Let's Shame Some BRIDEZILLAS - REACTION

[@MeganTrueCrime]

The first story shook me, as an advocate for survivors of SA, this broke my heart ! 1. She isn’t just a brideszilla she’s an awful human being and 2. OP IS AN INSPIRATION, the fact she’s able to function at all with this kind of negativity around her is an effin miracle, I wish her nothing but good thoughts and healing energy

[@hedgehog1965uk]

Well said. I can't get the phrase "anxiety or something" out of my head and it makes me feel ill.

[@halcyon.]

How do you become an advocate for SA survivors? Sorry if that’s a weird question it’s just I’m a survivor of SA and I want to help people who are like me. I’m in college rn and I don’t know how or where to start. Psychology? Law? Any tips would be much appreciated if you have the time! Thx

[@elizabethgrogan8553]

​@@halcyon. I survived an attempted r*pe at knifepoint by managing to escape. I was in a really bad place afterwards but friends rallied around in support, except for 1. She phoned and told me how sorry she was about what happened. She then said I "needed to pray and admit to the sin I must have committed, which brought the attack on me". I had to hang up. It turned out she, a Jewess, had recently found Jesus and would call herself a Jewish Christian. I never spoke to her again but was always gracious in her presence. She lost many friends over her behaviour. I joined a local recovery group for those who had suffered s€xual abuse. It was astonishing. In time, I could help newcomers. Try to find out if any such groups operate in your area. It will help you in your healing and help others by your wisdom. I really wish you a great life. You deserve it💕💗

[@MeganTrueCrime]

@@halcyon. Hey there ! Not a bad question at all, there’s so many different routes you can go down using your own experience as a driving force to help other survivors! Ps I think you’re an absolute warrior for wanting to use your time for such an incredible cause 🫶🏽 You could get an education based in the psychology field and counsel SA / abuse trauma survivors or you can organise sponsored walks / charity events to raise funds for non profits who offer support to survivors! Many of these charities will take on survivors as volunteers to chat to other women/ men who’ve experienced similar trauma, guiding them through those first few difficult steps from the perspective of someone who gets it 🙏🏽 Keep healing and push on I’m sure you’re going to do amazing things 🙏🏽❤️

[@cworkman4679]

Completely agree! Horrible human being

[@LucienSabre]

Agreed 100000%, the “no alcohol = no fun” equivalence must fu*k off into the cosmic void. It’s BS and very often an enabling justification. I’ve been a non-drinker all my life, yet I’ve always had plenty of fun regardless and none of my friends has ever complained I ain’t fun - those who did complain weren’t my friends and I happily ditched them.

[@stadot1427]

I think people who object to others not drinking/doing an activity feel guilty about said activity and automatically assume the person opting out of participating is judging them for it.

[@FirstnameLastnames]

​@@stadot1427true. A "friend" dropped me because of this. I'm THE most fun at parties! Her loss, sad she doesn't know how to have fun as an adult while sober.

[@JustToSaveYou]

In my early 20's I was the only non-drinker. My friends just didn't invite me to the ragers and asked me to come to other activities.

[@LucienSabre]

@@FirstnameLastnames That "friend" doesn't know how to have fun, period -- the real fun happens when one is sober.

[@SingingSealRiana]

soooo true!!! I can be the life of the party if I feel up to it, My bff and I where the only ones dancing for quite a time at a wedding with alcohol, though neither of us drank and we where the once getting the others to losen up and dance!

[@KittyKix26]

As someone that was SA, it took me years, 4 years to even leave the house to go to the shop alone. I always had to have someone with me and even then (and by myself) it's non stop panic attacks, especially if there are a lot of people around. I will stand there and zone out, it's like I'm not even there. This poor woman, my heart breaks for her and she's just expected to get over it? That's horrifying, what a horrible group of friends with equally disgusting attitudes, even if all of them didn't know what caused the anxiety, it's not something to brush off. It's a very serious condition

[@kelseytink3488]

Do you mind if I ask - what is SA?? Sorry if it’s a stupid question, I tried looking it up but there were so many things it could be I couldn’t really find out 🙈 Hope you’re ok!

[@lillyvaughn5398]

I’m so sorry that happened to you 😢 big hugs!!

[@KittyKix26]

@@kelseytink3488 sexually assaulted. I'm doing better now, it's been 12 years, still in therapy, I don't get the nightmares as much but big crowds are still an issue

[@KittyKix26]

@@lillyvaughn5398 thankyou ❤️ I'm holding it together, my partner helps me a lot with any problems as they arise ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ

[@kelseytink3488]

@@KittyKix26 Thank you so much for answering - I’m so sorry that happened to you! How horrific! I really hope you continue to recover 🖤

[@greeneyelove2003]

The first one, where the bride knew her friend had been a victim of SA, and brushed it off so casually, I have to say, she is not a Bridezilla, she is a seriously horrible person with no ability to feel compassion. She goes beond Bridezilla, but she is still a word that starts with a B.

[@rainbowdiamond7689]

bruh wth she's not a word with starts with a b, she worse than a word that starts with m and ends with r

[@thamertanner5448]

I think you meant C.

[@darcybrummett7004]

How about bitchzilla?

[@theartoflolita935]

​@@rainbowdiamond7689for real though

[@thatonewitch]

Calling her the c-word is an insult to all c-words _How about a waste of space?_

[@JamesOpr]

The first story. This poor woman had a traumatic event and the bride was so self absorbed that she gave zero 💩's that her "friend" was traumatized. That is a fair weather friend and they are useless when you really need them. I hope she gets justice and recovers from the horrible event.

[@raimeyewens7518]

I can’t imagine being SA’d and having my “friends” think it’s no big deal. I don’t blame her for cutting them off and not paying. What a pack of TWUNTS!!!

[@giggle_snort]

Absolutely despicable. There are no words strong enough to say how disgusting that bride is. Just WRONG.

[@haleytruslow7200]

Right? From the beginning of the story I suspected it was SA. I’m sure the bride had some semblance of what happened and she still acted like an AH.

[@OfficialMadelineF]

@@haleytruslow7200 I am almost positive it was. Especially with the “censoring;” the Subreddit doesn’t allow that topic to be mentioned

[@nelloitt6910]

as someone who has been sa'd i would give my full support to that person if they didnt want/couldn't to come to the wedding because of it I WOULD SUPPORT IT that shits traumatizing

[@jessicapease5945]

I had some issues with alcohol a few years ago and I had to set boundaries with my friends as I committed to being sober. It was difficult for me but they supported me. Im now 3 years and 4 months sober!!!

[@bethlowe2449]

Congratulations on your sobriety. I don't know you but I must say that I am very proud of you. I am proud of anyone that has the courage to overcome any addiction. Getting sober is a different battle than living in active addiction that's for sure. Stay strong and know that you've got this. You have come so far and can go even further. Take it day by day, minute by minute, even second by second if needed. Once again I'm very proud of you and I wish you all the best life has to offer you. 🤗❤️❤️❤️

[@Summer-sx7xl]

Good job!!

[@courtney9899]

Those are good friends and you should be so proud of yourself!

[@BigRed182]

Good for you! May you continue to go onward and upward on your journey.

[@SingingSealRiana]

great to hear, very happy for you!!! You can be very proud of yourself ^^

[@kittykisa4133]

Went to a bachelorette party where they hired a male dance. I told my friend (the bride) ahead of time that I would not be participating in that portion of the party as I don't like being touched or grinded on by others. She's been my friend since middle school and knows I'm not a physical or sexual person. She had no problem letting me just be there and did not encourage the man to interact with me and made sure the rest knew not to as well.

[@gatoniebla4900]

I am a physical person but i choose who may touch me and in wich surroundings. Not a unknown "exotic dancer" in public! Why can't people respect modesty? I am free to do what I want, so other are free not to do what they don't want. Same with alcohol...

[@aliioana8586]

@@gatoniebla4900 agreed, but please don’t refer to strippers as exotic dancers. That name is heavily rooted in racism.

[@gatoniebla4900]

@@aliioana8586 Dear Ali, thank you so much for telling me this, it makes perfect sense. As English is not my language I wasn't aware. It was not my intention to be disrespectfull to persons who could be falsely categorized as "exotic" or to sexworkers of any kind. I apologise and will do better in future. Sisterly greatings from Germany .💞

[@RavenSutcliffe]

@@steph8030593 If I am not mistaken it started with orientalism and the fetishization of bellydancers

[@RavenSutcliffe]

Your friend is a real friend and above that, a decent person. Shame those seem to be in such short supply, but I'm glad your friend is and that you all had a good time!

