Deadnamed At The Wedding | r/AITA

[@jellybee5217]

the fact that his kids feel comfortable cuddling with their dad at 20 and coming out to him shows that there’s was tons of love in their childhood

[@Captain_Bottles]

@@camicienera fatherless behaviour 💀

[@SiusaidhMac]

​@@Captain_BottlesWho's fatherless?

[@Captain_Bottles]

@@SiusaidhMac NOT OP NOT OP I SWEAR I WASNT TALKING ABOUT OP

[@Captain_Bottles]

@@SiusaidhMac I was agreeing hard with OP and someone came out going against their lovely comment so I judged their ass

[@pembrokelove]

@@Captain_Bottlesthis is so funny, adorable, and wholesome.

[@mlee2774]

We gave my Mormon extended family 3 months when they didn't see me and I only told the family I live with and my grandparents my new name. I was terrified to see everyone for the holidays because of religious stereotypes. The entire time I only got deadnamed once by a 10-year-old cousin who immediately apologized and used my new name.

[@jadelinny]

I'm glad it went so well for you!

[@sternentigerkatze]

🥰

[@Schnort]

This is why I'm glad to not have much contact with my extended family. The most is my grandparents and great aunt. I have a lot of family I think, but we never interact. I'm glad that I won't have to come out to them because I can't imagine them being accepting...

[@GoldenRevenge]

ok

[@iZSee]

That's so great! ❤️

[@icecream056]

She literally just ruined her own marriage-.- like, what did she expected?

[@joanfregapane8683]

And totally unnecessary!

[@GoldenRevenge]

ok

[@GiftSparks]

It was an incredibly hostile,mean gesture.

[@rachelk4805]

She had the option to take him up on his offer to not attend. He made the boundaries really clear. It isn't unusual for women to wear a pantsuit or something to a wedding, it wouldn't surprise me if she had this "dress code" specifically to try to force her nephew to act like a niece.

[@crystalmoon4419]

And the wedding wasn’t even affected… it shouldn’t have affected the RECEPTION either, which is what she was goin off about. (Yea Jaime has a point about the wedding details and how she should have focused on herself.)

[@TheBookofBeasts]

What great fathers… teared up listening to this one. As a queer person with a father who thinks I am the worst of hell bound sinners it is lovely to hear this…. Beautiful and also hard to hear at the same time. ❤We should all have such love and support.

[@nekusakura6748]

You deserve a Better Father.

[@TheBookofBeasts]

@@nekusakura6748 thank you 🙏

[@owl7072]

Your father simply doesn't deserve you then, and if it makes you feel better, you've always got a family here 💞

[@oakenshadow6763]

You are not a sinner. You are you, and you deserve to be happy. Hope you find a person who shows you the love you deserve.

[@TheBookofBeasts]

@@owl7072 I can feel that ❤️

[@RiverWoods111]

I am a straight CIS woman who has been a tomboy my entire life. I would be offended if someone told me I had to wear a dress to their wedding. That needs to be my choice. I do wear dresses from time to time, but only with pants underneath them. They are short dresses or long shirts that I wear with leggings and boots that are flat heeled. Even if I wear a maxi dress, I wear leggings underneath them and flat shoes. That is so sexists to tell women they must wear dresses. Beyond horrible transphobic aunt! #2 Homophobic stepmom: That would be enough for me to dump a man in my life if he couldn't accept my gay daughter and her wife. He should just get rid of the wife to be honest; she is going to try to come between him and his son.

[@MissCaraMint]

I agree. I don’t mind dresses, but being told I have to wear something even if I was going to wear it anyway feels super restrictive for no reason. I get lose rules like all black for an even or occasion, or even uniform when you are in the army or whatever, but those things aren’t based an arbitrary things like whatever sex you happen to be born with. It’s just not right.

[@QUEERVEEART]

i didnt figure out my gender until college, but when me and my sister were kids, she only wore boys clothes. she would get upset when someone tried to force her into something feminine - she just wouldnt. she wouldnt even try out for the tennis team in middle school because they had to wear skirts. the coach wanted her so badly, they changed the rules so my sister would join and could play in shorts haha

[@RiverWoods111]

@@QUEERVEEART Kudos to your sister for standing her ground!

[@bdaarmy9736]

Same. Tomboy and a straight cis woman. Doesn't mean I'm "supposed to" wear a dress. I don't need to go to your wedding if wearing a dress is mandatory.

[@mr.horrorchild4094]

@@bdaarmy9736 There's no such thing as cis women. There are women and then there are mentally unstable men with a perversion that makes them dress up as what they think a woman is

[@Sarah_Grant]

The second story... Is the wife implying some kind of incest situation there? Because the son is gay, he will now be attracted to his Dad? W. T. F ?!? ICK.

[@xd._.28234]

LMFAO THATS WHAT I THOUGHT OMGGG

[@barrylangille3523]

Yeah. Its okay to hug one son but not the other? You mean one twin but not the other twin? Really? Does the woman even hear what she's saying? When dad called her homophobic it was only the truth.

[@echopeak5953]

I would be worried about her being around the straight step-son after comments like that. Just repulsive things to even cross your mind about someone's CHILD. Ew.

[@bossyboots5000]

Had the same thought. Like the homophobia is bad, but the incestuous implications of father-son affection are WAY F'ING CREEPY! I can't see any other way to interpret her comments. Unless she just thinks being hugged by his father will make the kid *more* gay?? Either way, it's super cringe.. Edit: typo

[@hampstersquared]

It's amazing how many people assume this kind of thing - I have two mums, and it came up frequently when explaining that to people. I remember one particular time when I was a teenager, after finding out my mum's gay a boy said to me "Wait...soooo...does your mum fancy you?!" to which I responded "No. Does your mum fancy you?" at which point he gave me a weird look, said "No! But that's different because she's not...oh...oh I see"

[@thonk1357]

This is my first Christmas after coming out as trans and me and my family will get each other Christmas cards and my dad and stepmum got me one that said son on it, just wanted to share this as it’s made me so happy

[@Mockingjay975]

Aww that’s so sweet!

