The Lolita Community and Concrit Culture

[@ChristyLou]

Imagine if people came at other fashion styles the way they did at Lolita. "oh my god you have zero galaxy print! That is NOT 2012 tumblr hipster fashion!"

[@Talonistrying]

Omg that would be hilarious to see

[@missmirko6946]

HELPPPPP

[@Strwbbe]

FRR

[@SebastianSeanCrow]

2:49 “your glasses don’t match your coord “ really fucking bugs me cuz I spent $500 on ONE pair of glasses after insurance SO I COULD SEE! Most people can’t afford to have multiple pairs of glasses, it’s always just one and maybe an old pair for backup or one pair and a couple pairs of contacts. It’s a medical device, it doesn’t matter whether or not it matches

This hits very close to home, I really hate the "you should wear contacts" comments, I don't like contacts, they don't last as long as glasses, they end up being more expensive than glasses and they are uncomfortable to me, never have I ever requested advise on glasses and yet there's always someone saying stuff like "your outfit would look better if you didn't wear glasses", it's like asking someone on a wheelchair to stand up so that the clothes look better and that's really messed up

[@saltybutter9874]

God this comment hits close to home

[@catilena]

It's lowkey a reason why I'm intimidated to get into the subculture because I wear big black square glasses and cant wear contacts for more than an hour where half of that is spent putting them on. My eyes are too dry for contacts but I'm too blind to not wear my glasses (that matches my current style and my face)

[@taylormacfarlane4093]

Lol I have pink red and black glasses and even then some don’t match and I get mad xD but I meen you got to see and on top of that each one is a dident prescription because I just keep the old ones just in case lol don’t do what I do xD wear the newest ones or best for you not just to match a cord Dx

[@catilena]

@@MushroomHat good to hear cause I can't do eyeliner to save my life due to my vision lol

[@jessmc6243]

I received unsolicited concrit in person once, from a stranger at a bus station. I was waiting for my bus after a meetup and had already taken off my petticoat before I left the meetup and it was in my bag because I don't want to take up 2 seats on transit and the person, dressed like a normie said "Cute coord, but you should really wear a petticoat." I'm a seasoned lolita but that one still really pisses me off to this day. They didn't know me or the fact that I was carrying said petticoat out of consideration to others and to look vaguely more normal on transit. So clearly the normalization of unsolicited concrit is a bit of a problem if strangers on the street are getting in on it now.

[@acutebird]

That is so fucking rude; I'm sorry you had to experience that. I cannot imagine being the type of person who thinks that making that kind of unsolicited comment is acceptable in any context.

[@Strwbbe]

say "what abt it" what r they gonna do abt it? beat u up cuz of what ur wearing on YOUR body?

[@Whoville3]

maybe they could have said something like, i like to wear Lolita myself sometimes and if its okay to ask, why arent you wearing a petticoat under your dress? and even then, that's still not their business but at least if they asked it in that way, they're not letting you know to wear one. if they're curious, ask but don't be a jerk i feel

[@xAlecto]

I think the biggest thing that non-Japanese lolitas* forget about when it comes to lolita is that it developed as a street wear fashion. So sometimes, you gotta have the comfort look (ie good walking shoes) vs "proper attire" (ie tea parties). *the ones that seem to offer unwanted conceit/criticism / the ones screaming about "perserving the sanctity of lolita"

[@courtneycherry5582]

I wore lolita to work for easter this year. No pettie coat and black sneakers. I felt so off and ita I ended up changing on my lunch. Everyone was disappointed when I went back but the pressure to fallow the rules were too strong SMH 😢

[@DragonFlightRider]

@@courtneycherry5582 awww. I'm sad you felt pressured to change your clothes. I wear lolita almost every week to work, and there's no way I'm wearing fancy, heeled shoes on an 8 hour shift lmao. My feet won't even let me do that in boots. Catch me out here @walmart with my black, slip-resistant, shoes. Comfort and safety is more important. Everyone loves seeing me all dressed up! And no one has commented on my footwear. If they did, I'll welcome them to work on their feet all day in heels lmao.

[@courtneycherry5582]

@@DragonFlightRider 😂 I work at walmart I'm a janitor so cleaning in lolita wasn't that great either I wanted to pick a slower day so less of a mess. But I normally go out of my way to were lolita on days off when running to the store and such.

[@lunamooncat7926]

@@courtneycherry5582 get yourself some sneakers and doll them up. I used to own an adorable pair of sneakers with scalloped hems and bows at the heels. You can try to imitate something like that. Or go online and try to find refence pics for cute sneakers. Flat shoes don't have to break the fashion, but sometimes you have to put some ingenuity into making it work. Of course sneakers don't 'adhere to the rules' strictly, but again, you can still make it work.

[@GandKcreations]

Wow I will never forget when I posted my senior photos in COF wearing Misty Sky and someone commented that it was too short on me so it wasn’t lolita. I posted in COF very often at the time and when I made this post I decided to make no mention of wanting concrit. I was so proud to get my first professional photos of me in lolita - they were so special to me and 5 years later I still think about how ridiculous that comment was.

[@annablue2799]

I know that problem, I'm also really tall and I would be really sad if I couldnt wear a dress because of that. I think no one sgould comment on things you cant controle. (Like hight,wait,bodyshape, face,skin,etc)

[@GandKcreations]

@@annablue2799 i agree completely! Also it was obvious I was a teenager, I stated it was my senior photos in the caption. I think it is pretty inappropriate to essentially tell a teenage woman that they are too tall. Luckily I was never overly self conscious about my height but that could have definitely been damaging to someone else, especially as a teen

[@annablue2799]

@@GandKcreations I for a long time belived that I couldnt wear surten dresses and it anoyed me very mutch that all the dresses I want to wear where too short for me. Especially with lolita it would have hurt me if someone told me I cant wear a dress since I cant change my hight. Now I just wear pants under all my skirts and dresses and stopt caring.

[@acutebird]

I'm so sorry you got a comment like that, ugh. It's just so fucking stupid and yet these people believe that they can say that shit and defend saying it all because they believe there's some strict, immutable Lolita Code that defines in exact, prescriptive detail what is and isn't lolita. It's the worst.

[@hxbrygd]

Personally I think there’s a HUUUGE disconnect with western lolitas between what is a baseline “rule” for lolita (e.g silhouettes) and what was/is just common practice based on Japanese societal norms (e.g not showing cleavage ever). So many people confuse body shaming with “concrit” too. It also bothers me in groups when people will rip on someone for say, their shoes, then op will say they wear those shoes because of medical reasons, and then it’s “fine” but only if you absolutely can’t wear “lolita” shoes. It feels kinda disingenuous. Dressy shoes are uncomfortable for long periods regardless of disability or not, how hard is it to just mind your business? 😭

[@hxbrygd]

@@ilickgrandmas2854 ?? Sorry I’m confused, I never mentioned a specific non-lolita shoe so what shoes are you talking about?

