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@Vlad68RLH Жыл бұрын
Fr. Spyridon gives such a wonderful message. I am 72 years old and struggled with a sin of the flesh for almost thirty years and fought against despair many times. Jesus finally delivered me within the last year. Glory to God! Never, never give up. Father is right. God can do all things and He will intervene even when all seems lost.
@SauerkrautX2 ай бұрын
It’s probably just because your testosterone is low because you’re old now. It’s not that hard to understand
@mayk7124 Жыл бұрын
I used to be an atheist and an anti-theist. I rejected God will every fibre of my being and even called Him many vile things. It was my mother who prayed for me for years, and God answered her prayer and performed a miracle in me; since then I've been on a journey back to Him. Intercessory prayers are very important and powerful, that's why we ask the Saints to pray for us. Even though the world today mocks and rejects the power of prayer, we musn't give up. Prayer is a gift that the Creator of the world has given to us to commune with Him.
@NBarker19934 жыл бұрын
Praying for others is something I should do more often. I regularly ask the Lord to forgive my sins but neglect to ask for the forgiveness of others. I was once a very very proud atheist, it may well have been the prayers of others that the Lord heard, accepted and brought into actuality. Excellent sermon Father, inspiring! I will pray for the conversion of other people’s hearts to Jesus Christ our Lord!
@gizellelewis98663 жыл бұрын
Amem!
@kirubelfanta15743 жыл бұрын
Hey N B. Can I ask how you came to believe?
@captainquint252 жыл бұрын
Well stated and praise God that you kept the door open to Him and thus accepted Him.
@joncoady32535 ай бұрын
Excellent ❤
@user-gj4hn1hl2q25 күн бұрын
I hand out heroin and grape soda to inner city black kids
@antonkirani27583 жыл бұрын
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. Thank you for your words Father.
@ralph75454 жыл бұрын
Despair is real. Repetition of sin is real. Hope is the course to increase our faith. That is real. Thank you for your videos. God bless.
@VKS4life4 жыл бұрын
Hope and faith in Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour springs eternal.
@michaelkay51424 жыл бұрын
🌵☦Most Holy Theotokos save us, Guide me to the path of repentance for i am tossed in the storm of life☦🌵
@fansofst.maximustheconfess82264 жыл бұрын
THEOTOKOS, PRAY FOR US BEFORE THE TRONE OF GOD FATHER, JESUS CHRIST AND THE HOLY SPIRIT. AMÉN.
@annajelenaeinarova46944 жыл бұрын
Thank you for the wisdom from the fathers. There is no Orthodox church or congregation in my part of the country but I can always listen to your words. Bless you!
@FatherSpyridonROCOR4 жыл бұрын
Hello Anna, even if you can only make the trip two or three times each year, i would encourage you to connect with a parish so that you can receive Holy Communion. God bless you.+
@jmverville4 жыл бұрын
Before coming to Orthodoxy, I did and said many bad things.Some of these things I did follow me and my poor reputation from them effects me negatively. Just these last two days I had felt a lot of despair and anxiety. The video really touched me today & I understand that adversity is given to me by God to call me to repent and to pray, and that through all of this I find hope, not despair. Thank you so much, Father.
@TheRealRealOK4 жыл бұрын
Jacob Verville Satan gives us courage to sin and shame to repent. We should have courage to repent.
@FatherSpyridonROCOR4 жыл бұрын
@@TheRealRealOK Yes, St john Chrysostom says we rush to sin and shamefully approach confession, when it would be the other way round if we could see reality.
@franciscafazzo3460 Жыл бұрын
I am full of despair because of my lamentable life and waywardness if the Lord was good and giving me joy I turned and seek comfort from something now and trapped again in darkness please pray please that the Lord delivers and restores my soul and mind to joy in Jesus Christ son of God have mercy upon this sinner
@samueljones54213 жыл бұрын
Just another Roman Catholic enjoying such a beautiful message from this wise man, thank you Father for sharing these videos what a blessing they are! And to my Orthodox brothers and sisters God bless, stay safe, peace be with you!
