YOU Can't Fix It the Push-Pull In BPD

[@hawkspirals3483]

OMG u've nailed my ex- she would push me away, sexually , spiritually, emotionally, then punish me later for doing what she asked; it was maddening and led to some severe health consequences for me

[@jetpilot3714]

I have had some pretty terrible health consequences as a result of my relationship with my-she’s either BPD or narcissistic partner. I was just wondering if you had gotten away from this monster and if your physical problems had subsided? I’m still somewhat involved with mine, but trying to distance.

[@hawkspirals3483]

@@jetpilot3714 Oh my friend I got the discard after I had a stroke, it ALMOST killed me and i have lingering impacts that might last me for the rest of my life, but it feels so good to be away from her, and waking up to my own traumas that made me vulnerable to her; it was worth it, I call my stroke my "cosmic bitch slap" b/c I was walking blind

[@stephencollins9062]

​@@jetpilot3714I'm not letting it effect my health Get outside for a walk Go see the sea

[@carlitobrigante330]

In my experience, merely suggesting that someone get 'help' simply made them indignant and resentful. As a friend put it: 'Someone who is not willing to help themselves, is someone who is not worth waiting for.'

[@seanm7539]

Truth

[@blueskies7035]

Save yourself a lot of trouble and go "no contact." Hopefully, there are no kids involved and you have the flexibility to do this without the practical concerns.

[@wetwhistlinwillyjohnson5743]

What do you expect anyone to say to ‘maybe you need help’? Get real, man.

[@jamesgraves9858]

It's not something they should refuse. BPD is not a relationship that can succeed. It is love but it lacks all the qualities of a RELATIONSHIP. Help is needed or BPD people will just fantasize about other partners they'll find the same problems with. It's an endless cycle

[@carlitobrigante330]

@@jamesgraves9858 Tend to agree. I left a girlfriend with BPD once I realized that she was merely repeating patterns, and had demonstrated all of the same behaviours with previous partners that she was demonstrating with me. That was when I knew that things were beyond repair, and that nothing was ever going to change.

[@aquious953]

It was torture for me. She destroyed my will. Im still not the same, probably never will be.

[@kronamadness7119]

Hi Aquious, I feel you and I know first hand it's pretty damn rough especially when by instinct their mecanism will focus your fear or weakness it's pretty vicious. But even if it's too late for him/her (rarely the case) learning about everything and the fact that it wasn't controlled may be a huge help for you, in my case it was a big liberation. It don't make what was done go away it still take time to heal but at least I can give you that precious info to lift that huge piece and ease your pain to focus on your roots. In my case understanding their mecanism and seeing them having huge regrets in their lucidity phase when I was able to reassure them enough to get there helped me to understand a LOT (despite their communication difficulties). Understand that it was not conciously aimed at me but something that they couldn't control. Some resist years to keep it inside to not hurt their loveds one but it's impossible to keep going like that with the right method soon or later they sensibility is too much and they go berserk. And this is why the more they're attached to you the more they cannot show you regrets are even be able to talk to you about it without having that maelstrom of emotions inside that make them crazy, but when you're not their main focus they are able to talk about it this is why they don't have the same speech with other people they are less attached, in short people who are not their "devaluation/demonisation target". So different from the rest of society that it's may look impossible to manage but it is possible. Understanding that and worth for me understanding that I was raised with BPD family members helped me dissociate my old wounds from "concious behavior" and understand I was not truly hated nor stupid and the best not conciously devalued my whole life! Even seeing some of them years later some with time are able to show regrets since they had the time to cool themself, even my sister who understand that she have BPD told me she regret the past and don't have time to lose her brother "again". God I wish you to live that, it freed so much energy that was used in doubts, regrets, fear that I was able to focus all of that energy to seek help and heal all thoses old trauma and even more catching up on everything I wanted to do catching up on my personnal developpement my emotional maturation, and today I feel unbeatable! Feel like I survived the war and I'm alive to talk about it. Understanding it was not precisely aimed at my person but a shitty mecanism they didn't choose to live with, I learned to shield my emotions to keep calm and stay in control. I protect myself and in the same time I'm the one who feel good in my skin and who is able to be reassuring to stop the crisis at its root, defused the beginnings of their phase helping them to anchor themself in reality just enough to get back to the good stuff and for some, to therapy. Talking about good stuff, in the process it helped me focus more on myself, my pleasure, my personnal growth, becoming again my n°1 priority. It's the only way and to feel good about yourself and to impose respect to never be the one devalued anymore, a win win. It's not simple a 180° angle change, but when you survive that not much can hurt you haha. I genuinly wish you and everyone else in these situations to find your own way to have that kind of liberation even if your BPD partner is not here anymore, you can still and must do it for youself guys :).

[@canuckmaun77]

Obviously, you're letting that toxic person still affect you. It is a choice of yours to heal and MOVE FORWARD!! Don't become a victimhood mentality. Choices...

[@suphommy]

Yeah it's a really horrible situation, I'm severely depressed because of my wife being like this

[@silverbullet537]

im sorry brother, perhaps peace at least may yet be yours to obtain still

[@dimebagvinnie644]

​@@suphommysame brother, hope we make it

[@ryanw1665]

“Or maybe because you DO have some major red flags” is the best part of this video 😂 Love the honesty, Lise. You’re putting some amazing resources out here for men. Thank you!

[@pedrokarstguimaraes1096]

I had a long relation to an covert narcissist and borderline. Everything is exactly as you described.

[@gc8972b]

what would you say to younger self just embarking on that relationship?

[@pedrokarstguimaraes1096]

@@gc8972b I´m just someone who knows what is the experience... but there are some few dangers: 1- Lost of years until you realise what it is, and that there might be no hope of healing, and how to deal with it; 2-Trauma on your side, because the constant instability dameges you, and there might be situations of infedility and depreciation; 3-Lost of prespective of long term; And there is also a trap, as if you have a predisposal mind to be an `hero`or a ´provider`( or ´co-dependent), you might invest too much in a no-return relation. With all that said, if the person have conscience... well, I don´t know. I´m no expert, just someone that had experience, and have an empirical perspective. Best wishes!

[@gc8972b]

@@pedrokarstguimaraes1096 thank you. same

[@stephencollins9062]

​@@pedrokarstguimaraes1096too much negativity with this stuff Look for the positive

[@kieranmaher1698]

Ahhh man. Most of this is definitely my wife. I tried so hard to love her, and I’d always be met with trauma and drama in the end. I should of left when she refused treatment, but I was just way in over my head. I feel sad for my wife. In the end, she discarded me and said all kinds of awful things about me. I know she knows it’s not the truth, but I hope she finds the courage to reach out for the treatment she needs someday. Thanks so much for your great perspective on this profile and situation.

[@jamesd4267]

My sons mom is like this. Comes back. Shows me she wants me. Then days later is very scarce in responding. What was minutes to respond becomes hours. And avoids texts from me or dismisses them. Really saddening.

[@RichardTClark396]

@@jamesd4267 my wife now cherry picks important emails and Text messages I send her. It’s very frustrating:(

[@jamesd4267]

@@RichardTClark396 Exactly how it is. I actually asked her to call me and to have a convo to solve any confusion I had. Never called. Even in person after she hugs me and I say, call me when you can so we can talk. Nothing. Then will text me something else to throw off the topic while dismissing the call and ever discussing anything. A hug one day, a walk away the next. Literally even if there were no words exchanged and nothing was different from me on my end. Weird. Jeckyl and Hyde

[@apple1234iou]

Interesting comment about the phone calls

[@KomaTimeKev]

Yeah my ex-wife believed her cell phone was for her purposes only. Of course she would never say that and would ALWAYS offer her help to friends and then when they would call, no answer or no call backs. To the point where our friends wives were contacting me on a regular basis to let me know about it. Super frustrating and so happy I don’t have to deal with nonsense like this.

