Love Is Blind S3 #15 - (Don't Settle For Cole) - Therapist Reacts

[@paolamori31]

Does anyone else LOVE!!! when Dr. Honda talks about his wife? He just gets a light in his eyes about her, and it is the sweetest thing ever.

[@marleyofficialmedia]

I literally just came to comment the same thing. Its so nice!!! 😀

[@adelaf7664]

Yup🥺🥺🥺

[@georgina1170]

he literally goes from 😀 to 🥺😍🥰

[@paolamori31]

@@georgina1170he sooooo does!!

[@ujin5610]

Let’s hope he’s not a Ned Fulmer 😂

[@marktaylor4977]

Lol i dont think he actually had an ex called Lily haha. Coleused the name "lily" to basically mean a white american/european girl. He is basically telling Zanab that he always KNEW she was NEVER going to be anything like the girls he had previously dated. So in other words, if he wanted the one thing, which is a Lily or "Cole-en" (as he likes to say it lmao) or wasnt open to dating someone different for the first time, he would have gone for someone who had an obvious european name.

[@ewasolovejus1039]

Cole-en hahaha 😅 well spotted (both things).

[@nnn9122]

Yes, I think that was his careless, impulsive, Cole-esque way of trying to reassure Zanab.

[@jclyntoledo]

@@nnn9122 omgosh 😂😂😂 Cole-esque

[@helenmoehn7775]

I just dont understand why Coles comment was racist or bad? Lauren said the same thing basically when she said she had only dated Black men but was basically willing to give Cameron a go. In fact i remember being seriously worried. I also doubt Zanab doesnt have a preference, i actually think she came on the show to find a white man and a white man only lol. Would she have gone for someone with a black american or african name? Cole was the most obvious white man of the season, just like Shane from last season.

[@TheMaltebella]

@@helenmoehn7775 you don't understand it because it wasn't racist. People really are just looking for any little thing to have their feelings hurt and be offended these days. It's become truly ridiculous.

[@datgirlleisha]

I think they aren’t meant for each other and they BOTH have issues like we all do. His brutal honesty and goofy demeanor is not great for Zay’s sensitive a-type personality. Due to her background I think she needs someone more nurturing. I don’t hate Cole or Zanab! They are just humans with flaws like all of us looking for the right match.

[@dariuskelleydk]

I love your maturity, a lot of people are dragging that poor man right now.

[@mimiad397]

Well said!

[@Ola_Stawinska]

Exactly! People seeme to need a villan on this story, but life is not black and white. They both did bad stuff to each other, and were just not a good match. It's not like there was a Voldemort and angel, just two regular people.

[@marleyofficialmedia]

Well said.

[@alexheldenbrand3530]

I agree, I always viewed Cole as immature not cruel. She says she loves his brutal honesty, but Cole needs to learn that all his thoughts don't need to be vocalized and words can hurt.

[@seashells1460]

I just wanted to say my 7 month old son loves you! As soon as you start talking he turns his whole body to look at you and smiles. I think it's the sweetest thing, he must love your energy and kind nature like we all do! 💜

[@blaq2handle]

Aww so cute

[@ellielou52]

It's funny that Matt tells zay that she is a beautiful woman when he freaked out, yelled, and tried to leave Colleen because "you don't tell someone else they are attractive when you have a fiance". Also he never believed Colleen about what happened and kept starting fights but the second cole talks to him he suddenly believes that Colleen didn't do anything wrong. He's a sexist manipulator and needs therapy, not a marriage!

[@bigwhy6845]

Ya imagine if Colleen had given Cole a pep talk like "You're a beautiful man! You deserve so much better!"

[@Youokhun]

I do think there’s a difference between telling someone they are handsome / beautiful versus they’re attractive or they’re you’re type. Maybe that’s just me, I think majority of humans in this world are beautiful - but I’m only properly attracted to the person I’m with.

[@ArijanaLukic]

OMG THIS!!!!!

[@jeremysmith9694]

Sorry but what Colleen did with Cole is completely different than what Matt just did with Zanab. That was not flirting. He was paying her a compliment to help her in her situation with Cole. He wasn't hitting on her. Read the room.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

@@jeremysmith9694 Yep.

[@AliciaMcIntire]

Cole seems really stuck on proving that Colleen is attractive. This could all be over if he would genuinely apologize and stop bring up that Colleen is his type in the "real world". That might be true, but he needs to keep it to himself. Also, the "Oh, so now I'm the bad guy!" tactic is pretty manipulative and guilt-trippy.

[@matthewt9386]

Should he lie?

[@marktaylor4977]

he apologied and there is nothing more Cole should or has to do. He never said Zanab wasnt pretty or that Cole was the only pretty girl there. You can find someone pretty and still not be physically attracted to them. We cant control that. If you have already adressed something and forgiven the person then bringing it up again later is just exhausting. Either you adress everything right there and then or you tell the guy that you arent ready to forgive yet and need more time

[@anita4305]

@@matthewt9386 lol be realistic. no one's partner wants to hear that sort of things time and time again. it breaks down your self-esteem each time a bit more. would you like to listen to your wife repeatedly saying how her ex was bigger and better in bed? would you be okay and say, oh well, she's just being honest. he's not being a good partner at all, like he doesn't seem to care (or is too dumb to see) that it's hurtful.

[@TheMaltebella]

He has REPEATEDLY apologized. He is ALWAYS apologizing. He apologized at the reunion and a lot of you are still claiming he did not apologize and those were crocodile tears. Jesus Christ.

[@ArijanaLukic]

Zanab is the one constantly bringing it up.

[@lilmish6809]

Cole cant even tell southasian apart from middle eastern. He kept calling zanab middleeastern and she kept correcting him she is Pakistani but he still kept making same comment. lmaoooo no wonder she was annoyed by him and thinks he is casually racist. I think this issue piled up in her head until it messed up his image so much in her mind that she was resenting him by the end. Lmaooo. If you watch cuties clip she got very defensive and irritated when he called her family middleeastern. This is the third time throughtout the course of the show it happened that we know off coz it was showed. Imagine how many times she corrected the guy and his attitude was like nonchalany about it.lmaooo. imagine a guy who says a whire girl is a solid 10 and then cant even tell brown people apart. That would centertainly make the woman of color feel like shit about herself.

[@Catsheal]

After watching this, I don’t understand how people could be on “team Cole.” He was so flippant about “yeah well Colleen and I just told each other how we felt about each other physically” okay and…what was the need? Also race does play a factor into this, like this is why many of us brown girls decide not to date white guys. Many many times, we don’t realize the hidden microaggressions from our white partners/boyfriends until after breaking up, but looking back, they were all there. And you won’t pick up on it unless you have dated white men as a woman of color and reflected on the relationship and how many times they compared you to the behavior of a white woman or how much more attractive that one white woman was

[@GoddessOfWhine]

I think Cole is confused as to how he feels about Zay. He looked certain about his feelings when he proposed. It’s hard to maintain your feelings towards someone like Zay when she can be such a pain about small things. She was upset with him over saying the day was ‘really good’ instead of ‘great’. These types of things do take a toll on you emotionally. It is like you are walking egg shells with this person. She reminds me of someone I used to date. It’s exhausting! They really push you to become a horrible person, just to prove themselves right. It’s self fulfilling prophecy at its finest.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

I do agree with that. There is a lot of things I was frustrated about watching Cole, but it was worse watching Zanab. She takes the fun out if everything.

