7 Stages of The BPD Relationship Cycle

In this video, I talk about the 7 destructive stages of a relationship with a woman with borderline personality disorder. Please note that I am referring specifically to a woman who is either unaware, untreated, or unable to successfully manage her BPD symptoms. Males also suffer from BPD but because there are so few resources aimed at men who are in relationships with a pwBPD, I have decided to explain it from this POV.
If this video resonates with you, please like, share, and subscribe so that others might find help in it as well! I would so greatly appreciate it. 💜
It's my intention that everyone who watches gets at least one important take-away. 🙏
/ @liseleblanc
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders’ criteria for Borderline personality disorder is “a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity, beginning in early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 5 of the following symptoms:
1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. Identity disturbance: Markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging, for example, spending, substance abuse, reckless driving, sex, binge eating, etc. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5.
5. Recurring suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats or self-mutilating behaviour
6. Affective instability caused by a marked reactivity of mood, for example, intense episodic dysphoria, anxiety, or irritability, usually lasting a few hours and rarely more than a few days.
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.
8. Inappropriate, intense anger, or difficulty controlling anger, for example, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights.
9. Transient paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
If you have thoughts bout harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend
About Me
Hi! I'm Lise Leblanc. I am a therapist, life coach, and author of 9 self-healing guides. I have over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
For information about private consultations, please visit: liseleblanc.ca/products/coaching
#bpd; #borderlinepersonalitydisorder; #personalitydisorder

[@Kaiel530]

It is so ridiculous how accurate this video is. I dated someone for 9 months and went through this cycle several times, eventually just repeating 5-7 over and over until it ended. I certainly learned to listen to people when they tell you who they are. The red flags were there, and for a while I just admired the color.

[@broforcefreedom4936]

And for a while I jUdT aDmIrEd ThE CoLoR. What does that even mean besides you trying to be poetic ?

[@humanperson218]

@@broforcefreedom4936 he was so enamored by the good stage he didnt even notice the bad parts

[@vevvenennevvev5945]

@@broforcefreedom4936 How dumb do you have to be not to understand what that means lol

[@nikkid4890]

@@broforcefreedom4936 I personally loved that analogy. It is very clever

[@DontHatemusiK]

​@@broforcefreedom4936 it means you suck at artistic expression. That metaphor was fantastic

[@paige8956]

as someone who suffers from the condition, this was hard to watch. but it was true. people with bpd aren’t monsters to their core, but we’re hurt people who hurt people. thanks for making this video. it’s helping me grow and change as a person so i don’t hurt other people anymore.

[@DaniDarm]

Yeah, this is hard to watch. I don’t want to keep hurting ppl but I don’t want to be alone. I refuse to give up on myself. I’m not like this on purpose. I don’t think any of us are trying to be manipulative. 😔

[@briannegeier5239]

THIS. I’m getting really tired of seeing all the comments villifying people with BPD. I just got my diagnosis a couple months ago but have struggled for YEARS. I am trying so hard in my current relationship because it is so important to me. It has calmed down compared to the beginning, but even at that point I didn’t know I had BPD. Im not excusing my behavior, but the healing isn’t always linear.

[@hanarielgodlike9283]

I wish all of you the best, and a life full of happiness.

[@beepboop9519]

it made my skin crawl watching this fr lmao

[@jaisonstanley]

Do you guys experience real love, what would real love look like to you? only you can answer this , because people like me still value people with BPD and constantly try to be by their side

[@jackluke6209]

Just got out of a bpd relationship. It’s scary how accurate this is. After being gaslit for months I needed this to know that I’m not crazy

[@EmiGirl1]

Same here.

[@keres993]

Brothers, we must acknowledge the narcotic aspect of BPD girls. For the same reason we don't smoke meth, we shouldn't be hanging around them. I had several BPD girlfriends before realizing why I was attracting and was attracted to those kinds of women. This epiphany started me down a road of healing. I wish you all success in understanding this complex phenomenon and logically choosing for yourself as if you are choosing for someone you love.

[@timteray]

Fuck we need a group therapy

[@JTang21]

your not alone

[@frozenrobert5735]

I just ended my 1.5 years with my GF. The rollercoaster was intense, intoxicating, and ultimately destructive. I started doubting my own judgement -- until my counsellor gently suggested research into BPD. These videos are so accurate it's scary. It's too bad, because this woman has so many great qualities. But she lacks the skills to manage her own reality. For all the men out there who are in this scenario, please ask for help. It's worth it.

[@mikeskiba4725]

It’s amazing how I stopped having panic attacks after she divorced me.

[@frainer]

Nothing like walking on egg shells, they love it.

[@mikkokorperich4151]

My anxiety attacks disappeared as soon as the relationship ended.

[@diazalbn]

@@mikkokorperich4151 same, me personally we ended our relationship without any significant problems (only small things you can fix together), she told me that she's a bad person, not good for me, etc and then pulls away, we did a break period and no contact for a month but in the end we still broke up. That moment is hurts and haunting me for the next month and decided to reach her back, and suddenly everything is okay and we're back into the relationship again in a week.

[@neilwood8794]

I have 100% been in a bpd relationship… unfortunately it has left me not wanting another relationship, I’m 3 years on now. Thanks for enabling me to process it better.

[@michaelking4578]

Same. I got out two years ago and now have no desire to be with a woman again in a relationship. I did find a quality woman and ended up breaking up with her in part out of this strange inability to attach I seem to have now. But I also seem to be glad I don't get attached. I'm in a weird place.

[@HANZELVANDERLAAY]

@@michaelking4578 yeah..I was there as well...stinks

[@karltaylor6391]

Bpd or npd? Not much difference

[@heyarnold5576]

I understand but don’t give up or let it kill your spirit. You’ll be missing out on tons of and beautiful and quality woman like this woman and hey who knows? Maybe your ex will fully recover and you’ll be able to have a healthy relationship with her in the future. Also, check out Corey Wayne. He actually gives perfect advice on dating, relationships and masculinity unlike most of the popular “redpill” “alpha” influencers who heavily influence men today to become weak spiritually and mentally, narcissistic, and who want to divide men and women.

[@surfshack2]

You don’t need to focus on wanting another relationship again, you need to focus on healing yourself, it doesn’t matter if it takes 2 years or 10 years. Your mental and physical health is number one priority, without that you have nothing.

[@VIDS2013]

The violent rage is the most frightening aspect to witness.

[@apushman]

Especially when it comes out of no where

[@fluxuleducatiei]

I got beathen by my gf on my birthday. With fists in my nose and head, like a freaking boxer. And 30min later she said: get ready, the delivery is about to arrive. Wtfff

[@RandomPerson28337]

You mean ex I was leaving son

[@fluxuleducatiei]

Ex gf, ofc.

[@mandarinigames8288]

​@@fluxuleducatiei Same i ended the relationship then she came Back and i forgave her Like an Idiot after that she dicarded me for a junkie dude

[@manifestorthroughlove]

I really enjoyed working with BPD as a therapist. Watching their inner child heal through validation and release of blame is amazing. There is hope if you do the work. ❤

[@TheElephantInTheRoom12]

Thanks for commenting. It just always seems like there is no hope for people with this disorder and most therapists do not want to work with them. After listening to so many negative videos I was just wondering is there anything that will help and you named two things. Qualified therapists are either unaffordable or inaccessible.

[@noiJadisCailleach]

There is also lots of sex that helps them "heal" in between those lines, don't it? "Enjoy" my ass. Pretty obvious what's going on here. Congratulations for all the sex you had.

[@jamiejoseph4617]

Thank you for this

[@IshtarNike]

​@@TheElephantInTheRoom12BPD is actually the most treatable of the cluster B personality disorders. A really high percentage of people heal from it through therapy or over time.

[@RexRaven22]

thank you for this comment.

[@samk4065]

“Hey! Reacting to my text isn’t responding 🤨.” My ears are still ringing from the last six months. Glad I made it out alive.

[@kandlrex]

Well it isn't... it's a cop out

[@AbigaleRice]

It's almost hurtful how accurate this is. I'm 25 I've been diagnosed with BPD for 10 years and I've been in two long term relationships and this is the EXACT thing that happens.... I'm really at a loss for words right now because I have been so unaware that I am infact the problem. I always have shared the balme with my partner but in reality this is exactly what happens. I can't really afford intensive care but I am in therapy and definitely plan on having my therapist listen to this because I'm almost sickened listening to this and how spot on almost everything was. Thank you for your knowledge

[@greyfox2822]

Self-awareness is a huge step. I'm happy for you, internet stranger. If possible, maybe apologize to those people; as someone speaking from the other side, I would love some closure from the woman that did this stuff to me. Ruined my perception of relationships

[@Smritishikha]

Hey Abii... You are not the problem, first, let's get that clear in your head. It was not you. I have been diagoned with BPD too.

[@molassescricket6663]

@@greyfox2822 Friend borderline’s never apologize, they only blame.

[@nicoledoubleyou]

​@@Smritishikha no, it was her. It's not helpful to tell her not to take accountability for her actions. She is the problem, and the reason she was the problem is because she has BPD. Why did you say that? Yeah you wanna be kind and make sure she doesn't hate herself, I don't want her to hate herself either. But this ain't it, sis

[@patriot-hj5vx]

wow good on you that you have this self awareness. that's the pattern with BPD is they externalize all blame. i hope you were able to connect with your former partners and maybe give them some peace.

