How to WIN at the Narcissist's Game

Are you always on the losing end when it comes to a narcissist? In this video, you'll discover ways to take control of the situation. From understanding their manipulative tactics to setting and enforcing boundaries, this video will help you learn how to outsmart a narcissist. Don't let them continue to hold power over you!
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Master Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
0:00-1:13: Introduction
1:13-3:43: #1 Remove yourself from the game.
3:43-5:46: #2 Remain CALM
5:46-7:03: #3 Set and enforce clear boundaries
7:03-8:55: #4 Find points of agreement
8:55-10:11: #5 Don't take the bait
10:11: The need for control
#narcissist #narcissism #femalenarcissist #covertnarcissist

[@corujariousa]

When the ties with a narcissist involve finances and kids, life can become hell for a long time. May the Universe look out for us.

[@jimr7154]

I have two in my life that I can’t just walk away from but I have begun employing advice from you and others on this subject and it helps greatly Thank you

[@Dstealthsniper]

Yeah well I'm actually here cuz I j7st knocked one up a month ago and is already asking for 25% of my income ahhhhh

[@cheezinhoweree]

Walgreens sells a DNA test.those kids probably aren't even yours if you were with a narcissist

[@toddhowell88]

I normally don't comment on what I've listened to you but I have to say you are spot-on and have been a big help thank you so much wish I woulda saw this 5 years ago

[@damonw2286]

13 years of pure hell...she is a monster, I filed for divorce and it is turned the insanity to full psychotic behavior.

[@user-lz4ml6ei6s]

NO Contact is the key to everything if you want peace of mind, and don’t ever look back , be aware because there’s so many out there .

[@lorraineradoli4171]

Ignoring them like they never existed is the best way to go. No contact no nothing, just forget them. Trying to reason out with them is like trying to squeeze water from a rock.

[@repunched106]

Why do I agree and disagree with your statement. I want to go back but I know in the end it wouldn't work.

[@lorraineradoli4171]

@@repunched106 I get you dear. It's hard but at times we just have to love ourselves more

[@jackroberts416]

​​​@@repunched106 It only depends on if you are married to them or dependent on them in some way. But if they are just a friend then yeah....ignore and cut all ties with them. Narcissism is a form of mental retardation or you could say arrested development. That is why they act so childish(at your expense.) They seem to have a very low E.Q. You can't reason with them because they aren't smart. And it is inferiorating knowing how dumb they actually are as they go around thinking they are just as smart or smarter than you and everybody else for that matter. They think the world revolves around them and if you stay in a relationship with them by being nice and always doing their bidding all you do is keep enabling their delusion that the world revolves around them and everybody owes them something. For many reasons it is good to cut ties unless for some reason you think you could make them smarter and they will listen. At the end of the day it sounds like they have insecurities, anger issues, etc... that they don't know how to process and let go of.

[@moxdonalds925]

I wish I could. We have kids. She’s suing me for the second time in 2 years to try to ruin me. I’m at the point where I can’t even afford to get a loan to hire a lawyer to defend myself. I feel like she’s just trying to destroy me so bad financially that I become homeless and can’t see my children anymore.

[@deepblue8081]

Agreed. You can't reason with a gas-lighter.

[@EdfromCanada]

Excellent video. 1. Avoidance. Cut them off. 2. Robot. Don't repond. 3. Boundries. 4. Points of agreement. 5. Bait. Don't bite. Very helpful.

[@Doctorgora]

Narcissists often think others are narcissists 😂

[@seasonedbeefs]

Yep. Projection. Remember people call you what they are.

[@jonargentina6285]

They aren't?

[@EnFyr]

Well said!

[@bafumat]

No no no.... We often accuse others of being narcissists because people react to that shit. People hate when you accuse them of mental problems they do or don't have. It's so yummy.

[@hfrt29]

without a doubt

[@janetebonanno]

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None - they use gaslighting 😂😂😂😂

[@LSMH528Hz]

LMAO 🤣

[@RavnThor]

Omggg 😂😂😂😂😂❤❤❤🎉🎉 this wins the internet. Here is your #CommenorativeMug ☕️🍻🍵

[@karoshi2]

Heard that slightly different: how does a narcissist screw in a lightbulb? They hold it into the socket, and the world revolves around them.

[@RavnThor]

@@karoshi2 oooommggggg 🤣🤣🤣🤣😘🤣 Eventually they'll get shocked ;)

[@DanielFowler-vu4rh]

Lmao😂

[@jamesyoung187]

"A STRANGE GAME. THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS NOT TO PLAY.. ......." -- Wargames The reason why most people get trapped with narcissists is because rational, reasonable people cannot conceive of anyone acting and behaving the way narcissists do. The upcoming generation has much more awareness of how to recognize narcissism available. I pray they learn, as previous generations have not.

[@JustinSmith-zw8jb]

absolute facts !

[@clintonnagy1662]

Rational people have the need to fix irrational people because they appear to have a mentally disability. ( and they do ) When making sense doesn't make sense to sane people, it becomes frustrating and uncomfortable to normal minded people. Later we learn to let it go and move on. We can't fix their broken mind. They have to fix themselves.

[@spuiwu-js]

The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. What ever you do, don’t attempt to tail your spouse in the hopes of catching him or her cheating. Get a professional to do it for you Metaspyhub@gmail. com Ethical remote App - particularly if you need this evidence to file for divorce and damages.

[@nickf9392]

Well, if there is one good thing about a narcissist, it is their predictability. Once you realize that, you have the upper hand.

[@feckless7989]

Oh yes. you can actually play them like a puppeteer.

[@nicholecornes1915]

I dont think people realize how DANGEROUS it is to stay with them! It took me forever to get me to this point.

