Let's talk about grief - explaining death to children (extended version 18 min)

[@ispyamoose]

My mother just died, and I've been toiling over how to explain her death to my 4-year-old, who loved her so much. Thank you for making this video, and the concerned one.

[@AnonMom]

In the same boat. Don't know how to do it. How did it go for you and your daughter?

[@ispyamoose]

@@AnonMom my fiancé and I sat our son down and went over points this video covered. He knew she was sick, because she started wearing oxygen when he was a younger toddler. So I used that as a springboard. I said she died, and explained what that means for her body, (she can't breathe, see, or eat, her heart stopped) and that we won't be able to see her anymore. We chose not to bring him to her services, (it was just a memorial, no burial) as we know him well enough to know he's just not there yet. I did my best not to overload him with info he doesn't need yet. Good luck, and my condolences to you and your family for your loss 💜

[@anthonyamurri9278]

This was very helpful. My grandfather was found dead this morning. I took my family to see my grandparents last weekend, and I'm sitting in my car dreading going upstairs to tell my 3 and 4 year Olds that their great grandpa had died

[@floare79]

Mt husband just died a few weeks ago. This is helping me and my kids. Thank you 😢

[@sarahmccall6226]

so powerful. thank you. as parent who has a child who's died and now works with children who are or have experienced the death of a parent.

[@TheNumbaOneMiss]

Thanks for this video. My daughter is 8 and she learned recently, that people don't live forever. She was so afraid when she found out and asked me if daddy and I will die. I hesitated because I wasn't prepared with an answer that wouldn't terrify her. I explained that daddy and I would not live forever but we were doing everything within our power to be with her and her sister as long as possible and we weren't going to leave them anytime soon, the latter part, to ease her worries, and that some things are just out of our hands and out of our control. She cried so much. She asked me how old I would be when she's 20, then 30, then 40 then 78. I just paused... I'm 37 years older than she is. When I told her I'd be over 100 years old when she's 78, she said I would be gone by then and she cried so much. I felt helpless. I want to be honest with her but I just don't want to scare her. I want her to know that death is going to happen to us all but I don't want her to worry about losing her mom and dad. She is so scared of losing us and I just don't know how or what to say to comfort her... We are older parents, I'm 45 and my husband is 57. How can we have that ongoing conversation to try to help her deal with the reality that one day she can lose one or both of us? It's very scary because we don't want to say the wrong things and I am terrified of the thought of us ever leaving our children behind. We want her to be prepared for anything that can happen and to understand that death is inevitable and we don't know when it will happen. I tell her we have to love one another and appreciate the time we have. We have only the current moment, each moment and that's what makes life so precious. Do you have any advice on how to calm her fear of losing us?

[@alanamileras2329]

The KZbinr Randy Kay is excellent and interviews people after their Near-Death Experiences (NDEs). You might also do well to look up Dr. Jeffrey Long here on KZbin or check out his books, as he has scientifically proven the afterlife. This might help ease many of the questions in your mind and also allow you to explain to your daughter, factually but compassionately, what happens after death.

[@lisagrosskopf1687]

Brilliant Doris !! Congratulations again on your authenticity and bravery. I will be sure to refer this video on to any families who may be in need of some direction in this area. Lisa :)

[@ellenrobertson527]

Thank you. Found out today my 4yr olds paternal grandma died. Feel a bit more confident about explaining it to her and how to explain it.

[@chamilkajayawardana6688]

Thank you - you've helped me so much this week. I've found a new level of strength. xx

[@christinaharrington7328]

Wow. You are incredibly brave and resilient. Beautiful

[@helvielago3937]

Thank you Doris, this was helpful.

[@gis3820]

Thank you, warm regards from Germany!

[@thefemalethunderbirdsnerd3214]

I like this mother idea of making a storybook about loss for her then 3 years old daughter’s sister passed away. I can’t remember how old I was when my parents told me about loss but I have a general idea of when friends and family pass on.

[@DC-su4wf]

Thank you so much! A kid will know the meaning of death afterall if not immediately upon a death happened. However, the 'scaring' because of lacking appropriate information or having wrong information on it might cause him or her losing sense of security for a much much longer period.