[@mobmomma4196]

As a former victim of SA I get how you don't get over that IN A WEEK! It took me a year and therapy to get past that. No excuse for someone to be treated like the bad guy. Grrrr

[@Vixxie475]

2 weeks before my friends wedding my partner was told his cancer was end stage. I wasn't in the bridal party but I felt so bad about pulling out. The bride was SOOO lovely about it. She kept cake and gifts back for us even though we couldn't be there. Thats how a bride should be!

[@kylie7780]

So glad you had a good friend instead of a Bridezilla.

[@Vixxie475]

@@kylie7780 Yeah there seems to be a lot about!!!!

[@Mama_Bear524]

Aw that’s so nice of her. I’m sorry about your partner. My hubby’s friend didn’t show up. I was worried so he and I left the reception room to call her. She was searching for her son who’s mentally ill. He got off his meds and ran off. I felt so bad for her. I understood.

[@Nikole_Raven]

I work at a lot of wedding events, and it's honestly rare that the brides care about little else other than themselves.

[@downhomesunset]

wow-I had an informal wedding but I spent most of it concerned that others were having fun and had everything that they needed. We were poor AF so all of our friends gifted us items or services for the wedding. The DJ, caterer, even a friend who drove a bus (provided for free by the company we both worked for) to pick up everyone who wanted to drink and get them home safely again. My peace of mind for my friends’ and coworkers safety was worth this important part of planning. Please, if you are planning a wedding, consider adding this to your itinerary!

[@ladyagresa]

That story about BUZZ killer... I'm non-drinker who wouldn't go anywhere near to strippers too. If someone was bitchin' about it, I would probably punch his/her freaking rude face. I abandoned lots of my "friends" because I was tired of listening how lame is to be sober. I can be funny and have fun without alcohol. If you can't, it's your problem, not mine.

[@carolinelou158]

Well said!! 👍🏼👏🏼

[@FirstnameLastnames]

I feel that!!

[@Firedoomcaster]

The anti-‘buzz-kill’ bride was definitely the a-hole. I don’t drink and never have. The smell has always made me gag and I’ve been vomited on by friends, as well as random people (I worked behind a bar for a while). So drinking is a no go for me. I can’t tell you how many times I went out with a group of friends only to be left to sit with everyone’s personal belongings while they got smashed. After a while they stopped inviting me because I didn’t have fun and they didn’t know how I could have fun without drinking. Lo and behold, I met my boyfriend (now husband) and our first date was a night out to a club. Those friends made fun of me, saying I would hate it as I ‘hate going out anyway.’ I had an AMAZING time. No one got smashed. He introduced me to all of his friends, we all danced together, they bought me enough J2O’s to fill a bath tub and he kissed me in the rain at midnight (our first kiss). He knew how to have fun not drinking as well as being drunk, as did all of his friends. It was the best night ever!

[@Mama_Bear524]

I love how things turned out for you. Ppl are ridiculous with alcohol. I don’t like the taste. So I don’t drink. I don’t know why drinkers find this so offensive

[@edelleaa]

that's the thing... there's a difference between drinking a bit and getting completely smashed... i've never seen the fun part of getting absolutely smashed, being sick and puking, blacking out, hangovers and so on... ilike ye you can have a few drinks, get a buzz but... anything more than that just isnt actually fun.. i really don't understand why that's the only goal of some people. so as someone that doesn't really drink(unless it's something actually tasty lol) i've been in your position when people around me are getting smashed and i'm sitting there like.... ok. this is their idea of fun??

[@NoobGamer-hn5rs]

@@Mama_Bear524 i dont like the taste either.... but when i went out with my friend and her friends from her job they was always trying to get me drunk but i kept telling them i was on medication and couldnt.... im not lieing but it was better to tell them that since they stopped trying to force me to drink.... i hate that when people try forcing you.... you can have fun without the stuff

[@myconfusedmerriment]

That is a super cute story, thank you for sharing!! I always thought I was just a massive lightweight and never enjoyed drinking but found out recently I actually am mildly allergic to grain alcohol. I basically get all red and itchy and get a massive headache after about half a beer. It’s terrible lol!! People still sometimes give me shit for not wanting to drink, at least now I have an excuse. But I wish “going out” wasn’t so synonymous with drinking-sober people like to dance too!

[@fairygoth-mother7341]

@@edelleaa I agree with you. If you have to get drunk to have fun, there is something wrong. I don't drink. I've had the occasional beer or glass of wine, but I usually regret it. My face flushes to the point of pain (rosacea) and my nose plugs up. Doctors say it's not an allergy, but an irritation reaction to the alcohol. So I don't drink. When I go out with friends, I'm the designated driver. At most places where I live, that means I get free non-alcoholic drinks and sometimes free munchies. It also means that when I want to go home, everyone else has to go too. I will not leave anyone behind because I've seen that news story once too often. And I can have as much fun not drinking as the others. Fortunately, none of my friends like to get wasted so it's not be an issue.

[@apollyonkatastrefia1586]

Super props to the gal that's respecting her fiance by not getting drunk and being around strippers without him.

[@bpowers31450]

Agree…too bad the bride doesn’t respect her future husband enough to forego the strippers too. The whole “last fling before the ring” attitude I see so often is just sickening. When you are in a committed relationship (even prior to being engaged), your “fling” days are behind you. SMH

[@boogermaiden]

Yep! That's true maturity

[@melissasheppard6674]

​@@bpowers31450yes, thank you!! 👏

[@markharrisllb]

When I got married in 2015 I desperately wanted my friend to come as we'd been friends since 1976. He said he had nothing to wear, I said I'd buy him a suit, he said he had no money, I said I'd give him some no one needs to know. It was then I felt grateful I have a wife (fiancée then) more intelligent than I am… well at least has more common sense. She pointed out to me that I'd told her my friend was losing his sight and that his mental health was pretty poor. It made me realise 39 years of friendship, the fact he didn’t turn his back on me through the worst of my alcoholism, that we'd been there to support each other through both our first marriages break down was far, far more important than one day.

[@EC-dz3fb]

This made me 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐮𝐩. 😻 True friends can be 𝐬𝐨 rare. (And what a sage & sweet wife you have!) ♡

[@catinthechat01]

Normally I just glance through the comments but yours made me stop because I found it touching. It wasn't common sense, she had been listening to you throughout your courtship and felt she could offer her perspective. You trusted her enough to step back and reflect, giving you a deeper understanding of where your friend stood at that point. That's a true partnership. I hope your friend is doing well.

[@GlamourNNail]

Yes! No matter how close someone is to you, if they don't want to be in your wedding or participate in parts of it for personal reasons, they are allowed to turn it down. Anxiety, depression, money issues, past experiences and who knows what else are deeply personal and can make people not want to be in the spotlight. Being in a wedding is a huge time, money and energy suck so some people simply may not want to or be able to handle it.

[@100samanthamarie]

That’s very sweet of you 😊

[@LoveLokks]

Awww I love this. It's hard finding true friends. ❤

[@nannysfolly]

As a former drinker, I can attest to "friends" who ghosted me after I quit drinking ( Which was due to taking certain medications after serious health issues.) I'm still the same goofball I was, minus the hangovers. Too bad they couldn't see that.

[@ashleydevlaminck9430]

I lost most of the people in my life too bc I used to binge drink and have quit (2 years) and everyone misses “how I used to be” but sober me IS me. It makes me sad

[@FirstnameLastnames]

As someone who has never drank & never will, I'd gladly have you as a friend! I, too, am a goofball and I don't need alcohol to let loose!

[@1tommyday]

They were only the drinking buddies then. Never your true friends. As you probably know

[@Rae777]

That’s insane! I’m not a big drinker at all but I have a close friend in recovery from alcohol addiction. When we first met, we became close bc I always offered to be sober buddies at events where others would be drinking. It’s really wild to me when people that don’t struggle with alcohol addiction choose to drop their “friends” for not drinking. Drinking doesn’t have to be a requirement to have fun. And honestly, my most fun nights have been the ones where everyone was sober.

[@SingingSealRiana]

those people suck and do nor know what they miss in you. I never understood the appeal of alcohol and am probably even allergic to it so I m always sober, but get me into a room with tipsy people and I will act just as tipsy 10 min later with the difference, that while lose, I am still capable of rational thought and able to recall all the funny stuff that happened! If people think you need alcohol to be fun, that just means they are really boring people, sucks to be them! I hope you found new better friends who like you for who you are, and are well!!!

[@sabraeast]

Former nail tech here- the full on fights I’ve between brides and bridesmaids over nails…. I could write a book!

[@PassTheMarmalade1957]

Give us one of the worst!

