Jazz Jackrabbit's Poker Broker & Commander Keen's Trek? WTF

[@KairuHakubi]

It's somehow comforting knowing that even in the age of ubiquitous wikis, the world still holds some mysteries

[@ShdwHg]

Man, I anticipated these games being subpar when you off-handedly mentioned them in past tours of your Big Box PC Game room, but somehow they managed to go under _that_ lowered bar. Incredible.

[@ortzinator]

6:53 how your parents uninstall programs

[@OlviMasta77]

Brian Ortiz ahagahahaha!!

[@pummisher1186]

You would be surprised how many people out there have no idea.

[@LukaHayami]

OMG this comment had me dead

[@planescaped]

What do you mean I'm out of memory?

[@marco_evertus]

Two reviews in one video? the retro gaming gods have smiled upon us.

[@marco_evertus]

meh, I am here mainly for LGR anyways, don't really care that much about the games.

[@marco_evertus]

gotta love that "dude man"

[@Pheorize]

"For all I know these were handed out by a guy named Fred, behind a backroad truck stop in Albuquerque" I really love the humour and small perks in your phrases! :D

[@metfan4l]

Come on Fred from Albuquerque show yourself, we're gonna need some more info on these bizarre games!

[@BCProgramming]

It's interesting how both programs are written in Visual Basic. The Card game was written in VB4, and the Trek game was written in VB3. I doubt that the developers ever consented to have their free versions sold like this.

[@uubrmanx]

"OFFICIALLY LICENSED UNLICENSED MERCHANDISE"

[@OdaSwifteye]

Is that a homestarrunner reference?

[@uubrmanx]

Of course. =P

[@1337voltronBOT]

I just found a game called "Pickle war's DOOM" Claiming it was a doom extension. the disk only says pickle war. the readme is complete nonsense and the game appears to just be doom95 shareware. also by cyber digital and cyber ex and digital development.

[@Mace2.0]

What's next? DOOM, but it's a game of pool/billiards?

[@peaceowl4863]

Doomguy's Pool Massacre

[@Mace2.0]

Ooh, Chex Quest Chess, but without Chex-related.

[@ShdwHg]

This is just _The Color of Money_ isn't it

[@Mace2.0]

Well, that's the reference...

[@SmaMan]

Wolfenstein, but it's just Dogz 3D.

[@greyareaRK1]

I discovered an online version of that trek game years ago, in which it was possible to play multiplayer on teams. It hadn't played it since high school, so unsurprisingly I sucked. What was surprising, however, was the complete meltdown afterwards by a guy for whom, presumably, the game was his whole life.

[@GeorgeQGreg]

You know, this doesn't sound like such a dumb idea. Maybe you could... hang on. As I was saying, who wants to buy a copy of Gordon Freeman's Lemonade Stand?

[@SavageArms357]

Nurse: "Doctor, we're losing him!" Sonic: "Gotta go fast!"

[@_7rident]

Waluigis Taco Stand

[@jeffkeegan7682]

GeorgeQGreg edsddttomrews Gail person

[@liquidchris5215]

and on the disc it should say gordan fremon

[@Steampunk915]

This is like the equivalent of rip off ios and android games

[@LGR]

Call of Grand Theft Destiny Duty '17

[@LazyBastard69]

Hearthclash: Peggles of Microtransaction

[@ChristopherSobieniak]

Wahyuddin Wahab And those Steam Greenlight titles!

[@rawr51919]

LGR And with 69 likes to top it all off in fitting fashion.

[@judahosborne8868]

And Baby Elsa Dentist Appointment

[@DrewChapman1987]

ＪＡＺＺ　ＪＡＣＫ　ＲＡＢＩＴ

[@WakoDoodle]

A game so nice, it released it's games twice.

[@meltup3668]

My F***ing Childhood!

[@Tyle_smalcu]

Jack Jazzrabbit

[@U014B]

Jazz Jazzjazzjazz

[@elshrapnel]

& KNUCKLES

[@CamuiNox]

You've got to love how “Schildstärke“ and “Aktiviert“ were kept in German while the rest of the interface seems to have been properly translated. Kinda messed with my brain for a second when I spotted it, to be honest.

