Love Is Blind - Season 5 - #19 - (Silent JP Frustrates Taylor) - Therapist Reacts

[@caylacompassion]

I admire Taylor’s patience throughout these scenes. I can feel how bad she wanted it to work and the love she still had for JP. The chemistry was just off in person and that happens. Even in the conversation about her appearance in the reveal she was graceful.

[@Johnny.bar99]

I think she's emotional intelligent enough that she quickly realized he's an immature problem.

[@MegaGreencarebear]

Agreed, Taylor's is highly commendable.

[@bellebaby4330]

I salute Taylor soooo much, she has a ridiculous amount of patience, way more than I ever could, especially what he says to her later .. I don’t think anyone could have handled the JP situation any better than she did. She seems to have a lot of love and kindness in her which is very beautiful to see actually. Really hope she finds her person

[@MegaGreencarebear]

Absolutely, Taylor is a gem!

[@AmblingSoulCC]

Another therapist who covers these types of shows on youtbue, Mickey Atkins, brought up an interesting point that in some more conservative communities, men can see the act of getting engaged/married as "I have done my part and now it's up to you". Meaning that in their minds they have made the relationship work and can take a step back and it is now the woman's responsibility to take up all of the mental load of keeping the relationship alive. Conversation, planning, cards/birthday wishes to family members, child rearing, etc. It was interesting to think about.

[@Yasmin-pi5pr]

omg, cannot even imagine that. But they haven't married still..common JP! lol

[@catherine.rezzuto]

very interesting point that i wouldn't have thought about. JP def seemed like he wanted taylor to do most of the emotional work or at least most of the talking which would have led to some resentment and burnout on taylor's end. interesting that stacey described JP as a "good ole' boy" which definitely points in the conservative direction without outright stating that.

[@solveig964]

Oh, I didn't even think of that! Thanks for mentioning it!

[@32Theresa]

@@ania5038this exactly my parents too! & my dad is sexist too. Yet idk if he’d even survive w/ out her. He wouldn’t know what to do w/ out her since she does *everything*🤦‍♀️

[@andedom]

Really? I hadn’t heard of that before. So all the man has to do is “show up?” According to traditional values, I thought the man has to provide financially for his family, be a role model, make sure the family attends church, etc?

[@MaryJoHeadrick]

watching JP and Taylor interact reminded me of interacting with my 7th grade boyfriend! We would literally text all day and then if we ever had to hang out in person (like for a dance) he was basically incapable of even looking at me lol

[@k.ambriz9789]

Wow. Good observation. When we’re stressed we regress. Maybe he regressed to a younger age or behaviors he did when he was younger.

[@MaryJoHeadrick]

@@k.ambriz9789 Could be! Idk no spoilers but I didn't love his explanation at all, so i'm at this point very hesitant to give him the benefit of the doubt. But. idk.

[@hashtagmate]

But... Your school bf probably wasn't malicious or a misogynistic incel dude 😬

[@k.ambriz9789]

@@hashtagmate for sure! Those are not mutually exclusive. He could have the emotional maturity of an adolescent and the belief system of an incel. Lol

[@tluvsbeauty1]

This is a PERFECT comparison. It reminds me of all my earliest, cringiest “dating” experiences, lol

[@Ameameame48]

I don’t wanna spoil anything, so I’ll just say I can’t wait until you react to their next interaction lol

[@Yasmin-pi5pr]

same, we don't like JP right? lol

[@sfooshy4517]

​@Yasmin-pi5pr As a woman I've got to say nooooooo. I do think he has trauma with women because he said his mom was extremely abusive. No excuse though.

[@AC-jp1lm]

I was coming here to say the same 😂

[@Ameameame48]

@@Yasmin-pi5prnot in the slightest lol

[@reeverecor5096]

Honestly, I think JP gave sort of uncomfortable vibes from the beginning. I think taylor tried her best, but you just can't commit to the rest fo your life with someone you are not fully comfortable around. (the makeup comments were also a bit icky to me, but I think she handled it very well)

[@Sough]

A bit lol?

[@mackenyay]

@@Soughmore than a bit, for sure. The make up comments alone were more than enough to justify a break up.

[@jimwaxer8166]

I think she was part of the problem more than others here. She was like the guy who tells women to smile all the time. she forced trying to have a conversation. She could not let go of the initial meeting being awkward and kept things awkward. I don’t think he was immature or a bad guy. Their wants and needs and personalities were not aligned. She wanted lots of affirmations and affection. And he gave her some but not enough to meet her needs. I also think he sensed she did not find him physically attractive. She said so much saying she would not normally go for a with a gap or something like that. He didn’t do it for her with his communication. But she didn’t do it for him either but you can tell he liked her. He knew if he was honest she would not take it well. I think Taylor is pretty but no way would I want to date her. I am sure plenty of guys would love to. Just a personal preference.