[@revolutionunderground]

1- Idealization 2- Obsessive Clinginess 3- Devaluation 4- Escalation (usually less than 2 months in) 5- Repair (they slid 6- Responsibility (eggshells) 7- Repeat and recycle

[@Caszac]

I’m in a relationship with a girl that has bpd and we been dating for just 1 month and like she treats me right I treat her right she always tells me that she’s obsess with me and Tdy just told me I was her favorite person she does know that she has bpd but I’m really scared cuz I just started watching videos and they said that in a random time I’m not gonna be her favorite person no more I really love this girl she told she haven’t been treated like I treat her ( I literally treat her like a queen I always give her compliments and advices )I really want help I don’t want to lose her how can I be better for her or how I can communicate with her if she really loves me or if I’m just her favorite person and that I could get dumped in any day she always tells me that she love me so much I’m just scare what y’all recommend me

[@ryanashmore6259]

@@CaszacI’m in the same boat mate, what I’ve learned is that if she has a bad episode be very careful of what you say, be empathetic show emotion and tell her how amazing she is and point out her positives. It’s not going to be easy and they may seem distant at times but just be patient

[@Caszac]

@@ryanashmore6259 thanks fam I needed to heard that

[@patrickburns4821]

my wife has bpd and I"ve experienced all 7 of these cycles in a day; sometimes I go thru most of them more than once in a day! I live in the upside down and I'm so sad...I want a divorce but I'm not ready to loose everything I've worked for.

[@adrianaloborec2205]

It's not up to you. The cycles of idealizing/ devaluation have nothing to do with your behavior. In fact, the more you try to please them the more they might feel the responsibility is yours and devalue you accordingly. I've seen somewhere that one pwBPD wrote it helps them when their partner recognizes the fear under the rage, and asks "are you afraid"? rather than justifying themselves. Same with their self-disdain and guilt, l guess. But if her case is bad, it might never be enough unless she decides to go to therapy. You sound a bit codependent, frankly. Maybe something in your childhood made you vulnerable to such people. I'd suggest you need to develop a better relationship with yourself before anything else, and positive expectations of life, rather than something like "I'll be devastated if she's gone". Thats how a child thinks about mother. Adult people grieve, but also know that life goes on and there are plenty of great people around.

[@obmal_pytan]

I refused to accept that while I was in a relationship with a BPD woman and it almost makes me laugh how accurate this representation is...

[@Balaamsasss]

This video perfectly described 3 years of my life almost to the last detail. There was plenty of gaslighting and lying also, but the intensity of the sex and the emotional bond was addictive. I finally made a vow and told her that the next wild episode would be the last. I knew it was inevitable and after it happened, I cut off all contact with her. It took me a while to heal and to reconnect with family and friends. I had a difficult time trusting women in relationships after that. I guess I'm still healing.

[@borgencorgenforgen]

I'm there right now. This video blew my mind in it's accuracy. Wow.

[@calebrowell665]

In one right now watched this and it’s too accurate

[@DaniTorresOfficial]

I took the same vow this summer... She was coming up with everything, but i held still, then all of a sudden i got discarded bc she found another one. Now i want to heal so bad, bc it hurts like damn.

[@leesmith5853]

Omg this is sooo f$#&ing accurate.

[@EctomorphEcstasy]

@@DaniTorresOfficial I share that pain with you, brother. I'm hoping it gets better. 😞

[@michaelking4578]

It's as if you were there documenting what happened to me. This is disturbingly accurate: "slowly you start becoming a pathetic try hard, stripped of your manhood, feeling trapped, drowning and suffocated."

[@efish50]

that one was too personal 🤣

[@lamhanimarouane8560]

I feel you

[@kathleenakakatie8816]

Jesus Christ is this how low I've dragged my boyfriend down ??!! I never even realized I had bpd until years into the relationship. It's only been recently I've been more aware of my behavior and trying to curve my mindset. I'm sorry you felt that way about your self 😔

[@skydog22]

@Kathleen Aka Katie If you don't mind me asking, would you call an ex, or have someone else come over when you'd split your bf for validation?

[@DenerWerb]

Yep. That on hit me too

[@theraybans5320]

this video literally just cured my depression, confusion, anxiety, and sanity. i understand everything you just stated it explains my current relationship

[@Ninja1Ninja2]

i get where youre coming from hard to see the pattern until its a memory when youre dating a nicer girl.

[@iceeyhound3866]

The feelings you describe are what I experienced myself after the breakup

[@rik0220]

Hang in there brother. You are not the problem. Hope she get's the help she needs and everything works out for you

[@fishwiththesmile6216]

I left my wife for all those reasons last week. We were 14 years together. It never change. She will eventually make you miserable

[@GoWithDaFlowMo]

Same here... It's sooo freeing to finally understand... Still healing, but sooo much weight and stress lifted from me, just by knowing..... 😊

[@michellepadilla516]

I’m amazed. I’m a borderline and you just described the relationship w my bf that I’ve had for the past 3yrs. It’s crazy. I didn’t know that I was 100% the problem. But ima finally get help, I owe it to him. I owe it to myself. I need to be happy, I don’t want to die a miserable, lonely, old hag w nothing or no one. And as of right now, that’s where I’m headed. Thank you for making more self-aware.

[@JamesGadbury]

No one person is ever 100% the problem, but I think it's brilliant that you have recognised your own faults and want to work on them - good luck 👍

[@Karll541]

Being able to face the mirror is a courageous thing. You gotta be able to grow. Kudos to you

[@pinkwater4891]

Has it gotten better? I need hope

[@michellepadilla516]

I just got my health insurance back and im just now gnna start getting help. Trying to make doctor, therapist and maybe a counselor appointment. But I can tell you that after watching this video, after learning and understanding my bpd diagnosis more, I’ve gotten better at accepting it and myself. If my boyfriend doesnt understand it then maybe right now isn’t the best time for us to be together. I’m fine with being single until I get my mental health right so I can be a good girlfriend to him or anyone else in the future.

[@ememem26]

Me too 💙 it’s not our fault but it is our responsibility :( I believe in you!

[@pbnquantal8842]

I’m in a relationship right now and my gf has BPD, have been with her for 3 years. She sent me this video and we both know she has BPD, but we’re both actually maybe even stronger because we went through a LOT to stay together, and it makes me feel like there’s nothing else like her. I’m grateful for her no matter her disorders.

[@pbnquantal8842]

To anyone in a relationship with someone with BPD, you guys can get through it, but you both have to be able to say anything to each other

[@tugnormoustuglicous1303]

Cheat on her so she leaves and ull have ur peace 😇

[@gabegage]

But did she ever cheat on you?

[@pbnquantal8842]

@@gabegage She did not, I’d like to continue being positive but actually two weeks ago she changed entirely, matched with others online, said she didn’t love me, lost her feelings for me, and said extremely hurtful things. She is gone now. I’m sorry.

[@izzyzoe9137]

I'm so sorry man. I know tue feeling

[@DekkerDave]

It's incredible how exact this is. Got caught by a woman with BPD symptoms of which she wasn't aware about. My first impression was that "there's something about her" feeling but I let it slide because I didn't want to be a quick judgmental prick and gave her a chance. The honeymoon phase lasted only for few short weeks and it felt amazing. I was recovering from a surgery and she was incredibly caring. I was completely self-sufficient but she insisted and yeah, it felt good. She used this weakened state of mine to "bond" with me by sharing her previous relationship traumas (got cheated on, then the other guy was allegedly threatening her with suicide). I was like yeah, it happens, I've been through some crap too, let's do it together. Hell, she even had an app that counted the length of our relationship and wanted to celebrate almost every week we've been together. Soon after that all hell let loose. First I've got scolded on regular basis for not answering quick enough or for answering only with shorter messages than usual because I was busy. Then she jokingly blamed me for having secret mistresses. She laughed but it didn't feel as a joke, there was this threatening undertone to it. Then she displayed signs of jealousy about my woman coworkers and finally had a jealous breakdown when I told her some of my friends are women that I see few times per year over coffee. It was the fist hers emotional trainwreck I witnessed. There was screaming, crying, sobbing, hugging and begging... She was also getting more and more jealous at my hobbies because she probably felt they're taking my attention and always disregarded them whenever I tried to talk about things I like to do in my free time. During this stage she began push-pulling. Complete silent stonewalling and ignoring anything I say at one moment and warm and amiable person few minutes later. Add gaslighting attempts on top of it all. 180° mood swings two, three times per day to the point she completely killed my sexual interest in her. When I told her, she cried and apologized over and over again but nothing changed for better. It quickly slid back to the her normal and became even worse. The difference between push-pulls became so serious I wasn't sure about the next hour with her. Being with her or talking to her felt like walking on eggshells. She also began to employ belittling tactics by scolding me anywhere, anytime, even if it was for opening a yoghurt cup. She also began to question everything I did or said and sometimes employing it as lowkey attempt to get a reaction from me so she could have a reason for a trigger. Meanwhile she was in very lively contact with her expartner over the phone. And she was using the phone to force me in to competition for her attention, often ignoring me or only answering me shortly when I tried to talk with her. Soon after that jealous outburst she admitted with arrogant tone how she slept over at her ex's place. That was the finishing point for me. Later she told me she thinks I'm distancing myself from her, to which I only replied that she's correct. The truth is I cut her off because of what she had done and I was already exhausted being the only one trying to fix this relationship. I just wasn't capable of bearing it any longer. I was 90% sure to break up with her but wanted to give a final chance to some serious discussion. We were at her place so I brought it up. It was just another emotional outburst but not because there was something wrong between us. According to her I was oblivious idiot because she wanted to have a nice evening, watch movies, sip wine and have sex and I ruined it. She tried to fix the situation hastily, even cried like a hurt puppy again. Almost fell for that trap but I turned around, hopped on a tram, left and never returned. Guess I managed to jump this boat before the stage six. We were together for five months and were seeing each other only during weekends but it's been incredibly emotionally draining clusterfuck. By seeing this video every piece of that puzzle clicked in. Now I think I can say why she couldn't hold a job for more than few months. Why she's been jumping from relationship to relationship. Why she wanted to move in to my place only after three months...

[@saxabass]

I feel your pain, my friend.

[@SAT0R1.]

Try five years instead of five months .. they eventually get u i vested in wanting family and then cheat on you and blame you for it and emotionally neglect or admitt to any wrong doing. U did well to yourself to leave sooner the longer you stay the more abuse neglect humiliation and betrayal you experience and its reallu does so much damage to you that will prob not ever fully heal.

[@kirbyaugustine761]

Boy you dodged a bullet on that one.

