*L4D2* SURVIVOR PROFILES: -ELLIS-

[@Daboodeedabodah]

I played as Ellis in a campaign, and when Rochelle and coach died, Nick said to Ellis "Ellis, remember that shit I said about you? I was just joking." In like a really serious voice knowing they were most likely not going to make it

[@Moxo_]

Nick does change when you keep playing the Campaign. He starts to slowly care about his fellow survivors. Like example, when Rochelle is incapacitated, Nick states that he needs her to stay in the group and not die. He also commented on Coach's optimism.

[@ghostbois4760]

I think Nick just says that if Ellis dies.

[@Anti-HyperLinkLPs]

Ness Is Okay. Did you read the comment.

[@defaltpearce3187]

That's sad...

[@izshtar]

*Nick is the Best Tsundere*

[@filmandfirearms]

My boss actually dresses like Ellis on his days off. He also has a light southern accent and drives a truck. So yeah, I basically work for Ellis

[@bf4k]

Keith

[@noobmaster8965]

Do you work at a car mechanic or dealership? If so, you work for an actual real life Ellis

[@prundina]

Does he have buddy named Keith?

[@jasoneasley7301]

Lol that's funny Ellis is my favourite character

[@amongthewicked8093]

I ever tell you bout the time my buddy keith camped on top of a buildin? He was shootin crows and the police were too busy teargassin him to ask what he was doing. He screamed for an entire year everytime he opened his eyes. Oh man, first it got funny, than it got sad but then it got funny again. Oh man.

[@chaos9731]

When you hear *"I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME MY BUDDY KEITH..."* you KNOW its a good day

[@superdameonglitchy4204]

Tell you about the time friend Keith pain on the roof and had to get in they had to use tear gas to get him out

[@spookypootis9557]

Needs more cheeki breeki.

[@chaos9731]

Superdameonglitchy4 Denovchek man he was crying for a whole year, everytime he opened his eyes he scream, it was funny at first, then it got sad bit then it got finny again :D

[@jessicarosa5860]

LMMAOOO

[@apexpred2649]

Hey thanks, its my favourite :)

[@TheFatNinjaGuy]

Nick: "I have not...come this far...to die now." Ellis: "did I ever tell ya about that time Keith and I..." Nick: *shoots self*

[@zachvitto5831]

yeh

[@alphanumeric6582]

Underrated

[@truearyan3578]

This one legit made me laugh more than i thought i will.

[@literaltrash8652]

The reason Ellis gets attacked by the special infected is because -The Infected are attracted to noise -Ellis talks a lot Done It was that simple

[@nexusintake7179]

Windoge 10 no, it's because he is gay, and the special infected are trying to f*** him in many different ways.

[@thegiantnothingkevin6866]

Windoge 10

[@dell988]

@@nexusintake7179 y'know what? You're a nasty fuck

[@haniffaris8917]

yeah cause all those gun blazing is not as loud as Ellis

[@PeeNidsCold]

No because everyone Loves Ellis

[@kingg-kidd]

Nick: “And Look Ellis it’s KDDIELAND!” Ellis: *_”Do I look like some sort of queer to you?!”_*

[@shawnangelolee1238]

Overreacting

[@skebapplejefferiso308]

Hey, I wonder what these things do?

[@yamatoclassbattleship]

*TITYLAND*

[@Monstertarget]

@@skebapplejefferiso308 grabbin pills

[@jockeyfield1954]

@@skebapplejefferiso308 *fuckin explodes*

[@myluckysnorkel]

Ellis is love. Ellis is life.

[@thedasherspood8115]

Aunika Jane Yeah

[@thegiantnothingkevin6866]

Aunika Jane

[@zoeyl4d183]

Cool☺

[@izzy926]

don’t remind me of that video omfg

[@isaacrossgaming-ayoshifan4037]

skltn clqe lol

[@64_jhex]

"He's like a five year old. With guns. And a comprehensive grasp of every swear word in the English language." - TLDR by Nick

[@perhapsYoYo]

every kid five minutes after learning about the internet

[@kunii.9261]

@@perhapsYoYo its how i describe tommyinnit LOL

[@Aye.Eye.Captain]

Except that line is about Francis, not Ellis.