[@lovecat80]

I'm totally with Dr Honda on this one that it's anxiety rather than rejection on JP's part. He literally looks like a lost, confused boy who's gone mute next to Taylor. His later excuse for his poor behaviour makes no sense to me.

[@Kaelush]

Yeah, I wondered if he was even triggered in a way. Maybe she looks similar to his mom or something.

[@MegaGreencarebear]

Yes, my guess is that he can't explain his behaviour to himself so he's grasping as straws.

[@T_Skye]

I kinda wish we got to meet JP's family ... I think that would've given us more data to assess what's really going on there. I don't think we got to see the real JP at all.

[@andedom]

I also would have loved to have seen Johnie’s family.

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Do we not meet his family? Bummer. Yeah, I'm wondering if they avoided his family because of what he disclosed in the pods.

[@andedom]

@@PsychologyInSeattle well, I don’t think they would avoid it for that reason. They showed James’ mom on the ultimatum season 2 and I’m pretty sure James stated she was abusive to him when he was young.

[@skyetranqille9534]

The American flag obsession was such a red flag to me, culturally speaking. I'm not really surprised he's this way. Combined with his childhood trauma regarding his mother, it's clear he has several mental health challenges and could benefit from therapy more than the average person in my mind.

[@juliascott708]

My thoughts exactly!!! I think he might deal with some kind of fear in regards to women, like he may feel unsafe due to his past. I’m speculating of course but I think he might not even be conscious of it

[@coraly6821]

Out of curiosity, what about his American flag obsession led you to believe that he’s this way?

[@skyetranqille9534]

​@coraly6821 it seemed like a cloak, or a suit of armor. Like he's protecting himself very hard with symbols of strength. Why does he feel the need to do that? And it leads me to believe he's conservative and holds those beliefs about masculinity Dr. Honda relayed later in the video. About being stoic. Combined with him feeling powerless against his mom as a child, feeling like he couldn't speak, I'm not surprised he found a home in conservative ideals that celebrate strong ideas of masculinity/brute strength as the ideal. Powerless as a child, but strong now, a man. Protected by the flag. But that isn't healthy. Being open and vulnerable is.

[@Alayhoo]

​@@coraly6821 I don't know if you are from the U.S., but here, an American flag obsession is a dead giveaway for ultra conservatives. It symbolizes a form of cultural nationalism that seeks to perpetuate American exceptionalism, which is the idea that the U.S. as a nation and it's "natural born" citizens are better than other nations and their peoples.

[@sarahsmith3682]

@@skyetranqille9534 Yup. This 1000%

[@Nita_Key]

Didn't JP say his mom abused his sisters as a reaction to her negative experiences with their dad? Sounds like a traumatic home life.

[@beatsventura7]

Yes he did. He did not mention what his father did in the situation he described, maybe he stayed quiet and allowed the mom to be abusive. So in the presence of a woman who is outspoken, he assumes the role of his father.

[@ivannarandall2102]

@@beatsventura7wow I completely forgot about this this makes so much sense

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yeah, absolutely could be a factor.

[@M.K12144]

I thought some of his issues around her looks might be that she looks like his mom or sisters and that totally wigged him out, but he didn’t want to say that out right so goes quiet. Then eventually says it’s due to makeup instead of looking like his mom

[@helenvalencia]

Two minutes into Dr. Honda's video and I froze. He described my early experience as an immigrant to a tea. I was that immigrant child at age 7 (funny that was the exact age I came here) who didn't speak English but my parents had no choice but to place me in the local school in an area of NY where there was no ESL classes nor Spanish speakers. I taught myself the language by sheer observation and survival. It was terribly lonely. I feel very seen

[@speakyrtruth]

Same here except I did have a great ESL teacher! Still was very difficult because of my shy and sensitive temperament, and I still suffer from varying degrees of social anxiety, probably owing to many different reasons but it’s interesting to think that this might have played a part. I feel very seen as well

[@rosx3245]

Same! I still continue to struggle with shyness and anxiety around social situations

[@helenvalencia]

@@speakyrtruth I wonder how much of that shyness is due to our similar experiences? Some of my friends think of me as an extrovert but I see myself as both (introvert and extrovert), but some part of me I believe became introverted due to this experience.

[@helenvalencia]

@@rosx3245 I feel you. Sending you love!

[@helenvalencia]

@Snails451 It makes me feel better that I am not alone.

[@Alayhoo]

The throat closing thing is so real. Thank you for bringing it up. It's my first sign of an impending panic attack and indicator that if I keep doing whatever I'm doing, a panic attack will happen. On a lighter note, I have never done a better imitation of a donkey than when I'm panicking.

