Living With ASPD - Q&A (AMA) | SocioPathos

[@SocioPathos]

Next time I do a Q&A, I'll try to make it roughly 10 minutes for easier viewing. This was just to get through a BUNCH of stuff which I really appreciated, so everyone who asked questions, you're a bunch of legends, thank you all :) Edit: At 4:26 I said I was diagnosed by my therapist. This is both impossible and untrue. Only a psychiatrist can diagnose ASPD (at least to my knowledge), and my therapist only implied I may have it. Sorry about the misinfo; I'll blame it on the all-nighter lmao

[@jiltedlittle6868]

I just want to say that as someone else with ASPD I appreciated how much you went in to depth with this video. I valued your insights, as I could finally relate to somebody other than myself. It was not difficult for me to sit through the entirety of your video - which I’m sure you understand is saying something. While this remains to be both intriguing and informative for ‘neurotypicals’, I want you to know how much it makes a difference to those of us who are living through the same type of thought process/behavior patterns

[@kevinclark2566]

Is it true all sociopaths are also narcissistic?

[@arc6298]

Therapists in the US have the ability to diagnose any mental illness. This includes personality disorders. Certain tests can only be administered by psychiatrists/psychologists and some therapists refuse to diagnose without certain testing.

[@fin183]

@@kevinclark2566 narcissism is definitely a symptom of aspd but not all sociopaths are narcissistic. You don't have to have ALL the possible symptoms to be diagnosed.

[@kkkarlin]

@@kevinclark2566 i think some sociopaths are but not all.

[@meanymouse]

"I'll take their sadness that I'm witnessing them feel, and I'll inject it into my brain in a way, and then just boost my sadness level." That, is empathy! And while it is learned behavior for you, vs. intrinsic, it still is empathy, and that's a HUGE accomplishment. Good work. Love your channel.

[@tyrozinehappykitchen]

Kind of disappointing then. I don't know how meaningful someone doing that for me would be

[@oonaghmae]

@@tyrozinehappykitchen I see it as more meaningful as that person has then made the conscious decision to empathise with and relate to you.

[@DanielDavidHanks]

To be specific, how he processes empathy would probably be considered cognitive empathy while most people have affective empathy.

[@daviedood2503]

@@DanielDavidHanks yea cognitive empathy means they cna label it properly.. Water out the eyes.. That's sadness Mouth turned up.. That's a smile equals happy. Frowed brow this is anger They have a shelf of responses to give out if they want to show cold empathy. Some have more responses than others. One can have 2 different responses for sadness and another can have 5 or 10 different ones for sadness if they're more evolved.

[@jackdavidsen6074]

@@daviedood2503 -- Your description of how sadness looks... Yes, unless the person is pretending. But ten different kinds of sadness? I'm not sure that's how it is. I think sadness is sadness, but you can feel sad for different reasons. Or Do I not understand that correctly?

[@daxwilson7991]

As someone with ASPD, I appreciate these videos. Helps people realize that we aren’t all murderers.

[@JohnDoe10350]

Why dont you murder anyone?

[@qmyzopa4142]

@@JohnDoe10350 jail ain't funny

[@viniciusnistico]

@@JohnDoe10350 Because we know it's not good to harm people. It's not like we're fucking aliens.

[@goofball2228]

Yeah

[@Hanan_00]

You guys are not humans honestly

[@stanrix]

The “love” topic is so interesting. I can be fond of individuals in my life and family and yet when they begin to annoy me or anger me, I can 100% cut them off and never miss them again. How can that be love? From the way people talk about what love feels like, I seriously feel that I’ve never experienced it in my entire 36 years.

[@H-TownGamer]

Its like if something happened to them you would not be able to live. or that you would throw yourself in front of a car for them. It’s like a feeling of over coming emotion feeling you are super happy but also could cry at the same time. It’s definitely the most powerful and complex emotion

[@bengyman2]

I feel you on this one. Love is the hardest thing to try to feel. It’s so hard to do. Maybe one day

[@ashschramm6595]

I've always been like that. My best friend has told me that she's always found my ability to entirely cut someone out at the drop of a hat to be wild. I've usually done it when that person (if they're an acquaintance, a friend, etc.) either angers or annoys me and I completely stop thinking about them or caring about them. I've never felt love, and how he answered his question regarding family and the concept of love is something I 100% relate to. I don't understand it. It's such a weird concept and knowing that he and others feel like that is validating.

[@fatucha5621]

Im autistic, not aspd. Dont belive them when they talk about love. Neurotypicals confuse love with attachment. I think you people with aspd dont feel attachment (?)

[@diegoa3817]

Bro me too

[@caffeinated4671]

Don't have ASPD, but I have ASD and have trouble with intrinsic empathy, like I have to imagine the consequences, how it feels for them, etc. before I can form empathy. Wouldn't say I'm free of remorse completely but I do definitely understand the consequences pretty logically, and I like the notion of leading a kind life.

[@lukapopovic6668]

What's ASD? Thank you

[@caffeinated4671]

@@lukapopovic6668 Autism Spectrum Disorder. It's not so much a lack of emotions but trouble expressing and 'getting' social empathy (empathy and compassion still exist though)

[@LivingFreeTv123]

Me too. ASD. Very relative. But I experience overwhelming emotion, instead.

[@johnvallsater9357]

Im also on the asd spectrum but Im the opposite of an asd. Highly involved in in emotions and people but I don't last long, it burns my brain out

[@lolli8956]

Mi stai simpatico!!!

[@elysiansoulenlightenment8566]

I cannot see your relationships suffering. You are very accepting of yourself, transparent and willing to grow as a person, good for you. That is amazing!

[@jiminsbff7097]

​@tr1ton it's not going to benefit him if he lies in this situation tho lmfao? Normally people with aspd only lie if it benefits them. I don't see how it's benefitting him in this situations

[@optimised.]

⁠@@jiminsbff7097He says he was diagnosed at 17 which isn't possible. Either his therapist is unqualified or he lied.

[@fizzaqureshi]

This is so weird because I am a highly sensitive person with a lot of empathy, and because of that I’ve repressed a lot of emotions and the main emotion I never really have been able to feel is anger, and I’m working through that in therapy rn. So odd that you have the exact opposite feeling! I have finally started to release my anger though, and you’re right it is such a visceral emotion! Very interesting vid

[@georgie1240]

I’m glad you’re here! Honestly, you’re the only person i’ve seen without aspd or a similar disorder who actually is supportive and understanding. It’s good to see.

[@moniquebrasil213]

Same! I hate being angry, so when I am angry I just freeze and don't talk.

