Life After a Relationship with a Narcissist: Can You Relate?

[@2legit2Kwit]

Dealing with a narc definitely causes a spiritual awakening. Red flags for days. I learned to actually walk away sooner and I’ve actually learned how to reduce my risk to those who display them. Risk management. Before I believed everyone had a “good heart”. I’m more the wiser.

[@brendakauffman2222]

@C.H Therein lies the problem. For me then I thought that I could trust people in religious settings, and learned position, and claim to religion make no difference and in fact these individuals thrive in that type of setting. I've learned that you can know someone for years and be a tertiary source and basically go unharmed or unaware, unless they bring you closer as a primary or secondary source, who are the ones they generally show their true selves too. It's been an experience.

[@lovewillwinnn]

“Someone can only abuse you as much as you abuse yourself.” Indeed. Indeed.

[@charlottebruce979]

I don't understand that saying can you clarify please?

[@katemcl1124]

@@charlottebruce979 People treat you how you let them treat you. Its about love. If you don't love yourself or treat yourself well, how can you expect someone else to.

[@brookswoodward7278]

@@charlottebruce979 "If you let them kill you, they will" Bukowski

[@eisenheim46]

@@charlottebruce979 Think about boundaries. How far is the level of pain you're willing to accept.

[@manifestival1]

Granite, someone can murder someone by surprise. In this situation it is true that we only receive the love we allow. Though, from experience I didn't believe someone could have such ill intentions because I had the best of intentions. So, I ignored all red flags because I wanted to experience the benefit of the doubt... like naw, he didn't mean it like that... WRONG!

[@melissaschank5124]

My whole view of the world has changed since the realization that the covert was doing it ON PURPOSE! I had never had anyone try to take my happiness away instead of joining me in my happiness. I'm still having trouble trusting, but I'm working on it daily by focusing on my own healing❤

[@tlttaipei]

I feel the same way, over long years of mental abuse I forgot how to love myself.

[@HADASDAS2]

I see that I’m not the only one That have trust issues What do I do to fix it ?

[@amandacausey9450]

It awakens us all!

[@melissaschank5124]

@@HADASDAS2 work on your boundaries and healing. I don't have to trust others now, I only have to trust that I know what's best for me and doing it! Melanie Tonia Evans, and Dr Christian Northrop helped tremendously. Its not always easy but it's worth it! Good luck!

[@brendakauffman2222]

Again, not sure the covert is doing it on purpose( I used to think that after looking at George Simmons work), but I'm not so sure the majority do. They may know their behavior gets them what they want, but I don't think they think they are abusing. I do think they do purposely try to get people to come to their side and use tactics that have worked to do gain control. To them this is safety. However in their mind anything they dish out we deserve because they project their faults onto us, and they are simply trying to bring us back into working order again. It's actually self hatred projected out onto us; so in their mind they do nothing that isn't warranted or deserved. There are some exceptions, about the top 2 % of narcs know who they are and what they are doing and they don't care. Many of the others are just acting out of learned behavior they learned in childhood and call it instinct. They don't see what they do as abuse, though they do test people and know not to try their antics on some individuals. They feel entitled to their behavior and they feel we deserve anything they put out. To them we are appliances that need to be brought back into working order.

[@dianemachin6213]

The utter disbelief that the treatment could be deliberate is what kept me stuck for way too long. The gas lighting and blaming others for his behaviour until the final aha moment when I saw it was deliberate. And I EXPLODED. That was the start of the angry phase. Which has lingered on. I've been stuck in the learning phase for months. Really struggling to turn the focus to myself and keep it there. I'm yo-yoing back and forth from learning for validation and then working on myself. Particularly inner child work. Great video. 🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

[@flyprincess69]

Your recovery sounds so much like mine! I allowed this to happen to me. Then I had a spiritual awakening....

[@CommonEgo]

Isn't it amazing what will unfold when you simply allow it to? I'm seeing that it's a relatively common thing after emotional abuse. That's actually the main reason why I started this channel. I wanted people going through it now to know they're not alone 🙏❤

[@tlttaipei]

@@CommonEgoHave you completely recovered yet? I just left my abuser, and I wonder if I could ever go back to myself again. I was so depressed, and my doctor had to prescribe medicine for me.

[@CommonEgo]

@@tlttaipei I'm in a great place now, but I'm not sure we ever completely go back to who we were. Personally, I look at it as a good thing. I've learned so much about myself and life in general through this experience. I've grown personally and developed a spiritual connection I never had before. In the end, I'm thankful for the experience. I can't say you'll ever feel that way, but I promise it gets a lot better from here. There's a beautiful life ahead ❤🙏

[@lornaelizabeth6290]

Going through spiritual awakening too! ❤️

[@funhog800]

It definitely can be an awakening. I find it interesting that you say it shifted from the experience being all about the other person to being about you. My personal opinion is that what takes place is created by both parties and meant to guide both parties to enlightenment in some form or another. However each party is at a different stage in life and that has to be understood. To me at this moment that's "sad".

[@shah-jahanbaig944]

I believe every kind person and genuine person needs their souls crushed beyond repair so we can truly discover ourselves and finally let go and live our own lives.

[@metrorugged4379]

You are spot on, these people are ruthless monsters. Loving you videos and learning that I was in hell for 10 months.

[@insha7556]

I think about this often. I understand why altruism is rare these days, most of us are so traumatised by our experiences. Being kind through it all is a gift - not everyone has it

[@SharlenesJourney]

I wish I knew about narcissist back then but I’m glad to hear that more and more people are waking up and realizing what narcissist abuse can do to you 😔

[@hectormejiavandeventer1363]

I was married to a narcissist. and the first thing that I have realized is that he’s done the same thing that he did to his first and second wife to be the same thing this video was very helpful because I am going through the stages right now and right now I’m in the self-growing stage trying to make myself feel better about everything working on me so I appreciate that you did this video.

[@emmapritchard7003]

I've been crying for 2 days, I have had to come back to your videos to help me through this awful time, thank you 💕

[@andreafriend7288]

Emma Pritchard it is hard and I’m still suffering after nearly 5 months but not as bad as I was in the beginning. I still have times I miss and want him back it hurts, I don’t cry as much now it’s like a terrible grief

[@monicaread3193]

I also look at these videos when I’m having a difficult time. It does help me realize, It was not my fault and he kept hurting me and others on purpose.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

You are refreshing & light in your discussions of this horrible abuse - glad I found your channel

[@avgonyma1]

(Possible) stages of getting over a narcissist/the aftermath: (From Christina's story) 1. Anger (for obvious reasons) 2. Fear (there is a reason for going there: with the trauma bond you get addicted to the coctail of oxytocin and cortisol. When it ends, you might be cravin/expecting the cortisol. So you manifacture fears.flashes of things that could go wrong. Fear of the narcissism. ) How to get trough it: learn why this is happening to you, and narcissism in general. Acknoledge that the abuse was INTENTIONAL.(do NOT missunderstand narcissism. They put themselves first, satisfy themselves, and they don't care who they hurt along the way. It's all about THEM. Not you.) 3. Self discovery and bringing the focus back to yourself (It's the most important stage). #1 and #2 are about them. After trying to make all connections about what he was doing, then it comes back to you. What are You doing? How and why did you get into it in the first place? Ask yourself these questions and set an intention to figure it out. (You will find things from the childhood, and fears, repressed stuff etc). Realization: none of this was about him, but about her. It showed her everything she needed to learn in order to heal. (Look at your own triggers). - shift the focus - shift the power Book: "the 4 agreements" : someone can only ever abuse you as much as you abuse yourself. All triggers signal painpoints, that we need to deal with/look into. 4. Spirituality: spiritual awakening/realization that there is stuff out there that we can't ignore, that there's more to this life than you are able to see in day to day. (Divine interventions-blazing signs that you need to get out of tths realtionship). It is a journey of self discovery. In getting over this and moving on you need to shift the focus from them to you. These 4 can overlap, even all of them at once.