[@40yearoldpirate]

Never argue with a narcissist! They will try to drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

[@mysteryranchinternational8276]

The exhaustion of setting record straight, defending against false allegations, soul sucking effect of no give.

[@DieselWeazel]

Be polite but DO NOT ENGAGE! The theme of my past weekend.

[@hishams.abdul-aziz7700]

how do you do that when they always trying to create a issue even when being cool and calm and blame u for the issue they creating

[@OhReally841]

@@hishams.abdul-aziz7700 Emotionally detach from them, you won't care then and thus won't engage.

[@kimrobinson6285]

No need to be polite. Just be gone.

[@janetebonanno]

Rule 1 - no contact. Works every time. In other words give them the last word for the last time. ♥️

[@user-et5qs2en4c]

YES❗️👍

[@blaquecinderella3560]

Give them the last word for the last time👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾

[@coolguy3316]

Your biggest enemy when deal with a narcissist is - your mental weakness. They have abused a simple human into a emotionally abused mental person. Rectify your senses and don’t react

[@timwinfield8509]

Do NOT try to "win" at the games that a narcissit plays. The situation is toxic. Would you stand in a cloud of poisonous gas to prove a point? The best cure for this situation is to leave and stay away! You will not recover the fantasy love that she lured you in with and you will not fix her or ever measure up to her ever growing demands. Take a look at what this relationship is doing to YOU. If you stay, you're doing it to yourself and you need to look at your self worth issues and not let her define you. Take it from me brother, RUN!

[@huruduru5144]

These people have traded their soul for Narcissism and are now dead inside..And what they hate about you is that you have a healthy soul and they are very jealous of that and they very much WANT IT! And are trying to steal yours. This is why they get angry when you fight them on their Narcissism because THEY WANT A SOUL! Every Time they get supply from you they take a piece of your soul and it feels soooooo good to them They want to take your soul and give you theirs..A soul exchange,. their dead soul for your healthy soul. Every time they get supply from you, there is an exchange, they feel good and you feel bad. This is why after a while you start feeling dead inside yourself.. This is why victims says they are evil. because they feel this..

[@mooneyrj76]

As an over communicator I had to learn the silent no contact the hardway.

[@NunYa-db7jy]

Yes, those with N exposure can develop the over communication you speak of because you think if you just get the right way to say things to them they will see, understand, get it. Sad thing is, that's a not gonna happen. 20 yrs w BL/N ex husband.

[@Joseph_Omega]

I've learned that _PERPETUAL_ (and _RELENTLESS) TEASING_ often does the trick, and is rather easy. Teasing them _ESPECIALLY_ about their own narcissism (in its simplest form, _"mimicking"_ them) is particularly effective and rewarding.

[@twilighttime952]

My issue was with a sister. Absolutely toxic. Sociopathic narcissist. The lies, projection, back stabbing & rumor mongering, stealing and playing the victim when confronted. Has a restraining order against her by her ex and child. The only peace of mind I've had in dealing with her is to cease any and all contact. Other family members have yet to learn the full extent of her behaviour. I think it comes from people not believing anyone could behave in such a way. The game can only be played when they keep people apart. When folk get together the lies get exposed as folk compare stories. So much of this video rings true. Run a mile I say.

[@LindaKennedy-kf3ws]

24 years of Emotional and PHYSICAL FREEDOM ❤ So glad I got out of there before loosing my mind. Left, divorced and NEVER saw him again. 😊😊😊😊

[@Paviel1000]

My wife is the covert narcissist, and as a result, I have been going down hill in who I am; and I doubt myself severely. I believe this video will help. I am working on my poker face!

[@october72393]

You should be working on getting away... I did best decision I ever made... I am at peace now

[@carlosalvarado5729]

Good luck on this tough and rough journey with this narc.......you need to leave your narc wife as soon as you're able to, time to get away from this toxic relationship and it's time to take your life back and make sure you have no sympathy or mercy on that narcissist whatsoever.....Be safe and good luck!!!!!

[@user-et5qs2en4c]

I will be praying for you sorry you are going through this 😢

[@beaglerescue5281]

In reality, your too good for her that’s why she has to tear you down.

[@anthonyrist5626]

I have the same situation. It sucks. Financial I'm struck.

[@patrickbradley7360]

Great advise. 33 years in this utter madness. it is like being in a boxing match and being hit everywhere every time no matter what defence or evading that you put up to stop the punches landing. You get a small break after each round, the bell rings and repeat to next bell ring. 1,275 rounds later and your body and mind is racked with scar tissue and eventually when the punch lands you don't feel it. i am at a stage now that i don't feel the pain, but i think it is time to end the boxing match and go off and just chill out. I never heard of this 'Narcissism'' until about 3 years ago and by heavens everything clicked. Thanks to people like yourself Lise for the support you are giving us punch drunk people. We are grateful.

[@PTosetti]

I simply could not let her go with all of my life savings. Needing to go to no contact, I decided to enforce that any communication would be through my lawyer. After that, she managed to turn my siblings and my mother against me for some time. I wasn't able to talk straight to my family and things suddenly changed when the judge of the trial ruled that I was completely right and she had to refund me even before the first hearing (the power of raw numbers can be ruthless). When I showed to my siblings the judge ruling (my mother passed away thinking that I'm an abusing man, sadly 💔), they started changing their minds... but I've lost forever 10 years of my life not engaging with flying monkeys, and no judge can give me back that. Avoid them.

[@Anne.....]

