Love Is Blind S3 #5 - (Good vs Great) - Therapist Reacts

[@AprilT72]

Am I crazy? I feel like Raven and Sk were sensible for taking things slow and not talking about how much they love each other every minute.

[@laursouth52]

No I agree I thought they were the strongest couple

[@chikai.3866]

I agree too! I feel like they were the most realistic and honestly the most mature this season.

[@danielmarcano3040]

Raven is a clout chaser though, she had no intention of marrying anyone so it makes sense she wanted to go slow

[@LeSexyfiish]

They were sensible for taking things slowly, but they weren't really that good of a match when it came to their life plans over the next few years. With him going to school and living on a student budget, her expecting him to pay half of her rent and not wanting to move, etc

[@AprilT72]

@@LeSexyfiish I agree

[@gloriaherrera9876]

Me sipping my tea knowing DKH has his work cut out for him this season

[@s.melonita4454]

🤣 🤣 🤣 Honestly, same.

[@JosephinePoeAP]

It's like waiting for a friend to catch up with a show you're obsessing over, you can't wait for them to get to the big stuff!

[@CapriSunSign]

💀💀💀

[@marlynsantos9677]

Bahaha yes! Also I love the DKH nickname, gonna start calling him that. 😎

[@nicky132]

@@marlynsantos9677 Me too 😀

[@eh1126]

“Colleen and Matt seem to be doing well” Narrator: soon Dr Honda will see that they were in fact not doing well

[@christirb1]

😂😂😂

[@soyandoat4106]

I am laughing so hard right now

[@tinala1014]

@@soyandoat4106 still laughing, 3 hours later!! 😂😂😂

[@Blinky.Catttt]

I lol'd 🤣

[@AlleyKat46]

Lmaooo 🤣

[@janine3664]

I felt kind of bad for Cole during the reunion. I didn't care for him much, but in real life, relationships are not often as simple as "this person is the good guy and this person is the bad guy" so for her skewed perception to be the reason he was absolutely SKEWERED on the reunion by everyone is saddening. Especially when, if you take out her perception, he wasn't even as bad as Bartisse but even Nancy had more energy for Cole than the guy who constantly made her feel "less than".

[@MrMegaRocket]

Seriously! I just finished the season so I’m super late to the game, but I felt so bad for Cole on the reunion because he was totally made out to be the villain. I’m looking at this video now and I’m like, just wait Dr. Honda lol it gets worse. Much worse. And your point about Nancy is so true. It honestly pissed me off how everybody sided with Zanab without knowing the facts, including Brennon, who only really was taking Alexa’s side, but wasn’t involved whatsoever.

[@MartieFaye]

The beginning part where you talk about Zanab and Cole were so spot on after seeing the Cuties footage 😭

[@Wc7823]

Right?!

[@rhutson85]

100% 😂

[@formerbabyfutureghost]

I relate to zanab so much - used to have that fear and anxiety in every relationship. Ironically I ended up with someone goofy like cole and it actually helped me heal a lot - his humor helped diffuse a lot of tense situations and open us both up to be receptive to love and empathy and helped me realize I can argue with someone and it not be a threat to our relationship; and that not everything needs hypervigilence and dissecting. You miss so many good things being that anxious about every little thing - I hope zanab can find someone who makes her feel safe

[@sierranyokka8435]

I hope so too. I don't think it's Cole tho.

[@dysmissme7343]

💜

[@Covers-and-Commentary]

she needs therapy she is terribly controlling and insecure. It's not Cole's fault, yes he's immature but come on she literally knit picked everything that man did. It was painful to watch

[@Covers-and-Commentary]

@@sierranyokka8435 she needs therapy! If you don’t like what I say then keep scrolling but don’t make excuses for insecure and controlling people.

[@Covers-and-Commentary]

@@sierranyokka8435 over exaggerating and making excuses for being insecure is not an explanation. Stop conflating the two. You believe her, fine that’s you. We agree to disagree. Have a good day.

[@BudoDave76]

I really appreciate your educated and neutral comments on what is being shown.

[@Nikki-lr5jn]

Zanab could be pushing Cole away because she loves him. She lost her parents at a young age, so history shows that everyone she loves end up leaving her. So although she loves him, she could be subconsciously pushing him away before he has a chance to leave .

[@dedu98]

I know youve been watching a lot of kirk hehe

[@lillytalks7084]

She has abandonment issues

[@lillytalks7084]

Literally me, pushing away the one I love the most without having to figure it

[@mollyshealingcorner]

I think this could be true, and if so, that’s really sad. Were i in her shoes, I would just be pushing Cole away because he’s Cole 😂😬

[@dazedconfuseds]

I agree. I do the same for the exact same reason. Always feel that people will eventually leave cos my parents aren't here no more

[@MariaSCarr]

Zanab lost both of her parents at such a young age, and I think that the attachment issues Kirk is talking about are spot on. She is afraid of being heartbroken again.

[@Covers-and-Commentary]

Then seeking a relationship is probably the last thing she should be doing right now until she can get help.

[@miriamcerda5642]

Thank you for uploading right when I’m about to fold some laundry

[@ashleyaubergine2610]

I laughed out loud at "Matt and Colleen seem to be doing well." Oh Dr. Honda...

[@ABC-we4gv]

Matt is dangerous. I worry for Colleen if she stays in that relationship

[@Patriciameloc]

RIGHT? hahaha

[@precia123]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@GuiltyPleasureTVyoutuber]

That made me giggle too.