[@hxbrygd]

@God among men yeah I thought that myself after reading it again

[@GypsyxDarling]

you nailed it. I think the community is getting better at understanding that some people will need accommodations from really strict rules (heavier girls who get hot easier not covering their shoulders, tall girls with so called short skirts, people with medical needs wearing orthopedic shoes) but they still demand people explain their need for the accommodation in the first place. Like, “prove to me you deserve/are allowed to wear those shoes!” Forcing people to advocate for their own accommodations is super unwelcoming! And that’s ignoring the fact that maybe some lolitas just don’t wanna wear a blouse in the summer, is that okay with you RuffleBunny69?

[@warm_lettuce473]

@@ilickgrandmas2854 Stop trolling

[@lunamooncat7926]

@@GypsyxDarling well, but to someone who doesn't know, e.g. orthopaedic shoes will first and foremost look like they are out of place. And then the question is, did this person put them in the coord on purpose or did they just don't know better and weren't aware of the 'rules'?

[@stashtree]

I feel like this can apply to the cosplay community too. I don't think it's not as common in the lolita community, but unasked critic on a cosplay you spent hours on when you're not in the space to receive it frustrating and discouraging.

[@raine2918]

As a cosplayer and a lolita I wholeheartedly agree. Like if I'm showing off a completed product I don't want people to tell me what they think I did wrong especially since I don't always go for accuracy and prefer what I'm comfortable in. Like, I'm aware of what I look like, I spent time and energy putting everything together.

[@biguattipoptropica]

I've heard the same complaints from historic costumers

[@Bananacustardcostuming]

I don’t mix with other historical costume people for this very reason. It’s a hugely clichey scene where it’s very tight knit and everyone knows each other. If you are trying to join in as an outsider, you’ll be made to feel like an idiot and excluded. I just make and wear my own things.

[@wildcutecosplay]

A friend posted a photo from a shoot I did with them and a couple kids were like what's up with your expression, that costume looks terrible. I still find the whole thing funny. But they didn't know that that costume was finished 3 hours before I had to shoot it on minimal sleep.

[@vincetravis8701]

Not a Lolita, but a cosplayer. Nothing annoys me more than someone giving criticism when I didn't ask or wasn't in the proper space for it. Especially since a lot of the criticism is of things I really can't change. Like, "That character doesn't wear glasses," or, "Your bust is too small." Geez Jeremy, people are blind and have small chests y'know...

[@bexthewitch87]

I love this discourse is being discussed rn. Normies will question what u wear regardless. They look at a bright tee shirt with a side eye. Wear what u want and don't care about them.

[@bexthewitch87]

As a weathered old fangirl I have too many thoughts about this subject...might make a series of my own or whatever....

[@rebelmage6929]

The con in concrit should stand for both constructive and consensual.

[@your_dad_on_vacation]

Facts

[@chewycat12]

It’s amazing how lolita started as a rebellion and subculture meant to break societal norms but they then turn around and enforce such strict standards

[@Strwbbe]

they be doing the same shit they wanted to stop

[@mintjaan]

"Those shoes aren't lolita" have you tried Jordans instead?

[@quirkyblackenby]

@ferret do it!

[@monodramatic_]

a good friend of mine specifically writes no concrit on their posts bc theyve gotten a frankly ridiculous amount of fatphobic and transphobic comments, and now they get interrogated about WHY they dont want concrit. they are so exhausted, just give us a break jfc.

[@peacockcrowe2718]

Is this the individual that wears Lolita as part of drag even though Lolita is NOT A COSTUME???

[@monodramatic_]

@@peacockcrowe2718 drag isnt a costume either ✌️

[@peacockcrowe2718]

@@monodramatic_ Is it's intended for a performance, then it's a costume. Drag regardless of gender is referred to as a performance. Nice try

[@thepinkestpigglet7529]

@@peacockcrowe2718 Why do you assume trans = drag

[@peacockcrowe2718]

@@thepinkestpigglet7529 I never did. Drag as a performance isn't restricted to gender.

[@TheStitchess]

The online lolita fashion community’s obsession with concrit has gotten SUPER weird tbh. It was always weird, but the expectation that you’re just allowed to point out the flaws in someone’s outfit without being asked is just...weird.

[@TheStitchess]

Like? Just let someone’s outfit be bad if they’re happy with it. A bad outfit isn’t hurting anyone. Your eyes are not literally in pain. You will be fine if someone’s pinks are clashing.

[@yopi_yopi]

"But im trying to help" like no you're ruining their fun and possibly destroying their self esteem. Some ppl even seek personal pictures of you going to a picnic or just having a regular day in lolita, having fun, to criticize you unknowingly. What's wrong with them?!

[@acutebird]

Right??? And if you point out how fucking weird and rude they're being, they get all offended and say "BUT THERE ARE RULES TO LOLITA" as an excuse, and it's like... no, you're missing the fucking point.

[@Strwbbe]

@@acutebird RIGHT??? u said nothing but facts.

[@captainsjester]

Petition to change the meaning of concrit from constructive criticism to consensual criticism, because criticism can't really be truly constructive if it wasn't wanted in the first place

[@ChocolateRouge]

THIS THIS THIS THIS

[@Strwbbe]

YEAHH

[@MichiInWonderland]

Lolitas will be like "You can't wear sneakers!" or "Cat ears are too tacky and costumey!" Whilst wearing the entire Palace of Versailles as a head piece.

[@acutebird]

RIGHT?? It's fucking infuriating. I've even seen people say that they think wa and qi lolita look "too costume-y" and it's like... just say you're racist and go, lmao.

[@dcscruz2970]

@@acutebird I like wa Lolita but have been told to not do it since I ain’t asian

[@cannedbreaddd]

@@dcscruz2970 As long as you're wearing it respectfully and not misrepresenting the culture itself behind it (Research may be required), there's really no problem against it, and people who tell you otherwise are wrong

[@prettyrat.]

@@acutebird I had no idea what those terms meant but I looked it up and omfg thank you for saying that bc i am in love 😭😭❤️

[@Strwbbe]

@@acutebird LMAOOO frrrr

[@phlackbillip]

At the end if it all, lolita is a fashion and fashion evolves. The main thing about alternate fashion is that it's about expressing yourself! How are you meant to do that if you box yourself in out of fear? May as well just dress normie at that point.

[@armytrainer]

This is one of the main problems, people like you wanting to dress different just because its not "normal".... Bet you dont fucking work either.

[@phlackbillip]

@@armytrainer lmao salty much?

[@EvesterBee]

Exactly, perfectly said! Fashion is about expressing yourself, others that want to gatekeep that can get lost and waste their energy elsewhere

[@nicwinward]

@@armytrainer it takes nothing to not be a prat - guess you missed the memo. Also why is /someone like you/ watching lolita videos if it's so abhorrent? Sounds like you need a life AND a job mate.

[@oldaccount5958]

I totally agree, you should embrace your own style without feeling pressured or forced into a perfect lolita box. We're all just here to enjoy the fashion! 🖤

[@PerfectPride]

Dang Lor, not even 5 mins in and I'm amazed at the style and quality of this video. Not that you don't always have top-quality videos, lol, but the style and vibe of this one are just A+. I love the flow of it and I love all the different outfits you're wearing.

[@LovelyLor]

Thank you! I really enjoy making videos in this style! Similar to my video on the book lolita and the amazon dress haha I'm working on some more in this video style about Why Lolitas Quit and Clown makeup in lolita! I hope you will enjoy those too!

