Playing Desert Bus and Talking About Stuff That Makes Me Cry

[@Leadhead]

I know we're only 10 minutes into the launch, but thanks for receiving this video so well. I don't wanna look like I'm shilling, but since people are always asking, patrons are able to see videos a week early, hence the older comments. Love you guys!

[@rasmustagu]

This is probably one of my favorites from you now, I love how personal is gets.

[@rifqi2733]

Love you too

[@deaglan6641]

I don't even know what to say other then thank you.

[@sabinwright3685]

Thank you for sharing something this intimate with us

[@dumbsterfirestudio2247]

glad that you're okay now

[@TheRealYellowFlash3Official]

This is the gal, she knows herself better than all the other essayists.

[@sibosb9138]

Hiding in Public

[@jac1011]

well, except Tim Rogers.

[@heftymagic4814]

Says who

[@ahorribleterribleperson]

It's nice to see someone who looks into themselves while writing these essays.

[@skyre5528]

@@sibosb9138 Holy shit, i didnt expect to find another Bagman fan here.

[@ChiaroscuroxX]

Desert bus really is the perfect game for this, just a quiet empty drive down a lonely road with your thoughts

[@bazillio69wotblitz5]

All the video i was waiting for a creepy screamer like a person on the back seat that's seen only once driver looks into the mirror. I guess, i have to stop watching my gf playing anime videonovels

[@Mr_Fancypants]

You will love Jalopy then

[@gamecasthaawsome6398]

Then that one user joins your bus and starts throwing stuff at you.

[@Cinkodacs]

@Luka Hays Idle activity. The bus never goes straight, you always have an activity loop that does not require too much thought.

[@peppershredder1]

Sometimes, being alone with your thoughts is not the best thing for you. Hell, it’s the worst place for me to be when it gets dark. The mind is a terrifying place.

[@acemagalor2519]

This channel taps into the weird feelings we feel when playing games that hit close, that's why it's my favorite

[@aerth6946]

Yea

[@bazillio69wotblitz5]

I double this

[@syncprime987]

Hey man I'm just glad you're OK now and no longer abusing yourself or drinking I'm happy you have this new perspective on life keep on going buddy .

[@pengun835]

damn...if youre the guy that leads talkin bout, you did good. nice to see people that care makes me think bout me and dgs friendship. but, hey, ya dont even know bout dg. or yhav. or any of that stuff. and really, it doesnt matter. id like to congratulate you for your persistance. and if youre not...well, pass it on. not only to that specific person (if you can), but to anyone who cares like they do. or dg does. or...well fuck ive ran outta people that care about me to such a degree. you get what i mean though, right?

[@seraslain962]

You're not the kind of friend people necessarily want or deserve, but you're the kind of friend people need. Don't lose sight of yourself and don't give up during your own struggles! Keep being an amazing person!

[@syncprime987]

@@pengun835 nah man I'm sadly not the person lead is talking about but that doesn't mean I can't wish him well and congratulate him on his recovery .

[@syncprime987]

@@pengun835 I get what you mean this world is bad enough as is spreading good manners and hope is all we can really count on now a days I hope you have a better future with better human interaction, goodluck buddy be nice to people even if it's a pain in the ass it'll pay off eventually even if it doesn't it's a good feeling helping others . anyways have a great day bud .

[@syncprime987]

@@seraslain962 right back acha ,even if life is difficult you can't under appreciate the light at the end of the metaphorical tunnel no matter how far away it is .

[@strayhalo_4762]

Hey Led, I just have to say, you’re such a great KZbin that has really made me think from every video. All of your videos are perfectly crafted and deserve more recognition. I hope your channel gains more viewers because you deserve it. Thank you for being such a great creator and person. I hope you’re able to have a good life and do what you want to do even if it means you stop making videos, just know that we fans are here for you, at least me.

[@swadey3793]

That's really sweet

[@ChestersonJack]

I like seeing this. I have a friend of mine who has expressed to me how much I’ve been there for him, as your friend was for you. I care about him so much, and I’m glad you have someone who cares about you the same way. I sent him the link to this video (I’m sending him links to cool things all the time) so he’ll probably see this comment, but this is just for you, Leadhead: i don’t need to know you to say I’m proud of how far you’ve come (Edit: typo)

[@Mr.Fenryck]

I can relate mate. Cheers to you and your friend! May you live happy all your years. - Random person from the internet.