[@AdamDocker]

It's like she cast a spell on me! 8 months later in the break up and I'm still having pangs, trauma bond and ptsd

[@allseeingotto2912]

It’s exactly like that ,the love bombing is intense.

[@DanHale-i1g]

Wow! You just described my recent ex, exactly! This video helped me so much just now.. One minute my gf was surprising me that I was going to be a dad and telling me how excited she was to be the mother of my children and then she pulled back the next day ghosting me for 2 weeks.. and when I started to worry and ask what was going on.. she just dumped me over text so abruptly and then says “and I’m not pregnant btw, if that’s what you’re worried about”. To have the love of my life throw me away like garbage when I was always such a good man to her, just tore my heart out.. At least your video gives me some kind of answers or closure of some sort. Thank you 🙏🏼

[@The_Prince_Of_Crows]

Just know it wasn't you my friend. A normal clear headed person doesn't behave or feel this way. That's what I am learning first hand too. I have been with several women who fit this diagnosis to a t and it used to tear me to pieces. Now I understand that it is a mental illness and that there is really nothing I can do about it. I don't take it personally and I ended the relationship myself because of being mistreated and lied to excessively in the first months. Consider yourself fortunate that you didn't have the child and have this happen after you got into a deeper more complex situation. Good luck my friend and best wishes to you.

[@Bibleinformationandhelp]

I think that is so strange. They want to be loved, but at the same time they are terrified of it.

[@sunbeam9222]

We all have a yearning to form a strong intimate bond with someone. Unfortunately we are led to it by our subconscious thoughts. If they're healthy ones we will form healthy relationships, if they're filled with unhealed trauma we will form unhealthy relationships

[@Bibleinformationandhelp]

@@sunbeam9222 I guess it would be difficult for someone to trust another if they have been abused or traumatized.

[@sunbeam9222]

@@Bibleinformationandhelp indeed. My Bpd ex expressed that he wanted nothing more than to be in a loving relationship with me but every time we grew closer, fears would reach high levels and then his mind would create negative images and thoughts. And before you know it he's unable to differentiate what's real and what isn't. Pretty sad.

[@perborjel7928]

It´s less bewildering if you consider that they get psychological energy from hurting the loved one and refusing him (or her) their love. Why take a chance on positive energy when negative is their to just grab?

[@Bibleinformationandhelp]

@@perborjel7928 It's almost as if they are being influenced by something negative.

[@Jay5ive1313]

A lot of borderlines never attach. Sometimes they get gone quick

[@carolentringer8836]

1. The person has a cluster b personality disorder. 2. Past trauma 3. Resentment 4. it is a game to play. 5. She is a narcissist or sociopath and you are no longer giving her supply. 6. She’s just not that into you but you are providing some benefits. 7. She feels that you are too clingy. 8. She is responding to your push-pull signals. 9. She is noticing some red flags in you. 10. You’re noticing and bringing up her issues.

[@juanvaldez5422]

Sounds like a mess to be avoided . Cluster B relationship all but ruined me . I don’t know if it’ll ever be alright honestly. It made me want to move into the woods and never speak to another person

[@Azure_Zahab_Truth_Zealot]

All of these scream "It's not true love"

[@Azure_Zahab_Truth_Zealot]

​@@juanvaldez5422same here. HaLaLU YaH

[@clintonnagy1662]

If the relationship smells like s**t, it is... Leave it alone and RUN before the flies eat you alive.

[@clintonnagy1662]

​@juanvaldez5422 I told my coworker last week, I want to live on an island alone.

[@LlamaOates]

Thank you Lise for tackling this subject. Empathetic men really do get hung out to dry and suffer alone. Your videos have helped shine a light in an abusive part of society which goes unrecognised. One of the mind blowing things I realised after my darling BPD ditched me when she lost her control over me, was not that after 17years I had discovered what BPD was and all the seemingly random events weren't random but when I watched a video that pointed out how I had been attracted to this behaviour from the beginning due to my childhood experiences. My whole life had been like a airport runway for NPDs with no sooner had current one torched me on the way out the next one was lining me up to dock. Now through your research and videos I have been able to break the old cycle and open my life up and let more balanced people in.

[@hereforthetruth]

Hey what video did you watch about your childhood experiences?

[@tracyfox466]

I’m right there with ya brother!👍🏻 My story to a “T” and now I’m dealing with it concerning my kids. It’s been an exhausting, heartbreaking, and soul crushing journey, but a huge life lesson well learned that’s for sure. I’m just thankful for my faith in God cause I don’t think I would have made it through each day without him.🙏🏻❤️

[@LlamaOates]

@@tracyfox466 Watch all her videos. You will become black belt in defence against the dark arts. I too have young kid to BPD with NPD mother. We are divorced but I accepted now that I have many years of battling this woman it is just a part of my life so levelling up your skills against it ASAP makes life easier going forward. I am like the Van Helsing of BPD/NPD now

[@user-id5re6zk5d]

Thank you. Amen. I felt I could never explain this. I still can't. Understanding it and explain ing it are different.

[@The_Prince_Of_Crows]

As I have learned about BPD I have begun to believe I have been with a bunch too. I never knew there was a name for it but I do now. It used to be so frustrating but now I recognize there is a reason for it and it has nothing to do with me.

[@MortenChristensen-tt8up]

Any significant push pull without communication is simply manipulation. It’s important to detach quickly from people that do this and focus on yourself and the healthy people in your life. My experience is that this is not fixable.

[@oleugh]

I tried for 5 years and failed as well. I feel for anyone struggling with this disorder, as well as their partners and ex partners. Thank god for all the information you can find online these days.. Sort of helps knowing that other people have similar experiences, and speaking to others that might be a little further down the path than one self. Thanks so much for what you do Lise.

[@nappyfries]

It IS fixable. Lots of people have been treated successfully for bpd. Also not a lot of people are good communicators-borderlines or not. Doesn’t make them manipulative necessarily.

[@composingwithjames]

​@@nappyfriesglad you said thst

[@SurnaturalM]

It is not something we can fix. Only the person themselves can fix it.

[@blinkyy1088]

@@nappyfries It really depends on if the BPD patient also has NPD. Around 40% of them are estimated to have NPD too, and this makes them unfixable, as NPD sufferers will never seek help or attempt to resolve their own internal issues. If you have BPD without NPD, I feel like there is a good chance that you can heal a lot of it.

[@brockshen]

You are doing a really good job on this channel at explaining and categorizing the problems of the entire modern society.

[@Socoolral]

It’s like my life was scripted and you realize reading the script. Thank you Lise stay healthy and safe inside your body 😉🤙🏼

[@user-id5re6zk5d]

I thought Lise could have said my name and Listen up at the beginning of each video!! My healing has also rested in my faith 🙏.

[@GumbyTheGreen1]

“Stay healthy and safe inside your body”? What does that mean? Seems like a really strange thing to say.

[@Tagurrit]

I’ve had four major BPD’s in my life. My mother, my wife, my adopted daughter and my roommate. After many years of therapy I’m no longer attracted to BPD’s. Whew!

[@djancak]

jesus fucking christ how are you still alive

[@juliapanko9192]

what was so attractive in BPD woman? did you want to protect them?

[@Heathmcdonald]

Yes

[@JayRosa-h9v]

⁠@@juliapanko9192I fell for 3 in a row…. The last one was my fiancée and only three months ago separated from me completely out of the blue after 4 years of being together. I think yes, something about being there for someone who was so damaged, someone who needed me…. This one didn’t damage me as much as the last one who really fckd me around, I think I had Stockholm syndrome for the second one because she was flat out a violent abuser but could be the sweetest thing….

