Live Edit: There's a twist at the end....

[@nessie968]

Love those live edits! So helpful! ❤

[@scorchgardenultrahothotsau7919]

You are the only person who has ever mentioned the order of adjectives aside from a PBS show I saw back in the late seventies.

[@zerherdal8518]

One thing that could help making a dream sequence work, if you don't want the reader to know it's a dream right away, is to use foreshadowing. The dream could gradually become more surreal, and the real world senses seeps into the dream, the events adapting to those senses. E.g. The mist smells like smoke and once he wakes up the house is on fire, and his mother has just thrown a bucket of water on his face.

[@elchiponr1]

Allegro and loch, on the same page... I would hardly put them in the same book... Someone went haywire with synonym google searches.

[@LeVosgienLVHLS]

First, I love these videos. Now, while not being sure if we're implicitly welcome to offer our own suggestions (if not, feel free to disregard or even warn me ;) ) I'd humbly propose the following for line 20+ Prompted by your exchange, and supporting that "exploring" was indeed a rather vague verb. - "Nosing", is more powerful but I have to agree with Drake (hopefully I got his meaning right), as it sounds... sort of dissonant with a head raised high. So, how about ""Head raised high, it _peered_ (or another word suggesting its intimidating/searching eyes) through the mist." - Also, if we aim for stronger verbs, "using" (powerful undulations etc) might benefit from a substitute suggesting the monster prowess and focus. Or even by just getting rid of the verb. "The hybrid monster swam eel-like (*) , through lithe but powerful undulations. - (*) "eel-like" miiiiight be a tad redundant with my suggestion though ("lithe but powerful undulations"), or not... as it's evocative of its weird body shape too, maybe?

[@LeVosgienLVHLS]

a bit below... I'm not really fond of reusing "swam" so soon. Maybe "the monster sliced the waters..." (I've read that for descriptions of shark attacks , btw)

[@zerherdal8518]

@@LeVosgienLVHLS Could use "slithered" to describe how it moves maybe.

[@releasingyourinnerdragon]

Suggestions always welcome :D That's half the fun.