Leanna Firestone - ESOEMOEHOED (Visualizer)

[@kiarafields4998]

"you were supposed to protect me but you didn't, and I know I'm grown now but I'm still your kid" had me sobbing

[@jaseoz536]

Same!

[@tessssaaaaa]

“I know I’ll never get a letter, but I wish you’d say I’m sorry.” Never have I felt such raw emotion from a song

[@sandy_nes31]

"But i'm mourning somebody that hasn't even died and i'm fighting an addiction that isn't even mine" Also hits hard

[@tessssaaaaa]

@@sandy_nes31 completely agree!!

[@ronielynlaurito2899]

😢

[@Emily-ss8mj]

literally my favourite part

[@AsherPotato]

“Im mourning someone who hasn’t even died and I’m fighting an addiction that isn’t even mine” that is one of the most relatable thing.

[@hannahb5309]

“I know I didn’t cause, can’t control, and I can’t cure it” really is just a heartbreaking line of acceptance

[@nikkishasantos7367]

I’m mourning somebody that didn’t even die. I’m fighting an addiction that isn’t even mine. That hits sooo hard coming from a family that struggled with addiction for generations !

[@tootired8251]

2:10 and onward is my favorite part of the song Like the line "I'm fighting an addiction that isn't even mine" hurts on a personal level Like danm

[@jaclynm7122]

“I’m fighting an addiction that isn’t even mine”. That line describes my childhood with my mom. She passed away in 2012 from alcoholism and I’ll never stop missing her.

[@kimadair22]

Leanna - I knew your Dad for years. Loved him after he lost Shannon. We supported him when he married your mother. We are so proud of you! Never stop reaching for those stars girl. Hugs

[@andee5741]

“So if losing me isn't rock bottom what is it? Do you think you'll die before you hit it?” That hit me hard. How does this describe my situation so perfectly. I stopped talking to him 2 years ago when he made my birthday about HIM and made it seem like everything was my fault. He wasn’t even there physically. All it took was one phone call to ruin one day. The sad thing is he has thyroid cancer now but he still can’t find it in himself to give up smoking. And I can’t even bring myself to feel bad and cry because I’ve already done my mourning long before he was even diagnosed.

[@cuteycat2214]

As the child of two addicts, one now deceased and one who comes around to retraumatize me every few weeks, this was really hard to listen to but I’m glad I did.

[@cuteycat2214]

I keep anticipating the call that I’m going to get one day telling me my mom went too far and she’s gone now and I’m an orphan

[@cheyanide_]

ilysm :) you're doing great, keep going kiddo, i'm proud of you

[@DataLandais1]

we are proud of you ❤ someday it will be okay you didnt deserve this

[@christinagrimes812]

This is a beautiful song that captures so much raw emotion and I can’t stop crying while listening to it. I know it’s about losing a parent to addiction, but I lost mine to narcissism and abuse and so many lines hit me so hard.

[@AliviaHaven]

Right here with you friend 💛. It’s a different kind of pain to have the person you’re mourning be right in front of you and know that nothing will ever change 🥹

[@emilindlee1452]

In order to be diagnosed with NPD, they have to remove every addictive substance in the individual's life. This is because of how similar the experience is in presentation. I feel y'all

[@hailstorm1271]

Never related more❤️ glad someone else gets it but sad that you do😢

[@kensieday2291]

I feel what you're going through. I'm sorry you're going through it too. Hugs from an internet stranger 💙

[@jayford4589]

God I feel this so much. I'm right in the middle of it right now and I know it'll get better, but damn if it doesn't feel like I'm being torn in half 😭 This song hits so much different now

[@XxJaidNightsxX]

My dad suffered from addiction until his last breath and I wish I could have sent him this song. I tried everything to make him understand that he wasn’t just hurting himself

[@tessssaaaaa]

“I knew we were family, but I thought we’re friends.” 😭😭

[@kitchencountess]

"you were supposed to protect me but you didn't, and i know i'm grown now, but i'm still your kid." my GOD THAT HURTS

[@kenzkrew3501]

"I'm fighting an addiction that isn't even mine. It's exhausting to be this angry all the time" that hurttttt. Thank you for this song

[@alexisbelland409]

For those of us with parents fighting addictions, this is a heart wrenching anthem. Cathartic. 🥺❤️

[@dinohall2595]

Easily the best song Firestone's done so far. Everything about it is so real, from the raw emotion to the sheer tragedy of the situation, and the lyrics deliver it so hard. "I know I'm grown now, but I'm still your kid" has got to be one of the biggest shots to the heart I've ever heard in a song.