[@andya4528]

Solid music choice while telling this story . You've found a niche for expression that few find, and turned it into an income source as well. Well done.

[@PauloRicardo-fz9gx]

A lot of people don't have the courage nor the words to talk about their feelings like that, especially when it involves such great life changes. You are an amazing person for doing this, not just for being capable to, but also for sharing it on youtube and giving us this moment of reflection by sharing your experience. Videos like that helps more people during hard and confusing times than you can imagine. Thank you

[@polarislance8818]

Hey Lead, thanks for the videos and the memories. You got me to play Mirror's Edge, showed me how VR can change how we perceive the world, praised Half-Life, Halo, Bioshock, and Portal. I have so many memories, good and bad, which will always be tied to your videos and I hope that some day far in the future I will be looking back on those videos and memories as a reminder of a different time. Thank you for everything.

[@taiekvana]

♥️

[@Qubikrus]

How did you post this a week ago

[@xenwow]

@@Qubikrus patreon maybe

[@greenbean957]

@@Qubikrus he probably got early access

[@greenbean957]

@@Qubikrus via patreon

[@ValorousFogey]

Beautiful. Make this a series! Talking about deep life stuff while playing Desert Bus.

[@Leadhead]

Honestly, I enjoyed making this video so much that I'm considering it

[@ValorousFogey]

@@Leadhead I had just come home, tired from work. And this was a soothing and relaxing video to start with.

[@randomguyontheinternet7940]

@@Leadhead Should probably make it a 1 or 2 times a year tradition so it remains special.

[@tommydaniels2056]

​@@Leadhead Please do man, your Content is S tier already, but this is honestly so unique and clever, i've never seen anything like this.

[@xalvinthegreat5626]

@@Leadhead i mean you might aswell then.

[@juhaszmate5095]

I never knew your backstory. Much respect man, i love your videos, they make me feel some undescribable feeling.

[@Adam-xr6fj]

Nausea?

[@stupidmonkey380]

You are easily an s tier youtuber. Just discovered you the other day and I've almost watched all your videos keep it up! Your extremely underrated

[@cowboycave5071]

Moving stuff once again. I was on a similar path with drugs and alcohol man. "I'm just as high as I was yesterday" is a great way to put it.

[@svijj_]

God damn, you made me shed a few tears, and I don't do that often. I'm happy, that you made it out of the drugs and alcohol, and had a true friend, that also helped you.

[@0xGRIDRUNR]

Wow I cant put into words how much of this I actually relate to (some for legal reasons, others for the fact that im much worse at writing than you are) But this gave me a new perspective on how I can view my ever-changing life with a bit more positivity. This video, like every other one of yours ive watched, but this one more so than the rest, gave me a massive amount of appreciation for this channel. Good writing in a perfect and relatable context like this is one of a kind on this platform. Thank you for doing what you do

[@bread9952]

fuck man this shit wanna make me cry. right now im in the shoes you were in a few years ago, im over drugs now (new years marks 4 years from weed, and april marks 3 years from a hard pill addiction i had) im in my late teens so at this point of my life im just trying to untangle the mess of thoughts i once had and learn to move on with things ive done. recently i was gifted an opportunity to join a church and be able to study the bible and im so grateful for that. i have a few other things going for me that im also really grateful for. right now im very centered around art, but i often feel im not that good or not doing enough, i remind myself that im still in beginning stages and i shouldnt be so hard on myself the whole “rome wasnt built in a day” thing really resonates with me. *everyone gets a second chance*

[@potatoking2161]

Glad you’re doing much better now, and yeah keep with the creative stuffs, as long as you keep at it, it’s certain you’ll improve

[@apotato6278]

You've made an amazing recovery and I truly wish you the best! This will sound rather silly but have you ever tried just building something? I have a friend who had a similar problem with addiction a few years ago and something that's really helped him is carpentry. Instead of partying on the weekends he comes to my house and we plan out a project. Once we have the essentials we begin construction. Sanding a soon-to-be beautiful cutting board can really help get your mind off things. You should try it if you ever have the time!

