LIMERENCE: To Heal from Heartache, Face Rejection (and Reality) Honestly

[@fireflythinking1290]

"limerence gets in when we don't have something meaningful in our lives" I wish I would have understood this about myself sooner

[@candystorekid4207]

Me too. Better late than never 💕

[@detoate123]

Yup, that hit home hard, I had to pause the video for a second and regroup ☺

[@fireflythinking1290]

@@detoate123 Same aha! It makes so much sense to me now. Limerence is a bit like getting fastfood everyday, believing it's the only tasty thing out there. You don't know it's unhealthy and unsustainable because you've never been taught what healthy eating looks like. You don't even know there is plenty of other food that's actually a lot more tasty and better for you 🙃

[@brianf9615]

@@fireflythinking1290 Great way of putting it.

[@LGrannis]

YES, what a quote!!!

[@arajackson]

I have been rereading my childhood journals and what strikes me is this pairing of parental abandonment & despair and my OBSESSION with love. I was so intent on finding a partner, from very early on, because I was convinced that it would give me what I was missing. Took me a while to figure out that *I'm* the one who needs to give that to me.

[@annemurphy8074]

Right on!

[@MellowJelly]

Me too, my earliest memories revolve around crushing on boys, romantic feelings, fantasy desires, longing for connection and partnership (weird thing for a kid to long for) but I guess it's because I saw my parents so unhappy together. As young as 4 years old I'd be shipping characters like Blue and Magenta from Blues Clues and connecting them in a romantic way lol. There was also Alvin and the Chipmunks and the Chipettes and how they were each sort of "matching" or made for one another in their designs and personalities, it made lasting impressions on me.

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

Wow. Having your own thoughts & feelings to read back on & contemplate, is a complete anathema. I was taught to NEVER write anything down that didn't want used against you. And that turned out to be everything. (narc parents, weaponise EVERYTHING). Verbalising in any format was extremely dangerous. Reading your comment, I felt incredibly sad to realise what had been taken from me when I thought I was protecting myself. Struggle to this day with massive anxiety writing down thoughts & feelings, even in comment sections on youtube. Thank you for your comment, even though its difficult to think about, it's helped to see the importance of making thoughts concrete & organising them into something tangible. Real. 💖

[@adatbh]

This is me and this is accurate

[@deltalunaris]

Everybody in this comment thread has great things to say. I vibe with a lot of what you went through, because I suffered from romantic obsession as well. Being neglected, told that my need for love and affection came second to my abusive parents (before they retired, they became obsessive towards ME after they did, probably because they were always training me up to be their caretaker), and otherwise shown that their love was far from unconditional made me frantic to find love. Didn't help that they were always on the verge of separating before they actually did, even if they were more like roommates. So I had always felt like not only was my source of love on the line, my overall survival was too. As such, I waited a long time for The One, overlooking a good friend who is now my common law partner for three years. All because I was taught that genuine love is boring, that I need to date/marry somebody who is rich, influential, fertile (yeah, my biomother was really gross about that, she wanted to reincarnate as MY daughter after all), and other really crappy things. With my partner, I can be my true self through and through, with him supporting me all the way. With their dream man for me (they saw me as being bisexual and trans as a threat, so they never wanted me to get with a woman, a man who wasn't wanting kids, etc), I would have been abused nonstop. They tried to get me with boys and men of the same ethnicity because they didn't want me 'dating out of my race' either, so overall very controlling and toxic about my love life and happiness. Suffice to say, I am so much happier being out of their grasp. My partner and I are always there for each other no matter what, and he's everything I ever wanted back when I was a lovesick kid, crying into my pillow every night for him to come and whisk me away. We have adventures, take care of each other when sick, and never go a day without many I Love Yous sprinkled within. I couldn't have done this without being there for myself AND saving myself from my parents, especially my biomother. So to anybody else waiting for The One: you need to be your own Prince Charming before she/he/they can be yours. And I fully believe you can be. You can save yourself, given proper time and a good escape plan. ❤️

[@USMCCGAGNG]

I’m 58. I’ve worked my whole life to overcome childhood trauma. Parents: be good for and to your kids like their lives depend on it, because they do.

[@annadonahue4119]

Truth 💥

[@msdemeanour]

Same. My parents ruined my childhood. It takes a lifetime to get over the mental & physical abuse. Its just a shame that anyone can reproduce.

[@jeannamarquecho6538]

Fairy pencil?

[@rosej5029]

Add to b clear, the child doesn't need parents to be perfect and NEVER MAKE MISTAKES to be a "good" parent but for the love of God be present for them with your time and attention. For example, If you say you're going to pick them up from school, pick them up and don't leave them waiting for you and not knowing what is going on and anxious wondering how they're going to get home. If you can't pick them up arrange for transportation for them to be picked up. Children aren't expecting you to arrive on a flying carpet, like one of their children's movies, in front of the school building to be transported back to their home and if they are be a "good" parent and ensure they understand the difference between a movie and reality.

[@dixienormous6969]

It's so incredibly sad just how much childhood can fck us all up later in adolescence/adulthood.

[@robertschrader]

"That wasn't magic-that was PTSD."

[@ShintogaDeathAngel]

I need this embroidered on a pillow!

[@stacyrosa6672]

I am going to paint this in beautiful calligraphy on a sign over my bed!

[@GavishRaptor]

Need merch w this

[@mysticladytarot7777]

Reminds me of the film Meet Cute. ❤❤❤

[@levibee9451]

Need this on a shirt

[@Littlemissdirtbag]

If a person, especially a man, is really interested in someone, there are no questions. A man who is truly interested in a woman leaves no questions in her mind about what he wants. This basically goes both ways.

[@Alexcutspie]

“if he wanted to he would” but ..sometimes i want to- and don’t 🫤 so.. i get confused from here out. i think a lot of things boil down to self sabotage as well

[@princemishkin1601]

Unless they have attachment trauma...then they blow hot and cold with the ones they like, and are stable and "into" the ones they don't.

[@theirishfairy6281]

Your right. If he wants you, you will know. If he doesn’t, you will be confused.

[@aspiringrootwoman24]

Then the "clear signal" becomes muddied because we also attract predators or selfish but charming people smh

[@fernandanevesfonseca338]

But also be careful for people love bombing

[@doradestroy]

Ugh. The New Age has been such a toxic influence on vulnerable people who come from trauma. It’s criminal really.

[@bodnarova05]

And “ manifest a specific person” coaching on KZbin. So so creepy that this isn’t regulated and these people take advantage of the mentally ill

[@tnt01]

@@CalloCallay 100%

[@bananabreadtan4124]

God sees ✊🏿❤

[@organicskincarenyc5775]

Absolutely. It’s all an escape and fantasy. I stay away from that now. No tarot. No psychics. Just accept reality. And be careful dating. Go very very slow.

[@leahm7875]

Couldn't agree more. It's done a lot of harm to me

[@tammyh931]

Limerance is HARD. It's the closest thing I've ever experienced to drug addiction. It took me 5 years and a lot of therapy, but I'm finally out of the fog. I remember that "soul death" feeling when I had to break off my obsession before I was ready to. The withdrawal from those dopamine hits is terrible. But when I was actually ready to let go, when I had realized what this actually was (limerance from being lonely and traumatized) and what it was NOT (not a karma/destiny bond), it is easier to stop. The wolf that is strongest is the one that you feed, and I had fed my limerance every day for years. I finally starved it out and feel so much more free. Thank you Anna ♥

[@ALGARIC]

You weren’t ready to break it off? Why?

[@ms.x1669]

I remember when I fell in so deep I couldn't stop and I couldn't imagine my life would have meaning if it wasn't with this person

[@ms.x1669]

@@allenmackenzie7542 your post resonates so well with me because I struggle with addiction in other areas too not just love.💔

[@nellpulaski4919]

10 years wasted..just 🛑

[@EremiasRanwolf-d6z]

It was exactly like an addiction. A very extreme addiction. I'm 2 years after the relationship ended, but the limerence is only now really fading. The first year it was always there. I literally thought of her every minute of every day. It was crazy!

[@bodnarova05]

Casual sex doesn’t benefit women. Please don’t fall for the modern agenda. Pay attention to his actions, is he consistently showing up for you ? Is he putting in effort ? Words and attention alone are cheap and don’t mean anything. Treat yourself like you would your own child. Be safe 💛

[@Raminakai]

It doesn’t benefit men either. That’s the reality. It hurts men too. No good for anyone. Great comment 👍

[@emilysmith2965]

In the least slut-shaming way possible, “we didn’t share intimacy until a few weeks in” is not slow. That’s probably about average 🤷 but I don’t think anyone dating in 2023 would throw a fit about not having sex for three weeks and that’s somehow “really slow”

[@tinycindy2977]

Tbh it doesn't benefit MOST women because women aren't used to objectifying men. Man or woman doesn't matter, if a person can objectify other people easily, they will enjoy casual sex a lot and won't get hurt by it if it's consensual. Some of these people only objectify their partners and they can never personify them - these are the people you should stay away from. Some people categorise - they don't personify the "object of interest" as long as they themselves don't see the worth of that person or aren't interested in a commited relationship - most men think like this, they categorise women into 1-objects 2- Real people. Some people can't objectify at all so when they want someone they want their approval and love, not body. Most women I observed can't objectify men at all so yeah for most women casual sex isn't beneficial but for some of them it can be a healthy way to relieve their sexual needs.

[@SR-mv2mf]

Amen I found this out after a friends with benefits situation (which is still more honest than pretending to be in a relationship)

[@TushTheTerrible]

​@@Raminakaihes a hundred percent right, everyone talks about it for women but for some men its hurts the same way

[@jromeo8247]

It is the dance between the love addict and the avoidant. And yes, it is a trainwreck.

