"The Dog" | Therapist Breaks Down Tim & Alex from Love is Blind 7

[@veganforthem76]

The break up conversation when he ended up saying “I never want to see you again” was so over the top and dramatic that I bursted out laughing 😂

[@walkerjoggerrunner7571]

Drama Queen

[@jacks4009]

Sassy

[@easyveganfoodie]

Omg me too. Especially his smirk when he said that, like where did that even come from? 😅

[@CarolineofTheInternet]

Same!

[@iah8331]

I was like WTF did I miss?! It seemed to come out of nowhere.

[@WilliamsPinch]

Tim has a quiet, suppressed rage that bubbles right under the surface. I find him unsettling.

[@sethnoland9289]

💯

[@albertinamack8177]

Yeah. He would be unhinged if he was married.

[@acd1168]

Yes! I dated someone like him and it’s a very uncomfortable environment. Double minded people

[@e8fl3b]

absolutely. In addition to the rage, there was the twisting of words, telling Alex what her motivation was and spitefulness. Behind most anger is sadness/trauma and the look of sadness and betrayal he had on his face after that first big fight with Alex was so striking.

[@LoreOfTheWorlds615]

Yall forget she litterally put hands on him in mexico a few days into knowing him??? Why didnt she mention that in the video at all?? If he did what she did he wouldve been kicked off the show

[@Yeyemi-b1s]

Tim is the kinda man I PRAY I never run into. Serious lack of self awareness, no accountability, weird spiteful behavior, obsessed with control, etc.

[@Roccofan]

You’re lying to yourself and you obviously have no experience with men of substance that aren’t willing to be your doormat. Good luck. I hope you and baby mama number three are able to get along.

[@brip7186]

I was beginning to think I was the only one who thought Tim was a walking red flag. I think he’s full of himself, was disingenuous from the start… and dear I say it?! 😐 a narcissist..

[@Blehblahwhatwhy]

You described my ex 😂

[@HJons]

I just realized that Tim likes to agitate people, but runs from the confrontation that comes from it.

[@Yellow-pe6km]

He’s definitely an antagonist

[@AllBoffum]

You all just ignored the FACT that he tried to leave after SHE was having an attitude and poorly communicating. Yall think the problem is Tim's because he didn't want to deal with her bratty attitude for the rest of his life 🙄

[@not.valentina]

@@AllBoffumprojecting much? 😂 he also had just as nasty as an attitude. can give her shit but can’t take it

[@AllBoffum]

@not.valentina what did I say that was wrong? I repeated exactly what happened.. She was being moody and giving him an attitude. He tried to check on her to find out the problem. She didn't properly communicate it. Instead, she lashed out. He tried to walk away from the situation, but she wouldn't let him. She eventually called him names and tried to muzzle him with her hand. He didn't like that and wanted to break up.. Now yall are saying he wouldn't give her space... but she wouldn't let him leave and admits to having an attitude, name calling, poor communication, and putting her hands on him.

[@Thebiggest7303]

“I wore this yellow short bc my ex hates yellow “ 1st episode I hated him

[@topazdominique208]

Tim is unhinged. He should not be in a relationship with anyone. He is very self centred. Very arrogant and full of himself. There is no compassion, no understanding, no empathy for his partners feelings.

[@kimberly0717]

Sounds like a narcissist. He also played victim on the reunion. He tried to make it appear she "assaulted" him, I am glad she cleared her name. She should not have emasculated him, but otherwise she dodged a bullet.

[@femdivinemind7777]

💯💯💯💯

[@LensaKebede-vx9lr]

So true....lacks humility

[@MizGator]

I just realized that after their blow up in Cabo he told Alex "if I need my space, give me my space". When that is literally why the blow up happened, it was because HE didn't want to give her space when she asked for it. Then her calling him when she was free, and him saying "you can't dictate when we talk", yet he literally didn't pick up because he wanted to punish her for not talking when HE wanted. I can go on and on, but he's simply a hypocrite that wants to control her.

[@donnybrock4003]

The difference is that Alex offered no clarity on why she needed space, which probably felt like a rejection. I’m sure had she actually voiced that she missed her family he would have respected that. There’s a difference between asking for space and shutting down.

[@MizGator]

@ it’s possible that she had not initially voiced it, but did eventually voice at some point so that he knew it wasn’t about him. Either way, it’s strange that he couldn’t give her space whether he thought it was about him or not.

[@islabee94]

It's actually completely different - she didn't say that she needed some space or why. So he was trying to get clarity and help her because she was sobbing on the floor and he had no clue why. They both corroborated this. So no, the two situations are totally different.

[@islabee94]

​@@MizGatorI disagree, I think if your partner is having an emotional meltdown and you don't ask if they need help or what's wrong, that's bizarre behaviour. The reason she was so tentative when they had the first conversation after the fight was because she knew it escalated and became toxic because of her. She's said about herself that she has anger issues. The thing is we saw his (the quiet anger under the surface) and we never saw hers because it happened off camera. I know this is unpopular because people don't like Tim, but I don't think she was a good partner, and even though he's weird and displayed some counter productive and annoying behaviour, I don't think he is the villain in the relationship at all.

[@MizGator]

@@islabee94 as I mentioned earlier, she may not have initially told him but she likely told him at some point it had nothing to do with him. It would be hard to imagine that she made him think the whole time that she was mad at him. I’m sure at some point he knew it wasn’t him she was mad at, but he still was trying to help “lead” the situation as he mentioned, instead of giving her the space she needed.

[@emilyjones7820]

Tim struggling with emotion regulation and needing everything on his terms is spot on!