[@kaitlynamira3916]

But I’m mourning somebody who hasn’t even died and I’m fighting an addiction that isn’t even mine, it’s exhausting to be this angry all of the time? I don’t know how you did this but you somehow found the most perfect word choice for my exact life story right now

[@jessicabrown9606]

Putting into words what I never could He passed 2 years ago, but this still hits

[@hannahbexter2653]

holy shit. “im mourning somebody that didnt even die” im so sorry, youre doing great babes. it will be okay

[@ChaseDetrick]

I just realized this song came out the day the last time I talked to my mother, last July. My grandmother went against my wishes and drove her 10 hours to "surprise" me on my 18th birthday. I told her I got accepted to the best engineering school in the country, and in response she asked me if I had a light. When I told me dad, he said she was still mother. I told my sister, and she reminded me she was also was hurting. My grandmother said she missed me. But you know what? I missed you my entire /childhood/. I protected you. I protected my peace. I protected everyone around me from the truth of you. But no one ever thought about protecting me. It's so exhausting being this angry all the time because I'm still carrying the little kid resentful of what you've done to me. My rock bottom wasn't losing her, it was losing myself because of her. And even now, how can see miss me when she doesn't even know me? What is her rock bottom, if losing her me wasn't it?

[@ChaseDetrick]

"I'm mourning someone who hasn't even died" yeah....yeah.

[@cheesethepufferfish2812]

The part about going back to smoking after being sober for years is scary relatable alot of people in my life have been doing that and it's sad and sometimes it really does feel like your fight the battle for them and they don't seem to care

[@abigailreese4166]

Chorus] So if losing me isn't rock bottom What is it? Do you think you'll die before you hit it? Do you know that I miss you Every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day [Verse 2] I thought we had somеthing that no-one else did I knеw we were family But I thought we were friends And then you became everything you warned me against Torched down my home town and every bridge to it [Pre-Chorus] When you started smoking After thirty years sober And I started hoping that it would be over soon But now you live 10 hours away And I miss you every second of every day [Chorus] So if losing me isn't rock bottom Then what is it? Do you think you'll die before you hit it? Do you know that I miss you Every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day [Bridge] I know I'll never get a letter But I hope you say you're sorry 'Cause I miss you more than anybody's Ever missed anybody I know I didn't cause I can't control and I can't cure it I know it's hard I know it's lonely I know you're hurting But I'm mourning somebody that hasn't even died And I'm fighting an addiction that isn't even mine It's exhausting to be this angry all of the time All of the time [Chorus] So if losing me isn't rock bottom What is it? Do you think you'll die before you hit it? Did you know that I miss you Every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day [Verse 3] You were supposed to protect me But you didn't And I know I'm grown now But I'm still your kid And I miss you every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day

[@saradesanti2210]

Ok, but the "then you became everything you warned me against".... that hitted on the botton of my soul. It got me criying like a little child.

[@That.grl.lillie]

Heard this first acoustic of her concert, so hearing it like this makes me so happy

[@emilytorrez2818]

“You were supposed to protect me” that touched my soul

[@AliviaHaven]

I know this song is about her dad, but wooweeee does it hit my mommy issues 😅😅. “You were supposed to protect me but you didn’t” hurt a little too much besties 🥲

[@Rainix769]

This song has me SOBBING. So much emotion. This reminds me and my dad's relationship. This song is awesome and I'm so happy you made it. Keep it up! ❤

[@matilumgair9821]

Crying my eyes out... this is absolutely gorgeous

[@chelbanna]

"If losing me isn't rock bottom, what is it?" God, I feel this line.

[@evanalexjames]

This song gives me chills every single time. Thank you.

[@lisacostanza2482]

"i'm fighting an addiction thta isn't even mine". That hurt.

[@noahdetailleur1669]

Love the visualizer, lyrics, production, vocals, vulnerability, all of it! Keep doing what you love 🫶

[@sage7687]

Hearing this song just broke me into a thousand pieces. If put my feelings for years into words, but now he really is gone. And I know I’ve been living my life without my dad for so long, but losing him is something that I don’t know I’ll ever recover from.

[@jessewilliams2949]

As a father, I could never understand why my dad couldn't have that undying love for me as I do my boys. It's screwed up kids growing up in this messed up world without guidance.