[@sabraeast]

@@PassTheMarmalade1957 the bride who insisted all the bms wear baby blue dresses with baby blue flowers and eye shadow. Then we are doing the nails. She stood up and said- girls, I have a gift for you! She pulls it out 4 bottles of wet and wild blue pearl polish. The bm next to me said- that’s it!!! I draw the line on blue polish! I did the dress, I did the shadow. I’m doing French! Then they are starting rebeling. Yelling shouting. We had to pull them apart. 2 bridesmaids left. It was chaos

[@filipasales9291]

@@sabraeast This is ridiculous...I hate brides and weedings. I'm so sorry you have to put up with that...I work with the public too and it's a nightmare at times.

[@seameology]

DO write that book!

[@marionfriedenthal7352]

I don't have long nails, natural or acrylic. For years I have had a question: How do women with super long nails pat/wipe? That really bothers me. 😂😂😂😂

[@PunguinYoga]

I was exposed to alcoholism when I was growing up. I will never forget a TV PSA about the dangers of booze: "If you need a drink to be social, that's not social drinking." CONGRATS ON YOUR PILOT!

[@alira9990]

as of last march I have 15 years without alcohol. I am an alcoholic in recovery which is a daily battle for me. 90% of my "friends" and I don't speak anymore because I am not a "party monster" like I once was. So not only did I lose the alcohol in my life I also lost so-called "friends" as well. I feel much better in my life now

[@Smudgie33]

Congratulations ❤

[@EC-dz3fb]

💪♡

[@rustyshackleford4238]

Congratulations on 15 years, that is amazing 🤩 I’m 4 years alcohol free too and totally relate to losing friends, even my former bestie. What we lose, we gain tenfold in other areas of our lives. I’m proud of you and hope you have a great day!

[@sashadoom]

This. And the comment about having "drinking buddies" (& dealers, in my case) vs. friends really hits home. Congrats on 15 years! One day at a time...

[@PunguinYoga]

CONGRATS!

[@Zardox2]

I am a survivor of multiple SAs. It is BEYOND traumatic... and victim blaming is over the top. (One assault was particularly violent, one was while I was asleep... not passed out, legit asleep, one was when I was 9 years old.) The fact that I feel the need to clarify these facts shows how much people jump to assumptions. For anyone out there who is struggling with this issue. There is a group called Jane Doe No More. I won't post links... don't want to be flagged as spam... but they are a great group that does wonderful work and offers support from those who also went through this.

[@SingingSealRiana]

"Just anxiety" that already makes me furious, it is a wide spectrum and brushing it aside is so fucked up. People who do that can not even imagine just how terrifying it can be. And anxiety disorder can compleatly dominate and ruin your life... The anxiety she must have experienced to panik at the attempt to leave her house must have been intense, that got nothing to do with being a bit nervous or superstitious... Especially that short after the trauma that caused it.

[@evegreene4450]

This kind of comment really helps me dealing with the guilt of missing a great friend's wedding because of a panic attack on that day. It's been 15 years, we haven't talked since. I understand her reaction, but maybe I should also give myself a break. Thank you.

[@Mama_Bear524]

@@evegreene4450 definitely give yourself a break. That wasn’t a friend anyway. My friend told me after the wedding she had a migraine. I felt terrible for her that she sucked it up and came anyway. If she had to scale it back and maybe only attend ceremony I’d totally get it. I had two friends not show up. One because he got drunk night before apparently and other because she was out looking for her son who ran away. They found him eventually. But I hold no ill will. That’s sad you’ve been feeling like this for so long.

[@SingingSealRiana]

@@evegreene4450 there should not be any guilt or blame, for there was not a choice. There is no way not to panic, it is out of ones control at that moment. What do those people think, that one wants to feel like that?! People who blame you are not just not your friends, they are not worth to be anyone's friend. I do not understand a reaction like that, would she have been pissed at you if it had been a physical injury you had no part in that kept you in hospital? How much more sympathetic people are when it comes to visable ailments in contrast to chronic pain or conditions like ptsd makes me increadably bitter at times...

[@omegatired]

Definitely. I have a friend online that I have never met who has issues like this, and when she reports she made it to the end of the driveway to get the mail, we cheer mightily because it is a triumph for her. I cannot imagine the courage it takes for her to work with her anxiety and take those baby steps. For someone who has suffered trauma, which, yeah, my first thought because of how she described it, man, that's just ... Although as someone else pointed out, it is the sort of thing one should have told the bride ... doesn't mean she'd have been any more understanding, but ...

[@roswell5065]

@@omegatired She did tell the bride. The post said the bride knew about the trauma, but the rest of the wedding party didn't and the OP didn't want to explain. Side note though. I don't think you should have to explain why or how you were traumatized in order to gain understanding. Even if the OP was dealing with anxiety that simply existed with no cause, it was clearly paralyzing for her and the bride didn't care. Added in that the bride knew the cause and still didn't care makes her not a friend at all.

[@Realshugarbaby]

I just attended my brother's wedding, 37 weeks pregnant with two toddlers running around (there was a lake nearby so my husband and I kept a close watch all evening). No alcohol, obviously, even though the event was open bar. It was a lovely wedding and we had a blast. It's sad when alcohol defines your ability to have fun, and I say that as someone who enjoys drinking once in a while (when the circumstances allow it).

[@Brusseldudes7180]

As a recovering alcoholic with cirrhosis I really appreciated your PSA. More people need to hear it and some people need to hear it more. Thanks for always making me smile even on my rough days.

[@ArtByJUSTSAM]

I straight up lost an entire friend group because they got tired of me not drinking. Yeah, I’m freaking allergic! They started only inviting my husband out. We were friends for over a decade. I seriously think it just got to the point that my not drinking made them feel like alcoholics by comparison. Which, if I’m being honest, they all kind of were.

[@kathleensullivan4547]

Never ever will a woman be in contact with my husband once our so called friendship is dead

[@ArtByJUSTSAM]

@@kathleensullivan4547 I agree with you on that but the group was made up of 3 other married couples (1 pair were gay men) that my husband and I met while we were already married. And, even though they kept inviting only him out, he never went without me. The whole situation sucked. It’s a cruel thing to do to someone you claim to care about.

[@AsyDarlyn]

Here for it🥳💃🏾💃🏾 Being a wedding planner myself, I have TONS OF BRIDEZILLA stories🤦🏾‍♀️, I might even write a book😂😂😂

[@Divine1767]

Please do

[@ForeverLumoz]

Please! I’d love to read it, I’m sure it’ll be both hilarious and scandalous 😂

[@LilaCreates]

I'd love to read that haha

[@preciouslyunhinged]

Pls share🤣🤣

[@jessicahites871]

I'd buy it!! And then send it to Charlotte to read to us😁

[@Hava_Hadi]

I had an incident of “anxiety event”. It’s 25 years later and I have moments of panic and it has caused my family pain because of seeing everything that I have gone through. You become OCD about checking locks, looking over your shoulder, only shopping in the daytime, not live in the house when it’s dark by yourself. Her bride is a real A -Hole.

[@Rebecca.Robbins]

I don't drink at all. My daughter was married a couple of weeks ago and I had an absolute BLAST at the wedding. Completely sober. As always. I LOVE not drinking, as funny as that sounds. I never have regrets or hangovers the day after!

[@Mama_Bear524]

Same. Congrats on your daughter’s wedding

[@obnoxiousbluebird6634]

I've only ever been to one "dry" wedding. I had an amazing time! They planned activities so people weren't just sitting/standing around bored, so I didn't even miss it!

[@SingingSealRiana]

Never drink either and I usually do not even like social events, many people, loud music, alcohol around and all but if I do go somewhere, I usually have a blast and no one ever complained about me bringing the mood down through not being drunk. Give me 10 minutes in a crowd of tipsy people, I will be just as tipsy but will not have to deal with a hangover and actualy remember all the fun stuff that happened ^^

[@shelleyg1836]

same for me. I was raised in a strictly religious household but as an adult i just never liked the taste of alcohol except for maybe 3 things which i will have as a treat on occasion maybe once every 3 yrs. but otherwise i am a non drinker always have been. i can't see why anyone wants to spend the horrendous amt of money it costs only to be vomiting the next day, hung over and feeling like crap. I have the same amt of fun as all those drunk ppl but i am in control of what happens to me and around me at all times, i still have all that money to spend and no regrets the next day. so i'm right on board with ya. ive had ppl ask my husband at wedding dances how much has she had to drink and then gape when told all i'm drinking is pop because they can't believe i'm that much fun without being drunk. there was NO alcohol at my wedding reception or dance and nobody seemed to mind, everyone had a blast and we didn't have to deal with all the fall out from drunk, vomiting out of control ppl. I love being a non drinker too.