[@theplatypuslegacy2.075]

@@apotato6278 does it really help i’m in the same situation this mans was in 3 years ago i’m 18 and wanting a way to get out of that life but i don’t have anyone like lead head had

[@apotato6278]

@@theplatypuslegacy2.075 Yeah, it really helps. The trick seems to be to find something meaningful that's also time consuming. It will be hard at first, like getting over any addiction you will feel like crap for a while but keep at it and you'll be better off in the end! Carpentry is a perfect time-sink since you can decide the complexity of a project. You can add detail, patterns, carvings etc until you're satisfied. Bring something to drink (Like juice, soda or coffee/tea. No alcohol) and spend the day working on a project. Since it requires a fair bit of focus it will keep your mind off things.

[@benismann]

Yea i too see myself somewhere at the start of his road.

[@spookynerd_jpg4223]

It seems so rare that a youtuber would do something like this. I'm glad you got a chance to say what you need to.

[@drago5819]

As a sophomore in high school, I feel like your friend. Because I have a friend who seems to line up with everything u said you were, and seems like he will become what u said u became. This video is comforting. Maybe one day he’ll spin around and stop going down that path, and when he does, he’ll know that I was silently rooting for him, trying to help him. And I’ll be so happy to see that he came around. It happened to you, hopefully it happens again. I just want to see him turn around

[@GrampaPiggie]

It is truly astonishing how much clarity this video has brought me in my life as I go through a period of transition. A true friend has always been there for me and simply cares about me and wants me to be alive, but I have let them down so often and let myself down and broken promises. I struggle to let go of our past and move forward into my own future. ..... friendship isn't something fickle like romance......

[@micdes121]

You're the only youtuber that I feel like thanking almost every video you make Great work man, as always

[@Partyloyalist]

this is a beautiful video, can't say I relate much but I do have friends dealing with depression and addiction. Today one of my closest went to a psych ward cause of his drug abuse issues and this video gave me some comfort. Thank you Leadhead

[@turtleturt27]

I always love your videos because they make me feel, probably by design. But the way that you explain your thoughts and feelings always makes me get the feeling of discovering something profound. Keep up the awesome work!

[@juanmax1999]

Dude, your videos have been of great help during quarantine, your videos where stimuli when I needed it the most, love your perspective on stuff, and hope to see more of your content

[@maddoxbruce4621]

Thank you so much for making this, Mr. Leadhead. I am stupid fuckin teen going down the same path you were, and I've realized that's just not what I want to do. You have opened my eyes, and made me see the people who truly and care for me and the truly incredible people they are. Your experience had shaped me to be a better person, and has shaped me to live a better life. Thank you.

[@Daniel-Rosa.]

The camera happily bobs with the music during the epilogue, past 9:40 - *Thank you* for that epilogue :)

[@anikethp6069]

Lead, I really enjoy what you do. Please keep making content, and keep doing the things you love. You'll probably get hundreds of comments like this, but on the offkey chance you see this, your videos have many times been the reason that I look deep into myself and try to improve. Thank you for everything you do.

[@phrogemusic2533]

Besides just the content itself, one of the best aspects has been the music choice in your videos, it keeps the mood and video going, and the overall tone. I really love the videos, and all the effort you put into them.

[@Derp12]

i watched various videos of yours, from tf2, to hitman, to portal and beyond. while i always thought your analyses were very insightful and well-written, i had no idea you had a backstory of this caliber. mad props to you for getting off the drugs and out of the toxic relationship - i wish you the best of luck in life and i hope you keep making these unique essay videos that give me a new perspective and something to think about every time

[@Raybro16]