[@matthefreedom]

You are brilliant

[@somdeepkundu2506]

Thank you

[@danalewis8094]

My 4 year old grandson just lost his Dad unexpectedly, he keeps asking us where is Dad, can we FaceTime Dad so they can play. Isn’t he to young at 4 to comprehend why his Dad suddenly died? I as his grandmother just don’t want my daughter to start having all sorts of Psychological issues. We just don’t know when or if we should talk to him about this

[@peytonparabdeen2413]

These sweet boys with their grandfather This sweet girl with her baby sister

[@susansmith8171]

What do you say or do to ( a now 9 year old)boy that has dealt with many close family deaths since 2019? Our last was the end of May this year an uncle we were staying with!! We've not had a chance to breathe! Truly all grandparents uncle's he doesn't see his father! Not all and not at one time!!

[@margaretryan8694]

❤️my son too ❤️

[@roseolson2680]

HI, I AM A CHILD OF GOD, and my identity is in JESUS CHRIST and not in my struggles. Although, I still struggle with time management, goal setting, mental triggers due to ambiguous grief and setting appropriate boundaries. My name is Rose. Throughout my entire life I have been dealing with multiple losses. Like, I already experienced pet-pal separation before my parents divorced, thus experiencing separation from my biological father (at the age of 3); and later, the tragic death of my grandmother - before my mother immediately got married to my step-dad (and we all lived with his adopted mother) by the time I turn nine years old. Sadly, this included moving away from my only best friend and changing schools at least 3 times before my grade 3 season ended. By then, I was so overwhelmed with having to adjust to all the fast-paced changes that I completely shut-down from verbal communication - which prevented me from making new relationships with my then peers. Unfortunately, I became an easy target for teasing and bullying. I had a female nemesis making sure I didn’t have any new girlfriends and a male neighbor/nemesis who would beat me up and torment me on the way home after school. I developed fears of speaking up in class knowing my peers would laugh and tease me if I got the answers wrong. I had insensitive teachers who would not correct them nor validate me. These were the known and shown reasons for my then mental insecurities and trust issues. Back at home, I had an emotionally/physically absent mother; she was a workaholic and a people pleaser. She hardly spent any time with me and I soon found myself jealous, when a female neighbor and peer from Girl Guides became the number one person who received my mother’s attention; because her own mother (the Girl Guide Leader and friend to my mother) had recently died. As I got closer to the age of 13, I also experienced the death of my great-grandmother (who was the anchor of our family, as she kept us going to church and my only adult person I could talk to), my other grandmother on my dad’s side also died and she too was close to me). There were other close family members and additional pet losses; but no adult ever checked-in on my feelings. By grade nine I had enough of my family’s lack of care and enough abuse from my peers that I spoke up and convinced the adults in my life that I needed to change schools - All of a sudden, I had a powerful voice that could change my circumstances. This new power led me to being estranged from my family. I started drinking at the age of 14. I first married at the age of 19. I became a mother at the age of 18, 30, and 33. My biological dad died at the age of 21. I later divorced at the age of 24. I lost all 3 of my children to the Ministry of Children Services at the age of 34: my firstborn was adopted by my parents, and my younger two were adopted out to a homosexual stranger. I remarried at the age of 36. I became a widow at the age of 43. I had a stroke and my first surgery at the age of 44. I remarried once again at the age of 48. AND I recently lost my firstborn child at the age of 49. I am currently 53 and now for the very first time I am learning what the word GRIEF truly means. Thankfully though I have a wonderful support team here in Kelowna with Celebrate Recovery, who encouraged me to cope with their Christian based 12 Step-program. And as I desperately sought counseling to understand my triggers, I was then introduced to Grief-share and here I am. Still, I give GOD ALL THE GLORY for IT has truly been GOD ALL along getting me through every loss and every life changing moment. I would not be here if I didn’t have my faith and trust in JESUS CHRIST. THANK YOU JESUS for letting me run to you, again and again, and again. HALLELUJAH!!!

[@jodil7]

My nephew/Godson’s mom just died from a drug overdose. Do you have any advice?

[@akkirwafortheloveofchrist6358]

thank you