[@mkaverage4773]

@@ABC-we4gv I’m genuinely afraid for when/if he sees the videos of her at the bachelorette party. Hopefully she said no so she didn’t have to deal with his anger around that.

[@AlwaysAnna77]

These are my favorite. I found your channel with the first season of LIB and I always look forward to your new videos every season

[@mkaverage4773]

14:05 I think SK was saying he wasn’t sure what raven was comfortable with so he didn’t want to be too forward. He realizes they are strangers and doesn’t want to be touching & kissing until he knows she is comfortable. Which I think is fair & considerate.

[@chipokandake]

Wow! This is why they need a great therapist like you on the show to help these couples!!, You catching on to Zanab’s struggles on how she “over interprets dangers that aren’t there” due to her abandonment and attachment issues is spot on I feel. I have done this in my romantic relationships where I interpreted my partner’s response/actions as abandoning/rejecting me when actually I was freaking out of fear of him leaving me. Literal paranoia!! And he actually cared for me deeply and I ended up hurting him by accusing him of not caring when he was trying his best to be there for me! I also feel really bad for Cole. After the reunion it’s clear that he is a bit misunderstood and the cast is so busy defending Zanab that his feelings are being disregarded. Although he made a not so good decision approaching Colleen, I feel he genuinely loves Zanab and fears her leaving him as well. So it’s understandable how he cried so much and felt heartbroken about their outcome. Plus the “cuties” clip at the reunion proves her skewed view when she recounts her experience of him. Damn, wish them both healing! Really wanted them to workout. Can’t wait to see your reaction to the reunion!

[@terrycampbell8175]

man the last clip at the end of the reunion shows they would not do well together

[@BeKindToEveryKind295]

Me too! The whole internet is like Zay is a liar and narcissistic manipulator to intentionally hurt Cole, but THATS skewed. She’s fearful and has a distorted perception. Looking forward to Dr Hondas reaction to the cuties scene

[@terrycampbell8175]

@@BeKindToEveryKind295 During the whole season I thought to myself this women truly needs counseling because she has a warped sense of what Cole is saying. And probably anyone would say. I do think Cole'S delivey could use work but his intentions were not to control her

[@sophien5416]

Yeah and what's crazy is that the brain can literally create distorted views in perception. So the person with skewed views actually believes their perception. And the person they are interacting with cannot understand what the big deal is. Everyone is attacking Zaynab as a liar, which is counter productive. She's clearly got some sort of distortion via her traumas. And poor Cole doesn't understand cause Zay, herself, is unaware.

[@STasugx]

I mean, people are still defending Zanab after her antagonistic “apology” post on IG… and I honestly can’t give a crap about her anymore. Done with her superior attitude. She has issues, yes, but it doesn’t excuse the humiliation and cruelty she put Cole through.

[@sophien5416]

I think these "dating shows/experiments" need to be held to a higher ethical standard and have these newly formed relationships be given therapy services, especially since marriage is the end game for these couples. Although as viewers we enjoy watching the train wrecks, it's more fulfilling to see these couples work through their issues together and find a happy ending. Also, the amount of pressure these people must feel by going on the show and then have their intimate moments judged by the world adds an additional layer of stress. If we are to really combat bullying, there should be more exposure to therapy on these shows (and not fake sofa "experts" that ask subjective questions). I've DM Vanessa Lachey to watch your reviews. I doubt she'll see my message but I really do hope they consult with you or someone like you on how to make the show a more ethical experience for the guests.

[@blackswan6257]

I see where you’re coming from but this is to figure out if love is truly blind. That is the whole point of the show. Are you willing to except their flaws, except their past traumas and habits, patterns going into the REAL world. And in the real world, most people don’t have therapists. I feel like that would be taking away from the ultimate test to see if love is truly blind without the help of others.

[@MeanKno]

​@@blackswan6257 But then the show is a gimmick rather than an actual attempt at setting people up for a long term relationship. The blind part of love is blind is when they are in the pods. The rest is them learning to live day to day. Since their relationship is rushed, a little extra help makes sense.

[@blackswan6257]

@@MeanKno the show is not called or really about “setting people up for a long term healthy relationship” if it happens that’s great but that’s not the test here.

[@GenXIcon]

I agree b/c they also set up the drama by having the couples even meet. Humans are curious, they spend weeks talking, OF COURSE they want to see what the others look like, and it sets up hurt and drama for the show. They don't actually care about the "experiment", the Lachey's included.

[@sayhitoashley]

I can't wait to hear your reaction to the Cuties scene at the end of the reunion.

[@eh1126]

Can’t wait for him to analyze the cooking/dinner scene between these two….oh boy

[@zombieedrea]

When I say I had to restrain myself from throwing something at my tv...

[@strawberrymatcha2307]

Zainab being so toxic

[@qiae5047]

The word toxic is so toxic

[@sophien5416]

@@strawberrymatcha2307 watching Zaynab made me feel uncomfortable as well, but I wouldn't use the word toxic. We really need to dismantle the use of that word being thrown so colloquially.

[@STasugx]

Fine. Passive aggressive… negative… energy vampire… dark cloud… unsympathetic. All words that are not toxic. 🤷‍♀️

[@DanielleMarieW]

I laughed when Kirk said “Batiste” - bless him. Nancy and someone.

