Koala STDs | Bonus Jokes Removed from Netflix

tomsegura.com/
Netflix is a Joke Exclusive: Tom Segura got to hold a koala while in Australia and learned that everyone has been getting a detail VERY wrong about them. Bonus material from Tom Segura: Sledgehammer (now on Netflix)

[@jameswilson2268]

As an Aussie we are very appreciative of anyone that makes the effort to tour here because it is a fucken long way from most places so we do appreciate it 😂

[@patton303]

Tom Segura and also the Foo Fighters. Two of our greatest exports to Australia.

[@RoxorTehCoxor]

Go magpies(?)!

[@jameswilson2268]

@@RoxorTehCoxor nah swans 😉

[@RoxorTehCoxor]

@@jameswilson2268 I've been watching super Saturday. Super fan, mate

[@garrymcdonald5456]

New Zealander enters the chat, we often have to go to Australia if we want to see a concert or worse Auckland.

[@MinecraftMasterNo1]

Who knew Australia treated Japanese comedians this well?

[@negativeindustrial]

SEGURAAAAAAA!!!

[@thomasb1943]

*in a japanese accent* Seguuuuraaa

[@christofferbersau6929]

He's mexican

[@maddogmorgan1]

@@christofferbersau6929 He's Japanese...his name is Seguuuuuuraaa!

[@nicholassemelak6224]

He's white, but Mexican. And Japanese but only by name

[@vegadeth]

My sister was driving through backcountry in Australia when she came across two koalas fighting in the road. She stopped and waited. The slow fight began getting slower to the point where they were just holding each other. It looked like they were just cuddling. Apparently they tire easily. She drove around them while laughing her ass off

[@nlocnil3602]

I can literally see this story in my mind 🤣🤣🤣

[@kalebnelson4569]

I read this with an Australian accent in my head from the point that I saw “when she came across two…” with 0 delay in my head it it was slightly unsettling that it wasn’t intentional.

[@Live-Life-Freely]

Did she catch chlamydia?

[@onewillow8511]

ROFL for real 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Kshandamion]

Koalas get *very* little nutrition from eating eucalyptus. It's basically the same (lack of) energy as pandas living off bamboo when they have a carnivore-oriented digestive system.

[@paulrigbye1752]

As an Australian, I probably take more offence to the "Bloomin Onion" than people's misinformation about fornicating with marsupials. 😂

[@mickk3943]

yes!!! To all Americans, if you can get it at Outback steakhouse it's probably not actually a thing here 🤣

[@silasrobertshaw8122]

I just want a Bloomin Onion while grilling some shrimp on the barbie and drinking a Fosters.

[@radamus210]

Onion grower from Georgia - "What do we do with all these onions?" .... marketing sales guy goes "I got it!" .... Aussie fam visiting America "Hey! Outback! We have to go there! ....look at the menu and go "what the fuck?" .... Yah, we know, we know, we called bullshit before you ever heard of an Outback steakhouse.~

[@lb8141]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@zeroa69]

Thats why he made the joke

[@RR-dq1bi]

Heard koalas almost went extinct back in 92’ due to a certain blood thirsty country music star

[@AquarianT3]

Pray do tell

[@knowledgeuntamed9177]

Garth Brooks is a monster

[@godawgs-33-18]

The dates line up we know g did it

[@davidkunkle3262]

He's also a serial plane shitter. Who is going to stop this menace.

[@KorysYoutube]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@spielundzeug]

I‘m glad we got this sorted and now I’m looking forward to visiting Australia

[@Rosskles]

You can have a cuddle after 🤣

[@pusbys9730]

Don’t come.

[@cornelius69]

@@pusbys9730 you shouldn't worry so much, im sure he'll do the responsible thing and wear a condom while he takes that koala to pound town

[@v8tigerAU]

The koalas have had a rough time after a good chunk of them burned to death in the 2019 fires…they’ll appreciate the love

[@veramae4098]

The bugs alone have crossed it off my "to do" list ...

[@tbeninjatiger]

Your Aussie show in Adelaide was 100x better than what we got with the Netflix special IMO. Incredible, so glad I got out of hospital in time and got across the country to see you, it really was a beacon of joy in a very very dark time for me. Cheers

[@PressuredSpeechBand]

Hope you are recovering well!