[@goofball2228]

I get angry for sure and my disorders sometimes cause me to rage but I’m working on it.

[@nathant5328]

Wow, same!

[@selinaogorman8380]

Am highly sensitive to am a empathetic person I don’t tolerate toxic people still I am a kind caring person and I been careful who I allow in my life I have high levels of empathy and I enjoy it and I would not be myself without it I have it for others as well.

[@n.c.6211]

I enjoyed this video very much. People with ASPD are not all the same, unfortunately society doesn't quite get that. By the way, great name!!

[@DandyBeingTandi]

I had to laugh over the bunny "I didn't kill it!!!!" 😂😂😂

[@shannonmassa4531]

That was hilarious

[@questionablegames8288]

Hahahah same

[@aaronbones4290]

Best moment of the video 😂

[@GG-jiggles]

My eyes went wide when he said that I'm glad he confirmed lolol

[@kasondario3930]

Dunno if anyone gives a shit but if you are stoned like me atm you can stream all of the new movies and series on instaflixxer. I've been binge watching with my girlfriend recently =)

[@ameliap0ndd]

I have BPD. Really interesting to learn about other personality disorders- they all seem so similar just with small tweaks that differentiate us all.

[@Natalie-yg5rn]

Trueee

[@valleyheartxo]

Everything about ASPD is super fascinating, especially your story living with this personality disorder. I truly enjoyed the fact that you said you try to enjoy the present moment and live everyday with joy. I struggle with this, because of my generalized anxiety disorder and depression. My anxiety gets in the way of this (comparing myself always to others, worrying about the future, etc) and I fail to enjoy the time I have NOW. You opened my eyes that I need to be more mindful and logical with my intrusive anxious thoughts. You are a true example that we all make choices each day on how we want to live our life.

[@johnypanta6208]

This is very interesting! You share some amazing insights about ASPD. I've never met a self-actualised high-functioning Sociopath. (sorry I dont know if you mind be called that). "Feeling geniuenly happy when others are happy" THAT is a trait of Empathy. It's good that you were diagnosed so young and you got to learn how to adapt to your condition for the better. Your brain is still developing and you have your whole life ahead of you to practice and cultivate how to be more empathetic. You'll be alright kid...

[@aaronbones4290]

Exactly.... I am looking at this i am 25. He is 19. I wanna see him making more videos... I am looking at this cuz for the insights. I lost my train long time ago. This dude still has a chance .. genuinely wanna see him helping others in future.

[@johnypanta6208]

@@aaronbones4290 Do you have ASPD as well?

[@koroshiya_1]

I'm half way through this q&a, and I have to say; you have incredible self-awareness. A lot of people could learn from your attitude! Keep it up, mate

[@A7XDaemon]

As a sociopath, I can relate so much to this. Thanks for making these videos man.

[@deontewilliams550]

Lmao stfu

[@thelord2245]

This has made me curious I thought I was just a terrible person but I can told emotions and my empathy for others I constantly lie and manipulate people most of the time unconsciously so now I may do some investigating to see if I have anything

[@IEappy]

@AREN Doesn't get attention at home so he seeks it online.

[@PickleToothpaste]

@AREN He surely forgot to take his morning meds.

[@deontewilliams550]

@Elisabeth MacCurdy fr

[@mikewat2571]

I love this and the way you explained everything. After watching this I feel like I “get” you on a mental level

[@sarahs5340]

It’s interesting because you talk about emotions in a cerebral, logical, and measured way. For those of us with emotions (sometimes too much emotion) it’s much more emergent and impactful on our body. We literally feel emotions throughout our bodies and we often feel the emotions of other around us. I would feel cut off if I couldn’t experience my emotions and my empathy for others. I can’t control my emotions. I can hide or bury my emotions but not without a cost because often they will build up. I hope you continue to learn how to cope effectively in society. Employment can be really tough for asp. I guess sales or owning your own business can be a good thing.

[@ClaudiaWolk]

I sometimes forget i can choose to feel happy. Thank you for the reminder

[@KindlyImportant]

This is litterally me. I've suspected this diagnosis for about 6 months now through extensive research. You do a very good job explaining this. Keep doing what your doing man.

[@grimrekker2242]

I’ve read that it’s certainly possible to have anxiety and depression alongside ASPD. I have no idea what’s wrong with me but I’m never able to sympathize with other peoples’ emotions and I don’t mean this in a bad way, but I find it very hard to care about peoples’ endeavors no matter how much I want to. This makes me think I fall into this category, but I’m also haunted every day by physical anxiety symptoms / performance anxiety in social settings.

[@thebigwhite8339]

Same. I got on meds and now I feel great, if not a bit more muted/clouded than before.

[@maxdaniels3680]

I ain’t never commented on any video before but this video relates to my life so much that I’m going to get a therapist to see if I have ASPD.

[@lelouchlamperouge1804]

Think of ASPD as a gift and not a curse

[@danieltracz1800]

@@lelouchlamperouge1804 your right,you really are BUT it sometimes suck when you punch some guy in his dumb face or gona try to stroke someone to death beacause of your lacks of empathy and impulse lets say that in this situation your gona take responsibility for what you did soo that suck.

[@ps4gamer811]

@@danieltracz1800 do you have aspd?

[@spiralcat6376]

You know, I am a deeply empathetic person (To a stupid level actually because I am autistic) and I still feel some of what you are talking about when someone tells me their sad news. Like sometimes I'm exhausted from all the emotions and I was guarded but now it's like I'm an asshole if I don't drop the wall but I'm so tired that my very first emotion is annoyance. Now because I am the one people come to for empathy, I do drop it, but sometimes I have to like tell them I need a little time, go have a smoke, and come back around and give them the sincere reaction. I have also been on the other side where I don't really want to bring people down but I am drowning in my own pain and can't really help it, and it can make it hurt more if people show me I am causing them to suffer also. Honestly though, if you can't handle you can't handle it, and an empathetic person will understand and learn not to come to you with that. I have friends like that where I only come to them with my good stuff. Those are my have fun friends. They help me leave behind my shit and just have some fuckin fun. I'm a shoulder to cry on friend so for me I specifically have a group of friends that aren't looking for any of that mess, because in return I also get to have fun. Nothing wrong with letting people know what kinda friend you wanna be

[@sadiecole2597]

I have yet to be professionally diagnosed, but I've been able to relate to basically everything you're talking about. Before even learning about ASPD and Sociopathy, I've had troubles with emotions and empathy. My default emotion is a lot of irritation and most of it is derived from anger toward someone who is overly emotional. My situation is weird, and I'm not sure if anyone else experiences this the way I do, but for a long time now, I've not been able to unmask my true personality because I feel like I'm always masking for people so they won't see who I really am if that makes sense. There's some part of me that does not want to let up, that does not want to feel vulnerable, and being vulnerable both irritates me and terrifies me. Besides that, I really enjoyed learning about how you're impacted by it, so thank you for uploading this.

