Love & Respect - Part 1

For Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, marriage understanding and communication are based on two words: love and respect. He presents the ways in which these feelings interact with each other, the differences between men and women, and how they affect communications between the sexes.

[@puja0830]

“Without love, she reacts without respect. Without respect, he reacts without love.” THIS. IS. GOLD. ❤

[@glennbelfiore5776]

its absolutely true

[@xDiananas]

But who starts to show the respect or love first?

[@charlesc7664]

Always take the first step. Take the high road.

[@randigilbert6648]

@@xDiananas he says that either one can begin to break this cycle, that the "most mature person" should be the first. But then spends the rest of his book saying that the missing piece is indeed, almost always, respect. So you do the math.

[@janewhitely964]

Both need love and respect

[@vernaharris4700]

My dear husband is one of the most loving persons I've ever known. When I see how patient he is with me and our children, it makes me want to be a better person and Christian. I Thank God a thousand plus times for him.

[@elizabethbeighley7372]

If you love yourself....n know that God loves you....the love of our husband n wife will be the icing on the cake...no human being was created to fulfill someone else's need for love...that must come from God n from within ourselves....

[@davidchupp4460]

Partly true partly not. We all need other humans and each other.

[@branver1172]

I agree. If we know God’s love, we will still desire community, but it won’t be an unhealthy, codependent need.

[@Joannahartley]

Did this whole book and lesson and learned greatly from it. Understanding not only my Husband so much better, but also my son. I would advise everyone to do this program. I feel it is amazing! At times it put me out of my comfort zone, but I do believe it speaks truth!

[@johannasantiago2113]

Im a woman and i value respect more than love

[@janewhitely964]

Yes! How can my husband love me if he doesn’t respect me?

[@mostpopularpresidentever]

good luck with that

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

​@@mostpopularpresidenteverWhy do you say that?

[@rbee2150]

The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila W Gregoire- terrific resource for wives especially!

[@kakipantscrew]

Yes-please do not read this love and respect book as if it’s true. Where is the scripture? Where is the evidence from the Bible? Saying “God intends” or giving short scriptures that don’t really address the crux of what he is claiming. Using this information will lead to a destructive relationship eventually. Please read healthy books, this is not it

[@alindagloria562]

Loving father thank you for loving me in a way that I can't even understand, thank you for this ur son who has made me understand what it really means when we strive in relationships. Help me to be a masterpiece for those who are striving in their relationships and marriages. Lord God I seek forgiveness where I have been disrespectful to be loved and I forgive my fiance for being unloving to me to be respectful 🙏. Thank U Lord Jesus for this. Be the driver for my yet to come marriage

[@heatherlacobee1905]

Wonderfully explained! Thank you for teaching God’s Truths!

[@EinnorX5.1]

Have struggled so bad my story kinda resonates with the opening story to the book. With not much help i have dug around to try find one and this book came up in one podcast I have decided to give it a try. I need my marriage to work and am putting the effort

[@brianmagnuson1413]

This is my 4th time listening to this and I love it. My wife needs my Love and this makes me push to give that to her every day. Thank you Holy spirit

[@truthseeker8698]

The key to a healthy sex life in marriage is that it does not become a "chore" or a "ministry" to the wife. If it does happen, that is on the husband....for not paying attention. Interestsing that guys will spend hours watching KZbin videos on cars, home improvement, etc. Imagine if they spent that kind of energy getting to know their wife's needs. Life changer! Better sex for him. More intimacy for her. A win-win. ❤🙏🏼

[@songcasserole3773]

I couldn't agree more, although I'd say better sex and intimacy for both!

[@Soliloquy1972]

I highly recommend the book The Great Sex Rescue!

[@seanjohnson8910]

Easier to get to know your wife's needs if she communicates them 🤷‍♂️

[@chadtraywick2286]

"You guys"?

[@syntsab8526]

Tired of sad, love, mix emotion, upsetting, sorrow songs... Time for some learning and listening to what some of these beautiful humanities have to teach, give, and share with us of there (knownledge)and wisdom too.. Sometimes i like to switch back and forth to music and learning so i wont get so lost n stuck in getting myself stuck being in a emotional distress... Thank you for this subject and topic here, your sharing and teaching here, i surely enjoyed it on your teaching and sharing lol :) thank you and stay blessing beautiful love and humanities lol :)

[@tammyikama-obambi7641]

I haven't remarried yet...but this is a great video. Very insightful. It helped me understand not only my needs, but the need of a man in a marriage as well. He gave Very clear explanations. 💚🙌🏽🙏🏽

[@DahliaBrynn]

25:35 my husband would never take blame for my reactions to him yelling at me (usually for HOURS), because it always came back to something I had done. Which was usually in response to something he had done, and so on. It was always down to me, whether I had any intentions to hurt him or not (it was nearly always unintentional and unrealized, but he made sure I knew how much I hurt him) and he would say hurtful things in response, intentionally. 23 years, and so many hurts, I finally had to leave.