[@laurel__]

Hey you posted this a year ago but I want you to know, this helped IMMENSELY

[@avgonyma1]

@@laurel__ thank you, I appreciate the feedback. Glad it helped! 😃🙏 It helped because YOU used it. When someone writes after a long time this reminds me that the video was good and I need to check back to refresh my mind. I'd say the "focus back on you" is the crucial point, and generally in life. (Once you allow it to go somewhere else you lose your track and the connection with yourself). Once you practice the focus on you even for a shorter time you will notice being happier and life going into the right direction.

[@SLPtoMD]

My covert narcissist was like yours, needing to come across as the nice guy. I’ve had such strong cognitive dissonance because of that, I think, and after he posted that pic a couple weekends ago with a new girl it got even worse. But finally came to a head last night and then I had a good chat with my mom about the idiotic and asshole-ish things he did while we were together. I finally had the aha! moment I needed to finally get out of the fear stage and cleanly into the self discovery phase, which I’d been trying to push myself into for the last little while, but I think I’m finally there now and it feels so peaceful.

[@CommonEgo]

I can definitely relate. The nice guy persona combined with the covert nature can really make you doubt yourself

[@teramariee2659]

good for you girl!! Left with my two boys 6 months ago and now still going through cycles I did for 17 years, he will contact boys, just walk in...starting to feel better but feel I'm losing my kids looking like the bad one :/

[@SLPtoMD]

Tera Marie Zovic I feel for you!! I think there will come a point that your boys will realize who is wrong in the situation though. Keeping moving in the right direction! 💜

[@margopeery1860]

@@teramariee2659 the truth will always reveal itself

[@pepiyess4183]

@@teramariee2659 YOU BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF!

[@interviewwiththeprince3640]

You are 100% on point! Every reason is exactly what I recently went through (again) excluding fear. I actually understand the whole narc, psychopath abuse thing and why highly sensitive people MUST go through the bizarre to discover ourselves. But I had recently had to go through the wolf in sheep’s clothing narcissistic relationship for what I believe was my final test and experience for full wisdom. Now, I did need closer because I knew I wouldn’t get it anyway, I just needed the experience to see yet another layer. I was allowed to experience the covert narc because I needed too to close the loop with true understanding. I just hope I got all the wisdom I needed to go to a new level of relationship with my future wife and proper articulation to those I’m assigned to in the world. I’m actually grateful for the horrible/wonderful experiences! I’m a wiser and better man because of it! ICU so I won’t miss out on her. To my future wife, I’m not bitter I’m better and waiting on you. 🤙🏾

[@myrahouse2368]

Thanks 4 months on I feel I’m considerably recovered still in shock that unfortunately he wasn’t my soul mate and it was all fake. NOW: he’s back messaging pretending to be interested etc, but I have the heads up I know what he is. Unfortunately though I take comfort in receiving his messages, pathetic I know ☹️ I’ve deleted all pictures, footage, messages and his friends on Facebook. I am letting go I believe I won’t give a damn soon....I hope. I am more scared of him now that makes me so sad 😞

[@NelsonSantos-ql7ik]

Myra House hi

[@MrDeesr]

I have this with my ex lady. Don’t want them to give me a strong hoover. Can’t say with 100% certainty I’d be able to resist. Couple months out now.

[@bachopinbee5991]

Last thing you need to do is absolute no-contact. Block primary(his phone numbers, social media, spam the email), secondary(his family, friends in common, the NEW SUPPLY) and tertiary contacts(cancel meeting opportunities, gatherings they are likely to attend, common groups), like I did. Gives you the time to work on yourself, reconnect and create an inner support system. This Corona virus period is perfect for it. Good luck.

[@mariafoteini]

Did he text you after 4 months?

[@_tealmermaid]

I’m positive that my ex was a covert narcissist now that I really look back, but I got lucky and left after three months so I never got the full effect of it. It’s the same, but in a more condensed kind of way. The beginning (week 1-4) was like a high. He was like the mirror version of me. We had so much in common, we had the same sense of humor, he loved my dogs, he’s passionate about his job, he was freakishly handsome and sexy, etc. Basically exactly what I asked for when I told the universe to send me a man two days prior. It freaked me out that they sent literally what was probably the most perfect man for me. Anyway, the good lasted about a month. The second month was where I started noticing little things he’d say here and there, but I just excused it as a quirk. For example, he’d tell me I’m too literal sometimes or if I said something he’d say why you feel like you had to say that? Then I noticed he’d barely respond to me over text, barely ever picked up phone calls, would leave me hanging when we had plans and I didn’t hear from him for hours and found out he went out with friends without saying anything. What really finally clues me in that something was wrong, was that he leave me hanging while in the middle of a conversation of me visiting my dad at the hospital after finding out he had liver cancer. I asked him if something f was wrong but he said everyone was fine. Things weren’t feeling so effortless anymore and I was feeling smaller in his presence, and I’ve always thought of myself as a strong person. One day, after getting ready to head over to his place, he calls me to tell me that he thinks the relationship isn’t working because I’m judgmental, too critical, I have no compassion for others, I’m not mindful of others, I talk to much and it bores him, I make unnecessary comments... which blindsided me because I never knew that’s how he’d see me and I never thought I was... so I chalked it up to being glad I was called out because I never realized I acted a certain way that may be coming off wrong, so I started working on myself. Two days later, he breaks up with me after I told him his shower curtains still had cat hairs on him after a conversation in which he told me that he had just washed his curtains since it was making everyone who came over allergic since he used to have cats. He blew up on me outta nowhere, saying that I always make comments that weren’t necessary and that I’m an asshole. I got angry and left. He apologized over text the next day, only to get extremely defensive when I defended myself, now being able to process everything. And then he blocked me. About two weeks later, now month 3, I sent him a letter explaining my thoughts (I’m sure I was nostalgic for the good times we had in month one and possible trauma bonding). He contacted me a week later, we talked and got back together. Only now he’s extra distant, which he had told me he’s extra busy with his job, so I’m like okay cool. But the responses were further and further apart and he still didn’t pick up my calls. Eventually the same thing happened again when he left me hanging to go with his friends and left me in the dark about it. I told him finally that it made me feel unimportant whenever he does that. He proceeds to tell me that I’m making a big deal out of nothing, and then gives me the silent treatment after that for TWO days, only coming back to say I’m sorry for not responding. When I barely responded to him, he gives me yet another silent treatment for another two days. I ended up just blocking him because my head is EXHAUSTED by now and it clearly shows he doesn’t give a crap. Two days later I dmed him on ig to tell him that we’re officially over. That was last Sunday and I’ve yet to hear anything, not that I’m expecting to. It was only three months but it was still intense and I think I dodged a bullet. I was lucky that I was already trying to practice self love prior to him, so I knew I did not deserve to be disrespected like that and left. Looking back now I realized I was blinded that all the checks on the paper. I’m still grateful to this relationship though because I feel much more in touch with my spirituality and I’ve been looking into human behavior and psychology because of that, learning more about myself and everyone else. Sorry for the long comment, but I felt like I really wanted to share my story, too. Thank you for reading it all the way through.