[@ishidaya4208]

Yeah, Matt and Zay seem to look at everything Colleen and Cole do in the worst light possible. They never give the benefit of the doubt, and it just sucks all the joy out of life... The way Zay talks makes me feel exhausted, like you'd constantly need to be on eggshells around her.

[@SuperHelen1995]

about 9:40 he meant that Zanab is probably not white and blonde but more dark-skinned, her parents are from Pakistan. (obviously still very beautiful and in my opinion better looking than colleen but that's what he meant - that he knew she wouldn't be his usual preference)

[@jinx724]

To me Zay reminds me of how I use to act in relationships, fishing for compliments, acting passive aggressive "no no it's fine, it's fine" or "I'm not a knock out. I never will be" I think she's incredibly insecure and just like Colleen actually she just want to be loved by a man. Zay possibly more so because her parents are dead...

[@adelaf7664]

Crazy bc im watching this show thinking zanab is the knock out

[@KAO3265]

You’re name fits your comment 😂

[@Dauerglotzer123]

@@adelaf7664 people can convince themselves anything when insecure sadly.

[@Jean-un2or]

@@adelaf7664 I agree, she’s gorgeous. It’s normal to want a partner who finds you physically attractive, but she should work on being able to walk away from things before things implode. It felt like she was trying to convince him to like her more, but wasn’t able to.

[@Jasmin-cr9ou]

"Do you think I thought Zanab would look like the girls in my past that are named, like, Lily" The name thing (plus some other things that happen/are said in other episodes kind of hint that there may be a racial component to this as well. It sounds like Cole is saying "Obviously I knew you wouldn't look like my exes because you wouldn't be white"

[@Vasilia4]

He's not wrong

[@mariarasmussen4951]

Yes I heard it like that too.

[@Joohee4]

I felt that too with this comment, and the fact that her family refused to meet her.

[@marktaylor4977]

Its a fair comment. Zanab is still stuck on the fact that she isnt Colleen. He is basically saying that if he didnt want to date someone different or if he wasnt open to being with someone who wasnt white american or european, he wouldnt have chosen Zanab and as uncomfortable as that comment may be, its not racist or an ignorant comment to make. Now i am just assuming, but i feel as if Zanab herself might be very insecure about her ethnicity and i dont think she would care THAT much if Colleen was another fellow south asian instead of a white american girl.I found it odd how she didnt correct Cole when he basically said her family was middle eastern. People who are secure about their ethnicity would usually correct that person or even take advantage of THAT conversation to talk more about their culture...especially when the guy is discussing have TWO weddings which is something a lot of south asians, west asians, africans would love to hear when marrying interculturally

[@SonicaLuda]

Yes, that's what he meant. However, I don't think he meant it in a racist way. Just that he knew she would be different from his type and still wanted to be with her because of their connection.

[@hollyblair5778]

I don't think she's "coming at him fair" at all. She's already accusatory and defensive. "I know what you said." He says to her "I have zero feelings for her." And she says "I don't care." Why does he need to manage her insecurities? I really love this channel but I don't agree with both the most recent videos. I think it's reasonable for Colleen and Cole to be exasperated that their partners keep attacking them because of one sentence. He even says that they've talked about it extensively

[@jessiroot2200]

I agree with you!! Also, Dr. Honda frequently points out sarcasm in conversations and talks about how harmful it is, but he seems to be completely missing or misinterpreting Zanab’s sarcasm in almost EVERYTHING SHE SAYS. UGH. Lol

[@filmgirlLisa]

For me it's a little frustrating when I see men overtly come to a woman's defense to the point of being blind when that woman is exhibiting toxic behavior. I was sure he was going to jump on Zanab's initial attack and dismissal of Cole's attempts to be honest with her. Words like "toxic masculinity" from a psychologist are problematic for me.

[@Esmeralda-Bee]

Patiently waiting for Dr. Honda’s reaction to the cooking chicken/nerf gun scene 💀 It was so triggering for me

[@alexisv9387]

Her picking on Cole for everything was super triggering.

[@Esmeralda-Bee]

@@alexisv9387 yes!! And then her response to his question… (won’t spoil it) but like WHAT?! Such a big disconnect

[@shescalledirina]

Eh, I'm not getting my hopes up. It seems he completely forgot how she put him down from day 1 and turned her nose up at everything Cole. Yeah, in this scene he should have been apologizing and apologizing some more. But at the same time, I remember the reaction to the After The Altar season 1 when Gianina had similar sarcastic responses to Damian's "I'm a strong man for bringing this girl I've been flirting with to our show" and Dr H was calling her hostile and criticising her.

[@mimiad397]

That was so uncomfortable to watch

[@Ola_Stawinska]

Yeah, i was like "Zanab he is trying to do something nice for you, just sit down and enjoy it!" :D who knows maybe his way of making chicken is not so disgusting?

[@lav7161]

I can imagine Dr. Honda being drunk and annoying Cole about how to correctly pronounce Colleen to the point where a fight erupts 🤣

[@h.r.9563]

UgH that kills me culleen🤢

[@Lucinda_96]

Dr. Honda should do drunk response videos! I feel like that would be hilariously fun to watch. Like Drunk History 😅

[@jeremysmith9694]

Yeah that definitely triggered him haha

[@lav7161]

@@Lucinda_96 Great idea!... He will follow it up with an apology video the next day on the moments he went to far LOL

[@deeniesmothers9310]

Collectively, every girl and woman named Lily yells, "Don't bring me into your mess, Cole!"

[@bekiitraviskisamore6447]

😂😂

[@jclyntoledo]

😂😂 RIP the Lily's

[@Dauerglotzer123]

I mean i do understand his point even if delivered jankily

[@modernwarpaint]

Why are Colleen & Cole, after apologizing, continuing to get berated by their partners? Colleen especially seemed genuinely sorry for hurting Matt. I feel like both Zae & Matt went into this with personal insecurities, and the smallest thing triggered them to respond so harshly. The pool conversation was slightly inappropriate but it could also been seen as a public, honest short hand discussion of flattery. To a secure person, they may even find that compliment of their partner as a reflection of themselves. Zae can’t have her self esteem shattered if she went in with very little to begin with. It also irks me to see her deny anything Cole says, if anything she should believe him, as he seems to be brutally honest in the past.

[@jclyntoledo]

Omgosh thank you! Like they are treating it like they both cheated when really it was one comment that went no where bc they both agreed they are happy with their choices.

[@keegankupcakes827]

I totally get that, but I think part of the issues is a lack of adequate apologies. Dr. Honda frequently talks about what a good apology looks like and I don’t think either of them gave a good apology. Neither of them really validated the other persons feelings or worries. Another factor that is similar is when Dr. Honda talks about infidelity. While, yes, what both of them did wasn’t as serious as actually cheating I can image the hurt and distrust their partners feel from it is probably similar. That means it’s going to take lots of time to help rebuild trust (especially because they barely knew each other and had little foundation already). There are going to be times when the hurt gets re-triggered and it’s the responsibility of their partner to not get defensive, but validate and apologize again. Eventually it will get better, but one apology rarely ever “erases” all hurt.

[@JM-pg5rc]

Matt also misrepresented what Cole said.