[@betsyross1621]

Yep

[@heathergarcia3262]

I love this so good

[@pharmclare]

Very enlightening. Thank you so much

[@ancientsoul809]

I want it to be said that I loved well.I want to be known for the respect I give to the man of my dreams...He deserves the best and I hope I can give him that.

[@deanaberg2576]

This is so helpful, I need to remind myself often of these things ❤

[@mickeynprincesa]

2yr later. I found this. thank you for posting

[@Alphacentauri819]

At the beginning he addresses how definitions and lenses are different...then he seems to lose his own message! What constitutes “love” and “respect” varies greatly from person to person. We too often approach from a realm that it’s obvious...but to who? Only us (or people that think exactly the same). We need to define things very specifically and have the conversations, listen deeply. That in itself helps prevent much misunderstanding. Respect can mean holding the door open for one person...and another person sees it completely differently. We don’t get to determine the meanings of things for other people. However, we have an opportunity to learn the uniqueness and individuality of another, and use that information to support and connect to them.

[@true_love_is-here]

Thank you ...keep up the good work

[@capmap620]

This was amazing!

[@AnaAna-ts6fw]

What a blessing, thank you God! ❤

[@tjwiebold]

I remember this message well. So valuable. Sadly, I took my eyes off the ball and really lost my way. I turned my back on God and before I knew it, I sabotage the most loving and meaningful relationship I've ever known. She was so radiant through that whole process and I was in so much internal pain that I grew cold and distant from everyone. Now that I've sought the help I so desperately needed years ago, I'm terrified I'm losing her forever and it's too late. Please help me pray for a miracle.

[@krystalTStarr1216]

Amazing❤️

[@amyrosato9213]

Thank you for your work and your book. Sadly, my marriage is beyond repair in my husband's eyes. I have hurt him through words and actions for years, because I thought I did not know any different and because of addiction, insecurities, etc. I have forgiven myself and I know God has, too. I pray for my kids, that they will understand.

[@natashadahl6603]

Its not beyond repair. With God all things are possible

[@cozzykozilemusic]

Only God can mend it for us . I have wronged my Wife beyond measure and expectation , but by God's grace I will do my best to mend it with the help of the Holy spirit. Now I have seen that only my Wife loves me and will always be on my side not all these other women out there 😢. God help me

[@cozzykozilemusic]

Im a celebrity , whose changed coz of fame and $$ been too busy for my family but my Wife has always been there for me , my kids always looked up to spending time with dad but I have been feeding the wrong side . It only start by Admitting that I am wrong and seek change

[@julalainelagat8939]

Men in their own world don't respect bad behaviour, they confront it.

[@branver1172]

Matthew 18 says we should all confront it.

[@randigilbert6648]

The harmful things included in these teachings floor me- if your husband has to walk away so they don't get violent you are in harms way. Men and women's natural inclinations are not loving and honorable, we are sinful. We need God to sanctify us and, yes, these actions can change in us becuase of the Lord. But it is not a given- not all men act honorably and walk away every time. So what is the message here? if they don't walk away, then maybe I did something that caused him to feel direspected. This is not normal. Don't belittle emotional abuse and claim "all men" will be called abusers- you're priming anyone who hears this teaching to not believe a woman when they say they are being abused. These teaching are not healthy and do not support and promote healthy communication in a marriage that will glorify the Lord.

[@moodypet8837]

In his book he says if someone is abusive don't do it

[@DahliaBrynn]

My husband wasn’t usually the one to walk away, I was, after being yelled at for 20 minutes, 40 minutes, 2-3 hours…. And then he would try to physically block me from leaving, or command me to stop and listen to him, and proceed to yell at me for another hour or two, until I managed to convince him that I was giving him enough respect or whatever he wanted. It’s also really hard to respect a 45 year old man demanding “who’s going to dress me” when I reminded him (again) that I wouldn’t be there on the day of his interview because I had to take our disabled daughter to another state for medical care, even though he knew full well I was scheduled to leave that day. That was my final straw, really. The toddler like demand for me to dress a grown man, really opened my eyes to just how awful he had become.

[@branver1172]

My husband was insulted when I asked him about this passage. It makes men look so immature and shallow.