[@kaelin8775]

honestly i can totally relate to the being unable to mask part, im autistic and im pretty sure i have aspd, my base emotion is boredom and emptiness with a hint of depression but i mask constantly because i live with others who are abusive about me showing any emotion they dislike, everything feels fake when im alone because of it

[@sammyk707]

Tbh it is a superpower I’m so emotional my actions are based on emotions that’s really amazing

[@GoodLifeGlaucus]

I'm glad you're speaking your truth. This lifestyle is nothing to be feared. And about that dimmer switch: spot on...

[@bbyjirl]

You have a great personality, I hope you keep making videos!

[@lorenzoskaa1783]

I've never been diagnosed with ASPD, and honestly I don't think I have it, but I do struggle with affection. Many times I've asked myself if I really care about my friends/family or not, or why I tend to act differently towards them than they do with me or their own friends/family. I tend to mimic their behavior because I feel like it's what is right to do, but it doesn't come naturally to me. Talking about how you feel affection for people and animals has given me some hope that maybe I can learn to feel too.

[@drizzl8899]

It similar for me but in my childhood I had many bad experiences with people and also experienced domestic violence. Some can leave the past behind with lil scars but I think it shaped me into someone who feels very lil empathy or care towards other human beings. However I lost my dog this summer and I can honestly say I loved him with my whole hearth and I'm still not over it. Towards animals in general my emotional spectrum is totally different. So.. No I don't think I'm a sociopath just someone who had bad luck in society

[@DjAmaratziOfficial]

When you got to the loving part, that stuck with me. As someone who actually disowned my family and not once have I really felt bad about it and it seems like everyone around me just don’t understand how I can do it so easily. I guess I didn’t really love them, I love their benefit to me. When they treated me horrible they were no benefit anymore and I discarded them. Been over two years and I don’t care and I didn’t the day I told my mom I’m not gonna speak with her again. I never thought of that before really until I saw your video, like it makes sense why it was so easy for me.

[@jadi2073]

I really like your comment and I relate but kinda in the opposite sense where my family really love and support me but I feel almost nothing for them even though they are great to me but I don’t feel bad for feeling nothing. I also have ASPD and as 14 year old it’s hard because people think I’m just being a teen because if even if I tell them I’m diagnosed, they don’t understand how I could be so young without having “genuine” feelings.

[@piscer0]

you nearly perfectly described my (non)feelings towards My loving and supporting family, and i am so glad to finally see similarities in other people's experiences, so thanks a lot for sharing! i remember thinking i was adopted for several years as a teen, hoping it would explain why i didn't feel what i was "supposed" to feel, and then, i used to think it's just hormonal changes that'd pass when i "grow up" but i'm in my mid-twenties now and the non-feeling state hasn't changed at all

[@DjAmaratziOfficial]

@@piscer0 It’s funny you mentioned the adopted part. I’ve felt that too and always felt like a misfit.

[@DjAmaratziOfficial]

@@jadi2073 how can you be diagnosed at 14 with ASPD? It has a very specific requirement of being at least 18 with conduct disorder before the age of 15. I’ll guess you’re diagnosed with CD or ODD instead which usually are precursors to ASPD. Like I was ODD as a child, CD as a teen and now ASPD as an adult.

[@jadi2073]

@@DjAmaratziOfficial I’ve been so normalized with ASPD, but I meant CD, I’ve just been going to therapy since I was 8 over an incident and my therapist sees through the fact my behavior and thoughts haven’t changed, so she suspects ASPD very much, but until I’m 18 ofc it’s still unofficial

[@minablak]

Your honesty is very much appreciated. You clearly have cognitive empathy (which if we are to be perfectly honest this is the case for the majority of people nowadays - times have demanded that we all become more selfish & self-serving imho) & your level of self awareness is impressive, based solely on how young you still are. Good for you!

[@Headtalk]

I’m 25 and I’ve been trying to figure myself out for a long time, and you’re the first person I’ve ever heard mention toggleable empathy. I’ve had it forever but haven’t been able to simplify it into something I could easily explain. So thank you, you’re doing great things. Also the whole bunny thing was fucking hilarious and relatable

[@hotarupl4278]

I'm glad I found you. It is really nice to hear a perspective of an actual ASPD rather than just typical info found on websites

[@GnosticMindTrain]

I messed up my life so badly, I did something that caused me to get kicked out of high school, never graduated, can't work, I went too far down the dark rabbit hole, however, it could've been worse for me. No one online admitted to something similar I've done in the past, and while I wish I could go into it, I'm not sure if I can, I like to keep my image. I only feel bad that I can't move on with my life, but that's it. I feel like my past was justified, however, again, only feel bad that no one wants to hire me and I have to live a parasitic lifestyle with my parents.

[@Identitools]

Man, i would have never the willpower to watch 40 minutes of Q&A without a timestamp menu.

[@christina2311]

Do you find yourself unintentionally giving socially acceptable answers to questions about aspd, because of your desire to erase the stigma? As someone with an anxiety disorder, even I try to make it seem less frustrating than it actually is when I am trying to explain what it is to others, so I imagine with aspd that could be likely too.

[@willywanker5866]

Good question

[@raylaughlan5324]

I was wondering this too! Tbh if I had ASPD and had a really bad answer to a question, I would tweak my answer a little to avoid everyone in my life knowing the truth. I have BPD and I do that sometimes already, just out of shame/self defense, so I can’t imagine with ASPD

[@piotrp9154]

well i just say that i dont care usually

[@timefortee]

@emi エミ Don't you have to explain to them the difference between emotional and cognitive empathy as a consequence??

[@ashtray1647]

Because I've got BPD ASPD has confused my brain box for a while but this was a really insightful breakdown which I'm greatful for. Gotta let you know that you're something of a legend in the PD community. Your personality really shone in this video. I've dedicated my life to becoming a better person and personality disorder advocace but I've gotta say you've really got it cracked. Much love man.