[@lanceareadbhar]

Yeah, I clocked this after their argument in Cabo as he just kept saying how much he loved that loved her fire and that she pushes back and then almost broke up for the exact thing that he said that he loved the most about her since he clearly meant that she only push back how he wants to be pushed back and no more assuming she can always read his mind. Everything Tim did was always just thinking about Tim including reading that letter to her father since he clearly only did that thinking about himself given that he promised he would be good to her Dad even though he was having doubts about the relationship and never once thought about how her or her father would feel knowing that he was internally having doubts while saying all of the things that he said in that letter. That scene was fantastic because everyone thought Tim still felt the same way he did when he wrote it, but Tim never thought how cruel it would be to Alex and her father saying those words while clearly not meaning all of them since he was having doubts which he admitted to Alex after. Tim also treated that situation as a scoreboard where regardless of how he was feeling, he performed well and was expecting her to perform equally as well to his parents regardless of how she was feeling since again he was only thinking about himself and not that it could be seen as hurtful to his parents if she said things she didn't actually feel in the moment.

[@deeniesmothers9310]

He just said he had, "little brother energy." I totally understand now.

[@LoreOfTheWorlds615]

Yall forget she litterally put hands on him in mexico a few days into knowing him??? Why didnt she mention that in the video at all?? If he did what she did he wouldve been kicked off the show

[@vi4033]

@@LoreOfTheWorlds615 "well she clarified and he also confirmed she didn’t really put her hands on him but she was motioning to shush him because he had gotten so loud and she didn’t want production to come in and see him. "

[@kabrynmahan]

@@LoreOfTheWorlds615 they both agreed at the reunion it wasn’t in an aggressive manner and she was trying to calm his voice down to prevent a scene 🙄

[@aimeeysful]

It sounds like him and his older sisters picked on each other and that's how he learned to show love. Then they passed away so he's trying to find a partner that he can have the same relationship with.

[@StephAnya]

I agree! Now the question is how healthy that sort of dynamic is romantically.

[@BlueTorchWeddings]

​@@StephAnyaI don't see it as very healthy at all. I think he should accept the passing of his sisters so that he can be open to a new person in the future

[@joanna0988]

​@@BlueTorchWeddings Exactly. My brother and I can be really mean to each other and there's no love lost but that same approach would definitely damage my relationship with my husband.

[@Stormy575]

I've been saying that. He wants a sibling dynamic, not a romantic one

[@calvinwilson3617]

​@StephAnya i think it *could* be in a healthy way, but with tim it most certainly doesn't appear that way. Tim doesn't even seem to want a romantic partner, he wants a sibling. And he sees getting married as his way to that end

[@kingahahn6966]

Smirk on his face when he said he don’t want to see and speak to her ever again was so unsettling… something about him seemed off from the beginning

[@calvinwilson3617]

Its because you can tell just how easily he masks his true emotions. You can visibly and audibly hear his rage and yet he is saying it with a smile. If he can say THAT with a smile on his face, can you trust anything he says? Tim seems like he cannot handle his anger

[@kimberly0717]

Quiet rage!

[@theCatsitter878]

From his words at the reunion many people theorised he might be into redpill/incel podcasts, and honestly his playing the victim and generalising about women "not getting him" sounds a lot like that. My theory is also that he kinda idealised his dead sisters as the perfect women so much that no living woman will ever compare.

[@alishaendre616]

@@calvinwilson3617he’s the most dangerous type of guy, in my opinion and experience.

[@hannahkarlberg2253]

Dated a guy who loved banter and sarcasm, most jokes were at my expense and when i set a boundary i “couldn’t take a joke”

[@Cutestjpg]

My ex liked to joke like that too all the time. For a few months it was okay but I told him for ever joke he makes, he has to compliment me in 3 different ways. Cant always be a butt of a joke. Needless to say, he's an ex for a reason now

[@Stormy575]

Definitely a red flag that he enjoys provoking and annoying his partner, but if they get into an argument he's out 🤨

[@KP-5928]

so glad a therapist is calling out tim's narcissistic behavior. the amount of people online who were saying that tim seemed nice and mature was incredibly alarming to me.

[@vashatilindsay7156]

I clutched my pearls 😂. I was like there’s no way I’m this traumatized because this man is OFF. I felt gaslit by TikTok 😂

[@ClaraBell3452]

When it comes to abusive behavior: If you know, you know. But good for the people who don't know, because hopefully that means they haven't had someone this manipulative in their life 😅 that's what I like to believe😂

[@tormel8203]

Yessss I was like how can people not see he is the whole problem!

[@gabijaetingz4189]

Yes! The amount of women who make excuses for men and can't pick up on abusive behavior and actually defend it is VERY VERY BAD

[@FentyNavi]

TikTok always gaslights me when it comes to these people lol. I still feel all the men were off this season

[@africanaissues4294]

Tim just comes across so bitter and weird. Alex is not perfect but my God Tim seems so exhausting

[@msliltrinity]

Exhausting is such a great description!

[@hay13ybay13y]

as someone who depends on naps to recharge and function like a human, I was so offended on Alex’s behalf lol 😭

[@momma_alex]

SAME! I’m a stay at home home but my husband still lets me naps for about 1-2 hours on his day off while he hangs out with the kids. I love my sleep ! lol

[@DeMinimusMs]

The problem with Tim is that he thinks that as soon as a woman he's in a relationship with upsets him, that means she's bad news and he needs to get away - except that 1- he doesn't understand that there is NO relationship that is rainbows and gumdrops all the time because humans have emotions that shift and change and affect relationships. and 2- Tim puts the blame for any bad feelings he has on the woman in the relationship regardless of his contribution to the problem. He thinks that because he says he doesn't want to fight, that means he doesn't get angry but he DOES and he doesn't realize it because his default is to blame his partner for his feelings.