[@DarkCentaur24]

Yepppppp😭 this dance is baddddd

[@jumbolumps666]

I don't even think this guy is avoidant; he's just not interested

[@Elifk8787]

"Your soul is screaming, I'm not supported emotionally. You are invalidating yourself. The reason you are having pain is not because you are not spiritual enough. The reason you're having pain is because you are a real person, you are a real woman, who wants to be loved, who doesn't wanna be just like used in some casual sex way, who is supposed to off and pretend like it never happened. Who is designed for that??"

[@OnceUponATomorrow6948]

"What you're recognizing is someone who is not into you." Oof that hit me harder than my mom's spanking spoon and I needed to hear it.

[@stacyjaye6350]

We got it with the fly swatter, which my mom referred to as the dingbats! Moving forward...😆

[@abstract3213]

Haha OMG that was funny, even though abuse is not funny at all. I feel you, same here...

[@Catseye189]

And that childhood abuse has lead you here

[@lorieromano]

That was funny and God bless you for still finding some humor in the dark places.

[@nikkimitchell5440]

I was finally told by my sister "I'm sorry, I know how much it hurts, but it's never going to happen. And deep down I knew that... same time... regularly thought he was sending me mixed signals... that he isn't now... but might, eventually be interested... And that would spark up again... the deeply delusional attachment to him (to me... he was my best friend) that I had always felt was deep love for him..was always limerence, not love. He used that delusion I held... to indulge in yrs of the joy's of my pure adoration for him and consistent and "no strings attached" casual sex for him. Manipulative and selfish asf. Knowingly took advantage of my untreated mental illness... instead of being honest with me... to break that delusion. but no, instead he... at a highly painful cost to me...allowed me to keep up my delusional belief that only benefitted him in every way. Ugh😢

[@Uberqueenbee]

This doesn't even just apply to intimate relationships.. It applies to platonic relationships as well

[@JoyFay]

Yep

[@detoate123]

💯it applies everywhere, I was in a company where it was a freaking cult, people can get deluded on any topic in any circumstances. When I started self development I heard someone say: Always know who you are! And I was like: what is she talking about? Of course I know who I am, everyone does. Nope, not true, turns out common sense is indeed not that common.

[@Leoo117]

@@detoate123 So true. Most people are just being blown along with the wind, and are not firmly rooted in anything. Without high standards, we'll just get caught up in anything bad for us.

[@alexedwards5286]

Yes, but romantic limerance is usually stronger.

[@ckingsman3894]

Yup, I have applied the "he's just not that into you" perspective to my friendships. It's surprising how fast you realize that without your 100% effort, there is no friendship.

[@reikicowgirl9817]

This was painful to listen to because I saw myself so clearly here. I finally learned that just because a certain song came on, or I saw someone who looked just like him, or we magically ran into each other even though we were living 3,000 miles apart….it didn’t mean we were “destined” to be. It meant I needed to move on and gain resilience every time some reminder of him rocked me emotionally. One thing that helped was to stop watching ridiculous Hollywood romances.

[@stacyjaye6350]

Wait, tell us about the part of running into each other 3,000 miles apart! 😳

[@frankydottir8762]

I also run into my 'crush' after about 3-4 years in a completely different village whilst both of us were living and working abroad in different countries (and continents). I also got him in my dreams despite not even thinking about him for years. But i KNOW it's nothing 'magical' and i have to brush it out of my head. It's a magical thinking, fantasy world, nothing to do with reality.

[@reikicowgirl9817]

It’s true…I had moved to California and he was living in South Carolina. We had no contact for two years. I had gone back to my college town in North Carolina to visit some friends, went into a bar and we were sitting in a booth when he came walking in the door. He was in town on business. We spent the next 2 hours talking only to each other (to the great annoyance of my friends) and then he never followed up after that. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Apparently he just didn’t appreciate the synchronicity or feel the same as I did.

[@stacyjaye6350]

@@reikicowgirl9817 Wow. Thank you. Cuz you know we're all here because it happened to us. So thank you good luck and Godspeed in your healing.

[@randigerber1926]

In my teen years (1970's), I read lots of romance books by the "Avon Ladies" (Woodiwiss, Rogers, etc.). In all of them, the heroine is young and gets quickly rescued from trauma by the hero, who marries her. I thought this was the model of "true love." It's not just Hollywood ... Now, in my 60's, I see that there is no such thing as a "perfect fit." There are lots of people each of us could be happily married to. Marriage requires loyalty, respect, generosity, affection, an open heart, helping your partner to achieve THEIR goals and become self-actualized. I also know about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. If your partner is keeping you low on the pyramid, they don't want what's best for you, they're using you.

[@suchetanapal3546]

Thank you! I was literally getting into the 'twin flame' crap. If someone doesn't validate your feelings, move on to others. Keep the door open. Don't waste precious years for someone who doesn't value you. If he/she did, their ACTIONS should have reflected that. Thank you. Stay away from toxic spirituality.

[@stalkek]

Yeah, I, pretty much in spite of myself, let myself get sucked into that toxic cultish garbage too. I was genuinely doing everything to pull fully away from this person and stumbling on this Twin Flame stuff just validated everything I was putting so much energy in to walk away from. So I wasn’t a victim - it was my own susceptibility I let get preyed on - but at the same time it would really have helped if this twin flame world hadn’t been out there waiting to suck me in!

[@MayanPrincess3]

Anna. I can’t even believe how spot on you are with this advice! I’ve seen way too many people use spirituality to allow narcissistic people to use them. I too fell victim to this in my early days of my spiritual journey. I stayed in a horribly abusive marriage for 7 years thinking we were Twin Flames and thinking they were my “life teacher” and I had to go through the lessons. But in reality I was making excuses for someone who brought up all of my childhood wounds and stomped all over them and poured hot lava on my soul. Social media glamorizes abusive relationships instead of people getting out of a cycle of re-traumatizaron.

[@Raminakai]

I totally agree- many movies make the charming, sexy, but not quite mentally sane, guy the one who gets the girl and the one she just can not live without. I recently re- watched “ Moonstuck” and was amazed at how he was the love Interest- a mentally unstable, slightly violent person who was driven by rage and vengeance. This came out when I was a young woman and I was forming ideas about romance. I wonder how movies affected my idea about relationship and what guy was desirable. They never show the trainwreck that is coming- or the harm to kids growing up in that. I loved your comment. Society pushes a messed value system that doesn’t serve people well if they are taught better or don’t seek the Truth.

[@operationada]

You're spot on! I think mainstream media and music also glamorizes toxic relationships. Just listen to any popular love song and what they sing about is often about straight up abuse! It's crazy how we romanticize it and how as a society, we'll focus on lost love rather than the reality of the situation which is that: it wasn't healthy to begin with.

[@deltalunaris]

Great comments here! I agree, the way abuse is romanticized in society is sickening. I almost feel as if that's intentional though, because those on top and controlling our media fit the criteria for narcissism to a T (see articles discussing the psychopathic-sociopathic behavior of billionaires, movie directors, CEOs, etc). They want us to be conditioned to abuse so that we unvoluntarily accept it as normal, and thus can be abused ANYWHERE in our lives. Especially the workplace! Why else is the Big Bad Boy such a popular trope? These are the same Bad Boys and Bad Girls that were shoving kids into lockers, and spreading reputation-destroying rumors. They need our attention, our love, our pain, to fill that empty hole in their hearts that'll never be full.

[@bodnarova05]

The sad thing is people are profiting off selling this Twin flame and “ manifest a specific person” spiritual advice . Very dangerous, especially since it attracts the vulnerable and heartbroken

[@bodnarova05]

@@transitionsnc yes, in my experience it is essentially just limerence. I completely broke down/ broke my own heart and had to make the choice between loving myself or completely quitting from the intense pain. Dark night of the soul- not romantic at all. The goal is not a romantic relationship, although it can be once the person becomes self aware of their trauma. In my experience, my “ twin” came back multiple times but I didn’t want him in a romantic way, I was aware enough to know what my desires and boundaries were. Had I not met this person, I wouldn’t have known that I have daddy issues I needed to address. I’m grateful for the experience but I would not engage with such a person as I love my self ( and my body) more than the gratification he can bring. What helped me immensely was treating myself as i would want to treat my own child -with redeeming, but tough love.

[@juliemoore6957]

OMG! I needed you 40 years ago! After years of therapy, I am finally in a great marriage with a real man, who really loves me. Not a fantasy world. Your work will save so many. Keep it up!

[@Wifey01]

That’s awesome, Congratulations!

[@HelianaFranko]

Where did you see therapy?

[@ALGARIC]

Hi ☺️ I wanted to ask… did you feel strong love for him, similiar to limerence, but healthy? Is it possible for us?

[@IntraAwareness]

Beautiful! Congratulations on your marriage.

[@spiderqueen601]

My limerence took the form of believing if I could just be patient the person would eventually see how good we were for each other. Patience meant putting up with terrible things. I was also the object of limerence and it is really awful. It helped me realize just unhealthy it was to feel that way. It’s not real love and connection at all. He was in love with his fantasy with me, not me, and it was horrible to not be seen yet receive so much attention and expectation - plus the anxiety of knowing he’d leave when he found out his fantasy of me was wrong. I’m so glad I’m free of that pattern and have the deepest sympathy and support for all who are overcoming this!

[@stacyjaye6350]

Well put Sonia! I don't think anyone realizes how hurtful it is when you come to the realization that the person is in love with some weird projection, and not you. I let someone come from my past and destroy me again. Picking up the pieces and moving forward. Thanks for your comment.