[@AP-of5kj]

i used to be like zanab. thankfully, i healed most of this. it's horrible to be on both sides of this dynamic. i think i was definitely less acussatory than zanab, but me constantly worried about every little thing and interpreting things in the worst way must've been hard for the other person. also didn't help they had the avoidant attachment style lol. it was bad times for both of us but we loved each other very much. we don't talk anymore but just recently exchanged a few lovely massages. it was so great to see that we both still really care about each other, it's just that we're not in each others' life anymore and probably won't be in the future. it was good closure and it helped me a lot. could finally let it go.

[@MsBuchnerd]

I am so looking forward to your reaction on the finale and especially the reunion. Because boy oh boy did that stir up some emotions in me.

[@TheRealLastJedi721]

Yeah that brought out pain in I think all of us

[@AfterCoffeeWithJess]

I'm very appreciative learning so much about myself and my relationship from watching this show and dr kirk's reactions

[@irenalovesart4064]

Wait till you see their reunion and the little clip. Mind blown. It's very clear why HE is so confused. I was rooting for them tho

[@hollyblair5778]

My face literally looks like 😯 while watching this and listening to Dr. Kirk. This PERFECTLY describes my last two relationships..... And I would take all the blame and try harder and harder and it felt terrible. And I'm only now recognizing that there's nothing I can do if someone is going to be that hypervigilant and then that hostile. It's like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it. Especially if they aren't able to actually express what they're feeling.

[@jananussi]

I am soooo glad Dr. Honda is reacting to this!! I can't wait to watch his thoughts about the reunion

[@alexandra9944]

Lmaooo just you wait for the final Reunion episode! Zanab needs therapy. She exaggerates EVERYTHING that Cole says and filters it through her insecurities.

[@sheila3936]

💯

[@marie-soleildobie7495]

Yesssss 😮

[@blackswan6257]

YES

[@blackswan6257]

She wanted to be a victim SO BAD

[@elisabeverari]

Honestly, i'm not sure whether she wanted that from the very begining,or it started after the colleen pool fiasco, but I believe she formulated this modern fairy tale in her head in which she would be in this very toxic relationship with this sexist, abusive partner, who would hammer her down to beyond the ground, and then she would somehow perceive her real value as a woman and overcome this relationship to flourish as this secure badass independent woman... Maybe she's not that mean and the whole thing just happen to have happened that way, but since it is tv, and with Instagram there's a lot of money involved.... I don't know, I don't trust her

[@Lulu-kt6gr]

She’s an angry, manipulative liar. Everyone throws around the word gaslighting but what Zanab did to him was a perfect example of gaslighting! I even see the other women’s faces changing in this video when she speaks, as if they’ve seen the tangerine video. I’m so glad they aired that because I 100% could see through her in earlier instances. Yes he was immature at age 25 but he seems to have a good heart and he deserves an honest, open person. You dodged a bullet Cole!

[@ixizn]

The way Cole was breaking down, questioning his own reality... you could tell that was real and he genuinely never wanted to hurt her. There is a difference between a person who’s never been in a situation before, messes up, and is still remorseful when realizing mistakes have been made. Zanab on the other hand will never take responsibility for anything. It’s tragic just how clear of an example of gaslighting it was. Really sad and upsetting to see. If there is something good that comes from it, hopefully it’s that people who have never experienced real gaslighting understands that this is a perfect example of what it’s about.

[@blackswan6257]

She took any chance she could to paint him as evil!! She wanted to be a victim SO BAD. And then called him out to paint herself as the “hero” who stood up for herself in an “abusive relationship”. Disgusting.

[@Dukes-jw2jx]

She simply put him down all the time. Nothing he could say or do would ever be good enough for her. He really did try. I feel bad for him. The reunion should have been about Barf🤮tise and not so much about Cole.

[@MsAaannaaa]

I'm so sad that previous seasons always made it look like when there's not an immediate spark or whatever right when they meet, there's no future for the relationship. I can actually relate to Raven when she says she doesn't necessarily feel overly sexual in the beginning when she's getting to know someone. Same goes for me and I've been dumped so many times because people thought I wasn't interested in them even though I've told them that I just need a little more time. 🤷‍♀ It's unfortunate that too many people use this as an excuse when they're actually just being cowards & can't tell the other person that they're not interested. Because it let's all of us look bad.

[@SunshineJoleen]

I don't think we look bad because of the people who use this as an excuse. (I say 'we' because I ALSO feel extremely uncomfortable getting physical with someone based only on physical attraction and a short acquaintance). I think the reason people reject us, feel rejected by us, rush us or refuse to believe that we just need time is because most people assume that everyone functions the same. He's ready to strip naked the same night he met me, so he assumes that if I'm not ready to do that, I must not be attracted to him. Because all people have the same boundaries, right? I cannot tell you how many times men have tried to convince me to get into bed with them by saying things like I need to "Just let go." "Let yourself have fun." or "You're on holiday you're supposed to let your hair down." It never occurs to them that a casual encounter with someone I barely know is not relaxing or 'fun' to me but invasive, awkward and stressful and if I did it THEY would have fun, but I would not. Female friends aren't any better. They pathologise my need for time to get comfortable, telling me it's due to my insecurities or due to religion or due to me not liking sex. None of those things are true! I wouldn't invite someone into my home just because they were good looking and we had great conversations so to me it's logical that they also cannot come into my body or my heart that quickly.