[@theveteransergeant]

Zanab is clearly very insecure. It's important to realize this dinner party is well after their return to Dallas. So many days and conversations removed from what happened at the pool in Los Angeles. You can tell from the things that Cole says that they have been over the pool thing more than once and he has had to repeatedly reassure her that she is the only one for him. But the first thing Zanab does at this party is seek out Matt to confirm if *Matt* is still angry about the pool conversation, because if he is, it will validate her still being mad. Of course, as the audience, we know that Matt and Zanab are the two most insecure people on the show, him specifically with the way his first marriage ended in cheating and being unceremoniously dumped. Zanab looking to Matt for validation is about the worst possible advice she could get, because he is clearly wrapped up in the same self-sabotaging behavior.

[@bigwhy6845]

Colleen had fairly mild banter by the pool, while Cole continually brought up to Zay's face that he found Colleen hotter, and that Zanab isn't the "type" of girl he'd normally go for (which one could easily read as racial). But I don't think Zanab helps things by stewing in silence and expecting Cole to guess what's bothering her, especially since he's a little immature and self-centred.

[@datgirlleisha]

Matt saying Zay is beautiful isn’t remotely the same as the the conversation Colleen and Cole had. They were talking about attraction and that they would go for each other in “real life”. Completely different then complimenting someone and giving a pep talk. I will say I don’t like how Matt reacted to Colleen.

[@kristen6207]

Not to mention how he spoke to her is how a woman would speak to another women who needed a confidence boost. I was feeling "you're beautiful girl and you deserve the world!" as a hype not a come-on.

[@TheMaltebella]

I seriously doubt that Matt and Zanab wouldn't find some issue to have if it were Cole and Colleen having this discussion.

[@pistaluv]

@@TheMaltebella yes because they've showed interest in each other and told their so as well T.T

[@therealmattmendoza]

agree, one is "know your worth" the other is "yo I wish I was with you". Two very different conversations.

[@TheMaltebella]

@@therealmattmendoza two very different conversations...I agree... BUT I think Matt and Zanab would not have seen it as innocent.

[@s.melonita4454]

At this point I've just realized that the perceptions are so day and night with Cole and Zanab... that that's really the only thing left to acknowledge or discuss. I am left fascinated when stuff Zanab says is not interpreted as being tiresome, relentlessly passive-aggressive and hostile lol.

[@KM-dg7zi]

I think a lot of people are blinded by her beauty. She is super annoying and immature, there is a reason why she is single at 31. She is so passive-aggressive and nitpicks everything Cole does. He just tries to have fun and all she does is clip his wings. Then her actions on the wedding day frankly make her a monster, yet she is made out to be a hero at the reunion by her other cast mates. Ridiculous.

[@anneh4852]

Thank you for modeling healthy versions of these conversations. You're making a world of difference for your deserving listeners. 💖

[@AlwaysAnna77]

I click on these so quick. Love is blind reactions are my favorite

[@purplefiggs]

Hahaha omg same. First thing I check on my first break 😂

[@GabriellaLascano]

Same 😂😂😂

[@vajolinda]

Same!

[@monchiquita25]

I noticed these videos are becoming his most watched videos! 💚🙌🏾

[@vrichies]

Have to say I disagree with a lot of this one and the last one. I think what we saw from Matt was the beginning of a coercive control relationship. Look at how mad you made me. This is all your fault. Colleen was freezing up and had no idea what to say to his ridiculously unjustified anger. Upset would have been fine, but what he exhibited was well past that. Matt talking to Zay wasn’t about helping - he’s trying to punish Cole too. He doesn’t like that Cole is better looking, and Zay is so primed to believe the worst about Cole she listens. I think Cole should dump her and Colleen needs to get far away from Matt - he is not suitable in any kind of relationship without serious counseling. Colleen deserves better than ALL of them. I feel so bad for her, she doesn’t deserve any of what Matt has put her thru. Have only seen clips on your show, but that’s definitely the way they all seem. I’m very concerned about Colleen.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

The first time I watched it I was on Cole's and Colleen's side because why bring UP something that was already talked about. I would have been frustrated too and I don't understand why Zanab went to Matt After discussing with Colleen. It felt to me like she was looking for trouble. But Matt told her things that she did not know about so I understand why she went to confront Cole again because Mr brutaly honest failed to disclose the whole conversation and apologized for things she did not know he said. I had a problem with the fact that Cole was so willing to pacify and validate Matt's feelings while acting frustrated with Zanab and reassuring her in an unreassuring way. To me it showed that he could be sensitive while talking like he was with Matt but did not use that quality when he talked to Zanab. However Zanab does not make it easy for him either because she is not listening or believing what he says and is dismissive. So in another word they both are terrible at communicating efficiently to each other.

[@filmgirlLisa]

I could be wrong but I think with Zanab it was because they'd already talked about it so much and he hadn't had that conversation with Matt maybe. Also after that convo with Zanab he probably just needed a friend and went to make Matt one.

[@brookesmommy6176]

I think that even if he apologized and said he messed up, there would always be insecurity that he would do it again. This conversation is exhausting, which is why he's talking with such an attitude. Colleen did the same, and it's like nagging. We all talk like this when being constantly asked the same thing repeatedly.

[@mcedwards]

Yes. I thought exactly the same thing. I don't think, even if Cole said verbatim the things Dr. Honda was suggesting he should have said instead, that Zay would have been satisfied. This still would have been a fight.

[@shireenakram-boshar1856]

The name is relevant because race and racism is part of it. The difference between her and Colleen in terms of looks is primarily that she isn't white, and she feels (& is) treated as less than because of it. Similarly Nancy didn't fit Bartise's beauty standards which also were imbued with racial qualities (he wanted someone thinner, blonder, more white looking or fitting those standards).

[@suryatapamukherjee4468]

It's sad that both these brown women came back to the reunion with blonde highlights

[@JM-pg5rc]

Are we not going to acknowledge that Matt misrepresented what happened?

[@hannelinorrgard2403]

He was saying he figured she wouldn't be white, and that isn't racist. He's a white guy who lives in Texas, why would anyone be surprised he's only dated white girls before? The only people I've dated have been Hispanic and Filipino, and that doesn't mean I'm racist towards other races.

[@pistaluv]

colleen told matt about her convo with cole, cole on the other hand only told zanab he thought she was a 9 in comparison. The fact that she had to hear about the convo from matt in addition to him getting defensive about his actions, time and again, is wild to me, idk maybe theres a cultural barrier and im missing something with cole but i would take that as a betrayal/lie by omission :/ also they keep talking about love but wheres the compassion and kindness?

[@mkaverage4773]

I can’t tell if Cole just doesn’t understand social cues & sarcasm or if he is genuinely an asshole. When she says “oh yeah I really love the honesty.” Does he not understand that she isn’t really being serious & he’s hurting her. Or when she asks if he’s attracted to anyone else that doesn’t usually mean, “yes tell me I am a 9/10 & other women are a 10/10” like “yeah other girls are pretty but you’re gorgeous” would have been fine. There are so many instances where I’m wondering if he understands that she’s being sarcastic & he shouldn’t say exactly what he is thinking.

[@Jean-un2or]

He’s lacked tact when it comes to talking with women on this show and has shown that time and time again. Imo, he’s kind of an asshole 😅 who doesn’t see it himself, or just doesn’t care

[@filmgirlLisa]

I dunno. I just think if we are asking men to be accountable for what they do then we should at least be accountable to what we say. If she really loves honesty then she needs to be prepared for honestly that she doesn't like. It shouldn't be Cole's responsibility to get out the code book to interpret what she really means by her words. Say what you mean. If you want someone to make you feel like a "10" then say that, but don't ask and then expect him to come up with the "right'" answer even if it's not the true answer. She wasn't being sarcastic. What she wanted was for him to say "you're a 10 to me" and that's not the man he is...or at least that's not the man he was after meeting her for 1 day. And she needs to be willing to learn the man she's talking to.