[@Frwill126]

Right! And it’s clear his parents at least his mother knows that this is a trait in him and they old him that no one is perfect.

[@Caroline-qy6tl]

I'm coming to terms with the fact that most men expect relationships to be rainbows and butterflies. And if they don't, they leave. Relationships are one of the best places to grow and explore. I will from now on communicate that. If a potential partner chooses not to grow and learn and explore, that is their choice. Jamie Lidell has this beautiful song "Another day" with the line "Another day, another way for me to open up to you".

[@heather1628]

@@Caroline-qy6tl I love that line "Another day, another way for me to open up to you". What a lovely way to look at relationships :) thanks for sharing!

[@Caroline-qy6tl]

@heather1628 the song is so light and cheerful about something I struggle with: being vulnerable and sharing my insecurities. The song makes it easier 😄. You're very welcome by the way.

[@heather1628]

@@Caroline-qy6tl Same here! Nice to know I'm not alone in those struggles. I love having a song that makes it easier 😄

[@Nita_Key]

Tim wouldn't make it with many women in my opinion. He's not affectionate, not open to constructive criticism, not open to naps, you have to talk to him whenever he wants even while you're working. I don't know who's worse between him and Ramses who wouldn't allow Marissa a sick day from boot knocking. Then there's Tyler....and Hannah... This is the dating pool 💩

[@theCatsitter878]

He's one of those guys who will travel to some south-asian poor country to pick a wife who's totally submissive because she's financially dependent on him and wants to move to.the USA and then complain about wester women being too spoilee and demanding while Asian women are better etc etc.

[@annajensen67]

Not open to naps 😂

[@leslie226]

@@theCatsitter878💯💯💯💯

[@Indigogirl523]

@@theCatsitter878 Seems like exactly the type. When I saw him, I thought he seemed like a passport bro or a red piller lol

[@cosmiccoolgirl]

Surprised you missed off cheating Stephen 😅

[@eevee-bt5pj]

I really liked your comment on how you don't have to be behaving outwardly emotional to have difficulty with emotional regulation. So SO true!!

[@Gunna5067]

I wish more men would realize this.

[@redenavari]

Some avoidant people, in my experience, they make everything they say into a riddle and every questions into a test, are deliberately confusing as a way to protect themselves and create distance and when you can't figure them out, it serves to reinforce their internal biases and create more emotional distance by filling them with contempt for you. For me, that's what "none of the women I'm into understand me" brings to mind. I wouldn't assume that's what's going on just from that, but I'd be paying attention. They fantasize about a manic pixie dream girl who's gonna "just get them" without them ever having to be vulnerable. 🤷

[@StephAnya]

I’ve seen this pattern of establishing tests for people to fail (a form of self-sabotage) too. That’s a great theory!

[@asandamabanga9246]

“Just get them” without being vulnerable 😮😮

[@morgangarrett7049]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾wow so true

[@mattcaston9546]

Or prince charming, good analysis

[@xLiLlyx98]

​@@asandamabanga9246 i fell into that same pattern/trap because i thought the "right person" would just be so much on my wave length or whatever that we'd just think alike 😅 i blame a mixture of emotional trauma from my parents that made me unable to express or even identify emotions and maybeee a touch of having read a few too many books that put me out of touch with actual human dynamics 😂 interestingly, it wasnt only romantic partners but also my best friend that i expected that from and was eventually disappointed (of course)

[@Ima_Wake]

IMO based on the edits, Tim views every action that he disagrees with as 'disrespect.' I think he wants to be progressive so he says he wants someone who will challenge him, but he really wants submission/obedience. And because he doesn't receive feedback well any pushback or redirective feedback is seen as an attack on his personhood.

[@shescalledirina]

It's like that Trevor Noah quote "The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. "He's like an exotic bird collector," she said. "He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage."

[@bluebutterfly5062]

In my experience, when someone outwardly said they want someone to "challenge" them or "talk back " they are looking for someone to blame. I want you to be the type to argue, so I can call you "combative" when I don't get what I want.

[@shirleycorey5197]

This is powerful!! ​@@shescalledirina

[@Angel-v8j7j]

​@@shescalledirinaHe has a very archaic idea of women and what it means in relation to men.. He isn't willing to grow as a person as he thinks being "high value" is based on monetary value and superficiality

[@Lmk790]

Sounds like a Virgo. 😂😂😂. And yes, he’s one.

[@paintitblack9712]

" It's nothing but the dog in me." 😅 Yeah, that was always cringy

[@MiszCandiiLadii]

Such a dork 🤦🏽

[@vi4033]

So cringe! 😅I mean even if it was playful and someone lets him make that joke. Iif she says more then 3times that it makes her uncomfortable, ignoring her feelings is just so disrespectful.

[@xLiLlyx98]

​@@vi4033honestly i would have considered walking back on that engagement the second that happened 😅 maybe would have given him a few days to see whether he was just awkward at that moment and acting silly because of that but ... Yeah im not trying to get married to someone who's acting like he's MY little brother 😅

[@WhoIsMikeJones568]

@@MiszCandiiLadiihella

[@char6081]

it was just corny, something that can be overlooked but corny

[@anneplemons]

So glad you focused so much on Tim! It was frustrating to see that his behavior wasn’t talked about much when it was clearly problematic at times. He was definitely spiteful. You have my vote for LIB counselor!

[@GrandHoopla]

Tim felt like a red pill man, his compliments for Leo centented that for me

[@DawnNa_22]

It was the “you women say you want men to respect you” that did it for me. I felt like I was on the scary side of KZbin.

[@tynesha3710]

Ah! Good catch! I thought he was just controlling but you're right... That comment at the reunion revealed more than just his nature but also his belief about women in general. May we all use this couple as a cautionary tale!