I was actually in your friends position with my best friend, but things ended very differently. Me and my best friend split up and everything between us ended on very bad terms. Things started to go wrong in 2019 when all of a sudden he ghosted me without me realizing for 7 months. At first, i tried playing it off. "He's busy, he has a job and school" "He doesn't have the time to talk" "His depression is bad, he's not in the mood" I tried reaching out almost every day, but after a while i realized what was happening and how it meant that things were ending between us.. I confronted him about it in December, told him how i felt about this long silence between us and how i was afraid that we wouldn't be friends anymore. He said that he has changed while i haven't and that we didn't connect anymore like we used to, that he started cutting out people because of that, that his interests that we used to share had changed, things like that. We didn't speak for 3 months after that. I cried a lot during that time. Its all a blur of tears and pain. It was hard to endure. 3 months later, i reached out to him again with a speech my therapist helped me prepare; i told him how i felt about what had happened, how much i missed him, that i wanted to be friends again, how i knew that things were different but i wanted us to try again. He said "yeah, I'd like that" At first, things seemed like how they used to be with us talking regularly, but two weeks in he just stopped again. I kept my distance, holding off on messaging him and just waiting to see if he would do it first. After all, I've been in this situation before. But, of course, he never did. Once again, i confronted him about it, told him about how i felt that i was the only one trying to make the friendship work, that i still felt the distance between us, and how if things are going to work out he has to start pulling his weight. You want to know what the fucker said? He accused me for his fucked up life, accused me "holding onto the old him", for encouraging toxic behaviors which i had no part in doing so, blamed me and our other friends for his depression and suicidal attempts, attempts that he reached out to ME for help. he even had the gall to admit that didn't and never wanted to try and be friends with me again despite saying otherwise a month prior. "Goodbye. Don't ever message me again". And he blocked me. I knew it was coming. I knew so well that things were ending that i thought that maybe i should be the one to end it. I should've been the one to end it. After that, i was back in the pit of grief, with pain, anger, and sadness as my only company. I kept playing it over and over again. asking myself "what happened between us? what did i do wrong?" but always turning up short of answers. There are things i did i do regret in our friendship, I'll admit to that, but I'll never be sure if those things were the reason he did what he did. I ended up making a habit of stalking him on twitter. During that time, I wrote so many emotional and angry messages to him that i never sent. I wept every chance i could due to how much pain i was in, how angry i was at him for saying those things, and how much i missed him. One day, after an intense and emotional session with my therapist, i revisited one of my messages and began tweaking it, sharpening it to a fine point that would cut deep into him, calling him out on his behavior, on how wrong it was for him to blame me for things I KNOW i didn't do, on how messed up he is and how he denies it, on how much that I both missed him and hated him for hurting me, on how as much i wanted to i would never forgive him for that. I said so many things that i knew would hurt him the same way he hurt me. I originally wanted to just get my emotions out there somewhere, I never intended to send it, not at first. However, i guess things got the best of me. I sent it. A day later, he ended up making some posts on Twitter. He got my message and, of course, tried blowing it off and also mentioned that he was going to change accounts due to me keeping tabs on him. He then closed off access to his account. I thought that was the end of it. Guess not. He opened access to his account again to make some final posts, calling me a piece of shit, calling me out on my "manifesto", and even posting one final piece of art just for me as one final insult. I was lucky to even catch all of it just before he finally deleted his account. And now, thats it. He's gone for good this time, and I'm never going to talk to him again. What else do i say now? That I regret it? That i never should've sent that message? Some excuse that'll justify it? To be honest, i don't know anymore. I don't know how things have gotten so bad between us. I keep telling myself that he was the one who started it all, that he grew so incredibly toxic and took it out on everyone he cared about and made excuses for why he did it, justified it all, lied to himself so he wouldn't feel shitty about himself enough as he already does. And for all i know, he's going to stay that way for a long time unless he realizes that he's more fucked up than he admits and goes to see a therapist for it. Hell, i could write a book on how messed up he is thanks to his fucked up parents. But after what i did, that doesn't make me any better. Emotional pain for something like this is a hard thing to deal with. Everyone who goes through a breakup of such a long and meaningful relationship would know of what I'm talking about. And looking to deal some payback, no matter how badly it's justified, will only just make things worse. I started watching your videos about two months ago, and got hooked after your video on Planescape Torment. Your video on Bioshock 2 Minerva's Den helped me put this whole mess into perspective, as bitter as it is. I'm in a much better place than i was when all of this happened. I still cry and it still hurts every once in a while, but I'm able to manage it easier. After watching this video, i can only wish that things ended similarly between us like you and your friend. But I can accept that things are over now. Thank you for all the work you do. You've helped me a lot. I cant wait for your next video :" )

[@microlobbies2378]

Hey man. It's a shame how some friendships end, not the highschool buddy you have in math class, but the friend you've known for years. I am so lucky I have friends who wanted the best for me. I know that if they didn't exist I would've been a looser. I just like anybody else had plenty excuses to waste it. I could've blamed my dad, my sister, my financial situation. My mom and my friends saved me from becoming a deadbeat. I should be more thankful and check in on them more. I will do better. After senoir year most of us split off, I went the military route and A self conscious part of me wants to not talk to them until I come back with something worthy. This video essay and this comment make me realize how lucky I was to meet those people. Ignore all my personal bullshit I just like telling personal stories, but please don't ever give up on being that person for someone else, I hope your friend figures out his life and like I will do tomorrow thank their friend for making them a better person.

