8 Stages of a Toxic Romance With BPD Man

[@matthewishunting]

I'm a male with BPD and I feel terrible for all of this. I was never violent or threatening to my ex, but I know I was exhausting to her. I'm glad this video exists. I don't want to go back into cycles. I just want to love correctly :(

[@generalchan5389]

Get treatment for that BPD first. I also have BPD and had cause so much damage in my marriage. Don’t be a dumb fluck like I am. Get treatment FIRST!

[@ByTheWilliams]

Sending you love bro. I too have BPD and ruined my last relationship. I was recently diagnosed post break up.. now things make so much sense. Heal yourself, continue DBT therapy, try yoga. Good luck family.

[@edwardzhou8590]

you aren’t alone. i feel like a burden and i feel so needy and insecure. of course self hate is the last thing i need while healing so i just save those interested in me the time until i get treatment.

[@le_th_]

It's a great start that you recognize this pattern in yourself. I hope you will learn *healthy love* vs "correct love" : ) Wishing you the best on your path toward healing, growing, and getting better~

[@spicyphilly]

Self awareness and admitting flaws is the first step, seeking treatment to learn to stop the self destruction and heal yourself is the next step. I respect these men that are doing the work. Wish my ex would have.

[@ArmandoS-ws5br]

Unfortunately you described me and I believe I have BPD. I'm tired of living in this delusional and I truly don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I'm seeking to get diagnosed and get help for the rest of my life because I'm going to need it! 🙏🏽

[@TheSonicSegaNerd]

I'm going through the same thing right now. I feel so ashamed with myself

[@ArmandoS-ws5br]

I understand completely 🙏🏽 Seek help and never give up I'm rooting for you!!👍🏽

[@amandajohnson-williams7718]

​@@ArmandoS-ws5br and Sonic Nerd!! Recognising and admitting to these traits is half the battle, BPD is treatable with CBT and other things. So don't be too hard on yourselves, stay positive 🎉😊🎉

[@ArmandoS-ws5br]

Thank you thank you!! This means so much!!! 😄❤️🤝🏽

[@gage9552]

You’re not alone. I’m tired of this cycle and hate myself.

[@boop79]

I was involved with a male bpd who also showed traits of NPD. It was an absolute nightmare and left me with severe trauma after the discard. Never again

[@YIE63248]

Same

[@iamaliveyoucantstopnow]

same here. Sending you lots of healing energy.

[@damongirl66]

I was in a whirlwind romance with a man who, from the first week, was planning a camping trip as well as overseas travel six months down the line. I was the best thing to ever happen to him, by his account. It was intense and exhausting. That six weeks felt like six years.

[@as-above-so-below-]

If he was claiming to have BPD and was showing NPD traits, he was lying and just had NPD and was playing victim with his false BPD title because people with BPD are notorious for running head first into a field of red flags and he probably made you feel like you were abusing him and manipulating him somehow. This is why some psychiatrists refuse to diagnose people with BPD because the people who legitimately fit the description and don't show any self aggrandizement can be given a CPTSD diagnosis and the disorder is almost the exact same, whereas people who do show narcissistic traits typically seem like they're forcing a doctor to just hand them a BPD diagnosis.

[@chynadoll77cyn59]

Going through the samething right now , I created a trauma bond with him , he was in prison 24 years, that was a red flag 🚩 that I ignored . After dealing with him I noticed he suffers from abandonment issues, very controlling, always accuse me of cheating can’t have friends, I have to show proof whereabouts , what I have on . Yelling at me calling me name , throwing up my pass . Then tell me Hurt People Hurt 😔 people in my face. With no apologies. I truly loved him. However I need to work on self development and ask myself why did I take emotional and verbal abuse? Only last 7 months which is a pattern to him. All others lasted no more than 90 plus days . 🥴

[@iamaliveyoucantstopnow]

If you are healthy this dynamic will make you feel weird as f*ck. It is suffocating and feels insane. If you are lonely and sad it can feel amazing!

[@windseathunder]

Lol if you're a woman with bipolar 2 with psychotic features and panic disorder in a relationship with this borderline man, it can be the wildest love you've ever heard of. We've been together 6 years, and I love him so fucking much, but it's definitely been a huge learning curve for both of us as we get therapy.

[@PeppDesign]

I felt mixed about it. It did feel like a lot. Too much too soon, without knowing him. But I did still fall.

[@thisgirlisoverit]

amazing?

[@messybuttons7525]

@@thisgirlisoveritYes. I have ADHD and PTSD and the roller coaster becomes addicting.

[@thisgirlisoverit]

@@messybuttons7525 people who date borderlines have every excuse in the world for why they stay. it’s pathetic.

[@alexisjankowski3281]

I was in a BPD relationship with my ex-finance. He would talk about how far he had come in interpersonal relationships and that I had no idea how well he treated me. He said ours was the most stable relationship while for me, it was my most unstable. I wanted to give him stability, but I realized my love wasn’t enough to heal him. I was in love with a fantasy and was actually ready to leave the reality of how I was being treated.

[@KALSKingdom]

Was he treated for it?

[@Nemesisofmore]

Same here except a woman with BPD. Always claiming how lucky I was because of the ones in the past.

[@wendygoddard6610]

I feel that as well I just recently left my husband and I was in love with the fantasy of how well we got along in the first year and how I thought he would go back to that. What shocks me is he was never physically violent with any other women to my knowledge, but he was horribly abusive physically to me and now he’s with his ex baby mama, and they had a kid who’s now five. He would tell me the reason why he was mean to me is because he wasn’t happy because he missed his son and wanted to be with his son all the time but he didn’t love her. He wants me, but he can’t have both of us at the same time in the same house 24 seven I just wonder if he will be abusive to her.

[@wendygoddard6610]

He resented me as if I was keeping his son away.

[@eugeniefontaine4709]

@@wendygoddard6610 Mine does the same thing. He says that he’s never hit another woman before me, and that he would stop if I would only stop triggering him. I’m not sure if it’s a lie or not. He has a slightly violent past, so I feel a bit disoriented. It’s has all been very painful for me. I don’t know if he understands or cares about how I feel. 😔

[@veri.contrary]

my boyfriend of 6yrs now is diagnosed with BPD and shows a lot of NPD symptoms as well, he’s almost a textbook example of the disorder. it’s heartbreaking to see how tormented he is by it despite working everyday to manage the intense emotional instability. i wouldn’t be with him still if he wasn’t committed to managing his disorder, not just for our relationship but for himself too. it’s been a long journey and have been hurt along the way but i wouldn’t trade it for anything-both of us have clinically significant mental health issues but we’re both improving daily.

[@ptsri]

thank you

[@Alexandra-oy2xu]

Getting divorced from a man with BPD after 5 years of marriage. He told me the day we signed the paperwork that he had known of the diagnosis since 19 but was too ashamed to tell me. Every single phase you described I went through and now I need therapy to heal. Spent 5 years confused and thinking I was the problem. Then he fell in love with my best friend and got her pregnant. I see him idolizing her constantly the same way he did to me in the beginning. The impulsivity, the drug use, the gaslighting it was so bad I was a shell of myself by the time he left. These people are SO exhausting.

[@MetalHead-ks9zq]

Well we don’t want to be this way I can tell you that right now you don’t see how when we’re by ourselves we cry our eyes out and we have deep regret but we don’t always have an idea about what to do or how to handle it 😢 Most of us have been through horrible traumatic childhoods with a lot of violence and death of our parents Nobody back then giave us any instructions about what to do later 😣 We don’t like being this way

[@geoffreybester7953]

Shame, at least you are free from the hell. My BPD GF can't seem to make babies with other men.