[@shukterhousejive]

I went to a garage sale and found a loose CD with "JAZZ JACK RABIT.EXE" written in black marker. I put it into my computer and the first level of Jazz Jackrabbit appeared but the colors were inverted and the music was playing at 89.2% of the normal speed. I beat the first level and Jazz appeared on screen. He looked hyper-realistic and called me a fucker and started bleeding from his eyeballs. Then he came out of my screen and killed me, which is why I am writing this story as a warning!

[@kwandral200]

I bet that garage sale had bedbugs too. People are so greedy and inconsiderate.

[@schadenfreudebuddha]

but did you get a good price?

[@shukterhousejive]

The owner actually gave it to me for free, but when I turned around to say thank you he had disappeared into a puff of smoke. I didn't think anything of it at the time because I'm a big fan of retro games.

[@schadenfreudebuddha]

just make sure you don't get it wet, or feed it after midnight.

[@sanyawaffles]

I laughed at this so hard.

[@questionablecommands9423]

"congradulations! you have destroyed the enterprise." lmao, oh, god. I can hardly breathe

[@Fir3Chi3f]

As usual love the review Clint! Made me a little sad to think that someone might have actually spent money on these games. Probably didn't know better and decided to never play games again after.

[@LGR]

Makes me sad that I spent money on them, but oh well: it was all for the happiness of the public!

[@Blackadder75]

Lazy Game Reviews a noble sacrifice..

[@icecold1805]

Money? I aint concerned about your freaking wallet, I am concered about your sanity after Nanny Ninja, Read-a-Rama and this monstruosity. After seeing all this, I look back at depth Dwellers and almost wish for a freaking remake of it.

[@galaxyninja3242]

Lgr needs too hit 1mill subs allways showing good content.

[@anew742]

I was just looking to see if there were any new LGR vids, it seems the gods are pleased

[@Privatex112]

Enjoyably weirder indeed! Very good. You never cease to amaze me with this insanely obscure, but highly entertaining, bit of digital history. Or perhaps I should say digital mystery.

[@thesaloon4234]

Oh, god..There is a sealed copy of Jazz Jackrabbit's Poker Broker on eBay for 20 bucks... And I'm actually contemplating it.

[@guguy00]

I have to know, did you actually go for it?

[@Sigh679]

@@guguy00 No reply of course. She was telling a tall tale. Probably went to Starfucks for a double latte instead.

[@nimkiibineshi24049]

@@Sigh679 dont be a bitch

[@Davtwan]

Wow, memories came flooding back when I saw that poker game. I remember playing that as kid and somehow enjoying it due to its simplicity. I guess the card games that come with Windows PCs made me like any card game in that style.

[@jonothanthrace1530]

Did anyone else expect him to say "Poker Broker 3.0ker" at 4:08?

[@itsaPIXELthing]

Incredible! Thanks for showing, Clint!

[@EngineerKappa]

God, I love when you review these strange anomalies that somehow exist despite all odds

[@ovrlxnd]

"Y'all ready for some nonsense"? Best. Introduction. Ever!

[@PyroX792]

I had that Trek game on a 1000 games shareware disk my grandparents had picked up for me! Brings back memories. Frustrating but found memories.

[@kbhasi]

With the fact that they infringed a number of copyrights, shoved a single 3.5 inch floppy disk worth of data onto a CD (wasted space), and no mention of system requirements, plus an oversized box, it's very indicative to me that these people were trying to scam others. 3:36 That icon for the dialogue box is indicative to me that the game was created in Visual Basic.

[@WayOutGaming]

I'm starting to like this more laid back style your developing LGR. It's kinda relaxing.

[@Sodaholic6502]

You've been coming across some _very_ strange items, lately! It's extremely entertaining, keep it up.