[@paulreints2279]

Man... My woman perfectly too! Good riddance to them

[@carstenandersen1931]

Totally the same i just have Got through!!! Distrust, accusation…. And we even got a child… so sad… now I am out! I actually saw the red lights, but she was beautiful and she had a huge sexdrive, so I just played along…. I thought it was just a depression and bad childhood… now I know, and I have decided to take the fight for my child.

[@VanRyan-bv7du]

I was actually diagnosed with BPD since my teenage. Also suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.

[@Bastianbishops]

Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them.

[@SusanaGomez-mp8sk]

Hey! Yes Dr.benfungi

[@MichaelDavidson-qi7ts]

How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta

[@JesseJason-qc7ug]

Yes he's Dr.benfungi.Shrooms to me is a natrual healer. I know a guy who has used mushrooms in the same way and they have really helped him. mah dudes have safe trips all.

[@AndrewLiam-lp5cj]

I would like to know from those who have solved PTSD and anxiety, if they have solved it definitively and how to understand what quantity of psilocybin to take and when, for how long. And can you really heal without having an addiction? Thanks to everyone for helping me understand, I want to understand if it's something that can help me solve the problem (I have c-ptsd)

[@izzyzoe9137]

In the past year Ive watched and listened to probably around 500+ hours on relationships, narcissism, bi-polar, childhood trauma, emotional abuse, abandonment and much more.. All in search so something that would make sence for what im going through.. And this video was the one...

[@dharma6525]

Same bro/sis - guess we had to learn and grow 😉 Maybe now we can feel free and get back on our tracks ! Much peace sent to you 😊

[@JcChavez123]

I wanted answers as to why, why, why, why. I’ve always thought I had people’s best interests at heart, being a good person, giving, kind, caring etc but it had to accept my past and stop running away from it, essentially I was unaware through life long disassociation just to function……..I couldn’t deny it anymore and had to asked myself why I did the things I did and you know what the answer was. There was no reason, none at all. It just happened and it’s as if I couldn’t control it or help myself or I was bored or lost and needed to idolise someone in my life to feel something.

[@fakiriayoub8087]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@FabioPioFersini]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Germany. Really need

[@ToniMonteroroman]

Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@AnneRodrigo-fz6ks]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@FabioPioFersini]

Is he on instagram?

[@ToniMonteroroman]

Yes, he is dr.porassss.

[@Canttouchthis04]

Ugh such a tragedy. The love of my life turned out to be BPD, and I fell for it not just once when I was a young adult, but a second time years later. Same thing both times. I love that girl to death and always will, and I'm still torn up about it over a year after the last time. But this video helps remind me that it wasn't my fault. I did everything I could and far more than most would ever do or put up with.

[@StudioSappy]

I feel you. It hurts.

[@cristinac.8555]

I am sorry she couldn't figure it out between the years you were apart and that you are still recovering from the last try. At least you tried, gave a second chance, and you have an answer now to that "what if" you held it in you for all those years..

[@daviscameron1]

This was my experience, we got back together 20yrs later & she told me I was the only person she ever loved in her life. One day she wanted to get Married & the next day ended the relationship because I didn’t wear shoes. After 3 years of abusive behaviours of many people I wrote to her doctors & family for help. She reported me to the police & lied about her 20yr history of extreme mental health issues. Bpd is a crazy complex disorder. Be kind to yourself the only thing you can do is get out & live a happy life.

[@rik0220]

I had this too. Fell in love when we were 15, some stuff happened in life and we were set on different paths. We got back together when we were 30, Both of us had thought about the other every single day for the 15 year gap. This time around her condition just would not let us be in a health happy relationship. It really sucks that I had to make the decision to give up after the last time I was discarded. I know she is the only one for me, If soulmates exist then she is mine. I will always love her, but the unintentional abuse was beating me down and would have eventually killed me. I had to go against everything I wanted and follow my logical side and attempt to ignore the emotional. Time will tell if I made the right decision I hope.

[@bigtreecombatacademy2927]

@@rik0220 u did

[@jimmycccc]

This is scarily accurate. Exactly what I went through. Helps to hear this is not just me that went through this.

[@wigglywrigglydoo]

Me too, not everything, but nearly everything. The whole thing was mostly about me trying to put my boundaries out, looking after her, defending myself, getting abused through everything but physical, her cheating, gaslighting, smearing me, baseless self-blaming of herself, setting me up to react. The good thing is, I will likely see the next one coming from afar.

[@megabestia4182]

I just found this video after a 3 years relationship with a BPD. Scarily accurate but it kinda brings peace of mind for me.

[@princhipessa1969]

Me too! To a “T”

[@tomc9790]

Thank you for sharing. It is good to know I'm in a marriage of 5 years and love my wife.

[@aidanmohrman9493]

Right. This lady just described my ladt year and a half with my ex to exact details.

[@Limifre]

This is so accurate that I almost started laughing. She convinced me so many times all the problems came from me and how her ex treated her. I wish I could send her this video and maybe make her realize that she need help for the actual problem/condition.. I feel bad about it though, they are not bad people, their victims themself.

[@borgencorgenforgen]

I feel for ya, but I disagree (at least for me). She was a horrible person and the things she did were borderline evil and inexcusable. She is a sick girl, but she is not a victim in my mind. She is a villain.

[@ranaamir-cl8kl]

u need therapy before becoming the abuser too , u seem traumatized @@borgencorgenforgen

[@MarianneSalinas]

@@borgencorgenforgenCareful that your train of thinking doesn’t lead to the same hurt that caused our BPD ❤️‍🩹 Hurt people hurt people, remember that. I can’t speak for your ex, but I hope you look toward the light that even if she won’t better herself, some of us are

[@borgencorgenforgen]

@@MarianneSalinas Maybe. I understand you didn't ask for it but the woman I was with damaged me permanently and I will never forgive her for it, no matter what her condition is

[@MarianneSalinas]

@@borgencorgenforgen As long as you can find peace with yourself and it doesn’t turn into a grudge that slowly wears at your soul. I hope you heal

[@EdfromCanada]

Oh my goodness. I just came out of this. My solution: avoiding her, like the plague, saved my sanity. This video was so useful and helpful.

[@LR-wc3rq]

dealing with this exact sort of relationship right now. Luckily it's still in the early stages, but i'm so scared of the consequences of me expressing the fact that i dont want to be with her. She constantly talks about self harm and the shortcomings of her previous exes and how it affected her. How did you handle this?

[@EdfromCanada]

@@LR-wc3rq Oh my. There's no simple solution or approach for all situations when you're dealing with humans and emotions. I'm not a professional and only shared what worked for me. If you can seek professional help in terms of how to handle your situation, I think that would be helpful. I was able to back away and remove myself from the mess I was in and it worked. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

[@DaniTorresOfficial]

@@LR-wc3rq RED FLAG when she can't talk but sht about exes.

[@casperinsight3524]

If you're a constant thrill seeker that thrives on ups & downs, twists & turns then this relationship is for you ~

[@One-Goth]

This is me to a T. I have only recently been diagnosed with BPD and I can't believe this is who I am. I am making changes in my life, already working on mindfulness, seeking DBT in the area where I live, as well as joining a local support group and anything else I can do to stop this cycle. My biggest problem is the rage. I know I will never be in another romantic relationship as I don't want to hurt yet another person.

[@simonar6492]

You re on the right path now and once you will start being aware of the signs you will be able to control the rage. I destroyed my marriage because of my rage so I know. I ve been working on it. Also it helps to exercise daily so the body burns in the meantime some fuel. Meditate and journal daily. Repeat mantras like ' i am an adult. I am a calm person'. ❤️ Tell your inner child that you are in control now

[@One-Goth]

@@simonar6492 thank you. Yes, I ruined my marriage as well.

[@Meidoyasha]

Infinite respect for you

[@ShaftShackDotCom]

Deborah, any idea how or what may have caused your bpd? Childhood trauma or neglect? Environmental situations or genetic history?

[@One-Goth]

@@ShaftShackDotCom childhood trauma and I also think genetics. My dad was very unstable. But the abandonment issue comes from when I was 2. My mum went into hospital to have my sister. It was back in 1971. I wasn't allowed to visit and was staying at my Grandma's, because my dad worked shifts. I think that is possibly the beginning of it.

[@autonomous8108]

It feels so abstract listening to a video describe my last relationship perfectly, step by step. Going thru this list was like watching my whole relationship play out like a movie in my head.

[@FireExistence]

Took her 7 months to get to the escalation state where she physically assaulted me. I left the next day. She apologized and when I said No she switch to blaming me for everything saying I triggered a fight. It has been extremely hard to stay away from her as I find myself doubting and feeling guilty for doing the right thing by leaving.

[@peterbalac1915]

That's exactly how mine is, also a pathological liar drink is also a trigger wich escalates to violence on her part. Were both fiery I just thought we had that in common, she made me extremely happy but man I've never known misery like it when she's playing her mind games , manipulation. I've tried everything didn't want to give up on her but its gonna be hard I want her out of my life.

[@peterbalac1915]

She is now, I wonder what I ever seen in that vile individual.

[@user-ic7xe7yi2y]

It took my ex-wife a month after the wedding to start screaming at me. Then the second annivversay for the violence to come out. It just kept getting worse and worse until I escaped, filed for divorce, filed a restraining order. I never heard of BPD until years after the divorce. She was diagnosed with bipolar but she had every BPD symptom on every list I have ever seen. No wonder none of the treatments for bipolar never worked.

[@Anythingwilldo296]

Yup the violence comes as soon as they have any sort of hold over you

[@jonathang7170]

As someone who was in a dysfunctional relationship with an undiagnosed BPD for 11 years. Going no contact was the only way to finally be myself again. It’s hard at the beginning, but it gets much better with time. Focus on getting your relationship with yourself right. Fulfil that obligation and your relationships to others, to time, money, sex, spirituality, food, mortality, career, politics etc… will all take care of themselves.