[@oftroy6409]

this hit so hard. i lost my dad recently to his addiction, he was my best friend, and something i've said since it happened is that i have to learn to cope with missing him all the time. every second of every day. Leanna once again you manage to reach into my heart with your lyrics. I'll be sending you my therapy bills lol. but really, thank you for this. It was a beautiful listen

[@savanahbarton2623]

I miss my mom and dad. But they’re fighting their own demons 5mins and 1 hour away from me. Now me and my two little sisters have an apartment together trying to survive on our own. It’s so hard because of how old all of us are with no one to help or guide us.

[@audddballll]

how’re you guys doing? i just got my parents arrested to get my sister out…

[@AlexDansie]

I never thought another person could understand how I feel so deeply every word of this song was like a punch in the gut. It's nice to be able to put the feelings into words

[@sh5ng0pr0ducti0ns]

I LOVE UR MUSIC SO MUCH,, I'M LITERALLY UR BIGGEST FAN ILYSM LEANNA !! 😭

[@SquareBracketSmileyFace]

I've got this on loop right now, nothing else feels right to listen to

[@apocalypticsbby]

Gosh. This song. I connect to it so much. My dad doesn't struggle with a substance addiction, but he has awful anger issues and takes it out on me. I love him and I know he loves me, but I'm so sick of having the responsibility of every problem we have on me. If I could write a song about it, it would be just like this. The "what is it" kill me every tims

[@jonathanbrough9081]

🫂

[@glitterkissez]

"I know I didn't cause, can't control, and I can't cure it" and "It's exhausting being this angry all of the time" hit places in my heart that just ache so much....

[@SkylaSullivan]

still havent been able to listen to the whole song. im going through this exact thing rn. but this is the song i needed. thank you❤!

[@mavis5662]

“I’m fighting and addiction that isn’t even mine” made me tear up

[@juniperdawn]

Listened to this song a lot. Thought about my mom and her addiction to drugs.... "Do you think you'll die before you hit it" has a new meaning. She passed away a couple days ago on the 28th of February

[@user-lj3jd9gn4o]

Thank you for putting this into words. You helped so many people who have a loved one with addiction feel less alone. Thank you. A million times, thank you. I hope all of our loved ones with addiction someday find the light. Until then we have music to cope. Thank you.

[@lilajanick]

This will be on repeat for a while.

[@HaleyMAllen]

As soon as I hear this song, all of my emotions come to me like a flood. I've had so much emotion pint up when it comes to my dad. I can't even begin to explain how I feel. Basically, I went through a lot of emotional abuse with my dad growing up at first when I was younger and it wasn't as bad at first . But as I got older I realized why my mom was so protective of me and kept me away from my dad. Him and my twin sister don't even talk since she sided with my mom. She tried to have a relationship with him but he just burnt the bridge. While I still have the bridge open but it just bothers me since the last time I was even close with him was when I graduated high school two years ago. I expected him to stay my whole entire graduation and take pictures with him afterwards with my mom and God Parents as well as my sister and significant other. But when I got out of graduation he wasn't there and he blamed me for not communicating better that I wanted him to stay the whole time. When I just thought it was just understood. That was the day he disappointed me. I ask myself if I'll ever get a I'm sorry letter but I feel like I'll never get it since he feels like what he did was not wrong. Ever since then I don't talk to him as much anymore I'll only talk to him if he stops by the house. Since I feel like when I'm around him I'm not happy. While when I'm not around him I feel a lot better. I just question why he can't just text me and ask me how I'm doing. Cause if I ask him he will respond but he won't do it on his own. I just miss him so much but I know I can visit him every once in a while since I can only stand him for so long by myself. I just wish he loved me like he use to. (Who ever took their time to read this thank you!)❤

[@jonathanbrough9081]

I ended my relationship with my mom 2 years ago today due to her hoarding and how it came before all else. I was fighting an addiction that wasn't mine, and now I'm mourning someone who's still alive. It gets better, but you never fully stop mourning or second guessing yourself. Thanks for the song ❤️

[@hannah_kincaid]

“It’s exhausting to be this angry all of the time”. That got my tears flowing. My dad said he and I are no longer on speaking terms earlier this year, and I couldn’t be happier with that. But what makes me mad is how much I want to tell him about how much he hurt me.

[@Who8mycookies]

“It’s exhausting feeling this angry all the time” kills me. 😭

[@paigepresley4986]

This song literally describes my life rn especially the "started smokin after 30 years sober" and it hurts but glad I'm not alone❤

[@masonrobinson3462]

This hit too close to home. 27 years of low/no contact. Abandoning me and now my son. Nothing hurts more and yet he's the only one I WANT to forgive. Holding my foot down to save myself is so hard

[@christiewest4138]

The way she went from I want to be happy for you to this really hurts

[@sourturtle9699]

I love all your music so much and it’s helped me so much. Thanks for being so amazing!