[@eaglestrike99]

that is amazing

[@BlueSodaPop_]

I'm so happy for you

[@byecatsstacey7467]

Happiest of holidays!

[@oakenshadow6763]

That is beautiful!

[@owl7072]

For the second story: Man, the double standard is strong with this one. They have a daughter don't they? So by extension of it being weird to give his son affection because he's gay and likes boys, shouldn't he also avoid doing that with their daughter since (as far as we know at the moment) she may also start liking boys one day? 🤔

[@Greenteabook]

Makes me worried how she views the older straight son 🤢 He's not even related to her

[@Cascadeis]

Yes, she’s very very creepy. Also, does she not trust her husband at all? Imagine if it was the same situation but with a gay/female friend instead, how would she react? (I can’t think too much of the actual issues she’s having, her thought process makes me nauseous.) I also find it hard to believe she has a close “mom-son” relationship with her stepsons if they only got married five years ago and the twins are 20? (If I remember the numbers right) Edit: I realise I made it sound like a stepparent and stepchild can’t become family, which is not what I meant at all. I was mostly thinking of my husband - he has had two stepparents for 25 and 20 years respectively and is very close to both of them, but not in a parent way… more like a close family member, like an aunt/uncle. And he was twelve when he met the first one.

[@heather9130]

That really struck me as well. Does she not hear herself? It's so gross.

[@Silentgrace11]

@Cascaedis it honestly depends on the context of the situation and the context of the relationship, as far as closeness or distance with a step parent. My stepdad only married my mom about 5 years ago, but they had been dating for about 5 years before that. I don’t call him dad purely by virtue of me being a socially awkward potato, but to me he is my dad, and was my dad even before they actually got married. Meanwhile, my stepmom has been in the picture for probably 13 years, and married to my dad for a bulk of it. I struggle with viewing her as more of a mother figure and tend to see her more of like an aunt, but that’s in part because she’s also maybe 6 years older than me (I know there’s a lot that can be unpacked with that data point, but I’ll leave it at that because that’s not the focus lol). I’ve known her longer, and she’s been a “mom” to me longer, but due to other aspects of our relationship I struggle seeing her as one. I guess what I’m saying here is, parental relationships are complicated, and even more complicated with step parents. But the woman’s behavior and implications in that AITA segment is nauseating no matter how close or distant she was with her step sons. In fact, it’s even worse if she was close with them, only to drop this homophobic and very uncomfortably subtextual bomb on her step family. My goodness.

[@MorgenPeschke]

Unfortunately, this is apparently a thing 😕 It seems really weird to me, but I have heard first hand from women who had dads who just kind of stopped giving them hugs when they hit puberty.

[@chancematters]

As it turns out, being an LGBT ally does NOT make you an asshole.

[@nicolabagnardi6945]

who knew

[@corvus1374]

I saw a post the other day where this trans guy said his sister was getting married, and his parents, who had been out of his life for years, contacted him and demanded that he wear a dress. So he said this hairy bodybuilder showed up in a frilly pink dress, and his sister was delighted, and made sure that he was in almost every photo.

[@matemahe]

It only matters what bride & groom feel that ONE DAY. The father chose the right side but he should have done it without confronting bride then & there he should have slipped out quietly

[@toolio5268]

@@matemahe Or they could’ve just left him alone and let him wear a suit

[@barrylangille3523]

I saw that one. The brother had contacted his sister (the bride) and they were in it together. It became a unifying moment.

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

​@@matemahewhat?

[@dees3179]

Coolest thing ever.

[@dorkamolnar8609]

If being respectful towards her brother's son ruins her wedding, that marriage wouldn't last long. Like, for her it's just a name. I don't think she will feel any pain calling Connor by his name. But for Connor, it matters.

[@milir03]

I have a feeling that she'd mind getting called by their original last name over her new one because funnily enough, names mean a lot to some people.

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

As someone who is ALSO a transmasc called Connor, I feel it bro. It matters to me.

[@daniellerains5733]

Also, the dad in the first story set clear boundaries: my son will wear a shirt & tie, you will not deadname my son, or we will not attend. She said fine. She broke that boundary, and the consequence was that they left. NTA

[@cazz124]

Awkward when I was giving out the name cards for school photos, original register names on the cards (not the photographers fault). I crossed out the names and put preferred names on, hated that I had to do it because it brought attention to teenagers previous names, school photos are stressful enough for them

[@meddler-gz1ks]

Im sure they appreciate it, you seem like a wonderful person!

[@commandercorl1544]

I bet that'd make them feel a little better though, sure it sucks to have the reminder of a name that is dead to you, but it's gotta be so heart warming to see someone editing them and adding their correct names.

[@CasieMcMartin]

I just want to say thank you for being one of the grownups who gets it! I'm sure those kids love you. Because they know you're on their side. Also, you're sending a message to any parent, relative or teacher who doesn't get it yet and who see those cards. There's a reason we call them dead names. But sometimes people don't get that till they see the child's dead name crossed out.

[@purplealpaca9278]

As someone who's in yearbook I hate having to ask for someone's system/legal name, and I have to, because images need to be tagged with peoples names and we use the system names but I hate to do it

[@Nic0Dr4ws]

Happened with me as well, idk how it works for you but my mom was able to call the photography company that made the ids and got a new one with my name on it. It looked a bit different, like a deep fried meme but it’s alright

[@Kindyno]

Single dad raised my kids alone since they were 4 months old, they are almost 11 now. Did not expect to see this, made me cry at work. 100% agree with the defending your kids and showing affection. NTA

[@Schnort]

My mom is a single parent of three. Being a child of a single parent, I really have to congratulate and appreciate what you have done for these people.

[@TheBookofBeasts]

Thank you to whoever is keeping an eye on the comments and deleting the awful ones. You are very much appreciated for keeping this a safe loving space. ❤🙂

[@stormtellier3804]

your welcome sometimes I report such vile hateful comments on videos including this channel so people don't have to see that crap hopefully am one of the many people on here that are helping out so if I am I'll say it again you're all welcome and makes me happy that am might be making a difference

[@TheBookofBeasts]

@@stormtellier3804 You absolutely make a difference!!!