[@brunavargasdeoliveira516]

The first story hits home. I passed through a really difficult time with my father this year and I discovered that people are really empathetic when the situation doesn't affect them, otherwise they get mad at you for not meeting their expectations. It was really frustrating dealing with a sick parent by myself and having some friends getting mad at me for being absent.

[@filmfangirls9163]

As a victim of SA, if I ever get married and something horrifying happens to someone in my wedding party I will never treat them like that. I don't even have to know what happened. They don't have to tell me cuz I know how painful it is to talk about. All they have to do is tell me something happened and they are having a hard time leaving the house and I will focus on helping and comforting them and seeing what part of the wedding they would like to be apart of. And if they can't do it, that's fine. I won't put pressure on them. I won't even have people pay for anything in general.

[@susiesunshine43]

Aaww man!!! I'm so sorry to the first lady!! I'm so sorry that happened ands I know this was a year ago, but I wish more people could build each other up instead of tearing each other down!!!!! I love y'all and everyone is so beautiful and unique!!!!!

[@cheermomcoach]

I LOVE what you said about not needing to drink to be the life of the party. I am the life of party and I don’t drink ( recovering alcoholic; sober 15 years) so thank you potato queen. Made me feel seen.

[@Mama_Bear524]

Congrats on being sober. As someone who doesn’t drink (just don’t like the taste) I see how ridiculous ppl look when drunk. They don’t realize it. One of the best weddings i attended was one where alcohol wasn’t served. And while we had champagne on the tables and one bottle of wine, we had nothing else. My family doesn’t really drink much. And ppl still talk about my wedding being fun 18 years later. And I’m a pretty boring person 😂. Alcohol isn’t necessary and I totally believe that you are much more fun since you stopped. Congrats again

[@cheermomcoach]

@@Mama_Bear524 thank you so much!

[@ophilianecr]

Congrats, friend! I just crossed the 4year cleantime myself, and being part of the fellowship has been amazing! knowing how to live life and have fun without being wasted is great. No party is worth throwing away your hard won mental health and stability. Real friends support recovery, not the addiction; when they protect the substances, they're protecting their own adict behavior.

[@PunguinYoga]

CONGRATS!

[@cheermomcoach]

@@ophilianecr amen! And serious congratulations!

[@ashv9565]

A friend of mine was getting married and asked myself and another friend to be bridesmaids. We both agreed. We both went shopping for her wedding dress. The other bridesmaid started complaining to me daily that she didn't want to go to the wedding at all. She said she didn't think they were even friends anymore, that she had anxiety, and that she hated weddings. I felt like most of that was bullshit but told her to just talk to the bride. The bride is one of the most understanding people I know and would've been fine and had plenty of time to find a replacement. Her wedding was pushed back because of COVID. And still this friend complained to me but said nothing to the bride. It got to the point where she was shit talking the bride. I told her I didn't want to hear it, that our friend didn't deserve that, and that she was the one being ridiculous. Instead of telling the bride, she would ghost her but then tell her that no everything was fine she was just busy and couldn't wait for the wedding. she never showed up for the multiple fittings the bride tried to arrange for her. She didn't show up for the small ceremony they ended up having as a sort of precursor to the big event they were still planning. Didn't show up for the bachelorette party, and did end up just ghosting the bride. Didn't come to the wedding at all. The grooms sister ended up taking her spot kind of last minute. The bride has more patience than a saint and to this day is still friendly toward this jerk.

[@FirstnameLastnames]

I had a "friend" like that who was doing something similar. Bride will feel SO much better if she tells her to go kick rocks. Seriously, it's like a boulder was lifted off my shoulders!

[@francesheinig6420]

The OP should have told the bride what was going on with the other BM. If the bride questioned the other BM and she denied it and put it all on OP then the bride would have to decide who she believed. The bride would think about it and realize that the OP was telling the truth, bc the other BM would be blowing the bride off on everything. If she chose to believe the other BM over OP then we wouldn't be friends anymore.

[@krissycats1]

I could already guess from the way it was worded in the first story that the poor woman had dealt with SA. As someone who also experienced such a traumatic event, my heart goes out to her because things like that leave a lasting impression. She was most certainly not the a**hole and the bride was being very unreasonable to just refer to it as anxiety. As for the other 2 stories, those brides were definitely being a**holes.

[@sandyliera-ruiz4433]

That 1st Bride is Not Just A Bridezilla. She is a horrible Person. Period! As a SA survivor for the past 47 years. The Trauma NEVER goes away. Every year you are reminded of that day! And to have someone whom you thought was your Friend, minimize that is crushing. I can not imagine the added pain and anxiety OP felt after being made to feel as if she was being selfish. Healing aloe being put out in the Universe for Her🙏🏼

[@EC-dz3fb]

How sad a bride doesn't realize her friend's nails are her friend's style 𝐨𝐟 "looking nice." The bride says, "I just want her to look nice" - as if her own taste is the barometer for "looking nice" - or not. Maybe 2" nails 𝐚𝐫𝐞 nice in her friend's book. I can't stand long nails, but I'd sure as hell appreciate my friend trying her best to "look nice" for my wedding. ♡

[@AutterPlus]

The first story was really a shame. I too was SA in early childhood but didn't remember hardly anything until I was 33-34 years old. It's been wild, flashbacks and feared leaving home...its like you think that someone will just attack you. I hope OP finds healing, that's one positive that I can say is that remembering brought pain but healing is next 💗 NEW FRIENDS for her asap!

[@Lady_Ginnie]

Last bride reminds me of my cousin, who once told a woman she was dating that it was "stupid" that she wanted to limit her alcohol intake and party lifestyle so that she could focus on raising her children more effectively. My cousin was upset that they weren't going out to clubs and bars as often, and that their date nights seemed to be consisting mostly of movie nights at home with the kids (where they still drank, mind you, they just weren't partying). My theory is that this woman was footing my cousin's bill at the club, and my cousin was upset she had to pay for herself if she went out with other friends.

[@LazyIRanch]

I've never gone to a bachelorette party. I was invited but politely refused without giving a reason and no one minded. I'm never getting married again, but if I did my ideal bachelorette party would have a petting zoo with adorable puppies, baby goats (even though I raise those) and at least one friendly alpaca who likes hugs. No strippers... yuck!

[@anonymousaccount8941]

Interesting!

[@EricaGamet]

@@LazyIRanch Now THAT is a bachelorette party I would go to!

[@CrypticCharm]

@@LazyIRanch that sounds amazing. i want to go that hen night

[@allein1001]

@@LazyIRanch My friend's bachelorette was at her friend's house (which was about a 2-3 hour drive from where I live). The friend's husband cleared out for the night, we went to a pottery painting place, then back to the friend's house for dinner. There was some alcohol but no one was drunk. Around 3 am we went out and laid on the grass to watch a meteor shower in the freezing cold, then we all crashed in the living room. Best bachelorette I've been to, frankly. (The friend picked up our pieces after they were fired and delivered them to us at the wedding. It was ~20 years ago and I still have my little flower pot.)

[@AvantiHalfhorse]

The "so-and-so's wedding" sign can work if you have two where the names invert. If you have a bride and groom side of the space for the wedding, you can use them to mark the different sides.

[@jdarnone]

I'm actually going to a wedding this afternoon, son of a friend is the groom (I've known this kid since he was 7). There will be no liquor at the venue, I'm OK with that. I do however make my own rum and was going to give the bride and groom a bottle, but I dropped that idea, because of the non-alcoholic venue, and got them something else. I don't know the reason for the non-alcoholic wedding, but I don't need to know either, I just abide by it.

[@lifewuzonceezr]

people do stupid things while drunk at weddings. we had a pay bar and a magnum on each table. a few rounds bought by FIL..currently shocked that my Scottish and his Irish families didn't get drunk! But there were kids in attendance.

[@melissafields3376]

I'm glad you chose understanding without needing details. Not a lot of do🙂

[@downhomesunset]

Travin-that was incredibly thoughtful of you to respect the non-alcohol venue. If you had gifted them a bottle, I could imagine the alcohol lovers scarfing it down and then running to a liquor store…….

[@LaquetaHodge]

That's super thoughtful of you, I've seen comments from people who expect free liquor at weddings & won't attend unless they have access. Not many people come to a level of understanding without needing to know why.

[@omegatired]

Way back in 1973, one of my best friends had a no alcohol reception ... it was in the fellowship hall of the Baptist church she attended. Her groom was Catholic. She was Southern Baptist. And rules of the church on their property are the rules you abide by. We all had fun. She attended my wedding almost a decade later, the reception was at my house. We provided beer and German bubbly ...not enough to get anyone drunk ... and we had a lot of fun. But then, we are talking small, family weddings ...