[@gixx3r]

was it a completely different set of jokes??

[@tbeninjatiger]

@@gixx3r The first 10 minute or so were all Australian jokes. There were definitely a few other jokes but most importantly was the way the show was structured. The Netflix special feels like a highlight.

[@JTByrd386]

@@tbeninjatiger That right there is how you can tell the greats. Opening with fresh, local material.

[@v8tigerAU]

I was at the Sydney show…yeah obviously when the set is tailored towards your audience, it’s better than the one they put out for everyone. His joke about our indigenous didn’t make it into the special 😔

[@donmongoose]

The fact I saw the punchline for the Koala bit coming a mile off, but his delivery is so perfect I still laughed. This man could make a weather report hilarious.

[@WKRP187]

Check DJ Dad's Ducttape weather reports on the local news in cities across the US.. well worth the time

[@jfsimmonsiii]

You saw the kangaroo line coming a mile off? You’re like a comedic savant.

[@jakubgadzala7474]

Tim became a master of "100 miles away easy to see punchlines, but you have not seen that angle yet" in this special. Unlike his buddy Bertha, where you know the premise right away, but you had no fakin idea on the spin, cause that's only in Bertha's head. 2 Slots 1 Behaves 🐨

[@Churro_Flaminguez]

He can elevate even mediocre material with delivery alone. This was not mediocre btw

[@StrongFlatWhite]

I'd love to see him report on the federal budget

[@fletcherk1551]

Very proud Aussie here, the love you gave us in the start always makes me feel so good to live here! Didn't see you but next time you decide to haul 🪃 20 hours over here, I'll see you in Perth 🇦🇺

[@ashuggtube]

Thank you Tom for spreading the truth about our great country

[@stephen29]

Jim Jefferies did a bit on koalas also. Is he loved in Australia? He is pretty popular in the USA

[@ashuggtube]

@@stephen29 I'm sure he is loved too, I don't know his stuff

[@smotch7533]

I see why Netflix cut this.

[@ScooterDoge]

As a Koala bear, I can confirm this is a message we’ve been trying to spread for a long time. We love spreading things…like the clap.

[@Dr_KAP]

Koala bear ? 🤔

[@Im-Not-a-Dog]

​@@Dr_KAP80% of wild Koalas have it.

[@Dr_KAP]

@@Im-Not-a-Dog my comment referred to the use of the word “bear” 😂 a koala isn’t a bear it’s called a koala not a koala bear 😉

[@marcobaek1378]

some Sheila:.......OI Did I fack a Koala lahst naht??

[@Dr_KAP]

Also what many don’t realise is that the most common strain of chlamydia in koalas is chlamydia pecorum which is NOT transmissible to humans. The less common strain chlamydia pneumonie is transmissible.

[@doloran-]

Thumbs up cause he kept his promise and spread the word.

[@Sillybros2]

Need to come out with an extended cut to the special with all the bits that were cut. This one is hilarious! 😂

[@stephenpietroboni8237]

I love the aggressive "And it was!" 🤣

[@JamieTotal]

lol... Love it. As an Aussie, I've never heard the koala joke. Either I don't hang out with enough comedians, or not enough koalas.

[@arribaficationwineho32]

I never heard it either

[@skipchylark1878]

We could all use more koala friends

[@JamieTotal]

@@skipchylark1878 lol... Too bloody right, mate. =)

[@CynicalReactions]

I learn so much from this man

[@joshberry8262]

I love this Joke as an Aussie, I expected it but still golden from Segura 🔥❤️

[@fishsticks5175]

Stoked u post this stuff.nice to know what we're missing from Netflix

[@haydenlamont3966]

Saw you in Sydney mate! Loved the show, can’t wait for the next tour!

[@justforepic]

You look fresh af in your new special, tom. Dope jacket and shoes to match. Keep up the good work tommy bunz!

[@capt_bry]

yay! BONUS JOKES. KEEP em coming. like tom

[@MichaelWinsor-wk7fy]

Thank you, Tom, for making me laugh. Cheers!

[@tonymarselle8812]

Garth segura is killing it . From coast to coast.

[@peterh3889]

Great PSA Tom.. great bit all round.. the kangaroo punchline great finish.. ❤ from 🇦🇺

[@friednoodles1954]

I'm loving these extra bits

[@gregszczepkowski2550]

It landed well in Dublin, thanks for coming.