[@goldiewatches]

@lilacgreens-kh9jgOr builts resentment and one day just kills you period. The amount of pick me women defending him on his socials is scary.

[@VioletFlame-Ivy]

THAT was my first thought when I saw him on this show-Redpill! It was written all over him, and how proud he felt about hurting this woman.

[@seymonetko1958]

Alex dodged a bullet. Tim’s behavior down to the poem to her dad when he knew he was not sure was diabolical.

[@adriennevenable4316]

I had a bf who kept doing something I hated. By the end it felt so abusive. His dog thing was very triggering to me.

[@noli_ice]

Thank you for your analysis! Tim’s seeming spitefulness always kept Alex on edge. When they spoke about their argument where she called him out of his name and she revealed that the producers had to ask him to calm down because he was yelling and her reaction to her explaining herself showed me that he held that fight against her and was just nitpicking to end things. Also, I would’ve loved to learn more about Alex and her thought process but like you said, he was auditioning her.

[@debbieakadely1212]

exactly. i saw the interview on tiktok of her explaining that night and it seemed like she set a boundary that he didnt respect and got mad about it and lashed out. she simply didnt wanna talk about what was bothering her at that time (which was her missing her dad) and instead of giving her space her got mad at her

[@HoneyHide0ut444]

I’ll never forget some thing my dad told me, men don’t joke. They tell the truth with laughs… what he was really communicating is I’m going to forgo your boundaries when I feel it’s necessary or funny. you aren’t a person, you’re entertainment, you’re a possession

[@MarshmallowDiva]

I feel this so much! My whole life my dad has used jokes to criticize and then acted like I was the crazy one when I got upset about it.

[@spyduhgirl]

With the playful "giving each other a hard time" dynamic, my husband and I have been together nearly 18 years and we uses to always be ribbing on and playfully teasing each other in our 20s. I distinctly remember a time when we were staying interstate with my family & every time I'd tease him they'd defend him, at the time I assumed they just didn't understand our playful friendly dynamic but I think that planted a seed of thought for me and at some point I told him that we don't speak to each other like people that love each other, and because we really do deeply love each other we should try not to speak that way and we stopped.

[@StephAnya]

I love that you had a realization and were able to successfully pivot. Congratulations on 18 years!

[@BlueTorchWeddings]

Steph, you are absolutely spot on. I think the trauma bonding from the onset really set up this couple for failure. Tim needs to focus on Healing versus finding someone to pull into his uncompromising outlook. Alex wasn't perfect and personally, her lack of cleanliness and her laziness in terms of house chores would've turned me off as well. I wish them both growth though

[@nrjm26]

I was just mainly confused by these two, especially how quickly Tim was always shutting down, not listening, walking away etc. It really seemed as though he had certain expectations that he didn't communicate properly so they couldn't have been met. The break up was almost comical, with Alex eating and just saying "okay". Asking Tim whether he really wanted to hear what she had to say, because she knew it wouldn't make a difference if he had already made up his mind. That man seems to be looking for a mind reader and is not doing any kind of self reflection...

[@nunya9797]

It seems to me that Tim proposed to his idea of a wife and he ended up not liking her personality and blamed her for it. He put off the vibe that he thinks he’s better than her which was super off putting to me.

[@calvinwilson3617]

Wow, fantastic insight 6:33 this was actually giving me big sibling vibes. This was the most comfortable tim seemed to ever be on the show and hes acting like he's teasing his little sister. Definitely fits with the replacement sister theory. Heck even the way he describes getting married he refers to it as "giving them another daughter"

[@SmellMyKnee15]

He’s the youngest. Very much a little boy

[@sourPatchkidHaley]

I just think Tim was a low key misogynist. He wanted Alex to fit a very strick role of what he imagines a "good" woman is. Someone who challenges him (but not too much, he wants to win), he wants an obedient wife who jumps when he snaps, a woman who puts his needs and his families needs first (your tired? Well too bad be a good host and entertain my family). I doubt Tim will ever find the perfect woman to understand him unless shes a trad wife robot. Im glad Alex got away from him.

[@javanjunkindahouse6625]

An obedient “vessel”

[@sourPatchkidHaley]

@javanjunkindahouse6625 Exactly

[@shescalledirina]

Oh I think he's a *high* key misogynist. His dislike for women was visible and the way he worded some things at the reunion...

[@donnabohanon1570]

Tim interaction in the pods is what concerned me. There was too much focus on the dead sisters! That was a big red flag. Giving Alex the bracelet shock me. I actually screamed no! I would have refused it. Too soon Tim!!

[@debbieakadely1212]

i dont like tim but new context has come out that his sister died 6 months before filming this so its understandable why he kept mentioning them as it was still probably fresh for him

[@zuria07]

Constants tests, one sided expectations, unfair and unreasonable punishments. A relationship with him would be a nightmare.

[@SharatiaBanks]

WAIT- the title 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Steph, youre amazing

[@nino2190]

😭😭😂

[@Partycitybaex]

“The dog” lmfao

[@bublzrcool]

The title alone is cracking me up... can't wait to watch this vid!

[@alismoran777]

My ex was like Tim. He was not affectionate physically, unless he was poking at me or annoying me. He convinced me that him making fun, purposely irritating me, talking crap, that it was all from a point of love because that’s the only way he knew how to show love. He would compare it to a little boy having a crush on a girl and making fun of her is the only way he knows how to express that crush. It made the dynamic so difficult because eventually the lines were blurred between what is playful and what is just mean. I felt like I had to compromise my feelings to let him be himself. I would find myself crying often times not understanding his intentions in saying some mean thing and not being able to express myself because he would react just how Tim reacts. It was worse when he would do it in public. He enjoyed the dynamic and would just laugh at my frustration with him. Thank God that’s over.