[@Quantum36911]

There was never anything wrong with you.. avoid him like the plague he is... it's a miracle you got away after 3 months... many of these monsters can keep you latched for years, spinning your sense of reality and your self into madness... Watch out for the "hoovering stage".. this is when they pull out all the stops to get you back... Stay no contact, heal yourself, remember who you are and how badly he treated you.. they DO NOT CHANGE.. they only change tactics , like pretending to fall apart without you.. It's all lies... do not give in... you are a kind, vibrant, intelligent person, that's what he tried to steal from you.. I wish you all the best that you deserve!!

[@mdriggins832]

Hi mine's was short relationship also. All the negative things he was saying about you was actually him describing himself (he was reflecting his true nature on to you). I totally agree you dodged a bullet. So did I. I believed God saved our lives. Be blessed and encouraged sister.

[@Nanneke9]

Yes, if this was your first narc, please take your time to educate yourself and heal, they come in different shapes and sizes. Even if he does reply, be done, don't feel the need to reply. Take care! 💜🙏🏼

[@1991windsor]

Wow it sounds like we dated the exact same guy until you mentioned the part about cat hair on the curtains, as he didn't have any pets. Some of these narcissists are so eerily similar to one another.

[@청슈민]

I feel you so much! First month was a bliss but then the second and third was sooo bad. I left his sorry ass. Hahahahahhahaha. He kept messaging me sometimes even tho I told him I wanted space. Then I found these videos.

[@martybardetta1338]

Thank you for sharing your experiences with covert narcissist, you have enlighten me to what happened in my 5 year relationship. The emotional roller-coaster of endless breakups, false allegations, lies, projection, triangulation, while I was trying to support and nurture my partner through her regularly repeated traumatic past, only to find out in the end that it was mostly lies, caused me enormous self doubt. I have always tried to see the best in people and help those in low points in their lives, this greatly angered her. I dont want this experience to change who I am, I feel if I stop helping others she/evil will have won.

[@JesseFox-ke2xt]

Hey, I’m am coming out of a relationship that seemed to be a lot like the one that you described. I feel like I am the crazy one now that it’s over. Did you really and I mean really miss her when it was done? I can’t figure out if it was that bad or if I just made a bigger deal out of things then they were.

[@wendybowman5305]

After I finally left the narcissist what became blatantly obvious to me and ah ha moment was, "All my life I had never really Trusted myself. I always checked with others about what I needed to be doing and taking advice all the time. Whenever I tried to trust myself I was not strong enough to follow through. This is the lesson I got at a very deep level as to why I had allowed the narcissistic abuse. It was never about him he was simply the mirror I was looking into. I was a people pleaser and never really put myself first. I, like you, had flashes from my past where this held true. It has been 6 months since I left the relationship. Before I started watching your videos I had a divine intervention, well a few. He tried to hoover me and I had no idea what this was. I had started seeing someone in therapy and I told the therapist the reason I wanted to see her, I was wanting to explore the "Trusting Me" issue. I did not go back when the hoovering began. I said no and was no longer the supply. I then saw your videos on line ( by accident) of course no accident. Then when I really got what I had been through and that this person was a covert narcissist it all became clear. Everything you talked about I related to. I have meditation now and spirituality in my life.I have read many books including the 4 Agreements. I am working on myself and loving myself more everyday thanks to this community. It is so great to know others have been through this and that I am not alone. I feel so amazing these days. Thanks Christina for sharing your knowledge and your story so others can heal.

[@sugar1973us]

This is absolutely true. Thank you for sharing your story. It was hard in the beginning to see it for myself. It was so confusing and maddening. I am thankful for the resources out there about narcissism. I never knew what it was. It helped me understand him, but what good did it do me to know that this was a person who might never change? I had to be the one to change. The more I worked on myself, the evil turned into good. I wasn't going to let myself get lost. Something had to come out of it. I realized that I got stronger and learned to set boundaries. I wouldn't have been able to do that with someone soft. I needed that experience to challenge myself to grow. As hard as it was, he ended up being a catalyst. I had the choice. Some don't see that and instead become victims or keep repeating matching with these types. I am a stronger person. I don't want that experience again for sure!

[@fern9615]

i cant belive it! seems like yove just described my life! All these process I’ve been through... it’s almost been a year of my healing and going through the whole why she’s did what she did and finding out about narcs! And I’ve learnt so much about myself, through all these months being on my own and healing and understanding my own triggers even from childhood etc, I feel like I know myself 100% more now then I ever ever have in my whole life! And that I would go into relationships expecting someone else too fill my cup, and then having control over my cup, so they could tip it out when they felt like and refilling it here and there! I’ve learned now through a lot of hurt and basically being on my knees, leaving with nothing mentally or physically and doing all the hard work trying to heal myself... I think that’s why a lot of ppl dealing with narc’s or ppl who are emotionally abusive end up going on a spiritual sort of path, atleast for me.... it’s because they leave you so so empty and broken that you sort of dive into anything that will help u heal... that’s what I done, I wanted too know why she did these things? Or did she love me at all etc, because their actions are so up and down and conflicting your constantly in a battle in your own mind! They do love me because im here.... but their actions say they don’t love you, then they triangulate! So again your fighting for them too love you or choose you some how? When that’s so so wrong, but when your in it you fight! I fought I wanted too be number 1, I wanted her too choose me! But in relationships you should always be number 1 for each other always, lol shouldn’t have to fight everyday thinking their going too leave you 😂😂 and especially when they actually tell you things like that too your face.... breaks you! Years of that always feeling never enough, always fighting for the little scraps of love they show you! Nooooo not anymore lol I know my cup is my own, only I can fill it! Took me sooo long to realises that but I’m glad she broke me, because I’ll never put my happiness in someone else’s control every again! And if anyone reads this and are going through crap, or think you ain’t enough... or some how less of a person than them, your not!!! Not at all! You done everything with a pure intention and you loved them, even if it was a false mask you loved.... you loved them with a pure heart, and that pure heart is what they unfortunately can never have xxxxxxxx love too anyone going through it or on their healing journey, you’ll get there! I’m still healing myself but It does get easier ❤️

[@christinejones9316]

God bless you I'm happy for you and thank you so much I really need to hear this I myself is raise by convert narc.mother and father and my husband is a narcissist and I just left like two days ago and it's really really rough for me like I can't even begin to explain but everything that I'm hearing I can relate to everything and more but the only thing is I don't have anyone at all and I need support so bad and this is helping me the videos is helping me a lot but I still feel that I need someone there with me just for a little while and I don't have that and I wish I could I know God is with me and I pray in prayer works but I still it's a part of me does meet that I'm never going back to the narcissist ever but it's just harder cuz I don't have support I'm by myself and I just wish I had a friend to someone I'm strong I'm a survivor I'm only human and I really I'm just exhausted I really need and wish I had a friend to help me do this thank you all so much be safe and God bless you keep up the good work blessings to all! ❤️💪🙏

[@anonuser7157]

For me, I got into the relationship after I found out that I had a Meningioma and a colloid cyst and I was going to have to have two surgeries. So, I was ignoring my gut feelings and I was just going through the shock of my diagnosis and wondering if I might die soon. I wanted to experience all kinds of things and when a normal limit was breached, I let it go. I am sharing this because I haven't heard this broached yet and I want anyone who may have a similar situation . It has been seven year. I am still alive and I discovered that even if I had only a few years to live that quality of life and peace of mind were still very important and I wish I would have known this and went with my gut. Instead of telling myself- "why not" , I would say- "why would I ". Because, I lost some years that could have been spent doing healthy things that still might have been something that I was too busy or shy to do. And, time is not something that you get back.

