Kicking Out The Homophobe | r/AITA

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[@c4tm340w]

i don’t think anyone will see this but today my name was officially legally changed!!

[@Eeeg_yea]

Good for you!

[@waffles3629]

Woohoo!!!

[@dumbnoodleman]

Congrats!!!

[@Braindeadpyromain]

🎉🎉🎉

[@AquaEclipse324]

Congratulations!

[@aylinilya.]

After I came out to my mom as a transfemme, she had a really interesting way of validating me despite what she was going through. The way she said it is that each person has their own story, everyone around you is a side character in your story, when a parent has a child, the child is still a part of the parent’s story but as that child grows up they create their own story and become who they were always meant to be. For my mom, i was always a part of her story, she had ideas of what she wanted me to be as any parent does, and me deviating from those expectations and being my true self is really hard for her to process, but she knows that my identity and my life is the main character of my story. Don’t let others decide for you, you are valid and deserve to be treated as such. 🏳️‍🌈❤ Hopefully that made sense xD

[@Bildgesmythe]

True, everyone is the star of their own movie

[@Rhaenarys]

Oh my gosh thats so beautiful! I wish i thought that lol. I just asked my kid if she wanted a cookie and gave her one while saying as long as they treat you right, i aint got an issue.

[@louisejohnson6057]

I think you explained that well. I like the idea that we are the main characters in the play that is our life story so far, and that the people around us are secondary players of various degrees of importance to us. It's funny that at the same time that we're the main character in our own lives, we are also one of the secondary characters, or even just background dressing in other people's lives.

[@vstro_i]

@@louisejohnson6057 Fr Fr

[@westzed23]

Wonderful comment.

[@Munchkin.Of.Pern09]

As someone who has difficulty disassociating a name from a trauma, it is ABSOLUTELY the mom’s responsibility to come up with the solution for this issue. In my case, when I had to interact with someone who had the same name, I told him about my issue and asked for his permission to call him by his surname. He agreed, so I did, and I just *dealt with it* when other people called him by his given name. It’s OK if you have trouble with a name because of a past trauma, but it is NOT OK to take that out on other people who just happen to have the same name.

[@arualblues_zero]

I think it hits different when the person with the triggering name is your daughter. I remember another reddit story where someone finds out that their son had been named after an ex, and how to deal with that kind of stuff, when it's your own kid and the name has implications, it might not be the same as when it's an acquaintance that you can address by another name. I don't know, haven't been in the situation myself.

[@TheoRae8289]

@@arualblues_zero I mean, it was entirely coincidental that the name was the same as the ex-friend. The father had no role in the selection. It's not the same thing as your partner naming your shared child after an ex. Mom is heavily projecting on the daughter, made more apparent when you consider who she ran to like a coward for support, which was a transphobic sister.

[@arualblues_zero]

@@TheoRae8289 Of course, I'm not saying that it was exactly the same situation and I am definitely not saying that the mom is doing anything right. And I am also not saying that the daughter went and chose that name on purpose, or that the cheating father did, not sure where you read any of that in what I said. What I *am* saying is that a triggering name might be way more difficult to process when it's their own child who has it, and in that way the situation could be comparable to finding out that the child was named after an ex, what I mean is that every time they hear or read their own child's name, the implication is triggered whether they want it or not. If it's a friend, it could be less difficult to avoid it, but your own child has to be harder. That is all I'm saying, and nothing else.

[@grutarg2938]

That's a great idea - maybe the mom could come up with a cute personal nickname. My parents call all their children various nicknames.

[@TheoRae8289]

@@grutarg2938 I went by a shortened version of my old middle name when I was growing up. I don't see why the mom couldn't do similar.

[@melinadecabellorosa5758]

'I tuck all my shirts and tops in, because I'm bisexual' had me laughing out loud hahahah

[@twiggledowntown3564]

Same.❤💜🩷💙

[@asherneedssleep]

Most iconic quotes on 2023

[@tjenadonn6158]

Upon his ascension all of David Bowie's British bicon energy was transfered unto Jamie Raines. It was simply too much for one mortal to carry alone, and thus Shaaba was brought into existence.

[@SuspiciousTemmie]

Same lmao

[@arualblues_zero]

I only tuck in sometimes, does that make me bi-curious? My husband just said "kinda checks out" hahaha

[@ladysollua]

I want to put my two cents into that second one. First, the son is 25. He's an adult. He's not working and has had friends over, trashing OP's house. He's done nothing but behave like a disrespectful moocher. Second, there's a minor in the house. That minor is also LGBTQ+ youth. Her saftey and well being is significantly more important than that of the adult son in this case. I want to clarify my use of the word “moocher.” A moocher is someone who does nothing but take. It also excludes disabled individuals who must depend on the care of their parents in their adulthood. If you’re able bodied, unemployed and not in school for some reason and live with your parents or a family member and contribute in other ways, like offering to clean the house or do all the cooking or something like that, then no. You’re not a moocher because you are giving something in return. The son in *this* instance is a moocher because he’s demanding free room and board from his parents without giving anything in return.

[@EverTheFractal]

Honestly. Like if a full grown adult, who is irresponsible and doesn't contribute to the household, calls his young teenage sister something like that (which by many peoples standards is a slur, and he fully meant it as one) and yelled at her and then didn't apologise or try to explain himself within a week then throw that whole man out.

[@auggiet8380]

Agreed. 100%.

[@womenwotreads]

the trashing and mooching would be plenty reason to kick him out alone , his nastiness towards his sister makes it even more important

[@sophitiaofhyrule]

I agree that the son is doing a very, very bad thing by being homophobic in the same house as an lgbt person, but since he doesn't have a job, does that mean he'll be homeless if he gets kicked out? Again, I am not excusing his actions, but I don't know if he deserves to be homeless. Unless you're a cartoon villain I don't think anyone deserves to be homeless really. Also about the "moocher" comment: I'm in my 20s, still live with my parents and don't work (I do go to college though). I've tried working multiple times but I am autistic and I get overwhelmed easily, plus I struggle with my mental health. I don't think it's fair to judge adults who don't work, unless you know the specifics of their story. Again, not defending the son's actions, I am lgbt and I hate homophobes and transphobes, just adding some nuance.

[@EverTheFractal]

@@sophitiaofhyrule No I think it's important to try and look at their side of things. That's important to being a considerate human being. As someone who has trouble working due to autism too (although I'm a full time carer for my mother, so not exactly without a job) there are a lot of different living arrangements considering relationships with families and disabilities to factor in. I think from what the post implies he's taking advantage of his parents patience and hospitality especially if he's not respecting their space (trashing it) and isn't respecting the people inside the household either, and he might have friends he can stay with until he's able to afford his own place. The dad might have acted rashly out of anger but I don't think they'd make him sleep on the streets if he legitimately had no other option. I hope not, anyway.

[@artiethetomatofairy4989]

I've experienced the name bias myself honestly. When my brother first started dating his boyfriend, Justin, it was extremely jarring. He has the same name as someone who my sister ran off with as a teen and ended up having 2 kids with. Was a terrible father, disappearing from his children's lives and reappearing for years causing a whole lot of trauma for my nephews. The bias was there as soon as we learned my brother's boyfriend's name, but we kept it to ourselves, and after a while, it went away as we got to know this Justin. The mom has no right to cause problems over a name. She should absolutely just take the time and get over it without stirring up a fuss.

[@tjenadonn6158]

I have the same thing but in a more innocent way. Growing up I had a lovely Maine Coon cat named Mallory, and to this day if I ever see a human being named Mallory my mind immediately thinks "CAT."

[@BerryJackalope]

Yeah, we have a similar ex situation and then a family had a baby and named him the exs name without realizing. You get over it pretty quick if you spend alot of time with the new person. Trauma sucks and is hard to process, but it's your problem, not anyone else's.