[@lewinlightbulb6786]

ohh boy. as an artist that's been posting online for years, the concrit convo is NEVER over. i'm both sad for the people that have to go through it and glad the art community isnt the only one dealing with this. great video, lor! love to see constructive criticism on constructive criticism 😂

[@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118]

I've been seeing that for years as well. Problem is a lot of art posting sites have no rules about concrit, whilst many lolita sites have rules that no concrit should be given unless the poster indicates they want concrit. The (amateur) art community often takes the stance that everyone should be open to concrit, and if they aren't open to concrit they don't want to learn and should just leave. I understand where they are coming from but I don't think we should exclude people just because they don't want concrit. I don't think the lolita community is quite as extreme in its stance on concrit.

[@aprildolly6664]

@@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118 It is the premise of absolute meritocracy, a premise that we must reject or the consequences will be dire.

[@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118]

@@aprildolly6664 If by meritocracy you mean the most skilled are on top of the hierarchy then imo neither the (amateur) art community nor the lolita fashion community are meritocracies. What I mean by that is that in the (amateur) art community it's not necessarily the most skilled artists that are most popular, and in the lolita fashion community it's not necessarily the people with the very best coording skills and most high quality clothing that are most popular. And this is okay.

[@brooke4782]

I've deadass have been so scared to get back into lolita after some anti lolita blog posted my wip(work in progress) cord on their blog 7 years ago. saying it wasn't lolita because my socks were too short, I shouldn't have a bow on my shirt, my wig was too straight, had a flat petti, etc. I didn't even asked for it... It was just my second corrd and I was only 16 at the time. So having some total stranger just rip me apart like that has made me forever scared of fully committing to the fashion. I wanna save up. I wanna plan for a good outfit that will make me happy. I never commit to it tho because I'm so scared of it happening again. Scared of investing it and then just be ripped part like that one scene in Cinderella. So I just lurk. Like watching lolita youtubers. I follow lolita social media. Watching and wishing I had the confidence to dress the way I wanted.

[@tigerstar2894]

you can absolutely wear lolita thought connection to the community. ive found it t o be the only way i personally can really enjoy lolita and not feel pressured to conform or always be perfect. im sorry you had to deal with that bs and i hope you find the confidence to wear lolita and ignore the community around it if necessary. never feel pressured to interact with a community that makes you uncomfortable and know that you can wear lolita without said community and be 100% valid

[@brooke4782]

@@tigerstar2894 that's such a sweet thing to say oh my gosh ;u; thank you for the kind words

[@sta._rina]

You can do it!! Just because 1 person is a bad egg, doesnt mean there arent lovely, helpful, accepting, understanding eggs out in the world frolicking in their frills. Kind of lost sight of the analogy there, but you get the idea 🙃

[@LumyTheQueen]

As someone who is just starting out, lolita fashion is personal and your coordinate is YOUR coordinate and not anyone else's. Tell everyone they can take a hyke if they start trashing you when you didn't even ask for concrit.

[@pollypocket2282]

I feel the same… I’ve been following and lurking since late 00’s when it was just a street style in Japan… Once it became more accessible here in the states, I’ve been way to scared to jump in… the only online forums I found were so elitist. Instead, I pin and take screenshots, sometimes put something in my cart, but do pull the trigger. Now I’m older, and thanks to these last two years a bit heavier (no shame), I’ve resigned myself to living through others. Maybe one day I’ll buy something and Insist to be buried in it when I finally 🐸!

[@reptoJane]

THANK YOU for addressing this topic! I"m in my late 50s. I purposely choose to wear more egl style and I've been told by some Lolitas that I'm not "lolita enough." Yo! I'm 57 and I'm 5'11" tall and plus size. I'm not going to wear straight up sweet or some style that is above my knees. No thank you. I prefer long line dresses and funky hats. And I'm still Lolita-inspired or Lolita adjacent, even if not "PURE" lolita, thank you very much.

[@wizardlizard55555]

I’ve gotta say, that is badass. It’s very encouraging to see plus size and older people, and lolita-wearers of all categories, dressing freely how they want. 🙏❤️ So thank you for being a part of the community.

[@moonbase3628]

please forgive that this comes off as a rant, I have held this in for far too long: Thank you for saying "personal style", I have been wearing lolita for seven years. I started out as attempting sweet lolita, I say attempt because I did not feel well and it translated that I was missplaced within all the frills. Slowly I toned it down to casual, up to classic again only to realize I am some sort of classic/gothic/ouji mix. As in by print and design of the skirt/dresses they would fall under classic/gothic but my accesories are defiently more often than not something that should belong in ouji substyle. Most often waistcoat and flat dress shoes. The flat shoes are a big scare for me because I know i should have had some heel on, but my literally bones cannot be stressed in the way they would be in a high heel shoes. even a kitty heel height. Abelism aside, no, dont take the aside I have been the bulldog for so many friends who in the end felt like they had to leave the fashion (or bought their first coord but never dared to debut in it because the community came off as scary) because it wasnt possible to do so with stomi of any kind, tea parties hosted at places that was not wheelchair friendly. I just. We all LOVE this fashion. but do you know what the most important part of this fashion is? YOU! the human inside clothes! Also please boost each other up even tho you do not partake in the same substyle! It feels so lonely to be the lone or the few of one style in a group of another. I cannot speak for every community, but I opt out of my community and the whole lolita fashion for 2 years because it got lonely as the one who couldnt share their excitment with the others.

[@aliceis9068]

Your style sounds amazing and you sound like an awesome comm member! I totally agree

[@Strwbbe]

i will never consider myself a lolita becuz of the this. i like to mess around with styles and i dont wanna get called an ita for doing something that's only inspired by lolita fashion. rule of thumb: people cant say shit if u dont consider urself wearing this style. Always remember this. i don't always have to wear a petticoat if i dont want, and if ppl dont like that, guess what im only inspired by the fashion and not really a lolita. u sound really cool and im glad u expressed ur feelings

[@lunamooncat7926]

@@Strwbbe this. I do wear things that could be considered Lolita, but I prefer not to put myself in a permanent box of one certain style. I'm me, I have a personal style that I have carefully curated from the top to the bottom and won't let a label or box that I've put myself into let me stop from embracing my individuality.

[@Strwbbe]

@@lunamooncat7926 yeah!

[@hollyerinn]

Thank you for saying this. I've avoided wearing lolita for years due to the high pressure from the community. I've never been able to afford the authentic pieces from the big brands and never felt like I could properly achieve the look.

[@FeministCatwoman]

I am so sorry that you were pressured to feel this way, people can wear all non brand items and affordable pieces and be just as much a Lolita as the "influencers" with 20+ brand pieces in their closet. Really! You wouldn't know it from how much the community hypes up brand items and gass up classic prints, but I've seen beautiful coords with not a single brand piece and people who don't even own a main brand piece but still participate. I even find myself liking the prints on taobao brands way more than actual brand pieces!

[@dcscruz2970]

@@FeministCatwoman I’m a fan of kumya or teddy bear prints but due to my body I feel like I shouldn’t even try since while I’m short I have bazongas and a broad back so barely anything fits and I don’t know a seamstress

[@Draivst]

@Jolene Jellybean Wear what you want, never to old to experiment and be yourself.