[@MsAaannaaa]

@@SunshineJoleen I'm sure you have a point there. and I'm sorry you have to experience that. 💔

[@lesleyflores1582]

it's that stuff that made me think she might be demisexual

[@pavithrandhanraj8196]

She lied about him stopping her from eating oranges or making her change her eating habits, what a Liar!!!

[@jamiex6072]

Yep. She's totally reading things wrong the whole season.

[@cindylee7855]

Yes!! He just made a joke about not ruining her appetite before the much awaited restaurant reservations.

[@hdettore]

Loving these LIB reviews!!! 👏🏼 Can you explain more as to how Zanab nitpicking is “attacking” ? I think I’m confused by that.

[@hdettore]

Also, the way you explained “preoccupied” makes so much sense now. I never fully understood what that meant. Thanks for that explanation.

[@ff2154]

Because she won't believe him ... like he is saying that he meant the same as her Good=Great from his perspective....but it is still not good enough for her...i.e. she is creating an issue over it and that is not his intention. We should trust people if they tell us something and let it go....

[@ff2154]

Of course, we should not Trust someone if they have given us reason not to trust them...but this is like their 2nd day together so it seems odd that she is already questioning things so deeply

[@hdettore]

@@ff2154 oh yeah for sure, I agree with you there. I guess in my opinion the word attack is more viscous/aggressive. But I understand (unlike Zanab in this moment lol) that I might be misunderstanding or be skewed in my perspective with this particular word.

[@ff2154]

@@hdettore True....like she is not viciously attacking him like, heaven forbid, Angela from 90 Day 😳 This is more passive aggressive in a way, and I think even Cole eventually calls her out on it. As women, we are typically taught to be more 'classy' or passive about our issues with someone. Yea attack is a strong word....but instead of a huge gash.. its like little cuts consistently

[@sfooshy4517]

I want this couple to workout. They both seem loved starved. Zay has her walls up and Cole acts out for attention, when really they both care for eachother and can learn from one another.

[@garydunn3480]

She pick Cole for his "quirky personality" then proceeds to dismantle him. She felt like she had to get back at him and look good doing it. Hence the lies at the reunion and that horrible speach at the wedding. He has to realize that he dodged a bullet instead of list a love.

[@caromitgeige]

Wow i cant wait for Dr. Honda to react to the wedding episode…. He is so observant, he sees things that took me until the reunion to understand.

[@s.melonita4454]

Zanab and Nancy, can't wait for Dr. Kirk to riddle me them! Although I'm proud to say a few things were already in line with my lil old take on Zanab ☺️

[@rhutson85]

You’re spot on!! Bc that Cuties Scene is exactly what you’re explaining

[@JJ-ry8mn]

Zanab comes across as a stick in the mud.

[@zv7588]

Love tuning in daily 😍 thank you!

[@chewah]

Can someone please tag Zanab in this video?? Can’t wait till Dr. Honda gets to the finale 😅

[@laursouth52]

I must’ve misread everything because I felt like Raven was talking about how emotionally she was taking big leaps and the relationship was going really well. I honestly felt they were the healthiest couple.

[@jennaalden3658]

oh just wait on Nancy and Bartisse ... it's about to get juicy.

[@Nikki-lr5jn]

I can't wait to hear your thoughts on Matt💀💀. Of course Zanab and Cole.

[@lilifeingold1138]

Zanab is negative and exhausting. Cole dodged a bullet. She's unpleasant.

[@Nikki-lr5jn]

SK is so good for Raven! He's so kind and patient with her. That become my 2nd favorite couple *next to Cole and Zanab*. They have said from the start that they were going to do things their own way. I fully believe they are endgame. In the right time they will be together forever.

[@ubs16]

Hes full of crap and putting on a show. He ends up rejecting her at the altar

[@strawberrymatcha2307]

SK would be too boring for me. Yeah he looks kind, patient etc but nada affection

[@SicYennefer]

I felt iffy about him from the start. First, he said he will not impose his culture on his future wife, and then Raven was compromising on so many things with the wedding, and listening to a whole list of things she should and shouldn't do according to his mother and sister. And at the end, he said "I do not", because of his move to uni, and how she "wouldn't be flexible", AKA do what HE wants. Maybe the show was edited this way, but there was not a single conversation between them where he would state that it's an issue for him, it was always Raven (and her friends) who had doubts about long distance. (TBH Raven's take that he should pay some of her rent was ridiculous). I feel like he's one of the guys who talk about respecting women, but deep down they think they are superior, and that's why they are manipulating to get what they want.

[@onedirectionlover317]

I mean, her asking him to pay half the rent even though he wouldn't be there and talking about not wanting to downgrade her lifestyle made her seem so entitled to me though that frankly on that basis alone I think SK would be justified in saying that she was inflexible. If in their married life, something were to happen to SK and he couldn't bring in an income, then what? Her income would have to support both and it'd mean a "downgrade in lifestyle" (and ofc the other way around). And she always said things so matter-of-factly w.r.t. finance with NO room for discussion, I would've been put off SO much were I in SK's place, and considered her "inflexible", while SK always seemed open to discussion. Besides, the show never made it seem like SK demanded that Raven give up everything she wants in a wedding to accommodate his culture - I wouldn't have been keen on the turban, but there was nothing in the editing that suggested that Raven objected enough to the turban to complain to SK and he insisted on it, for example, and she did wear a Western-style dress (even though I suspect it wouldn't have been modest enough for the Nigerian culture). I have no reason to think that her compromises weren't willing compromises on her part. I was surprised that (at least in the editing), Raven didn't go into more detail with SK about the more problematic things his mom and sister said, and ask whether he expected that of her (although maybe they had that discussion off-camera). But it's possible SK would've been less intimidated by the move if things felt smoother between him and Raven before (eg. her NOT demanding he pay half her rent in Dallas). Besides, who knows how long it was before casting and him realizing that he would be moving for college? They are still dating, so the show worked in terms of them finding love and building a connection where they fell for each other without looks. It makes sense that if he had doubts leading up to it, then a move would NOT help resolve those doubts, and that he said no.