[@swagg3rmuffin]

Remember hearing this one back in Topeka Kansas! 😂

[@hook357]

The stuff they took out of the special I've heard so far are o much better than they left in. The ones that were edited out is more like the tom Segura I'm used to. Could we get a re release with all the stuff they took out?

[@nathanchristensen716]

Asking Tom Segura for a favor is like a taking a wish from the monkeys paw 😂

[@jonahswinton8102]

I can’t believe this was cut 😂

[@j.frankparnell.radiation]

Thank you for the information. Good to know.

[@Max-zg2ci]

It’s not the Koala Clap that gets you, it’s the Koala scratching the hell out of you while you try to mount it that does

[@bizona.3387]

Had a friend who never heard of him watch it and he laughed his ass off. If you're a fan you enjoy it in a different level, that's art!

[@Spudz76]

The eucalyptus oil soothes all that away.

[@thestraydog]

Jokes on you, I'm into that!

[@_NoBuddyCares]

I would have stopped and asked her…. “How do you know?” 😅

[@zmynor]

dude!! youre such a great writer. this is a great joke.

[@gmax876]

I'm pretty sure I love this guy more than I should 😂

[@DevinMcSalty]

That lady finna see this and be super happy for about 3 seconds lmaooo

[@POPLSEV7]

😂the sloppy Joe part got me💀🤣💀🤣

[@fabiomazza1389]

Why the hell would they take this joke out? It's hilarious 😂

[@bl0p3z01]

I think they purposely left jokes out to release on KZbin to create traffic and fresh views and maybe also point people to the special if they haven't seen it. Pretty smart move.

[@bengough6772]

​@bl0p3z01 100% I reckon there will be about 15_30 mins released go drum up views, for the special. I love Tom Segura, by far and away my favourite comedian (and im a brit so you know we clash with our US cousins) Glad to see more of this

[@bobzyurunkel]

Because there is no punchline?

[@24magiccarrot]

@@bobzyurunkel The punchline is "you can fuck all the Koalas you want" I'm worried that you don't realize that's a joke and not an actual recommendation.

[@alexbrown4426]

​@bobzyurunkel the punchline is you can go fuck koala bears. Tf are you talking about. Getting my passport now.

[@patton303]

0:55: I see a cowboy hat in the background. Be careful Tom!

[@13christbane]

I tell you what

[@manpudding911]

San Francisco sure is a pretty city!

[@em0_tion]

The ultimate "What I said VS What she heard". 🤣😂

[@DontCome2LA]

This was amazing

[@etpc2023]

As an Australian I just screamed laughing, even though I knew the punch line it’s fucking hilarious

[@mblulz]

Leave it to Tom to fill the world in on the things we really need to know

[@Blockboy-hg1ed]

“That’s a blooming onion mate” had me fucking crying 😂

[@getinthespace7715]

🤣😂 Netflix sucks. Glad you were able to cash in though. This bit was hilarious.

[@SparkIeMotion]

Love seeing Tom own the room!!

[@kevinford0001]

Hopefully the room treats him better than the court. He's a natural.

[@seal869]

I’ve been to Australia many times and can confirm all of this

[@paulrummery6905]

The classic koala joke is "why don't you invite a koala around for a romantic dinner? Because he only eats, roots, shoots and leaves"

[@lewisgann280]

That’s a pretty good joke to be fair.

[@jeremyjoyner1198]

For a half second it felt like a genuine nice moment. And then he said "you can go to Australia,.." and i knew 😂😂

[@Iedhunter410]

I'm not sick of the koala joke! You can tell the shit out of that anytime, mister Segura

[@Khalid.F95]

I've never got exhausted from laughing at a comedy special before

[@argusbargus4301]

This one sure hurts the cheek muscles.

[@Kento_nanami_the_2nd]

Segura actually looks like a Koala in this video. A Koala with the human strain of chlamydia

[@jayjayplaza]

This Is amazing!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Airblasto]

Man I love Tom Segura. Lol

[@SqueezeBurger]

I've laughed more during this bit, than I did during the whole of sledgehammer. Whose dumb idea was it to cut this?! This is golden.

[@artifundio1]

Agree, I like this bits better than the netflix edit. Idk, there is something not organic in that edit.