[@Pipkiablo]

I appreciate it too because I've been targeted by some pretty hateful people on Jamie's videos too.

[@jadelinny]

Does anyone know how it actually works? I will report harassment when I see it, and it often makes that comment disappear for me. Do KZbin channels actually have admins with the authority to delete comments, or does having enough people report harassment cause a comment to not be shown? I would like to know what effect it has.

[@sternentigerkatze]

@@jadelinny I think the channel owners can delete comments, not sure though.

[@iniyama]

imagine being so insecure in yourself and your relationship that you fell like your brother being a decent father to his son ruined your wedding

[@QUEERVEEART]

i am not trans but i am nonbinary and have gotten top surgery. it was in 2014 but not long after that, i was invited to my cousins pool party. we live in the south. i told mom i was only going if i could wear my trunks and no top. she was concerned about what people would think and so was my aunt, but they told me it was okay. even tho they werent excited or extremely supportive, they still let me be myself and for how religious they are and where they live, it meant so much to me. now my whole family is pretty chill with gender stuff, but i just wanted to say that even if support isnt enthusiastic, its still support and im glad ive had it.

[@Poland4life]

ew, you're either a man or a woman and it's whatever you're born as. god doesn't make mistakes.

[@misasouperstar8586]

@@Poland4lifeFirstly, it’s not about changing how you were born, it’s making yourself more comfortable in your own body. This can be anything from surgery, picking clothes you like, using specific pronouns, etc. I don’t see how it could be gross or bother anyone for any good reason. Secondly, not everyone shares the same religion. I’m inclined to believe that you have made a mistake, given your poorly written argument.

[@akitokutikabanae7010]

I wish i could do top surgery even if """""only""""" non-binary 😭 i dont have the money to do it and it can be refund only if i follow the strict rules "be on T, meet a psychiatrist, have surgery" 😬 Im glad you're able to live freely with an accepting family now 🌟

[@QUEERVEEART]

@@akitokutikabanae7010 aw i'm sorry!! i was worried that a doctor wouldn't perform the surgery on me since i'm not "fully trans". but i met with a surgeon who did top surgery and explained my situation, and he said it was okay as long as i had a written letter from my therapist that i was secure in my gender and this surgery would make my life better. and my therapist was happy to do that for me. idk where you live, but maybe it could still be possible? good luck!! i never wanted to be on t but i really really wanted the surgery and it did change my life. i hope you can get it one day too if it's what you really want ❤️

[@akitokutikabanae7010]

@@QUEERVEEART i guess it can be possible to find a good doctor who accepts this kind of situation... As i'm disabled i cant work actually, but hopefully the day I could afford a surgery, i gonna search for someone great. Never lose Hope is kinda my definition ahah. (i'm french btw !) Thank you for your answer 🥰

[@3vil0vesy0u]

When Jamie was talking about how indifference is a bit of a red flag that made me really emotional because I recently told my mom about my girlfriend (we’re both bi women) and she was very dismissive and indifferent. It was really difficult for me, but I think it’s getting a bit better already. After meeting my girlfriend’s mom, I asked if I could invite my gf for dinner over the holidays and my mom said yes. So I hope she will see how happy we make each other and learn to get over herself 🥺 And my grandma was pretty cool when I told her who would be coming over soon 🥹

[@DanielledeVreede]

Hoping all the best for you!

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

When I first came out as bi, my mom literally rolled her eyes. I had to ask her what her reaction was even supposed to mean because she did not even verbalize her thoughts. She "it's just a phase"-ed me. But she couldn't escape when I came out as trans. Thankfully she's cool now.

[@peanutcruncher1349]

there's a difference between a father and a dad. getting someone pregnant makes you a father. loving your kids unconditionally, supporting them and how they identify, and taking no shit from your family regarding it, makes you a dad. a *good* dad we need more dads like this

[@mockingjay458]

When my cousin got married, she had a very strict dress code of suit for men and long dress for women. I’m afab non-binary and had come out a few months earlier, so even though I was planning to wear a dress bc I like fancy dresses, my cousin told my mom that I was allowed to wear a suit or whatever made me comfortable if I wanted to, and it made me really happy

[@NoxBVansyn]

That's a wholesome cousin moment. Honestly if it weren't for my cousins, I would've run away from my fam and started a new life on my own.

[@oakenshadow6763]

The remember the story about Connor. He deserves the love he hot from his parent. The second story, too. He is a true dad. Cuddles are awesome and good for the soul.

[@GoldenRevenge]

ok

[@RiveroftheWither]

That second story was so uncomfortable to hear. Like, is she sexualizing the father/son relationship because the son is gay? That being gay makes you attracted to all men, even family? Being gay is not the same as being incestuous, at all.

[@xd._.28234]

4:10 and even cis people! some of us dont like to adjust to societal gender dressing norms! As a manly woman i love men's suits, leather shoes, ties and all those whole ass men things! I'd be that single woman in the party wearing an elegant suit instead of a dress! Now i must say... ✨Bye ✨

[@amyt3949]

Me too, though I went to my besties wedding as maid of honour with suit tie and make up to mess with her family (at her request) It was so fun seeing their tiny minds explode all day! We still laugh about it now. Plus I'm a wheelchair user and queer so it was a blast! 💥

[@waffles3629]

Yeah, like why are they assigning dress codes by genitalia? Ew

[@xd._.28234]

@@amyt3949 lol

[@vampyrekyng_lex]

I’m trans masc/genderfluid (not completely a woman but not entirely not a woman either) and I wore a button up shirt and pants to my prom. I’ll probably wear a dress this year

[@zephyrthorne266]

My one year old saw you and started waving 😭❤️ I thought you'd enjoy hearing that

[@kathyl2312]

This made me smile! ❤

[@GoldenRevenge]

ok

[@renthemen.]

who needs antidepressants when you have Jamie saying "my wife shaaba"

[@GreyPunkWolf]

Someone who wishes they would hear those words coming from their significant other... Maybe ? I guess ? Pfffhh I have no idea what I'm talking about here, really.