[@randigilbert6648]

@@moodypet8837 his whole book only mentioned abuse 3 times. The only example he gives of an abusive relationship is one where the wife returns to her husband. I'm not saying this can't happen in a healthy way- but to be the only example included in his book communicates to readers: "you are more holy if you stay/return". Oh, he also insinuates that she had some responsibility to why she was being abused. When discussing respect and "control" in marriage, he needs to give more thought and discussion to abuse. It is too big of an issue in the church to not explore further. This is why abuse is pushed under the rug so much in christian households.

[@randigilbert6648]

@@DahliaBrynn I'm so sorry you had to endure that, I pray that's not the case any more. Crazy how men are "created to lead", yet your husband couldn't seem to dress himself? Seems like we're missing something here.

[@jenvp7435]

Here because of Mr. Summers..i love you and i know we can work this out..

[@helenturgeon403]

You have to wonder if his military school experience saved his sense of self after he was sent away - due to family issues (Dad attempting to strangle Mom) as he worded it. It gives him the empowerment to minimize the abuse his family was experiencing. Most children that live in that environment aren't so lucky. His lecture of that part almost seems like a weather report and not a serious experience in his life. Yikers! That's dangerous.

[@davidbarker5823]

Thanks troll, go join a feminist cult and stop trolling

[@NW-educ-advo-DV]

I agree totally Helen. He minimized a felony strangulation to "family issues." And he claimed to know the "intent" of every man. Very dangerous teaching.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

@@NW-educ-advo-DV In the love and respect book, he reads letters from those who've been positively affected by his work. One such letter was a woman who was beaten by her husband, but now she was following the book, this had stopped. The letter wasn't entirely convincing. But his glossing over physical abuse was very worrying.

[@davidbigelow3835]

His seminar is not about abuse, it is about love and respect. He was just giving a brief context of why he was in military school. It was not a treatise on the subject.

[@moodypet8837]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 but the fact is this is true. Men and women are different. In the case of physical abuse that crosses a line though.

[@KS-dx5ln]

When Estrogen kicks in? Where did you get your MD from?

[@davidchupp4460]

Are you suggesting you need a paper showing you’ve studied something to know anything? Geez you people take the cake.

[@greyhoundssss]

@@davidchupp4460asking about his credentials is 100% valid, because he’s literally making things up. That’s not how estrogen works at all.

[@jessica97939]

This makes heterosexual marriage sound so difficult.

[@branver1172]

What he describes is really immature

[@davidchupp4460]

@@branver1172 hater.

[@branver1172]

@@davidchupp4460 who am I hating? Disagreeing with someone is not the same as hating. I love Emerson as a brother and in Christ. You are welcome to interact in a respectful manner.

[@davidchupp4460]

@@branver1172 you’ve been all over his pages laying out false accusations which, if you are so interested in being biblical, called wrong.

[@branver1172]

@@davidchupp4460 I haven’t made any false accusations. I wish they were false. Some of the things he says are good, but much is not from the Bible and even contradicts the Bible. It’s ok for Christian’s to point people back to the Bible if they see them following bad advice. If some of his advice had actually helped you to become a more loving husband, that is wonderful and I’m truly happy for you. I’ve seen it have the opposite effect so many times, though.

[@joffrethegiant]

Great talk! For the record, though, I do write poetry.

[@Alphacentauri819]

Much great poetry has come from men. And as a woman, I think it’s fantastic.

[@Soliloquy1972]

According to Emerson Eggerichs, you are not a man. My husband isn't a man because he meets his best friend at a coffee shop, they sit at a little table, and they talk about their feelings and relationships for hours. This guy is nuts.

[@branver1172]

Do you also write tall tales? (Sorry. Couldn’t help it. 😁)

[@moodypet8837]

@@Soliloquy1972 I doubt your hubby talks about his feelings for hours to his best friend. If he does something is wrong.

[@olathecomedian]

Could someone please help me with the verse he's referring to about the woman breaking the covenant in Proverbs 3 at 8:33 ?

[@stephaniefortney22]

He’s so good…. It’s never to late to learn and grow, never stop

[@Alphacentauri819]

Women often say they have nothing to wear, when there’s nothing they would feel looks good on them...sometimes in that moment. Sure, it can mean they have nothing new, but that’s never been the case from my experiences. Also, as time goes on it’s become to mean “nothing clean that fits”...so meaning can evolve, regardless of gender. Too many times, stereotypes are perpetuated by over generalization (due to cognitive laziness, how we quickly/easily categorize). There are wide variations, many nuances, definitions between one gender even. That’s wise to pay attention to that. I know where I want to eat, what I want to eat, I know how to fix many things. I know football and basketball, don’t interrupt with questions...as I understand the game. I like functional things too, I don’t like to shop, I don’t want to gossip.... So, being less myopic about the sexes can help everyone have greater understanding. Really listen and get to know people. Too often we put them in a category and make erroneous assumptions, and our biases don’t allow for us to take in info that contradicts that. That’s not humble, that’s not learning. It’s limiting.