[@suskit]

Seems like a pinch of narcissism might be thrown into that mix. BPD is a burden and hard to deal with, but it doesn't rob one of his/her mental faculties or absolves of morality. To hide this is a 100% major POS move, so the pregnant friend is likely to follow your track, sadly. Hope you're healing and feeling better about yourself.

[@bad.chickie66]

@@MetalHead-ks9zqeasy talk to your partner and stop being a victim. Spent 6 years dealing with this shit and she never could just pick up the phone and call.

[@introspection838]

She's about to experience pure hell. Your ex best friend.

[@charlieconnor7857]

Hey, if you have bpd and are reading the comments, can I please add that the remission rate is incredibly high for people who commit to cbt & commit to a stable, slower life. Bpd is hell and both parties are victims in this relationship. Its traumatising and heartbreaking but life CAN be beautiful, you can learn how to think & feel different, and, healthy love can transform you. Also, substance misuse is the number one indicator for Relapse. Please always remember, Substances do not help, they create.

[@dah_goofster]

Stable slower life isn’t what women are looking for nowdays. My past 3 relationships the woman wanted to be poly/open the relationship. Imagine what that does to a man’s psyche who has already been abandoned and mistreated his entire life. You can call having a stable loving family a fantasy all you want but just a few decades ago was seen as perfectly normal. That being said it’s much better to live in reality than delusion and depression, treatment is good but I don’t think relationships are for me. I’d much rather do all this work on myself so I can be stable staying away from people rather than being able to handle a deeper connection with someone who’s just going to mistreat me anyways.

[@dah_goofster]

yes I have made mistakes in the past, yes I realize I have impulse problems, I’m fully aware of my disorder. That doesn’t mean the things I’ve experienced are any less traumatic as to how I ended up here, and it doesn’t mean I deserved it. That doesn’t take away the pain and the hurt and never being good enough. sorry to trauma dump but it’s just the internet anyways at least it helps my mental to do it.

[@wendydaniel1110]

Twenty wasted years with an untreated BPD partner. I was unaware of BPD and its very destructive patterns before many You tube videos. An absolute nightmare on every level. Went though many recycles . He threatened self harm several times. Cut him off for good in 2021 went no contact. He's now 60. He's not my concern. Healing is a choice , and I have chosen to heal, learn that lesson and move on. I wish him well but not looking back. I survived a tsunami and I thank God for taking my through that storm. Never again❤

[@thespiritualrealist-ki2416]

I feel for you.. I did 2 years and starting to heal myself but I had to push his buttons for him to even let me go. Has only been 3 weeks so I feel scared as we've spent longer than this out of contact. Praying for strength xx

[@onelove0890]

I lived this and it was absolute hell. I’m so glad I got out. I can’t explain the misery I was in during this relationship. I hope anyone going through this can find some relief or get help.

[@blingblingboyx4778]

Sorry u been through that glad u left while u could.

[@mfrance3834]

Everything stated in this video is exactly true. The thing is that when you don’t know who you’re dealing with, you don’t get it. It’s just a confusing, unrewarding and unloving miserable time. You keep hoping and waiting for them to go back to their original behavior of idealization which of course never happens. When you finallly understand that there is nothing you can do to improve the situation bc it’s not about you…then you move on. For your sanity.

[@EduSanjuan777]

It isnt. Not all those stages occur. Also sometimes the BPD person is triggered because the other person is actually cheating on him, or lying to him.

[@asalane20]

This personality complex is nearly impossible to coexist with. The thing that was most seductive was the vulnerable quality- but then the violence and hostility are just shocking, even life-threatening.

[@le_th_]

PTSD-inducing, and that is not hyperbole. It's a multi-year recovery if you develop PTSD.

[@ShandaP018]

I knew mine for 10 years together for 1. He hid his true nature really well this year has been maddening. Hard to leave because he was my friend but it's ruining my life.

[@zentzu4003]

Being violent has nothing to do with BPD. They was violent and had BPD.

[@celestialgardens4380]

@@zentzu4003 actually it does. Emotional AND physical abuse against partners is common with people with BPD during the devaluation stage.

[@zentzu4003]

@@celestialgardens4380 look at the diagnostic criteria for BPD, there’s over 200 combinations of BPD

[@charmee4045]

This was my life for 5 years, until it all came crashing down. Worst experience of my life. Discarded like a piece of human garbage. Harsh, brutal, devoid of emotion, no discussion, like he was firing me. I think it was a fake discard he just wanted me to grovel. I sent him a lovely email stating all of his attributes, then blocked him. I am healed now after much hard work on my part. I never knew these types of people existed. Terrible experience.

[@LiseLeblanc]

I’m sorry you went through such a horrendous ordeal. I wish you well in your healing process

[@Mons7659]

Oh wow that’s exactly what I did. I sent him the email and delete all contacts to prevent myself to reach him out

[@sscyuuu]

I’m in this now, and the same thinking I never knew these ppl existed and I’m just realizing I can’t fix this

[@theredqueen6911]

Just happened to me. Tell me how you did it.

[@paulascott7670]

He sounds more like a Narc than a Borderline. Borderline rarely leave, as it causes them great discomfort.

[@amymartin6123]

THIS! This PERFECTLY describes what I just lived through. I'll share one of the very very last stages not mentioned here. Suicide. Because of the shame and splitting/delusions, low self-esteem, and self-hatred, some BPD men can't see any other way to live without the partner they love despite the hatred of them as well. So they manipulate and threaten suicide at you when they feel threats of abandonment. They send pictures of their attempt to guilt you, begging for help, proclaiming they want to he with you but can't be with people at the same time. Realizing the truth of how they know they can't change their negative/angry behaviors which affect you and realize they don't want to be alone either, they beat you to chase and impulsively end their own lives. Realizing moments before that they made a mistake and beg for help. Telling you they love you more than anything. My last messages between he and I should be in the medical journals for reference. This all came to a horrible crashing end last month for me when I told him I no longer wanted to keep doing the circle cycles of chaos. I am in deep deep grief, yet feel relief sadly as well. I am also in trauma and grief therapy. It dawned on me half way through the relationship he was a covert cluster B person and I didn't know how to undo things as we were going in circles with the love hate process and any self respecting woman would not tolerate such immature behavior. And yes, the partner does fall into a parental role. And the more I would set boundaries on him to do his own things and refuse to be manipulated, the more he would escalate drama. Or try to. I'm devastated by his loss and how it went down. I also saw how much emotional pain he actually lived in and tried to manage on the regular. Behind his BPD, was a beautiful, smart, loving boy/man who just wasn't given the environment or family to thrive as a child. None of it's his fault. It's mental illness. It's trauma. It's alcoholism to self regulate. I saw him. I loved him. And now he's free from the hell of humanity and what it did to him. I see all sides. And now I feel all sides as I grieve. The lesson in this, is once you realize what you're dealing with, get professional help to help you exit the relationship. Also, if the BPD person is showing signs of psychosis with rage, which becomes self harming or harming to you, call 911 for help. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. And don't continue to live on shame either. Tell someone you trust what you're going through. Help is available. For both parties involved. It's a sad mental illness that has elevated risks for suicide. Thank you very much for articulating this illness and video on the subject so very well!