[@rannynguyen557]

This episode is so validating as someone with anxiety and sober from alcohol, seriously! Anxiety is a symptom that is not some personality trait I can "turn off" whenever I want to! It's so shallow to attempt to brush aside someone because they're being HONEST and saying they won't have a good time because they know their own bodies reaction (from any recent event or in recovery in general). Thank GOD that person understood that they didn't want to bring down the bride's joy during their once-in-a-lifetime trip; that's a sign of a selfless person, not a selfish one. Whenever I go out, I'm open about being sober and *why* in order to get others to understand that I'm here to see them wholeheartedly; I want to be present! I also find alcohol to be expensive and a pain in the ass to my physical health lol.

[@emilyperry9014]

1st story- the fact that she offered to pay even tho she wasn't going to be there is amazing of OP. In this situation it wouldn't even matter OP was or wasn't SA, the bride is just and ass. The SA just adds to her ahole score. Nail story- really lady. No one will care.

[@ThatbishLeesha]

As someone who does not drink really at all, I'm a blast at parties. Everyone always has fun around me and BONUS (for me) no hang over and I remember memories!

[@leeswhimsy]

Weddings and funerals....always bring out the worst in people. I've never understood it. It's truly comical what some people think constitutes friendship. Personally, I think it's high time we get over the Bachelor and Bachelorette Party tropes - get drunk, get strippers, etc. There's so many more meaningful things that could be done to celebrate and to show how happy you are for the couple getting married. Things everyone involved with the wedding can participate in with no qualms. But, hey, whatever makes you happy.

[@brittanyloggins6514]

Babies bring out the worst too...people getting upset over the name, not being in the delivery room. Babies, weddings, and funerals bring the crazy out of the woodwork

[@bcaye]

Interesting. I was NC with my sister for years and our father's unexpected death is what built a bridge between us, we coordinated his memorial service and everything was fine.

[@leeswhimsy]

@@bcaye you're right, Barbara...I should amend my comment to say they either bring out the worst OR the best!

[@kelseymaev]

Omg I felt when the commenter said “I found out pretty quick that I had drinking buddies not friends” me and my husband started our family and got married and all of our “friends” turned on us when we stopped making drinking with them all our priority. They even tried to break us up… drinking can be a severe problem for some.

[@anabee6545]

Yasss! This popped up exactly when I put baby for a nap and was getting ready to enjoy some chocolate on my own. Perfect timing 🥹

[@eilyschneider5370]

Same here!! 😂

[@lisaparrish9316]

I've been sober 34 yrs and still have fun no matter what 😊

[@nessa007productions]

It really should be perfectly fine and normal if you don’t want to drink. I lost count of the amount of times my step brother’s girlfriend tried to get me to drink at my brother’s wedding in July. It was so frustrating.

[@Mama_Bear524]

That’s harassment. Happens to me. I don’t like alcohol. Leave me alone

[@malevolentsnow9867]

Yeah. None of my friends have ever pressured me to drink and I consider it a red flag if people ever go further than “you sure you don’t want a drink?”

[@whoahanant]

It's so annoying and honestly it sours your mood so you then become a "buzzkill". They're seriously out here complaining about "buzzkills" but they create them at their own events themselves. Really glad I found friends who don't really drink, turns out you can party until 4 in the morning without alcohol. We do it no problem.

[@LaquetaHodge]

I'm lucky I've never been pressured to drink even from family that does, everyone just knows to not offer me anything. I think I'm boring, but I can enjoy myself without needing alcohol.

[@caljones]

I don’t drink for personal reasons and the only people I know that try to pressure me into drinking are the ones I’m related to (my mom and brother, mom’s sister, said sister’s daughter and the daughter’s husband. Everyone but the husband and my brother has toned down on it for one reason or another. They still try to, but it’s a bit less frequently than it used to be)

[@lise7538]

I have autism so of course one of my many traits is being a major buzz-kill since there are so many things I can't handle : loud noises, the taste of alcohol, crowds, physical contacts... Yet I am lucky to have understanding friends who would never force me into something I can't handle. If they can accommodate my needs in a way that wouldn't inconvenience them they will do it, and if they can't, they will understand that I may pass on some events and they won't resent me for it, or take it personally. Someone who isn't understanding of your needs or your boundaries isn't your friend. Whether or not you have a "legit" condition.

[@Mama_Bear524]

I don’t have autism but I’m similar to you. You would’ve been welcome at my wedding. We had music but not too loud. And hubby and I left at 10. I get overwhelmed and overstimulated so I was done. Poor guests but ya. We’re not all big partiers, we don’t all drink and that’s ok. There are many ways to have fun

[@LazyIRanch]

Lise, I'm so glad you have wonderful friends who love you! I'm also happy that you understand that you don't owe ANYONE an explanation. It took me years to learn that. I've been shunned by most of my family over politics and because they are evangelicals, and I love my gay and multiethnic friends. Also, my adult son has schizophrenia and he lives with me. Evangelicals don't believe in mental illness or autism, so they told me his problems were caused by "sin" and the fact that I never beat him as a child. I was raised that way, so I found a better way to parent without physical abuse. We live far out in the boonies on a mountain where it's beautiful and quiet. This has worked wonders for him. He loves animals and taking care of our goats, chickens, cats, dogs, etc. gives him purpose, and they love and accept him the way people never did. I love sitting on the porch with him talking (or not), watching the hummingbirds and the goats play, waiting for the gorgeous mountain sunsets when the hills turn purple and red. I have chronic depression, was hospitalized several years ago for "suicidal ideation", but this place has been healing for both of us. He was in the Navy for a year until his schizophrenia emerged and ruined that. One of the voices he hears is a very aggressive general who barks impossible orders at him. He didn't know which CO he was supposed to listen to! He was given an honorable discharge when the Navy realized what was going on. I asked him if the "general" still yells at him, he told me he lives in a bunker 40 ft underground in Arizona now and he's old and frail, and stopped bothering him. I'm proud of my son for facing his demons. He knows the "general" isn't real, but this is how he outsmarted his disease to shut him up. He got a jury summons a few days ago, and it terrified him. I assured him he wouldn't have to go and told him about the exclusions, and that his doctor will give him verification that he has a disability.

[@lise7538]

@@Mama_Bear524 Thank you, I am sure it was a beautiful day and I would have had a lot of fun :) People often link fun to alcohol consumption and partying, but it's actually about the people you are with.

[@lise7538]

@@LazyIRanch I am very sorry you and your son had to go through this. I cannot say I understand what it must have been like, as I live in France and the majority of us are secularists. And the few people are are religious are very quiet about it (though there are exceptions of course). I had people reject me for my autism though, or misunderstand me because they didn't understand my condition, making it about things it isn't about, like my moral integrity, my character, my ability to care or love. It is hard when it happens, especially since autism is so much more than just a difficulty to interact with people, it's an entire wall which separates me from a normal life experience. And yet it is so intertwined with my identity and the way I function that I will never really know what a normal life experience feels like. I am only left with the knowledge that all I am feeling or living is not what it should be. Sometimes it's intolerable, but like your son I have a mother who always was my ally. She fought for me every step of the way, and she has become something of an interpreter between me and the outside world. She is the only one who can find the right balance between sheltering me and encouraging me to try harder. When you have someone like that it makes all the difference. I am sure it makes all the difference for your son to have you, because you seem like a wonderful mother. Please don't let anyone convince you you are not doing what you should, they don't understand.

[@meisjeViv]

Well written, I agree with everything you said.

[@ghislainedefeligonde5166]

First story: Mental health care 101: leave toxic environments/friends. OP did what she had to. Last story: Not wanting to drink is not a buzz kill. Bridezilla`s concience probably spoke up about the dancers and she now needs validation.

[@xxprettylittlethings]

First story happened to me. I was apparently ‘too sick’ to be her MOH and decided to put tradition over her best friend. Since she was so concerned with the traditional roles of the MoH I took that to mean she didn’t want the elaborate bachelorette trip to NOLA, since TRADITION, and the place we were going to be staying was a family friend of mine. Cancelled that shit and she ended up with her bachelorette at Color Me Mine. 😂 Needless to say we are no longer friends. Don’t need a friend who’s going to pull shit like that when I’m going through the worst medical crisis of my life, especially since I was there for her cancer scare. >___>

[@mermaidlifeonearth]

I don't drink and especially during my current cancer treatments I would no way consider drinking with chemos and major surgeries but it makes me so frustrated that people try to pressure me to drink. I'm literally fighting toxins ie cancer why the fuck would I put more poison in my body and get sick with all these intense meds that strictly say don't drink while under medication. My friend knows I'm allergic to alcohol and in active aggressive Cancer treatment but still keeps pressuring me to go out and drink and what's worse is she's doesn't even care that I'll be driving she'd still try to get me to drink. I got so mad at her and constantly telling her i can't drink and even if i could i don't want to. I am a fun person and don't need toxins to have fun. And i just told her to grow the fuck up and act her she instead of drinking and partying all the time.