[@Bye.girlmelanie]

Same!

[@ayandakhumalo8692]

Tim is cold , very scary

[@saahk7]

I know he has this really controlled rage it's truly is scary, you can see it in his eyes even when everything he does is really calm and controlled

[@tynesha3710]

I've been in a relationship where things were very playful but I was definitely triggered throughout due to my insecurities. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to ruin the dynamics or the relationship or be seen as too sensitive. It was not an emotionally healthy relationship. I hid a lot of who I really was because I was an insecure person.

[@StephAnya]

I see this all the time because the relationship isn’t all bad of course. It’s hard to know when to speak up. Thank you so much for sharing ♥️

[@liftedenergy3693]

I was in this situation 6 years ago, never fear rejection or abandonment because oftentimes that person is not for you. You are worthy of love, consideration, empathy, kindness, understanding, and encouragement

[@tynesha3710]

Thanks so much for your kind words! I totally agree about the fear of rejection and abandonment.​@@liftedenergy3693

[@joshwallace1547]

Great insight Steph! I love the note about men presenting a “coolness” still meaning they have trouble with emotional regulation. There’s actually a term for this called “cool pose” which was first developed by a psychologist Richard Majors in his work with Black boys and men. I definitely noticed this throughout the show with Tim. Thanks for bringing it up!

[@Roccofan]

My son is being taught to have control over his emotions. Just like Tim, if he finds himself raising his voice or going back and forth with a woman, he is to remove himself from the situation. You can feel anyway you want to, but a man can rarely win in those situations and women do so love the “A” word as a get out of accountability card. I do not wish my son to be labeled as “abusive”. He’ll be labeled as a husband, by a woman that isn’t argumentative. “Cool pose” it will be.

[@joshwallace1547]

@@Roccofan There isn't anything wrong with not raising your voice or removing yourself from a bad situation. Those are acts of self control not cool pose. The harm of cool pose comes when you replace your emotions with a stoic demeanor to the point where you cannot process your feelings and emotions. This is so detrimental to young boy's and men's healing and mental health.

[@Roccofan]

@ So why ascribe “cool pose” to Tim instead of his obvious self control?

[@joshwallace1547]

@@Roccofan Because Tim was suppressing his emotions about the fight he had with Alex. It was clear even during the reunion that her words still bothered him and were the central reason he broke up with her despite trying to make it about taking a nap. Dismantling cool pose as a coping strategy would have been Tim having a conversation with Alex about how he was still hurting from her words in that fight later on. Obviously, we don't see everything, but from what we have seen, that conversation never happened.

[@Roccofan]

@ I see your point. For me, Alex was never wife material and she showed it repeatedly. I’m glad he left her.

[@angelrose6827]

My ex in recent years was diagnosed with BPD. We broke up over a decade ago but share a child. This is what being with him was like. Small mistakes or misunderstandings were always construed to mean something bigger and negative. I was constantly scrutinized and held accountable for failing to perform on his time in the way he felt it was appropriate.

[@TheSReaction]

This!!! My ex, who I THOUGHT I knew after over 20 years of friendship, was giving me signs he was not a “good” partner, but I wanted to believe we could make things work. Our first big disagreement was when I took my son to his father’s house and I text him that I would text him as soon as I got home because he had texted that he wanted to come over. Well…that turned into me picking my son’s father over him which turned into him berating me over text all night. I couldn’t even sleep because he was texting me making sure I didn’t go to sleep, almost like he was punishing me. It became like this every time I did something he didn’t like. I would get “punished” for it and told I’m a bad person and I’m not nice. I became pregnant and I wanted to have some space and he basically abandoned me because I didn’t want to move too far from my son’s school with him. Truthfully? I was just scared to live with him but I couldn’t tell him that, especially while I was pregnant. He left me while I was 8 months pregnant with our child and only came back right before I had to give birth and when he did reach out, he acted as if he didn’t leave me. I was going through perinatal depression and couldn’t figure out why I was always feeling so down and crying. He didn’t care lol. I saw some of him in the way Tim was making it clear that when HE wanted to talk, Alex needed to be available. Everything had to happen when HE wanted. And if that didn’t happen, he would then turn it around on you. Everyone thinks my ex is great and such a good father. Behind closed doors, he is totally different lol.

[@NyhnaLaw]

18:24 his daddy is TIRED!!! This why I don’t jump at “he came from a two parent household” They be miserable and together forever and making these ridiculous kids that think they’re parents are the goal

[@charnaeyoung9815]

I noticed how it wasn’t about her changing her annoying ways. The father just have to accept it.

[@Bye.girlmelanie]

Cam Newton lol

[@WhoIsMikeJones568]

His daddy is definitely whooped. He’s either tired from the day or the mom whooped the life out of him

[@nicholnunn8074]

Omg I was looking for this comment. His dad looked exhausted!

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

Facing difficulties in relationships is normal, but there’s always a path to resolution. My marriage went through tough times, but with the right assistance, my wife and I resolved our issues and enhanced our connection. Solutions exist if you’re willing to work together and persevere. Don’t lose faith-answers are possible.

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

I’m encountering serious challenges in my relationship and can’t bear the thought of losing her. My love for her is immense, and I miss her deeply. I’m willing to do anything to win her back. I would be extremely grateful for any advice or support you can provide.

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

Moving on from someone you hold dear is invariably challenging, but in my experience, I was guided by a spiritual counselor who prevented the breakdown of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

[@BruceKnapp-n4q]

I'll promptly start searching for her online. I appreciate it. I'm optimistic that pursuing this approach will also lead to favorable outcomes for me; her absence weighs heavily on me.