[@dauntlessmonsivaiz9960]

Okay yes please! Can you also specifically talk about when Cole asks Zinab if she is bipolar? I felt like the conversation was somewhat productive up until that point, but also just wanted some more input.

[@sophien5416]

I think lay-people have a tendency to throw out diagnosis like "bipolar" without knowing the true symptomatic expression of the word cause they don't know how to describe the presentation infront of them. Clearly Zaynab is not aware of her attachment issues and hypervigillance, and Cole is not educated enough in psychology to understand where she may have been coming from. We have a tendency to label best fits terms on people's presentations but as Dr. Honda says, "more data," is always necessary.

[@HazelDell]

He probably will when he gets to that episode.

[@BrianaAmiaka]

I just binge watched all your reactions to LIB 3 !

[@lanagustafson2905]

I can relate to Zay being moody due to the loss of her parents. I have some abandonment trauma and will often be in a horrible mood for no good reason and then I will lash out at anyone who talks to me. Can only imagine how much worse it is for her

[@pinkorganichorse]

Then she cannot be in any relationship with any person or animal.

[@SicYennefer]

@@pinkorganichorse I know what you mean, but I think it's a little too radical. The paradox is - she needs (secure) relationships to heal. Of course, she shouldn't be on this show, due to the tempo, rules, exposure, intensity; she should focus on therapy and making sure she's alright, not hurting anyone etc. We're humans, we're social creatures, we need other people.

[@pinkorganichorse]

@@SicYennefer that would be good for her but what about the other person? It is so not fair to Cole. She is not ready for any human friend. Has to stay in therapy until she can behave and be nice.

[@deeperbeauty4147]

Colleen doesn't want Matt. Look at her behavior and her reaction at the reunion and throughout the season. She not really feeling him. Just like Raven and SK. No chemistry, no attraction. Forced connection. The others were smart not going through with fake relationships and forced connections. When clearly they didn't have any real connections or attractions. " Looks Matter "

[@Peeegoska]

I understand Zanab very well, even though I see how sad it is. I am sometimes hypervigilant about stupid things like that, and then it ends up piling up and I abandon these people, even though they basically did nothing wrong. I wish Zanab will find a therapy like I did.

[@ArijanaLukic]

Zanab lost both her parents by age 12 so she suffers from a lot of abandonment. Unfortunately she is too protective due to insecurities as a result and is pushing people away from her. 💔

[@SehriHS]

She lost her dad at age 13 and mom when she was 18. She called her teenage years her "sad years"

[@LizNeptune]

Her raging insecurities… triggering. I used to be like that (half as bad I would say) and very briefly dated someone like this. It was exhausting. Didn’t make it past 2 weeks. Everything i said, he took it as a slight and was very insecure.

[@IFRSteveD]

Noooo! Don't get rid of "funny pause of the clip roulette" Dr Honda! That's one of the little joys of your videos.

[@verucabeloved1]

She reminds me of myself when I was in relationships where I didn’t really want to be. I constantly nit picked everything they did because they annoyed me and I didn’t know why. Now that I’m with someone I really love, he can do and say the same exact things and it doesn’t bother me at all because I love him and everything about him.

[@meganb6609]

I felt like Zanab and Cole were like sticks to each others flames while watching LIB.

[@lez2884]

Can you explain that phrase?

[@dedu98]

@@lez2884 stick rub against each other to create fire. Aka they trigger each other

[@jclyntoledo]

@@dedu98 Thank you!

[@lez2884]

@@dedu98 thanks

[@SH-cm5hw]

Honestly I just think she needs a more serious and emotionally mature man. Nothing wrong with that but he’s just such a goofy clown, that works for some relationships but clearly is not working in theirs. At least the way it’s been edited

[@liannna212]

She needs a therapy. Noone should be hold responsible for fixing other people's problems

[@ahmorgan]

He is immature, but she can also be a drag and incredibly naggy. For example, when he was cooking for her, her reaction would irritate even the most mature men.

[@sfooshy4517]

I think he acts immature for attention. They're both love starved.

[@SicYennefer]

@@ahmorgan I'm gonna give her a benefit of the doubt because when you are a fem person, socialized a certain way to do certain things certain way, like cleaning, cooking etc., and you are in a relationship with a masc person, also socialized a certain way, and often using weaponized incompetence against the women in your life - you have a limit. And I wonder if Cole was just goofy and childish all the time, and she was just fed up, and passive agression was the only way she knew how to communicate (it would be super interesing to dig into why is she using it, maybe she learnt it in childhood, maybe in a past relationship, maybe she is naturally this way). But I totally get why people are upset! It's just... When you're triggered and don't have the skills necessary to regulate your emotions, you cannot really help it. Obviously, it still doesn't justify hurting others.

[@sunnypie2]

I think it’s interesting that while they fight they are embracing and hugging each other 🤔

[@JDStar1295]

I think SK in general is very reserved.

