Lemmy went to a toy maker and he asked "what's that?" the man said "Motorhead action figures" Lemmy asked "where's the dick?" the man said "they don't have one" Lemmy said "not gonna get much action, is it?"
@dwoodard57173 жыл бұрын
Here's one of my favorites I've heard him tell. Jesus walks into an inn, hands the innkeeper 3 nails, and asks "can you put me up for the night?"
@ahill46423 жыл бұрын
😳 oh nooooooo 🤣
@josephbarnes23893 жыл бұрын
Sorry bud but that joke is from the movie the crow
@markmeade29373 жыл бұрын
You nailed it matey 😉🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@jamesbrookfield1043 жыл бұрын
Not funny
@aloysfudanshi3 жыл бұрын
@@jamesbrookfield104 ooh we got a butthurt christian here lol
@PeaceL0veandFreedom4 жыл бұрын
You missed a joke from the Guts and the Glory documentary: Lemmy - Whats 12 inches long and white. Phil - What Lemmy - Nothing *chuckles*
@manintheline53313 жыл бұрын
Im sorry but i dont get it, could you enlighten my mind
@marceloantunes9983 жыл бұрын
Mutt's law at it's finest
@tmsplltrs3 жыл бұрын
@@manintheline5331 White guys dont have 12-inchers is the joke
@morlokkurak47633 жыл бұрын
That joke was used in the movie "Heartbreak Ridge" with Clint Eastwood. To which Eastwood's character replied, "I'll tell you what's black and bleeding if it doesn't shut up." The movie was made in the 1980s.
@gretebremseth16223 жыл бұрын
@Captain Bruh Close, but no! 😆
@nikken00797 жыл бұрын
I really miss the guy. Wish he was still alive.
@kungpuk51866 жыл бұрын
Nikken 007 Me to..
@brutalnecrodude66675 жыл бұрын
Heaven needed Göd back, I want him back too
@elroma77123 жыл бұрын
I bought a t shirt in the last concert when Motorhead played in my country I hadn't worn it since his death.
@vmaijanen7 жыл бұрын
00:35 my reaction to every Motörhead song ever
@SLAYER.APO.VOLO.2 жыл бұрын
Best comment ever 😂
@pizzaman98592 жыл бұрын
true
@antonhaq35037 жыл бұрын
Lemmy was a natural comedian and having a sense of humour was a very high priority for him. I honestly believe he could have made it as a stand up.
@oliverleahy63482 жыл бұрын
Ik this is late but I think these were just passed on and not made up by him don't stop it being fucking hilarious though😂😂👍
@flyspith76862 жыл бұрын
With that face ?? .. A B S O S L U T L EY... hahahah
@holdingtonfarley44442 жыл бұрын
Why do you think that after just watching a 3 minute video of him making jokes?
@antonhaq35032 жыл бұрын
@@holdingtonfarley4444 Because I knew him. Even if I didn't there are mountains of evidence to prove it. Now how about you tell me why you feel the need to be a cnt?
@johnirwin21632 ай бұрын
Lemmy was about as funny as a fire in a maternaty ward
@Clearlight2013 жыл бұрын
Took a girl to a French restaurant, she had frogs legs with chicken breasts To be fair though, she had a lovely personality.
@forgottenfilmchannel11942 жыл бұрын
🤣🤣
@garmit613 жыл бұрын
I was at a promotional event for the Bomber album and got Eddie, Phil and Lemmy to sign my jacket. Amongst all the patches on it Lemmy picked out the Blue Oyster Cult badge. He said , “This guy is really confused, he’s got an upside down question mark on his jacket”. Boom boom.
@forgottenfilmchannel11942 жыл бұрын
🤣🤣
@firstaddz81002 жыл бұрын
I don't get it?
@Nomed38 Жыл бұрын
@@firstaddz8100 the logo of Blue Öyster Cult is an upsidedown question mark ¿ (It's turned open to the left instead of the right) with the arms and top of a cross & the . is the center. My explanation is a bit shite so look up Blue Oyster Cult, scroll down and ya should see the band's logo.
@clancykobane91027 жыл бұрын
those long jokes are dangerous but he does all right.
@MrFysik7 жыл бұрын
Its more dangerous not to get his joke.
@clancykobane91027 жыл бұрын
lol
@123TauruZ3215 жыл бұрын
I think most of them were stupid.
@Skippy-id9yt3 жыл бұрын
Get outta here with your PC garbage
@Hellwyck3 жыл бұрын
@@123TauruZ321 then you're a cock.