[@kellyfish920]

What feel like homophobia but isnt? Living.

[@m0ntygee]

you saying that you see lolita as an art form makes so much sense! as an artist, i absolutely HATE unsolicited concrit, the only place you're supposed to expect is is in an academic setting where everyone is there to actively learn and improve. -- also can we talk about how many looks you prepared for this video, i'm 💖

[@annablue2799]

Yea, I once asked for a bow in a group and posted the dress just as reference because I wanted a bow to that dress. And everyone thought I posted a coord and they where like "you are wearing the dress wrong" but like can you read...I dident posted a coord.

[@PureRaee]

I have seen this happen a lot too. It feels like people jump on any oppurtunity to criticize without even reading context. It's kind of disheartening to see.

[@Bananacustardcostuming]

People will always, always concrit anything regardless. I’m a celebrity lookalike, and even though I put extra effort into my grooming, make up etc, there will always be someone saying “you’re not tall enough” or “your facial hair is fake”. Oh, I’m sorry, you’re right, I forgot to force out a beard and my long legs this morning.... People will find fault with anything.

[@mathildaknoppel2227]

I also think it’s important to note that alternative fashion evolves from each other. For example goth subculture came out of punk. Even lolita fashion originally started as otome fashion. And both punk and otome are still around. So seeing experimentation and evolution in alt fashion is normal, and it dose not mean that one alternative fashion will come to and end, it only means that one more will be added. So I really don’t think we should worry about “preserving lolita” since the people who like the “traditional lolita look” or the “according to rules lolita” will continue to wear that. I think we should be excited to see what new alternative fashion can evolve from lolita.

[@nataliadams4361]

I've always been to scared to start wearing lolita because I know the first time wont be perfect and I really dont wanna get hate (like some of my friends got) so I'm glad you've made this vid to clear up what's hate and what's concrit. So thank you

[@kittensneezes]

Just remember that it’s way easier to put together a decent first coord now than it was years ago! You just have to make sure to do your research. At the end of the day, you don’t always have to post your coord online. If it makes you feel pretty, then wear it the way it is! No one is going to stop you in the middle of the street and tell you that what you’re wearing is not lolita, because let’s be honest majority of the people we encounter in the streets have no idea what the fashion even is 😂 it’s not your job to educate them on it either, so don’t get too caught up on being the “perfect” lolita for them.

[@nataliadams4361]

@@kittensneezes yesyes thank you

[@afterdarkcoffeeclub7331]

I feel like the best rule of thumb for concrit is just “don’t.” Who died and made you the fashion police?

[@Erikari]

So well said! I often saw Misako Aoki or other lolita models or ambassadors breaking the rules with no headpiece or no socks, or maybe not covering their wrists, and they always seemed perfectly fine. Both in personal and model pics. I really wonder where the rules come from... Oh and is the greenscreen new? I really love it, and also the huge variety of looks! Especially if the intent was to demonstrate that moment when you were talking about experimental coords :D

[@luiysia]

is it a rule to cover your wrists?? 0.o i genuinely haven't heard that before

[@quirkyblackenby]

@@luiysia yup weird rule imo

[@tivsterino]

​​@@luiysia Not everybody follows it! Some of the modern and the old school coords I see don't follow it. But a lot of spaces abide by it. Frankly, I think it should depend on the coord, sometimes there is enough detail on the other pieces that any detail on the wrist would be OTT.

[@dinosmores]

I wish this was more talked about years ago. I spent several years wanting to wear lolita but was afraid to try because of how unwelcoming the communities appeared and how it seemed like you would be judged for not being able to do it exactly "right" from the first attempt. I was super confused with the rules of not wearing tiny top hats, cat eats, satiny fabrics, certain colors, above knee skirts, or off-shoulder blouses but then seeing all those things being sold by the big brands that people seemed to worship. It also felt like I wouldn't be accepted if I couldn't afford angelic pretty or baby. Everything was so confusing and strict it felt like I'd be shunned if I put on the wrong shade of pink, or accidentally wore my petticoat backwards, or did something else that didn't matter in the slightest. Now, I do post pictures sometimes and ask for what others think if I don't like something about my coord, but still sometimes get people who will say it's not their preferred style and therefore can't really judge what would work best-- then will proceed to judge every little thing because it's not their favorite style and they wouldn't wear it themselves. Which is not what I asked.

[@adrienne4399]

Thank you SO much for this! I’ve been wearing lolita as dailywear for 3ish years and every time I engage with concrit communities I get so weirded out by the culture. In any other hobby unsolicited criticism/suggestions would be rude af, it’s ridiculous that it’s an EXPECTATION in lolita! Just let people enjoy things, damn.

[@EvesterBee]

This is such an important video/topic. I used to get so anxious my coords in case they were bad or wrong and people didn't like them . Now I just try and wear what makes me happy, because life is too short to waste time on others attempts at gate keeping

[@Strwbbe]

yessss

[@linawicked]

I run a lolita zine and we used to share coords (with peoples' consent) on our FB page every week. I really liked this one where someone wore a leopard print faux fur coat with their coord, so I shared it! Someone commented "are y'all on c*ack?" And I'm like ??? It's just clothes??? xD Why are people so weird???

[@linawicked]

Oh and if I may add too that people will only excuse things like sneakers if someone has to wear them for medical reasons as if to say if someone chose to wear them "just cause" it leaves room for harassing comments..? Like I just don't get it. It's my clothes, I wear them how I please and I don't need to justify it to anyone..?

[@sebwalsh7592]

I'm not part of the lolita community, I'm a scruffy bearded guy but this popped up in my recommendations and I thought I'd give it a watch. Wow, I'm amazed that a lot of the elitism I see in some of my hobby communities (model making for example) is also alive and well in a community that has such a cheerful asthetic. If you've worked hard on something and you're happy with it that's all that should matter. It still stings when people criticise things I've made but I'm working hard on focusing more on how I feel about it rather than what others think. On side not the ProZD skit about water is so scarily accurate in portraying what online communities are like.

[@k.b.2808]

I stopped wearing lolita around 2014 after a concrit incident with a group of "mean girl" lolitas at a con. I attempted to compliment their coordinates and ask a few questions about what brands they were wearing and they proceeded to rip into me without warning. The things they said to me were so devastating at the time I ended up never wearing lolita in public again and eventually giving away all my dresses. When I did meet nicer lolitas I tried to talk about how brutally mean others had been I was basically told that they all deal with that sort of thing and I was just being too sensitive. It really ruined it for me and it stopped being fun. For the longest time, I honestly believed that I was "doing lolita wrong" and "being disrespectful" by just existing in an off-brand frilly dress. This video was amazing. It honestly makes me want to try lolita again. (Maybe next time I'll care a little less and experiment a little more.)

[@Charlie-mb5yu]

every time i watch one of your videos i'm blown away again by how you're such a sweet and wholesome person without it coming across as fake or exaggerated at all... plus you're so cute and your coords always look so good :') i've been watching for a while and it makes me excited to know that you'll have captioning from here on out, because autocaptions sometimes aren't helpful, and it's nice that you still find ways to make your content accessible even in situations where it clashes with your own difficulties

[@flamebloom4659]

Unrelated (maybe) But I love the variety of styles you wear in this video!