[@libertyprime1529]

[@Mrkva22296]

"Going no contact was the only way to finally be myself again. " - this ! I work with someone who's partner most likely has bpd, but I don't think they know. She left home for a month-long treatment/retreat for her physical injury. During this month, his behavior changed so much! He was like a different person. I mean I knew this was him because I saw the glimpses of him here-and-there but this time, he was fully himself and I saw for the first time what a huge impact does this person have on the entirety of him. Of course, when she returned back, he slowly switched back to the old less bubbly, more drained and worried persona he was before. It's strange to watch as a 3rd party person.

[@chuckb470]

11 years here, too! We have two children together, so it has to be minimal contact, but I think I've finally learned my lesson.

[@stefaniacalabrese2400]

11 yrs? wow, that's quite a long stretch, when did you get the first taste of the insanity? how many years after?

[@jonathang7170]

@@stefaniacalabrese2400 People with BPD are master manipulators as they always have an excuse for their bad behavior. When I finally realized after 10 years she was not learning from previous mistakes on her part, but rather finding new ways and people to blame for her own self-induced issues, I knew my time with her was limited. Once I discovered BPD and she most likely has BPD, I was making plans to leave and it was the best decision of my life.

[@shenlong3363]

"If you're not spending every second of the day not texting her, it will trigger her insecurities" Just so people understand how crazy it can be, a few weeks into that nightmare, we were texting. At one moment she got mad and blocked me before I could send the text I was writing (less than 10 minutes). So "every second of your day" is not exaggerated. Well, this is all a trap, conscious or not. And I suffered a hundred deaths with her, with almost no support from my family : "you're weak"

[@abolisher]

Same here accept she blocks me then a couple hours later she unblocks me then we talk again.

[@AP-eh6gr]

wait until she stalks you 😁

[@shenlong3363]

@@AP-eh6gr she did

[@patriot-hj5vx]

yeah the blocking is their way of controlling the abandonment. they abandon you! not the other way around. and then blow up your phone if you're at work and in meetings, like DUDE chill.

[@nix9355]

@@patriot-hj5vx I blocked her because it was too painful to see her stories of her being out having a "great time"

[@robreyes3356]

Insane how accurate this video is, definitely a relief to see that other people have gone through a relationship like this. I truly loved her and in way I'm trauma bonded. We've met up recently after two years from the breakup, I've never seen her so scattered brained and distracted. The look on her face when I responded yes to if I was in any relationships since we split, already gave me the sign that this was going straight to hellfire. The trauma bond for me is the hardest thing to break, the love and sex bombing mixed with the peaks and lows of the emotional intensity still has me in a chokehold from time to time. In my mind I thought that she just loved me that much and wanted me to improve for both of us. Now, I'm not even sure if she ever loved me at all. I wish her the best. You're not crazy homies!

[@clintonnagy1662]

Wow. Same with me. This is spot on. I needed these videos to help me recover and show me I'm not crazy. Thank you for your comment. It helped me.

[@gothicdolly1756]

I had this experience with a man. At stage 5 the “repair” stage, he went the blaming me route. This is where I didn’t budge. He got more angry that I wasn’t taking “accountability” for his accusations. Then he split and I became an “evil narcissist” and we took turns blocking each other. That was the end.

[@IanBond007]

The same words, phrases, behaviours, sequence of events. It is chilling to watch this, and enlightening.

[@CplBaker]

Was in a relationship with this type of personality and my advice is to leave quietly. If you're married let them have the furniture etc because it's just not worth it. You might want justice or some kind of acknowledgement of the pain caused to you; well you aren't going to get it and you don't need it from your ex if they abused you. Go see a therapist and just be glad you made it out alive.

[@svjmassage]

💯 agree best decision let them keep your furniture and no contact! 💪🏼

[@rick262]

Exactly, don't try to discuss and seek agreement or understanding. Just leave and no further contact. Only then can you realize fully what all you've been through and start your healing journey.

[@tutt55]

I keep telling myself I'm not going to get any closure or a deep, sincere apology...but it doesn't come. I decided to just chalk it up as a loss and move on. Getting a divorce now and gave her practically anything she wanted to get it done.

[@svjmassage]

@@tutt55 Best thing you ever did brother! Promise you!! ✊🏼

[@CplBaker]

@@tutt55 You are buying your peace by just letting her have it. That's the trade in. It felt scary for me for a while but it fades with therapy and time. In the mean time guard yourself with healthy support.

[@Rome274]

My male friend got into a relationship with a woman with BPD . First she told him which friends he couldn't see or have any communication with...Then she would loose or cool when he said he wanted to leave her home and go back to his own place for a while. She would burst into tears in the middle of town, when walking with him if he said anything slightly wrong. Once she screamed and screamed abuse at him while they were walking up the street. She love bombs him when she wants him back though. He walks on egg shells as it doesn't take much to set her off.

[@peterbalac1915]

Your talking about my relationship Anne 😢 I've never met a nastier toxic loving person that bursts into tears for nothing !! Thanks for your comment massive weight lifted off my shoulders as of tomorrow shes history ❤

[@IASMINAIABLONCIC-ov3ei]

@@peterbalac1915for nothing?

[@SixStringRacer]

Run away from these people. Life is too short to deal with this level of crazy.

[@JazG.-po5mv]

Same bro.

[@sodak605]

Currently experiencing this but without the anger and rage, but the emotional manipulation and weaponized guilt is getting way out of hand! This video makes me feel like I’m not crazy 😢

[@randomoldlady_]

Just for the record because this is couched as a female/male discussion - As a woman I have had a two decade marriage with another woman and went through EXACTLY. the same cycles and experiences as described here until i FINALLY realized it was a mental health issue and not my fault. Understanding mental health is not something I was ever taught or exposed to and so I have had a lifetime of crazy interactions and relationships not realizing I was continually engaging in the same dynamic learned in childhood. This was a really good video. Thank you

[@claire_eve8531]

As a BPD, I just wanted to let people know, that we do not mean to treat our partners badly… I am doing DBT, and it is helping me and my partner. I love him very much 🙏🏻❤️

[@nataliaalfonso2662]

But we are judged by our actions, not our intentions. Good for you for seeking the help to make your actions match up with your intentions.

[@xkidmidnightx]

You people are a plague. I don’t care if you can help it or not

[@tonyv4806]

I would love to hear more about you, im 22 and my girlfriend of 2 years and we are about to live together, we both knew pretty early on she had bpd. She is in therapy but to be honest, i dont see progress, she can be such a pain in the ass sometimes and its hurtful. How are you guys going thru the "episodes" without letting it be truly hurtful?

[@claire_eve8531]

@@tonyv4806 hi there, what therapy is she in? I’m not sure what help I can offer as I don’t want to cause damage, my own mental health is so changeable right now, however I just wanted to tell you that, even though it doesn’t seem like it to you and your girlfriend.. BPD *can* be treated and it is possible with the right help. For a number of years I was not meeting the criteria for even having a label of BPD. and life was good. So I know it’s possible. Long story short, I did not think that it would and when my father died it all came back. But, it CAN actually be treated. I’d say just to remember that. Maybe have a look at DBT strategies and watch some Marsha lineman videos. Wishing you both peace ☮️

[@bellofigoitaliano5038]

As a neurotypical codependent I just want you to know my value doesn’t depend on what I do for you. My value comes from me because I exist , we don’t need you.

[@xxxx948]

I've used to hear I have borderline. But I ignoted it. No diagnosis - no problem. But after that video - so terrifyingly relatable - I can't ignore it anymore. I don't want my love to go through this. We've been together for a year now and I can see it damaged him. I truly want him to be happy. Now I know - I have to work it out and heal myself. Thank you.

[@pinkwater4891]

What happened next? Are you still together? 🥺

[@davidbrown2440]

You’re one of the few who take ownership. God bless you.

[@princhipessa1969]

Wow! You just described 7 years with my on & off again EX! She is a high functioning BPD so no one but her partner sees this. She also denies her diagnoses (it’s every one else with the problem). Spot on Lise!

[@summer9723]

My best friend had bpd. It was so hard. She reeled me in and I truly believed I was lesbian because of how obsessed I became with her. She was so sweet and beautiful and exciting and she told me all about her bpd in the beginning. Literally every symptom this video hit she did and said. I know I'm responsible for my actions too but damn it's not fair when the other side plays dirty. You learn to survive instead of respect

[@SabrinaRene4565]

One of my best friends has bpd, too. She’s my second friend I’ve made with bpd, and second friend I’ve “lost.” I don’t know if we’ll be closer ever again. But similarly to you, she made me feel so loved and nurtured and seen and then eventually was my biggest critic and began ignoring me and emotionally manipulating me. I’m trying my best to realize I don’t deserve that- even if I’m not a perfect friend.

[@dannywholuv]

Im sure everyone thats been with a bpd partner can fully relate - they are so textbook its scary. I remember being so stressed out around stage 6. It started to give me erectile dysfunction. Ive heard of others going bald and even others suffering heart attacks if they've been in this cycle for too long. It literally does make you a shell of your former self. They suck the soul from you till you've nothing left

[@johto]

Yep, i had constant "knot" in my stomack, crazy stress etc.

[@dannywholuv]

@@johto yep.. They make you feel crazy too like your also losing yout mind. Takes a while away from them to feel normal again. Like you have to shower the crazy off 😕

[@clintonnagy1662]

Wow. No truer words have been said...I'm recovering from a BPD woman after 18 months. I miss the fun times, and how independent she is but the chaos was on a level I'm NOT equipped to handle. Ironically, I seem to attract these type of personality traits. NPD/BPD women. 11 years and 6 partners with these defects... This last one was beautiful, smart, independent, had money, giving but worst of all CRAZY !! I had to end it because it was too much. Plus, she would of cheated on me if she hasn't already. I saw it coming.

[@michaelduncan1541]

my wife just left me in july. I wont go into it but i do want to say that this video and the 7 stages of detoxing from a covert narcissistic female were so spot on that it could have literally been describing my wife and marriage. and they have finally brought me some closure so that i can finally move on and begin to heal. Thank you so much for these.

