Chamath on forgiving his father

[@LexClips]

Full podcast episode: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oXe0hnd5nLKdiMU Lex Fridman podcast channel: kzbin.info Guest bio: Chamath Palihapitiya is a venture capitalist, engineer, CEO of Social Capital, and co-host of the All-In Podcast.

[@adeadgirl13]

The denial from the parent is the biggest obstacle in forgiving them. I can understand intellectually that my father needs to be in denial as a self defence mechanism coz it's hard to accept that you've been a bad father, but emotionally it's just super hard to forgive someone when they won't even accept that they did something wrong.

[@justiinahirvonen4902]

very much on point

[@Shebly313]

I resonate with your emotions on that, I think the idea of forgiveness might be impossible to find, but once ones self realizes that the pain they carry from the experience becomes too cumbersome over our short life spans, then forgiveness becomes the only way out of the dark, you forgive not for them but for the sake of your own soul.

[@Nika_Scott]

I spoke to my dad about the physical abuse once and he apologized, but heavily downplayed it. Because I didn't get the response I expected I never really forgave him, but I got over it. We still speak now and I just take from our relationship what I can, but it's more like a friend who I don't have any expectations from and know if I was ever vulnerable would treat me just the same as he did when I was a child.

[@M5MSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMS]

it is not d childs place 2 question d parent how can a child say 2 d parent u r not doing ur best

[@rudyroman3668]

100%

[@pedromanafaia]

This is an incredible achievement (not the financial or career achievement). The personal growth that is required to understand and accept what he describes is immense. He has earned my highest respect. Great human being.

[@highyetangel8268]

I decided at a young age to be my mother myself and take the responsibility for my own future. I did not make the same mistakes my parents did. Don't be afraid for yourself.

[@demmersong]

Damn Chamath bringing the heat in this one. Powerful introspection and reflection skills gained over the course of a lifetime here. Not every KZbin commenter is a “brigaGOON” Chamath! Love this- thanks for making this happen Lex.

[@FearlessP4P1]

I really feel for children that are abused. I hope that trauma isn’t currently hurting him too much

[@matty301]

@T S 100. let's be honest.

[@zachvinka6764]

My brother thought it was cute to give me the name "worthless" growing up...I wasn't physically abused but in the eyes of my family that is what I was...and I attribute it to knowing that I needed to form a personality but it was wildly difficult when your pursuit is truth to avoide the worthlessness of ignorance and that is a very difficult task for a child without resources. Fantastic short For me I eventually understood my strengths over their weaknesses and that helped to define me...because I already have them...I just needed me We need to understand our parents are children. I say that because it is wildly difficult to be a Saint After watching this it makes me think...our pain is our connection

[@decoyslois]

100%

[@justiinahirvonen4902]

not all parents are children. but theres a tendency for babies to make babies

[@eliranmishal8270]

Tremendously moving. Thank you.

[@okseaj]

Damn, didn't think I'd be able to relate to Chamath like this. The hypervigilance is real - you learn to identify people by the sound of their footsteps, you learn to read their face, you begin to calculate everything so you can survive.

[@JoseHoliday]

This hit me deep on a personal level, I'm really glad I saw this

[@ImHeadshotSniper]

i love a lot of what this guy has to say, and it very clearly comes from a sincere place.

[@lynnlobliner3933]

One way to learn to forgive parents is to learn about how they were raised. If a parent doesn't say he/she loves you, it is likely it wasn't said to that parent. If a parent is hard physically, psychologically, verbally on a child, it is very likely that he/she was raised by parents like that. It goes down the line. Then there are the peers who bully (on all levels - tease, taunt, torment). They are likely being bullied by someone at home and pass it on. Forgiveness of one's self, and then of those who trespass, is the greatest tool; it also means love.

[@DCDA-LA]

Besides his investment, the articulation level is incredible

[@AverageAngel]

what a huge advantage it is to come from an actual happy marriage and happy family rather than a dysfunctional one - it seems to plague people effectively their whole lives

[@lidiasantoro3098]

IMO Chamath is a classic story of a successful poor immigrant kid who surmounted adversity by using his pain as a spur to do better. I think it is because he experienced adversity, he deals with his great wealth by leading an aware and balanced life. It is exactly those who have never confronted hard times who have catastrophic consequences when they attain great riches and "fame".

[@steveforbes6864]

Broke my heart when you said your Dad never said I love you. No it’s not normal

[@sweetstorm7652]

It’s normal in some cultures, they show love in other ways not just words.

[@SusanHopkinson]

What a beautiful conversation 🙏🏻😊

[@basamnath2883]

Very deep conversation. Thank you

[@jessaabraham]

My father had a bamboo stick with rubber band on the tip. Many Indian families have such parents. People seems to appreciate being abused by parents saying that is the reason they grew better. I can never get this. Very much can relate.

[@jtea8]

So many of us needed and still need to hear that. Thank you

[@adz333]

this is phenomenal. didn't know this about Chamath

[@steveblomefield9513]

I know what you are talking about. Not abuse by family but bullying at school, fearing violence or humiliation by older boys.