[@susannairisastarte5192]

My ex girlfriend flat out didn't believe me when I told her I didn't want to have or raise any children. She thought she could change my mind. Um no. We broke up over it. She is now married and I am sure much happier. I am just working on myself. And feeling better about who I am, since I know who I am.

[@ironangel69]

@@susannairisastarte5192 you did the right thing. You were honest from the beginning which is far better then lieing and leaving her on.

[@SA-lz1vx]

This

[@elsitabebe]

This video hit me SO HARD that I burst into tears. It mimics my story so closely. Got addicted to tarot readings and trying to find "signs" in every thing and feeling FOOLISH about it when the REALITY of everything is that IF je wanted me he KNOWS where to find me and contact me... I do feel obsessed and like I'm putting him on a pedestal. I am guilty of magical thinking .

[@jamielee1354]

Me too. It really hurts to think about them and think one day they will come back. When reality sets in and they are a memory that brings tears.

[@debbie233]

I did the same thing. Totally understand where you’re coming from.

[@enchantress7]

Same

[@AngelWingzzz]

same

[@amerikadayasam9340]

Same

[@susannairisastarte5192]

Limerence. This explains nearly every single situation from my past. I finally realized I have to be single. I cannot be in a healthy romantic relationship. It's ok to finally stay on my own. I have been single now for nearly 9 years. It is so peaceful, and that is what matters. If people are nosey, I tell them it's not their business. You must do what works for you. I am also very happily child-free by choice. People have broken up with me over this, though I am always upfront at the start. Some people think it's a challenge 🙄 they actually think they can change your mind if you know you don't want children. Anyway, still on my own and still child-free. People can think whatever they like. I am busy living my life the way I want to live it. Remember, YOU are the main character in your own life.

[@Blessed1283]

Yes, but how do we explain it to people around us who apply pressure to get in a relationship.

[@kmlac6596]

@@Blessed1283 find ways to brush them off over and over!

[@dagmarmedabrejlova8825]

maybe after some time?

[@KD-ou2np]

You can one day, if you want to. But yes its good to accept that right now so you can do the work

[@ambivalent5842]

@@Blessed1283 you do not have to explain a thing. I'm in a year long relationship presently. If this doesn't work out, I'm taking a loooong break from courtship 😉😆

[@tiffanywilliams2863]

Girl.... this has to be the best video you have ever made!!! Her letter and you breaking things down stabbed me. When you talked about that soul feeling connection at first sight, you exposed that internal lie I've been telling myself. I thought it meant love at first sight. It's not love. It's your energy recognizing that this guy is going to break your soul.. I have repeated this cycle four times with different men.. and that last one almost had me check myself into a mental hospital. I thank you for your channel! You have truly broken the spell

[@themidnightcleric]

Yes! that they will break your soul. Its no exaggeration.

[@annadonahue4119]

Absolutely 💯 🦋🪄🌟

[@annadonahue4119]

Isn't it a relief! After years of struggle, is it possible that listening to this video until I'm immersed in the knowledge, could make the difference? Allow me to change my life from here forward? It hurts so bad... But feels so clean!!! This info, every line of discussion, is a master-lesson for me! Anna Runkle is a life-changer.

[@supercoolyguy]

Hey! We might be a great match. Im a total mess. 🥳

[@sunrisecenter4586]

It could be energy recognizing he’d break your soul but I think instead it’s recognizing he has something you wanted to badly your whole life, and you believe it to be love but that thing you wanted so bad wasn’t romantic love but an integral foundational relationship such as the one you never got in childhood and so you are intensely drawn after the type of person you longed to have in childhood because they were either absent, neglectful, or damaging and had always hoped for the person without the problems. That longing stays deep inside you and never leaves (until you address it and heal it) so when you see someone like that it raises up that entire massive package of suppressed emotions and they stop being repressed and overwhelm you, and you don’t see the problems but you do see the person so you register this as the most amazing life connection you ever had, and this is all happening in your subconscious, your conscious mind is just trying it’s best to interpret what is going on.

[@natylopez5]

This hurts so much. I really feel for her. She says that she's living with her soul family, yet all those people are only concerned about their own energy and not being affected by what se's going through. They don't really care about her.

[@Lucy-iw1xf]

I thought the same thing!

[@lc5666]

I love how compassionate and honest you are about this stuff. It's a really hard lesson and it's so seldom addressed with kindness. The kindness and the reality are both needed. Nobody does this because they're stupid -- they do this because they were smart, when they were children and having to love people who treated them badly. We have to shift to reality when we are adults. It's so hard. Thank you for not just making jokes or denigrating people. It's a really tender, awful space.

[@fionagrace-expressionsofdi4706]

I love that. 'You're not having a PTSD reaction, you're having a normal reaction 💚 I actually had a spiritual Christ light experience in my late 20s and this made me realise all this attachment stuff is actually natural feeling. After that realised all my 'anxiety' was actually real fear from putting myself into sexual scenarios which society tells us is normal but really hold so much energy that anxiety is normal if it's not safe.

[@brithanymarbunmusic]

Thank YOU for this kindness. I'm just realizing this is what I'm going through and I feel so much fear and shame. "They do this because they were smart [...] to love people who treated them badly." This helped heal a little part of me. Thank you for contributing to this kindness you are grateful for.

[@susannairisastarte5192]

So true

[@AyleseW]

Well said.

[@kandylandtarot142]

Folks have to try and understand that all of these terms in the spiritual community do not apply to everyone or every case. Sometimes it's just not that deep to the other person. Even if they have trauma. Even if you see 11:11 everywhere after talking to them. They don't have the same feelings. Not because they're dismissive avoidant. Or because Saturn is in retrograde. It's just not that deep to them. They don't have to do work. Or heal. Or ascend. They're good without a relationship with you.

[@MellowJelly]

Well said. Limerence is reflecting so much in other people what we actually need to reflect in ourselves. The "karmic lessons" are things she already understands she needs to heal and it has nothing to do with being rejected by this guy, he just played a minor role yet she's attributing 50% of all of the energy to him.

[@themidnightcleric]

Yes! I've actually seen a few people start talking in astrology and New Age communities about how when you start seeing angel numbers and such, its a sign YOU need to learn your lesson and not that things are "meant to be." As in signs can be warnings or reflections of your deepest longing, not necessarily that you've found it. I'd like to believe when you find what you need, the deep sense of inner peace will tell you.

[@shirlebug]

I agree.

[@stacyrosa6672]

I hate to sound cliche, but man, that's deep!

[@suddhadasi]

Perfectly formulated. Thank you so much!

[@blackdog1392]

" ...you know when limerance gets in, it's when we don't have love and connection and meaning in our lives". I had to write this gem down so my foggy brain could actually see and recall it. The profound loneliness experienced as a neglected child primed me to attach to anyone who showed me the slightest bit of (apparently) kind attention. As I entered adolescence this proved to be a recipe for disaster as my lack of discernment (having recived no maternal emotional or practical guidance), combined with my need for attention/interaction created many horribly abusive ' relationships'. I could never figure out what was wrong with me. No alcoholic or substance abusing parents, no physical abuse or deprivation ? So why did I get involved with addicts, abusers and disorderds ? A profound lack of self esteem based on the utter indifference shown towards me and about me by my mother. Invisible daughter syndrome: where you feel like a ghost in your own life.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@jbreezy5959]

The core wound is its origin, the wound from not having the care, love, validation from mom or dad . That's what needs to be faced,the pain from that is driving the romantic connections and friendships. I speak from experience and send love and prayers for healing for all who have been through this ❤

[@anniehassett9370]

I see the light.finally getting what i have been looking 4 my whole life.thankyou now the healing💚

[@Julsies7]

it's interesting how this shows up differently within a singular family unit. for instance, i experience limerence and have an anxious attachment style, but my two siblings do not experience anything of this nature and neither are anxiously attached. i think family core wounds play a role but i also think that we experience our wounds differently depending on our own bio and neurochemistry and how we as individuals process trauma.

[@debosmitagupta166]

Can this trauma be ever healed? I sometimes feel will i ever get a man who loves me the way i want to be loved? Caz I never felt loved ever

[@jbreezy5959]

Giving yourself the love a partner would give you is where you begin and feeling the feelings from the wounding to release them from your emotional body. You can pray and ask for divine guidance. This is one process.

[@HolyGround777]

09:03 ‘rewriting the story’ 14:49 crapfitting 25:23 magical language

[@Leoo117]

Soul recognition is limerence? In other words "love at first sight" is limerence. This makes so much sense. I always thought that "love at first sight" didn't make any sense, but you just helped me understand WHY it happens to people and what is really happening to them. Thank you for this.

[@themidnightcleric]

I do think some people meet and immediately feel very sure of the other (Anna even mentions feeling that way about her husband on her blog) but taking time to actually get to know each other and be intentional is the best way to demonstrate deep feeling & desire to be with them anyways. Pressuring someone immediately after meeting them into a relationship isn't loving...

[@სალომეგუგავა]

You can totally feel a lot of love at first sight (happens to me with cats ) BUT you can not know at first sight that you wanna be super close to someone .

[@CJ-uk1rt]

@@სალომეგუგავა happened to me and my cats too😂❤

[@bodnarova05]

I think lust and limerence is very similar, if not the same. There’s no such thing as love at first sight, just natures trick to reproduce ;)

[@queenneurotica4591]

I’ve seen a few traumatised women I know delude themselves with ‘spirituality’ and magical thinking. It’s got them no where with men and relationships.