[@ericneuens]

@@microlobbies2378 These comments are ones built upon gold. And I salute you both for it!

[@thebansheesheriff9029]

I was contemplating writing this reply to your comment, but here it is. I had a friend that had similarities with yours. We were "best friends". At least that's what I believed the whole time. He would accuse me of things that happened months/years before, stuff I didn't even know I hurt him with. It was always just small stuff but he didn't mention it to me the day it happened, he kept these to himself, until one day he let all of that sh*t out. He was like that. He would also tell me that XY mutual friend doesn't like me (I barely even knew that person). But I had deep rooted low confidence and depression at the time, so I believed what he said. He is also a few years older than me. Sometimes it would seem like everything was fine between us, and he would pull this sh*t. It was devastating. And sometimes we would have a big argument about everything we could pull up from the deepest corners from our minds. And then I would usually block him on every channel. And then he would later find me on yet another channel I forgot to block him on (phone number, some old forgotten forum), and he would talk to me like he's excited to talk to me again, and we should totally keep in touch, etc. He would convince me every time. And then we stayed in touch for a few days/weeks/months, and everything would repeat itself all over again. He also talked very negatively about his family (mother, father, siblings). At the time I believed him that everyone's stupid but only he is the smart one, but now I see that it's very unlikely that all of his siblings (he had like 5 at least) are the stupid ones. He was also a very clingy friend. He would say hi to me everyday on various chat sites. He wanted to talk for hours, even when I really had nothing more to say because we had just talked the day before... and the day before... and the day before... And when I didn't respond, he would get mad, like "how rude I am to not respond". Finally I told him all my problems, and cut contact for good. I never looked back. This was a few years ago. I still think about him. It's really hard to forget. But I try to stay strong. People like your friend and mine, they like to blame others for what happened to them. And for some reason they know when you are the most vulnerable, so that they can hurt you the most. I hope you find some friends you can connect with better, and friends that see the positive in life rather than the negative. You need to stay strong.

[@ericneuens]

@@thebansheesheriff9029 Good for you that you got out of that relationship! I hope that you do well in the future.

[@manuxx3543]

Sometimes when the feeling for people dies, it's better to leave it be dead. You can't do much to care/feel smth about someone again or make someone care about you, feel something for you, if the feelings just don't come

[@edgardonosomansilla1159]

When it hits home it hits home, you got my feelings and it just made me see things in a better light. Thanks

[@chris1991]

Dude ur a truly swell guy and everything that I think about myself u said it. Dont stop shining that light!

[@kirbobirbo0446]

It’s weird how relatable this is to me despite having never truly experienced something like it. The best way I can think to explain it is how it feels like I think about it a lot, but I’ve never realized it.

[@Steve-uu7yx]

This has to be one of the best backstory type videos, you don't try and ham it up to make people feel bad, you just express yourself and what happened in your past. Thanks Leadhead, your such a special creator

[@Mr.Fenryck]

This really gives me motivation to be there for somebody. Sometimes people just need a shoulder to cry on. I’ve been trying to be that shoulder for a while now, and will continue. Seeing a friend go down the rabbithole of depression, is really something I don’t want anyone to experience...

[@dreadpersephone]

hi, this is like the third video of yours I've seen. I discovered you an hour ago, so naturally I don't know anything about you, not as much as your long-time viewers. But I have to say I've already come to value your words greatly. I'm starting my college journey, finally, and in the midst of this isolation and existential/nihilistic cycle I've found myself in it's nice to find another voice to listen to. If any of that makes sense

[@liquidbreakfast1474]

leadhead really puttin us in our feels while on a bus

[@0xGRIDRUNR]

get ready class, we're going on a feel trip today

[@thatdudnum67potatoe45]

@@0xGRIDRUNR im at school going to a differt road trip

[@ahorribleterribleperson]

@@0xGRIDRUNR some kid: please let this be a normal feel trip Everybody else: With the Lead? NO WAY!! (Magic school bus reference)

[@DeimosA_]

Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. I love how this channel makes me feel.

[@justinpliskin2919]

You are such a gem on youtube. I have only known your channel for a handful of months now. But I love everytime you post anything, keep it up.

