Life is rough some times. Indie dev is my sanctuary~

[@efai]

Hi Jen, aside from making video games, I feel like you like to talk about life stuff.. sometimes it's encouraging others, sometimes it's seeking encouragement.. I think it's fine, I have it like this too and I think it's directly related to how lonely an indie developer is most of the time.. creating games is easy now, as far as software and information are concerned, but no one talks about how difficult and challenging it is to invent everything and do other stuff like making graphics, animations, sound effects, write dialogues and not repeat yourself and preserve natures of the characters.. sometimes it can be too much, so even though it's a sanctuary, there are still some demons there.. btw: I haven't played your Gatcha game yet, but I will soon (likely tomorrow), because I'm very interested in it.. I'm just short on time and I don't want to rush it to play it.. after I play it I'll write you what I think about it.. this will probably be my first gotcha game, so if I write something weird tell me it's supposed to be like that or something : )

[@coffeedripstudios]

Hi Efai, I think my situation may be a little different, as I have a long history of spending the majority of my time by myself (comics were probably more lonely than gamedev tbh). I don't find it lonely, rather I find it to be peace and quiet. After having a public facing job and raising a young child, I cherish the time I have to myself! I'm probably not half as sociably as the average person. I'm definitely an extreme introvert. But I still appreciate your time and consideration to share and comment on my videos ^^ hope you are doing well. Best wishes.

[@yonderboygames]

a lot of what you say I can totally relate with. sending you the biggest digital hug imaginable!

[@coffeedripstudios]

Hi iamcdj, Thank you for your empathy! I am having a good week so far. Hope you are doing well also!

[@MxVerdaArt]

Yeah, that all sounds pretty reasonable and matches my experience. I’m in my 30s and “struggling with my mental health” as Brits seem to adore saying. (I’d more phrase is as a constant radio of intrusive thoughts about being utterly done with everything, venlafaxine or not.) There are still good and bad times, regardless of mental state. It’s just that the meds that work for you tend to shift that range to a more sustainable, positive, pleasurable, or tolerable direction. They might also expand the range to encompass more emotions anyway. It feels a bit like restricting yourself to one paint tube, but you can use exactly as much water or time as you want. In that case, you’d draw or paint something with much more emphasis on shade / tone, texture, negative space, gradient, and form. Whereas an unlimited color palette might need to be rushed because of getting overwhelmed by choice.

[@coffeedripstudios]

I think too often in our culture, we sell the idea of doing everything right, working hard and working on finding the meaning of life, and somehow we will find a happy ending, as if happiness was a sustainable state of being. I think the true answers to finding peace, is learning coping mechanisms to deal with trials because it doesn't matter how good your fortune is, you will always have adversity. I'm in a better place this week. Sleep and time to myself always does the trick for me LOL.

[@astrainverse]

Hello! Maybe you could try uploading lots of shorts to get expand your reach. Finding your channel is such a big inspiration for me to keep going and I hope for the same for other people!

[@coffeedripstudios]

Hi Astrainverse, thank you for for sharing your thoughts and I'm glad you found my channel to be a positive thing. TBH, I'm unwiilling to put much effort into youtube, as I'd rather focus my efforts on my gamedev. I just throw some low effort videos here, because I feel like middle aged working moms just starting to make games in their 40s is a underrepresented demographic LOL.

[@gokcetunc1476]