[@FightingForceSoulless]

Now this is some quality gaming from the 90's, good God almighty. You know, I follow Ross Scott and his Game Dungeon. And I believe he gave one game this very achievement. "90's gaming". Andhat pretty much sums it up. It's the 90's, why are we surprised. Expect everything, and nothing.

[@Detis]

The discs alone just look like a badly commercialized virus.

[@HunterZBNS]

Actually, I hope Clint scanned them. His retro PC could now be virus infected.

[@EstradusTheDragon]

Thank's LGR, I needed some strange in today and this helped with that.

[@benh.635]

6:30 Sounds like a death message from Space Quest! :D

[@skyedouglas871]

Maybe that Trek 96 is aimed at Councillor Troi considering whenever she gets the bridge an Enterprise crashes

[@thesteelrodent1796]

"They're never going to let me drive again." - Marina Sirtis

[@jmnetus]

That 'alert' noise from Trek 96 is the same one used by Escape Velocity (old mac game by Ambrosia Software). Don't know if it's just from a royalty free collection before that though...

[@LGR]

Escape Velocity is from 1996 if I recall, many years after Next Generation and the Trek movies that used that sound. They probably took it too :)

[@jmnetus]

Yup, good call on that release date. I always think of it as older because I ran it on an oldish '93 or '94 Mac that I mostly associate with older games. Though now that I think about it I always had to turn on the X2 mode to play it at acceptable speeds.

[@Vlad-1986]

Man, I'll love an episode where you talk about decent Windows 3.x games... I spent years using it and the best one I ever played was castle of the winds and sky (that one where you get chased by a yeti)... They tend to be quite bad.

[@junethefox5834]

That Keen figure in the thumbnail looks great.

[@Frankfurtdabezzzt]

Nguyen is a very popular Vietnamese name

[@Cythil]

Yeah. As I understand it, is like the Vietnamese version Smith. Actually knew a guy named Nguyen. But his family was from China. So even he found it a bit weird that he had the name.

[@EatWave]

One of the high schools that I went to had a club with a slogan that read "More Nguyens than losses".

[@schadenfreudebuddha]

far more popular than smith, 40% of Vietnamese.

[@Trevin_Taylor]

Benisteinzimmer I've never met someone from Vietnam who didn't have that name.

[@natfailsyoutube8163]

It's a common surname in Australia, it's in our top ten most common surnames... it was weird to hear LGR implying that their were a lot of people with the name playing online poker... I mean there is prob a decent number of Smiths too.

[@ps238principal]

I wonder if the "Congratulations" message for destroying the Enterprise is a nod (or misplaced text copy-paste) from the old text-based Star Trek game, which often went by the name "Nutrek" and evolved into VGA Trek. Anyway, in the old ASCII game, if you intentionally blew up one of your starbases, you'd get the message, "Starbase destroyed. Congratulations!"

[@temujin1234]

That makes me think the production line for boxed software was very cheap to get into if you knew how back then. This is hilarious, they stuffed the cool boxes with whatever they could find. Now I wouldn't buy a boxed copy of the Witcher 3 but the nostalgia is still there.

[@AmyraCarter]

Ah well...ya win some, ya lose some, but with an LGR review, it is always a win, because his sense of humor is top-of-the line! Never leave an LGR video angry, at least I don't...lolz

[@mwprw]

The 90s were fascinating times for videogames

[@darinsfool]

Thanks for the video. I needed a chuckle after the day I had.

[@mushroomsamba82]

3:36 Ｉｎｉｔｉａｌｉａｚｅ Ｙｏｕｒ Ｂｅｔ

[@lavernebennet7395]

re: the name Thu Nguyen being common, it's most likely that it's just a common name in general; Nguyen is an extremely common Vietnamese surname (the most common, in fact), and presumably Thu is also a relatively common first name.

[@TheSmart-CasualGamer]

But why so many poker players?

[@Shilag]

Jazz Jack Rabit. Fucking classic, right there!

[@MakotoIchinose]

I was about to sleep, and LGR uploaded a new video. I decided to watch the video before I fall asleep.