[@jigglehugs]

Why was it ok for matt to tell her she’s a beautiful woman after exploding on Colleen for telling Cole he’s a good looking guy?

[@DodoToutDoux]

I thin it’s because he wanted to reassure her because he noticed how sad she was.

[@paf2587]

Context is different.

[@reyfin4922]

Omg I ran to the comments section so quick when I heard him say that 💀

[@datgirlleisha]

He didn’t say he was attracted to her and that he would be interested in her in “real life” so in my opinion it’s very different from what Colleen said. I still think he was little over dramatic about the situation.

[@02biddle]

he never proposed to her

[@brookcty]

He's not sorry at all, if he was then why did Matt have to tell her what went down? Colleen went straight to her fiance and told him what happened the day after. Zay is finding everything out weeks later and the first thing Cole does is go into defensive mode. Zay just got confirmation of what she felt about Cole for weeks so no wonder she's done.

[@donato286]

Intuition! Zanab felt all along there was more to the story. And there indeed was, which - I absolutely agree - gives her every reason to dig the story back up. The guy avoids any form of accountability for his actions and apologizes for the sake of removing the metaphorical target that Zanab has on his back, not for the sake of giving Zanab what she needs. Because giving the partner what they need is done the way Dr. Honda described multiple times.

[@tulip5210]

I think they did talk about it but he probably was more vague. Bc he does say we have brought this up extensively which indicates they did have this conversation before. Also note Matt VERY LIKELY interpreted it with his insecurities and made it sound worse then it was. At that time he had not been reassured yet. Note that Matt is a third party source not a first party source.

[@brookcty]

@@tulip5210 What it sounded like to me was that he told her about finding Colleen attractive and telling Zay she finds her to be a 10 but he doesn't want her because they don't have an emotional connection. He never told her about their conversation where he hits on her because if he did we would've saw Zay have a total meltdown believe that. Her saying "Matt told me what you said to Colleen" was proof of that.

[@lez2884]

@@brookcty I agree with you. If you look back in episode 6 he looks super nervous when the host brings up the situation between Matt and Colleen. I think she saw them talking that is why she asked the rating question because of her intuition that he was flirting. Cole told her part of the truth until he apologized in episode 8. Colleen told Zay the exact thing that happened that night at the bar then she went to Matt to discuss. Matt embellished. She did not know Cole shot his shot, because he was more than flirting. That is why he was so defensive that night. She caught him in a half truth. For somebody that is so honesty according to the internet he was real quick to leave out details. I will never understand his motivation she gave him an out several times and why not leave, if you don't love her and don't find her attractive.

[@donato286]

Cole: 11:14 I'm attracted to Zay and I have no feelings for Colleen 14:18 I'm more attracted to you than I am her now Instead of saying what she said next, here Zanab should've said - that's what I mean when I say I don't want this kind of relationship with you. It's the kind of relationship where you're also attracted to her and now I need to think how much you're attracted to her vs. me while you know I'm 100% into you. It would've been totally legitimate. I find Cole triggering because he seems to keep trying to persuade Zanab to get over this inequality, which I don't think can exist in a healthy relationship. You have to be into each other, so there is a sense of reciprocity. This doesn't mean you're totally oblivious to other people, but there is a limit to this that Cole crossed (by engaging Colleen in the conversation, flirtatiously telling her that he was attracted to her and that he'd gone for her, had they met in real life). Zanab just needs that much self-esteem to be able to say - listen, there's no one else I'm attracted to but you, and I don't feel comfortable being in a relationship where I'm not getting this reciprocated. But as Dr. Honda said, who knows what the contract stipulates. They need at least 10 juicy episodes per season.

[@tulip5210]

I mean Nancy said that essentially to bartise so I think she could of said that to him bc it wasn’t really a direct break up. Their allowed to secretly break up tho 😭 just play on the cameras.

[@tulip5210]

17:26 that is what I feel too, they just aren't compatable, with someone that is more compatable they would both be more healing to that person rather then hurting each other.

[@martag825]

Those reactions are so good, thank you so much for the content dr Honda! I find it really difficult to read to read other people and also to express my feelings, so I really appreciate the breakdown of the conversations we see there, the "why did this conversation went bad" part but also the "what could this person say to make it better" part.

[@vajolinda]

I was not a fan of Zanab during the season at all. Her critical comments were sort of triggering for me. BUT I do feel bad for how much she is being crucified after the cuties scene on reddit. She was definitely not the only one in the relationship with toxic behavior. The way she is being dragged now feels misogynistic.

[@wackybrattyx]

Not the “only”? Only Cole has been problematic so far.

[@monchiquita25]

I think the reactions to Zay come from fact that she issued a non apology; a statement that doubled down in her lack of self awareness versus Cole who did genuinely apologize. Just my speculation. I think that triggered a lot of people. 🤓.

[@ckwanita907]

Yeah no nuance. Cole said a lot of uncouth things which he admitted, and Zay was negative and critical which she admitted. She was very distorted and at the same time cole gave her reasons to be insecure.

[@keegankupcakes827]

I totally get that, I think Cole did some hurtful things (also, has some hidden racism and some fat-phobia) but I don’t think he’s the only one that contributed to their issues. Zae could be really critical and mean at times and frequently sent mixed messages, and the cuties scene shows she has some distortions, rooted in very valid feelings though. I don’t think she deserves the kind of treatment she’s been getting though! The internet is an unreasonably cruel place.

[@wackybrattyx]

@@ckwanita907 She was not distorted. As Dr. Honda has pointed out countless times, her feelings in reaction to his criticism are totally fair and would drive anyone to feel insecure. Stop using words like “distortion” that you don’t understand and that Dr. Honda has not referenced.

[@AngelaChase]

Cole’s pronunciation of Colleen is just his Texas accent, Dr. Honda!!

[@97jicky]

He’s literally saying Killeen lol

[@AngelaChase]

@@97jicky Just like the city!!!

[@lavinder11]

Nothing would have been good enough for Zae. He made his attraction to Colleen known and it was over for them.

[@filmgirlLisa]

Yeah. At that moment all she wanted to do was torture him. I wouldn't even be surprised if the producers talked her into staying and she just started racking up negative points against him.

[@kendrathompson5207]

It seems to me that it is Zanab that is always talking about Colleen and then questioning Cole about it and then Cole just defends his position. And it was Zanab that asked Cole to rate both her and Colleen.

[@majanv11]

But he started it. He even says between others that he doesnt find her attractive proceeds to flirt with other girl I dont know about you but i would not want to be with someone who questions being attracted to me it normal she feels insecure in this relationship

[@mimiad397]

@@majanv11 I mean you are also not going to be with someone you met on a social experiment. Attraction is big deal on love is blind because they only get to meet the person after getting engaged. In the real world, you get engaged to a person you are already physically attracted to. Besides, he never said Zanab wasn't attractive

[@kendrathompson5207]

@@majanv11 I do know some couples who ended up with people that they really regarded were not their type (and it was far more of a gap than between Cole and Zanab) and they did mention it a few times. I think that those people were trying to be reassuring by saying that you are not my type but I have fallen for you. But you are right about Zanab, she is just too insecure to see through the awkward wording, she just wants to believe that people think the worst of her.

