Learning the Difference Between Letting Go and Giving Up

In this webinar excerpt, Teepa discusses how we as care partners can learn to let things go rather than giving up and potentially losing a relationship with a person living with dementia.
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[@louisel.sinniger2057]

I am a nurse in a long term facility and sometimes I use the “Andy Griffith approach”. Like the old program, take your time, talk slower, think before you do things, be easy going, pay attention to “the whole picture” of what’s going on. This action has proven SO helpful the majority of the time. Plus being a nurse of many years and having gained much experience also has served me well. Thank you for a thoughtful video. Too few care givers in facilities these days lack the understanding.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Thanks for watching and commenting, @louisel.sinniger2057! I like your "Andy Griffith approach", sounds a lot like our Positive Approach - being curious, observing and then engaging. Nice!

[@sissmith4189]

Imagine family trying to take care of loved one at home with absolutely no training - it's a disaster. I think I'm in the process of giving up so I'm glad I found Teepa Snow & praying I'm able to be a better caregiver to my Mom.

[@misemefein-ws6tp]

While I mourn the connection I had with my late sister(died last May), I went into her world and kept her happy. Many thanks for your very helpful videos. 👍🏻🙏🏻🇮🇪

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hi, @misemefein-ws6yp, I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm thankful that you had time with your sister and were able to go to her world for a time. Thanks for watching and commenting.

[@DaveCooper-zd1gj]

Brilliant! Wish I had discovered all this before. My wife (of nearly 55 years) - has advanced Alzheimer's. I cared for her at home from the earliest stage/s 10 years ago. The advance has come since 2020 (and Covid isolation). J has now been in a good care home for 5 months, as my own health was deteriorating. I will pass this on as best I can to our 2 daughters.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hi, @DaveCooper-zd1gj. Thank you for the comment. I'm glad to know that your wife is in a good place and that you are passing the information on to your daughters. If you or they have more questions, please contact us at [e-mail] or visit www.teepasnow.com.

[@dianneleon2522]

That was a great video! Caregivers really need to let go of expectations and give the patient time to warm up to change. Those changes include coming into their space, behavior and accomplishing a task. I know I am too task oriented at times and need to focus on the relationship, which is truly the most valuable thing. If trust is addressed first, then the task will be accomplished much more efficiently. Thank you for addressing my weakness!

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hi, @dianneleon2522! I'm glad that you liked the video. While you say thanks for addressing your weakness, I'd like to say thanks for your self-awareness and being willing to try something different!

[@lauraharris6987]

Just met Teepa in Sun City Florida for a lecture. What a pleasure! Great info and love the role playing with the audience.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Awesome! Thank you @lauraharris6987! We hope to see you again in the future. If you want to learn even more, please visit www.teepasnow.com or call us at 1-877-877-1671.

[@brendadickenson3547]

When my aunt was in the nursing home just about six weeks before she passed I took my mom ,( her older sister) to visit and she was at a table decorating purses with stick on rhinestones. I knew she many times didn't remember mom so I introduced my mom as some from the area she grew up in. This lady really liked your parents, so would you like to talk to her!. My aunt kept during the rhinestones but did start asking mom questions. So we talked about people my mom knew and my aunt would say yes she knows them they are so nice, and talked about the people in church, and people in neighboring farms. I had told mom not to tell her anyone has died, just say you have not heard and did my aunt know? Then they talked rhinestones and how this place seems so nice. Then my aunt said yes, but not as nice as my parents and momma is a better cook for sure.and o. And on it went. I introduced mom as someone from the town my aunt grew up in, not with,. My had a hard time believing her baby sister didn't know her. But talking , remembering with someone was different and they both enjoyed.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Thanks for sharing @brendadickenson3547. That's a great example of letting go and enjoying the time you had with your aunt. That's a wonderful memory - yes?

[@carplay5454]

The repeating something over and over part brought back a memory. My friend's dad had past away. She was setting up his picture frames at the funeral. She would wipe every frame before setting them on the table. But there was a portrait of him that she wouldn't stop wiping. Like it's not going to get any cleaner. And then she just started crying. I didn't understand then but I do know. Thank you.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Glad that you figured things out @carplay5454 after watching. It's nice to know that our videos help people make connections.

[@suzandelintsch697]

I had to watch this twice, to fully comprehend/ appreciate as my mum is only at an earlyish stage. Very insightful & will help me on the road ahead. Some of us are more control-freaks than others! Thank you 🙏

[@teepasnowvideos]

Glad if was helpful @suzandelintsch697! If you'd like to learn more, please visit www.teepasnow.com or subscribe to our channel (kzbin.info/door/SXrEX7LkWOmfTaV6u1C7wQ) to be notified of new videos.