[@shellywilkiechachach]

It’s like you have seen my relationship for the last 5 years. He was an alcoholic and drug addict so that combination was amazingly toxic. Trying to help him and fix him gave him more fuel to do whatever he wanted. He did more for his friends than he did for me. I knew I should have picked up on it when he left in the morning and didn’t come home until he was ready. It’s has totally awakened my inner self and have thought about my triggers. He moved out of our bedroom in November and we broke up in February, but he wouldn’t leave. COVID made it miserable and he finally moved out in June. I know he won’t be back because I have nothing to give him. He used to ask me why I didn’t love him the way I used to? Blew my mind that he couldn’t see all the damage he was doing. I began my journey in October of 2019 and taking my heart and mind into consideration that was when I started to do for me and he couldn’t handle it at all. Thank you so much for all the help. I watch some of these over and over again when my anxiety is so high. It brings things back down to sane and I realize I’m soo much better with out him and am in the path to being healthy again 🙏🏻

[@darrenellis2422]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I too have been through a very similar journey, so your right it does help to understand why narcissist behave the way they do. One thing that has helped me a great deal is the understanding that these people are sick mentally ill in the true meaning of the word . All the best.

[@rachelsmith8703]

I needed to hear this. Thank you so much for taking time to make this video. Everything clicked. The constant fear and lack of love is the worst mind torture in the world.

[@rosesaunders9184]

I met him when I was 18... after 16 years, he’s been gone 2 months and memories are flooding back since the blinders came off. It still can be overwhelming anger and fear now, but I finally found my triggers which was huge. Why I open myself up to these types of people. “Shifting the power” and I’ve been abusing myself since long before I met him. Thank you for what you do, it’s helping me so so much 🙏

[@melodyhumphrey4924]

Love your videos. My mom and I always call it divine intervention. God never fails.

[@madarapole3989]

Thank you for spreading this message! I really needed to hear this, resonated 100% with me.

[@musicomath]

Thank you. Out of all the things I read about narcissists and abuse, this is the most useful, personal, and mind opening. It is about me. It so is, and now I get it. Thank you for lighting this up.

[@TheCrissyr6]

I’ve been in 2 narcissistic relationships in the past I just ended another 2 months ago. I made a mistake of telling this guy about my abusive relationships and turns out he’s a narcissist to his covert. He used my past against me. I caught him in a huge lie that was relationship ending and since I’m working on boundaries I broke up with him. He wants me back and has been trying for the last several weeks and I won’t budge now he’s throwing in my face that I am a victim and it’s my mentality because I’ve been in bed relationships and I am just a victim. And then he stepped up to say that people make mistakes and not all of them are narcissist and he’s talking about my exes at the time I never called him a narcissist even though I was positive he was one because he has this grandiose view of himself these wild fantasies of being rich I caught him in lie after lie after lie. So our final text message after you told me that victim I told him that he was a covert narcissist and if it felt better for him to think I was a victim then that’s fine and that he’s mad because I broke up with him because he ruined the relationship well he has since blocked me which is probably a good thing. This is bad situation because I work with him we’re both police officers we work fine together even with all the shit going on but I just have to remember he’s a narcissist he’s a liar and it’s pathological he’ll lie about what he ate for lunch it’s so stupid.

[@joanieks3945]

The fear is huge, I completely get it. You think the worst. The rumination. It’s so interesting. Thank you for sharing xx

[@awakeandalive3020]

It was through my relationship with a covert narcie (I refer to him as "The Accidental Narcissist" - classic Golden Child of a covert Narc mother), that I remembered who I was. I was spiritual before him, but lost touch with myself trying to "fit in". (I know, right? Seems cray-cray to me now). He was the catalyst for sling-shotting me back on track, almost like on steroids, actually. ;) I have totally reclaimed myself. I will be forever grateful to him, for the lessons he taught me, and for giving me the opportunity to truly love him, whoever he was... But, I love my freedom from abuse and manipulation, my peace and harmony, and my happiness without him, much, much more. :)

[@fitnessgeek4897]

Same here, I used to feel extremely weak because I would always have to compromise my beliefs and stances on certain issues because of him. I was never even considered

[@awakeandalive3020]

@@fitnessgeek4897 That is heartbreaking. I am so sorry. The part of me that I never lost, was the part that made my ex reveal himself as a covert - and his Mother. I am an Empath. I remember his Mother screaming at me one afternoon "Why do you always have to help everyone?" The ironic thing was, I had been helping my brother-in-law (her other son) through a very nasty divorce with a malignant narcissist... But her Golden Child was pathologically jealous. Never mind that my brother-in-law (Scapegoat Child) was suicidal... I have made a vow to myself that I will not ever forget who I am again. Always, always honour, respect and love yourself. xo.

[@fitnessgeek4897]

Vanessa Kershaw wow that is bad! My ex narc had a narc mother and both of them were very cruel to everyone! They treated servers in restaurants or helpers at stores very badly. They were very nice at first but they started behaving badly with me and my parents. My narc ex treated me like i HAD to listen to his ‘orders’. I always wanted to get married before getting physically involved but he pressured me into sending photos, and he imposed himself on me. He knew I wanted to wait till marriage. And he would ALWAYS tell me to come over to his home where his parents also lived- I insisted numerous times that we meet outside but he never listened and I compromised like an idiot. He accidentally showed himself flirting with someone on Facebook and he knew I noticed- so he forced me into being intimate and kept saying ‘i love you’. I have never felt to violated before! He pressured me into saying ’okay’ by cornering me, guilt tripping, by comparing me to his ex, and I felt useless and humiliated

[@fitnessgeek4897]

Vanessa Kershaw In my case the ex narc’s mom had no golden child- she thought she was everything but my fiance copied that and had a cruel heart. He literally thought I was an object

[@awakeandalive3020]

@@fitnessgeek4897 My goodness. I am so sorry this happened to you. These people sound highly toxic to everyone they encounter. It seems that they are so lacking within themselves, they need to find validation by controlling others and by having to appear superior. But, by these very actions, they demonstrate that they really are nothing. We give these people what they deserve - and that is *nothing*. We focus on our own healing because by empowering ourselves, we remove any power they had over us. We love ourselves, we respect ourselves, we forgive ourselves (I felt so stupid for a while that I ignored the red flags and I was so angry with myself that I had unknowingly participated in my own abuse), we take care of ourselves, and we educate ourselves about personality disorders. We learn about ourselves and we strengthen our boundaries (boundaries are kryptonite to toxic people). We take the lessons learned and we move on and live our best life. :)

[@zerochill6451]

I want to thank you for taking the time to make these videos for us. This has been helping me so so much, it feels good to be understood and see I am not alone in this. I am a highly sensitive empath who was in a 4 year on and off relationship with a narcissistic girl. During those years she would date other people constantly (she couldn't stand to be alone) and all the while would keep me by a string, making me jealous and telling me i am the only person who is right for her until I gave in and dated her again. For the longest period I believed (maybe I still do to some extend) that she never meant to hurt me intentionally, but the longer I observe the more I see things where it was clear it was on purpose. She just seemed to cause arguments over everything and anything, no matter how big or small, there would be not a single day without a fight until my self-worth and inner peace was completely crushed. By the ending I kept telling her she is only finding reasons to drop what we have and accusing me of things that are not true. A couple months after she broke up she got engaged to someone else. I pray every night my thanks to God for making it all stop, and I wish to all these beautiful people who have went through similar abuse to stay strong and know it was never their fault. We may have let it happen due to delusion, but no one ever deserves to be treated that way.