[@gkrenke1523]

Thank you for sharing your music with us once again. You're absolutely incredible and ALWAYS seem to drop a song that will get me through what I'm going through. First LFOC dropped when I was going through a lot of mental health issues and family issues. And now ESOEMOEHOED dropped when my dad left my family recently so the last verse has been very healing. So thank you. Sorry for ranting but seriously, thank you for everything

[@jpage813]

I heard this song for my first time today and my Lord… A song hasn’t made me want to drop to the floor in tears like this one has in a very, very long time… My dad has been dealing with addiction and waves of sobriety since I was a preschooler, so this hit me like a ton of bricks in places I didn’t even realize still hurt.

[@TammySwan]

I cried like a baby... I already thanked you on tik tok, but I do it here again. there were so many feelings

[@asphynxia]

That song is criminally underrated.

[@erikkoski6129]

"You were supposed to protect me " got me ugly crying

[@themeltingpot3266]

You have once again destroyed me emotionally and I will never recover. This song is so cathartic. My dad doesn’t have an addiction, but I lost him to hatred and narcissism. He’s become rotten to the core and every day I desperately want to see him change and run back into his arms. But to save my sanity I have to cut him off.

[@harleenhufflepuff340]

3:02 Fucking breaks me, man 🥲I'm 30 years old. I got kicked out of my parent's house when I was 23 for being queer. I didn't go full no contact with them until 2020 because I was clinging on to the hope that they might come around some day. They might understand. But I realized during the pandemic that they were never going to change. They were never going to accept me. So I cut ties completely. "Don't call me unless somebody dies." But I still get moments, rare though they may be, where I just get hit with this overwhelming NEED to hug my mom. To just let her hold me while I cry and rock me and sing "I'll love you forever" to me. I want to hear my dad call me "Sunshine" again. But that's not going to happen. It breaks my heart but, ultimately, it's for the best. That doesn't mean it was easy or that it doesn't hurt. They will always be my parents. I'll always love them. But I can't forgive them for turning their back on me when I needed them most.

[@J_lynner]

I wish I could give you a hug. I hope you are doing okay. ❤

[@arden2113]

Screaming crying throwing up with how hard this song hits

[@aprilshuyler4283]

My parents are both sober now, but were both addicts at different points in my life, and every single line of this song hits so hard. I feel mostly healed and I forgive them now, but I sobbed the first few times I listened to this song. ❤

[@madilynmiller8144]

"AND IM FIGHTING AN ADDICTION THAT ISNT EVEN MINE" hit so hard

[@alenaluna6643]

Haven't spoke to my dad in two years, I'm pregnant and I know he must know this but his urge to be in the right and not back down is stronger than his love for me. I don't regret letting him go, I regret how hateful it made me in the process but I have let that go for me, not for him. "Hatred is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die"

[@aciidc0rpse]

As someone who is currently no contact with their drug addicted mother this absolutely killed me. She lost custody of me when I was three and once she was out of prison she got visitation rights. I visited my mother, who is schizophrenic and heavily addicted to drugs, until I was 13. I am now turning 18 in a month. This woman put me through hell. She brought men into the household who sexually assaulted me. She would abandon me for hours. I felt so unlovable. When I was 13 her boyfriend at the time was put in prison for murder. She stayed with him and I told her to choose between me and him, and she chose him. My older brother had left long before I had when she had attempted to take her own life after getting out of prison. She is doing alot worse now, she lives in my town. I see her often standing on gas station corners. She's also tried to find me multiple times at my job. She is now banned from my job. She is now homeless, unmedicated for her schizophrenia, her brains fried from bathsalts and meth, ect. I love you Leanna, I'm gonna go cry to this again now.

[@gingersnap7822]

I hope you're learning that you're loved and worthy of it.

[@IsItKai]

My favorite song oml 🙏

[@tylergiles]

I haven't spoken to my father in a few years. He's an alcoholic who has abused my mother for years (they're still married and living together). He comes from a line of abusive alcoholics and has been trying to get with my ex-girlfriend (11 years in the past) ever since we split up, it was an issue for a long time before I finally cut him off. I have my own family now and I'm two months since last getting drunk because the occasional similarities between he and I scare the hell out of me. Anyway, just searched your music since I saw you were coming to The Bottleneck in Lawrence soon. Keep up the good work!

[@girlbye4522]

I LOVE THESE SONGS GUURLLLL❤❤❤ LOVE FROM MOZAMBIQUE 🇲🇿🇲🇿

[@nataliewingard-k1z]

Thank You for this song.