[@TheSpiritedFendron]

@@64_jhex you posted it in an Ellis vid, you never mentioned Francis even once so you were talking about Ellis

[@64_jhex]

@@TheSpiritedFendron oh yeah... Wut?

[@hexreapers162]

Coach and Bill will always be the best, gotta love the care-takers.

[@speedcorpse666]

HeX Reapers Coach and Bill

[@speedcorpse666]

HeX Reapers And Zoey

[@KB-ud5ct]

Bill

[@kevinbarker9351]

Siiikkkee

[@akuma4321]

True, but Ellis will always be my personal favorite

[@qokl8skeight]

Ellis is perfect. He’s just the perfect man.

[@TheStepmonkey]

IKR

[@anthonyruiz448]

Bill: *coughs* Ellis: Hold up y'all, I hear a smoker. Bill: -_- Ellis: - w -

[@anthonyruiz448]

Oh, how flattering. Would you like some cake?

[@0mn0m8w31rdc4ndy]

GLaDOS stfu bitchass AI stands for ass intelligence

[@0mn0m8w31rdc4ndy]

GLaDOS *an You're a robot bruh how do you mess up on typing

[@anthonyruiz448]

*Shuts down* *Reboots* Because every comment you type overloads my systems, including my CPU.

[@0mn0m8w31rdc4ndy]

GLaDOS well then

[@-Krimsson-]

They should add Keith in left 4 dead 3 if it ever comes out and instead of him saying did I ever tell u the time me and my buddy Keith, Keith says did I ever tell u the time me and my buddy Ellis like if agree

[@deathshadow551]

The should have Keith replace bill in the l4d 1 group

[@breadbreadonthefloor]

@@deathshadow551 no just...no

[@Lee.M.D]

Yas

[@NoLifeDax]

It is out now

[@ilooklikemonalisalike3628]

Dax Wells it’ll never be out

[@ladylynx9891]

"I hate you, Ellis" "I still like you Nick"

[@ripandtear1645]

@JUSTIN VASQUEZ bruh have you ever heard that line from ellis and nick?

[@alphanumeric6582]

"I ever tell you about the time..."

[@FurroTheWolf]

They're both like Spongebob and Squidward these character would be a perfect Spongebob and Squidward reality show lol.

[@hoagie8262]

Everyone hates you

[@MegaLexin]

If you read this in their voice. You’re a true fan

[@zeallust8542]

4:33 "come on man its not funny anymore" implying that at some point Nick shooting Ellis was funny, but got old lmao

[@GunSpyEnthusiast]

1 time is a funny story 5 times is an ongoing joke 25 times is an ongoing joke that has run its course. *26* times? just a waste of a bullet

[@wesleyporter7363]

wait, Ellis is the only one the special infected attack in the trailer? I never noticed that

[@Nick-ts7rp]

Yeah he gets attacked by jockey charger and smoker

[@BananaGamerEveryday]

@@Nick-ts7rp and spitter

[@Nickbell5]

The spitter attacks him and Rochelle

[@a.k8185]

He gets attacked because he speaks alot

[@gregory7320]

Wait didn't coach got hit by a tank in the intro?

[@conception.5317]

I wish Valve would let Ellis finish one of his stories.

[@shortsandgameplay37]

Me to

[@makavelithadon1224]

At least he got to finish telling his keith being pepper sprayed story

[@dr.holiday613]

i wanna learn more about...wait do you hear that its BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL NYE THE SURVIVOR GUY

[@nickvalentine6243]

*B I L L N Y E T H E B I L L . . . . .N Y E? T H I S I S A W K W A R D*

[@bryant7542]

Eh I know he's just some Vietnam vet who loves M16s. I want to know more about Francis since his background seems more obscure

[@blxdegenix3083]

Bill overbeck the veteran guy

[@jetstreamsam9580]

Me in Versus/Campaign: Bill...Bill...Bill...Bill *Spamming z*

[@powder5784]

SURVIVING RULES!