[@staltheclown6352]

this video is really amazing. it's the first thing in a while that almost made me cry

[@TheChief10097]

I don’t know what made me open youtube and decide to watch your channel but I literally just got home from a night of transactions and I’m watching this under the influence of multiple things. It feels like a wake up call, I’ve pushed away my true friends in a selfish daze. I have a solid job now with good benefits that allows me to pursue a side business that makes me happy and for some reason I’ve been resorting back to the hooligan tendencies I’ve been so used to all my life.

[@breadboi3837]

Today I texted a friend in math, she and I started to talk a little. And out of no wear we started to talk about college, and how we felt the pressure to live up to the expectations we had set for are self on our parents. I hope she'll be a good friend in my life, I never really talked like that to someone out side of my family, and she said the same to me. I feel like what lead head talked about in this video relates a lot to what just happened to me moments ago. Although, all experiences in life are different. It's like every one goes through the same ones. I'm glad that things turned out the way they did for him; I hope the same will be true for mine. Thanks for the amazing content, never stop uploading. You're truly one of the grates.

[@user-qf3dn6sz6e]

I got that kind of friend you’re talking about right now, and even if right now is a bit of a slump in my life, I couldn’t be happier. You made me realize just how good I got it right now, thanks leadhead.

[@arynkile]

This makes me want to call back some old friends

[@chromatika67]

hey leadhead, i'm only new to your channel and i had no idea you went through all of this. i'm really glad you made this video and you shared your experiences.

[@enterrupt]

Thank you for sharing your story. I find your delivery and channel aesthetic to be exactly what i want from video essay content. You've really made me think. I'm glad that you are still with us after the hard times. You're a success story and I bet a lot of people you care about are really proud of you.

[@candrabouyer5182]

Man, i feel this feeling, always being there for someone, cause i am this person, love your vids man, always a pleasure to see them as they are one of the few videos that i still find interesting nowadays

[@jakubgerec9127]

A simple honest life story, you don't hear too much of those. I appreciate it a lot, makes me feel less alone in this word. Keep up the good work.

[@motcUS]

This was awesome to listen to, I used to escape via video games in school and at some point I began drinking and doing drugs and losing friends and being depressed, it was awful, I still deal with the latter part to this day. But it was nice to know that someone else went through the same thing.

[@20XXSupersonic]

I honestly did not expect that one of my favourite video game essayists would resonate on such a deep level with me but damn if this video didn't make me choke back the tears a bit. I met a gal online back in 2014 when i was first going down the long and painful road towards figuring myself out. I was just a kid back then, realizing just how much puberty sucked with no idea what to do after school, an event happening to me that year that I don't wish on anyone that caused me to be confused as to what to do with myself and what i wanted in life. I had a pretty hard time figuring things out, repressing myself and even going so far as to become a alt right nazi idiot in a vain attempt to get more friends. This gal saw me at arguably the worst state i have ever, stuck around and made me feel like someone actually gave a shit about me. she was there for me for the worst parts of my life and decided that spending time on my then worthless and hurtful ass was what she wanted to do. And i can safely say that i probably would not be where i am right now without her. My life still isn't all that great, i still have yet to make my "big break" so to speak but in about half a year i will finally get to be with the person who has now become my girlfriend, as the person i truly am and a far far nicer body as well. (seriously, hormone therapy does wonders to ya, i got fucking E cups and i am barely a year and a half on this stuff). I cannot thank her enough. thank you for sharing your story lead

[@gavinisonline]

just subscribed a few days ago. i am currently in this hole with some uncanny parallels to your story that, for the sake of brevity, i wont get into. i dont know how old you are or what enabled you to climb out of the hole, but i am happy you've found solace. thank you for sharing this; please continue to make content.

[@raptoe1754]

You might never read this but damn this hit hard. I’ve been feeling down and out recently ( sadly not in Paris nor London) I’m about to lose my father and been lacking the companionship you mentioned from your friend but your vid really inspired me. And don’t forget you never will truly know the positive impact your videos will have on people. Thank you

[@slugworth3111]

Hey Lead, I really enjoy your videos brother. I love video game philosophy content, and I love the fact that you are willing to put yourself out there like this. People like you, Jacob Gellar, and Noah Caldwell-Gervais are some of my favorite creators in this weird niche. Keep it up my friend. And thank you for all the hard work.