[@tulip5210]

@@majanv11 how did he start it? Not asking to be defensive, actually just not understanding bc from my perspective zanab started the are other people more beautiful then me conversation by asking him what he rated her and then digging deeper. I actually want to know your take/perspective it is hard to hear tone in text I’m sorry 😭. I also was watching it in the background then really watching it until the last 2/3rd or last half so I don’t know what I missed.

[@kashina90]

Come on when he says Lily he means a white woman he put another woman on pedestal with no shame in front of his fiancee terrible behaviour I would've walked before the wedding

[@cuddlebug1957]

Zanab is letting this continue to be a problem. I get her insecurities, but why does she not make a request? Like set up boundaries about Colleen that Cole can follow or not, then she will be able to tell if he truly cares about her feelings. I think he would rise to the occasion if given a chance.

[@JM-pg5rc]

Matt caused the problem here. Cole did not bring it up.

[@theveteransergeant]

From the way he talks, and the fact that after Episode 4 we never see him bring her up again without someone else mentioning her first, almost always Zanab, it doesn't seem like Cole has ever brought Colleen up since that pool party in Los Angeles, but that Zanab continues to. This dinner gathering is clearly days, if nor a week or more later. Zanab doesn't want to establish boundaries. She's using Cole's pool party comments as a place to come back to every time she feels insecure, which appears to be quite often.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

Yeah but at the same time she just discovered how the discussion between Cole and Colleen really went, while Matt already knew. I understand her frustration because for a guy who is "brutaly honest" he conveniently forgot to give her more context about their discussion, so he apologized for things he did not know he said.

[@JM-pg5rc]

@@Miranda-gi9fx but Matt misrepresented it and made it sound worse.

[@jessicaneihoff]

I think it's funny how Matt's allowed to call her beautiful after his ridiculous reaction to what happened with Colleen and Cole

[@kat_likemeow]

Came here to comment this lol

[@nataliestingray4982]

It's a pep talk

[@ashleybrandi]

This. Yes.

[@kat_likemeow]

@@nataliestingray4982 imagine matt's reaction if colleen giving a guy a pep talk about how cute he is..

[@marta__166]

exactly what I thought

[@dawntaylor8749]

I think Cole is just feeling defeated at this point. She's been picking at everything he says and does since their first night together. He apologized over and over, lol.

[@zonthisv4915]

In fairness though, there are nuances to the 'Just admit that you shouldn't have said that.' I've had partners, friends, coworkers claiming that they were just expressing disagreeing with something I said or did, but actually STATING that I had a malicious intent with something, BECAUSE they felt hurt. That's not how it works though, when you are able to have a proper theory of mind. So when I in response would express that I felt sorry that they were hurt, but that I didn't intend to at all because 'My logic was [...]' or 'I interpreted that as [...]' or 'I didn't have that info so that's why my decision was [...]' it absolutely didn't suffice. They wanted me to admit knowing that I hurt them, and hurting them anyway. Well.... no, of course I did not have the intention of hurting someone. Which a lot of people equal to 'She doesn't care that I'm hurt.' Not true, I do care. But I don't feel that I should admit to having malicious intentions when I didn't. Behaviour or words that had sh*t consequences: absolutely, give me that info. But you don't police MY feelings, my thoughts, my intentions.

[@jillianj310]

I feel like I saw this fight differently than Dr. Honda. I appreciate the commentary to see the other side. But I took Cole’s attitude as being blindsided by her bringing up an old argument and wanting to rehash it. And he was frustrated because he has tried time and time again to reassure her that he doesn’t want Colleen. And the comment about “Lily” was that he knew he wasn’t getting engaged to a woman who fit his typical type (a typical white Northern European type), but he chose her regardless.

[@amiasmr6008]

I think cole was trying to say his previous gf are white

[@marta__166]

I don't get all this talk about who is attractive and who is less attractive this season, as if it's all clear and obvious. It looks as if there is some kind of "objective beauty ranking" among the cast members, which I honestly don't understand. They are all very attractive, on a similar level of attractiveness I would say, everyone is entitled to their own subjective opinion on that matter.

[@charlize9341]

I kind of think the producers cast this season with the concept of 'what would happen if all of the women were nearly identical except one of them was very conventionally hot.' Colt threw a twist in there by believing Colleen is way hotter than the very similar looking fiancee he picked.

[@marktaylor4977]

Nobody discussed who is or isnt attractive, They discussed who they are and arent attracted to. There is a difference. There are people who you can find attractive but are not attracted to.

[@marta__166]

@@marktaylor4977 yes but they all seem to perceive Raven and Colleen as much more attractive than other women in the season, + Zanab talking about how “she’s never gonna be as good looking as Colleen” - and all that talk I don’t understand and I don’t see how Zanab would be any less objectively attractive than Colleen, it’s all just so weird to me.

[@marktaylor4977]

@@marta__166 They arent saying that at all. They are just saying that THEY arent physically attracted to them. Nobody and i mean nobody said Zanab was never going to be as good looking as Colleen. Thats twitsing words. You do not chose you are physically attracted to. I find scarlett Johanson to be a beautiful woman but i am not physicall attracted to her lol. Some people are physically attracted to people the majority find "unattractive". The show might be called love is blind however it isnt. When you only see the person for the first time after already proposing of course you are going to focus a lot on whether there is any physical attraction and those who dont do that usually dont because they were lucky enough to have picked someone they were physically attracted to. Nancy did the exact same thing when she laughed and spoke about how happy she was not to have picked SK because she didnt find him attractive.

[@marta__166]

@@marktaylor4977 that’s not twisting words. Zanab literally said that herself ;) watch it again.

[@MsAaannaaa]

I think when it comes to tone of voice both of them aren't really doing anything helpful in this situation. zay is a different kind of aggressive than cole and both of them make me so angry. lol

[@sunofabeach99]

Thank you Dr Kirk and Stacy for always serving grade A content ❤

[@BackByDesign]

Can’t wait to see the reaction to the cuties scene or his cooking/playful scene.

[@Lucinda_96]

I just want us to get there already!

[@Emmah1243]

Yes thank you! Colleen comes from Cailín (meaning 'girl' in irish). It has the same pronunciation

[@Lucinda_96]

So cool !

[@claudia7641]

It’s so funny that all the white women and men in this comment section are rushing to coles defence. I don’t even hate cole, and I agree that zay has her own issues with being uptight and harsh. BUT to any woman of colour, it is so fucking obvious that cole had hang ups regarding zay’s race and body, and he communicated those hang ups in a way that was extremely hurtful and disrespectful. People who are acting like zay was just insecure before coming on the show, and a bitch to him without reason have their own blind spots and internalized misogyny/racism to deal with for real:/

[@pistaluv]

Very interesting how they’re deciding what’s racist and what’s not 👀

[@h3tur]

yuppp

[@rockabillymuffin]

Thank you!

[@mimiad397]

Very interesting how you assume every person defending Cole is white . Hmm almost as if all "poc" are to think and act the same. Very interesting indeed

[@mimiad397]

@@sierranyokka8435 read her comment again she said "to any woc is is so... obvious that Cole had hang ups regarding Zays race and body"... meaning ALL WOC have this believe and those. Nice try though. Well don't for not feeling attacked, do you want a cookie?

[@reyfin4922]

I have a theroy: Maybe she was being negative towards him the whole season because she had already decided here that she doesn't want to be with him. But she can't defend herself by saying that reason because of NDAs maybe and they *have* to have the wedding scene. So when she gave her whole speech at the alter about him affecting her self esteem she was talking about up until here. Possibly. But that's just a theory.