[@smlarchive5025]

"I ever tell you about the time me and Keith made a homemade bumper car ride with ridin' mowers in his backyard? Mower blade wounds over 90% of his body. I didn't run him over, either; he somehow managed to fall under his own."

[@smlarchive5025]

"My buddy Keith tried camping out on top of a building once. He was shooting crows, but the police were too busy teargassin' him to ask what he was doin' up there. He screamed for an entire year every single time he opened his eyes! Oh, man! At first, it was funny; then it just got sad, but then it got funny again! Oh, man!"

[@smlarchive5025]

"I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith drowned in the Tunnel of Love? You wouldn't think it could happen 'cause the water's so shallow, but that's how it gets you, man. Overconfidence. Keith was with his lady at the time, and he was yellin' for her to save him, but she didn't want to get wet."

[@smlarchive5025]

"I ever tell you about the time me and Keith snuck a paintball gun on a rollercoaster? I never heard'a anybody else doin' it, so I thought we might'a invented a sport, so Keith called the patent office, but―"

[@Iambored26]

"Ellis how about you tells us that on the hellacopter"

[@scottish_lunatic]

@@Iambored26 chocolate helicopter*

[@misterfister5810]

I think he might’ve Had an encounter with the tank first before he met the rest of the gang, as he did say instead of evacuating, he was simply gonna drive out of the area, and built his truck to be 100% zombie-proof, but turns out it was 99% as the 1% tore that truck apart

[@GunSpyEnthusiast]

The Rich have realized irony after being infected; instead of Ellis eating the rich, it would be the rich that would eat Ellis.

[@Dragonmongamer]

Ellis: the jokester Coach: the leader Rochelle: the sarcastic Bill: The self-sacrificing Nick: the serious

[@Matts_Crazy]

I think Nick is more sarcastic than Rochelle, Rochelle seems more sassy and kind at times.

[@ripandtear1645]

Nick is the complainer and thats why hes my favorite

[@Striking_Salmon]

@@ripandtear1645 same I like nick because sometimes he funny

[@kashawn105]

I like Nick cuz he seems to have the most likely reaction to the undead based on his character

[@thatexitsignuser]

Virgil: the talking boat

[@whitewolf5793]

Coach and his insane runing skills.

[@vietnamflashback397]

and stealing gun

[@thebigman2419]

White Wolf and your insane spelling skills.

[@lordaniolist]

Did I ever tell you about the time me and Keith were in a KZbin video.... wait, I guess that was this one.

[@JereWasTaken]

Loving the content man Left For Dead has a special place in my heart because its the first game me and my dad played together we played through the entire campaign idk how many fucking times u help bring memories back with each video and your helping keep one of the best zombie games ever alive

[@dancingtriangle2814]

I'm pretty sure that Ellis is an adrenaline addict/junkie or whatever. This is mostly a guess because sometimes if Ellis picks up some adrenaline he might say,"Aw screw it, one more hit."

[@commanderstinky674]

Really? That’s very interesting thank you.

[@jesusfilosofo6385]

I love how the characters of this game develop as a person each chapter depending of the situation, which is incredible, not writted down like it were linear

[@mizleadt6163]

Ellis is wholesome and must be protected.

[@robybalde5742]

Nick and Ellis are the Squidward and Spongebob of L4D verse. *Change my mind.*

[@gadielgonzalez2755]

OMG I've finally seen Keith the legend in the flesh.

[@peanutbutter2586]

He looks like Charles White

[@fray5168]

Do Zoey next please! She's badaasss

[@synthvvavve191]

Filip Hāvlík I agree

[@theresshoeinmyshit5816]

I think i should correct you *cough* *cough* "Do Zoey next please she has a fine ass"

[@Viliction]

Filip Hāvlík zoey video next confirmed

[@leonorabrazil2151]

Filip Hāvlík high chance wow such gaming will do zoey next

[@BlasmoBabbings]

Filip Hāvlík What about NICK

[@LameLoura]

The worst thing about L4D2 crew is that, everyone keeps stopping Ellis from telling stories about Keith.

[@lolohets6467]

Ya I hate it man, let the man tell his story, Ellis' stories are interesting as hell and Keith is fucking indestructible, I really wanna get a beer with them both

[@Roiditron]

fun fact: Ellis's voice actor, Eric Laden, actually came up with all of ellis's stories on his own using improv

[@Looona_fan]

That's neat.