[@SuperGerald34]

Well hopefully your adopted daughter doesn’t suffer from neglect as it’s not her fault

[@Flickit100]

I love Lise. She explains these disorders at a level that makes so much sense.

[@GodHelpMe369]

When there’s a disagreement, someone will inevitably, most likely, be disappointed in me... So I engage in any and every disagreement in a way that ensures, that the person disappointed in me, never ends up being me! I aim to never repress, never suppress. I aim to never lose a part of myself. Radical honesty only: 100% of the time. Always, all ways.

[@risingeagle6332]

Where were you in 1987? I married Miss Jekyll-Hyde back in 1987. I tried everything for 3 decades. Nothing worked and then she up and suddenly abandoned me in 2018. Her Scorch earth campaign was devastatingly effective. I spent 4 years putting myself back together. I was not prepared for the “Trauma Bond Withdrawals”. I always called her “Jekyll-Hyde” for years, and did not become aware of the Cluster B disorders and Narcissist until after she left. Thanks for sharing. You are totally correct in everything you expressed. I survived Sociopathic Vulnerable Narcissist who is also a Borderline and Histrionic. She was a nightmare. My beliefs and upbringing kept me in an abusive relationship. There are no resources for men, and the legal system is stacked against the husband. Its a marvel that I am not in a psychiatric ward. She weaponized everything and often used “silent treatment, triangulation, manipulation, exploitation, the police, family, friends and so on to do her bidding. Every time I got ready to escape, she found ways to get other to help keep me hooked in her snare. I felt I was a man who follow Alice in To Nightmare Wonderland; then I got stuck in Rabbit Holes everywhere. Not easy to escape. Glad she is gone from my life now. Keep sharing and explaining; the right knowledge is power. I wish I had this information back in 1987. “Tell people to ALWAYS watch out for the RED FLAGS🚩 & do not ignore them.” I did…..paid dearly for it. Narcissistic Women expertly use “Love-Bombing” (like a ‘Succubus”) to keep you conflicted and contused. She knew when to be nice, whenever I got fed up with her madness. Sucked!!!! ✌🏽

[@luke144]

So many men are lost in this cycle and bound by their good hearts. I pray for you guys! Record it if she's beating you up!

[@sunbeam9222]

There's always a reason someone stays in an abusive relationship other than bad luck. Anyone in that case should take the opportunity to self reflect and understand why.

[@luke144]

@@sunbeam9222 like love and dedication. Like not lying and keeping a promise. Victim blaming over here. Something tells me Sunbeam over here ain't so sunny.

[@sunbeam9222]

@@luke144 lol here comes the victim blaming card. Fabulous way to escape any type of accountability and take refuge in the belief that we're such a poor empath full of love and victim of our impeccable values with no need to self reflect. Keep blaming then. Seems like it feeds your current needs.

[@luke144]

Videos are hard to argue. Film the psychopath and when you're safe show everyone she knows. Let people know who she is. Inform the police. I was in a profoundly F-ed up relationship. I stayed in hopes she would see herself and get help. I offered to sell everything I own for her just to see a doctor. That would take "accountability" though. Countless suicide attempts in the name of "DESTROYING MY LIFE". Attacked countless times. Tens of thousands of dollars of my things were destroyed. Wrestled knives out of her hands and then when she got hurt I'm the bad guy. Oh God I could go on and on. If I wanted to press charges I could put her away for years. After lying to our friends and family about me beating her up I decided to start filming her pathetic acts of violence. You would think she would stop after security cameras were set up in our house that she knew about... Nope, it just got worse and worse. I have video no woman could've down. Beast like behavior. I grew up with this woman, put her through college and was deeply in love with her even though she was very ill. If I sent even the tamest of videos I took to her job she would never be able to work around children again. Don't let it happen men. Don't let some spoiled brat try to rub your face in her waste. At the first sign of a money hungry, self-centered, violence and low emotional intelligence, RUN!!!!! If you feel trapped with kids and whatnot VIDEO VIDEO VIDEO. Leave copies with people you love and trust. Let the police know what they are dealing with so you don't get in trouble!!!!! Take responsibility for your actions... Ladies lol. Cameras and computers track your every move, sunshine 😜.

[@luke144]

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp's relationship paints a CLEAR picture of what men suffer in silence everyday. That's not love!

[@corinaofcalifornia]

Going through the pain of the push pull right now. Thank you for making this video.

[@matthewholly4732]

I feel you

[@breadgarlichouse]

Having the same now with a girl i know for 2 weeks now. Our first date was very nice, we had great chemistry and all went sooo smooth. I saw her now 5 times. The last 2 times went different. She told me about her depression and feeling of emptiness and negative thoughts. She told about her traumas and all the things she went through. I understand her feelings and reactions fully, because I had too a lot of stuff where I had to go through. I started liking her a lot. But it is so hard for her to open up and feel safe. When trying to openly communicate she closes up and gets annoyed.... Today I asked her about how she is feeling etc. She said she does'nt really think that we fit together backed up with all the arguments and reasoning. I think the reasons were just because she can't open up and communicate openly. But after the conversation(in whatsapp) I thought she does'nt wanna go on. So I asked her if she still interested in me. Then she said: ''I never said that''. Naah that is true, but the way you were talking to me it def felt like it. So she gotten very annoyed and said that we will talk about it later on..... It is sooo fucking hard to date a woman/girl like that. I genuinly like her a lot and see all the potential she has. But she just had sooo much stuff she had endure in her early life.

[@HilarioLarryCabrera]

From a man who wasted his entire youth with a woman with bpd. Run, just run away, the sooner the better. Don't waste your life. Don't let yourself get infected with this curse. Spent 28 years experiencing this horror. From an 18 year old naive and trusting boy to a thoroughly broken 45 year old middle aged man. Don't waste your time. Don't try to understand, bend or feel sympathy for individuals in this coven of madness.

[@engineerYORU1511]

🤐🤐🤐 really....? Even tho we gave all the love to them nd with all restrictions??

[@HilarioLarryCabrera]

@engineerce1511 It was real. She was everything to me. First met her when I was twelve, I a crush on her right away. She was related to some neighbors of mine. I would only see her a few times a year, when they would visit.I moved from that house soon after. By chance, I ran into her when we were a bit more grown up. (It felt like that then). She was even more beautiful. And she remembered me. We started keeping in touch and eventually started dating. Relationship grew, and I felt I was such a lucky guy. I got my real life Winnie Cooper. We stayed together, got married, bought our home, and had a family. 5 children, to be precise. There was no dought we would be together forever. She would get emotional sometimes. Early on I thought maybe her critique was valid. So I tried harder to make her happy. And that went on for so many years. The joy I felt when we were happy was more than enough to outweigh the hard times. But those happy times kept becoming less and less. Eventually, it felt like none. Started getting bad about 8 years ago. And kept progressing. I held on to hope. Cried alone so much. About 4 years a few good and honest friends told me I needed to get out. But I couldn't. About a year ago I asked our adult daughter for her honest answer. She is 23, has a degree in psychology and is getting her masters. Her answer was her mother will never be happy. And that she i needed to get out for the sake of my health. It hurt hearing it from our daughter. With even more pain I finally felt I could survive without her. One day during an argument I told her we shouldnt be together anymore. About 6 weeks later I was in jail arrested for felony child endangerment. Luckily I didn't get charged. Now i hopefully I will next week against the domestic violence restraing order she placed on me. Then I have to deal with the divorce and child support cases where she is asking for full custody of the children. And I have zero time given to me with them. She is trying to max out the child support and spousal support. Oh, and the arrest and restraining order are simply from false allegations. Thais how far they can go. And worse under the right circumstances. What I felt was real. The love she received from me was sincere, genuine, and from my heart. But "she" never really existed.