@Rottenkirsche132 жыл бұрын
He embodies dad joke energy and I’m all for it
@carlosmaldonado54117 жыл бұрын
The world needed people like Lemmy around when he was around! I wish he was still with us!
@kevgmei6 жыл бұрын
Lemmy is ubrecognizable without his stache.
@micknayles23925 жыл бұрын
That words unrecognisable without the n my good man
@andrewjackson77582 жыл бұрын
Lemmy was a huge Monty Python fan, and he would have been a great addition.
@mjh54372 жыл бұрын
he loved The Goons too.
@fokeyjo3 жыл бұрын
I wasn't into any of these, but I know he's funny. He was on a show called Rock School (UK) once, and the kids were going on as a warm-up act. They asked him "What if they don't like us and boo after we've played?", Lemmy replies "Well you'd better start the next song quick!"
@Gengisjesus3 жыл бұрын
Him yelling do you wanna buy a frog is great
@anthonyjohn34453 жыл бұрын
My favourite Lemmy joke: knock knock - who's there? Gestapo. Gestapo who? Ve vill ask de qvestions!
@heathcornbeef3 жыл бұрын
Fucking awesome
@heathcornbeef3 жыл бұрын
Lemmy/ Joe Strummer/David Bowie/Lou Reed/Chris Cornell/Joey,Dee Dee. Johnny.Tommy RAMONE YOU STILL SUSTAIN US YOU GOD'S OF THUNDER
@mjh54372 жыл бұрын
That reminds me of when Dad`s Army were captured by Nazis and wanted to know all their names and Captain Mainwaring said "Don`t tell them Pike" to young Corporal Pike 😁
@AliceInPantera2 жыл бұрын
Lemmy was the perfect balance between old school and new school. This dull ass world will never see another legend quite like him ever again
@StaticYonder6 жыл бұрын
Jesus: Father! Old guy: PINOCCHIO!
@amirshahazpuri85097 жыл бұрын
He sure likes frogs
@pompom7x7285 жыл бұрын
Amir shah Aaaaah! Il’m no more the only one who noticed about it...!!! 😜🤘🏻♠️🎸👍🏻🎶🤪🤠
@jimmartin78813 жыл бұрын
Who doesn't?
@falkhammermuller93423 жыл бұрын
The "Supplies" joke really cracked me up .....
@YokRzeznic3 жыл бұрын
I think he kinda nicked it from the UHF movie
@LordsofMedia3 жыл бұрын
@@YokRzeznic Obviously he didn't write any of these jokes.
@marnistone61537 жыл бұрын
I pissed myself laughing at the dead baby joke!
@123TauruZ3215 жыл бұрын
I think it was fucking stupid.
@boosted_builds_n_customs53914 жыл бұрын
123TauruZ321 what you gonna do cry?
@heavybar38503 жыл бұрын
I dont get it
@alexvincent11833 жыл бұрын
@@heavybar3850 a float is a drink or desert or whatever using ice cream as its main ingredient so hes saying how do you make a dead baby float like a drink not floating on water
@kamilek39693 жыл бұрын
@@alexvincent1183 AAAAHH, now i understand, thank you
@JosePOR07117 жыл бұрын
I was never a fan of Motörhead till 2015 a couple weeks before Lemmy died. I heard his voice singing anx I feelt not alone in this crazy fucking world. What a great Man, what a great Musician and Idol. Lemmy is a great inspiration not only for me but for millions. Thank you and Long live Motörhead!
@mediocreman63233 жыл бұрын
I saw Lemmy live in 1997, a man who impressed just by being there. He was just a good guy, not arrogant, very relatable, and since I learned he was born on the 24. of Decembre, I started to celebrate Christmas again, for on this day my lord and saviour was born.
@jerrywoods40663 жыл бұрын
We saw motor head back in the 80s we didn't care 4 5hem we walked out of the show.but did like fast way buy he was a cool guy that lemmy
@danniedwards57503 жыл бұрын
That copper and the 9 year old joke fucking killed me the way lemmy tells it ffs😂😂😂😂😂
@jimmyneutron27846 жыл бұрын
"Supplies!" Had me in tears
@ejl10003 жыл бұрын
Sometimes the shit jokes are the best haha
@mjh54372 жыл бұрын
That`s actually a very truncated version of the full joke which I first heard back in about 1983,he went straight to the "Supplies!!" punchline instead which spoiled it a bit...maybe Phil wasn`t very good at telling shaggy dog story jokes and wanted to put them out of their misery early lol
@johnbutler56503 жыл бұрын
“ Supplies!!! “ Dear God.... I laughed out loud at that one! Lol!