[@vincent_alastor]

​@@tjenadonn6158 I feel this. Most people I know name their pets either typical pet names (Blacky, Pezi, Minki), that you wouldn't name a human child, really foreign names from far away countries, or really old names (Caesar, Archimedes) that you won't run into in our area. The only human names I encountered were Tom (a cat) and Finn (a dog). Finn is not very common here among people.

[@TheoRae8289]

@@tjenadonn6158 Me with "Jessie" and "Lacey" 😂

[@Ikajo]

My name is one of the most common in the world 😅 that can be a bit jarring at times.

[@LoraK31]

On the first story, my cousin named her kid the same name as an awful bullying coworker I had. And guess what? After a few years, my nephew's now the first person I think of when I think of that name. It takes time, but retraining your brain is your responsibility, not the other person's!

[@SevCaswell]

For the homophobic son story, I rather suspect if he's living at home, has no job and appears to have no girlfriend, that he has fallen into the incel rabbit hole as homophobia is a major facet of that lifestyle, especially anti-lesbian sentiment.

[@UniDocs_Mahapushpa_Cyavana]

He seems like the kind of guy who really, really needs to start being okay with and pursue casual relationships, because he has a toxic ☣️ relationship with the concept of a relationship.

[@lemcy1256]

My thoughts exactly!

[@corvidae6773]

Was searching for this comment because I thought the exact same thing, that son has been on all the wrong parts of the internet and there needs to be some sort of intervention

[@sophitiaofhyrule]

For sure, he needs help

[@SevCaswell]

@@corvidae6773 unfortunately if he has become an incel, that's going to take the same deprogramming as getting someone out of a religious cult.

[@obnoxious_atheist]

My Mom hated my transition AND was scared for relations with my uncle, who wasn't happy, either. Before she died, I got a sparkly bracelet from her with "Linda" on it. After thinking it over....she probably thought about the fact that I wasn't the typical boy and saw the change HAD to happen.

[@p0p525]

That's bittersweet I hope she rests in peace and im glad you found yourself 👍🏼

[@belosneshkaaaa]

​@99999560???????

[@cassandramiller4477]

I still value what my mom said to me: "I got to pick your name the first time, you get to pick it this time." (I did ask the family about my middle name, though, which is after my late gradmother.)

[@threadyprawn8944]

That's really sweet

[@yaekovmoliski9522]

NURRR that's so sweet huhu 😭😭😭

[@dorothea_walland]

aaaaw 🥹🥹🌈

[@kylaevelyn1800]

I'm glad they were fully supportive of you choosing your first name, and I love the collaboration for the middle name. Although it's ultimately the choice of the person who's name is changing, I think it's a really lovely compromise to be able to involve your family in the choice of a middle name, which can still be meaningful but inevitably is really only going to affect your official documentation (since most people don't give out their middle name anyway)

[@abluerainbow]

This is how mother's should be when their kids come out as trans. Because it's fucking true! They already got to pick the name that's giving us trauma, why can't we pick our own? (Ps. I'm not trans, but I love Ryan so much that it's actually really jarring to be called by my birthname lmao. Ryan is a unisex name. I am a genderfluid Tomboy. It fits me perfectly~

[@lzrdmn3329]

I find it annoying that the name of trans people is even up to debate like that. Like nobody would ask a cis person to change their name, just because they made a bad experience with someone who has the same name.

[@megwyn1611]

I guess one reason might be because you know they didn't choose their name?

[@sillyface6950]

Some people probably still would XD Its just easier to ask someone who's "recently" picked something. (Not that it makes it alright)

[@waffles3629]

Yep, it's super annoying. This person wasn't a friend or family, but "informed" me they wouldn't call me by my "new name" for a similar reason and demanded to know my "real name". Yeah... I've never changed my name. Like I can't help you.

[@NotVille]

Normal person*

[@Spookatz.]

​@@NotVillepsh, you be quiet, you

[@May12678]

as a person who also can't differentiate between people and their names, i sympathise with the mother, but i still think it's the person's choice and the mother is definitely in the wrong for blowing up over it.

[@MossyBear]

Agreed. It took me time to disassociate my abusers' names from their behavior when I met others who happen to have those names. I did it though. This mum might benefit from therapy on the subject

[@dionnynatanuel5305]

I had to go through kinda the same thing as the mother. There are names that i just don't like because most of the people I met with that name have always been a bad person. Only very few of them are nice. It was quite the journey for me, hopefully the mother can move on from that.

[@mrcattoonist4766]

I would feel bad for the mom if she didn't seem like such a dick, she involved the sister knowing that she's transphobic, honestly she deserves to be reminded of that woman who her husband cheated on her with simply for being dog shit, once she decides to be a good person I'll afford her sympathy

[@goldenmolelover]

agreed. she had a right to explain why it was happening, but absolutely no right to explode after being confronted about it.

[@--asher--]

Agreed. (Also what is the (I assume picrew) you used for your pfp? I like it :) )

[@myrrysmiasi4866]

When I changed my name my older sister took it as a personal attack on her. It certainly didn't help that she found out about 6 months after I'd legally changed it, but she had been extremely dismissive and insulting when I mentioned in passing that I identify as non-binary so I didn't particularly feel like talking about anything related to the topic with her. She ended up realizing she has to learn to use my new name after putting my old name of some legal documents and having to re-do the whole process, but even 7 years later she's still super bitter about the whole thing.

[@sophitiaofhyrule]

Bruh why is she mad

[@myrrysmiasi4866]

@@sophitiaofhyrule in all honesty I still don't understand even tho we have tried to talk about it many times 😅 All I've gathered is that us being "sisters" and having names that almost-but-not-really rhyme was an important part of her identity and she tells me I could not possibly have felt differently about it

[@WolfgangDoW]

@@myrrysmiasi4866 it's not about her though

[@taiyoqun]

​@@myrrysmiasi4866 honey, if you like lettuce and your sister takes it as an attack on her, you shouldn't stop eating lettuce, of course you're not in the wrong. People get attached to your name, and everyone has problems accepting when you change it, but the reason is never worth your suffering. So keep going, if she doesn't want to use your name that's her problem.

[@taiyoqun]

Also, SHE'S bitter, not you. Let her be. It's her life she's running. And if she chooses to ruin the relationship, that's on her. Be yourself, not whoever your family wants you to be, I thought we as a community (the gays™) already accepted that. Nobody should suffer to keep their family happy. Family is replaceable, you are not.

[@CuppycakeWillow]

I changed my name in my 20s due to past trauma and really just generally hating my birth name. My abusive mother would refer to me by my new name until she wanted to hurt me, then she would ALWAYS use my birth name. It brought back so many negative emotions and memories and I was so glad to be able to finally ditch it from my life after I went NC with her. It hurt so badly to have that name weaponised against me, even though I'm cis. I can't even begin to imagine how much worse it is for trans people where it's not only weaponised, but also misgendering them too. I hope everyone can free themselves of whatever past trauma they went through and thrive for the rest of their lives.

[@xXMindSoulXx]

Happy pride spuds 🥔 You are all valid ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[@xXMindSoulXx]

?

[@rosieg6989]

@@xXMindSoulXx Dusty is a transphobe, ignore them. Happy pride.

[@Caydence_with_a_Y]

@@xXMindSoulXxHAPPY PRIDE!!! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[@xXMindSoulXx]

@@rosieg6989yeah I took one look at their recent comments on this channel, that’s obvious now.

[@Awidferd]

@@KateWick1997 Obviously you don't. Shut up.

[@Trekkifulshay]

At 25 if you're living in your parents home and don't want to follow their rules or at least be respectful don't be surprised if you get kicked out.