[@Zegum69]

@@HilarioLarryCabrera thanks for sharing, I wish you the best, take care ❤

[@teotoon3310]

Brother, I'm so sorry. I'm in your situation right now, but I'm in my 20's(Not married) The part where you mentioned the "Happy times outweighs the hard times" struck me hard. I really commend you for being a better person through all this tough times and I'm also glad your kids are in on you with your decision. When you were younger, didn't you pick up to these signs (her manias) before making the decision to be with her? Where they frequent? What is your status right now. Hope you're doing much better now?

[@jamesgerboc]

Your insight, intuition and intellect are truly amazing. Sometimes I feel you are the only one who gets this. Thanks for verbalizing and validating our disordered version of love.

[@bartlaw1074]

I totally feel the same way she is the only one Who truly understands the root cause… very eye opening I had to sit still for a moment after watch this video… I’m grateful that she posted this

[@ecoadam]

My recent ex was and still is the only woman I have ever seen a future with. My son and her two children got along great, and we were one big happy family for the most part. She was abused growing up and her ex before me had done the same to her. She has BPD, and has thrown me away many times when she has an episode, only to try and win me back a week or so later. I know she loves me, i can feel it when we're together. But this happens so much now that i am forced to walk away for good this time, I hate this, i miss her so much and would kill to have her by my side forever. I need to put myself first and my son. But this is one of the most painful feelings ive ever felt, so seeing this video is helpful, although it sucks to realise it has to be over. If you love someone with BPD and they keep hurting you, you need to let them go before you destroy each other. I feel for anyone who is suffering with this horrible disease.

[@Taylor_Frenchiebaby]

bro i feel you so much on this. my ex used her body and affection to make herself a drug to me but i know she loved me more than anything. she’s the only person i actually want to be with and i have no sh*ts to give about other girls. but i had to walk away because her pulling away was accompanied with seeking attention from other men and most likely cheating. it broke me into pieces. i miss the girl that abuses me constantly. and idk when i will not miss her as much.

[@joeb5578]

Best of luck to you. Hope you find happiness again.

[@drstrangelove4998]

Fascinating to read these messages, coherent and well written by long suffering, good, caring men. The painful lesson from my nightmare is don’t try to be a white knight, you can’t cure her, get out as soon as you can before it destroys you and wastes years of your life. The hard fact is, you cannot win or cure a BPD woman . It’s as simple as that gentlemen. Thank you so much Lise, I found your work by accident, sadly after I needed it most, but it was nevertheless extremely valuable to me, as it is to everyone else here.

[@TheCoastalMariner]

I'm going through this right now. 53 years old and it's my first experience with a BPD woman.. insane is the only way I can describe it, now I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me to have allowed this.. I guess the sex was just that good is all I can come up with.

[@paulolimasoares9337]

​@@TheCoastalMarineris not only sex, my ex captivate me in a way that i can't explain, is not just her beauty, she is so charm, intelligent..... And I'm in this relationship since 2020, one month together and 3 months separate...... And she always dump me and always came after me. It is a endless cycle, and i just can't get rid of this.

[@NurseVale33]

I have BPD and i have over 4 years of relationship, everything is exactly like this but I seek for treatment and I am doing pretty well, sometimes my anger take over me a little but I am able to calm down and talk, I hope everyone find the help they need

[@Miss_Red_]

Well done!! I am in a nearly 8 year relationship. I have been in therapy for 3 years and I have been medicated for a long time. My partner says he sees past the bpd and sees the person under all of that. I am very thankful for him. It's ALOT of work on my side but I do it for myself and us. Having bpd doesn't mean all hope is lost. One just need to want to get better.

[@djcurlywurlz9501]

The difference here is you are facing your bpd and working on it which I applaud.

[@NurseVale33]

@@djcurlywurlz9501 it’s very hard 😪 I’ve been suffering a lot bc of this, but I looked for a psychologist to work along with my medicine, I hope I can do it. Thank you so much 🫶🏻

[@AbhijeetKumar-sf9mu]

Another reason ...maybe she got a new favourite person

[@aleksandarzivotic2995]

Yeah,this happened to me.I had BPD friend who blocked me when she found new favourite person.

[@davidsavage8109]

So glad I found you! Having gone through this for over two years, I can attest that everything you say is spot on! Thank you!

[@karol_p]

These kind of problems are no longer in my life but these are excellent videos which I'd definately appreciate back in the day

[@AdamDocker]

5 years I questioned why my ex behaved the way she did. I had no idea that it was BPD and how extreme it was. I was so naive and I wished I had known about it before. I wish her therapist friend had warned me!! It destroyed me emotionally and physically! Never again!!

[@heythere6983]

So she knew and had a therapist and no one warned you ?

[@AdamDocker]

@@heythere6983 her friend blamed my (very normal) attachment style and not her abuse, even though she witnessed the breakdowns, self harming, attacks and rages…i had turned to for support as i couldn’t understand these erratic behaviours and she had known her since they were kids. So i assumed she would have known!

[@AdamDocker]

@@heythere6983 it wasn’t her therapist. Her best friend was a therapist

[@MrDurandal25]

....been married for 26 years.....to a covert narc. Never really put 2+2 together until last night when I was looking at various vids on this subject. I'm in a toxic spiral with my wife, and its been a bad relationship for many years now. Kids are now in their 20's and it may be that time.

[@mikekeats1804]

go..I left after 27

[@WOLVERINE95899]

Thank you for making this video ! ! ! I just got out of a relationship with someone with BPD. This video describes it almost exactly. We went round and round for 9 months. I felt like I was going crazy at the end because of her behavior. I pray that God will help anbody dealing with this or experiencing it.

[@disdroid]

My partner would never have admitted to seeing a therapist - the way she let me know was to leave a letter with just the letterhead showing. Her secret messages touched me deep down and kept me on track through the chaos - like Ariadne's thread. She passed away not long ago - im still unraveling the clues she left me.

[@rachelriley3100]

Been in a newish (7 month) friendship with someone I believe is BPD. I notice the subtle mind games she’s doing and randomly becoming critical and petty over the small things. This usually happens when I stop responding or take a step back. At first I was confused but this makes sense. Thank you for this video! very informative.

[@mrsimo7144]

Hi Lise. Well, I've had enough. My Ex GF covert caused me to have a seizure. They really aren't good for you. Despite the fact that I did love her, well the reflection of what I thought was love. Happy Christmas to you all from the UK ❤️

[@thestarseeker8196]

I don’t understand why they have this struggle, these problems, but you can offer your open mind, open heart, help, assistance, teamwork - and it’s all ignored and rejected. Why is it just; everything is hopeless, I can’t do anything, I’m doomed to suffer, we are doomed to suffer, that’s just the way it is. Why am I being punished for just existing and why do I have to watch her suffer and implode. What the hell? Why is there just zero communication? Literally you have to create a plan to address these issues but they straight up will not do not do it. I’m at the end of my rope and losing my mind

[@youngML6]

Damn bro you just put into words everything I feel dealing with this woman.

[@rotte5537]

Move on, there are more people out there, it's the harsh lesson I had to learn. They will self destruct while you watch in pain how the person you once loved is killed by their illness. Don't watch, go away for your own sake

[@suphommy]

The story of my wife. I can't deal with her anymore and I need to find a way out, I'm done with her causing fights over every little detail that she doesn't like, and I'm tired of being called retarded, useless and a joke

[@paulolimasoares9337]

Same here....... Can't free myself from her...... No matter what i do, i just can't.....