[@blastereosloud]

You described my 7 year current relationship to a T

[@BrendaLopez-ki6hl]

I'm so glad that you are in therapy. Being with someone with BPD is very difficult. I love that you are able to see the good in him despite his behavior do to his bpd. In the end as much as we love someone with BPD we must seek help for ourselves when the relationship becomes detrimental to our physical and mental health. This usually also means finding a way to leave the relationship if it becomes dangerous. I went through something similar. The feeling of wanting to help them out of their own personal hell but knowing nothing we can do will change them except their own willingness to accept help and treatment. The guilt we can sometimes feel for leaving them. I still struggle with that years later. Feeling like I could have and should have done more. In the end I lost my apt, thousands of dollars and peace but I just couldn't lose myself. So I left and sought help so that I could understand the rollercoaster I had just gone through. Years of processing it, I learned to forgive him but I still struggle sometimes with guilt for leaving though I know it was the best choice. Peace be with you ❤ I pray that you continue to heal 💗

[@spiritualantiseptic]

You're an amazing and understanding person. I believe that with a partner like you, a calm bpd, with consistent treatment and perhaps medication and without substance abuse could recover completely. But not every bpd is mild. I'm sorry for your loss.

[@catfudemagee1959]

I have a very similar story. I saved his life barely and luckily. But the relationship is over. I hope he gets help but I had to run, it was so dangerous.

[@One-Day-At-A-Time-720]

My poor husband. I know he is sick and I just pray almost everyday that God heals Him for his own salvation and peace of mind. He hates me and he loves me. I always say he can’t even love himself. He is a wreck and has caused me and our children so much pain but I don’t and can’t hate him. I am hopeless for him but still pray that one day he can live in peace without shame and condemnation. He deserved love too and unfortunately that is not what he was given. I look at his baby pictures and realize that little boy was broken by the people he should have been loved and protected by. I hate seeing him destroying himself and others but I can’t be around him. It’s hard to love someone that you know you have to let go of because they don’t accept that they need help. Jesus heal us ALL 🤍

[@Bushidojihi]

She recites all the horrors then ends with there is hope if they commit to years of therapy, hope for them maybe but not for your relationship. Run. Its that simple...

[@spiritualantiseptic]

It depends on the individual. Also after 30 most symptoms subside but the unstable attachment remains.

[@Bushidojihi]

@@spiritualantiseptic horseshit

[@Mrs.T305]

not that easy

[@Bushidojihi]

@@spiritualantiseptic mind sharing where you got this info that it subsides after 30?

[@avachristie8010]

You have just told my story and can relate to 95% of this literally stage by stage. Twelve months out and picking up the pieces of my shattered life after this experience. The pain and confusion was so hard to describe to others. Whilst my background and insight had given me clues nothing prepared me for this. It’s only now I see all with crystal vision. Thank you for validating my reality . Finally, well on the healing path and will never look back. With gratitude 🙏🏼🌻😊.

[@tamiejones8368]

I spent over 20 yrs with a male BPD. The cycles were exhausting. The splitting was horrific. I called it "from Pedestal to the Gallos" The last 10 years before we separated he was living a double life. He had many girlfriends and hid it well, until the last one who is a BPD female. Our divorce lasted 7 years and was the most abusive time of our relationship because to him, I was abandoning him. He became violent, striking me and at one point trying to run me over with his car. I cannot stress enough, after a relationship with a BPD person, please seek therapy for yourself.

[@miovicdina7706]

Thank you for addressing male BPD. It's exhausting.

[@xio6778]

BPD is exhausting and draining...

[@hiyawaskuh1810]

Amen

[@le_th_]

Exhausting confusing threatening and traumatizing abusive completely unhealthy entirely unfair

[@miovicdina7706]

@@le_th_ Oh, boy, do I hear you...😥🫂

[@tommycole24]

Bpd is extremely exhausting for everyone involved

[@TheSonicSegaNerd]

Hi, I am a male and I have a VERY strong suspicious that I have BPD. I have only recently come to this realization I might need help. This video made me feel extremely guilty and ashamed of my strong emotions. I tried so hard in my past relationships to keep my emotions under control. I have a panic disorder that would cause violent outbursts against MYSELF, I never even thought of hurting anyone but myself. I hate the paranoia I feel in my relationships, but I keep it myself. People who know me well know that I am extremely empathetic towards people, and very caring. I feel other people's pain and anger - even their happiness, very strongly - and therefore I often do everything to keep people happy.. I genuinely wouldn't hurt a fly, yet I keep unintentionally hurting people with the strength of my own CONSTANT burning internal conflict.

[@chantalc5012]

Hi, this is a very difficult sickness to live with, base on what I have read, and the fact that you ask for help is brave… I don’t want to be rude to Lise for that, but I would like to recommend a channel from a male borderline… His name is Reece Henderson… He gives advice on how to deal with that. Of course this channel can give you clue also. Anyway, I hope this help, take care!

[@amandajohnson-williams7718]

I've been in a relationship with a man with what I suspect is BPD for around 7 years. He has very strong traits of NPD too. I'll go to Reece's channel too!! I think the main thing is, that if you've gradually become aware you may have this condition, you CAN get help!! It's only an insurmountable problem if you can't recognise you have a problem. It can be fixed!! Whereas NPD is far more difficult to change, so identifying with Borderline traits is far better as it is treatable ❤

[@chantalc5012]

@@amandajohnson-williams7718 Yes, as you say, I doubt that NPD is treatable but BPD I believe so… The man I use to date do martial arts now, and that was my idea. This is something that gives a lot of self confidence. He was a nightmare to me, but I want to help people with that sickness because it touches everybody around and it’s very difficult to live. And some Borderlines have a huge heart and others are violent, it depends on the individual. Everybody has something… some are diabetics, others are anxious… I mean, trying to get better to not hurt someone is really great. Also, a recent study mentioned that DBT therapy is the most effective to treat BPD. I hope in the near future no one will suffer from that anymore… maybe one day, a medication would work too. 🙏

[@TheTruth24Seven]

I also am a BPD male and I relate to this post a lot. BPD tends to be demonized and put beside NPD as if we are some kind of predators. We were made by trauma and neglect and crave love, yet we don't think we deserve love. It feels like a blessing when we have it with someone we idealize, but after awhile our deep insecurities start to make us ruin our relationships and the painstaking images we've tried to develop to make the ones we love happy. It's a constant struggle with identity and low self worth for me. You arent alone and we aren't terrible people. We just love so hard that we're irrationally terrified of losing that connection

[@TruthSeekers1989]

​@@TheTruth24Seventhis is a good comment, ya I'm a guy with BPD aswell, not sure il ever escape myself.

[@kristinat8298]

OMG this is exactly what I've been going through for 3 yrs. I can't believe you described everything in one video. I've been scared to leave him because he threatens me and I'm scared of what he's capable of

[@acmroars23]

Same here 😞

[@TruthSeekers1989]

This is why some of us BPDs just avoid relationships all together, the truth is most of us do care about others, I know I do, my emotions are just to intense to see through sometimes, so il most likely be alone my whole life, less pain for you and me. I wish I could say therapy helps but I've done years, still no changes once I'm triggered, even this video triggers me which I hate I can tell Lise is a good person. Most of us are truly sorry for those we have hurt, unfortunately that doesnt change much. The problem is most of us BPDs grew up with narcissistic parents, either that or many of our relationships are with narcissists, and their empathy is usually non existent from what I've seen, so we often think others are like that, I believe that's why we split so easily.

[@ipt3000]

The pity is what keeps u trapped! It’s annoying ! GO GET THERAPY! Period!

[@UGLY-MONEY17]

….yeah I had my girlfriend say this exact same thing to me…….two weeks later she stabbed me in forearm twice with a pair of scissors……I felt awful, because she had literally warned me that she “ ruins everything” and I just didn’t want to believe that she was the person that she literally said she was. when we met I was in a much more vulnerable spot than I am now. But looking back she was actually right…..to be honest I can’t imagine how awful it must be to see yourself repeating these cycles, especially while knowing that you are about to sabotage them and send yourself back into the same hell you just got out of…….it was an insanely hard thing to witness……so much so that I had to leave. Best of luck and good for you for noticing/admitting these things. I’d imagine that’s not an easy thing to do

[@TruthSeekers1989]

I am in therapy as I said in my comment it's just not doing much, reading fully helps sometimes, you are the type of person who likes to judge and spread hate, most likely because you dont fully love yourself, I suggest you get therapy aswell.@@ipt3000

[@TruthSeekers1989]

Man I'm sorry to hear she did that, I gotta say I'm not like that at most I've yelled which can still be hurtful ,usually though the worst thing I do is self harm​ if I get into a rage. Thanks man I appreciate it, I think I know how to heal it just takes lots of time and work. Have a good one and thanks for the comment.@@UGLY-MONEY17

[@traceyweideman3512]

I’ll pray for you. None of us are created perfect.