[@SonotmickeY3626]

@exposingfrauditorsisbackthe parent is loving. You dont stop loving them because of something bad they did. Things like that can be changed. What they did was absolutely right. The son is a grown man,disrespecting the parents house,and his sister,him getting kicked out of someone else’s house(parents or not) was the consequences of his own actions

[@dubiousinformation1756]

@Exposing Frauditors is back Kicking someone out doesn't mean you don't care about them. It's very likely these parents would let him move back in if he absolutely couldn't find anywhere else to live, and only did this as a reality check. He thought he could act like a massive jerk without consequence, and now he's finally learning that people aren't just going to put up with that. It's the ultimate life lesson: don't be a dick.

[@christinewalker7242]

I agree. I am 22, I empty the dishwasher most days its been on, take the dog for a short walk if I am home and my parents are at work, I cook once a week, I keep my areas tidy, I help in the weekly clean and I water our dogs grass, all in all takes about three hours a week to do all of that, which my parents and I think is a fair share of household work for an adult. I don't pay bills, but that is because I am studying and they do not want me to be under financial stress as I do not have as much earning capacity as them yet. They are happy with my living at home because I am being productive with my time and money I save and I respect the space.

[@olivinemage4233]

​@RenTheWren seconding this. It's very easy to say "my house, my rules, respect your elders" until the parents are the ones being homophobic racist bigots and using the threat of homelessness and financial abuse to manipulate their significantly less financially stable child. Even if the child is an adult, escaping those situations is easier said than done. Granted those situations are very different from the one in the post, and the son is still obviously the A hole in this situation because he's being an entitled bigot. But blanket sentiments like, "their house, their rules, quit mooching, etc" can be very dangerous on their own. Far too often, they're used to minimize and rug-sweep abuse. It can also be a DARVO tactic to make the abusive parents seem like innocent victims, when oftentimes, if the adult child does try to move out, the parents will actively sabotage or guilt trip them into coming back.

[@dubiousinformation1756]

@Exposing Frauditors is back Thanks for the well thought out response. I'll be sure to keep in mind the zero points you made.

[@katbairwell]

On the first one, Shaaba has this great saying "it's not their fault, but it is their problem" and I feel like this is where I would sit with the Mother. The volcanic nature of the reaction, however, especially waking the other and depriving OP of phone and sumpter (and thus presumably support from bf), that does feel a little bit like an unhealthy relationship?

[@its_the_bird]

INCREDIBLY unhealthy lol. Like the mother is turning her issues into continued and passed on trauma and potential/actual abuse

[@katbairwell]

@@its_the_bird Very much what I fear, and you said it so much more clearly! I hope the OP is able to get some space, and time, to decide whether it's a relationship she wants going forward. Thank you for making my blather make sense!

[@A_T216]

The lack of defense from the sister's transphobia would be a huge ding on my trust in the mother and her ability to be a safe person, if I were in her daughter's position. The blowing up at the ID card is the cherry on top, in my mind, that she struggles to prioritise her daughter's well-being ahead of her own feelings.

[@MorgenPeschke]

It really sounds like the Mom may have hit a trauma trigger, and yeah, that's really messy. 100% agree that "not your fault, but it is your problem" applies.

[@TheSleepyGayArtist]

Happy pride everyone! Stay safe out there! 🏳️‍🌈

[@ImTired17]

Thanks! Happy pride month to you too 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[@NO_icp_fan_69]

Happy pride

[@baumi-f9p]

thank you, too! 🏳️‍🌈

[@timothyisstupid]

You too!

[@a_weird_mess3]

Happy pride month!!!! 🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🏳️‍🌈

[@Mx.Phoenix]

OP's son sounds like the type of incel who repeatedly hits on a woman, ignoring it when she says she's a lesbian until he sees her kissing a girl at which point he complains that she led him on 🙄

[@waffles3629]

Probably. I got accused of "leading someone on" because I didn't immediately reject him upon him saying hi to me. From first meeting to accusation was less than a minute.

[@iantaakalla8180]

And people wonder why women have basically shut down most forms of communication towards males save the necessary or transactional. Women need that bright line because men pull that shit on women.

[@SeaBassTean]

Or uses the saying “I can make you straight”

[@SeaBassTean]

@@waffles3629 ugh men (saying that as a man)

[@waffles3629]

@@SeaBassTean same. I also had a man get mad at me for "trying to make him gay" when I informed him I wasn't a woman. Like you flirted with me, not the other way around, it's not my problem you assumed my gender incorrectly.

[@NexTakenouchi]

Like. I've dealt with several girls/women named Jessica in my life, and they were all quite mean, and did and said very hurtful things towards me. But, I've met some wonderful Jessicas recently, and while there was a slight twinge at first, I pushed it aside, because this is not one of those people. It's like, I know someone whose name is Karen, and she isn't a "Karen", lol. She's very sweet, and supportive.

[@msjkramey]

I agree mostly but I just have one name I can't get over and that has to do with some really heavy SA stuff I won't get into here. It's really tough sometimes

[@Imjustkendall]

im sure they exist but the only karen i know is literally a karen lol

[@IAmAnItalianPizza]

Ironically i think "Karen" sounds like a small sugary hard candy, specifically blue

[@msjkramey]

@@Imjustkendall my Grammy was named Karen and she was one. I used to take her grocery shopping and I had to protect the poor cashiers sometimes. But she was really an amazing woman. She just got stressed about money down to the penny (for good reason, too, she busted her ass to escape poverty)

[@TheoRae8289]

I have a Jessica from my past who bullied me in grade school and assaulted me with a rock-hard pillow (that she got from my uncle???? It was really jarring finding out that the pillow came from my house--anyway) during the sole time I went to summer camp. I still get a twinge of discomfort whenever I encounter a Jessica, 25 years later, but I'm getting better at not instantly making that connection.

[@WalterWhite-jz7ct]

I have two kids and if one of them would come out to me and was treated like that by their Sibling, i would loose a Child that day. The dissapointment would be immesurable if one of them could ever choose Homophobia over Family. As someone very smart once wrote "Gay couples are the same as Straight ones. There is literally only 1 difference and that should only matter to the ones in said relationships"

[@castielcurran4463]

When I first came out, I thought I was a trans man and had a hell of a hard time renaming myself cuz my mum decided that since I was a teenager I get minimal input on my own name and she refused to let me go with my first choice which was Milo and I would have kept that name after I came out as nonbinary but she forced my into Markus which is my current government name. She then later got pissy when I came out as nonbinary cuz I picked the name Castiel (yes from the show Supernatural) she refuses to acknowledge it or my pronouns cuz of it. She thinks I didn't put enough thought into picking the new name even though I showed her my name spreadsheet with pros, cons, etymology, and historical uses and importance. I put so much work into my name cuz it's my identity. Joke's on her now though cuz i will never speak to her again

[@oalevine]

That's some really bizarre behaviour from your mum. So what if you were a teenager? Old enough to comprehend language? Old enough to pick Your Own name! And one doesn't even have to put too much thought into it. I mean, it's great if you're picking a name with a lot of significance, but you could literally just see a random word on some billboard and decide that's good enough for a name, and no one should be able to stop you Also, I've never watched Supernatural, but Castiel is a cool name!

[@NotVille]

Who cares+ *she/her

[@christinewalker7242]

You put more thought into your name than I have put into mine. My thoughts were hearing Chris being used for a primary school principle with the same first name as me and thinking it sounded cool and like me and fixating on that thought on many years until I realised I was agender and knew why I liked the thought of being called Chris and stuck with that.

[@nessa-parmentier]

You know what, maybe I should make a spreadsheet for names I'm currently searching in the neutral/feminine area (trans demigirl), but it's kinda passive at the moment ? I have a few ideas floating around Damn, I thought I was bad at picking names for rpg characters, but for me IRL, it's even worse lol

[@luciakaminski779]

Names are important, but the idea that all parents put a lot of thought naming their children is not true. Just as an example, when my grandma had my dad, it was a few months after she and my grandfather had lost their daughter after a long battle with cancer. So when my dad was born they honestly didn't have a name, so they named him what that days catholic saint name was on the callendar (catholic thing). They still loved him, his name means a lot, but it was still randomly chosen. I can see that the process of choosing your name was important to you, and that excelent, but no one gets to decide how and for how long people choose names to make them important or meaningful.