[@MellowJelly]

yes, more than a few in my experience... and men also taking advantage of that in those deluded spaces, not always, but many

[@Blessed1283]

I had magical thinking about one man recently and he tried to take advantage. He admitted later he thought I was just a crazy woman. It was a rude awakening.

[@elikorn7418]

This is what I'd say to someone in that limerent situation: if someone lives their life just sleeping around without feeling any deep emotional connection that would make them build a stable relationship, they themselves are not relationship material and have tremendous difficulty being monogamous in the long run even if they were seriously interested in someone. These type of people have gotten use to their empty lifestyle and having a variety of people to fill that in. So, don't waste your time considering them. Look for someone monogamous. ⭐First sign someone is serious dating material: You do not have any physical access to them unless they feel a strong emotional connection to you and want a relationship, and this goes for both men and women.⭐

[@miffafia1]

Thank u for the advice!! ☺️

[@elvansavkl7972]

great advice.

[@bodnarova05]

Well said. Unfortunately when I tell this to women, they consider it as not politically correct and old fashioned.

[@KD-ou2np]

Wow judgemental much? Nothing wrong with having sex outside committed relationships. If you and the other person know what you want, there is nothing wrong with casual sex. Also people can go through periods of being single and having casual sex, being celibate, and being in relationships.

[@bodnarova05]

@@KD-ou2np check out the stats. Too many risks. I’m not saying people need to be with one person for life, but at least monogamous relationship. Casual sex is proven to be harmful.

[@danielleparillo1910]

Yep “every time you hurt yourself you get set back”…so very true. Thank you for another very good video on this topic. It never gets old to hear these healthy messages from you - they help me keep myself grounded in what’s real. I’m getting so much better at recognizing these patterns and actually getting better. I had to get past a lot of the "spiritualized" thinking, that's so prevalent in mainstream culture, and it was really Anna who helped me do that, so thank you, Anna! And also everyone here who shares their stories so we can all keep seeing that we're not alone. : )

[@elsitabebe]

Thank you for sharing. Watching Tarot readings have me ALL into magical/spiritual thinking hoping that he will return. Although I have shown him that I am open to speaking to him again and he has not taken charge although Tarot readings all say "soulmate energy" . I have wanted to talk to him to ask if by any chance anything he says is in accordance to the tarot readings. I THINK I'm fooling myself by energetically holding onto the THOUGHT of the fantasy that I have conjured in my head

[@deltalunaris]

@@elsitabebe Your comment really struck a chord with me. I went through very similar circumstances, obsessively binging tarot card readings via KZbin when I was looking for The One. Granted, some of them were REALLY accurate, and they helped me bide my time and work on myself... Before I found The One as the good online friend I had for three years prior. 🤦‍♂️ I'm saying this with 100% honesty: be careful not to fall into that pit of waiting for your desired person. You could be waiting for them while your True One is waiting for you. Seek out that love you deserve instead. After all, in my experience, all the readings I got spoke of soulmate, even twin flame energy... Because they ALL do, or they imply that that energy will come back if you just wait long enough! Tarot readers, while lovely people who provide great services for the most part, are businesspeople. They need you to keep coming back for more readings, which is why they use language that indulges in our fantasies. They need the money/views too, y'know! Which isn't to say that all tarot readings are scams. Like I said, they can be very helpful in tiding our broken hearts over, and show us what we need to work on. But for the love of all that is Divine, seize your own day, don't wait like I had been for years when my Foreverlove was literally right there! 😅 Take care, good luck!

[@alejandrabonita8355]

@@deltalunaris I was left and seeked out 3 different tarot quote pychic readers all were scamming me gave me false hope and really the guy had moved in with another woman....they are very evil to lead people on for money always saying they're confused and will return soon ..then when they don't you pay for another reading of 100$ all bullshit and very bad karma for them .

[@deltalunaris]

@@alejandrabonita8355 Agreed. I'm sorry you had to go through such a painful experience, then to be led on by insult to injury. It isn't fair that these readers prey on the vulnerable, the lovesick, and the desperate. Very bad karma indeed. Hope you're doing well, and that you're well on your way to recovery.

[@jefferyalpha803]

@@elsitabebe You will be wasting your time and money on those readings. I do feel for your pain. I have tried spiritualizing these things. It just isn’t healthy.

[@s0me0ne1se]

You described my childhood and teenage years perfectly. Thank you. I had loving parents but I didn’t feel seen, they didn’t think it was important to pay attention to the things that made me nervous at school as a girl like looking ugly, having no real friends, feeling stupid… they only thought having good grades was the important thing and all the other stuff was ridiculous to even think about it. I dreamt of a magical boyfriend that would save me. I’ve gone through horrid, but brief, narcissistic relationships that have left me very hurt and damaged.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I so relate, thanks for sharing. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@miriambiran7372]

Could be me!

[@shine2678]

I second you!

[@LesleySASMR]

“If it were your destiny, it wouldn’t feel like a soul death.” Wow that really resonates with me. I too had issues romanticizing someone who was unavailable but I pushed and pushed and took the reigns and we were together for 6 years. We were happy a lot of the time, but he had another side of him that really destroyed me and left me with heavy anxiety and post betrayal trauma. This is a wonderful video, and I know what it means to struggle with spirituality and emotional neglect. Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Appreciate your comments! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@turner2952]

Thank you so much, Ms. Anna. You are helping so many people. So many others are experiencing the exact same things. Loneliness, lack of family and friends, childhood issues, betrayal, rejection, abandonment can all combine to make us grab on to anyone that shows us some "kindness". Just because someone is being nice to us does not mean they want a romantic relationship with us. Some people are just looking for whatever they can get from others. We need to pray for discernment, good judgement and good intuition in dealing with people. Develop a close relationship with God, and let Him guide us. Learn to recognize the "users". Don't believe all the sweet words that men tell us. Watch their actions. Actions should match their words. Don't deceive yourself, and don't be deceived by empty words and promises.

[@josie4peace]

Amen!

[@roxananoboa4190]

Sooo true🙏🕊️

[@mirandabrunskill7755]

That's right

[@sunshinesunflowerz1647]

Learning this now

[@bodnarova05]

The sad thing is. When this advice is told nowadays you’re labeled as a pick me chick or a boomer. Women( especially the spiritual community ) just don’t want to hear it. It’s not natural to chase men, we are not biologically equal to men. Yet that’s being promoted, only for these women to end up single and/ or heartbroken

[@anonymouse6703]

This explains why I never had kids. I've been too fearful of the responsibility of not messing up another human like my mom messed me up. My heart goes out to the woman in the letter. I'm so sorry you were left to grapple on that island all by yourself. I hope you found some healing since this post. Sending you love!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@99medusa]

This woke me up from my false belief of a twin flame situation. This is all the same things this letter writer is talking about. Holding a space, soul recognition, quick “relationship”, etc. I’m so glad i found this! I’ve been obsessed with this for over 2 years. Now i know and can heal myself for real. I definitely have CPTSD from an alcoholic abusive father and dismissive emotionally detached mother.

[@badbeachindustry1615]

I've had "soul recognition" with multiple of my closest friends........(these friendships are important and are like family to me. Which helped me) I agree that this logical stuff helps (you need boundaries. You need to save yourself and youve gotta be there for yourself+ no self abandonment) I agree that the delusional magical thinking can get out of hand especially if you're traumatized, but magical stuff happens everyday and nobody is safe from change. The only constant in the universe is change and being a little bit delusional helps with that. Cheers

[@wheelchairgeek]

Right. There is no soul mate. All relationships take work!

[@LLindsey1427]

That sounds really rough and very similar to me. I pray we heal finally.

[@OliverJazzz]

Thank you for calling out the harmful new age ideas. When I was a child, my mother went from boyfriend to boyfriend believing that the next one will finally be The One, True Soulmate, without realising her own patterns of behaviour, or the true reasons behind them. Even seeing that clearly hasn't stopped me from behaving almost similarly, without the new age ideas though, and with the difference that I can't let people that close because of all the distrust in my heart.

[@BCBrownBooks]

I'm not entirely certain that the concept of a "soul mate" or finding "The One" is a "new age" idea. In fact, many ancient religions lean into the concept quite thoroughly with concepts of destiny & finding love. However, there are older spiritualities that talk about harmonic response or recognition with others, not necessarily in love but in relationships. Typically, it's those older spiritualities that many saddle the definition of being "new age" with.

[@OliverJazzz]

@@BCBrownBooks @BC Brown Books You're absolute right, of course, I'm aware of Plato's myth of soulmates etc... But in this case it's closely connected to the ultra commercial "spiritual shopping " which is a big business nowadays.

[@wheelchairgeek]

People are basically all the same. They just name it and frame differently 😂

[@johnpatterson6448]

Ann is the most straight-talking, compassionate adviser. And she doesn’t play to the gallery.

[@Whol3NothaL3v3l]

I absolutely love your style. The way you just take a machete and cut through the justification crap, yet with a certain precision that ensures you're not further wounding the person or leaving them feeling belittled or personally attacked.

[@toyahbetheglory2140]

When the writer mentions "rewriting the story" it reminds me of the goal of most DBT types of therapy. To re-word the truth can be helpful, such as thinking "I survived a traumatic childhood" from an original story of "I'm a victim forever because my parents didn't love me properly". Hope that makes sense, that it's about seeing reality clearer by re-wording how we self-talk about the truth, not about trying to deny or lie about the past. It's also possible they work with the material by Ross Rosenberg, I believe he was the one who focuses on writing as a method of coping with codependency, which he calls self-love deficit disorder. Find your videos very helpful in mentally reconsidering the nature of my own struggles and traumas. Thank you for what you do 💚

[@miffafia1]

I‘ve never heard of this method but Im curious. Do u happen to know the book or video about Ross’ method?