[@Curtisshane]

Damn as a male with Bpd this hits hard it’s so hard for me to be stable but I’m trying to get help. I don’t go away from the person I’m just way too much for them then they leave then the cycle begins again. Sorry for anyone who has to deal with this. Be you 🖤

[@Schnellanie]

I wish my abusive ex would've discarded me, would've saved me years of trauma! Thanks for shining a light on every angle of this, it has really helped me make sense of it! 😊

[@RajaMCool]

Men with BPD can be scary…especially when they are experiencing full on rage.

[@RemedyPlays]

as a man with BPD i can confirm theres still a fist indention at the McDonalds from me. im not happy about it. currently trying to find out how to beat it.

[@RajaMCool]

@@RemedyPlays why do men with BPD punch things until their knuckles bleed?

[@RemedyPlays]

@RajaMCool because of the pain we feel inside. When the rage happens it's blinding. You see we have a constant emptiness and normal people fill up. Ours has a hole at the bottom. So no matter how hard we try we remain empty. So when rage happens and all that trauma and pain surfaces. We'd rather self inflict on ourselves then hurt someone close.

[@RajaMCool]

@@RemedyPlays some people with BPD have so many strengths and talents but they constantly implode.

[@RemedyPlays]

@@RajaMCool we do. i am genuinely so creative in my ideas, natural born leader. got a college degree in Business Administration. Im a writer as well. part of my trauma is i dated a narcissitic woman and she burned the books i wrote. and it made me stop writing for years. i just got back into it. im writing my very own manga

[@angelao6645]

Wow, this has been my exact experience over the last 3 yrs. What is worse, I even started to mirror his impulsiveness and have my own explosive episodes of reactive abuse. This gave him more fuel and justification to make me the "bad guy" and the one to blame for everything. I didn't even recognize myself anymore and felt incredibly ashamed for my reactivity. The shame and guilt only kept me in the toxic cycle longer as I tried to be a better person and make up for my actions. These relationships are so painful and difficult for both parties. Being undiagnosed, I know his emotions and outbursts are confusing for him as well. Many channels demonize those with NPD or BPD so thank you for simply stating the facts and providing information on how to recognize and heal from this trauma. Your content has been very helpful.

[@laszloiso777]

"What is worse, I even started to mirror his impulsiveness and have my own explosive episodes of reactive abuse. This gave him more fuel and justification to make me the "bad guy" and the one to blame for everything." I had the same experience I litereally felt like going crazy for 'her' ... I just felt insecure... and abused... and exploited... on the edge always exhausted and pushed for more... I was ashamed of my own REactions while trying to deffend my self and my role in the relationship. It turned out I was spotted as a possible candidate for abuse well before the relationshipp started (She had a long history of broken relationships and I was married...). BPD and NPD is a spectrum, and can be mirrored by the partners, I had to learn that. (by the way Lise makes excelent videos on the topic)

[@elisabethtremonte9563]

Yes, I had the reactive abuse episodes, too. It made him able to further blame me...cuz if you stay long enough, you start to question your own sanity.

[@chantalc5012]

Same for me… 😞

[@setme4ree]

SAME GIRL SAME IM LUCKY IM OUT BUT I STILL LOVE HIM AND HE WASTED THE LAST OF MY 20s then dumped me 😢

[@angelao6645]

​@@setme4reeI'm so sorry all of us know what this feels like.

[@HaloHuntress]

This is it! The answer and closure I was looking for! He's at the discard stage but this is it. Everything so far, substance abuse, sudden leave, so open and emotional at first, needy, numb, everything. He's undiagnosed and doesn't want help. I've been trying to rationalize and speak to emotions he doesn't have right now. I need to get out 😮😢

[@EllaCinder-lh4ro]

It isn’t merely the destructive stress of dealing with the erratic dramatic stress of BPD like traits but the real increased propensity of violence or homicide due to the interactions of male physiology and psychology as well as its presentation in males as co occurring with substance abuse, impulsive rage and delusional paranoid thoughts that develop into incidences or more permanent presentation as psychosis

[@arendaria]

I dated a guy diagnosed with BPD and it was an absolute nightmare. Everything you said here was accurate to a T. He never had substance addiction or was violent aside from one scary outburst where he screamed and kicked a wall several times, but he did literally everything else . My life was turned inside-out and upside-down. I crawled out of that wreck a changed person. Thank goodness I turned to a therapist early on in the relationship. I don't think I'd have survived if I hadn't. Worst experience of my life. I highly recommend therapy if you're at all able to, my therapist's support is what helped me pull myself out of that mess.

[@e.v.c4556]

Everything that you described finally answered my last question. Lived with him for 27 years. After about 10 years I started questioning myself that maybe I was asking things from him that he never had. Bought a book " Should I stay or should I go" and I couldn't read it only to find out 12 years later who wrote that book by watching videos looking for my answers. I discovered about covert narcissism. However, the picture did not feel complete. I could see his shame and guilt, I felt his fluctuating hate, love, paranoia, and my emotional exhaustion that there was nothing that I could do: he was on the path of self destruction. I moved out of the house to another state. Our relationships of mother - out of control child were lasting till his death for another 7 years. He was impulsive in making poor financial decisions accumulating debt, having an eating disorder, and an addiction to pornography. Today is about 15 mo since his death. I am learning to live without a rollercoaster and still looking to heal my emotional wounds. I came across your video. It was the last mosaic in my puzzle. Thank you.

[@NormanHinoteII]

I just lost what I believe is the love of my life. This video describes me 90%. Thank you for the video. I was feeling like I was just evil and a horrible person. I’m thankful to be BPD aware as of now. I’m going to seek therapy.

[@ausomecatman4636]

Admitting is the first step, I'm proud of you friend

[@Schnellanie]

It's amazing to see people acknowledging and seeking help, good luck!

[@leonardasrutkus3885]

I definitely exhibit traits of BPD. This idealization stage was an exact description of the start of the relationship with my girlfriend. However, we've been together now for 1,5 years and the honeymoon phase is kind of still going on. There has been a lot of fear of abandonment, but I tried not to take it out on her. Never have I ever shouted at her angrily or been aggressive towards her in any way. I hate the feeling of being upset with her, so I look inside myself and very carefully express how I feel. I've gotten better at doing that during the relationship, so now I can tell her how I feel and why without hurting her. So for me not everything I do is in my control, especially not what I feel. But most of the time I can control the way I communicate with her, which I do very carefully and that's really the key to a working relationship, regardless of me having the BPD traits, it goes for every relationship of course.

[@jennacallahan1]

My ex was able to keep it up for over a year. But then it all fell apart and we never got back to the beginning, which was so confusing to me. I wish you and your girlfriend all the luck in the world. I loved my ex with all my heart and I will never be the same again.

[@jjc2323]

Wish I could send this to him but it won’t matter. Hope he gets help for his severe alcohol addiction.

[@iamaliveyoucantstopnow]

yes don't bother. I wasted two years of my precious life, damaging my mental health to try to get him to see what was going on.