@nancyincanada55534 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this teaching. It is encouraging and food for the soul. That is me.....confessing the same sin over and over again. I never thought of this struggle as a blessing because it's God reaching out to me/to us. I have always thought of these spiritual struggles as my failure and felt hopeless at times. However, this teaching gives me a new way of looking at this....it has shed the light of truth on this matter. It's actually God reaching out to me/to us. Thank you, Father, and thank you God. Thank you for the quotes from saints at the end of each video. These have been such a source of hope, joy, and strength. There have been times when these quotes led me to writings/books about these saints. Again, thank you. May God bless you.
@jpage999994 жыл бұрын
Thank you Fr. for this. I have been so close to despair, waiting and waiting for God to help me. In the waiting I have been flooded with anxiety and despondency. I reach out in thankfulness to Christ, but then so quickly fall backwards again. I'm not sure why it is so painful, the struggle. Perhaps I have taken it all too personally. Thank you for reminding us to reach out to Christ in the midst of the pain and be grateful that he's there. Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on us.
@FatherSpyridonROCOR4 жыл бұрын
Yes, the struggle can be painful, the cross we are given is never the one we would choose for ourselves. But the fathers remind us that any endeavour for God is worthless if it is easy.
@tessalogan5864 жыл бұрын
I am a cigarette smoker, although I've reduced them , i feel unworthy , Lord have mercy on me a sinner 🙏
@EO-John95403 жыл бұрын
As someone who quit with the grace of God just a few weeks ago after decades of smoke (2 packs, then vapor and ecigarette), keep faith - Perhaps it will help you that I eventually realized for me it was a sense of 'control' I needed to have over my life. That my life of saying 'smoking prevents me from greater sin!' was a life. Instead, I just couldn't let go of my addictiveness, and 'wanted' a daily vice like smoking. God bless.
@allencollins60312 ай бұрын
@@EO-John9540smoker here. Thank you.
@s.v.corycia56434 жыл бұрын
Father Spyridon, your words made me cry for I know you speak the truth. I will not lose hope. Thank you.
@andrewm92214 жыл бұрын
Слава Тебе, Господи, за все!
@garycornwell24314 жыл бұрын
Thank you Brother Spyridon for your teachings, may God bless you with His presence always.
@FatherSpyridonROCOR4 жыл бұрын
Thank you father. i too enjoy bluegrass!
@jmontoya78964 жыл бұрын
I just wanted to say thank you for the uplifting video chats. I have what I will described as Melancholia. A natural inclination toward a deep sadness in the heart. I work my way through each day and try to find peace of mind and some semblance of happiness. I find that listening to you brings me hope but there is still something missing and even if I am in the State of Grace and have Christ within me I am still restless and searching for that happiness in the here and now. All folly, but I suppose the condition of mankind. Wish I could shake it off.
@ivygarcia95254 жыл бұрын
I can totally relate. Reminds me a little of what the apostle Peter experienced when walking on the water on his way to Christ. He was doing fine so long as he kept his eyes on Jesus, but the moment he took them off and started to look at the waves around him, he began to panic and sink! Keep going back to the Lord, fast and do the Jesus prayer. It's what keeps me barely afloat!
@luciamixon81197 ай бұрын
Thought it was just me. Thanks.
@SauerkrautX2 ай бұрын
This is the same god that made you this way but blames you if you give up. Maybe poking the bear until it bites is not a good idea. It’s all so tiresome
@lilnapkin4622 ай бұрын
This is something I have struggled with, too. I have two suggestions. 1. Man was not made to be alone. Even those who lead a monastic life are surrounded by their brothers or sisters. Attend the Divine Liturgy and reach out to others and connect, even if they are not Christian. We have a psychological need to be close to others. 2. A state of sadness that is chronic can be described as depression. Depression can be described as the natural state when one feels there is no meaning or value in themselves. I encourage you to speak with your spiritual Father and discuss these things. Protestantism, atheism, and Catholicism all teach that humanity has no value. That is not the view of the Orthodox Church. If you work on both of these things it won’t cure your sadness overnight, but I think you will find your natural state changing over time until you realize you smile more than not. The world is beautiful and we can enjoy it now. There is no need to wait for death to be happy. I will pray for all of you. 💝☦️
@elenihelenmelb4 жыл бұрын
Fr Bless + Thank you for this - it is so true that losing hope is not Good , and not to fall in despair - God truly does works miracles through our prayers and all sufferings and afflictions are indeed for our benefit and Gods Will - may we never lose Faith~ Hope and Love +God bless you and keep you + GLORY BE TO GOD FOR THINGS + ICXC NIKA
@lukelucas92644 жыл бұрын
if you are reading this Fr Spyridon, thank you for your book "Small Steps Into The Kingdom", it was exactly what I needed. I wanted an introduction to Orthodox thinking and living, and your book made it so clear. Thank you for writing it.