[@jalynlunt6179]

"self -love deficit disorder" 👍 that sounds like a very accurate, and more understandable way of describing it

[@bodnarova05]

I can recognize the wording she’s using. She’s referring to the spiritual community, that advises to write down your life story then change it to what you wish you experienced instead. Essentially there are people on KZbin advising to delude oneself into believing they had a different past and childhood. I wish I was kidding.

[@frankydottir8762]

@@bodnarova05 That's avoiding to face reality and learn from it, doesn't seem to be very healthy. Just like alcohol - hiding and soothing yourself, avoiding reality.

[@shirlebug]

Yeah I noticed that too

[@MakerTom2022]

I just began the journey of healing Limerence. I'm open to the possibility of remaining single the rest of my life, but would like to be happy while at it. At first, learning about Limerence was like trying to take a drink of water from a fire hydrant. Now, I've decided to take in enough to digest each day, and your video today was just right. The online mystical stuff stirs up Limerence for me, but your down-to-earth counsel helps me feel like I'm actually on the right track. Thanks CCF

[@detoate123]

Same here, when I learned the word limerence was like the fog lifted and I could clearly see my life for the first time ever. Five years single and still counting. I give it a try from time to time like dipping my toe in the ocean and it's like: nope, still limerent, they're not committing, get out now! The simple fact that I can see when people are not going to put in the effort to make it work, regardless of circumstances, it can be business, friendship, family, romance and so on, makes my life incredibly simple. I follow a lot of good teachers, but none is right on bulls eye like Anna. This channel is gold!

[@detoate123]

@@hydraulics Living alone is brutal, I would never recommend it to anyone, but if you are an awareness freak like me and you want the truth or nothing, there's nothing like it. The kind of insight that comes with having no one in the world to blame for whatever happens in a day is priceless. ☺

[@SirCamera]

@@hydraulics I agree that limerance is kinda pop psychology. But holy mother of god... Rollo 'Godfather of the Manosphere' Tomassi is psychological poison. He is a misogynist and a hack who makes money by lying to depressed, directionless young men as they struggle to connect with women. Run away, run far far way, run fast.

[@Outlawsrevenge1020]

This literally just happened to me. I met someone who I thought was very interested in me, and I totally abandoned myself, my boundaries, and needs. I felt like I was making really good progress, and now I feel like I've taken three steps back.

[@TheKatoreilly]

Sometimes regression is a powerful way to highlight how much we have changed, and what remains to be worked on. I hope you are doing better 5 months out.

[@create2liberate]

sometimes we have to be in a "compost" phase. it's not always growth and flowers.

[@larabraver]

@@TheKatoreillyVery well and gently said 🌺👍🏼

[@larabraver]

@@create2liberate Very well and gently said 🌺👍🏼

[@mushroommagic1697]

I saw myself in this letter. I feel so sorry for how I treated myself and for how I kept myself in mess for the sake of hope. What Lisa should do is to leave those people behind, and face her inner wounds. It works for me. "Past can rewrite the future." I can't remember who said this quote. "Character is destiny." Quote by queen Marie of Romania. This quote helped me in realizing that destiny is not written in stars, but it is something I do by my own actions. It helped me realize my position in any action, and I realized that I have power over my destiny and I am not a pawn of the situation. I gave up victim mentality, by reading Marcus Aurelius - Meditations. I am rambling, sorry.

[@lola.lola11.11]

Not rambling, amazing stuff. Thank you.

[@hbohanan]

Love this! Character is Destiny!

[@alabamaaaa3343]

I will read. Thank you ! ♥️♥️♥️

[@IMHip2]

The familiar feeling of rejection that we misinterpret as "soul connection".......DAAAAMMNN.....that hit close. I hate this "normal" that we develop from abuse then experience later in life. Abusive Normal is not normal. It just keeps us in the same place.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

Is that really a thing?? Do soul connections not really exist? Is it always just the trauma feeling extremely comfortable because an unhealthily situation is manifesting it again.

[@abstract3213]

But then how do you tell when that feeling of "soul mate" is right and not just limerance?

[@MsLovelylady32]

Z5

[@StarOnTheWater]

Pain is the strongest catalyst there is. Facing it and honestly and becoming conscious of your own patterns and behaviours IS actually healing. Not the result of healing, but part of the process.

[@joellemoushati7960]

I'd like to post this video on every tarot card Reading on the internet. It will help save all of the heart broken and vulnerable people time, and prevent the prolonging of heartache, heal yourself and move on🙏🏼

[@cliffhanger04]

As i was listening to this letter I kept thinking how the lady must wach a lot of those tarot readings when hearing all the terms they use like ‘soul tribe’ etc. unfortunately in my recent limerance state i got hooked on these tarot reading as they all kept saying stuff like “you’re going though a rough time now but he will come back to you soon” or “he’s about to confess his love” etc. they’re all the same. Deep down I knew it was all BS but it kept hope alive when there really was no hope. It just fans the flame of limerance.

[@eugetesta5847]

Yeah. Ir at least try personal readings with sonmeone trustful

[@kimlec3592]

People cannot give what they themselves never got.

[@miffafia1]

Does this mean that if we weren't given (parental) love that we aren't capable of getting love (from anyone)??

[@evaeggen7825]

probably nor. it's possible to heal, with help from yourself, others or from your perception of a loving and compassionate god if you have that support imagiinated or atleast In some way . is it possible to support oneself more constructive, i think so , yes. just don't waste your effort on those who don't really care about the real you no more.

[@prisonerohope6970]

@@miffafia1 It is harder to recognize love. Harder to attract loving partners when we are unhealthy.

[@hope-miracles]

“Limerence = a false God” 🤦🏾‍♀️😮 Phew! What a reality check. Thank you the clarity. 💯

[@miffafia1]

When I first heard of "limerance" was through you and I kid u not, I was literally on a train about to burst into tears because I finally understood what I was dealing with. 1) In H.S. I broke up with my bf (we had a veery good relationship) but I realized I couldn't focus, I couldn't study, he loved cars so I loved cars, he liked formula 1 so I loved formula 1... I didn't feel like myself. 2) In University, I became fixed on a guy (2 years my senior) after he'd shown interest in me and then he got busy with his finals in his final year. I'd visit his dorm every other day asking his roommates if he was there .... I literally couldn't stop myself from checking. We eventually got together after he graduated but it didn't last more than month. I never forgot that "spell" feeling. 3) Fwd to 2018, I had a client that I instructed, nothing more than a crush and never fathomed he'd feel the same. 2 years later in 2020 he asked me on a date (while we were at work) and I ... laughed....🤦. I just couldn't believe what was happening nor did I ever in a million years expect him to be interested in me but that reaction ruined any attempt I tried to show him I accept his offer. That's when the limerance kicked in .... for 2 years!! Finally dissolved once he stopped feeding me glimmers of hope. I'm scared of limerance. Im doing my best to fully understand it, it's extremely unpredictable but atleast I can identify when it happens. ☺️ Im okay being alone but Im not okay spending my life alone and I won't accept limerance and codependent attachments either (gateways to abuse). Just leaving this here since there's no way I can talk about this to anyone.

[@prisonerohope6970]

💛💛💛

[@lizzzarduh]

Thank you. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this either

[@AngelWingzzz]

I feel too ridiculous to talk to anyone about this. Guess I'll just handle this too. somehow.

[@nancycuevasguzman2590]

The sabbatical is such a great help. I did it after a terrible break up…. I just never came back… I went on traveling and experiencing the world alone. I went to 44 countries and finally chose a spot to settle down. In Spain now in a beautiful house, (I I own it alone), and I have a garden and I grow food… lots of fruit trees. It’s amazing. I do wish I had a witness to my life but I am not sure I want to take on anyone besides the animals I rescue. Still thinking on that.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you are here, thanks for sharing! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@prisonerohope6970]

I'm happy you are taking your time and getting it right. You are your own best friend and create safety for yourself.💛💛💛

[@brentduanefoster]

Sheesh, it seems as if much of our trauma can be traced back to lack of parental activity, rejection, neglect, etc. Just goes to show you that there is a difference between parents and procreators. It’s as if they would say, “Alright, here’s your wounds. Good luck. Even though I inflicted them on you, I can’t help you with them. Yeah, it sucks, I know.” When you started talking about sex, all I could think is, “As a gay man, there’s an entire community that needs to hear this!!!!”

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Spread the word :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@LilMsLorelei]

“ who is designed for that”, you asked. You nailed it right there. “ don’t “crap fit”. Be ambitious.”” be careful with your precious self”. I really love those sentiments Anna. That’s how it needs to be.

[@elianamazurr.5722]

I do the same thing. I have immense distrust of my own attachments because of how rapid and excessive they can be. I do think that trauma recognizes trauma. There is great relief in meeting people who feel like they're like you.

[@jonmars9559]

Great video. As a male in my late 50s, I sometimes feel like an interloper listening in on a topic meant for women but the patterns and principles dealing with CPTSD are pretty much the same for men as for women. Men make women objects of limerence just the same as women do with men. The pain is just as intense. I keep going back to how many similarities there are between CPTSD and BPD traits. History of trauma is extremely common with those with BPD and the fear of abandonment is often the driving force behind maladaptive behaviors. Limerence and the phenomenon of "Favorite Person" also bear some similarities. Thanks again for the great clarity presented in your videos.

[@evadebruijn]

Male perspectives are so valuable and needed.Two people who keep attracting eachother and create some sort of on and off long term fwb style situationship IMO both have attachment style issues, regardless of gender.