[@makela1647]

Just experienced this. He was tall, good looking, charming, intentional, vulnerable…until he wasn’t. I did something that I didn’t even perceive to be a big deal and he held a massive grudge against me for weeks before he exploded with rage and coldly discarded me. And even still, I still feel bad and sympathize for him. I’m currently seeking therapy to work on my co dependent and low self esteem issues so I won’t go through this horror with a man again.

[@xio6778]

Feelings of resentment seems like a returning theme for people with borderline. My borderline gf told me one day out of the blue that she felt resentful towards me and couldn't explain why. I thought everything in our relationship was fine but I found out it wasn't the hard way when the mask came off... She cheated on me in her paranoia while I was 100% loyal to her. She is in complete denail over what she has done and in her mind it is justified. She ruined herself and my life.

[@desertantler]

Holy shit man. This happened with my wife of 8 years

[@elisabethtremonte9563]

That's the problem. They ruin their life, but yours, too.

[@M5Virtuoso]

This is PRECISELY how my boyfriend BPD soon-to-be ex acts out and justifies cheating! So sorry it happened to you too, and hope you don’t allow that level of control, (her behavior ruining your life). In fact, I think you’ve inspired me to leave for good!

[@simbadraven5915]

The lack of empathy you people have is staggering. This is the issue with humans heartlessness. This is why I'm killing myself in two days

[@setme4ree]

Yup my boarderline ex was so paranoid id cheat he cheated.. i was loyal as fuck. I told my ex someone died, just to let them know and he thought I was inlove with him even tho we clearly were not interested in eachother at all romantically, but even prior to that he had went on other dates and done sketchy shit

[@shamikagaskin1379]

This has been so amazingly helpful. You just described my husband in entirety. I have been dealing with this for 10 years and had become co dependent and having panic attacks. I couldn’t figure out why he was so constantly up and down. He’s stopped out of counseling too many times to count and has been married multiple times. I’ve been discarded and he loves me one day and I’m the best thing that has ever happened to his life and then the next day he will literally say he hates me. This was so helpful. I’m at my wits end at this point due to his refusal to get help and his alcohol and drug addictions. I can’t enable this anymore.

[@etc7356]

This was posted right when I needed. I found your channel just a few days ago in search of answers for what I went through, but most of the guidance was in relation to relationships with BPD women. I managed to escape this cycle and he has left me alone since.

[@Geeya6]

Love this video,could you please do more about men with borderline personality disorder please?Not enough information on this platform.Especially the different kinds of BPD in men.Thank you.

[@hollykay1390]

I recently left a year long relationship and I think this was why. Now I wonder if he ever really loved me. I'm just trying to make sense of everything.

[@spicyphilly]

Wow 😮 this nailed my ex! Describes him to a T! What the heck!?! All of it including impulsive, novelty seeking, substance abuse, the whole thing. Absolutely everything listed here. I need to watch this again and take notes to discuss with my therapist. Or just have her watch it. Wow I'm in shock, didn't realize men could have bpd let alone what it looks like 😳

[@Miawallce80]

Lol you've just explained my 7 year roller coaster ride. I'm 43 and only just healing from this. He's now had even more children and is repeating history. Crazy! Thankyou x

[@aleksandrapope7636]

I went through all of this with my ex husband… 8 months of a worst nightmare. Luckily I don’t miss him or want him back but I don’t know how to fully heal from the emotional and verbal abuse. I’m terrified of even having anyone approach me in fear they may be even a tenth of how my ex was! He moved on to the next victim while I’m stuck being scarred of people. Please make a video how do we heal after being with a BPD person.

[@jennacallahan1]

That’s how feel. Scared to ever try again. It was a horrible roller coaster

[@traviscarlton4500]

I simply needed to be allowed to talk and treated with calm understanding, and spoken to with the same, and for yes to be yes and no be no, it’s the double standards that cause the splitting Js

[@jsto4796]

More like this pleases! I’m trying to get out of my relationship with my BPD/alcoholic boyfriend, but keep getting sucked back in.

[@void1718]

Have you freed yourself yet ?

[@Octoboobs]

The most exhausting people on this planet. I had a coworker and working with him was so confusing and his behavior was so unexplainable before I found out about BPD. Constant paranoia and verbal attacks being replaced by overly nice and apologetic attitude. You never knew when something will set him off- your breathing, just the way you said something, talking way too much or way too little, leaving at the end of the meeting instead of staying in- meanwhile spending more time is giving more chances of setting him off... Had to get this off my chest, it's really tough to vent to other people who never experienced something like it

[@mariapatricio1392]

My ex with BPD would become insanely aggressive if someone made a little noise with, say, a pen at a “wrong” moment, or if someone did not do what he thought they should do, or didn’t behave in a way that he deemed appropriate (although he mostly behaved inappropriately towards other colleagues). I was always surprised how someone so intolerant of others’ faults would expect (and demand) all the tolerance in the world of others towards his.

[@Bucephalus84]

​@@mariapatricio1392sounds like he had more going on than BPD. Not everyone who has it also has such strong narc traits.

[@TruthSeekers1989]

Wait til you meet a narcissist

[@Liz-wz8dh]

I have a coworker like this and it's scary how quickly they change and how long they can stay dysregulated. You really have to be careful they don't throw you under the bus for any mistake with management. Thankfully I also had a small taste of it with a guy I dated last year as well so I know to stay away from the crazy.

[@farmersmith7057]

Yes! I have a neighbour like this and he exhausts me with his mental games. His self aggrandizing while subtly putting me down. Went no contact and life is much better.

[@jshivadas]

I am married to someone who has BPD with impulsive behaviors, adictions and severe boundary issues. Currently getting a divorce. I was held accountable for his emotions, his insecurities and my boundaries didn't mean anything. I was being accused of everything and all things. He had left twice, he will not be coming back.

[@moeketsimangwaela3898]

😭😭😭😭

[@anniewright3233]

The first time he ended the 'relationship', I was asked if I would still be interested if he went to therapy I said yes. Three weeks later, still feeling absolutely raw, I made the mistake of letting him back in. He didn't hold his word. He knew he needed therapy. Now, I need it because of the emotional damage caused by his behaviour.

[@Liz-wz8dh]

Please seek the therapy as soon as you can. Other peoples' poor mental health absolutely affects yours.

[@HealthWyze]

Lise is very good. I think it would be challenging to find a mistake in her work. However, I think she should have added that BPD is a condition which exists on a spectrum, so not every relationship with a BPD person is going to play out with all of these stages. It is possible to have a successful relationship with some of them. This contrasts the differences between it and NPD. I don't think there is such a thing as a successful long-term relationship with any NPD person, and the four stage relationship cycle with NPD people is practically always the same. A good analogy is that a BPD person is like a wounded dog, who might bite you because of his fear and pain. A person with NPD is like a dog with rabies, who will definitely bite you, and the result will end life as you knew it.

[@seanbangerter4145]

Jesus. This has been every relationship in my life. I have petulant BPD and it really is the worst. As a result, I don't even try anymore. It's easier just to be alone.

[@charmee4045]

Good for you, you are saving people from a lot of hurt, I was one of them. He almost destroyed me, in a pandemic no less.

[@doreenplischke2169]

I know how that feels. However, you are able and capable of love and to be loved. IF you do the work. BPD out of all the PD’s has excellent outcomes when treatment occurs. Management is definitely very possible, please don’t give up and do listen to channels that are about you. That offer understanding to you. You deserve it!