@FatherSpyridonROCOR4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for the encouragement.
@hannahoron97404 жыл бұрын
Thank you. I often struggle with despair and depression. I needed to hear this. and I know I'll need to hear this again ... and again. God bless you!
@jpage999994 жыл бұрын
Hannah, I know exactly what you are feeling and am in the same situation. May God bring you through this so that you may help others in need. May the love of Christ warm you with the warmth of the holy spirit
@petervandolah53222 жыл бұрын
God Be With You ... ☦️
@orthodox1717 Жыл бұрын
I, as well. Lord have mercy.
@carsonfish66324 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this talk Father, it was very timely for me.
@michaelkay51424 жыл бұрын
☦ me too!☦
@SarahJovanovic-bk9lxАй бұрын
Thank you for this video, your channel helps me with my spiritual struggle right now as well as Jesus Christ, Mother of God and all the saints. ☦
@vickykentrota90314 жыл бұрын
Thank you Fr.Spyridon.You always explain everything so clearly.Love from Greece.
@savvaspapoutsis5433 жыл бұрын
Amen 🙏🏻 🇬🇷
@stephen7954 жыл бұрын
Timely Father. Thank you!
@Spiderdan924 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your videos. God bless
@josiahstout4617 Жыл бұрын
The only thing keeping me going is the consolation that we serve such a merciful God. His only aim is to save all of us who sin.
@dreamsideout78314 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father Spyridon. Hope! Yes.
@lindapresley86004 жыл бұрын
Thank you for continued hope in the love of our Lord and God for all things! I know first hand of the power of prayer!!
@andrewm92214 жыл бұрын
Господь мой, благодарю Тебя, что ты есть и всегда с нами!
@aurelius19644 жыл бұрын
Your blessing Father; wonderful, timely stuff as always +
@JoshAlicea12294 жыл бұрын
You have no idea how much I needed this today. Thank you and God bless you Fr. Spyridon!
@Spyridon1980 Жыл бұрын
Thank you father . Trying to keep hope here but it's hard . So few priests are awake to much of what is going on. Large numbers of orthodox have taken the v . And many closed churches and wore masks and even changed the mysteries as if they were unsafe ! .pray for us
@rosekuris3453 жыл бұрын
I HEAR THANK YOU FATHER FOR YOUR HELP. YOU WORDS ENCOURAGE ME TO CONTINUE TRYING TO KEEP FAITH AND HOPE. IN MY HEART...
@joeeshwar8578 Жыл бұрын
Very powerful message father. Thank you and God bless you.
@MalikaIC Жыл бұрын
Long time i confused wishful thinking with the spiritual power of Hope ..until i focused deeper on God saying i have not giving you a spirit of fear( leading to hopelesdness) but a ( my ) Spirit of Hope..Love..Power ans Sound mind deali g to us all the seed of faith..( ( for faith cometh by hearing( understanding becoming flesh in us) the word of God..
@judasgoat42304 жыл бұрын
Thankyou Father 🙏🏻
@davidhussell85814 жыл бұрын
Thank you indeed, Christian friend, for this wisdom. As the west slips further down the slippery slope, away from God, there is indeed much to despair about. But the power of God the Father is supreme and our hope is always centred in Christ Jesus our Saviour. We must always remember that hope and pray without ceasing, in season and out of season, trusting always in God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, banishing despair from our lives. I shall look forward to receiving more of your homilies.
@user-cl6uj5bn2f3 жыл бұрын
God Bless you Father, I needed this message today 🙏
@hendersonshuntinglodge12074 жыл бұрын
very helpful, thank you. Thank you too for your last book, I was very close to taking up Yoga - i won't go near it now. Thanks be to God.
@milkamustakylytar52044 жыл бұрын
@@lapd9682 as a real meaning, joga is solely gym with configurational energies = uncreated vigours. if someone is getting also something else from it, than just physical, emotional & mental sinewy, then the one is practicing joga heretic, delutional way. indisputable joga is always leaded by Triune Allmighty God .