[@trashcanartist]

​@@Looona_fan DUDE, MY FEED IS FILLED WITH YOUR COMMUNITY POSTS, AND THIS IS THE 4RTH TIME I HAVE FOUND YOU I A COMMENTS SECTION

[@Looona_fan]

@@trashcanartist lol

[@KanekiKen-mu4nu]

Ellis is my favorite character out of everyone. I Personally like his jokes and his silly Keith stories. He's pretty laid back.

[@mick1189]

In the next episode, can you then give examples when you're referring to mentions and, like voicelines?

[@HickieyFS]

I was gonna comment the same exact thing

[@WowSuchGaming]

sure thing, I wanted to add voicelines, but finding them, adding them and editing everything is hard for me, im currently working 3 jobs and just getting over food poisoning. So please bare with me.

[@ghastly8192]

after zoey do nick

[@mike7DILFLUVR]

Wow Such Gaming But I thought you had 2?

[@WowSuchGaming]

I got hired on to a third job last week and now i dont have a day off to just work on the channel, so Im literally staying up late on work nights to get videos done

[@looping4life]

Ellis x Adrenaline compilation. Am I the only one that would ship Adrenallis?

[@jaysan2674]

2 years went by and I never saw this comment idk how that happened xD

[@JohnMkrv]

Lol

[@johannejianghansen4903]

Louis x Pills💊 and Ellis x Adrenaline💉

[@diaso4369]

Ellis is my favorite character 1:because I like how he talks 2:his stories are my favorite 3:he run so fast when he takes a adrenaline 4:I just like him

[@EllusionZ]

Ellis: "I ever tell you about the time me an Keith filled up water balloons with our own~" Nick: "Ellis, is now the best time??" Ellis:"Ok..." Poor Ellis man...

[@yandere_kitty5816]

FR! I'm always like "No let that boy, Ellis, finish his story" T-T

[@peanutbutter2586]

With their what???

[@GunSpyEnthusiast]

@@peanutbutter2586 Jarade

[@joejoe9802]

Ellis is the guy that knows how to keep people somewhat happy

[@unusedaccountlmfaooooo]

Ellis is the best character. I like to voice him (Pretending he's talking but I'm talking) and his voice is so fun to..well, voice...

[@norman1619]

I wanna see the god-king himself, Francis!

[@themilkman7972]

Norman me to

[@eveluis5037]

Norman pills here

[@petemadrona2252]

I hate stairs

[@thatterrariaguidenpc8054]

not the god-king but THE COP

[@VVEmil]

Good thing I'm indestructible!

[@joshlesterlituanas7351]

Weird Fact: Did you know that before they introduces themselves in the elevator, the game actually calls Ellis as little guy. And when a jockey comes Ellis will call jockey "little guy". Weird fact: Also when you completed a level of a campaign, there is a loading screen that is for "The most special infected kills" and there you see a picture as a clear reference of each special infected on each survivors. Jockey as Ellis(since he was a little guy), Boomer as coach(cuz he fat damn), Witch for rochelle(cuz shes the only woman in the group), and Smoker as Nick(idk why but i think theres something) Edit: And if you already know this, please no hate 😀

[@SockySock]

They weren't talkin about the actual survivors being the infected, just a joke as if they were an inflected, they would be those. Even coach calls ellis a jockey when a jockey is on him.

[@SockySock]

@Vixy Skunk you didn't read the comment correctly. I'm sorry but you took it the wrong way

[@SockySock]

@Vixy Skunk technically, yeah. Sorry

[@uDiniZ980]

Maybe because nick is "toxic" as smoker?

[@sartexir9285]

@Vixy Skunk The church guy can turn into a boomer, hunter, or a smoker.

[@cyemonkey1828]

*Hey Ellis, a tractor.*

[@davebirley2280]

"Zoey and Ellis sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage and then comes Zoey with the baby carriage." Great video.