[@christianekoval5892]

I feel like there's a story behind the second story. There's an adult son, living at home, getting away with practically whatever he wants, and when dad enforces consequences, the son (correctly) expects mom to be on his side. Something tells me that the mom's been letting the kid get away with stuff for a while. It sounds like the parents need to have a long talk about their expectations for their kids. I'm glad that the dad decided homophobia was worth putting his foot down over, though.

[@disappointmentsanddisgrace1210]

I'm cis, but what I heard once resonated a little. Putting it here, in case it helps y'all. "A name is a gift, that is why it is "given"." Think of it as a gifted sweater. If it is nice and comfortable and you want to wear it forever, you are free to do that. However, once you've tried it and it's too uncomfortable on your skin or you don't think the colour suits you, you are not obligated to wear it again. You can keep it in a closet and know that you once had it, or you can give it away never to think of it again. But it is still just a gift, not a mandate. Do with it what you want to."

[@KxNOxUTA]

That's very good! I'm also cis but happen to prefer my spiritual name over my given name, which is also laced with a lot of trauma. So should I ever happen to marry, then I might try to appeal for a first name change aswell, which is actually more difficult as a cis person, though I'd already hit 3 of the qualifying categories ("religious reasons" [well spiritual, but, it's all belief systems], "having gotten estranged from the name" (that's usually the categoory made for trans ppl) and "trauma related"). Theres more categories in Germany. But yeah. We're strangely stuck with the first given name. Even though it's all not really THAT important for identification X'D as all gets registered and you know, we don't struggle with last name changes so .... what's the big deal anyway. It's by the way especially fatal, in cases where two ppl share the exact same name and one is criminal. Has actually happened to ppl. We should be more concerned about uniqueness, if anything and "identification" is the main concern. X'D

[@GlindaGoodvitch]

The first one about the name change is a shitty situation. I tried to date a woman with the same first name as my abusive father and it only stopped triggering me when we switched to a full time usage of her nickname. It sadly didnt work out because of other reasons but id suggest trying a pet name and work through it.

[@RynMayhem]

Sounds like a "you" problem.

[@GlindaGoodvitch]

It was. I didn't ask her to change. She just didn't like seeing me shook every time i heard it. Don't worry, I made space for her baggage too. Like partners do.

[@GlindaGoodvitch]

@@lurch789 your not wrong

[@ritasprinkle5098]

I feel for the mother who had been cheated on and betrayal trauma is no joke, but that trauma and those triggers are still hers to work through.

[@maddykrantz]

On the topic of names: I told my friend that she should ask her dad what name to pick. (She didn't know what name to pick, and her dad is a nurse and works in the maternity ward.) She asked her dad and he suggusted the name Abby. She picked that and loves it.

[@WelcomeApathy]

That's cute. Working in that ward, he's going to know so many names! I wonder what the most interesting names he's seen are.

[@peacefulinvasion684]

To be fair, the 25 year old is far more capible of supporting himself than the 16 year old so it makes sense to kick him out. Hes not pulling his weight and is constantly trashing the place. He sounded toxic before the homophobia kicked in.

[@RichardWinskill]

Wait... I'm supposed to tuck my t-shirt in? Nobody told me that; apparently I've been doing it wrong all these years...

[@DestructionGlitter]

Funny story: I had a very abusive friend in highschool. I was very, very in love with her and she knew it and was very manipulative and gross. When I hear her name I still sort of shudder, hoping it's not her - but she has THE MOST GENERIC NAME ever, so it's a bit much sometimes 😅 it is hard to emotionally disassociate a name and a person, and it can be painful. Having said that, it's not the daughter's fault that she chose a name that happens to give her mom the ick. Mom needs therapy, and I mean that in the kindest way possible.

[@lrfcowper]

Imagine if instead of the daughter's name, it had been a grandchild named Marceline and after months of using that name, the grandmother just up and demanded the grandchild's name be changed. Or what if the boyfriend had been a girlfriend named Marceline? Would she insist the op break up? I get she has issues, but that's for her to work through, not insist the world bend to her demands. Also, on the point of expecting to be consulted on what name your child uses, I'm the parent of a trans nb adult and have always tried to be supportive in every way. They started using a different name without consulting me at all, then changed to a different name that they've used for, oh, probably ten years now. You know how I felt about that? Fine. It's *their* name, not mine. I've flipped back and forth between Lyn and Lynette. I've never gotten my mother's permission to do so. So my kid's name changes have been more drastic. So what?

[@samaustin339]

I wonder if she doesn’t allow her kids to Watch Adventure Time because of it.

[@lrfcowper]

@@samaustin339 I don't get the impression mom has ever encountered Adventure Time, but I'll bet she wouldn't allow it

[@kaelynjameson7667]

"Gay people are only gay for attention!" Proceeds to throw a tantrum for attention. xD

[@Encaris]

People saying "people say theyre gay for attention" are looking for attention. Now whos the butterfly 😂

[@lrfcowper]

The number of people who will go to trans people's videos justv to post trash comments and think they're somehow not the attention-seekers is mind-boggling.

[@rfurthegamer3412]

No…? He’s just got a channel? Is every KZbinr a self centered idiot now?

[@StudlyFudd13]

​@lrfcowper I've memorized the troll account names at this point. We all know who they are.

[@satonimon2774]

@@StudlyFudd13 same!

[@medmuscle]

​@@lrfcowper truth =/= trash If you think that these massive conglomerates really care about you, you have brain damage. There is an ulterior motive behind it all, and you are falling for it.

[@themarkgrayson]

The first story hits home for me, I am nonbinary and decided to change my name. My mother at first didn't want to call me by that name and she said it was because she "uses my nickname anyway" (nickname being 'munchkin') however she did still use my deadname. I got mad and she then explained my new name was the nickname of one of my dad's exes from highschool. I was so pissed about this, luckily she uses my name now, but knowing she was going to let her highschool drama affect me pissed me right off.

[@pixelbee8349]

Happy pride, everybody!! I just want to say, to anybody reading this, you are valid and you are loved.

[@Caydence_with_a_Y]

Happy pride!! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[@Bunny_Bill]

Happy pride🙇🏼💜‼️

[@okamiangles7121]

Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️❤️🩷🧡💛💚💙🩵💜🤎🖤🩶🤍

[@kinkyxkitten666]

​@@dustygania2425happy pride, boring cis straight lolz

[@BerryJackalope]

Thanks friend 😊

[@zeea6561]

I want to preface this with the fact that I am queer, this isn't coming from a place of homophobia, but that second one is a little complex. While I don't feel like the father is an AH in his intentions, I think diving right into the nuclear option of eviction before discussing the situation with his partner and daughter together is a little much. I just feel like the son's reaction is so bizarre I don't really understand it - is there something to unpack there? Could this be a teaching moment? Or is this 25yr old simply a man-child that has spent too much time on 4chan? If it's the latter - a plan of action with your partner is probably a good next step. The plan should be to talk to your son, try to reason, and if he isn't amenable to learning and moving forward, then he can gtfo. So in conclusion... I would say YTA for making an impulsive, final and executive household decision without consultation, not for trying to defend your daughter.

[@SevCaswell]

I get the strong suspicion that the father has been wanting to kick his son out for a while, and this was finally 'enough' of a reason that he felt able to do it. Also yes, I also think the son is an incel convert.