Another reason the covert narcissist tries to hoover you or get you back after you have broken of the contact with them: They are secretly contemplating taking revenge over you for rejecting them. They put on a pity play with tears and pretend to be completely devastated that you left them, and if they manage to get into your life again, you will notice that your things are mysteriously broken or that they "accidentally" happened to break this or that, spill this or that on your furniture, or you catch them looking through your personal papers when they think you are not looking, or you discover that things go missing from your home. And suddenly you realize that you are dealing with a sincerely mentally ill person who more resembles a psychopath. A person who is deeply deranged and disgustingly malicious. I would advice against letting the narcissist into your life again after you have ended the relationship with them. Not only is the narcissist still a narcissist, but they are additionally on a quest to destroy you and this seems to be the sole purpose of getting into your life again.

[@bigtreecombatacademy2927]

Bingo They often want back if u broke up with them just so they can break up with u They are that petty lol

[@franciscoramirezespanagarc7974]

My mother is a covert narcissist, the most difficult part has been to heal the toxic shame that makes me see myself through her eyes.

[@LiseLeblanc]

This is so true… so hard to break free from that toxic conditioning when it was programmed into you from the very beginning by the very person who was supposed to love, protect, and nurture you.

[@HahaT634]

I know about that shame. Cutting mine off has been a game changer. I’ve reached a place where I don’t care about her anymore, for someone with pathological empathy, this is a huge step in the right direction

[@franciscoramirezespanagarc7974]

@@HahaT634 hopefully I’ll get there

[@MJ-qb5ph]

@@HahaT634 I’ve finally achieved the same with my family and every abuser in my life - but it took forever and sustained effort to get here

[@hfrt29]

same

[@83CarlosI]

I think that your worst enemy when you are dealing with a narcissist isn't always the narcissist itself but your belief that you're with a regular person, because you can spent a lot of time expecting finally a normal behavior. But when you realize who is that person, you know that you can't expect nothing reasonable and logic and then you are able to stay calm despite the narcissists tries to push your bottoms. When you don't react to their tactics, they get even confused when that doesn't work anymore.

[@hardywatkins7737]

This is why we all get tricked ... because we believe we are with a normal person, and naturally so if we have never encountered a narcissist before.

[@amitsalaskar1024]

Not stigmatising these category of people but intentionally or unintentionally hurting people in their normal healthy life course is a sin. Hurting is our karma and the way they end up is theirs. Saying this coz ppl like this if not in therapy already, its pretty clear what direction they taken in life.

[@hardywatkins7737]

@@amitsalaskar1024 Your understanding of karma is akin to victim blaming.

[@rieniemclellan6485]

Thank you for your videos. Its heartbreaking as I loved this woman, but she broke me and the signs you have mentioned is everything she is. After 15 months together, which was very toxic and abusive, on 2 occasions after saying the most hurtful things about my mother whom she never knew, I reacted and lifted my hands to her too. I am still trying to forgive myself for having lifted my hands to her. Yet she still kept on abusing me, until I asked her to leave my home. She broke up with me and stayed in my home rent free and I still had to provide. The controlling never stopped, she moved out a week ago. It is lonely with her gone but rather that than having yo defend myself continually

[@fifisquirrel4638]

Exactly 💯👍

[@TheNewLife4ever]

My ex-Narc got indignant with me after “inviting” herself over to my apartment after semi-ghosting me. She spontaneously changed a normal conversation -again-into digging up past arguments. I asked her not to do this for peace-sake. She did it anyway! I’d had enough of the roller-coaster, relationship and simply told her to,” take her toxicity and get out of my house “! 👋

[@Hamzak786]

Well done

[@beaglerescue5281]

And don’t let door hit your button on the way out. Bravo 🙌

[@clintonnagy1662]

Been there. Done that. My ex would blame shift and I'd BEG her to STOP or I was gonna hang up. She insisted I was the problem and constantly badgered me into lashing out. I felt regretful and emotionally exhausted to the point, I apologized many times and promised her I would be better. It's SICK how they gain control over our emotions. I had to leave that toxicity. It's evil and not nessecary.

[@karenmcgady7637]

I think you are spot on. I was blindsided a while ago by my DIL. She accused me of a bunch of things, and I just sat there, listening (this was a transcontinental call from Sweden to the USA, where my spouse and I live). I kept a poker face, because I could NOT believe my ears. Her attacks intensified until I burst out in tears, at which point, she said, and I quote: "Good. You SHOULD cry" and continued on. In retrospect, I should have hung up then, if not MUCH much earlier in the FaceTime Video call. But I had never encountered anything like that attack ever before.

[@JBProject2]

23 years. 2 psychopaths. 2 drunks. No end in site. Ended 14 months ago with threats to my life. I also went insane. We were both evil. I escaped without a scratch. My escape tactics were very precisely thought out. Things are looking better now. The roller-coaster has ended. I will warn all you men to pick the single life. Remember i said that.

[@nicholecornes1915]

All of us need to be single

[@dankehl4566]

Every single meal I cooked was gobbled down but found to be unhealthy... too much oil... too much salt.. too much sugar.. too much... even when I hadn't used any.

[@mentlinc]

That's not right. My woman is not the best cook but I dont complain. I'm just glad she's trying.

[@clintonnagy1662]

That's funny because when I met my narc all she wanted was to cook with me...but later when I offered to make a meal, she refused and said your cooking isn't good. Go figure. Mind games.

[@kayellis5575]

No contact was the best and only solution to dealing with my head case. Six years of freedom and counting

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Agree. After 35 years of insanity I did the same with my entire family

[@ensfletcher]

Everything you said here hits so close to home as I have lived through all of what you described in this video. I only wish I had paid more attention and knew about narcissism years ago. I definitely didn't win at the narcissist game... After many years I knew our marriage was in shambles but for some reason I stuck around holding on to our past trying to 'fix' things. The first few years were truly good, but looking back there were some serious red flags I should have paid attention to. Now I'm finally divorced after years of toxic abuse from a NPD wife. I dealt with multiple infidelities, countless unfounded arguments, constant gaslighting, her alcoholism and nothing I did was good enough. Like a fool I remained hopeful things would return to the way they were in the beginning but it only got worse. When I reflect back on those years I question my lack of better judgment and wonder how in the world I put up with it for so long.