[@starchycreampuf5234]

I think the best type of friends you can have are the same type of friends that badger and skinny Pete from breaking bad are to Jesse

[@andrewroes7942]

I've got a close friend who's been through a lot and grown a lot over the years. He's told me a few times more recently he's really thankful for me and I've always found it a bit odd how big of a deal it was to him, I never felt like I was doing anything big. It's not close to the same extreme you went through, but listening to this really made me realize the impact you can have by just supporting a friend unconditionally. Thanks for this video, and I'm glad to hear about how far you've come.

[@joraj9312]

Damn man that was deep i also learned some useful stuff from this video but in short.. it put me in a better mood. Thanks a lot. By the way i am glad that things worked out for you and that you never stopped chasing your dream. And now neither will i stop chasing it. Love your videos they are really thoughtful.

[@hozic9929]

i really love this video its so inspiring and realxing and mostly emotional

[@imtrashkids422]

I dont even know what to say your just great with words and great with this channel this is the greatest fit for you in my eyes

[@mikeplayed5619]

This something I needed to hear thank you man.

[@mikeplayed5619]

I wanted to clean up my act on high school because I am just keep going off the deep end.

[@darkmatiax1437]

Deep stuff men glad that this channel works as a way to relieve some thoughts and feelings. Stay Gold.

[@VRicken]

well done for pulling yourself together man, all of your hard work is paying off!

[@muzunomi]

Hearing this just really hit a different cord with me.all I can say is Thank you

[@upartas7738]

i wonder how many stories there are on the internet of people who put everything they have into youtube and fail

[@jackbishop8610]

Maybe it's less than you think. Maybe it's only the people who don't need it or don't work for it. Or maybe it's everyone, everyone else you never see.

[@SuperCakeKing]

@@jackbishop8610 i shit my pants

[@CiggyRat]

@@SuperCakeKing same

[@tobycrook7746]

This is the kind of video that I desperately look through KZbin for

[@Jack93885]

I got into your videos because I enjoy videogame essays but the reason I love your videos is more than that. I enjoy listening to people's philosophical musings, their reflections on their introspection. That's why I love your videos. The personal narrative makes it easy to empathise with your perspective

[@ronaldmcdonald5628]

Great video, among my favorites. Hope you're doing well.

[@toasthascats]

This might be one of the most beautiful videos I've watched in the past ten ish years of being on this platform. Even though I'm entirely different from you and our experiences are very different, this still left me in a wild spur of tears, realizing that even though I tell myself how important my friends are, they're even more important than I could ever imagine.

[@pjbutton3396]

Thank you for making this video, I really needed to hear something like this

[@parzival8863]

This video made me rethink my life and past experiences in a way I haven't before. Thanks. Your videos always get me too think outside of the box, even if it is only for a day.

[@kortomor8003]

Thank you for this video. It means a lot I loved your channel for awhile but this has shown that your honest and not afraid to show your feelings and life experiences, it might not seem like a lot but showing your life experiences can help others so much

[@relarin952]

Wow, this was beautiful! I was recently thinking about a friend of mine who does this for me and you really just have to cherish these types of people!

[@wrybiomix5654]

This was emotional and made me cry yet i still feel hopeful

[@Dumpster-i9t]

Congratulations lead friend, I have followed you since before your increase in followers began, I am very happy that you can live (or at least on the way to that) of something you love, surely your story will help more people who are in similar situations, Greetings from Argentina!

[@xfirexrainx6668]

I wish I could find the words to express my journey as you have here. So much hit so close to home for me. Thank you for this Lead, and thank you for your beautifully crafted videos.

[@ceppoc]

I got no idea how but this man can get me to tear up before he does while talking about what’s happened in his life. That is something I can not do. Huge respects for making a video explaining stuff and a great one as always! Good luck with whatever you’re doing right now!

[@d1ffuse900]

The more I watch your channel the more I relate to, and appreciate your thoughts and opinions. Thank you for sharing this. Your life perspective makes me feel less alone

[@Hallwo_333]

You are undoubtedly one of the many reasons I wanna get really personal with how I do things, not just on my KZbin, but in my life. Keep being you, because there’s nobody else on this site thats gonna come close to what you can do

[@moosecannibal8224]

It's always your opinions and relations to your games I'm primarily invested in with your videos, so I'm glad you know that it's through being yourself that you've achieved what you have. May not have the cash to be a patron for you, but I'm 100% willing to be a loyal subscriber and support whatever you may want to do with yourself good sir

[@thaunreal7801]

This story hits so close to home. The pot, the alcohol, toxic relationship, neglect of a great friend. I'm glad to hear you are on the uphill. My personal road has slightly gone up these last few weeks. And guys, remember to keep that one friend who doesnt give up on you. They are more important than anything.