[@strawberrymatcha2307]

Emotionally unavailable. He should have done a full disclosure in ref to his plans to move to California for school before wasting pple's time at LIB. I feel he was totally dishonest to Raven...what happened to "we are not basic"

[@JDStar1295]

@@strawberrymatcha2307 Sure, though I don't necessarily think the two are mutually exclusive - I say "reserved" not only based on how he is with Raven but also how he is with his family & friends. He just seems like a reserved, person in general.

[@jamalex]

Zanab lost of her parents young… so I am wondering if that is adding to her insecurity? It’s painful to watch her pushing Cole away…. But it definitely seems fear based.

[@Porcelynnn]

Yes and yes

[@safalafagins]

Please react to the kitchen scene with Cole and Zanab the day before the wedding and then the wedding itself between them and then the reunion with the tangerines footage!

[@HazelDell]

I’d like to know how pre-occupied attachment plays out in a person that lost both of their parents at a young age like Zanab has. I haven’t watched the whole video yet, and maybe you’ll address that in a later video, but this is such an interesting topic.

[@TheRealLastJedi721]

We really need you to break down the reunion man cause Zanab nah girl went outta pocket

[@kl6902]

I have a feeling she was born outta pocket.

[@pz8280]

zanab is so insecure

[@aileenubs]

I really wish Zanab would watch your videos.

[@andaredvex]

I was wishing that as well while listening to Dr. Kirk. Danielle from s2 had a way deeper understanding of her issues, and she was working hard on them, yet her marriage still fell apart. I feel like Zanab desperately needs therapy, but she might not not fully grasp the magnitude of her problems. She told the camera crew that although she obviously is pretty, guys are not hitting on her. Not on flights, not online, not anywhere. She just radiates this negative energy. In comment sections about S3, people usually diss Cole and express how he's just a douche and Zay could do so much better. In my opinion, he's trying hard to break through her defenses to have a normal relationship and she projects her insecurities on him. He's not perfect by all means, but psychologically he seems like a more well rounded individual. I'm still rooting for them, but I'm afraid they are not gonna make it.

[@aileenubs]

@@andaredvex true, what a safe thing though. I think Danielle really tried get best!

[@andaredvex]

@@aileenubs SPOILER ALERT ---- . . . So, I was just watching their wedding, and it broke my heart. I think Cole might have gone a little cold feet, she picked that up when looking at his face during the ceremony, and she blew up at the end. Became really hostile and broke it off with him to prevent him from breaking her heart. She self sabotages then builds up walls even higher than before. And that also resulted in her hurting Cole. I don't think he deserved what she was saying at all. It was awful to see him after she left him at the altar the way she did. SPOILERS OVER --- . . . I can't wait to see Dr. Kirk's take on their journey.

[@michelledig2741]

The “uh oh” got me this time 😂

[@littlebean2494]

I wonder… whats your opinion when a gf/partner asks their partner if they would like to see them and the person replies if you want? Also what if you ask yes or no (as well maybe mention it’s not a bother) and they keep saying if you want. For me, I think it’s basically saying I don’t really care to see you. I guess come if you want.

[@berlizgonzalez6736]

Same! Lol, pretty much how I interpret it

[@legzfalloffgirl5148]

I don't want to make excuses for someone who won't give a straight answer because I know that can be frustrating. My most charitable view is maybe they're afraid of being vulnerable and don't want to admit they actuslly want to be around you. But again...

[@jclyntoledo]

@@legzfalloffgirl5148 Actually yes! I used to do that to anyone I wanted to hang out with when I was younger when I was doing the invite.

[@Patriciameloc]

I used to feel like that, until my current boyfriend. He doesn't know how to be super vulnerable so he says this meaning "yes, i want to see you but i don't want to bother you asking that" -- its a lot of anxiety and fear of rejection involved. I ended up having a serious conversation with him explaining that i felt like he didn't care and that's when he explained what he meant. Everyone is different so i guess there's no rule into what the same phrase means for everyone. Now he tries to be more direct and vulnerable and i try to be more understanding and also clear when I'm confused with something he does.

[@ghostfrequencies]

i can see how it could sound that way. personally, i'm the one in my relationship who responds that way and it's 100% bc i don't want to put my partner out or make them go out of their way for me. i always want to see them, but if they're phrasing it as "do *you* want to see me?" i'm going to worry that they're visiting simply bc *i* wanted them to and i don't want to inconveinece them.

[@AlishaOutridge]

“Put paws on her Matt” and Colleen were definitely not doing well 😅

[@brynbloom5993]

Raven just absolutely strikes me as somewhere on the ace/aro spectrum. The way she talks and the things she says just seem to lean that way

[@pinkkconfetti]

I definitely got that vibe as well!!

[@mpendamziki477]

same!! a few things off the top of my head: the sex toys conversations with the other women in the pods, taking things slow with sexual intimacy & her reaction at the strip club. she also gives me big neurodivergent vibes.

[@shescalledirina]

Yes, ace here and also got that vibe.

[@alexdalton4535]

huh I dont think so, I think shes just more sexually conservative than the other women. doesnt mean shes asexual

[@anniem2777]

@@mpendamziki477 I’m autistic and loved raven from the start. I have also worked out at inappropriate times in the past because I love exercise, and it helps to calm me. No one understands it including my family who think I have a ‘problem’. But to me, it’s almost like a stim. I don’t want to diagnose anyone, but I do agree with you. I sense so neurodivergent vibes from raven. Which could explain why she was so misunderstood by a huge number of people when they began viewing the show

[@PENH5428]

You can tell when Zanab is feeling anxious or over thinking/ getting in her head by the ferocious way she licks her lips lol. It’s her tell .