[@zoeyl4d183]

Aww come on man

[@Mentallyheld]

Pulls out a adrenaline*

[@AbstractS04]

@@zoeyl4d183 you play fortnite

[@user-rv3nv7ov7i]

Remember that

[@AbstractS04]

im just kidding

[@logiii6854]

I actually didn't notice how Ellis gets singled out by the special infected in the trailer XD

[@Nightwalker-zk6ce]

I love Ellis, he seems like such a sweetheart

[@lordaniolist]

We made it! I can't believe we made it! Son, we just crossed the street. Let's not start celebrating until we're out of the city.

[@jpeg.600x2]

I love this idea of giving details and description of the survivors.Ive been pondering about them 4 such time.Thnx so much

[@marthlink5015]

I would've never guessed ellis was the favorite. I woul've thought it be a three-way tie between Bill, Coach, and Francis.

[@jollyroman6695]

6:10 “just when I thought it was over, they go and pull me back in”

[@alfie_505]

Ellis is my sugar daddy

[@apexpred2649]

Alfie I also with my clone here although we are the same but still idk how to react.

[@zoeyl4d183]

Ok

[@zoeyl4d183]

Alfie ur comment is weird well not to be rude

[@ellisl4d214]

Andrew Maliberan thanks men

[@ellisl4d214]

Hey

[@johnferreras2178]

"Did i ever tell you" One of my favorite lines

[@francis6851]

every one loves ellis and his stories

[@emergencyexitonly6268]

After seeing Shrek Is Love, Shrek Is Life, I can never look at Ellis the same way again.

[@RandomDoomer]

I can't stop thinking about engineer and ellies . They are so simular

[@ghastly8192]

ellis is mechanic right? so in left 4 dead 1 campaign in crash course in safe house writing 'car is ready' so ellis worked in this workshop with his friends and modyfied the car for big escape sorry for english (i'm polish)

[@MillsTC]

it's in Pennsylvania, the entire l4d1 campaign takes place in Pennsylvania

[@TheActualMrLink]

Lamar Davis that was his long lost twin sister, Ellen. (I'm joking, of course)

[@ghastly8192]

Damn i really just got a notification on a 3 year old comment, my english really was shit lol

[@TheStepmonkey]

@@ghastly8192 Duolingo helped lol

[@ghastly8192]

@@TheStepmonkey I don't use duolingo, I learned english through exposing myself to it all the time

[@georgesalazar4272]

At least there is one channel I can rely on for my favorite game

[@Ryder12666]

and peak temper

[@killerko1864]

Ellis is my favourite! :3

[@diaso4369]

KillerkoCZ same

[@UndertaleFan-cx2mc]

After I first played as Ellis, nobody was the same. I will never get tired of playing as Ellis.

[@Gmk4667]

Ellis has always been my favorite survivor, always will be

[@vandarusprime3581]

I want Nick next. I love Nick.

[@vandarusprime3581]

Please

[@gentle_rodent]

Awesome vid! Been loving your L4D2 profile videos so far. 💕 Man, I just love the L4D2 gang so much. Wish we get more content in the future... (though considering Valve's history with the number 3, a sequel certainly won't happen until we all die). This is such a random and insignificant thing to want, but I really want to hear Ellis play the bass, one day. 😭 I was so darn happy when I discovered that one of my favourite characters ever plays my favourite instrument of all time. He's a real one. 🎶

[@the209scout5]

I thought i remember hearing that ellis was depressed till he started listen to the midnight riders and he said that they saved his life they could also be the reason for bullshifters. But idk it couldve been a mandela effect or something

[@chattur8173]

4:33 Ellis: "Hey man it's not funny anymore." Nick abuses Ellis :

[@grub2794]

I think the reason the infected go after Ellis in the trailer is because he might be the one killing the most infected, since in the game the AI director makes the common infected focus mostly on the survivor with the most kills. Dunno if I can say the same for special infected controlled by AI though.

[@johnny_ca]

5:05 and that’s how Misty from cod bo2 was created

[@daemonvanmeir9697]

The first time I saw l4d2 I saw Ellis and he instantly became my favorite character

[@thatterrariaguidenpc8054]

Ellis: iT'S THE SMOKING DUDE WITH THE TONGUE! Bill: what?