[@aliceis9068]

Thank you so much, Lor!!! Honestly, tbh, the aggression of the so-called "concrit" of the community kind of feels like it almost goes against the feminist origins of the fashion. Why are women and gender minorities who use this fashion for self-expression being put into this position to police each other's clothing (not unlike.....oh idk, the misogynist colonial cisheteropatriarchal society we live in lmao?) Like, maybe that part is a stretch, but I do kind of feel like hostility toward one another for not wearing an alternative fashion "right" just feels rly wrong and shitty imho. Also, idk, i feel like you're welcome to compare the "sanctity" comments to the idea of homophobia cuz like???? Rly tho, it seems like the lolita (and j-fashion comms overall in "the West") community is still struggling with misogyny, transmisogyny, and antiblackness, though there are more accepting corners of the internet for Black and trans j-fashion enthusiasts, it doesn't seem like that's the case exactly for the mainstream. Ultimately though like, I'm here to have fun and dress up and meet others who enjoy this fashion as much as I do and luckily it seems my local comm (though I've mostly interacted w/ them on and off on Discord at this point) is pretty accepting and diverse and I love that! I just think as a whole we need to foster that kind of community that is beneficial and positive for each other, not one associated with cruelty, bullying, or blown-up intracommunity conflict. Not that I think we should be "lovely" all the time, lol, but that we ought to have a basic respect for each other and remember that we're all here to _enjoy_ a very cool thing and not to destructively gatekeep people from entering our cool fun enjoyable fun thing space lol.

[@reptoJane]

Diversity is strength, not weakness.

[@haleighsmith904]

This inspires me to be a little more experimental and allow myself to wear some non traditional pieces (or non Lolita pieces) with Lolita because it should be something I do for fun and use it as a creative medium rather than worrying if I’m “Lolita enough”

[@TheCoyoteOutlaw]

Thank you! I hate getting unhelpful criticism. Hopefully others will learn from this and do better.

[@cookkeh]

thank you so much for this video!! one of the biggest things that has prevented me from fully getting into wearing lolita (besides the struggle of being out of most brands' size range) is the elitist/cliquey/judgemental nature that a lot of the community seems to have. and i appreciate that you pointed out a lot of "constructive criticism" is actually just bigoted garbage that we should feel free to ignore. i've seen people in the community basically describe entire bodies/skin tones/whole-ass genders as "not lolita enough" and it's such a horrible, alienating thing to tell someone else, and i wish more people in the community would loudly push back against that kind of attitude.

[@Ninjozata]

Lor, thank you so so much for this. I’ve been an admirer of the fashion for so long, and I’ve been so inspired when I make dresses to make cute, cupcake shaped frill fests with embroidered and appliquéd border motifs... I adore them, but I’m too scared of not being “properly” Lolita to even ask for advice or help that would help me develop my style. I don’t know if I want to be Lolita exactly, I love the ethos of it, but I want to go my own way too. Hearing someone so lovely and talented speak about this is very comforting in a way. :)

[@awesomenessinacan139]

This is such an important video, I have received so much body shaming disguised as “”concrit” that I really just don’t like getting it from strangers anymore. I only ask for it from close friends now.

[@AinaraPardo0808]

THANKS! I am sooo tired of people telling me their oppinion and "fixing" my style when I just didn't ask for it. I sometimes just wanna show my friends my new cute dress and how I dressed that day and they just instantly reply saying stuff like "cute but....wear a underskirt, I can see your knees" when the dress is meant to be end just above them! (or maybe it isn't and I'm just tall and OK with showing my knees). I don't want people's advice, criticism or oppinion always and society in general, not only in lolita, is really used to tell people your oppinion about everything, wheter is clothes or for example, a drawing that you are proud of and maybe even if they give you their oppinion with the best intention they make you feel down. I have a rule: Don't say anything if I don't have anything nice to say especially if they didn't ask for my oppinion.

[@Jortney]

I got my very first bit of unasked for criticism online recently and besides feeling like I’ve finally been initiated into the online community, the comment it also made no sense so it was kind of funny to me. It was very much my personal style and I WILL wear it again.

[@xXNekou]

Would you make a video about not-stereotypical lolita things? Like stuff that for some may collide with the fashion for example: lolita + pixie cut/short hair/tattoos/piercings/OTT makeup etc :) I adore lolita fashion, but I don't think this style is for me in its entirety. I have messy curly hair but don't want to style it in elaborate styles or cover it with a wig, and I am heavily tattooed (all blackwork), I'm a tattoo artist so I can't wear wristcuffs and rings and huge petticoats and I need to feel comfortable in my clothes while I work, and I like dark/goth/dystopian vibes, BUT still I appreciate lolita fashion a lot and would like to incorporate some lolita skirts into my style :) I'm not sure how to go about it though....

[@biguattipoptropica]

Old school sounds like it'd work amazingly for you, maybe along with casual gothic

[@soulgrinderr]

I would also love a video on this, I always worry that my tattoos will distract from my co-ord or that they make me 'less lolita' in some way..

[@OddlyElly]

Ooh! Instead of the fluffy lacey wristcuffs you could wear leather/steampunk vambraces, maybe? OTT (over the top) accessories is more of a sweet lolita mainstay so focusing on style lines and prints sounds like it would better suit your personal style. Also, wear your tattoos with pride - it's the same in historical costume community - we are wearing the clothes now on our bodies as they are and therefore that is how they will be worn. Your comfort overrides someone else's aesthetic idealism.

[@xXNekou]

@@OddlyElly I had to google what vambraces look like, but I don't think I could wear them as while tattooing I need to wear gloves and cannot have anything extra on my hands and wrists and need to be able to bend and move my arms easily. :) I would like to incorporate more lolita skirts (but probably without petticoat or only with a small one) into my somewhat-goth casual style, but I'm not sure how to do that (without having to buy a whole new wardrobe, looking costume-y or having the whole outfit looking unbalanced) so a video could be helpful to give me some options and inspirations. :)

[@nikhera]

you don't need wristwear or a huge petti for a casual coord. You're more than welcome to buy and enjoy those things when not working, but they're not a requirement just for a casual coord. Curly hair is also not a problem as long as it's well groomed; there's numerous options for curly hair. You could do two buns, pigtails, two braids, pin a portion back with a small bow, use clip in bangs, whatever you like. Wigs are not required. If you're worried about your tattoos "clashing," you could stick to gothic or classic, or, you could just wear whatever you want. Sounds to me like you would do great if you got yourself a little capsule wardrobe of 3-4 blouses and 3-4 skirts and/or jsks, along with some legwear and comfy shoes. Also keep in mind that some normie tops really nice with lolita skirts. I recommend at least a very light petti because most skirts look a bit sad without one, but that's up to you.