[@picklebunny7684]

I have found all of your videos more than helpful, but this one is very special to me. I am a very sensitive person. And people have told me things similar to what you said in this video, but it was triggering to me when they said it. I don’t like it when people tell me “don’t let them win”, because that implies that I am losing. That I am a “loser.” And in order for me to not be a “loser”, I need to get rid of my PTSD. This isn’t how this video made me feel. So thank you. You always have a way of wording things in such a genuine, kind way that it isn’t hurtful or triggering. And I really appreciate that because I can understand things from another perspective that I was resisting before. You’re amazing. 🤗

[@monicaread3193]

I think it’s amazing you are smiling. I sometimes wonder if I’ll get past it all.

[@CommonEgo]

*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist

[@joywebster2678]

It's not a competition

[@CommonEgo]

@@joywebster2678 Goodness... is that how you took my question? My journey is very personal but I know some people went through similar things and some went through different things. Nothing about this is right, wrong, good or bad. "Comparing notes" was about shedding light on our experiences so we all feel less alone. 😔

[@joywebster2678]

Your question first asks how much? And then, let's compare. Quantifying and comparison represent competition language. My Goodness! Need to recheck word choices.

[@CommonEgo]

@@joywebster2678 Your comment surprised me because it wouldn't have ever occurred to me that it could be a competition. Let's keep our thoughts positive ❤🙏

[@robsimmons10]

@@joywebster2678 No...she doesn't need to check or re-check ANYTHING. This is her channel, and has the right to say/do anything she likes. Do you not find it odd, that you're the ONLY person here causing tension? The only person taking exception to the subject matter? Why do you feel compelled to insert your 'corrections' into her approach? You've clearly been triggered; "Competition Language?" LoL Why do snowflakes need to put a label on everything? I'll tell you why...so you can judge it. We judge things which make us feel threatened. Why do we feel threatened? Because we recognize the judged object/subject in ourselves, and don't have the courage to accept what's being reflected back to us, and make appropriate changes. Taking your lead, I'll label this behavior for you: "Narcissism."

[@sheilaschwartz9319]

You are totally right. They are all abut themselves and no change. Sometimes we forget that

[@shiniemi2754]

It's so true that narcissistic relationships triggers and brings forth whatever unhealed wounds we have from our past. Just like every narcissist basically follow the same patterns, so do we (the codependents) too. This was a subject I was very uncomfortable with in the beginning of my recovery from narcissistic abuse. It's not easy to turn the attention on ourselves and ask why we would even allow someone to treat us like that to begin with. But finding answers to those questions will ultimately help you work through the abuse and prevent finding yourself in a relationship like that again!

[@ninjaofalltrades4293]

It took me a bit to come to this realization, but the moment I ended the relationship and thought of all my past romantic relationships, I realized they all resembled each other. And that’s when I knew I was the common denominator in my own suffering. And the focus shifted entirely to “how do I end up here?” And “what do I need to realize to not repeat this?” It has been a life changing self-revelation with lots of positive growth and I am certainly much happier in my life, with my life now. Thanks for making this video, wish I had seen it sooner and maybe I’d have gotten here sooner too.

[@elizabethmorre8567]

I can relate with you Kristina when you mentioned that it is not all about the narcissist. It is all about me and the triggers that the narcissist displayed made merreflect why I landed into this crazy relationship. And I did find the answers and I begin to use it to my advantage to heal old wounds in the past like replaying all over again. Then you take action of breaking the cycle, which can be very challenging. Then the spirituality aspect comes in because I have to reach out to a Higher Power because I could not do it on my own.

[@sandradibiaso7316]

We are traumatized by these narcissists. The aftermath is constant bombarding of the horrific memories. No one is comfortable with anger.

[@mdriggins832]

The Aftermath of the relationship with a narcissist video is exactly what I needed and I believe was a divine encounter for me coming across this video. Thank you.

[@hbarnett328]

WOW! Your videos are really hiitting home and helping me! I, too, was in what I now realize was a 5 yr relationship with a CN! Now that I also understand the type that I attract and why my relationships always fail, I am scared to death of men. Its exhausting!

[@oliviaheggie9837]

These videos were wonderful. After more than 1 narrsisis and a covert narrsisis husband of only 6 months l will pick and improve my lot now. With your help Christina and my follow thru I am now ready to put my puzzle pieces together for a better me.

[@lenaM-gx2gk]

I've gone through this so many times I went straight to empathy after I realized the situation

[@sarahmaycruz9493]

thank you so much for your videos ♡ it sure help me go through this phase of my life.. its been 1 week since i was discarded by the narc.. the first few days were really hard i am consumed by anger and fear.. fear about him having new supply.. and then eventually as days passed i finally did self realizations.. its true that if you focus on your self you will feel better.. because in my 2yrs relationship with the narc its is ALWAYS ABOUT HIM! and never about me.. i realized that i need to bring my self back once again.. my self before i met him but the better version in life. i learned a lot from the abusive relationship. till now there were times that i cant help but think about him what i do is try to think about the pain he caused me so that i wont feel sad again.. its really hard but im thankful that it ended already and now im regaining back my self and my friends and my family ♡ its true if you know your worth and you wont abuse yourself .. they cant abuse you .. i blame my self also why i let him do this to me.. but you know its my fault also if i know my worth before then he can never use me.. love your self guys! dont lose your self for someone else's pleasure

[@NKRAIEM]

Well said. Thank you. Being with an NPD is about self abandonment! I get it now!

[@sanandolamente6062]

This is exactly my same process. I'm right now at the phase of discovering everything inside of me that was wounded from my past and why I needed to attract that situation (relationship) into my life to be able to now heal and never let anyone abuse me again. Thank you

[@nmorrow197]

I agree completely. I have had the same epiphany and spiritual Awakening. Irregardless of how bad he treated me, I am and will be always grateful for him and being the divine intervention I needed, took me 16 years and marriage but... Thanks love learning all I can, keep it up!

[@chrisdurocher712]

Incredibly brave of you to share your story. Very helpful! Thank you so much!

[@nayanaramesh1252]

You are very true and clear about the narcs. Thank you.