[@haruhisuzumiya6650]

I still need antidepressants because of my panic disorder I'm not depressed but my body gets Triggered by the anxiety

[@Ididnotwanttojoin]

People who have actual clinical depression and aren't just in a bad mood at that moment, that's who.

[@camicienera]

Fatherless pfp

[@daphneebrisson7449]

Can we applaud the father in the second story for being afraid to tell strangers on internet that he basically sucked at first as a father, and even did want to be a father figure for his kids? Can we applaud how wholesome he admitted he was wrong and how wholesome his relationship with his sons became? I want to cry of overload of cutness. (Sorry for mistakes, english is not my first language.)

[@HobieInTheBox]

Ah yes, homophobic flavoured AITA, just my kind 👌🏻

[@IWouldHaveGoneWithYouToTheEnd]

Tasty 😂

[@wijayasumargoo859]

Just my cup of tea, 👌

[@GoldenRevenge]

Not my cup of tea but Ok

[@SimF1e]

@@GoldenRevenge no one asked you though

[@GoldenRevenge]

@@SimF1e Nobody asked the original commenter but he's sharing his opinion. Same with me. We're allowed to have opinions on the internet and I personally don't find the most enjoyment on listening to homophobic AITA posts and that's ok

[@evie9555]

When I first saw the title, I was so afraid you were going to be talking about your own wedding! I'm glad that wasn't the case!! those stories were uncomfortable though. "don't you dare cause a scene at MY WEDDING" uh... You were the one who started the drama, and the "scene" they're causing is literally just leaving, which is the least scene causing course of action they can take without just accepting your abuse...

[@DeathnoteBB]

Seriously it’s such victim-blaming performative bullshit. Her wedding was fine, she was just trying to guilt trip them into enabling her transphobia and thankfully the dad wasn’t having it

[@theeveningcallsforfairies5246]

When I first came out and when I was questioning, my parents were very specific about what I could and couldn’t wear to things. For example, they wouldn’t let me wear a shirt and tie to my friend’s quinceñera because she didn’t want me to take the attention away from her.

[@wit681]

@@theeveningcallsforfairies5246 is it just me, or would a dress have been more distracting?

[@evie9555]

@@theeveningcallsforfairies5246 :( that's awful, I'm sorry!!

[@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072]

I disagree

[@chancematters]

I don’t understand how some people can be such assholes and not realize it. Like, social cues, I get it, but basic human decency? Being cruel, being told you’re cruel, and not listening? Come on.

[@westzed23]

Well said. 💜

[@SocialLocust]

I can only assume that it works the same as when people who are very dumb think they're really smart, despite all the proof in the world indicating otherwise. I think that there's some real overlap.

[@tyler4378]

From the first post, going into the "indifference" bit.. I'm trans, and I've been out since late 2019. My dad lives in another state, pretty Christian, so I didn't want to tell him, but my mom tagged me in a Facebook post and he found out. He didn't say anything one way or another, so I thought he was ok with it which made me excited to share more about myself with him. I called him the first time I had a T shot and he didn't really say anything. Then a few days later he sends me this super long rant about how he doesn't approve or accept me, and that he wouldn't let me "expose" my baby brother to it. Basically disowned me and I haven't spoken to him since then. Indifference scares me. As someone who's also Neuro divergent, I'd rather know right off the bat if someone hates me so I can just avoid them.

[@tyler4378]

@@Jenny-nz8fb what do you mean? I'm pretty comfortable with my identity and even after losing my family I stuck with my transition because that's who I am

[@rosieg6989]

@@tyler4378 Jenny is a known transphobic troll. Ignore them. I am so sorry that happened to you and I hope the rest of your family is more supportive of who you really are.

[@intercat4907]

As the father and grandfather of Neuro divergent people, I loved the last two sentences of your post. I have learned to put things I thought were "obvious" into words, and my family is better for it. Tyler, you are valuable and important, and the world needs you to live a good life. Thanks for a great post.

[@tyler4378]

@@intercat4907 thank you so much for your reply, your words really brightened my day more than anything, thank you 🫂

[@Queer_Nerd_For_Human_Justice]

That sucks ass. I'm sorry someone attacked you while you were vulnerable. You just wanted to share your life with him. He's ungrateful.

[@feonixrizen4960]

I'm a trans man and I plan on making a dress to wear to my wedding because dresses are pretty 😤

[@ZER0BLADES.]

Slay 👏🏻

[@owl7072]

And they're so fun too 🥰 I love wearing flowy ones and feeling them swish when I walk or spin a little when I turn👌

[@Mx.Phoenix]

Valid

[@kowaretatc8611]

Fair haha As a trans man personally I don’t vibe with dresses but glad you find joy in dresses :) Also Hope it goes well 👍

[@rzesiette594]

Do not forget pockets or we may have a problem! /j

[@coffee_beanie87]

Ouch yeah I remember that post about the supportive dad and his trans son. I was deadnamed at my baby sister's birthday party.... which was hosted on my actual birthday. Didn't feel great. Only reason I didn't leave was because I don't get to see my sister that much since I moved out. Not the first time either that happened. And when she remarried, my mom refused to let my little brother and I wear suits (I was pre-transition at the time and VERY uncomfortable wearing dresses). Yeah.... there's a reason I never go to visit my mom.

[@meddler-gz1ks]

Im so sorry, hope you get to see your sister more in the future!

[@jessicaholscher4097]

yeah, that first one did not care about the boy's gender or name. she only cared about what people thought about her on her day. she's probably like, "people are going to judge me because my girl cousin is dressed as a boy" when in reality nobody cares. even if he wasn't trans, and he was actually a girl wearing the boy clothes, who cares? That, or she think it's "just a phase" and she doesn't want her pictures "tainted" with that phase. again, who cares. i haven't looked at my wedding photos or thought of my wedding day in a long time. i'm more focused on my actual marriage than one day.

[@justKorppi]

Before my son transitioned, he wore a suit to his cousin's wedding. Everyone talked about how sharp he looked, even though he was still presenting as a girl. Women wear suits all the time. It's nothing new. By throwing a fit about it, she just drew more attention to what she saw as "the problem" - No one would have noticed if she had just let it go

[@PxsDD]

I'm reading 'indifference' as 'feigned ignorance'

[@Rainy-In-The-Desert]

Thank you for being safe for all of us. We love you.