@steadyc92774 жыл бұрын
Yes! This part of the doc was the best. I remember watching when it aired and laughing SO much. He was one of the BADDEST MoFos to ever walk the earth...telling some of the corniest, silliest jokes I've ever heard. Awesome.
@b3stia.6665 жыл бұрын
.:And Don't Forget The Joker ! Rest In Peace, Legend:.
@catjudo16 жыл бұрын
Good lord... was Philthy sitting on a bar stool or was he, like, four feet tall!?!? He should be hangin' with Angus!
@brutalnecrodude66675 жыл бұрын
Damn, he was the dirtiest rock n roller and a kickass comedian too, R.I.P Lemmy
@bangadesh6 жыл бұрын
the frog ones got me ahahaha! RiP Lemmy
@snurtsnurkymcgurgboggles13703 жыл бұрын
“DO YOU WANNA BUY A FROG?!?!” - Lemmy
@hershysquirts1876 жыл бұрын
I really miss this guy. LONG LIVE LEMMY!!!!
@marcellee42122 жыл бұрын
Lemmy Kilmister was a 'funny uncle' to all of us.
@vikiwestall-eyre44402 жыл бұрын
Total legend. Miss ya Lemmy. I was at Heavy Metal Holocaust Port Vale in 91 and when he did the usual "you want it louder?" growl into the mic the crowd were like "er.....probably not.....?" Mate I went with got a migraine it was so loud. Bloody love Lemmy - and Motorhead were it man. It.
@reacbeac84363 жыл бұрын
Imagine the "Funny How" scene in Goodfellas with Lemmy as Joe Pesci😂😂
@LouSassoleSledgecock6 жыл бұрын
Amazing man. Amazing spirit.
@mattasticmattattack85463 жыл бұрын
Proof that every comedian wants to be a rockstar and every rockstar wants to be a comedian
@robsgirl64657 жыл бұрын
I love British humor. Benny Hill didn't have nothing on Lemmy.
@jonesy61163 жыл бұрын
They both british, so it makes no sense
@slapdogpuppyspank87543 жыл бұрын
Relating a joke someone has told you, don't aquate to being funny?
@normanhawkins58513 жыл бұрын
No body had nothing on Benny Hill what a stupid fucking comment
@mjh54372 жыл бұрын
@@slapdogpuppyspank8754 *equate*
@slapdogpuppyspank87542 жыл бұрын
@@mjh5437 Thanks for correcting me MJ.
@OfficialArcDuke3 жыл бұрын
We need more people like him
@forgottenfilmchannel11942 жыл бұрын
Lemmy what a character! Love his personality
@iwantabikenow37734 жыл бұрын
born to lose live to say bad jokes still cracks me up though hahaha
@bradlittle80474 жыл бұрын
True rock and roll legend! Very funny man! I always have time to listen to motorhead 🤘🖤
@bigdaddypiggy Жыл бұрын
One of the greatest people to ever walk the earth….it’s a shame there aren’t more people who were even “sorta” like him ….the world would be a better place
@lemmybon31003 жыл бұрын
🤘🏻Love them and miss the live gigs so much. My whistling ears at night in bed remind me of them. RIP Lemmy, Philthy, Fast Eddie and Würzel. 🖤
@ahill46423 жыл бұрын
😂 My ears are whistling as we speak.
