i'm hooked!! you have such a sweet sense of humor and great mind-opening content. i find many of the topics you talk about are relevant even in the asian community such as colorism (didn't know that was the word) but you talk about it in such a comfortable and informative way. subbing!!

[@rowanundertherowantree509]

When I was at university, many of my students were so excited to finally be able to legally vote that they just wanted to vote for the sake of voting. They admitted they couldn't be bothered to research each candidate and said that they voted purely on who they thought was the best-looking or the best-dressed. This infuriated me.

[@yasa9031]

Love your videos!! It was "funny" to see Elle Woods in there because I honestly immediately thought of this character when you said that it might not be real! She's considered "too pretty to be smart" for most of the movie I also thought Megan Fox was a good example of contradiction to pretty privilege. She was so pretty that most media only focused on her for her looks, and not for her acting, and it impacted her a lot!

[@daft_j]

Was a fat and awkward kid, a gradually skinnier teen (for unhealthy reasons) yet still awkward, I was either ignored or scared people off. Some people called me pretty, but never believed it. After stepping up my makeup game, getting into skincare, recovering from body dysmorphia, and changing up my style, I ended up with pretty privilege. Not the same type as white women who are seen as pretty, but it’s there. At the same time, it doesn’t fix body dysmorphia or the fear of being seen only as a pretty face

[@IshaSidi]

Starting with the infamous Jeremy Meeks. .. You should do a 1000 subscriber special. It won’t be long until you’re there and then subscribers will start snowballing. Thanks for the links.

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Thanks! And I definitely will! Not sure what to do for it but if you have any ideas on what you’d wanna see lemme know!

[@QuinnTheSuperStar]

😲Wait what?! She had 1000 subs just 3months ago?! She's over 75k now! What the heck happened?! That's a heck of a blow up😂

[@luciacaterina4130]

@@QuinnTheSuperStar she's gone from 75k to 124k in 4 days 🤯🤯

[@Hell-Catx]

Thank you for mentioning ableism! The disabled community is all too often neglected and left out of the conversation.

wow i enjoyed this video so much! i love your conclusion, pretty privilege is a very clumsy term that tries to encompass a few phenomenonms (oh my god i can't spell) but i think in a loooot of non white communities, pretty privilege is a shortcut for explaining what happens when like. some people have proximity to whiteness? which makes a lot of sense but also makes it that much more problematic that we call it that lmfao. excited for the follow up video! also i hope you vibed hard after that glass of wine

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Oh my god, I was like “Khadija...” haha I’m glad you liked it! I honestly felt so...all over the place because beauty is SUCH a...hard thing to TRULY define. But yes, having Eurocentric features helps in communities of color unfortunately 🙃

[@stelliferousoofer9044]

Pretty Privilege: People's appearance affecting other's decisions.

[@anomienormie8126]

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. Yeah, and it pays to be held in as many eyes as possible.

[@nadzworld698]

I don't think this pretty privilege applies when you're black. For example, I'm always told 'you're so beautiful for a black girl'. It's like when you're black you're just always being compared to other races. You can't just be a pretty women?👀

[@sashav.3189]

Still applies when black, but there’s a limit to it, depending on your shade. Think lupita and Rihanna.

[@nauteeca]

I’ve never been told that I was pretty for a black girl just pretty.. It definitely does exist for black people..

[@serenitybeats1677]

It definitely applies. And saying it doesn’t apply is like internalized racism. Naomi Campbell is easily one of the most toxic and problematic celebrities but she gets a pass just because of her looks, it’s pathetic

[@sam4330]

Trans girls are often told they're "pretty for a trans girl", which is transphobic in itself. Doesn't mean it's not easier for them to be accepted by cis girls and men. Pretty privilege isn't just for certain groups, but the more white, cis, abled, etc. you are, the more you can take advantage of that privilege.

[@flamejob4260]

ik this video is old but it resonates with me so much. i'm just now starting to feel more confident in myself, and i get lots of comments about how "you're filling out, have you lost weight" etc bc my body shape and face are starting to change. i also know how to dress better and what makes me feel confident. but i still hate myself and tear myself apart constantly internally and i will not forget growing up ugly and unfeminine. i will not forget feeling dumpy and uncomfortable and shaving my head and being sick to my stomach every time i saw a photo of myself. i have such a hatred for people who benefit from pretty privilege and act like they don't and i can see the difference now as my body changes naturally. the shit it does to your brain... insane

[@brianawaters2852]

I needed this video two years ago before I joined tinder :(((

[@KhadijaMbowe]

💕

[@carys5491]

The concept of the halo effect and that it has a name is so interesting to me. It's stuff we've all thought and tried to understand before. Your channel is the bessstt!!

[@brubs4901]

Khadija: *a pretty person talking about pretty privilege Camera: I don't stand this bias I will solely focus on plant

[@SSBxoxo]

I think it's the glasses/reflection! It was hard to watch (but it was so good I pushed though!)

[@Jane-oz7pp]

I know it's parasocial, but as someone without a lot of family (read: none) it kinda makes me feel better when you call yourself our Aunty

[@user-tp6ze6bk8o]

I hate this argument because it hardly even applies to 'pretty' black girls. I think it needs to be called 'pretty white privilege' and not just 'pretty privilege'. Because I as a very 'attractive' black woman do not get hardly ANY of the same benefits an attractive white female does to the point of where my attractiveness basically doesn't exist. I get treated worse than most others by both and all races, no matter how less or more attractive they are than me. Other than being able to briefly go into modelling and receiving backhanded compliments once in a while, I am yet to reap any of these 'pretty privilege' benefits people speak of.

[@maniyawatkins6117]

U tell no lies

[@zanadeux]

Same girl. Same.

[@kristenurban2476]

I swear the more I educate myself through taking certain classes, watching commentary on social and political topics and just reading I really started to reprogram myself of what the media has been instilling in my brain since I was child. I’ve had many conversations with classmates, family and friends about this topic before giving it the title pretty privilege. Love your channel and your humor makes me crack up 💕

[@allankennolf]

As a fat guy who lost weight around their 20s. Everyone is more friendly to you and less judgy. I will always be a fat kid inside and very suspicious of anyone displaying a semblance of decency towards me. Women are more flirty and less put off, now that I have a less stalkerish looks... And thank God the endless sweats and odour that came with it are gone...

[@AlexKamillaKroy]

Great, thoughtful, multi-dimensional essay. Not simply "pretties have privilaaage blah blah" but approached from different points

[@bohlalem4809]

i am binge watching your videos, love your content

[@shhosh]

You’re brilliant and so so entertaining! 💜 From my own experience PP is 100% real. If you have friends who are considered “conventionally” very attractive you see it in action any time you hang with them. However if they have always been super attractive they don’t see it themselves. They just think everyone is soooo nice and friendly! The person may be completely deserving of every good thing that comes their way but they are also offered a lot more opportunities than an average person. On the other hand, being attractive also can be a burden. These people get a lot of unwanted attention too. Some may assume they are conceited or dumb. So I guess it can be both a privilege and a burden! Maybe in the end it equals out?

[@starylize]

i was with someone who got free mcdonald’s because the server thought they were attractive…this happened TWICE in the span of 15 minutes because he went through the drive thru again to get other stuff. i was so shook when it happened cause i had never seen pretty privilege with my own two eyes in front of me

[@kornelijag9693]

Binge watching your channel right now. Best thing the KZbin algorithm has recommended to me all year.

[@nompumelolo]

I've been binge watching your videos and I haven't been disappointed once