[@Winter3448]

I don’t love him

[@PKMNResearcherSkyler]

@@Winter3448 and your point is?

[@Winter3448]

That I don’t like him

[@latteistrash]

@@Winter3448 guys I don’t think he likes him, might just be a crazy thought tho idk

[@tomsgrexit]

My mom has told me that if I marry a woman she won't be at the wedding. I'm bi and my family is super religious. I still have a lot of my beliefs but it's so difficult to see the Christian community at large as anything other than hypocritical. It's just such a let down when you realize the people you love the most don't feel the same..

[@alba89freak]

Jamie I love how you were initially very worried if you might be too nice to even call someone TA, and then calling out the A's with full force and determination! :-D

[@Resilient_Sage88]

Can we just have a round of applause for wholesome dads though!! 🥰🥰🥰

[@enolicannoli]

felt the first one so much. ive been socially transitioned for around 3 years and started hormones almost a year ago and my grandfather still refuses to use my name. my aunt only started using it a few months ago because she said it was a phase when i first came out and has realized its not "going away" anytime soon however the family members im close to and actually care about their opinions are soooooo amazing and supportive. when i came out my mom was just like "oh honey i know. youve been shopping in the mens section for years. i was just letting you tell me in your own time" and my sister helped my niece switch from my deadname to jamie. and now if my sister messes us my niece (shes 5) will be like "mom youre so silly. jamie is a boy *eye roll*" im so lucky to have them. sorry for the long comment. sometimes you gotta get it out!

[@V3xxe]

That's awesome! Sorry about your grandad though. I get the same from my grandma, but it's because I came out after she had started showing signs of dementia so when I'm myself she doesn't know who I am. It's still painful, but forgivable.

[@intercat4907]

"Silly, X is a boooyyyy. Eyeroll." I'm borrowing that. Coming from a 64-year-old man, it will either bewilder them or block them, and either way they'll hush, which is what we want. Cheers; thanks for the story.

[@JustAdriana]

6:10 My nephew could show up wearing beach clothes to my wedding and I wouldn't care. I'd care more that he's there to share that moment with me. WTF is wrong with that woman. Shame on her, and good for OP for standing up for her son.

[@narutaku9]

So this year I came out as trans back in April and had my first birthday and several holidays as such. This is my first Yule/ Christmas as an FtM person and its made me more than happy in all these months. My best friend of 20 years was the first to know with her mom for like a month before I came out to my little sister. Her reaction was so sweet. 'COOL! I have an older brother now!' My heart melted with joy. My mom was a little iffy at first but she asked questions and I was happy to answer. For my birthday she gave me dollar bills with the letter K on them since that's what my name starts with now. More heart melting XD So this year was nice to come out XD

[@PamperedDuchess]

Awesome dad in that first story. If you think TWO years is bad for deadnaming, try being deadnamed after 16 years and being told I couldn't wear a dress AT MY STEP-DAD'S FUNERAL! 🤬

[@ShinyAvalon]

That's when you wear a classy, black, understated, but _feminine-cut_ pantsuit. ;)

[@intercat4907]

No one owns a funeral. I am sorry someone had the ignorance and bad manner to interfere with you, and a funeral, that way. Buy them an etiquette book.

[@PamperedDuchess]

@@ShinyAvalon Yea, I had a femme top, cardigan, and slacks. Even wore makeup.

[@PamperedDuchess]

@@intercat4907 My mom was the one that "couldn't handle" me in a dress. She's gotten better since then.

[@mistywebs]

Being suspicious of indifference is bang on, felt seen hearing this cuz its been so true in my experience with coming out.

[@heather9130]

I LOVE Jamie's takes, so I'm all in for AITA coverage. These dads are so inspiring. I'm partly here because I'm a new mom (cishet), and I want to be educated so that I can be this kind of parent if I ever need to. It was really wonderful to hear of parents that love and support their children.

[@keeprollin9911]

eyy, you are so sweet, I bet you truly will be the most amazing mom your kid could ever hope for!!

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

Transphobia is so illogical. Why would Bridezilla care what her guests are wearing, let alone go out of her way to hurt her nephew? And therapy would be really helpful for StepMomaphobe, because what happened between her and her Dad (or Mom) to make her think that hugs from a parent are wrong? Is hugging sexual for her somehow? Baffling and hurtful. Great responses, great video. Happy Holidays!

[@desireeloveros1055]

In formal events such as weddings there's definitely a need for a dress code. Guys wear shirt and ties and women wear sun dresses That's perfectly reasonable Trying to force your _nephew_ to wear a dress because you don't agree with their gender identity That's perfectly illogical

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

@@desireeloveros1055 I assure you, dress code is optional. I have never been to a wedding where they told me how to dress unless I was in the wedding. I didn't have a dress code at my wedding. I guess it's normal in my experience for there to be no dress code unless it's a theme wedding (friends almost got married on May 4th and wanted people to wear Star Wars costumes and shirts if they had). Maybe I'm just weird and it's normal to want to control what your guests are wearing! There are a lot of societal normie memos I've missed over the years :)

[@waffles3629]

@@desireeloveros1055 why does that dress code need to be assigned to gender though? Will the marriage be invalid if a girl wears a tie or a boy wears a dress? No. What if a woman disliked wearing dresses and wanted to wear a dress shirt and tie? You can't say it's inappropriate since that's what half the people are wearing.

[@olgar.6604]

@@desireeloveros1055 I think that sensible dress code is more about formal/casual. If a woman is uncomfortable wearing a dress she should be coerced into wearing one because the bride said so. Besides a "summer dress" isn't automatically formal, what about dresses one wears to the beach, they would be kinda inappropriate in a wedding :/

[@intercat4907]

You went to just the right place. A woman who hints that her husband is a child molester is working up to false accusations involving their daughter. He needs to run not walk to get a family therapist. He also needs to have a lawyer on standby.

[@M-Joy]

what the hell? There are so many people who do shit like that first wedding situation. If you want no scenes, don't flipping deadname your loved ones.