[@ckwanita907]

I dont think jp knows why he is so awkward in person, he thought up a reason but i really dont think it's the actual reason. I think he is like this all the time.

[@sarahsmith3682]

I agree. I wonder if he doesn't have a strong sense of self that stems from the abuse he endured as a kid

[@srm0520]

I also agree. I think he totally choked in this situation and was just deer in headlights - it made me sad for both of them honestly, because I think they did have something genuine when he felt more protected in the pods.

[@guitargirl313]

i can understand that he felt better when no one in person watched him interact with taylor in the pods, also that he is shy, cannot express himself in real life, also that the cameras are frustrating him even more (but then if he knows this about himself, that he struggles with such things, why go on a tv show?). but my heart goes out for taylor and how much she is hurting. Like she fell in love with a guy in the pods, and another guy came out from the pod. i think jp had real attraction to her, and did not mean to hurt her with his actions, but him freezing up and not being able to talk or react in an ensuring way toward taylor makes me wonder if such a relationship could survive, where one person is not able to communicate at all.

[@ashantimak]

Thank you for discussing that throat tightness thing, I haven’t experienced it for a while but I used to suffer pretty heavily from a painful shyness/anxiety like the one you were discussing and would have moments where it physically felt like my throat was closing in that way.

[@CapitolYaSa]

Thank you Dr. Honda!! I have been feverishly awaiting this video where you hypothesize about what might be going on with JP and... it did not disappoint!! Loved hearing all the nuanced angles you had to share.

[@samanthab5006]

When it comes to controversial topics I've found with my husband that starting with written word (letter or email or text) prior to a conversation can help. It helps to pick words carefully and edit for clarity. Also a better chance the other person reads the entire thought vs getting interrupted in conversation. Lastly it gives the other person time to think before responding. We always end up talking about it too and those conversations are usually more fruitful.

[@mds8255]

Can relate.

[@32Theresa]

Very good points!

[@abernal123]

Omg I can’t wait to see your reaction to his reason of being so quiet

[@Maggie903]

I would love to hear you talk more about the throat tightening/somatic response to social anxiety. i experience that all the time and would like to learn more about it and how to get past it

[@thisanonymous5956]

JP reminds me of my ex boyfriend. He was diagnosed with autism (very light on the spectrum - mostly Asperger’s traits). I thought for the longest time he didn’t like me and wasn’t interested. He acted exactly like JP. Even after meeting his family, he was quieter with them than his friends. He relied HEAVILY on me to make conversation. He even kissed like JP which was jarring.

[@SakuraEvangeline]

Hey just poppin in to let you know that ''light autism'' isn't a thing. The autism spectrum isn't meant like a scale with light autism on one side and severe autism on the other, it's more like different categories that people might struggle with and anyone's needs are different. I could imagine you meant autism with low support needs / little need for accommodations.

[@cariwhyte]

“scientist.. robot talker..!” 😂😂

[@AprilT72]

I LOLed Dr Honda is funny without trying.

[@stephanieslawek]

Me through this whole video: "Keep watching, Dr. Honda. Keep watching..." 👀

[@camillecrosswell7894]

I am shy and socially anxious and people tell me I’m “intimidating”. Which is crazy to me because I feel the complete opposite!

[@SoCalDoll]

Something I saw about when people tell you this (bc I was also told this or that I was stuck up) is: "Am I intimidating or are you intimidated?" We don't make people feel anything they don't already feel. They're telling you this bc they are intimidated BY you. After I heard this, it completely flipped how I felt when ever I heard this. Hope that helps! ❤😊

[@SoftChroma]

I can relate to JP because when I was younger, sometimes I would just freeze and become mute under extreme pressure. Now JP is next to this beautiful woman and the camera is on him. The thing about the throat closing and feeling the inability to speak felt very accurate. I didn’t realize it was a schema but it makes sense and makes me feel a bit more normal. Now it only happens to me when I’m really emotionally distressed.

[@nadyapincus2556]

Yep, I was thinking that maybe Selective Mutism is playing a role here

[@katarinasinfamy]

I have a similar thing- and the more the other person would draw attention to it or criticize me for not being talkative the less I would be able to think of something to say… pretty traumatic tbh…

[@beatsventura7]

I think he is very intimidated by her, a beautiful outspoken woman, asking that he speak. There is def trauma underneath his inability to speak to her. I think part of the reason could be , that he is assuming the same role his dad assumed when his mom was being abusive...to stay quiet. I don't believe the mom was only abusive to the sisters, but I think she was abusive to the entire family.

[@janine3664]

OK but he applied to be on a reality TV show where he knows cameras would be in his face almost 24/7. If this were his problem, he probably wouldn't agree to be on a show like this.