[@anmayo917]

I think you're so cool for being this honest! I'm glad for you that you had the chance to have early therapy so you can lead a normal & happy life 💛

[@Deathly_Visage]

Thank you for sharing your experience and answering all those questions. I don't have ASPD, but I do experience intrusive thoughts of a highly distressing nature which sometimes tell me I'm a psychopath or sociopath. I think what makes those particular thoughts distressing is obviously the overly stigmatized view that most people have about ASPD and those with it thanks to media. As you said, everything has nuance. However, when I experience those thoughts, at their worst, my thinking turns black and white and I can't see the nuance, thus truly believing at that moment that I'm "bad". Now, logically speaking, and also according to others who've seen me in this state I'm not "bad". I guess what I'm saying is that I think the typical dehumanizing view of ASPD is harmful not only to those with ASPD but to those who may also experience similar distressing thoughts to me. It can turn into a form of self-abuse where we think that we don't deserve basic human rights due to having an accusatory bully inside our minds. Again, thank you for sharing this.

[@nunyabizness3101]

I was looking for videos to watch while pulling an allnighter to write a report, and it was really interesting to learn about ASPD! Definitely will be subscribing now, and probably watching more of these Q&As while I continue writing.

[@kkristianaa]

man ur a nicer and more loving person than me and i don’t have ASPD; i came here looking for consolation through relatability and now i feel worse like yikes what’s my deal

[@dubizingler1548]

it's not that we're cruel, we just lack empathy.

[@RICHFRVR]

@@dubizingler1548 Thank you.

[@kkristianaa]

@Josh Toweh na i’m not rude or mean either, his emotional spectrum just sounds a bit broader than mine in some aspects

[@amp4105]

That's because people who have sociopathic tendencies fake their emotions alot of the time so they come of as overtly nice and caring

[@updooteverything5932]

You need help mate, get yourself a buddy and let them honestly judge you or ask their opinion. You didn’t came across this video by sure luck but for an answer, your answer is from your past relationships. Go start there

[@bananaberry90]

This was one of the best video I can use as a point of reference… your answers sound so much like a man I am currently seeing…. It helps me a lot. Thank you. Sometimes I question in my mind why he is in a relationship with me. Because I am so full of emotions and very expressive with feelings…. I listen to so many therapists and it makes me fearful that he may get boring with me and discard me…. Because of the lack of empathy….. but after hearing you it makes me view him in a different more positive way…..glad I found this channel

[@regierse]

Yeah I definitely feel like it’s just easier to be nice to people. To some degree it makes me feel nice but mostly life is just easier when you’re nice to people because they will likely be nice to you in return. And more likely to do favours, etc.

[@mkpleco]

When I first felt anger, I was in my 20's. I thought it was amazing, and I wanted to share it with everyone. Interesting video, thanks.

[@celeste8157]

The story you told absolutely relates to my boyfriend. He will give homeless folks money, cigarettes, food (even when we don't really have it) and will give them rides to places. And he never tells anybody! It'll just come up randomly if we drive by a guy he recognizes, and I'm just sitting there like why does he not tell me these things?? I would never do any of that because I'd be way too scared, but you guys aren't afraid of anybody. Plus, if my bf picks up a hitchhiker and they try to rob him or something, he's just as happy to have to defend himself as he is to give somebody in need a ride 😅

[@delen4386]

im writing a character that has aspd and this is very helpful, keep the content

[@mrblondeheart9562]

I have ASPD too but I fall more under the psychopathic side. There was a lot of overlap but I feel as if I am significantly more manipulative and selfish. My grandiosity often gets the best of me and I completely disregard other people and their emotions. Enjoyed your video, keep em coming

[@milkandspice1074]

Don't most people disregard people's emotions? Most parents disregard their children. Employers their employees. Friends. Family members to the rest of the family. Why else are people horrible to those who are different?. I feel like aspd is sort of a general trait. At least in the experiences I have had in my life.

[@komatsu8169]

How are you like in relationships? Do you fall in love? Are you manipulative and deceitful there too? Do you cheat easily?

[@Mister_O781]

You said you were diagnosed at 17, I thought you could not be diagnosed with ASPD before the age of 18 Can you elaborate

[@Louie_Batton]

You can be diagnosed actually very early I was diagnosed at 10

[@Mister_O781]

Nightbot As i understand it, here in the United States you cannot be officially diagnosed as ASPD on paper until 18 years of age, I have heard of individuals with aspd being diagnosed with conduct disorder before 18 but never ASPD itself, although their therapist may have expressed belief that said individual was a sociopath/psychopath or had strong sociopathic/psychopathic traits That is all I mean

[@NoLimitJoseph]

I’m diagnosed with adhd and conduct disorder with major depression so yes I can definitely back you up my therapist does not want to diagnose me due to stigma and just wants to help me manage symptoms

[@DandyBeingTandi]

@@Mister_O781 I've worked in a psychiatrist office and I did see the doctor suspect ASPD under 17 (they would be 99% sure) so they would go ahead and begin treatment/therapy even they couldn't technically diagnose them officially. I think this is what he is referring to. Basically you know what you have but not it's not on paper

[@carism9778]

You can be diagnosed in adolescence as well. I am fifteen- sixteen and a high functioning psychopath

[@altunahaliti3376]

I lack emotions like CRAZY and i feel the same as you, your video definetely made me feel... not alone i guess, but i dont wanna talk to my parents about this cuz i think they will not support me and they'll think im crazy.

[@brandtgill2601]

Love... I think I've felt it for one person. Though it was unhealthy and rather obsessive in nature. I also care about my parents, but same, if they were to do anything majorly controlling such as threaten to cut my free college id likely stop talking to them... good way to think about it. I like them, they are good people, and care for me, but I don't think of them for weeks at a time and have little to no desire to be around them.

[@christiangasior4244]

“I’m gonna stick it in the front”

[@strawberry444]

Please post more!!

[@janaisonsantos8062]

Hello.

[@julxxtt]

I agree sadness is hard to bring out. It’s so hard for me to feel sad. I can only manage to get a tear but I just snap out and get tired of trying and move on with my day. Happiness is super easy to achieve. But for me anger is actually still pretty hard for me to feel. I tell myself in frustrated about not feeling it but then again I don’t feel actual frustration. But i know I want to be. It’s so bothersome. I actually like feeling emotion it’s so exciting

[@danieltracz1800]

I just feel lonely but not sad my sadness or other bad emotion is changing to anger

[@danieltracz1800]

Idk is this a part of ASPD im also not an adault im almost 17 and i wasn't diagnosed.Therapist just said that i have lots of those traits and i feel that im loosing control of my self really quickly nobody know that when i was only 13 i wanted to stab someone to death beacause he pissed me of i almost did it but someone stoped me from it and never honestly though about it it was yers ago didin't even manchened with my doctor but when they stoped me i did tried to feel bad for what ive done and it worked out but i reality i felt nothingbad in it it.Im probably waisting your time but just wanted to know from ASPD do i really can have ASPD beacause i don't want to be pur in a prison for murdering someone ty.

