Loneliness and Autism

[@BrianJones-ch4lp]

I understand what you're going through. I'm 37 and I've had AS my whole life. I only found out I had it at 25 but I've struggled way before then. I'm alone but the biggest challenge is feeling so misunderstood. You spend most of your life trying to make a meaningful connection and you fail everytime. It's easy to reach a point where loneliness may not be preferred but it's better than the pain that tends to come from failed relationships. It's easy for things to start weighing you down as you age. You start losing the drive to try to push through.

[@Pandora234able]

Thank you for that. I tried to accept for a long time that I’d lost likely die alone because no one ever understood me. Many connections I’ve tried to make invariably failed. Though, I learned apparently there’s a Double Empathy theory which states that neurdivergent and neurotypical people always have a breakdown of communication. It falls apart trying convey ourselves or we seem uncanny to them. In the same experiment, a group on solely neurodivergent people communicated well just as the sole neurotypical group did. It gives me hope to this day that I’m not alone.

[@ravenjoybower]

Yep, the double empathy problem is definitely a thing! I communicate and connect much more easily to other neurodivergent people than I do with neurotypical folks. But yeah. You’re definitely not alone. One of the things I’ve found helpful these days is finding creators on social media that are neurodivergent, and talk about that - and there’s a lot! Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, here as well. You can find people that talk about it regularly, and I’ve found that helpful.

[@Pandora234able]

@@ravenjoybower The caveat in real life is I feel like it’s still hard to find anyone else neurodivergent! It’s been few and far between but even then, breakdowns in communication happened for other reasons. I try not to get hopeless again about it…

[@ravenjoybower]

@@Pandora234able I feel like now I have a lot of friends that are neurodivergent - most of my close friends are. I found it helpful finding groups based around my hobbies or identities, often finding overlaps there.

[@Mok_ojin]

Can relate to things going badly friendships loneliness not feeling a part of this world an feeling different to others.

[@sheenab9007]

I needed this. I'm waiting to be evaluated for AS by a psychiatrist and I'm struggling with depression. It's been a long process. You are sweet to put this message out there. Thanks! 😊

[@ravenjoybower]

Thank you :)

[@sbsman4998]

Sincere, well done video thanks Brendan. It seems to me to be three types of "loneliness" ~~~> alone, lonely and solitude. Lonely and alone can exist when in a group indeed!! For me alone and solitude are good friends because the only way I can achieve solitude is by being alone. Why? Because the sensory input from a group of people is over-whelming and I can loose my-self-a lose of self. "Two is company, three a crowd". Now, lonely has additional components~~> guilt and shame and this leads to the same lose of self~big time. LOSE OF SELF is no small thing Brendan, since the only thing keeping our psyche from flying off into space is this sense of personal unity, a feeling of who we are and where. Therefore solitude is my base line. I may diverge and do often into the shaky world of social others but always seek and return not to shame or guilt, not to lonelenss, rather to blessed solitude and studies ~~> home of real self/world knowledge ~~ Peace Brother ~~

[@ravenjoybower]

Hey man, thanks for watching the video and for your response! For myself, I'm a bit different - though I also feel uncomfortable in big groups and many social situations, the place that I feel most at home is actually with one or two other close friends, not being by myself. I've had enough alone time for a lifetime! Seems a bit strange, I know, but that's me. But thanks for your advice :)

[@Nauct]

Thanks

[@bmanjj2]

Beautiful video my friend

[@ravenjoybower]

Thanks brother!

[@98Ashb]

Hi Brendan I work in a job I hate and have started to feel disconnected from my gf, I love her but feel empty and anxious at points and lonely, like my mind wont let me think of her, does this sound familiar?

[@ravenjoybower]

Hey Ben, working in a job you hate is unfortunately fairly standard for people with AS. It's tricky for us to find a job that fits us. Emptiness, anxiety, loneliness, and disconnection from others are unfortunately also rather standard, I'm afraid. Though, particularly in relationships, we can also have the opposite - fixation. Not having had a girlfriend myself, I can't give you too much help there, I'm afraid. But do remember that it's not just you.

[@sbsman4998]

We can be pen pals Brendan? Sometimes just having one person to relate to you is enough~~peace brother

[@patrickprendergast9589]

hi its pat anything i can do for u brenden

[@novlettemasellia]

It is impossible to me to communicate to anyone, so much different my brain works from anyone else's. My life has always been like watching a film, something I can only watch but not interact with. So I do not even understand what is the point of living, at all. One of my theories is that maybe God just uses my eyes, and the eyes of those like me, to watch the world. So no such thing as being watched even when you go to the toilet, like somebody says. But I still think it is a bit unfair. If God exist I think He should put me in contact with somebody the likes of Tony Atwood or Temple Grandin, for even just a bit of advice..

[@ravenjoybower]

Hey there. I understand that feeling of life seeming as though it's just passing before you - everyone else seems engaged in it, but you're just a watcher, an outside observer, seeing it all happen. You feel like no-one understands you, sees you, hears you. You may as well be the invisible man. That's certainly something that I've gone through before, particularly when I was younger. It was a big help for me, later understanding all this about Asperger's, because I wasn't aware of it at the time. We actually had Tony Attwood come and speak quite close to us a couple of times, and we had the opportunity to go and listen to that, which was great, and really helpful. But there's lots available online as well. Also, try to find someone to connect with, that you can talk to about things. Even just having one person helps.