[@barrylangille3523]

It seems to me that if the bride had used the preferred name, and not made a big silly fuss, everything would have been fine. But she had to shove her transphobia in both her brother's and her nephew's faces. Then she said her brother was making a scene. No, she created the situation, and if she'd left it alone when the brother and his family left (and he probably wanted to just tell her they were going and leave quietly) most of the guests wouldn't have given it much thought. The bride is the AH multiple times over.

[@intercat4907]

Perfect. The teenager who was invited to the wedding was not the problem.

[@darsterz]

MASSIVE W for the dad at the wedding, the sister reminds me of my own sister who also tried to gaslight me into not wearing a suit despite me being out to her so i just had to comply. glad that connor has such a supportive father

[@Marma91]

the first one really spoke to me because I am getting married next year and my trans cousin (mtf) is not yet out completely to the whole family. Only her parents, and they're not that sold in yet, and to her siblings. She said to me that she will wear a dress and make-up to the wedding and it warmed my heart

[@upliftothers4599]

Hi! Thank you for being a safe space for me. You are amazing

[@KateCat420]

My mother (who is a Christian, along with my Dad) told me when I was growing up that her first priority was my happiness and if I wanted to marry someone of the same gender, she would still want to be involved in my wedding and helping in the planning and all that. I didn't realise until later how incredibly rare this was, and then I was so mad at all these other parents failing their basic duties. (My father since then has also become a Pride Dad, btw. I can't give you my parents, but I'm more than happy to share their hugs at Pride 🏳️‍🌈❤️)

[@flibbertygibbet]

I love the community around this page. The vast majority of the comments I read are so good and sweet and I am happy to read them. As a boomer ( a grandma ever) it gives me hope to see younger people being more accepting of those who are different. I hope this continues and spreads.

[@CasieMcMartin]

The first story is so upsetting. Imagine showing up and seeing your dead name on a card. There's a reason they're called dead names. Did the aunt also put out a card for the teen's dead mother?

[@amayatsuki5673]

Both dads need a Best Dad Award! I feel happy for the kids having such caring dads!

[@arashiedward5226]

I'm seriously lucky to have my father in my life. I'm 34 (ftm) and he's so supportive. I've recently returned home after four and a half years abroad, and didn't have much in the way of masc clothes. So Dad went through his closet and pulled out all his old shirts that didn't fit him any more. He even drove me to my first appointment to talk about starting gender affirming care. He calls me his son and is doing really well with he/him pronouns.

[@vampyrekyng_lex]

That’s so sweet! My (18) dad (50) isn’t quite the same (doesn’t know I’m trans masc) but as far as he knows I lean towards androgyny so he also gives me some of his old clothes

[@nutella7162]

That is sweet! I always appreciate any sign that you genuinely care, even if you don't really understand it. Especially when it comes from older folks who grew in vastly different time periods and even cultures, so them trying to do their best even if they mess up, but the thought is there and it shows. That means a lot more to me than someone who pretends they care a whole lot when in fact they don't give two dimes about you. My grandma grew up poor in the countryside in the middle of nowhere more than half a century ago and seeing me colour my hair was almost like she was watching a sci-fi movie. She honestly didn't get why would I make my natural hair a different colour (it was such an alien thing to her), but she gave me compliments and advice what clothes suited me better

[@observableuniverse1]

The first one just melted my heart 🥹💗 We love supportive parents!

[@Oleanderthe_octopuse]

It makes me so made and uncomfortable to hear about homophobic and transphobic people. THEY SUCK! Edit: I’m bi btw.

[@WoahItsKris]

Same! I don't understand how people even have an issue with other people being lgbtq, it doesn't affect them! I'm also bi btw

[@Oleanderthe_octopuse]

@@WoahItsKris nice 👍 (for being also bi)

[@westzed23]

@@WoahItsKris So true.👍🏻

[@sandrols7]

I'm straight... and it makes me mad and disgusted as well. And the fact that these homophobic and transphobic people have to make up a narrative to justify their hatred is even worse.

[@WoahItsKris]

@@sandrols7 exactly!

[@renfcook]

Wearing a suit and tie to my mum and stepdads wedding earlier this year was so affirming, everyone deserves to wear clothes they feel comfortable in

[@sdfghjasdfghjk8175]

"My wife Shaaba..." You made it. You did it. Congrats to you and your wife again from a longtime spud and peach.

[@melissatoth659]

"Don't make a scene at my wedding," proceeds to use her own wedding to make a transphobic point

[@Yawninggate]

hi I know this is unrelated to the video and I suspects this will be lost in the comments but Jammie’s videos and some furious smacking over the head with a rubber chicken by my friends that it made me realize that I was trans! it has been about a year now, and while not all my family really understands, I’m happy and content with who I am

[@westzed23]

Congrats on being open as trans. You have some great friends and of course watching and hearing Jamie. I've learned more about myself watching him. I'm asexual and agender. Come out to your family when you want to. It goes along as steps on your true path. 👍🏻💜

[@notadev1590]

"furious smacking over the head with a rubber chicken" has to be the best moment of realisation that I've ever heard haha. I'm glad you're being yourself, even in the face of those who might not support it

[@intercat4907]

I remember my "Duh" moment. Someone who didn't even particularly like me, almost out of the blue, in an incredibly Latino-Catholic-homophobic part of Texas, said, "Why don't you just transition? It's easy." I was 42 ... and yep, that was what was going on. Oh, duh ...

[@AquaEclipse324]

It's been a year or more since this comment was made, but congrats on the gender!

[@Acid0Dreamz]

Definitely a good dad. I'd literally walk out immediately. Your kid will always be more important then your sibling. Sorry not sorry. These people in both these stories are bloody insane.

[@vampyrekyng_lex]

I agree, as someone who is very close to one of their siblings and doesn’t know if they even want kids. I haven’t talked to two of my siblings in years because of how they act and I wouldn’t be afraid to cut off another one…

[@HopeHendershot-Moskal]

I no longer talk to my family because they deadname me all the time. My mom was never supportive. She tried to guilt me by saying that I was disrespecting her by not going by the name she gave me. Then she told everyone in the family that it was ok to deadname me because it was their right to call me by the name they've known for 30+ years. My mother never cared that deadnaming me was hurtful, because she had been emotionally abusive my whole life. I never really belonged in my family, so I knew it was time to just let them go.