[@julxxtt]

@@danieltracz1800 well I can’t really say either. I’m actually around your age. You see a therapist which means you have someone to help you out. You should talk about it more to your therapist. Tell them that. I’m sure they can help out more than I can:)

[@danieltracz1800]

@@julxxtt oh ok i mean maybe its a good time to mention it how you living in society then

[@jasonandrews1840]

I havent been tested yet for aspd but the stories of your life have been exactly like my personal experience with this whole thing P.S im only 14

[@thecrippledmiracle3280]

You just took the words out of my mouth.

[@TheSevenCrowned]

​ @The Crippled Miracle You may or may not have ASPD, but have you also looked into alexithymia? I used to think I might be a psychopath, but then later learned I'm autistic with alexithymia. Having talked to other autistic people, it seems to be a common thing to think we may be sociopaths or psychopaths. The basis for this is feeling different from other people, fluctuating/circumstantial empathy, lack of affect display, lack of emotional reactivity in groups, the need to act up our emotions to be socially appropriate, etc.

[@goofball2228]

Maybe you have Conduct disorder? It’s a precursor for ASPD and a lot of people with ASPD had Conduct disorder as children.

[@ivanstayner8818]

I grew up with a conduct disorder due to my early childhood experiences. I was diagnosed with ASPD at 18. Im a "High Functioning Sociopath" however I can, will, and have used violent or manipulative tendencies to get what I want. I personally love knowing peoples secrets so I can later gain control over them if I have too. Having control makes me feel powerful. I have cognitive empathy, but not emotional empathy. I could so easily hurt someone I care about without knowing it, unless I think about it. I cant feel guilt, shame, sadness, anxiety, depression, love, regret, or really any care for anything in my life. I dont hold sentimental value to anything. I dont hold a strong connection to really anyone. Including my parents, sibling, or friends. Iv had close relatives die, and I never even batted an eye. My relationships are incredibly transactional. You have to be able to entertain me in the way I like and in return, I will give you what you want. You give me this, ill give you that. Guess im full blown sociopath compared to this guy. Because this guy seems fairly normal to me.

[@iUnderstand]

You had me at, "I'm still wearing the same shirt, so forgive me, I'm.... a terrible human, thank you."

[@neamyro]

I don't think I have ASPD but I relate a lot to what you are saying as somone who struggles with depression. When I'm depressed I feel so dissociated from the "real" world that I don't really feel anything. I'm actually scared when somone makes me sad, cause I know that I can easily stop loving them just as I decided at the first place to do love them. That's weird actually...I feel empathy in general a lot, but sometimes it's just not there and it's kinda awkward cause I try really hard to be honest with people and I don't really like to fake it. Anyway, I think you're a good person actually cause you really try to improve yourself daily it doesn't matter if it's out of empathy or compassion or nothing but an intellectual process but it's more than what most people are willing to do.

[@sweedies822]

I applaud your honesty and taking the time to open up and make this video. It helps with giving some insight into some people we know in every day life. I challenge though if you have ever felt love because of the way you describe it.

[@nf9228]

You sound like a better person than most neurotypicals!!

[@ryanharris9585]

Hey dude where did you get this awesome background? Thanks for sharing your ASPD insights. 👍

[@SocioPathos]

All my backgrounds so far have been using Wallpaper Engine on Steam

[@meanymouse]

This is like, my third comment on your vid cause I love it so much. I relate to a lot of what you're saying. I wish it was more acceptable for people to just be themselves--like when you're talking about the funeral and how you feel happy at them, I wish that people could just let that be instead of wanting everyone to be sad/display sadness.

[@goofball2228]

I don’t have ASPD but I do have other disorders related to it and that can cause it. I honestly think anger is also my strongest emotion. I get really angry sometimes and do things I regret.

[@xan5277]

I've never been diagnosed with aspd but I'm almost completely certain I have it, along with other possible disorders. I just can't really be bothered about going and getting a diagnosis, thought about it a couple times. I'm 19, male and i agree with most of what you said though i think im more "cold." No one suspects it from me, when they meet me, though im sure they realize something is off. Most of the time im just seen as a cool, funny dude. In most new situations too people usually talk directly to me more instead of the group as a whole. Who knows, maybe it's just because im possibly narcissistic and have super high confidence. I too can change my emotions when i want. I can miss people, but it's not super strong and i can leave people and have no emotional connection to someone easily. I dont love, it's more like, i have more respect for some than others.

[@Samuel115s]

What you have is actually an advantage compared to the average person.

[@lachousalle31]

The first thing that came to my mind when I heard high functioning sociopath was Raymond Reddington in The Blacklist. Is capable of feeling a deep amount of love for a select few people(Mainly Liz) and become a calm and emotionless cold blooded killer when he needs to be.

[@slothb.0]

Your channel has helped me realize that I relate to everything your saying and for the first time I feel at home. I am definitely going to find the right therapists to help me or diagnose me.

[@acacacacacacaccaca7666]

people would never believe that i was diagnosed with aspd because how much i love fixing problems. Im always the person listening to others talk about their problems and really thinking about what they say I once got off a bus in the middle of a storm to move a tree that fell down and was blocking half the street and for a while i was the only dumbass trying to move the tree until two random passerbies joined me. There is no empathy tho, empathy is extremely rare, its like trying to fix a computer by troubleshooing soluions

[@juliesilverman5803]

Great video, really insightful. Loved the last example too! I think the next video would be really cool if you incorporate more stuff like the last story with the corner store to give all of your answers some more color

[@kake7661]

I love your videos. Thank you so much for educating us neurotypicals. Very informed. 👍

[@DadBodSwagGod]

Thanks for doing this. I'm writing a book series, and I had a eureka moment the other day when I realized that for one of the protagonists, how their friends act around them, how their parents do the same, etc, all click perfectly into place if they are literally a sociopath. I'm still waffling about the specific flavor of it that they should have ( either extremely high-functioning psychopathy, or high-functioning sociopathy, with a heaping dose of Asperger's (which I have). This is only the second one I've watched, but your videos have already been extremely helpful in humanizing the condition and telling me what they're actually like, rather than a list of stereotypes to watch out for so I don't accidentally trip on a curb and give one of them my power of attorney or some shit

[@mildacha8050]

I'm jo sociopath, but I also feel the same in funerals. Having people caring about you dying is an honour... I felt weird in my dad's funeral - I felt like I miss him but I wasn't heartbroken like everyone else. I felt grateful that he tried to be a decent father, that's all. We weren't super close, but I liked him.