[@CommonEgo]

Thank you for watching! ❤🙏

[@jocelyn9255]

I’ve just started to shift the focus on me and an feel that I’m less angry and less in tuned of my ex. I know I’m slowly getting back to my normal self. I finally acknowledged and every day I note to self the triggers that hooked me to him and accepted them. You have showed me the light that if I do not deal with the triggers it will be a pattern that would continue. And if I don’t focus on my healing, he will destroy not only the real me but the good in me. Thank you for sharing your experience x

[@andyprocter4680]

C! I’ll take it a step further: You HAVE to SELF introspect if you’ve had a serious encounter with a narcissist!!!!!! In my own humble opinion, you HAVE to to BREAK the chain! What is YOUR mechanism that caused u to fall into the relationship! It’s easy for us to blame the narcissist, but the REAL, BACKBREAKING work begins with US! Great episode! U touched on the Four Agreements, which were INSTRUMENTAL in helping me!!!! Possible topic for a future episode?!?!! Keep up the great work!

[@DianaIsabel929]

I've always appreciated your videos but after this one I officially love your work. You have made me aware of those spiritual signs and reminded me that in the process of recovering from (many) narcissistic or simply toxic relationships (for me) reorienting to finding joy and meaning in my life and letting go of figuring out who was "right" has always been the path forward. In that way, I always have a moment where I let go of the fear and remember to trust that the universe has my back. I just let go of a friend who may or may not be a covert narcissist but the dynamic between us sure felt like narcissistic abuse. For some reason, letting her go was unexpectedly destabilizing and disorienting while also providing a clarity on things I could no longer ignore. It was like putting on glasses and suddenly seeing my relationships with a definition I'd never seen before. I became aware of all the moments people invalidated my experience and offered little to no empathy when I had given them what I thought was a lot of emotional support (hard to say what they experienced). The most painful part of this was noticing my own mother's strong narcissistic tendencies -- something that was pretty unnoticeable as I navigated my parents' very toxic marriage. In certain ways, she had empathy, but in other ways, if my emotions were too big or too dark or if I was too upset, she shut down and got angry, treating me with hostility and contempt. At one point I even said, why are you mad at me - I'm going to be fine - I'm not asking you to fix it - I'm just asking you to hold space for and acknowledge my emotions. She just looked at me frustrated and confused. WOW. I flashed back to moments in my youth when I cried about being bullied at school and she just got aggravated and told me to be nicer or turned it around making me feel like it was my fault. Even as a child, I got the sense that she just couldn't handle it. She cannot see me weak. We often joke that they only way she notices that I'm in pain is when I get angry. I think I learned to get angry to get my needs met. Anyway, all that is to say that these realizations were illuminating and have released an onslaught of grief. I've been grieving for so many things I never realized I lost or needed. But here is the crazy part that connects directly to this video. I know her limitations. They are now clear and obvious to me. But still I go back trying to get what I need and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't (which makes it worse in some ways). It's a process to get to radical acceptance. I had a big fight with her last night - realizing the entire time that it was all my shit - that I was actually causing her pain trying to get her to understand where I'm at right now. (Obviously I did not outright accuse her of narcissism. I was trying to get validation and empathy over something else.) I know that trying to change her to be what I need is like trying to get blood from a stone, but I guess I'm still bargaining for it anyway. Regardless, she told me that I should read The Four Agreements. Her therapist recommended it to her while she was going through her divorce. (Note - my mother was a much more reflective person in that process and I think some people do not realize that trauma can soften narcissistic tendencies temporarily. I found a connection with her during that period that I realize now that I've yearned to get back for years.) Of course I find her recommendation for it a bit ironic since she takes everything personally. (I'll sigh and she'll ask me why I'm mad at her. ) And I resisted it defensively when she told me. But perhaps, through her, the universe is giving me what I need, as the very next day, I watched this video. Many thanks for your work and to anyone who reads this entire story with love and compassion. Much love.

[@lsohweldfab6575]

You did very well on this video. A lot of things resonated with me for the facts of dealing with this over emotional child that had many traumas in her background she never dealt with. Taking on all of that and being the one to constantly pick her up. It got to be a vicious cycle. The hot and cold over and over again. The breakup get back together so many times. The devalue stage lasted a year. Until I started to see what she was really doing. It was hard to break that drug of the trauma Bond. My spiritual walk started me in the right direction, thank you Jesus. I focused on all these videos over and over again to try to understand her but I was also looking at pieces of myself. The places I needed to heal in order to not get back into a situation like this again. Thank you so much for the video. You're very right shift the focus to yourself once again and heal to find happiness and contentment with yourself for all the goods and bads that you may be.

[@nicasiaa]

You are a gift from God. You don’t realise how much you have helped people including me. Everything you’ve said is spot on. Thank you so much. You only deserve the best ❤️

[@CommonEgo]

As do you! ❤

[@tlttaipei]

Thank you so much for sharing your life story. I finally realized that my ex is a covert narcissist, and I went through all the emotional phases that you mentioned in the video. I can now put a closure to my suffering, and go on to enjoy my life without ever wondering what I did wrong to have him treat me like that. He is the one who is having the problem, not me.

[@billybob71731]

Just got out of a 9 yr relationship with an malignant overt narcissist, my mother is also an extreme overt. They feed each others ego- growing up shed tell me she loved him more than me. They’ve manipulated and abused me half of my life. I ended up meeting this new guy. Who seems great... he treated me perfectly at first-seemed to just want to help me and get to know me very well. We were supposed to move out a few days ago, after a year of a crazy rollercoaster. But the morning of, I woke up with a bad gut feeling. I looked up something like “is it normal to be tested by your partner”, and stumbled upon covert narcissism. I’m not 100% sure if he is a covert or not, but I can’t take the risk. We both grew up in narc families, I was a scapegoat child and he continues to be the golden child, a jr of the monster at that. I’m either missing out on a really good guy due to paranoia, or intuition/god is real

[@lovewillwinnn]

Bingo!!, I’m going through the same exact epiphanies! Thank you for making this video. Yep. I asked WHAT AM I doing to deserve this. His sister is one of his flying monkeys. She is the covert. He is the Grandiose. Wow. And I am discovering so much about my past (ex husband also same. Grandiose). It n ended to replay in my life so I can recognize it and heal and know the real me. Thank you again. 🙏🏼

[@GillianRice]

Thank you so much for explaining the trauma bond. I wish I found this video years ago. I’ve been suffering for years

[@christianmicallef8996]

I could not thank you enough.... You managed to help me through after being discarded after 11 years of a relationship... THANK YOU 🙏

[@MAXiMiLLiONduh]

Thank you so much for your guidance and advice!!! I am so determined to grow and become the best me I can everyday! I hope to heal the world someday! We can all be better beings! We just have to try! ☮💜🤗

[@giftij]

Truly its all about me...refreshing one.

[@70Bernt]

This makes so much sense! I‘ll take these extremely negative experiences as a way to learn from life, to learn about myself, to grow! Thank you for this most important hint! Nevertheless I will never Thank the narcissist for a being a teacher…

[@richardheathcock2346]

Great education and thanks for sharing. Could relate completely, everybody is different but for me it’s the huge swings you still have in feelings even though they’ve gone. Some of that fear was leftover trauma bond highs n lows and also worry about them telling lies again where we work (they’ve left now). They are grandmasterclass at hoodwinking others at work and I worried about my value in their eyes, my integrity and decency and honesty are very important to me. But I know I need to focus on just being me, and try to let that go. It’s tricky as good people are duped as I was but on a lesser level. The bubbling up you talk about is a constant for months ( I’ve been here before). My triggers are well known, I’ve been working on them, this is about me. I’m looking to be treat myself better from now, I’ll still give very hard but I’ll keep in mind why I do and look for red lights from self, as well as others . I will try to shift the focus to me as giving it them is exhausting

[@rhondanerren4797]

Just what I needed to hear! You are RIGHT. I appreciate your work so much. Please keep it up! ♥️

[@camermaidjewelry]

Thank you! The experience made it crystal clear that I had a habit of "rescuing" people and settling for less than I deserved. It's been six months since I ended things and I didn't even realize the association (brief 4-5 months) was with a Covert narcissist until it was over. I just knew I wasn't OK tolerating the behavior, my fault or not, and that it felt too *familiar* I'm good being alone while I work on myself. Never again.