[@branver1172]

Exactly. It can keep us from “decoding” properly.

[@NaMiYummy]

I remember telling my husband stop trying to buy me off, getting me things so that I can be continent and feel guilty to not "complain about things" so that I would shut up and be quiet. I remember thinking no I don't want anymore food you keep making me fat!! Just listen to me instead of trying to quiet me with food. He was just trying his best to please me when I was trying my best to connect with him, but every time I tried my best to connect with him and talk to him about our marriage, raising our child, or finances he would absolutely refuse to talk about it and get so defensive. He told me when I question him about things he feels like what I'm saying is that he isn't good enough and that he is always doing something wrong. He would tell me how his mother was towards his father they fought like cat and dogs. His mother just belittled his father all the time and his father was verbally abusive all the time. My husband wanted to avoid having conversations that would trigger disagreements so our marriage wouldn't turn into the toxic relationship his parents had. And I have been trying so hard to connect with my husband because I want to know where he stands in our marriage and if he still loves me. My experience with marriage was that my parents were no better they ended up divorcing after my father had an affair and gotten the women pregnant, it all started with the dwindling of their intimacy in all the different areas of their marriage, they didn't know how to connect with one another. I ask questions all the time because I need reassurance we are in this relationship together, I don't want to be a bystander watching things happen. I need to feel like I belong and I had a place in the marriage, I didn't want our marriage to end up like my parents. I didn't want him to loose love=invested in me and he didn't want me to loose respect=trust with him.

[@mikebolt3753]

Please keep it 25 words or less.

[@NaMiYummy]

@@mikebolt3753 hahahaha sorry thats just how women communicate, its how God designed us.

[@J.B.1982]

@@mikebolt3753 Why would you say that in response to a vulnerable, detailed comment like that? You're on the wrong page man. Go find a MGTOW video

[@branver1172]

@NaMiYumi, you wrote this awhile ago and hopefully things are better, but wanted to say. I totally get where you’re coming from. And I don’t think this video has the answer. It’s so easy to feel like we’re not good enough for the other person or want that intimacy and feel like we’re not getting it. And that’s where God comes in. God makes us good by washing away our sins and shame. If your husband fully got that, he wouldn’t have to hide because he’s already been forgiven. It’s just a problem to solve. No shame. Marriage advice can be helpful, but I do believe the real solution is going to Christ.

[@tommietommie6835]

I'm soul celly and this is what I got to say we as young people born in to this world with a instant label as the youth and the future but we're never given a choice from the beginning be that as it is but the responsibility placed on every Human on this planet is the overwhelming and crippling pain of being expected to live through the death of our parents and at the same time expecting to create a living and a safe environment for yourself out of nothing but you're own sweat , blood and tears but it doesn't end there no no no the next burden as I call it is to be a good person or we are told if not there shall be nothing but endless pain , suffering , hate , heart break , and being shamed from the moment we as humans develope the ability to think for yourself is the moment you realize if u are being honest with yourself that the world we live in is a living nightmare no matter whom you are Rich or homeless famous or unknown strong or weak everything is out to destroy you so where is the sense of peace or accomplishment in being loving and respectful for we are all cursed to live and to die in the true inferno of all thing considered hell

[@ryanrockstarsessom768]

Thank you

[@johnbehneman1546]

Thank you so much. Just what I needed to hear today. Now I need to apply it to my life.

[@shallowdeep28]

His father tried to strangle his mother?? That's a big deal. And scary af.

[@maritzah.4039]

Mr. Emerson... I can’t even tell you how much your book helps me to be a Godly wife. It means so much to me that you took time to write this book to help so many

[@elliebells2796]

What do you do if your spouse is draining? They have great intentions though. But you feel exhausted.

[@eloskal]

que lástima que no podamos disfrutar de sus enseñanzas en castellano. que pena que en España no podamos tener lo que tienen allí. Damos gracias por el libro y los ejercicios, pero hacerlo solos es un poco complicado. un abrazo y Dios lo bendiga

[@jjgems5909]

El libro está disponible en español por Amazon. Amor y respeto

[@mszen1129]

Not feeling loved also ties with not feeling honored and respected sometimes though. Sometimes it feels like one in the same. I’m trying to make sense of why and apply scripture. 🤔

[@branver1172]

The Bible tells men to honor (respect) their wives and it tells all of us to esteem each other. It also tells us all to love one another. The Bible does not say men need respect more or women need love more. Love without respect is for puppies. We are all made in God’s image. That demands respect.