[@seanbangerter4145]

@@doreenplischke2169 I have been in therapy with a BPD specialist for the last six months. Making progress (one foot forward, three steps back). Some days are easier than others. :)

[@kimlarso]

🦋

[@beepboop29283]

videos like this is why im convinced im better off alone. everyday just interacting with people is so damn hard and i can be so damn needy and i dont even mean to be because the MINUTE i see someone attempt to get closer to me it just makes me want to run tf away and so uncomfy. i would never want my partner to have to experience something like that but i cant really heal myself alone and ANY interaction with ANY human even my family who i know loves me really varies STRONGLY on my mood that day and my moods can vary DEEPLY to the point i seem like a different person and its exhausting having to mask it all but you cant take the mask off because then theyll look at you crazy and its just no wonder people either choose to live completely alone, completely wickedly, or just commit souper side altogether. this shit is tiring

[@TruthSeekers1989]

Ya I feel you there, everything feels hopeless especially after therapy that doesnt seem to do jack

[@_qw3rtyXxYz_]

it is so hard to get a proper bpd diagnosis as a man. i've seen 3 different therapists, one said i had avoidant pd, one said i have schizoid, the other didn't diagnose me at all. it took me years to find this fourth new therapist to actually get a bpd diagnosis. i feel so relieved that i finally understand why i did the things i did in past relationships and treatment feels so much more manageable now that i know what i'm actually fighting with.

[@iamaliveyoucantstopnow]

That is so typical of the therapeutic industry to miss it. I am glad you have the help you need now. Fun fact: lots of therapist themselves has BPD.

[@brianmitchell8552]

This is me 100%. It’s painful and I’m slowly destroying the best relationship I’ve ever had.

[@elisabethtremonte9563]

My husband is having sex with anything female. I went back after 4 months of trying to heal from a horrible discarding session whereby he chased and slept with the maid of honour from our wedding. This opened the door to more cheating and the skies the limit. At 60, he takes 3 different types of viagra like pills and drinks quite heavily to be able to fall asleep. He blames everthing on me even after he treated me soooo horribly including verbal & physical violence, gaslighting, lying, etc. He drives me crazy.. I am a co-dependent and need my own therapy now. In summer, I went away to a wellness center and lost a lot of weight and felt renewed and hopeful and now after being in his vicinity 1 short month, I feel like he will drive me nuts if I stay. I am stressed out and drained. I had a very heavy nosebleed the day after I left his abode. I must never go back. He is being treated by his psychiatrist for depression. He manipulates him as well no doubt...is on a 1st name basis with him.

[@FearTheFlowers]

I hope you are able to get away and get help. Sending peace and strength your way 💕

[@charmee4045]

Run like your hair is on fire and save yourself, you will heal but you must go NO CONTACT with him or you will be sucked back into the vortex again. Break the narcissistic spell and don't look back, ever. You have one life, live it.

[@saschafarnell7717]

Wow 😮. The body keeps the score indeed. Your nose bleed is evidence of this. Please heal your co-dependent traits asap. When we make a commitment to heal, these “men” aren’t even remotely attractive to us anymore. And well done on the self care (weight loss) 👏🏼. This is an essential ingredient for rebuilding self-esteem. Eg. Keep bringing it back to YOU. You’ve got this! ❤

[@leonablack3516]

Save yourself , YOU MATTER.

[@moeketsimangwaela3898]

How do I stop this??? Your husband did exactly what I'm doing.....I hate what I am, treating my wife so bad.....I don't know how to stop😭😭😭😭

[@mariapatricio1392]

This basically describes my 13 years relationship with my BPD ex, who claimed to love me so much that he would kill himself if I left him. Horrible thing to say to someone, but I did not know that at the time. I stayed, always thinking something was deeply wrong with him (and his family) but enable to leave due to my own co-dependency issues. In the end, after all the abuse, manipulation, etc., he monkey branched to a women who I believe has NPD, while expressing his eternal love for me…. I was left heartbroken, confused, struggling and in profound cognitive dissonance. It took me years of therapy and working on myself to recover from this crazy experience. Being betrayed, at so many levels, by someone who you considered your best friend and with whom you had been through so much is the most heartbreaking and devastating experience. But I came out much stronger on the other side. In a way, this has been a blessing in disguise. I would have still been walking on eggshells if he hadn’t left me for this NPD women. So, thank you! I am now free to live my own life!

[@cindymarie2475]

I may be in the start of this type of relationship!!! I’m actually grieving the loss of how he was with me in the beginning! He fell in love with me from across the room! Etc Etc! Then after just a little while he would constantly tell me how he would leave me for various reasons…or that I deserved better so if I left him he would be happy for me!!! Really!!! I just left him recently because I know that I deserve better. He contacted me and said are we going to crash and burn this way?! We spoke and I told him my boundaries and what I needed then he apologized for hurting me and said he will never say he is leaving me again! So I’m back with him for a second time. Haven’t seen him yet though. Boy this video was an eye opener!!! It has truly freed me of my grieving state of mind and heart! If any of those signs show up again, with great thought, I’m out the door! So many of those emotions I have felt in these last three months! 😢 But I will leave! My eyes are wide open now!

[@brightonbotanicals5503]

They ALWAYS do it again. They can't help themselves.

[@StereoSpace]

I had a BPD girlfriend - unbeknownst to me when I started dating her. I wouldn't recommend it.

[@michellebelle6269]

This sounds exactly like my 16 year marriage. My husband was diagnosed bipolar when he was younger, but I always assumed borderline as well because he checks all the boxes for it. Substance issues/alcoholism, refuses treatment and doctors, extreme mood swings, rage, push-pull dynamic, fear of abandonment and suicidal tendencies...it's exhausting. I've been trying everything to get him to get help but he wants to continue self medicating which is detrimental to our marriage. It's very hard to navigate and I just feel extremely hopeless and lost 😞

[@desireestanford-hiatt5688]

I am going through the same, 14 years together. And I don't know how to get out. I feel trapped :(

[@michellebelle6269]

@@desireestanford-hiatt5688 I'm sorry you're going through this as well. It's important for us to put ourselves first. Sending love and positivity! We will get through this!

[@desireestanford-hiatt5688]

@@michellebelle6269 right back at you! Good luck on your journey! I already know the strength you must carry in order to stay afloat.

[@deed18]

When two bpd people get together its like an infinity mirror. A romantic standoff between two chameleons.

[@boblogan8464]

That's me in detail. The main difference is I hate being a burden and end it as quickly as possible. Hate being BPD. Ruined my life.

[@ptrchrl]

I feel you...

[@moeketsimangwaela3898]

😢😢😢

[@adaw332]

Have you ever ended relationships after the first few dates, even if interested in her? Why?

[@Tailionis]

Same. I drop people soon as conflict hits. I made a promise to never beg anyone back after my first few relationships.

[@JackStevenson-ql4qu]

Me too man. Me too. I live with so much shame because of it.

[@followthegraininyourownwoo6214]

This I exactly what some need to hear. It’s sad that many who suffer don’t deal with it or seek therapy. When all you want is the best for them it’s heartbreaking that they don’t want it for themselves. All the while projecting that you’re the problem. It’s just so sad.

[@sarah-xr8fs]

I feel like my BPD ex gf of 8yrs jist ran off into the arms of a BPD man (from what I know about him). I wonder how that plays out…

[@mfrance3834]

One thing I learned in dealing with a BPD is this…the beginning of the relationship is also the beginning of the END of the relationship. Unless that person is in heavy therapy and even then it’s unlikely to last. Too many issues.

[@sacrometal999]

The problem with normal psychology is that you give those people a lot of "justificators" whereas they MUST take responsibility and action to correct their own behavior and confront reality, otherwise, they will remain always the same, justifying every action under the guise of "mental disorder".

[@spiritualantiseptic]

They can't just "take responsibility" if they don't know how to get out of the vicious cycle of having bpd. But they do take responsibility, the do feel guilty and apologise. The problem is they don't have control over the cyclical nature of their disorder until they learn how to recognise the mechanisms properly and how to treat their wounds which cause their unhealthy emotions to return all the time. Think of it like an addiction - it's a disease that needs treatment at the root cause, not just "taking responsibility".