@heathcornbeef3 жыл бұрын
I've been lucky enough to have seen LORD LEMMY KILMISTER AND MOTORHEAD 3 TIME'S OVER A 25ish year period the last time in new Plymouth north island of new Zealand with my other favourite 3 piece band STICKY FILTH these two bands make a mockery of four.. five ...plus piece band's
@lemmybon31003 жыл бұрын
@@heathcornbeef I shall check out Sticky Filth. Love the name. And gglad you saw Motörhead. I have seen them prob 20 times since about 1983. Some I remember, some a bit hazy... 🤘🏻
@heathcornbeef3 жыл бұрын
@@lemmybon3100 also check out another friend's band THE CITY NEWTON BOMBERS LIVE AT GALATOS . the bass player and guitarist have been playing in band's together since 1986 their first band ANIGMA SUPPORTED METALLICA AT the may 1st 1989 Damaged justice tour Auckland gig... ANTHRAX ..Jane's addiction
@lemmybon31003 жыл бұрын
@@heathcornbeef I will do. Sticky Filth are awesome. Some mates had not heard of them either and feel same. Cheers man!! 🤘🏻
@lewisjones2846 жыл бұрын
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TRANSCRIPTION OF 'Every Lemmy Kilmister Joke' in English. 0:00 (subtitles) Lemmy: "Well he's dead isn't he?" 0:12 Lemmy: "How do you sell a deaf guy a frog? DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG?" 0:18 Lemmy: "How do you make a dead baby float?" Off-camera: "How?" "Two scoops of ice-cream, two scoops of dead baby." 0:25 Already subtitled 0:39 Already subtitled 0:49 Fun fact: Lemmy has once checked into a hospital as Justin Case 0:50 Lemmy: "This cop comes around a corner and says 'Hello sonny!', and the kid says 'alright' y'know. He said 'what are you doing?', he said 'I'm looking for a whore'. He went 'how old are you?', he said 'I'm nine.' He said 'what do you want a whore for?', he said 'I want to get a disease.' He said 'what kind of disease?', he said 'A sexually transmitted one, officer.' He goes 'Well, what do you want to get a fucking disease for?', he said 'Well, if I get it, I go home and I fuck the babysitter and she gets it, and she fucks my dad and he gets it, and he fucks my mum and she gets it, and she fucked the gardener, and that's the cunt I'm after because he squashed my frog." 1:36 Lemmy: "Wanna hear a good joke then?" Off-camera: "Yeah" Lemmy: "Jesus's in heaven, right? Walking around, checking everybody out, y'know. It was his job, right? And everyone's fucking blissful, y'know? Halo and that. And he gets over to this little dark corner and there's a little fella there, this old guy, he's crying his fucking eyes out, right? And Jesus says 'Excuse me' he said. 'Listen, this is heaven do you understand?" and he said, right. 'This is special.' He said, "people go to church five times every Sunday, every week of their lives to get up here." He said, "We cant have people fucking crying, it's just gonna let the place down, y'know. I mean people are gonna start copying you and then where would we be?' y'know. And the old guy says 'I'm sorry', he said. I didn't mean to cause any trouble, but..." He said, 'when I was on Earth, y'know, I was just a poor carpenter and we had fuck all.' Y'know. 'me and the wife. And we had this little boy, and we were like that *gestures a sign of a strong relationship*. Y'know. He said *sighs*, 'I was hoping he would go into the carpentry trade with me.' Y'know. 'But he said when he was about thirty he said he had to go off on this mission with these 11 other guys into the desert, and I never saw him again." He said, "and I was hoping" he said, 'y'know, that when I came up here I would find him again.' Y'know. 'I looked all over the fucking place and I cant find him anywhere' he said. 'And its really cracking me up'. And Jesus with tears streaming down his cheeks goes 'father!' and the guy goes 'Pinocchio!'." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This was a fucking nightmare to transcribe, and I had to write it twice because I closed the tab. Show less REPLY
@Niek676 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the effort man
@GardenYourHeart985 жыл бұрын
I didn't get the last one
@DreadNawght5 жыл бұрын
@@GardenYourHeart98 jesus went into desert or some shit with 11 (actually 12) apostels but turns out it was pinocchio telling lies all along
@jamielamb49044 жыл бұрын
He's speaking English. It doesn't need translating.
@tamadrummer1nz4 жыл бұрын
Lemmy isn't hard to understand
@dogearmybrian70702 жыл бұрын
"haha, fn excellent" bruh Lemmy you will always be part of my inspiration in life.
@Dubbel123 жыл бұрын
Okay Lemmy telling dead baby jokes is everything
@CrazyhorseDK4 жыл бұрын
still greatly missed Ian love from denmark
@NBDYSPCL3 жыл бұрын
I have the metal hammer interview where he said that line about death being inevitable. Always stuck with me.
@fefefilmprod86883 жыл бұрын
Trick question. Lemmy is God
@snaggletooth58444 жыл бұрын
Man those quotes actually mean something,
@Losrandir3 жыл бұрын
The boy's cunning plan to get back at his gardener, it wasn't needlessly complicated at all, what a young mastermind!
@antithug79423 жыл бұрын
RIP Lemmy. You were definitely one of a kind.
@vio-lence72673 жыл бұрын
R.I.P
@WarlockX411 ай бұрын
I miss you my friend. Truly one of a kind. Rest in peace. I'll see you again someday.