[@branver1172]

This man tells the truth when he says ladies with marriage problems are often encouraged to divorce even when it's not necessary. Words like toxic and narcissistism are thrown around far too casually. But...there is also a ditch on the other side of the road and it's pretty common too. Sometimes men are unloving and it has nothing to do with their wife's respect, therefore, since lack of respect is not the problem, giving it is not the solution. In fact, sometimes giving more respect enables abuse and makes it far worse. What some men need is rebuke! Sadly, in many Patriarchal churches a woman will go in desperation to the pastor for help. Her husband yells at her all the time, throws things, and then shuts down in front of a screen, often porn. Then *she* is rebuked with the assumption she must not be respecting him. So she rewards him with respect every time he screams st her enabling his abuse to grow stronger. Contra-wise, some women are simply rude. Sometimes downright mean. It's not because their husband is not loving them. The husband can try harder and harder to love, but that doesn't solve her self-absorption or complete lack of gratefulness or respect. The problem here is he is telling people to go to their spouse for their ultimate needs, but that is wrong. Ladies need to find that kind of love in Christ. If they are filled with Xhrist's love they are free to really love and not "just get their needs filled". If men are finding their identity in Christ they are free to love their wife whether she respects or not. It's not a trade. Love and respect should be free gifts.

[@amrenshahida726]

My life is somewhat like the way you described

[@branver1172]

@@amrenshahida726 , I'm sorry! I have found the Boundary books by Dr. Cloud to be really helpful in these kinds of situations, including the book "Changes that Heal".

[@KrisBush]

brandiethankfulmom have your read the book?

[@branver1172]

@@KrisBush Only parts of it. My comment was directed at the video.

[@KrisBush]

brandiethankfulmom read the whole book because the video is based on the book and the conversation is based on the assumption that you’ve likely read the book and so would understand a lot of what he’s saying and the terminology. He doesn’t advocate for people in abusive or toxic relationships to remain in them. He’s speaking on relationships where there are mostly communication issues. Not those with fundamental issues such as abuse or mental illness.

[@bak6194]

I think that there's a verse in the Bible that says that husband's must love their wives the way that Christ loved the church which means not just dying physically, but Christ also died emotionally and mentally yo serve his bride. He gave her everything. He fended for her and saved her. He made her feel safe.

[@KasandraM84]

Wow !

[@ylvachasingbutterflies2020]

It's for "grey areas".... so attempted murder is grey?

[@ladeemandee143]

Attempted murder??

[@ylvachasingbutterflies2020]

@@ladeemandee143 He talks about his mother and father, and once his father strangulated his wife, and he paints that as a common marriage occurrence that hardened her heart until she decided to reconcile and puts the blame on the mother rather than the father who strangulated her.

[@moodypet8837]

@@ylvachasingbutterflies2020 that's not what he is saying

[@sachavonmansberg8272]

This is profound- thank you.

[@joekatsala]

"You can not use unholy means to achieve worthy ends"

[@victoriawarren2446]

This is it! ❤️ Thank you ❤️

[@onlyonefaith6356]

heart beats25:50 and we need to calm down

[@alisonrittener5606]

Love and respect has been eye opening for me these last couple weeks. I have a failed marriage … but by Gods grace we are trying to piece things back together. This is very timely. My question to you though, is: will respecting my husband address what has been done to men over the last few decades to render them inactive? By that I mean where they no longer know when up us up and down is down when it comes to most things let alone protecting and loving their wives. I would venture to say that more men wore the mask and got vaccinated than women:/they are afraid and protecting themselves sadly:/

[@julalainelagat8939]

Men react without love if they are disrespected, women react without respect if they are unloved. Therefore, man should love his woman and woman should respect her man!

[@moodypet8837]

Exactly it really is true. And it works

[@mindfreak3817]

Love is respect.

[@onlyonefaith6356]

@Some One wrong

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

No, it isn't. Love is used as a cover for the most vile behaviour, in a way that respect could not. Respect is also linked to authority in a way love isn't.

[@moodypet8837]

No

[@timjohnson2186]

God is good

[@cowgirlboots27]

My ex husband did not follow the Bible on marriage or forgiveness. He would preach the Bible to everyone even though he was not living it. I divorced him. Got remarried. But still feel connected to him. Feel the I’m still cheating on him. Do I divorce again and reconcile with him or stay where I am?

[@alexisalbrecht3801]

You pray, friend. It sounds like your ex-husband was spiritually abusive. Turn to God and focus on your marriage.

[@moodypet8837]

What about your current hubby. What about his feelings?