[@CourtneysCockpit]

Please do the cuties fiasco and cole crying at the tell all

[@rociosegura6091]

This might be heavily related to the fact that she lost both her parents at a young age.

[@Porcelynnn]

Her trauma has a lot to do with the reason why she’s insecure and has abandonment and self-esteem issues. However, it’s not Cole’a responsibility to absolve all of that. It’s hers. She’s an adult in her 30s. It’s time to be self aware and take on the duty of working thru the trauma.

[@girlnettles]

I think Zanab is playing the “cool girl” trope. She is acting superior and so cool. She feels that Cole is more attractive than her so she is being cold towards him to “take him down a peg”.

[@lavinder11]

Yup. Super insecure and trying to make him be insecure as well.

[@JDStar1295]

I see what you mean, but that's not the cool girl trope

[@girlnettles]

@@JDStar1295 what is the cool girl trope? The girl that wear Chuck taylors and skateboards and is “not like the other girls”?

[@yoyoyo5621]

Ya she’s intimidated and not comfortable. So she acts aloof . I think I’ve done this and had othe people do this to me too when I was young. It is such a wrong move because you just come off uninterested

[@girlnettles]

@@yoyoyo5621 same here! I’ve done the aloof thing. And had it done to me. it kills any warmth or love that could grow.

[@kordaniels]

lolllll and she tryed to conviced people and lied about what Cole said. Nice to see a professionnal confirm her behavior. that is a dangerous person i knew someone like her.

[@ANON_YMOUS1111]

The good great argument can be completely avoided by asking on a scale of 1 to 10 how was last night?

[@Tyda777]

Is Zanab insecurity comes from losing her parents?

[@Porcelynnn]

Yes, a big part of it as we can tell. There could be more reasons but that’s a huge trauma

[@jenniferg3402]

The first minute of this video hit me personally 😂 like you where talking to me 😊 I’m working on it 😂

[@lior2538]

Zanab made her episodes so frustrating to watch

[@gabz49242]

Stop giving me words for how my childhood messed me up, man. Also, kindergarten boat trip sounds like just about the worst idea this century.

[@erianstone9774]

I dont remember this good/great or girly drink convo. Am i crazy???? I dont remember this at all!

[@niamhhogan9862]

Me neither!

[@Dragonpuncher123]

It’s in the show.

[@kimberlybonilla5569]

13:41 killed me 😂😂😂

[@kimbernewman6403]

Perhaps the good/great comment was how she felt after giving her backwards comments that first night (make-up, freckles) --- They aren't good for each other that's for sure....both are decent people, therapy would be great for them both to find themselves.

[@donato286]

Dr. Honda, I want to bring up one thing that I find important and maybe you can shed some light on it based on your own and experience with clients. You talk about people perhaps having a specific morning routine or being moody in the morning. I typically find this to be a valid point, but only after the initial infatuation has fizzed out and the fuzzy emotions have settled down a bit. However, in this case Zay and Cole only spent their first night together. If we presume that someone with Cole's personality is riding this wave of infatuation even after the first night, I find it difficult to imagine that the next morning he would wake up moody or prioritize his routine over continuing to roll in the sheets with his love interest and wanting to spend every second with her. Someone who would prioritize their routine after the first night is Raven, and in her case any lack of affection and moodiness shouldn't be taken personally. Cole is not the type. He just didn't find Zanab attractive enough.

[@jocegonzalez7107]

Exactly! This is indicative of the post reunion clip. She definitely creates delusions then convinces others of them which completely broke him. She had the world thinking he was a demon then said that production had proof yet the “proof” made it plain that it was all in her head. Now I question everything she has said about him.

[@ellielou52]

Zay is like my ex from college who was 10 yrs older and had TRAUMA. I was never right, he always knew more and knew better, I was always being hurtful no matter what I did... she triggers me 😆

[@trafficcontrol2420]

Zanab is a knockout! Stunning 😍

[@oksanaml9279]

Too bad she doesn't own her beauty.

[@trafficcontrol2420]

@@oksanaml9279 Right. I know looks aren't everything hence the purpose of the show. We can't control how we look but we can control how we feel about ourselves.

[@kl6902]

Unfortunately her ugly inside is more noticeable

[@oksanaml9279]

@@kl6902 we know nothing about her inside or her true personality when she's been horribly triggered by Cole, and we can't know her from just a few clips that are heavily edited. I wish people would stop having on her. Social media is being brutal.

[@Dariaaa117]

You’ll have comments on the men soon enough! 😂 Looking at Matt and Bartise here…

[@courtneyburrows9388]

Maybe it’s bc he tells her he’s not her type and there’s imo racist micro aggressions throughout

[@nellispinelli9]

Did anyone else notice that Cole is always trying to make light of the situation instead of apologizing or recognizing that he hurt her feeling with his actions. I don't think Zanab reacts in the most perfect way (but who can), but it felt loke a pattern that caused their fights to escalate the me. Anyone else or am I misinterpreting/making something out of nothing?