[@raphaelegit]

Wow, i'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I hope you have a great life without your mother weighing you down

[@cerberaodollam]

LoL my aunt was like "you'll grow out of it" when I came out. After another 16 years, well... 😅😅

[@colerpizza]

As an FtM trans boy I've always lived not having a period and joke about it with my cis friends. Today I got it 😭😭😭. Watching u cheered me up as always thou

[@tammysantana7200]

Merry Christmas 🎄 I enjoyed this topic. It’s great to see parents standing up for their children.

[@stereoboese]

That little flouf thing in your hair. I want to take it out. So badly. 😂 Supportive parents are amazing. The dad deciding to leave because his son was deadnamed: the son will never forget ❤

[@devchekhov7512]

When it comes to the rights of marginalized peoples, there's no neutrality--you either accept that person (not deadname them) and shut down hostile behavior or you don't. I think some people say they're neutral because they can't be bothered to call out bigoted behavior because that means putting themselves out there.

[@VelaiciaCreator]

It's just sitting on the sidelines so they don't get attacked themselves. In short, cowardice.

[@Knightess]

The label did it for me. This bride went out of her way to make sure the label was deadnaming OP's son. It was such a tiny detail, would never show up in photos, would only be relevant to people sitting at the table, and was not legally relevant in any way whatsoever, and yet the bride went out of her way to deadname OP's son at the table and then have the nerve to say "[DN] can be a boy any other day of the week" as though being trans is a fashion statement and making it very, very clear she didn't support OP's son at all and in fact felt that OP's son being trans would somehow tarnish her wedding day. What a horrible human being.

[@theeveningcallsforfairies5246]

I love the relationship the dad has with his kids in the second one. I’m 19 and a lesbian but I still cuddle and hug my mom. She’s my mom and I love her, I’m not gonna miss out on opportunities to show her some love

[@kriegswaffel]

“Indifferent” on trans/enby/gnc always has a feeling of “I don’t say anything as long as their gender stuff doesn’t inconvenience me, but I do expect cishetereonormativity”. Being truly indifferent means you don’t care and go “you do you, doesn’t affect my life to simply accept you”.

[@invisiblue3212]

More AITA please! This kind of content is really great when looking for 'relatable' videos. The more we all hear about these situations the less alone people will feel when they see that so many face the same issues. The AITA stories can sometimes be funny as well as touching, but they always give insight on how others tackle the issue at hand, and some folks need help navigating these situations, so thank you and carry on!👏👍

[@bkk1996]

I can't believe she chose her wedding of all times to expose herself as a small-minded bigot. If she worried so much about this during a time as hectic as her own wedding, it takes up a pretty big space in her heart. Lady, whoever you are, you need therapy and introspection. You also owe the biggest apology of your life to your nephew and your brother. That was some next level vile behavior towards your own family. A family who'd lost their mother and wife, I might add. Gross. Edit: so I commented before the 2nd story bc I thought there was no way it could be as awful. I should know by now, people can always lower the bar. That wife is ignorant and I hope he can lead her to educate herself before spewing such weird, distorted homophobic nonsense again. Both of these dads are great examples of parents. I love that they parent with empathy and place their children's happiness at the forefront of their priorities. Really beautiful to see.

[@inkuii]

Please do the rat dress, I’d love to see your reaction to that story!

[@justKorppi]

I had forgotten about that one! Oh geez!

[@MaximeFortin]

Hearing you say « my wife » now makes me so happy🥰

[@hiygamer]

Stories like that first one remind me just how lucky I am to have a family that has been largely accepting of me being trans

[@nekusakura6748]

Nice Shirt. It looks Soft and Fuzzy to Hug.

[@greendinoplush394]

Your shirt is giving cozy pyjama vibes, I love it!

[@threadyprawn8944]

They're great fathers and I love that they accept their kids or even defend them. Hope mine will also accept one day as I think he's easing his way through with the topic of trans as I've let it be known I'm more comfortable and happier as a man. Haven't corrected on pronouns and names but made it clear of style and goals for myself. In the kitchen one day when I was making dinner, he came over to help watch the food, so it didn't burn while I was trying to open a jar of sauce. While I was struggling, he just suddenly said, "You need to work those muscles out before you get the shots that lend you a beard." and I was stunned but agreed to him. It may have been little but meant a lot with hearing that and he's been lending me tips for ways to lift weights. Though he still has a bit of ways to go since there's still some debate on the topic of the lgbt.

[@Asongbook]

I think he's on the right path, I pray he keeps going forward!

[@Axqu7227]

That’s an awesome way to bond!! Letting him teach you guy stuff sounds really sweet!!

[@thepunkmuppet]

have a great first christmas as a married couple btw!! sending you and shaaba all my love 🥰

[@firstnamelastname6202]

To dads who are physically affectionate with their adult sons; I love you, you're doing great 🥺

[@ohshctrash1410]

6:00 you have such a good point about people being able to wear whatever clothes they feel comfortable wearing. Back in the summer, I went to my cousin's wedding and my step sister came as my plus one because she lives in the area, and has met my aunt and cousin before and they both really like her. My step sister likes to wear more masculine clothing, it's her personal preference. And no one had any issue with it because my family is chill about stuff like that. It's really not that hard. Let people wear the clothes they're comfortable in.

[@MeltedBrains89]

The shirt looks great! And happy holidays to anyone who reads this

[@catzz1654]

Happy holidays to you to also I agree that shirt has drip (sorry for my cringe comment s)

[@purplebushie]

Happy holidays !!

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

Happy Solstice!

[@sarahthesarah2850]

Happy Holidays y'all

[@olgar.6604]

Happy holidays! And the shirt looks comfy af!

