10 Hidden Motives Why Narcissists Pretend to Be Nice by Lise Leblanc

[@YouilAushana]

Narcs are extremely good listeners when they first meet you, too good.

[@AS004-xf4jc]

Exactly and we who are empath and become fool. Just tell them our full story in the first meeting.

[@aquious953]

My ex-girlfriend insisted I pay for a therapist, but was immediately outraged that the therapist called her out on her narcissistic behavior. My ex wouldnt ge back after the 1st session.

[@antonioarmando1938]

XD

[@Bitofthisnthat-v1d]

Unfortunately you have described, accurately, the person I deal with day to day. Lovebombing, blaming, nice when wanting something, never their fault ever, etc etc.

[@31416]

Strategic reengagement : so much better than the term "hoover". Thank you Lise.

[@PeterShaw-ne1yq]

Every muscle they move has a freeload motive

[@johnsuggs7828]

@@PeterShaw-ne1yqDamn lol. Never heard it put so......accurately before

[@PeterShaw-ne1yq]

@johnsuggs7828 Academy award level, too! I found out the hard way. Look at the actor can reduce the audience to tears, as soon as the curtain comes down, can ask the stage hand to fetch some don't and coffee, and 'be quick'😉

[@JohnB-dr8sk]

Great observation!

[@jgarcia2305]

I swear that of all the Narc coaches on youtube… you have a way of speaking on the subject that feels more relatable and empathetic. Love you and your videos! Please keep on keeping on!

[@bah667]

It's no wonder their lives end up so wrecked. Wretched individuals.

[@kingsleyifeanyi762]

😂😂😂

[@plusone8015]

“…. often, right up until the day that they die.” - Lise Leblanc &/or Buddy Holly 😊 “I pity the narc!” - Mr. T

[@eottoe2001]

11:06 “What I found is that most are not aware, and they do not recognize their patterns nor their role in their recurring problems. They don't understand or examine why they do what they do, nor care to find out because if they did their whole house of cards would collapse. So all they know is that when they push you away you value them more, when they devalue you, and you work harder to prove your worth when you fear their rejection and abandonment. They are safe from yours when they activate your shame. There are lessons, and the crueler they get towards you the more secure and in control they feel, and as things spiral down and unravel. They rationalize, project, deflect, gaslight, and keep all the blame off of themselves, and then when it breaks down it's rinse and repeat, often right up until the day they die.”

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Only ever nice if they're after something from you.

[@StarWindEnergin]

Lise Leblanc, you're the best. My ex did every single item on this list regularly. You're the only therapist whose analysis of tactics and reasoning actually fits what I went through, and I stuck with it for 17 years because we had kids. By the end (probably from the constant cognitive dissonance), I'd developed such severe OCD that it was agony just getting changed to go out and do much of anything, and I drank alcohol almost every night as a relief from the constant misery. After she discarded me as a broken man, both my alcoholism and even my OCD were gone within a month. It's now been 4 months since then and my OCD hasn't come back and I've only gotten drunk twice, both times for fun, not as an escape. My life as a single man doesn't match the highs during those moments where she acted loving/affectionate/sexual (which I doubted the truth of more and more towards the end which contributed to the end of the relationship), but I'm so far above the lows, which were far more frequent, that remembering those times and how I felt and struggled doesn't even feel like the same person. It's more like I spent some time as a POW because it's so detached from my life now. Edit: I was just looking for a patreon link, and I'm not seeing one. I want to subscribe to your patreon because your videos have been so helpful through my healing process.

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for sharing your experience, I’m really glad that you’re recovering quickly. I really appreciate your support but unfortunately, I don’t have a Patreon account or any membership sites.

[@StarWindEnergin]

@@LiseLeblanc Thank you for your reply. I understand that as a creator, you might feel pressure upon opening an account such as that to provide membership tiers or value beyond what your videos already provide. I can tell you that isn't necessary. Many people like myself will donate on there simply as a way to say thank you for helping us.

[@LiseLeblanc]

@@StarWindEnergin That's very kind of you! At this time, "super thanks" is the only way to contribute to my channel, but I will definitely look into Patreon as an option.

[@StarWindEnergin]

@@LiseLeblanc No problem, I'm just aware that with Patreon, more of my money goes to its intended target, ie you, than it does with S.Thanks. This website already gets helped by your videos via ad revenue, it doesn't need to skim an additional 30% of your tips. Patreon is between 5 and 12%, if youtube was more like 15-18% I could see it as a kind of hosting-tax, but 30% is greedy.

[@lilfairycupcake]

they use nice to extract things from you.