[@suzannewilson1673]

Such a great vid! You are not lile what I expected at all .. you seem like a great dude.. keep up the good work

[@proudtobeAYSHUN]

i love "balls of emotion"

[@shahjmir]

This was SOO insightful

[@user-wy9fb5dp2j]

It’s so annoying how some people in the comments call this out for being fake. It always happens whenever someone does a video trying to genuinely educate people on a disorder. Like bruh, they’re not even qualified to invalidate people’s disorders they have zero understanding of

[@Michael_H_Nielsen]

Man you are awesome. Thank you for this :) Btw. Why did you feel a need to get a diagnosis. I am autistic and I did not feel like I needed a diagnosis back then :)

[@goatyjosh]

I have never been diagnosed but I’m considering it thanks for the insight

[@svire3370]

I've never really thought about myself as possibly having ASPD because I was watching shitty channels that only cover the far end of the spectrum and demonize it (Dr Ramani for example - I used to enjoy her videos when I was trying to understand my narcissistic dad, but honestly she has low empathy and she's such a showoff I started suspecting she's actually a wolf in sheep's clothing). Now when I've found your channel and Kanika Batra's channel and done some research into why I feel the way I feel and how to stop it from messing up my relationships and disrupting my daily life, I came to a hint that I might be somewhere on the Cluster B spectrum (but I feel like it could be somewhere in the middle of ASPD and BPD, or maybe ASPD + Narcissistic tendencies, because I can't be BPD clingy if it hurts my pride, and the image I project is very important to me... I used to be clingy when I was 16, but then I got badly hurt and after that I can't trust people unless I spend a shitton of time evaluating their actions and motives). I really loved how you explained emotions and anger - previously I doubted I might have ASPD because mostly articles on the internet stereotype people with ASPD as unfeeling and incapable of emotions other than anger, but I do feel emotions, I can just choose to switch them off and be analytical instead if that benefits me at that moment. For example I can be in love but as soon as I perceive it as a threat, I just switch it off because it intimidates me and I don't want to feel it, I rationalize it and put it away for a while. I do have intense emotions but I can choose not to feel them if that helps me. For example if there is something that makes me very upset I would instantly evaluate if it's beneficial for me to feel it at the time. My mom never understands this ( "How can you just not be upset?" and I always ask her "What difference does it make if you're upset now? You're just ruining your own day and nobody benefits from it and the problem doesn't disappear because you feel like this.") I do however enjoy having intense emotions while listening to music, watching movies or reading books - that is when I let it go and cry my heart out, because crying is very relieving for me (childhood trauma coping) or I choose to be very happy and hyped up and dance the daily stress away. Either way it's a conscious choice. And I do strongly relate to the duality of conscience and feeling and weighing the impact of everything. I also get the most joy when making other people happy because their happiness in turn makes me happy unlike anything else. And sometimes it is manipulative - figuring out someone's likes and dislikes so I can make something sweet and special for them in order to make them feel loved and valued. But it's never meant to harm. Usually. I'm not as altruistic as you are though and at times I become very self serving because that's a defense and self care mechanism for me. I care only about people I feel sympathy for and I feel like all people are not equal (and then I feel bad for thinking that because it's not the "Correct" way to think and it doesn't get people to like me at all, so I try to recognize and change my opinions that don't conform to expectations). The most intense emotion I've felt is anger and listening to you talk about it I noticed that it's the only emotion that doesn't bore me with time - with every other emotion I get tired or bored after a while of feeling it and I just stop (this is a mood killer in intimacy, because I can just snap out of it and leave to make myself a cup of tea because I'm just not feeling it anymore, but usually I don't do that because I feel like that would hurt my partner's feelings and neglect their needs). But with anger I can become fixated on it and it can flare up into full blown rage if I don't try to control it. Usually I do and I can very easily, unless it's because of some heavy triggers. But my anger tends to be obsessive. If I dislike something or someone, I dislike it very passionately and can choose to indulge in feeling that way. I also strongly related to the being an asshole part and then choosing not to give people any shit at all. And also about relatives dying and how to react. My grandfather died when I was 7 and I went to school and people asked me why am I so serious and thoughtful and i said my grandfather died and everyone seemed so sad and touchy and I didn't feel anything at all I was just thinking about it and that was the moment I realised you can get empathy from others if you need that, and I chose not to do that again because it seemed silly and a bit disgusting to me. Also I tend to distance myself from dying people or animals because I don't know how to react around them. I didn't visit my dying great grandmother in the hospital when I was 12 because I wanted to remember her happy and not sick. Also I really relate to your take on funerals. Maybe I'm an asshole. But I've noticed that admitting these things to myself has made me more calm and in peace with myself. Next step - finding a therapist. 😄 This was such an amazing and insightful video! Thank you so, so much! Looking forward to more videos from you!

[@jamespenrod8177]

Yes! Dr Ramani strikes me as a wolf in sheep's clothing as well. There's a look in her eyes that seems cold. I noticed that when she describes traits of psychopathy, she hardly thinks at all, but when she discusses other topics, she takes a slightly longer amount of time to think about how to answer questions. Perhaps because she has it and doesn't need to think as hard? Could just be a coincidence, but I suspect not. She also has a low blink rate. Those things in and of themselves are not enough to say, but as someone with traits of it, I recognize it in others.

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

@@jamespenrod8177 or maybe you are projecting and you don’t like her critiquing ASPD. It’s odd to hyper focus on if she’s also ASPD.

[@jamespenrod8177]

@@Coastpsych_fi99 I have ASPD, so I think I know it when I see it. Could be wrong, but doubt it. 🙃

[@twizzkäm]

Grand video. Gave valuable insight :)

[@orionis9107]

Never have I so related. damn. Good to know that you also realized that you figured out your lack of empathy when you were 8-- I did too! Also same about like. feeling bad about not having the correct emotions- I thought I didnt have aspd lol

[@sarahwilson7257]

I think I understand now,someone correct me if im wrong, but ASPD is just like having to have emotions manually, like i just have a mechanism in my brain that does if for me but people with ASPD dont have that machine they have to contiously/semi-contiously control their emotions. Thanks for this I'm very glad I have the opportunity to learn about others, and this video was very informative and thought provking video! and hey I probably spelled somthing wrong, feel free to correct me :)

[@Karzeee]

I'm very similar to this guy but I subconsciously have a need to lie especially to see people's reactions to whatever poetic story I made up and he says he doesn't do deciet and I feel like I have to in order to live, idk, if he would reply to this comment with some help or some feedback I would appritiate it, also I'm not diagnosed but I have it

[@dimsumyum8099]

Pathological liar? Maybe narcissist? You can easilly get mixed with narcissist, sociopaths, and psychos. A socio can either be or not be a narcissist. All psychos are narcissists.