[@SoftChroma]

@@janine3664totally possible he is just a dick. I also thought I could try out for the drama club in HS. Idk what I was thinking 😂 it didn’t go how I hoped. Also, JP doesn’t seem to know himself. It’s annoying to watch him act this way as an adult.

[@Evie_Cvie]

Dr Honda I just want to say that I truely appreciate your communicativeness. The way you fully explain your thought processes is so refreshing. And there’s no better video to comment this on than against the contrast of JP who actually reminds my of my Dad, even the facial expressions he makes, the tight lipped smile. I am a yammerer too and it’s frustrating to not get that back from others sometimes

[@rosx3245]

I truly feel for both of them. As someone that struggles with being extremely shy when meeting new people having someone point out how shy/quiet i am being just makes things worse as I get extremely conscious of how shy/quiet I am. Thank you Dr. Honda for talking about some of the struggles shy/social anxious people go through and how hard it can be.

[@Raebel2604]

JP reminds me of my husband a bit, who suffered significant trauma and neglect as a child. I feel pretty confident that he's scared as hell. When you learn that feelings get you mocked, derided, or abused, you learn to shut them down pretty quickly. I'm proud of him for opening up as much as he was able in the pods. I hope that that slight vulnerability cracks open something healthy in him that can grow and grow.

[@hashtagmate]

Lmfao just you wait

[@DJ-lu5np]

“..a talkless relationship where you just grunt at each other…” 😂

[@freischwimmerkunst]

Wasn't JP the one with the severe childhood trauma? Didn't he try to tell her something about his mother abusing (at least) his sisters? I mean that could explain the root of his behaviour in relationships?

[@sarahk4720]

Yes, thank you!

[@32Theresa]

Could you continue w/ this explanation plz? Is he potentially anxious about her being abusive?

[@sarahk4720]

@@32Theresa I feel like it's more an unconscious pattern of shutting down like Dr. Honda explained a bit because of growing up with a dominating parent who yelled/punished when you tried to express emotions, which is extra confusing because you're looking to the parent for love/safety. As a result, he may be shy in general and particularly shut down with all the feelings about Taylor he is dealing with.

[@zonthisv4915]

To answer your request about why JP might keep looking at Taylor: I think it has a few sides to it. I see a guy who’s in constant trauma response mode. I can almost see his trauma mind running right behind his forehead. His main trauma response mode is freeze (seen here) and flight (for which the pod was ideal and right now he has a real problem because physically and contractually he can’t flee the space in between those camera’s in Mexico, I believe this gives his trauma mode an extra kick). I believe the looking is that he puts ALL of his eggs in the Taylor basket in this mode. He’s a full on vulnerable child, that looks at an adult around him. I believe he looks at Taylor: - for support while he’s suffering in his trauma state of mind and body - to ‘help him’ through carrying all of the emotional and mental weight (which isn’t help of course, because he remains completely inapt) - to end the situation all together by walking away / breaking it off - to try and predict ‘what’s coming next’ because positive intentions aside: Taylor is mainly the source of his triggering by existing and ‘wanting things’ from him. Especially in the make up scene that is coming up I clearly see the regression to his actual boy position staring at Mum to try and predict / prevent what might kick her off - might sound weird, but I actually believe that he also stares at her to convince his brain / body that ‘this is actually happening’, that she is really there. Taylor is absolutely letting care flow in his direction and his body can sense that. And it’s exactly what he’s craved since he was a kid. I believe the staring is a ‘taking it in’ / to remind his consciousness and / or subconsciousness that it’s real, really happening. Which makes me feel for him honestly In summary I think he keeps looking at her because in this immensely anxious triggered state: Taylor is now the source of everything because other than surviving he is completely malfunctioning ever since they came out of the pods.

[@WitchOracle]

All of this feels very likely to me. His staring seems like a true attempt to connect, to receive, and even to give the tiniest reassurance to her, it's just sadly not effective enough to overcome the damages to a budding relationship

[@Ununpentium]

Great thoughts, thanks for sharing! That guy was/is a mystery to me but it get's clearer!

[@emmahathaway-vf6ml]

He's also a firefighter so definitely more trauma there than what you can imagine!! A lot of Meddics and firefighters can display this type of personality trait

[@amberkc0801]

🎊 🎉 these uploads are making my Sunday lol

[@chocolatecat198]

Same!

[@Yasmin-pi5pr]

About the somatic response to anxiety: the other day about 10 minutes into knowing a person, he asked me very abruptly to sing something (we where talking about our hobbies), I felt those muscles you are talking about get so tense in that very instant. lol Happened in some other occasions too, when I felt very exposed or unprepared :/

[@lisebarrieau111]

I’ve frequently been unable to talk about certain things, talking or writing can be so much easier. Less anxiety, and the words sometimes can’t even come out. I’ve been criticized for doing this, have criticized myself. It’s nice to hear it’s not a horrible thing, which I’ve been told and told myself.