[@TheDkbohde]

I think the idea was to save the best for KZbin to drive up engagement and draw on KZbin. Probably didn’t want to go full Shultz or Gillis and post the whole thing on KZbin. Basically getting some of that Netflix cake and KZbin algorithm gold

[@billsmith394]

@@TheDkbohde this is the only thing that makes sense

[@KimboKG14]

this special was a masterpiece allready but oh my!

[@mrmacc1312]

Im gutted I missed you in New Zealand I love your comedy

[@julietphillips1991]

Wow! You live and you learn, even by listening to a standup comedian!

[@furikuri630]

I didnt realize how much of a comedy genius you were, Tom. Count me a fan. Well played, very well played. 😂

[@mynamea.n.s.s5472]

Please come back to Australia we all miss u thasnk for coming

[@lukasvilla2657]

Genius set 😂😂hilarious

[@dustinfrank1055]

😂 this bit should have never been removed

[@davidhayes6567]

I was really expecting some wordplay, but I guess this didn't koalafy.

[@elziehamiltonjr.6834]

Had me with, "I did and it was"

[@n.e.1600]

C** in their pouch?? Lmfao 🤣 dude Tom I f***in love you bro. Funny shiz !

[@NickRich1022]

Liked the special. Was a little geared towards his existing audience, but it still holds legs as a standalone experience.

[@nsbdbsbsbdbzbz8555]

It was his worst special ever. Fuck were you watching?

[@olafhelmersen]

Of course it fucking is.

[@MikeVideos327]

As a career long tom fan, i think it was his weakest special

[@stephaniecoomey2356]

It was absolute dog shit, I honestly can’t believe that set was for a special. I laughed maybe once.

[@NGJ05]

Definitely a special for the ones who wear em high and tight. by far tim’s weakest special but hey he’s been fighting for this goddamn country overseas in fallujah, making sacrifices none of us would be able to do. Show some damn respect to the troops.

[@derekhell666]

all these bonus jokes are better than the ones in the show

[@freedustin]

pretty typical of Netflix, acquire what the people want, don't let them have it. weird business plan. should have DIAF long ago. if the gas station treated me like netflix treats its customers I'd be all electric already.

[@peterryan6097]

As an Aussie, this is a great yarn concerning Koalas

[@TheRealRoboSquirt]

When I watched Sledgehammer I was waiting to see if I recognized any material from your "Working on new stuff" tour I went to in Spokane. Nothing from that show was in Sledgehammer and it was cool getting to know I got to hear things you never put in your hour. This bit was from that time and it should have been in the special!

[@tbeninjatiger]

I saw one of his shows here in Australia and almost 50% of what we saw never made it into the special. He had me crying at his show, my jaw was aching... Netflix special? Not so much.

[@Milliardo66]

„This is for standup? Are you sure about this?“ 😂😂😂

[@homenick93]

The removed jokes are better than the special wtf is Netflix on 😂

[@lakersuarez]

The fact almost all if not all the people were excited that they could fuck all the koalas they want without catching that sickness is the real hilarious moment.

[@DonBlackBird71]

Why was this removed from the Netflix special!!!!! I saw Tom live in Sydney and everyone was HOWLING at this bit

[@rain.0_0.]

That's a worrying round of applause there

[@mindofthemagus]

Hell Yea Tom!

[@dent5426]

Balls

[@jamiestewart7327]

You are one of us now Tom 👍🏽🇦🇺 You'll be treated as royalty down under every visit mate👊🏽

[@cloakster]

Was holding it together pretty well until the kangaroo jokes at the end. 😂

[@Jellyfish969]

Loll saw this bit live dallas Tx, we all died laughing! The best jokes I’ve ever heard ❤

[@atherisgreen1391]

This guy is the funniest dude alive 😂😂😂

[@MattDiaz1915]

The special was hilarious Tom, your closer had me in tears struggling to breathe.

[@Japanda92]

It sucked ass, he got too comfortable and it felt like he was on autopilot.

[@stephaniecoomey2356]

@@Japanda92agreed, can’t see how anyone thought it was a good special, I’d rather watch gringo papi

[@FNSICK]

Why the hell was this removed?! So good.

[@ebbderelict]

Netflix doesn't want the truth to be known.

[@hermestrismagistos3145]

Then the LBGTQFU+ perverts could add another letter.