[@LiseLeblanc]

You’re welcome, I wish you all the best on your path forward

[@marcelineabadeer6359]

As someone with BPD and that is in a relationship, this video shows me what behaviors I should be aware of. I'm on treatment, so thankfully I kinda feel that I would have this signals but I'm consciously fighting against them with professional help and medidation over my diary book. And these signals are only showing up after several months, and I'm glad that I know they are wrong behaviours. This makes me relieved, because means that my treatment is working and that I'm on my way to recession. Thank you for sharing this self-awareness content!

[@samuelmoya2602]

Oh my God!!!! She just described the last 7 months of my life 😭😭

[@abolisher]

The last 3 months of mine but I grew so much mentally !

[@seanm7539]

Mine to

[@kyreejones1776]

....

[@tatimontoya2923]

Right!! Just needed mine after 9 months. I completely lost myself because of her

[@jaisonstanley]

Mine too 7 months today !

[@lizg8360]

I wish there were more videos about partners who officially diagnosed and in DBT. Mine (who is an absolute light in my life) has gone through a cycle (and Im thinking another one at this moment) and we have really good communication them needing space, time away, etc. It's disheartening to read about so many people who are saying someone with a BPD diagnoses is bad. They're not all bad, I promise.

[@juliecurtis2655]

Yes. They are not all bad. This lady is demonizing people with BPD. It’s a spectrum, and if the person is self aware enough to recognize when it’s a “me” problem and seek treatment and put an honest effort in to change, life with a partner with BPD can be beautiful. I definitely will not be subscribing to this channel

[@KevinRichardson444]

She's not saying you guys are bad... These are unconscious behaviors. She's just warning people in relationships with a pwbpd.. I love my ex to death and always will, and felt she was the sweetest and most amazing person.. she couldn't control it even though she tried so hard. I wish you ladies all the best.

[@centralintelligenceagency9003]

Yeah, people with BPD aren't evil. Neither is a tick carrying Lime's disease. When you spend four months desperately trying to help a person, giving it everything you have, only to be belittled and insulted for your effort, to then be broken up with because you aren't doing enough because she refused all and any help, there's going to be hard feelings. Especially when you do a little research and realize you were predatorially selected for certain traits and you were used. I spent a decade working on myself, and I still do, constantly taking care of myself, going through Hell so I could live life to the fullest some day. I will not let some person who refuses to help themselves, who refuses to take responsibility, destroy my garden.

[@lespaulking69]

@@juliecurtis2655you literally didn’t even listen to her when she said that this video does not pertain to those seeking treatment almost like you disregarded everything she said in the beginning showing you did not listen at all.

[@pinkwater4891]

I needed this so much. It's heartbreaking for me to read all these comments. I love my girlfriend and if I believe all these comments there is zero hope for us 😢

[@savagerockman]

This exactly describes my last relationship, all the way down to her suicide attempt when I tried to leave the first time. I haven't spoken to her in 8 years but putting a name to it gives me the closest thing I'll get to closure.

[@leefields1401]

Ive literally been going through this for 24 years with zero knowledge of what any of it meant. Literally, I have nearly completely lost myself and my mind. Now can put a name to it and start a process. Thank you so much.

[@Bold11x]

This is spot on!! Being in that type of relationship causes so much anguish and stress, it robs you of so much in life.

[@mismass7859]

Such a shame and ironic that the most loving and caring people on the planet are sick, remove the negative aspects and you have a person that everyone probably should strive to become, a conclusion I’ve come to after spending 5 years with what turned out to a BPD woman. Before it all came crashing down and she was diagnosed I had never heard of BPD.

[@wicklander855]

Been married to my BPD wife for 25 y now. Fortunately being a Soldier and police officer gave me an abundance of patience. Many of the problems you addressed I was able to straight up ignore. I did not care one whit about her wild accusations.

[@shannonxjade]

You’re a saint 🎉

[@wicklander855]

@@shannonxjade Saint? Nope. Just a lot of life experience. War (Afghanistan) builds character and patience. And my wife is the shit....so that's nice too. Actually she's awesome.

[@shemia26lt]

I was diagnosed with BPD after being misdiagnosed for years. I appreciate this video. I’m single. I can relate to most of the stuff in this video. I’m working on me and my coping skills. Thanks for the info.

[@amandagagne4916]

I very much appreciate and respect how you take care to present the truth but without shaming or demonizing those of us with BPD. I think it is important to increase awareness and understanding of BPD in an honest but respectful manner. What you say is very true - I struggled heavily with interpersonal relationships and I see a lot of overlap in what you are saying about romantic relationships compared to friendships. Now that I have participated in intense therapy specifically for BPD, I can see and understand how toxic I was in relationships. I understand the impact I have had on others, and how they had to eventually leave the relationship to maintain their own wellness. Yes, having any type of relationship with someone with BPD can be very difficult. But it is very difficult for us as well. Our emotions and behaviours are not always manipulative even though they feel that way, Thank you for emphasizing that there are many different ways to experience someone with BPD, and acknowledging that there is hope if the person is willing to take responsibility and get the proper support to learn to manage the illness.

[@eduardomoroyoqui622]

OMG thank you for your comment Amanda. I believe I dated a girl with BPD but also with NPD, and I am sure she will never admit all of what you've said because she is sooo different from a BPD woman. I met another girl that makes me think she could have BPD, but is nothing in comparison with the NPD girl from my past, because she is actually regretful when she gets mad. I believe people with BPD has so much hope too, because their root of reactions is fear, not evilness

[@Mor2gain_760]

We also tend to attract NPD & sociopaths... Which in time damages us more... Check out my other comments if you know how & these other doctors I found! Watch "Dr. Daniel Fox" on KZbin kzbin.info Watch "Dr. Tracey Marks" on KZbin kzbin.info Watch "DoctorRamani" on KZbin kzbin.info

[@raymondpaller6475]

Had a EE 329 prof who didn't give partial credit; all or nothing, & show your work; when many of us students said that was not fair, he gave an answer that I will never forget --- and wish I completely grasped and internalized sooner yet it took me until about age 35 to do so ----- and Prof. Rao's (who otherwise had a happy funny personality with a very DRY sense of humour) point-blank stone-faced reply was, "Nobody cares when your bridge falls down."

[@kirbyaugustine761]

You just described my wife of 19 years who also has some NPD traits as well. The disassociation during one of her meltdown explains why she appears to morph in appearance into someone else. She’s in therapy but I know too much to fall for that game. Our 2 kids are only a few years from graduating from high school so I’ll play the game till then. My focu is to take care of me as a focus so I can make sure my kids are ok. They’ll be college bound soon. Update: 11/22/22 A few weeks ago we were having a conversation and she tells me she can no longer continue therapy because it’s too expensive as now her visits are no longer covered by her insurance. Now this woman gets in-home biweekly massages, as well as, her hair, nails, eyebrows, makeup and clothing done consistently for the entire time we’ve been together but therapy is too expensive. Okay?! When I pointed this out, as well as, the fact that she’s not doing anything else to work on her issues it’s unrealistic to expect our marriage to work. I love her to death but the clock is ticking

[@faithanddevotion]

My ex told me that too, that they couldn't find the time or money essentially to get therapy, but would get her nails and hare done all the time and would pay for tanning. This woman is in her late forties and tanning what a waste or money, but she has financial issues. She also has enough money to buy alcohol, but now she says she is in therapy but that was before she bailed on me all together and I haven't heard from them in more than 6 months. I doubt they are doing it or whatever cuz yeah who knows anymore. Its all jacked up. 19 years that has got to be some serious stuff you went through, damn.

[@LeviathantheMighty]

Be careful of college, too. It could likely leave your kids with obscene debt, a worthless degree and indoctrination into ultra left wing thinking, which is basically a different kind of personality disorder.

[@Kinhussar]

Brother I wish you all the best

[@Mad727]

20 years if hell. She went cold for 15 of them. I stayed for kids Out now. Never should if stayed.

[@Kotokbash1000]

Stay strong. Live your life

[@DavidDillon-kx9ft]

Just got to say what an amazing description of having a relationship with someone who is untreated BPD. I've spent 33 years with such a women, I think i'm beyond help i've lost all my family ties except for hers and her 2 handicapped kids. This cycle is what i have been dealing with for a long time I think i let it go on to long can't even retire with such a women. The Doctor told me to leave her, this toxic relationship is poisoned me. What you descripted made my cry that's how powerful your video is!! Thanks for making sense of my life!!

[@teglesifer]

My gf broke up with me 2 weeks ago, I knew she had some kind of bipolarity or BPD, but this video has made me sure its BPD. You just described step by step everything that happened in the last 7 months. Its sad because what I feel for her is 100% real but she could not control her insecurities and self-sabotaged the relationship. She still reaches out to me even after I asked for no contact, I still love her but I think I will just give up. Update on 12/06/23: I fell into the push-pull cycle the next 2 months after breaking up. Finally had enough 2 weeks ago and told her to leave me alone, blocked her on everything. I am making this the final discard, I really have no more energy left. Started therapy with someone specialized on the narcissistic abuse caused by people with cluster B disorders and have started to feel somewhat better. The whole relationship cycle of Cluster B disorders IS considered narcissistic abuse. Took me a while for it to click because I didn't feel abused whatsoever, and thats the trap with these people.

[@marcolucky9024]

Please buddy don't give up but certainly don't get together with her anymore. I'm in a similar relationship and it's haunting after 5 years, one mortgage plus one 2 y/o kid and another one on the way..... You always try to fix it and to make it better but the cycle is never ending and it only sucks YOU deeper and deeper

[@teglesifer]

@marcolucky9024 thank you my friend. Every logical and reasonable part of me knows this is for the best. Just need to continue battling my feelings for her and not give in to her contact attempts.

[@borgencorgenforgen]

Block her, man. It will only continue if you don't. There is no other way with these kinds of people. I blocked mine and as much as I feel that it's being mean in a way, she deserves it and I need it for my own peace.

[@borgencorgenforgen]

Don't go back,man. I did several times. They won't change and you shouldn't waste your time trying to help them to.