[@Watts378]

Congrats on hitting 100k Lise!! Love you and your content :)

[@marialourdess]

DO NOT Fall for Them Being Só Desperate for ur Reapproval. They’re Fake! RUN, BIKe, Fly, Scooter, Roller Skate, Helicopter, SwiM AWay, as Fast as u Can, Ask For Help From Others & NEver Look Back‼️‼️

[@IvanONeill-e6w]

So grateful for your channel,🙏 thank you.

[@Mag1ckan]

I absolutely love your videos and information that you brought on me like a releaving warm shower of reality, the good one at that. I actually thought that I was the problem, like I missed something in my judgement. Instead, now I know that I actually was robbed of my mental health and dignity. All this revelation actually heals me. In my gratitude, you have another one subscriber now

[@toddhubbardguitarmaker]

Another informative video. Thank you. It's nice to be able to quietly side step narcissistic people.

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you for your positive feedback. It is really appreciated!

[@yotamrozenshein9979]

I am going through a break up right now, we were together for 10 years. I was 22 years old and she was 33 years old and she made me feel like the best man alive in the beginning. And also made me believe I'm the worse there ever is. Iv'e found your videos by mistake a week ago, and the more I listened, the stronger the gut wrenching feeling in this situation. So many things you say about this type of relationship resonate deeply with me. I can't believe I was living in such a deep state of repression and denial about my situation to be honest. Finding out she is (probably, my diagnosis) a covert narcissist is heart breaking and reality shattering. I have to say, even thought she will probably never change or realize the amount of hurt she's brought upon me, I will always love and care for her true self, which is hidden beneath layers upon layers. I Feel like I caught a glimpse of it few times, but it was entirely fleeting... I thought I can make us happily ever after, and that we were meant for each other the dream she made me chase I didn't even know I want.

[@damiancastillo8184]

Her true self IS her narcissistic side. You're still in denial if you believe any differently. Not trying to offend you in any way. You will see this I'm time. I say this from experience. I wish you success in your journey of healing.

[@yotamrozenshein9979]

Hello pal. I believe npd is a trait inherited mainly by trauma induced by parents at childhood, therefore the narcisstic traits are a mask used as a survival mechanism to protect your true self. Therefore I disagree with ur notion because I feel like I caught glimpses of that person, but as a whole it seems impossible to lead a normal relationship with this kind of person, and mostly you will be living with the mask of that person. But the ' true self ' as I see it stays burried within. ​@damiancastillo8184

[@Paradice351]

I agree with your comment and the reply above. I am going through the "nice" stage with the ex but it has been he'll and chaos up until now. I saw her break down at some point and admit failure and shame. It was sad to see, but it also seemed real. I had never seen that side. Not sure though, because her acting is on par with Hollywood's best. I just remain cautious and would be long gone except there are kids involved.

[@Socoolral]

This is a very complicated disorder. I feel unless I know the person fully, I shouldn’t believe they are a narcissist because I see lots of people with these characteristics and I myself on occasions if I can recall have some of these characteristics. I do realize there are people that have their ways and some are social, some don’t like to be in the company of others and some like drama. There are some that have all these traits. Basically, I’ve been watching these videos for sometime and I feel like I got a grasp on this disorder and then boom something else comes up. So I’m just going to listen to people more nod and wink. 😉🤙🏼 Thank you Lise for the videos have a great day

[@JohnB-dr8sk]

America has had a massive narcissism problem since at least the 1970s and it's only gotten worse. The Boomers weren't called the "Me Generation" for nothing. Their Gen X and Millennial children are even more narcissist, and it's become a full blown crisis. That's why most Americans today have some or most of these traits even if they're not a clinical narcissist. I believe this is why there are so many people flipping out and attacking strangers as well (mass psychosis). It's gotten so bad that I'm planning to relocate to another country because I am just not meeting new people and friends who aren't heavily afflicted with this. I'm afraid that if a civil war breaks out, it could be the ugliest civil war in the history of mankind because of so many people here who have absolutely no empathy. Just my 2 cents:) Best, John

[@StevenOhara-g9f]

I just did to her what she has done to me for 3 years...... Only because she destroyed my sole. I'm stronger now.

[@meganbroad6981]

That "dance" your referring to, ppl are on social media calling this abuse a "push/pull method". Its insane

[@aelchin2010]

One of the best sets of videos on the topic. Thank you very much, Lise.

[@mdjulker9]

These all perfectly matched. Lovely----you covered very well. Thank you.

[@kenjileach]

When living with a Narcisist you look forward to the "Pretend to Be Nice" and hope it contiues when the guests leave. Thats not enough to be emmotionally healthy. I've taken all the painful steps to be free and heal. I'm fortunate that I will not allow myself to be a victim. I hope that others in a painful narcissist relationship will seek help to build your self esteem and realize you can take control of your life. Thank you Dr Leblanc for helping so many that struggle with naricisst relationships.