[@eevilauntie]

There's also an undertone of using the daughter coming out as an excuse to evict the son for many past grievances. Could be that this was simply the straw that broke the camel's back, but depending on the family dynamics it could also be the dad trying to dodge some of the blame for the decision - "I don't have a choice, I have to do this because of your sister", sort of thing. 🤔

[@yoshe2]

Happy Pride! I finally came out as gay to my grandparents yesterday and was so surprised how supportive they were. Now I have to come out as gay to my OTHER grandparents…but just remember you are loved. 🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🩷🤎🖤🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[@jamiieeez666]

Aftert I came out I`ve met this girl who has my deadname, I did'nt wanted to have anything to do with her, but soon I realised she's one of the nicest people I have ever met. She's so kind, caring and funny. Now she's a very good friend of mine and knowing her helped me get used to hearing that name because now I can associate that name with her instead of my past me.

[@Dyejob01]

The brother has some other underlying issue that needs to be addressed. I'd start with the fact that he feels entitled to live in your home, at 25, without a job. But this anger at his sister tells me that he's JEALOUS AF. You have the clues in his language "she's seeking attention". Why does he think that? Bigger problem going on here.

[@gilesclone]

My wife and I were very proud of the name we chose for our child. (I still think it was a great name). But they came out as gender fluid a few years ago and decided their name didn’t work anymore. They actually let me see their short list of new names and asked my opinion. I told them I liked x and they chose y but used x as a middle name. But even if I had hated the name when they told me about it I would love it now because it’s my baby’s name and I love them. Btw. Changing names is a real PITA! If I changed my name, I wouldn’t change it again no matter what anyone else thought about it.

[@wintergray1221]

I would say that anything legal is a PITA. I'm not looking forward to it, especially since I also want to change my last name.

[@sinimeg]

The mom in the first story is so immature. My sister has the same name as an ex of our dad and our mom doesn’t have any problem as seeing both as different persons (don’t ask why she has it tho, our parents are not good at picking names. When she was born they still didn’t have a name for her, and they decided my deadname by chance, because it was a name none of them hated, so yeah. That’s why I didn’t feel bad about changing my name lol And I definitely didn’t let them choose it knowing their issues with names xD)

[@Imjustkendall]

i can pridict u. are you lesbian and none binary?

[@sinimeg]

@@Imjustkendall Yep, you got it right xD

[@hellofrankiehere5219]

i love finally having the choice to use the name i'm comfortable in. very exciting! not to be cheesy but thank you for giving me the courage to be who i really am :)

[@this_is_me_Mika]

@@KateWick1997 Most things who says? And what ideology are you on about anyways?

[@this_is_me_Mika]

Amazing!! And absolutely same for me :)

[@persooniemand8346]

Much love, congrats on being you. Please don't mind those people, some of them have over 1k reactions on this channel just trying to spread hate. Stay safe!

[@persooniemand8346]

@@dustygania2425 really? What hate is Jamie spreading? What truth are they dodging? Who is being devided

[@tjenadonn6158]

I get a little tingle every time someone uses my true name. It's like "Hey, that's me!" 😊 I honestly can't wait until my deadname is well and truly dead, and my legal name and my true name are one and the same. Even now getting mail and other things addressed to my deadname feels alien, like I'm snooping in someone else's documents. My parents chose a fine name, and I'm keeping my initials the same (partially because my initials have always been the same as my mother's, and I like that I'm her sorta-namesake) but it's just not my name.

[@SylviaRustyFae]

On reactions to changin our names... My biodad's reaction to my name change is what showed me he doesnt support my trans existence; and it let me see shite he had done in the past as bein clearly as bad as it was, without the fog of that inner child thinkin which holds out hope for what we nvr got What did he do? He was upset that i got rid of all of the name he had assigned me, includin the very clearly gendered middle name and possibly more offensively to him; his last name. This dude who had missed 17 of the most crucial yrs of my life and had done horrid shite to us in the first 11 yrs of my life... cudnt fathom why i didnt want my name to connect to him, or more importantly; his family who had time and time again refused to be there for me when i needed help the most He cudnt understand most of all how i had changed my name for trans reason if my name was still "masculine"; as i changed my name to Rusty, which to me is neutral... But i know a Rusti who is a cis woman, so yeah... He was so upset that he had "given" me this name and didnt like that i had changed so much of it, so that none of it remained... Yet he nvr once wondered about my feelings around that name, and nvr learned about how hearin that name had made me wince for over a decade prior to knowin i was trans; he nvr learned that id been goin by the name Rusty Shackleford instd (yes, a king of the hill ref) since high school Just like how when we were out together and i got misgendered by someone, he didnt care how i felt; he cared about how embarassed he felt when i corrected them... Bcuz i dont look like the nonbinary woman i am; not to him, he only sees my beard and only hears my voice. Neither of which bother me and neither of which invalidate my gender identity. He nvr cared to understand any of that, he just cared to try to make me kowtow to his demands by tryin to make me feel bad for standin up for myself afterward by insistin i embarassed him The next time he reached out to me after that incident where he disapproved of my name; i told him "Dont contact me again" and left it at that. Cut off everyone close to him too, to make sure that no one can get word to him or from him to me. If you cant approve of the existence of your trans kid; you dont deserve to play father to them

[@notareallifetiger4817]

Rusty is a really pretty name

[@tyler2102]

All you trans people seem to have such trauma and mental health problems. I hope you can seek help.

[@auggiet8380]

Hey friend, I’m proud of you. We don’t need unsupportive people in our lives who claim we embarrass them by being ourselves. My mother used to tell me that I was an embarrassment to the family when I was a teenager (didn’t yet know that I am nonbinary, just a spooky little goth kid)…it really messed with my mental health, and to this day I struggle with correcting folks or dressing how I want for fear of being an embarrassment to whoever is with me. I’m no contact with my entire family now, but my in laws are pretty great.

[@rosieg6989]

@@barryledgister4496 Gender expression=/=gender identity, nor does every trans person care about passing.

[@SylviaRustyFae]

@@auggiet8380 Im currently livin thousands of miles from my biofam and im livin with my polycule family and a huge evergrowin chosen family of truly supportive ppl ive found over the yrs I was oft made to be ashamed of existin and takin up space and even still its exceptionally hard for me to be close to ppl bcuz of that shitty way i was raised without a single ounce of love and care; just empty words and broken promises. I have to have even my polycule make clear to me that they want me around and i dont impose on them; or else i slip into that old habit of isolatin bcuz its the only way to feel safe when your presence alone used to somehow upset ppl who shudve wanted you around Im healin, and its a slow long process, but im doin way better wt it for not havin such toxic ppl in my life anymore; i no longer abide ppl who make me feel only tolerated. I need to feel loved, accepted, appreciated, and supported by the ppl who claim to care about me and my existence. Not tolerated. My chosen family showed me that fact, and its why my familial name in my name is linked to my chosen family; not the shite biofam

[@elizabethmcglothlin5406]

On names: I didn't think my poor kids were going to have names at all, because my ex knew someone he disliked with every name in the world! An attitude that may have something to do with why he's my ex.