[@rotte5537]

@@paulolimasoares9337 I've been there, I went completely and utterly insane even. I started believing in angel numbers and twin flames and whatever but managed to ground myself again through working out. It's tough, you 100% believe this one person was special, but that's not the case. It's time you put work into yourself and learn to love yourself (I've seen your other posts on here). If you need advice I'd be happy to help. One thing I can tell you from my experience: Time heals all wounds.

[@byefelicia7736]

Spot on. Thank you, again. All of these things do not excuse abuse though.

[@brianr6704]

Wow you’ve described my relationship with my wife. We have been married for 38 years she is finally getting treatment. She has BPD, clinical anxiety, depression and is an alcoholic. For the first 20 years of our marriage we went through the cycle of adoration and hatred over and over. One minute I was her hero and the next she hated me and I had ruined her life. My solution was to pull away from her emotionally. We stayed married for our children but basically lived together like roommates not as a couple.

[@3j4i6j0i]

After many years of the push-pull cycle, literally with extensive out of town stays for the greater part of the last 3-4 years with her non resident daughter, she wrote on a recent birthday card to me, “I will always love you”. Confused I asked what that meant for someone who’s been avoiding the object of her “love”. Her feeble attempts to explain sounded like throwing everything but the kitchen sink at me to justify or rationalize her behavior. I countered by challenging her to name one vice (excessive drunkenness, illegal drugs, infidelity or abuse) that I could be guilty of and she gave the excuse that we sometimes argue. Tell me, which human relationship exists without disagreements and occasional arguments (parent-child, sibling-sibling, couples, etc). My defense was met with a blank stare and silence. Reflecting on her note, I’m inclined to believe that she views our “loving” relationship through an historical lens.

[@upclosesneakers6875]

My God, the last few minutes are absolutely spot on.. I have no idea why kind of person I have been involved with, I just know it was a mind F and unbelievably not what I signed up for or expected from how the beginning of the relationship started... whew...

[@paulhenryangus3688]

Thank you. This helps me understand so much about the dynamics that have caused me pain. I deserve more.

[@rz8773]

As a woman who does pull away sometimes, the reason is because I am fully conscious of my emotional issues. Whenever I feel a breakdown approaching, I pull away from the people I love because I don’t want to hurt them.

[@rinokpp1692]

Yah actually that how my gf feel any tip to like to help her she is trying to pull away ig u are the person that will know how to help

[@tallulahrubymonroe4280]

Me too , i KNOW im a good person and i know im not perfect im gulty of many of the things mentioned , but i really DO NOT WANT TOO HURT ANYONE , if someone im with ever cheats or lies about ANYTHING they have destroyed anything we ever could have had ,I need to feel loved secure and safe , but sadly its hard to find that , i feel like we all get demonised and its just not true of all BPD SUFFERERS , like 'normal ' people arent all the same neither are we , we are all beautifully unique, no 2 are the same , we are all only HUMAN

[@rinokpp1692]

@@tallulahrubymonroe4280 hi can i ask u like my gf had feeling like that bcs of an episode so like she push me away and i don't want to lose her bcs she think she hurt me but she is the missing part so i kinda push her to talk i know this is my fault but like any tip so i can help her or anything u want to advise someone who date BPD people

[@griponfaith]

But you are hurting them anyway by pulling away

[@thelimetreelandscaping]

This may stem from being emotionally neglected as a child. Have a research on childhood emotional neglect, it’s insightful. ❤

[@whitenoisefocus7962]

This sums up my last gf. The validation from this video is worth it’s weight in gold. Thank you Lisa!

[@kylleven]

Very interesting video Lise, thank you. I recently went on a date with a girl that came out herself and told me about her BPD. I didnt think much of it, I knew the basics - but not very much in depth of what I was getting into, so I gave it a chance, but shortly ran into some issues I have never met with a partner before, you have just answered a lot of my questions here.. thank you for that.

[@anthonyrist5626]

Lisa, I don't get tired of watching your channel. When I get done watching I feel like I went to therapy. It's amazing what I'm learning. Thank you.

[@imeggman]

These videos feel like they're about me. It's completely surreal how these reflect my experience with a person who told me they had been diagnosed with bpd by psychiatrists but didn't believe them. Really eye opening and has helped me begin to realize there's nothing wrong with me. It's also helped me harbor less resentment toward this person, despite their denial of their diagnosis.

[@rosariocannistraro3561]

The love of my life did that said her psych said she probably had BPD then later on it was complete denial , Push/pull/ghost /you're my soulmate love of my life / having crushes on other dudes / push and pull ...years of this and I was finally discarded for good and it utterly shattered me inside and I've never healed and probably never will .

[@ozzyoz5210]

My husband had BPD and he was physically violent. He moved out of our bedroom and for 3 weeks at a time wouldn't speak, eat, or acknowledge anything was wrong with him. He push and pulled me to the point that I was physically sick with migraines for the entire time I was with him. He refused to get help.

[@monurajput5608]

They're really some stupid fucks creating normal peoples lives hell.

[@joshuayocham3774]

The hardest part for me was not realizing she hit the discard stage after 13 years of leaving and returning... I honestly spent years thinking she'd return again someday. I had a habit of counting the days away when she'd run off to her mom's house, and I know she's not coming back this time, but few people know what it's like to count to 3,000 days. I still love them, but I have moved on now, and I just hoping to they are getting help.

[@princhipessa1969]

Good for you for moving on. I wish I could. What helped you move on? I’ve known and been with my now ex again for many many years.

[@joshuayocham3774]

@@princhipessa1969 Honestly, it helps not having them around. Move away if you can. For me, the biggest help was after my best friend passed away... I didn't even mourn his death right away because the very first thought was "she's going to reach out!". How messed up is that? Eventually (I'm talking weeks later) it all hit me and I was forced to mourn, not just the loss of my best friend,but BOTH of them. Mourning the living is nearly the same as mourning the dead, especially when there's no communication from either. It's lonesome, and I would be a liar if I said I don't still think about them daily... but this is the world I must live in, and getting back out there and continuing to live again is really the best choice to make. Hope you find your path again, hope your feet feel light and I hope you find yourself dancing in the supermarket. Best of luck, you have my condolences.

[@princhipessa1969]

@@joshuayocham3774 thank you very much for your reply and I’m very sorry for the loss you have gone through. I live 7 minutes from her in a small town. I just bought my own place and she’s incredibly jealous & angry that I chose not to live with her (I tried! 😵‍💫). We don’t see each other & she’s cut me off so safe to say we aren’t in each other’s orbit. I’m glad you were able to separate and I hope I can pretend she’s no longer with us …. To Mourn her. 🙏🏻

[@joshuayocham3774]

You got this. It isn't easy, but I know you can bounce back. I just saw your original post about buying a place, and although I know I don't have the whole picture, but I know if I insert myself into that scenario I don't doubt for a second my exwife would be furious over happy for me. I can tell you with certainty that she'd be secretly jealous of me pulling that off by myself, and wouldn't admit to said jealousy till they were drunk and looking to hurt me... I can literally hear her tone as she'd say "your place". Fuck it sweetie. I'm proud as hell for you. That's no small task you pulled off. YOU did that. YOU are a beast of willpower/ perseverance and luck. I'd bet good money that your ex is jealous/insecure of seeing what you can do without her. I'd bet more money that your next steps in this life is going to have the same effect on them. Don't feel shame for being magnificent, I did that for far too long. You have a good heart, otherwise you wouldn't feel this way about things... don't you think that heart should belong to someone who actually deserves it? I recommend you deliver it to yourself first, and wait for someone who can actually tend for that heart as well as you have tended your own. You got this! I believe in you!