[@kataevellei415]

Very good point about the whole "being indifferent" thing. When I finally gathered my courage and came out to my mother in an email, she didn't reply. When I asked her on the phone if she got my email, her reaction was pretty much "I don't care who you love as long as we never talk about it ever again and keep pretending that you're straight." When, on one occasion, I burst into tears because I felt so alone and isolated, she told me to stop being a drama queen and making a big deal out of it. All the while she expected me to be thankful for her "acceptance." Thankfully, things have improved a lot since then and she's now 100% supportive of my gf and I, but man was that a hard time.

[@JuMixBoox]

I love your choice to take this format and be LGBTQ+ specific with it! Often with these posts, you want someone with lived experience and expertise to weigh in to be able to judge.

[@hotchocbooks]

barely even started the video but the amount of joy i get from 'my wife shaaba' at 00:23 💖💖

[@geckokid8265]

If I was the first Dad I would have wanted to say something to staff along the lines of "oh I'm sorry where is my son's seat? His name isn't here" preferably with the bride in earshot

[@ronanwallwork1577]

Jamie looks fluffier than usual in this button up and I am here for it

[@captainwatercress]

Love seeing some respectful and kind fathers!

[@isaac_owens9110]

She knew she wasn’t being indifferent deadnaming the trans kid and trying to force him to wear a dress. Disgusting

[@TheDerpyDeed]

the outfit makes me expect a blue cartoon dog to appear... ...and for you to do the "we just got a letter" song, and then open the envelope to reveal one of Rowling's tweets.

[@NoxAtlas]

I remember when I came out as agender to my family and it was quite a rough time for my parents because they didn't understand nonbinary genders and struggled a lot to call me by my new name. Especially my mother was hesitant and first assumed I just didn't identify with my assigned gender because of traumas. So I didn't have high expectations for her. One day when my aunt invited everyone for her 50th birthday, she sent us all cards. I got mine with my deadname. She couldn't have known because I didn't get the chance to talk to her but I still was depressed and insecure. My mum noticed that and because she knew how much I struggled to talk to people in general, she went up to my aunt and everyone else in our family and asked them to please call me by my new name because being referred to as my assigned birth gender made me uncomfortable. This made me so happy, especially that everyone was accepting me for who I am, even if they don't understand it.

[@jongkittae]

listen I missed out on a lot of bonding with my parents as a child (my dad worked hellish long hours out of town for most of my very young years, like infant to elementary school, and then my mother went back to work for a while full-time until she got diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 13, she's fine now btw so don't worry) and I love that the dad of those twins was sticking up for his kids as well as encouraging them to be themselves and fighting his homophobic wife on their behalf because I feel like there's so many people who don't have the parental support they should and I'm so glad that at least this father is there for his kids and loving them unconditionally despite the difficult circumstances in which he became a parent.

[@SillyNep]

I remember seeing that first one before and seriously... Like imagine like, putting someones name tag as "worthless piece of shit" or something and then getting mad that THEY complained about it. And then for the rest of the people to agree with her... Ridiculous! If I was the kid in that moment I'd realise the rest of my family doesn't actually see me as who I am, and that would be painful... But I am glad he at least had his father be the voice of reason in the middle of all this insanity

[@manystripesonetiger7892]

seeing people share their happy stories so i'm gonna share mine. our family has stockings that are customized to have our names stitched into them, and this year my stocking is going to have my new name on it! i'm so excited! last year we just put a sticker on my stocking that said Zacharie to cover up my deadname, lol

[@Aloddff]

I don’t know why but the fact all the brothers left together with their father is the accepting supportive positivity that makes me tear up Affirmation and acceptance (at shamefully low levels) are my emotional kyptonite

[@becamicusack3598]

Screw the lot of them - good father, did nothing wrong. Hope Connor is doing ok and not blaming themselves for the bride's being rude and causing friction.

[@kioloup]

If I saw a grown ass man cuddle up to his dad on the couch and get a kiss on the forehead, I would sink into the floor at the level of cuteness being displayed.

[@MadamMafia2]

Jamie looks like the dad I want to be proud of me

[@MadamMafia2]

@Science Bear ah I'm reading through your comments. You are obviously transphobic if you think the person who shot up the bar was actually non binary You are also obsessive in talking about this

[@tjenadonn6158]

@Science Bear And Italian chefs would rather make Italian food than apologize for the war crimes committed by Benito Mussolini. People like doing what makes them money and makes them happy and not apologizing for things that have nothing to do with them beyond membership in a massive group.

[@MadamMafia2]

@Science Bearyou are taking this on a massive stretch. I am bi. Do you think the violence didn't affect me? What can be said other than condolences for thr victims And we need to change. Im very concerned about your assertstation that the shooter is non binary. Which is far right shit. He did that to further demonize the LGBT community of which he hated. Of which he ran sites villifying. Of course we are all heart broken. he is too. But he does not need to make a video describing that.

[@MadamMafia2]

@Science Bear you are reaching Hard-core If you believe the shooter was non binary quite frankly I'm not going to mince words you are a fool. I'll leave you to explain why his own lawyers didn't call him by these things he was so adamant about. No one is wiping the pulse shooter under the rug. I don't need to prove a thing to you about my feelings. Especially since trans folks were one of the targets of the attack The community is stronger together I encourage you to get help, as you clearly has alot of hate in your heart and seem to be projecting I hope you have a happy holidays and I hope you learn to.move past your bigotry

[@tjenadonn6158]

@Science Bear There's a difference between groups you actively choose to part of because you agree with what they do and what they believe and groups you become a part of due to sheer happenstance. There are no trans meetings were we plan attacks and indoctrinate new members, there is no Trans Bible, there is no initiation process. Trans people are no more a unified group than bassists, kayakers, or Italians. Proud Boys, the GOP, the KKK and other radicalized transphobic terrorist groups on the other hand are groups one actively chooses to be a part of and which share a worldview and ideology. They are unified behind a single cause and single goal, and thus share responsibility for their actions. This is obvious to any human being. I can see why a right winger like you would be confused.

[@samgyu]

i love that shirt sweater thing idk it looks so nice :D im always looking forward for ur videos they are like free therapy to me

[@crownclowncreations]

I grew up with a mom and stepdad that have always been super cuddly. We still get forehead kisses, hug and cuddle, even though me and my twin are in our 20's. I will never get too old to hug my parents.