[@randomvielleuse527]

My dad, who molested me from about the age of five to about fourteen, had the name of Larwil, which he shortened to Larry. When we (my sister, who my dad also molested, and I) finally managed to break the strangle hold of "don't tell anyone" when my mom asked if we would have any objection to her divorcing our dad, she was heartbroken- and immediately divorced him. At the time, we basically went no contact with my dad. Many years later he did sincerely and repeatedly apologize to me, and would have apologized to my mom and sister but they would have nothing to do with him. Which I fully understood and supported. I'm still not sure why I was able to keep in touch with him but the end of his story is that when he died we were pretty good friends, he did a huge amount to support me and my husband in our work, and was as kind and generous as he could be to both of us. I also ended up being in control of his estate and that was not easy but whatever. Many years after he died, my mom ended up with cancer. It was awful- almost utreatable and horribly painful, but her excellent doctor got her a few more years of decent quality of life. But then, of course, it returned. She couldn't deal with treatments anymore because of allergic reactions so we just got hospice involved, keeping her at home where she wanted to be and taking turns, the three of us, caring for her. At one point (and here's why I'm writing this) she had the mostly lovely physical therapist... whose name was Larry. After his first visit mom said, rather reluctantly, "He so nice but his name..." My sister and I agreed and asked her how she wanted to go forward. She said she was okay with it but it was just weird for her. After his next visit she seemed much more relaxed and I asked her how she was feeling about his name. "Oh, I don't mind it now. He's nothing like your dad." And he wasn't! He was tall, beautiful, blond and very sweetly gay, and by the end of that second visit we could see how much he cared about our mom/mother-in-law and we just loved him. So that name, Larry, was rehabilitated for my mom and for me (not so much my sister- but that's another story) completely but this gentle, kind soul who helped us so much. My husband was on Larry's side immediately but he's just like that, very accepting and open. Anyway. Long story... As for the second case? Yeah, the dad should have talked this over with the whole family before summarily laying down the law but still, I'm totally into kicking that freeloader, homophobic guy out. No one needs that kind of energy around them, least of all a freshly minted lesbian. Hate like that is corrosive and can literally kill people. Sweep it out, smudge the house and live a happier, safer life. I hope that guy gets a wake-up call from this and tries to figure out why he's so hateful- but it's not likely. :/

[@sarahvunkannon7336]

Jamie, your little screed about how personal a chosen name can be and how it can grow roots over time, become part of you, and you couldn't imagine having any other name... That helped me realize I feel the same way about my chosen name. I've had it for several years (though it's only in the past month that I've started describing myself as trans), and I only use it as a username in certain online spaces. But it's mine and I love it. I recently wrote a self-insert fic where my character went around the entire story being called by that name, and it felt amazing both to write and to imagine. I think my journey will lead to transition. Thank you for helping me along. If anyone's curious, my chosen name is Ama.

[@timothyisstupid]

I have a little AITA thing So i find it funny when people say i can't be Ace because people always feel love Not only did they confuse Aro and Ace, but they also think you can't be Aro" So my (Ex) friend did the same thing, i corrected them, and they went "Doesn't matter, still isn't real, you're probably just looking for attention anyway, makes sense with your surgerys" So i cut them off I honestly dont think im in the wrong, but idk They bashed on Aro people, AND Trans people at the same time

[@maybeimacat3183]

You're not the asshole at all, that friend didn't even tried to understand who you are and , from what you're saying, you didn't felel confortable around them, it's totally okay to cut them off. You're valid, ok? ❤

[@timothyisstupid]

@@maybeimacat3183 I was friends with them since kindergarten, I thought they were fine with me being trans, but I guess not

[@marsmoment]

You're not in the wrong, they completely refuse to acknowledge the existence of asexual people thinking it links to someone being trans. Not everyone can feel love and not always feel love, which isn't wrong. Being ace and/or aro ISN'T attention seeking. People like me just happens to be that way.

[@timothyisstupid]

@@marsmoment Exactly!

[@val.628]

@@timothyisstupid I’m so sorry you went through that, that’s messed up. I really hope you’ve got other people in your life who support you for who you are, and if not, I hope you find them 💕

[@itisdevonly]

I still get a little uncomfortable when people have my deadname for a name (which happens sometimes, as it's a fairly common name), but I don't act on it in any way, and I certainly wouldn't treat the person differently because of it. I just feel uncomfortable because I'm reminded of the way the name used to be imposed on me and how uncomfortable I felt with it. It is easier to deal with when I remind myself that it's okay that someone else has that name, because it's *their* name; it's not my name anymore, and it's not being forced on me, so I don't need to feel threatened by it when I see it.

[@uwuimboredhi4584]

Hey Jammi, I know you probably won't see this, but you've helped me through alot over the past three years. I've been debating my gender for years now and your videos have been a huge comfort, especially over the pandemic. My mom and stepdad are extremely homophobic and I have recently realised that I am gender fluid. It has stressed me out a lot coming to this conclusion and your videos helped me whenever I felt isolated in my family and school. I have been thinking about changing my name legaly when I turn 18 and I really found comfort in your journey, thank you for creating this awesome community.

[@MaxGrove]

i have someone in my class with my dead name and it is the scariest thing when the teacher calls on them.

[@John_Weiss]

Here's another way of looking at the first one: instead of a trans child's new name, how about a kid given up for adoption who tries to reconnect with their birth mom. And the kid has the same name as the person that the mom's ex had cheated on her with. Would it be okay for the mom to refuse to reconnect with her biological kid who grew up with that name, or demand that they change that name? _NO! Of course not!_

[@WaltuhsJuicyAhh]

"I tuck all of my shirts in because I am bisexual 😊" LMAOO

[@someoneawesome8717]

My dad had an odd reaction to me coming out as a guy, he seemed more unhappy about how I didn't want to take his name to be Sam the Fifth than he was about me not being a girl

[@andeeharry]

Hey, welcome back, every body. Just remember, you're not an A-hole for removing toxictivy from your life, it is a good kind of self care. Anyway, happy pride you beautiful butterflies. You are seen, you are valid, you matter.

[@andeeharry]

@Lurch Society is scary. Nothing has changed, and nothing will ever be learnt. Every generation is always attacked by someone over something and it's getting worse. People are now judging people on their colour tones, their mannerisms, the way they talk and oh...and now they carefully study every picture of someone to anaylise every body part carefully to see what's wrong with it. Society tells us to be different, to be yourself, and yet when you do that, it is wrong. The whole thing is nuts. People are just terrible

[@addymant]

I hope Marcy kept her name. Her mom had every opportunity to act like a mother and have a role in that decision, and every opportunity to act like an adult and politely speak to her daughter about her concerns after the fact. She declined to do either and instead, from the sound of it, refused to provide any explanation for her passive aggressive behavior and manipulation until she exploded at her own daughter

[@SoHappy]

5:12 I relate to this so much, back in 2021 I wanted to go by axyl but when I told my mom she compared me to axel rose and how it made her uncomfortable since he was a domestic abuser and I ended up getting so uncomfortable going by that name that I went back on that name and went back to my birth name… I’ve tried other names before but nothing felt as me as axyl did but now axyl just makes me feel nauseous

[@clockwork_mind]

I've actually been in the first situation. My aunt was FURIOUS with my mom for naming me the same name as my aunt's shitty ex-husband. She didn’t like seeing or talking about me, and when she had to refer to me, she'd just say the first letter of my birth name and treat it like a nickname. She eventually got over it. She came to terms with my name as I grew and I gained enough of a personality for her to make a new association with me as a person. ...and now she's the ONLY member of my family who refuses to use my new name and pronouns. Funny how life is, huh?

[@audieswatchingthis]

Hi Jamie! I just purchased your book! Thank you for the tip on free shipping to the US at Blackwell. I am so excited to read it. Happy Pride Month 🙏🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[@Blazearrow]

Im Also excited to read it

[@katbairwell]

Physical and audio versions of the book will be in grubby mitts, just as soon as I can get 'em! I love that you have read the audiobook yourself, Jamie, it makes such a difference when it's the author, there's just that bit more nuance in the reading, and having Shaaba be a part of it as well just makes it all the more delightful!

[@MatsuyoRific]

Story 1: Fully agree with the mom needing to disassociate OP's name from her dad's mistress. What she's doing is not okay. That would be like hating everyone named Donald just because they share a name with the worst US president in history.

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

Pretty sure op's new name is from adventure time Marceline is the kick ass(lesbian) vampire chick and it's possible the name is also a compliment from said boyfriend indicating that that is the way he sees her. Maybe she didn't fully explain to her mom all the reasons she chose the name and could do with a sit down about why it's so special to her. But ultimately mom is TAH here for not just being nice about it.. snide little cutting remarks are never an ok way to parent no matter what the subject is..

[@myasmith1820]

Marceline isn’t a lesbian, her gf is tho.