[@ckwanita907]

A lot of men love gossip, every football game is dubbed over with gossip about the players lol. A lot of men will mute it though, everyone is different.

[@lindsaycompton8042]

"you're out of your element donny!" is from the funniest movie ever made... the big leboswki. Chef's kiss reference Dr. H

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

One of my faves

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

I appreciate Dr. Honda's take on this interaction. I assumed he didn't like her at all, but I see the physical cues now that he's mentioned them.

[@Tuja235]

I was with a gut who hardly spoke. It was OK the first year and a half. Everyone was wondering why, I who was so talkative, was with such a quite man. I think it worked because I could just talk as much as I wanted. But I got bored after a year and a half.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

I think in the pods they have nothing to lose and everything to gain, so people really put themselves out there. Once they leave and go to the Honeymoon, they have something big to lose, so they start getting much more cautious and reactive.

[@shaymothegaymo]

Few things tickle me as much as 'okay lemme stop yammering' continues yammering 😅 So relatable, my cute ADHD brain does this so much

[@finkplamingoes]

Oh, Dr. Honda. Sweet, sweet Dr. Honda. You have no idea what you're in for next!!

[@rosannebjorkman1521]

Oh my gosh! It was so nice to hear you talking about the larynx freezing when scared to speak. I have experienced that throughout my life and thought I was imagining it. It helps so much to know that it's an actual thing.

[@trlandrew]

I have a question... JP said he doesn't like to be forced to MAKE conversation... Is it possible that some of the stuff that Taylor was asking him maybe was edited in such a way that we're not understanding that JP feels like are superficial or obvious answer yes or no and he doesn't want to engage in what feels like small talk... And he's waiting for more in-depth conversation that maybe isn't happening like it was in the pods. I can imagine when you're in the pods are trying to get to know each other and you maybe feel more free to have non-judgmental conversation and then when you meet in person it's all supposed to be our chemistry and attraction and maybe you move back into the more superficial cutesy lovey dovey kind of conversation and JP doesn't want that. That's just another possible scenario.

[@meshaporterfield116]

I totally agree with this. To me he was pressured to engage in small talk and I get that Taylor was trying but to me it seemed a bit superficial and she kept wanting reassurance from him but I think the whole thing made him uncomfortable and awkward.

[@jimwaxer8166]

Yes. I agree.

[@MegaGreencarebear]

I feel really bad for JP. I have mild social anxiety myself, but I know it can be debilitating for people and I think that's what we're looking at. I can only imagine the level of fear and shame he's experiencing. People can be really good at masking these emotions, including men who've been socialised to do this and praised for their resemblance to Captain America. If you have social anxiety, seek help. Treatment can be very effective (just like for other anxiety disorders). I did group therapy CBT and it really helped me. Kirk, perhaps you could talk more about this? Social anxiety is the most common anxiety disorder but rarely discussed in the media.

[@WillowyMilk]

Dr. Honda quoting The Big Lebowski had me ROLLING!!!! I love that movie so much.

[@hadeerabdelnaiem8556]

Can’t wait for Dr Kirk’s reaction to “the scene”.

[@gemjule]

Second impact syndrome is so real, im glad no one died from the brain injuries in your youth. Concussions are so serious but neuroplasticity can help recover important pieces of our lives and functioning

[@MJ31579]

I felt bad for JP. He was very happy when he saw her, while she mentioned his gap. And then she was pushing him to talk but what he did say she took negatively, even her facial expressions was not of someone who is inlove but as someone who wants love. So I think he picked up on that, coupled with her looks and his insecurities it did not go well.

[@Selsmittenxo]

Yea I can see both sides. Though she only started doing that after a lot of patience and compassion

[@stellannie86]

The reason JP will give on his demeanor is INSANE..! I was ripping my hair out -_-

[@meowJACK]

​@@ania5038Although I agree it wasnt the sole reason, I disagree that it was an "excuse" or that it wasnt "real". The whole 'yOu LoOk BeTtEr WiThOuT mAkEuP, dOnT wEaR iT, It MakEs YoU lOoK fAkE" thing is 100% a very real and very common trope for the type of obsessively republican guy who has a weird american flag fetish

[@zacharyjohnson1193]

​@@ania5038100%. I'm not sure he really digs deep into why and just tossed out a gut reaction cause being quiet didn't work.