[@ilovesa1396]

One thing that I've learnt, it is definately hard to "be like water" - Bruce Lee (13min 🔥)

[@nevetz1006]

This was very deep content. Much appreciated

[@Teamshmo]

Wow you can tell he has thought about this a lot. I think the most important part to remember with parents is you want them to have all the answers, but they don't. They literally have no clue how to raise a kid and you can't hate someone who didn't teach you skills that they didn't have themselves

[@numitumi8806]

daggit! This clip might be Chamath's best contribution to the world. Can do without all his other market bloviation. I don't trust billionaires, so I hope he's being truthful and sincere.

[@firstlast8258]

Hope is not a strategy

[@joshuarasmussen641]

@@firstlast8258 huh

[@michaels4895]

This is a good man right here!

[@jimj2683]

He just said he had hurt people around him (cheating etc). One time a bad man, always a bad man (as women usually say).

[@sacragon]

Thanks, really well conveyed perspective.

[@lnc-to4ku]

What an incredibly sad but moving story!!

[@DealWithItMan]

Thank you for this.

[@brymtb]

...so the guy who ends up being a billionaire says his father could have done a better job raising him...let that sink in....

[@questionmark8046]

You have a lot to learn if you think that money is the measure of wealth.

[@brymtb]

@@questionmark8046 ...bro...money IS the measure of wealth...BUT what you meant to say was MONEY is not the measure of happiness...and yet Plato disagreed with that...thanks for your participation- 🥳🥳🥳🥳😎

[@jeffyboyreloaded]

Very very great segment

[@RipeTimes]

fascinating. thank you.

[@estherdeutsch8634]

So sad. Would be so powerful and impactful if you interviewed an incest male survivor that was sexually abused by his own father. It requires someone with lots of confidence and courage since shame weighs unfairly and heavily on incest survivors. Children that are sexually abused by their own fathers is much more common than we care to admit. More conversation is needed regarding incest to shed light and hope on this heartbreaking epidemic. 🙏

[@justiinahirvonen4902]

erm.. lets not turn this podcast into a rape hotline

[@Thowhid1]

it's tough to forgive, but when you weigh it up, you realise they express their love in a non-conventional way and holding onto the rage and anger is like holding onto hot coal. hey, at least you mature quickly.

[@SHANONisRegenerate]

Lex is the guidance councillor we didnt know we needed

[@jimj2683]

Men tend to forgive and move on while women stay resentful/angry for eternity.

[@fayruzsnegash8883]

You inspired me brother.

[@TangoCat303]

You are such a brave man Lex.

[@TheWaterTune]

Sounds like his father hated himself and projected it onto his son.

[@justiinahirvonen4902]

pretty much. sensible parents form great bonds with their children and serve as an example to look up to. teamwork of sorts. all of this to efficiently solve problems. infantile parents downplay the child’s issues, demand without setting an example, try to play the authority by petty comparisons.

[@tinacorsini]

thank you

[@relly793]

and yet and still he came out a very effective adult....we too easily put off the fathers for being disciplinary persons within the family and praise moms for just being soft and nurturing which doesnt necessarily provide much disciplinary value. feel how you want

[@sobeautifulsrilanka]

Think about what a more effective, balanced, and less pained/traumatized person he would be without those specific experiences. It took him years to overcome it. That energy could have been used for other things. and he probably unintentionally unknowingly hurt a lot of people along the way, like so many abused/traumatized people do.

[@9FisterSpit9]

Forgive and forget. I think we are leaving a crucial part of the process out lol. Forgiveness was a matter of prayer for a reason. I believe atleast.

[@AlgorithmAlloy]

Wow that spoke to me

[@petermendonca9438]

Lot of things to discuss.... so this is not a comment that covers all or almost all angles of the situation..i.e. parenting Let me share a few things here: No family is perfect. Every family has a story to tell. Or maybe many stories to tell. Every next generation of kids will invariably complain about the parenting about their parents. Like I complain about my parents parenting (now deceased) and now my children complain about me and my wife's parenting. Expectations of kids change with every next generation. There will always be deficiency one way or another. It is a matter of degree. In Chamat's case it was quite extreme. BTW I would be curious to see Chamath's kids assessing his parenting when they are grown up. Forgiveness is the only sensible and wise way of exiting this depressive situation and be free. Any other approach would only exacerbate the psychological and spiritual situation of the person and of the people around them. Once forgiven there is a transformation of the mind that takes place. For the better. Exponentially better. For most part parents behave the way they do with a good intention of bringing up their kids. Intention is important. Parents drop the ball in the proper execution of that intention. The "tool kit that parents have" as Chamath says. For poor people the "tool kit" is pretty constrained. But look at the positive side of Chamath always being on edge during his childhood. He has gone ahead to be a reasonably successful person in the eyes of the world. Evil enters the family in one of these four entry points : Childhood Trauma and/or Unforgiveness, Unhealthy Relationships, Involvement in the Occult and Family Bondage.... source ref: Father Yousefu Ssemakula...from his book "Healing of families". In Chamath's case it would not only be Childhood Trauma but also Family bondage. Evil gets its entry point into the family. There are special prayers to ward off this evil. It is not easy. Forgiveness goes to the core of this approach. Chamath has done well in forgiving his father. Many more things to say.... but will leave it at that.....Thank you.