[@princhipessa1969]

@@joshuayocham3774 what a sweet comment, thank you 🙏🏻 yes, she is absolutely more jealous than happy for me. To her, I did t include her in this but we weren’t even talking for 7 months when I put this plan in motion; when we reconnected for 3 months there was zero talk we were “partners” she just kinda threw me back in as GF role without asking me how I felt about 7 months she was off with a rebound. Now she hates me again. You’re right, I absolutely should be finding someone who deserves my level of love or just stay alone as I’m quite capable of …. If it were that easy though … you know how difficult it is! I just need to laugh at her punishments and immaturity and move forward. I know that will anger her the most. I’ll love her from afar while she tortures another pour soul. Thank you, thank you … the motivation & support I get from strangers help me more than my closest friends. I wish you well on your continued journey to healing. I know we’ll never not think of them but maybe we can think of ourselves just a little more ☺️

[@joshk333]

I am SO SO glad I found your channel. I’m far from perfect, but these videos describe my most recent relationship and explain so much and helps me recover.

[@EnFyr]

After 15 years of push and pull, with multiple threats of a breakup, i finally took her on her word and left. But as expected, she tries convincing me that i never were invested in the relationship and everything is my fault. I finally found therapy ( asked her to join me, or go by herself.) But i would recommend it for anyone who has the same concerns about your spouse.

[@surfreadjumpsleep]

To be fair to those that chase.. you are chasing because you don't know she has BPD. Once you understand she has BPD, then most of this bizarre behavior makes sense. Unfortunately, I think many people are not warned by their pwBPD SOs. We are just somehow expected to understand them without knowing what the heck is going on with them.

[@midwestchem368]

I've been separated from a BPD person for about a week and a half now and you hit the nail on the head. Her psych figured it out and when I looked deeper into it I was shocked how the information matched our relationship so perfectly. Its a learning experience but I still feel terrible they have to deal with the disorder as well.

[@thelovely961]

For me it stemmed from wanting love but being afraid of being trapped, consumed, completely losing myself, engulfed in a relationship that may be a wrong choice down the line. I never knew that I had bpd but I knew something was off from my teens. I didn't want to accept that I had a personality disorder but my mind will tell me danger when intimacy deepens because since childhood the people who were supposed to love me abused me; physically, emotionally, neglected me and also sexually abused me from some. So I split because of the cognitive dissonance of the people who loved me but treated me wrong which I have been healing from.

[@sunbeam9222]

Thank you. It's exactly what my ex expressed. Every time intimacy deepened fears took over and he would act out. I could see he was making huge efforts to not fall in the trap but it became too hard for him and he ran saying it was easier to be alone. I get that, and have plenty affection and compassion for him still. Wishing you all the best.

[@bluestripes6037]

This. And I haven't been checked for BPD but the sensation that smothering/entrapment is coming is scary because I genuinely can't fulky/90% trust people

[@lolopcallulu3082]

I need really open communication and lots of reassurance to feel comfortable in relationships. I also need to know that I can trust them and are always going to have each other’s best interest at heart. Also to feel listened to and seen. Okay I didn’t think I was gonna say that many things

[@rostamr4096]

Your videos are extremely helpful, as you said, there is not much help out there for men. I really appreciate it.

[@kpuliatch]

Well spoken and compassionate scenarios sink in to all the important places . Much gratitude

[@martinpeto7849]

My ex-fiance with BPD discarded me because she built resentment towards me for my reactions to her reactive abuse. I got fully codependent and gave everything to her from myself, but she still blamed me for everything.

[@wonderingwanderer6961]

Same my bro. We both deserve better. Codependency sucks. Gotta fix that within ourselves. Otherwise we’re a magnet to vampires.

[@sunbeam9222]

Lack of boundaries is not healthy. Not blaming just saying. Recalibrate. Regain your own sense of self. Break the trauma bond. Codependency is never a positive route to take.

[@wonderingwanderer6961]

@@sunbeam9222 true, and sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know until life shows us. We’re breaking patterns. 💪💪💪

[@heythere6983]

Honestly women in the dating scene all seem off the charts unfair . Men across the board are critiquing female behavior and are trying to teach men to be narcissists to deal with women. The whole dating scene sucks . I think that’s y I fell for a girl with bpd. Bc atleast she was loving and passionate at times , whereas the “normal” ones weren’t animated and just bland and still problematic But with less passion to them. The bpd girl I knew wasn’t loud or physical , but she was so hot and cold/unfair/and dishonest . But then I look at other women and they have the same traits anyways

[@DirtyWellington]

The day my ex broke up with me she literally told me a few hours before hand that the newness of our relationship was wearing off 🙄

[@jessebradford7130]

Yeah it sucks they didn't really love you BUT on the flip side, you can still acknowledge you're a great person regardless of them. And its not like you aren't special to them but someone else is. They take in everyone the same bad way. Don't expect a snake to bite you but not someone else.

[@joshk333]

I went through this for over 3 years in my relationship. I’d deal with the 60-70% times of frustration, loneliness, and her constant sleeping or “illness” and felt so lonely and always on the back burner. But when the “good” her would emerge, it was the greatest partner, friend and chemistry I’ve ever felt. But then the cycle would continue. It was like waiting for my fix of a drug each time. Eventually my loneliness and feeling unwanted that led me to search for that attention and affection elsewhere and I was unfaithful. This ultimately was what caused her to move out and we broke up. I am devastated and literally hate myself each day for doing what I did. There is absolutely no excuse for cheating, and it was a choice. I was just so lonely and sad, but also didn’t want to lose her. I’m in such a bad mental place right now and she’s out with friends every night and day never being alone and likely moved on to someone else. I am destroyed and I can only blame myself. It hurts so bad.

[@suphommy]

I know that cheating is never a good solution but you should consider yourself lucky that you got out. I've been dealing with my wife for over ten years and I'm at my breaking point but I have no way out. Our lives are so intertwined and her BPD is so bad that she says she hates me, that I'm useless and retarded but she still won't let me go, even why I leave she call me back and says if I don't come back she's breaking my stuff, throwing it out the window and killing herself. She's still putting me through hell to this day. I wish I could find a way out or make her leave me but it seems like her claws are in too deep

[@jaisonstanley]

Have been on many channels , must say Lisa you ve got this down to the T. Most valuable video today

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

She did this constantly maybe even weekly, I never knew whether we were on or off and felt absolutely zero security in the relationship. Still not sure if she was NPD BPD or both or something worse. She was majorly toxic and incredibly manipulative, unfortunately she was also beautiful.

[@jimig399]

They always are.😢😂 So sad.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@@jimig399 👍🥺🤣

[@clintonnagy1662]

Wow !!!!!! Same thing I went through !!!!! I got pulled in by her beauty and it wasn't worth it. She is a basket case that never loved me. Sad thing....I left my marriage for garbage like her. She was NPD/BPD. I hope she is miserable now.

[@skylergreen4981]

I was in a relationship with someone who had bpd and had been treated. I feel like she monkey branched to a new relationship. I was so caught off guard. According to her I had made her feel the safest she had ever felt, and she said I did nothing to make this happen, but her and this other person just clicked.

[@sunbeam9222]

Happens all the time. She resonated better with toxic. Consider yourself lucky.

[@yorkshiremgtow1773]

​@@sunbeam9222This is true. My ex-BPD girlfriend told me how toxic her decade-long relationship was.. yet she stayed with him all that time. Me, I was nothing but nice to her, and she quickly discarded me.

[@californiaslastgasp6847]

Same. My BPD gf wrote a nice letter to me about how she can’t imagine life without me. Fast forward one month later, she dumps me and one month after that she is posting pics of flowers some man have her. I didn’t know she had BPD until she devalued and discarded me. Perhaps I am fortunate (it doesn’t feel that way now).