[@stevenjarvis6154]

Great video as always thank you Lise

[@JN3-16]

Excellent insight and valuable information Lise. Thank you so much for raising the awareness.

[@andrewmino4109]

It's being scared and sad for the person at the same time. I agree that they dont know what they are doing even when it rips you apart. I am at the start of a divorce and have been caught in this for some time. I do worry that the whole forgiveness thing will come up, and a pulling back and forth will continue. She is doing these stella treatments, and who knows how they will help.

[@waqarsaleem1412ah]

Thank you Lisa, you are appreciated and exactly.

[@smarwadi]

Another video another bang on discription.. thank you Lise ❤

[@IDCLIP2000]

Im in trouble. I went through an early stage of dating a narcissist and finally managed to distance myself from her after a month and what's crazy is that it actually hurt more than breaking off a proper 4 year relationship with a good person. But now i found out that we will be working together and I will be her manager so all of a sudden she is being super nice to be again! This is really going to test me. Give me strength!!

[@zenwarrior3603]

Be very careful. She probably went to work there to get to you. She very easily could use her position to file a sexual harassment complaint and cost you your job. I would quit and start over elsewhere. She sounds like trouble.

[@JohnB-dr8sk]

@@zenwarrior3603 Zenwarrior nailed it. She WILL cause you trouble because that's how narcissists operate. BEWARE

[@JasonLoyd]

Lise. Your videos have helped me in ways beyond words. Keep up the great work!

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you so much!

[@runs_with_wolves_777]

Your knowledge and delivery of said knowledge, is awesome to listen to and watch. Your videos help me a lot. I really appreciate it. Thank you Lise and rock on! 🤘👏

[@billybotts9521]

Lisa thanks for all this useful information your speaking voice is very enjoyable and calming for me please keep up the amazing job🙂

[@romanrandolph]

This is very True. 😔

[@vyoufinder]

Am I the only one? Watching several of these videos to get over my narc but then falling in love with "my therapist?" Call me Lise. I'm single now.

[@imaginedo2407]

It's true, they are not nice, there is nothing nice about them and whatever niceness they generate is manipulative. My X told me she would be sweet if I did XYZ (which I had done 100 times with no sweetness in return) and then it dawned on me there was in fact nothing sweet about her. Looking back on the relationships and her, she wasn't sweet at all - she was cold and mean and what looked like sweetness was her charm.

[@etaokha4164]

All for validation and attention. I was kind towards my neighbour not knowing she was a narc until she showed me exactly who she was and i saw her for who she was and once i saw who she was, I distance myself away from her and just see her as the neighbour downstairs and thats where it ends. I dont talk to them and never go ask them for their help or anything. I learnt to stay away from them and mind my own business as they showed me exactly who they're.

[@kevthepoet]

I'm having cognitive dissonance. How can the narcissist have no sense of self but be so selfish? Do they have no sense of other? My narcissist seems so kind and generous 90 percent of the time and then has moments of heartless selfishness. It's such a 180 it breaks my brain cos I can't make sense of it.

[@LiseLeblanc]

The narcissist has a grandiose false self… some can act very altruistic. This is often referred to as a communal narcissist. Not sure if this is what you’re experiencing but I do have a video of this topic

[@ckyung1312]

All truths about my father and my ex. May they restless in pieces.

[@kevthepoet]

Can they change? Do they change? My narcissist was flirting with another guy for attention for years, it started small with him flirting abd her pretending it wasnt happening and got worse and worse until she was flirting back in front of me. I eventually ended it. But now they're no longer friends with that guy abd she is begging for forgiveness, promising changes, taking responsibility. She wants me to believe she has changed. But I can't tell if it's genuine or just another long con.

[@lamax8155]

I have experienced this first hand.. started with a simple dream about an ex... then a phone call... then an in person meet up... then he is rubbing her feet privately at his place. I don't blame her ex..he is trying to get back in there. I blame everything on this horrible witch of a woman that plays around with her partners emotions and at the end of the day have zero respect for her partner and herself as a woman.

[@JoePAcalaughs]

No. They don't. Turn your energy inward.

[@Templar1129]

Up until the day that they die. How very sad.

[@VMorgenthaler-yp6yz]

Don't touch their shame. That can cause them to do a panic discard. If you're not ready for that then tread cautiously around the shame.

[@StarWindEnergin]

Thanks!

[@LiseLeblanc]

Thank you so much for your support and contribution! Greatly appreciated

[@StarWindEnergin]

@@LiseLeblanc Nah, you did the thing to be thankful for first :) You've been super helpful to me in helping me understand my relationship and given me what I needed to debrief myself mentally and move on with my life.