[@tomdesouza3702]

If you got married in a church then you are still married, unless that church gave you an annulment. The state has no power over God.

[@PeterMIcedVoltage]

👍🏻

[@betterbeemans3124]

13:50 The Mantra

[@onlyonefaith6356]

28:20 JUDGING SPOUSE BY WHAT THEY SAY AND WHAT THEY DO

[@33ling_truth2]

One of the BEST books I have EVER read!!! Very helpful. 💯

[@amrenshahida726]

I was a good teacher once now people say I am good at nothing children don't like me or respect me colleagues don't like me

[@kkelixir6959]

Keep believing in yourself and ask God for wisdom. If you were a good teacher you can be one again. God is with you.

[@stacenone1405]

Without respect received, she acts without respect. Its not just love. Does a gentleman who opens the car door for a lady consider this respect? If so then the same gentleman should be opening doors for men as well. Otherwise it actually isn't respect. Its a kind gesture, a nice treatment a cordial act, but it is not respect. This is the same for any societal action towards a woman. If you don't do the exact same for a man, then it isn't exactly respect, its a societal nicety. A woman should receive respect from the man, the same as the man has given respect to other men. Then she will respect the man, who will love her more, which really equates to respecting her more. Its not one or the other. My dad did so much damage to me by following this program. To this day he still believes that women only want or need love, and treats me with love and not respect. Its not one or the other. He is a smart man but for some reason this concept escapes him. I cannot find the polling data in which this program was based on. Who was polled, has it been updated since 1998? What was the sampling pool of the men and women. That matters a lot. For anyone one seeing this. Women want Respect the same as you would give and man. And Men want love the same as you would give any woman. Women should not feel like they have to cater to a fragility of men who may see any disagreeance with their stance as disrespect. Many times it is not disrespect, but the fragile ego of someone hearing what they may not like, and then blaming the woman for being disrespectful. Tact should be used when communicating of course, but having to give the impression that you respect someone to protect their ego is not respect. Respect is always earned. Thank goodness I have a husband who showed me this, and who respects me the same as any man. As I used to think all men thought as my dad does, because of this harmful message.

[@branver1172]

I agree with you. There have been many criticisms of how he reads the data. The accuracy is definitely in question.

[@moodypet8837]

Oh geez

[@xDiananas]

« Many times it is not disrespect, but the fragile ego of someone hearing what they may not like, and then blaming the woman for being disrespectful. » This, hands down 🙏🏻

[@kennethstevenson4694]

Robin Stevenson

[@hamilton9651]

Because of respect for women I refuse to date them. Why? I am not emotionally able to have a good relationship with anyone! I will not hurt someone by trying to be in a relationship with them.

[@onlyonefaith6356]

why god commanded us to love 21:10

[@onlyonefaith6356]

but if we mis represent ourselves we will be misinterpreted 18:35

[@massiefamily7229]

Women need respect and men need love as well. It's not an all or nothing thing.

[@Soliloquy1972]

Exactly. And this author/speaker claims that the highly respected Gottman supports his theories. That is a complete lie. Gottman speaks out against the ideas presented in this man's books and sermons. Eggericgs is a fraud.

[@nitrom8891]

He actually does say women want respect too. He just says you’ll always land on “love” even if it was “respect” to the guy. You guys see love as respect. We see respect as love. It’s different.

[@vivianlimberatos3747]

@@nitrom8891 Absolutely.... Those who 'dis' this did not listen carefully to Eggerich's soliloquy on how women respond to his recommendation.... PLAY THIS VIDEO AGAIN LADIES and listen to how Eggerich explains 'our' feelings of disrespect. PLEASE... it is SO CLEAR.

[@dreams-ru1ef]

@@Soliloquy1972 my you didn’t learn anything from this video

[@TheRebelRave]

No one is saying it's all or nothing.

[@l.l.martin2670]

My review of Love & Respect here: lightenough.wordpress.com/2019/06/27/love-respect-by-dr-emerson-eggerichs-book-review/

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

That's very interesting, but not surprising at all really. In the book: "Boundaries in Marriage" Henry Cloud and John Townsend write that the "wives must submit to their husbands" reference is often taken by "Christian" men as a licence to become dictators within the marriage. They then have to disabuse the men of this notion. However, there will always be men who will seize on anything to justify being abusive and Eggerichs doesn't differentiate here or expand/explain his thinking in the way that Cloud and Townsend do. This is dangerous. I've heard him gloss over domestic violence in the book.

[@marissajensen]

"85 percent of men stonewall" No. 80% of people who stonewall are men. There's so many examples of poor understanding in this and that's a big one.

[@Soliloquy1972]

His book is full of poor understanding of statistics as well as outright lies.