[@liannna212]

They both have their issues and they both have hurt one another in some way. What's really scary to me is the Internet mob going black and white about this situation and passing judgment just because of one scene. Things are way more complicated than that

[@carlyp1444]

Lmao. I think Cole says Coleen that way because that's how he pronounces is own name. Literally just adding "een" to Cole 🤣

[@johnwesely]

You are really giving Zanab a pass for being heinously passive aggressive in every single interaction.

[@helenmoehn7775]

I find it very odd how people are so upset by Cole talking about how he had only been with white american women prior to this when we have had Lauren from season one say the same over and over and over again when she spoke about how she had only been with black men and struggled with the idea of being with a white man but was wants to get over it. In fact, it is weird even getting on Cole's case for this when 1. Zanab herself didn't go on this show to find a non-white man, and 2. Cole never said he only wants to date white American women. Zanab does not seem to be happy with who she is, and it wouldn't surprise me if Cole only made that direct comment because of Zanab maybe accusing him of certain things.

[@marthac8529]

On one hand, I understand Zanab being upset. Cole was behaving inappropriately and insensitive. Maybe it’s just my background and past projecting onto Zanab, but her “you’re not sorry but it’s fine” BS is like… so annoying. I personally have a lot more patience for people being foolish in a moment (like Cole with Colleen) than I do for people being so subtly aggressive like Zanab. Maybe I’d act the same way in her shoes, and I don’t know them obviously so how can I judge? But from what we saw on the show I have a lot of sympathy for Cole after everything

[@kamilaguerrero7264]

Dr. Honda it wasn’t Cole who constantly brought up Colleen, it was Zay 🤒

[@marlynsantos9677]

Thank you DKH and Stacy for putting these up so quickly! I'm itching to hear all the way to the end. Sooo I actually don't totally agree that Zay is being reasonable here. Matt is being a bit of an instigator. I think Cole as Dr. H mentioned is fatigued from talking about this thing over and over again as he says. You see them actually get to a bit of a better place, they've talked about this extensively, he's apologized, he's reassured her, they've moved on. And one conversation with Matt and Zay is right back to that place. So I think Cole is trying to communicate in a frustrated way that he chooses and loves her. Zay is full of insecurities, I don't think there's anything Cole could've said in any way that she would've believed him.

[@theveteransergeant]

The biggest red flag in this episode is that Zanab goes running straight to Matt to confirm whether or not he was still angry about the pool conversation. It means she's seeking validation for her feelings. She's looking for reasons to remain upset and confirmation for her insecurities. When she confirms Matt was upset, she then attacks Cole again over a conversation that was supposedly resolved, which explains why he is defensive and exasperated. The advice Dr Honda gives to Cole is to do things that he's likely already had to do more than once. 5:08. We watch him ask "Why do you not care?" "There is one girl in this whole thing for me" and "You and I were good." This is Cole saying "Why are we back at this pool conversation again?" Zanab, in return, just interrupts him over and over, trying to refocus the conversation to her original pain, and away from his attempts to rectify and reassure her. Zanab is a classic self-sabotager, and worse, she's gaslighting Cole at this point.

[@dahlianoir131]

I don't understand why Cole gets so much hate for this conversation when Colleen gets none. He has already apologized at this point and Zay just keeps bringing it up. Zay is also acting just as aggressive as Matt, but Zay gets no hate. Double standards much?

[@mkaverage4773]

I definitely forgot all the things cole said along the way and was on his “side” after the cuties scene. 😂 But after watching all your videos I’m like… dang. All the shit talk to the people filming & things he said about Zanab, it was more than just the 9/10 comment, which is also bad. I don’t know, the cuties thing is not what Zanab thought it was imo and now I can’t form my opinion on two strangers that mean nothing in my life!! /s

[@tulip5210]

I know many in this viewership and dr honda don't like mbti but I wanted to say I just watched Dr cheries analysis on their mbti and how that worked into this scene, I feel like it adds a lot of context to why they did what they did here and its interesting.

[@unicornL]

What is mbti

[@ArijanaLukic]

I also watched it and she nailed it! She made significant observations. I really like what Dr. Honda is sharing however, he misses things sometimes and I am not sure why, maybe he is not watching the whole contexts to the small details like Dr. Cherie is. She was right on point that Cole computes info in real time and Zanab always way past the event, while she is constantly fishing for info to "affirm'' her reality/feelings/interpretations. I have to say she is ceasing Zanab's mechanisms to navigate insecurity really well. I was pleasantly impressed 👌

[@SmileyUna123]

Yes, I have seen that and it is a very interesting theory as to why they both behaved like that

[@peachyy666]

I'm not a big fan of Cole. I think he was fishing a little at the pool with Colleen to see what she would say to him, but I also feel like his interactions with Zay that day and the ones prior were showing him many of her red flags. She ignores and chooses to find the negative in most of their interactions. I find her to be a very "no" person. He pleads with her and yet she's determined to stick with her beliefs. I dont think they were ever compatible.

[@veebee3837]

From my observation, it seems Za doesn't really know how how to express herself in a mature manner, she doesn't really articulate how his actions triggers her insecurities. She shift blame her issues onto others. And Cole is just terrible at identifying others feelings. His mouth is a diarrhoea factory. I hope Cole learns to show more empathy and mindful about the the things that come out of his mouth because in this world there are people like Za who will go to great length to destroy you.

[@filmgirlLisa]

TBH It seems like people dig honest even if honest isn't pretty. I'm not sure how he will do in relationships but there are millions of dudes that will say the thing that will get the chick into bed or to stick around a bit. The honest guy is better. I think Cole just has to learn how to be cool with the consequences of his honesty...not to be less honest.

[@LS-yq5ng]

I want to see everyone in the comments who’s defending this guy hear their partner repeatedly try to make it clear how hot someone else is and how they’d choose them ‘in real life’. Zay is under reacting.

[@shirin9452]

Fair. I’d lose my absolute sht but to be fair I’d already be gone after what happened in Malibu

[@LS-yq5ng]

@@shirin9452 100% agreed I just hate how people boil it down to her being ‘insecure’. It’s his shit behaviour , her only fault is not adressing it sooner.

[@filmgirlLisa]

My take: First, this situation is so unique. Usually by this point in a relationship the guy knows who's he's dating and any attempts to call out another woman as hot would be a clear sign of pre-cheating. Or, if this was a first or second date with Zanab and he talked to another woman about how he would date her, blah blah, then it's clear disrespect. Either is a good cause to bounce and I would have. By the time of this party tho, they've talked about it over and over apparently so her bringing it up like it's a totally new situation doesn't help either of them. If it's something she can't get past then she needs to either break it off or find a way to work with him to get past it. But she's not talking TO him, not talking WITH him, she's talking AT him, and he's clearly trying to find a way to reach her. So Cole's not a hero but he's trying and she's not letting him in at all.

[@nicoleheyl7852]

I’m pretty excited for Dr. Honda to watch the cuties scene and hear his thoughts on it

[@LilBrownieD]

Zanab's voice when saying "go marry Colleen" is pretty funny

[@lauradominguez2160]

The frustration for me, as a person who doesn't have english as their first language, hearing DKH rant about the pronunciation of the name "Colleen", lol I hear him say the same thing over and over!! lol literally "It´s Colleen not Colleen"

[@Dee-zv4ex]

Lmao 9:38 that’s funny to imagine. I really like Dr Hondas perspective on this couple. I feel like after the reunion and cuties moment a lot of people lost their empathy for Zay and erased all that led up to those moments

[@safalafagins]

Yeah I'm definitely guilty of that, so watching Dr. Honda's reaction is making me regain some of my empathy for Zay.