[@PeterShaw-ne1yq]

I went through this phase of the narcs act

[@jacksavage279]

Thank you Dr.

[@tomcat44ful]

My narcissistic wife wants a divorce and won’t explain why but wants to keep it rings and a book I wrote and signed for her when I thought she loved me. She couldn’t believe I wanted it all back. What is this all about?

[@yendor86]

They are the worst.

[@gilbertrosa1627]

My wife does this and when I show her this she starts a fight quickly and swiftly with me and now I’m the real narcissist and manipulator

[@jamesrebbechi5247]

Blame shifting.

[@learlear1143]

very insightful

[@RIDDYxMUSICH]

Sadistic Con Artist/Predators and way more. Can’t sugarcoat it.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

She only acted nice when she wanted something. She couldn't see it but it was obvious.

[@etaokha4164]

This people burn bridges thats why you never see them with anyone but will tell you " oh I have 200 friends " but you will never see those 200 friends. I learnt they the most loneliest people ive come across but will gaslight you for distancing yourself and staying alone or away from them because you refuse to allow them abuse you so you put up boundaries and they hate you for that. He treated his child badly and neglected the child but he worked in a care setting but at same time neglected and abandoned his own child with medical needs

[@AS004-xf4jc]

They are also the victim of their parents. They blindly believed or copied activities of their parents. Some of them specially son can get rid of this but daughter can not.

[@richardburrell7665]

Perfect.

[@fayray9544]

Excellent final summation Lise. Those ironies are spot on and shockingly true all at once. And yes they are master chess players but IMO, the source of their skill is demonic.

[@PeterShaw-ne1yq]

They are actors 🎉

[@SavageRothchild-n7i]

My kids mom is very mad at me for my work an making life hard for the kids an only thinks of herself

[@SouthernGospelSinger777]

True

[@bronwynsimons7028]

Thank you Lisa I am in a transition phase, still planning my exit And he is aware of this Because I told him, it's either him or me that has to leave our home He said he's not going anywhere And now he's super nice as if I never even said anything😮 So i can Expect the monster to emerge soon This is the calm before the storm?

[@stephaniehall6309]

Yes

[@sarrjel]

Nuts.

[@ltopomcfly5583]

11:28

[@fyro79]

Thanks to this video I’ve identified that my new girlfriend is a narcissist: I’m breaking up with her because this video describes her perfectly. After watching this I can see that everyone is a narcissist! Who knew! Thanks for all your help with my life and relationships!

[@CAPTURAXIS]

When i was kid my mom lifted me used AAA batteries that i couldn't use for anything, lol once gave me woman's underwear as gift and i am guy, this is how inconsiderate they can get

[@nicholecornes1915]

Praise God good bye

[@gilbertrosa1627]

Sucks to be me

[@conartist267]

Hi Lise, I’m wondering whether there’s a connection between narcissism and Aspergers or high functioning autism. I know quite a few with Aspergers because they related to me and I believe they are all narcissistic and can cut you off at any time. They can be super loving and then cut you off or to pieces. I don’t like many people in my family 😔

[@husqrok]

Try saying "NO" to their wishes or silent commands and see for yourself..

[@hurricaneaquatics]

I've researched aspergers a bit and experienced NPD, BPD extensively. NPD is on another level and there will be NO deliniation between NPD and Aspergers. Aspergers are quirky, stand offish, and very introverted and socially ackward. NPD is 0 empathy, torture, and mood chabges multiple times a day, silent treatment, stone walling, using, etc. It's total torture and terror.

[@fifilafleur5555]

Con jobs!!!

[@jasont2105]

BINGO

[@sipcologiaaldia-vt6qw]

🖍️📒

[@nicholecornes1915]

Sick

[@russell4824]

Great video, Happy Thanksgiving Lise🦃🍗

[@LiseLeblanc]

Happy Thanksgiving to you too Russell!

[@plusone8015]

Narcissistic people are too self obsessed to be good actors, particularly if you know the tells. It’s more like soap 🧼 opera level acting; maybe. They are also often very gullible. I once told a woman I was dating that I was autistic (clearly 👅 in cheek or so I thought). I had forgotten all about it until one night she snark-remarked, "Have you ever thought about therapy for your autism?!?!" I burst out laughing. She kept knitting. ... My backs been to the wall so long it feels like it's stuck. Why don’t you break my heart 💔 one more time, just for good luck? - Bob Dylan If you had listened long time ago You wouldn't be goin' from door to door I hear you knockin' But you can't come in I hear you knockin' Go back where you've been -Fats Domino Rock & Roll never forgets 🎶🎵