[@michele21auntiem]

We got to see the lady with dementia comprehend because she was given time to transition, and remember this helper. We assume the person with dementia remembers us.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Nice work, @michele21aunitiem giving your person time to process/connect! Thanks for sharing.

[@bellefox-martin1700]

Exceptional video. Great format.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Much appreciated @bellefox-martin1700! We love that you watch and comment so often!

[@irmapena9319]

Thank you

[@evelynmarshall217]

Great video. Thank you.

[@teepasnowvideos]

You are welcome @evelynmarshall217! Thanks for watching and commenting

[@commonsencequeen]

Hello, Teepa, everyone! Your videos are insiteful, informative & entertaining. I am glad to have this view. My mom is now way past this level, now alzheimers, she has wonderful care, though.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hi, @commonsencequeen, so glad that you've subscribed to our channel and that you find our videos something you want to view. Hope that you have many more days/years with your mom as she continues to have wonderful care.

[@suzannewu9380]

This is so insightful, thank you.

[@janetpogue4970]

Thank u there is a big difference

[@teepasnowvideos]

Thanks for watching and commenting to so many of our videos @janetpogue4970! It's great to see you getting so much from them.

[@karenmcgarry7798]

could repetitive motion be considered a type of grounding soothing as things change every minute every hour every day?a lesson in slowing down with purpose.🕊

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hi, great question. Please reach out to teepasnow.com/services/consulting/phone-consultations/. Take Care

[@robinswaytoday]

❤❤

[@michelew4769]

Seems my uncle can no longer be reasoned with... The other night all I did was say hello and he lost it and was telling me to leave and was spitting at me. He's constantly mean and aggressive. I don't know if it's because he's late stage vascular dementia or because of medications. Also many of your examples include going elsewhere. My uncle no longer walks and his Geri chair has to be at the nurses station all the time because he is very high fall risk (he tries to throw himself on the floor- he WANTS to bust his head open) And also tries to smack himself in the head..

[@teepasnowvideos]

Wow, @michelew4769, that sounds like a difficult situation. I wonder if your uncle is so upset because he's frustrated by not being able to voice his wants/needs. If you would like to explore this scenario a bit more and maybe do some problem solving with our team, please reach out to us for a free 30 minute session. [e-mail] or 1-877-877-1671.

[@ungarlinski7965]

Confusing and exhausting.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hi, @ungarlinski7965, I'm wondering are you commenting that the video is confusing and exhausting or is it the journey of a care partner? If it's being part of the journey, I'm curious to know if you would like to connect with someone to talk about some ideas around how to get your some support/relief, please reach out to us for a free 30-minute consult. If it's about the video, please let us know more about that. Please reach out at [e-mail] or call 1-877-877-1671.

[@ungarlinski7965]

@@teepasnowvideos Both. I am so exhausted being a caregiver and then watching these intense skits requiring such focus to notice subtle distinctions is exhausting. And then to have to put all of that effort to care for someone who is screaming at you and blaming you and accusing you is now triply exhausting. To bend over backwards, to give every ounce of time and energy to someone, to forfeit leaving the house, to forfeit everything, to be gaslit, to have the police called on you repeatedly and have stories made up about you to everyone ... I'm sorry, but enough is enough. Demented or not, my safety has to come first. I can't stand it sometimes is my point. Letting go, that's why I clicked your vid. To let go, to feel right, to feel like my decisions are aligned with myself, that's what I want. It's not giving up if that makes sense.

[@teepasnowvideos]

@@ungarlinski7965 Hi, @ungarlinski7965! Thanks for replying. So glad that you are feeling right about your decisions. It definitely isn't giving up and it does make sense. The offer is still out there if you ever want to connect with someone to talk. [e-mail] or 1-877-877-1671.

[@jackiewalsh8494]

Teepa I’m pretty good with my mum but my main problem is her speech I’m really unable to understand her how can I decider and u derstand her speech more, I currently just mirror her reaction but sometimes this doesn’t work

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hi, @jackiewalsh8494, so it sounds like mirroring your mum isn't working. Since it's the words you don't recognize, have you tried to say the words back (reflect) exactly as she says them? Just one idea. I would suggest reaching out to our team for a free 30-minute consult to discuss in more detail. [e-mail].

[@mamaw5grands]

Let it go gently. Go and get a cup of coffee, redirect

[@teepasnowvideos]

Thanks for sharing.