[@TestChannel-cr6vx]

this is so helpful cuz ive been trying to find a sociopath for so long cuz im too curious for my own good lol

[@amerikatt]

I am NOT diagnosed at all but holy shit I relate so much

[@tooturnt8824]

would you be willing to talk about what lead you to go to therapy in the first place? I'm really interested in that because I hear most people with aspd dont tend to go to therapy willingly. I feel the same way about a lot of the things you described should I seek treatment on my own or just wait until something negative happens in my life that leads me into the direction of therapy?

[@fembot521]

Dr Dan Dungus he may not be seeng a therapist. It is very important to question everything he says.

[@tooturnt8824]

@@fembot521 I agree he may be one of the accounts who plays a psychopath/sociopath/antisocial personality for the views and attention. Its akin to those who are life coaches or even sam vaknin. I've seen these channels come and go mostly becuase they are bored or have some need to feel that their self diagnosis is true and can gain them fame or money. I've had a similar feeling about self diagnosing sociopath but i'd rather just let that be and see a mental health professional (as i am) to see if im right or misdiagnosing myself/not seeing the real problem with my therapist. So if no paperwork is shown to me I pay no attention to these videos anymore.

[@PB-ff9tj]

@@tooturnt8824 Totally right. And little of the people with personality disorders even realize their Problem in the first place. And Cluster B's especially try to manipulate the therapist. He may has gone to therapy and had psychologist, that didn't know alot about Antisocial behaviour. I stumbled over this and watching it out of the perspective that he is definetly either lying, told the therapist some shi* and he seems like he has strong NARCISSTIC traits

[@AlexG-jm7cd]

I relate completely to this. Being a girl my manipulation skill is extremely crucial to blend in

[@candyvarvel]

I can do this too, control my emotions. It is felt and I dont even have to express it. I went through a abusive crazy childhood and I say it installed a switch in there that I can adjust. Anger is the hardest to tame and my adrenaline goes through the roof. I literally get it so high I feel absolutely no pain and my strength doubles. I have no remorse BUT have a high moral compass. I call it the scientific method of fuck around and find out. If someone drives me that far, I wont ever feel sorry🤷‍♀️ but I do have strong empathy, that I can also turn off if my logical mind says to. I have a mensa card so intellect and cause and effect prevail with me. My cognitive empathy is through the roof. I could murder a bully in cold blood and feel they got what they deserved. Dexter energy I embody.

[@zenmasterjack3873]

Last sentence is a bit edge lord (no disrespect), but I had to reply as your experiences seem quite similar to mine. In particular the switch which allows for a high emotional intelligence (when desired) that can be completely shut off (also when desired). I also have this switch and called it as such even before knowing others had it also. Im not sure why Im telling you this, perhaps just for self discovery and out of curiosity. Do you find that when you do turn on that emotional switch you can be brought to tears by empathizing with others?

[@candyvarvel]

@@zenmasterjack3873 yes too much to handle a lot of the time. I wake up on days and I just feel a bubbling up of emotions and know it will be one of those days if I dont shut it off it will be overwhelming. During those periods I could see something horrible in the news and feel it so deep the pain can over take me to the point that I'm experiencing it like it happened to me. It is almost as if I keep it on I can put myself in anyone's shoes and feel it in me. It was hard for me to learn to swap it out for a dimmer switch instead of all the way off or all the way on.

[@candyvarvel]

When it is off and I'm operating in cognitive mode people perceive me as too analytical or not as warm, but it is like I'm in a mode that just wants to seek a solution to the cause of trouble people go through and guide more than feel.

[@zenmasterjack3873]

@@candyvarvel thank you for responding/elaborating. I could not have described it any better myself. I suspect we have similar brain development based on your experiences. It is comforting to know others have a similar experience to my own. What diagnosis(es) do you have or suspect if you don't mind me asking? This is all so new to me. I never bothered with understanding why I'm like this until it became a problem in my life recently.

[@twentyfirstcenturygothic]

as someone with aspd, this channel is amazing!!

[@winstonmccurley9953]

I understand why you would be annoyed for someone putting you in an uncomfortable emotional-consoling situation, but I think it's important to understand how neurotypicals *really* want someone to have a one-on-one with in horrible emotional scenarios. People don't like to suffer alone. Misery loves company, and sometimes people benefit from sharing. It may give them insights they didn't have before. I know I wouldn't want to just straight up lie to someone about how I'm feeling. I'd rather not even answer at all than be fake 😂 But that's just me.

[@kompot505]

the love question has been super pressing to me lately. i am also cluster B (BPD, i do not know if i'm comorbid) and i feel the exact same way. if someone i 'love' hurts me, i can turn on them basically instantly and completely forget all it was that made me 'love' them. if i am hurt, more specifically if something horrible is done to me, i shut off completely. however i personally still see this as love. it's a different kind to the neurotypical one, but to me it's as potent of an emotion as i can get, hence why i still tend to refer to it as love. it's like... it holds the same importance to me as it does to NTs. it's like my maximum "i care for you, i respect you, i trust you" bar. but it's not the same value as NTs - mine is capped at a different level. however, relatively, it's still the maximum for me, hence why i see it as love! i hope this makes sense?

[@sophiakitto2039]

13:53 'I DIDN'T KILL IT.. I DIDN'T KILL IT. IT DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES.'' KILLED ME ... THE FACT YOU HAD TO CLARIFY

[@ashblackwood4169]

I already have been diagnosed with bpd and I’m pretty sure I have aspd I’m not totally sure but I’m gonna bring it up to my psychologist thanks for making this video ☺️✌️

[@walkingparadox1574]

BPD's when they feel rejected or abandoned turn into secondary psychopaths although they do feel remorse and empathy but still behave in antisocial ways.

[@psychicstylist]

@@walkingparadox1574 this 💯

[@walkingparadox1574]

@@psychicstylist just like covert Narcissists turn into primary psychopaths under stress or narcissistic injury, although they don't have empathy nor remorse.. it's crazy to look at the self states from different personality disorders and realize how psychology will never be a science.