[@sandrasmith667]

Ya learn something new every day 😂

[@FuneralProcession]

Australia: We are sick of this joke, but not of the Koalas 😂

[@roseberry24]

Makes you really wonder how he can even stand Bert.

[@frozenninja4030]

It baffles me every time I turn on 2 Bears and listen to Brent ramble for 5 minutes straight. Then I just turn it off and wait for the next guest host.

[@fadew55]

It was definitely his weakest special, but that ending 2 bits, from joey Diaz to his mom was gold. The last bit with his mom I just instantly watched 5 times and died laughing every time

[@keithmorgan742]

I agree completely. I was kinda disappointed, but only because I freaking LOVE Tom Segura's stand up. This one just wasn't up to his very high standard.

[@zeroa69]

Its starting to sound like netflix curved a good deal of the set compared to what he was saying on tour. Im not talking about these clips he cut for promos but overall his tour was a lot darker if you will.

[@hakke3218]

Hahaha what the fuck. Hard disagree. Best one.

[@nicholasgilvin6396]

@@hakke321890% of these jokes were told several different times from his many podcasts. The joke about when Joey Diaz gave him that gummy happened 1-2 years ago for example. His first stand up is by far his best one imo bc he wasn’t filthy rich back then. He’s getting hard to relate to most of his fans now. YMH sub reddit talks about it almost daily. He’s still one of my favorite comedians.

[@tonymarselle8812]

@@hakke3218 worst one by far.

[@jaymack396]

Side note; Koalas on Kangaroo Island dont have the clap, its just mainland koalas that do.

[@bilindshushe2586]

That was really funny. Thanks

[@Kado_Tornado]

This special was far from Tom’s best work

[@gurshu12]

Please, we beg you, post more cutting room floor bits.

[@cca73127]

Great stuff Tom, not sure why there was some character from a Dickens novel at the end though. The Aussie accent is a hard one. Cheers.

[@aqua-mina]

That’s good to know! Thanks 🙏🏿

[@williamalexander8315]

Look'n good Timmy Jeans

[@Felixfire247]

Idk if it’s just me or were some his best jokes removed from Netflix lol 😢😂

[@joaquinbartsch4325]

and his special still rocks!

[@Bmsol531]

Netflix loves to censor.

[@venomousgas3300]

@@Bmsol531 I'm legitimately surprised you were able to say the C word on here without being C'd.

[@UmadBro88]

Tom chose which bits to remove for various reasons.

[@Bmsol531]

@@UmadBro88 because he already knew NETFLIX wouldn't allow it, Why do you think Schulz had to do his special elsewhere? and not on netflix. Either you comply, or the Sanhedrin will black ball you. but i'm sure you're right, I'm sure a stand up comedian wanted to remove parts of his special because thats usually how it goes.

[@minbari73]

As an australian for nearly 60 years I have never heard the 'don't fuck a koala' joke. The 'drop bear' one? Oh yes.

[@muszr00m]

Same, lived here most of my life and never heard of it. I think it's just this lady because she works with koalas and takes offence on behalf of the koalas... Drop bears are real!

[@minbari73]

@@muszr00m I didn't mean to say that they're not real, in fact they're bane of every bush dwelling human. You have to make a treeless path to your outdoor dunny simply to survive your poo time.

[@jacobgonzales-butorac6733]

Saw this live in Monterey, CA and it killed 😂

[@fretty317]

Segura is so damn funny. Getting better with age

[@jeremye5714]

I just realized how funny Thomas is after watching some of his Netflix specials. Honestly it takes a lot for me to bust out laughing but when he talked about jerking his son off in the shower..💀

[@Raumes513]

Of all my years of watching tom segura I’ve never heard him referred to as Thomas 🤣

[@borris3768]

Who the hell calls him Thomas 😂

[@BeatVisions]

@@borris3768a proper gentleman.

[@mattltech]

Really? That's what got you going?

[@jeremye5714]

@@mattltech well if it was I wouldn’t be talking about it in public . Kinda feel like most ppl would have assumed my comment to be sarcasm or crude humor. But if you saw the special, and had a Good sense of humor you would understand.

[@HausBauConstruction]

one of the greatest!

[@chrislim7976]

Koalas are actually stoned a lot of the time because of something in the eucalyptus leaves they keep eating. 😂