[@LeonardEarnshaw]

I promise you will not regret it

[@mundaneamazing]

He is immature AS HELL.. I'm getting annoyed for her.

[@VanillaCreamPuff]

I’m currently in a very teasing/playful relationship and it’s good for me! Almost 7 years in! I feel like the reason my relationship goes well is that we immediately communicate when things go too far and we work through it and we don’t poke at wounds. There’s still a lot of respect and good communication that needs to happen. There was definitely a learning experience at the start where we did accidentally hurt each other but we needed to understand where the line is and we also needed to work through the roots of those insecurities.

[@emaboogie]

Tim trauma dumped on Alex to get her emotionally attached and then told her he was gong to be a dog. And what do dogs do they move on to the next once that female dog is no longer useful. There were red flags from the beginning. Alex was not perfect. Both her parents have MS and Tim was not concerned that her needing naps in the middle of the day, the messy house, and mood swings may be depression or signs that she may need to be checked for MS. He was not sensitive to her needs. He wanted someone to fawn over him and met his needs only. He did her a favor. I am so happy her did not break up with her while she was at the alter in her wedding dress.

[@jena.5952]

I love your sincere outro. I'll stay through the end just to hear it again and again ❤

[@StephAnya]

I appreciate you so much for that!

[@saahk7]

reminds me of my ex, he yelled at me for hours then said we were just having a minor argument and that his voice is just powerful, I feel like their argument when she put her hand over his mouth was like that, she said he yelled at her to the point where she felt the need to quiet him down so production wouldn't come in and he said he's voice is just powerful or something alike

[@Aname87]

He said his voice projects…he wasn’t yelling smh

[@KeiBreezyful]

​@@Aname87 voice projects because he's projecting it... otherwise production wouldn't have felt the need to calm him down.

[@anyahm1179]

I had hoped that you’d outline potential signs of depression when it comes to Alex. The state of her apartment, the lethargy, and so on, as I think that played a significant role here, including what contributed to their off camera fight in Mexico. She seemed emotionally empty when Tim broke it off, which is why he didn’t get the emotional outburst he was trying to provoke. I’m glad they broke up though, the red flag parade was marching from since the pods where the trauma really did seem to be their only bond

[@shescalledirina]

That would be armchair diagnosis and unethical for a licensed therapist. The lethargy, state of apartment, the overwhelm etc. could be signs for sooo many things, including physical illness that it's actually quite unethical to bring up imo.

[@anyahm1179]

@shescalledirina that's why I said potential. There's a lot of conversation online about it, and I think it would be good to hear from a professional exactly what you just said, that these can be signs of depression but also other things. My point is, I would like a professional to enter the conversation. I'm not saying to diagnose at all. I am a fan of this channel and know Steph Anya would never.

[@ellencola4539]

great comment

[@kreativekollective5284]

She made it quite clear that she was a messy person and she didn't really have time to pack before leaving for the show. That is not a symptom of depression. Her sadness in Mexico is an obvious human reaction to a very huge situation in her life with her dad, that doesn't mean she is clinically depressed either.

[@BeautyNBrains86]

This is spot on! They both weren't ready to be in a relationship.

[@TheMoonDejesus]

So far I had all the same flags. I find people that persist in something you say you don’t like it’s a response to insecurity. They refuse to be vulnerable enough to accept anyone else’s opinion because they can’t admit they are embarrassed

[@MsLeoLady813]

Based on the edit, I found Tim to be very selfish at times. Ultimately he didn’t really care about her needs if they were not in line with his needs or his narrative of how a woman should behave. He was also very immature with the way he broke up with her. This is supposedly a woman you loved and then you wanna be all mean and rejecting in the end?

[@DawnNa_22]

That’s what I didn’t understand. If you loved this woman so much, how on earth can you treat her this way over actions you never communicated were a problem to begin with?

[@pigglet802]

He’s the worst!!!!! Can’t stand him. So immature and his personality is absolutely annoying!! He needs major therapy!! I can feel he has so much hate inside.

[@Roccofan]

Your’e this emotionally invested because you saw what a good man he was and the fact that he was able to stand up for himself means that manipulation wasn’t in the cards. Alex wasn’t wife material and you know it. You saw the pig sty she called an apartment. You wouldn’t subject your own son to a woman like that and you know it.

[@wanguimumbi5538]

​@@Roccofanlol stop Tim was Horrid, manipulative, controlling, spiteful, irritating, immature, rigid etc.. Alex is no saint but Tim's issues are deep rooted. He's a scary man.

[@Roccofan]

@@wanguimumbi5538 “Scary man”…and that seals it, when all else fails, pull the pin and toss into the conversation insinuations of a violent nature or “abuse” with zero evidence to back it up. All that said, I don’t know these people in real life. They could both be saints. Enjoy the rest of your week.

[@mrsroseyp109]

Next should be either Stephen and Monica or Marissa and Ramses, followed by Garrett and Taylor and Tyler and Ashley LAST (since their story is still playing out)

[@birdi3beez]

I would love for her to do Marissa and Ramses. They triggered the inner LMFT in me lol. But their on screen relationship/ edit is so incomplete I don’t think she will😭

[@TheJEWalter]

I grew up in a household that did a lot of teasing. My husband dealt with bullying in elementary school. I tried teasing him at the beginning of our relationship, and he was very good to tell me that he couldn't handle it. To me, it was an easy ask. I stopped teasing him, and 16 years later, it's not been a part of our dynamic.