@mackblack48436 жыл бұрын
That nails joke xD
@ahill46423 жыл бұрын
That was my favourite partly because of how he laughs after. 😛 0:23
@smiledawg41943 жыл бұрын
"wanna hear a good joke man?" 0:38 Damn near made me cry and idk why
@craigcampbell78612 ай бұрын
I used to work as teacher at a flight training college and there was a apprentice who was called Justin Case and I was taking the role call and when I got to his name I just laughed and said your parents must be legends 😃
@Edward_G_Popey2 жыл бұрын
LEMMY going on his comedy routine at the start is fucking hilarious!🖤💚🖤
@usergiodmsilva1983PT6 ай бұрын
The supplies one got me good
@harveyd31752 жыл бұрын
DO YOU WANNA BUY A FROG??!! So simple, yet better when Lemmy tells it
@Blueguitar0072 жыл бұрын
Never was a Motorhead fan but I liked Lemmy and he seemed fun.
@johnnyparsons47023 жыл бұрын
Love this guy
@spiritoflights2 ай бұрын
LEGEND!
@smileysatanson34046 жыл бұрын
his stories and jokes are fan-fucking-tastic.... he truly was a good man with a rough attitude... i would love to spend two nights listening to him just tell me stories... why two?... one to listening to his stories and one to try and understand just what the fucking hell he was talking about XD
@Kjca_19982 жыл бұрын
“DO YOU WANNA BUY A FROG” 🤣
@gringobandito53382 жыл бұрын
Legend
@vendetta60883 жыл бұрын
dude rocked 'til he dropped. never be another lemmy.
@supercompooper2 жыл бұрын
He was quite wonderful
@a.t.31923 жыл бұрын
The STI one was fucking hilarious LMAOOO
@jonathanjollimore47943 жыл бұрын
The best still clue how he lasted that long drink bottle jack a day and pack of smokes
@davidhoward24872 жыл бұрын
But stubbed out his ciggie and put down his whiskey for the sake and respect to Dave Grohl's baby daughter...
@jonnypockets29123 жыл бұрын
Dead baby jokes always land well, classic
@NOWtheband3 жыл бұрын
He's a good lad.
@pervertedmind6 жыл бұрын
Carp with a harp LoL
@colheg31133 жыл бұрын
R.I.P Lemmy you legend !!
@d3gener8e692 жыл бұрын
Seeing lemmy videos make me wish he was my grandfather
@przemyslawbudakiewicz13447 жыл бұрын
so funny jokes....ave Lemmy
@manwtf38835 жыл бұрын
lemmy laughing at his own jokes is FUCKING HILARIOUS
@neilevans82043 жыл бұрын
Miss you, Uncle Lemmy.
@emperortrevornorton31193 жыл бұрын
Marry Lemmymas
@TheTyrantious3 жыл бұрын
Love it
@Dookiemcfluffin5 жыл бұрын
SUPPLIES!!
@subg88583 жыл бұрын
That two scoops of dead baby joke is one of my back pocket jokes
@SrChr7783 жыл бұрын
HAHA, honestly Lemmy is the only one who can get away with a humor like that. Hope God's chair is comfy up there, Lemmy.
@kelle02853 жыл бұрын
He might be in hell. 😞
@antoniocarotti91202 жыл бұрын
génial Lemmy !
@rev.leonidasw.smiley63002 жыл бұрын
…the guy who smashed my frog is an epic joke!
@ivandrago723 жыл бұрын
“Fucking excellent”
@sisterevil11 ай бұрын
Lemmy was the last true rock God. The world really lost an icon. The world definitely needs more Lemmy's ♠️🎱🍻🥃🧋🤘
@toffa10003 жыл бұрын
yeah he was a real hoot in his panzergrenadier uniform
@tomcarton74483 жыл бұрын
What a f**King legend
@thejollyrancher67133 жыл бұрын
RIP Lemmy. Miss you bud.
@johncunningham48202 жыл бұрын
I have heard the Venereal Disease Joke before . Different protagonists , but same Joke . And a Corker it will always be .
@thetruetimfever2 жыл бұрын
Onward to Valhalla man.
@joeblues55153 жыл бұрын
Lemmy?Hahahahahahaahaaaaa!!!How can one like him.I ain't getting it.
@touke64723 жыл бұрын
R.I.P. LEMMY KILMISTER
@Rickswars3 жыл бұрын
My fav I herad at a concert. I do you know the Gov hurts people? I don't know I'm asking you!?. Lol.
@yowanlimboo272 жыл бұрын
The last quote❤
@ItsOnlyNiall2 жыл бұрын
I FUCKIN LOVE THIS GUY
@nektekket8522 жыл бұрын
Miss you mate. 🙏
@mnrs13274 жыл бұрын
2:19 Lollllllllll
@finnjensen33312 жыл бұрын
I LOVE Mr Samson Pruitt
@finnjensen33312 жыл бұрын
He is the best design amongst an OLD tradition #infingineering