[@Kayenne54]

@@mermaidlifeonearth For me it was never an argument. "I don't drink" was the start and the end of that conversation, and I made sure to have fun, sober. Do not engage, and perhaps distance yourself. Your friend is the one with a problem she's not addressing. I hope you are doing better and get well soon.

[@Kayenne54]

This will sound cold, but because my parents were both alcoholics, I tended to try and not associate with people who couldn't "have fun" without alcohol or recreational substances. Went to a friend's party, it was her husband's birthday, and he's down in the workshop smoking joints with his buddies (fully visible to people turning up). I turned and walked out again. I'd taken my kids (as per invitation) to that party and I didn't need friends who can't socialize without imbibing or ingesting substances. Another party I attended with my now ex hubby and kids, his mate was a full on weed addict. I have no issues if people are, but he was holding a party with kids in attendance. One little girl came up to us whitefaced and holding her arm; drunk and doped up parents and others grabbed her arm to "undislocate it" and I went full Karen, told them to back off, her arm is badly broken, sat her down with a cushion under it for support, and tried to convince her dumb, intoxicated parents to call an ambulance. They didn't. Found out later they'd let her suffer for hours until they got her medical care, and she had TWO breaks in the one arm. A compound break involving her elbow as well. Poor kid. Ex hubby was mad at me for yelling at strangers too lol. P.S. I hope all goes well for you.

[@mermaidlifeonearth]

@@Kayenne54 thanks for understanding and taking the time to reply. I have the same mindset that if you need to be intoxicated to socialize, I don't want to in my life. Grow up, especially if you have kids. Be better told models.

[@mermaidlifeonearth]

@@Kayenne54 i live in a big city and all people do is drink everyday. Happy hours after work. Every social gathering has drinking. It is so hard to escape that.

[@xxSpasmoStarxx]

The alcohol thing is so prevelant even in young people. My husband and I had an alcohol-free wedding and it was everything. Lovely non-alcoholic wines and mocktails were served, as well as sodas. Our guests loved it, and no one had any complaints. However, as a teacher, of course my students knew I'd gotten married, and some of them (13/14 years-ish) asked if we got smashed or hung over. When I told them we didn't have alcohol at the wedding, one of the boys legitimatelly asked "what's the point then?" and I tried to explain to them you should be able to have fun without alcohol. They looked at me like I was trying to convince them of some conspiracy theory or something.

[@chet7098]

The signs featuring the groom would have been funny AF if the groomsman did that for the bachelor party.

[@Nevertoleave]

“Bachelor party featuring John Doe” ?

[@SingingSealRiana]

Or well, if he was not that into the wedding to beginn with and it is her project, the joke could also work

[@roselover411]

Tbh I could have seen that sign as being the husband's idea? If I had a fiancee who was super into wedding planning (whereas I am really not) I would absolutely make a sign like that for her because it really would be her wedding featuring me as guest of honor lol

[@meechyshelm3692]

Chalotte!!!! Where is your TRex with the veil? This was the perfect video for it. That first poor woman.

[@zuzukris4952]

My husband and his family would have thought the “Featuring, insert grooms name here” was hilarious! It is very funny, because of the amount of brides who see their fiancé helping with wedding planning as an afterthought. 😆 Also, Charlotte you brought up a very good point about drinking. I have never understood why every event has to include alcohol. Case in point, my daughter’s 6th b-day party. A lot of my in laws were angry that I “didn’t have anything for them to drink” we had plenty of soda, water, and sparkling water. They wanted beer and wine at a child’s birthday party! 🙄

[@lokicooper4690]

That's idiotic to think there would be alcohol at a child's birthday party.

[@obnoxiousbluebird6634]

@@lokicooper4690 that exactly what I thought when I read that! I've never had alcohol at my kids parties, but my BIL would *always* bring a case of beer to every party. He'd offer to share because he realised he was the only one drinking, but only a couple took one, so he just say on a chair drinking and becoming more and more obnoxious, until parents started taking their kids home as he was making everyone uncomfortable! He hasn't been invited to any party for 3 years and is still drinking the same way!

[@NLR759]

I’ve been to several kid’s birthday parties where it was all family invited, and beer & wine was served. I don’t see the big deal. No one got drunk. But each to his own.

[@rosencain]

friends vs fair weathered friends (First story) Attention all future brides - If you want your bridesmaids and MOH to be there for you then you had better be there for them or do not ask them to take on the extreme burden of being part of your wedding party. It may be your special day but it is not the rest of the world's special day. You really want your wedding, your special day, to be remembered by all? Then chose one of the following set of comments you want your special day to be remembered for: A) It was such a lovely ceremony. They are so in love. They have gone through so much and their love stayed strong throughout it all! The bride was a vision of loveliness and the groom, oh the groom... when he saw her walking down the aisle he had tears in his eyes. He could not believe this wonderful woman chose to join him in life's adventure B) Can you believe she kicked the MOH out for health reasons/being pregnant/chemo made her hair fall out/couldn't afford the destination bachelorette party? Did you hear half of the bride's family couldn't make it to the destination wedding? They are in quarantine/can't afford it. Well, she married up. Hardly anyone on her side made it. She's been such a Bridezilla that 3 bridesmaids quit on the same day. It's a shame the groom hasn't woken up to the kind of woman he will be stuck with. They have 2 kids and instead of a good down payment on a house/paying parents back a loan/paying off student loans they have a 50k wedding. How much did your "everyone must match" outfit cost? Did you see the registry!? They've been shacking up for a decade, don't they have all of this? I can get this cheaper from this brand name than the one that is listed. Wait, we have to pay for the plate , give a gift, AND help pay for the honeymoon??? If they are that broke then why a wedding now? Attention all future bridesmaids - You have the right to be treated like a human instead an obedient dog that the bride can kick around. You have the right to tell the bride she has gone too far and to remove yourself from her special day. Afterwards, you have the right to not bother fixing the relationship and to find real friends.

[@raimeyewens7518]

The not drinking one I can relate to. Whenever we go to any of my husband’s work events (Christmas party) everyone gets sauced. I don’t want to feel like 💩 the next day because I have kids to take care of. When they notice I’m not drinking they make such a big deal out of it. So now I tell the bartender to put my pop in a tumbler they put mixed drinks in so I blend in. It works and no one bothers me anymore. I’m pretty sure the bartenders think I’m a recovering alcoholic or something lol but I don’t care.

[@amberkelly3187]

My partner came from a big family of drinkers and he was the only one who only drank on occasion. The first time he spent New Years with my family who don’t drink and saw how much fun we could have together was really eye opening for him. We laughed, joked , danced and no one argued. I later watched him telling his own family about it and saw their surprise when they were told no one had alcohol.

[@maryfingb]

I seriously don’t get why friends of a bride are paying for bride’s trip. I could understand if it was instead of a wedding gift. But paying for her bachelorette’s trip and bringing gift to an actual wedding, not even mentioning the cost of a dress, shoes, makeup etc. It’s too much imo. Why someone’s decision to get married becomes such a financial burden on their friends? And on top of that act like they owe you that because it “your special day”. Yes, I am happy for you as you’re my friend but to be honest I don’t give a fuck about your wedding. But I guess it’s a cultural thing, in my country it’s bride who throws her bachelorette party and she invites friends. ( kinda like you would do for a birthday).

[@Mama_Bear524]

I fully agree. It’s gotten to be too much.

[@Cissy777]

Agree!

[@weretacotm207]

100% agree, for me if I do get married some day I do not expect anyone else pay for something I decided to do.

[@Fragmented_Mask]

We covered the cost of one night's accommodation, dinner, and rafting for a bride when I was on the hen party. There was some money left over as something ended up being cheaper than expected and the MoH said we could have our share refunded, or would we be happy to chip in for a polaroid to gift at the wedding so the bride could set up a little photo station and it was a touching gift idea so we agreed. Granted, this expense was a lot less than a 5 night holiday like in this example but sometimes people are just willing to chip in for their friend to have a nice time because they are friends and it is a nice gesture.

[@maryfingb]

@@Fragmented_Mask i get it. I’m just saying that it shouldn’t be taken for granted with such an attitude

[@katievandaveer7624]

I remember being 20ish and alcohol was part of every event no matter what it was. I would ke up one day and just wanted to see what it was like to experience a movie without being buzzed. It was the first time I realized I didn’t need to be drunk to have fun. Best thing I ever did, life got so much better.