[@Sun_Henry_Connie]

Thank you, your video has me reflecting on self discovery and unhealed flaws of mine. The first two stages Anger and fear I definately had a lot of both for a long time. I was never more afraid in my life. I had never sobbed so hard in my life and the pain wouldn't go away. My denial was very deep until the day it was shattered and there was no way to forget and go forward. There was no way i could pretend we had a relationship worth saving because there was no remose from him. Zero. The black hole of grief was bottemless. About 8 months after the discard, I googled, "Why does my heart still hurt after a breakup?". I know enough to know, it was not a normal amount of grief for a breakup, divorce or even death of a loved one, but I didnt know why. It was in that search I found Vicky Stark and her book, the Abandoned wife syndrome. My head stopped swirling for the first time since my life was stolen from me as I realized I was a victim. I knew I felt emotionally raped, but didn't know it had a label of emotional abuse. As I learned that I was a victim of emotional abuse, My experience was opposite of yours. It was the first moment I didnt take the blame. It was the realization that it was all about HIM. He wasnt getting adequate supply, so he went looking for a new supply. Then I flashed back to the red flags and slipped masks and it became clear. He has no empathy, or love for me and never did. But your video highlights a missing piece to my recovery. Although my focus is no longer on him, and although I know what signs to look for, I have not yet specifically connected his behavior to my personality flaws. to some degree, i know, I need someone who is an emotional match, but you hit on a perception that is new to me. From here, I have some more reflecting to do. Thank you for the insight.

[@CommonEgo]

Thank you for sharing your story. You're definitely right... there's a component of realizing that the other person is damaged that's somewhat freeing. All that happened isn't because you're incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship. It's because the other person is. And realizing it's not your fault is so important. I went through that too, and I guess that's part of what I was doing in figuring out "what's wrong with him?" It's a very crucial step, but for me, the most healing happened when I started looking within. Thanks for your comment! 🙏❤

[@Sun_Henry_Connie]

@@CommonEgo Thank you so much for the reply it means a lot to me Okay, great, so yes, than I understand. And that's where am, Yes, I know empaths attract them, I know i have my flaws that make me emotionality dysfunctional with the need for an emotional dysfunctional as a partner, but why? What's wrong with me? I'm back to that question with a new perspective. Not from a broken heart, but from a, "Theres one piece left to heal, what is it?" I know it's there, i see the evidence but what's the key? I think your way of matching his flaws to mine might help me discover it. Even knowing that, I have not yet had any ah ha moments, but I have faith it will happen. With Love, Connie. 🌸🌸🌸

[@CommonEgo]

@@Sun_Henry_Connie There is absolutely nothing wrong with you... We're all perfect in our imperfection ❤ But we can all benefit from healing, for sure. My best advice would be not to stress about it or force it. I think it's a good idea to think about why certain things may have been triggering for you, but obsessing might put you in a negative head space. Set the intention to figure out what needs healing. I believe it'll come naturally to you too when you're ready for it. So much of this life is about intention, and we all have an inner guidance system that will help us get where we want to go. ❤🙏

[@Sun_Henry_Connie]

@@CommonEgo I agree with you 100 percent. There definatelty is no stress attached. It is feeling of open mindedness, knowing i'm getting closer to solving the on-going mystery and finding the intriguing piece that's been missing. It's a sense of awareness, and curiosity, adventure, eagerness to see. Thankfulness in discovering. Only good from here going forward.

[@CommonEgo]

@@Sun_Henry_Connie Awesome attitude... love it! ❤🙏

[@brendakauffman2222]

Often with narcissistic abuse, we continue to attract varying types of narcissists when we haven't healed or paid attention to the red flag warnings. HD Tudor states the Empath and codependent are addicted to narcs because they often go out of their way in the love bombing stage to do nice things, similar to what empaths due out of a good heart, but for the purpose of obtaining a new "supply" or "fuel" or "victim". What others would look at and say, wow that is over the top, I'll pull back, the empath says, "Wow wasn't that sweet" or "Wasn't that thoughtful and the co-dependent is looking for validation they never had in their life. We do have to heal the underlying hurts that make us vulnerable, or if as an empath, we just have to stop making excuses for their bad behavior that catches you off guard after the love bombing stage. For me I had a major narc. abuse with a covert narc. and after that, have attracted several others to a lesser degree with very different presentations. I've learned they come in every variety and in every type of setting, particularly in small religious settings. I think often people have to at least have several experiences prior to learning. The last one caught me off guard because I'd known the person for some time(7 years), been in a working relationship with her, then we went our separate ways, but ended up in the same church. Even then I knew her multiple years with really basically no abuse( probably very minor red flags), though she was very willing to bend my ear, and I was very willing to have it bent. When she left her husband her primary source suddenly wasn't available anymore. Plus her children had moved away and were being distant. I believe these along with other family she regularly beat up, and could maintain a great persona otherwise. When I took a more primary role in her life, I got too close and she began the massive devaluing since there was no one else to beat up and she'd shown me her true self which was far different then the public persona she maintains with less intimate partners. There were warning signs I excused away because of knowing her before and thinking it was just accidental, but then she has the victim game downpat.

[@boki69ful]

When blind start to see, he sees far away... !!!

[@internetpirata]

I Just had my divine intervention the 10/10/2020 and i Could not ignore the Message, it was clear it showed me the risk my life was , and never knew, i cant Begin to expalined how it felt but im grateful i can see now!

[@subakdosh2382]

My love for my narcissist partner had turned me into a hostage of her abusive tyranny. I couldn’t imagine a life without her. I lived in fear of offending her. However, her gaslighting and blatant lies during the last two years of our decade long relationship had made it clear to me that I’ll have to walk away from her venomous tentacles to save myself. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it, and then I had a breakdown. It was divine intervention, and it saved me. I’m still recovering from years of abuse, and the hole her absence has left in my heart. but I’m reclaiming my life with every passing day,. It’s a spiritual journey that has made my life all the more meaningful, a gift whose worth might have passed me by, had I not endured the tyranny of the narcissist, who was the love of my life.

[@Maria-ok1pg]

Thank you for sharing your personal experiences.

[@gingerrivas5354]

Amazing. I'll take it as an example to myself

[@gregm3224]

Hey, I’m glad I came across your video because my experience, my personal experience, after leaving my narcissist was very similar to yours.

[@jscottmerrell]

Best information I have heard. Thank you so very much.

[@hannahscott6604]

My first ex was an OVERT narcissist. As was my second ex. When I moved to Minnesota I started attracting covert ones. so now I am seeing a therapist to try to figure out why I just attract these terrors

[@NelsonSantos-ql7ik]

Hannah Schaffer hi

[@tauruswinds37]

@@NelsonSantos-ql7ik are you hitting on people ... you seem to be ??? !!!!!