[@borgencorgenforgen]

Block her and don’t look back. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. I stayed too long and I feel broken. They will run you into the ground. You don’t deserve thus. You deserve better. Block her on everything and hold the line. I have not read a single comment where the partner stats and it works out. Only misery and damage

[@aliciasophiamarie]

It is heartbreaking to read comments from people who have been hurt by their relationship with a BPD individual. Personally, I am aware of the cycle and symptoms after it plays out but in the moment I am overtaken by emotions that I feel are justified. Emotional regulation really is the core issue as emotions in BPD individuals are so strong that it guides their thoughts and actions.

[@caitlinhollinger7042]

Same.

[@ninabullis3978]

This isn’t just Romantic relationships, this was my 12 year friendship that I just recently ended. Wild how spot on…

[@Mekinhumbel]

Mine had a lot of good qualities and I miss her a lot, but the message in the video is just that you have to decide what's right for you. The right move for me was to get out, because I don't really have the tools to deal with it, and it was having a very negative effect on my own quality of life. Also because she wasn't diagnosed, and any intimation by me that something was off threw her into an epic episode, thereby ensuring nothing would ever change. Like somebody else said, when it's good, it's actually probably better than most other relationships will ever be. But you never know when the bomb is coming, and man, do you pay for it. For me, there just wasn't enough of an upside to continue with it. Great video--thanks for posting this. It was like you were reading a transcript of my relationship with her.

[@Eightfinger]

It's like having a relationship with an old and desolate nuclear reactor. As long as it works fine, it's intense and clean energy, better than all the alternatives. But man does it cost you everything if you make one small mistake. Or if she perceives you made a mistake, even when you did not. There is only perfection, or absolute, unbelievable emotional torture. There is no in between. You pay for rare, precious and unique moments of heaven with daily trips through hell. The first YEAR of my relationship was like a fairy tale. A dream come true. As if I suddenly found paradise. And then I got the bill for all that borrowed happiness. In many ways people with BPD are like hardcore drugs. You may get an intense high, but it WILL ruin you in the long run, no matter how much you tell yourself that you are strong enough to manage it.

[@centralintelligenceagency9003]

@@Eightfinger Getting into a relationship with a BPD is like buying a nuclear power plant for five billion dollars before looking at reactor 4

[@jayloyrecords]

And I put up with this for 7 years. Update: I had (tried) her watch this and she couldn't get past the second stage. She went right into blaming (no personal accountability) belittling, devaluing...etc. Glad I'm making the right decision to break it off instead of induring this a day longer

[@ziadramadan860]

can i ask how you asked her to watch it? was it whilst you were in a deep conversation?

[@jayloyrecords]

@@ziadramadan860 I tried to appeal to her reason. Told her that I learned a couple things and she might too. Good luck brother.

[@r.w.bottorff7735]

It's unfortunate that I didn't see this video sooner. I lived in exactly this dynamic for a decade; had kids, tried to support her in seeking mental health services, neglected my own needs, etc...I've been divorced just one year now, I have cptsd and am geographically separated from her, but am struggling to get back on my feet. Thank you for the video.

[@ArieNeo]

I just got into the 8th year of marriage with someone with extremely similar personality. The video is 100% accurate to the cycles I have been living with. I am scared to death.

[@cyndimoring9389]

I believe my son is married to a girl with bpd. This describes her perfectly and when they had kids I was suddenly not trustworthy and am out. I feel so sorry for my son and wonder if he feels trapped now. How long until you hit your breaking point?

[@r.w.bottorff7735]

@@cyndimoring9389 If your son has a heart of gold he'll probably never leave unless he is shown a video like this one and realizes that she isn't going to change. I hope that it's not like what I went through. I was literally left with nothing before I finally gave up. Send him letters if you have to.

[@cyndimoring9389]

@@r.w.bottorff7735 thanks for the reply. I've sent him letters and learned that only gives her ammunition since she picks apart anything I say and requires him to keep her informed. What do you mean left with nothing? $, possessions or self esteem? I'm guessing it'll happen when she kicks him out or he becomes depressed.

[@r.w.bottorff7735]

@@cyndimoring9389 Just speaking from my own experience, in a similar situation it seemed unbelievable to me that things were unhealthy at the time. In my case, that was because I had become totally isolated from family and friends, with the only person I could trust being her. I really needed someone to keep reminding me of the situation from an outside perspective. In the end, I gave up trying to fix the situation because I finally saw for myself how exploitative she was.

[@saheruthepharaoh]

I am currently in year 6 of a relationship with a partner with BPD and I feel like I’m finally approaching my breaking point. This video really woke me up. I have had such an intense feeling of losing my sense of self and feeling lost and confused and suppressed and I understand why now. This video is so spot on accurate and I hate how weak I’ve been not able to walk away. I’ve gone back and forth on ending the relationship for years but even the slightest thing leads to her having an emotional break down. I’m fucking exhausted. We’re just so financially tied together right now.

[@some1234321]

15 years here, 3 kids, house etc. Get out while you can friend.

[@suchnessweaver9783]

Thanks, so many points of recognition here. It's like consolation for me to listen after the confusion of being with someone with BPD. I was scared for a long time to leave my ex, especially with our kid involved. The fear came from past suicide attempts and self-harm, making it hard to know if I truly loved her or if it was just a trauma-bond. Finally, I ended the relationship after too many fights and meltdowns. A week later, my ex was dating someone new, acting like everything was fine and blaming me for her emotional rollercoaster. I worried about my daughter. Now, three months later, I'm starting to calm down. It's been a confusing and tough journey. I'm a musician, and writing songs about what I went through and going to therapy has helped. To anyone dealing with similar stuff, focus on loving yourself. ❤️🙏

[@mochachaiguy]

I’ve been stuck in this tumultuous relationship for almost 20 years now wanting to provide my kids with an example of a stable relationship in contrast to what their mother was putting them through. My daughter witnessed the pattern here first hand recently and her reaction showed me I wasn’t perceiving things incorrectly. This video reinforced what I’ve been living with. My GF acknowledges suffering from depression and anxiety, but disputes her BPD diagnosis, which makes progress next to impossible.

[@user-go7zy3fc5f]

you gotta leave brother what isn't good for you certainly isn't good for the kids

[@LisaLisa001]

20 years and she's still your girlfriend? 20 years sounds like kids should be grown. Get out. 20 years and not making it official sounds like the intention to stay isn't there. Is that what you're trying to teach your kids? That isn't stability or happiness. It's ok to leave. And stay gone. Just be prepared for her to try and say anything literally anything to get you back. Don't fall for it, don't sleep with her again once you leave. 20 years, my fellow human, is a long time. You deserve to start living again. See what other types of crazy women are out there lol. The kids will respect you for it. They see what's going on.

[@LisaLisa001]

Also, if you say you're staying for the kids, but secretly you're hiding your time, hoping she will get better, well I don't think that will happen. If that is, by chance, the case then make sure she is 100% involved in that conversation.

[@marceloav83]

Thanks to all the wonderful parents who neglected, abused, abandoned and destroyed their kids and in turn giving us these amazing diagnostic categories knwon as BPD, NPD, etc.

[@humbertolaguna9774]

Hello, my girlfriend has almost all the descriptions mentioned in this video. I was very shocked to hear this, as if you were particularly describing my girlfriend. I have had to deal with these constant mood swings and bad behavior for a year without realizing that she has a real problem. I always thought she was just jealous and difficult. And unfortunately sometimes I reacted badly. But even without realizing the condition, many times I managed to calm things down without knowing it. However, recently the situation got worse, especially when she started threatening to break up. That's something that crossed my limits. She often admitted to having problems. She sometimes said that she was crazy. Sometimes she tells me that I didn't do anything wrong, that it was all her. Many times after these episodes, she apologized, saying: sorry for my "horror." 2 weeks ago she provoked me into breaking up once again. I got so tired of her threats that I broke up with her and blocked her everywhere. I know that's not right, but at that moment I had enough. After that she has not contacted me nor did I hear anything from her. After blocking her, I talked to some friends and some of them began to suspect that she does have bipolar. Others suspected BPD. Then I started researching both and realized it's definitely not bipolar. But once I listened to this video, you hit the nail on the head by describing her almost completely. However, other videos and articles make me think she doesn't have it. For example, she doesn't hurt herself. She is not physically aggressive, maybe she yells and throws things but she doesn't even swear. She doesn't actually attempt or threaten to commit suicide, rather she says that she doesn't want to live. Etc. I'm confused. After hours and hours of research, I conclude that she has a mild form of BPD or something very similar but she doesn't fit all the characteristics. If possible, tell me your opinion. Thank you so much.

[@pinkwater4891]

You need to present five of the nine criterias to be officially diagnosed with BPD. You don't have to present all of them

[@ripped2fcuk1]

Sounds BPD to me... some are very high functioning and don't have the self-harming and suicidality. You've described my ex too btw!😅

[@mohammadabz3296]

Sounds like BPD to me. My ex behaved the same way, and I eventually had to block her from everywhere. Trust me man, I tried and the cycle won't change. It's better for both of you to move on.

[@clintonnagy1662]

BPD teeters on the spectrum from mild, to extreme. My ex acts alot like yours. After reading your post, she is much what you described. After doing research, It's safe to say she is BPD but in a mid-range spectrum. All I know, I was losing my mind...then add her 7 year old son to the equation with his Narcisstic father....ahhh... hell NOOOOO...I'm out !!!

[@Seed0420]

you gave me chills watching this video thank you so much ive been in this cycle for years now and haven’t been able to understand why… this hit everything right on point

[@hughhunter25]

This is rhe most definitive and accurate breakdown of what I've experienced over the past 3 years. I can identify with EVERYTHING you say. I did a deep dive last year and put in hundreds of hours of research to get clarity and i successfully managed to navigate my way out of the toxic relationship with my BPD ex. But this, for me, is the pre-eminent video on borderline personality disorder. Succinct and accurate. Thank you for sharing. 🙏

[@SpacemonkeyX9]

This is scary how accurately it depicts what I just went through with my recent partner. And yes, I became addicted to this in someway. It was a very stressful situation. Intoxicating and hard to get out.