[@thatlibrariangirl]

I really didn’t like that he tried to blame her makeup. I felt like he was just deflecting and it was easier for him to attack her than address he’s feelings

[@pinksalmon9882]

Don’t give out spoilers to Dr. Honda and others. He asked it on his channel

[@jillianphoenix3270]

The throat tightness thing is so real!! I went straight to grad school after undergrad, and I was the youngest person in my class by far. Everyone else seemed so much smarter and more experienced than me. In one particular class that also had a pretty intimidating professor, every single time I spoke, my voice shook SO badly it sounded like I was going to cry. I couldn’t control it at all. I’d try to rehearse what I was going to say in my head, I’d silently give myself pep talks, I’d keep my eyes down instead of making eye contact with people… nothing stopped my voice from shaking. And then the more I’d try to prevent it from happening, the more anxious I’d get, and the more it would shake lol. Thankfully I’m much more confident in myself and what I have to say now so I don’t experience that anymore, but it really was such a terrible feeling!!

[@rockabillymuffin]

My reading based on the available date is: JP seems to be an Incel, who signed up for the show because he was deeply unhappy with being alone and/ or wanted the status of marriage. As an incel, being in that world feeds your self hate, so him not being seen by a partner would have been appealing. He was able to see Taylor as a whole person through a wall, because he didn't see a real life woman. When they met, he was suddenly forced, to see Taylor as a woman. And since his ideology as an Intel tells him to hate women, especially anything feminine (like makeup, making conversation, asking questions about your relationship), he wasn't able to put that together with the person he actually liked through a wall. He wasn't able to get over the disgust he had for women as a whole. That he grew up with an abusive mother could also play into his underlying disgust for women. This ambivalence and antagonization of Taylor made him sure, that she was going to leave him, and there was nothing that he could do about it. Which is, again a way for him to blame a woman for his shortcomings in a relationship. It's really sad and miserable.

[@sarahohara4022]

I just keep thinking about the horrible abuse from JP’s mom inflicted on his sisters. He probably has some confusing if not conflicted views on women.

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yeah, that is likely a big part of this.

[@steffany3513]

Nailed this one doc! I loved all the breakdowns cause I was soo confused by it.

[@magikenzee]

"ANOTHER ONE" HAHA thanks DrH

[@savage_optimist]

Your assessment seems spot on to me I think he's terrified and projecting a lot of icky stuff in his silence but her patience and vulnerability has the POTENTIAL to make him and his life so incredible, if he can stay committed and grateful in the moments he can be. He looked at her like he really likes her, and also looks scared. But not disgusted or bored which is what I would expect if he was done with her. I haven't seen the season and now I'm afraid to because this video made me really want them to work lol

[@lancelobato]

I really wanna see D.r Honda reacting and analysing the Golden Bachelor!!!! 😁😁😁

[@stellannie86]

"..as long as my brain is _mostly_ intact.." 😅

[@apfelbaum6331]

I felt this so much when you talked about immigrating into another country. I got put into first class without speaking the language well and I would not talk a word, I felt invisible and one time I got locked up in class, because the teacher would not see that I am still there.. it was horror. Meant a lot to hear the acknowledgement from you.

[@Julia-um4rv]

Dr. Honda, I really appreciate your kindness in how you look at these people. It would be so easy to write him off as a dick and I definitely thought that, but you had me convinced by the end that maybe he's struggling.

[@lomarss1589]

Idk why I feel really badly for JP even after the makeup discussion- that felt like a defense to me when she felt calling him weird and awkward. Def felt horrible for Taylor too. He seemed to intentional with eye contact and really wanted it to work- just completely lacked the tools to do so.

[@abby-xo7kf]

Oh my gosh how do you manage to make all of these and stop right before everything changes with the couples LMAO I’m dying right now

[@sfooshy4517]

I've been dying to see you react to this.

[@emmaginationlove]

I think if you look at the research and articles about toxic masculine environments in fire houses you will see it more as a firefighter culture problem as well. Just a thought.

[@RGB1986]

“Robot talker” name is Paul . You crack me up Dr. Honda 😂

[@BlackCampariBlue]

This is just my perception, but as a socially anxious person myself I see myself in JPs behaviour. He seems to me like he is desperately trying to connect positively with Taylor, holding eye contact, jumping up to make her coffee, and so on. But his distress to not do or say the wrong things, strengthened by his desire to not lose Taylor, paralyzes him. Poor guy. I applaud Taylor for being kind and still self-caring. She isn't responsible for his issues, and still she handled this in an unusualy decent way.

[@MJ31579]

If I remember correctly JP spoke more and Taylor listened more. I think he made up a version of her, like a simple girl that likes simple things, but in real life he seas something else. From her side she wanted to choose different from how she normally chooses, but I didnt think she likes him really. He was just safe.