@randalejetmagalit11982 жыл бұрын
@@milkamustakylytar5204 Sorry, but no. Yoga is an act that is from the Eastern Religion of Hinduism. Why do you say you are a Christian when you participate in acts that are not of the Christian Faith?
@balsamitrovic43463 ай бұрын
Amin
@shelahmcluckiehargreaves8522 жыл бұрын
Father Spyridon is truly a man of God...he touches my heart but all his uplifting words cannot change my despair. I've tried and tried to be a good godly person but all happenings in every aspect of my life just seem to continually get worse and worse in all ways possible, and these things are rapidly destroying my faith, even my prayers have failed. I feel at such a low point...and was always a positive strong person. WHY WHY WHY!
@HomoEucharistica7 ай бұрын
I'm sorry but I don't understand... so what (or rather, how) have you tried exactly to be? And how *_every_* aspect of your life have been getting worse and worse - how do you measure such things? I know I'm probably just stupid (and obviously too cold/insensitive, and sorry about that) but I don't honestly see any reason to be despondent.
@malootooth2 жыл бұрын
You have a way about you that is soothing and hopeful. Thank you Father.
@theres15008 ай бұрын
Thank you for this Father. Needed especially today
@michelvilon19033 жыл бұрын
Dear sir,you help me well,thank you,i have been mentally ill for 32years and i still pray,be strong dear people..amen...
@lovelesshylic37513 жыл бұрын
Amazingly inspired and heartfelt. Such a lucid and firm message of faith.
@orthodox1717 Жыл бұрын
Although my pride is my biggest enemy, I still find myself calling out to God continually, thanks be to God!
@ROSEMARY19253 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your video, recorded and placed out, so we all can open our eyes and heart with the words from GOD. Thru you Father.🙏🏻
@eagleeye1826 ай бұрын
Empty hope is the only thing God can give us.
@luxunumbracrj43114 ай бұрын
Your video gave me new hope today. Thank you for your gentleness.
@gemschaeffer72915 ай бұрын
Amen 🙏 all glory be to our lord Jesus Christ...I love father spyridons teachings and listen intently...God bless you
@michaelpainter83623 жыл бұрын
I'm very thankful of your videos they encourage me , to keep going on. Especially in my fragile dark moments when close to despair. Again I say thank you.
@smashingtwoscoops499911 ай бұрын
Thank you father, for this faith filled message. Thank you God! Praise the lord, amen! ❤️🙏🌅😁🙌
@cris76674 жыл бұрын
Dear Father, please teach us more about PRAYER. God bless.
@angelgoyim4 жыл бұрын
Fr bless! I am a Russian Orthodox Christian in America and greatly appreciate your ministry. Thank you and God bless you.
@HudsonFamily72 жыл бұрын
I love the quotes of the saints at the end of the videos. My phone is full of screen shots of them.
@genesiskeglar6372 Жыл бұрын
Lol me too with the screenshots
@heatherwhitehead37433 жыл бұрын
Christianity is so beautiful.
@ScootyB525 Жыл бұрын
Father Gregory Hallam, once said to me, don't get caught up on Hope. Our one true hope, is that we our end goal is to be with Jesus and the Father.
@1337Jag4 жыл бұрын
Love you father
@angelaa19792 жыл бұрын
I loved this sermon , I also go though A desolation period , but it’s God who is strengthening our Spiritual Muscles to overcome it with perseverance at the end which he gifts us Consolation , a lot of the Saints struggled with this
@oscarbowman37182 жыл бұрын
God bless this ministry, I am not orthodox, but I love and know our Father and Lord, thank you for these videos, may these videos keep bringing people closer to Christ and His purposes for our lives
@markusschaffer97122 жыл бұрын
Must find an Orthodox church near me and start attending. Thank you,Father,for showing us the Truth. God bless you.