[@twilafreek25]

One of my coworkers has my birth name and it's actually helped me a lot with removing it from my sense of self. I now associate that name with her exclusively, even though I've been transitioning for 6 years now and always cringed when I heard the name before. I feel like this person's mother has a good opportunity to get over it now haha

[@damienedmiston3195]

Sounds like the son in the second story is in some weird echo chambers online. Like, incel and alt right kinda spaces.

[@Aryat51]

About the homophobic son, my friend has a very similar experience. Her parents will gladly support her and took her to pride with her girlfriend but her older brother has a criminal record because of committing a hate crime against her and has generally homophobic and racist views. It kinda sucks

[@tabitas.2719]

Also, on strangers picking someone's name - the irony! My husband and I felt weird and were aware of the huge responsibility when choosing our first child's name - it's actually naming a stranger! ;) As in, this new person needs to adjust to the world, including us, and as parents we get to know our children over time. So.... I'd argue that mom was the pot calling the kettle black. ^^

[@LexiTheUselessLesbian]

Day 114 of asking for OT, Jammidodger, TheClick and TheLexiKitty to collab

[@BasedGrandmasKitchen]

If you ever quit asking, I will continue your legacy until he does the collab

[@timothyisstupid]

I need this So very much

[@pathevermore3683]

Good. I never heard of lexy until one of your posts.

[@satonimon2774]

@@pathevermore3683 i know lexy from EmKay! (its a reddit commentary channel basically)

[@shibariu9523]

I was at a pride event and the drag king lip synched to a song that had an edited in clip of his book. It’s him reading about not needing to change (from the audio book). I thought he was there and got so excited and then I was sad because he wasn’t lol

[@wintergray1221]

I'm picturing a puppy with ears perked in happiness then slowly drooping down in disappointment. I wish I could go to a pride event. I have limited transportation and limited funds. But at least there's Pride in my heart 🏳‍🌈🏳‍⚧

[@jaxmader7309]

My mom was a bit upset when I first told her, after I came out as non-binary, that I was likely going to change my name because my birth name is very feminine. So I decided to use a variation of the name I would have been given had I been born a boy (Jackson, so I chose Jax) because I thought it would have been easier for her to accept. I'm not sure if it was because she was a bit upset after i told her the name and insisted she use it from then on, but lucikly she came to understand that even if it wasn't the name she chose for me when I was born, it was ultimately my name and she had to learn to accept that. She's really come a long way since I came out for the first time as bisexual (I no longer identify as bisexual now but I originally did) about four years ago. I'm so sincerely proud of the work she's done on herself and her acceptance of people for who they are.

[@javahound]

Not directly about the topic of the video, but I also am at the point you mentioned, where I "hate" hearing or reading my birth name whether or not it's in conjunction with me. This really is pretty difficult to get "out of the system". I hope I get used to just hearing that name in general rather fast. PS: I can't wait for the (Audio) book to release. I'm really interested on what the contents of it are. PPS: Love your videos ❤

[@_loveablecarrot_146]

I relate to the homophobic son one bc I'm trans and my parents accept me but my sister likes to comment that it's for attention or a trend

[@itsaDean]

That last one... as others have said, he's 25, he's not a child.

[@Rudiced]

happy pride month everyone be safe and know you are loved ❤

[@fireeyes1676]

A name is a gift, but it you're forced to accept it, it becomes an obligation. You should feel free to accept it or not without shame, guilt or coercion. If it does not suit you or make you happy, you should be supported in finding one that does.

[@TimidBeastie]

My whole family minus my trans brother (ftm) wasn't very kind to me about coming out, I told my step dad I was MAYBE bi, turns out I'm pan, he made a joke about bringing home hot girls so it made me feel a bit better, but he'd make sexist jokes all the time and it made me feel horrible. When I told my other brother, biologically male, that I was NB he started repeating to me "but you're a girl though" and I kept repeating back "but I don't feel like a girl-" getting cut off to hear the same response. My mum prayed in my doorway at night when I was playing videogames with my friends, she was trying to pray the gay away, made me feel absolutely disgusting and horrible. After my mum and dad split, my dad made me the maid of the house, cleaning up after his mess, dishes and cleaning the lounge etc. It was horrible, he continued making sexist jokes and some homophobic "jokes" and my mental health went down the drain, didn't help he ate my food I bought for myself so I ended up being hella malnourished :/ My partner managed to get me out of there, after a few years of couch hopping I'm finally on the lease at my current place and have been much happier and feel safer and more comfortable exploring and figuring out who I am for the past few years. My partner is EXTREMELY supportive and loving and I love him dearly, I'm currently trying to start the process of being prescribed testosterone cuz well... even though I'm NB I still feel like I lean more male presenting? Idk, but my partner has been really helpful and my friends have helped me too, I wish I could show how much I appreciate them. (Edited for spelling mistakes oops)

[@afroprince5262]

5:42 She gets no pity, she really needs to grow up

[@tenten32158]

Mom needs to get over the name thing. My BFF was with her asshole ex for 10 years and has the same name as my brother. Asshole ex was emotionally abusive and cheated on BFF before breaking up with her. But BFF and my brother are also friends. Solution: We both call asshole ex by an insult or something, and call my brother by the nickname I always use. At the time, my BFF had some pretty negative associations with the name, didn't like saying the name, and often said things like "I can't ever date someone called *name* again". BUT VERY IMPORTANTLY, she never treated my brother any differently, was still friends like always, and now, a few years later, asshole ex almost never comes up in conversation, and BFF has no trouble using my brother's full name.

[@ruri1706]

About learning to disassociate names between people, I relate so much. A person who hurt me deeply and I had to cut out of my life had a super common name, even my workplace has someone with that name at the moment, and though the name evokes a deep sense of dread in me, I do not blame anyone for having that name because that doesn't make any sense. Different people can have the same name and not share the same traits.

[@konosmar8719]

This is why i chose a name I made up myself (Nova). Can't associate it with anything else than cool space explosions, can you?

[@ashlikesart]

YOOOO THAT'S AN AWESOME NAME

[@pathevermore3683]

Nova is also Latin for "new", so very fitting, like Neo.

[@moonface710]

i feel kinda guilty that i didn’t ask my mum for help picking my name, but i didn’t rlly know that people did that lol and by the time i came out to her i’d already picked my name. my mum loves my name and has never given the slightest indication that she is (or ever was) upset that i chose it myself, without asking her, but i still feel a bit guilty about it

[@yuukiwasfound]

I'm glad I'm early, Happy pride!🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

[@szaberhaber5116]

My friend recently asked me to take part in his some sort of petition for changing his name (idk how it works) I am very happy that I can help in his transition

[@stardra]

I remember telling my mom that I wanted to change my name to something more gender neutral- the name I had chosen prior, Star, was TECHNICALLY gender neutral but not seen as such. So me and my mom sat down, looked through a list of names and found one we liked that connected to my past names. It just so happened to be the name of my cat that I've had and loved for years, and I now quite enjoy having the same name as my fur baby! I know this doesn't entirely relate to the stories, but I thought I'd share my naming experience even if it isn't much :>

[@pencils7351]

My mom had trouble with a coworker's name that was the same as her first husband's name. That coworker came up with a fun idea, call her ex Voldemort. That was years ago, maybe a decade or so. I grew up with this, I still refer to my biodad as Voldemort before anything else out of habit lol (I was estranged from him as a toddler, I don't really know him and it's a fun way to refer to him) It's that mom's responsibility to deal with her trauma, not anyone else's. My deadname is very common, but I don't take out those negative feelings on others who happened to be named that. I had a bully in elementary school who teased me using a nickname i heavily disliked (she knew, I told her, I still hate her), but there's a character I love that shares the bully's name and is nicknamed with the same nickname I despised for myself

[@Casper_Gh0st]

Today I came out

[@EneaBianchi]

Hope it went well!