[@tashaeddy3902]

I agree. I'm married to an extreme introvert but he talked a ton when we were dating. How else do you get to know one another?

[@MrsSantaM]

The episode we’ve been waiting for!

[@WitchOracle]

Maybe because my husband and I are reading Anne of Green Gables right now, JP reminds me so much of Matthew Cuthbert. I see his staring and tentative smiles at Taylor as an attempt to convey/communicate something to her, but I can't interpret what that is. And of course, poor Taylor can't either, despite her best efforts.

[@haroldpinteresque4460]

Imagine the pain seeking protection under his awkward smile ... and the American flag.

[@albertroy5293]

Yes! Great point!

[@em8066]

I would add that repetitive traumatic brain injuries not only affect the injured person (leading to suicidality, and to physical brain changes akin to dementia), but also affect those close to them. There is a cultural component to the sport, but repetitive TBIs are also shown to raise violent tendencies. Like Junior Seau's history of domestic violence, and countless others. The sport just isn't worth it.

[@daphnespeaks]

It’s the Big Lebowski reference for me. You’re out of your element Donny 😂😂😂 Loved the perspective 💯🎯💜

[@EnjoyLife-op5rn]

While I can understand Taylor's frustration, I also am empathetic with JP. He just didn't have the skills to discuss his concerns and remained quiet because he didn't know how to address his concerns. JP also seems more communicative when he is not face-to-face with someone. I also think that is a lot of undisclosed information about their first meeting. Both of them seemed to not be attracted to the other one, causing a rift from the first meeting.

[@EnjoyLife-op5rn]

I agree that JP was disrespectful, but I don't perceive his behavior as verbally abusive. He has a right to state his preferences, which he did so insensitively. Taylor also has the right to choose how she wants to present herself to the world. Something happened between them when they meet. I wonder if she told him that she didn't like the space between his teeth and he was hurt by her remarks.

[@Tnicole01]

⁠@@EnjoyLife-op5rn I highly doubt she said that to his face, especiallly with how patient she was the whole time in Mexico. & I disagree, it was abusive behavior, he told her to “just not wear makeup” to resolve the issue of him being awkward.. instead of being self reflective and vulnerable and admitting he just has anxiety or issues communicating, he blames her for his behavior.

[@EnjoyLife-op5rn]

JP said that she was checked out when they came to Mexico. He based that perception on some information that was not shown. She did say in the solo scenes that she didn't like his looks, and JP definitely picked up on that. While she made attempts to communicate in Mexico, I perceived her as have her as having her walls upl towards him. Sadly, JP didn't know how to address the situation of his not liking her wearing makeup and her not liking his looks. He responded disrespectfully by telling her not to wear makeup. His comments were not a good way to build a relationship. Couples counseling would have been very helpful for them.

[@nader85021]

Hi, I just want to add my input on JP. I would like you to see how he is acting in group setting (at beach) when he is social, giving high five and hugging lydia. And during one on one with taylor he is complete opposite . Put this in context of pressures of the show and the fact she may not be attracted to him. Also with the recent lawsuit of a contestant that claims of possible assault in mexico, all of this may have caused intense STRESS while shooting. Could his behavior maybe explained by this than just judging him based on highly edited tv show? Bc a lot of cast members said recently they love JP and hang out with him a lot. He also has been in a healthy relationship with someone after the show.

[@nikkirotundaful]

In the initial reveal I feel like Taylor acted like she didn’t like his appearance. She said something about his teeth in the interview. Obviously she didn’t say anything to him but I think he picked up on her body language and maybe shut down after that.

[@creativeopinions8250]

I dated this exact type man, it was so difficult and frustrating for me to connect with him as he barely added anything to our conversations. He never saw it as anything wrong and our relationship just didn't go anywhere. Finally I'm learning about what can be happening.

[@rabiyahelle9102]

What I don’t understand is, if you don’t like talking, why go on a show that is literally about talking only? Also, extreme shyness, wouldn’t that kind of make You not want to go on tv? Idk but to judge him but just kind of seems Off as an explanation.

[@ambidexterity1]

If JP is so anti-conversation what possessed him to be on a show like this? How did he even survive the pods?

[@haleymosley9265]

I'm a shy person who is often perceived as stuck up or intimidating and I feel very seen by you bringing that up

[@hashtagmate]

DAAAAMMMN Dr Honda was fiiiine when he was my age 😍 Stacy knew what she was doing!

[@aliciatara6520]

I keep watching episodes and saying "I NEED TO HEAR DR. KIRK HONDA'S THOUGHTS ON THIS"

[@AntoniaG1991]

I think it's absolute insanity that he decided to go on a TV show and not provide us with any entertainment in the form of conversation. The cameras are rolling, kindly open your mouth sir

[@Nyx_Nyx]

I wonder if JP may be neurodivergent, maybe that's why he is having issues connecting face to face with her?