Helloooo! ım going to write this comment while listening the video because these topic sactually important to me so ı guess ı will end up writing way too much (perhaps even waay more than before because ı do think A LOT about negative topics) again and ı might sound very depressing here and there but ı will do my best to focus on positive as much as ı can. while starting to talk ı may be jumping into conclusions but your voice tone seemed to a bearing sadness (ı mean ıts also calm but..) so ı guess this week was full of negative thoughts?. I really do hope you can find your way to breathe from them ıf so 😢. the topic really looks like one of facts about reality but ıts also true that ıts actually can be depressing topic.. I do really hope ıt wont be bothering you too much though since although we cant escape negative sides of reality focusing on them too much can be also harmful :'). ı also want to share my own emotions about this topic. and of course my thoughts in several perspectives of ''aging'' ı also do hope maybe my small inspiration can cheer you bit. Well although since ım just a 20 years old girl right now my opinions might seem too raw and uncompleted or perhaps nonsense but ''aging'' is something ı actually thought about alot in my life even since ı was just an elementary school kid and ı also think about it alot since my some friends started to marry and switching my life phases like ''child'' or ''young girl'' which are like my whole life phases for now to ''adult woman''.. a new phase that ı have never experienced and know nothing about seems terrifying. I wont really dive into dark places since there few things that ı cant seem to solve and ı dont really want to destroy the mood so ı will just give my few thoughts and small conclusion that suddenly appeared on my mind like an inspiration and ı quiet like it actually. aging was something ı was afraid of since ı was kid. perhaps ı knew that with every year my life was going to be more difficult too. there are so many times ı wished that ı could just stop the time and just continue for a while like that. perhaps another reason was that there are things are ı can only do in certain times and ıf ı accidentally miss it then ı will technically miss the whole opportunity. but then ım reminded by my friends and teachers that life is a road that you walk on... and this road is completely belongs to that person whoever living the life which means ıts not a race and ıts definitely not a game that person has to gain all the achievements to have a '''successful'' or ''fulfilling'' life ı also believe think of the life in a different perspective like a maze where everyone goes and experience it from different place and always keep move on. you may or may not be to reach the ''end'' which ı usually think of it like being either satisfied with your life or perhaps making peace with your own life and living peacefully. ı believe that all of us have our own pace and our phases and although ı tend to forget that this is ok. all the choices we did so far was what shaped us and ıf there any mistakes we think we could do better then rather than looking it at like failure ıt can be seen as a lesson as life has never be done with them. I also think about ''remembrance'' of my life and everyone around me which is kind of a topic ı talk with my friends (perhaps we go into dark topics alot ım not so sure XD) but ı believe that ANY PHASE AND TİME OF OUR LİFE WİLL BE FORGOTTEN OR WİLL BE GONE FOREVER and ım not talking about me and the people who know me will remember it. ım talking about something alot bigger than that. this inspiration came to me when ı was actually having another depressing thoughts like ''will whatever ı do even matter? ım just a one single tiny piece of this chess and pretty replaceable ı wont be remembered by anything ı will do'' but then a thought suddenly came to my mind like light and ıt was something like ''The time what takes parts of life from us will be the one that will always remember and have who exactly we are just like how river always keeps moving while every single water drop is always will be the part it whetver ıt crossed to sea or not since ıf they wouldnt exist in the first place river would be absent'' and ı like to keep this thought with me since ıt actually makes sense with every people who lived in history to future generations we are all in this time river and whetever we crossed it or not wont change the fact the we will always be known by it as we certainly was and is part of it with every year of our life... It makes me feel better and ı also like the thought of being connected to all other people with this one certainty, the ''time''. One of the saddest things in aging is perhaps how body just gets weaker. and ı really dont like the sound of that... ı just dont like hearing stories of how older ones in my family has to stay in hospital of some reason that when me and my young cousins can actually get over with it unlike them. It makes me feel sad because ı know that this is a destination many has to face as we keep aging. my one of biggest wish is actually maybe doctors can at least find a way to support older ones body health with either perhaps developing some good medicines or ways that can make their body stay healthy and strong or maybe some robot assistants? that would be cool since they would be able help them 7/24 with no need of sleep or other things. ı do hope this wish will come true. ı do hope every older people will have other young people to support them since loneliness and weakness sounds terrible. ı often escape into my mind and imagination world whenever ı feel like world becomes too much (ıt usually becomes too much but ıts not like ım having much hardships ı guess ım just too sensitive) but when ı was going middle school or high school all ı could have from this imagination world was the visual version of my emotions which wouldn't much help me to recover myself XD but ı guess after ı joined supportive online communities and learned how to be more kind and considerate ı slowly reflected this kindness ı used for others to myself which actually allowed me to ''consult myself''? ıts still way too difficult to do but sometimes ı actually get very interesting supportive dreams from my imagination world that surprises me alot since ım usually a depressed person ı do remember that ı was seeing the game characters ı like and them saying supportive things to me or maybe praise me for something ı did in my dream which always makes me so happy and ım thankful for my imagination world and this developed kindness for these XD ı do think that maybe some truths will never leave our side ıt doesnt really mean that they will be either bad or good truth about our life. well maybe ı failed to explain myself but ım trying to say is sometimes trying to see different perspectives, maybe starting with small things like doing small positive or helpful things to slowly try to develop new positive perspective is always the best choice rather than being stuck in one certain perspective especially ıf ıts a bad one. in other words '' you cant simply assume from looking at the dirty window and assume world is a dirty and horrible place'' ı guess ıt was something Franz Kafka said? ım trying to do that and trying to see the other ways of seeing even trying to get help from is ı guess one talk ı did have with my friend is very good example of this because ı one day tell them that ''the sky ı wanted to reached went higher ıt seems but ım still drowning in the depths of the sea no matter how much sturggle ım simply sinking down'' and she answered that ''you cant simply sink down since sea would always pull you up so what makes you sink would not be only the sea itself but also your own moves maybe you just need to stand still for a while so you can rise?'' and that was something ı actually never taught about while telling my feelings to my friend at that moment and she actually showed me another beautiful perspective (perhaps ıt was obvious but sometimes ı can focus on something soo much that ı forget other things) being productive is not bad coping but ıt sound tiring... my case which is literally doing nothing or thinking and then rush things while trying to be perfect definitely alot more horrible coping so ı guess ı can say being productive is useful but still tiring. ı usually think trying to cope with negative thoughts and emotions like trying to find my way in a pitch dark labyrinth with no light. ıts difficult ıts hurting as ı can bump into many objects or walls while trying to find my way but ı guess not giving up the key because ıf you give up then you will lock with your past with no ''future'' about this topic because you stopped moving but ıf you keep mocing then there will always a chance for a ''future'' that may bring light into these problems. thank you for bringing all these thoughts in this video ı guess ı can relate or will definitely relate as ı grow older and ım glad that ım not alone yet of course ı wish that everyone including me will be able find some good answers that can help us to keep going on in this life. again thank you for all the work and sharing ^^