[@JenSugar]

My first time hearing this song (and you) was live in Portland, just a few weeks ago. I took my daughter and her friend to see you. I enjoyed every song, but this song hit home hard, and I bawled. My mom died from her addiction when I was your age. Even after over 20 years your words hit every emotion right on the head. I'm sorry that you have to be a part of this club. Your song is beautiful. ❤

[@anneblackwood9013]

"If losing me isn't rock bottom, what is it?" Moving two states away from my mother when I was only 17 while she continued to blame everyone else,,,,

[@TylerHackett-l9x]

I was jamming this last summer. Fire chick

[@briannecowart5911]

"And if losing me isn't rock bottom then what is it? Do you think you'll die before you hit it?" and "I knew we were family but I thought we were friends." I want to scream these into my mother's face even though I know it wouldn't matter

[@lindsayh8374]

I can’t believe this song has already been out for 2 weeks. I don’t think it ever won’t make me cry

[@joshua376]

Giving Lizzy McAlpine. This is so good and such a great title

[@axelstars7117]

Sobbing rn btw

[@sandy_nes31]

Let's face it, who isn't

[@kelliannebonomo1693]

"I knew we were family, but I thought we were friends" my step father was a great friend but not a great father. I miss him sometimes. But sometimes things happen for the better "It's exhausting to be this angry all of the time" I wish my sister knew I'm not mad at her, just our father

[@delicate6438]

Oh My Goodness

[@virginiaelisegarcia]

i knew this song would destroy me the moment my sister told me to listen to it. mom was an addict, my dad was never really around. my mom got so bad that me and my twin brother ended up in foster care. she never did get sober completely. always chose men or drugs over us. all my siblings went no contact with my mother when they turned 18, and i only have 5 more months until i can do the same. thank GOD for early graduation. im a single twin now after my brother passed june 2022. all i can say is im glad i didnt fall in my mother's footsteps and turn to drugs.

[@sebastianmathues2573]

“I’m still mourning someone who’s still alive, and fighting an addiction that’s not even mine…”story of my pathetic life 😢

[@LauriePenguin]

I speak to my dad sparingly. His addictions led him to continuously choose my abusive stepmom over and over. He's also openly transphobic. He cares about me, but we don't speak enough for it to matter lately. My ex who unalived (I have other songs of yours that remind me of him already) was also an addict in certain ways and I lost him completely when I chose to end the relationship. This one is rough. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this as well. It's nowhere I'd ever choose to be.

[@haleyroberts9916]

This has made me cry a few times due to how hard it hits , my biological father is a dead beat, he was not around very much when i was growing up and when he did come around he would only do so to bring gifts and try to buy my love and i finally stopped seeing when i was 14 but i fully cut contact with him a few months ago, he is an alcoholic and has lymphoid cancer i think thats what its called but yeah and yet he still is drinking and i still dont see him and he knows nothing about me so this song hits hard for me

[@brooklensjourney]

I’m crying

[@hoperighthere]

leanna, this is absolutely beautiful

[@nataliewingard-k1z]

I am 14 and I recently told my mom and dad that I did not want them in my life because they were and are still addicts. I have not seen them much since I was born, and I was physically abused by three of my mom's boyfriends. This song hits the heart.

[@angel3605]

LEANNA. PUT MY DIARY DOWN.

[@_loonytoons]

I promised myself not to remember him, last july was a different me. I thought I'll remember a different friend but damn, the two of us had our issues because of some boys. I kind of wished it didn't have to end like that, but, my life really moved forward when I let go of the 2 years of friendship I truly hold dearly close to my heart.

[@lacylee5340]

This hurt bad

[@MarinaBungenstock]

Well my heart just fucking broke thanks

[@waterlily.93]

this is so beautiful

[@labeja]

"but i’m mourning somebody that hasn’t even died" the way i sobbed

[@hannahe9949]

I’m so fucking jealous of all the girls who have something to miss. I grew up with my father present. I was told my whole life I should be grateful. But all he did was take. He never gave me anything to miss when I left.

[@nomoretwitterhandles]

Never be jealous of someone else who is hurting

[@mewmew6158]

💛

[@Adri-jy6ny]

This hit me hard

[@arose92795]

My onpy living parent isn't an addict, but this song still struck deep. I long to have my mom just hold me and tell me everything will be ok, but my mom hasn't even asked about her grandkids in 5 years.

[@lexi.hull22]

So real for this one!!

[@r.t.6775]

Heartbreaking 😭💔

[@ccb.8603]

Beautiful