[@shirleymarie8563]

I feel like we aren’t watching the same show…. Yes cole is immature but Zay is so insecure she looks for anything to jump on him about. He’s apologized countless times by this point. She is the one constantly reopening the Colleen case. I understand why he is so fed up, I personally couldn’t take being with someone as insecure and hot and cold as she is. I was excited for you to react to the cuties scene but at this point I feel like you will somehow interpret it in Zays favor, all due respect Kirk, I love your channel and watch every episode, I just feel like somehow I’m not seeing what everyone else is???

[@4ledki]

Don't settle for Zanab too!

[@abandonablesnowman]

I really hope Cole watches this and forever remembers how to pronounce Colleen 😂

[@SofiAlvaOk]

I'm not a therapist but she destroyed anything he said she didn't hear him and she distorted anything he said and create a bigger deal about everything he says. Yes Cole is immature but she is proyecting any insecure though onto him and make him responsible of everything she feels. So I think she is as wrong as him. Or more because she is not moving on from that one topic. Was a stupid conversation the second day they all met each other. If we think about it in perspective is not a big thing to make an argument. And she is totally ignoring the fact that he is saying he feels more connected and attractive to her. And that he is not saying he is confused or anything.

[@SofiAlvaOk]

Love the Ron con comment. But the truth is we can't get everything. There's always something is going to be different as you wanted. Specially because the biggest problem is wanting someone else to be as we want them to be instead of accepting them as they are. And Cole is a bit nerd as I thought him interact with her. And I can tell you nerd guys don't have the best way of communicating sometimes that's why he is always making a joke. But I can tell you that sometimes better cause is about taking down a notch and relaxing q bit not being so intense and create a bigger deal of a tiny thing and I think that's what she does with everything.

[@mothernyx4933]

Cole is a big man child. I think he has said some horrible things like the bipolar thing or just the dumb way he can't cook chicken right. I think hes not great and has alot of growing up to do. BUT the wedding and how Zanab went about the reunion and the wedding was a big no I think.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

My sentiment.

[@barbmoore6587]

I am happy Zay is alouf at his plea of omg I love you just not as much!!!! Duh it's childish and slef serving with his quote HONESTY! She just was smart enough to dodge that mess of a boy man

[@Shortmusings]

In the same scene he will get confronted by Matt and won’t give the same defensive ness that he gives to Zay

[@nomfundoshezi3511]

But he had told Z over and over again. He has apologised over and over again

[@poponachtschnecke]

He hasn't been intimate with Matt

[@mimiad397]

Because he is speaking to Matt about it for the first time. Him and Zanab however already had that talk and moved passed it only so that it can be brought up again.

[@Miranda-gi9fx]

@@mimiad397 Nope because he did not disclose the full conversation and Matt gave her more information. Cole apologized for things Zanab did not know he said.

[@mimiad397]

@@Miranda-gi9fx more information that wasn't necessary. If you are mad at Cole and Cole alone then why does it matter what Colleen said? How does that change things? Zanab said herself that the ONLY thing she didn't know was what Colleen said so basically Cole owned up to everything he did, which should have been the only thing that mattered to her. It makes no sense to be upset about not knowing Colleen's comments if you aren't upset with Colleen.

[@m.aliciavela4058]

She is sooooo sarcastic! it is triggering me so much. You can´t talk with somebody that is like that, so passive agressive

[@ericalivinglife693]

It's been talked about way too much and with others to NOT be a big deal. Colleen is on his mind whether he'll continue to admit it or not. He even said he would "usually choose someone more... lily" to someone else (Alexa maybe?). As in "lily white". I think maybe he wanted to do something different and be open but, it quickly proved to be outside of his range. Plus, they're just not a good match overall.

[@yoyoyo5621]

omg there are so many girls who cling to relationships because "I cant do any better than him". They will say that about guys who have literally 0 going for them, real deadass bums while the girl has everything going for her lmao it is wild to me how terrified they are to be single again. Like ive been single for a while and it's fine. there are good decent guys out here to date.

[@milasouza]

Zanab is not a white name and we all know that the issue about "she is different of girls I used to date" and "Colleen is more attractive" is about being white. Is also about male white privileges that people where so ready to forgive all the story development and call this guy a poor abused man and Zanab as the crazy b* after 1 last scene. Very upsetting to watch.

[@datgirlleisha]

Thank you!!! Because I was so confused about this because they don’t look so different besides Zainab is a little tanner. Colleen is just pure white. I don’t think Cole is in the wrong for having a preference, but I do think his brutal honesty isn’t for Zay. I don’t think they were meant for each other and they BOTH have issues.

[@milasouza]

@@datgirlleisha Yes, there is no angel as they are humans, and she learned how to hurt back . Also, racism is is not exclusive of evil people, sometimes is pure ignorance. This guy had a huge opportunity to confront his contradictions and in my humble opinion that's why he was crying that way. I hope he uses it for his personal growth.

[@datgirlleisha]

@@milasouza Very true!!!

[@marktaylor4977]

How do you know that he finds Colleen more attractive ONLY because she is white? Zanab isnt out here looking like a pure desi woman. Also, so what if a WHITE MAN has only dated WHITE WOMEN up until now? Cole is completely right in tellin her that if he ONLY wanted white women or was ONLY open to dating white women then he would have, instead of picking a woman with an obvious asian name! And no Zanab isnt a crazy B after last scene. She is a crazy because 1. this is a scene SHE CHOSE as "evidence" for him controlling her. This is the scene she PROMISED COLE would ruin him in everyones eyes. This is the scene she said was hidden by the producers to "protect" cole. 2. she is also a crazy b because after all this, she cant even self reflect and admit ONE fault? Instead she is not blaming the guy for causing her ED, accusing the guy of every single ism and phobia she could think of

[@milasouza]

@@marktaylor4977 why so triggered? 😉

[@therealmattmendoza]

Zay has some pretty intense insecurities and cognitive distortions but Cole doesn't seem to care and doesnt want to understand, he'd rather call names and label her bipolar

[@feelingscheck405]

He was definitely way too honest with her in a way that was so disrespectful. BUT the reunion changed how I felt through the WHOLE show. Zanab did Cole so dirty instead of just leaving him. So disrespectful and mean dude.

[@sayda107]

When Cole said "I am more attracted to you than I am her now", one possible way that Zanab could be thinking is "Oh. So you like her at least a little bit".

[@filmgirlLisa]

Yeah or another way: "Oh. So you're more attracted NOW? Not when you told me you loved me?" Ugh. It's exhausting.

[@Joohee4]

My theory is Zanab has Borderline Personality Disorder, based other trauma history of losing her parents at a young age- it would make sense and I am very sympathetic to her about that. I am also familiar with BPD because my sister has it and I know one thing they do is they will find things that elicit emotion from you and will use it to gain power and control over you and I noticed one thing that Cole gets excited about is the trips she promised in the pods and it makes me wonder if that is Cole's motivation for being with her...? I don't see true love on either side of this connection.

[@Ola_Stawinska]

There must be something wrong with me, but when it comes for pronunciation of Colleens name and dr Honda say that Cole is saying ot wrong i just here him repeat it few times exactly the same way! :D where is the difference? Is it really subtle, that its easy to say wrong or Im just special person who is unable to hear it?