[@hishams.abdul-aziz7700]

u did it because u loved her genuinely and saw her issue but we can't fix or save them and hurt people her good people instead of loving and appreciate them they abuse the good things into bad things and that shows that was a learned behavior from past trauma and character development and crazy experience of mental stuff in there head!!! I been thru it as well It was like she would say things as if it could be good and then it's a complaint and then it's ur fault the issues happen when she created the issues and problems overthinking things and real cold and disrespectful!!!💯🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️✌🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿 I have kids with mines and she already got my one my daughter just like her smh!!! more future problems ughh I gotta get in law enforcement career to nip all that crazy stuff in the bud and keeps the distance

[@nicholecornes1915]

We all feel like why did I stick that out! 😢waste of our youth

[@caralee2617]

If you absolutely have to “deal” with a narc, I would recommend to keep firm bounderies, and keep your distance at the same time. As a second choose on how to deal with the narcissist I would recommend keeping firm boundaries and also to correct them every time they missteps, lie, manipulates etz. When your boundaries are not respected by the narcissist, you need to follow through with consequenses of bad behaviour. You will have your hands full going forward this way. When following through with consequenses to their “re”actions, you explain to the narc, that you are not one of the narc`s victims. You have no intentions of becoming one but will be a nuisance to the narcissist in a way that is irritating to him/her. This method is not risk free but narcissists will often choose the path of no or low resistance. This method is a time consuming path to chose. This route sometimes require more time than you would like to spend on these issues. You feel that distancing yourself all together would have been easier. That is however not always possible. Often there is no way to avoid him/her. You unfortunately have to deal with the narcissist because you are colleagues or close family. You must think through what you need the narcissist to respect and what arias of conflict you must pay extra attention to, to keep your integrity and to detect manipulative behavior. Be prepared and clear in your communication and stick to your guns. Try to stay under the radar as much as you can, even when this method is the best for you. A way that works as well is to play along with the narcissist and act like you agree with everything they do and say. This method works well until many people in the narcissists sphere do the same. When everyone agrees with the narcissist you are back on square one. The narcissist must have victims and this setting is no different. To go NO Contact is another good alternative and method, and is probably the best option when it is possible to cut all contact permanently. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire above private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me.

[@hishams.abdul-aziz7700]

🗣wow that's alot I' have to keep myself away even thou I have kids with her ugggh!!!!🤦🏾‍♂️ I'm just gonna go to court and fix my issues of that situation cause if I didn't have kids with her I'd could careless about her due to her actions!!! she did some foul shit I'm happy I didn't get myself locked Up!!! 💯✌🏿

[@Linksta22]

All of this rings so true to my situation it's scary.

[@zellerized]

Cool story bro, but you are a narcissist.

[@Last_E_iz_A_thre3]

People try to manipulate my emotional state with lies 'til the point of anger entrenching me. They always have a sinister smirk on their face. Yesterday, I asked my father why he hated me after he tried to do this to me and he calmed down and sadness entrenched him as he left my presence. My mental well being is important and I get a lot of people projecting their own downfalls onto me. I try to call them out on it and they usually just go to the next ones. Petty people tend to stir large negative emotions.

[@thenrylee]

They fight dirty- physically, emotionally, lie, steal, whatever. I am never going to say to anybody what was said to me. If I was to stoop that low I couldn't stand myself. Anger towards them has turned to sympathy that they are never going to be normal.

[@millyardopeacecraft9778]

I got so tired of my ex gf narc causing constant chaos in my life. I just started making fun of her vanity until she finally left. She was constantly baiting arguments and cheating. Im just sick of her sh.t finally over.

[@kuijf]

Now I understand why my narcissist wife complains about not being able to read my emotions. I probably unconsciously develop that skill as a way to deal with her behaviour. Having children with her, removing myself from the game completely will not be an option, so I’ll stick with the other options. Very useful information. Thanks!

[@mrnelsonius5631]

The number one way to win, is to get them the hell out of your life no matter what it costs. It’s gonna cost you, because they are awful shameless conscience-less pain machines, but it’s still better than the long term costs of what they’ll do to you if you stick around. I’ve lived it, getting free is the only way. No contact ever again.

[@clintonnagy1662]

When I see a pattern of giving and sacrificing my time, money, boundaries and emotional health. It's time to walk.

[@robertbrenner1120]

I was blessed that she left on her own! Three times while I was at work

[@s.bradley6089]

I have absolutely enjoyed crushing a narcissist emotionally and to psychological decline, key is always remain stoic and smile, laugh and use any tool to absolutely confuse them, then ghost them with absense, silence and random friendly acts. Also it doesn't hurt to let them see your successful lifestyle and always remain happy, psuedo caring, especially when they are upset at any life challenges.

[@bigtreecombatacademy2927]

Hahaha described me well Add in the odd really crushing observation about their nature Then back to friendly and caring and then NC 😅

[@user-et5qs2en4c]

Thank You 😊

[@clintonnagy1662]

I mirrored their behavior and put it back on them. It creates more toxicity but knew the relationship wasn't gonna work. I just didn't care anymore.