[@fiiznab]

Thank you. This was my life for 18 years. The BPD diagnosis didn't happen until just before the end, so I never knew it was even an option. Hearing this now was beat-for-beat my experience.

[@Jimbo-hw2rr]

The first step is awareness with BPD partners, my ex gf is BPD and the emotional abuse, power dynamic games and childish pettiness is something to behold. I consider myself a decent person with faults but my ex was always overreacting to small arguments, guilt-tripping and needing constant 24/7 attention. I tried to be patient with her but unfortunately I cut her off because no one should suffer this much abuse when the other partner is doing all the work to amend the relationship and the BPD partner is in a constant state of self-sabotaging.

[@mikeyoung490]

6 years of this hit everyone out of the park you are amazing thank you for enlightening people to the truth!

[@VILHELM1221]

No doubt your channel is a significant help for those of us dealing with such a relationship. It’s amazing how descriptive you are. It helps a lot thank you

[@VILHELM1221]

@TOPSPORES ON TELEGRAM so trolling channels like this one that are created to help people understand and manage narcissistic relationships and abuse while peddling Psilocybin seems to make sense to you? Let me recommend a better way by staying clean and finding healthy ways to cope and manage yourself

[@seanregan6120]

This is exactly what I went through, down to every detail. So freaky that dark human psychology is so universal.

[@jamesmann4501]

This is astonishingly accurate! It helps me understand what I've been dealing with so much! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[@michaelbreed7255]

I’m so glad there are people like you out there that make these videos. We’re no longer together but I really care about her and don’t know what to do. Great video, though.

[@gregoryjohnson5707]

Wow, Thank you so much ! I’m feeling grateful that I’ve found you and have learned all about bpd but also feeling so many other emotions. I’m sad , mad , confused , scared , furious, disappointed , and a ton of other feelings all wrapped up into this one super feeling that I can’t even begin to describe. At least I’m beginning to get clarity on what has been happening for the last four years. Man, I want revenge and at the same time I want her back. I love her but I’m disgusted in her as well. You are my hope that I can get through this. Thank you for your videos, I know I have a long road to recovering from this abuse but I feel like a piano has been lifted off my back. BPD Is so complex and part of me actually feels sorry for her but I know I can’t change her. I’m done blaming myself and today is the first day on my road to recovery. Thank you , keep up the good work

[@themaggattack]

My man is leaving me and I don't want him to go, but I understand why he must. I'm actually proud of him for leaving me. I always wished my dad had gotten free of my mother, so I understand. I even warned him not to stick around and put up with my sh*t, bc it might drive him to an early grave just like my mother did to my dad. My mother has BPD and NPD, and as a result I have certain similar traits to her. I never wanted to be like her, so I've gone no- contact from her and I've been in counseling and DBT group therapy for over two years now. I plan to always stay in counseling if possible, because I want to maintain my progress and continue improving. I never want to treat anyone how I treated my ex, ever again.

[@Shaddonius]

You are worthy of respect for having the self-actualization that there is a problem and working to fix it. My problem is insecurity. The lady discarded me because she saw an insecurity in me and I got very rattled/defensive about it. I apologized for getting defensive the next day but it was just all downhill from there. Hopefully we can both move forward.

[@kohnfutner9637]

Don't you think you owe him a good stable partner to make up for the bad things you did? Seems like you're giving yourself a pass on accountability, responsibility and to be a woman of your word. I mean, I just don't see where you've done anything to right your wrong or to give him the partner he invested in you for. Just walking away may be something you have to do, but I think you got no right to change partners over and over and continue what you know you're doing wrong. Like I would think you need to try harder with the one guy and anything you do good should go to him not someone else. I realize I'm a person with high minded ideals, I just don't think it's right to be all I have this issue, this guy put this into me, and I applaud him for not putting up with my junk. How has that fixed anything? You dished junk on him, you're applauding a break up, and he's probably hurt by it and honestly it sounds like an excuse to not be faithful. That's how I perceive it. Not that I expect you to care how I perceive that situation but I'm putting it out there because I think my analysis is correct and deserves to be spoken and strongly considered.

[@davidrewerts9311]

@@kohnfutner9637 She doesn't owe him anything, nor does she need an excuse to be faithful. She's not the dudes property and doesn't owe him anything if she hurt him. Thats how relationships work. With a caveat for physical abuse I suppose.

[@kohnfutner9637]

@@davidrewerts9311 never said she was his property. I said she needs to be a woman of her word.

[@Tfwd1891]

🤙🏼

[@Slamboni4k]

Took me five years to recover from a BPD relationship in high school. Had that abusive relationship "saved" multiple times by someone I no longer call a friend. Still can't believe I was taken advantage like that.

[@13ghosts18]

What happened?

[@my68mgb]

Omg this was my relationship almost word for word and I was in Stage 7 for years. Thank god I’m separated now and slowly recovering my sanity, thank you for helping me finally putting a name to my suffering

[@DJJOOLZDE]

Thanks for this. Opened my eyes a bit. It's hard to just give up on a person, but sometimes sacrifices need to be made to keep your own mental health in check. Even if it hurts a whole lot.

[@Phuckboy]

Been there myself. Was considering ending it with her for a while but felt guilty due to her condition, I finally cut it off after she threatened to break up with me the day before valentines day. I only realised I made the right decision after the vicious emails she sent me months later. There are good BPD people out there but it's important to get out ASAP if they're the bad kind. The kind that know about their BPD - but use it to excuse their behaviour, rather than an opportunity to resolve it.

[@jaisonstanley]

The ones who use their BPD excuse are the dangerous one s, and the latter who want to resolve it are keepers!

[@donhashugeballs]

​​@@jaisonstanleynone of them are keepers in you are a normal person with emotions. Only men/women with low empathy aka narcissists and psychopaths have a chance. Because with them the hunters become the hunted.

[@homegrownhiphop]

There’s no “good ones”. They may not be bad people entirely but they are bad in relationships.

[@viveksharma247]

OMG!! You’re a godsend.. exactly what happened in my relationship with my BPD partner, over and over, stage by stage, and chapter by chapter. Every word rings truth. Can’t thank you enough for helping me understand, process and repair my mind and senses. Thank You!!

[@alexmcbrayer9755]

It’s scary how real and accurate these things are. I’ve been in a relationship with someone with BPD for nearly 7 years, with two children, and I’ve deployed 4 times in that period. I’ve spent the entirety of my life sacrificing what little I’ve had to give her everything, constantly take the blame and walk on egg shells every second of every day. A slight deviation, or small error on my end, will lead to days upon days upon days of being verbally, emotionally and physically harassed. Which is the absolute scariest part. The fact that one second we could be having a genuinely great day, and the next she can get mad, begin to yell at me and blame me for things I can’t even comprehend, and suddenly either start destroying the entire house or physically assaulting me, sometimes for an hour or longer. It’s so reoccurring that I can confidently say the entire cycle will happen every other week if not every week as a whole. She’ll never, ever, apologize, for any of it. Constantly gaslighting me into thinking or at least outwardly expressing that it’s all my fault. The only time she’s ever apologized was when, after receiving an ass beating 9 days in a row, I finally decided to divorce her. She had a complete mental breakdown, and for 4 or so days apologized for absolutely everything, made promises to get therapy and help, described how she felt as anger incarnate etc., but once she reeled me back in, it was less than 2 weeks before the cycle went back to normal. Without a doubt though the scariest thing is by far the physical violence. So often I’ll sit there desperately begging her to stop, completely distraught and in tears, and it’s almost as if that brings her some level of joy, and she’ll get worse. When looking her in the eyes, it’s like looking at a wild animal. Eyes that are normally warm, inviting and loving, become cold, callous and unpredictable. I can’t describe it. But those who have dealt with it, will understand.

[@vlog3748]

I do understand

[@Liz-wz8dh]

That is so awful. I am just researching this topic because a newer coworker told me they had BPD and I've been trying not to get sucked into the drama. I definitely know to stay away from this person now after just hearing a few incidents she has had with her lovers and reading the comments here. They probably just shouldn't be in relationships at all. They just need to do therapy.

[@alexmcbrayer9755]

@@Liz-wz8dh it is important to remember BPD is for the most part out of their control. The fact that individual has told you they have it, means they accept it and likely are working towards some sort of recovery. In my situation the individual not only knew they had BPD, but didn’t tell me for years and years. Even once they finally did, still didn’t go get help. BPD doesn’t make someone a monster, per se, people still deserve to be treated normally no matter what. But if they aren’t doing their part for their own recovery, don’t get involved, you’ll only get hurt

[@drivethruabortion280]

Leave. You're a warrior.

[@clarski7356]

holy shit, sorry to hear that man; me and my bpd partner only lasted 4 months I’d never felt so unlovable, inferior, and empty in my life. At some point she even blamed me for cutting herself and almost overdosing on her medications, which really took a toll on my mental. Officially speaking I had left her, but technically she left me when “discarded” me (which is something that I notice a lot of these channels don’t cover); what’s so fucked up is that although I know that I am actually ‘happier’ w/o her, I still feel trapped in the cycle and am constantly fighting off the hope she comes back to me, or fighting off the urge to go running back to her. I’d say I hope things are going well, but I know the cycle all too well; you’re taking that ‘Honor Courage Commitment’ to a whole new level lmfao.. for me, I try to tell myself she’s one less thing to worry about before going to bootcamp (I ship to mcrd on July 14)🤷🏽‍♂️ Wish both u the best, and it’s not your fault

[@theblackmetaphor7717]

Wow. I really needed this.. I knew my mind body and soul was picking up on all of the signs and literally everything described in this video is spot on. I’m currently 5 months into this relationship and everything mentioned has been EXACTLY what’s been going on. Thank you for this, while it’s still early I think this video gave me peace of mind in realizing what I’m really dealing with.