[@clintonnagy1662]

Hold on while I laugh at her behavior....pathetic. Sorry you went through that. I did so much for my BPD and I told her I was ready to walk away because I'm putting too much effort into the relationship amd its toxic. She asked me " What effort "? I was done.

[@magicianamongthespirits622]

This sounds so much like my current bf I am close to tears. I also understand that paranoia is a common personality trait with BPD - that's also prevalent as well.

[@kimwells7245]

I'm so grateful I discovered you and your channel

[@chinesechicken20]

Lise has really helped me to understand and process what I just went through.

[@Daytonaman675]

I begged my wife to go to marriage counseling with me - she was adamant “never going” I believe she was out the door at that point and I just hadn’t caught on

[@Noble-Nova]

I think it's important for people to note some people use a "push pull" tactic because they're trying to vocalize their skepticism of someone's inauthenticity. Some people don't actually do that due to BPD, they're just not that into you.

[@cygilbert9131]

Oh Lise, thank you so much for this video. After two full months, I'm STILL getting over my ex-girlfriend of nearly two years, who was a highly-manipulative, covert narcissist. After only 5 weeks, she is already sleeping with someone else and she's my NEIGHBOR. Ugh.

[@GregorioVazquezJr]

I'm curious when people put this timer on their ex, what would be an acceptable timeframe for her to wait before setting up another victim?

[@peetena1481]

​@@GregorioVazquezJrit is highly likely she was in contact with the new supply before the relationship ended or was involved with multiple supplies throughout...difficult to say definitively since a covert narc is sneaky deceptive and dishonest. I have yet to meet a narcissist and or cluster b type that isnt a completely immoral pathological liar.

[@noelafflick9945]

Some do it a defensive measure to abandonment, precieved or not.. others to see if you will cross that boundary to get them. Immature mind games. Or just so emotionally damaged don't know any different.

[@marcdriggers3335]

I just talked to my ex today, and I wasn’t blaming or anything. I was just trying to let her know that I don’t hate her, and that I can understand how these things happened. She started to get angry and kept saying that she didn’t cheat on me, when I have the proof and know that she did. I still didn’t try and blame her for any of it, because I know that what she was doing was caused from internal wounds, and that it wasn’t from anything that I did. I just thought I would try and rationalize with her, to let her know that I understand her, and that I also understand my part in how some of my actions could have made her feel, even though I wasn’t aware of it at the time. We never really communicated these things to one another, which makes it very hard to understand. I just wanted her to know that she is an amazing woman, and there isn’t anything wrong with her for wanting to seek help, and that it doesn’t make her a crazy person. We all have to do better as humans, and start looking at things from other perspectives instead of our own, and not be so judgmental.

[@oscarjames3724]

The Woman i tried so hard to have a proper relationship with, was a PhD in Psychology, TRUE ! but instead, SHE had a BPD & NPD in Psychopathy !!!

[@stuartholtzclaw8853]

Been there. Exactly same. 13 years invested. Learned alot, esp with online resources in past few months.. Discarded for a new flashy and younger supply. Breaking the trauma bond was very painful.

[@d2thesong]

I am following and loving the content. Can we please go over tips or guidelines in finding a secure partner? Green flags if you will?

[@johnfraleee]

I just started a relationship with someone with BPD and the more I read into this the more terrified I get. We have been seeing each other for a short time (known each other for years) and I feel like we we’re getting close within the first few weeks then it seems like she is distant. Even though she tells me how much she enjoys being around me. I’m starting to really like her, but I have never been so unsure with someone’s words vs. actions in my life. Everything seems to have to be about her or nothing as well. My opinion, thoughts, etc don’t seem to matter to her unless it aligns with her needs/wants. Is this something I did or is it part of her illness? Do they tend to have narcissistic characteristics as well?

[@wonderingwanderer6961]

In my experience, yes, most definitely. She needs therapy or you need to walk. It doesn’t get better.

[@Liz-dragon-street.]

Walk away ... i am a bpd woman and trust me this is just the beginning. Dont doubt on yourself ❤ you need 2 let go asap! If she doesn't get the treatment it will go down hill from now on. And the fact you already asking if it is somerging you did?? Nah, we all do things but with a bpd person it is always you, even if she feels guilt, its not guilt about what she did 2 you but how she sees herself sometimes.... Run My ex husband is still crying, we beoke up 4 years ago, i broke his spirit. The man afther that is broken... The man before that still telling around they felt lost afther me and during me. I am not proud, i am not, i am also a victim but i work on myself now without relationship because i can not never ever hurt a person NO more! Scary thing is... if my ex cries and tell me he loves me, i still think, yeah yeah whatvis in it for you that you want me back .. cause it cant be me, i dont believe a person can love me!!! We BPD'rs are a problem

[@NaegolGollum]

​@@Liz-dragon-street.Yep a male with BPD here and i Hurt everyone in a relationship. Sometimes i walked off believing for years the other person was a bad person, before i understood i have BPD and just got a trauma triggered by something. This is so Hard as i would have wanted children but cant stand a regular relationship. Without any negative load in this i must say im preparing to off myself in 10-15 years but ill try My best to work this out first. Just quut all the substances and trying to work routines and stuff.

[@Liz-dragon-street.]

💚🙏

[@heythere6983]

@NaegolGollum Just seek treatment I heard bpd is a disorder than can be almost cured fully . So there is hope , also seek God. Tbh idk what to say but Iv heard people claim narcissists went to deliverance ministries and had spirits removed from them and cured , idk if it’s the same for bpd. But either way you can heal, whether it’s spiritual or just physical .

[@MaidLucy]

My recent relationship broke in one of those push pull cycles. She was already searching for help, but couldn't get help in time. It really only were a couple of healthy push pulls in the beginning but in the end the entire existance of the relationship was questioned. She felt that she is addicted to me and that she cannot have a healthy relationship at the moment. So she ended our relationship. After all it was a good decision because with my fear of loos it was really hard to get anything positive from that relationship.

[@chaindog82]

0:34 that's why we love you, lise

[@Christos87]

BPD is so complex and scary sometimes. No matter how much medication a person is prescribed, these symptoms are always there, the circles of emotions, the thoughts etc. Therapy is a must for BPD. I was reading recently the side effects of these pills (e.g Lamotrigine, Quetiapine, Sertraline & Terbinafine) and some of them make the symptoms worse, like getting easily irritated or bringing mania-like phases... I wonder, what's the approach for healing such an illness, because logic doesn't seem to work on people suffering from BPD. Love doesn't do much either, because they feel unworthy or they might think you are faking it to control them, thus they push you away again. Honesty sounds too judgemental. Medication mutes some symptoms and increases others. Even people after years of therapy confess that they still have the symptoms and they're trying to control them. What is the neurological side of BPD? Is there something missing after so many childhood traumatic experiences? Is there part of the brain mis-fuctioning and can be solved with surgery?

[@aktywnyobserwator5868]

Very good comment, thanks bro ! Ultimately say : prana flow disturbed, caused by psychic attacks ( Entities, ghosts or at least negative energy thought patterns ) ? So something coming from 'hidden reality', this is w h y official "drugs" will only supress the symptoms : but , sadly, add sid eeffects. I deal with esoterics, Eastern spirituality, do some energy work, divination and i've been in relationships with at least two highly sensitive or bpd woman in this lifetime...

[@bonitobonita9263]

It’s how their brains wired( how their chemicals in brain work differently from regular brain)

[@chrisyanover1777]

Omg! I was just watching a video about being in a relationship with a narcissist and that described my ex-wife, but then I asked a question because now I'm in a relationship with someone with BPD and asked about if they share similar traits and now I found this video that answers my questions

[@chrisyanover1777]

Omg! This video is like you are specifically talking about my relationship

[@hbkLilLit]

I’m literally listening to this while my gf is in the kitchen having a BPD episode 😂

[@djdarq6311]

run

[@jamaalgamble3441]

Don't make her your wife...