[@davidbarker5823]

The two are not mutually exclusive but you tried

[@marissajensen]

@@davidbarker5823 Sure, but in this case, the "85 percent of men stonewall" isn't true. It's a misunderstanding of data, and a dangerous one because stonewalling is a form of manipulation and often coincides with emotional abuse. He's misrepresenting data to make it seem like an unhealthy response is a normal one that women should be okay with.

[@moodypet8837]

@@marissajensen my experience is they do.

[@chonamaydsouza7352]

I want to grow in life... I feel being unloved by my husband money matters to him.. For small problem I made he kept on blaming me but he even forget d fact Dat he cheated on me

[@branver1172]

I’m sorry this happened to you. Cheating is a big deal. If you’re interested you might appreciate the Boundary books by Henry Cloud. Oh, and Sheila Gregoire has good materials and KZbins. Respect is good, but it doesn’t solve everything. And it needs to go both ways.

[@onlyonefaith6356]

13:15 The cycle that women believes about men and gets them off track to loving the way they're supposed to love

[@PEoplearepeople]

Can we say johnny depp and wife are in a serious crazy cycle ???

[@betsyross1621]

I'm on the crazy cycle. About every three months and I read the book. The book is right but I just can't remember always. Women today were raised to be different over last 60 years. Its hard to understand when its so ingrained in us that we are the same.

[@Clicked_whopper]

Great points. Very interesting Biblical perspectives. I

[@TomPaceMentor]

I have bought over 50 of these books to give away. It is a great way to make the world a better place.

[@rr3901]

Great lecture! We’re reading “Love and Respect” in our couples ministry.

[@onlyonefaith6356]

i am not asing you to respect my bad behavior but build me as a character17:21

[@rachelpaul9477]

This teaching ruined my marriage and led to our divorce.

[@kakipantscrew]

Where is the evidence from the Bible? Saying “God intends” or giving short scriptures that don’t really address the crux of what he is claiming. Using this information will lead to a destructive relationship eventually. Please read healthy books, this is not it

[@moodypet8837]

It's so hard to remember how we think different?

[@mollysworld9784]

Wait....***STRANGLING*** someone is part of what happens if you're not "unconditionally respectful" to your partner....wtaf???

[@Soliloquy1972]

Yep, that's what Eggerichs teaches and believes. He's a really sad, unhealthy man who needs HELP. He needs to stop giving "help" and get help.

[@davidbarker5823]

He never said anything like this or justified his father's behavior in any way. Pretty sad how just the word respect can trigger these man hating feminists

[@NW-educ-advo-DV]

@@Soliloquy1972 I agree. I hope people start telling him that and he stops teaching. Sheila Wray Gregoire brings out the dangerous teaching in this book in her book.

[@postlukecore]

Molly’s world is apparently a place that doesn’t teach good listening skills. This whole “so basically what you’re saying is...(something they didn’t say but you are reacting to anyway)” way of engaging with content is so tiring.

[@branver1172]

@David Barker, Usually when people give speeches they follow a pattern. Thesis. Explanation Example In this video he gave the thesis of the crazy cycle. He explained what it was. Then he told about his dad strangling his mom. So that sounded like the example. Please explain how that’s not listening.

[@watchmen6504]

INCREDIBLE TRUTH given here. Thankful for God's truth and structure and thankful for Dr. Eggerichs.

[@onlyonefaith6356]

men are not sensitive with words we have to learn them 16:37

[@nataliehostetter5531]

For someone preaching about respect, there sure are a lot of jokes making fun of women.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

But respect is for men only.

[@nataliehostetter5531]

Some men really are emotionally abusive.

[@fionapimentel5660]

He says so many good points, and then every so often he suddenly lets his mysogynistic bias show, again and again. Edit: please note that the offensive parts have since been edited out.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Oh yes, I find this all the time. So many interesting and valid points, then the mask slips. I really thought that it was just me.

[@dreams-ru1ef]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 obviously you payed no attention to the video

[@dreams-ru1ef]

You must be deaf, you didn’t hear a thing he said

[@relationshipcoachingsoluti3456]

As a relationship coach and having done 2 counseling skills courses I am well known for my excellent listening skills. That is why I can hear what is behind his seemingly great comments. As I said, he makes some good points then suddenly shows his true nature. He makes very disrespectful comments about women.

[@branver1172]

I agree. I don’t understand how some people can’t see it.