[@gamerguy425]

am I the only one who immeadiately thought of poker night at the inventory after the bizarre thought of Jazz Jack rabbit being a poker dealer?

[@HandlebarOrionX]

I highly encourage you to fund a Cyber.ex documentary. Driving all around California trying to figure this shit out.

[@videocrab]

Guessing the popularity of Thu Nguyen as poker pseudonym is due to the approximate English pronunciation: "To Win."

[@lucianodebenedictis6014]

Can someone explain me why am I running over a mushroom in trek 96?

[@Trevin_Taylor]

Camelia sinensis it's a star base. They look like mushrooms. They never should have hired those Mario brothers to build it.

[@lucianodebenedictis6014]

you got me I'm Italian :D

[@merlinathrawes6191]

I thought it was the old shareware game Jizz Jackrabbit from Wankasoft. Oh well ;)

[@nimkiibineshi24049]

WOOooow

[@raymonddevries6261]

Thanks man, this was great stuff. Love it!

[@WhatsOnMyShelf]

I remember seeing the box for Commander Keen 96 in Egghead Software and being profoundly confused,

[@TheBoldImperator]

I found like fifty of the Commander Keen's Trek 96 in a thrift store once, just piled on top of a table.

[@LGR]

This does not surprise me.

[@FatalKitsune]

3:33 UnHold?

[@bigemugamer]

4:55 - 7:40 FINALLY!! =D THANK YOU LGR for my LOOOONG awaited STAR TREK PC game review!! You said you would "make it so" months ago and finally "engaged" XD Thank you and so awesome you would go all the way back and mention win trek... WINTREK from 92!!! that was the first trek game i played as well as a couple others between 90-94, sure they weren't that good, but they were STAR TREK!! Thanks Clint, it was super awesome seeing a review of such a classic PC star trek game from my youth. (wipes tear from eye) =,) Can I double subscribe to your channel? =P

[@alphamone]

This video appeared in my suggested bar as a recent subscriber upload when I was watching a commander keen playthrough.

[@KombatGod]

Quick like a Jackrabbit and smooth like Jazz. Now the title is totally justified and we can't say anything against them.

[@LGR]

ALL BASES COVERED

[@TheRealTHD]

With the way this video started, I thought this was going to be some creepypasta about cursed, unknown PC games.

[@paulyoungjr]

Oh man this reminded me of Starfleet Command! I remember trying to play it with my uncle on two laptops with IR receivers connecting them

[@haruruben]

These items were clearly transported here from an alternate timeline

[@BBHood217]

Now that you've mentioned WinTrek, it'd be neat if you could do a video on the Star Trek Text Game and all of its incarnations. Among them, my personal jam was EGA Trek.

[@Raelunil]

That typo though 😂 And they didn't even bother to put rabbits in the actual game! Or "rabits" 😂 Wow. My day is weirder and better for having watched this.

[@AdmiralCreideiki]

You can actually play one of the very first versions of the mainframe/minicomputer Star Trek game using a PDP-8 emulator. Or if you visit Dave Gesswein's site, on an actual PDP-8/e setup for access across the internet. That version --- the PDP-8 version, in DEC's own BASIC dialect, and titled SPACEWR --- is the first port outside of the HP ecosystem where the game was originally developed.

[@tasospodcast8832]

This is some rogue stuff!

[@pengwin_]

* *burp* * Thats what I Have to say to both those games. great video as always LGR

[@Drinkabeerandplayagameofficial]

That Fred knew what he was doing

[@AwesomeRepix]

Omg I want that jazz jackrabbit plushie!

[@VGamingJunkieVT]

I think id and Epic only didn't sue because they felt bad for these developers' pathetic attempts to squeeze money. It was only out of pity that they didn't get taken to court.

[@UnbornApple]

the design of the jazz jack rabbit box is brilliant

[@MidgetPower]

LMFAO @ 07:32 ... did anyone notice that the Enterprise-D is traveling at Warp 10 ... look at the top left ... I'm dead, what a seriously POS game.