@paulwilliams92074 жыл бұрын
Father, so grateful for this post, just what is needed in our lives right now! The timing is perfect as it so often is! Thank you and God bless always. 🙏🙏🙏☦️☦️☦️🙏🙏🙏
@milkamustakylytar52044 жыл бұрын
[~2:40] : [[native-]]-mooing ❣ [2:59] : Verily , "Christ has the power over all ailments, physical and spiritual" ; [5:20] "God can do all the things, for however long it takes" ; [5:50] "some ailments both physical and spiritual can only be healed through prayer" ; [6:07] "prayer itself has a number of dimensions" ; [6:12] "every moment that we prayer, we should do so with thankfulness in our hearts" . [6:20] "when we pray, when we feel an impulse a desire to pray, when we push ourselves [to pray] - when we force ourselves to pray : we must recognize that this is God, reaching out to us, giving us the ability to pray. when we have the impulse to repent, when we feel a desire to be virtuous over something and give up sin, always recognize these things as a blessing from God, God continuously reaching out in His Love for us. when we begin to recognize these things - as a act of God in our lives, that this is the direct action of God, trying to Save us, offer us Salvation : then gratitude may begin to grow in our hearts, and hope will come with it. Faith Hope and Love . God draws us to Him. every voice that we hear, is an opportunity to see God in our world. and with this gratitude, with this way of looking at ourselves, and our lives on the whole of the world : we may begin to protect ourselves from despair." T a w d i , e l d e r S p y r i d o n . [ Tawdi = native Aramaic ; Spasibo. ]
@laureah212 жыл бұрын
This is great, I really agree to with this. I had the experience of a sin I couldn't get past. I prayed and prayed and wrestled for so long in my own strength to overcome. Until, the sin had repercussions in my life. In that instant I realised God was saying "enough" I thanked Him for His correction and refinement and the wrestle left me. In that moment of humbling myself and leaning fully on Him, I never struggled with it again.
@surfboy3444 жыл бұрын
Excellent message as always. Thank you Father for sharing Gods grace and wisdom with us. As a Protestant, I look forward to these devotional messages.
@johnr14854 жыл бұрын
Just bought your book The ancient path. Short but realy god
@a1c2v74 жыл бұрын
I needed to hear this, thank you
@kirkbowyer32494 жыл бұрын
PSALM 16:20 The learned in word findeth good things: and he that trusteth in the Lord is blessed.
@georgestebbing58164 жыл бұрын
I thank you for your many sermons. I am very grateful
@cpc80964 жыл бұрын
You are so blessed with the gift of Godly wisdom. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us, Father!
@paulwilliams92074 жыл бұрын
Father we too have no orthodox parish anywhere near to us and we, my wife especially, who has an orthodox background, really is longing for circumstances to improve and change to enable things to go forward and she can go to orthodox church! Please pray for us Father. God bless 🇬🇷☦️🙏🕯️💖
@captainquint252 жыл бұрын
All i will say is "Thank you" Fr. may god continue to bless and keep you.
@bentired53142 жыл бұрын
I've been telling myself that there is no hope. I've experienced the condition that you speak of in this video. Jesus gives me hope again.
@saoirsehaslonglegs23132 жыл бұрын
Thankyou Father,God Bless you always.
@EmSiGer4 жыл бұрын
Thank you, Father Spyridon. We need more and longer videos!
@charmingSaint2 жыл бұрын
Faith Hope Love
@Pilgrim064 жыл бұрын
Our Lord’s blessings and tender mercies upon you, father.
@SickaydaMars4 жыл бұрын
Praise God! Devour doubt.
@noahbredbury7318 ай бұрын
Father, I was in the protestant church one that was particularly Calvinist in theology for about a and recently have been studying orthodoxy and plan to convert. But I am troubled by some really bad spiritual warfare and the gist of it is I despair because I doubt Gods love and mercy toward me. Also I feel like I am blind to my own sins even though I pray they will be shown to me. During my time as a Calvinist I always doubted my salvation and that I was chosen and began to resent God. After looking into orthodoxy I have seen a better view of Gods love and salvation.