[@nigel727]

I am also a male w/ BPD. While I didn't find your descriptions typical of my behavior, I have to say a thing about "the mirroring" (at the beginning of a romantic relationship): it is definitely not something I do in order to mislead.. I really do believe that I feel that way.

[@MarcioSilva-1976]

Yeah, as a pwBPD I know I don't want to destroy everything, I just want to be happy but end up going the wrong way about it, knowing about the disorder is paramount, accepting that you need help, ideally the help of a good therapist (which now I have), not of your partner. I did not need years to start functioning properly though, maybe if the therapist is not a good one. Had some pretty clueless ones myself lol. But one thing is true, a pwBPD will probably need the help of a professional the rest of his life, I know I need it.

[@2wheeledvet]

Maybe after hearing this and being diagnosed with BPD a few weeks ago. I am better off single. Even though I’m getting treatment the woman I lost due to it doesn’t even want to be apart of my life now. Which I don’t blame her. She deserved better than how I was.

[@lonermaxxing]

Its all so funny to me because we were both borderline and did all the stages at almost the same time yet i couldn't understand any of it 😭😭😭

[@secretahsieg]

My BPD/NPD man has done all of these things and then discarded me completely randomly without saying a word lol

[@YIE63248]

Same

[@elizabethtara7658]

Same f loons... hurts bad ..

[@Alexandra-oy2xu]

Same 😂

[@chantalc5012]

Thank you so much for that! You have explained very well the cycle of abuse I was into… I was looking for answers for a while and I now know he is bpd… possibly double pathology 😣… the only thing different for my own experience is, he was too proud for mentioning treats of suicide, he would prefer to devaluate me and he could do the splitting/love-hate in half an hour… I’ve been through hell and I was so confuse. I loved him so much…

[@chantalc5012]

Also… I would love to know a description of double pathology BPD/ NPD or (BNPD 🤷‍♀️). How they act, exemple… thank you again for your channel. 😊

[@mariapatricio1392]

I’m so sorry you have been through that! I can fully sympathise-it is a heart-crushing experience. Only those who have been through this shit can fully understand. Also sounds like he probably has NPD as a comorbidity.

[@chantalc5012]

@@mariapatricio1392 Thank you for the support, I am sorry for you too! I wish all survivors, lots of love in their lives. We deserve it! 💗

[@DonnaRavioli]

Mine only threatened suicide when I filed for divorce. For years before, when angry, he would tell me to kill MYSELF.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

How to stop the cycle: Make them break up with you. When they come back, criticize their behavior to split you black. Later, apologize and wish them well. This will keep them in the power position. They will believe their silence is harming you and you will be free. Social Media hoovering might take place, but ignore it and stop looking. Cry, grieve, and learn about your own childhood traumas that kept you stuck (he was both my parents in one human).

[@KoraxzGaming]

Does anyone else feel depressed after hearing everything described about them

[@learntobake2023]

This is 100% accurate of my own behavior even though I am the female counterpart in the relationship. I have to remind my partner and family that it is not their job to rescue or babysit me. I will be a hot mess freuqently.

[@greengarden3]

Good explanation of how the love addition wearing off leads to negative emotions (fear of abandonment and engulfment) which he attributes to the partner

[@garnetgoddess2059]

This sounds like my ex. I wonder if BPD people are often narcissistic

[@jdub99]

Yes. They "border" other disorders

[@laszloiso777]

In my case I have NPD parents became borderline... on the way to recowery... I'm almoust 40 now ( I medicate and since then my simptoms are lessening or almoust dissapeared) But the CPTSD is not easy to heal...

[@janlee8201]

27yrs i have been with my partner. He hasn't been diagnosed yet but it's very probable he has bpd So just recently he told me he no longer loves me and moved into the spare room. We've split numerous times in the past but he always comes back. I can not let 27yrs go without fighting for it but i am exhausted.

[@Bucephalus84]

​@@janlee8201Jesus can help him. 🙏

[@A_n_y_t_i_m_e]

BPD is the perfect storm - elements from NPD, ASPD, histrionics, mood disorders, anxiety disorders and many more... Look at it as a massive ven diagram (with lost of bubbles, lots).

[@yardogyuh2049]

Tbh this describes me so damn well. I honestly worry i'll never be able to be able to be loved. Its like I know what I need to avoid and what i've done wrong in the past, but I cant stop myself from doing it. I tried so hard with the last girl to not get mad when she went out without me or be controlling. But she left me, rightfully. Then I went insane and snapped. Like I always do:(

[@candacegardner8858]

This video is both encouraging and disheartening. I can relate to both positions, i have been the male described and the female in my present relationship. I starting to think he and i both are struggling with BPD. It seems that our similarities are what divide us. Crap.

[@MeredithWaters]

The NPD videos did not quite adequately describe it. The therapy he received for depression wasn't the answer. It wasn't the drug abuse. I knew all along it was about the moods, the cognitive distortions. It has been clear to me for a long time that we have not argued about anything of substance. It is a tug of war where he tries to hang on to a false accusation and pretenses for hostile venting and abuse, and I try disarm him. Yes, the romance is long gone, and I have become like a parent. Yes, it was very intense in the beginning. Everything you said is so resonant. I feel I finally have my answer. Of course, months ago I had him arrested for the abuse and violence. But he is not diagnosed with BPD in the court-ordered "anger management" therapy. His therapist thinks he is depressed, and getting off drugs, and needing to, heaven help us, "express his feelings." I don't like being way ahead of the curve. But at least I now have the answers I've been looking for all these years.

[@lisamarieagain]

The only time an avoidant attachment style saved me from a relationship. I tried “dating” a BPD male and after the second time meeting him I broke it off. Something about his energy gave demonic. Even the short period of knowing him I caught him in many lies (sometimes I wondered was he lying or did he really believe the things he was saying to be true). He also told me so many personal things about himself…mind you I only knew him for 3 weeks. He told me he didn’t want to speak on the phone with me if I was at my male best friend’s house. He tried to guilt trip me into being intimate with him. He tried to hold me hostage in the relationship after I tried breaking up with him the first time. Like spamming me with pictures of him crying and threatening to hurt himself. Setting ANY kind of healthy boundary with him would upset him. …I only knew him for a little while and still have developed trauma. If you like unstable relationships and just straight up weirdos then this relationship is for you!!

[@Yummysmegma]

At a male best friends house? Lmfao he was definitely valid in that

[@MelissaPhelan-z4v]

Wow, this was an incredible video. Very informative!

[@Booster85]

Some of the arrogant comments from people here, people with BPD are NOT bad people, i have BPD, and yes, I've struggled in life,i recognise my behaviours and have tools to battle on

[@robertlight4326]

Depressing I find myself still wanting to return to the intense love we felt at the beginning and I can’t stop believing in it. Crazy and codependent I know :(

[@flowersforme375]

It’s called love and grief takes times. 3 weeks is like yesterday. I’m 5 months in with the acceptance but the grief lingers so I’m being patient myself. Be gentle with yourself.

[@robertlight4326]

@@flowersforme375 thank you ❤️‍🩹

[@Outaszide]

to all the girls been hurt, as a borderline myself dont forget it is hard for us to live with our own behaviour too. its not an excuse but is especially hard coming to terms with it not always even knowing the diagnosis ourselves either, the behaviour is not voluntary its a disorder and causes suicide in some cases

[@TruthSeekers1989]

Ya exactly, I think lots of us just avoid relationships all together when we realize how we effect others, personally I just try to be alone most of the time less pain for everyone, seems almost every relationship I have doesnt work in the end

[@laurenbatson5918]

Yes, God forbid you seek treatment. Everyone has shit thats hard to come to terms with. Just do what anyone with cancer or diabetes would do-get treatment.