[@Giggleypuff1]

The anxiety comments are really interesting. It reminded me of the Japan season with the comedian who just became super quiet and mute on the honeymoon.

[@NicoleWiencke]

"You're out of your element Donnie" is from the Big Lebowski, Dr H 😂

[@RLC-tr1wn]

Total speculation here, maybe I have a theory that we've been kind of fooled by the edit. And maybe they were not That compatible in the pods ? they left out all the awkwardness that maybe it did happen during the pod states. And another thing to me there's nothing wrong with him. He was talking non-stop in the house . He was social towards the guys. And also in the beach. He was social towards other people. I think his problem is with women.And i dont like the fact that he wasted Taylor's time . If anyone went to that show to find love in a genuine way ( not hustling like johnie or lydia per se) is taylor, so it sucks ,really does.

[@abbys.9233]

I honestly wonder if JP has been complimented on his blue eyes and in his nervousness the eye contact is an attempt to look attractive.. drawing attention to his eyes which he has been complimented on. Just throwing darts at the wall.

[@xFlorrible]

Guys like JP (of course I have no idea but), look like what they're looking for is not a wife but an object, a ''yes, sir'' kind of person, a trophy wife even... they don't want to be bothered or can't deal with a complete, complex person! anyway Taylor is gorgeous and I'm sorry she went through this.

[@AllyMack23]

Watching this, I was wanting them to try turning their backs to each other and start talking. I was so curious to see what would happen.

[@WitchOracle]

Even sitting back to back, so they're emulating the pods but also getting some protective effects from physically touching while being vulnerable. The physical manifestation of "I've got your back and you've got mine"

[@AllyMack23]

@@WitchOracle Love that!

[@reyesy25]

I dont think Taylor liked JP after the reveal.

[@jimwaxer8166]

I think she was not physically attracted to him. He picked up on that. And then she tried to force conversations. It is not a good match. She wants lots of affection and affirmations and he gave some but she wants more than he is going to give. She wants to be swept off her feet and both realized their needs and wants were not aligned. And he didn’t want to be told it is so awkward and then be forced into small talk.

[@reyesy25]

@@jimwaxer8166 10000% I really think at the end she sabotaged the whole thing by being pushy and demanding. But I get it, he didn't meet her expectations and she shouldn't settle for less. I just think she could have been nicer about it.

[@bigmouthshlee]

I felt terrible when she asked “do you think you could sleep with me for the rest of your life?” And then he just stays silent and kind of nervously chuckles… I think that would really be hurtful and possibly make a person feel very undesirable and unsure about the relationship. 😓

[@sufiheart]

He def was that way in the pods too. I remember thinking that was odd. Though ge was slightly more talkative. I think he got caught up with the idea of marriage more than the real deal. Or he just plain sucks at communication

[@sagnotron]

I had an ex who acted this way very suddenly after having a very loving & communicative relationship & friendship together. I would ask questions very patiently, I would make suggestions, I would even give him space. He then suddenly broke up with me sighting he had no time. I still feel very confused about it. There was no conversation or closure. I genuinely still dunno what happened and it was very sad. I wish he would’ve just talked me through his feelings and reasoning even if we were over🤷🏽

[@berlininspired7974]

Did you play for the Washington Huskies?? would be so cool!!

[@maarleyjedermann3174]

This is completely thought up right now, but since you were talking about men and women being socialised differently around talking: There's the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis that, without language, humans wouldn't be capable of complex thought. Now, I notice that I may understand situations or my own feelings much better when I try putting them into words. Since men aren't socialised to talk much (about feelings) could it be that they have less complex thoughts (on their own feelings) as well? They have the feelings, but not putting them into words causes them to be more out of touch with them? There's also this online chatter about "women don't understand that men often think about literally nothing." Again, could the lack of thought be borne out of a lack of *use* of language? Sorry for the stereotyping!

[@ExtraordinaryMachine333]

Dr. Honda could stop talking and just look up Paul's name, but then we'd miss him musing, "Scientist...robot talker." LOL! I know it wasn't meant to be insulting, it's just amusing

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Ha!

[@Jen_nifer99]

But why would JP join a reality show when he’s socially anxious

[@jennifervosler91]

He just seemed overwhelmed

[@Ash-moo7]

I’m not sure if anyone mentioned this but JP seems to have a couple traits that usually point to ASD, everything from how curt and fast his touch is to how he prefers more non verbal communication. Of course it’s a gigantic spectrum but his general awkwardness and obsession with American themed clothes alongside with all the other aspects could be a sign of being on the spectrum 🤷