[@onlyonefaith6356]

13:50 why women disrespect

[@jfromthedesert9847]

If you would speak a little slower would be nice

[@masters284]

Seems to me of late. 3 long term relationships down. Your valued for the first two years. Then sex becomes a reward. The last relationship I’ve never been shouted at so much in my life. I appreciate we all play a part. It’s a harsh pill to swallow knowing your partner doesn’t respect you. I had to kick her out. I’m from a traditional family and expect the woman to behave the same. However these days they get so much false attention posting provocative pics on social media it’s laughable. The attention is there. Yet when you set boundaries and say it won’t be tolerated your labelled insecure. You try and talk and explain and you are met with shouting and screaming. Why waste your time? 🤷‍♂️

[@rbee2150]

Emerson, do your own inner work and THEN teach. The Lord is waiting.

[@ruthwright6247]

Best book on relationships

[@Soliloquy1972]

This man's father tried to KILL his mother and he can't even bring himself to call it abuse? Or a crime? He calls it The Crazy Cycle? What is wrong with him? His father was horribly violent. His father was not a good husband, he was dangerous. Just say it!

[@aaronchambers543]

This man is disturbed and many people commenting are applauding him.

[@goodmoodcoach]

i am a therapist. i think these concepts are true for two emotional healthy partners.

[@mehrzadjahanbin5009]

Maybe read his book before you label him. You put two different parts of his speech together and you make your own conclusion?!?!

[@branver1172]

Was it two parts of the speech? What was his example of his dad strangling his mom meant to show?

[@mehrzadjahanbin5009]

@@branver1172 It has 2 parts, Yes! He doesn’t justify his dad. He explains why his mum shut down. When you wound a woman at the level of intimacy, she will stop loving unconditionally because women are designed to love with Agape love that’s why they don’t need the command. Instead God calls women to Phileo love their husbands and children.

[@onlyonefaith6356]

your husband is not trying to be unloving 19:18

[@NW-educ-advo-DV]

I hope this teaching goes away soon. There is a ton of information out there that debunks this. I hope some day Christians with wake up to how unscriptural his teaching is. Please do your own research.

[@catwmn14]

How so?

[@NW-educ-advo-DV]

@@catwmn14 A few of the people and resources I would suggest would be Ron Pierce at Biola University. He has a great explanation of the passages that are discussed in the book in a video on KZbin that is part of a series. A video where he explains Eph is ‘(BBST 450) Mutual submission in Marriage-Ron Pierce’. Also, Shelia Gregoire (To Love, Honor, and Vacuum) has a lot of material that helps understand how destructive this teaching, that is so gendered in nature, is. Many through this type of teaching begin to understand it as what God intended, and it is not. She even points out in a video how Eggerich’s research (using his own footnotes) is based on a faulty premise. The question about appox 75% of men who rather be ‘respected’ was only asked to men. When women were asked the same question the results were similar. He has based a lot of the premise of the book on bias research. Also, before the early 2000’s, when complementarians did not have this book that was make popular by FOF and others they did not universally believe this premise. The book also works to bring a unilateral gendered nature to love and respect which is not in the Bible. I pray women (and men) will understand the damage these types of books, that pigeonhole gender roles into Scripture, are to Christians. “Gender roles” is a whole topic in itself that is man made. Please check out Kevin Giles and Cynthia Westfall’s work on this topic. I wish you the best in your search for truth, there is much of it out there if we dare look for it.

[@davidbarker5823]

"Gender roles are man made" Thank you for making it clear that nothing you say is worth taking seriously😂

[@NW-educ-advo-DV]

@@davidbarker5823 You have solidified my point.

[@relationshipcoachingsoluti3456]

In psychology circles it is a laughing stock.

[@onlyonefaith6356]

13:05 culture is more pink and its hurting women

[@branver1172]

That’s amazing since most world, political, and economic and religious leaders are men.

[@onlyonefaith6356]

@@branver1172 its not about race or gender in gods book, its about anyone willing to get out of there role of doing things,here a fun fact for you to ponder on if the world is run by men then why ios it most men in jail and most women get off

[@branver1172]

@@onlyonefaith6356 most women don't get off. More men are in jail because men are more likely to take risks -for good or bad. Of course most men are not in jail.

[@onlyonefaith6356]

@@branver1172 im not sure waht you mean can you clear up your statement

[@toomuchinformation]

@@branver1172 Most women are in jail BECAUSE of men.

[@sarayoung9395]

Spare the rod, spoil the wife.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

I'm hoping your comment is tongue in cheek.

[@meredithr9824]

Ladies, if you're here, you need a divorce. Just do it, it's such a relief.

[@davidchupp4460]

I rebuke your statement in Jesus Name. Take your demons elsewhere.

[@branver1172]

Hmmm…that’s kind of a blanket statement. I agree Emerson is not the answer, but divorce may or may not be the answer.