[@epictetus9221]

I can assure you all this goes for men as well.

[@kmlac6596]

Yes it is absolutely an issue for men!! My father clearly has CPTSD (a parent died young and the new stepparent and stepsiblings were cruel). It’s made him so miserable but there’s so little acceptance of men caring for their own health (physical or mental!!). Luckily Pete Walker is a good male role model for CPTSD healing, but society needs to change in a major way for men’s health! I wish you luck on your journey.

[@jklynb]

OMG ! That’s me ! I felt totally rejected by both of my parents. Criticism and guilt and shame was constant. I was never good enough for them. I realized I’ve been searching for complete love my entire life.

[@Blessed1283]

Me, too.

[@JohnKeaney-su3iz]

Do we ever find real love??

[@mbagi]

God is the answer. Sometimes our wounds are a path for Him to enter our lives

[@toscadonna]

Let’s say for the sake of argument that the 5D exists and that we have souls, soul mates, and twin flames. It is absolutely MEANINGLESS if it doesn’t manifest in the 3D. Who cares what some guy’s soul supposedly believes in the 5D, spiritual world? It doesn’t matter one bit unless he loves you in THIS REALITY. His actions in the 3D towards you are ALL that matters! Love unexpressed is love wasted. Casual sex isn’t casual for women; that’s like a surgeon saying, “I have this casual surgery I’m gonna do with this casual scalpel I’m gonna stick inside of you.” Just stop the madness.

[@doradestroy]

Yeah, this 5D romance thing is mostly a marketing trap to keep new agers in biz.

[@SiriusBMermaid]

I've been spiritual my whole life and even I know that this twin flame shit is garbage. And watching Anna's videos have helped me find a word for what people are doing when they believe in twin flame stuff. Then you tell them that karmic contracts are real and they think u r just negative and "3D".

[@Kareena1988]

Your words are mindblowing.

[@elizabethslater245]

Yes!! I’ve totally reframed my mindset that my job is maintain the 3D =D and let the 5d show up at my door haha

[@bodnarova05]

The sad thing is this is such a big business, and completely unregulated :/

[@TarotPolitics]

Thanks to your channel I realized my bizarre life-long obsession with people that weren’t even in my life is a thing… it’s exactly as you describe… magical thinking to escape thank you for making me realize I am not alone.

[@ShellBean888]

I’m mad at how much time and energy I’ve put into limerence over the years - finally realizing this. But I’m grateful for you because with the truth, I can actually be there for myself, work on healing and cultivate real love.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Don't be mad, we can't help it until we see it. You're ready now :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@lamalawyer]

I think 'killing all hope' you mentioned is the most effective strategy. Want to hear more about how to effectively do that, Fairy :) Thanks!!!

[@miffafia1]

I usually kill all hope by asking for the truth and accepting the answer. Example: Ask the person out/ to be together , if the answer is not simply "Yes" then it means there is no hope because you‘ll crap fit and try twist anything else. If someone hasn't replied, hasn't asked u out, hasn't checked on u... that is the answer. It means no, it means nothing, it means there is no hope. It hurts but I accept that truth and move on. The limerent thoughts about the person still pop up from time to time but it doesn't feel like a “spell” or “uncontrollable urge” anymore. I can stop... think .... and say not today limerance.

[@x-mess]

Killing hope reminds me of radical acceptance.

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

I've killed all hope effectively. So effectively, there's zero. When expect nothing, aren't disappointed when you get it. Its not necessarily a healthy place to be in to kill all hope, when don't possess an ability to know what a healthy & fulfilling version of hope is. Without hope, there's no vision of anything other than "what is". Without hope, possibilities are erased too.

[@x-mess]

@@myotherusername9224 thank u but not interested in him...he's too new agey.

[@x-mess]

@@myotherusername9224 I heard it from a psychologist

[@brianf9615]

What that woman wrote about herself is me to the T. And how Anna describe the woman’s PTSD and the entire situation is also me to the T. I have experienced that very same situation so many times and it was worst feeling ever over and over again. Fortunately I found someone who is good for me and we have been happily married for over twenty years now and have a wonderful daughter together. Anna you truly are a good ferry.

[@xxcc4481]

Why can't I comment on the app? Any way, this fucking sucks, I have no sympathy because she actually got to enjoy him as a lover. Mine just disappeared after a friendship after showing possible signs of interest.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

I’ve done this…..every teeny tiny glimmer of “niceness” makes us think “oh boy he likes me”😃…..meanwhile we’re miserable 😩

[@godzillamanstreb524]

@@PreYeah as you heal you’ll see him differently

[@aperson7210]

@@PreYeah I was going through the EXACT same thing as you! Started feeling some type of way for a coworker whom I also had a good back and fourth with in the begining, but then things got stagnant which made me feel very confused and anxious since I thought we were going through a good path, then he suddently pushed me away, and I was just trying to find excuses as to why it happened. But with time, it become more obvious that I was putting all the effort in our interactions and literally tried to find ways to share stuff about myself as a way of making him get to know me when he never really asked questions or expressed the desire to know me more or share common interests between us, at least not to the same extend as he does with another coworker who I can tell seems like the type of girl he could be more interested in, specially since he takes every opportunity he gets to be alone with her, and that was when I truly understood the meaning behind the phrase "if he wanted to he would" because ironically he kept saying how shy and unconfident he is but when he was with her that didn't seem to be the case at all. He recently started acting differently towards me and being more touchy but honestly I feel so lucid now that I don't even allow myself to get sucked back into the Limerence state because I would be embarrasing myself trying to chase a fabricated lie and I honestly don't deserve this. I decided that until I actually hear a guy verbally expressing his intentions of getting to know me or being in a romantic relationships with me, i'll just assume they don't like me like that and avoid reading further into things that may not be that big of a deal looking from an outside perspective. I feel like I'm free and I do hope that this lucid state remains forever!

[@aperson7210]

@@PreYeah Thank you so much!! It has been a battle indeed, and I think that only now I'm starting to see signs of a personal victory! Oh my gosh I can't believe how much I see myself in your words, it's like we are living almost the exact same situation and there is alot to unpack here. "I've seen him jump to answer another girl's posts on the group chat" - YES! I literally had to jump to several hoops to make him send more than 2 short sentences to me, then I noticed that he was constantly talking and initiating conversations with the other girl alot more. "I'm appalled how they can have the nerve to reach out after having ignored us" - exactly, in my situation i was using the fact that he has a form of autism as an excuse plus him being shy and introverted. But this didn't really matter because if he didn't tell me this things about himself i wouldn't have not noticed, apart from the introverted thing. I'm kinda like a cameleon so I can be either introverted or extroverted depending on who I am with, but most of the time im very extroverted, nice, quirky and bubbly. For some reason I always felt a strong attraction towards introverted men or the ones that look like they need some extra TLC to get out of their shell and reveal the "beautiful" heart they have inside, or so I thought they were like this during my multiple Limerence states.

[@aperson7210]

@@PreYeah Like you said "These men aren't crippled", and this is SO TRUE they may act like it on the daily basis but once they see someone they can potencially come to like, they do get out of their way to act on it, and I got to see that with my own two eyes right in front of me. It was not the first time I saw a guy I was in Limerence with ignore me then acting differently with another girl in front of me, but during that time I got jealous but did not saw things for what they truly were for some reason, I even decided one day to ignore him and see if he would make an effort to come to me which he DIDN'T and instead of me moving on I still tried to make conversations with him, what a shame. "Sometimes it feels like a private punishment that the Universe is making a public display for us" - YEP you said it correctly. I really want to have a meaningful romantic relationship with someone because it has been years, and even in my previous short term relationships they were basically childs play and did not feel like the real thing at all. "It definitely seems like the crux in this battle is fighting for intimacy vs. fighting to keep our integrity" - Well I've been very lucky in other areas of my life except the romantic one which at times makes me feel very impatient and willing to try to make things work with people when there aren't any reasons as to why it would or should work, CPTSD has a big influence on this since I grew up with emotional unavailable parents that gave me almost everything I wanted instead of an emotional bond and vulnerability, at the moment things are ALOT better but I wish I had this while growing up and not now as an young adult. And while writing these words, I realized that even though I wasn't an introverted girl while growing up and never had trouble making friends, i did kept alot to myself so the way I'm acting towards these men seem like it would be something that i would have enjoyed others doing to me while growing up, in other words my Limerence is just me projecting my past traumas and trying to help solve them in the present moment.

[@aperson7210]

@@PreYeah I had therapy sessions related to a different situation but we did address my inability to be vulnerable and hide my emotions to other people, I did the work on that and at the moment I am in a much healthier space in my life, so I have to finally make peace with the fact that the past is in the past, i'm not that kid anymore and it isnt really my place to constantly put myself on the line to "help" these men when they didn't even requested it or showed valid reasons as to why they need that help from me, which could also jeopardize my own journey of growth since the inconsistency and constant push and pull can bring me down. Regarding your last questions at the end of your comment fortunately everything has been going well but I am also afraid of relapsing not necessarily with this current guy but by getting into a Limerence state with the next guy that might come into my life. Finding a guy cute or having them acting very nice to me can be enough to trigger something but those feelings often dissapear after a few days, with introverted guys it seems quite the opposite and linger for more time, especially if nothing really happens and I'm left with unanswered question. I wasn't attracted to this guy at all in the beginning but for some reason I felt that I had to give him a chance and ended up realizing he was a nice man which led me to feel more drawn to him, but it got to the point were it seemed like I was trying to force an attraction that never showed, this added to the situation with the girl made me say "enough is enough". I did not called him out on the touchiness because he has no power over me anymore so safe to say that this chapter is getting closed. I also concluded that I won't waste any more time chasing guys who's energy vibrates at a low frequency, cuz I also find myself often drawn to them but wishing they could have some characteristics that less introverted men have, but if you put a much more extroverted man in front of me It would not make me feel a damn thing which is very odd, either way I feel like I finally woke up for life and will try my best to stay awake!