[@PostBASH]

Yay 🎉🎉 good for you!

[@robyns5977]

When you were talking about hearing people with your dead name my brain just refused to accept that Jaimie was not the name you were assigned. You've always been Jaimie!

[@lilitpatchwork]

I halfway relate with that first story. I realized that I was non-binary a few years ago. My parents say they support me, But they won't use my pronouns because it's "too difficult", so I have my doubts at this point. My mom just uses my name in place of a pronoun, which would be fine if it wasn't every single time. And my dead name Choosing my own name was part of taking control back of my life. I didn't want anyone else choosing my name but me, not even to make suggestions I thought about it a lot, and I finally settled on a name. It's close to my dead name, just one letter difference in fact, but feels so much more me. Lilit. I love this name, its cute, soft but not overtly girly I told my parents, and they seemed vaguely disgusted with it. They had been insisting they were supportive up till that point, so I was taken aback and hurt I didn't push it for a long time when they didn't use it, because I'm afraid of conflict. My mom kept telling me the story of how she chose my dead name, like it was still my name. She even asked me if people still had trouble pronouncing my dead name, like they did when I was little. My little sister had to remind her that I don't introduce myself as that anymore, and that no one calls me that anymore I changed my name on my computer profile to Lilit, and my mom looked so annoyed when she saw it. I couldn't understand Finally I confronted them about it, insisting that my dead name is not my name, and that they were making me really uncomfortable Turns out they don't like it, because of how it's pronounced. They think "lil-it" is offensive, because it sounds like "little it", and "you only call someone "it" to dehumanize them" I informed to them that "it/its" is, in fact, one of my pronouns, and that though it can be used in a derogatory manner, it's all about the context and the feelings of the person you're addressing. I would never call someone it if they didn't want it, but it's a sign of respect to call them what they ask to be called They wouldn't listen to me though, they just keep insisting that it can't be anything but derogatory. Now that I've actually confronted them about it, they've been using my actual name, but I can still tell that they have to spit it out. And they still won't use my pronouns... Baby steps I guess?

[@Jack_Flapper]

Holy shit 😂 I really wasn’t expecting your parents reasoning to be quite that absurd. I’m sorry to hear it’s been a struggle, but I’m glad that you have some other people (like your sister) who recognize and respect your personhood. Also for what it’s worth I think Lilit is a pretty dope name. ✌️

[@lilitpatchwork]

@@Jack_Flapper Ikr? It's so silly. They compared it to trying to call yourself "little n-word". Like... Dude. No. Not the same thing (putting aside the fact that I actually know someone whos family member's nickname is "little black" in Spanish. It's not even a valid argument regardless) Thanks! I'm quite happy with my name ( :

[@CoreR1999]

I went through that same period too. I hated my dead name so much I couldn't stand to hear it even if it belonged to someone else, but I understood that I couldn't just hate someone because they happened to have a name I associated with badly. I learned to go through that and as I grew more comfortable with who I am, it became easier to disassociate that name from myself in such a way

[@neon17.08]

Me, throughout my entire life, I couldn't even say my own name cause I thought it was weird to do that, and when someone else had the same name I would cringe because saying it was too much. I feel guitly cause my mom loves it.

[@TaimaNekomusume420]

Someone hasn't watched Adventure Time.. it's pronounced Mar-Sa-Leen

[@EneaBianchi]

I was going to comment about Adventure Time, stranger on KZbin you gained all my respect

[@TaimaNekomusume420]

@Keebs I mean it's basically the same, it's pretty much just a regional accent thing, to me Sa and Suh sound pretty much the same, and now I'm trying to think in my brain how Finn, Jake and PB pronounce Marceline, it's been too long. Fun fact: Marceline was one of the names that my babymama and I had narrowed down to 10 names we put in a top hat for our daughter

[@kae9793]

The fact the Marceline's mother called her (Marcy's) boyfriend a stranger is so ridiculous considering parents and their newborn babies are literal strangers when the babies are named.

[@starkid910]

5:30 frankly that sounds like a bold-faced lie on mom’s part - pretty wild coincidence. I can’t help but hear that as an excuse pulled out of the ass as a trump card in the argument when she feels like she’s lost power over her child… but wilder things have happened I guess 🤷 it could be true

[@batpupboy]

As a trans person dating another trans person who helped my girlfriend pick her name, I am partial to trans people helping trans people pick names. In our case the name I suggested was similar to a name my girlfriend had gone by for other reasons in the past and we later found out it is a potential nickname for the previous name.

[@ThisIsNoahHii]

Happy pride everyone!!🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[@thewickeddevilofthewest]

​​@exposingfrauditorsisback can't tell if you're homophobic or an ironic supporter but either way I don't feel offended loll I would get that on a tee shirt. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[@neon17.08]

​@exposingfrauditorsisback😂, love it I got one too, Christian Denominations, switch the n and m, DEMONination, Demon Nation, y'all Christians are trying to distract us with the true demons here.

[@pathevermore3683]

​@Exposing Frauditors is back great! Trans people and transphobe agree, that is an awesome shirt.

[@vampyr.cryptid]

@Exposing Frauditors is back oh mate I wish, id love to have horns and a tail but sadly I live in reality where humans are boring creatures

[@goodpeople25]

@Exposing Frauditors is back Wow way to tell on yourself considering the Pride exists and all aspects of it's name (pride as in the opposite of shame and it's a month because logistically a small unsupported group can't uphold the anniversary of an event such as stonewall especially when hateful people want others to forget the context) are because of hate like yours.

[@TheoRae8289]

That post-book exasperation was yet another reminder of why I absolutely adore you Jamie.

[@trixthetwix6502]

With the second story, when I came out as gay and trans my parents were very supportive, but it was my younger brother that was less nice about it. When ever we would have classic sibling arguments he would always bring in me being trans. Always saying "if you don't respect me I'm not going to respect your Pronouns" funny thing is, is before I even knew what being trans was (I think I was 11 and he was 9) he started experimenting with being a woman, was I confused? No, I gave him "girl lessons" so when he was acting like that to me it was very confusing. Luckily he's fine now, after my dad gave him a good talking to ofc 😂 but yeah it does happen.

[@charliecharmander3213]

Relating to the first story, I’m a trans guy who changed my name back in 2021 after I moved in with my mom (kicked out of my dads house). When we started the legal process, I decided that I wanted to change my last name as well and I picked the last name of her then boyfriend because I really liked the sound of it. However, they broke up in 2022 and as time has passed, he has continuously screwed her over financially, taking advantage of her kindness and friendship. I still have my last name and she gives zero sh!ts. She still likes it and says it will make a great doctor name one day (currently studying for my psych degree). THAT friends, is the proper way the mom (and any mom) should’ve acted.

[@shylee_the_emo]

“Yes I tuck all my shirts in because I’m bisexual” -Jammidodger 2023

[@Hanna_Munden]

My new little goddaughter happens to have the same name as someone who abused and gaslit me for years. (No connection between them) It can be hard sometimes, but you don't get a say in someone else's decisions. Replacing each horrible association to the name for all of the wonderful things my little sweetie does, is, and means to me is hard work. Healing is hard work. At the end of the day what the old person did is not the new person's fault, and you owe it to the both of you to do the work.

[@j.apenrose7896]

I was going into that second one a lil concerned until the ages of a 25 son and a 16 daughter came up. Like, if the son was a minor, no, you don't kick your kid out ever. But if he's a full grown man, yeah. Also, he kinda sounds like a spoiled brat tbh. Happy pride everyone!!

[@Ezo-ok2df]

idk what do i say happy pride month no, happy pride year HAPPY PRIDE LIFE

[@pembrokelove]

Perhaps if the parents were a bit more open with why the parents split and why mom left the children and took off to California, or if mom had maintained a better, supportive presence - even if she wasn't there physically - then this might have been avoided. Nta.