[@s.bradley6089]

@@bigtreecombatacademy2927 I was genuinely nice and gave all I could, until I pinpointed this pattern and despite my actual face to face warnings..."if you choose to tread down this path with me go ahead, I am simply mirroring you with your own (in) action" Thus anything I do beyond this nonsense (is very well planned out by my own volition, truthfully ) So now I'm simply breaking that "4th wall"...let's play 🐉

[@and1varsity23]

Lisa, you have been a lifesaver these last two months. I would be so far behind on healing if I didn’t discover your videos.

[@jonho.2112]

I had an argument with my narcissistic wife, and in the reconciliation conversation, I presented a list of 12 offenses against me that she had made, hoping for an apology. She immediately presented my (only) insult, and overvalued it by saying that never in her life had anyone offended her with those words of mine. Well, I immediately apologized without any problem, and told her to only talk to me again when she apologized for those 12 offenses, which drove her crazy. I closed myself in my room and half an hour later she came and said: "I'm just going to apologize because I don't want you to come and torment me after you die..." in other words, she was being selfish, and I insisted that it wasn't a sincere request. After some more insistence on this point, I asked her to just answer Yes or No to this question: "Is this apology sincere?" - and after some reluctance she answered Yes and left... Conclusion: don't expect apologies in the standard model, from a narcissist....

[@budasfeet]

Was she like that before marriage? Have a narc gf now and afraid our marriage going crazy

[@jamesdavis8205]

​@@budasfeet you better not marry her

[@JamesPetroff]

Having the emotional strength to give them NOTHING is awesome. When they are punching at the wind and getting nowhere, just getting exhausted and furious and completely losing control is what they deserve. But you are dealing with a broken, evil child. They choose that path. But it is pathetic coping, making them miserable forever. Sad really. They are not worth the effort because they are the only ones that can fix themselves. And they never do. Just leave and never look back.

[@danielborrowdale3903]

They don't know how to love you, they treat themselves as an object so you are also an object, when you base love on satisfying them being happy that's something you have to work on. You can only fix you, don't try to fix them they buried that option if it was an option they would work on themself.

[@PureNRG2]

I never wanted to outsmart her. I just wanted to put as much distance between her and I as I could.

[@YouilAushana]

I ran circles around my last narcissist, knowing the controlling mindset due to a lifetime of unhealthy relationships including abusive parents. She tried to hurt me but it was like taking candy from a baby. They were absolutely ruthless to be in control. Since, I had outclassed them at every turn.

[@kennethmartinez3685]

What did you do? Give us the scoop…

[@cooganbeggs4942]

This seems to be a good approach my friend. All of the advice seems to be about running from them which is obviously the best solution but that’s not always possible so taking it to them by proving to yourself you are better in every way seems like a good tactic 💪

[@YouilAushana]

@@kennethmartinez3685 they are just prideful and arrogant. They need to accept that they aren't perfect. They will definitely hate you and have no problem hurting you. So, have a good exit plan or hidden camera.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

​@@YouilAushanaoh I like this hidden camera idea. Could get me killed though if found out.

[@clintonnagy1662]

Resilience to this behavior is key. After dating several narcs, I learned how much I'm willing to give before backing out.

[@Sethd1016]

My experience with a a narcissist is beyond frustrating. Trying to love and care for a person who can instantly tear you into tiny pieces with her words and actions all the time is maddening. You are literally stuck in a relationship when the other person convinces you you are worth nothing to anyone else.

[@user-et5qs2en4c]

I am sorry you’re going through this l will be praying for you 😢

[@GaryRSpicer]

Or if they get pregnant. Mine said "if you get me pregnant you're stuck with me" and I took that to heart because I loved her but then she bounces after she gets pregnant. Because she decides she doesn't want a relationship aka she wants nothing to be intimate because they truly do lack the willingness and capabilities to carry out love affection and care for another person. This is obviously a long story short. There was obvious future faking, sex bombing and love bombing...etc. silent treatments...the whole. Blamed for her being stressed because I always showed genuine care during her silent treatments. It often ended up as "you can't take any answers I give!" Well...that's because it didn't align with her tone or body languages. thus, it becomes of course my fault for having mental health issues that I previously shared with her to ya know...be... vulnerable! Something narcissists can never do. If they do, it's fake vulnerability.

[@russellnay3420]

I have been in a marriage, off and on, for 23 years without ever realizing she was a narcissist. I have married this woman 4 times and divorced her 3 times over those 23 years. She kept cheating on me, then I would forgive her, she would act like it was my fault, I would accept that, and take her back. We are now working on our last always it is different this time. The others I was completely devastated. I was an absolute basket case. This time I am handling it differently and she doesn't like it much. I basically ignore her and refuse to buy her anything. This has gotten her so upset at times that she has yelled, insulted me as only she knows how, and even thrown things at me. She tells me she deserves a new car, or expensive jewelry, etc. I told her that I don't buy things for a wife who sleeps with other guys. In addition, I told her I don't owe her anything because of all the hurt she has caused me the last several years. Her response was, I never wanted to hurt you. I said but knowing it would hurt me, you did it anyway. You really didn't care how I would feel. A couple of weeks after that exchange, I saw a couple of your videos. All of a sudden all the pieces fit together and I realized what she was, a narcissist. Now I know what I am battling, and how to better deal with her. Thank you. Also, she told me when the divorce is over she wanted us to be good friends. I told her no. Not going to happen. I didn't want to even meet her new guy, and that friends don't treat each other like she has treated me. Since then I tell her nothing and only talk to her when I have to. She is not liking it because she is no longer in control of my feelings or my actions.My whole time with her I have tried to be the best husband I could be. I have given her everything she wanted. But, it was always, not enough, not good enough, or the wrong thing altogether. Thank-you for making me understand that it wasn't me, it was her all along.