[@tsm688]

this looks like a TNG facelift of a TOS game. Warp 12 made sense for the NCC-1701, no bloody A, B, C, or D.

[@Dresdenstl]

I remember WinTrek! I got it on one of those CDs that had a 1000 shareware games on it. It was strangely addictive.

[@captainjurgh8142]

Jazz Jackrabit? Jazz Jack *Rabies* .

[@malkouho]

1.35 megabytes? wow. And I thought Arcomage's 3,5 megabytes on CD was a waste.

[@SeekerLancer]

I remember playing Trek 96 and Win Trek off one of those old shareware discs.

[@zaccaustin]

WIN TREK WAS MY JAM! That game took up a lot of my time when I was a kid ^_^

[@netcore2k]

@Lazy Game Reviews: Check out the icon on the top left of the popup windows, that's the classic Visual Basic 3 icon.

[@BH-pt1ps]

The globe reminded me of Pan Am

[@jeremiefaucher-goulet3365]

Damn.. Not even worth the money you spent ;-) But worth the enjoyment of watching you play with it! Hope you'll keep your archive for a very long time, this NEEDS to be saved!!!

[@osgrov]

And this is why LGR is the best channel on the internets.

[@leleedler]

LGR, could you tell me what system specs you are rocking? I have been a long time viewer and a few years ago I saw you were rocking an FX 8350... What you got today!? Love you, loved this video!

[@troublesomecorsair]

This is the video I have been waiting for.

[@alx-cc9gl]

The Star Trek one wasn't even completely translated. Would have loved to hear you trying to pronounce 'Schildstärke'.

[@chromasus9983]

Is it wrong I wish LGR did more reviews on bootlegs, crappy trademark violation-games and other such things?

[@Blackadder75]

Chromasus yes, I think it would get boring real quick.

[@chromasus9983]

Probably. Not super often, but sometimes. There's something inherently fascinating with such bad games that try to push into the market on the expense of the actual games they're so dishonestly trying to mimic.

[@Airosteh5th]

Check out the Bootleg Zone series by Phelous, here on YT. While it's mostly about bootleg toys, he does occasionally look at bootleg consoles and games.

[@starkiller18]

haha that poker game looks like something i made back in Jr high in a intro to programming class some time around 98

[@ZiggyTheHamster]

The first thing I noticed? Those default Visual Basic 6 window icons.

[@plurp7]

Clint man, my day totally IS an enjoyably weirder place to be after seeing these games in action...lol. Thanks for that:) Btw- I was browsing my photos and realized I have one that I took thinking of your channel weeks ago, and would like to share with you. Can I has your email to send it to?

[@jammy-dodger]

Yo wheres that commander keen figure from, I need it

[@LGR]

Bethesda and Funko sold them a while back

[@Reddebrek46]

I had Trek 96 as part of a 100 games on one disc shareware compilations. It really was pretty crash prone.

[@EANTYcrown]

0:47 and what about Adventures of Ninja Nanny?

[@anumeon]

Oh that endgame message. If only someone could sneak it onto JJ Abrams home PC as a screen saver... :)

[@kewoshk]

Still not weirder than Ninja Nanny

[@MasterMaulz419]

Your desktop makes me wanna build a retro pc kinda forgot how many I loved from then . Where should I even start ?

[@sandrajovicevic8575]

Looks kind of like Deja Entendu astronaut on that game cover.

[@screamingcactus1753]

I love that your gold star is piss yellow.

[@WakoDoodle]

btw that worrying disc sound when your blu-ray reader laoded the disc? I had that with a normal dvd/cd pc disc reader for warcraft 2 battle.net windows xp/7 version. No idea why, it works sometimes; others makes noise, others I need to load it fast or something. No other cd does it besides the windows xp and earlier ones :/

[@LGR]

I use older discs in that drive all the time and these are the only ones to do it so far!

[@TheChettoMan]

Both great examples of just beacuse something is rare, doesn't mean it's valuable