[@suddhadasi]

What helped me to really change this pattern is to consciously ground myself: instead of giving importance to signs, my perceptions of energy shift etc. I am sticking to facts: what is the person actually saying, does he manifest real, concrete affection, does he communicate clearly his interest, does he prioritize me and my needs in a way that I find suits me, etc. And if not, no matter how magical it feels, no matter how much I feel that there is a soul connexion, I let go and move on. I make that choice and choose not to be afraid that I'm missing out on something or that I did not fight enough. And it works really well for me. No regrets.

[@shine2678]

FOMO is real

[@ChiviA84]

This was very very painful for me to look at and listen to but I forced myself to do it anyway. Thank you

[@stephanievs9169]

Same

[@boomboom1258]

You're like an emotionally healthy and mature virtual mother to me. My parents have a similar anxious/avoidant attachment dynamic and they weren't providing me the validation, assurance, support and encouragement I needed when I was bullied in primary school, secondary school and by a former neighbour's daughter because of their marriage and financial issues. After watching so so many of your videos, I come to at least understand that my parents probably didn't have the attention, recognition, love and support they needed from my grandparents due to poverty/generational trauma, and I am the embodiment of history on repeat. I had a long history of limerence and toxic relationship/situationships. Nevertheless, I'm quite thankful that you appeared to help us understand that it isn't actually our fault, but it is also our responsibility to own our healing and recovery. We were just responding to abnormal condition as a normal human being and the aftermath still lingers in our body and mind. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. ❤️

[@sar.c5835]

“Soul death”, “soul prison”, “he just wanted casual sex” “a false god” really resonated with me - in fact her whole story. I thank her & Anna for sharing it. Also - maybe it’s just me but from just this letter I don’t feel these people are a really great soul family or friends if they see her pain & know her past, and have been acting exhausted & ostracizing towards her in setting their boundaries more than helping her feel supported in seeking healing / therapy. Especially given they are living outside the bounds of general society, where is the friend here that sees what’s going on & jumps in and says “first off, you’re not sleeping in the same room as this guy anymore” and “how about we take a vacation from the ‘community’ together & see where we can help get some support that we don’t have access to here”. Idk - this is what a soul family in my eyes would do & the kind of friends I see her deserving. It seems like the nature of this living arrangement makes her so vulnerable to being gaslit into crap fitting not just a romantic relationship but the kind of family she gets to choose in her group of close friends as an adult. Of course, our healing is not the responsibility of other people including our friends. But I have to say the friends who genuinely care about you getting better & show you they care (who have healthy boundaries they enforce but not in a way that makes you feel horrible about yourself) instead of watching you suffer / hurt yourself and roll their eyes you are so messed up - are absolute angels in a person with cptsd’s life.

[@evaeggen7825]

i must say i agree, it's like they live in a make believe new age shit world all of those folks .

[@evaeggen7825]

thinking destiny isn't on her side..

[@bodnarova05]

Unfortunately I think we all attract the type of people we are being in the moment, and the ones we think we deserve. We teach others how to treat us

[@badbeachindustry1615]

I'm gonna be real with you FAM, my soul family are a mess right now and I don't want to be associated with them/some of the behaviours that were happening were fucking shameful to witness so I stepped back, in NC and boundaries mode. I don't feel bad for going into isolation and I'm not letting them guilt me . you teach people how to treat you. (I'm literally not perfect. I don't watch this channel for no reason) everyone self reflects, let them self reflect. Be your own best friend.

[@zoooejenkins]

Sometimes when you say really deep & profound things, I laugh so I don’t start crying. But then I cry.

[@lisaq787]

I love how you cut through the bs Anna: it's what helps people be free.

[@PassionateFlower]

My obsession with unrealistic romantic love was the only thing that gave me hope all these years. It kept me alive in unspeakably hurtful situations. My extreme false hope was a survival tool. So for that I give thanks to my faulty coping mechanism. Now I will retire my false hope from it's job and I will find a new goal in life that is safe, healthy, and realistic. It may not involve finding an intimate partner anymore. It may just be about learning how to Just Be. Not closed off to love, but just in "site is down and working on repairs and will be unavailable for a period of time due to maintenance problems that our team is currently working diligently to resolve". I just feel like I'm tired of searching for "my soulmate" I just want to be okay in life with or without a Great Love. I'd like to be able to live a full life regardless of who does or doesn't want me. I want to be able to die happy one day whether I remain single the rest of my life or not. Like I don't want my happiness in life predicated on some guy who happens to find me "worthy" for some arbitrary reason...my worth as a human isn't dictated by my sexual market value and reproductive abilities. I am more than a body to be used for someone ELSE'S temporary gratification!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@abbykendrick5748]

I went through this exact thing in my 20s.. I moved on thank god, but this is so triggering to me which shows me there’s still something I need to look at. It was that whole new age, hippy community thing .. it is so triggering to me now .. I would never want anything to do with anything like that again. This type of thing happens a lot in that hippy communal situation and it’s so freaking toxic. I also was emotionally neglected as a child and teen.

[@detoate123]

I also was in this type of new age thinking for a long time, feels like waking up from the dead now. It's brain mushing and I believe the people involved have no idea what's actually going on. This stuff is very serious, it ruins lifes and can make any predispositions to mental health issues turn into full blown disorders. As Anna says, I can easily recognise the specific language that keeps the malignant fantasy alive, it's very triggering to watch indeed.

[@abbykendrick5748]

@@detoate123 💯 agree it is very serious..

[@სალომეგუგავა]

Hippies and spiritual people can be very abusive. They know how to package extreme irresponsibility and neglect as "them helping you". Danger. Run.

[@mzmolly4898]

This is so painful to listen to. Been there, done that! I'm embarrassed at how hard I tried to make non-existant relationships work OR, I tried to get away from a non-existant relationship and it was with a narc who dragged me back in with false promises. So glad I'm single now.

[@vincecallagher7636]

I am 69, I am now just beginning to see that love and saftey is possible. I’m still healing from my childhood. Please don’t neglect your children. It means thier literal life.

[@pervontoast]

Limerance heartbreak is what finally allowed me to "wake up" and face my lifelong trauma at 30 y old. Plus Crazy Ex-Girlfriend series and many books including Women Who Love Too Much and Pete Walkers CPTSD

[@dvillebenny1445]

There is a theory that says: You wiII repeat the pattern of your childhood trauma or unresoIved sibling relationships over and over again in many adult relationships you have with other people, untiI you have Iearned the Iesson or understand the pattern you're trying to resolve. It goes on to say that you wiII continue to repeat this pattern by putting other people in the places of people of your past or creating the behaviors your trying to resolve.

[@brentduanefoster]

Which brings up the question, “What lesson is there supposed to be for me that could only come from my parents’ trauma.” Like, it doesn’t make sense most of the time.

[@dvillebenny1445]

@@brentduanefoster Sounds Like you have the answer. "it doesn't make sense". They didn't make sense. Now try and find a pIace that is conducive to common sense in your Iife. May feeI strange at first as you navigate new interactions with peopIe.

[@MConnoway]

Now I TRULY understand why I have a festering rejection wound…it’s because all along I was magnetically attracted to rrrrreally really bad situationships with emotionally unavailable guys due to my CPTSD. I feel relieved…the truth truly sets you free! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! Glad you're here. -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Francesco6961]

Crappy Childhood Fairy, you’re the best! I never could make sense of my behavior/patterns/choices in many failed relationships. Finally, at 71 years, and thanks to you, I better understand the mental/emotional mechanics that drove the dysfunctional machine! Thank you a million times!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow! Thank you for your kind words, so glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Francesco6961]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Again, thank you so much. I’ve never come across so eloquently and precisely delivered an explanation of my behaviors. Finally realizing that I don’t have the tools for a healthy romantic relationship and removing myself from that arena has brought me a peace I never thought possible! Ultimately I learned that getting to know, and loving myself was my key to happiness. I wish you all the success and happiness life can offer!

[@TacosTina]

Also want to add about your desire to be on that land involved in that community of people that feel like "home" to you, the way you described home life wasn't a good place for you and was destructive. So if this feels like "home" to you, this probably has something to do with the home you grew up with and maybe not be the best situation for you in your healing.

[@charmedprince]

As a guy who got limerent with a college classmate that I met out of the blue after 10 years of never having contact with each other, and never really being close with her in college, I was just glad that she had a healthy mindset to put me into my place so that I got to see that it was just me being limerent and not a Universe got us together shit. But I hold a special place in my heart for her because she made me see the ideal woman I should and could be with. Bless her heart for being entangled into my messy life

[@72.Destin0]

I just got through a month and half long limerence episode. The scariest part this time was being entirely aware of what I was doing the entire time but not being able to snap out of it.

[@ladyreverie7027]

This story makes me think of all the people I've seen online who claim to be "chasers" in a "twin flame dynamic". It's limerence, if the other person doesn't want to be with you.