[@Johndoe10007]

It’s dead simple , stay away from trouble makers of any kind

[@tylerpatterson1267]

I had to move 2200 miles away across country to get away, she’d show up at my house at 3 in the morning so see if I was home, or if anyone was there. One time she called my mom and told her I was beating her and she was scared for her life. A response because I wasn’t answering her phone calls. Little did she realize I had been at my parents for hours and was sitting in their living room when she called. 3 days before I moved she asked if we could get together one last time and say goodbye. Stupidly I said yes. Well she went on a rage, angry about everything (mostly without admitting it, she was irate that I dare leave her and go start a new life) well, all while I lay in bed trying to sleep and not saying a word, trying not to engage in any of her crap, I tossed her purse at the door, and said “you need to leave. Now.” She called the police and said I was threatening her and refused to let her leave. So of course, knowing I did nothing wrong, I continue to lay in bed, I got the police report a few weeks later. In the report it basically says “as we approached we could hear a female screaming quite loudly, when we arrived the female answered the door, and we asked the male subject to come outside, he had to put pants on, as he was in bed and then came out. (A bunch of sentences about the questions and their investigation.) But In the end, the female was escorted from the property and told to find a new place to stay for the night. It’s absolutely insane. I don’t understand their thought process. They’re more like broken shells of a human, than a human. If you don’t serve them hand and foot, they will attempt to destroy you.

[@3XwithFatih]

Unfortunately if you have a kid from your ex-wife, you cannot cut the communication. But I will listen to this video every day to remind me how to deal with her in the best way.

[@CL-we6hg]

No contact and no re entry is the key 👌 I'm doing this with a neighbor across the hall from me , 2 ft away literally, I am so free and I've let the past go and I've forgiven them as well as myself , this broke me free of inner chains !!! ⛓️ 👍💪🌞✨️🙌

[@davidsmith7587]

Hopefully she doesn't knock on your door..my ex narc is one door over in my building..she has shown up for the seduction..also 2 months from the day of my break up with her..things won't change until 1 of us move

[@armandonsecundus8088]

Thank you so much for this. I am currently days away from my divorce from my wife who is a narcissist. Everything you said is true. She has done ALL of these things to me. I finally woke up and completely cut all forms of communication off and she still keeps trying. I just finished law school and became a counselor. With so much going for me I don’t want to let her bring me down. These videos are even therapeutic for me.

[@RenanSocoloski]

Lise, I just can't thank you enough. Thank God I found your channel. I've been in a 6 years relationship, every month it gets worse. Everything makes so much sense now, thank you so much!

[@cm9859]

My older sister is an extreme narcissist. It took me 20 years of figuring out her issues. I finally got fed up and told her in 2022 I no longer want any communication with her. She was livid, but I could not longer deal with her. She only was nice to get info about my life then used info against me. Talked bad about me. She was a total B@#$#. My brother is too and he gave info to my sister even though I asked him not to tell her about me. So I pulled away from him too. No contact is best.

[@beaglerescue5281]

I’m no contact with my entire family and no regrets. We couldn’t be more opposite. I wish you the best. My life is very peaceful. Lonely sometimes but that’s better than trauma.

[@gigachud666]

I picked up and shut myself down very quickly when the lovebombs stopped dropping, and I became the promise breaking mistake. Still scarred from it.

[@abhijeetsingh7423]

I used to think i am a player and understand people's manipulation tactics until i met this woman...only thing that helped me bail out was a strong feeling that i was losing my sanity.....i cut her off completely......i can so relate to whatver you say....

[@leftymagoo2710]

Your comments & suggestions are spot on. The “reminder” about body language shows how the narc is an astute observer. My narc was and is effective at playing the entire field. This is probably why trying to live with a narc is exhausting! Thanks Lise! Perhaps today is the day that I will seek out the services of a lawyer. I am very discouraged though. She has some friends that are blue chip lawyers and I know she will use them to screw me to the wall.Meanwhile, life rolls on

[@Joe-hf3cn]

Here’s the thing for me. She discarded by silent treatment yet keeps open lines of communication. I finally learned my lesson & am no longer chasing or reaching out. The issue I’m struggling with is whether or not to block. As I see it, the reason for blocking - even though we’re not talking - is because I don’t want to keep her energy close. In a way, it’s distracting & upsetting. On the other hand, I feel that blocking now (after months of no contact) would be a spiteful, immature act that would lower my own value. Moreover, the one who I block would get that narcissistic fuel or supply by my action or decision to block. So, I don’t want to give off any signals of how I am feeling about the situation. I’d rather just go with the flow & just act “ as if….” Ultimately, no one can make that decision for me. I understand

[@sleepytimeshecomes]

I ultimately won against the narc. I had no clue she was a narc until after the relationship was over. I did however not sit well with her behavior from the very beginning. 17 months later I kicker her and her kids out of the house after being as patient as I could with them all. She didn't even see it coming and was shocked I did it. It felt good. NO mercy! Kick rocks! Bye Felecia!

[@clintonnagy1662]

Wow. I'm sure you're still hearing how cruel you are for kicking them out...that's the way they work. Cut off their supply and call them out for bad behaviors and they HATE you. I went through that too many times. It's sad children pick up those traits and pass it on.😢

[@ssgdean1969]

The only true way to win is not play, absolutely.

[@Jason-Moon]

This woman is speaking straight to my childhood self and healing old wounds in me. If only I had this kind of voice of reason while I was growing up in narcissistic abuse. It soothes me to hear people speak the truth like this now. I didn't understand at all what was really going on with my source figures as a child.

[@SuzkaMares]

Same here. I didn't know either as a child.

[@Jason-Moon]

@@SuzkaMares thanks for responding and offering solidarity. I am seeing your channel and realizing you have become a voice of reason about these truths yourself. I was moved by your intro video. I salute you.