[@SummerSaysSo]

I agree so much with this. Also, I really want to thank you for making accurate closed captioning. It makes a big difference for many of us. ❤️

[@mariekitty]

The strictness of the Lolita style rules actually turns me off. The Lolita elitism reminds me of Goth elitism. It can be very judgmental. I think it’s fine, and oftentimes very cool, when someone’s style is Lolita-inspired rather than Lolita, which is fabulous as well. I can just do without the elitist and judgmental attitudes.

[@em-rj1cc]

I agree :(( I like to experiment with lolita fashion but the community kinda scares me

[@tivsterino]

Agreed. I think it's an effect of people mostly wearing lolita for tea parties or meet ups and posting pics online and not as street fashion. And there is certainly priviledge related in how some of these rules are set up, especially the "no repli, no off-brand, no DIY" rules.

[@siriuslyconfused1]

As someone who is not at all involved in the Lolita community but exists in other communities online, I find this relevant and helpful, thanks!

[@aishiteeeee]

Unsolicited concrit is also a big thing in the art community, you’ll just get people commenting “the eyes should be farther down” or “Great art, but maybe work a bit on those eyes ❤️ “ when literally no one asked 😢

[@trinitylisk7605]

Woah lol never been early to a video like this. Hello friends!

[@ika4172]

same

[@ImAlwaysSirius]

Hi!

[@minkymoo1980]

Heyyy

[@mayi4741]

Same ☺️

[@pleaseignorethisismyoldaccount]

Hi how are you

[@AWildVixAppears]

I deeply appreciate the focus on consent here. It’s so interesting to listen to this perspective on constructive criticism from a specifically Lolita lens! I’m an illustrator, and you see this a lot in the art community as well. People see someone’s finished work posted online, feel entitled to provide “concrit” on the piece and then get incredibly offended when the person tells them the aren’t looking for critique. The argument in its defence is that artists should always want to improve, so not taking feedback means you’re too attached to your work and won’t improve. They fail to realize a person isn't planning to redraw/repaint a finished piece, may already know what they could have done better, and may have already had a group of their peers critique it in an official capacity. The only time constructive criticism works is when the context allows it. I went to art school, where you have to be open to getting critiques on your work. But it works because you open to it! That’s also the whole reason you’re there! You are taking part in that community space to better your craft and hear people’s opinions on your work. I have found the most helpful critiques I could give or receive always started with what could make the piece *more* successful, rather than what was wrong with it. Also, consider if you’re giving crit to help the person, or just to show off how much you know about the subject. And mostly, no request for feedback, no crit. People usually understand that walking up to a stranger on the street to say their shirt would look better with different pants is rude, and it’s no different online. I don’t know if Lolita is the same, but it’s really best to find a community that exists exactly for this purpose. People are always looking for feedback on their work, so why not find someone who actually needs and wants it?

[@MzPirateQueen]

Holy smokes!!! Thanks so much for featuring my TikTok in your video!!!

[@ImAlwaysSirius]

I think you are giving us good valid points to collectively consider!

[@kittensneezes]

7:58 yes!!! Just because *you* got so many rules shoved down your throat as a beginner a long time ago doesn’t mean I have to as well. Times have changed. It’s quite hypocritical to say the fashion is a way of self expression, but yet not allow people to create different ways in which to express themselves while wearing the fashion, because it does not fit the basic lolita structures. We aren’t robots who can get everything perfect all the time. Let’s learn from our sisters in Japan and be okay with being a bit more versatile with our coords ☺️

[@ulaladiva]

Thank you so much for this, Lor!!!! I recently made an experimental coord and it got read to filth. This makes me feel so much better.

[@maxip7324]

I need to see experimental lolita!! Can you link it here ❤❤❤

[@ulaladiva]

@@maxip7324 with the amount of predatory people that will probably stalk this comment, I'd rather not. Finding out I was put on a CGL ita thread made me feel bad enough already lol. My apologies.

[@meghanhorton7525]

Thank you for taking the time to film this video, I found it helpful and encouraging.

[@chizukekihime]

Digging this video style, very reminiscent of your early videos from back in the day and I'm so happy to see it come back! 😎👌

[@rose_thyme1254]

I found you through your reaction to Saf's Lolita video and I really loved both that video and your general content for making me realize that the fashion is also about personal style. I love the fashion and have started collecting pieces and making a couple coords but for a while I wasn't sure I could participate because of my personal health requirements for things like shoes. And I'm really thankful for this video because the internet can be scary especially for people trying out new things they don't know about :)

[@wildcutecosplay]

I frequently have to break the rules when it comes to my shoes, because I have had knee surgery as a teen and I still deal with pain from that. Sometimes a pair of black mary janes or white sneakers are what is most comfortable to me, especially if i'm going to be running around all day.

[@sta._rina]

Honestly mary janes are very lolita, so are sneakers esp if you put beads on the laces or clip on bows/attachable wings

[@wildcutecosplay]

yeah but black mary janes with a pastel coord is kinda frowned on. unless you can balance it properly.

[@sta._rina]

@@wildcutecosplay i watch a ytber name the stitchess that frequently wears black mary janes with lolita coords and lolita esque outfits, and it still looks pretty good

[@aba4055]

Yesss ive always felt uncomfortable with some concrit...people act like you're rude or a bitch if you DON'T accept concrit, which felt weird to me. Like it's a fashion, not an awards show or a competition, so lots of people just wear it for fun or as a hobby, and aren't too worried about being the BEST MOST PERFECT BEAUTIFUL LOLITA EVER and perfecting your skills over the years to achieve the BEST MOST PERFECT BEAUTIFUL COORD EVER lol

[@lillieblood800]

Also: every single fit in this video is stunning. I love the blouse choices, the headwear, the accessories. That crinkle shirt in the coord at the end? Genius.

[@sillysphinx2330]

This is a great guide on how to give better critique in general! It's awesome to have people talk more about having better timing and consideration with constructive criticism - which is a great thing to learn in any community. Thanks for Lor for speaking out! You're awesome!

[@shadowjewel]

Thank you for this. This was honestly a confidence boost, both in terms of the attitude towards lolita fashion in general and the community. I'm a newbie lolita who has so far been too scared to go beyond the FB group Big Sisters Of Lolita Fashion for fear of people being harshly critical of what I am wearing, that I'll never be perfect enough. I know I have social anxiety in this regards, but the lolita rep of harsh criticism hasn't helped. I know this rep is also probably exaggerated as people do tend to zero in on negatives when talking about a group, and nasty people can be loud anyway, but combined with my own anxieties it been hard for me to ignore. I adore lolita fashion and am slowly building my collection, and have noticeably been choosing lolita above other styles whenever I have the confidence to wear it, but I am just so hesitant about the lolita community and that's been making me a little sad when I think about it.