[@rmy_Youtube]

Yay! Another breakdown! 🍿🍿 Tim is giving 🚩

[@zeezy17]

To answer your question Steph, every relationship I had like that, “passive aggressive joking” led to me having a lot of insecurities. I found myself trying to prove them wrong and it hurt to have that as my main motivation. My family interacts that way so it felt familiar. I ended up having many bad breakups. That was my personal experience though

[@Moli37]

My coworker said she liked Tim and didn’t think he was a narcissist. I told her that is why she keeps choosing those type of men because she can’t tell when they are being condescending and narcissistic. She thought Tim took charge and she liked that about him. It goes to show some women like men like him, women he can control.

[@bluebutterfly5062]

21:26 my ex used to do this. Saying something like "you only want things your way" but... the only alternative is doing things *your* way. Also, the necklace and "giving my parents another daughter" Am I the only one thinking Love Bombing?

[@JustinShaw89]

This is so on point. So much to digest here. Thanks. When Tim is talking so adamantly about arguments and "raising his voice" are crossing a line, I immediately started to wonder if that was some kind of trauma speaking where he equates any kind of argument, disagreement, or raised voice with failed marriage or, in the worst case, some kind of abuse (we can't be sure tho). It's like he is afraid of himself or retreats to safety in a sort of selfish arrogance (like a kid) when he doesn't get his way.

[@melissacoulombe6354]

I am currently in a relationship where we are both like to tease each other. We made sure to have a safe word for when the teasing is too much and we respect it and stop immediately when the word comes out :)

[@StephAnya]

I love this approach!

[@emilymcgowan9533]

You brought up a good point. Tim said he never wanted to see her again but then went to the mixer and the reunion. And in my opinion they kinda matched at the reunion. I wish you would’ve delved more into his attitude at the reunion. Huge shout out to Brittany for being the only one to call him out for not listening to Alex at all. Great video! Absolutely love this Channel! A perfect couple on Netflix would be a fun next series for ya!

[@Tinydancer805]

Tim wanted to be in a relationship with himself. Seems like he actually needs someone more submissive.

[@lauraelizabethbrown]

I wouldn't even say more submissive. He just needs to grow up.

[@MemeYCT]

Your insights are spot on! 🎉 I had similar thoughts about the pods scene when he said no one understood him and deliberately chose the color of the shirt to spite the girl. It seems he has a lot to work on before he can feel understood by others, determine the kind of relationship he truly seeks, and understand the type of person who may be compatible with him.

[@sethnoland9289]

I think a lot of times when someone is purposely annoying to their partner its an insecurity thing. They are doing a little litmus test for if the person cares about them by doing or saying something they don’t like. Seeking emotional regulation most likely. Tim seemed very insecure and very controlling by nature.

[@meradj_k]

I saw a video interview from Alex where she shared that Tim’s sister passed only a few months prior to the show, and it contributed to some of the issues they had off camera. A lot of cast members were not ready to be in relationships let alone a marriage!

[@EthalaRide]

The first red flag being him blaming ALL his exes for "not understanding" him was spot on at a red flag of someone who doesn't take any responsibility for what might have gone wrong in relationships in the past. He doesn't understand the _truth_ of himself AT ALL but _thinks_ he does, so when he meets someone who challenges that, either directly or indirectly by establishing their own boundries/needs, he feels unseen and unheard, which is why he's _desperate_ for people to listen to him. He actually seeks control and subservient agreement, and seems to only see things in those lights. Challanging someone's boundaries or needs by teasing and pushing is 'playful' to him but he truly _doesn't_ respect them. He just sees them as something to push as a cry for attention.

[@farfromacurse7402]

Wow. This was a great evaluation. I actually liked Tim & defended him. But Tim is deff a piece of work when I think about it. I don’t like how he started posting things about Alex on sm before the reunion. He’s deff an emotional man in the worst way. I know Alex will find better.

[@maggiepanko7953]

Thank you so much for this analysis. You are so articulate and clear. I never have any trouble following you, which you make look easy. I'm sure that takes a lot of talented work.

[@mayarasaldanha8118]

The minute he said “I don’t do arguments” I KNEW it was not going to work. That meant he can not sit down in discomfort, to make the relationship work. You can be the most peaceful person in the world (which he is far from), and still there will be arguments simply cuz there are 2 different ppl. Every time I see a guy complaining about arguments and relationship not being “easy”, I know that what they mean is: I’m not able to work things out, and i expect you to fit perfectly in my box. In case you don’t, you’re out.

[@lukystarrk4life]

When Tim said “I love that you hate it” the next question from Alex should be “why”… why does Tim love doing something that Alex hates. That’s the deeper question and if it has no logical answer and possible solution… she needs to question whether she can sustain a life with someone who loves making his partner annoyed.

[@4hinson777]

Steph, It's good to see you still do what you do best. Thanks, for sending this my feed, I'll ✅ it out 😊

[@jessicafajardo6361]

Hello! Your model reviews have been getting me through my first theory class in grad school. So far the only video you haven’t had a review for was collaborative therapy. I literally cited your videos in my research paper a few weeks ago 😂❤ thank you!

[@jasper299]

I've been in a few relationships where guys joke around about insecurities or pushed buttons. I'm not a fan of it. It always felt passive aggressive and hurtful. Like taking a jab at me but I can't get mad or have any feelings about it. If I express concern or get upset then I'm too sensitive.

[@daniborn2bwild8]

All i could see with them was Tim's tendency to just shift into "me, me, me" behavior

[@daniemarie2852]

Thank you for this. Because the internet has painted Alex as the monster and as if Tim dodged a bullet. From what I can see and with your breakdown, this makes everything different.