[@katiecoollady]

Girl you are not alone! I was married to an overt for 30 years, no contact for 3 years, "fell in love" with someone else only to get dumped and realize he was really a covert narc. I am going to stay abstinent for a time and work on me.

[@kimhennessee7465]

This is my favorite video of you so far. I love that you said it was all about you. It puts everything in to such a different perspective. I went thru 2 narcs. First one 5 years second one 21 years. Both of them said they were jealous of me. I never understood that. It still doesn’t make sense to me. I think most of the time I was confused because I just couldn’t believe another person could treat another person so bad. I believe in truth and honesty. so I believed them. Now I’m scared that I will attract another Narc. I’m so guarded I think everyone is a narcissist lol!!! At least now I’m learning the red flags from people like you. So thanks!

[@bigcyhutch]

Thanks for sharing your story!

[@vikkitor9303]

The Four Agreements is a book to help one heal from bad events. I’m happy to hear you referenced the book.

[@elsahryndej9801]

the 4 agreements opened my eye too.

[@Litterboxcrewcleaner]

I definitely need these , the discards and me begging my Narc back has been a pattern since damn near beginning going on 10 yrs.. finally was able to block my narc off my social media yesterday evening.. never done that before so I’m getting better.. thank u

[@akna5857]

yes, the journey of self-discovery and healnig

[@thewaywardtrio]

This seems really helpful. Thank you!

[@greggcoop1223]

Thank you so much for all of your vids!!! You have helped me tremendously!!

[@anne4116]

Having watched this and looking back at my past behaviours around men, I realised today that I've had possibly 3 or 4 narcissistic abusive relationships, all have significantly impacted on my life and sense of self, but all have happened when I have felt vulnerable or deeply unhappy. I especially knew what was happening in the one I'm in now, as I had seen it all before. I'm so baffled as to why I have kept going with it despite getting nothing, but I guess the quote "someone can only abuse you as much as you abuse yourself” resonates far more than I had thought. It is about how I view myself, my core belief. That is what I must work on.

[@tinad4182]

My fear is taking him back when he hoovers or repeating this mistake again with someone else. I’m afraid that I don’t trust myself.

[@damouldo]

I have,, wow to that insight,, when we stop living out dead relatives lives..we seek love & truth..that's all..ty Christina

[@amitpopat2832]

These videos are really helpful. Thank you

[@SolaGratia.]

I know this is about dating, but what brought me here was friendship. I was absolutely lost only two weeks ago. I have complex ptsd and learned that my disorder is too severe to maintain a long term relationship. It's hard enough on my family, I can't bear putting someone else through that just for wanting to love me so I've been single for 3 years. But I thought friendship was pretty safe. You don't live with them, generally. You're not constantly around them, and when you are, it's to catch up, hang out, or just be a support to each other. But I seem to keep befriending the same type of people, and I always think I learned my lesson until I'm trying desperately to escape someone who refuses to let me be in peace. Even after they say horrible things and tell me I'm a horrible person. So this may be about dating, but it goes for any close relationship, I think. I'm still trying to process the last 6 months of psychological and emotional abuse from a female friend who claimed to share my faith. I completely lost myself trying to constantly keep up with and appease her current mood. Because of my faith, I turned the other cheek until I was raw. She used the Bible to guilt me into always being the good, forgiving, meek, humble, and submissive Christian girl only to accuse of not being saved at all. By the time I realized she was never going to stop, I isolated myself from everyone. I doubted my own mind, my own judgment, and even my salvation, knowing all the while that she was wrong. How does this happen? My head is still in a pretzel, but these videos are so validating and educational, so I'm feeling much better than I did even a week ago. Thank you for that. I feel sure you've addressed the topic of platonic friendships with these types of people before, but have you ever addressed their use of spiritual abuse on your channel? I would love to see that.

[@tinylittlebutstillalion4101]

My life has changed sooo much for the better since i was divorced from a 17 year marriege with a narc. Had i only known 2 years ago how my sight on life would change, it is incredible. From being so scared and confused and angry to being a totally different strong and Happy person. I now live my life, am doing way better financial, eventhough i have less money than being with the narc. I still have some Problems, but i can Deal with it, because i am now strong. It is all about me and the people i love and who deserves being loved by me. Love from Switzerland

[@damouldo]

Great insight Christina..it's so true..

[@mommy121108ify]

This video just validated my own experience.. Yes!!

[@indigoeyez21]

Yes went through the same thing ..I started loving myself

[@CommonEgo]

That's the absolute best thing you can do!

[@hettymercer9295]

...the anger, the fear, when no one believes you because its only you the narc does the horrible things to while he projects a nice imagine of himself outside. The hoovering, the smear campaign after the mean discard. It's just crazy...

[@mbaratucci13]

Wonderful video! So much of what you said resonates with me.

[@jamesgerboc]

Many people would agree with you that the focus has to be with you and not them. I understand why they believe that, and I dont believe its wrong. However, lets consider this scenario. Your childhood was what it was. Nothing remarkable in memory except maybe a father who was emotionally distant and a mother who tried to make up for that. Throughout school and college nothing but normal relationships and emotions with people until marriage. The marriage lasted many many years with normal conflict-resolution patterns. Throughout the marriage a sales role afforded an opportunity to interact with thousands of different people and personalities. Some became friends. As an adult, your self-reflection indicates you are a sensitive soul; and you think it has served you well. Then, you meet her, and your entire world changes. At first its for the better by far. Then, it normalizes somewhat. Makes sense that time would dilute the fantasy. Then, it all comes crumbling down. Now, it becomes a search for a healing path. How could this possibly be caused by a problem within me? Is the entire world normal and Im the defective one? Everything in life made sense until I met her. If its all caused within me, nothing makes sense.

[@doniachileshe8573]

Still feeling wounded and at time impossible to heal but with the grace I feel will make it.. Your vids makes me know am not alone and I have to forgive myself for allowing him to use me and abuse me.

[@donna6949]

After 6 years, thankfully the pandemic came and we were forced apart. I felt suicidal as felt it was the only way to get closure. Trauma bonding makes you feel like you can t live without them. I felt like my oxygen had been cut off. Slowly, each day, each week I started to feel joy again. For the 1st time in years, I met myself and faced things. I learned to like and love myself again. 3 years later I feel happy. I love being single and in charge of my life. I m grabbing life and all that it offers ❤

[@Nexus2Eden]

That was excellent - exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.

[@kiraalialeeonfairythegreenone]

Sheer, profound grief with moments of excruciating, blinding panic ... never to see the person again... followed by extreme anguish, aching yearning, such protracted longing... and finally, eventual acceptance and soul weary resignation...the person is not coming back... followed by research into the behavioural disorder....then the sad realisation that this person cannot love and is incapable of compassion or empathy... and a very brief moment of anger mingled with confusion...and self realisation and rumination...followed by recovering the self and life as ongoing diversional therapy. Narcissistic abuse is definitely not a spiritual lesson nor is it something one deliberately wishes upon oneself. Some victims never recover. Loss of esteem-self worth- integrity-self belief-self trust are violations not lessons. Not everyone has one's best interests at heart... because they may not have one.

[@nifwit4207]

This video resonates so much I wonder if you are my higher self!?! Thank you, this has been the hardest lesson I've had to learn.