[@my3sons757]

I'm betting Writer, Actor, Producer and Beloved Potato Queen Charlotte will be a bride within the next 3 years. Her bridesmaids will have nothing to worry about. 👰😘

[@ilhaamfoster4617]

OMG she will be the most CHILL bride because she's heard of all the horror stories.

[@katherineunsworth5170]

@@ilhaamfoster4617 until someone pours wine on her dress 😂

[@lotstodo]

Her wedding will be immaculate- no drama, loads of fun. I would pay to see the highlights - like a pay per view.

[@princessmarthajandio]

@@ilhaamfoster4617 She will also be wiser for it. I'm sure it'll be a real treat for her bridesmaids. 😊

[@timothyclark803]

I'm calling it. We'll see the engagement announcement within the next year. And, the wedding the following year.

[@sisuguillam5109]

Even if the bridesmaid in Story 1 had not been assaulted and anxiety was the sole reason she could not go on the trip... there is no such thing as 'just anxiety'. I want to leave that bride alone with my therapist for just 30 minutes - I swear to god he is total harmless and not snarky at all😂.

[@RegularBeams]

my wedding day could literally be TO-DAY and if my friend went through a trauma such as SA and needed support I'd drop EVERYTHiNG to be with them.

[@gaudior13]

It was also several months before the wedding. The OP and bride could have checked in in a month to see how the OP was feeling; then if the OP didn’t feel comfortable being in the wedding party, they could agree for her to drop out. And if the bachelorette party was somewhere warm, she may have been uncomfortable wearing a bathing suit and lighter clothes.

[@toshi9742]

Story 1: honestly I’m petty when it comes to this shit so I woulda left a “sorry my trauma inconveniences you but at least if any of yall get SAed you’ll know what to expect from bride” and then head out

[@Manj_J]

Honestly I would've done the same... I know that OP did say that she didn't want them to know about it (possibly because they might turn around and have a shitty attitude about it, maybe?) but if it was me I would be petty af and just tell them this exact thing, possibly I'd even tell some of the family members as well, just to "let them know how sorry I am for not showing up to the wedding" and why, but I get that OP didn't want to be vulnerable with them and reveal her trauma to unsupportive and terrible people

[@toshi9742]

@@Manj_J exactly. The most important thing for Op in that moment is to take care of themselves… and get petty revenge later mwahaha! :P x

[@Manj_J]

@@toshi9742 Agreed!

[@hamstergal643]

Thing here is you or I did. Go through denial and try to mentally disosiate. Also avoid using the terms. At that point she was not ready to admit it out loud to people she knew. Sadly this is not an unusual reaction

[@caiavanamell7870]

I just wanted to point out that I very, very much appreciate Charlottes message about alcohol in this video. All my life I have stayed away from it except tasting for a knowledge perspective. Due to that I have experienced the same backlash as many others do (the berating, the constant questions, the intrusion into one's own decisions, e.g.) As this is quite a touchy subject for me I must say I sometimes did not like the message I have seen in past videos on this otherwise great channel. I remember comments from Charlotte about clearly heavy drinkers "I would invite YOU to my party, You look like so much fun, e.g." All I can say to that: There have been many people in my past who just could not believe I was having so much fun without alcohol. "You MUST be drunk to dance on a table" - Uhm no? It's a party nobody cares just have fun and mind your own business! Alcohol does not equal to fun or a fun person to be around. I would wholeheartedly appreciate it, if we can evolve from viewing drinking and drunk people as cool. There is nothing cool in (ab)-using a literal poison. If you like it, go ahead. Don't idolise it, don't peer pressure others. I personally have never experienced a non-drinker pressuring others (In this society it is hard to imagine) but obviously apart from close friends and family witnessing addiction the same goes for them.

[@happychaosofthenorth]

I think one of the best friendship tests, based on these videos, is to be part of a bridal party. It is a good way to know who your real friends are based on how things go when things don't go to plan.

[@jamesshank7918]

I can relate to the buzzkill story. I was a best man, and since the rehearsal dinner was held across the border in Mexico they all loved the fact that I didn't drink. No matter where we were, My Marines had a designated driver. After I retired, different story. Invites dried up to nights out with groups. I figured out the power drinkers don't want sober witnesses sharing a play by play on Monday morning. 😠 I had never done so, nor would I, but had seen it done for laughs at the power drinker's expense on more than one occasion.

[@wandamcastro]

The MOH not drinking reminded me of my own reception. I was 4 months pregnant so other than a small sip of champagne for our toast, I wasn't drinking. Had all kinds of my drunk friends come up to talk to me and I could barely understand what they were saying! Made me realize that getting that drunk really wasn't that much fun after all!

[@Mama_Bear524]

I was also pregnant. 5 months. Ya it’s not fun. They look stupid

[@nelsonmorgan2356]

This is hilarious. Suddenly the most feared words in a relationship have gone from, “We need to talk,” to “Will you be my bridesmaid.” Odd you don’t hear this from groomsmen.

[@darabramov939]

Wow I NEEDED this video. I'm actually getting married in two weeks and because I recently started taking a new kind of medicine, I won't be able to drink. I was so bummed because of that but reassured myself over and over again that I don't need to drink to have fun. Thank you Charlotte, as always, you made my day.

[@meisjeViv]

Congratulations on your wedding! I'm sure it's going to be great :D

[@monicasalyer8875]

I have lots of friends who like to drink and who always invite me out and pay for me even though I am a very very moderate drinker. The reason for my "popularity" with drinkers is because I like driving and therefore make a great designated driver. It works out! They pay for my entrance fee at whatever event we attend (even pay for meals and souvenirs for music events!), and everyone's happy. Moral of the story: Let people know that you're a designated driver, and people will be happy you're not drinking.

[@kayleighandhercat1351]

MARY BRUSHED OFF SA AS ANXIETY?!? WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK?!? I hope that OP is doing a little better now. I hope she doesn't have Mary in her life anymore

[@aniberryscorner]

What is SA please?? I don't understand it

[@pikadawnshowbiz7968]

@@aniberryscorner SA is short for sexual assault

[@yay_danae_nae27]

@@aniberryscorner I believe it means sexual assault...

[@aliioana8586]

Brushing off anxiety would have been horrible enough, but this was just pure evil. I hope b*tchzilla’s husband caught on to her horrible behavior…

[@kayleighandhercat1351]

@@aliioana8586 I was thinking exactly the same thing.

[@miriamstrauss]

Love your commentary for the last bride👏🏻

[@claireearnshaw25ify]

I totally understand the first one, I started with anxiety just over 10 yrs ago n changed my life I started having panic attacks n I didn’t leave my house for 2 yrs my friends and family were supportive they still are tbh but now I’m doing amazing I’m doing things I thought I’d never do again also doing new things and I’m loving every second of it and so proud of myself lol ❤

[@adareadorou4965]

I'm so happy for you Charlotte!! Hope to see your project on a major streaming service soon💕

[@groooah]

Seeing this, I feel even more appreciated by my friends who recently married. Just for helping out with a few things regarding their location and taking care of presents etc. the couple gave me a book Store gift card. Which I most certainly did not expect, but I appreciate it a lot.

[@jeffmolzow264]

Charlotte, you are so right on on this video. Thanks for putting everything in its place

[@marcjsolis]

Those who need to drink or get high to have fun are compensating for something. In many cases, these people lack a personality.

[@CA-bw9vw]

That story where the MOH got kicked out just because she won't drink alcohol and party with strippers hit too close to home. My closest friends for over a decade slowly pulled away when they realized I'm never going to be the clubber type. Luckily, I found another group who actually drink when we meet but don't pressure me, and don't act like I'm some dark cloud just because I'm not literally crawling in front of my house after puking all over myself.

[@thecratfywonderworld6910]

I just sat down to rest and eat my snacks after a day of adventures and you IMMEDIATELY uploaded my favorite type of video. I cant wait to watch it😍😍

[@KallianaCorus]

That first story infuriated me. My best friend’s wedding was last month. Her and her husband decided to only have 1 person stand up with them so I was the only bridesmaid. After the ceremony the bridal party was walking around downtown to get some pictures at fun locations. On our way back we ended up finding a friend on the sidewalk having an anxiety attack because she had a seizure earlier that day and then missed the ceremony. Queue 10 minutes of us sitting on the sidewalks in our dresses making sure our friend was okay and refusing to let her feel bad for missing the ceremony or having an anxiety attack. Honestly, it was one of the most meaningful parts of the day for me because we stepped away from all the formalities and were just friends supporting each other. While severely overdressed. The idea that people wouldn’t prioritize their friend’s wellbeing confuses and angers me. (For the record, after some time to herself in the bridal get-ready room my friend was able to make it down for dinner and had fun. So she got to celebrate with us which is the important part.)