[@justlivinglife465]

OMG.. I had a crazy case of this. I met someone that I actually think I had a past life with. I went crazy, there's literally no other explanation. What cured me was finally seeing this person for who they truly are (which isn't so great) and also completely ending it. I'm still extremely hurt but I have no desire to see them anymore. At least that's something!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That IS something! Thanks for sharing your experience, sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@lizgen4278]

No wonder why some spiritual practices feel so icky! I have noticed that some are full of word salad, and phrases that just aren't used/very well understood with the language we use to describe the world today, and very much leave a person in the"magical thinking" - destiny will choose my fate - type of reality. So unhelpful for people with cptsd. Thank you so much for putting plain English to these situations, it brings me so much clarity. I believe this is what "grounding" feels like ❤️🙏

[@Ricky.Z]

I agree. Even though I believe in some of the spiritual new age ideas, and many of the teachers in that community are balanced and trustworthy, I think the way the community in general talks about it lacks clarity and balance. I think what some of the other commenters have said is true, that it wouldn't matter if you and somebody else are connected spiritually somehow or not--what matters to YOU right now for your growth and wellbeing is You now in this 3D reality. You need to take care of yourself, establish good boundaries, focus on connections that are uplifting you. Create a life you love. Learn to recognize warning signs and learn how to shift direction so you don't get pulled or stuck in a crappy situation. And side note for anyone else reading, If you believe in twin flames, that's totally fine, but if you're healthy you will only want to be with your counterpart if you are both feeling great in it. You would not compromise your boundaries and your wellbeing for them, and you would not expect them to compromise theirs. You still want to be following the rules of a healthy relationship. And Anna is a great resource for learning about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships! And a great resource for healing the cptsd patterns and helping you in your healing journey.

[@danajaye2911]

That soul recognition look they shared is called ‘glimmer’. We are inundated with love stories from childhood and that reinforces limerent behavior. People will take advantage - enjoy their infatuation and then move on to another person - while the cPTSD limerent is bonding instead.

[@vqcart8956]

Out of all the letters, this story felt the most relatable to me. Rn, I used to be friends with him on insta but seeing his current relationship flourish left me feeling inadequate and it was addicting. To tell myself some story of me being not good enough and how if only I had tried harder for him. Something in me was exhausted of lies that I just up and blocked him EVERYWHERE. I have to fight the annoying fantasy my brain keeps trying to tell of him leaving his gf for me and how he never stopped loving me. It's so distracting but being self aware hurts less than when I was believing that story. It kept me from living in my own reality and looking forward to the future I wanted for myself. The story still exists in my brain but what exists in my heart is that I am worth all the effort and understanding, I don't need a lover to heal me, and that my trauma doesn't have to define my relationships. I just gotta be sure I don't follow the same patterns over and over again lol.

[@nicolameikle3976]

Wanting someone you want to want you causes deep pain and shows up in ugly irrational behaviours… Get away from him to heal and accept he isn’t your person … The rejection will be there 24/7 killing your spirit xxx

[@mirandabrunskill7755]

Very well put, that resonates with me.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

I think he reminded her of her father because they are both avoidant of affection, even though the guy started with emotional availability, he still isn’t 100% there to the degree that she (and I) need. And that’s ok! She should have ran away the second he started to remind her of her father. All of my life until a few weeks ago (I’m 24) was spent bawling, wailing, begging, fighting, and pleading for someone to care as well. So I absolutely feel her pain.

[@leilagomulka5690]

Limerence. A fascinating and true dilemma. Thank you for naming it and describing it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You are most welcome! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@Fatspurios]

Thanks for these it helps. As a man this sort of thing isn't socially acceptable as one has to be strong by your very gender. Limerance is something identifiable in the pattern of my life. Now the source of my abuse has died and left the biggest mess behind that lays firmly on just my shoulders. Lookiing to future seems impossible . Oh my.......m

[@seymorepencilart]

Vulnerability is confidence my friend. The idea of what a man is has a chip on it’s shoulder societally- and it’s not respective of either gender. Ownership of your pain and fear, and addressing it though is commendable to those who aren’t stuck in their thinking or mesmerized by the images of “what a man is/what a man is supposed to be”. Besides that, not everyone is for you, and as a man, you don’t HAVE to be everything for everyone. If I were to suggest you read one book about societies expectations of men, of which you alluded to, I suggest you find “Men, Women and Worthiness,” by Brene Brown. It’s great, and it might be just what you need. If you read/listen to it-it’s on Audible, by the way- I hope it helps you right where your need it at this moment in time.

[@dougcoleman8972]

Thanks for sharing. I struggle with this as well.

[@MellowJelly]

I know not a lot of women or men are "safe places" for you to talk about your feelings, I hope you can find someone who listens and doesn't mock or undermine your feelings. I know there are people out here who would not judge you for venting and needing support, but I can't assume you have those people in your life. I'm sure it's rare. I'm very lucky in that regard

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

Hello Robert. I'm really glad that you've also found a forum where can express thoughts & feelings on a level playing field. No gender exclusion - just human. Having a place to say things when it seems like society generally doesn't "get it", is an alien place to be in when havnt experienced this in positive ways before. It can be abit intimidating, I appreciate your bravery to express. It can feel like such a vulnerable place to be in when verbalising your thoughts has been systematically denied/negated. Thanks for your comment, reading it prompted thinking about sociatal expectations & inequalities in feelings & expressions of emotions. 👍

[@carlamurphy7541]

Limerance is terrifically painful. The one good thing in this story is that he is not sleeping with you and telling you he loves you while not having those feelings. Thats even worse because it keeps you from moving on. Its the same pain for you but at least you have the facts you just have to accept them as harsh as this is.

[@kimlec3592]

i was always told to be brave. now people say strong. it makes me so frustrated. don't they know how brave you have to be to be your parent's parent?

[@evadebruijn]

❤️🤗❤️ To me it is a conversation stopper used by people who are clueless on how to truly hold space for someone. They probably don't know how to hold space for themselves. What you tell yourself is important. Nevermind what others say especially when it comes to how you 'should be'!

[@boom_handled]

Wow I can't believe how verbally aware Lisa is of her inner experiences

[@MellowJelly]

she definitely has the ability to break out of this cycle!

[@boom_handled]

@@MellowJelly I do not agree. The ability to describe your situation is not the same as the ability to solve it.

[@boom_handled]

And that is exactly why writers need a privileged status in society - to be welcomed and supported by everyone and to not be challenged in any way.

[@evadebruijn]

@@boom_handled It is the first step though: you can't change what you don't acknowledge

[@summerdamra170]

Ive been personally affected by new age spirtual terms and now at this point on my journey I am seeing that all that I ever wanted was commitment, honesty, and love. This woman is like so many of us out here believing that one day someone is gonna see our inner child and love us the way we wanted to be loved and nurtured. The truth is there is pain, none of the bullshit magical fantasies the media creates to have us stall our own healings and wait for this moment to begin the recovery.

[@amberwinders6892]

I love that image of being out on a ledge and your soul crying out at the situation you've placed it in. Very powerful !!

[@abbykendrick5748]

This is so valuable.. so true it’s painful because your soul is unsupported out in a ledge.. exactly.. not that you’re not spiritual enough. All these new age terms are so triggering.. thank you for debunking this toxic bullshit.

[@alicehansen8213]

This is the explation for my 5 year relationship with an incarcerated man 15 years ago. I am healing now. Thanks for giving my the language.

[@uzimachi1]

Discovering this feels like a huge breakthrough for me

[@LGrannis]

This is my favorite video. Thanks for talking about spiritualization of crapfitting, Anna. The way you say it saves years in therapy and carries such earnest hope for healing.

[@TeamCat1128]

Anna - Thank you so much for peeling back the sticky, gooey, harmful layer of “magical thinking” and “fairy dust” spawned by the new age cult of mystical BS. Being real hurts but REALITY is the only place we can truly heal.

[@mintyhippo8125]

When I was in college, I had this anecdote that kissing someone was always better after waiting 6 months lol But that was mostly because I would rush into kissing someone, and then feel guilty that we didn’t have a connection/that I rushed, and then after those few months it would actually make sense to kiss 😅 Yikes, I’m very guilty of rushing my relationships. I can understand that a few weeks seems like a long time to go slow, because you want to go fast the first day lol I would approach them like, “well, they don’t care about me anyway, let’s see what happens.” Which is a horrible mind set to have in retrospect.

[@MellowBellow1]

Thank you Anna for taking this “false” spirituality and kindly unpacking the magical thinking. I so appreciate your honesty and straight forward approach, it is REALLY refreshing compared so other JUNK out here on You Tube.

[@isadoracruz2543]

"This video is for people who get hurt after casual sex". It feels awesome to hear this. After all I was not a freak for feeling devastated as you said......and so empty. It was absolutely appropriate to feel that way💫. Thank you so much🍀🌻

[@stephanyblahey2476]

Anna - What if it's all you got? Because I am 39, and haven't had a real boyfriend since I was 29. It's so devastating walking around feeling so utterly invisible. The only men who have expressed any interest in me in 10 years has been 2 men who both only wanted me for sex, and nothing else. The memories I have of a man I worked with many years ago, I guy who I always thought of as Mr. Perfect, stay with me still. We had a few interludes where sparks flew a bit, and it's the last time I remember feeling so exhilarated; like someone was truly seeing me. But he didn't want me either. This hollow, empty, left-behind feeling never leaves me, and I am truly fearful that I'm never going to be cherished or truly loved by a man.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Anna has a whole course devoted to this question called 'Dating & Relationships'. you aren't alone with this trauma driven fear. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@prisonerohope6970]

You are smart! You are beautiful! Your energy? IT'S AMAZING! Now, put all of your energy into loving yourself. Love, Shandalay

[@christinarichie6171]

You need to see yourself and value you. Who cares what some men think theyre not Gods!!

[@louisekibirige1167]

This is how I feel too. Left on the shelf. Undesirable