[@HahaT634]

Same here. Stay strong

[@chewbaccassecretlovechild2607]

I highly recommend the book Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker Good luck buddy

[@Jason-Moon]

@@chewbaccassecretlovechild2607 thanks. I'm getting there. Direction is everything. The smallest step away from the influence of narcissists counts and the smallest step toward regaining sense of self and self worth and self trust. Direction is the key. Keep moving on the right path and we'll get to better places with each step.

[@vincecavedog3219]

There is no reasoning with a narc!! No contact is the only way I've removed myself with everyone associated.

[@Roberto-fz4jm]

Ever since I discovered that she's a narcisist I have been finding ALL these points you show us and I made The stupid mistake of telling her she's a narcisist. I am bpd and have a lovely little son. She's making my life a living hell

[@demigaines5644]

Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This Im Struggling To Detach/Disconnect From A MALIGNANT NARCISSTIS. IM Struggling with Blocking My Abuser. THIS Person Has Destroyed My Life My Self WORTH And Self Esteem. I Was Broke Down From Months And Years Of The Silent treatment..Know Im Being Treated As If I NEVER EXISTED.. Narcisstic abuse is brutal CRUEL Tormenting Abuse.

[@deepblue8081]

Good video. There's no point trying to reason with such a person. Just ignore their insults and cut them off. Life isn't worth being a punch bag all the time and walking on eggshells in case they flip over something trivial. It's just not worth it!

[@hardywatkins7737]

With the bad cook analogy .. by agreeing, you're also signalling that you're ok with being imperfect.

[@LindaKennedy-kf3ws]

Finances and kids.... You are right. This is often THE Stopper

[@ashlame7230]

The thing which hurts most is that people always support the narcissistic if we publicly try to talk to them and they create drama. I lost many good friends bcs they all support my narcissistic ex even after i explained them about her characters.

[@SebaMillonario]

These suggestions are pure gold! I'm serious. You often don't find professionals or just random people on KZbin whose primary quest is to help and empower others in their relationship and mental health. For example, I have an office collegue at work, a woman, who I think was or still is in a kind-of-a-crush with me and I never, ever, wanted or signaled anything towards her (except being a correct and respectful person). But since a while ago, she turned into this really toxic and narcissistic person who behaves towards me always picking fights and throwing all kinds of passive-aggressive or emotional-aggressive comments, looking for any reaction from me that she can use against me again. I know all this now, thanks to your amazing videos. You are a gift! Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

[@hardywatkins7737]

She's offended that you're not interested romantically, but you know this. I've had this reaction a good number of times from women .. as soon as they realise, their mask comes off, yet no offence has been given on your part. It's all of their own making. Bruised egos.

[@beaglerescue5281]

You didn’t take the trap so now you must be punished.

[@samuelanderson2503]

I am one hundred percent sure that if you get another significant other in your life it's game over for the narcissists bless

[@gnetahnjehman4928]

I am sure some narcissists just walk away. It seems to have happened with me. I mean there were some weird interchange and then silence, and she removed me from all her social media. So I think the coast is clear. It has been a few months.

[@YoutubeBrand]

This video hit home. Boundaries are indeed offensive to the narcissist. I’ve dealt with one, and will never again. I simply cut ties because I value myself too much to have continued a relationship. Thanks to the love bombing, she was able to get a year out of me.

[@traderrick69]

Thank you, Lise, for saving me from engaging with a new woman that has me "wrapped around her finger". I have to remind myself that my life is uncomplicated right now so I don't want to screw that up by falling for a narcissist!

[@Rabswood296]

Best thing to do is get out and no contact. Make a clean break.

[@clintonnagy1662]

I live simple also... To complicate my life right now would be suicide. She wanted to be married but she has a narc son, and I'm NOT gonna sacrifice my peace to be engaged in that hopelessness. She was entitled to think she was the queen and her husband is to serve her....Hmmm...." good luck with that ".

[@LanLe-rz4lm]

If someone insulted my cooking, I'd just say, "so you enjoyed it that much, that you kept eating it? i must be the best bad cook around" or "Oh, yeah? Thanks! It took me a long time to finally make a bad dish! I don't believe it; All right, high 5 right here! Aren't you excited?! Hey, we've gotta tell everybody what you said, you're the Best! I knew I had some reason for keeping you around!"

[@afcafavec]

Yes they do double down when you draw boundaries. You always need to be on guard when around them.

[@clintonnagy1662]

They are first to point out the flaws of their exes, but eventually you will see those flaws are the ones that fall on themselves. It's crazy.

[@realjordanbelfort]

this is so true. calm while they kept getting more and more belligerent

[@blakcanis]

Excellent discussion and spot on. Complete no contact is the best route and if you can't,grayrock, its easier said than done like you mentioned but it gets easier with time learning that technique as one heals. There's really no sense in trying to beat them at their own game, they've had more experience and they thrive on it, they love the mud. They're like a predator, they know exactly what your vulnerabilities are and will exploit it to their advantage. If they can dysregulate your emotions, they'll yake you down. The best is not to play and focus on yourself and healing, thats how you truly win.🕊

[@madaxe4787]

This is so hard to do with a co-parent 😩. Thank you for your content. Edit: I will try to implement this. Stone cold Pokerface. It's very helpful. Thanks again

[@mentlinc]

If you are in a relationship with a Narcisisst try keeping a log. Log everytime they hurt you. Let a month go by. Look at the log and the pattern should tell you everything you need to know.

[@aratneerg3699]

First time i have heard somebody say use your internal voice and label the behavior. You are absolutely the tool master and instructure. Keep up the fantastic work. Thanks so much.