[@jenn8179]

I recently went out with my best friend for fondue (something we do every couple months). I had 2 glasses of wine with fondue and a hard seltzer at the bar we went to afterwards. I said I was going to switch to water (I'm a lightweight). It was 8:30. She immediately said we should Uber home which we did. Then I saw pictures of her at another bar that evening. She dropped me off and went out again. I was so hurt. I hadn't wanted to go home at 8:30 but I also didn't want to have a hangover. Why can't you hang out with me just because I want to have a glass of water??

[@meisjeViv]

Oh no, that is so mean! And the worst part is, it is totally possible that your friend doesn't even realise that it was mean... This ridiculous notion of 'I don't want to drink = I don't want to go out'... Infuriating

[@Fragmented_Mask]

Honestly, this is ridiculous and I am so sorry that you have been treated like that. I have never been a BIG drinker, I get "tipsy" and often at that point I stop. I am also a bit of a lightweight. The times I have been drunk, I didn't enjoy it the sensation that much. More often than not now, I only have two or three drinks max and then stop because alcohol really triggers gut issues. My friends get it. When we are out and they offer to get me a drink and I go "No i'm fine" or "Just water for now please" the most I get is a "...you sure?" and then they don't question it. Nor do any of them think that I am less fun because I switched to water. I would really encourage you, if you can, to bring this up with that friend because I don't think what she did is okay, and you have a right to make choices about what you do or do not put into your own body without being made to feel like shit for it...

[@natgonzza]

My entire bachelorette party was unintentionally alcohol free. I drink very little and two of my friends were breastfeeding so one of then brought an alcohol free champagne. We all agree A single toste wouldn't hurt. We had a blast, honestly I had so much fun. By the end we noticed we only drank alcohol free drinks. People who associate fun to alcohol are simply boring. If you need a substance to be interesting I think you suck and probably are a terrible friend.

[@taybear2398]

I’m Sober (575 days) yesterday I attended my best friend’s bachelorette party (small get together, I’m a bridesmaid) (we all know my reasons for doing this) Everyone was like “I’m proud of you for sticking with your reasonings.” Everyone else drank lol. I’m glad I got supportive friends

[@kerwynbrat5771]

When I got married, it never occurred to me to ask anyone to change their appearance. I mean, it literally never occurred to me. These are my friends, I like them for who they are. I cannot even imagine acting like this.

[@Mama_Bear524]

Same! My only requirement was the dress colour for the bridesmaids. The style etc I didn’t care. I just wanted them to be comfortable. Didn’t care about anything else for anyone else. It’s so dumb.

[@LaquetaHodge]

Same. I think I shocked people because I was so calm & relaxed during my planning. For my bridal party, I only wanted them to have long dresses of a specific color & that's it. They picked out their dress & shoes, I didn't even specify hairstyles because everyone is different & I didn't have the energy to do all of that.

[@PassTheMarmalade1957]

My MOH asked me if I wanted her to wear contacts. She never wears contacts. When I was like, "Huh? No?" she then asked if she could *still wear her glasses.* Like I was going to force her to be freaking blind for my A e S t H e T i C.

[@rafamunhoz648]

We need longer videos! This is pure gold ❤

[@Just1Nora]

My bff and I have both been sober for years for health reasons and we both enjoy each other's company plenty without it, but we've also been besties since 4th grade so maybe that plays into it too. We've spent most of our friendship having fun without alcohol. But if you think someone needs to drink to have fun; you're probably an alcoholic, and that's the tea. You can't force your lifestyle on someone else whether that's drinking, dancing, or skydiving. If someone is opting out because they're uncomfortable it's due to how they know it will make them feel. Even though it's "your wedding" the world doesn't revolve around you.

[@sngray11]

When you are going through tough times, you find out who your true friends are really quickly. The first story really resonated with me because I struggle with anxiety as well. She had a traumatic experience and the bride was so selfish and callous. I am glad that the OP ended up not paying anymore $. I am gobsmacked that the bride had the audacity to kick her friend out of the bridal party months before her wedding just because she was struggling with anxiety the week of having an extremely traumatic event happen to her! smh. At least she has severed ties with the toxic bridezilla.

[@Bethleebee]

the bride featuring husband signs are hilarious as long as the husband and family are in on it. A joke for guests and friends but make sure fam and hub are chill with it.

[@kelleywyskiel8513]

I was already assuming the first story was SA just from her story. I hope she’s doing ok and knows there’s so many of us out here on her side. We see you, we hear you, we hold you close and wish you an amazing kickass life. Monsters do exist, but so does karma. Take care of you…..and let them wither away.

[@deemadamx]

I 100% agree with all the verdicts here, but I actually had to come here to say Charlotte!!! Your hair is so gorgeous!! That color is so vibrant! 😍 Chef's kiss! (Makeup and nails are on point as well, of course! 😉)

[@mistyweasleymalfoy]

I was bridesmaid to my "friends" wedding. But also have HUGE social anxiety, depression and agoraphobia. So places with a lot of people really its hard to be at. I always try to overcome my fears and try to do things even knowing that I probably will have a panic attack, but I don't wanna lose my life closed up in my house. That been said, this friend knew about my panic attacks and about the agoraphobia, she had saw me having a couple of crisis before. I noticed that I was having a down crisis in my depression and if I went out of my house, the panic attacks got worse. So I had to deal with it at home, from the time being. I went out to buy my bridesmaid dress but was so much overhelmed that, even after I paid the dress and went home, I hated it and all. So I noticed that I couldn't attend the wedding. I called the bride and informed her ALL. I said that I was having a really huge crisis and I didn't thought that I could make to the wedding that was gonna take place in the next week. She said "okay! Get better soon, hope we can go out when you get better." Two days after it, a concert happened in the Stadium's parking lot across the street from my house. I watched everything from my window, in my bedroom. Posted about it in my instagram. The bride said that I was lying about my mental condition and I wasn't sick at all and only didn't wanted to go to her wedding. The Maid of Honor, who was my best friend, said that I was a AH for not attending the wedding and the Bride deserved better. ALSO, the MOH said that I wasn't gonna be her daughter's Godmother anymore because of this and now the Godmother was gonna be the bride. all because I couldn't attend someone's wedding

[@anarealthemage2693]

This one made me think about my late teens and early 20s. I made the choice not to drink and I got teased and bullied a lot. Luckily for me I have never let that crap get to me but sometimes it's not so easy. I am not a drinker. Never have been never will be. I don't understand why so many people need it in order to have a good time. It's really not necessary.

[@FirstnameLastnames]

Neither am I, so I feel ya ❤

[@kittensugars]

"the more you know" ....cracked me up!!

[@Dove96]

As a young person in my 20's-30's I preferred not to drink when we went out to bars and dances. I ended up being tagged as the courtesy driver so much I pretended to have "a drink" in my hand most of the night. I hate the pressure to drink.

[@incy_eliz]

So glad when people show who they really are

[@thisiswhathappenslarry]

Yeah, after my SA i was like a walking zombi for a couple weeks. My mind was dissociated from my body from the trauma and i had a constant deep sinking feeling of emptiness and disgust. It took me a bit to come back to "normalish".

[@deandenise4]

Met my brother at a bar. I hadn't had a drink at all but all of his friends were "your sister is so fun when she drinks!" My brother was "she hasn't had one yet!"

[@deandenise4]

Alcohol not required!

[@Sar-ahG]

It's ok to ASK someone to drink with you however you need to accept the answer they give you!

[@lindavomberch2038]

Perfect timing 👌🏻 celebrating my wedding anniversary today and enjoying the fact that there was no drama like this 😅

[@JenniferCatMomma]

YAYE!! My Charlotte fix right before leaving the house!! I'm super excited for your Pilot Show!!!!! Girl, u are killin this thing we call 'Life' I am so daggone proud of you👑👑 here take my crown, u deserve it🥰🥰🥰👏👏👏👏👏

[@emmaboyer7667]

Do not click on anything like this. These are scam bots that steal your information!!

[@rM-xk9ob]

Been in the same situation with people who tried to pressure me to drink. Now I usually have only one almost virgin mixed drink, like a thimble full of alcohol just for flavor, I like a good rum. They routinely tried to pressure me to drink more. I got drunk once, at 21, that was enough.

[@ericlondon2663]

My cousin did this. Uninvited me, my wife, my mother, and our grandmother from his wedding. As in sent "wedding announcements" but we never got an invite. BUT...we all received a BILL in the mail FOR HIS WEDDING and Honeymoon. LMFAOROTF he didn't get a penny....and after grandma died he discovered grandma wrote him out of the estate. Grandma NAMED him to be excluded in her will. LOL

[@autumn1734]

Sweet!!!