[@justiinahirvonen4902]

procreation is the most primitive thing you can do. bringing up a child is the complete opposite. every “parent” has a choice whether to give birth or not. doing it for a checkmark is the worst decision of your life

[@quakecon2009]

you have to realize in many cultures, hitting your kids is what was done to them and its how many of them were treated too. It doesn't make it right and it becomes more evident when you then live in a more advanced, evolved and civilized country but his parents were probably a byproduct of the same behavior. I don't have a problem with hitting a child who mis-behaves, its a legit learning technique and anyone who says otherwise is just wrong, but using belts where bits stick out and seriously hurt, is obviously not ok.

[@djdeadbeatz]

In the neighborhood we call that tree branch a switch! Grandma use to have us go get one out the backyard to whip us with, and we had a yard full of rose bushes!😫 🥀

[@se6836]

His dad: You welcome. I got it worst.

[@mohammadihsan7535]

Littreally it is wrong to say "forgiving my father" Only parents in the world wants to see his kids grow more successfull than him. People like Chamth in millions just serving food on dhabas in India but it was his parents and specially his father who suffered to provide him the environment. Don't ignore the first shoulder that support you when you were unable to walk and the finger you caught when you just started walking.

[@SophyYan]

What’s bad with dhabas? Still better than have to undergoing abusive

[@mohammadihsan7535]

Ma'am you got it wrong, I am praising his parents for his great success and pointing how much people suffers if they are not provided with apportunities. no abusive or hate for anyone, any thing@@SophyYan

[@mozard2089]

Is he Sri Lankan ? If it is then that's normal in sri lanka

[@subo88]

Common in the Asian sub continent. But normal doesn’t means okay.

[@firstlast8258]

There is no normal

[@mozard2089]

Strict parenthood make boy to become a man

[@jking5772]

Sounds like every strict low to mid class immigrant Indian household. I’ve heard much worse. This guy seems like he’s just very sensitive.

[@mikestaub]

People like Chamath need ayahuasca more than anyone else. I think he still does. His insecurity is obviously still with him. Even with all his wealth, he promoted SPAC scams to increase it. He can't stop comparing himself to others and trying to prove his father wrong.

[@firstlast8258]

Drugs are bad mkay

[@golddeagle7]

They probably got whooped way worse and thought they had mercy on you. Gotta have empathy for the old ways.

[@decoyslois]

I don’t get what your point is. Are you saying it’s justified?

[@golddeagle7]

@@decoyslois im saying you cant hold onto hate from people to ignorant to know of the evil they do

[@BanditTools]

@@golddeagle7 I agree with you, but man is it hard to do so. I think it is hard to empathize in general, but even harder when you have to navigate a lens of the world that is much different and outdated than yours.

[@ilikecommenting6849]

@@golddeagle7 What nonsense. If you're not a psychopth devoid from empthy, you understand that beating a child senseless is a bad thing to do. Don't let people claim ignorance. People need to take responsibility for their choices because it is they who made those choices.

[@golddeagle7]

@@ilikecommenting6849 100 years ago they sent kids to die in a mine for resources. You have no concept of what people think is ok.

[@tankollie]

Scam artist. I actually don't believe any of this, and think he's just fishing for attention to switch his brand of being a serial scammer. He is a sociapath.

[@dixztube]

Possibly. But it would make way more sense he’s being sincere. Even if half he says is the case it’s still a sympathetic place for most sensible folks.

[@pashapasovski5860]

My father used a belt that wore out from constant beatings, my father would grab my feet and use my head as a sledge hammer hitting the floor! He would say, I beat you because I love you and I need to discipline you because you are extremely intelligent but lazy! My Grandmother said, I never heard of anyone being beaten as much and as often! I was really bad at school, but I have ADHD and can't concentrate on anything for more than 10 minutes, unless it was interesting to me, at which point I would be attached to the subject to a point of obsession! But my ADHD made my art really natural, because I am Abstract Artist and I love creating something unique, seeing shapes nobody else can, yet they can find something to identify themselves with! If not for my father's beatings, I wouldn't be who I am, an artist, husband, recovering addict and a good non violent human being and I know absolutely that my father loved me! It was fear that made him violent and alcohol! Sober, he was a great man!

[@firstlast8258]

I’ll drink to that 🍻

[@bhavyamankad479]

Very Asian of him

[@thefaramith8876]

THIS VIDEO IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MILLERS GUILD. TRUE ROMAN BREAD, FOR TRUE ROMANS!

[@Greetingsearthling22]

Bro…. I have hyper vigilance….. that’s what I do…. Crazy to put a name to the mental state that makes me want to kill myself sometimes.