[@omoriref]

@@walkingparadox1574 That's incorrect. Psychology is a type of science. Borderlines don't "turn into secondary psychopaths" that's not a thing. Borderlines behave according to their own disorder, not some other PD. When they're rejected or abandoned, they might split, causing them to view the person rejecting or abandoning them as evil and might express rage or something else. This isn't always the case though. Borderlines actually have a lot of empathy and compassion, but people misunderstand them as evil because of their splitting and strong emotions, plus there's a huge stigma against BPD and all cluster b PDs. What you're saying is ableist and you're spreading false information and further stigmatizing mental health issues. People with BPD are very vulnerable and people who say similar things to you are making them even more vulnerable.

[@riverdale7648]

I have DID and according to my therapist one of my personalities has what seems like aspd so this is very helpful

[@amyoung101]

Seems exhausting to adapt to fit in. To not be your authentic self. I appreciate your hard work on self reflection.

[@deathwing6943]

Thank you for doing this man, really appreciate it, love your stuff👌👌

[@eenbankberoven]

I can relate to mimicking, when I was in elementary school would look at me like what the fuck? When i didn't react or do something to someone when someone is crying (once when someone threw up) because i had no idea what to do, it's not in my natural repertoire (at least back then) so then i had to learn behavior, asking if they're ok, comforting them.. it's so odd, it felt wrong at first when i trained myself to appear that I care, I do have emotional empathy but a lot if it is cognitive empathy. I just don't know how to act. I play a long when people act emotional to me but it's exhausting. I do relate to your example when a person come up to you with someone dying. I kind of keep it up to keep my relationships. However i am autistic as far as I know but I cannot 'switch' emotions like you.

[@mooshlog7725]

This is some brilliantly eye opening stuff. Thanks so much for sharing

[@user-md3is4dq2d]

30:10 I can disregard my feelings, but I feel like that's something alot of people can do. Am I a sociopath?

[@ladispute8810]

: You can try to suppress emotions but only to a certain level. It really depends on the situation. You can try to regulate your emotions but not every time. If it‘s a really bad situation and you just don‘t feel anything then maybe you are. 😅 I don‘t know.

[@moonkookie1505]

I do it most of the time and I don't have aspd

[@RICHFRVR]

There is more nuance to it than just emotional disregard. Not all sociopaths are the same.

[@wkanxvjakjajq520]

lmfao you wish

[@wkanxvjakjajq520]

@@ByMyLonely. every single edgy teenager

[@GrapeBubblegum2.0]

You have way more empathy and emotion than I do and as far I as I know I am not a sociopath 🤔

[@letsreadtextbook1687]

Someone on reddit says they're mighty jealous of you being able to effortlessly control your emotion and wish they're born with sociopath gene too lol. Is there bad effect in being sociopath that I should not be jealous about?

[@brandonjames412]

Other than the barely controllable rage at the drop of a hat, you mean? I don’t know why, but that’s the one most of us can’t seem to get a handle on. Perhaps it’s simply too primal, too pure, too evolutionarily necessary (once upon a time) for us to beat. Dopamine, also. It’s exhilarating. The nice thing about being older is that it’s mostly just yelling now, and saying things most would find awful, but it’s no longer directed at anyone specifically.

[@LoveHumanity4783]

When you have ASPD or secondary psychopathy - it is very apparent because you are different to other people. One thing that always puzzles me is how worried people are all the time - as if they believe that one day, they’ll magically stop doing this, if they just find the right combination of thoughts and yet this has virtually no relation to the reality of their existence. For example, I am two months late paying my credit card and they keep calling because they’re charging me £219. So I know that already, but somehow there’s no reason to do anything about it unless I am in the mood. I know roughly when it needs to be paid and it just vanishes when I choose not to think about - which is all the time. Essentially the fact that I could have avoided it, is as meaningless as saying that I could have avoided buying cocaine. One leads to pleasure and one to;something I have no feelings about one way or another. Unless somebody offered to pay it - which would be great. I am always here, present, involved in what I’m doing, until I’m not because it’s something else I’m supposed and therefore it makes no difference if I don’t do it because it may cause a bit of irritation, but people get irritated with me anyway and if you do what they expect, then they expect you to do that again and people never expect you to do what you want to do - so it’s no issue not doing what they expected - and if it all goes bad, then clearly it wasn’t in your future to go right - because it’s the future now, and you’re here in the present and the past is gone. It doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion, much the way all we can know is what we perceive with our senses to know - but as Kant would say, we never know the ‘thing in itself,’ much like never knowing the present we don’t have if we’d done differently - as there is on,y one present which is now.

[@annab6873]

Dude you’re awesome and more moral than most neurotypicals :)

[@immxrtalized9117]

I would recommend working out intensly if you have ASPD. It helps immensely with everything, it's a way to release anger, built up or in the moment, it improves your ability to not really manipulate, but sway society in your favour, and most of all it helps a lot with discipline. It, for me, has helped my behavior towards others, I can now value others hard-work and dedication, which, in return, has also helped me understand how other people work.

[@immxrtalized9117]

By the way, the whole love thing is a bit weird. My personal experience is that I'm overly capable of becoming obsessed with a member of the opposite gender who I find to be unique and attractive (I fall in love way too easy with them). However, I've never been able to comprehend risking myself for them, due to the other partnering thing with ASPD (I'm being vague on purpose). The whole family love thing is a weird subject, I enjoy the company of my cousin, we relate incredibly flawlessly in nearly everything, but, with the rest of my family, I wouldn't feel anything if they died in the most excruciating ways possible. It's not that they did something to me, I just simply find them to be detestable, lazy, weak, and idiotic. Note: I understand that nobody asked, but I like to write down a bit of my thoughts online rather than in my notes once in a while. I feel that once I die, people need to know why I went the route in life I did (not really a bad route, in fact, most will look at it as heroic. However, I see it as an opportunity to gain a great amount of respect, loyalty, power, wealth, and to dispose of individuals legally). Special warfare is a beautiful thing.

[@immxrtalized9117]

I would also like to ask, has anyone with ASPD also felt their anger build up over a few months, then release it uncontrollably? I generally have great control over such impulses, but fuck. Whenever that happens I just loose it and impulsively fuel my anger consciously purposely without any legitimate reason.

[@immxrtalized9117]

The bully question: As a child I was a fucking dick head, I had no control over anything and everything was completely impulsive. I can't remember anything, but what people have told me, and I'm not bullshitting when I say, I've never heard anything positive from anyone speaking about what I acted like and did as a child. I was kicked out of I believe around 6 daycares, a few classes, which, luckily, never led to suspension or expulsion, and I've had to work way too fucking hard to earn the trust and comfortability of the people who experienced my impulsive mess of a childhood. I was THE most sadistic fuck of a child, the only thing that refrained me from completely ruining my future, is my intellect. Without it, I would most definitely be dead or in prison before the age of 10.