[@channel_osh]

Seeing the last part of the reunion changed my mind on things. At first I would agree with you and say Cole needs to grow up and hear her out but after seeing end of ep 12 and remembering this "great or good" convo I understand Cole's point of view a little more. Why should Cole apologize for thinking the day was good? Like I understand why he wouldn't apologize and just try to make the day more fun instead

[@jamiex6072]

If he had apologized in the moment it would mean that he meant something different than what he actually meant. Him saying Good vs Great. If he apologized for using the word Good what would that mean? That Zanab was right he wasn't happy? He actually was happy, apologizing in the moment would not have let her leave the argument, it would have let her win the argument.

[@rachellemichaels2374]

Imagine having to be the one who has to answer for everything the other has experienced in life , watching the reunion triggered me I'm a woman and all about how woman should be valued BUT do we just all jump in because she said so so it must be , where's the proof . Zay pushed Cole out because she can't believe she can be loved we've all been around that friend who stretches things so her girls can all be yea you right damn him BUT no I believe Cole had genuine feelings just a struggle to figure out ok so how do I make her happy the goalpost keeps moving

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

Even her face when the video freezes you can see how aggressive she is

[@Porcelynnn]

She has a permanent :( face

[@rmh8940]

I have a hard time believe Zanab's attachment comes from treatment as a child. Her parents died, so sudden abandonment, but not mistreatment. Just bringing it up because I'd be really offended if you said that and my parents died

[@jamiex6072]

Mistreatment not to the level of abuse. But Maybe feeling like an outsider amongst her new guardians. My mother lost her parents, she was raised by her grandmother and her mothers younger siblings. My mother was shown a lot of love by her grandmother, and other elders, but my mother describes feeling pitied, and also felt second rate by her aunt and uncle tha had to share their mom with her. Its not extreme mistreatment. But it's still there.

[@MeghanGraceDIY]

Oh dear just wait until you get to the craziness with Matt and Colleen and Nancy and bartise….

[@angelakadlec3437]

Both her parents died when she was an early teen Maybe that has to do with abandonment issues

[@abbiealverez2960]

Cole is not a villian, he is also damaged. Let's not do the whole I'm team Zaneb thing because she is plagued without her own flaws.

[@Elusivexox]

You should do Sister wives!!

[@teaja211]

idk id he said " it was good " maybe, but he said " it was so good" which is kinda more good than great so.. i dont know. Its a stupid thing to argue about.

[@reyesy25]

Oh Dr. Kirk the editing this season has been AWFUL. During conversation, heart to hearts, and the sequences are off.

[@nicky132]

First like & comment! 🥳

[@rachelleeden8824]

lol "have it fixed by day 4"

[@hallop2145]

My perspective on Cole and Zanab is very different from yours. I think Zanab is onto something, sensing that he is not that attracted to her and would have preferred Colleen (as he says at some point) and sees that there are little digs coming from him. Maybe she overanalyses some of his words/actions, but that is because she can feel his legit disappointment. I remember him calling her passive agressive, when she nicely asks him to not put the towel on the kitchen table. That is not only not hidden hostility, it is not hostility at all. I still agree that her way of responding to this is rooted in insecurity.

[@zv7588]

Just wanted to share my thoughts in regards to this. I feel like there's a way to ask for things and to me personally, her tone was very hostile. I wouldn't want that sort of dynamic in my relationship where shes acting like she is superior or like an authority. But that's just my take on it, your views and opinions are valid of course 😊

[@hallop2145]

@@zv7588 Have you watched the whole season or only Kirks comment? I think it's interestiing how perception can be so different, but I guess I can understand it better from only having seen this clip.

[@shescalledirina]

Nah I think is passive aggressive, Dr Honda explains more about it in one of the first reactions to MAFS. And I've been on the receiving end of that and can definitely see it. Makes you feel so small and useless and crappy and you end up walking on eggshells around that person.

[@onedirectionlover317]

It doesn't have to just be one person being wrong....Cole shouldn't have brought up the convo on how Zanab felt about the other men if he wouldn't feel inclined to give a reassuring answer when she would inevitably ask the same, but on the other hand if he had a type before, he had a type, and that doesn't mean he couldn't have loved Zanab or found her attractive. I would generally be lying if I were expected to say that I found my partner to be the most physically attractive out of all the guys I knew, but that doesn't mean I don't love them or even find them physically attractive / want them physically. So he shouldn't have created a situation where he'd have to reveal that, but also I don't think his honesty in that regard was remotely like Bartise's b/c he always followed it with sentiments to the effect of "but I love you" or "it's not a bad different" (her without makeup). Growing up, my type tended to be pale, dark-haired guys for crushes, but I ended up dating blond guys. So a different physical "type" isn't inherently a negative thing about a partner. Cole could've been a better communicator about it, but I can also see how he would get defensive. And unlike Bartiste, Cole (even when making favorable compliments about Colleen) didn't seem nearly as ambivalent about "should I have gone for Colleen" and generally seemed dedicated to being with Zanab. Conversely, while the towel thing wasn't passive aggressive, I can see how differences in mess CAN be an adjustment if you're just used to a different level of mess than a partner (and I have dealt with it myself a little). And other interactions really DID make me feel like Zanab was being passive-aggressive in a way that I would not like. I'd certainly be on guard if I were on the receiving end of that sort of tone.

[@IndigoChild1307]

@@shescalledirina what's MAFS?

[@sivasathya6928]

Zainab is toxic.. cole is one of the most honest open people I know till Now … poor guy

[@lanagustafson2905]

Cole and Zanab are so hard to watch

[@janina8559]

Zanab did nothing but Nag. What man wants that? Cole never had a chance and she is definitely Bipolar!