@HomoEucharistica7 ай бұрын
I'm sorry for your despondency, but if we should see something good in that situation, you are seemingly *"poor in spirit"* which is the real beginning for them who inherit the kingdom of God (cf. Matthew 5:3). Like many Orthodox people I know are used to say, God is very capable to save the sinner you are, but He cannot save the saint you pretend to be (or something like that). Even the fact you feel like being blind to your own sins is a sign about that in a certain sense. You are convinced (by God's mercy) that there's dirt and trash in the room of your heart, but without the light of Christ you cannot see the dirtiness itself; yet the closer you get to God the more clearly and strongly you see your sinfulness... not necessarily because your sight is improving (though that's also possible) but because you are closer to Him who is the Light of the world. This is also a reason why the most remarkable and (in our eyes) the most "angelic" saints in history sincerely saw themselves as the first of all sinners, and this understanding just deepened when they grew in faith and virtues. True beginning of repentance is in experiencing God's mystery, for we don't look at ourselves or each other but we look up to God. The light of the Sun is like coal-black shadow compared to God's glory - so how could we see ourselves as good and perfect when we stand before Him who is (in His unfailing love) like consuming fire? How to see your sins, there two or three things to do. First, we need to pray (as you have done). St Paisios the Athonite advices that in the situation like yours we should say something like "My God, somewhere I've surely done something wrong. Enlighten me to understand what I have done!" I also think that a lenten prayer of St Ephrem the Syrian is also good for this purpose. But beside that, we need also read... read both the Bible and writings and acts of the saints. I mean, God has given His commandments in the Bible and His saints have deepened our understanding on them - how could we see our sins if we don't know what the Lord asks from us? Therefore we are to reflect our life in the light of 10 commandments and the whole New Testament. And thirdly, participating in the Orthodox services also serves our purposes, because they both contain prayers and hymns that talk about our sins and spiritual inability (try to listen to *_The Great Canon of Repentance_* by St Andrew of Crete without being moved and feeling guilty) and "offer" the chance to be in touch with "divine" with all our senses (and through holy sacraments) which hopefully strengthens our willingness to follow God even if we don't come to see our sins at that very moment.
@noahbredbury7317 ай бұрын
@@HomoEucharistica thank you so much
@shur73182 жыл бұрын
I love your sermons father ! Please post more
@gregorytsionis66109 ай бұрын
Thank you Father!
@iktomi54 жыл бұрын
Awesome another wonderful word...Blessed. Great presenting style 110%
@PathFind132 ай бұрын
I have been disobedient and slipping deeper into sin and feel unworthy
@moniquemcdonogh6983 жыл бұрын
Love this Chanel..
@TheWarriorLV3 жыл бұрын
thank you so much for this needed perspective
@xvx56844 жыл бұрын
Please don't stop making these videos im 19 years old in egypt and these videos really helps me . Thank you and God bless you father .
@FatherSpyridonROCOR4 жыл бұрын
God bless you, thank you for the encouragement.
@SarahBaer-wd7iq4 ай бұрын
Better to just sit in the despair than believe and be gaslighted
@GCMit2 жыл бұрын
I'm very grateful for all your videos father spyridon. They provide so much wisdom.
@jackgalico35594 жыл бұрын
We're praying for Shullo, our dear daughter in love. She is filled with faith
@barbarablack77672 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much. You gave me great help.
@kirkbowyer32494 жыл бұрын
Ecclesiasticus 10:10 There is no more wicked thing than to love money: for such a one setteth even his own soul to sale; because while he liveth he hath cast away his bowels.
@sethl70784 жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing this message. The only thing that drives me to despair right now is the Moscow Constantinople Schism. I fear for the future of Orthodoxy, and as a 4-month catechuman, it's very depressing to see these events reminiscent both of the great schism and the various splits of the Protestant sects. Please pray, as I do, for a quick and healthy reunification.
@ivygarcia95254 жыл бұрын
Seth L hang in there. It's gonna get worse before it gets better, but cling on to Christ tooth and nail with the rest of us!
@travismorrison91603 жыл бұрын
This is one of his best videos
@DaisyAnnabelle654 жыл бұрын
Amen🙏
@luciamixon81192 жыл бұрын
The struggle itself has value. Have hope.
@sharpfamily49384 жыл бұрын
Amen
@genetgslassie2282 Жыл бұрын
♥️♥️♥️
@pilsendood2 жыл бұрын
I was crediting the extinguishment of some long term sinfulness to my old age. I should have credited the Lord.
@perrytornado Жыл бұрын
I don't think it's despair, nor is it sloth/ However, in my heart and mind I'm experiencing the futility of prayer and self-sacrifice and penance and trusting in the mercy of the Lord God when the truth is that not all of us will be saved/ I don't want to be in Heaven if I know my progenitors and siblings and so many others are suffering the eternal torments of hell/ I think the four last things, death, judgement, heaven and hell have ripped my soul apart/ Perhaps love is illusion and creation is a tragic mistake/ Do I pray in vain? Is there some kind of egotism in Heaven?