[@gn.punpun]

@@laurenbatson5918 i get how you feel. i dateed many women with BPD and ive always told the women ive dated this but ive noticed that in my naivety that i exibit a lot of these traits myself and i try my best to control myself and my emotions but at some poinnt everything comes out and we hate ourselves for it but somethings are out of our control as its not as easy as taking a pill and everything being peachy. i have lots of trouble with paranoid thoughts especially in relationships and idiolising the women im with so its leads me to very dysfunctional relationships. compassion and understanding dont even help much sadly and ive noticed this on both ends of the spectrum as someone who has tried his best to be there for the BPD women that i love and also when looking at my own feelings in retrospect.

[@gn.punpun]

@@TruthSeekers1989 this is something i try to do but at some point i always end up getting attached to someone and starting the cycle all over again

[@maartenvandijken822]

I’m a male with BPD (untreated) from The Netherlands. I’ve had countless relationships, and the older I get, the less they mean to me, and the meaner and violent I get. I’m every mother-in-law’s worst nightmare. Women turn into an asset overnight. I’m a son of a k1ller, and a grandson of a Dutch Waffen-SS volunteer, who committed war crimes even before breakfast and during leisure time. I’m hurting a lot. Mental agony. Only de@th will bring me eternal peace. In other words: there’s always hope! Greetings from the Lowlands!

[@Miklosrobi]

I don't know if i have BPD or NPD but it was very weird when my now ex wife always needed reassurance for why i love her and had to tell her things why but in return she told me that she loves me unconditionally. I felt for that.

[@teresachazco3400]

Hellllloooo, Has anyone ever had a narc ask you if you were obsessed with them? Annnnd when you immediately said : "No!" they get offended (which is one of their Favorite WOrds to throw at you for just about ANYTHING!!!). I was kind of thinking this narc was joking - because that is constantly something they say whenever you call them out on saying or doing something that is offensive (*rolling my eyes til it hurts rn....."just joking".... "you can't take a joke!"/ "I thought you had a sense of humor!" / "You should know by now when I'm joking!".

[@clayton1704]

Crimey!!! I think k I have bpd. You just described everything I’ve done and have felt towards my previous partners and even stage one is what I’m currently doing . I literally had an internal crisis where I described my relationship as a “love addiction “ and I was self aware but I never knew this was a mental disorder I thought it was just me being stupid . Good gosh .

[@kimfontaine7453]

Thank you, internally I meet all the requirements for BPD, but not even close to the level being described in videos or comments. I will take solace in your comment and continue to be aware. Thanks @@Rileyed

[@kimfontaine7453]

Yes, not even close to that, thank you for the reply. @@Rileyed

[@rapstar4575]

Morning bae ❤

[@eacarter4310]

And can we talk about how EVERYTHING is about them ALL the time? If a family member dies and they have to go to their funeral it's a massive drama, they won't wash before they go to punish them and THEY are melting down because they have to do something they don't want to do because it won't be about them and they have to inconvenience themselves getting out of bed to go to lay someone to rest. These people are so toxic we need a new word for toxic.

[@IllllIIIIllIlllIIl]

Damn just described my month long relationship with this girl. I have severe bpd and I need therapy

[@s0me0ne1se]

My most horrible and FIRST romantic relationship described to a T. He did ABSOLUTELY everything stated here. So horrible to know you were with a very very sick person who is not willing to change a single millimeter of his toxic ways. Thank you for this.

[@hiyawaskuh1810]

I don’t think you understand a thing about mental illness. Why not start your research on how this disorder comes about in the first place. Also maybe watch the narcissism videos. May find some insight there of your own.

[@s0me0ne1se]

@@hiyawaskuh1810 hahaha, stop projecting, I’m sure I know more about narcissism than you. I don’t care about your opinion, go impose your views on someone who cares and mind your own friggin’ business. Good riddance

[@quan3975]

I've shown all these symptoms in my past relationships, I just found out what BPD is and I now feel terrible for doing these to my past girlfriends because they do not deserve it at all. I wouldn't say its not my fault but its extremely hard to understand these things and deal with them properly. If I hadn't found out about BDP I would've continued doing this for a long time.

[@sky19804]

@@hiyawaskuh1810 ah yes tell the abuse victim to be empathetic to her abuser, and that shes a narcissist.

[@sunsetonsukkot]

Are you bpd? I say if they have bpd the women need to run!

[@WatsonLori]

100 💯. Describes me to T. after 15 years i went i to DBT classes, its not an easy program. But dedication, it does help. Awarennes is a key. My 30 year old son very obviously had BPD. He was an alcohol, without treatmen. He took his life. My question is did i passed this disorder down 😊to him. I tried so hard to get him help

[@mariadinn4441]

This is unbelievable. Every stage is right on. This was the most exhausting relationship. It took me years to get out of it. I’m so grateful to be out of it. It was 2 years ago and I’m still so grateful to be done with it!! My only regret is not getting out sooner. Everything in this video I experienced with my ex.

[@brandonb5818]

If she mentions another guy at work, that's potentially upsetting for anyone though. Anybody might fight over that. Who wants to get cheated on

[@EricaMaui]

Woah, so accurate. Thank you!

[@KtotheGful]

To the T exactly what happens.

[@ltopomcfly5583]

I'm almost positive this is me, except I've never been abusive because I've only sought relationships with women with BPD or NPD so they're more abusive. Is it messed up that I find this makes my symptoms worse in the short-term but healed long-term? And I think this is what narcissists and Borderlines call the "Twin Flame" experience?

[@laszloiso777]

OK I feel like we have way too much in comon :D Borderline with empathy.... CPTSD , probably we are too attractive ;) But we can turn into reactive abuser if we don't find healthy ways to coope.

[@BenOnuMuDiyorum]

Same here I guess. Especially "short term - long term effects" and partner choices. I tend to approach women who seems determined. Once the reletionship is established I feel suffocated and I tend to run, idealize the other party and feed myself with the idea that I am defective. But once I took the train of the other party, the train goes I am safe as far as it goes. When the responsibility grows enough to feel unbearable I force the other party to break up or the the other party wants me all disappeared.

[@oraclepanda]

This favorite person stuff is exhausting. I'm tired of the jealousy and hatred. Being manipulated. I've dealt with a narcx before, this isn't the same pain. Its therapy or nothing, for my own mental health. We've been apart for 3 months. I'm not looking forward to these next phases

[@antiprismatic]

My mother directly gave me bpd through cptsd at birth and infancy. Ignoring me not helping me coregulate when i was crying. Now i do these things to others. Its so bad. Now she tells me im the problem.

[@honeymunch1273]

watching this shows me how controlling i really was in the paranoid, and knowing everything single literally thing they're doing. i didnt know how bad i was doing this

[@shyrocket4889]

I love how she talks about substance use to self medicated and other average things as if it's exclusively a bpd thing. She uses 'they' as if it's only bpd and not actually just a human thing to do

[@alijahguerra7022]

Awww what a love story…

[@thegardenofserendipity]

😂

[@777lucifero]

the bpd part may also interpret this 6:10 as you being the one with bpd. For example, when they ghost you/distance you you get insecure and you'll probably be driven to be suspicious. They'll interpret that as your ''insecurities cropping up'', denying or now knowing that they have created that suspicion from their own behaviour. They'll start saying that you are the one always hurt and angry at them. You may find yourself asking if they really love you, because of the way they're playing this back and forth game. And there again they'll interpret that as you just being insecure and needing constant reassurance. When really you're just asking... ''are you shitting me, why do this to someone you supposedly love''