[@coffeedripstudios]

Hi gokcetunc1476, thank you for taking the time to write and share your thoughts. Perhaps I'm being too presumptious, but It makes me feel as though something I said must've resonated with you and I'm really glad to have made that connection. Getting old is not scary to me right now, as I've grown to appreciate how much lived experiences have taught me that I simply wouldn't have known when I was back in my 20s even if I had future me telling it to my face. I think everyone will have their fair share of hardships, but it's made me a better person. I think I can confidently say "I'm a better person than I was when I was in my 20s." I personally needed these years and these struggles to grow into who I am now. And I look forward to the person that I will grow into as I age and face more hardships surely to come. To me, the people who struggle the most in their older years are not the people who have the most disability. For what I have witnessed personally, the people who struggle the most are the people who refuse to accept change. the people who refuse to learn and who stubbornly resist doing and being better. I think as long as you always keep an open mind and think of how to learn from hardships and grow stronger and better, then growing old is a blessing. It's a priviledge that few living creatures in the universe get to experience and I'm proud that I am as old as I am today and still learning new things and getting excited about creativity. I love being productive, so that part is never tiring to me. It's doing work for other people that I find tiring, but I think in a world built on the sale of labor, its hard to seperate the two. This is the reason that I don't sell my artistic work or take comissions any more. Maybe someday I will be pushed into a corner where I need to merge the two things again, but it would be a net loss for me. For now, I am thankful that I can keep the two things seperate. Best wishes and I hope you can embrace the idea of getting old. If you're fortunate enough, it will be an inevitable reality, so might as well make the most of it ^^ I've found it useful to tackle every problem and fear with how to turn it into something productive. There's far too much unproductive (and thus destructive) fear in the world.