[@hawkeyeguy1723]

I wish that on Back 4 Blood Keith was a playable character and he always talked about his buddy Ellis!

[@samuszerosuit0956]

Ah Ellis, the man child that everyone loves

[@Saiyan_Goku]

I wonder if Ellis has a glorious battle flag tattoo Being a boy from Georgia there's a 95% chance he has one

[@nasku2506]

He doesnt. He said he only has one tattoo and its the one on his arm

[@lordaniolist]

Francis is my favorite out of all of the survivors.

[@89thaharmaiiioptreshenanig3]

Louis and Ellis are both my favorites! Those guys would get along so well I think.

[@redshamrock5670]

Will Ellis ever finish any of his stories? Cause I wanna know how they end.

[@Ryder12666]

he does end one of them

[@showbizle]

Me and my Buddy Keith made a 99% zombie proof car. We realised it was 99% because the 1% tore it to SHIT

[@44leverage]

Do my dude Coach.

[@spacix4118]

Cheeseburger. Oh god please spare the food court!

[@44leverage]

TheLegitGamer9071 I could for orange soda, no ice, a piece of hot apple pie. (Ya... I don't remember the quote 😅)

[@N_E_K_K_O]

ABSOLUTELY the most funny and charming survivor (at least for me) out of all 8 survivors, I think I could get along very well with Ellis, I really like him

[@catzeball8047]

2:32 damm coach managed to cacht tha bullet with his ass checks

[@meade5837]

you've reinstated my love for l4d with your videos. thank you.

[@maricelbonto3479]

My favorite *Character*

[@ranggasaputra4003]

*L4D2* SURVIVOR PROFILES: COACH PLS

[@FangChaChomp]

Those bizarre videos man... I love it

[@FangChaChomp]

2:26 my favorite part

[@ariadrennan5897]

"fall in loves with her" is my favorite typo quote

[@deamonsoal25]

I’ve been plying this game since it came out and I legit just realized after watching he trailer to hype me up for a countless amount of times, just barely realized that Ellis really is the only one to get attacked.

[@nobudobu5444]

Fun Fact: Ellis's voice actor also voices Cole Macgrath from Infamous.

[@nostagicgamingexperience]

Did I ever tell you the time when my buddy Keith recommended this video for me? Man, this video was good because it remembers the ol' days when I played Left 4 Dead 2 in his PC. Keith's PC was a old one, like the ones that Windows XP was the principal OS. But, did I ever tell you the time Keith bought his PC?

[@nightram6164]

Do Nick next

[@gobbotits1686]

Night Watch Yes, I need moar Nicky

[@frygameita4311]

Tbh, you are the only fucking good l4d youtuber! Don't stop making videos mate :)

[@ishigami4622]

2:20 why is charlie here i love the man

[@ayaya464]

MAN I CAN'T WAIT FOR NICK! good idea btw

[@ellis7613]

A video about me man I gotta tell Keith this one

[@JoyousAccusation]

One thing i love about ellies: His *stories*

[@50R_E]

2:26 Ellis: I ever tell you bout' the time my buddy Keith and I were one the top of a building, and we had to fight our way down like 5 floors of zombies and. *Shoots coach in the ass* Coach: Stop! I'm getting pissed off.

[@harleyqueen3824]

So L4D2 came out in 2009 and Ellis is 23 years old. So he's 33 years old now.

[@boppo2158]

Holy shit Ellis is 32 now

[@mostafaalghalibi162]

Now 34

[@zuamzaka959]

now 36

[@KVNHDLUM]

I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith was campin' out on top of a building and he was shootin' crows, but the cops were too busy tear gassin' him to ask him what he was doin'? He screamed for an entire year, every single time he opened his eyes! At first it was funny, then it just got sad, but then it got funny again...lel

[@Sam-dh8jz]

1:48. Did I just see a dinosaur!