[@CSSwifti]

This was a super good listening experience. I hope things keep getting better for you.

[@wanuluu2666]

This video inspired me to contact an old friend living abroad that a dont talk for a long time, thank you

[@tdrk6114]

My sister had a successful surgery, I passed the first Project for my college year and Leadhead uploaded a video. The perfect day!

[@rawbertdogler]

thanks for the story leadhead. i really needed to hear these things right now to put some things into perspective. i love you, too. you bring joy to my life with your content, so thanks for that. i know i have people that love me too, but its real easy to forget that sometimes. we all just need a little reminder every now and then.

[@The_MilkyGames]

Hey Lead i just want to thank you so much for your content its inspired me to start making my own soon. and has given me a different perspective on life itself. i really hope your channel skyrockets up good luck man

[@CraigMooreIII]

This is the kind of video that restores my faith in both game video essays and KZbin as a platform. Thank you for sharing

[@GURKENGOTT]

This is truly inspiring. I love your channel man.

[@justmrak2690]

I loved this video! I'd be really happy to see more videos like this in the future where you're talking about emotions, past feelings and experiences, as a lot of people (me included) learn a lot from them and helps getting through our very own issues, and it lets us connect deeper to your channel, thank you for this video!

[@someoneincognito2070]

Videos has ever rarely made me emotional. Congrats, you're on the no. 2 spot of videos which made me emotional.

[@orionjuarez7168]

After watching this, it made me realize how many real friends I have. The ones who check in on me often and the ones who are ok showing their softer side. Watching this video makes me want to be a better friend, not a friend that leaves parties without saying anything or the one who thinks asking if anyone wants to game will make them think you're annoying. Basically this video motivates me to be a better friend. Thank you for that.

[@SKY11211213]

I wanted to say I love your cozy voice. It is like a winter night with hot chocolate and playing COD 1&2, RTCW and Medal of Honor Allied Assault, but man, this video is deeper than the Revenant Bus or just plain Desert Bus.

[@pimpkin9708]

Dude your so great you’ve bettered yourself you’ve done what you wanted to and even though those times are bad they taught you something you’ll always carry those lessons with you and then pass them down to your children

[@acompletelynormalhuman6392]

I don't know if it's just the way I'm reading it in my head but I love how casual the title reeds

[@greenstrike0467]

Hey Leadhead i just want to say thanks for giving me an better way to control my thoughts and helping me with some personal problems even if you didn't help in person . I know this is an old video and you may not see it but I'm glad i found your channel, it as helped me with so many times when picking up a single-player game and look at it in a way i never would have with out you, so thank you. also a small little note when you said the part about 'keeping your true friends close i looked at my DM's on Discord (where only my two close friends are shown) and smiled.

[@Venomfan88]

Wonderful video! It was nice to hear your introspection applied to yourself instead of other people's art for a change. I may not know you personally, but I am glad you are at a positive point in your life and that you are surrounded by people that care about you and want to see you succeed.

[@panskii3632]

Woah this is woah. Leadhead has become a true artist and this video is proof.

[@haryman222]

I'm so happy for you. I've been working through my past, toxic in different ways, and this kind of stuff gives me hope. Thank you. I have a friend to call

[@user-xy2sy5zi8n]

Thank you for this video, as someone who has gone through similar stuff, i appericiate you for making this video!

[@TROLE7]

i cant express how much this video meant to me, i can relate to so much of your experience, it kinda felt surreal at times. i am getting my act together, but i still smoke pot everyday. "Im just as high as i was yesterday" is the most powerful thing i've mabye ever heard! Thats it! as i said i have cleaned myself up, but never really figured out how to quit weed. I dont even think about being high anymore, i just smoke out of habit, so why even bother. Its some of best "advise" I have ever gotten. Coming from someone so unexpected, who just so happens to "get it". The whole video was very meaningful to me, and i cant thank you enough for making it.

[@reunio]

Thank you for sharing such a personal and honest moment with us. It means a lot.

[@kaylubproductions4517]

This is one of the most interesting KZbin channels I've found and this video proves why. It's real. You're not trying to monetize your life or pretend to be someone you're not, and those two things make an amazing creator!