[@LOLAALICE71]

YUP that T-shirt out of spite told me everything I needed to know. I was like he’s gonna be annoyinggggg 😅

[@paige6435]

tim seems absolutely insane to me. he genuinely scares me. a proper weirdo

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

Agree

[@Ima_Wake]

I think Alex bringing him in as a co-conspirator in the lie to her father (not sharing that they were already engaged) contributed to her feeling blindsided during the break up. Because he was trying to make a good impression and the stakes were so high he wasn't being honest with his true feelings. What he felt when he wrote/read the letter in the pods was not what he was feeling the moment he asked for permission from her father.

[@whittsays]

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on the mouth covering moment. Tim didn’t care about Alex. He cared about fitting a person in a box and when she wasn’t the carbon copy of what he wanted, he chose to throw the relationship away. 🤡

[@tynesha3710]

I felt like the show didn't really show Tim and Alex in the pods as much as they did the other couples so I didn't feel like I really understood their "story" or why they chose each other. Maybe I just missed it 🤔🤷🏾‍♀️

[@paige6435]

i thought this too

[@the.magic.catbus9459]

Men like Tim are scary. Alex dodged a bullet.

[@tetseomaaroma4438]

Tim was very clear on his personality and expectations. Alex kept making faces instead of saying very early that this isn't my vibe. I knew they would break up the day they met!

[@alyssah8756]

Women that “never understand “ means he’s not accountable and he’s really self centered.

[@christineclimbs]

Spot on, girl!!! I clocked these details too and wasn’t a fan from the start! I hope he sees your videos so he can learn from it.

[@JeniseLaVonne]

He was the only one at the reveal that didn’t get down on one knee and officially ask her to marry him. For some reason my husband saw that and he knew immediately that they weren’t gonna work. I was holding on to hope but we all know how that went. They were an interesting couple.

[@debbieakadely1212]

the more context alex gives in interviews she's doing now, i understand her more. Like when she explained that the day they met his parents, he had met her dad the day before and then dropped the bomb that he was unsure about them getting married, and that that day she took the nap it was because she had just come from a long shift and was about to enter another one, i felt so bad for her

[@Laurissax328]

I thought he was almost overly obsessed with his sisters idk it was very strange to me like if he wanted a replacement for them? I didn’t understand the motivation for bringing the bracelet to essentially a stranger.

[@femdivinemind7777]

Yup...seems very much like they have boundary issues.

[@alyssacaitlyn1]

Geez I really missed on this one. I liked him throughout the show but after this I am definitely questioning my judgement 🤣 I think I got too caught up on his story with how sad it was.

[@katarzynabartkowiak264]

He is a one big red flag to me. Wonder what traumatized him. You can see on his mouth how he is holding hate towards her, which we can hear in the end of that conversation. I believe she was genuine and very careful with all her words all the time, maybe not first fight they had that I didn't get to hear. But he is really saying one thing doing other. Want women to fight for herself while crashing her rights to do so.

[@marie4_4]

Totally agree that the reasons Tim gave for the break-up didn't seem like the actual issue. Alex gave another interview where she voiced a theory: Tim's parents had no reason to make a 10 hr drive other than for something as big as meeting a fiancee. They were in possession of a truck that he needed (it also used to belong to his sister who had passed earlier that year). He insisted on his mom driving the truck by herself, while his dad drove their vehicle. She didn't want to do this, but he begged her. Alex said, it was strange that he would make his mother endure 10 hours in a truck that used to belong to his sister when they could've easily flown them out. Instead, he insisted and when the truck was there he got what he wanted and broke up with her shortly after. It's a theory, but might shed more light on why it seemed to come out of nowhere.

[@Bye.girlmelanie]

You are spot on about Alex’s motivation to keep the relationship going throughout all of this. Been there…

[@masmodiba]

I think it’s so sad to actually realise how similar Tim is to a lot of men.

[@HoneySnowflake]

I don't watch this show at all but I LOVE watching your breakdowns, just for observation and insights 🧠❤

[@Becoming_Els]

Tim wanted a vessel like Alex said. He also talks like a red pill podcaster when he would say “you women”. I wonder what kind of man he would have been if he had his sisters to provide him insight about being a man to a woman.

[@DawnNa_22]

That triggered me too. The fact that basic respect and compassion has been yielded as an insult by saying “you women” as though men or even children would feel differently is ridiculous. I think he was coddled by his parents due to his sisters’ passings and unfortunately no one felt the need to check that mindset because he was the only child and they didn’t want to drive him away.

[@Becoming_Els]

@ right?!?! Like why does it seem groundbreaking news that women want to be treated with respect… upsetting

[@NubianOne]

I am so happy you made this video. These were my initial impressions as well, which were primarily informed by my real life experiences with people like Tim. So I was entirely shocked when the internet turned on Alex for seemingly superficial things. Quiet rage is real. Thanks again ❤

[@nyty9578]

Him and Leo have suffered some awful losses but were not the best to their partners.. I wonder if there’s some sort of connection between loss and how it reflects and impacts how they interact with potential partners

[@mo_better101]

Tim clearly thinks he's a prize! YOU ARE NOT SIR!!!!

[@acd1168]

She never had a change with him. I knew something was off from the very beginning. Edit: I didn’t like how he asked her father for her hand in marriage then turned around and broke up with her. Disgusting

[@DawnNa_22]

And the fact that he did it two days later was just gross. Smh.

[@bbaxhopu.]

You are good at what you do, very on point. I'm not easily impressed and that's why I subscribed. I know you are a therapist but what you have is truly a gift. You know how to read someone so well. Loved your video

[@rubieallee]

Her also not letting him know that she was crying and being so heavily impacted by his story in the pods shows massive levels of emotional intelligence. She stood in the gap and didn’t take away from his processing. For someone to absorb that amount of pain on behalf of another without even letting them know for the “brownie points” like you mentioned speaks volumes of their emotional intelligence. 4:05