[@blueskies7035]

Good for you! I was lucky. I started detecting the irrational behavior, after about a month; I initially wrote it off as unrelated stress in her life. I decided to give her space and she used that space to "monkey branch" to the next relationship. I was free. I didn't understand what had just happened until I found this channel.

[@evvyalvarez2116]

Wow this was the best description, which depicted all the characteristics of my ex. I’m glad I protected myself and went my own way. For a long time I didn’t really understand what was going on.

[@mstinatot]

Wow..its intense to hear someone else explain my life. Thank you.

[@DutyFreeRecords]

The accuracy of this video is very eye opening. I wish I’d seen it sooner.

[@martinwhelan5415]

I am just coming out of one of these relationships after 2 years. Everything you said is spot on and I have to tell you it is so brilliant that I can listen to something to give me solace, as often I have felt that everything was my fault. Although I could logically work out what was happening, when the emotions and love I felt are triggered it became such a powerful situation to deal with. The hard part is how to get the BPD person to recognise their role in the situation as, in my case anyway, I believe she is totally convinced that it really is all my fault. Once again, I thank you for your great work

[@Yetipfote]

this might be due to the low self-esteem. It prevents BPD people from taking ownership for their mistakes because aknowleding a mistakes means "you're not perfect", which in turn for a BPD person means: they feel threatened in their life (wrongly attuned survival instinct).... Which is ofc total bogus but conditioned in their childhood oftentimes because they were never good enough!

[@JoelyV84]

My heart would've broken watching this video, if it hadn't already been broken many years ago by my "partner" of 9 over years. To listen to someone describe the abuse both (emotional and physical), manipulation, and cruelty I've endured in this relationship with complete accuracy yet without the specific details.... What a profound moment of clarity. This is both validating and awakening. Thank you for this Content. I am so thankful for these videos on mental health and disorders, because I have been trying so hard to hold onto my sanity for so long. And I have already wasted every ounce of energy I've had trying to reason with someone who cannot be reached, and there's still a long road ahead. My abuser needed therapy a long, long time ago and I'm afraid she's only regressed further from reality with each passing year as she pushes past every boundary I set; every line that I'd never cross- yet she persists in her creative ways to insult, hurt, and invalidate me. I'm afraid she will never admit to the fact that she's developed these terrible behavioral habits and I need to start forming an exit strategy.

[@KevinRichardson444]

Take care of yourself, brother ❤

[@JoelyV84]

@@KevinRichardson444 I'm trying, Kevin. Just knowing I'm not the only one who's gone through this gives me a little bit of solace, knowing I'm not the crazy one and that no matter what I did or didn't do, it wouldn't have mattered. I appreciate the love sent. You take care of yourself in your healing too, man.

[@katiermaxwell]

All those who suffer BPD - please let me know your thoughts on this below: - As someone who has BPD and can relate to this video (although I would say I am not quite as malicious as some of the actions stated in this video) - I really dislike how so many of these videos do not discuss WHY. It is disgusting. We need to be asking WHY people act the way that they do. Not once did this video state WHY a person suffering BPD might do that. I have met MANY women who suffer BPD and one man who suffers from BPD - ALL of these people were victims of Sexual Assault whether that be rape, childhood molestation, sexual abuse or all of the above. The very fact that we have a diagnosis for people who react similarly to similar trauma just begs the question "Why?" What people fail to miss is that BPD is a result of trauma, usually sexual or familial and because of this, they long to be loved and to feel love for themselves, yet when you have been sexually traumatised, there is often an unconscious traumatic response therefore to your partner themselves - and you often become so worked up and anxious (sometimes to the point of breakdown) that they will leave, that they do not care or love you at all, that you are worth nothing - because you have absolutely no self-worth at all. Somewhere along the lines someone stole something from you and you're trying desperately to find it. I know for a fact that all people who shave BPD are suffering IMMENSELY. They most like live in a state where they constantly battle with love and hatred for themselves every single day. I'm talking the most horrendous cases of self-hatred. Everything they are casting onto their partner, they do much worse to themselves regularly. They are so afraid that this person they love will see how horrible they really are (because they hate themselves so much, so their significant other will also surely come to this realisation too), which will lead to abandonment - this in itself is a HUGE fear of someone with BPD, whom have likely been abandoned and deeply criticised at someone point of their childhood. Not every person suffering BPD is EXACTLY like Lise has described. However, there are many similarities, for sure. I am in no trying to EXCUSE these behaviours, trust me, I am well aware that does not work. I just think that simply calling out all these behaviours does not always help either.

[@marissapearrow561]

the why is exactly why I stayed as long as I did. Because I understood. I thought I could stand in that fire because I was so steeped in the why, but I was still burned. It broke my heart to have to end it, but it was the only way to get my own health back.

[@kuroshiiiChan]

I have BPD. And I agree that this vid didn't explain much on the "Whys". Was waiting for her to say that we struggle regulating emotions. Good or bad, all of them. Or that the things that we do/did to others, we'll equally do to ourselves. I did for sure. And I don't shift the blame in all of my partners, I always knew what shit I absolutely did awful on. The self-loathing is sometimes hard to explain, but yeah. Just thinking this video isn't to comfort me or others with it, but for people that were greatly hurt too by us hurt ppl. Tho, it would've been nice if this is a two-way educational kinda approach. Personally, my past is a mix of getting sexually assaulted for 2 decades, living with control freaks & emotional neglect and others. I got cptsd too, which I know some others with bpd have. One of my most toxic behavior's the silent treatment, just grew up feeling I don't exist so I'd do it when someone does me wrongly. I chose that because I swore to never lay a finger on someone, like what I had experienced. But trying to move forward with therapy. I know the shutting down behavior needs to be changed. In my years of being in a relationship, I was able to communicate much better. My partner deserves so many great things for being the most patient & understanding person being with me. I didn't know that ppl painted bpd this way, tbh. We aren't monsters. Our symptoms aren't all the same And as much as this is my view on my own diagnoses, I try to be as understanding with other illnesses I don't have & are heavily stigmatized (i.e. NPD). People with BPD can take accountability. But for that to happen a hell lot of help is needed + consistent, gentle nudges.

[@lespaulking69]

It’s because BPD can also be genetic. There are lots of people with BPD who actually had a good family and still act the same way as you or any other BPD person who suffered intense trauma and abuse.

[@user-go7zy3fc5f]

the video was made to highlight the destructive dating cycle, she has made separate videos explaining the symptoms and the why. I'll link some below. kzbin.info/www/bejne/gaqvlZhjbbSqgNUsi=jEH3w4whXZA5nrfd kzbin.info/www/bejne/p4DNlqWhmt5jn6ssi=mg5BUO7LeyCo39KJ This video on the destructive dating cycle is certainly needed to help those who suffered in the relationship find peace and know that it wasn't their fault. the gaslighting really does mess you up.

[@heidismutti]

It’s a horrible disorder, and people who have it suffer immensely. HOWEVER, this post is the hallmark of the disorder. Having the disorder is not an excuse for abusing your partner. If you have this, you owe it to yourself and everyone you encounter to DO THE WORK of the therapy most likely to help you. Your perfect partner will not be able to heal you, you MUST do the work.

[@coltenro5199]

3 minutes into the video and all makes sense now, long distance kind of a relationship.. and I went into psychotic episodes... This video came right in time. Thank you very much ❤

[@slayerkifonna6831]

I'm unfortunately the one with BPD in my relationship and I can say that I definitely went through some of this with my current partner, but I'm also going to therapy and have been for awhile, and can see great improvements in myself. I'm starting to get to the point where I'm not hella clingy with my bf, but I'm also not completely withdrawn either. I'm taking responsibility of my actions and genuinely trying to be better. For anyone else with BPD watching this, there is hope! You just have to put in the work

[@LiseLeblanc]

Congratulations on your progress and thank you for sharing your experience! It may provide hope and motivation to those who are on the fence about reaching out for help

[@Soralella71]

Wow... you describe us BPD sufferers like monsters. I have never done this to any man I've had a relationship with. I am now 10 months into a new relationship, I take all the fault, leave him his space, respect him, never get angry, I love him and I don't threaten him. We communicate well and he knows about my BPD. Sure, I am indeed very insecure and I fear abandonment, but I understand he's a person who needs to be respected and can't deal with my bs. My BPD is untreated because I don't have the money and the NHS is not offering anything to me, other than anti-depressants.

[@devinfraserashpole4753]

This is a recipe for disaster. Get help ASAP.

[@belalzahran1262]

u don’t have BPD then

[@Anna_Fortunka]

I think you may be what they call a mild and/or quiet bpd I do wish you all the best

[@devinfraserashpole4753]

@@Anna_Fortunka A bomb in the making.

[@PlanetOfTheApes999]

Unfortunately, most people with BPD aren't responsible about their relationships like you are. Most people with BPD inflict horrific abuse on anyone they get involved with.

[@musiklyfe7683]

Thank you for this video. It has given me a lot to think about. I'm 8n a relationship with a woman who seems to have this. I thought I was crazy. I know I am not perfect. But after listening to this, I realize I am also not completely to blame for these outbursts. I appreciate you taking the time to share this.

[@chriscovarrubias6758]

So happy I found this video. And thank you for posting it. This entire video described my life for the past year. Step by step . Again thank you .

[@drstrangelove4998]

The story of my last three years, stage by stage. Uncanny, really uncanny how accurate Lisa’s narrative is.

[@gorillabff1003]

My experience with BPD sister is they keep testing, testing, testing until they find your threshold of tolerance. This testing won’t end until they have diminished and ground the other person down completely (if they allow this, and empathetic types often will). Get out is my best advice. It’s not a good life. 😘

[@peterbalac1915]

Been a revelation reading the comments on here, it all makes perfect sense now thanks for posting absolutely spot on ❤

[@Alex_Khan]

Thank you so much Lise. Just got out of this exact cycle. I really appreciate you breaking down the different phases they perfectly match up with what I experienced

[@user-go7zy3fc5f]

Thanks for making this video Lise, men are truly underserved by the field of psychology