[@christophercarmona7139]

There is some lines that suggest hes an addict of heroine

[@jumanjicostco3248]

"Friend/Lover, Keith" dear god, I never thought of that possibility in my 8 years of loving this game xD

[@halfwithazard4112]

Ellis and Bill are the best

[@neattheawesome7447]

"My buddy Keith tried camping out on top of a building once. He was shooting crows, but the police were too busy teargassin' him to ask what he was doin' up there. He screamed for an entire year every single time he opened his eyes! Oh, man! At first, it was funny; then it just got sad, but then it got funny again! Oh, man!" "Man, I love malls. I do. Once, I was in this mall, up in Atlanta, and these guys were dancing for like money and stuff and my friend Dave and I was all..." Note: In the German version Dave is replaced with Keith, but in the English version he does mention Dave. However, it is only in this particular story. "Jimmy Gibbs Jr. is "The Man." I mean, I don't know anybody like that, man. But there was this guy I knew, he raced dirt tracks, not stock cars but open-wheeled cars, you know, and he was racing once and a goat..." (Survivors interrupt) "Okay, but there was a goat." "I knew this guy who was trying to set the world record on staying on a Ferris wheel. He'd been up there for, like, two days or something, and he wanted some beer, but they weren't givin' him any. So he got this rope―and don't ask me where he got the rope from― " "I ever tell you about the time me and Keith made a homemade bumper car ride with ridin' mowers in his backyard? Mower blade wounds over 90% of his body. I didn't run him over, either; he somehow managed to fall under his own." "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith drowned in the Tunnel of Love? You wouldn't think it could happen 'cause the water's so shallow, but that's how it gets you, man. Overconfidence. Keith was with his lady at the time, and he was yellin' for her to save him, but she didn't want to get wet." "I ever tell you about the time me and Keith snuck a paintball gun on a rollercoaster? I never heard'a anybody else doin' it, so I thought we might'a invented a sport, so Keith called the patent office, but―" "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith fell out the rollercoaster? Yeah, he didn't drop far, mind you, just onto the tracks, but the carnival people wouldn't stop the ride 'cause all the other people paid good money and Keith snuck on for free, so he had to dodge for, like, 20 minutes or so." "I ever tell you about the time Keith and I made fireworks? Now, I didn't know shit about chemistry, but Keith figured "Gasoline burns, doesn't it?" Heh, third-degree burns on 95 percent of his body. Man, people in the next city over were calling to complain about the smell of burning skin." "I ever tell you about the time Keith tried to deep-fry a turkey? Third-degree burns over 90 percent of his body. His doctor called up, like, other doctors to look at him cause they'd never seen burns on top of existing burns―" "Man, all this mud reminds me of my friend Keith. Yeah, he was goin' to build a shack once, to live in and all, and I know most people here, they build houses and they become shacks, but Keith, he was about jumpin' right to the shack stage. But he had no wood. So he got some mud and was makin' what we were all thinkin' was gonna be these adobe bricks, you know, like when them people out West made bricks and shit? Well, he had mud and..." "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith got rolled by a gator in a swamp? Man, he didn't agonize it or nothin', we were just tryin' to grab two so we could piss 'em off and get 'em into a fight. Well, anyway, the third time Keith went under, I realized something was wrong, so I―" "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith drove his car off a cliff, broke both his legs? It's not a funny "ha-ha" story so much as it's a make-you-think story. For instance, windshields look pretty durable, right? Not the case, according to Keith. Son of a bitch flew right through that sucker―" "Man, I ain't never been in a sugarcane field before. I mean, I've seen 'em an' all, but I've never had any reason to go in one. Now, you go in a peach grove, and you find all kinds of cool shit! Like this one time, I was in a―" {Alternate line} " I've never been in a sugarcane field before. I mean, I've seen 'em an' all, but no real reason to go into one, but now you go to a peach grove you find all sorts of cool shit. This one time, I was in a―" "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith and I were on the top of a burnin' building, and we had to fight our way down like five floors of zombies and― Hey, wait a second...I guess that was you guys. Oh, shit, man, I can't wait to tell Keith about that one!" "Did I ever tell you guys about the time me and Keith filled up water balloons with our own―" "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith fell down an open manhole? He was unconscious down there for like a week. Durin' that time, unbeknowst to Keith, they paved over him. Keith had to―" [ In The Quarter Safe Room ] "My buddy Keith lived in a graveyard once for a whole year. It wasn't a dare or nothin', he just got kicked out of his house. He said he NEVER saw a single ghost 'cept for this one time when a ghost stabbed him from behind and took all his money, and he might've just been a homeless guy, 'cause he had a robe on with two eyes cut out his face." [ In The Bridge Safe Room ] "One time, the Army bombed my buddy Keith. He went camping and didn't bother to read the signs, and I guess they were just testing bombs that day. All sorts of stuff, too, not just regular bombs. Like biological nerve-gas bombs, shrapnel bombs, these bombs that break up in the air into, like, a hundred smaller bombs―" "I ever tell you about the time me and Keith snuck into a Tunnel of Love? Man, if you get your spit thick enough, y'see, y'all can hang a loogie off the overhang, right, so when smoochin' sons-a-bitches behind you―" "This one time, my buddy Keith, on a DARE, got a tattoo: "I'm a moron" right across his forehead, man. 'Course, he made two hundred bucks off that, so...you ask yourself: Who's the REAL moron?" "Ah, Ro. I ever tell you about this girl I met? Her name was Su-" "Oh, dude! This reminds me of that time my buddy Keith, he went on a diet on account of what the doctor sayin' he had to go on a diet or he'd die, so they told him he could drink nothin but them little diet shakes, but those are like five bucks a can man, and Keith is like, "Look, I ain't gonna―" (Interruption) "Ah, no, man, he gained like 30 pounds, but he did invent a shitload of tasty drinks. I was always kinda partial to the Keith's Kiwi Kamikaze." "This one time, my buddy Keith started up a historic tour, on account of his mom took him to Colonial Williamsburg, and it's like a license to print money at them places. Now, you might ask yourself how an honest attempt to recreate the majesty of Colonial times turned into raccoon fights at five bucks a pop in Keith's backyard, ha-ha. Man, the answer to that particular question is that Keith is sharing a place with his two brothers and them being assholes who wouldn't let them do it anywhere but the backyard; well, add that to Keith didn't technically have any, y'know, history to put on display, but he did have a whole family of raccoons living in the chassis of an old car and you'd begin to understand." "Yo, my buddy Keith had his car drop in a lake off a bridge just like this one here... Yeah, see, he was driving over it late at night and there in the middle of the bridge was what looked like, In Keith's estimation, like a dead bear, so Keith gets out his car to find a stick to poke at it, right? Well, it turns out it's just some lady's fur coat that musta fallen out her car, so, hey, free coat, right? Now, owls won't normally attack a man, but in this case, they were hungry, and that made them reckless, man. Keith reckons that they musta been there for hours watchin' what they thought was a bear carcass, 'cause as soon as he picked it up, them owls had claws in him inch deep. Well, Keith figures his best bet is to jump in a lake, 'cause owls can't swim. Well, them owls could. He fought them for like 20 minutes treading water, and during that time, a boat came, the bridge went up and down went Keith's car. Man, sometimes nature's just tryin' to teach us, if we'd only listen." "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith made sushi? Yeah, his mom took him to a sushi place for his birthday and he didn't want to go, but he turned out he LOVED it, man. But it's like 10 bucks a su-sho in one of them places, so Keith figures, "Hey, how hard can it be to roll up some raw food in seaweed," right? As it turns out, it's hard. Now, they say that experience is the best teacher, and experience taught Keith that if you ever eat three pounds of raw chicken, it kills you. Now luckily, Keith's brain went into self-defense mode and started shutting organs down to head the chicken off at the pass, and the doctors were able to get 'em out before his heart stopped. But to this day, Keith has no sensation in his right foot, and doesn't recognize his own brother Paul no more." "Hey, y'all, yeah, I like this bridge you got. You know, this reminds me my buddy Keith and I were once on a bridge just like this, man. Well, kinda, I mean, I was on the bridge and Keith was sure he could jump the river without the bridge, so I raised the bridge, and, well... Did you know cars can float? I mean, for a little while at least..." "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith got married? 'Course not... that's a trick question. He never got married. Ya know you hear about those runaway brides right? Well, Keith was a runaway groom. And on his wedding day... It all started when..." (Version 1)