[@alistairrosehearts9734]

It also feels like every group that doesn't exclude newbies is concrit focused. As a newbie try to join any lolita community that isn't a "mentoring" one you get "this is a comm for experienced lolitas, please go join this mentoring one instead" and mentoring comms tend to be toxic af. One mentoring discord I got kicked from kicked me because i wore pastel purple combat boots with a casual coord and thus my coord apparently didn't count for the six month coord deadline. They knew I had stuff for a coord with more loli-able shoes coming but shipping was delayed because of covid and that i wasn't in a good financial situation so it's not like i can go out and buy tea parties. I was doing my best with what was in my budget, buying secondhand and getting the best shoes for what i want to wear with a hottopic gift card i got for christmas. Posting that coord elsewhere no one had any issue with my boots. Other lolitas not from that lolita discord even thought what happened was silly because my boots matched my coord well. And that coord I wore out in public twice. Did anyone care my shoes were combat boots? Nope unless you count people asking where I got those boots! I'm not gonna get sweet tea party shoes just for that *highly casual* op when I'm broke and most of the items I have or am saving up for I can coord with those or my black oxfords just fine. I don't plan on wearing normal sweet enough to warrent getting a pair of tea parties yet. I will get a pair eventually, but my broke ass is fine without them for now.

[@Animezingly]

It took me a long time to actually get and wear a lolita dress.... because of the community online. The standards were so high and I was terrified of someone taking a picture of me and calling me an Ita online without my consent. And I didn't feel like I could share anything because I just couldn't deal with it. Now I just kinda say..... yeah my dress and style (When I dress up) is lolita but I'm not part of the community because I love love love my dress but I cannot handle criticism. Like most of the time I literally hate myself so any criticism of my outfits can make me feel like I want to die. This video was helpful to me, thank you.

[@maxip7324]

I really feel this discouragement as a new lolita. It feels like one of those jobs that want experience but nobody is willing to hire you to give you experience. I do understand that lolita is complex and that it takes time to get it right and find your groove but can I just figure out some things on my own please? Can I have 5 mins to decide what I like instead of being a in a frilly angellic pretty cloning machine?

[@Y0KAl]

i remember a few years back hearing the exact thing you said about ''socks had to be above the knee'' and i remember that really deterring me from lolita because i thought that was just stupid and needslessly gatekeep-y. i liked some lolita aspects but i really just wanted to do my own thing. lolita gives freedom from fashion norms so why add limitations to it?

[@ea5145]

I like the way you're cutting between different outfits/backgrounds! Such a well made video

[@silver360moon3]

Tried posting on Big Sisters of Lolita Fashion on Facebook and asked for a recommendation on socks for a specific coord. Someone who was a moderator for the page commented "for the love of God style your wig next time." Mind you I did curl it, trim the bangs, and add layers so the ends weren't as bulky... I didn't even ask for concrit on the wig if you could take that as constructive

[@damnedalice]

Thank you for this video, Lor! My coords "not being lolita enough" is something I really struggle with as someone with social anxiety who very much enjoys the fashion but doesn't always follow the laundry list of lolita rules to a T. I've been having trouble even trying to join online comms for that reason. I don't think I will ever outright LEAVE the fashion itself, but I have definitely felt very discouraged from sharing pictures and felt othered for a variety of reasons.

[@lizardabc2714]

I remember a loooong time ago (probably about a decade ago lol) I was interested in the Lolita community, and was following a Taiwanese online Lolita forum. The philosophy that they were going for was that Lolita's not just fashion, but a life style. If you are a Lolita in heart then it does not matter if you go full style, you can just wear a cute lacey blouse with a cute Lolita-ish skirt, with a cute MaryJane shoes, and you are still a Lolita. That was for sure more welcoming and accepting back then XD

[@idolcomplexxx875]

this video is honestly so comforting even though im only halfway through haha.... ive been into lolita since i was like 12 and ive only lately been actually trying to get into wearing it, but i cant buy dresses easily, so im trying to design and make my own coords but im so terrified of getting it "wrong" because i know people can be Vicious

[@shanicestella2226]

I also find due to hyper competitive American culture , ocassionaly Lolita community in America tend to be treating the fashion somewhat like a competition to proves who is the superior among all , which sounded make it forget this fashion meaning that rooted from collective solidarity and feminism movement that challenge hyper-sexualism of woman culture with conformist defying fashion which is not a competition to prove who is more superior

[@GypsyxDarling]

I stopped wearing lolita because I’m plus sized and wear glasses and was basically tired of having to defend myself. So many people were so kind and lovely, but I got so anxious posting coords that I stopped, so I couldn’t justify spending money on it any more. But i still love lurking. 💖 edit: oops i left this before finishing the video and now I’m a statistic

[@wakaran7053]

here from insta🤭 been waiting for a vid like this hehe

[@LovelyLor]

I've been wanting to make a video like this for awhile too! I'm happy you were wanting it too!

[@MyPeriwinkleSkies]

i used to really want to get into lolita fashion. i've loved it for years!! but the more i've looked into it now that i'm at a point in my life where i can afford and access it, the more i've found that the western lolita community can be very toxic and cruel. i'm all for educating, wearing the style authentically to your taste, and being kind-- not policing a fashion that isn't even ours as westerners, name calling, elitism, being mean to people who don't know much about lolita, giving mean unsolicited criticism, etc. anyway, this is a great video. it gives me hope that someday i'll feel comfortable trying lolita fashion

[@betabeta6335]

I am active on fanfic websites, and I saw the word “concrit”. I didn’t know what it meant, so I googled it, and discovered it meant “constructive criticism”. Incidentally, that search also lead me to this video about lolita fashion. I did not expect this. Still, this is a good video, and an interesting view into a community I don’t interact with.

[@TheobaldLeonhart]

(please note: I don't wear Lolita, as I don't think it fits me personally. I'm just kinda interested in the fashion, as an outsider) Also, maybe somebody has medical reasons, that are preventing them from wearing Lolita "perfectly". Like... - I, can't stand the heat. So heavy clothing is a no go - I have flat feet, and just... Generally not a good lower body. So I have to wear orthodics(?) whenever I go out

[@Nostalgiafairy]

It’s literally just putting on and wearing clothing and people make it into an “experienced” thing. Now ofc some people have a better eye for putting together outfits in general (outside of the lolita community and in) and you can get better at coordinating. So helpful constructive criticism can help people. Crying about people wanting asspats because you hate their coord so much you feel personally attacked by it is ridiculous and isn’t constructive: it’s petty and it’s why the whole sub style is seen as petty. Nobody has to dress for you or do anything for you period. Just because they own lolita pieces doesn’t mean they owe you the time of day. People are people, clothes are clothes. To a lot of lolitas lolita fashion is a journey to become a perfect lolita whose coords are flawless and who is beloved and respected by the community. And that’s fine but please realize some people own brand and still just see it as clothes and wear them how they were there clothes and don’t want to be a “perfect lolita” they just want to have fun enjoying clothing they love. The fashion is not a universal experience. To those who love giving critique and are upset it’s not 2012 where they could harp about underskirts, I understand. I get that you see the fashion as something you must progress and perfect and I get that seeing people break the unbreakable rules in your head really hurts you. But I really advise just taking a step back and realize that in reality someone wearing lolita different from you in a way you dislike doesn’t hurt you, it’s not going to make normies hate you more, they already misunderstand the fashion and always will. You’re fine. You could use your energy giving unwanted criticism into your own coords.

[@devincristopher3]

You put together the cutest outfits!! Love every dress in this video 🎀❤️🎀 love your videos!!