[@PettyGod2.0]

​@@jamaalgamble3441whoever gave birth to you shouldn't have

[@PettyGod2.0]

Your probably a terrible person as well u attract what you are

[@RealDavidN]

You might want to introduce her to someone you really dont like.

[@jsspms]

Thank you for the enlightenment. For years I struggled and have longed for clarity to the point of having been traumatized by the endless question of what the heck has been happening. Sad that there is no clearcut solution to end this and have to accept my fate in the years to come. It pains.😢

[@themermaidtree1144]

That last part can also be reactive abuse from trying to make it work for a long time with a covert narcissist and the crazy making they do to you. If you start feeling that way, just like being with a borderline, get away from them before you start picking up narcissist fleas. It’s almost like trying to be “made” into a vampire like they are, especially if you fell into a relationship with one when you were a relatively normal person in the beginning. Just get the heck away from all cluster Bs if you can.

[@sunbeam9222]

I think some people are quick to disregard their own lack of judgement. Considering it's pretty normal to keep trying to fix a relationship that has already turned toxic. And put blame on the other party because they can't see anything wrong with their own. We're all pretty normal until someone brings mirror our unhealed parts to us, doesn't mean they created them, they just brought them to surface. We are responsible for making clear judgement of a situation. We cannot willingly keep participating and take no responsibility for it ourselves. It takes 2 to trauma bond. It's not because we cannot see our own trauma ( yet) that they don't exist. Codependency and people pleasing is not healthy either.

[@michaelking4578]

She just hits me, "because I love you baby" she says.

[@returnoftheromans6726]

I'm doomed. I know this will be me in a relationship. Describing me in some of my friendships. Best to not do anything right now, because I'm a mess and can't hurt anyone with my delusional brain.

[@Bucephalus84]

Alienating yourself from your most basic need only makes you cannibalize yourself from the inside. FIND JESUS, he is the missing piece to the missing piece.

[@adrianaloborec2205]

Don't give up on yourself, but do seek therapy and stay committed to it.

[@HebaKhaled-x4u]

Thank you very informative and useful content in this video Your help me understand alot of things with my relation with a borderline friend

[@sturdymissus3180]

I broke it off. It was a rollercoaster that I couldn't take anymore. Unless they're getting intensive therapy and medication, let them go!

[@misterdeebs1990]

My ex (on/off for several years...Go figure, right?) has BPD & Bipolar Depression with anxiety. She is the best thing AND the worst thing that have ever happened to me. The absolute best I've ever felt, the happiest I've been...aaand also the utmost deepest, darkest (depression & CPTSD) & absolute worst I've ever felt. All because of her choices. All because of impulsivity, devaluation, hoovering & re-idealization...but when it's food, we're good. She's beautiful. WE'RE beautiful. When she splits on me & starts hating me for whatever reason, there is no coming back. If I engage, I'm the enemy. If I use logic, I'm calling her crazy, therefore I also become her enemy. If I don't engage her in the imaginary fight & separate myself from the situation to let things cool off, then she feels that I've abandoned her ... But she's ghosted me, blocked me, left me, dumped me, mostly off of whims, only to come back into my life eventually. Sometimes she'll act like nothing happened as if the time passed is enough for me to forget what happened or forgive (rarely is there real accountability). Other times, she apologizes profusely. It's fucked me up royally. This last discard, I was completely replaced placed within weeks. I had months of almost dying (literally 2 hospital stays, bleeding ulcers, 50 lbs lost in 6 weeks) before I was able to start therapy. I start moving on & healing, finding myself again. I start playing music & performing shows again. I get a new gf who treats me wonderfully. THAT'S when the ex reaches out. -& I'm a sucker. We love each other. -& her mental illness has caused almost every issue we've ever had. -& her impulse to leave instead of work on us is a direct symptom of BPD. If she gets treatment for BPD & shows that she's putting in work, then I KNOW she can beat this. I don't want to be a man that gives up on his soulmate because of a mental illness ...the trouble is that just being a partner with someone with BPD will cause your own mental health problems to get worse & some of hers will even rub off on you. Fear of abandonment after being left for any small reason? Check. Trust issues because of lies, games, manipulation, & cheating? That'll do it. However ...our connection is like nothing either of us have ever felt. & When we're apart, we both get signs constantly that remind us of & push us toward each other. I can't resist. I've let her go because the games never stop...but the empty place she's left will always be there. I don't need to "hold space." I'm doomed.

[@misterdeebs1990]

@waswas777 YEP. That's why she's cut tf off.

[@awardssteaming4304]

Where havd you been my whole life?😊😊😊 thank youuuu

[@abolisher]

Stay away from these individuals 😂😂🤣🤣 you’ll only end up in a never ending cycle of mind games and manipulation once they have you in there hand!

[@Eluderatnight]

"I do" turned it up to 11.

[@LlamaOates]

Never had a child to them, the child becomes the ultimate weapon for them to destroy you through the child. If you do, like I did then you must make it your duty to become an expert in this behaviour.

[@abolisher]

@@LlamaOates it’s been months already I’m free from that situation

[@LlamaOates]

@@abolisher Awesome. Now the goal is, to not fall back into the same pattern that attracted you to these type of people in the first place. Keep up the learning. I wish you luck in your future relationships, both interment and close friendships.

[@abolisher]

@@LlamaOates thank you and I agree.

[@sunbeam9222]

Tbh it seems someone tells you all you need to know about themselves through exhibiting outwardly what goes on inwardly. The question is: are we genuinely prepared to look at it. Assess it. And decide what to do with it? Or are we prepared to overlook some aspects because we're more eager to take part in the fantasy? What is our own relationship wirh reality?

[@donaldgansky5907]

Great video, on topic. So true. It happened to me. 24 years and discarded out of the blue. Didn’t realize it until I started learning about NPD and BPD. Thanks. Thought that I could change her. Big mistake. I’m better off now since I’m getting educated. 👍Thanks

[@surfreadjumpsleep]

not to mention the constant lying, rampant cheating, inability to take any blame whatsoever, inability to consider your needs whatsoever. oh and maybe she "self soothes" with sexual self trashing. If you were in a relationship with BPD, go no contact & get yourself tested for STDs. And make sure you never repeat this experience again.

[@JCarpenter-dm1xg]

I am friends with a woman that I think has bpd. Thankfully she got into therapy (at my suggestion). I care for her deeply , so I hope she is benefitting from the counseling.

[@kadoman65]

Merci Lise, c’est mon histoire 100%…comme “Jeckel and Hyde”

[@Bibleinformationandhelp]

Lisa, once again another good video. I like how you get straight to the point.

[@fitforfreelance]

Tremendous clarity here

[@joeparga1070]

These videos have validated what I’m going through with my partner and has given me so much hope

[@81realtime]

One of your best videos. Thank you.

[@MrCornel777]

Thank you so much and God bless you for considering men as well. Because this world teaches that men are to work things out on their own. When we need help , too. Thank you 😊

[@aquious953]

I dated a BPD for 2 yrs. It was so painful to go through the pull away phase. I felt powerless. She really got in my head, and I still think about her often. She groomed me to be hooked on her. She started hooking up with random guys from dating apps, so I had to bail.

[@clintonnagy1662]

Same with me...she is garbage.

[@unbelievable-4u]

Women are gorgeous but way too complex for me. I am done. My wife separated from me and I went through all of this - and I am fine now. I am a sigma male and I am happy with myself now.

[@Moe412_]

It’s not worth the trouble. People use illnesses to abuse people. End it or just choose someone else and show them that options are there and they are healthier than what they are offering. Currently going through it now.