[@dunnaschick]

I'm having this problem with a boss... I figured it out too late. Now I'm stuck going through the workplace motions until I can find somewhere else safer and before they push me out.

[@CoolCritter]

I've used the agreement method before. My girlfriend would list all the ways that I'm an awful person, so I would say look let's just accept all that is true, we should definitely break up...because all that is awful.

[@clintonnagy1662]

I tried that but she would double back and say " you don't understand what I'm saying. You always want to end things when I'm the one who is suffering". It's utter insanity to comprehend her way of thinking. It's her way of stringing me along.

[@carlarankel5663]

They love getting people upset

[@padmethecat2176]

Thank you for being here. It's so hard to understand someone who doesn't have empathy. It's so hard to beg for empathy but, only end up thinking yourself is in the wrong for wanting it for so long. You are helping me heal. I appreciate you.

[@terrid.9204]

I am 66 years old, and there has never been a time that there was not a narcissist in my life. My grandmother was one. Others came and went, but my only child is a malignant narcissist.

[@garyr1934]

I’m so sorry Terri

[@dontbelongherefromanotherp9807]

I believe everyone has or currently having an experience with a narc. Narcs are everywhere.

[@stormchild831]

These evil creatures appear to be everywhere..It's like living in a real life horror story ! Whatever the case, hold true to the beauty within your own heart.... torn and wounded though you may be by way of their words ,schemes and misdemeanors ... Yet, they can ~Never, truly succeed in their objectives.... For Truth, Love, and Pureness of Heart within the target wins through in the end..No matter what ..and is FOREVER .....

[@garyr1934]

@@stormchild831 this is the single best response I’ve read So beautifully put Thank you for the power of those words We all need to read your comment

[@stormchild831]

@@garyr1934 Thank you for the feedback, it's appreciated ...

[@iamjustsaying4787]

He will confess to everything while in therapy. Express regret and guilty. Then the next day tell me I’m crazy, he never said any of those things and if he did he was only telling the therapist what they want to hear.

[@michaelgordon264]

It's like you're reading my mind. My ex is a narcissist and I'm in her cross hairs even now. I can sense her getting worse. It's actually kind of scary. (I subscribed, btw😊👍)

[@summit720]

Wow mind blowing information I’ve been falling for her narcissistic tactics for the last 15 years and didn’t even realize it. I am awake now. Thank you. 🙏

[@Eck1876]

Having been compared to her exes, behavior that I am doing that I am now aware of now questioning my own actions, any sort of counter-argument is seen as projecting and again being proof that I am in the wrong, damned if I do damned if I don't, only course accept the accusations at me until the next drama or walk away.

[@clintonnagy1662]

Uhg....I hate being compared to her exes...what they did right...what they did wrong. Then she needs validation on how good she was after sex....blah, blah, blah....

[@strykerthepsycher8412]

Yes, this is so true! I always tell people to sarcastically agree with them. Narcissist Mother to Daughter: "You are so stupid and worthless". Daughter: "Ok so I'm stupid and worthless, I guess you're just not good at making babies". Always a great response.

[@manuellee6873]

I have wife that to the things to me.

[@HeavenlyLights]

WOW. Touché🏆

[@Ran_Sim_Pro]

Thank you, Lise! You helped me to figure out the exact cause of her cheat after 9 years of happy relationship. Maybe I was in a state of trauma bonding and was constantly being manipulated. Each time I tried to discuss something new and healthy, she caught me badly and either gave me silent treatment or started blaming me. Now, finally, she cheated. I cried a lot to seek her support, but she was so cool, and she did not bother at all. Now I realized that she was gaslighting since day one, she lies on my face, she manipulates and even after cheating she is blaming me for it. Oh my God! These people are not at all loyal. They live in their fantasy world, and they just make unrealistic targets. I have experienced all this, and now I can see it so clearly. Thanks again, Lise, for helping me in figuring it out.

[@KK-ri2gu]

Yep yep yep same here so sad what a life I have been through for over 30 years

[@frettystories]

I've seen a lot of people make videos about talking about narcissist traits and what not. I would hope that someone would make a video on how to GET OVER a narcissist. This seems to be the toughest part in my experience.

[@jdp2671]

She was a female narcissist?

[@frettystories]

@@jdp2671 Yes.

[@noelcummins9712]

This describes a relative of mine to a tee. It's very hard not to react..but if one can learn, one will be a master of his/her emotions. Easier said than done, but practice makes perfect!

[@billiecrouse8002]

my God! how honest can you get. my strategy was to clear out, to remove my physical being from their presence. thank you

[@joannetullini6814]

Brilliant advice. Keep in mind the narc is an injured puppy with severe trust and self esteem issues. You must be the adult. No contact is the only way to go. You can love your child unconditionally in subtle ways. Your strength is your power.

[@burltube]

Its Hell on Earth dealing with a narcissist but easily accusing someone of it is wrong because none of us are perfect. A real narcissist is not just a flawed individual but a very deceived one.

[@miketexas4549]

They aren't humans, they're demons in human suits. Your comment leads me to believe that you've never actually dealt with one.

[@ampo9285]

Ill add one more messed up combo. Its true that the narcissist is really good at readying body language and everything else. My ex narcissistic gf was also a trained investigator/interrogation expert as it was her job. I even had a convo with her where she explained a good amount of things that she would do and look out for.

[@howlinjohnnya.1129]

Lisa...Thank you for all you share. These videos have been a Godsend to help me manage through my situation. Being able to recognize the bait and not coming off a level of calm has been a character strength building program for me. The hardest part is planting my feet, you've helped me tie my shoes. I'm grateful. 🤙✌️

[@Socoolral]

My experience was eye opening. Stay healthy and safe inside your body 😉🤙🏼