[@FeministCatwoman]

I remember when the online comm went so hard against Evangeline Lilly wearing a perfectly styled Atelier Pierrot coordinate (without ever talking about or referring to the fashion), that the video was removed everywhere, and the clip and even images of her in the outfit no longer exist and she never dressed that way again. Also having a hissy fit because some teenage Latin American pop group wore shortened and altered AP honey cake casually. Omg who freaking cares?? It belongs to them now (or perhaps the wardrobe team) regardless, however they were able to get the dresses and alter them, it's their property, therefore their business, and they can alter it and wear it however. They're not in the community, so they don't owe the fashion or fans any reverence or a full coordinate, or anything. Maybe it's because the fashion has had a history of being on the expensive side, therefore rendering the style a privilege that is not easily accessible, but privilege often breeds entitlement, and it really shows whenever a new person wears it, not to mention non Lolitas who wear the pieces outside of the fashion. That, and unrealistic expectations set up by perfect looking photoshoots, that don't depict reality.

Some lolitas act like the items in your wardrobe are communal property, you cannot alter it to fit you better or match your style because "it's brand and it loses value", like, dude, it's not part of a museum and it's not like it's not properly documented, there is no reason to react badly when someone alters a dress and I really hate that, even worse is that even if the dress "loses value" who says the owner is going to sell it?! It's theirs

[@nikhera]

IIRC with Evangeline Lily, people were less mad about her outfit and more mad about her conduct in the TV interview she had. She said something about wearing a style she "invented," and apparently incorporated into her children's book, and she also gave it some gibberish name. People did not take kindly to this because they saw it as a celebrity taking credit for "inventing" a street fashion. I think the interview was kind of weird lol, but I do agree a rabid reaction was very disproportionate; I think there was definitely some sort of misunderstanding involved. Evangeline Lily was probably trying to say she was wearing something personal to her (which may or may not involve lolita brands) and people were upset that the indie brands she was wearing did not get their proper credit in a sense.

[@ladylibrum7145]

Best Lor video ever.!! 👍 a general rule of polite society is to not offer unwanted advice/criticism, but I think the temptation is too great sometimes, esp with something we feel passionate about.

[@nicolap1212]

Yay a vedio about something i dont know about yet! I love learning new things about lolita

[@steviebanana5856]

from what little i know of lolita origins in japan, i think it was very much about breaking rules of fashion and expectations of young women in that time anyway. even if lolita is changing (not being "preserved"), we will always have the history and the beautiful documentation of the fashion through the years, right?

[@megimations6140]

i will say as a new lolita, concrit is very daunting for me. i was looking online at coords and other lolitas posts and they often ask for concrit, i thought their coords looked stunning but many people in the comments didn’t think the same. it was surprising because i genuinely thought it looked good but lots of people suggested adding or changing things about the look. maybe i just have low expectations because i’m new to this or something but it was interesting how different people see the same thing.

[@mizushimma]

I love experimental lolita! I never call it lolita when I’m breaking rules because I know some people will have a hissy fit but I love broken rules! Like platform sneakers or converse, and I personally really like leather bomber jackets with sweet lolita lol

[@QuailQuests]

I love this video so so much! Learning how to give constructive critique is a skill in itself, I'm not sure a lot of folks recognize that. ALSO, I love love love all the ways you've been styling the pieces of the Nikki Tomorrow bear set Lor!!! They all go so well with the pieces you have (and I also love that set askdjfjhf)

[@astrobatics]

Lor your bear coord is sooooooo cute omgg your hair looks adorable too!!

[@dariawimmer1552]

When I started wearing lolita I only had a few dresses and barely any accessories, so I had no choice but to wear it experimentally 😂 luckily I had some confidence from watching videos like these, so I kept on pushing forward and making do with my fairy kei accessories and my platform shoes

[@wacdonaIds]

SO MANY BEAUTIFUL CREATIVE COORDS IN THIS VIDEO loved getting to see all the different outfits

[@trixievonmothersbaugh1340]

Thanks for this. I've been interested in Lolita and other kawaii styles since the mid-2000's but never explored the community. I combine styles all the time but I'm afraid that if I got into the community that people would make fun of me. I've already gotten the unsolicited "that's not really Lolita" comment on an outfit. I never claimed that it was *the* style but *a* style that I use. Recently one of my favorite KZbinrs who's usually goth got bullied for her Lolita transformation video which really pissed me off. There's no reason to do that to someone especially if it's not really their thing.

[@ChibiChidorii]

A good way to ask for constructive criticism as a way to communicate and participate in the community when you are happy with your outfit is asking about other ways you could wear a specific piece. it id saying "give me recommendatios for the future, not for THIS outfit"

[@hannahelise3108]

As a very casual lolita I get really nervous posting pictures with egl hashtags. I don’t have a lot of accessories etc for lolita just some blouses and dresses so I like to use experimental lolita as a way to express myself. I get so worried I’m not “lolita enough” it’s so frustrating I left all my Facebook lolita groups.

[@Nostalgiafairy]

Same here, too casual and just too alternative to give into all the groups petty bullying disguised as concrit or “saving lolita”. Which is always rich because they don’t respect casual or early old school looks that ofc break rules even tho that is the original fashion they’re supposedly “saving”.

[@estellapeterson3967]

You should try joining the Lolitamentoring discord server! You can get a mentor to give you KIND concrit, to help you gain confidence and help you source pieces and build coords 😆

[@KiwiJJams]

Agreed. I stopped wearing it because I didnt feel very welcome and the casual option never seemed "good" enough. I wanted to wear my gothic lolita skirt with a leather jacket or a t-shirt rather than a blouse but I know it would be "ita". I hate tea party shoes too because I have trouble walking in them. I just assumed it'll never work for me, got rid of my entire wardrobe except 2 skirts and 1 dress but I never wear them. Lor's video and the comments here are really inspiring though, I love her clown coords and her edgier looks that break the rules. We would never get to see her unique style if she let the rules and pressure to look a certain way get to her. I kind of want to get back into wearing the fashion again but with a more street style and kpop inspiration, the traditional lolita look is too uniform for my taste, I like the contrast between a fluffy skirt and combat boots and leather jacket, it looks really nice when the balance of hard and soft looks is just right.

[@AlexisTwoLastNames]

idk a thing about lolita fashion, and it is about the opposite of my style, but i love looking at lolita fashion, both “proper” and not cuz idk the difference 😂😂 this video was really great overall. im hoping people who wear all sorts of styles see it, cuz i think it can really help boost someone’s confidence about wearing what they like

[@lilbluecaboose]

Love getting comments from people about how I need to have a longer skirt when I'm relatively tall, and like...when they make a longer skirt, I'll wear it, but that's just my body!

[@SebastianSeanCrow]

9:52 a few years back at the local anime con there was a lolita brand there with the designer/owner and they had a tea party that required formal/lolita AND a minimum of one piece from that brand as that was the focus of the tea party

[@asddsa28]

I'm new to Lolita and for the reason you stated i have not gone on line to the community for fear of the comments I will get if I post anything. I think to be honest the concrit culture of lolita is preventing it from being adopted more then persevering it. For it is a barer to enter and is driving people to quit it those two things will over time will make it a smaller and smaller niche.

[@Crystal2193]

LOR YOUR HAIR AND MAKEUP IN THIS VIDEO IS AMAZING