[@user-yk8tk6vr1n]

oneis call- een another is cole-een

[@mariajenkins943]

So excited and ready for Dr. Honda to *finally* realize Cole's type! and have him completely miss that "Lily" = "Blonde White Women" 🤦‍♀️

[@mariajenkins943]

Before all the comment role on he rated Raven a 10. 1) Colorism exists. It's complicated. But while of African American descent Raven has highly westernized features especially pertaining to he body type. 2) He rated her a 10. But he never said he considered her his type or said he would ever date her. 3) Even Nancy described Raven as a "tall skinny blonde" when referencing Bartises type.

[@LilyShimizu]

I don’t understand why you think Cole is the one constantly bring up Colleen though. It’s been pretty clear to me and many viewers that Zanab is the one who keeps bringing up the things that fuel her insecurities, not him. He keeps saying it the same way when she does, which is not ideal, sure, because they both keep focusing on comparisons. But Zanab is the one who keeps re-opening that wound. ESPECIALLY here. This whole conversation was following up after Zanab and Matt talked, and she went to Cole to talk about how upset she still is about the whold Colleen conversation AGAIN. We even watched Cole call that out, like “we’ve talked extensively about this already, why are we not past this?” Which feels like they’ve talked about it way more than he ever wanted to to begin with. He doesn’t WANT to keep talking about it but she brings it back up and then won’t accept anything he has to say. He keeps saying Not Exactly The Right Thing for her. I don’t think that’s wrong of him but it is a pretty clear indication that he can’t give her what she needs.

[@tulip5210]

Same thoughts.

[@JB-qf5ep]

I think if this had been their first conversation/fight about this, then I would agree that Cole could end it by saying specific things, but this argument is about 1-2 weeks old. They already fought about it and Cole already tried to reassure Zay a bunch of times. At this point he is just tired of having each sentence he says either picked apart or flipped on its head. She reignited the fight because she found an excuse to pick another fight. She seems to be in a constant state of provocation, and then she pretends to be the mature one. Cole said some things he shouldnt have said, but he at least seemed to own up and deal with that. His attitude seemed to be either move past it or move on, but she just wanted a person to argue with so couldnt move past it or move on.

[@Sydonnewarren]

These two just aren't a match. They would have been good friends though so this is sad to watch

[@bluehypothermicreality6759]

Ppl use this conversation to say that zanab lied when she said he didn’t apologize until they had diner 3 weeks later or something but like how could he have apologized the night after like he said if she just now found out about what he needed to apologize for? He was apologizing for being an asshole to her all those times he references here not for what he said.

[@poponachtschnecke]

I think Cole has ASD and just doesn't know what the appropriate response is. Which is why I watch Dr Honda, because I don't know either, and I thought what Cole said seemed fine until I heard DrH say he needed to apologize for saying something that seemed out of line at the time. I really need things spelled out for me in my personal life, and not intimated. This situation seems like it would be extremely distressing, and it seems like he held it together fairly well for the setting and the probable level of intoxication for this show.

[@zazubombay]

I think so, too. Lots of it in my family & the signs are there. Cole and Zanab are a terrible match!

[@tulip5210]

I feel this 😭 I was isolated for a long time so I don’t understand social cues or correct ways to respond so I watch a lot of psychology channels like this one to learn.

[@x80WildCat08x]

I had no problem with Zanab until the alter scene and then the reunion. I hate seeing people being bullied.

[@hannalowercase5928]

thank you for another one 💗

[@colettephair]

Cole is making Colleen into his Mini-Me in the same was Bartise did with Raven, by trying to act like her mispronounced name makes her the female version of him.

[@filmgirlLisa]

It's so interesting that Dr. H missed what you do when you have a partner that cannot move on from a disagreement. I'm not sure if it's because he's fully into Zay's POV but I was interested in how to help partners move past an infraction or a misunderstanding and he never touched on that. When I first watched this I thought: this is why you have to be selective about who you let into your mental circle. Matt was being supportive but he revived a conflict that they had tried to move past and she really didn't get any new information that changed anything, so really it was just that it was never truly settled for her. There is really nothing Cole could say or do at this point to appease at this point so I would think she had to make the choice to either work to get past it or leave. And I would think as a therapist the goal would be to help her make that decision because the continual re-litigating something doesn't help either of them move forward.

[@aileenubs]

Omg I can't wait for your reaction to the cuties scene. 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈 I keep on freshing for in the hopes that you have already uploaded it 🤣🤣

[@SwitchBlade180]

Yes, waiting for his reaction to the cuties scene as well!

[@ArijanaLukic]

Same lol

[@purplefiggs]

Second 😃 love watching these Dr. Honda ! 👏🏼

[@MBeano]

Dr Honda keeps saying about Cole, "The way he kept bringing it up". This is completely factually false. In the episode where they are in bed having this same discussion, Zanab admits SHE is the one who asked him to rate her, then SHE continued to ask further questions (is there anyone else). In every instance ZANAB is the one who "brings it up". Cole, for his part, does not know when to stop sharing, nor does he have any filter or skillset to soften things. This is NOT to be mistaken with empathy. When he has been called out, in non fights, he has shown a willingness to 1) ask questions, empathize, and an attempt to make adjustments. There is a major distinction between "bringing it up" vs "sharing too much and delivering this info in a manner that accounts for feelings". This distinction is playing out in the fight." Dr Honda repeatedly attributes the initiation of the topic to Cole, while is not the truth. Zanab consistently introduces the topic into discussion. Cole could be better here in this fight scene. Cole should have never had that flirtatious conversation with Colleen. However, You can hear the results of the distinction laid out above. Cole states multiple times in this argument things like "we're right back in Malibu..."you and I have talked about this extensively". Zanab has had instant response to anything Cole states. Here, suddenly she has nothing to say. She doesn't deny it. "Catalog of Pain". There are exactly 2 things she catalogs and brings up (cuties has not happened yet, nor has she ever mentioned a single thing about body shaming). The Two things are: The Pool conversation and The Rating. In both "Catalog of Pain", Zanab is the person to bring the topic into discussion. SHE ADMITS THAT SHE ASKED TO BE RATED. Matt merely gave some detail that Zanab didn't know. She brings it up, again. Now, remember, there seems to be universal agreement that Cole overshares, and should know when to not give out too much information. So it would be hypocritical and inconsistent to admonish him for leaving some details unsaid. It's intriguing that Dr Honda brings up Nick and his exhaustion in dealing with Danielle. Yet is is clear, with Cole's demeanor and reaction, but mostly with his word choices that he is exhausted, yet Dr Honda is reluctant to commit to this connection. And here, it is not Cole merely being defensive, Cole is clearly stating we have had this conversation repeatedly. This is not even about the broader general criticism that Dr Honda speaks of, this is specific the exact topic/event. It is not Cole that is stuck, as he is NOT who initiates the same conversation. Cole could be better in terms of giving an apology. However, IF he has already apologized (I am not sure if one was given and shown, have to go back and see) I can see where somelike like Cole who has no filter and is "brutally honest", would not even think to apologize, again. At the least, it would be more helpful to state he has apologized, and perhaps ask something like "I am trying to be better, for you and us, is there anything Ive done since, or could do better now."

[@pursuitofadequacy]

Literally all Cole needed to do was CARE a tiny bit

[@filmgirlLisa]

I think he didn't care he would've made a joke out of it, or walked off or not addressed it. I think she wasn't going to let him in. I can't imagine anything he should say that he didn't already say.